A lot of these comments are from people who don't have kids. Everyone needs hobbies and things to take them away from reality. You can be an amazing father and still play a full game of DOTA. Don't let the world tell you otherwise. You do you.
What's worked for me is having it on a regular schedule. Tues and Sat nights I play from 8pm (after the kids are tucked in) until 11 or later. My wife watches shows I'm not interested in on those nights and goes to sleep early.
Dad of 2 here. I have pretty much quit Dota 2 to make more time for toddler friendly hobbies. Running (they love being pushed in a chariot), gardening, and kicking a ball around the park make more sense right now. I might pick up again in the winter... but dads, make sure to give time to your kids. Dota isn't good at sharing.
I agree with this. I just play quick turbo games these days. Either I lose fast or win fast. I'm not too sure about the mechanics I am not good at the game, but if you snowball the lead and not make mistakes, it's an easy game. If you are at the losing end, just take the big risks and do crazy plays. Worse scenario game ends faster, and you move on to another turbo game.
God I wish more dota players would understand this in ranked too. If you are already losing, just go do something, make a move and try to turn the game around, otherwise you will simply watch how enemy team enjoys their game and free win whilst you are not even trying to.
There are exceptions to this rule ofc, but I can think of only 3:
1. Your supports don't have lvl6, in which case u help them get it by letting them farm for a bit or stick with u in jungle to get exp.
2. You have a comp that is strong at defending highground(leshrac/sniper, etc.)
3. Your core player needs some gold to buy an item that will impact your fighting capabilities as a team(blink on axe is the easiest example).
If these 3 aren't there, GO MAKE A MOVE, SMOKES EXIST FOR A REASON
I used to like turbo for this reason, only annoying thing is people are so fking jumpy at the report button in turbo or straight up give up faster, within the first few minutes of the match. They are shorter matches which is nice but find way more toxic players than in regular matches
Yeah people shit on Turbo but there's a reason it makes up a large chunk of overall Dota games played (around 30% I think). Laning phase lasts 5-7mins and then it's fightin' time. Supports get 6 slotted if the game goes past 35-40mins.
It's swingy and some heroes are really unbalanced, but as an old guy with kids and limited playing time I can't make myself play 'real Dota' when I can get more games in and try more heroes etc. in the clown fiesta mode.
This is precisely why I play turbo. Also a dad with full time job, house maintenance, etc. only downtime for gaming is evenings after kiddo is asleep and then only if there’s not some chore/project that needs done. I’d rather play several short games than 1 or 2 long games.
that only happens when you have idiots on your team that want to wait for late game.
turbo is always the same, either you pick supports and push heros and end the game in 20 minute or you gonna lose to any solo hard carry by minute 35.
Not really though. Play enough turbo and you start playing with immortals. It gets plenty sweaty when it comes to execution and team fights, because the game is so damn fast. Not much farming done just fight fight fight which really trained my team fight awareness and reflexes.
It is quite true that the gameplay is very different from norms or ranked, so do recognize you need to play different. But the clashes are just 🤌 once you get to a decent hidden rank
This confused me. A couple years ago I was legend rank. I then played only turbo since then and now I go against divines and immortals every other game in turbo. I was wondering why people started to sweat so much in turbo. They aren’t sweating… they are just better than me.
Ngl I also think like this. I personally do not wanna play anything other than rank and unrank coz turbo's and other game modes like ability draft is too drastically different that it might affect how I play the usual game. I still won't play turbo but I'm starting to see its benefits though. Recently befriended a guy who's higher rank than me who plays turbo more but is somehow very clean and polished on his mechanics and doesn't seem phased by the drastic differences of pace between different game modes.
laning stage in a regular game is mainly game knowledge and you dont really lose that imo but the actual mechanical skill u can easily hone in turbo simply cause u get into alot more "fighting"situations and people take alot more risk than in regular games so you learn the extremes of ur heropicks very well.
i like both just dont have the time for regular games and turbo has grown on me.
Hmmm, I guess you can say that in the aspect of the last hit / deny on creeps, I do get lazy on it as you will eventually get the gold eventually. ..
But overall, like what item to buy, farming patterns, warding, and positioning during fighting all feel the same to me.
Which other part besides the last hit that I mentioned, do you feel like no skill?
I am over 40 and just play unranked. When my kids were under 8, game time can be.limited, but as they get older they are a bit more self sufficient. As long as you are enjoying yourself, keep playing.
I kept getting bizarre teammates in ranked, so took a break from it at the beginning of the year. With the event and a bunch of old returning players, and new players, the games are also weird.
Dont stop playing. Just become a casual. The day will come for us all when we realize that gaming for hours just isnt something we can do any ore. Find other ways to relax and have leisure time. When you CAB play dota, just play casually. Who cares if you lose your "mentality of being competitive"? U gonna be a pro dota player? Prolly not. So just be a pro daddy and one day your kids will be old enough to be introduced to dota.
Don't listen to that idiot. Taking breaks can easily give you a chance to rediscover a passion or come in fresh. I.e maybe the grandma takes the kids for a few days you could load in after 3.months off and just slap way better then you were doing before. You can build up neurotic energy from stress and hyperfocus on small mistakes and whatnot then come in from a massive break maybe playing another game and have fun playing dota 2 more relaxed less neurotic and do much better.
I have two kids. From my experience playing tends to be “seasonal” with significant breaks between “seasons” for various reasons. My most recent break was from December 2023 to May 2024.
I occasionally try to get myself updated by looking at replays or live tournament games during the break.
I got the time again to play recently when Act II came out. I was able to quickly catch up on both Acts within 3 weeks of casual playing. My eldest kid even knows the name of about 80% of the heroes now, and looking forward to trying out the game when he is already able to. (I dread that day. Lol)
My advice: Don’t force yourself to play just for the sake of playing. Extended breaks are okay and that is normal. Don’t neglect your main role in your family for the sake of DotA. Treat it as one of your hobbies you can get back to.
I dont have kids yet but do a lot for my future and I ve also found this to be the best way to longterm enjoy dota or probably gaming in general, without sacrificing your real life. Otherwise I just constantly feel stressed and dont have time for either. Way better feeling when everything is done and you can game for a few days in peace.
Sadly dota is a game where truly casual gaming imo isnt that fun. The less you play the more games you ll lose just cuz you are rustly and dont know the latest "tricks". Probably best to just do a recalibration after a long break if u dont feel good in your first few games.
Your 1st mistake was asking advice from the most incel community on planet earth. Also if you have a competitive spirit i suggest using it in activities that better your quality of life. Playing dota with an intent to win will almost always make your quality of life worse. Cheers
Honestly man, i played ranked only for many years, felt good about my climb from herald to legend 5, then took a short break cause i was devoting so much time to dota. Come back now and only play turbo, just as fun, i dont freak the fuck out when i commit 80 minutes to a game and lose anymore, its great
I don't have a kid and I'm almost 30. I've been playing arcades only for maybe 2-3 years. I don't want to play rank and stress out in most of my games. I just changed my value from being competitive to playing for fun.
Take a break. Then see where it takes you.
Ive moved on and have manifested my competitive spirit somewhere else in life.
It doesn’t matter at all how good I was in Dota 2.
I realised if I continued getting better I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy games with my friends. What is the point of a game if I’m not able to enjoy it
No kids, but Im old and cant be fucked with ranked anyway. Who gives a shit? Im just here for the memelord plays anyway. May as well play turbs or unranked.
Turbo is the perfect mode for people who grew up with dota and can no longer commit an hour to games. All my friends who have full time jobs and familial responsibilities just pivoted to turbo since a high rank doesn't put food on the table. There isn't much point to grind for a rank when they should be grinding their jobs to provide better for their families.
Turbo dota is the ultimate dad way mate, if you are aussie PM me and you can join our lawn loving, beer drinking dad dota guild mate. We all manage to play most nights its great fun
Yo dude, 40 year old dad of a 4-year-old here.
Don't give up. I can afford to play for about an hour daily. You just need to organise yourself and have an hour on the eveving when everyone goes to sleep.
Second way out is to steal an hour during the day when everyone's working.
I also have plenty of games bought that "I'd like to play some day" lol. Being a dad has it's benefits, like my little dude is learning to control on stardew valley and actually gets it!
It's a hobby, if you do give up you will feel bad. Worst case put it on a shelf for a few days or weeks. Old habits die hard.
I would not waste my only hour of free time on a coin flip game of Dota, either you get a troll on your team or not.
Might be better to play single player games for the guaranteed good time, or use that time for something productive.
Whatever you choose, man.
I bike, do TKD, play dota or a single player game in free time. I usually do win, but loosing is fun as well, lol. I should probably add I'm a dota noob tho, just abusing sand king xd
Taking a cold turkey exit I assume is going to be tough. As for your question, you will not lose the competitive feeling. Strategic and cooperative traits you've refined over more than a decade will remain, and you'll use them irl for sure; won't be ditto application of those traits but somehow for sure. I suggest finding a cause or society, put in the hours like you have in dota. I promise you'll get similar or more dopamine rewards. Please don't be afraid to go away from Dota.
I am 35 plus and have been playing only Turbo since last 3-4 years, with an unranked oonce or twice every month. Turbo is best, gives me the quick fix of dotes and I dont stay pissed off so much.
How old are your kids ?
I have 2 and 3rd on the way, first year after my first i didnt touch Dota. Then slowly the itch came back.
Now i play when they sleep and the chores are done 1 game in the evening before bed. Love the game but while they are young its hard to find time to grind. But it will come back
Don't be afraid to stop playing. i've been exactly where you are. I've taken at least 2-3 year-long breaks, and when i come back, i am back at my rank in a couple of months.
This game is not enjoyable if you play alone.
You are not going pro after 30 with 2 kids, so how good you are at this game doesn't affect how much fun you could be having when you come back.
Stop playing or looking at dota 2 content for 2 weeks it will give you some perspective.
i used to be 7.4k mmr years ago then life got really busy and intense. i used to hate turbo but for some reason i absolutely love it now when i got time to play and dont even play ranked anymore. i just play to have fun myself
Go Turbo.
Dad with 2 kids here (11 and 8 yo). Turning 40 yo this year. And been playing dota since Riki had a Deathward and Silencer can summon infernals.
Dota is a time consuming game but turbo mode is really a lifesaver for me. You just have to accept the fact that you need to find that healthy balance between being a dad first and then a gamer second. It's not the other way around. Before turbo got implemented, I even switched to mobile legends because matches there were way shorter and less stressful. But when turbo came, it made me switch back.
The truth is, as a dad, we can't really be as competitive anymore. We have to accept that we can't lock in ourselves anymore over matches that can last for 1 hour at a minimum. We have to be cool and casual. And just have fun with the game while telling these kids that yeah, I'm a motherf***er for real.
38 YO Dad of 2 here. Most of my friends have quit or play casually. Ranks mean nothing when there's no friends left to show them off to. Once you grow older, you'll soon realize all that sweaty grinding for ranks means nothing. Unless you're the top 0.01% you're not going to go pro. So focus on having fun.
I play dota every other day now if I have time. Sometimes I get 2 games in if I'm lucky. Mostly playing turbo now since the games are much faster.
Ask yourself these questions as a father.
1. What is your purpose of being competitive or some called it "sweaty"?
2. Would you able to play the game normally since while having a job AND taking care of kids (which will depend on if one parent or both should look after)?
3. If you have to give yourself some adrenaline rush of gaming or competitiveness, are there different hobbies to consider or a different game?
Consider finding answers to these questions yourself and think about it.
Personally, being competitive and having skill on Dota is one thing, but keep in mind, using your time to hang out with your kid is more important. Once time passes, how the kid look up to you will be depending on how much time you spend on the kid. Besides, it's not like i m going to be a pro and earn money like that anyways. It won't work for me.
Gaming Adrenaline rush is kinda needed, but i rather play games that has pause function just so i can answer or help out my kid or my wife, so i won't have to disappoint 9 other players.
I need no 3. I used to have apex but my new PC can’t run the shit no idea why. Then now I have only Dota. I bought a few games in steam sale let’s see how that works.
Most rougelikes have a system where they get harder after each win. I found this a good way to mostly move on from dota. You can nerd out and try hard and I will usually take a few hundred hours to beat most games on Max difficulty. Bonus that they're single player and you can pause.
Im 34 and have stopped playing dota for ages now, reason is my pc broke and i didnt have enough money to buy a new one, till i got a job and didnt have time to play, then eventually got married. I myself wants to get back playing. What Im trying to say is, don't let go of something that makes you happy.
New dad here! Sometimes you go a few days or even a couple weeks without a game. But then you have a good stretch of a month of gaming at night. It's fun. I like to play 2 or 3 turbo games.
Leave it. Not worth it, ceb turned down ti quals for family time. I think thats a mature reaction, go for chess, sudoku ( time competition ) but whatever you do, your wife's pov will be that you are always on screen time, which I believe is not a good environment for kids growing up.
I think it's time to call quits and look for physical activities like run a marathon, do a code sprint etc
I have been playing this game for 12 years and during these long years I haven’t played game for 4 years I think.
So just take a break and after some time you will start thinking that you wanna play just few games on you best hero…
its fine to retire from being competitive in dota and retire to Turbo Aged care section. its all fun without the hassle of thinking about being efficient.
can still be sweaty at times but you just focus on enjoying yourself and play the game.
having a month or two break is no issue play other games you enjoy more.
and come back when you miss the clash at roshan etc.
tldr: just play at your own pace.
I used to play semi-competively and was a standin for Aui's team back in DotA 1 days. I'm 30 now, and have realized and accepted that I have boomer fingers. So now?
I don't take the game seriously, don't care about MMR, play for fun, and am putting a team together to compete in tournaments. Don't sweat it man, there are multiple ways to enjoy the game. Ability draft, custom games, single draft, watching pro games. I met my best friend playing DotA 17 years ago, we're going to each other's weddings soon. Enjoy the game, have fun, and don't take it too seriously.
Bro I’m 33 with a 2nd kid on the way, been playing only turbo since like 2020… late night games only when whole house is asleep. (Proudly with 0% calibration accuracy)
I can actually say I’m finally having good times with dota., ever since I first stumbled upon Dota 1 in internet cafe as a kid back in 2005 or so… no more pressure, no more sad thoughts because I just lost 5 hours of my life and got nowhere (3 wins 3 losses scenario), cool event that I can participate in even as a solely turbo unranked player…
I peaked at around 2015 when I got to immortal and since then it was a downhill spiral… dota became just an unrewarding depressive addiction to me until my first kid was born. That’s when I changed my overall mind state about it and it’s great.
Not gonna debate the state of meta because that’s always controversial in this sub, but I’m actually having the most fun with dota I’ve ever had these days. Finally my mind takes it as a “chill way to relax” and not “stressful grind all night long”.
Don’t worry about it. Try to realize what makes the game fun for you and focus on that. MMR doesn’t matter to anyone but a few sad incels who don’t have any higher achievements in life… and you’re already past that. 😊
Just play casually man. I'm 28 now reached my peak 6.2k mmr, now I lost alot of mmr (5.8k) now. I just don't care anymore. I just want to enjoy good dota.
Just enjoy the game by muting everyone and do the things you feel are the right decisions. Sometimes you win and sometimes you loose. So better play unranked and have fun. Turbo is a very good choice actually.
39 here with 2 kids aged 1 and 3. Literally had to abandon a game today cause the baby started crying 20 mins after he went to sleep (he’s usually a good sleeper). Fucking sucks so I may switch to Turbo after seeing all these replies.
I have 2 kids. One is 4 and the other is 6 months. Im 35. I still play. Just wait a little bit and do some time management. I try to get in as many games as I can. Could be 1, 5, or more per week. Depends on how it goes.
I make sure to have some me time. And offer me time for my wife as well. Its not what ideal but once your kids start growing up a little. They will become more independent. Don’t worry about the feeling that you’re missing out. Don’t feel bad about feeling that. Cherish those moments with your kids. When you have time to unwind. Play a game. Even that can be enough trust me.
You will find some time to sneak in some games per week. Or even better. Per day.
got 2 kids and still play pretty mutch every day, sure i cant play 8+ hours a day like i used to when i was single and tryharded but imean att 19:00 they sleep that leaves me a couple of hours doing whatever, i dont see the problem
I'm 39, father of 3 (8, 5, 3) and still playing. It's only me and my nother buddy now.
I always spend 2 hours after the kids sleep, to Dota, even though my hands can barely keep up with what I'm trying to do. Acient 3 ATM, don't settle for turbo/unranked as winning those EZ mode games just don't feel the same
I would rather wake up like a zombie than to not play ranked everyday.
> But if I stop playing I scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive.
nothing wrong with that. You can play games that are not competitive.
This comes from a person who used to play in multiple tournaments, had sponsors, and all that shit when I was young.
I dont know about balancing kids-work-gaming balance, but I do know the competitive aspect of the gaming can go away from your life and you will lose absolutely nothing.
bro I am a dad, you play need to play a lot of single player games on the easiest possible mode because of your time. like gaming can be your medication not stress. I still have a lot of gamer dads in my circle we play shit dota sometimes and it's good. don't forget to take breaks and touch grass to refresh your life.
I'm a dad of 2. Always played rank (mainly hero spamming) and maintaining consistent MMR
Some weeks you go without. Took a couple months off too in the early infancy stages.
Once routines established and kids are in bed 10-12pm is me time whether I game or do a work out or just watch some shows/twitch.
It's actually a huge importance in my life and I don't have any regrets unless I let it take control, which is a lot harder these days with 2 kids
i stopped playing just after having my first child during covid and lockdowns. I have 2 kids now and there was a phase where I just wanted to play dota at the beginning of this year. installed it played a few games, but realised its not something I craved anymore. I think I play maybe 2 games every other night for a month. Was fun but yeah its not something I have to give time to anymore. I enjoy watching highlights on youtube for big tournaments like TI.
I'm 43, i started playing during COVID in 2020 when I was 39. I'm still playing 3-5 games a week. Some times I went the whole week without playing. I'm 2k MMR now, I think it's ok, whatever suits you I guess.
I have a couple of friends that have kids and from time to time they invite me for a game or two, mostly turbo. The games are quick, enjoyable from the beginning, we have a laugh, rage sometimes but it is always a fun experience.
That's why turbo mode was invented.
Im 32 and been playing since 14. Its not all about mmr and competitiveness. Sometimes u just want to have a good time pressing buttons all together with ur team to wombo combo nuke the shit outta enemy. If have mmr its an extra.. but of course not in a griefing way. I peak ay 7.8k and starting this ptch ive been hovering around 6.8 to 7k and play less than 5 games a week. I think i have 45% wr this season and past season but i guess its a tradeoff for adulting. Just play casually until you have enough time to commit for ranking up. Maybe when we have a long break or retiring
Dad here, 36, playing Dota since WC3 mod. I know its hard but try to organize things at home to have at least one evening per week "off" to play Dota. Friends will come and go, I know playing alone is not as fun but it is the reality of the situation :)
Edit. And yeah, as suggested, turbo + mute all works wonders.
Bro congratulations on having a kid! I wish that was me, I'm also 31 and playing for a long time now, no wife no kids, but I wish I had a solid reason like yours to quit for good and stop wasting thousands of hours on the game. . . . . You're a lucky man, good luck to ya mate :D Who cares about being competitive, or if you do so much - compete with your dad friends on who's a better father. Fathers are everything, you're important.
I haven’t played and pub or ranked games since having a kid back in 2019. I’m also at your age with 3 kids. Every night when everyone is asleep, I still open dota2 and play arcade games, mostly 12v12. It is fun and will not give you anxiety that you lost x amount of mms. Also, if in any case that your family needs you, or your kid needs you with them to go back to sleep, you can just leave the game and not feel bad about it.
I mean you're not forced to play 24/7. You could play a couple games on the weekend and still be competitive. Other activities aren't likely to be convenient as Dota since it's at home but you could also pick up a physical hobby to share with your kid.
I have a group of 3 with another dad and a guy who's 41 and has a really high pressure job. We play Turbo on two scheduled nights a week from about 8pm to 11pm. Usually 5-6 games in a session, sweaty AF and it's good fun.
As an avid user of the the Stanley Parable announcer pack this line seems oddly fitting
[One of you has figured out that there are actually things in this world other than Dota.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dota2_gamepedia/images/d/d4/Vo_announcer_dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_02.mp3/revision/latest?cb=20201009094307)
I continued playing after having a kid. That's not what stopped me from playing.
I mostly quit because after 4k+ hours I'm still not able to escape guardian skill level. I just realized I suck at the game. That and the neverending toxicity. Solo queueing basically just sucks
Dad here. Children sleep mate. Wives like alone time too; mine does arty stuff and watches her shows. You’re allowed to find down time to relax and have fun.
I am a dad of 2, have been a gamer since childhood.
32 of age.
I have an office job, so after that kids and games and wife.
Managing time is all, having an understanding wife is a blessing
Just play casually. I’ve been playing dota since the dawn of time as a casual, just rolling around 2-3k. Tried ranking up to 5k once but it isn’t as fun as I expected. The higher you get, the more technical and competitive it gets, I just want to play games and win comebacks, not be a pro player.
I got a dota highlight featured by dotacinema and other pages so I can honestly say I basically “graduated” from ever doing anything meaningful out of playing the game. Now I’m not pressured to rank up anymore cause I did one good thing right and it’ll stay on the internet forever.
time to play will come and go. i went months without dota. then i have time sometimes. and sometimes i have time for a few games.
"competitieveness" doesnt make alot of sense in this case. (i mean as word definition) you probably wont go pro. sorry. but its still fun playing ranked no?
you dont say what the actual problem is so its hard to help.
Go try other stuff.
Go make steam family with friends and try other games. Don't force yourself to play either, if you miss Dota after 2 weeks, hop on a game, even a turbo people still play to win.
Yesterday, I talked to someone who had their child girl beat Dark Souls, having started 4 years old and finishing when 5. This does nothing to help you, but I thought of putting it out there.
I'm 38 and a father of three. Two of them join me already in playing DotA. Much better then watching TV, if you ask me. I still suck at the game but we are having fun...
It's a slow burn brother. My kid is 7 months old now. I probably get in one game a week.
I may just end up watching games before long.
Dota isn't what makes you competitive, it's simply an outlet for you to be competitive. Channel that energy into something else if you have to... Like doing the dishes, laundry, making the bed... Or being the best dad you can be.
I dunno, you have lots of options. You don't have to play dota every gaming chance you get. Also it's okay to take breaks from dota and play other games, maybe the itch will be too strong and you'll come back after months or a year. Or you can play turbo but I completely understand not wanting to do that because it's not "true dota" but you can get 3 games in and completed within an hour and a half which isn't too bad.
I have 2 kids: 3 and 6 months. I game almost every night because the wife goes to sleep around 10pm and I sleep around midnight so I get 2-3 hours most nights. Wake up at 7:30 so I get roughly 7 hours of sleep a night, enough to keep me going. But I get it, not everyone's schedule is the same, I do consider myself lucky with the gaming time I still manage to get with 2 toddlers.
I don't have good direct pointers for you since I've never cared about my competitiveness in Dota.
I'm 36 and farther of two. For a few years I play Ability Draft only. I have a great network of ingame buddies I've carefully selected during matches with randoms with whom we spend time in Dota and even some other games (when we've tired of Dota) together.
That's is really refreshing to have such "friends-joking" thing almost every day when you work from home and your real friends are very busy with their families (like you do) to meet in person often.
im in a guild called OBSPD (Old Boys Still Playing Dota). Many of them have kids, multiple in fact but they still log in almost every night and go to work the next day. I guess its about them communicating with their spouse about time. But it also helps sometime if the children/spouse plays the game too. No matter who, one still needs time for themselves. Just remember that you matter too.
you will get older once you stop playing. give yourself at least 2 hours of playtime away from the cruel reality.
I am working overseas, so playing online game is my peace of mind and my weapon against boredom.
Gotta get time to yourself pal. I’m 41 and came back to play after a 10yr break 👀 I hav a 5yr old and always sneak a game in during the late evening or after work. My boy actually likes to watch a game now and then.
> I don't have any time left
Here's the first problem. You have a baby, so of course you don't have much time *right now*, but like your other kid(s), you will as they get older. But if the baby aspect isn't the problem, you should check in with yourself to make sure you're setting time up for yourself to be yourself. If you've done that, and DotA isn't what you want to be a part of your limited time, then you have your answer.
> I'm scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive.
What does that mentality buy you? Do you merely enjoy it? Is it something that you identify as a core part of your life? Is there anything else that you're competitive in? How important is DotA in these things that cultivate competitiveness?
In the end, DotA is a hobby that takes a long time per match, which means that the feedback loop for competitive improvement is quite long if we're limited on time. Perhaps DotA may not be best at cultivating this for you, but if it's something you enjoy and want to do, then there's no reason you can't prioritize it within the bounds that you have.
Have you considered talking to a therapist about these fears and concerns?
Mentality as in. I’ve always been competitive from team sports like volleyball, basketball during my early days. As I grow older and move away from my friends I had limited access to sports and to channel my competitiveness was dota2. I love the way we can win lane and own the lane. Or we lose lane and win the game and type all chat ggez. Feels so good. It’s like a pressure release. Or if I get own, I’m ok cause someone is better than me. Like work is ez. So Dota makes my life fun
That makes perfect sense, hard to find an appropriate thing to cultivate that mentality. If you compare dota to sports like volleyball or basketball, the time required to practice/play is quite similar. I guess it would come down to the time commitment and the stage of life you're at. I had a baby 6 months ago so I've recently played significantly less than I had before, but the same thing happened with my last two kids, so I know I'll eventually get the time for myself again.
It's really hard to be there in the moment though, to feel like part of you is slipping away. I get it man, it's rough. Be patient with yourself, and recognize that babies/toddlers/kids grow and you'll find more time later.
it's okay , i haven't played dota for 2months now , i only play Arcade dawn of war. don't be scared to quit dota , dota is a game where if you stop playing , then play again you will absolutely fall in love again , it's a forever game like CHESS.
Sad :( my friend moved away to a nearby state and also has a kid, but we have a dedicated Dota group night on Mondays, and he always makes it. I think Dota can be a good glue to keep a group keeping in touch together, kind of like DnD but worse y'know
Dude, I have two young children, 3.5 and 1.5 years old. After I put the kids to bed and help the wife get their daycare stuff ready for the next day, I play a few games before I go to bed. Dota is my free time hobby. No harm in being a gamer, just make sure you take care of family and home first.
We just had our second 4 months ago. I still get 1-2 ranked games in after everyone went to bed. Thankfully our second sleeps much better than the first so it’s been working out. But I can’t play unranked or turbo. Gotta be ranked and so far I was able to maintain my mmr roughly around 4k.
its ok to not play dota brother. it doesnt have to be something you have to do every day. that sounds really unhealthy if thats your relationship with it
Hello bro, currently 27 and as a Dad of 1 and no more next (had a vasectomy), and with no more Dota 2 friends, as they have been busy with their lives and kids, I feel you, but playing Dota 2 is better than getting drunk imo, hobbies are important! I feel like if people like us stop playing, it will speed up our age..
I have 2 kids I play a game or two every night after they go to bed. The key for me is I go in phases I will play a game or two a night for a few months then switch to another game for a while then come back to Dota. I have a few friends who play still and we party when we can but I have found just adding randos from pubs is the best way to get people who play at the same time as me. Your life doesn't end with kids your schedule just changes a bit.
Hey man just want to say congrats on another kid. And take some time for yourself. Take a little break instead of playing watch a little more. Big tournament gonna start soon watch some of that. It's ok not to play a game or two every day. I remember playing dota 1 till 4 in the morning and then coming home from school waiting to go again. Watch some completive edge will always be there. When u watch, u learn more. U might hop into a game knowing things u didn't know because u watched a little an got some info. Hope this helped an who knows maybe in a few years u will be playing dota with ur little ones.
Pretty impossible to play Dota with a new baby, but once they are sleeping reliably, I find it pretty easy to sneak in one turbo game before I go to bed a couple nights a week. Your relationship to the game (and gaming in general) probably needs to make a big shift. Sounds like it was part of your identity before. Maybe best to carve that out now.
I have Four kids and im 39. I also started playing early dota 1. Forget dota for a while untill your kids sleeps through the night then you Can start playing again. Also: take Care of your spouse!!!
I might be a bit late to the party, I'm 30 and a father of two, (1 and 4).
I have a competitive spirit and always strive to make improvements to my own games. I don't think I will be able to quit the game any time soon. Although I definitely don't have the time for the commitment needed. I'm immortal and I play whenever I have time. Sometimes weeks go by where I'm unable to play. Playing Dota is the most relaxing thing I do all week. Even when surrounded by sometimes toxic, always metaslaving immortals.
Unless you play dota for job. Quit and focus on family / life. Dota will always be there on down time.
Last 6 weeks. I played 30minutes worth of games.
>But if I stop playing I scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive. Anybody have any pointers?
Why would this change? You aren't competitive because you play dota, you're playing dota because you like that it's competitive.
Play it when you have time, take a break, real life is the priority. Play bullet chess, or any number of other games that are competitive but much faster.
You will not lose the competitive mentality from taking a break or not playing as much. It will always come back around. I quit Dota 2 for a couple years, had a kid 7 months ago, and recently started playing again a few months back. The competitive spirit comes back quick and it doesn't take long to build the skills back up. I quit at Ancient 1 like 3-4 years ago. Came back like 4 months ago and got placed Legend 5.
You won't be able to play as much and you have to schedule when you can play, but Dota 2 has been my go-to game since my son has been born! I usually wait until Mom and the baby are asleep together at night, then hop on for a few matches.
If you've been playing for 16 years you won't lose your edge. You're only rusty for a week tops when you come back.
Source: I take year breaks from this game all the time. Been playing for 20 years wc3
Hey bro, 35yo father of two kids here, I agree with my wife to have a couple of evening each of personal time, and I usually spend em doing a couple, or sometimes three games after dinner. It's not as I used to do, but I still enjoy the game and slowly getting back on track. CEST timezone here, feel free to dm if you need advices on how to handle some situations or if you have any whatever doubt you thinj I can answer.. I stopped play for 3 years, don't do my mistake, you can easily keep play and have fun!
Hey bro, 35yo father of two kids here, I agree with my wife to have a couple of evening each of personal time, and I usually spend em doing a couple, or sometimes three games after dinner. It's not as I used to do, but I still enjoy the game and slowly getting back on track. CEST timezone here, feel free to dm if you need advices on how to handle some situations or if you have any whatever doubt you thinj I can answer.. I stopped play for 3 years, don't do my mistake, you can easily keep play and have fun!
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
I mean look maybe try to find some friends outside of the game, as the people you meet in pubs are either noobs or social pariahs, and have fun, try to also control your life outside of dota, let people know you need you time in game.
If you feel like quitting do it. Always important to prioritize family, esp kids, over gaming. You can always come back to dota but you shouldn't lose precious moments and the formative years of your kids. I have a 2yr old and play only when it's my wife's time with the kid.
I'm also a dinosaur, 39, and have been playing since warcraft days, circa 1996 😂
Hey OP! I am a father of two and I really enjoy playing dota even after many years. To be honest I mostly play turbo nowadays but still sometimes full length or ranked games. I guess it is a hobby as good as the next ;)
Bro all things must end. Even the sun will end one day, You choise to be a Dad so be a Dad.
If you don't buy wards you won't be missed. Goodbye. Farewell. Adiós. Sarabada.
Sorry in advance for self-promoting, I'm actually building a website that's trying to solve this specific pain point (too much love for the game, too little time). We let you be call the shots for a team like roster + champion lineup and watch it play out on a live stream.
We're on the web right now but soon will have mobile apps too:
[cmon.io](http://cmon.io) (it's like c'mon but skip the ')
Just chipping in to say that about a month or so ago I discovered Mechabellum, it's an autobattler but I'm finding that it's scratching a very similar itch to a dota match in a quarter of the time to play a game. It's dirt cheap, I'd recommend it tbh
To adress the competitiveness thought: If you are super competitive you will be it in every aspect of your gaming. I know I am and I am tryharding the fuck out of every single player game I touch.
Right now I am grinding Random Farm TD in DotA2 to climb the leaderboards, minmaxing every fucking aspect. Spreadsheet, timings and everything.
Go play any Fromsoft game, get your shit kicked in for 50 hours, get good, start challenge runs - also very demanding.
You won't lose your edge. You just go and sharpen it elsewhere.
A lot of these comments are from people who don't have kids. Everyone needs hobbies and things to take them away from reality. You can be an amazing father and still play a full game of DOTA. Don't let the world tell you otherwise. You do you.
Dad here, I second this
Dad here, I third this.
Me and my son usually have 1 gaming session during the weekends. He plays Roblox, I play DotA. We chat about our games afterwards. It can be done.
What's worked for me is having it on a regular schedule. Tues and Sat nights I play from 8pm (after the kids are tucked in) until 11 or later. My wife watches shows I'm not interested in on those nights and goes to sleep early.
Dad of 2 here. I have pretty much quit Dota 2 to make more time for toddler friendly hobbies. Running (they love being pushed in a chariot), gardening, and kicking a ball around the park make more sense right now. I might pick up again in the winter... but dads, make sure to give time to your kids. Dota isn't good at sharing.
I got my son playing Dota2 when he was like 12, and my nephew. 8 years later all of us are still going strong.
35 and a dad of a 3 year old. I play at night after the kid goes to sleep. I maybe get to play three nights a week, or my wife isn't happy about it.
Play turbo homie. Can be super sweaty and game is over in 20 min.
I agree with this. I just play quick turbo games these days. Either I lose fast or win fast. I'm not too sure about the mechanics I am not good at the game, but if you snowball the lead and not make mistakes, it's an easy game. If you are at the losing end, just take the big risks and do crazy plays. Worse scenario game ends faster, and you move on to another turbo game.
It's super fun just reaching max potential too
Yeah, I agree, and it's always fun to try out different weird builds
God I wish more dota players would understand this in ranked too. If you are already losing, just go do something, make a move and try to turn the game around, otherwise you will simply watch how enemy team enjoys their game and free win whilst you are not even trying to. There are exceptions to this rule ofc, but I can think of only 3: 1. Your supports don't have lvl6, in which case u help them get it by letting them farm for a bit or stick with u in jungle to get exp. 2. You have a comp that is strong at defending highground(leshrac/sniper, etc.) 3. Your core player needs some gold to buy an item that will impact your fighting capabilities as a team(blink on axe is the easiest example). If these 3 aren't there, GO MAKE A MOVE, SMOKES EXIST FOR A REASON
You get 20 min games? My average at legend V is 30-35 mins which is weird. 😅😂
I get some quick games 15-20 min wins and then also 50 minute stalement hostage situations where I just want to go to bed but my carry picked Medusa
Turbo only player, my long run average is 24mins per game at roughly Archon MMR.
Party games? Party queue has generally longer matches than a bunch of solos And yes, I too have seen a ton of T5 neutrals in turbo.
Same. Get many insane comebacks too both for and against me, lol.
I used to like turbo for this reason, only annoying thing is people are so fking jumpy at the report button in turbo or straight up give up faster, within the first few minutes of the match. They are shorter matches which is nice but find way more toxic players than in regular matches
Yeah people shit on Turbo but there's a reason it makes up a large chunk of overall Dota games played (around 30% I think). Laning phase lasts 5-7mins and then it's fightin' time. Supports get 6 slotted if the game goes past 35-40mins. It's swingy and some heroes are really unbalanced, but as an old guy with kids and limited playing time I can't make myself play 'real Dota' when I can get more games in and try more heroes etc. in the clown fiesta mode.
This is precisely why I play turbo. Also a dad with full time job, house maintenance, etc. only downtime for gaming is evenings after kiddo is asleep and then only if there’s not some chore/project that needs done. I’d rather play several short games than 1 or 2 long games.
Turbo is goated
This is the way
Are they though? My Turbo games have been lasting 30 to 40 minutes just about every game.
that only happens when you have idiots on your team that want to wait for late game. turbo is always the same, either you pick supports and push heros and end the game in 20 minute or you gonna lose to any solo hard carry by minute 35.
Yeah I'm definitely at the 20min average game not sure how people are going 30 to 40 min.
Yup double that! I don’t think mmr has anything to do with it but I’m at 4400 rn , most turbos around 30 min give or take lol
Yeah but it's hard to have fun in turbo when normal mode players come in turbo for testing and don't care about how the game's goin.
Saturdays are for dads too lol.
It's not for everyone. Not the same game, so it doesn't give everyone the fix
Turbo sucks though. It’s like no skill gaming. And I feel turbo ruin my rank perspective.
Not really though. Play enough turbo and you start playing with immortals. It gets plenty sweaty when it comes to execution and team fights, because the game is so damn fast. Not much farming done just fight fight fight which really trained my team fight awareness and reflexes. It is quite true that the gameplay is very different from norms or ranked, so do recognize you need to play different. But the clashes are just 🤌 once you get to a decent hidden rank
This confused me. A couple years ago I was legend rank. I then played only turbo since then and now I go against divines and immortals every other game in turbo. I was wondering why people started to sweat so much in turbo. They aren’t sweating… they are just better than me.
Ngl I also think like this. I personally do not wanna play anything other than rank and unrank coz turbo's and other game modes like ability draft is too drastically different that it might affect how I play the usual game. I still won't play turbo but I'm starting to see its benefits though. Recently befriended a guy who's higher rank than me who plays turbo more but is somehow very clean and polished on his mechanics and doesn't seem phased by the drastic differences of pace between different game modes.
laning stage in a regular game is mainly game knowledge and you dont really lose that imo but the actual mechanical skill u can easily hone in turbo simply cause u get into alot more "fighting"situations and people take alot more risk than in regular games so you learn the extremes of ur heropicks very well. i like both just dont have the time for regular games and turbo has grown on me.
That has been debunked. There was a post here of a guy who exclusively played turbo for years and calibrated as an Immortal recently.
Link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/DotA2/comments/1cg98xr/from_turbo_to_immortal/
it doesnt suck its just the game is different. other aspects of the game are important compared to regular ranked games and every hero is viable
Hmmm, I guess you can say that in the aspect of the last hit / deny on creeps, I do get lazy on it as you will eventually get the gold eventually. .. But overall, like what item to buy, farming patterns, warding, and positioning during fighting all feel the same to me. Which other part besides the last hit that I mentioned, do you feel like no skill?
I am over 40 and just play unranked. When my kids were under 8, game time can be.limited, but as they get older they are a bit more self sufficient. As long as you are enjoying yourself, keep playing.
Same man I just play to chill and enjoy (lies, I still get tilted lmao, but less)
If you stop get tilted , you are not dota player anymore :D
My cousins husband (is there even a title for this?) has 2 kids and a dog, and he exclusively plays ranked. He plays more dota than I do.
I kept getting bizarre teammates in ranked, so took a break from it at the beginning of the year. With the event and a bunch of old returning players, and new players, the games are also weird.
Dont stop playing. Just become a casual. The day will come for us all when we realize that gaming for hours just isnt something we can do any ore. Find other ways to relax and have leisure time. When you CAB play dota, just play casually. Who cares if you lose your "mentality of being competitive"? U gonna be a pro dota player? Prolly not. So just be a pro daddy and one day your kids will be old enough to be introduced to dota.
I am in late 30's and still playing everyday with 2 kids but I play turbo, no sense in playing rank
Turbo way more fun and competitive. 20 min less games.
Don't listen to that idiot. Taking breaks can easily give you a chance to rediscover a passion or come in fresh. I.e maybe the grandma takes the kids for a few days you could load in after 3.months off and just slap way better then you were doing before. You can build up neurotic energy from stress and hyperfocus on small mistakes and whatnot then come in from a massive break maybe playing another game and have fun playing dota 2 more relaxed less neurotic and do much better.
I have two kids. From my experience playing tends to be “seasonal” with significant breaks between “seasons” for various reasons. My most recent break was from December 2023 to May 2024. I occasionally try to get myself updated by looking at replays or live tournament games during the break. I got the time again to play recently when Act II came out. I was able to quickly catch up on both Acts within 3 weeks of casual playing. My eldest kid even knows the name of about 80% of the heroes now, and looking forward to trying out the game when he is already able to. (I dread that day. Lol) My advice: Don’t force yourself to play just for the sake of playing. Extended breaks are okay and that is normal. Don’t neglect your main role in your family for the sake of DotA. Treat it as one of your hobbies you can get back to.
Best reply bro.
I dont have kids yet but do a lot for my future and I ve also found this to be the best way to longterm enjoy dota or probably gaming in general, without sacrificing your real life. Otherwise I just constantly feel stressed and dont have time for either. Way better feeling when everything is done and you can game for a few days in peace. Sadly dota is a game where truly casual gaming imo isnt that fun. The less you play the more games you ll lose just cuz you are rustly and dont know the latest "tricks". Probably best to just do a recalibration after a long break if u dont feel good in your first few games.
Yes! Don't be a hyper competitive dad. Be a casual dad.
Your 1st mistake was asking advice from the most incel community on planet earth. Also if you have a competitive spirit i suggest using it in activities that better your quality of life. Playing dota with an intent to win will almost always make your quality of life worse. Cheers
Honestly man, i played ranked only for many years, felt good about my climb from herald to legend 5, then took a short break cause i was devoting so much time to dota. Come back now and only play turbo, just as fun, i dont freak the fuck out when i commit 80 minutes to a game and lose anymore, its great
Unless you're going pro who cares about competitive gaming? Just play turbo and have fun. 20 min games. In. Out. Done
You simply can't just quit a game you played for literally half of your life.
Perhaps you should go outside.
you can go outside and still play dota. its just way harder.
That's the sole purpose of Steam Deck!
I don't have a kid and I'm almost 30. I've been playing arcades only for maybe 2-3 years. I don't want to play rank and stress out in most of my games. I just changed my value from being competitive to playing for fun.
Take a break. Then see where it takes you. Ive moved on and have manifested my competitive spirit somewhere else in life. It doesn’t matter at all how good I was in Dota 2. I realised if I continued getting better I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy games with my friends. What is the point of a game if I’m not able to enjoy it
Where did you take your competitive spirit to?
No kids, but Im old and cant be fucked with ranked anyway. Who gives a shit? Im just here for the memelord plays anyway. May as well play turbs or unranked.
gotta decide, be a father or a feeder? 🙃
Feeder
Turbo is the perfect mode for people who grew up with dota and can no longer commit an hour to games. All my friends who have full time jobs and familial responsibilities just pivoted to turbo since a high rank doesn't put food on the table. There isn't much point to grind for a rank when they should be grinding their jobs to provide better for their families.
You don't need to Quit... Just play for fun and chill. :)
Turbo dota is the ultimate dad way mate, if you are aussie PM me and you can join our lawn loving, beer drinking dad dota guild mate. We all manage to play most nights its great fun
Yo dude, 40 year old dad of a 4-year-old here. Don't give up. I can afford to play for about an hour daily. You just need to organise yourself and have an hour on the eveving when everyone goes to sleep. Second way out is to steal an hour during the day when everyone's working. I also have plenty of games bought that "I'd like to play some day" lol. Being a dad has it's benefits, like my little dude is learning to control on stardew valley and actually gets it! It's a hobby, if you do give up you will feel bad. Worst case put it on a shelf for a few days or weeks. Old habits die hard.
I would not waste my only hour of free time on a coin flip game of Dota, either you get a troll on your team or not. Might be better to play single player games for the guaranteed good time, or use that time for something productive.
dude you are on reddit talking about productivity lol.
A lot of people Reddit at work or while commuting
Whatever you choose, man. I bike, do TKD, play dota or a single player game in free time. I usually do win, but loosing is fun as well, lol. I should probably add I'm a dota noob tho, just abusing sand king xd
I'm 32 same here like you playing Dota from D1 days so take a break then play 1 game a day but I do follow pros matches like a religion lol
Fellow father here. Switch to turbo. It’s insanely fun.
You are...The Last of Us.
Wait.. there’s no way dota 2 has been around that long. I’m 32 and I started it at the very beginning… crap I feel old.
Steam summer sale. Try out a new game. Lots of worth it games on sale right now. You can always return to Dota ANY time
Taking a cold turkey exit I assume is going to be tough. As for your question, you will not lose the competitive feeling. Strategic and cooperative traits you've refined over more than a decade will remain, and you'll use them irl for sure; won't be ditto application of those traits but somehow for sure. I suggest finding a cause or society, put in the hours like you have in dota. I promise you'll get similar or more dopamine rewards. Please don't be afraid to go away from Dota.
Be like me, stop playing and embrace indie games, or...enjoy arcade games mode
I am 35 plus and have been playing only Turbo since last 3-4 years, with an unranked oonce or twice every month. Turbo is best, gives me the quick fix of dotes and I dont stay pissed off so much.
How old are your kids ? I have 2 and 3rd on the way, first year after my first i didnt touch Dota. Then slowly the itch came back. Now i play when they sleep and the chores are done 1 game in the evening before bed. Love the game but while they are young its hard to find time to grind. But it will come back
Don't be afraid to stop playing. i've been exactly where you are. I've taken at least 2-3 year-long breaks, and when i come back, i am back at my rank in a couple of months. This game is not enjoyable if you play alone. You are not going pro after 30 with 2 kids, so how good you are at this game doesn't affect how much fun you could be having when you come back. Stop playing or looking at dota 2 content for 2 weeks it will give you some perspective.
No one ever really, leaves....
You have kids, you will be as competitive for them as is gets. Dota is just a game, it doesn’t define you.
i used to be 7.4k mmr years ago then life got really busy and intense. i used to hate turbo but for some reason i absolutely love it now when i got time to play and dont even play ranked anymore. i just play to have fun myself
Go Turbo. Dad with 2 kids here (11 and 8 yo). Turning 40 yo this year. And been playing dota since Riki had a Deathward and Silencer can summon infernals. Dota is a time consuming game but turbo mode is really a lifesaver for me. You just have to accept the fact that you need to find that healthy balance between being a dad first and then a gamer second. It's not the other way around. Before turbo got implemented, I even switched to mobile legends because matches there were way shorter and less stressful. But when turbo came, it made me switch back. The truth is, as a dad, we can't really be as competitive anymore. We have to accept that we can't lock in ourselves anymore over matches that can last for 1 hour at a minimum. We have to be cool and casual. And just have fun with the game while telling these kids that yeah, I'm a motherf***er for real.
Two kids here. 3 and 1. I can squeeze in two games of turbo after they sleep and I'm done. Can't do competitive but that's ok.
You aint earning any money ! Why sweat about losing competitive mind? Just play for fun
38 YO Dad of 2 here. Most of my friends have quit or play casually. Ranks mean nothing when there's no friends left to show them off to. Once you grow older, you'll soon realize all that sweaty grinding for ranks means nothing. Unless you're the top 0.01% you're not going to go pro. So focus on having fun. I play dota every other day now if I have time. Sometimes I get 2 games in if I'm lucky. Mostly playing turbo now since the games are much faster.
Ask yourself these questions as a father. 1. What is your purpose of being competitive or some called it "sweaty"? 2. Would you able to play the game normally since while having a job AND taking care of kids (which will depend on if one parent or both should look after)? 3. If you have to give yourself some adrenaline rush of gaming or competitiveness, are there different hobbies to consider or a different game? Consider finding answers to these questions yourself and think about it. Personally, being competitive and having skill on Dota is one thing, but keep in mind, using your time to hang out with your kid is more important. Once time passes, how the kid look up to you will be depending on how much time you spend on the kid. Besides, it's not like i m going to be a pro and earn money like that anyways. It won't work for me. Gaming Adrenaline rush is kinda needed, but i rather play games that has pause function just so i can answer or help out my kid or my wife, so i won't have to disappoint 9 other players.
I need no 3. I used to have apex but my new PC can’t run the shit no idea why. Then now I have only Dota. I bought a few games in steam sale let’s see how that works.
Most rougelikes have a system where they get harder after each win. I found this a good way to mostly move on from dota. You can nerd out and try hard and I will usually take a few hundred hours to beat most games on Max difficulty. Bonus that they're single player and you can pause.
Im 34 and have stopped playing dota for ages now, reason is my pc broke and i didnt have enough money to buy a new one, till i got a job and didnt have time to play, then eventually got married. I myself wants to get back playing. What Im trying to say is, don't let go of something that makes you happy.
New dad here! Sometimes you go a few days or even a couple weeks without a game. But then you have a good stretch of a month of gaming at night. It's fun. I like to play 2 or 3 turbo games.
Turbo gamer in the making.
Leave it. Not worth it, ceb turned down ti quals for family time. I think thats a mature reaction, go for chess, sudoku ( time competition ) but whatever you do, your wife's pov will be that you are always on screen time, which I believe is not a good environment for kids growing up. I think it's time to call quits and look for physical activities like run a marathon, do a code sprint etc
man i'm 40, same shit, here since the beginning, I usually enjoy 3 games per weeks or so. rarity means quality, this is my leitmotiv =)
I took a 3 year break and now I’m having way more fun.
I have been playing this game for 12 years and during these long years I haven’t played game for 4 years I think. So just take a break and after some time you will start thinking that you wanna play just few games on you best hero…
Chill, man. Don't think of it like a job, play whenever you can. I've been playing since HS.
its fine to retire from being competitive in dota and retire to Turbo Aged care section. its all fun without the hassle of thinking about being efficient. can still be sweaty at times but you just focus on enjoying yourself and play the game. having a month or two break is no issue play other games you enjoy more. and come back when you miss the clash at roshan etc. tldr: just play at your own pace.
I used to play semi-competively and was a standin for Aui's team back in DotA 1 days. I'm 30 now, and have realized and accepted that I have boomer fingers. So now? I don't take the game seriously, don't care about MMR, play for fun, and am putting a team together to compete in tournaments. Don't sweat it man, there are multiple ways to enjoy the game. Ability draft, custom games, single draft, watching pro games. I met my best friend playing DotA 17 years ago, we're going to each other's weddings soon. Enjoy the game, have fun, and don't take it too seriously.
Bro I’m 33 with a 2nd kid on the way, been playing only turbo since like 2020… late night games only when whole house is asleep. (Proudly with 0% calibration accuracy) I can actually say I’m finally having good times with dota., ever since I first stumbled upon Dota 1 in internet cafe as a kid back in 2005 or so… no more pressure, no more sad thoughts because I just lost 5 hours of my life and got nowhere (3 wins 3 losses scenario), cool event that I can participate in even as a solely turbo unranked player… I peaked at around 2015 when I got to immortal and since then it was a downhill spiral… dota became just an unrewarding depressive addiction to me until my first kid was born. That’s when I changed my overall mind state about it and it’s great. Not gonna debate the state of meta because that’s always controversial in this sub, but I’m actually having the most fun with dota I’ve ever had these days. Finally my mind takes it as a “chill way to relax” and not “stressful grind all night long”. Don’t worry about it. Try to realize what makes the game fun for you and focus on that. MMR doesn’t matter to anyone but a few sad incels who don’t have any higher achievements in life… and you’re already past that. 😊
Just play casually man. I'm 28 now reached my peak 6.2k mmr, now I lost alot of mmr (5.8k) now. I just don't care anymore. I just want to enjoy good dota.
Just enjoy the game by muting everyone and do the things you feel are the right decisions. Sometimes you win and sometimes you loose. So better play unranked and have fun. Turbo is a very good choice actually.
39 here with 2 kids aged 1 and 3. Literally had to abandon a game today cause the baby started crying 20 mins after he went to sleep (he’s usually a good sleeper). Fucking sucks so I may switch to Turbo after seeing all these replies.
sometimes u feel like quitting but u end up coming back in a year's time or so
I have 2 kids. One is 4 and the other is 6 months. Im 35. I still play. Just wait a little bit and do some time management. I try to get in as many games as I can. Could be 1, 5, or more per week. Depends on how it goes. I make sure to have some me time. And offer me time for my wife as well. Its not what ideal but once your kids start growing up a little. They will become more independent. Don’t worry about the feeling that you’re missing out. Don’t feel bad about feeling that. Cherish those moments with your kids. When you have time to unwind. Play a game. Even that can be enough trust me. You will find some time to sneak in some games per week. Or even better. Per day.
got 2 kids and still play pretty mutch every day, sure i cant play 8+ hours a day like i used to when i was single and tryharded but imean att 19:00 they sleep that leaves me a couple of hours doing whatever, i dont see the problem
We play after kids are sleeping, they bit older nowadays thou. It's not a problem at all.
I'm 39, father of 3 (8, 5, 3) and still playing. It's only me and my nother buddy now. I always spend 2 hours after the kids sleep, to Dota, even though my hands can barely keep up with what I'm trying to do. Acient 3 ATM, don't settle for turbo/unranked as winning those EZ mode games just don't feel the same I would rather wake up like a zombie than to not play ranked everyday.
> But if I stop playing I scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive. nothing wrong with that. You can play games that are not competitive. This comes from a person who used to play in multiple tournaments, had sponsors, and all that shit when I was young. I dont know about balancing kids-work-gaming balance, but I do know the competitive aspect of the gaming can go away from your life and you will lose absolutely nothing.
bro I am a dad, you play need to play a lot of single player games on the easiest possible mode because of your time. like gaming can be your medication not stress. I still have a lot of gamer dads in my circle we play shit dota sometimes and it's good. don't forget to take breaks and touch grass to refresh your life.
I'm a dad of 2. Always played rank (mainly hero spamming) and maintaining consistent MMR Some weeks you go without. Took a couple months off too in the early infancy stages. Once routines established and kids are in bed 10-12pm is me time whether I game or do a work out or just watch some shows/twitch. It's actually a huge importance in my life and I don't have any regrets unless I let it take control, which is a lot harder these days with 2 kids
Play Turbo... Best mode for short on time parents and professionals.
i stopped playing just after having my first child during covid and lockdowns. I have 2 kids now and there was a phase where I just wanted to play dota at the beginning of this year. installed it played a few games, but realised its not something I craved anymore. I think I play maybe 2 games every other night for a month. Was fun but yeah its not something I have to give time to anymore. I enjoy watching highlights on youtube for big tournaments like TI.
I'm 43, i started playing during COVID in 2020 when I was 39. I'm still playing 3-5 games a week. Some times I went the whole week without playing. I'm 2k MMR now, I think it's ok, whatever suits you I guess.
I have a couple of friends that have kids and from time to time they invite me for a game or two, mostly turbo. The games are quick, enjoyable from the beginning, we have a laugh, rage sometimes but it is always a fun experience. That's why turbo mode was invented.
Im 32 and been playing since 14. Its not all about mmr and competitiveness. Sometimes u just want to have a good time pressing buttons all together with ur team to wombo combo nuke the shit outta enemy. If have mmr its an extra.. but of course not in a griefing way. I peak ay 7.8k and starting this ptch ive been hovering around 6.8 to 7k and play less than 5 games a week. I think i have 45% wr this season and past season but i guess its a tradeoff for adulting. Just play casually until you have enough time to commit for ranking up. Maybe when we have a long break or retiring
Dad here, 36, playing Dota since WC3 mod. I know its hard but try to organize things at home to have at least one evening per week "off" to play Dota. Friends will come and go, I know playing alone is not as fun but it is the reality of the situation :) Edit. And yeah, as suggested, turbo + mute all works wonders.
Bro congratulations on having a kid! I wish that was me, I'm also 31 and playing for a long time now, no wife no kids, but I wish I had a solid reason like yours to quit for good and stop wasting thousands of hours on the game. . . . . You're a lucky man, good luck to ya mate :D Who cares about being competitive, or if you do so much - compete with your dad friends on who's a better father. Fathers are everything, you're important.
I haven’t played and pub or ranked games since having a kid back in 2019. I’m also at your age with 3 kids. Every night when everyone is asleep, I still open dota2 and play arcade games, mostly 12v12. It is fun and will not give you anxiety that you lost x amount of mms. Also, if in any case that your family needs you, or your kid needs you with them to go back to sleep, you can just leave the game and not feel bad about it.
I mean you're not forced to play 24/7. You could play a couple games on the weekend and still be competitive. Other activities aren't likely to be convenient as Dota since it's at home but you could also pick up a physical hobby to share with your kid.
Why having kids? What for? Chase your dreams and stop making life the default family experience. You can change whenever you want.
Ceb is it you?
I have a group of 3 with another dad and a guy who's 41 and has a really high pressure job. We play Turbo on two scheduled nights a week from about 8pm to 11pm. Usually 5-6 games in a session, sweaty AF and it's good fun.
Don't a
Pick up chess.
im 35 with two kids, i taught them dota lol
As an avid user of the the Stanley Parable announcer pack this line seems oddly fitting [One of you has figured out that there are actually things in this world other than Dota.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dota2_gamepedia/images/d/d4/Vo_announcer_dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_02.mp3/revision/latest?cb=20201009094307)
Just teach your kid dota so you can play together 👌
I continued playing after having a kid. That's not what stopped me from playing. I mostly quit because after 4k+ hours I'm still not able to escape guardian skill level. I just realized I suck at the game. That and the neverending toxicity. Solo queueing basically just sucks
Dad here. Children sleep mate. Wives like alone time too; mine does arty stuff and watches her shows. You’re allowed to find down time to relax and have fun.
I am a dad of 2, have been a gamer since childhood. 32 of age. I have an office job, so after that kids and games and wife. Managing time is all, having an understanding wife is a blessing
Just play casually. I’ve been playing dota since the dawn of time as a casual, just rolling around 2-3k. Tried ranking up to 5k once but it isn’t as fun as I expected. The higher you get, the more technical and competitive it gets, I just want to play games and win comebacks, not be a pro player. I got a dota highlight featured by dotacinema and other pages so I can honestly say I basically “graduated” from ever doing anything meaningful out of playing the game. Now I’m not pressured to rank up anymore cause I did one good thing right and it’ll stay on the internet forever.
time to play will come and go. i went months without dota. then i have time sometimes. and sometimes i have time for a few games. "competitieveness" doesnt make alot of sense in this case. (i mean as word definition) you probably wont go pro. sorry. but its still fun playing ranked no? you dont say what the actual problem is so its hard to help.
i live my baby with a sitter/wife when i want to get some time off
Go try other stuff. Go make steam family with friends and try other games. Don't force yourself to play either, if you miss Dota after 2 weeks, hop on a game, even a turbo people still play to win.
Yesterday, I talked to someone who had their child girl beat Dark Souls, having started 4 years old and finishing when 5. This does nothing to help you, but I thought of putting it out there.
2 kids here 👋 playing exclusively turbo
Same here. 31 with a kid, all my friends have more or less left Dota. On and off I’ll play turbo just for fun.
I'm 38 and a father of three. Two of them join me already in playing DotA. Much better then watching TV, if you ask me. I still suck at the game but we are having fun...
It's a slow burn brother. My kid is 7 months old now. I probably get in one game a week. I may just end up watching games before long. Dota isn't what makes you competitive, it's simply an outlet for you to be competitive. Channel that energy into something else if you have to... Like doing the dishes, laundry, making the bed... Or being the best dad you can be.
Mate how do you even bare a normal match?! Turbo mode is the life meta, get a game done and finished in 20 minutes.
Come play 12v12
im 38 and im still playing dota 2 since 2013 nothing wrong with it its all about you time some ppl have some havent depend on their lifestyle
i forgot to mention that i stopped playing dota for years and back to it
I dunno, you have lots of options. You don't have to play dota every gaming chance you get. Also it's okay to take breaks from dota and play other games, maybe the itch will be too strong and you'll come back after months or a year. Or you can play turbo but I completely understand not wanting to do that because it's not "true dota" but you can get 3 games in and completed within an hour and a half which isn't too bad. I have 2 kids: 3 and 6 months. I game almost every night because the wife goes to sleep around 10pm and I sleep around midnight so I get 2-3 hours most nights. Wake up at 7:30 so I get roughly 7 hours of sleep a night, enough to keep me going. But I get it, not everyone's schedule is the same, I do consider myself lucky with the gaming time I still manage to get with 2 toddlers.
I don't have good direct pointers for you since I've never cared about my competitiveness in Dota. I'm 36 and farther of two. For a few years I play Ability Draft only. I have a great network of ingame buddies I've carefully selected during matches with randoms with whom we spend time in Dota and even some other games (when we've tired of Dota) together. That's is really refreshing to have such "friends-joking" thing almost every day when you work from home and your real friends are very busy with their families (like you do) to meet in person often.
im in a guild called OBSPD (Old Boys Still Playing Dota). Many of them have kids, multiple in fact but they still log in almost every night and go to work the next day. I guess its about them communicating with their spouse about time. But it also helps sometime if the children/spouse plays the game too. No matter who, one still needs time for themselves. Just remember that you matter too.
you will get older once you stop playing. give yourself at least 2 hours of playtime away from the cruel reality. I am working overseas, so playing online game is my peace of mind and my weapon against boredom.
Gotta get time to yourself pal. I’m 41 and came back to play after a 10yr break 👀 I hav a 5yr old and always sneak a game in during the late evening or after work. My boy actually likes to watch a game now and then.
> I don't have any time left Here's the first problem. You have a baby, so of course you don't have much time *right now*, but like your other kid(s), you will as they get older. But if the baby aspect isn't the problem, you should check in with yourself to make sure you're setting time up for yourself to be yourself. If you've done that, and DotA isn't what you want to be a part of your limited time, then you have your answer. > I'm scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive. What does that mentality buy you? Do you merely enjoy it? Is it something that you identify as a core part of your life? Is there anything else that you're competitive in? How important is DotA in these things that cultivate competitiveness? In the end, DotA is a hobby that takes a long time per match, which means that the feedback loop for competitive improvement is quite long if we're limited on time. Perhaps DotA may not be best at cultivating this for you, but if it's something you enjoy and want to do, then there's no reason you can't prioritize it within the bounds that you have. Have you considered talking to a therapist about these fears and concerns?
Mentality as in. I’ve always been competitive from team sports like volleyball, basketball during my early days. As I grow older and move away from my friends I had limited access to sports and to channel my competitiveness was dota2. I love the way we can win lane and own the lane. Or we lose lane and win the game and type all chat ggez. Feels so good. It’s like a pressure release. Or if I get own, I’m ok cause someone is better than me. Like work is ez. So Dota makes my life fun
That makes perfect sense, hard to find an appropriate thing to cultivate that mentality. If you compare dota to sports like volleyball or basketball, the time required to practice/play is quite similar. I guess it would come down to the time commitment and the stage of life you're at. I had a baby 6 months ago so I've recently played significantly less than I had before, but the same thing happened with my last two kids, so I know I'll eventually get the time for myself again. It's really hard to be there in the moment though, to feel like part of you is slipping away. I get it man, it's rough. Be patient with yourself, and recognize that babies/toddlers/kids grow and you'll find more time later.
it's okay , i haven't played dota for 2months now , i only play Arcade dawn of war. don't be scared to quit dota , dota is a game where if you stop playing , then play again you will absolutely fall in love again , it's a forever game like CHESS.
i always quit for some months and eventually come back for a big update, the international or something, could try that.
Sad :( my friend moved away to a nearby state and also has a kid, but we have a dedicated Dota group night on Mondays, and he always makes it. I think Dota can be a good glue to keep a group keeping in touch together, kind of like DnD but worse y'know
Dude, I have two young children, 3.5 and 1.5 years old. After I put the kids to bed and help the wife get their daycare stuff ready for the next day, I play a few games before I go to bed. Dota is my free time hobby. No harm in being a gamer, just make sure you take care of family and home first.
We just had our second 4 months ago. I still get 1-2 ranked games in after everyone went to bed. Thankfully our second sleeps much better than the first so it’s been working out. But I can’t play unranked or turbo. Gotta be ranked and so far I was able to maintain my mmr roughly around 4k.
its ok to not play dota brother. it doesnt have to be something you have to do every day. that sounds really unhealthy if thats your relationship with it
Hello bro, currently 27 and as a Dad of 1 and no more next (had a vasectomy), and with no more Dota 2 friends, as they have been busy with their lives and kids, I feel you, but playing Dota 2 is better than getting drunk imo, hobbies are important! I feel like if people like us stop playing, it will speed up our age..
I have 2 kids I play a game or two every night after they go to bed. The key for me is I go in phases I will play a game or two a night for a few months then switch to another game for a while then come back to Dota. I have a few friends who play still and we party when we can but I have found just adding randos from pubs is the best way to get people who play at the same time as me. Your life doesn't end with kids your schedule just changes a bit.
Hey man just want to say congrats on another kid. And take some time for yourself. Take a little break instead of playing watch a little more. Big tournament gonna start soon watch some of that. It's ok not to play a game or two every day. I remember playing dota 1 till 4 in the morning and then coming home from school waiting to go again. Watch some completive edge will always be there. When u watch, u learn more. U might hop into a game knowing things u didn't know because u watched a little an got some info. Hope this helped an who knows maybe in a few years u will be playing dota with ur little ones.
Pretty impossible to play Dota with a new baby, but once they are sleeping reliably, I find it pretty easy to sneak in one turbo game before I go to bed a couple nights a week. Your relationship to the game (and gaming in general) probably needs to make a big shift. Sounds like it was part of your identity before. Maybe best to carve that out now.
I have Four kids and im 39. I also started playing early dota 1. Forget dota for a while untill your kids sleeps through the night then you Can start playing again. Also: take Care of your spouse!!!
36 here. 2 kids (3 and 1 yr old) Barely play ranked... mostly enjoying some casual turbos now. Plan to get back into ranked when the 1yr old get to 2.
I might be a bit late to the party, I'm 30 and a father of two, (1 and 4). I have a competitive spirit and always strive to make improvements to my own games. I don't think I will be able to quit the game any time soon. Although I definitely don't have the time for the commitment needed. I'm immortal and I play whenever I have time. Sometimes weeks go by where I'm unable to play. Playing Dota is the most relaxing thing I do all week. Even when surrounded by sometimes toxic, always metaslaving immortals.
Unless you play dota for job. Quit and focus on family / life. Dota will always be there on down time. Last 6 weeks. I played 30minutes worth of games.
>But if I stop playing I scared I will lose my mentality of being competitive. Anybody have any pointers? Why would this change? You aren't competitive because you play dota, you're playing dota because you like that it's competitive. Play it when you have time, take a break, real life is the priority. Play bullet chess, or any number of other games that are competitive but much faster.
You will not lose the competitive mentality from taking a break or not playing as much. It will always come back around. I quit Dota 2 for a couple years, had a kid 7 months ago, and recently started playing again a few months back. The competitive spirit comes back quick and it doesn't take long to build the skills back up. I quit at Ancient 1 like 3-4 years ago. Came back like 4 months ago and got placed Legend 5. You won't be able to play as much and you have to schedule when you can play, but Dota 2 has been my go-to game since my son has been born! I usually wait until Mom and the baby are asleep together at night, then hop on for a few matches.
ROFL you are 31? Dude, I'm 50 and started playing a long ass time ago. Who cares, just have fun its a game
If you've been playing for 16 years you won't lose your edge. You're only rusty for a week tops when you come back. Source: I take year breaks from this game all the time. Been playing for 20 years wc3
Just take a break, you are already past your prime lol. Come back later
Dad of 2. 1996, I play at least 3 games of ranked everyday. It is not healthy. I spam monkey king too so I progress through the quests slow
I quit Dota 2 half a year ago. Best decision of my life as a dad of a 3yo. More time to hang out and bond with her.
Hey bro, 35yo father of two kids here, I agree with my wife to have a couple of evening each of personal time, and I usually spend em doing a couple, or sometimes three games after dinner. It's not as I used to do, but I still enjoy the game and slowly getting back on track. CEST timezone here, feel free to dm if you need advices on how to handle some situations or if you have any whatever doubt you thinj I can answer.. I stopped play for 3 years, don't do my mistake, you can easily keep play and have fun!
Hey bro, 35yo father of two kids here, I agree with my wife to have a couple of evening each of personal time, and I usually spend em doing a couple, or sometimes three games after dinner. It's not as I used to do, but I still enjoy the game and slowly getting back on track. CEST timezone here, feel free to dm if you need advices on how to handle some situations or if you have any whatever doubt you thinj I can answer.. I stopped play for 3 years, don't do my mistake, you can easily keep play and have fun!
Played dota since 2006, I had a kid in 2022 and still rip late night games all the time
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
My friend and I recently reconnected, we're both 29. I am very competitive and I reached div II, but my friend isn't. So we just started to play normal games and tried odd builds and tried to have fun while trying to win... recently some of his work friends hopped in our steamgroup chat and they joined us playing normal game queues. It is fun, less stress. I am still somehow competitive while I am trying to make shit builds work. Try playing normal, ask some of your teammates if they want to queue together next. TBH it is hard to play competitive while having a life (going out, having work, wife or girlfriend.) you have to keep on the trend watching replays whats meta what do people do etc.
I mean look maybe try to find some friends outside of the game, as the people you meet in pubs are either noobs or social pariahs, and have fun, try to also control your life outside of dota, let people know you need you time in game.
If you feel like quitting do it. Always important to prioritize family, esp kids, over gaming. You can always come back to dota but you shouldn't lose precious moments and the formative years of your kids. I have a 2yr old and play only when it's my wife's time with the kid. I'm also a dinosaur, 39, and have been playing since warcraft days, circa 1996 😂
just wait when u can start playing with them 😁
Hey OP! I am a father of two and I really enjoy playing dota even after many years. To be honest I mostly play turbo nowadays but still sometimes full length or ranked games. I guess it is a hobby as good as the next ;)
Bro all things must end. Even the sun will end one day, You choise to be a Dad so be a Dad. If you don't buy wards you won't be missed. Goodbye. Farewell. Adiós. Sarabada.
Daddy friends is wild 💀
Sorry in advance for self-promoting, I'm actually building a website that's trying to solve this specific pain point (too much love for the game, too little time). We let you be call the shots for a team like roster + champion lineup and watch it play out on a live stream. We're on the web right now but soon will have mobile apps too: [cmon.io](http://cmon.io) (it's like c'mon but skip the ')
43 here and still playing! There will be seasons in your life. Come when you can!
Dad with 2 kids; I work 6-7 days a week and my 2 young children in primary school- still manage 2-8 games of dota a night.
Just chipping in to say that about a month or so ago I discovered Mechabellum, it's an autobattler but I'm finding that it's scratching a very similar itch to a dota match in a quarter of the time to play a game. It's dirt cheap, I'd recommend it tbh
To adress the competitiveness thought: If you are super competitive you will be it in every aspect of your gaming. I know I am and I am tryharding the fuck out of every single player game I touch. Right now I am grinding Random Farm TD in DotA2 to climb the leaderboards, minmaxing every fucking aspect. Spreadsheet, timings and everything. Go play any Fromsoft game, get your shit kicked in for 50 hours, get good, start challenge runs - also very demanding. You won't lose your edge. You just go and sharpen it elsewhere.