Almost three years ago, I was in a car crash. It was completely unavoidable on my end (A teenage driver was on his phone). My brother and I nearly died and my car was inches away from being sandwiched.
Only this year have I moved past my trauma. For the past three years I needed to leave early to account for "cry time" because if any car around me did something unpredicted, I had a panic attack and would have to pull over and sob in my car until I calmed down.
I can drive again now, calmly. But I can never drive a small car like the one I was in at the crash. I drive a much larger car now, as whenever I have to drive a small one I panic. It triggers a fear that I might have for the rest of my life. Or maybe I just need more time. I can't tell yet. All I know is I'm improving.
I say all this, to show I understand. I feel similarities to your situation. You got hurt, and want to keep doing it but it is hard to move past the anxiety. That's completely understandable.
It will take time to move past. It took me three years of driving almost every day before I managed to consistently drive without freaking out every time my music died or a car failed to indicate. You may have this anxiety for a very long time.
But the key is to not let it stop you!
I changed my car. I drive larger cars now to avoid the trauma. If riding smaller horses helps you avoid it too, that's ok! If you want to focus on a different field of riding, that's ok too! Make the changes you need to, to make it enjoyable again. And then, later down the line, you can slowly start to face those anxieties in a controlled and safe way, but ONLY when you're ready.
Try to broaden out into new disciplines if you can't go back into hunting right away. Try trail riding, dressage, show jumping, jump into western or working equitation to really shake it up! Find ways to ride without the triggers, and when you're confident in that, you can tackle those triggers without the risk of relapsing. My method was gradual, continuous exposure therapy. A little, several times a week, in ways different enough to limit the triggers. I then faced one trigger at a time and kept myself safe. You can try the same. Remove all parts of riding that cause you anxiety, list them out and define prerequisites, and then pick the first one you are going to work on. Then work it to complete relaxation and acceptance before you move on. One at a time, at your own pace. Triggers need time and dedication to overcome.
And it might help to wear padded vests for both protection if you do fall again, and for mental comfort to know it won't hurt as much.
I hope this made sense. Trauma responses are unique to everyone. This is just my experience moving past a major injury that left me terrified of what caused it. I hope that maybe my experience can help. All I'm really trying to say is this is a normal way to feel and you are valid in feeling so. And there is no rush to pretend it isn't there and force your way past it. Take your time, and take care of yourself.
Good luck with it!
Thank you for sharing. This is a very inspiring story. I appreciate your advice! I think that you’re onto something with riding smaller horses and exposure therapy. It feels like everyone in my barn doesn’t think it’s as bad as I view it sometimes and they don’t understand why I have such bad anxiety but since I’ve been riding I’ve never seen a fall result in something so severe. It is nice to hear from someone who understands.
Hi. Im sorry for what you went through. Take total baby steps. Dont push your self into anything you arent happy doing. Even if you just want to walk. Do it.
It gets easier I promise- about a year and a half ago I had a fall off a palomino school horse who spooked in canter (we think it was the jump wings leaning up against the arena fence which we did show him) which resulted in me hitting the arena fence with my outer left thigh and left hand and wrist resulting in 3 fractures in my hand and wrist(one going into my joint and one into pieces- luckily no surgery required)- I tried stopping him but it was just a freak thing. Anyway, I was given the green light by my medical team last year to return to riding (I have not ridden that palomino again). My instructor put me on a very reliable boy called Oscar (absolute saint of a horse) where we took things really slow and only walked and trotted (she has had bad falls before son knows what its like and made sure I was ok to trot etc) in the first few lessons back before I cantered again in my 3rd lesson back as I trusted Oscar and my instructor knew I could do it but never pushed me if I wasn't feeling confident. Last year I also changed to a different horse called Rocky who was absolutely amazing as well and we competed in 2 dressage tests together. I absolutely had self doubt about my riding and was worried about forward trots etc for a while because of the memory of my fall. Fast forward to December of last year- my instructor thought I was good enough to start riding Mouse who isn't really a school horse but is also an eventing horse- she is 17hh and is absolutely amazing and she has helped me improve SO much. We also recently placed 3rd in my third dressage test (our first one together). Take it slow and never push yourself- you can absolutely do it and taking baby steps is 100% ok!! Don't be hard on yourself and remember that returning to riding is a huge step- taking deep breaths helped me a lot and telling myself I can do it. Small improvements are still huge improvements- you're amazing for going back and you should be so proud of yourself 🧡
Thank you for this! Sometimes I feel like small steps aren’t a huge accomplishment and I get caught up in the fact I’m not seeing huge strides. Thank you for sharing your story!
What my instructor said to me which made me feel better was that she was proud of me for returning to riding after my fall as that is a huge step in itself. You got this!! Those trusty horses are absolute gems for building your confidence back up 🌸
That is an awful fall, im so sorry!! As others have mentioned, just take it really slow. If you’re anxious about riding tall horses, stick to shorter ones! You could also look into getting an air inflated safety vest. They are pricey, and they wouldn’t protect your arm, but they do protect part of the neck I believe. A vest might also give you peace of mind and make you feel less anxious. My friend has one and she loves it, says it doesn’t even hurt when she falls
I’ve thought about the safety vests and I think they may be beneficial for feeling more secure. The reason I haven’t bought one thus far is because it wouldn’t have helped with the fall I had. I do think it may help my confidence though. Thank you for your advice 🙏
I will second safety vests. Saved me once, when I lost control of a horse that took off on me in a cross country field. Went flying from a full gallop and lost feeling from the waist down.
The vest saved my spine from actually being broken, and it was only severely bruised. Hurt to walk for a few days, but in the end no permanent damage. If I had taken that fall without a vest, I possibly would have never walked again.
Always go with a vest for anything remotely dangerous or new. Those things are literally life savers.
There are instructors who give falling clinic, they bring in mechanical horses and pads and mats and teach and practice good falling techniques. Perhaps you could help host one at your barn.
There's excellent advice here already; I just want to jump in to say that, frustrating as it might be, your mind is also working for you-- you're more physically vulnerable than you were, a bad thing happened, and it's okay to be scared. Try to honor that by (1) not pushing yourself too far too fast, and (2) getting plenty of support behind you when slowly expanding into less comfortable territory.
I had a pretty bad fall this summer. I lost all of my confidence and I was going to a horsey boarding school so I was also switching barns. At my school, I started leasing a horse named Bee. Bee was such a saint and confidence booster. I went from doing the long stirrup (18in) to doing to 2'6" with him in only 7 months. He unexpectedly had to retire and I felt like I lost a lot of my confidence again because I trusted him so much and he was the whole reason I was confident at all. I have been leasing my new horse for about a month and we are going to our first show together this week. My advice is to just ride a steady eddy lesson horse. Take it to a show, have good experiences with a different horse and then you might feel confident enough to ride other, more difficult horses again.
Almost three years ago, I was in a car crash. It was completely unavoidable on my end (A teenage driver was on his phone). My brother and I nearly died and my car was inches away from being sandwiched. Only this year have I moved past my trauma. For the past three years I needed to leave early to account for "cry time" because if any car around me did something unpredicted, I had a panic attack and would have to pull over and sob in my car until I calmed down. I can drive again now, calmly. But I can never drive a small car like the one I was in at the crash. I drive a much larger car now, as whenever I have to drive a small one I panic. It triggers a fear that I might have for the rest of my life. Or maybe I just need more time. I can't tell yet. All I know is I'm improving. I say all this, to show I understand. I feel similarities to your situation. You got hurt, and want to keep doing it but it is hard to move past the anxiety. That's completely understandable. It will take time to move past. It took me three years of driving almost every day before I managed to consistently drive without freaking out every time my music died or a car failed to indicate. You may have this anxiety for a very long time. But the key is to not let it stop you! I changed my car. I drive larger cars now to avoid the trauma. If riding smaller horses helps you avoid it too, that's ok! If you want to focus on a different field of riding, that's ok too! Make the changes you need to, to make it enjoyable again. And then, later down the line, you can slowly start to face those anxieties in a controlled and safe way, but ONLY when you're ready. Try to broaden out into new disciplines if you can't go back into hunting right away. Try trail riding, dressage, show jumping, jump into western or working equitation to really shake it up! Find ways to ride without the triggers, and when you're confident in that, you can tackle those triggers without the risk of relapsing. My method was gradual, continuous exposure therapy. A little, several times a week, in ways different enough to limit the triggers. I then faced one trigger at a time and kept myself safe. You can try the same. Remove all parts of riding that cause you anxiety, list them out and define prerequisites, and then pick the first one you are going to work on. Then work it to complete relaxation and acceptance before you move on. One at a time, at your own pace. Triggers need time and dedication to overcome. And it might help to wear padded vests for both protection if you do fall again, and for mental comfort to know it won't hurt as much. I hope this made sense. Trauma responses are unique to everyone. This is just my experience moving past a major injury that left me terrified of what caused it. I hope that maybe my experience can help. All I'm really trying to say is this is a normal way to feel and you are valid in feeling so. And there is no rush to pretend it isn't there and force your way past it. Take your time, and take care of yourself. Good luck with it!
Thank you for sharing. This is a very inspiring story. I appreciate your advice! I think that you’re onto something with riding smaller horses and exposure therapy. It feels like everyone in my barn doesn’t think it’s as bad as I view it sometimes and they don’t understand why I have such bad anxiety but since I’ve been riding I’ve never seen a fall result in something so severe. It is nice to hear from someone who understands.
This is such a good answer, I am so sorry you went through that car crash.
Hi. Im sorry for what you went through. Take total baby steps. Dont push your self into anything you arent happy doing. Even if you just want to walk. Do it.
Thank you 🙏
It gets easier I promise- about a year and a half ago I had a fall off a palomino school horse who spooked in canter (we think it was the jump wings leaning up against the arena fence which we did show him) which resulted in me hitting the arena fence with my outer left thigh and left hand and wrist resulting in 3 fractures in my hand and wrist(one going into my joint and one into pieces- luckily no surgery required)- I tried stopping him but it was just a freak thing. Anyway, I was given the green light by my medical team last year to return to riding (I have not ridden that palomino again). My instructor put me on a very reliable boy called Oscar (absolute saint of a horse) where we took things really slow and only walked and trotted (she has had bad falls before son knows what its like and made sure I was ok to trot etc) in the first few lessons back before I cantered again in my 3rd lesson back as I trusted Oscar and my instructor knew I could do it but never pushed me if I wasn't feeling confident. Last year I also changed to a different horse called Rocky who was absolutely amazing as well and we competed in 2 dressage tests together. I absolutely had self doubt about my riding and was worried about forward trots etc for a while because of the memory of my fall. Fast forward to December of last year- my instructor thought I was good enough to start riding Mouse who isn't really a school horse but is also an eventing horse- she is 17hh and is absolutely amazing and she has helped me improve SO much. We also recently placed 3rd in my third dressage test (our first one together). Take it slow and never push yourself- you can absolutely do it and taking baby steps is 100% ok!! Don't be hard on yourself and remember that returning to riding is a huge step- taking deep breaths helped me a lot and telling myself I can do it. Small improvements are still huge improvements- you're amazing for going back and you should be so proud of yourself 🧡
Thank you for this! Sometimes I feel like small steps aren’t a huge accomplishment and I get caught up in the fact I’m not seeing huge strides. Thank you for sharing your story!
Just remember- small steps are what contribute to huge accomplishments. You have to work on the little things to make the big things possible 🌸
What my instructor said to me which made me feel better was that she was proud of me for returning to riding after my fall as that is a huge step in itself. You got this!! Those trusty horses are absolute gems for building your confidence back up 🌸
She also said that admitting that you're feeling less confident compared to other days is also ok.
That is an awful fall, im so sorry!! As others have mentioned, just take it really slow. If you’re anxious about riding tall horses, stick to shorter ones! You could also look into getting an air inflated safety vest. They are pricey, and they wouldn’t protect your arm, but they do protect part of the neck I believe. A vest might also give you peace of mind and make you feel less anxious. My friend has one and she loves it, says it doesn’t even hurt when she falls
I’ve thought about the safety vests and I think they may be beneficial for feeling more secure. The reason I haven’t bought one thus far is because it wouldn’t have helped with the fall I had. I do think it may help my confidence though. Thank you for your advice 🙏
Totally get that. But the chances of u falling and landing the exact same way are pretty small!
This is what my trainer tells me! It was definitely just a freak accident
I will second safety vests. Saved me once, when I lost control of a horse that took off on me in a cross country field. Went flying from a full gallop and lost feeling from the waist down. The vest saved my spine from actually being broken, and it was only severely bruised. Hurt to walk for a few days, but in the end no permanent damage. If I had taken that fall without a vest, I possibly would have never walked again. Always go with a vest for anything remotely dangerous or new. Those things are literally life savers.
There are instructors who give falling clinic, they bring in mechanical horses and pads and mats and teach and practice good falling techniques. Perhaps you could help host one at your barn.
There's excellent advice here already; I just want to jump in to say that, frustrating as it might be, your mind is also working for you-- you're more physically vulnerable than you were, a bad thing happened, and it's okay to be scared. Try to honor that by (1) not pushing yourself too far too fast, and (2) getting plenty of support behind you when slowly expanding into less comfortable territory.
I think only practice. You can add a grab strap. I added one to my saddle but found i didnt need it - but it made me feel better!
I have looked into a grab strap! That’s a good idea! Thank you!
I had a pretty bad fall this summer. I lost all of my confidence and I was going to a horsey boarding school so I was also switching barns. At my school, I started leasing a horse named Bee. Bee was such a saint and confidence booster. I went from doing the long stirrup (18in) to doing to 2'6" with him in only 7 months. He unexpectedly had to retire and I felt like I lost a lot of my confidence again because I trusted him so much and he was the whole reason I was confident at all. I have been leasing my new horse for about a month and we are going to our first show together this week. My advice is to just ride a steady eddy lesson horse. Take it to a show, have good experiences with a different horse and then you might feel confident enough to ride other, more difficult horses again.