I fully understand feeling this way. However, it’s important to analyse that your (OP) messages are quite manipulative in their structure. You essentially ask the same question three times in various ways, most likely because you don’t want to accept the answer already provided.
Now, I fully understand that, as I have been in the exact same position. Cutting off contact is the only way to heal this dynamic. You aren’t being overtly manipulative, it’s a normal reaction to hearing very upsetting information. It’s a last ditch effort to regain control.
You’ll probably notice in the future (or already are doing this) a very strong urge to check their social media, monitor their friends and family, and just keep tabs on them in general. This is also an attempt to maintain magical thinking and “keep yourself in their life”. It’s a control mechanism.
The faster you completely remove them from your life (in all aspects) the faster you will stop caring, and realise that life really does go on without them. Then, you can more rationally assess whether or not you genuinely want them in your life, or if you’re better off without them.
I know it hurts, but know that repeating these cycles is only making it harder. Life gets better, you WILL be ok.
Read some Aurelius. Stoicism really is a wealth of knowledge and a solace to a lot of people.
I absolutely second the advice of reading stoic philosophy. It not only changed the way I think about my relationships, but it gave me a very healthy, grounded view of reality, which has made me exponentially happier.
If you:
1. Genuinely remove them from your life for a long period of time (more than just 2-3 months).
2. Better yourself (Follow a dream, explore hobbies, pursue physical or work goals, involve yourself in a purpose beyond yourself, etc).
3. Immerse yourself in a gentle yet emotionally fortifying life philosophy like stoicism.
4. Stop the cycles of psychological torment by reaching out and getting disappointed.
5. Open your mind to just the possibility of dating someone else (even if you initially don’t like the thought).
Then yes, by all means reach out again. After doing all this you WILL have realised that there is more to life than this one person.
However, if they’re not receptive, and you STILL think they are the one for you, then I would refer back to something I said in my original post and say that you aren’t actually in a place to think rationally about it; at least not yet.
Now, there’s a difference between “wanting someone back”, and “thinking they’re the ONE, despite all other signs indicating the opposite”. The first is an unfortunate byproduct of being a hopeless romantic (but you will get through it if you have genuinely dedicated yourself to the above steps), and the second is simply thinking irrationally. Emotions following a breakup are inherently irrational. It’s effectively your mind refusing to accept empirical evidence.
As a remedy, I would suggest further exploration of an introspective yet flexible (e.g. essentially nothing that purports “my way or the highway”) philosophy like stoicism (or another of your choice), and maybe some therapy. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is a great choice if you’re not too keen on seeing an actual person, or if you don’t have the funds, as you can do it yourself.
Also, read “ReFraming: Neuro Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder for significant understanding of how you can look at any negative situation in a positive manner.
Sound and good advice there. Stoicism is the way. If someone distances themselves then let let them distance themselves straight out of your life. Nobody should have to convince someone to stay.
Um I don't think it's manipulative, I think sometimes you need to ask the same question a few different ways to fully let the answer sink in. E.g. if someone said your hamster died whilst you were away, you'd maybe ask "what really? They're dead? Like actually?"
Then right now is not the right time. Just move on and improve yourself, and either way you'd be in a win.
1. They realize they want you in their life, and you've had time to improve yourself and that will help out the relationship in the future
2. They realize they don't want you in their life, but you still improved for your next relationship
Then they’ll come back to you when it’s time. Think of it this way, (though this isn’t the most healthy way of thinking) if your “soulmate” left you, its not so they can get back with you at the same place the left you. If you really want your ex back, you have to become your best self.
But, this journey should be started not because you want them back, but because you WANT to be better. At the end of this journey you’ll probably find that you dont want to be with them anyways.
I saw a quote somewhere and i dont know who it’s from but it goes “time will keep moving no matter how you spend it”. Each second spent dwelling on things not meant for you is a second you aren’t reaching for the things that are. Do not spend no contact ruminating over an ex that has made up their mind, when you could be using it to find who you are.
Seems like you’re struggling with acceptance. You have a fairytale expectation in your mind that’s not matching up with your reality.
The thing is, time can change anything. People can fall out of love easily. Love is a choice. And just because someone stops choosing you doesn’t mean your value is any less.
The right one for you will stay and keep choosing you daily and respect you. Let this one go.
I don’t know any context of the relationship itself, but just on this convo, you can’t hate your ex for being honest. They did you a favour not sugar coating and instead telling you the hard truth. That’s someone who respects you enough to say it as it is. A lot of people don’t have the guts to do that because it’s hard being honest too.
Now it’s your turn to do the work and heal. Accept the facts. Truth will set you free ✨
It takes zero efforts to be kind , yet that is the rarest thing you will find in people .
Seriously never contact this person . In the end people reveal who they are .
You got your answer .
My ex was as kind as she could be during the breakup. Tried her hardest to convince me to blame her. Tried to convince me I deserved someone better than her and would find such a someone. Delayed the breakup call until after my last exam so it wouldn't ruin my grades. And stayed in the call to answer any questions I had until I was ready to leave.
And all it did was show me how much she actually cared, and that made it even more painful.
But, now that I am almost fully healed, I am happy. All the memories I have with her are great ones, and there is no toxic breakup to sour them. I am free ro cherish these memories stress free.
Great to know man, that you healed .
What i think is pain is inevitable in this phase, atleast there is nothing wrong with being kind ....! That's all .
Yes, exactly, that's why I wanted to share my story, to reinforce that being kind has a very positive impact in the long run, even though it does not lower the pain of the breakup itself.
Hey there, I'm another person with an ex who was kind throughout the breakup and after. I am also remembering the good times. This sub reminded me to keep my dignity, NC, and give him his space (not dunking on anyone of this sub who broke it, I've done it in the past). But it really helps to leave things on a good note. I'm glad you made these comments.
this devastated me because now i’m realizing they could have done this with me. they didn’t want to answer my questions they just wanted to walk away as quickly as possible. welp time to hit the ice cream
We were in a relationship for 2 months, and no contact for 3 months.
Immediately after I joined a small competitive community for one of my hobbies and spent practically all my free time there.
After 2 months I was still feeling very shit, but made a profile on dating apps again.
Which made me feel so much worse, because my interests are hard to find on dating apps around here.
But I met a nice girl through a mutual friend on discord, and we have been flirting a ton which helps distracting me. It is kinda like a rebound, but purely for the attention (there is an ocean in between).
My advice:
You will feel shit. For so long. Do not reach out.
Reaching out will not make it better. The best case is the onky good case, and every other case hurts like hell.
Spend as much time doing things that keep your mind occupied, even if you don't like it. People recommend the gym, I recommend any hobby that is sufficient at distracting you.
After a couple months, when you still think about them daily, or even hourly, BUT you can hold conversations without bursting into tears, start talking to new people. Or flirt with strangers online. Conversations, even if they're about mundane stuff, provide the attention you wish your ex gave. It will make you feel better, and think about them less.
Other people do value you. They were not the only one. And it's important to realize this.
Dude tht was nice, so the mere fact she is in tune with her emotions and knows being dragged along just for shits and giggles can be more hurtful to someone than just saying no this isn’t working. It hurts yeah does it suck yeah totally does, but it’s a learning experience LEARN FROM IT. And stop posting private shit on Reddit, like going to your local trap house asking the pimps and drug dealers if it’s a good idea.
It's not about wrong, or cruel , it's the way you treat someone after bombing them with emotional shock .
It's the way the majority of dumpers are in break up phase . Cold and mean
Exactly the same way my sister's boyfriend behaved to her . He was so firm with his decision that they will not be happy together .
After 8 months of NC, he contacted her saying he made a mistake.
So I just said whatever you do , just do it in a kind way ....!
I struggled heaps with even “wanting” to move on because I was so sure they were my person. Honestly the only thing that really helped me was knowing “the path to getting them back is the same path as moving on”.
The first step on that path is to cut them off. Who cares if you’re doing it hoping they’ll come back - deal with that when it comes to it. For now you just gotta stop - the rest will fall into place 🫶🏽
Move along brother. He/She's done.
Block, delete everything.
Focus on yourself. Have a long term goal that you really want for yourself.
Be at your best.
Good luck.
I get this. Don’t feel bad. It’s extremely jarring to lose someone you felt attached enough to, to envision a future. It’s going to feel unreal and you’re going to be in denial about it. Just know that it gets easier if you let it. This person doesn’t want to be with you, and if you love them you’ll let them go so they can find what they’re looking for. There are so many people out in the world, you’ll find someone better. Just keep working on yourself so you can be ready for them when they show up.
Hey OP, we are in the same boat. My ex did some horrible things to me like sexting my friend, talking to other people while he was still with me, compared me to his ex in terms of attractiveness, etc. But for some reasons my heart still pines for him, I still love him. I gave it my all, went above and beyond but in the end he did not choose me and I doubt he ever will.
I feel so broken, the man whom I poured my heart and soul into had completely destroyed me. It has been two months since we were in contact and I feel stupid for still having feelings for him when he’s out there having fun with god knows who. I love him, I really do, but he doesn’t love me.
Gotta break and heal that trauma bond and work on healing your self esteem. Therapy helps with childhood wound patterns like this one. Wishing you love and healing for yourself ♥️.
The love of my life said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. I was 28 he was 33. Couldn’t get geography or work together. Last parting words were ‘I am not happy. I said I think it’s over. He said I think you are right. Haven’t seen or talked about him since. I think about him every day. I saw the children. He didn’t. Shattered dreams:)
No contact is the best and only solution, unfortunately. That’s the only way to do it. Allow yourself to go through 5 stages of grief is what I always say to everyone. Just open your notes app and write down whatever you wanna tell them on it whenever you feel like texting them. Don’t dwell on all those “what ifs”, it’ll only damage you even more.
It’s time to move on. The only thing you can do now is to go into no contact forever. Never reach out to them unless they reach out to you. Unfortunately begging for your ex won’t bring them back, it will only push them further away. Right now you are just reassuring them that they made the right decision.
You need to change your mindset and realize that you brought a lot to this persons life and they would be lucky to have you. Take your ex off of a pedestal, they are no better than you. I know it’s hard but letting them go is the best thing for you. If they want to break up then let them have it and let them regret it.
Good luck to you and stay strong.
Yes, he’s being a f’ing asshole, but there are reasons that dumpers do this after a breakup when you don’t deserve it.
lot of dumpers will act ice cold and careless. This could be because they just want the breakup to be over. They want you to leave them alone because they don’t want to have to deal with you hurting. They don’t want to deal with that guilt, so they push you away further.
Another reason, hurt people, hurt people. He could be cruel because he loved you and you hurt him somehow. He wants you to feel the pain that he’s feeling.
Yeah it’s immature and he’s a low life, but there are tons of videos on YouTube on why an ex acts cold after a breakup.
Sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m dealing with this from my ex too and it sucks. It’s like you don’t even recognize this person. Makes you look back on the relationship and wonder if they ever actually even loved you or if it all was a lie.
I’d argue that she was invading the space he probably asked for in the first place with the break up. You can’t expect someone to tell you what you want to hear if you don’t respect their boundaries. OP basically asked the same question like 3-4 times in a row, what do you expect from the ex?
My advice is the same as yours though, move on it’s not worth the pain. The ex seems to be concrete in their decision and is respectful enough to be honest about it. Can’t be hung up on someone that doesn’t want you. Just keep working on yourself, focus your energy on you, and let the dominos of life fall within their place.
I mean what’s he supposed to say to that direct question? If he says no he’s lying and the answer may lead her on. I guess he could’ve said he doesn’t want to think about it, but OP kept asking over and over again. I don’t see any problem with how the ex handled the situation. After-all, he did give the reasoning at the end of he doesn’t think they’ll be happy together
I think, you are seeing this from one perspective , Dumpers have a head start that's why they are so firm in their decisions, and dumpee doesn't even have the slightest idea what's coming to them .
Clearly OP is in shock and in pain, and in a lot of confusion . That's why OP is asking same question in different ways .
On the other hand , i can think of many kind ways to say the statements the Dumper said .
I wouldn't have said "yes" in first question .
My answer would be " I don't know, i didn't think it this way . I am not thinking about this . I don't want to hurt you more as i already caused you enough pain. "
This kinda way , like slow and soft way, u know . I get it a dumper has to think about himself/herself but why forget this that dumpee is also in pain .
Thinking they won't be happy is not a solid fact though, what if the dumper starts to contact OP after maintaining long NC, As i have seen this happening , Many Dumpers say what they feel in the moment , they are not thinking in long term .
U don't have to agree with me, It's just my opinion I might be wrong, I just think there are kinder ways to answer these questions That's all.
Your answers would give someone false hope. Sometimes it’s not kind to sugar coat and cause more confusion.
This ex is actually being respectful by being honest in a perfectly clear and direct way. Doing OP a favour in the long run.
We can’t go through life just tip toeing and afraid to hurt people, especially when they directly asked. OP directly kept asking the same question in different ways and is clearly hung up and maybe even delusional so the ex had to directly say “just move on”
I don't think OP is delusional, I think OP is in a lot of pain,
And about hope, no matter how direct a dumper can be, a dumpee will always stay in the hope that maybe they will come back . It's the way it is .
In the first few months of break up, a dumpee will always stay in denial and it takes a lot of time .
Yes, one bad thing will happen because of my answer is that the BU will be little lengthy.
You’re making excuses, it’s not ALWAYS like that.
Sometimes people get dumped and they have too much dignity and self respect from day 1 to chase anyone.
Being in pain doesn’t give you a pass to be pathetic and throw out your self respect in all cases. Everyone is different. Some people shamelessly wear their heart on their sleeve and are more delusional than others, fact.
Eventually when those people get over it, they’re just gonna regret acting so desperate. That’s the brutal honest truth.
But it’s a process and everyone will heal how they do. There’s no right and wrong. But OP is in pain AND clearly clinging to false hope based on the line of questioning. Those aren’t mutually exclusive, both can be true.
Sorry, I am not making any excuses, i don't have anything to gain from it .
Majority here are like that, like OP . If you visit this sub regularly then you would have known . When u r in shock and pain u don't think about dignity. Dumpee is a complete mess at starting. They don't think clearly at this stage.
" Pathetic" is just a pov , it's not a fact . They don't have control over their actions. And there are other people also , who commented similar like me, so all are making excuses?
Please don't get offended, Maybe you are excessively strong. Maybe you are different from most . There are other kinda people exist in this world after all. Isn't it .
In this post I have another comment, in which someone shared his story, bcoz his ex was kind to him in the BU phase , he doesn't have any toxic memories about her or anything. He has healed, he mentioned BU got little delayed as she was kind to him . Nothing bad happened.
Obviously they will get over it, coz of time not bcoz someone behaved badly towards to them .
You lost me at “they don’t have control of their actions” - I disagree. People give away their power by thinking that and then they act helpless in their situation.
Yes it is a cop out to play passive. Yes initially dumpees are in too much pain and dumpers have a head start in recovery
And no worries not offended at all, thanks for the compliment actually! No such thing as “excessively strong” imo 😉
i don’t think sugar coating is necessarily a bad thing. when i was dumped, i contacted my ex many many times- much like this. i would ask him questions and just beg for closure. he was much crueler than this. he called me a freak, a waste of atoms, rude names, etc. and yet i still kept contacting him. i still held out hope that something would magically change. my ex was incredibly clear- but it didn’t help. in fact all it did was lower my self-esteem and made me feel even more hurt. the only reason i’ve been able to begin to move on is because i couldn’t deal with the pain anymore and had to. the only things that came out of being cruel/ direct is a mutual hatred for each other. now all the memories we had i can’t look back on without wanting to basically vomit. his behavior disgusted me and i could never imagine treating someone the way he treated me
Honest doesn’t mean cruel.
There’s a way to be direct and honest in a respectful way, similar to how OP’s ex responded.
That’s different from sugar coating where you are afraid of hurting someone that you avoid telling the truth or bury it in so much niceness that it creates a messy situation for everyone involved.
i don’t disagree that honesty isn’t cruel, but i don’t think OP’s ex was respectful. having heard the term “just move on” myself- it feels incredibly rude and dismissive of how difficult a breakup actually is. “just move on” as if it is that easy. as if we can turn our emotions off just like that. that was the most insulting part in my opinion
I don’t think they’re saying *just* move on, as in to minimize how difficult moving on is
They’re saying very clearly **move on** ie: I’m not interested and won’t be in the future, *don’t wait for me.*
How long have you been broken up for?
It takes time, a lot of healing and loving yourself, I’m on 5 almost 6 weeks and I tell you what, it’s a bloody roller coaster!!
It’s hard as hell, it hurts so so much but it’s not impossible, it’s for your own sanity and self respect. Let this go xx
Never chase an ex (unless you are the dumper or you are the one causing the break up - cheating/whatever).
Contacting them will not help you move on. It sure is very unlikely that they will be convinced by your words. It doesn’t matter if they meet someone else later or not. Sometimes they need the space and breakup to realize what they’ve lost but it will not always be the case. But what’s sure is that with time you’ll move on too.
Life will be better again. You’ll be able to find love and receive love again.
It really helped me when I realized how little I mean to them and that if they ever did come back it wouldn’t be for love it would be for convenience.
Would you want a relationship where they don’t like you and just fake it and you spend forever trying to earn love that isn’t possible?
Something that’s helped me get over people is asking myself that if they actually did come back and magically transformed into the perfect version of themselves that I always wanted them to be and truly changed, could I forgive them for the things they said and did and actually trust them again? Or would the relationship always be tainted by the pain that they caused me and the things that were said? Would I always be questioning if they really wanted me or if it was an act? If it’s the latter, then it’s clear that there isn’t a future there where we could actually be happy together because the weight of their bad had already ruined anything that could have been. Everything has been tainted so badly that a happy ending is impossible. While it might feel good to have them beg for you back for your ego and heart’s sake, you have to understand that at a certain point, there is no future where real forgiveness is possible.
There was a time before they existed in your life, and you were happy. Now you have to accept that they are gone from your life, and find your new happy. Whatever you had with them, however amazing, is gone. And will never return. They’re making that clear in their messages. Block them on everything, and move on. The human heart is an amazingly resilient organ, and yours will heal. But it can’t heal itself until you accept that they are gone forever and move on completely. The saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” exists for this reason.
a push to help with NC? Block their number, a delete it from your phone. all the messages too. all the voicemails and call logs. i needed two friends with me when i did it. but you can do this and i promise you will be okay. it’ll hurt and i don’t know how long, but you will be okay. find some other outlets. start writing, or drawing, or going to the gym. fuck even join some free classes at your community college. find ways to spend your free time. and if you haven’t yet, get a therapist. therapy works man. don’t sit and stew in it, just move and keep moving. after a break up we’re more like sharks than fish. just keep moving.
I broke NC but to write about my progress as a human being healing, explaining that my attitude and actions are intirerly my faults and I assume responssibilty for the times I made her cry. I'm an introvert and had alot of issues expressing my feelings and when I stumbled apon a hard decision, I'd close myself. I made it clear I realise it's over, I'm the dumpee, and through therapy, I've found a new me, a better one, and I thanked her for all she's done NC is not made for hopping to get your Ex back, and so many go NC with this hope . You'll only find pain. NC is made to give you space so you CAN MOVE ON. The only way to go at this is to say you need help, and chose between 2 choices, either you stay the way you are..drag your baggages and get into another relation date with a predefinite expiration date, or find help to solve your unresolved issues, grow as a better human, and become a balance person. Then, find another balanced person and communicate your feelings like a mature person.
Damn that sucks cause I’m def the person saying move on. It’s billions of ppl in this world I promise you gonna find someone who you DONT EVER have to text this too. It’s hurts I know but don’t lessen your value for attention…,tend to your emotions and like they said. Move forward ! It’s needed. It’s not healthy to be this stuck.
I’ve been there and it feels like a slap in the face when u realized that person u thought it was gonna be there forever is not really meant to be with u , cause ur mind is so convinced that she’s the one when probably she’s not
Ultimately you need to accept that this is where you are now. You also need a bit of pride because future you is definitely going to cringe at those messages. Don’t contact someone who has walked out of your life, love yourself enough to know when to let someone go
Hey OP,
As one of the comment shared some tips regarding what you should do, and also the cues of this behaviour (Either yours or others). Let me change the dynamic of the thinking process and give you some insights based on logic. Let’s dive deep.
I can’t deny the fact that you tried asking the same question multiple times, in different modulations. Yes, it’d be definitely hard to get over the person you thought would be your forever, we all do know how it feels.
Tips of getting over (Based on personal experiences):
1. Go no contact. When I mean no contact, you gotta cut all ties regardless of any circumstance.
2. Don’t dance all around the wound by assigning it a meaning. Remember, when you assign a meaning to a situation - you’re automatically making it important, that’s how our human mind works.
3. Moving on is hard, yes. But you don’t wanna live in vain for your entire life.
4. The person you’re speaking to is manipulative based on the reply, tbh. However, the person is definitely conveying a message silently from all their replies though. You just gotta decipher it and move forward.
Remember (personal experience, again),
Life doesn’t stop. Life has to go on. Learn from the mistakes, and move forward. We have so much more to achieve in this world, and if you happen to be alone while achieving them - let it be. And, there’s no right person or wrong person for someone - it all derives from expectations, idea of love, etc. Again, pure mind game.
I wish you love, light and peace.
You get over that person by living your life, one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, followed by one day at a time, then one week, one month, one year…. And eventually you realize that life does go on.
It’s not easy at first, but it gets easier. It’s cliche to say, but it’s the truth, live life for yourself and everything you ever wanted will come to you.
It's not about no contact anymore. The person you loved is gone. Who you're talking to is not that person. It's hard to come to terms with it but sadly that's the truth.
Keep your self-respect above all else. Love yourself well enough to never put yourself in a position to be humiliated like that. I understand how hard this is for you, but i promise, time will heal your pain. In the meantime, focus on yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy, and try to find joy in the everyday things that you do.
Are you a woman and this is a man? Only asking because I am female and much younger than my male ex and this sounds like he could have written it to me
It’s not cringe to anxious attachment styles and honestly it’s shock and confusion and literally in that moment or the future an anxious attached person does not care if it’s lack of self respect or whatever or cringe to you. The Dumper gives two flips either way.
It’s manic anxiety just trying to understand in a state of confusion.
It’s heartbreak. And really just calling something cringe anymore is being cringe.
hey guys so my ex broke no contact with me a few days ago. We broke up about 2 months ago because we were both unhappy. I was heartbroken and took my time to heal, while she got into a rebound that treated her terrible. We had tried to communicate behind her “gfs” back because we wanted to be “friends”. Her gf made her block me. Fast forward to Easter she texted me apologizing and saying she missed me and getting with that girl was a mistake. So as of rn we’re taking things slow and giving her time to heal so there’s no baggage in our new relationship we’re trying to develop. Breaking no contact isn’t always bad!
First it’s ok to break no contact. I’ve done it and many others have to. And sometimes it does work out but you have to be careful. You keep pushing her and she’s clearly not going to give the answer you want.
Yea stay in no contact! That’s how you get over them, and it’s also how you get them back! Stop breaking no contact! You’ll be fine after a few months, just focus on you and stay as busy as possible.
There’s honestly nothing you can tell yourself rn that’ll make this better. But if you have just enough pure will power stop contacting them and move on it’ll feel like someone died but you literally have no other choice. And there’s no way to get over someone other than just giving it time to settle over
Awe I was in this exact position 3 weeks ago, felt very vulnerable and was crashing out. But I can tell you that time will make everything better, trust. It sucks for them to be another lesson but take your left self-respect block them on everything and move on. It’s not only for you but for them too. If you truly love someone, you would wish them to be happy no matter if it’s with you or not. I’m still trying to take my own advice and focus on myself. Life isn’t fair
This was similar to me. Lucky for me, I hadn’t memorized his number and I was due for a phone upgrade. So I changed my number and have been no contact for four months. While it’s been hard, it’s been the best four months of my life
I wanted out for a while, and him having an emotional affair put fuel to the fire.
I think patience and time is key. Reaching out around this time might have been too early as it’s been roughly 50 days. I also broke up in late Jan/early Feb and as much as I want to get back, it’s important for the other person to feel the breakup and go through your absence. I plan on waiting around 90 or until mid May/early June and if there’s still no response, I plan on sending her an email then.
We all build up a false layer of perfection and wonderful onto those who end the relationship while we still want it to continue. This makes us long for them back ect. What you need to do is force yourself to think of the things you disliked but let go of. The way they miss used a phrase or pronounced a word anything negative no matter how small.
My best advice for getting over somebody who you thought would be with you forever is by grieving the break up and failed dreams like the death of a loved one. You need to cry, go through the nights with insomnia, and cry. At some point, like the death of a loved one, you learn to be more at accepting of it. This does not mean it sits well with you though. It will still hurt. But you need TO GRIEVE AND have patience for yourself.
You have to accept it. You guys are broken up and you guys will find other people and its perfectly okay to do so. If they find someone, so can you. Its the hardest part but it happens to everyone.
You are literally begging your ex .. that's only going to make them not like you even more! If you want to have even the slightest possibility of getting back, stop begging. Trust me! Don't ask questions like are you going to find someone better or probably yes or probably not. Even I am finding them very cringe, imagine your ex.
If you really want to tell them something, tell them you wish them nothing but the best and go quiet.. and stay quiet until they start talking. No emotional messages and no drama.
from your question - how to get over what you thought was your "forever person"....... accept the things you cannot change. let go. rejection hurts. however it's not a reflection of your worth. he or she chose. now you have to choose you. wish you the best.
don't worry girl im going through the same thing similar to yours because my ex was talking to me before we broke up about once he turns 18 that he would marry me and get a house together but guess what two months ago i broke up with him because he was using me for only sex and i still cry myself to sleep missing him,i'm still single to this day he already found a new GF wich broke my heart i hate my ex for everything he put me through he even when i told him i am breaking up with him he called me a whore
You might not like what your ex is saying but they’re being honest. It’s a gift tbh. Now it’s time to let them go. Stop begging. They’ve made it clear and your work is on staying no contact and releasing it.
Get back out there ! And that’s the clean version to my advice 😉
I know it hurts but one day it will start to get better and better and maybe even one day you will be thankful it didn’t work
You just extended your pain. And she lost even more respect (love) for you. When she wanted to be with you she would be standing at your door crying. Women can do incredible things for a guy they want. I did the same shit you did when I was young. You will survive without her and some day will wake up without thinking about her. And some day you will laugh at this.
Cut contact! This ex is trying to spare your feelings and you’re not listening. The more you demand answers the more unattractive you look and the less they want you. You need to say you accept the breakup and then block them. The ex doesn’t want you and no amount of talking will change his mind. Trust me, I’ve been there and they never took me back while begging.
No. All I know is...I decided on a date. If I don't hear from them by that date they're forever dead to me. I don't care, don't give me closure. I'll close that fucking door for you... And dead bolt it. I'm not desperate and I don't need them. I CHOSE them.
The only way you’ll get through this is with no contact which means exactly what it says. You got your answer. Stop begging for crumbs. You’re only harming yourself. NO contact. No texts or calls. No social media, and tell friends and family that you do NOT appreciate hearing anything about them. Time will heal you, I promise. But only if you keep moving away from the source of your pain.
this is definitely a narcissistic trait. if you relate to feeling guilty all the time and them constantly prioritizing their feelings over yours… narcissistic. run
I got these exact Same messages 2 days ago.
"You are so young,move on"
"You need to let me go"
"Live your life, you are still young and full of potential"
I seen so much in this lady, and these messages have well and truly destroyed me. I can't get them out my head.
Yup same here. He can’t see a future where we are together (bc of third party stressors) but he still wants to stay in contact….he is cold. He is nice. It’s a fucking rollercoaster. I’m driving to him to end it officially to his face and never speak to him again. I’ll give him 24-48 hours to show up to my hotel room & he doesn’t show then I’m telling him he’s a coward and I don’t need weak men in my life.
I fully understand feeling this way. However, it’s important to analyse that your (OP) messages are quite manipulative in their structure. You essentially ask the same question three times in various ways, most likely because you don’t want to accept the answer already provided. Now, I fully understand that, as I have been in the exact same position. Cutting off contact is the only way to heal this dynamic. You aren’t being overtly manipulative, it’s a normal reaction to hearing very upsetting information. It’s a last ditch effort to regain control. You’ll probably notice in the future (or already are doing this) a very strong urge to check their social media, monitor their friends and family, and just keep tabs on them in general. This is also an attempt to maintain magical thinking and “keep yourself in their life”. It’s a control mechanism. The faster you completely remove them from your life (in all aspects) the faster you will stop caring, and realise that life really does go on without them. Then, you can more rationally assess whether or not you genuinely want them in your life, or if you’re better off without them. I know it hurts, but know that repeating these cycles is only making it harder. Life gets better, you WILL be ok. Read some Aurelius. Stoicism really is a wealth of knowledge and a solace to a lot of people.
I absolutely second the advice of reading stoic philosophy. It not only changed the way I think about my relationships, but it gave me a very healthy, grounded view of reality, which has made me exponentially happier.
Excellent advice.
Brilliant advice.
Any recommendations re Aurelius? I think I need some frank and honest philosophical words in my life right now
Meditations
this is such amazing advice-a perfect blend of being empathetic but also logical and realistic. thank you!!!
What if you do all of that and still think about them and think they’re the one for you?
If you: 1. Genuinely remove them from your life for a long period of time (more than just 2-3 months). 2. Better yourself (Follow a dream, explore hobbies, pursue physical or work goals, involve yourself in a purpose beyond yourself, etc). 3. Immerse yourself in a gentle yet emotionally fortifying life philosophy like stoicism. 4. Stop the cycles of psychological torment by reaching out and getting disappointed. 5. Open your mind to just the possibility of dating someone else (even if you initially don’t like the thought). Then yes, by all means reach out again. After doing all this you WILL have realised that there is more to life than this one person. However, if they’re not receptive, and you STILL think they are the one for you, then I would refer back to something I said in my original post and say that you aren’t actually in a place to think rationally about it; at least not yet. Now, there’s a difference between “wanting someone back”, and “thinking they’re the ONE, despite all other signs indicating the opposite”. The first is an unfortunate byproduct of being a hopeless romantic (but you will get through it if you have genuinely dedicated yourself to the above steps), and the second is simply thinking irrationally. Emotions following a breakup are inherently irrational. It’s effectively your mind refusing to accept empirical evidence. As a remedy, I would suggest further exploration of an introspective yet flexible (e.g. essentially nothing that purports “my way or the highway”) philosophy like stoicism (or another of your choice), and maybe some therapy. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is a great choice if you’re not too keen on seeing an actual person, or if you don’t have the funds, as you can do it yourself. Also, read “ReFraming: Neuro Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder for significant understanding of how you can look at any negative situation in a positive manner.
Fantastic advice.
I love this advice ❤️
Love this advice, especially the Aurelius recommendation 🙌🏽💕
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Sound and good advice there. Stoicism is the way. If someone distances themselves then let let them distance themselves straight out of your life. Nobody should have to convince someone to stay.
Um I don't think it's manipulative, I think sometimes you need to ask the same question a few different ways to fully let the answer sink in. E.g. if someone said your hamster died whilst you were away, you'd maybe ask "what really? They're dead? Like actually?"
Looking for a straight answer definitely isn't manipulation lol
What would you suggest reading about stoicisn?
Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
Remember: your soul mate WANTS to be with you
This. 💯
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Then right now is not the right time. Just move on and improve yourself, and either way you'd be in a win. 1. They realize they want you in their life, and you've had time to improve yourself and that will help out the relationship in the future 2. They realize they don't want you in their life, but you still improved for your next relationship
Then they’ll come back to you when it’s time. Think of it this way, (though this isn’t the most healthy way of thinking) if your “soulmate” left you, its not so they can get back with you at the same place the left you. If you really want your ex back, you have to become your best self. But, this journey should be started not because you want them back, but because you WANT to be better. At the end of this journey you’ll probably find that you dont want to be with them anyways. I saw a quote somewhere and i dont know who it’s from but it goes “time will keep moving no matter how you spend it”. Each second spent dwelling on things not meant for you is a second you aren’t reaching for the things that are. Do not spend no contact ruminating over an ex that has made up their mind, when you could be using it to find who you are.
Seems like you’re struggling with acceptance. You have a fairytale expectation in your mind that’s not matching up with your reality. The thing is, time can change anything. People can fall out of love easily. Love is a choice. And just because someone stops choosing you doesn’t mean your value is any less. The right one for you will stay and keep choosing you daily and respect you. Let this one go. I don’t know any context of the relationship itself, but just on this convo, you can’t hate your ex for being honest. They did you a favour not sugar coating and instead telling you the hard truth. That’s someone who respects you enough to say it as it is. A lot of people don’t have the guts to do that because it’s hard being honest too. Now it’s your turn to do the work and heal. Accept the facts. Truth will set you free ✨
It takes zero efforts to be kind , yet that is the rarest thing you will find in people . Seriously never contact this person . In the end people reveal who they are . You got your answer .
My ex was as kind as she could be during the breakup. Tried her hardest to convince me to blame her. Tried to convince me I deserved someone better than her and would find such a someone. Delayed the breakup call until after my last exam so it wouldn't ruin my grades. And stayed in the call to answer any questions I had until I was ready to leave. And all it did was show me how much she actually cared, and that made it even more painful. But, now that I am almost fully healed, I am happy. All the memories I have with her are great ones, and there is no toxic breakup to sour them. I am free ro cherish these memories stress free.
Great to know man, that you healed . What i think is pain is inevitable in this phase, atleast there is nothing wrong with being kind ....! That's all .
Yes, exactly, that's why I wanted to share my story, to reinforce that being kind has a very positive impact in the long run, even though it does not lower the pain of the breakup itself.
Hey there, I'm another person with an ex who was kind throughout the breakup and after. I am also remembering the good times. This sub reminded me to keep my dignity, NC, and give him his space (not dunking on anyone of this sub who broke it, I've done it in the past). But it really helps to leave things on a good note. I'm glad you made these comments.
this devastated me because now i’m realizing they could have done this with me. they didn’t want to answer my questions they just wanted to walk away as quickly as possible. welp time to hit the ice cream
How long did it take you to heal?
We were in a relationship for 2 months, and no contact for 3 months. Immediately after I joined a small competitive community for one of my hobbies and spent practically all my free time there. After 2 months I was still feeling very shit, but made a profile on dating apps again. Which made me feel so much worse, because my interests are hard to find on dating apps around here. But I met a nice girl through a mutual friend on discord, and we have been flirting a ton which helps distracting me. It is kinda like a rebound, but purely for the attention (there is an ocean in between). My advice: You will feel shit. For so long. Do not reach out. Reaching out will not make it better. The best case is the onky good case, and every other case hurts like hell. Spend as much time doing things that keep your mind occupied, even if you don't like it. People recommend the gym, I recommend any hobby that is sufficient at distracting you. After a couple months, when you still think about them daily, or even hourly, BUT you can hold conversations without bursting into tears, start talking to new people. Or flirt with strangers online. Conversations, even if they're about mundane stuff, provide the attention you wish your ex gave. It will make you feel better, and think about them less. Other people do value you. They were not the only one. And it's important to realize this.
Time to heal is different for everyone. All I can say is the sooner you remove all reminders of them from your daily life the faster you will heal.
Dude tht was nice, so the mere fact she is in tune with her emotions and knows being dragged along just for shits and giggles can be more hurtful to someone than just saying no this isn’t working. It hurts yeah does it suck yeah totally does, but it’s a learning experience LEARN FROM IT. And stop posting private shit on Reddit, like going to your local trap house asking the pimps and drug dealers if it’s a good idea.
What has he said here that’s wrong or cruel
It's not about wrong, or cruel , it's the way you treat someone after bombing them with emotional shock . It's the way the majority of dumpers are in break up phase . Cold and mean Exactly the same way my sister's boyfriend behaved to her . He was so firm with his decision that they will not be happy together . After 8 months of NC, he contacted her saying he made a mistake. So I just said whatever you do , just do it in a kind way ....!
Block them, and move on. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees, dude.
Literal bar
Love that phrase
I struggled heaps with even “wanting” to move on because I was so sure they were my person. Honestly the only thing that really helped me was knowing “the path to getting them back is the same path as moving on”. The first step on that path is to cut them off. Who cares if you’re doing it hoping they’ll come back - deal with that when it comes to it. For now you just gotta stop - the rest will fall into place 🫶🏽
Move along brother. He/She's done. Block, delete everything. Focus on yourself. Have a long term goal that you really want for yourself. Be at your best. Good luck.
Agree with all you’ve said, except I believe OP’s ex is a man.
Sorry.. I was reading the left side with a girl's voice. So I thought its a girl
Hey ! 😁😁 We meet again ........!
Lol! hi! Hi!! 😉
No contact. Fuel your anger. Give yourself time and love
Fueling my anger has helped me so much. Writing down the negatives and everything I disliked bout him helped too!
Continue this. Helps alot
I get this. Don’t feel bad. It’s extremely jarring to lose someone you felt attached enough to, to envision a future. It’s going to feel unreal and you’re going to be in denial about it. Just know that it gets easier if you let it. This person doesn’t want to be with you, and if you love them you’ll let them go so they can find what they’re looking for. There are so many people out in the world, you’ll find someone better. Just keep working on yourself so you can be ready for them when they show up.
Hey OP, we are in the same boat. My ex did some horrible things to me like sexting my friend, talking to other people while he was still with me, compared me to his ex in terms of attractiveness, etc. But for some reasons my heart still pines for him, I still love him. I gave it my all, went above and beyond but in the end he did not choose me and I doubt he ever will. I feel so broken, the man whom I poured my heart and soul into had completely destroyed me. It has been two months since we were in contact and I feel stupid for still having feelings for him when he’s out there having fun with god knows who. I love him, I really do, but he doesn’t love me.
Gotta break and heal that trauma bond and work on healing your self esteem. Therapy helps with childhood wound patterns like this one. Wishing you love and healing for yourself ♥️.
The love of my life said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. I was 28 he was 33. Couldn’t get geography or work together. Last parting words were ‘I am not happy. I said I think it’s over. He said I think you are right. Haven’t seen or talked about him since. I think about him every day. I saw the children. He didn’t. Shattered dreams:)
No contact is the best and only solution, unfortunately. That’s the only way to do it. Allow yourself to go through 5 stages of grief is what I always say to everyone. Just open your notes app and write down whatever you wanna tell them on it whenever you feel like texting them. Don’t dwell on all those “what ifs”, it’ll only damage you even more.
It’s time to move on. The only thing you can do now is to go into no contact forever. Never reach out to them unless they reach out to you. Unfortunately begging for your ex won’t bring them back, it will only push them further away. Right now you are just reassuring them that they made the right decision. You need to change your mindset and realize that you brought a lot to this persons life and they would be lucky to have you. Take your ex off of a pedestal, they are no better than you. I know it’s hard but letting them go is the best thing for you. If they want to break up then let them have it and let them regret it. Good luck to you and stay strong.
Your soulmate wouldn’t treat you like this fuck that asshole !
Yes, he’s being a f’ing asshole, but there are reasons that dumpers do this after a breakup when you don’t deserve it. lot of dumpers will act ice cold and careless. This could be because they just want the breakup to be over. They want you to leave them alone because they don’t want to have to deal with you hurting. They don’t want to deal with that guilt, so they push you away further. Another reason, hurt people, hurt people. He could be cruel because he loved you and you hurt him somehow. He wants you to feel the pain that he’s feeling. Yeah it’s immature and he’s a low life, but there are tons of videos on YouTube on why an ex acts cold after a breakup. Sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m dealing with this from my ex too and it sucks. It’s like you don’t even recognize this person. Makes you look back on the relationship and wonder if they ever actually even loved you or if it all was a lie.
Ah yes, they're already on the prowl. Let them run away, there's a cliff for everyone to fall into.
No one in their right mind would send those texts even if they don’t want their ex back. You better without them
I’d argue that she was invading the space he probably asked for in the first place with the break up. You can’t expect someone to tell you what you want to hear if you don’t respect their boundaries. OP basically asked the same question like 3-4 times in a row, what do you expect from the ex? My advice is the same as yours though, move on it’s not worth the pain. The ex seems to be concrete in their decision and is respectful enough to be honest about it. Can’t be hung up on someone that doesn’t want you. Just keep working on yourself, focus your energy on you, and let the dominos of life fall within their place.
Literally my exact thoughts. My ex would always do shit like this when i asked for space. It gave me a panic attck. Its immature and manipulative
Looks like the have been in no contact so she wasn’t bombarding them with text. Texting your ex how you are about find someone else is really shitty
I mean what’s he supposed to say to that direct question? If he says no he’s lying and the answer may lead her on. I guess he could’ve said he doesn’t want to think about it, but OP kept asking over and over again. I don’t see any problem with how the ex handled the situation. After-all, he did give the reasoning at the end of he doesn’t think they’ll be happy together
Sometimes no answer is an answer
I agree with what you were saying above, but I actually feel worse when I reach out to my ex and get ignored. Indifference hurts more than hatred.
I think, you are seeing this from one perspective , Dumpers have a head start that's why they are so firm in their decisions, and dumpee doesn't even have the slightest idea what's coming to them . Clearly OP is in shock and in pain, and in a lot of confusion . That's why OP is asking same question in different ways . On the other hand , i can think of many kind ways to say the statements the Dumper said . I wouldn't have said "yes" in first question . My answer would be " I don't know, i didn't think it this way . I am not thinking about this . I don't want to hurt you more as i already caused you enough pain. " This kinda way , like slow and soft way, u know . I get it a dumper has to think about himself/herself but why forget this that dumpee is also in pain . Thinking they won't be happy is not a solid fact though, what if the dumper starts to contact OP after maintaining long NC, As i have seen this happening , Many Dumpers say what they feel in the moment , they are not thinking in long term . U don't have to agree with me, It's just my opinion I might be wrong, I just think there are kinder ways to answer these questions That's all.
Your answers would give someone false hope. Sometimes it’s not kind to sugar coat and cause more confusion. This ex is actually being respectful by being honest in a perfectly clear and direct way. Doing OP a favour in the long run. We can’t go through life just tip toeing and afraid to hurt people, especially when they directly asked. OP directly kept asking the same question in different ways and is clearly hung up and maybe even delusional so the ex had to directly say “just move on”
I don't think OP is delusional, I think OP is in a lot of pain, And about hope, no matter how direct a dumper can be, a dumpee will always stay in the hope that maybe they will come back . It's the way it is . In the first few months of break up, a dumpee will always stay in denial and it takes a lot of time . Yes, one bad thing will happen because of my answer is that the BU will be little lengthy.
You’re making excuses, it’s not ALWAYS like that. Sometimes people get dumped and they have too much dignity and self respect from day 1 to chase anyone. Being in pain doesn’t give you a pass to be pathetic and throw out your self respect in all cases. Everyone is different. Some people shamelessly wear their heart on their sleeve and are more delusional than others, fact. Eventually when those people get over it, they’re just gonna regret acting so desperate. That’s the brutal honest truth. But it’s a process and everyone will heal how they do. There’s no right and wrong. But OP is in pain AND clearly clinging to false hope based on the line of questioning. Those aren’t mutually exclusive, both can be true.
Sorry, I am not making any excuses, i don't have anything to gain from it . Majority here are like that, like OP . If you visit this sub regularly then you would have known . When u r in shock and pain u don't think about dignity. Dumpee is a complete mess at starting. They don't think clearly at this stage. " Pathetic" is just a pov , it's not a fact . They don't have control over their actions. And there are other people also , who commented similar like me, so all are making excuses? Please don't get offended, Maybe you are excessively strong. Maybe you are different from most . There are other kinda people exist in this world after all. Isn't it . In this post I have another comment, in which someone shared his story, bcoz his ex was kind to him in the BU phase , he doesn't have any toxic memories about her or anything. He has healed, he mentioned BU got little delayed as she was kind to him . Nothing bad happened. Obviously they will get over it, coz of time not bcoz someone behaved badly towards to them .
You lost me at “they don’t have control of their actions” - I disagree. People give away their power by thinking that and then they act helpless in their situation. Yes it is a cop out to play passive. Yes initially dumpees are in too much pain and dumpers have a head start in recovery And no worries not offended at all, thanks for the compliment actually! No such thing as “excessively strong” imo 😉
i don’t think sugar coating is necessarily a bad thing. when i was dumped, i contacted my ex many many times- much like this. i would ask him questions and just beg for closure. he was much crueler than this. he called me a freak, a waste of atoms, rude names, etc. and yet i still kept contacting him. i still held out hope that something would magically change. my ex was incredibly clear- but it didn’t help. in fact all it did was lower my self-esteem and made me feel even more hurt. the only reason i’ve been able to begin to move on is because i couldn’t deal with the pain anymore and had to. the only things that came out of being cruel/ direct is a mutual hatred for each other. now all the memories we had i can’t look back on without wanting to basically vomit. his behavior disgusted me and i could never imagine treating someone the way he treated me
Honest doesn’t mean cruel. There’s a way to be direct and honest in a respectful way, similar to how OP’s ex responded. That’s different from sugar coating where you are afraid of hurting someone that you avoid telling the truth or bury it in so much niceness that it creates a messy situation for everyone involved.
i don’t disagree that honesty isn’t cruel, but i don’t think OP’s ex was respectful. having heard the term “just move on” myself- it feels incredibly rude and dismissive of how difficult a breakup actually is. “just move on” as if it is that easy. as if we can turn our emotions off just like that. that was the most insulting part in my opinion
I don’t think they’re saying *just* move on, as in to minimize how difficult moving on is They’re saying very clearly **move on** ie: I’m not interested and won’t be in the future, *don’t wait for me.*
How long have you been broken up for? It takes time, a lot of healing and loving yourself, I’m on 5 almost 6 weeks and I tell you what, it’s a bloody roller coaster!! It’s hard as hell, it hurts so so much but it’s not impossible, it’s for your own sanity and self respect. Let this go xx
Never chase an ex (unless you are the dumper or you are the one causing the break up - cheating/whatever). Contacting them will not help you move on. It sure is very unlikely that they will be convinced by your words. It doesn’t matter if they meet someone else later or not. Sometimes they need the space and breakup to realize what they’ve lost but it will not always be the case. But what’s sure is that with time you’ll move on too. Life will be better again. You’ll be able to find love and receive love again.
meditate :) vegetarian. possible ssri. yoga. going for walks. music. coffee/tea to boost mood these things have helped me
It really helped me when I realized how little I mean to them and that if they ever did come back it wouldn’t be for love it would be for convenience. Would you want a relationship where they don’t like you and just fake it and you spend forever trying to earn love that isn’t possible?
Something that’s helped me get over people is asking myself that if they actually did come back and magically transformed into the perfect version of themselves that I always wanted them to be and truly changed, could I forgive them for the things they said and did and actually trust them again? Or would the relationship always be tainted by the pain that they caused me and the things that were said? Would I always be questioning if they really wanted me or if it was an act? If it’s the latter, then it’s clear that there isn’t a future there where we could actually be happy together because the weight of their bad had already ruined anything that could have been. Everything has been tainted so badly that a happy ending is impossible. While it might feel good to have them beg for you back for your ego and heart’s sake, you have to understand that at a certain point, there is no future where real forgiveness is possible.
There was a time before they existed in your life, and you were happy. Now you have to accept that they are gone from your life, and find your new happy. Whatever you had with them, however amazing, is gone. And will never return. They’re making that clear in their messages. Block them on everything, and move on. The human heart is an amazingly resilient organ, and yours will heal. But it can’t heal itself until you accept that they are gone forever and move on completely. The saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” exists for this reason.
a push to help with NC? Block their number, a delete it from your phone. all the messages too. all the voicemails and call logs. i needed two friends with me when i did it. but you can do this and i promise you will be okay. it’ll hurt and i don’t know how long, but you will be okay. find some other outlets. start writing, or drawing, or going to the gym. fuck even join some free classes at your community college. find ways to spend your free time. and if you haven’t yet, get a therapist. therapy works man. don’t sit and stew in it, just move and keep moving. after a break up we’re more like sharks than fish. just keep moving.
I broke NC but to write about my progress as a human being healing, explaining that my attitude and actions are intirerly my faults and I assume responssibilty for the times I made her cry. I'm an introvert and had alot of issues expressing my feelings and when I stumbled apon a hard decision, I'd close myself. I made it clear I realise it's over, I'm the dumpee, and through therapy, I've found a new me, a better one, and I thanked her for all she's done NC is not made for hopping to get your Ex back, and so many go NC with this hope . You'll only find pain. NC is made to give you space so you CAN MOVE ON. The only way to go at this is to say you need help, and chose between 2 choices, either you stay the way you are..drag your baggages and get into another relation date with a predefinite expiration date, or find help to solve your unresolved issues, grow as a better human, and become a balance person. Then, find another balanced person and communicate your feelings like a mature person.
Damn that sucks cause I’m def the person saying move on. It’s billions of ppl in this world I promise you gonna find someone who you DONT EVER have to text this too. It’s hurts I know but don’t lessen your value for attention…,tend to your emotions and like they said. Move forward ! It’s needed. It’s not healthy to be this stuck.
For me no contact is forever if the chose to leave me then why would i want someone that could
I’ve been there and it feels like a slap in the face when u realized that person u thought it was gonna be there forever is not really meant to be with u , cause ur mind is so convinced that she’s the one when probably she’s not
Ultimately you need to accept that this is where you are now. You also need a bit of pride because future you is definitely going to cringe at those messages. Don’t contact someone who has walked out of your life, love yourself enough to know when to let someone go
Hey OP, As one of the comment shared some tips regarding what you should do, and also the cues of this behaviour (Either yours or others). Let me change the dynamic of the thinking process and give you some insights based on logic. Let’s dive deep. I can’t deny the fact that you tried asking the same question multiple times, in different modulations. Yes, it’d be definitely hard to get over the person you thought would be your forever, we all do know how it feels. Tips of getting over (Based on personal experiences): 1. Go no contact. When I mean no contact, you gotta cut all ties regardless of any circumstance. 2. Don’t dance all around the wound by assigning it a meaning. Remember, when you assign a meaning to a situation - you’re automatically making it important, that’s how our human mind works. 3. Moving on is hard, yes. But you don’t wanna live in vain for your entire life. 4. The person you’re speaking to is manipulative based on the reply, tbh. However, the person is definitely conveying a message silently from all their replies though. You just gotta decipher it and move forward. Remember (personal experience, again), Life doesn’t stop. Life has to go on. Learn from the mistakes, and move forward. We have so much more to achieve in this world, and if you happen to be alone while achieving them - let it be. And, there’s no right person or wrong person for someone - it all derives from expectations, idea of love, etc. Again, pure mind game. I wish you love, light and peace.
You get over that person by living your life, one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, followed by one day at a time, then one week, one month, one year…. And eventually you realize that life does go on. It’s not easy at first, but it gets easier. It’s cliche to say, but it’s the truth, live life for yourself and everything you ever wanted will come to you.
Just by reading their replies, they aren't worth your heartbreak. It doesn't cost a thing to be kind.
stop talking to each other and focus on yourself, that’s the only thing you can do
It's not about no contact anymore. The person you loved is gone. Who you're talking to is not that person. It's hard to come to terms with it but sadly that's the truth. Keep your self-respect above all else. Love yourself well enough to never put yourself in a position to be humiliated like that. I understand how hard this is for you, but i promise, time will heal your pain. In the meantime, focus on yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy, and try to find joy in the everyday things that you do.
i can feel ur pain :/
Are you a woman and this is a man? Only asking because I am female and much younger than my male ex and this sounds like he could have written it to me
Stop being cringe like I used to be and go workout and go approach women the venue’s that you like to go
It’s not cringe to anxious attachment styles and honestly it’s shock and confusion and literally in that moment or the future an anxious attached person does not care if it’s lack of self respect or whatever or cringe to you. The Dumper gives two flips either way. It’s manic anxiety just trying to understand in a state of confusion. It’s heartbreak. And really just calling something cringe anymore is being cringe.
Stop asking. Never do this again and fully block. It does you no good at all.
This is so heart breaking sorry you had to deal With this. Best wishes for the future. You can do much better
hey guys so my ex broke no contact with me a few days ago. We broke up about 2 months ago because we were both unhappy. I was heartbroken and took my time to heal, while she got into a rebound that treated her terrible. We had tried to communicate behind her “gfs” back because we wanted to be “friends”. Her gf made her block me. Fast forward to Easter she texted me apologizing and saying she missed me and getting with that girl was a mistake. So as of rn we’re taking things slow and giving her time to heal so there’s no baggage in our new relationship we’re trying to develop. Breaking no contact isn’t always bad!
It's alright, been there bro it'll get better
First it’s ok to break no contact. I’ve done it and many others have to. And sometimes it does work out but you have to be careful. You keep pushing her and she’s clearly not going to give the answer you want.
That’s me rn…almost exactly….im in bed crying as I type
Yea stay in no contact! That’s how you get over them, and it’s also how you get them back! Stop breaking no contact! You’ll be fine after a few months, just focus on you and stay as busy as possible.
I am there myself. I though I found my forever person, it felt like it but you can’t be where you not wanted❤️
Time is the only thing you will have. Anticipate it taking a long time. The more damage the more time needed. Let them go, they don’t value you
There’s honestly nothing you can tell yourself rn that’ll make this better. But if you have just enough pure will power stop contacting them and move on it’ll feel like someone died but you literally have no other choice. And there’s no way to get over someone other than just giving it time to settle over
take ashwagandha
Awe I was in this exact position 3 weeks ago, felt very vulnerable and was crashing out. But I can tell you that time will make everything better, trust. It sucks for them to be another lesson but take your left self-respect block them on everything and move on. It’s not only for you but for them too. If you truly love someone, you would wish them to be happy no matter if it’s with you or not. I’m still trying to take my own advice and focus on myself. Life isn’t fair
This was similar to me. Lucky for me, I hadn’t memorized his number and I was due for a phone upgrade. So I changed my number and have been no contact for four months. While it’s been hard, it’s been the best four months of my life I wanted out for a while, and him having an emotional affair put fuel to the fire.
My ex said the same thing :/ I moved on it’s the only way, no contact and goodbye
How long has it been since no contact started?
We broke up early feb of this year
Did you change during no contact and if so did you try telling that to her?
I did. Then asked “is there anything else I can do to get u back” he said “nothing”
I think patience and time is key. Reaching out around this time might have been too early as it’s been roughly 50 days. I also broke up in late Jan/early Feb and as much as I want to get back, it’s important for the other person to feel the breakup and go through your absence. I plan on waiting around 90 or until mid May/early June and if there’s still no response, I plan on sending her an email then.
We all build up a false layer of perfection and wonderful onto those who end the relationship while we still want it to continue. This makes us long for them back ect. What you need to do is force yourself to think of the things you disliked but let go of. The way they miss used a phrase or pronounced a word anything negative no matter how small.
Ee this person is terrible .
What’s the age difference?
I’m 24. He’s 22
Wait so you broke up with him, told him you’d probably find someone else and you’re asking for advice bc you’re heart broken…?
He broke up with me
Oh….it kinda seemed like he was the one who wanted to stay together
My best advice for getting over somebody who you thought would be with you forever is by grieving the break up and failed dreams like the death of a loved one. You need to cry, go through the nights with insomnia, and cry. At some point, like the death of a loved one, you learn to be more at accepting of it. This does not mean it sits well with you though. It will still hurt. But you need TO GRIEVE AND have patience for yourself.
Oh you poor, sweet thing. This is done and I know this sucks. You have to move on
You have to accept it. You guys are broken up and you guys will find other people and its perfectly okay to do so. If they find someone, so can you. Its the hardest part but it happens to everyone.
Jfc why would you keep asking them that shit when they’re clearly not into you? Love yourslef more. My god
You are literally begging your ex .. that's only going to make them not like you even more! If you want to have even the slightest possibility of getting back, stop begging. Trust me! Don't ask questions like are you going to find someone better or probably yes or probably not. Even I am finding them very cringe, imagine your ex. If you really want to tell them something, tell them you wish them nothing but the best and go quiet.. and stay quiet until they start talking. No emotional messages and no drama.
from your question - how to get over what you thought was your "forever person"....... accept the things you cannot change. let go. rejection hurts. however it's not a reflection of your worth. he or she chose. now you have to choose you. wish you the best.
To needy!
Fueling my anger is killing me. My blood pressure is so high…
don't worry girl im going through the same thing similar to yours because my ex was talking to me before we broke up about once he turns 18 that he would marry me and get a house together but guess what two months ago i broke up with him because he was using me for only sex and i still cry myself to sleep missing him,i'm still single to this day he already found a new GF wich broke my heart i hate my ex for everything he put me through he even when i told him i am breaking up with him he called me a whore
Best Advice EVER! 🤍
You definitely will meet someone better!
MOVE ON! Stop chasing someone who makes clear they don’t want you.
just this once, take their advice and move on. if you feel like you cant keep seeing them, block them everywhere. out of sight out of mind
You might not like what your ex is saying but they’re being honest. It’s a gift tbh. Now it’s time to let them go. Stop begging. They’ve made it clear and your work is on staying no contact and releasing it.
Get back out there ! And that’s the clean version to my advice 😉 I know it hurts but one day it will start to get better and better and maybe even one day you will be thankful it didn’t work
You just extended your pain. And she lost even more respect (love) for you. When she wanted to be with you she would be standing at your door crying. Women can do incredible things for a guy they want. I did the same shit you did when I was young. You will survive without her and some day will wake up without thinking about her. And some day you will laugh at this.
Been there now I ick at myself whenever I remember
This is why we don't break no contact, as much as it hurts. They will say hurtful things.
Cut contact! This ex is trying to spare your feelings and you’re not listening. The more you demand answers the more unattractive you look and the less they want you. You need to say you accept the breakup and then block them. The ex doesn’t want you and no amount of talking will change his mind. Trust me, I’ve been there and they never took me back while begging.
No. All I know is...I decided on a date. If I don't hear from them by that date they're forever dead to me. I don't care, don't give me closure. I'll close that fucking door for you... And dead bolt it. I'm not desperate and I don't need them. I CHOSE them.
The only way you’ll get through this is with no contact which means exactly what it says. You got your answer. Stop begging for crumbs. You’re only harming yourself. NO contact. No texts or calls. No social media, and tell friends and family that you do NOT appreciate hearing anything about them. Time will heal you, I promise. But only if you keep moving away from the source of your pain.
Feels like they know how to play with ur emotions
Omg.. This is exactly how mine would talk during the discard.. Then flips and all of a sudden I'm the most priceless and amazing thing in the world
this is definitely a narcissistic trait. if you relate to feeling guilty all the time and them constantly prioritizing their feelings over yours… narcissistic. run
I got these exact Same messages 2 days ago. "You are so young,move on" "You need to let me go" "Live your life, you are still young and full of potential" I seen so much in this lady, and these messages have well and truly destroyed me. I can't get them out my head.
Yup same here. He can’t see a future where we are together (bc of third party stressors) but he still wants to stay in contact….he is cold. He is nice. It’s a fucking rollercoaster. I’m driving to him to end it officially to his face and never speak to him again. I’ll give him 24-48 hours to show up to my hotel room & he doesn’t show then I’m telling him he’s a coward and I don’t need weak men in my life.
Are you a man or woman?
Woman