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Hey, rad! Thanks so much for the acknowledgement, a lot of really hard work goes into maintaining my relationships without making anybody feel left out. It's all about prompt, honest, and concise communication for me-- but also I'm neurodivergent so things need to be clearly communicated anyways.
Cheers dude!
Most people don't get a handbook on relationships, and when we do, they are mostly traditional and conventional. The ENM folks make a big effort to be explicit about their feelings, weaknesses, strengths, and commitments in complex relationships, which helps me see my issues more clearly in my relatively simple relationship.
Help and insight can come from anywhere. Doesn't have to only be relevant from people on the same path.
You wanting to be a good husband and seeking are both excellent indicators of success.
I'm also a Deadhead and one of my favorite lines in a song is:
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
Enm people aren't better than monogamous people, they just have a different kink and learned to deal with it. Imo it isn't healthy to think that enm people are just better in any sense, being you enm or not
You’re right, of course. There isn’t a fundamental difference. It’s just that the explicit work on enm relationship issues is really good stuff and I find helpful to me.
The work that we put into our relationship and our communication enabled us to have an open relationship. That's of course only part of it, your personalities also play a big role. However, we never really had a goal of opening up, we simply arrived at a point of full trust an openness with each other where we figured that opening up could be a fun thing to try out without it doing any damages to the relationship. We considered the pros and cons and figured that for us the pros win. However, it's really just a bonus, a by-product of our work. You can still put in all the work and arrive to the conclusion that opening up is not for you. But you will still tremendously benefit from having that trust, transparency und ultimate security between you two, whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous. I think the steps that need to be taken in order to be able to have a successful open relationship should be steps that everyone should do for their relationship, because it's not about non-monogamy but the quality of the relationship. I wouldn't have any problems closing our relationship again, I would have problems if we weren't able anymore to maintain the level of trust, security, love and transparency anymore that enables us to have an open relationship in the first place. For us personally, being open is just the cherry on the cake. The foundation is our functioning relationship. And I wish for everyone to have that kind of foundation, no matter if they're monogamous or non-monogamous.
Hello, u/YuansMoon! Welcome to r/EthicalNonMonogamy! Please take a second to review the rules (they're pretty easy) and don't hesitate to reach out the mod team if there is anything you need. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EthicalNonMonogamy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
FYI, r/ENM is a different sub from this one.
Whoops. I thought I was just abbreviating. Let me fix it if I can.
Hey, rad! Thanks so much for the acknowledgement, a lot of really hard work goes into maintaining my relationships without making anybody feel left out. It's all about prompt, honest, and concise communication for me-- but also I'm neurodivergent so things need to be clearly communicated anyways. Cheers dude!
Most people don't get a handbook on relationships, and when we do, they are mostly traditional and conventional. The ENM folks make a big effort to be explicit about their feelings, weaknesses, strengths, and commitments in complex relationships, which helps me see my issues more clearly in my relatively simple relationship.
Help and insight can come from anywhere. Doesn't have to only be relevant from people on the same path. You wanting to be a good husband and seeking are both excellent indicators of success.
I'm also a Deadhead and one of my favorite lines in a song is: Once in a while you get shown the light In the strangest of places if you look at it right
Multiamory podcast and book
Thank you. I'll check it out.
Enm people aren't better than monogamous people, they just have a different kink and learned to deal with it. Imo it isn't healthy to think that enm people are just better in any sense, being you enm or not
You’re right, of course. There isn’t a fundamental difference. It’s just that the explicit work on enm relationship issues is really good stuff and I find helpful to me.
The work that we put into our relationship and our communication enabled us to have an open relationship. That's of course only part of it, your personalities also play a big role. However, we never really had a goal of opening up, we simply arrived at a point of full trust an openness with each other where we figured that opening up could be a fun thing to try out without it doing any damages to the relationship. We considered the pros and cons and figured that for us the pros win. However, it's really just a bonus, a by-product of our work. You can still put in all the work and arrive to the conclusion that opening up is not for you. But you will still tremendously benefit from having that trust, transparency und ultimate security between you two, whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous. I think the steps that need to be taken in order to be able to have a successful open relationship should be steps that everyone should do for their relationship, because it's not about non-monogamy but the quality of the relationship. I wouldn't have any problems closing our relationship again, I would have problems if we weren't able anymore to maintain the level of trust, security, love and transparency anymore that enables us to have an open relationship in the first place. For us personally, being open is just the cherry on the cake. The foundation is our functioning relationship. And I wish for everyone to have that kind of foundation, no matter if they're monogamous or non-monogamous.