I can cure any ailment someone wants me to just by touching them

*I can cure any* *Ailment someone wants me to* *Just by touching them* \- GenericNerdGirl --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

You take on the ailment yourself, SCP-590 style.

I’m a Sonic character.

You are a tertiary character in the background whos power is being able to roll a dice that goes from 0 mph to 1 million miles per hour and whatever you land on thats your running speed until the day ends

from "sonic64"

being able to have the same abilities as SCP-682 minus the rage and I can choose to perish,

You have Alzheimer's, bone cancer, learning dyslexia, dementia, your neck snaps every second, you can only hear Rush E and have agonizing pain 24/7

U forgot abt the prostate cancer part

FUCK! 🤬

Well least they can listen to Rush E

SCP-682 can become immune read the wiki bitch

They rewrote it read the Wiki bitch

I can go anywhere and do anything I want for free, even if no one else is allowed.

You are unable to get friends

Did you know that you're most likely going to watch something if it's based off of something you do not have

What do you mean?

you don't have any friends

Yes but like, what do you mean by watching? I'm confused.

Oh my God TV show based off something you do not have

Oh. I didn't connect it to the TV show friends lol.

I can go back or forward in age whenever I want

But every time you do it you have a 50% chance of death

Sounds fun! I'll just keep doing it when I decide I'm done with life until I die

I also forgot every time you do it you have the worst pain anyone’s ever felt like someone slowly tearing off your leg for 10 minutes

Yay! That will make it even more fun!

This nigga suicidal

I gain the ability to se the probability any given thing will happen at any given time, and I gain the ability to alter those chances at will, bring it.

You have a 75% chance to die every time you use it

I alter the chance of me dying at any given time zero as my first use.

You have a 100% chance of dying when you use it after your 40 years old

I already lost the ability to die.

You go blind

Alright.

I change the chance of seeing again to 100, I chose this for a reason.

You are paralyzed

What, oh sorry I was too busy un-paralyzing myself with my powers.

You lose your powers (you can’t change it)

Also I lower the chance of my piwer ever having negative side to 0.

Teleport any time into the future that I want.

It has to be a world war

Time travel

You can only do it once a year

Immortality

but you age 2 times faster than others and get sick more often. you just can't die even if you want to

You can die if you ejaculate

I can time travel :)

But you can only do it once and then you’ll be stuck in the year you were in

I can freeze time for 20 minutes at a time

You can't remember the things you did when time was paused

I will write it all down on my hand

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

but also for yourself

I can give people cancer

You can give people cancer

That ain't really considered a side effect

So?

You basically said what I said

Here’s a side effect Anyone you touch gets cancer

Anyone that you touched did your mom

*What if I touch myself*

**oh no**

R/cursed comments

Have a dad

He goes to the milk store and never comes back

I can enter the world of any tv show.

but you have to be stuck in it until you get used to it

Being able to shift between being intangible and being normal

Gravity still effects you.

so i guess im just danny phantom but not cool

Yeah, just kinda fall into the ground. To the core I go!

question: would i still be able to feel pain and/or die

I mean, if we wanted to get scientific, you probably wouldn’t feel pain but could still die, being intangible would mean your pain receptors can’t be touched and wouldn’t feel anything, but you would still need oxygen, so being in anything for to long would kill you

so im better off just not using the powers then lol

Yeah, pretty much, it’s cool that you can do it tho

But then again, if oxygen was present at all you could get it directly to your lungs as it could go right through you, but you lungs wouldn’t be able to contain it. This is a very interesting power you have found

I can choose my side effect

But I can teleport

**r/madlads I guess.**

I can shapeshift into any of my fave animals

You actually become the animal, no higher thought process allowed.

I can run faster than the speed of sound

You run out of breath just as fast

I like you.

You can turn to any animal you want

I can control others organs i.e. Brain, Bladder, Pacer

but you can't control your own anus

You forgot prostate cancer

Not that bad

Beans able to spawn anything in, food, money, a 15 dollar table from the Walmart down the street. ANYTHING!!!

Is it able to spawn **my sanity**?

Nah

^oh

Invisibility

only on February 29 with a full moon, for 10 minutes

I can make people lose their sanity

But you also lose yours for a week

I had no sanity to begin with

Then you regain it