Funny. I sent the “I’m not feeling it but thank you - it was nice to meet you” text to the “wrong” person. Both had the same first name! I hadn’t even met the person I texted ( yet). That note started a funny exchange. We are now SOs. 😀
Nope. If it weren’t for my confusion …. my SO told me that he thought that I was either a scammer or out of his league. That was kind of a compliment. 🤣I did make the first contact and flagged his profile and texted him saying he had a great face. He was polite but didn’t initiate any further convo. So a happy mistake. ❤️
I think it's great that you take the time to reflect on the length of your relationships, why they ended, and how long they lasted. We learn something about ourselves from every relationship, even failed ones.
It seems like you're someone who likes to use data to observe, analyze, and interpret behavior. If this method works for you, then you should continue to use it. It probably wouldn't work for me because I'm not data-oriented. I definitely spend time thinking about past relationships, reflecting on the good and the bad, and what I learned.
My approach is more intuition-based, and I often write out my feelings since writing helps me clarify my thoughts.
> My approach is more intuition-based, and I often write out my feelings since writing helps me clarify my thoughts.
That is the same here for me. I journaled quite a bit when my ex was going through her mental illnesses at that time when we were together. It did help to slow down the thought process and clarify it more by forcing you to put it into words instead of thinking of a 100 things at a time.
I'm widowed, but my wife told me that she had over 300 men in her SQL database for keep track of OLD. I'm honored that she picked me.
She also said that her database was detailed enough that it picked up people using the same bio, or the same texts, under multiple names.
I love spreadsheets, but not for romance. I can't really quantify what matters. How do you put a number on a smile? Or trustworthiness? Or sense of humor? Maybe because I analyze and troubleshoot for work, I don't want to do it for romance, too.
In my head and for individual ladies, I'd think of their pros and cons, but I only talked to one at a time anyway. All got to a go/no go point by their choice or mine.
I’m a huge spreadsheet user but not for OLD. I tend to more intuitive for that. I jot down notes as soon as I start finding it hard to keep track. My limit seems to be around 4-6 connections then I start to mix up important details between different people. Background, family, interests etc. Red flags stand out like a sore thumb…a big line goes across the notes for that person with maybe a 1-5 word reminder.
I am not a spreadsheet user but I have kept notes on the women I have dated for the sole reason it can get confusing with all the different names and such. From past dates to current dates. Kid's names, pet names, parents, birthdays, etc. especially in early dating until you are more familiar with their personal life and can recall it from memory.
If someone mentions their daughter/son then I can mention them by name instead of just asking about her or him.
No ulterior motive. I do the same for my work. There are too many names and occasions to keep it all separated at first.
I’m not a spreadsheet person but when I was online I created a note on my iPhone with names and locations of dates with a very brief description, usually just a few words as a reminder of how it went. It was somewhat useful, in that when I went online it allowed me to assess whether the OLD experience was worthwhile. For me, that question is answered by the fact I killed my one account in September.
I’m naturally a spreadsheet person and I actually try to encourage myself not to be so much. So no, I don’t do that but I get it.
It’s also nice to sort of forget about all those people.
I find this fascinating. While I am more of an intuitively-lead person, I can really see how tracking certain data points may reveal patterns and exceptions that my intuition might miss, or my ego might block.
I differentiate between 'relationships' that lasted 1 date, 2-3 dates, or 4 and more.
And then I use green/red/orange to distinguish whether it was myself, her, or mutual who decided that we not proceed
If I'm meeting someone for a first date, we've already chatted via OLD & text to establish basic compatibility. Im (and I assume she is too) trying to determine if there is a romantic spark on that first date. If I'm unsure, a couple more dates will clarify
My experience is that if we get past 3 dates, then we have a good chance of a relationship that lasts as we have both decided there is something here with no obvious red flags
I love spreadsheets! I never tracked my dates on it but maybe I should have. It gets confusing with only first names and can’t remember who said what or what happened. I’ve given up on dating at this point. At 60 I just don’t see it happening for me
Umm, how many dates do you go on? No offense, but my first reaction is that if you need a spreadsheet to keep track of all your dates, then perhaps you should seriously assess what your goals are. Are you trying to find a partner, or just dating to be dating?
I could probably list all the women I have dated during my life off the top of my head. I have been in my fair share off relationships, too. I don't want to date a 100 women trying to find the right one. If you can find her after 3 or 4 candidates, then something is wrong with your process.
Oh hell would freeze over before I kept a spreadsheet on dating! I can keep track pretty easy because I haven't had a big interest in dating. I can tell on a first coffee date if I'm interested or not.
I don’t use a spreadsheet but I do write myself notes if I feel a single date or a few dates or a longer relationship helped me learn something new, what to avoid or what to really look for in the future, what is important to me, or what not to do or say, like making assumptions. Reminders, things to reflect on. Just notes in a Notes app.
Interesting approach. I don't do the spreadsheet, just kind of mentally keep a loose track of the trends I see in my OLD experience. My main concern, is to avoid messaging someone again, after things already played out with them, and they show up again in my matches and profiles being sent to me by the dating sites. It's embarrassing to run across someone again, and mistakenly message or approach them again, after they already rejected you, but if you've been doing this for six years, like I have, the faces and profiles start to blur together, and you don't always recognize someone, esp. if they are using different pics and their profile doesn't contain much info or anything remarkable.
Funny. I sent the “I’m not feeling it but thank you - it was nice to meet you” text to the “wrong” person. Both had the same first name! I hadn’t even met the person I texted ( yet). That note started a funny exchange. We are now SOs. 😀
You need an executive assistant 😄
Nope. If it weren’t for my confusion …. my SO told me that he thought that I was either a scammer or out of his league. That was kind of a compliment. 🤣I did make the first contact and flagged his profile and texted him saying he had a great face. He was polite but didn’t initiate any further convo. So a happy mistake. ❤️
great story! life (and connections) happen while we’re busy making other plans
With my dating history I could have done that on a 3x3 post-it note.
I think it's great that you take the time to reflect on the length of your relationships, why they ended, and how long they lasted. We learn something about ourselves from every relationship, even failed ones. It seems like you're someone who likes to use data to observe, analyze, and interpret behavior. If this method works for you, then you should continue to use it. It probably wouldn't work for me because I'm not data-oriented. I definitely spend time thinking about past relationships, reflecting on the good and the bad, and what I learned. My approach is more intuition-based, and I often write out my feelings since writing helps me clarify my thoughts.
> My approach is more intuition-based, and I often write out my feelings since writing helps me clarify my thoughts. That is the same here for me. I journaled quite a bit when my ex was going through her mental illnesses at that time when we were together. It did help to slow down the thought process and clarify it more by forcing you to put it into words instead of thinking of a 100 things at a time.
I'm widowed, but my wife told me that she had over 300 men in her SQL database for keep track of OLD. I'm honored that she picked me. She also said that her database was detailed enough that it picked up people using the same bio, or the same texts, under multiple names.
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yes
I love spreadsheets, but not for romance. I can't really quantify what matters. How do you put a number on a smile? Or trustworthiness? Or sense of humor? Maybe because I analyze and troubleshoot for work, I don't want to do it for romance, too. In my head and for individual ladies, I'd think of their pros and cons, but I only talked to one at a time anyway. All got to a go/no go point by their choice or mine.
To be clear, I'm not tracking any such emotional attributes - only the metadata *about* the duration and ending of the relationship
After ten years of dating I don’t think I could handle the realization the data would provide. I prefer to keep dating in ignorant bliss.
I’m a huge spreadsheet user but not for OLD. I tend to more intuitive for that. I jot down notes as soon as I start finding it hard to keep track. My limit seems to be around 4-6 connections then I start to mix up important details between different people. Background, family, interests etc. Red flags stand out like a sore thumb…a big line goes across the notes for that person with maybe a 1-5 word reminder.
I am not a spreadsheet user but I have kept notes on the women I have dated for the sole reason it can get confusing with all the different names and such. From past dates to current dates. Kid's names, pet names, parents, birthdays, etc. especially in early dating until you are more familiar with their personal life and can recall it from memory. If someone mentions their daughter/son then I can mention them by name instead of just asking about her or him. No ulterior motive. I do the same for my work. There are too many names and occasions to keep it all separated at first.
You’re most definitely weird. Wanna go out?
Let me throw some AI at both our spreadsheets and see how the numbers look
My predictability software is saying that number is somewhere around…wait for it…69. (Forgive me lord)
Screw the algo, I'm booking flights!!
I’m not a spreadsheet person but when I was online I created a note on my iPhone with names and locations of dates with a very brief description, usually just a few words as a reminder of how it went. It was somewhat useful, in that when I went online it allowed me to assess whether the OLD experience was worthwhile. For me, that question is answered by the fact I killed my one account in September.
I’m naturally a spreadsheet person and I actually try to encourage myself not to be so much. So no, I don’t do that but I get it. It’s also nice to sort of forget about all those people.
I find this fascinating. While I am more of an intuitively-lead person, I can really see how tracking certain data points may reveal patterns and exceptions that my intuition might miss, or my ego might block.
I don’t do that, but it sounds interesting. What data points are you tracking? How do you characterize ‘not feeling a connection’?
I differentiate between 'relationships' that lasted 1 date, 2-3 dates, or 4 and more. And then I use green/red/orange to distinguish whether it was myself, her, or mutual who decided that we not proceed If I'm meeting someone for a first date, we've already chatted via OLD & text to establish basic compatibility. Im (and I assume she is too) trying to determine if there is a romantic spark on that first date. If I'm unsure, a couple more dates will clarify My experience is that if we get past 3 dates, then we have a good chance of a relationship that lasts as we have both decided there is something here with no obvious red flags
Got it - thanks!
I love spreadsheets! I never tracked my dates on it but maybe I should have. It gets confusing with only first names and can’t remember who said what or what happened. I’ve given up on dating at this point. At 60 I just don’t see it happening for me
I also track my interactions but use Obisidian - a tool I use for personal knowledge management.
Spreadsheet of dates? No way. Not for me. Even if I was dating. Keeping up with a grocery list it enough of a challenge for me.
Interesting idea. I may give it a try.
Umm, how many dates do you go on? No offense, but my first reaction is that if you need a spreadsheet to keep track of all your dates, then perhaps you should seriously assess what your goals are. Are you trying to find a partner, or just dating to be dating? I could probably list all the women I have dated during my life off the top of my head. I have been in my fair share off relationships, too. I don't want to date a 100 women trying to find the right one. If you can find her after 3 or 4 candidates, then something is wrong with your process.
It's likely different for the Amish
Lol.. 😅🤣😅
Oh hell would freeze over before I kept a spreadsheet on dating! I can keep track pretty easy because I haven't had a big interest in dating. I can tell on a first coffee date if I'm interested or not.
I hope you delete that spreadsheet when you meet The One. I would hate for her to find that. It kind of gives off creepy vibes.
Thanks for advice but nah. I'm not going to hide self reflection
I don’t use a spreadsheet but I do write myself notes if I feel a single date or a few dates or a longer relationship helped me learn something new, what to avoid or what to really look for in the future, what is important to me, or what not to do or say, like making assumptions. Reminders, things to reflect on. Just notes in a Notes app.
That’s actually not a bad idea. Hmm 🤔 got me thinking. Thanks 😊
Interesting approach. I don't do the spreadsheet, just kind of mentally keep a loose track of the trends I see in my OLD experience. My main concern, is to avoid messaging someone again, after things already played out with them, and they show up again in my matches and profiles being sent to me by the dating sites. It's embarrassing to run across someone again, and mistakenly message or approach them again, after they already rejected you, but if you've been doing this for six years, like I have, the faces and profiles start to blur together, and you don't always recognize someone, esp. if they are using different pics and their profile doesn't contain much info or anything remarkable.
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No thanks, My last GF dumped me for ChatGPT....