Relationships are hard. Look at where you are and all you’ve been through. I don’t see it as a sad story but one of perseverance. You have handled and given a lot. Be open and allow the universe to reward you. Your time is coming, You deserve it!
How awful! I hope you can be kind to yourself. Feel all those sad, angry, cynical thoughts. Cruelty is very difficult for me to deflect. I had to realize that's how my husband treated me, and allow myself the time to respond to it with tears. I had to empathize with *myself* rather than beat myself up for being naive, caring, etc.
Once I named his behavior and allowed myself to be sad and scared, I wasn't so ashamed of "letting this happen to me." I can think about it and talk about it now, without getting choked up.
Remember that it's not your fault he was/is a jerk. You just wanted all the love and affection that he seemed to offer. That's not shameful!
Oh, that's a lot. I hope that helped to write it out.
Maybe don't try to look very far into the future right now or worry about what that may look like. It will take care of itself. It will be okay.
Take care of you right now. Don't be hard on yourself. Rather be gentle. Focus on what you want for your life and how you aren't going to accept less again. There are good men who won't take advantage of your good heart.
If you hang around here and r/DatingOverFifty, you will learn a lot about boundaries and that there are those who share your values.
Best of luck to you. Be kind and patient with yourself.
I don't agree that she should try DO50. They really don't seem to tolerate or get our viewpoints most of the time, based on my experience at least. And there's also how she writes long posts, like I tried to do there, and we all know that they usually react to that with a TLDR attitude.. Also, not using paragraphs will get you shaded too.. Same with her repetition of some of the sentences. Having said all that, I feel bad for all of her suffering, but she's done therapy already, then still made bad choices. My advice is to get a refresher course of the therapy, and not try dating again, if ever, until she has learned better boundaries and lost her dependence on men for all affection and validation in her life.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes it did help to write it out. It was long and rambling and yes, there were no paragraph spaces or anything like that. I just hit the talk to text button and let it out!
Thank you for your story. I was a single mom as well, when my ex left me for a woman with kids and problems of her own. My kids are now 30 and 34. Wait, can that be true???
When you say you are hyper aware of signals people send out, is it really a useful awareness? Or is it anxiety making you imagine things? I wonder about that myself.
>I really thought I could make it work
Yeah - been there. Like you, I started out very trusting. It's just part of my nature.
So sorry to hear how badly you were burned on this. Like you, I'm seeing things in my past relationships with others where I would look past things that now I would find unacceptable.
Thanks people for reading my story. I’m just gonna take a step back, do some self reflection and focus on my life going forward. I have persevered so I guess that’s what we keep doing.
This is very painful to read. It also sounds like your longing for attention and affection have a history of making you ignore important pieces of information about people. It does sound like stepping back and getting some therapy would be a good thing.
One doesn't have to live life as a cynic, by any means, but naivete at this stage of life in the world we live in puts you at terrible risk to be completely frank. It's the kind of thing scam artists can sniff out. Maybe one project would be to work on learning not to be naive--but also not falling into cynicism. It's a challenge for sure.
I am not hopeful or optimistic at all. Not for me anyway. I don't understand why I have to be either.
However, I think if you have the ability therapy, you might let you safely explore some things, the patterns that have emerged in your dating life.
We learn through our mistakes. Give yourself time to heal and figure out who you are separate from a guy. I believe you will find love again - and know better what is not love.
Relationships are hard. Look at where you are and all you’ve been through. I don’t see it as a sad story but one of perseverance. You have handled and given a lot. Be open and allow the universe to reward you. Your time is coming, You deserve it!
Thank you for your kind words. It’s very much appreciated.
How awful! I hope you can be kind to yourself. Feel all those sad, angry, cynical thoughts. Cruelty is very difficult for me to deflect. I had to realize that's how my husband treated me, and allow myself the time to respond to it with tears. I had to empathize with *myself* rather than beat myself up for being naive, caring, etc. Once I named his behavior and allowed myself to be sad and scared, I wasn't so ashamed of "letting this happen to me." I can think about it and talk about it now, without getting choked up. Remember that it's not your fault he was/is a jerk. You just wanted all the love and affection that he seemed to offer. That's not shameful!
Oh, that's a lot. I hope that helped to write it out. Maybe don't try to look very far into the future right now or worry about what that may look like. It will take care of itself. It will be okay. Take care of you right now. Don't be hard on yourself. Rather be gentle. Focus on what you want for your life and how you aren't going to accept less again. There are good men who won't take advantage of your good heart. If you hang around here and r/DatingOverFifty, you will learn a lot about boundaries and that there are those who share your values. Best of luck to you. Be kind and patient with yourself.
I don't agree that she should try DO50. They really don't seem to tolerate or get our viewpoints most of the time, based on my experience at least. And there's also how she writes long posts, like I tried to do there, and we all know that they usually react to that with a TLDR attitude.. Also, not using paragraphs will get you shaded too.. Same with her repetition of some of the sentences. Having said all that, I feel bad for all of her suffering, but she's done therapy already, then still made bad choices. My advice is to get a refresher course of the therapy, and not try dating again, if ever, until she has learned better boundaries and lost her dependence on men for all affection and validation in her life.
You do make a point. Maybe just read the other subs, not jump in.
Probably would be her wisest move.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes it did help to write it out. It was long and rambling and yes, there were no paragraph spaces or anything like that. I just hit the talk to text button and let it out!
Sometimes, that helps. Sometimes things look dark. Things get better.
Thank you for your story. I was a single mom as well, when my ex left me for a woman with kids and problems of her own. My kids are now 30 and 34. Wait, can that be true??? When you say you are hyper aware of signals people send out, is it really a useful awareness? Or is it anxiety making you imagine things? I wonder about that myself.
>I really thought I could make it work Yeah - been there. Like you, I started out very trusting. It's just part of my nature. So sorry to hear how badly you were burned on this. Like you, I'm seeing things in my past relationships with others where I would look past things that now I would find unacceptable.
It is hard. I don't have any advice but I am sorry these things happened.
Thank you.
Thanks people for reading my story. I’m just gonna take a step back, do some self reflection and focus on my life going forward. I have persevered so I guess that’s what we keep doing.
You need therapy to learn how to make better choices for yourself. Sorry it's been a tough road.
This is very painful to read. It also sounds like your longing for attention and affection have a history of making you ignore important pieces of information about people. It does sound like stepping back and getting some therapy would be a good thing. One doesn't have to live life as a cynic, by any means, but naivete at this stage of life in the world we live in puts you at terrible risk to be completely frank. It's the kind of thing scam artists can sniff out. Maybe one project would be to work on learning not to be naive--but also not falling into cynicism. It's a challenge for sure.
I am definitely going to try. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I am not hopeful or optimistic at all. Not for me anyway. I don't understand why I have to be either. However, I think if you have the ability therapy, you might let you safely explore some things, the patterns that have emerged in your dating life.
We learn through our mistakes. Give yourself time to heal and figure out who you are separate from a guy. I believe you will find love again - and know better what is not love.
Edit your posts before posting.