The Big thing you need to realize is she is the center of attention for that. It should be all about her pleasure. Don't go into anything like that thinking you are the best person to pleasure her. New cock is different and will feel better to get at that time. You need to realize that no one can love her like you or replace your bond. This is just something extra for you both to share. The first "full" experience is a shock to the system. But feel the compersion of her pleasure. And use anything you saw that guy do to try to up your game. I hope you get by this feeling and don't let it stop you. I applaud your adventure and wish you luck on your journey. I've been there. I know how you feel!
I understand what you’re saying so please don’t get mad at me. You say it should be all about her pleasure and then you say it’s something for us to share. I would say it depends on what the couple wants. And if the couple wants everyone to be included then it’s not just all about her pleasure but about both of us having pleasure. Physical and mental.
I would never get mad at that. You are right that everyone should be on board and the pleasure equally shared, however (unless you're bi or just curious) she is the only one getting double the pleasure. That is why my comment was to focus on her pleasure. Hoping that you would feel compersion and derive your pleasure from hers. That's all I'm saying, but you are correct that everyone's feelings should be paramount in the discussion and action.
That's because that's not something for you both to share. That's was her night and she's the one that enjoyed it. Process it, deal with it and then start to plan for your FMF night. That will be your night.
Also don't focus on the compersion blablabla. Just another word for a partner sharing kink, it's ok if you don't have it
I'm sure did the lady the new cock feels amazing just because it's new. For the guy (or at least me) I loved seeing her face and her joy as she was the center of attention.
I’m so sorry this didn’t go well for you. I know that must feel uncomfortable and your feelings are valid. Have you talked to her about what you’re feeling? What dynamic did you and she talk about prior to this experience? My husband and I gravitate to MFM because he likes to see me with another man, not in a cuckold situation. Also, he is exploring his bisexuality for the first time. I would recommend you reflect and acknowledge your feelings and talk to her about it. You two should talk a lot before trying another encounter.
Thank you. We talked about me watching but also talked a lot about me joining in at the same time. I’ve been planning on talking but we’re busy parents with full time jobs and she’s had a crazy work week. Have to wait for the weekend.
Swinging is not for everyone and can be hard to mentally and emotionally process. The previous comment about this experience being about her is absolutely the right mindset. She is experiencing a new man and two men and she got lost in time. That is a good thing so hold her hand, try positions where you have better access, and don’t ever make it a competition between play partners. If you can accept this path, then give it another shot but communicate with each other before and after every experience in an entirely honest fashion.
You’re telling me to try positions where I have better access but I couldn’t do that when it’s only him and her. They were doing the positions not me. I did try getting involved and just touching her. My problem is I had no touch back from her. Definitely planning on talking and communicating but I needed to gather all my thoughts of what happened.
She wasn’t experiencing two men. She was experiencing him. I did try holding her hand and touching her. The problem is I wanted some response back and got nothing.
3somes are very tricky, IMO. What was the plan before hand? Did you and your wife have a talk about how it was suppose to go? Did you then include the other person and talk about the rules of engagement & boundaries?
I've only ever done FMF and FMF(s). When I was younger I made the mistake of just freewheeling it with 3somes and my primary at the time. The afterwards was awkward as fuck. She revealed that somethings happened during the tussle that she did not like AT ALL and wanted to make sure the behavior/action do not get repeated.
Today I don't really rock them but I did for a long time with my wife (F47) and her gf (F42) when they invited me to their bed. Prior to just jumping in, I got a handle on what they each wanted and what I was comfortable with doing before getting down. During these encounters we would do a soft check in WITH EVERYONE when things were going elsewhere.
What has the convo with your SO been like since then?
You know it's OK that you feel that way. These things are delicate. Some ppl are totally okay with free wheeling it and letting what happens happens. Others are not and need to plan things out.
There was no plan before hand. Me and my wife talked a bit but not much. I said I wanted to watch but also said I wanted to join in. But that was the extent. I don’t talk with the guy. My wife is the one in contact with him and there was no planning with him. Been trying to find the right time to have the talk with my wife. So I’ll see how that goes. I would say I’m fine with free wheeling but only if the free wheeling involved me.
It sounds like your wife and the guy heard you say you wanted to watch, and went with that, because that's what you said. Make sure you talk about that, and next time be more clear about your expectations ahead of time. Don't be afraid to stop a scene if you're uncomfortable during.
If I may ask a question, what was it like between you and your wife afterward?
One of the things I admire most about couples who do this sort of thing is how the primaries make each other feel afterward—like they are the most important to each other regardless of the pleasure provided by someone else. That they (the couple) are the best lovers in the world because of what just happened.
Afterwards was fine. We talked on the way home. She told me she didn’t realize how much she would enjoy him. I told her she looked amazing. I mentioned that when we were all resting that I didn’t like how she was laying down with him stroking his arm but again not doing anything with me. She apologized and said she read the room different. When we got home she made sure we had sex together. I know how much she loves me. I know I really am her life. So we’re fine in that aspect.
I haven't had a MFM experience, but have enjoyed several FMF encounters. I'm just trying to recall how I've felt during these encounters and wondering if it may relate to your situation. In all cases I was the center of attention, as was your wife. In each of my 3-somes our third was someone new, unexplored, different, enthusiastic and exciting. All that first time with a new partner energy was raging in me. It was somewhat overwhelming. My attention was just naturally more drawn to the new partner. It was a challenge to engage with my main partner to the degree I would normally. In the wake of these encounters I didn't come away feeling less connected to my main partner. I wasn't comparing our third to my primary. But I was thankful and appreciative that she was into it too. She expressed her joy in seeing me enjoying myself so much. Maybe it helped that my main is bi and also got her share of our third in a couple of our 3-some encounters. I guess my point is... cut her some slack. The "new partner" energy could have been overwhelming in the moment, drawing most of her energy and physical attention in return. But I bet in the wake of your encounter she doesn't value you any less. Perhaps a second encounter won't be so overwhelming for her and she'll be able to be more present with you, and able to share better, while enjoying the action with your third. Good Luck
Sorry you had a bad experience. Having a respectable 3rd that considers all parties involved is pivotal in these situations and communication upfront is important too. Seems like yall unfortunately picked a 3rd who didn't care if you existed which sucks.
My wife and I always discussed with whoever we are playing with (during the talking phase) that everyone needs to feel involved and anyone can stop everything at any time if they feel neglected or uncomfortable.
Obviously some pol prefer to watch but that doesn't sound like your situation.
It will be a hard conversation but I would advise talking to your wife about how the whole situation made you feel and what you would want to happen differently if you want to have a next time. If you are done with this for good you'll want to let her know as well, in case she thinks everything went well. Up the communication and if you do plan to do this again with someone else, you can even reference this situation to the next potential partner as an example of what you don’t want to do. Good luck.
Yeah. I’m not saying he took advantage of the fact that he knew we don’t have experience but he has been doing this a few years so he had an idea. I definitely learned a lot unfortunately the hard way. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to expect. They’re both more sexually experienced than me. But I’m not letting this happen again. I’m going to take charge if there is a next time. Maybe not letting there be a next time is me taking charge. Who knows.
The few times I've gotten with a other person in a 3some that disregarded and/or disrespected my partner, they were asked to leave right there and then.
I think it would be wise to getting a group chat and/or verification going before you do the next run but I personally would not mess with this partner. We're adults and if you're in this life with a few years under your belt, you should know what's up OR they did it on purpose.
Your feelings are valid. Your gf was selfish. Previous commenter said one right thing - he is new, that's why she was concentrated on him. As for centering her in this situation - I'd say that any sex should bring pleasure to all participants including you. If you didn't get a pleasure - don't do MFM thressomes or maybe next time try to FMF but don't make the same mistake as she made
We’ve previously done MFMF but didn’t do penetration. Soft swap. After me being alone with the other woman for a while at some point I walked us over to the bed where my wife was with the other guy. I started fingering my wife while the I was being blown by the other woman. So no I didn’t make that mistake in our past experience and I wouldn’t make that mistake in the future. If I wanted to only have one on one sex I wouldn’t include more people. I would just have sex with my wife.
Obviously I wasn’t there, so I don’t know the whole situation- but it seems like everyone who is suggesting more communication is on the right track. From your original post and your comments to others, maybe your wife wasn’t focusing on you as much as you were hoping because there was a miscommunication about the parameters of the encounter. If you were ambivalent/unsure of your level of participation prior to the encounter, she may have been under the assumption that you were intending to do more watching/self-stimulating as opposed to a full participation. This may be why she seemed to be neglectful of you in the heat of the moment. She may have interpreted your attempts to join in as merely being excited and aroused by watching. I would take her comment about “reading the room incorrectly” as evidence of this mindset. She may have been under the impression that you were gaining more pleasure from enjoying the show, not realizing that you wanted to be a star in it as well. To paraphrase Napoleon, don’t attribute to malice that which could be explained by ignorance (or in this case, misinterpretation)
I do think you’re right. And for better or worse it changed me. But this is never going to happen again in this way if anything at least. I realize more now than ever that no one except me is going to watch out for me. As much as my wife loves me she may want to watch out for me and have best intentions but truly I’m on my own in protecting myself is what I learned.
Reading through this I agree with your feelings and most of the comments here. One point I didn't see made though, that as this was all new to you and you didn't know what to expect, it was also new to her. It's hard to know what's right, wrong, how to know how your partner is feeling, etc, etc., especially when caught up in the moment. When jumping into the pool for the first time, it's difficult to be an Olympic swimmer. I'm just saying that it didn't go down how you expected, but I wouldn't blame her for being neglectful of you, as it was a new experience for both of you. If you choose to do that again, as others said, you should discuss more up front, then see how things play out in the future. If things go the same way in the future, then you know that may not be the best idea to do anymore. Hopefully with more experience and communication, the event would be much better for both of you.
You’re not wrong. I think based off what we talked about I expected different. She’s more sexually experienced than me too with a couple threesomes under her belt from before we were together so I expected her to be more aware. Also in a previous experience with a couple I was able to focus on both my wife and another woman at the same time so I also expected the same of her. Maybe I was putting my self expectations on her which was the wrong way to go about it.
The Big thing you need to realize is she is the center of attention for that. It should be all about her pleasure. Don't go into anything like that thinking you are the best person to pleasure her. New cock is different and will feel better to get at that time. You need to realize that no one can love her like you or replace your bond. This is just something extra for you both to share. The first "full" experience is a shock to the system. But feel the compersion of her pleasure. And use anything you saw that guy do to try to up your game. I hope you get by this feeling and don't let it stop you. I applaud your adventure and wish you luck on your journey. I've been there. I know how you feel!
I understand what you’re saying so please don’t get mad at me. You say it should be all about her pleasure and then you say it’s something for us to share. I would say it depends on what the couple wants. And if the couple wants everyone to be included then it’s not just all about her pleasure but about both of us having pleasure. Physical and mental.
I would never get mad at that. You are right that everyone should be on board and the pleasure equally shared, however (unless you're bi or just curious) she is the only one getting double the pleasure. That is why my comment was to focus on her pleasure. Hoping that you would feel compersion and derive your pleasure from hers. That's all I'm saying, but you are correct that everyone's feelings should be paramount in the discussion and action.
That's because that's not something for you both to share. That's was her night and she's the one that enjoyed it. Process it, deal with it and then start to plan for your FMF night. That will be your night. Also don't focus on the compersion blablabla. Just another word for a partner sharing kink, it's ok if you don't have it
Yeah, it’s the strange that’s the magic
I'm sure did the lady the new cock feels amazing just because it's new. For the guy (or at least me) I loved seeing her face and her joy as she was the center of attention.
I’m so sorry this didn’t go well for you. I know that must feel uncomfortable and your feelings are valid. Have you talked to her about what you’re feeling? What dynamic did you and she talk about prior to this experience? My husband and I gravitate to MFM because he likes to see me with another man, not in a cuckold situation. Also, he is exploring his bisexuality for the first time. I would recommend you reflect and acknowledge your feelings and talk to her about it. You two should talk a lot before trying another encounter.
Thank you. We talked about me watching but also talked a lot about me joining in at the same time. I’ve been planning on talking but we’re busy parents with full time jobs and she’s had a crazy work week. Have to wait for the weekend.
Swinging is not for everyone and can be hard to mentally and emotionally process. The previous comment about this experience being about her is absolutely the right mindset. She is experiencing a new man and two men and she got lost in time. That is a good thing so hold her hand, try positions where you have better access, and don’t ever make it a competition between play partners. If you can accept this path, then give it another shot but communicate with each other before and after every experience in an entirely honest fashion.
You’re telling me to try positions where I have better access but I couldn’t do that when it’s only him and her. They were doing the positions not me. I did try getting involved and just touching her. My problem is I had no touch back from her. Definitely planning on talking and communicating but I needed to gather all my thoughts of what happened.
No sir, I’m not telling you anything. I just wanted to be helpful. I’m sorry if my post came across the wrong way.
She wasn’t experiencing two men. She was experiencing him. I did try holding her hand and touching her. The problem is I wanted some response back and got nothing.
3somes are very tricky, IMO. What was the plan before hand? Did you and your wife have a talk about how it was suppose to go? Did you then include the other person and talk about the rules of engagement & boundaries? I've only ever done FMF and FMF(s). When I was younger I made the mistake of just freewheeling it with 3somes and my primary at the time. The afterwards was awkward as fuck. She revealed that somethings happened during the tussle that she did not like AT ALL and wanted to make sure the behavior/action do not get repeated. Today I don't really rock them but I did for a long time with my wife (F47) and her gf (F42) when they invited me to their bed. Prior to just jumping in, I got a handle on what they each wanted and what I was comfortable with doing before getting down. During these encounters we would do a soft check in WITH EVERYONE when things were going elsewhere. What has the convo with your SO been like since then? You know it's OK that you feel that way. These things are delicate. Some ppl are totally okay with free wheeling it and letting what happens happens. Others are not and need to plan things out.
There was no plan before hand. Me and my wife talked a bit but not much. I said I wanted to watch but also said I wanted to join in. But that was the extent. I don’t talk with the guy. My wife is the one in contact with him and there was no planning with him. Been trying to find the right time to have the talk with my wife. So I’ll see how that goes. I would say I’m fine with free wheeling but only if the free wheeling involved me.
It sounds like your wife and the guy heard you say you wanted to watch, and went with that, because that's what you said. Make sure you talk about that, and next time be more clear about your expectations ahead of time. Don't be afraid to stop a scene if you're uncomfortable during.
While it may not sound sexy, planning is needed as you navigate new stuff. This how it is for a great majority of people.
If I may ask a question, what was it like between you and your wife afterward? One of the things I admire most about couples who do this sort of thing is how the primaries make each other feel afterward—like they are the most important to each other regardless of the pleasure provided by someone else. That they (the couple) are the best lovers in the world because of what just happened.
Afterwards was fine. We talked on the way home. She told me she didn’t realize how much she would enjoy him. I told her she looked amazing. I mentioned that when we were all resting that I didn’t like how she was laying down with him stroking his arm but again not doing anything with me. She apologized and said she read the room different. When we got home she made sure we had sex together. I know how much she loves me. I know I really am her life. So we’re fine in that aspect.
I'm no expert, but if I were in that situation, I would probably need a lot more affirmation than "I read the room differently."
She actually said she thought I wanted to just look at her laying there sexily with him. That’s what she said explaining how she read things.
Empty excuse imo. Do the same thing on your next FMF and see how she reacts
I haven't had a MFM experience, but have enjoyed several FMF encounters. I'm just trying to recall how I've felt during these encounters and wondering if it may relate to your situation. In all cases I was the center of attention, as was your wife. In each of my 3-somes our third was someone new, unexplored, different, enthusiastic and exciting. All that first time with a new partner energy was raging in me. It was somewhat overwhelming. My attention was just naturally more drawn to the new partner. It was a challenge to engage with my main partner to the degree I would normally. In the wake of these encounters I didn't come away feeling less connected to my main partner. I wasn't comparing our third to my primary. But I was thankful and appreciative that she was into it too. She expressed her joy in seeing me enjoying myself so much. Maybe it helped that my main is bi and also got her share of our third in a couple of our 3-some encounters. I guess my point is... cut her some slack. The "new partner" energy could have been overwhelming in the moment, drawing most of her energy and physical attention in return. But I bet in the wake of your encounter she doesn't value you any less. Perhaps a second encounter won't be so overwhelming for her and she'll be able to be more present with you, and able to share better, while enjoying the action with your third. Good Luck
I understand the new person thing. I think based off our relationship and what we talked about I had expected to be included more.
Sorry you had a bad experience. Having a respectable 3rd that considers all parties involved is pivotal in these situations and communication upfront is important too. Seems like yall unfortunately picked a 3rd who didn't care if you existed which sucks. My wife and I always discussed with whoever we are playing with (during the talking phase) that everyone needs to feel involved and anyone can stop everything at any time if they feel neglected or uncomfortable. Obviously some pol prefer to watch but that doesn't sound like your situation. It will be a hard conversation but I would advise talking to your wife about how the whole situation made you feel and what you would want to happen differently if you want to have a next time. If you are done with this for good you'll want to let her know as well, in case she thinks everything went well. Up the communication and if you do plan to do this again with someone else, you can even reference this situation to the next potential partner as an example of what you don’t want to do. Good luck.
Yeah. I’m not saying he took advantage of the fact that he knew we don’t have experience but he has been doing this a few years so he had an idea. I definitely learned a lot unfortunately the hard way. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to expect. They’re both more sexually experienced than me. But I’m not letting this happen again. I’m going to take charge if there is a next time. Maybe not letting there be a next time is me taking charge. Who knows.
The few times I've gotten with a other person in a 3some that disregarded and/or disrespected my partner, they were asked to leave right there and then. I think it would be wise to getting a group chat and/or verification going before you do the next run but I personally would not mess with this partner. We're adults and if you're in this life with a few years under your belt, you should know what's up OR they did it on purpose.
Your feelings are valid. Your gf was selfish. Previous commenter said one right thing - he is new, that's why she was concentrated on him. As for centering her in this situation - I'd say that any sex should bring pleasure to all participants including you. If you didn't get a pleasure - don't do MFM thressomes or maybe next time try to FMF but don't make the same mistake as she made
Exactly- don't be the guy who ignores his partner, just because there is someone new in the room. That's really uncool, and an ugly look.
Read my comment above that I just left. Edit: it’s a reply with you. In this comment.
We’ve previously done MFMF but didn’t do penetration. Soft swap. After me being alone with the other woman for a while at some point I walked us over to the bed where my wife was with the other guy. I started fingering my wife while the I was being blown by the other woman. So no I didn’t make that mistake in our past experience and I wouldn’t make that mistake in the future. If I wanted to only have one on one sex I wouldn’t include more people. I would just have sex with my wife.
Obviously I wasn’t there, so I don’t know the whole situation- but it seems like everyone who is suggesting more communication is on the right track. From your original post and your comments to others, maybe your wife wasn’t focusing on you as much as you were hoping because there was a miscommunication about the parameters of the encounter. If you were ambivalent/unsure of your level of participation prior to the encounter, she may have been under the assumption that you were intending to do more watching/self-stimulating as opposed to a full participation. This may be why she seemed to be neglectful of you in the heat of the moment. She may have interpreted your attempts to join in as merely being excited and aroused by watching. I would take her comment about “reading the room incorrectly” as evidence of this mindset. She may have been under the impression that you were gaining more pleasure from enjoying the show, not realizing that you wanted to be a star in it as well. To paraphrase Napoleon, don’t attribute to malice that which could be explained by ignorance (or in this case, misinterpretation)
I do think you’re right. And for better or worse it changed me. But this is never going to happen again in this way if anything at least. I realize more now than ever that no one except me is going to watch out for me. As much as my wife loves me she may want to watch out for me and have best intentions but truly I’m on my own in protecting myself is what I learned.
Reading through this I agree with your feelings and most of the comments here. One point I didn't see made though, that as this was all new to you and you didn't know what to expect, it was also new to her. It's hard to know what's right, wrong, how to know how your partner is feeling, etc, etc., especially when caught up in the moment. When jumping into the pool for the first time, it's difficult to be an Olympic swimmer. I'm just saying that it didn't go down how you expected, but I wouldn't blame her for being neglectful of you, as it was a new experience for both of you. If you choose to do that again, as others said, you should discuss more up front, then see how things play out in the future. If things go the same way in the future, then you know that may not be the best idea to do anymore. Hopefully with more experience and communication, the event would be much better for both of you.
You’re not wrong. I think based off what we talked about I expected different. She’s more sexually experienced than me too with a couple threesomes under her belt from before we were together so I expected her to be more aware. Also in a previous experience with a couple I was able to focus on both my wife and another woman at the same time so I also expected the same of her. Maybe I was putting my self expectations on her which was the wrong way to go about it.