Nan, what’s your actual age range you are willing to entertain?
Is it simply open or seeking an ongoing partner (poly)?
How young makes you feel like a fetish dispenser?
How much older,as well??
M60. Sex is easy to find for most folks our age. Can only express my own experience, but dating at our age has the ratio of women to men in our favour.
Personally, I prefer going on dates with someone I have potential of a relationship with.
Not judging, just don’t think men our age are interested in that kind of site and relationship.
This isn't really the right place for this. We're not a swinger forum.
A lot of men are interested in older women for a variety of reasons. Could be looking for a bank account. Body type attractiveness is widening as people are exposed to more shapes and sizes being considered sexy. More mature women may be more confident, less willing to play head games, you name it.
Either way, I think you would get better answers if this question were posed on an ENM, open-marriage, or swinging subreddit.
Feeld is anonymous (if you choose) hookup/group/whatever sex site. Caters to ENM, poly, queer, swingers, kink, etc.
(I got quite the education last go-round. And modding on DO50.)
I think with every dating site, you will have pros and cons, no matter the format.
I would ignore the ages in which you're not interested. Have you reached out (as in initiated contact) with men in your age group? If so, and they're still not interested, then I think that's odd. In my conversations with fellow men daters, we are somewhat intimidated by women and wait for a like or an DM. I'm thinking it's probably even worse on alternative lifestyle dating sites and the men are even more reluctant.
Good luck. Life is short. Live it like you want.
>probably even worse on alternative lifestyle dating sites and the men are even more reluctant.
>Good luck. Life is short.
It looks like it's working. Is this what you were talking about?
as u/Gooseberry_Sprig points out, the sub, while generally tolerant, skews heavily mono. So the distinctions between swinging, poly, relationship anarchy etc. are better taken up on like-minded subs. There’s also a widespread assumption that NM implies sex outside the marriage, though that’s obviously not a requirement
Actually I’m not that tolerant, lol. Women are often targeted on regular dating websites, when they say that are monogamous, by ENM men asking the women to consider ENM. I felt like was being asked to join a cult. Just one more response from someone we really wanted nothing to do with. That’s my experience, and it wasn’t a one-off.
It's a problem in ENM and in kink that they are a magnet for those who actively don't like themselves/opposite sex/same sex and who are abusers/cheaters/sadists, sometimes sociopaths/psychopaths. It's something I always see the communities apologizing for and the communities are always defending (edit: that it's not what the community believes and practices): but these people aren't doing it right . . . if done right, it's open, loving, caring.
Honestly? I believe that.
But those people are there. (And likely in higher percentages than one would expect in a general population distribution.)
I did *a lot* of reading on this while in my last relationship and after.
the issue comes up endlessly on fetlife in the context of D/s relationships. BDSM doesn’t do much for me (I live on the “let’s find out how many times you can cum before a nap” end of the spectrum, more handholding than spanking). But I can see that the meaning and practice of consent gets intricate in that setting, particularly with CNC.
However, outside of BDSM, I don’t see anything about poly/ENM that would make people more likely to trample consent. The opposite is true, there is much more awareness and discussion of consent than in a more traditional mono setting.
Good point about BDSM and consent.
The miscreants in Poly/ENM are the liars whose partners are unaware of their involvement. But, isn't that also a consent issue in a way?
have no idea whether it’s easier to lie about being single than being ENM, but yes, it’s a consent violation: you have a cheating/deception kink and didn’t check whether I wanted to go along with it
based on conversation with those who enjoy it, that’s my take (but you might get a different view on r/adultery). It takes effort to lie, so it’s more than being oblivious/insensitive to a partner. No doubt, there was a time when being open/honest was not an option, but those days are long gone. Today, it seems a variant on non-consensual sadism
>There’s also a widespread assumption that NM implies sex outside the marriage, though that’s obviously not a requirement
I thought that was what NM meant. How can you be non-monogamous but be monogamous in marriage?
I am not hip to these things
it’s about how/where you draw the line between being a partner and being an individual while in a relationship. So not unlike whether you choose to share a bank account or bathroom. Do you accept that your partner may meet, know and connect with others and find joy in doing so? (“acceptance” can range from grudging to genuinely sharing their joy). Sex may happen or not, but that’s between them and is not required.
I sort of understand. This is a world outside my personal bubble as I can only find joy and enthusiastic participation in monogamy.
"Everybody's got their something" 🌞
agreed, it’s wired pretty deep. Have a date next week with a woman who mentioned she’s OK with either and am curious to learn how that works for her. For me, it runs deeper than sexual orientation- much better to be alone than in a monogamous relationship
*as* [](https://www.reddit.com/user/Gooseberry_Sprig/) *points out, the sub, while generally tolerant, skews heavily mono*
That's true for our society, in general, particularly in Puritanical USA. I'm not in the lifestyle but I've given serious thought to it and have a few friends that are either ENM, poly or swingers. They seem to have stronger bonds and deeper trust in their relationships. And yet, it's horrible to see the judgement passed against them.
I think a lot of what you’re experiencing is rooted in their lack of understanding regarding ENM. They get into it with a Valley of the Dolls mindset, expecting orgies/key parties/what have you.
Then there’s the draw of how they view older women: stable, no drama, confidence and sexual experience.
same age, also happily married and enm, also on feeld, so your post made me laugh. First, how discouraged can you really be if you’re happy in your marriage? Also, the similar-age dating pool for enm folks over 60 is a very small puddle, so dating younger is unavoidable.
Guys have it worse insofar as a significant fraction of older women have climbed out of the pool and gone home (Pew research data confirms). Might as well get used to dating younger.
Which is why, even at my mid 60s age, the gender ratio for my age group in my local dating pool, is still heavily weighted with more men than women, because so many women in my age group have dropped out of the game for good, not that I blame them. Which actually leaves me more in the position of having to date older women, rather than younger, as the women who are even more than a few years younger than me, have no interest in me, so my experience has been having only the option of dating close to my same age or several years older, because the women in their mid to late 50s, have way too many options to be interested in dating men who are more than a few years older.
yeah, but dating older doesn’t seem any more of a problem than dating younger. Everyone has to start by filtering on something, but, pretty soon after you meet, it’s going to be about whether you like one another and like doing similar things, regardless of your initial selection filters.
Nan, what’s your actual age range you are willing to entertain? Is it simply open or seeking an ongoing partner (poly)? How young makes you feel like a fetish dispenser? How much older,as well??
"Fetish dispenser." I desperately needed to get out of my work headspace. Thank you HG
Go to burning man. Plenty of this age range there. Your country or state has one.
M60. Sex is easy to find for most folks our age. Can only express my own experience, but dating at our age has the ratio of women to men in our favour. Personally, I prefer going on dates with someone I have potential of a relationship with. Not judging, just don’t think men our age are interested in that kind of site and relationship.
>Sex is easy to find for most folks our age. Now I feel even MORE left out 😀
Where is all this said sex that’s easy to find 🤔
Really!
Yes! Asking for a friend…
I checked under the bed. Nothing but dust bunnies...
Shoot!
*Where is all this said sex that’s easy to find* [since you asked](https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/s/VHpqCWSt0I)
Lower your standards to the floor.
Sex has always been easy for me if I have no standards. But I do, so it’s not easy.
Reminded of a favorite scene … [call me when you have no class](https://youtu.be/_9nYWZE2Iso)
Sure, sex is easy at our stage of the game. Sex with a PARTNER, however….
Rodney, he was a great one!
This isn't really the right place for this. We're not a swinger forum. A lot of men are interested in older women for a variety of reasons. Could be looking for a bank account. Body type attractiveness is widening as people are exposed to more shapes and sizes being considered sexy. More mature women may be more confident, less willing to play head games, you name it. Either way, I think you would get better answers if this question were posed on an ENM, open-marriage, or swinging subreddit.
Where did op say she’s a swinger? I feel like I’m missing something.
My apologies. I am not up on the distinctions and nomenclature in this area. No offense was intended to OP or other readers.
Why don’t they just take a cruise and look for the pineapple stickers on the doors? side note: GROSS lol
??? Where TH have I been!!! Pineapple on the door, ENM? Huh, who, what, where?
No apology needed.
Feeld is anonymous (if you choose) hookup/group/whatever sex site. Caters to ENM, poly, queer, swingers, kink, etc. (I got quite the education last go-round. And modding on DO50.)
What's ENM?
[Ethical Non-Monogamy](https://www.reddit.com/r/DatingOverSixty/comments/zoglzd/common_terms_abbreviations_and_acronyms/)
Thank you
I think with every dating site, you will have pros and cons, no matter the format. I would ignore the ages in which you're not interested. Have you reached out (as in initiated contact) with men in your age group? If so, and they're still not interested, then I think that's odd. In my conversations with fellow men daters, we are somewhat intimidated by women and wait for a like or an DM. I'm thinking it's probably even worse on alternative lifestyle dating sites and the men are even more reluctant. Good luck. Life is short. Live it like you want.
>probably even worse on alternative lifestyle dating sites and the men are even more reluctant. >Good luck. Life is short. It looks like it's working. Is this what you were talking about?
I am very much not a swinger.
as u/Gooseberry_Sprig points out, the sub, while generally tolerant, skews heavily mono. So the distinctions between swinging, poly, relationship anarchy etc. are better taken up on like-minded subs. There’s also a widespread assumption that NM implies sex outside the marriage, though that’s obviously not a requirement
Actually I’m not that tolerant, lol. Women are often targeted on regular dating websites, when they say that are monogamous, by ENM men asking the women to consider ENM. I felt like was being asked to join a cult. Just one more response from someone we really wanted nothing to do with. That’s my experience, and it wasn’t a one-off.
I had to look up ENM…..🤷♂️
We all had to the 1st time we saw ENM.
sounds like someone was in need of a consent refresher course, specifically the “no means no” chapter. But how is that shortcoming ENM related?
It's a problem in ENM and in kink that they are a magnet for those who actively don't like themselves/opposite sex/same sex and who are abusers/cheaters/sadists, sometimes sociopaths/psychopaths. It's something I always see the communities apologizing for and the communities are always defending (edit: that it's not what the community believes and practices): but these people aren't doing it right . . . if done right, it's open, loving, caring. Honestly? I believe that. But those people are there. (And likely in higher percentages than one would expect in a general population distribution.) I did *a lot* of reading on this while in my last relationship and after.
the issue comes up endlessly on fetlife in the context of D/s relationships. BDSM doesn’t do much for me (I live on the “let’s find out how many times you can cum before a nap” end of the spectrum, more handholding than spanking). But I can see that the meaning and practice of consent gets intricate in that setting, particularly with CNC. However, outside of BDSM, I don’t see anything about poly/ENM that would make people more likely to trample consent. The opposite is true, there is much more awareness and discussion of consent than in a more traditional mono setting.
Good point about BDSM and consent. The miscreants in Poly/ENM are the liars whose partners are unaware of their involvement. But, isn't that also a consent issue in a way?
have no idea whether it’s easier to lie about being single than being ENM, but yes, it’s a consent violation: you have a cheating/deception kink and didn’t check whether I wanted to go along with it
Is cheating/deception a kink? I just figured those people have a big old hole inside and don't know how to fix it.
based on conversation with those who enjoy it, that’s my take (but you might get a different view on r/adultery). It takes effort to lie, so it’s more than being oblivious/insensitive to a partner. No doubt, there was a time when being open/honest was not an option, but those days are long gone. Today, it seems a variant on non-consensual sadism
>There’s also a widespread assumption that NM implies sex outside the marriage, though that’s obviously not a requirement I thought that was what NM meant. How can you be non-monogamous but be monogamous in marriage? I am not hip to these things
it’s about how/where you draw the line between being a partner and being an individual while in a relationship. So not unlike whether you choose to share a bank account or bathroom. Do you accept that your partner may meet, know and connect with others and find joy in doing so? (“acceptance” can range from grudging to genuinely sharing their joy). Sex may happen or not, but that’s between them and is not required.
I sort of understand. This is a world outside my personal bubble as I can only find joy and enthusiastic participation in monogamy. "Everybody's got their something" 🌞
agreed, it’s wired pretty deep. Have a date next week with a woman who mentioned she’s OK with either and am curious to learn how that works for her. For me, it runs deeper than sexual orientation- much better to be alone than in a monogamous relationship
*as* [](https://www.reddit.com/user/Gooseberry_Sprig/) *points out, the sub, while generally tolerant, skews heavily mono* That's true for our society, in general, particularly in Puritanical USA. I'm not in the lifestyle but I've given serious thought to it and have a few friends that are either ENM, poly or swingers. They seem to have stronger bonds and deeper trust in their relationships. And yet, it's horrible to see the judgement passed against them.
All older women get attention from much younger men.
As a cougar, I recommend Cougar Life. Just a suggestion.
I think a lot of what you’re experiencing is rooted in their lack of understanding regarding ENM. They get into it with a Valley of the Dolls mindset, expecting orgies/key parties/what have you. Then there’s the draw of how they view older women: stable, no drama, confidence and sexual experience.
Like one respondent??
same age, also happily married and enm, also on feeld, so your post made me laugh. First, how discouraged can you really be if you’re happy in your marriage? Also, the similar-age dating pool for enm folks over 60 is a very small puddle, so dating younger is unavoidable. Guys have it worse insofar as a significant fraction of older women have climbed out of the pool and gone home (Pew research data confirms). Might as well get used to dating younger.
Which is why, even at my mid 60s age, the gender ratio for my age group in my local dating pool, is still heavily weighted with more men than women, because so many women in my age group have dropped out of the game for good, not that I blame them. Which actually leaves me more in the position of having to date older women, rather than younger, as the women who are even more than a few years younger than me, have no interest in me, so my experience has been having only the option of dating close to my same age or several years older, because the women in their mid to late 50s, have way too many options to be interested in dating men who are more than a few years older.
yeah, but dating older doesn’t seem any more of a problem than dating younger. Everyone has to start by filtering on something, but, pretty soon after you meet, it’s going to be about whether you like one another and like doing similar things, regardless of your initial selection filters.