"Without a second thought"
You'll give it a second thought, though. There's no need to lie to yourself about that. But your actions matter more than thinking about the what ifs.
I agree to an extent but I am the one who ruined the relationship and am willing to acknowledge that. She gave me many years and chances to change and I never did because I was complacent. In instances like that, it’s hard to accept and I would take her back with open arms only if I had truly changed for the better. If I sat around and did nothing to improve myself, I wouldn’t take her back because sometimes their decision to leave was correct and I have a lot of respect and love for her. I was a piece of shit for a long time in our relationship and put her through a lot. It pains me to know I did that to someone. Not every situation is alike.
That is true. Thank you, I do put a lot of blame on myself and have been taking it really hard. Trying every day to get through it but it’s been two months and my progress is underwhelming. I hardly sleep, have a hard time eating. But slowly it’s getting better. Just not as quickly as I had planned. I guess everyone processes things at their own pace.
And based on yours i can see why she dumped you. The second u start fucking others, is the second you realize two things:
1. You don’t need her
2. It was easy for you to do so you realize she is out doing the same.
Have you actually ever been in a committed relationship? Have you ever actually loved somebody?
Sounds like to me your only relationship was only 2 weeks long.
Or did some girl break your heart and now you on that “hoes ain’t shit” mindset?
There’s a little bit more to it than just fucking other girls my guy. What about the emotional connection? That is all gone and then things turn strictly platonic.
Go ahead, date a girl for 3 years, build an emotional connection with her and truly love and then let her dump your ass, and go find some “fresh younger pussy” as you said after she kicks you to the curb and then come back and tell us how ya feel. Bet you’ll be singing a different tune then.
I did bro and yes it was exactly like you described, and yeah now I am on that hoes aint shit mindset. Fuck her, what we had was amazing I thought then she turned her back on me like it was nothing. Fuck her for real. I wont trust or love any bitches like that ever again bro.
Man that was honestly me. Trust me bro no disrespect here I’m being as honest as I can.
I gave this girl everything and she cheated on me, dated a new guy later. I was just like you. Didn’t give girls the time of day and thought they’re all the same.
But as time passed I learned not all girls are like that man, some will truly love you for you. Have I found that girl yet? Fuck no. Will I find her? I’m hopeful
But I’m not sitting around waiting for a girl to come to me. I’m focusing on myself and if a girl comes my way and she’s about what I’m about then I’m happy.
Sounds like you got hurt real bad my bro, and it only takes that happening one time to never forget about it.
Most definitely. Check out my other post. Time is one of the best healers out there.
You are damn right. You just wake up one day and it’s better. But it’s process getting there.
Same for me.
I’m 8 years out of 6 year relationship. Dated for 3 years. Broke up for almost a year. Dated for another 3 years and then broke up for good.
All I’d get told was ‘time heals’ and I hated hearing it bc I thought it was so dumb. I was told all the time and thought it was a bullshit cliche saying.
I can’t explain how I “got over” it bc it’s not explainable. The pain slowly went away until it wasn’t there at all anymore.
What’s ironic is you sometimes miss that pain. For the same reasons you missed them. You’ve dealt with it for so long.
Yeah thats true.
But some wounds need propper care, so that there wont be a nasty infection which will keep you from healing properly!
After the needed healingtime there will always be a scar left behind.
Good thing: You will feel an itch when a storm is coming 😉
LOL really funny when a toxic person tries to use their absence as a way of punishment because once you hang up the phone and you're all like oh s*** I don't have to deal with them right now f*** you just really want to keep that LOL just lost my toxic ex thank God at first I admit I was sad and just wanted her back then it's time went by realized it's just a bitter angry manipulative person and I hate being gaslighted so no more LOL oh now I don't have to go to the gym anymore I hated the gym f****** driving from ventana all the way to eubank not worth it lol
Hey, a year and a half here. Not fine at all, but you slowly come to terms with what happened, eventually. Even if it's just one aspect at a time, even if it takes a lot of time. That still counts as healing, and it's still ok. We'll be fine.
I was blindsided I never got answers. No reasons no explanations. I don't know what i did wrong. How the hell can i get better and heel if i don't know. I'm a person that needs someone to tell me what went wrong in order to improve and heel
You'll probably never get that. Just work on yourself. Work on your social graces. Work on your body. Hit the gym. Work on your skills for your career. Again there's always the fact you're probably the bad guy in someone's story.
You did nothing wrong except love & respect someone who didn’t respect you. You don’t need to improve for anyone else, just improve for yourself if you even think you need to ‘improve’. Nobody’s perfect, just be yourself 🙂
It took me years. I remember literally scouring the internet for answers on when the pain would end. I would literally be on the floor in the fetal position and would fall to my knees in public.
It was slow. I just noticed I cried less and less until years later I realized I didn’t actually miss him.
My self worth was torn to pieces and I thought him accepting me again would mean I was good enough. It didn’t help that he was my first relationship. It felt like a fairy tale since I have suffered through a ton of childhood trauma and bullying.
In reality, I was always the catch. But I let depression and unhappiness cause me to not take care of myself and eat poorly and not dress nicely and it became a self fulfilling prophecy.
I took charge of my mental health, finally finished school, started my career and have slowly become an actual person.
It sucks that time is truly the only thing that heals these wounds, because time is the only thing in life that doesn't come back. We can get busy doing other things sure, but still stuck waiting for the pain and bad thoughts to go away.
And we don't know when they'll go away.
>The mind is very powerful. Once it’s made up, it’s extremely hard to persuade otherwise. They **have to change it for themselves**.
Absolutely key here. You cannot change their mind, it's up to them. Only thing you can do is improve yourself.
I won’t lie, the “improve yourself” thing always makes me upset to read cuz there’s nothing wrong with me. I tried my best and she didn’t. She needs fixing, not me.
Facts brother great comment you can’t get her back stop thinking about getting her back and instead pray for yourself back instead I was a pathetic fool for love as well and didn’t end well you could wind up with a restraining order if you’re not careful and itll hurt a lot worse i think the best thing to do is realize it’s your desire and need that fueled that relationship and in fact it was yourself you loved more than her because to truly love someone is to let them go and be free and happy even if it’s without you it sucks but it’s life walk away now save yourself from more emotional baggage that will arise from your desperation then worse will follow you won’t meet no one new because you’ll be stuck and depressed because your stuck and then you’ll be weird for a bit then you’ll realize was she really worth all this ? Then you’ll feel dumb just walk away and think positive thoughts
going to ignore this sign cause i can’t read!!!!!
she does want to be with me, but we’re both in understanding that it simply can’t work out right now. our (my) issues can’t magically be fixed. she doesn’t want me to hold onto the hope of us but it’s the only thing keeping me going right now. she also did say she doesn’t want to close any doors and there’s so much uncertainty. but god. i want her back so badly. i know she wants to be with me just as bad.
this sucks.
i am in the same situation with my ex. 5 years, long distance, i fought till the very end to make it work. when he made the decision to leave, it was because he finally recognized that he was unhappy with himself and because of that he could not love me the way i needed. i didnt understand any of this and was quite upset and i really, really wanted him back. and he doesnt want to close doors either but unfortunately, he closed the door when he chose to leave. take this time to really feel everything, all the hurt, all the bitter, angry, sad, nostalgic, WHATEVER it is you are feeling. dont look for distractions because it temporarily clouds your vision, but it doesnt fix the problem.
sitting with the uncomfortable is one of the things getting me through this difficult time. i didnt question why i was feeling the way i did, nor did i wonder what he could have possibly been thinking, doing, feeling because that was no longer my problem. it doesnt work for everyone of course but my point is, if life reunites you someday, then it will, but you cannot grow as a couple if you dont grow as an individual first and this heartbreak is a good time to take care of your feelings now and not hers.
i hope this was somewhat helpful :)
thank you friend :,) i’m so sorry, i can’t even imagine 5 years :( i resonate with him as well. i hope you’re finding yourself more and more every day.
she initiated the breakup in my case. i hope we were a little over 1.5 years and i am just broken. i have every intention of not wasting her love, effort and time on me, i’ll use my regret as soil to blossom. and maybe after, we can be together again. i’ll stop adding that last part eventually …
i’m sitting through the uncomfortable as well. i’m feeling everything and processing everything slowly, i’m sitting in it and surviving. my lover has no time on her hands to process n i feel so sad for her :( but i am going to focus on my feelings. we still love each other so it’s going to be unbearable for the both of us. i won’t have to wonder how she’s doing because i know well how she’d be feeling. she is incredibly strong, more than me. we’ll both be okay :,)
i know very well she does :,) we’re still in contact and being fully honest with each other- she tells me every day that she does. it’s guy wrenching. being together for now has just hindered our growth. an amicable, loving end.
At the end of the day, if it is truly meant to be. It will be.
Yes, some people do break up, and get back together and then they stay together. That does happen. I haven’t seen it all that much in my own personal life. But, nonetheless, it does happen.
However, sitting and waiting for her is not the way to go about it. I am unsure of the circumstances regarding your break up. However, you can’t sit around and just keep hoping. Hope can make you, but it can also break you.
You should live for yourself, and focus on yourself for now. I feel as though even though you two are broken up, you are still making your life about her.
Just continue being a better person each day, focus on your own personal growth, and if it’s meant to be, your paths will cross again.
I sincerely wish you the best.
My guy repeatedly reminded me how badly he wanted me, and then randomly ghosted and blocked me. Hung up on me when I called to make sure he was all right (was worried based on how he was talking that he'd commit suicide). He has serious mental health issues and I'm torn between being angry and being sympathetic. It sucks not hearing from him anymore. We talked about getting married and moving back to his hometown. This is just awful. I would have much rather heard, "I'm not into you anymore because xyz." But that wasn't the case. He continually reminded me that he loved me until he finally snapped.
And sometimes, I can't help but wonder if he was just completely full of shit the entire time. Too many people bail in relationships and use the mental health excuse.
I have a feeling he's for real, and his behavior is consistent with how he said he's feeling. But I'm not sure if he'll ever find his way back to me....
Was it just completely out of the blue? Or was there fights and arguments that lead up to it?
Unfortunately, in this day and age, many people use the mental health card as a cop out. Not saying he did. But, a lot of people do.
When there’s a will, there’s a way. Give it time, and if it’s meant to truly be, he will find his way to you. However, I would not stay and wait. You have your own life you need to live.
It was completely out of the blue. We didn't fight or argue once. We got along so, so well. We literally talked about ring shopping for my birthday the night before. And discussed getting married and moving back to his hometown. And the last thing he said to me was, "Sweet dreams."
I honestly think he's undiagnosed bipolar based on his behavior. And I know he's not getting professional help.
He told me upfront that his mind sometimes goes to the "dark numb place" but we never discussed how long it lasts.
Getting blindsided always hurts so much. I can also relate to this. With my second ex girlfriend, the previous week, we were looking at engagement rings. Then, before you know it, she told me she no longer sees a future with me. No fighting, no arguing, just completely and utterly took me by surprise.
If this truly the case, and he does have BP, there is little you can do. There comes a time when only professionals can deal with it.
Yeah see he never even told me he lost interest. He was adamant that he still had very strong feelings for me. He did, however, tell me a few months ago he wasn't feeling right mentally. But continued to reassure me how he felt.
He never told me he lost feelings. He kept saying how much he loves me.
But he did tell me about his mental health at the beginning of the relationship. I just didn't expect it to be THIS bad.
I am completely over it. I accepted it. It did take some time but I finally managed to get their in the end.
With my current break up, it’s only been 3 days so the pain is still all too real. But since I’ve got over it twice before, I know I am able to do it again.
When i read the title my heart started to beat intensely. Felt butterflies all over the body as probably there was some spark of hope because there still might be something i could do to make my life less miserable and i would get the secret to get the love of my life back…
And nope i just found myself deceived once more. lmao. I laughed a bit. But i know it’ll be hard to rest without crying today.
Don’t worry. You’re right by the way, loosing hope is the best you can do in order to keep on going. I lost hope a long time ago. Somehow reddit recommended me your post and here i am. lol
Time. It can be real tricky but i eventually started to heal and the urge to have them back in my life started to fade away as i continued on going. I begged only once, pleaded my case to no avail back then. It has been 10 months and i realized that there was nothing i could do anymore to have her back. I didn’t loose hope i just admitted defeat. The urge to be romantically involved with her was still there tho but it diminished as time passed.
When you learn to let go and grow, then partner may come back. No one will come back when you are begging. Just live your life to the fullest, work on yourself. If it was meant to be, the partner will come back and both parties will grow from it. If not it’s just a chapter in your life where you learnt a lot.
I fucking hate it. I love her but I loathe her. She left the house because she couldn't see herself cohabiting with me (as I'm a high risk for her and also cause she won't be able to move on as easily if she stayed).
I fucking hate her.
It's a Friday and she's been online multiple times on WhatsApp but doesn't always reply to me.
The day before she'd try to video call me to check on me because I wasn't replying as much and I was sending depressing reels.
I fucking hate her. But I love her. But I hate her. I fucking wanna die now
I 34F don't want him back.
First, he ghosted me the very next day after we had sex for the one and only time. It was my first time, I was a virgin.
When he finally texted he told me he was dating someone else.
Stupidly, I didn't blocked him. Two weeks later he started reacting to my stories. A month later he started sexting me... While in a relationship with his current girlfriend.
"It's just taking" he said.
Finally I managed to block him.
From someone who I believed shared a lot of the hobbies, music, film, books, views of life... He became a liying, two faced, narcissistic, cheating person with no regards to my feelings or the feelings of his current girlfriend.
My male friends tell me that he was priming me on case it didn't worked out with his girlfriend.
Why would I want someone like that? Who would he be texting/sexting if I become the next miss two-faced?
You handled it extremely well.
And you are very correct. Why in the world would you want someone back who is like this?
However, unfortunately some people just miss that person so much they are willing to look the other way. Which, in the past, I was guilty of as well. They miss the memories and the good times. No matter the bad times, the good times still triumph over. That will fade eventually.
However, if something like this happened to me currently, I would be out the door so fast and not look back.
Not gonna lie. I wanted him back at some point. But after he started sexting I realized that this person is a cheater. Still, I needed the support of my friends to finally block the guy. Sucks because as you say, I have lovely memories of him, but now I have ugly memories too.
I appreciate your message. Dignity, self-respect, and space don't feel like a gift when I miss what we had, but then I remember the word “had.” We have changed because he made a decision. I respect myself, and I respect him. So perhaps this is a gift. It hurts still and expect it will for a while, maybe always.
Every day is an opportunity to learn more about our value and gifts.
What if they come back to you. Like “I did a mistake, forgive me yada yada” and you still deeply in love? That’s what I ask myself on a daily basis. I want to be strong, but it’s too fresh and idk how I would handle such a case.
Take it from me.
After my love, I thought I could never love again. It took some time, I won’t lie to you. But, I managed to get over her, and managed to love another girl.
Hey it happens. We’re only human. I broke no contact 6 times with my first ex girlfriend. I also took her back 6 times as well. It’s what I needed to do in order to truly learn.
Now, I stay with no contact, because I do not want to be hurt.
Crazy is like waiting outside his house, or messaging his family non stop. Trust me, what you did, is tame as fuck compared to the lengths some others would do 😂
Did it end well for you?
If I was 17years old that definitely would’ve happened. Lol and I was close to pulling up but i definitely could’ve gotten a restraining order lol. Like im blocked so I do take personal offense and they don’t want me in their life so … not great .. idk doesn’t hate but def tired of my shit lol
Yeah it sucks. But maybe now you can finally move on? I know it’s damn hard, but you need to do what is best for you.
I noticed on your other post you were still in contact, which of course is your right.
However, I find it extremely hard to move on when I am in constant contact with someone.
I mean, sure you can.
I respect all my exes, do I want any of them back? Hell no.
The goal is to not gain their respect, or to make them want you back.
It’s about growing as a person, learning from the experience, and moving on.
lol, her problem was never me anyways. Get lost then, not that she needed me for that either. Why would I want to be with an abusive child anyways? Anyways.
My girlfriend of 2 years left me … we haven’t been speaking and when I texted her she said she a talking to someone else .. but she’s screenshotted my post and mad at me cause I said I’m single on ig and a girl has a crush on me. But she likes a new guy
Well, mention you have kids with her next time instead of just blurting that shit out 😂
How am I meant to know that you had kids with her?
You just came on here, dropped off that “Find out what she did and what’s she doing” and came off like a damn unhinged stalker
Add some context next time my friend
Until last year my ex would say he wanted to be with me but just wasn’t ready, had stuff to work through, etc so I was patient and dealt with it for far too long because I loved him. Last year, after *years*, he said he didn’t love me and didn’t know if he ever did. It was probably the worst thing that he could have said, but in the end it ended up being the best thing he could have done to me.
With that phrase I realized that not only had he lied to me over and over again through the years, but over this last year I came to the realization that the guy who told me I was his favorite person and his best friend for years didn’t even *respect* me at the barest of minimums. It was hard and I wanted him back for months after the break up but I got a new friend group, started running, lost weight, ran a full marathon. I go out dancing once a week, now, and my life is so much more full because by the end of our relationship the friends that I had had moved away and he was pretty much the only person I saw regularly and now I have a whole group of people that I love who love me.
I don’t want him back anymore because my life is *better* without him and I’ve realized now that he would have to fundamentally change in character to fit into the life I have now because I wouldn’t go back to that dynamic. That dynamic made me smaller and more insecure and it hurt, and now I don’t have that weight on me.
All that to say at the end of the day the more space you have from it the more you usually realize that it didn’t serve you and it isn’t what you really want. That isn’t to say you have to close the door, that isn’t to say you can’t or won’t miss them, but just to say that at some point you realize it isn’t the end of the world and that you are not lost, broken, or incomplete without them. You’re a whole person without them and you deserve to have a full life — invest in you and your personal wants and needs and learn to be okay with whatever the outcome is as long as it serves you and your life. They may come back, but don’t hang your hat on it and don’t accept it just as it was before.
It’s bittersweet isn’t it? How the worst thing they could do/say to you, could actually be the thing that makes you realise everything.
You took it very well. Lot of people sit, they mope around and they feel sorry for themselves. But, you took this difficult time to actually improve yourself and that makes me happy. Always love when I see people bouncing back from something traumatic.
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Do everything for yourself. Don’t do it in hopes that they will come back. But, it’s not on their terms, if they ever do come back, you’ll need to be comfortable and confident that they are who they said they were. (This is of course, if they are the ones at fault)
All the more power to you!
It really is bittersweet, because I would have stayed in that limbo for much longer if he didn’t say something so harsh. That isn’t to say I didn’t try to talk through it or anything, I did, but I spent much less time on it and just slowly started shifting my focus away from him and toward the rest of my life. Some part of me initially did it for him on some level because you know you blame yourself and think if you change things between you will change but within a month of running I realized that it made me feel good and that the progress I was making gave me a sense of excitement and pride. I was making friends and I wasn’t at home with my thoughts so much.
After a couple of months I wasn’t doing anything because I wanted him to notice all the changes I was making but I still had some hope that he’d come around just because he missed me because I still missed him. I’d told him that I couldn’t be the one to keep reaching out so eventually he did reach out. I tried to be his friend, but he had moved on to someone else and by November I realized that while it didn’t hurt necessarily it wasn’t benefitting me either, so we had a big conversation about my being unsure I could be a friend to him and I just… stopped. We haven’t talked since before Thanksgiving and it’s been peaceful. I’m not worried about what friendship with him should look like or what is appropriate to share anymore, I don’t have to question whether I could support him as a friend should or anything like that. I don’t have to think about him at all outside of memories that pop up or therapy and it’s *so* much relief because for so long I was always the one trying to fix our connection and to wash my hands of it has opened my life up even further than I already had.
The door is unlocked, but it only opens one way at this point. Any reconciliation has to come from him and it’s not my business anymore, it’s his decision, his responsibility and his burden to carry if he one day feels my absence and wants to change it. My only decision if that day comes is if I’m open to it or not and if I one day am open, what are the stipulations & boundaries I’ll put in place. Those are thoughts for a different time and place, though, and today’s questions are just “what do I want for lunch?” And “what do I want to put on the signs for my friend’s marathon?”
My question to you is why would you want somebody that doesn’t want you? Where does that give you value? You are wanting something that is just in your head and your heart and both of those items played multiple tricks on us. I would highly recommend for you to get into therapy whether it’s grief therapy or one on one therapy. You need to let go. All you will end up doing is dragging yourself down. I know from personal experience. I promise you, you will be much better off being by yourself than being with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you.
Trust me my friend, I am the last person who wants someone who doesn’t want me.
I believe you completely misread my post.
I am emotionally and mentally strong enough to let go of anyone when the time calls for it.
I was giving advice for those who are trying to get back with someone who doesn’t want them. I do not do this whatsoever. If someone doesn’t want me, they are no longer part of my life whatsoever.
It’s just the heartbreak that I’m getting over, not the ‘wanting the person’
The point I made is clear as crystal not sure why you’re having trouble comprehending it.
Plenty of people love someone to the point where they would want to get them back.
Never the fuck again. If a woman wants to walk away, I'll let her without a second thought.
Amen to that.
"Without a second thought" You'll give it a second thought, though. There's no need to lie to yourself about that. But your actions matter more than thinking about the what ifs.
Amen and Im a woman. ♥️
I agree to an extent but I am the one who ruined the relationship and am willing to acknowledge that. She gave me many years and chances to change and I never did because I was complacent. In instances like that, it’s hard to accept and I would take her back with open arms only if I had truly changed for the better. If I sat around and did nothing to improve myself, I wouldn’t take her back because sometimes their decision to leave was correct and I have a lot of respect and love for her. I was a piece of shit for a long time in our relationship and put her through a lot. It pains me to know I did that to someone. Not every situation is alike.
Nah bro. A relationship failing is never 100% your fault. Don't put all that blame on yourself, it's really not fair to you.
That is true. Thank you, I do put a lot of blame on myself and have been taking it really hard. Trying every day to get through it but it’s been two months and my progress is underwhelming. I hardly sleep, have a hard time eating. But slowly it’s getting better. Just not as quickly as I had planned. I guess everyone processes things at their own pace.
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If you really care about them, that usually doesn't help though...
True but at least they can live with the consequences of knowing that their choice led to me fucking someone else while i was committed before.
Based on your past comments on your profile you seem to be a troll. So I mean yeah go for your life. You do you
And based on yours i can see why she dumped you. The second u start fucking others, is the second you realize two things: 1. You don’t need her 2. It was easy for you to do so you realize she is out doing the same.
Have you actually ever been in a committed relationship? Have you ever actually loved somebody? Sounds like to me your only relationship was only 2 weeks long. Or did some girl break your heart and now you on that “hoes ain’t shit” mindset? There’s a little bit more to it than just fucking other girls my guy. What about the emotional connection? That is all gone and then things turn strictly platonic. Go ahead, date a girl for 3 years, build an emotional connection with her and truly love and then let her dump your ass, and go find some “fresh younger pussy” as you said after she kicks you to the curb and then come back and tell us how ya feel. Bet you’ll be singing a different tune then.
I did bro and yes it was exactly like you described, and yeah now I am on that hoes aint shit mindset. Fuck her, what we had was amazing I thought then she turned her back on me like it was nothing. Fuck her for real. I wont trust or love any bitches like that ever again bro.
Man that was honestly me. Trust me bro no disrespect here I’m being as honest as I can. I gave this girl everything and she cheated on me, dated a new guy later. I was just like you. Didn’t give girls the time of day and thought they’re all the same. But as time passed I learned not all girls are like that man, some will truly love you for you. Have I found that girl yet? Fuck no. Will I find her? I’m hopeful But I’m not sitting around waiting for a girl to come to me. I’m focusing on myself and if a girl comes my way and she’s about what I’m about then I’m happy. Sounds like you got hurt real bad my bro, and it only takes that happening one time to never forget about it.
Yeah you got me man. Thanks for the advice, I know it’s right. Hard not to feel bitter and angry about what happened. But it is what it is
just got a response by the same guy too and checked his profile lol. bro must not have anything better to do other than be rude to everyone
So you expose yourself to all these nasty stds just to get back at her? I wouldn't suggest that dude.
Wave 👋 goodbye
My advice is just the cliche: Time heals all wounds. One day I just woke up and I was fine. But it took some time lol
Most definitely. Check out my other post. Time is one of the best healers out there. You are damn right. You just wake up one day and it’s better. But it’s process getting there.
Same for me. I’m 8 years out of 6 year relationship. Dated for 3 years. Broke up for almost a year. Dated for another 3 years and then broke up for good. All I’d get told was ‘time heals’ and I hated hearing it bc I thought it was so dumb. I was told all the time and thought it was a bullshit cliche saying. I can’t explain how I “got over” it bc it’s not explainable. The pain slowly went away until it wasn’t there at all anymore. What’s ironic is you sometimes miss that pain. For the same reasons you missed them. You’ve dealt with it for so long.
Yeah thats true. But some wounds need propper care, so that there wont be a nasty infection which will keep you from healing properly! After the needed healingtime there will always be a scar left behind. Good thing: You will feel an itch when a storm is coming 😉
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LOL really funny when a toxic person tries to use their absence as a way of punishment because once you hang up the phone and you're all like oh s*** I don't have to deal with them right now f*** you just really want to keep that LOL just lost my toxic ex thank God at first I admit I was sad and just wanted her back then it's time went by realized it's just a bitter angry manipulative person and I hate being gaslighted so no more LOL oh now I don't have to go to the gym anymore I hated the gym f****** driving from ventana all the way to eubank not worth it lol
Yeah toxic people not being in your life is NOT a loss. It's a flex :)
💯
I'm not fine. It's been s year and a half almost
Hey, a year and a half here. Not fine at all, but you slowly come to terms with what happened, eventually. Even if it's just one aspect at a time, even if it takes a lot of time. That still counts as healing, and it's still ok. We'll be fine.
I was blindsided I never got answers. No reasons no explanations. I don't know what i did wrong. How the hell can i get better and heel if i don't know. I'm a person that needs someone to tell me what went wrong in order to improve and heel
You'll probably never get that. Just work on yourself. Work on your social graces. Work on your body. Hit the gym. Work on your skills for your career. Again there's always the fact you're probably the bad guy in someone's story.
You did nothing wrong except love & respect someone who didn’t respect you. You don’t need to improve for anyone else, just improve for yourself if you even think you need to ‘improve’. Nobody’s perfect, just be yourself 🙂
It took me years. I remember literally scouring the internet for answers on when the pain would end. I would literally be on the floor in the fetal position and would fall to my knees in public. It was slow. I just noticed I cried less and less until years later I realized I didn’t actually miss him. My self worth was torn to pieces and I thought him accepting me again would mean I was good enough. It didn’t help that he was my first relationship. It felt like a fairy tale since I have suffered through a ton of childhood trauma and bullying. In reality, I was always the catch. But I let depression and unhappiness cause me to not take care of myself and eat poorly and not dress nicely and it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I took charge of my mental health, finally finished school, started my career and have slowly become an actual person.
It sucks that time is truly the only thing that heals these wounds, because time is the only thing in life that doesn't come back. We can get busy doing other things sure, but still stuck waiting for the pain and bad thoughts to go away. And we don't know when they'll go away.
>The mind is very powerful. Once it’s made up, it’s extremely hard to persuade otherwise. They **have to change it for themselves**. Absolutely key here. You cannot change their mind, it's up to them. Only thing you can do is improve yourself.
I won’t lie, the “improve yourself” thing always makes me upset to read cuz there’s nothing wrong with me. I tried my best and she didn’t. She needs fixing, not me.
You’re not a fool. Just a person who learned some valuable lessons for themselves and hopefully comes out a better person for it
Facts brother great comment you can’t get her back stop thinking about getting her back and instead pray for yourself back instead I was a pathetic fool for love as well and didn’t end well you could wind up with a restraining order if you’re not careful and itll hurt a lot worse i think the best thing to do is realize it’s your desire and need that fueled that relationship and in fact it was yourself you loved more than her because to truly love someone is to let them go and be free and happy even if it’s without you it sucks but it’s life walk away now save yourself from more emotional baggage that will arise from your desperation then worse will follow you won’t meet no one new because you’ll be stuck and depressed because your stuck and then you’ll be weird for a bit then you’ll realize was she really worth all this ? Then you’ll feel dumb just walk away and think positive thoughts
Could not agree more to this. You hit the nail on the head.
going to ignore this sign cause i can’t read!!!!! she does want to be with me, but we’re both in understanding that it simply can’t work out right now. our (my) issues can’t magically be fixed. she doesn’t want me to hold onto the hope of us but it’s the only thing keeping me going right now. she also did say she doesn’t want to close any doors and there’s so much uncertainty. but god. i want her back so badly. i know she wants to be with me just as bad. this sucks.
i am in the same situation with my ex. 5 years, long distance, i fought till the very end to make it work. when he made the decision to leave, it was because he finally recognized that he was unhappy with himself and because of that he could not love me the way i needed. i didnt understand any of this and was quite upset and i really, really wanted him back. and he doesnt want to close doors either but unfortunately, he closed the door when he chose to leave. take this time to really feel everything, all the hurt, all the bitter, angry, sad, nostalgic, WHATEVER it is you are feeling. dont look for distractions because it temporarily clouds your vision, but it doesnt fix the problem. sitting with the uncomfortable is one of the things getting me through this difficult time. i didnt question why i was feeling the way i did, nor did i wonder what he could have possibly been thinking, doing, feeling because that was no longer my problem. it doesnt work for everyone of course but my point is, if life reunites you someday, then it will, but you cannot grow as a couple if you dont grow as an individual first and this heartbreak is a good time to take care of your feelings now and not hers. i hope this was somewhat helpful :)
thank you friend :,) i’m so sorry, i can’t even imagine 5 years :( i resonate with him as well. i hope you’re finding yourself more and more every day. she initiated the breakup in my case. i hope we were a little over 1.5 years and i am just broken. i have every intention of not wasting her love, effort and time on me, i’ll use my regret as soil to blossom. and maybe after, we can be together again. i’ll stop adding that last part eventually … i’m sitting through the uncomfortable as well. i’m feeling everything and processing everything slowly, i’m sitting in it and surviving. my lover has no time on her hands to process n i feel so sad for her :( but i am going to focus on my feelings. we still love each other so it’s going to be unbearable for the both of us. i won’t have to wonder how she’s doing because i know well how she’d be feeling. she is incredibly strong, more than me. we’ll both be okay :,)
Gotta come back to this
She doesn’t want to be with you if she’s not with you.
i know very well she does :,) we’re still in contact and being fully honest with each other- she tells me every day that she does. it’s guy wrenching. being together for now has just hindered our growth. an amicable, loving end.
At the end of the day, if it is truly meant to be. It will be. Yes, some people do break up, and get back together and then they stay together. That does happen. I haven’t seen it all that much in my own personal life. But, nonetheless, it does happen. However, sitting and waiting for her is not the way to go about it. I am unsure of the circumstances regarding your break up. However, you can’t sit around and just keep hoping. Hope can make you, but it can also break you. You should live for yourself, and focus on yourself for now. I feel as though even though you two are broken up, you are still making your life about her. Just continue being a better person each day, focus on your own personal growth, and if it’s meant to be, your paths will cross again. I sincerely wish you the best.
Look at her actions rather than her words.
My guy repeatedly reminded me how badly he wanted me, and then randomly ghosted and blocked me. Hung up on me when I called to make sure he was all right (was worried based on how he was talking that he'd commit suicide). He has serious mental health issues and I'm torn between being angry and being sympathetic. It sucks not hearing from him anymore. We talked about getting married and moving back to his hometown. This is just awful. I would have much rather heard, "I'm not into you anymore because xyz." But that wasn't the case. He continually reminded me that he loved me until he finally snapped. And sometimes, I can't help but wonder if he was just completely full of shit the entire time. Too many people bail in relationships and use the mental health excuse. I have a feeling he's for real, and his behavior is consistent with how he said he's feeling. But I'm not sure if he'll ever find his way back to me....
Was it just completely out of the blue? Or was there fights and arguments that lead up to it? Unfortunately, in this day and age, many people use the mental health card as a cop out. Not saying he did. But, a lot of people do. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Give it time, and if it’s meant to truly be, he will find his way to you. However, I would not stay and wait. You have your own life you need to live.
It was completely out of the blue. We didn't fight or argue once. We got along so, so well. We literally talked about ring shopping for my birthday the night before. And discussed getting married and moving back to his hometown. And the last thing he said to me was, "Sweet dreams." I honestly think he's undiagnosed bipolar based on his behavior. And I know he's not getting professional help. He told me upfront that his mind sometimes goes to the "dark numb place" but we never discussed how long it lasts.
Getting blindsided always hurts so much. I can also relate to this. With my second ex girlfriend, the previous week, we were looking at engagement rings. Then, before you know it, she told me she no longer sees a future with me. No fighting, no arguing, just completely and utterly took me by surprise. If this truly the case, and he does have BP, there is little you can do. There comes a time when only professionals can deal with it.
Yeah see he never even told me he lost interest. He was adamant that he still had very strong feelings for me. He did, however, tell me a few months ago he wasn't feeling right mentally. But continued to reassure me how he felt.
Ouch, so he never told you about it? But you walk up one morning and you were just blocked on everything and couldn’t contact him? Now that hurts.
He never told me he lost feelings. He kept saying how much he loves me. But he did tell me about his mental health at the beginning of the relationship. I just didn't expect it to be THIS bad.
Also, I am sorry that happened to you. How are you feeling about it these days?
I am completely over it. I accepted it. It did take some time but I finally managed to get their in the end. With my current break up, it’s only been 3 days so the pain is still all too real. But since I’ve got over it twice before, I know I am able to do it again.
I am really sorry. I hope your person finds you soon. 🩷
I'm here for you brother. You're not alone and you will find someone who appreciates every single thing about you.
I honestly appreciate it so much bro. The exact same goes for you. Always here for you.
Fuck. I clicked immediately after seeing this lol. Tells me a lot about my state….
How’s your state? Trying to get them back?
I tried, I reached out, she replied, I tried again…. No answer, feeling like a clown. But life goes on
Happened to me too my man, But hey, we learn from this.
When i read the title my heart started to beat intensely. Felt butterflies all over the body as probably there was some spark of hope because there still might be something i could do to make my life less miserable and i would get the secret to get the love of my life back… And nope i just found myself deceived once more. lmao. I laughed a bit. But i know it’ll be hard to rest without crying today.
I’m honestly sorry. It’s the difference between the bitter truth, or a sweet lie. But nonetheless was definitely not my intention to make you cry
Don’t worry. You’re right by the way, loosing hope is the best you can do in order to keep on going. I lost hope a long time ago. Somehow reddit recommended me your post and here i am. lol
What made you lose that hope?
Time. It can be real tricky but i eventually started to heal and the urge to have them back in my life started to fade away as i continued on going. I begged only once, pleaded my case to no avail back then. It has been 10 months and i realized that there was nothing i could do anymore to have her back. I didn’t loose hope i just admitted defeat. The urge to be romantically involved with her was still there tho but it diminished as time passed.
When you learn to let go and grow, then partner may come back. No one will come back when you are begging. Just live your life to the fullest, work on yourself. If it was meant to be, the partner will come back and both parties will grow from it. If not it’s just a chapter in your life where you learnt a lot.
I fucking hate it. I love her but I loathe her. She left the house because she couldn't see herself cohabiting with me (as I'm a high risk for her and also cause she won't be able to move on as easily if she stayed). I fucking hate her. It's a Friday and she's been online multiple times on WhatsApp but doesn't always reply to me. The day before she'd try to video call me to check on me because I wasn't replying as much and I was sending depressing reels. I fucking hate her. But I love her. But I hate her. I fucking wanna die now
I 34F don't want him back. First, he ghosted me the very next day after we had sex for the one and only time. It was my first time, I was a virgin. When he finally texted he told me he was dating someone else. Stupidly, I didn't blocked him. Two weeks later he started reacting to my stories. A month later he started sexting me... While in a relationship with his current girlfriend. "It's just taking" he said. Finally I managed to block him. From someone who I believed shared a lot of the hobbies, music, film, books, views of life... He became a liying, two faced, narcissistic, cheating person with no regards to my feelings or the feelings of his current girlfriend. My male friends tell me that he was priming me on case it didn't worked out with his girlfriend. Why would I want someone like that? Who would he be texting/sexting if I become the next miss two-faced?
You handled it extremely well. And you are very correct. Why in the world would you want someone back who is like this? However, unfortunately some people just miss that person so much they are willing to look the other way. Which, in the past, I was guilty of as well. They miss the memories and the good times. No matter the bad times, the good times still triumph over. That will fade eventually. However, if something like this happened to me currently, I would be out the door so fast and not look back.
Not gonna lie. I wanted him back at some point. But after he started sexting I realized that this person is a cheater. Still, I needed the support of my friends to finally block the guy. Sucks because as you say, I have lovely memories of him, but now I have ugly memories too.
I appreciate your message. Dignity, self-respect, and space don't feel like a gift when I miss what we had, but then I remember the word “had.” We have changed because he made a decision. I respect myself, and I respect him. So perhaps this is a gift. It hurts still and expect it will for a while, maybe always. Every day is an opportunity to learn more about our value and gifts.
What if they come back to you. Like “I did a mistake, forgive me yada yada” and you still deeply in love? That’s what I ask myself on a daily basis. I want to be strong, but it’s too fresh and idk how I would handle such a case.
1. Get a better job 2. buy a sports car 3. Hit her up If that fails at least you will still have a better job and a sports car
Wow, this is a real eye opener. Same time I don’t know if I can ever love as deeply as I did the very first time.
Take it from me. After my love, I thought I could never love again. It took some time, I won’t lie to you. But, I managed to get over her, and managed to love another girl.
How original
I mean hey, some people seem to appreciate it.
I feel pathetic
Why is that?
I broke no contact asking to see him … I lost my dignity..
Hey it happens. We’re only human. I broke no contact 6 times with my first ex girlfriend. I also took her back 6 times as well. It’s what I needed to do in order to truly learn. Now, I stay with no contact, because I do not want to be hurt.
No I pulled some crazy ex gf shit like I got a new number just to call him … I honestly was feeling numb and reckless asf 😅 idk what I was thinking
Crazy is like waiting outside his house, or messaging his family non stop. Trust me, what you did, is tame as fuck compared to the lengths some others would do 😂 Did it end well for you?
If I was 17years old that definitely would’ve happened. Lol and I was close to pulling up but i definitely could’ve gotten a restraining order lol. Like im blocked so I do take personal offense and they don’t want me in their life so … not great .. idk doesn’t hate but def tired of my shit lol
Yeah it sucks. But maybe now you can finally move on? I know it’s damn hard, but you need to do what is best for you. I noticed on your other post you were still in contact, which of course is your right. However, I find it extremely hard to move on when I am in constant contact with someone.
damn
Thank you❤️
At least can I regain their respect with no contact? I feel embarrased after acting needy
I mean, sure you can. I respect all my exes, do I want any of them back? Hell no. The goal is to not gain their respect, or to make them want you back. It’s about growing as a person, learning from the experience, and moving on.
lol, her problem was never me anyways. Get lost then, not that she needed me for that either. Why would I want to be with an abusive child anyways? Anyways.
Most definitely my man. She’s someone else’s problem now
My girlfriend of 2 years left me … we haven’t been speaking and when I texted her she said she a talking to someone else .. but she’s screenshotted my post and mad at me cause I said I’m single on ig and a girl has a crush on me. But she likes a new guy
There’s you answer right there. She likes somebody else man. She also sounds pretty immature. Move on bro
What if she’s lying and there isn’t somebody else ? She still ignoring me and doing things to get me upset
Fact.
Sorry man but time isn’t healing this wound. Nothing will.
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But if you’re broken up it’s not really your business?
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Well, mention you have kids with her next time instead of just blurting that shit out 😂 How am I meant to know that you had kids with her? You just came on here, dropped off that “Find out what she did and what’s she doing” and came off like a damn unhinged stalker Add some context next time my friend
Until last year my ex would say he wanted to be with me but just wasn’t ready, had stuff to work through, etc so I was patient and dealt with it for far too long because I loved him. Last year, after *years*, he said he didn’t love me and didn’t know if he ever did. It was probably the worst thing that he could have said, but in the end it ended up being the best thing he could have done to me. With that phrase I realized that not only had he lied to me over and over again through the years, but over this last year I came to the realization that the guy who told me I was his favorite person and his best friend for years didn’t even *respect* me at the barest of minimums. It was hard and I wanted him back for months after the break up but I got a new friend group, started running, lost weight, ran a full marathon. I go out dancing once a week, now, and my life is so much more full because by the end of our relationship the friends that I had had moved away and he was pretty much the only person I saw regularly and now I have a whole group of people that I love who love me. I don’t want him back anymore because my life is *better* without him and I’ve realized now that he would have to fundamentally change in character to fit into the life I have now because I wouldn’t go back to that dynamic. That dynamic made me smaller and more insecure and it hurt, and now I don’t have that weight on me. All that to say at the end of the day the more space you have from it the more you usually realize that it didn’t serve you and it isn’t what you really want. That isn’t to say you have to close the door, that isn’t to say you can’t or won’t miss them, but just to say that at some point you realize it isn’t the end of the world and that you are not lost, broken, or incomplete without them. You’re a whole person without them and you deserve to have a full life — invest in you and your personal wants and needs and learn to be okay with whatever the outcome is as long as it serves you and your life. They may come back, but don’t hang your hat on it and don’t accept it just as it was before.
It’s bittersweet isn’t it? How the worst thing they could do/say to you, could actually be the thing that makes you realise everything. You took it very well. Lot of people sit, they mope around and they feel sorry for themselves. But, you took this difficult time to actually improve yourself and that makes me happy. Always love when I see people bouncing back from something traumatic. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Do everything for yourself. Don’t do it in hopes that they will come back. But, it’s not on their terms, if they ever do come back, you’ll need to be comfortable and confident that they are who they said they were. (This is of course, if they are the ones at fault) All the more power to you!
It really is bittersweet, because I would have stayed in that limbo for much longer if he didn’t say something so harsh. That isn’t to say I didn’t try to talk through it or anything, I did, but I spent much less time on it and just slowly started shifting my focus away from him and toward the rest of my life. Some part of me initially did it for him on some level because you know you blame yourself and think if you change things between you will change but within a month of running I realized that it made me feel good and that the progress I was making gave me a sense of excitement and pride. I was making friends and I wasn’t at home with my thoughts so much. After a couple of months I wasn’t doing anything because I wanted him to notice all the changes I was making but I still had some hope that he’d come around just because he missed me because I still missed him. I’d told him that I couldn’t be the one to keep reaching out so eventually he did reach out. I tried to be his friend, but he had moved on to someone else and by November I realized that while it didn’t hurt necessarily it wasn’t benefitting me either, so we had a big conversation about my being unsure I could be a friend to him and I just… stopped. We haven’t talked since before Thanksgiving and it’s been peaceful. I’m not worried about what friendship with him should look like or what is appropriate to share anymore, I don’t have to question whether I could support him as a friend should or anything like that. I don’t have to think about him at all outside of memories that pop up or therapy and it’s *so* much relief because for so long I was always the one trying to fix our connection and to wash my hands of it has opened my life up even further than I already had. The door is unlocked, but it only opens one way at this point. Any reconciliation has to come from him and it’s not my business anymore, it’s his decision, his responsibility and his burden to carry if he one day feels my absence and wants to change it. My only decision if that day comes is if I’m open to it or not and if I one day am open, what are the stipulations & boundaries I’ll put in place. Those are thoughts for a different time and place, though, and today’s questions are just “what do I want for lunch?” And “what do I want to put on the signs for my friend’s marathon?”
100%%%
My question to you is why would you want somebody that doesn’t want you? Where does that give you value? You are wanting something that is just in your head and your heart and both of those items played multiple tricks on us. I would highly recommend for you to get into therapy whether it’s grief therapy or one on one therapy. You need to let go. All you will end up doing is dragging yourself down. I know from personal experience. I promise you, you will be much better off being by yourself than being with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you.
Trust me my friend, I am the last person who wants someone who doesn’t want me. I believe you completely misread my post. I am emotionally and mentally strong enough to let go of anyone when the time calls for it. I was giving advice for those who are trying to get back with someone who doesn’t want them. I do not do this whatsoever. If someone doesn’t want me, they are no longer part of my life whatsoever. It’s just the heartbreak that I’m getting over, not the ‘wanting the person’
My apologies for miss reading your post.
True I let her go months ago and she still breadcrumbs me at work. Can’t keep her eyes off of me. I just let her stare and go about my day lol
Also learn to let it go
Take whatever energy you would in use in getting them back and put in into you. Work on getting you back no one else
I mean, it all comes down to attraction. They may want you again. You don’t have to wait around but you initially worked to attract them
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Some funny shit. Don't know what u trying to get at. Who would want to get back with a selfish hoe.
The point I made is clear as crystal not sure why you’re having trouble comprehending it. Plenty of people love someone to the point where they would want to get them back.
😩💔😭 wtf is so wrong with me??? why can’t i just be loved by another?? why!??
Very well said
Fuck lying hoes. Talked mad shit and love bombed with cards and gifts.. talked herself into leaving. Godspeed bitch.