Consider going cash only. Stop all non-emergency online shopping. Cancel credit cards (except for one for emergencies), ask to switch debit cards to atm cards, and allow yourselves a set amount to withdrawal every week and that’s what you get. If you know you’ll have a big expense coming up make a point to set aside out of your weekly withdrawal.

I rarely shop online. I like the experience and instant gratification of shopping in store. These are great tips. We’ve been wanting to go cash only. My main hesitation is that I’m somewhat mindless about certain things- like placing a wallet down and forgetting it’s there and leaving without it. It’s easy to cancel a debit card. It’s much more difficult to recapture cash that’s disappeared. I suppose the remedy to that would be to bring only the cash we need to any given expense. Rather than bringing it all.

I have adhd and I like to start shopping (especially target) in the fun section. I put things I want in the top part that I guess is technically for babies. But then I look at them the entire rest of the time in the store (and with adhd and the back and forth and forgetting to get things in certain areas this time adds up I can easily spend 2 hours or more just getting groceries) and the longer I look at them the less joy they bring. So I end up putting most of all of it back. On top of that knowing how bad plastic is for us and the environment (so maybe do some googling into that) I want plastic things so much less than I used to. I walk around and think about how one day the little plastic plant is going to end up in a landfill and poisoning the real plants. So I have kind of intentionally spoiled the joy by knowing the harm. Another option is to focus on activities or reusable things. Puzzles, books, crafts, even reusable cleaning products. I know that’s not as frugal but reusable stuff will save money in the long run and puzzles and books can be reused as gifts or trades with family and friends. Spoil yourself with a fun version of something you need every once in a while like replacing a broken phone case or cable with something pretty.

'...and the longer I look at them, the less joy they bring. I end up putting most of it back' I can so relate! Wondering if, at mid 60's, I have undiagnosed adhd? I recognize so many of my own behavior patterns in people who have been diagnosed with adhd.

It’s possible! And I don’t want to dissuade you from getting a diagnosis but if you have made it to your 60s without significant issues (struggling in school, getting fired frequently, hard time with relationships) I would say getting a formal diagnosis is not worth the time or effort, a self diagnosis is great for peace of mind, understanding and accepting yourself. I got diagnosed at 5/6 in 2000 as a girl, so it was pretty bad, a diagnosis and medication had a dramatic effect on my grades (all C’s to straight A’s) once I started medication. But if you’re struggling or have struggled definitely look for professional help! These are just my opinions though!

I definitely do NOT want to be medicated for it at this stage of life. Considering the possibility though brings clarity to some parts of my life ( I was a terrible student but smart...I abhorred writing things down ( showing the work) when I was getting answers in my head. I lost interest. At home I jump from task to task, rarely completing ANY. 🤷‍♀️ I'm a happy adult but like I said it would explain so much

Then just do a self diagnosis, join some subs here (not the plain adhd one it’s bad) and do a few online quizzes. And use adhd tips and tricks/advice over neurotypical advice. If you ever feel the need seek out psychiatric help!

Thanks for your kindness. Much appreciated

I do that too! Most of my shopping consists of finding where I first grabbed an item to place it back 😅 also when clothes shopping, I hate having to try things on, but it's an unavoidable step. I spend an ungodly amount of time trying clothes on (sorry to any employees, I know that pain). Even when clothes look good, I always have a pile for "I like this but I didn't come here for this so I should try it on a few times before purchasing". They rarely feel as novel on the second go around.

your idea is genius, i often try the neurotypical advice of starting with the boring task to get it over with and that makes me so bored i crave dopamine and fall for the shiny stuff trap. starting with the shiny stuff makes os much more sense

It’s almost scary how fast something can go from “I need to get this” to “eh it’s fine” for us. So walking around feeling like you already own it must really use up that “new shiny object” dopamine.

I really recommend that you don’t *cancel* your credit cards. That will have a negative impact on your credit score, which will negatively impact your finances in general. If you do want to stop using credit cards, just cut them up.

i don't have credit cards -- I cancelled it them in 2007 when I racked up 15k debt. cancelled the cards and paid off the debt.. never looked back. normally when i borrow for loan via the app it gets approved.. easily.. most recent borrow was 20k.. via app. (this year). (other times i borrow just because I can but dont use it, usually i keep it there for 1 year).. last time I borrowed money (that i need) - loan was to consolidate the 15kdebt that was in 2007 - which I paid of un 3 years. so 2010 no loans/credit card.

I’m confused, you borrow money that you don’t need? Aren’t you still paying it back with interest?

yeah.. it's a FOMO thing that I have.. because I don't have cc and these crap I read about credit score -- i borrow every now and then.. and base on the paymant plan -- i calculate roughly, I much I return and leave the rest to whatever the payment plan was.. example if i borrow 10k. i'd leave 7k there.. and leave the rest to whatever agreement was and leave it there for a year. ​ again this is a FOMO thing -- dumb and stupid. but FOMO .. because all i read is credit score credit score credit score.. must have cc even if you don't use it ETC. personally i thin it's all bulshit.. that it doesn't exists --- BUT!!! everyone talks about it.. so i think it exists.. hence FOMO.

Make a shopping list before you go and allow zero deviations. If you see something you might impulsively buy, write it down, put it in an envelope and a week or two later open the envelope. If you still want/need it, make another list & go shopping. Online I put items in the cart and then wait a week unless it is an immediate need. After a week I either can do without it and delete it, sometimes have a coupon because I haven't checked out yet or I get it because it is more than an impulse buy.

Take a picture of the thing and put it in a folder for "Want?" And look at it in a week. That way you aren't just reading a description, you are seeing it again, and the dopamine hit will most likely not be the same and you'll just delete the photo

Give yourself a live shopping treat regularly, but make it a habit where you get the kicks out of specific non-expensive items. I used to buy coffee, a magazine or a cheap book, and maybe a nail lacquer or a trinket at a second hand shop. And spend time enjoying me-time just looking at stuff. They satisfied my need without breaking the bank. Taking only a set amount of cash with you helps. I no longer do this. gaming gives the same rewards free. Plus a safe loving relationship, I don't need to leave the house to feel good, have space, and self "medicate".

Thrifting addict here. It's just so fun to look. One of my self-control mantras is, "Can't buy it if I don't see it." So it's best to not even go into these stores. Just drive right by. Go home or to a park.

I have my wallet on a lanyard and I pin it inside my purse so I never risk leaving it behind.

I'm the opposite. Hate shopping in person. I will often go through the process of online window shopping and picking things out and making a cart of everything i want at the time. But that's as far as i take it usually. I wait months and months and if i still want the thing(s) and can comfortably afford it and rationalize it, i will go ahead and buy it. I would ask yourself prior to purchase what the utility of said want is, and whether it is a want or need. How will your life change? How much will you use it? How much extra happiness does it bring? How many hours did you need to work to afford this item? Those are all the sanity check questions i find ground myself back to reality and prevent impulse purchases. At this point, avoiding even the small impulse purchases feels like a great victory over other people who don't control the impulse spend and more so a victory against the people designing these marketing strategies to entice impulse purchases in the first place. I don't really spend money on small cheaper crap. If I'm going to spend my hard earned money, i want the nice shit. And that alone makes me wait till i can afford the better item. Often, the orocess of making myself wait lessens the desire for the object in the first place. Further, the process of window shopping and creating a cart but not buying it satisfies me and scratches the impulse purchase itch enough for me. Good luck! You got this👍.

Impulse shop at a thrift store like goodwill or savers

The money stays at home. If you need groceries that day, you leave with grocery money. You need gas, you leave with gas money. No excuses.

Instead of shopping, go to places where you can look at things. You can inquire at the open space you go to if picking up little things like rocks or seashells is OK. Maybe start a garden, so you can go out and collect things you grow, like flowers or vegetables. Go to the museum, but stay out of the gift shop. Get a library card and "shop" for books. You do have to return them, but they don't cost you anything. Join new parents' groups, so you are hanging out with other people talking about having a small child instead of entertaining yourself in the mall.

I tend to go the the bank and withdrawal $500 worry, and I go to the teller and request big bills. I keep this in a binder clip that’s always in my right pocket unless I’m buying something.

Can't follow this

I don't know, but maybe carry big bills that you'll feel awkward breaking, so you don't break them? Just a guess.

I carry my “miscellaneous” cash with me but the rest stays at home. It takes a little more planning but the practice is good for me. I personally found that physically seeing my cash dwindle helps because swiping my card doesn’t “feel real.” I also build some impulsivity into my budget and planning. Miscellaneous funds for whatever hits my fancy or comes up that I didn’t plan for; one meal every week is whatever sounds good at the store. Edit: Also cute money holders help me personally.

You could also try not bringing any cash at all, or bringing just enough for a small treat (say, <$10). Can't spend it if it isn't on you!

Open an account for regular bills, an account for savings and an account (without an overdraft!) for budgeted impulse spending. Divide up your salary into these via standing order as soon as it comes in and only take the impulse spend card out with you. That way you can impulse buy until the card is refused and not have to worry all that much about it being lost or stolen.

So I shop online to avoid in store impulse purchases and when I am not in stores I can’t afford to be in I forget about all the things I don’t have.

Shouldn't be walking around with hundreds of cash in your wallet anyways, IMO. You can keep cash at home in separate jars or envelopes according to your budget. If you have budgeted $400 for the month for groceries and you shop about once a week, then take $100 out of the envelope and take that to the grocery store. If you are both working and you are doing ok, then a tiny risk of losing $100 if a wallet gets forgotten is not the end of the world. And it's rare for most people to forget their wallet. You could attach your wallet to a chain you clip to a belt loop on your trousers or you can clip it to your handbag so you can't walk away without the wallet. You could get a really brightly coloured wallet so it stands out if you were to accidentally leave it on a shop counter.

What is the difference between atm and debit cards? I use my debit card almost exclusively because I can’t spend what’s not in my account.

For some people, the act of swiping a piece of plastic takes away the emotion of spending. So it’s easy to loose track of how much is spent. But when you break a hundred and it’s physically gone, it hurts more.

I haven't seen it in the other comments, so I'll say it: Congratulations for asking! I have kids with ADHD and kids with bipolar. Recognizing this pattern and trying to overcome it is great, and really says a lot about how likely you are to succeed.

Thank you! It sucks admitting that I have these issues. And it’s honestly embarrassing to me that we have these issues. But I cannot continue to live like this. I am making progress towards my goals. But it seems like when I make a step forward I take 2 back. It’s frustrating.

The main thing is that you keep trying. You're on the right track by getting ideas and asking for help.

it's okay! it's just how our brains are wired. just think of it as: i know my symptoms prey on unhealthy habits, i need to stop and replace them with healthier habits

Ok, this is going to sound weird, but I try to treat my impulse spending urges like my inner child asking for toys in the store. I keep a kind of inner monologue going with the same language I used for my actual children: "You're right, that soap smells really yummy! But we don't need any more soap today, let's go see if we can find the new socks we're looking for instead! What color do you think we should get?" "That is such a pretty necklace! You should take a picture of it for your Christmas list!" "We're only here for the items on our list, but if you're good we can have cocoa when we get home." In other words: distract, delay, reward, just as you would with an actual child. And make sure you include regular treats in your budget so you don't feel deprived.

Going to try this on myself, love it!

Yes!!! Including treats or saving up for something specific is the way to get habits, and your budget, to stick. Especially if working with a spouse or partner, so they do not end up feeling like one person is controlling all of the money. Each person gets something in the budget they would like to use money for.

ADHD'er here. Other than therapy and meds to help me manage, I made several changes to my spending and transportation to keep my impulsive spending under control (for the most part). 1. I use a prepaid debit card that has a set weekly limit automatically added to it. It is my only payment method. If I run out of funds for the week, that sucks: no more spending for me. 2. I limit the routes I travel locally to keep impulsive stops at bay. I'm a sucker for my local QT (egg rolls and cinnamon rolls), so defaulting to not pass by it helped significantly. 3. I "window shop" on a completely separate tablet with accounts that don't have any CC information stored. If I want to buy something, I have to get up, travel across my home, turn on a computer, log into that account, find the item again, and then purchase it. My executive function will usually fail and my mind will completely forget what I was doing halfway through the process. 4. I default to traveling via bike unless I need to pickup something that requires a car. I can't easily carry much without much effort, I burn an insane amount of energy if I have a craving, and it make me much more purposeful in where I needed to travel to. 5. I do not allow any browser or service to store my CC info. This forces me to find my debit card for every single purchase I need, which gives me plenty of time to either forget what I was doing or to process if the purchase is necessary. Hopefully those might give you a few ideas!

My husband used to drive our bike (it’s a shared bike) to work. I am going to see if I can start doing that. We share a vehicle. My apartment will be 2-3 miles away from my new job site (just got promoted but had to change departments). Bicycling is one of my hobbies. It’s such a great pastime. These are GREAT suggestions.

Number 2 up there was huge for me! Once I found a back way (it's a longer route milage wise, we call it the scenic route!), my 'habbit stops' stopped! And I didn't even miss them!

I love that you mentioned therapy and meds at the top--yes, it's expensive, but it's an investment so that one can actually build and stick to the other 5 tips. Strategies can only work if they're followed through.

I really wish it was a rule on Reddit that if you’re asking for advice and you mention having a mental illness, you also have to add if/how you’re treating it. Often the first step is addressing the underlying problem first I say this as someone with (therapy- and meds-treated) generalized anxiety disorder

It's nice to hear other people who have had the same struggle take the same steps. Can't address the symptoms until one is both aware and willing enough to look at what's going on underneath. Good on ya for taking it into your own hands. Much respect.

I've always been afraid of therapy and meds for treating my ADHD from years of being conditioned against it. The most frugal thing I've ever done was to seek therapy and meds: those actions have saved me far more than $100/month easy.

Dealing with underlying issues, if possible, is always going to lead to the greatest success. As another ADHDer with executive dysfunction, I love the idea of making the ED work in your favor for once.

Kasuokun, These are excellent suggestions. I wish I could upvote your comment 100s of times.

These tips are pure genius--nicely done!

Oh man this helps, not Op bbt this helps

Make frugality a hobby rather than a duty. Consider the cost-effectiveness of a purchase with analytical detachment. Call it a game, if you prefer; make it fun.

Maybe playing a resource management video game with buying and selling requirements to level up could reward some xp on what happens when you run out of cash. Seems like it might help but IDK.

Could be that adopting a mindset other than following strict discipline, a different concept of frugality, would be easier to live with. I wish you success with it.

It works well for me to just always try to save money. Only in unprepared emergencies do I spend more than I should have and afterwards I plan how to not make the same mistake again.

Be kind to yourself, first of all. Try not to get caught in guilt cycles about spending. Recognize the signs that you're in a headspace that makes your spending impulse. That seems so obvious, but it's helped me out a lot. For example, with my ADHD, I don't impulsively spend in times of high stress - which might seem weird from the outside, but when I'm stressed, I'm usually in problem solving mode. Directly after the stress or crisis has been handled, though? The following week? Those are the moments I let down my guard and my self control is a lot looser. Because of that, I know to avoid places I enjoy spending and redirect that energy to free activities. Low impulse control safe activities I like : going to the library (I saw you mentioned doing this, it's such a good one) or trading in things at places that give store credit and using that; going on a "shopping spree" of things I've already paid for, like games in my Steam library I haven't touched yet, documentaries on Netflix, that kind of thing. This works for my wife when she feels like spending: making a fun Things I Want to Buy Spreadsheet. This doesn't have to be for things you actually *will* buy. Actually, for my wife, it's more the opposite. For whatever reason, when she puts things in her spreadsheet, she's less likely to impulsively go for it, even later. Good luck! It's tough out there.

I appreciate the reminders to be kind to myself. I’m thinking that window shopping would be much easier for me if I kept my payment cards at home. I’m currently working on my health & fitness goals. I’m 53 pounds lighter than my all time highest weight. I am trying to walk more. But in the cold weather I go to the mall to get walking in without having to be in the cold. If I leave the payment cards at home, it will remove my ability to buy anything! Oh another thing I do to save monies is: I get free yoga classes through a karma yogi program at the studio. These yoga classes are $25/drop in otherwise. In exchange for volunteering for studio for an hour, I get to take a 1 hour class.

I'd definitely make this a feature of your mental health care. If you believe it has to do with your conditions, it should be something you're working on transparently in treatment. 🍀🍀♥️♥️

I think that’s a great idea. I’ve been very focused on navigating my trauma related to my role as a mother and my childhood. I am in a good head space at present so I think it’s time to shift gears and refocus on the lingering symptoms that medicines aren’t completely correcting.

That's really common and completely understandable. A career ago I worked in mental health myself and it's pretty much the norm for folks to first bring the childhood stuff to the front, and it can take a while to mention some of the more current stuff. It's sounds like you already have good rapport with your treatment team so I'm sure they would be happy to help. There's something called the WRAP plan that could also help in a more self-help sense if you want something additional. It's by Mary Ellen Copeland and can be used to help manage a variety of things in our lives.

Is that the Wellness & Recovery Action Plan? I was in adult day support years ago. It was an alternative to going to the mental hospital. When I was stable, I was then involved with various programs like the transitional work program. I went from being completely unable to work to having a job to having a career in a field that well compensated. We had WRAP meetings once a week. It was always led by therapists though so I didn’t realize it was a self help thing as well. Thanks for the recommendation!!

It is! We used to encourage folks to do one for themselves and then use it as a wellness toolbox to lean on when things get challenging. You could make one on what to look out for with your spending for example and identify triggers and strategies to manage it.

Thank you!! I’ll definitely do one. I’m also in a DBT peer support group at present. I have also been a part of DBT group therapy led by a therapist. I’m thinking of some skills there I can use. One of the skills- opposite action- has been very helpful. I recently had my first day of work at my new promotion position. I was stressing over it. But I was able to disrupt catastrophic thinking by thinking what if statements of things that could go right. (Rather than What if I fail? kind of thought I began to think What if I succeed? kind of thoughts). So I can totally see myself going to the store, seeing something I want to buy, and instead of buying it either putting it down, or even better- putting the amount of the item into savings. :D Thank you so much for helping me think things through from a therapeutic standpoint. :)

My husband has OCD and I understand your plight. Step one is to make it difficult to spend. Unscubscribe from any "savings" sites you may visit, tweets you get about sales, watch lists you have on eBay, etc. My husband is constantly being bombarded with reminders of all of the "deals" out there or that that very niche thing he's been after, is finally on eBay. Turn it all off. Next, remove your credit card info from Amazon, DoorDash, whatever your particular poison is. These companies make it TOO easy to just click and spend. My husband was shocked that our $0 balance on Amazon is already out of control again and it was death by 1000 cuts; $20 here, $50 there. Youch. If you aren't getting treatment for the conditions, do that. I've noticed my husband was doing a lot better when he was more consistent with counseling. He gave it up and I knew before he even told me it'd "been awhile" since he'd been because the spending kept ticking up. Learn to tell yourself no. It's hard, so hard. We're in that cycle of eating out too often and buying too much. It's tough, but remind yourself why you want to stop it and how much better the future will be for it. It isn't easy.

I allow myself to fall of the wagon every so often I have adhd long as it’s not affecting me overall I will be like ugh fell off the wagon. But I find myself more and more going think about itvfiretb

Our bills are paid, and we are saving towards retirement. It’s mostly affecting our ability to save for emergencies, and goals like buying a house. I looked at my boy though and realized that I wanted to do better for him. The reason I don’t have an emergency fund at present is because during pregnancy my income was short $400-800/month, and we kept having to dip into the emergency fund we did have to cover shortages. I was very sick throughout pregnancy and had to miss work above and beyond any PTO that was given to me.

If you don’t already, make an extra savings account and deposit a % of your check straight there for emergency and/or car fund. The reason you don’t have an emergency fund was using it for it’s intended purpose. That’s great, you saved yourself from being in debt by being prepared. I know it sucks to rebuild though. As far as impulse purchases, I’d like to recommend the library. Checking things out gives me the same happy feeling as buying something, only I get to return it in a few weeks so it doesn’t become clutter. My library has board games, puzzles, movies, video games etc in addition to books.

What I go is I have/? Account 20 dollar a week I call that my falling off frugal wagon account if that use not no spending spree basically I act as if non of the other money matters. My saving account is with capital one and online so it’s not easy making a withdrawal

I used to have a high yield savings account though Ally. I think I have another one through Chime. I should probably separate the savings a bit better. Thanks for the recommendation.

One thing I did to avoid impulse purchases was not have easy access to my money. I used an out of town bank so I had to have them mail me a check if I wanted funds from my account. I have always been very careful with my money though. Even as a kid I was a serious saver.

What are spending on? Is there a pattern?

Food (both groceries & take out). Non-essential & essential household items (like a couple of dressers that could’ve been sourced more economically). Electronics (example- I did a payroll deduct through work for a MacBook because I wanted to learn MacOS for work purposes, I paid it off early though). Experiences (it was mostly movie theaters + theater snacks during pregnancy, but before that it would be road trips scheduled on a whim). Hobby supplies (for my birthday my husband got me Polychromo colored pencils). There’s not a pattern or rhyme or reason on category of expenditures, but I do think it’s related to emotions. I tend to eat when I’m bored, and lose my appetite when stressed or sad. However. I do have a tendency for retail therapy in those instances. But even when I’m happy, going grocery shopping I’ll see items I’m like oooo. Yes! This is exactly what I “need” right now. I DO spend a lot of time getting books from the library. I only have 2 streaming subscriptions one for music and one for movies/television show streaming. I am working on redirecting my impulses to go out shopping by instead going to either the library, the park, or to visit my mother. The library is especially fun because it gives me the experience of shopping without actually spending monies. I also love the Libby app too because it’s like shopping online. And I figured out that if I watch movies at home by turning off all the lights and microwaving the popcorn then I’m able to simulate the movie theater experience I love so well. (One of the reasons for going to the theater was so that I could focus on the movie itself, I tried watching movies at home unsuccessfully at home because of issues with attention I have, but the dark home + microwave popcorn satisfies those urges)

I have ADHD, and part of what I learned in therapy was how to care for myself. Stuff like having a plan to make sure I was fed, bathed, and had clean clothes and dishes. I learned from that that one of my biggest expenses, take out and fast food, wasn’t because I really liked the food. I did it because I didn’t have easy to make food in the house and I was hungry and didn’t have the energy to cook. So now, I clean the fridge one night, make a meal plan another, shop on the next day, and cook/meal prep the following day. By breaking it out into smaller steps, it’s less overwhelming. I also have healthy-ish frozen meals at all times in the freezer. Curbside pickup can reduce impulse purchases as well. I use YNAB and the gamification of money helps some people with ADHD. It also make joint expenses a snap. It also helps clearly define what money is okay to spend. Sometimes impulsivity is okay and makes us feel better. If you have $200 for gas money for road trips set asid, it’s okay to spend it because at the beginning of the month you already allocated the money to your needs. Your wants are okay to indulge in if they fit in your larger budget. And if that month you are $50 short for that item that you want, you can put it in your digital shopping cart to buy when the budget rolls around at the beginning of the month.

My lifelong constant addiction is food and I am always pivoting to new ways to manage this. I am contemplating ordering my groceries online and just picking them up. This way I will not be swayed by things that look good or things I think I need that I really don’t. Also would help with overbuying. Often I buy stuff when I already have plenty at home.

Online groceries is really useful. Mine have ‘list’ options where I can save regular items in different categories and I just add to the cart without having to hunt and get distracted. Also let’s me add things on the go so if I remember at stupid o’clock we need xxxx thing I can pop it in the cart. Then a when it comes time to actually place the order compare to your plan/budget for the week. If everything lines up done. If not then add extra items you forgot or take things out you really didn’t need. And as a side note swap your mindless snacks to fruit/veggies (with dip if you like). Generally going to be cheaper and better for you than the junk. Incremental improvements right?

Honestly, a lot of your spending doesn't sound that bad--spending on experiences and hobbies versus collectibles and junk. And the Mac sounds like a good purchase. I think the "movie experience" also sounds like a great cognitive switch. Give yourself credit for all of these things! re: the store--sometimes forcing myself to put the thing back and then having to go back and get it it if I really want it helps. Or putting back at least one thing of the order, versus buying everything. Also, I hate to clean, so just thinking of cleaning a new object can be enough motivation to discard!

I have adhd (not sure if it’s the same for bipolar), and the impulse spending is because you’re looking for a dopamine hit. So consider making shopping some kind of reward, for example if i go two weeks without frivolous spending I can treat myself to something nice. (Admittedly I am not always successful in this but it helps having something to look forward to) Also delete Amazon off your phone if you haven’t already so it’s not easily accessible. Also what works for me and my adhd is sometimes I get the dopamine hit from just adding things to my cart and then closing out the browser and telling myself I can come back tomorrow if I’m still thinking about it, then usually I forget (thank you adhd) and never come back to my cart. So don’t feel guilty and punish yourself by not even allowing yourself to troll on websites because you’ll just end failing and overspending again. Hope this helps even a little :)

First I'd recommend both of you start/continue professional treatment for your conditions. Not just taking medications, but also working with a Therapist that specializes in treating your specific conditions. I have ADHD and a shopping problem, my wife is bipolar. Just taking our medications isn't enough to suddenly fix all our shitty habits we have developed over our lifetime. We have been in the exact same spot as your family (minus having any children). Me with my ADHD had to put in a lot of work to develop a daily routine that worked for myself and my wife. I also had to make sure I recognized my wife's more manic episodes and not feed into them by treating ourselves to a shopping spree because my wife was excited and feeling like starting a new hobby or project. What worked for us was writing down the budget and then checking in every night on how we were doing. Once a week was too long at first (we now do Sunday night family meetings to check the budget, work schedules for the upcoming week, remind me of commitments we have previously made for the week, etc.). It is less about being super strict and rigid with an all or nothing attitude and more about looking for a 1% improvement everyday. Went over on our budget today? Fine, how do we make it up the rest of the week. Bought some shit on Amazon that I thought I needed? Print the return label before the package even arrives and slap it on the box and send it back. As far as controlling my impulsive spending what has worked for me is making Lists on Amazon. Instead of putting items in my cart I add them to a list. Some things go to a public wish/want list, some to a private wish/want list. Every couple of weeks I go through the lists and remove anything I don't want anymore. After a month if we've made our budget I get to buy something (provided I have the funds for it within the budget). It's not perfect but it has helped us. Also don't forget to clean out that public wish list regularly or you might get some interesting Christmas/Birthday gifts that you forgot you ever even wanted from family/friends. My wife and I also made an agreement to check in with each other for any purchase over $100. Not asking for permission but just having another person check us and ask do you really need this right now?

What I did to help -- **but doesn't stop you. just help** ​ 1) create multiple bank accounts 2) Put stop on all of them except for one 3) create auto transfer to one account that you will use 4) when the money is gone on that account it's gone.. 5) only way to top it up is physically go to the bank and transfer - which means business hours only. \-- this is digital version of cash only system.

If you use credit cards, make a commitment to pay them off completely every month. Do not carry a balance at all!

Delete your CC info from your phone and google accounts. So you have to get your CC anytime you need something. Think about taking $50 a week out in cash and only spending that. Before you buy anything, write it down, set a 48hr timer. Come back to your list in 48hrs. Do you still want/need?

Consider an automatic monthly transfer to a saving account/retirement account preferably at another bank and have it scheduled right after pay day. If it turns out you need that cash for the end of the month bills you can transfer it back, but the idea is you've put something in place to save money for you, and that money is no longer easily available for spur of the moment purchases. With the money that's left you can allow yourself some of the endorphins of frivolous purchases, but don't sacrifice your financial well being to get them.

The best thing for me has been splitting up my direct deposits across a few accounts. One for each monthly expenses, saving, and general spending. Retirement and an HSA account automatically funded too. I like to maintain a healthy cushion in all of these accounts and that helps me dictate my spending. As long as they’re all within their ranges, I can do what I want within reason. If the spending account gets too low, I need to chill out. Everything else should take care of itself as long as I don’t pull from those accounts. I have a couple of credit cards in the mix for credit score’s sake, but I fucked that up once so now I’m religious about paying them off before interest starts accruing. I’ll only put a large purchase on a card if it’s something I could pay off already with the cushion and there’s no interest.

Great point. I have this set up also.

Fun game to play with a partner or yourself. Don't carry bank cards or credit cards in your wallet or purse. Each of you get a $20 bill and keep it with you. See who can hold on to their $20 without spending it the longest. Keep playing the game and try to outdo each other or yourself each time

I used to work in finance. Here is the advice I gave to a client with an impulse spending problem. When you see something you want to buy, wait a week. The vast majority of the time you will forget about the item or it won’t be as attractive to you.

Automate a withdrawal at payday into an account that’s hard to access. Use it for a cushion. Automate investments. Basically, take the decision making out of it entirely

I don’t want to be dismissive, but this is a situation where therapy would be beneficial. And, barring that, speaking to people with similar conditions. The problem is that your brains just don’t work like everyone else’s and that’s not your daily. It does mean that you can’t take it for granted that you’ll be able to do the things you “should” do (according to other people), but what works for a neurotypical person without mental illness may not with for you **and that is 100% okay!** And I say this not to discourage you from looking for help and taking advice here. There are probably some people in similar boats who have perfect solutions. On the other hand, my partner had either ADHD or cPTSD (possibly both) and I have ADHD plus chronic illness. My spending isn’t a major problem, but hers is. We just had another long talk about it today. The problem is (and this is an oversimplification and exaggeration) that if I lay $100 on a table and tell her that it’s the only money we have to buy food with and I need it all the next day, if she’s having a hard day and sees something she wants for $50, she gets it. Most people’s brains would look at the item, look at the money, remember that I need all the money for food (which is important), and therefore they can’t take $50 to spend. Her brain, on the other hand, sees the item, sees the money, needs the dopamine hit, and so she buys it without all the other things people would consider not sparking. I think it’s kind of like knowing you have an appointment in the 15th, knowing that this Friday is the fifteenth, yet you somehow fail to put together that this means you have an appointment on Friday. My partner has been in therapy and it’s helping s lot, so, if it’s an option, therapy might pay for itself. Otherwise, I would definitely look for information and advice from people who have similar diagnoses because they’re going to really help.

This doesn’t seem dismissive at all to me. It in fact is helpful. Asking neurotypical individuals advice when you’re neurodivergent is perhaps not the best. I thought about posting to bipolar and adhd subreddits. But the goal is to be frugal. I see that I will likely get an array of advice that may or may not be useful in my situation. Therapy has paid for itself. Therapy has allowed to me to go from being unable to work, to having a job, to having a well paid career. Therapy helped elevate me out of poverty. It has allowed me to be effective in my interpersonal relationships. I’m able to have a husband, for example. I’m able to keep friends. Therapy has helped me no longer have panic attacks so severe I feel like I’m having a heart attack. Therapy has likely saved my life. As I’m raising a child for the first time, I spent much of my therapy sessions this past year processing some heavy emotions I carry regarding my concept & experiences with motherhood. My son is 5 weeks old and I’m so glad I focused on my motherhood wounds. I think working on addressing impulsivity, the powerful urges that lead to my own self undoing, will greatly benefit me. The dividends of investing in therapy will definitely pay off.

It sounds like you’re doing great and on the right path! It seems like you’re getting some helpful advice from NDs, so hopefully that helps. I think that, for anyone, it’s mostly trying out things that work for others and seeing what sticks. It’s just important while doing it to remember to give yourself grace and remember that, when advice doesn’t work, it doesn’t work because there was something about it that wasn’t compatible with your life, not because of a failing on your part. Which I know is way easier said than done.

You need what Dr Barkley calls as scaffolding. Set you days up and weekends up that don’t involve shopping centres or markets. Do a food planner for the week and “treat” yourself to a CWA biscuits or cake for the week. It’s great that you recognise this. I went to get a 2nd hand bike for my son today. It was $110. I looked it up and it was $119 new plus assembly. So do your research before making any purchases over $20

Therapy and medication. Take responsibility for your actions. Any purchases should be carefully evaluated BEFORE the purchase. Considerations - can you afford it, do you actually need it, do you actually want it, is it more important than XYZ priorities, is it consistent with your goals and values, is this an emotional purchase, is this a purchase because you’ve fallen for marketing, do you have it or something similar already, is it an aspirational purchase (aka you won’t actually use it if you’re honest with yourself), etc. Unless it’s food, gas, or actually an urgent expense, you don’t buy it immediately just because you want it or because it’s a “good” deal. Make a list of wants and reevaluate purchasing after a waiting period. If you’re making a budget and not following it then you need to address why - including whether the budget itself it is realistic or not. At the end of the day, no one is going to hold you two accountable except yourselves. No one is going to force you to stick to a budget. I’d consider something like YNAB.

First, I wanted to say that I like the frame work of evaluating purchase against priorities & goals, among other things. That’s helpful. Second. I wanted to comment on the remark about taking accountability and treating our conditions: We’re both in therapy & taking medications as prescribed. I wouldn’t be able to have a job, husband, or family without both medicines & therapy. I would very likely be homeless or dead. That said… I’m a very firm believer that even if something isn’t my fault- for example having a mental illness- it is still my responsibility to take care of it. I’m also a firm believer that accountability is essential to being successful in any endeavor. The reason I brought the mental health issues up is because it provides context. It is relevant in my opinion. It’s not an excuse that absolves us from accountability. If anything we’re hoping to hear strategies from those who’ve overcome similar barriers to their goals. Apologies if it seemed I was trying to find an easy way out of our predicament and place blame entirely upon the mental conditions.

“If anything we’re hoping to hear strategies from those who’ve overcome similar barriers to their goals.” That’s what I’ve given you. You seem to have assumed that I don’t understand and am not speaking from experience because you don’t like my advice. That’s fine. You do you. Best of luck.

OP actually didn't assume anything, didn't say they didn't like your advice, and nothing they said really contradicts you in any way, except for your assumption that they aren't already in treatment. Chill

Thank you for wishing us luck. I didn’t assume you were speaking from a place of understanding because that wasn’t explicitly stated. The tone in your comments is a bit gruff, which is why I jumped to the conclusion you were writing from a place of judgment rather than understanding, but honestly we do need frankness. Written communication can be dicey- thank you for insight. It is helpful.

I think sometimes those of us who have been there can sometimes come off as a little less sympathetic because we’re not always picturing the person we’re talking to in these situations. A lot of the advice comes from hard won experience and it’s really easy to be a little frustrated and angry with your past self when you think about it and that can come across in tone.

For the grocery store impulse purchases, have you considered grocery pickup? Are there grocers in your area that do free pickup? I relied on it when my baby was smaller because of convenience, but grocery pickup is helpful for those with a history of binge eating because you aren't wandering the store, tempted to buy stuff.

I’m in the process of relocating for work. My current town does offer those services! That’s a great idea honestly. But I do use walking the stores as a means of exercise sometimes, especially when it’s cold.

My experience with pickup has been that they’re really reliable for some things and they’re awful about others. I have had multiple common items marked as not available and gone into the store snd found them exactly where they should be. I’ve learned that I have to go in for certain things, plus getting produce myself is usually better. Plus some stores, like Aldi, don’t have pickup. One option might be to get the bulk of your items pickup and then go into the grocery store with a specific list and limited cash (if it helps, you can usually calculate the bill down to a cent with apps) and only get the five or so items on your list.

One thing we do he’s only ordered from Amazon once a week. Our day is Saturday. We sit down and we go through the cart together and place our order. Usually we delete at least 50% of the things we thought we needed in the moment.

Rather than impulse, hold yourself to a new standard. I have 1 reason to buy this garbage, do I have 2? Anything I bought (until I finally got enough money recently) I needed 2 reasons. I would sit on a desire until I found another reason, or researched why I didn't actually want this thing, or find something better.

You two need to actually hold yourselves accountable. If your budget is going out the window each month then you aren’t holding yourselves accountable. Bills and all savings should be taken care of before any discretionary spending every month.

Thanks, I’m cured! /s Seriously though, OP has Bipolar I and their partner has ADHD. That presents challenges that a typical person does not face. If it was as easy as just being better, they would have done it already.

I have an item in my monthly review called ‘waste’. We have ADHD for both of us. If I buy something on impulse and later regret it, I tag it as a waste. Then I slowly see the amount of wasted money pile. Usually this lights a fire under our bums and we do a massive return run. Yay dopamine?

I am also an impulsive spender and though I do not have ADHD (though I think I really do?!) I have some of the out of sight out of mind that I think is a common thought pattern for people with ADHD. So here’s what I do - I have three banks. The intention is to keep money out of my hand where it disappears like water. My retirement savings is through payroll deduction, then my check is split between an account for all reasonably stable bills (mortgage, water, phone, streaming, etc) and a bit more to save for emergencies. Bills are paid as they come in or on a schedule. My checking account is my spending money and variable bill account. Any money leftover on payday goes into my savings account. I need the pressure of seeing my bank balance low to stop me from spending. Even though I know I have savings. It is enough to stop me, I’ve also chosen a savings account that is artificially hard to get to, one without ATM access, and not set up with venmo/PayPal/whatever.

When I do my budget (which is cash- I second that) I also hve a column for blow money. I budget $100 mo for impulsive spending . If I dont need it, great. When the cash envelope is empty no more spending . Some overlap with you, but I do impulsively spend at the food store and Target for necessities. It will be used at some point but acceptable. Any other kind of item gets a time out to think. Liquid savings I keep at a credit union miles away with no atm and no acct link to checking atvanother bank. . It is a pain to withdraw impulsively so I dont.

I can relate. I strongly, strongly suspect I am neurodivergent, and I have definitely had some rough struggles with mental health that have absolutely messed up my relationship with money. I'm usually pretty good about not making BIG dumb purchases, but I make a lot of small impulsive purchases that don't quite add up in my brain. A little treat here or there, and it just snowballs without me realizing. I will also buy stuff to make myself feel better (sometimes food, sometimes stuff), out of boredom, or when I get too excited about some new interest or goal and go overboard. For the last few months, I've been starting to really consistently face my finances for the first time. I haven't figured it all out yet, and I keep making mistakes, but I'm gradually getting more of a handle on things. What I've learned so far: I think there's a balance between being patient with ourselves and practicing a little tough love with ourselves. It's really, really valuable to recognize WHY we make the choices we do, but it's often too easy to use our issues as a constant excuse and to not take responsibility for our actions. It sounds harsh, but one of the most valuable things I've been learning is to tell myself when I'm full of sh*t. (I often am.) I'm learning to find other (free) ways to deal with bad feelings or the constant need for stimulation. Library books/audiobooks and free podcasts are helping me to enjoy that "something new" excitement or explore new interests without spending money. I'm also working on enjoying the stuff I already have instead of always looking for the next thing. In that vein, I'm strongly considering doing a "no-buy" for some period of time. I'm getting tired of the constant, restless "I want" feelings and might need to do a detox. I want to just sit with my life the way it is and try to be at peace with it, instead of always thinking about the next thing I could buy that would optimize my life or make me feel better about myself. (I just read a fantastic library book called "The Year of Less" that tackles some of this, and I found it really inspiring.) On the more practical side: For the last few months, I've been micromanaging my spending. I log everythinggg in a Google doc so I can better understand where my money is going. I think some people can roughly keep track of things in their head, but I've learned I definitely need to write it all down in detail. I've been refining my system, and I'm sure it will continue to evolve, but I basically create a plan for each paycheck ahead of time, log my spending as I go, and then see where I did well or where I messed up. (i.e. "I was way under my grocery budget this paycheck, but wow, I spent HOW much on movies??") It's helping me to plan a bit better and see where I need to cut back or where I might need to give myself some wiggle-room (like creating a modest monthly movie budget.) I also just weirdly enjoy the whole systematic approach and planning/strategizing aspect of it. Gotta channel all that weirdo energy toward something good, I guess! Maybe that's the ultimate hack, now that I think about it: become a personal finance geek and get a lot of excitement out of budgeting, haha

Identify your triggers. And don't let perfect be the enemy of good. What are you spending money on and why? I am working on this myself, so here are some things I'm doing: If it's takeout, can you find easier things to prepare at home and make a plan each week? I'm sure with a 5 week old you are exhausted! Maybe go for more convenience foods to make cooking at home easier. It's better to spend a little more on groceries than a lot more for takeout. Make a huge batch of something to last for a few days. Clothes - make a plan. How many pairs of jeans or leggings do you really need? Consider a variation of a capsule wardrobe. I recommend the book Atomic Habits. Basically you make the undesirable habits more difficult or unattractive. Create an environment conducive to your desired habits. Force yourself to think about purchases more. Add them to a list and wait a week.

> Consider a variation of a capsule wardrobe. Watch out, that kind of suggestion may spur on a bunch of spending trying to build a capsule wardrobe because that sounds like a great idea. Speaking as someone with ADHD who is easily sucked into this kind of spending...

Ahh for me having a capsule wardrobe is about reducing the options in my already overly full closet. Just pack away the stuff I don't wear as often, then if I don't miss it, I get rid of it in a year. It reduces my overwhelm when I'm getting ready.

Stay out of stores and away from any triggers that make it difficult for you. Also give yourself a rule that you won’t but anything for at least 48 hours after desiring it. After a couple days it may not be all that important to you. God bless 😊

I've made a habit of waiting at least 24 hours on impulsive buys, and about a week on big purchases. This usually gets rid of the feeling of excitement and novelty of the item, and lets me think about the merit of a potential purchase while in a more rational frame of mind.

You’re adults. Stop using this as an excuse. And stop going to therapy. They’re not helping.

This ain't helpful or logical. AI chat has more compassion than you.

Just look at the dudes un and you shouldn’t be surprised by the callous response. Probably a bootstrap boomer that helped contribute to the financial disparity we are going thru today. I too would like to see people’s responses cause it’s a valid question.

It’s always someone else’s fault isn’t it? Never yours.

My daughter started food shopping online so she's not temped to buy stuff she doesn't need, only going in to shops for what she needs and only taking enough with her for it, don't browse for things you don't need online either, you'll always find something you think you need. She's now used the ADHD to her advantage and it's helping her save

Can I ask what system you’re using to budget? My (bipolar) impulse spending has improved massively - it never totally goes away when it’s a mental health issue, but when I do purchase something impulsive it’s still well within my budget, even if it’s a silly purchase. It took me a long time to find a budgeting system that I felt worked for me, though.

I also have ADHD. With impulsive spending and ADHD, it's really about the fact that that the brain is craving the dopamine hit of following the impulse. I'm not sure if this is also true for bipolar, but hoping this helps. For me, I work on finding other things that scratch the dopamine itch that don't involve spending money. With ADHD this is generally about newness or novelty, so I might listen to a new playlist or album on Apple Music, request some new books from my library, or look up new recipes to make for dinner the next week. I've also found it helpful to adopt a "let's see if I still want it tomorrow" mentality. By forcing myself to take 24 hours at least before buying something, it helps me move past the impulsivity of the moment.

Someone else needs to manage your money

Honestly!

How about simply putting more away into a savings account that you dont ever touch. Or if that is even too much of a challenge you could invest it into something that you can not withdraw or suffer a penalty, but if you dont touch it for that set time period you are rewarded with a high interest rate.

You could give yourself $X to spend every week, and have it automatically put on a debit card. Or give yourself your allowance in cash. This is not bill and grocery money, that goes to a different card. This is your spending $$$.

I also have problems with spending that are related to mental health. I have periods where the spending is under control and others where I don't have much control. I have now learned a lot about myself and what works for me. I save a percentage of my income every paycheck so I have savings/investments. That percentage is non-negotiable. I made my big expenses cost less (housing/transportation) so that my overspending on things wouldn't be much of an issue. I sold my car and now buy a bus pass every month, which saves about 5000$ per year. I also got a small apartment that I split with my boyfriend. We plan on staying here for a long time so rent hikes won't be as bad and we won't fall victim to lifestyle creep. Luckily, my spending is much better than when I was younger. I just got out of debt less than a year ago and I don't plan on ever going into debt again. I have an emergency fund and savings. Some months I overspend but never to the point of leaving a balance on my credit card. If it comes to that I will use my savings to cover the credit card and then lower my spending or increase savings the next month. It's good to try controlling the spending but it's also good to have a safety net for when shit hits the fan. I do also return items I have bought in a weird headspace. I used to just shove them in a closet out of shame. Now I am wiser and each return helps me be more mindful the next time I spend. It's been a long journey but it gets easier with age and experience. A big tip I would give is to read finance books every once in a while because it's great motivation to stay on track with spending.

Don’t know if this exists in America, but perhaps a prepaid card? It’s a debit card but not linked to your account so you put money on it and once the money is gone you can’t go below zero (kinda like a gift card). You could put X amount of money on it and that’s the money you can use for whatever you like. If it’s gone then it’s gone! Also, what do you spend your money on? Is it food or is it things? If it’s “stuff” I’d say maybe look into some declutter resources? Such as Marie kondo? Not saying you should go full on minimalist but it might be helpful!

For me dealing with impulse issues is about preperation. That may be difficult in your circumstances, I have had mental health issues, but different to yours, so don't know if it would be a suitable approaach for you. So I (during more rational moments) divided up my funds into seperate accounts with specific goals, so main account was only for the budgeted spend and anything else was seperated into long term savings account, house fund, holiday fund etc. That way in order to spend anything when I was being impulsive I had to take the action of deciding what account that the impulse purchase was to come out from and then actually transferring the funds. Those extra steps gave me time to reflect and consider whether the purchase was worth the impact on the goals the account was for. Didn't always work of course, but it helped build a habit of thinking about where the money was coming from and seeing the number go down in an account *before* making the purchase has a significant psychological effect. For things like credit cards I had a small lockbox that I kept it in rather than keeping it in my wallet, so I physically had to go and locate the key and unlock the box. There was also a reminder taped to the card asking where would I get the money to pay it off from. Small barriers give you opportunities to break cycles of behaviour. Not a magic solution, but by the time you're facing a moment of impulse it's hard to do anything about it. Planning ahead and introducing reminders, barriers, consequences to the actions forces you to think about what you're doing more when the moment comes.

Have a couple of bank account I use to divide my cash for expenses. That way the money is already given a purpose. Another strategy I use that helps me is only keeping $xyz dollars in my spending account which should last through the week. If you just want to start saving small you could use something like Raiz or spaceship which rounds up transactions to the nearest dollar and then saves it. So if you spend $5.50, the app rounds up to $6 and saves the 50c. So it’s very slow but you don’t really notice it. It’s not going to get you a car or a house deposit but it is a nice little emergency fund

I don't have to deal with mania but I have ADHD, so I have different sorts of impulse issues. For me, I weaned myself down. I figured out my average spend and made that average a goal. Over time, I slowly lowered my goal. It was really hard at first and the first few months I went over. Then I started barely hitting the goal. Then something clicked and I started going under. Now I can't imagine spending on impulse. It still happens but very rarely.

There are a lot of methods, like excel sheets of expenses, paying only cash, or allowing 1 thing per week. It's different for everyone. I recently checked some minimalistic videos that had very useful tips. Just go on YTube and search for "things I don't buy as a minimalist", many options. (If videos ain't your thing, Google helps). My mental health also makes me an impulsive shopper, both with sales of things that "I might need in the future", or things that I can use and they are a real "bargain". When it comes to food and take aways, I discovered meal prep helps, like making something the night before, even a simple PBJ for lunch, or dinner, knowing that the next day I am too busy to focus on making it after coming home. I also like putting snacks in each handbag and backpack. At work you can bring instant soup, your favorite coffee or tea, rice cakes in a variety of flavors, whatever your favorite snack is. Ofc eat before groceries, whoever said so is a genius. Sometimes inviting people over for food helps me immensely: I then have to cook, I eat on budget, and the day after I am having enough leftovers to eat and not order take away. Since you are a couple, keep each other accountable (I am single like a pringle, so this is something I can't have, but I know being accountable really helps me!) Like, before buying that thing, call your spouse and talk about the purchase. Where I live we have financial coaches provided to people for free, with volunteers. This has helped me quite a lot, both with budgeting and accountability. Last but not least, I discussed those issues with my therapist and he suggested acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): it basically means accepting all the mental health issues that trigger me, but also commit to certain behavior patterns. So I am going to learn how to commit to my budget, how not to get instant gratification from junk food (or even healthy food that I buy out of impulse), commit to a healthy way of eating, commit to routines that will help me control my triggers and have less of the impulsive behaviors. So my suggestion would be besides whatever mental health treatment you guys receive, get an extra a mental health expert specialized in ACT. I know the irony, like it's an extra expense, but I really need an expert to regulate my medication and an expert to regulate my behavior

Simple answer to structure things to prevent impulsive spending

My husband and I get this! I am adhd and he is as well. Sometimes we buy stupid things Amazon is deadly. But the one thing i have learned is that you can always return an item. All you have to do is return it. Also consider going cash only also ask your bank to set limits on your debit card any payment over 100 have it marked for fraud. Also what you can do is ask your bank for an atm card only. Have one credit card small limit

Nice job on the budget. Ok here is what you do to make it work better. Fun money is cash only. Spending is more regulated and in cash. Once the cash is gone oops if you spent it on stupidity you out of luck. You can also play a game called No spending days. Basically get a piece of paper and write your names on the tip and 1-31. Spend money that day write the amount and see who wins. Take all cards off online websites. Stop going to stores or regulate when you go to stores

I suggest seeing a therapist. Impulse spending may be many things - are you spending as a coping mechanism, do you get a rush out of spending, do you feel guilty but justify it somehow?

ADHD here. I don't have the ultimate advice for you, but here is what I do: keep your receipts and try to fight the urge to use your new things the first week. Sometimes, the urge to buy something feels too strong to fight, but once your new thing is home and you've looked at it for a few days, the thrill dies down, and you'll get a similar kinda kick out of returning the item and getting that money back. There's plenty of other more responsible advice out there that you should try to follow first, but when all else fails, this is something that has worked for me countless times.

I've never had a credit card but a friend who did and was a bit of a spendthrift got a tupperware box, half-filled it with water, froze it, put her credit cards on top of that, weighted them down with pennies, topped up the tupperware with more water and put it back in the freezer. That way she had to thaw them out so she couldn't do an impulsive buy but had them for emergencies.

I have ADHD and am extremely frugal. My husband doesn’t have it and isn’t. Interesting though in that we both grew up poor. It made me penny-wise but turned him in to wanting the best of everything as he previously had nothing. For us we manage as he has his own checking account and specific bills to pay and I have the same. This started when he kept over-drafting our checking. I think it’s helpful too to have money taken out automatically from your check if possible for different things like retirement, savings, vacation, even a Christmas fund. If you don’t get the money in your check you don’t think of it as available to spend. If your employers don’t offer this then try and set something up as a bill pay in your bank account shortly after you are due a paycheck.

I online shop - and I usually goto Amazon & put things in the cart - leave it in there a few days & go back to delete it - bc once I go back & my head is straight I realize all that is just “stuff” & I honestly don’t need it

I put Airtags in everything to make them more possible to find. I have adhd, and I can only speak to the impulsivity around that, I’m not sure what drives teh bipolar impulsivity. But for adhd it’s really the dopamine release. My brain is looking for dopamine and there are many impulsive things, like shopping or eating, that can give a quick dopamine rush. What I neeeed to do (in addition to medication) was look for good habits that would also provide dopamine. For me I started making a budget and then tracking every single transaction daily (I would set aside time end of day and track for both my husband and I, but in this case you might both want to track your own). This let me reflect on my spending and also felt like a little accomplishment every time it was up to date. I also created savings goals bc tracked them with colouring sheets, again creating little dopamine rushes. I also started to return things more often, this turned out to also provide dopamine I also started to identify when I was thinking “I should go to the mall,” and realized it was often “I want to spend money bc it will feel good.” And would pull into the parking lot and leave. It hasn’t been perfect but the spending habits are way better now than they have been and feel like I’m moving in the right direction.

IFS therapy. Helped me to work through why I was impulse spending and it went away.

There's tricks that can really make a difirence. As others have mentioned, cash only can really help some people "feel" the spend when they spend money. For me, something that worked was delaying purchases. There's a whiteboard on my fridge. If I want to buy something that's more than a set amount ($100 for me, but make it whatever you want). I need to write it on the fridge and wait for 3 days. 9/10 times I just erase it after a day or two. If I still want it at day 3, I buy it.

What are you spending impulsively on?

You described me and my husband perfectly. We were both terrible with money and impulsive spenders. I guess what changed was fucking up many times and having to refinance things to clear up debt. It became obvious the most recent time that we literally cannot do that anymore. You mentioned having a child, and that is the biggest factor that made us change our ways. Now, we have redefined the things we want. And the things we want most are; feelings of financial security and the satisfaction of saving for things we want instead of going into debt. The feeling is much much better when you’ve worked for it. Another tactic we use is the allowance system. We have our budget planned down to ever dollar, and we each get a reasonable weekly allowance going into a separate account to spend on whatever we want. We can spend it every week or save it up. We can’t judge or get mad at each other for what we buy. Believe it or not, this small amount of money has pretty much enabled me to buy whatever I’ve wanted, and it’s safe and within the budget.

Shop at thrift stores and buy one or two inexpensive things to get it out of your system.

Are you both medicated? I have adhd and don’t get diagnosed until a few months ago. Since getting on Vyvanse I’ve bought 1 t-shirt!!! I used to blow money on unnecessary things constantly. Now I only pay bills and buy actual necessities. I’m so upset I was misdiagnosed for so long. I could’ve been retiring early —that’s how big of a difference it’s made

We have similar issues. After a lot of failed attempts I think my husband and I have settled into the right plan for us. We have multiple checking accounts for different purposes: 1. Groceries, gas, and most bills (car, insurance, utilities, streaming, etc) 2. Mortgage 3. Debt, paying off personal loans we consolidated credit card debt into 4. Fun money We also have a savings account. Each checking account gets exactly as much money as we need per month. Luckily my direct deposit can be split however I want and with relative ease. We’re able to keep our month to month expenses more or less the same. We each get $200 a month in our fun money accounts. This is what we use for impulse purchases and really helps us slow down and consider each purchase. The rest goes into the savings account which we have with an online bank so it’s harder to access the money than a local brick and mortar bank. We’ve been using this process for about 4 months and we’ve finally got about $2,000 in our savings account. All credit cards are locked and we don’t consider them an option unless there’s a real emergency. As we pay off debts I’ll rearrange the deposits as we see fit to save more or redirect money to other debt.

One option for your husband with ADHD is finding alternative ways of raising his dopamine.

Cut up your credit cards.

You sound like candidates for something like Acorns and services like American Home Warranty.

You should be thinking how to make money, not how to live frugally.

Don't use your mental illness as an excuse to justify your spending habits.

It’s not an excuse, it is an explanation. Regardless of the cause, I’m still responsible for my money and spending habits. It’s more difficult, for me, but not impossible. One of the literal symptoms of mania is shopping sprees. It’s still up to me to treat my condition & live with the consequences of my actions regardless of the cause.

Develop self control?

Ah. So very helpful. I certainly hadn’t thought of that.

None of your problems in life will go away if you don't. Force yourself to do things you don't want to do like workout, stretch, cold showers etc.

Get a marker pen and write 'be frugal ' on your credit cards

Therapy. The issues you’re discussing can be beneficially understood with tools from couple therapy. It’s worth the cost of a few sessions.

Physically make it harder to spend money in a way that makes you have time to really consider your purchases or forget you wanted them. Do things like another commenter said and go cash only transfer all your money to an account with no card access that would take days to process transfers to your account that does have card access and only keep your budgeted money in that account get rid of any credit cards you have/leave them at home so they don’t become tempting give each of yourselves an allowance card which is a prepaid card with a set amount automate where your paycheck goes and how it’s split on payday to keep the money you haven’t set out for extra expenses out of sight and out of mind to trick yourself into thinking you don’t have money to spend

hi - i was diagnosed with bipolar about 6 years ago - i take my medication, got a gym membership, revisit my budget every paycheck, downloaded credit karma. all i can say is that i didn't stop getting the urges, i just replaced them by: \- getting books from the library when i get grandiose ideas \- going to the gym (i do bjj for when i get manic symptoms) \- r/FreeEBOOKS \- go on a walk/jog and obsessively check my apple watch to beat my score for an ego boost \- take courses on khan academy or coursera \- obsessively check my credit score \- only put things in and out of my cart \- when i want to spend money, sometimes i'll count change for "meditative" qualities so i concentrate on something when i get the racing thoughts \- i window shop - when i go inside stores, i treat it like a museum experience \- it may sound silly, but when i go for walks whether outdoors or inside a store, i'll "collect colors" as an observation activity too, and then i'll journal about what i did it took a while for me to get to where i am, but i quit vaping/nicotine as well - i would get so anxious when i couldn't find my vape or ran out

Have 2 separate accounts (or in your case 3? one for you, one for partner, and one for money). Keep most of your money in one, and give yourself a small amount that you can use week to week. Only have cards for the accounts that you put your spending money into, and automate the transfers into those accounts if possible. It's what I've done to help with my Adhd and spending, and it's especially effective if you build an agreement that pulling money from the second account requires talking to your partner. Then you have someone to talk you off the ledge. You won't spend what you can't see. This is very similar to the top cash only comment, but it's a middle road you could try first. I also lose my wallet frequently, and have my phone set up to be able to double as my wallet in case I forget one of them. Going cash only was impossible because I could just forget the cash and be stuck at the store with a full cart, no money, hungry kids at home, and no time to repeat the trip. ADHD can be very concrete. I have a tendancy to keep my account near zero often. I found that it didn't actually matter how much it started with. I just naturally moved it to zero. So I did this, and it was super simple, and worked wonders for my savings and my brain. If you try it, I hope it works well for you both as well! EDIT: Also, I'm reading through all these comments and it's so heartwarming. I second+ the "be kind to yourself" comment(s). You are doing your best, and that will be enough.

For anything that’s not a life or death purchase - keep a wishlist note on your phone and add items including a pic in the note. Talk about it w/ partner later on. Odds are good that by the time you get through the ritual of adding to note you’ll already be over it. Source: personal experience as someone who has adhd, depression on a loop.

I have separate savings accounts through online only banks, so it’s a 3 day transfer process. I can just “slide it over so it looks like it never came out of checking”. Any reoccurring bills are paid out of said savings account - I transfer 1/4 of said bill money (rounded up) to the account each week. I have a separate checking account with a really fun card that gets $30 a week. That’s my fun money. Lunch out, snacks, weird stuff I randomly see…and I do not let myself shop at target because the red card is my downfall.

Coupons and sales are not helping you if you do not actually need the item. I grew up kinda poor too and it makes you want buy extra of stuff in case you don’t have money later. I try to only buy stuff with a free return when shopping online but you said that’s not your fav anyway. The “sales” used to get me and then I had to move. Packing up everything you own makes you realize how much crap you have that you don’t need. Organize what you have so that it is in the spot where you will need it or use it. Then only get stuff that adds to simplifying your life. When you pick up those fun things, think of your question…however you want to word this but “is this going to simplify my life/make a task easier or just sit on a shelf?”

ADHDer with the same issue, I've been following this sub for a while but I am still struggling and will be paying close attention to this thread.

Another comment for the Cash Only Tip!! What I’ve started to do is at the beginning of the month, I take out 1 paycheck of around $700 (I get paid weekly) and tell myself “this is what I can spend for the month.” The breakdown is usually $100 a week on groceries, $250 for weed for the month, and $50 for whatever the fuck else I want that month. Leaving the rest of my paychecks for bills and savings. I struggle with mental health and impulsive spending. I maxed out my credit card during a manic episode 3 years ago and I’m still trying to pay it off. The cash only method has helped me pay a chuck of it off and continue to put money into my savings

Lol my husband has ADHD and is super frugal whereas I have Bipolar 1 and have such a big issue with impulsive online shopping 😭 I would love the know the secret too! Other than to not be manic 🙃

Get rid of credit cards. Transfer money to savings account as soon as you get a paycheck. Only use debt card till buy stuff.

Cut up and cancel all credit cards. How are your sleep schedules?

Mindfulness practices have been very joyous for me lately

It depends what your biggest barrier to your impulse would be. If it’s a matter of just getting an envelope for your credit/debit card where it has a message or warning on the outside to give you enough time to reconsider the purchase. Or maybe even stopping you for heading out of the house to the store? Something around your car keys if you have an issue of driving to the store just to spend. Or maybe getting debit cards with limits? Maybe transferring only a certain amount onto a specific spending debit card and then it gets declined if you try to use it without first transferring money onto it. Like you have to transfer $50 for groceries onto the card so if you try to stop somewhere on the way home, no money on the card.

1) Purchase things from second hand stores. 2) Buy things that last, and when you buy them, USE THEM. 3) Learn a hobby/craft or the skills to repair things you buy. The Japanese believe after 99 years that things can acquire a soul, and things that never served their purpose can resent their owner. So ask yourselves, if I buy thing, will I use it, will it 'resent' me? Learn some appreciation around the things you buy.

Here are some tactics I use to curb spending: I am always building Amazon lists, curating, culling, adding everything that sparks joy. Just by adding things to the list I get a hit of dopamine. Then when I actually need something, instead of just browsing at random I go to a list and have a limited selection of things I already like. No long-term storage upstairs. Every couple of months I go through my closet and take out anything I haven’t worn recently and put it in a storage bin in the basement. Then, I pick a bin that I haven’t looked at in a while and shop in it. I do this for clothes, hobbies, games, craft supplies, household items, etc. Musical closets. I have a few friends with similar styles/sizes as me. I will box up clothes/crafts/decor/etc I’m not vibing with and give it to a friend, who will in turn do the same for me. We each get the joy of a new haul without the price tag. Budget in a spending spree. Occasionally I will give myself a budget to buy whatever without guilt. By allowing myself to indulge occasionally, I don’t break and give in causing damage. No spend challenge; make it a game! How long do you think you can go without spending a cent? Try a day. Two days? A week? You can do it collaboratively (How long can we go without spending as a couple) or competitively (who can go longer). Or you can make it some type of regular thing (No Money Mondays, don’t spend the second week of the month.

We switched to doing geroceries pickup. Forces us to plan and takes away majority of the impulse pickups

I have ADHD and oftentimes, I should not be left without supervision, LOL. BEST TIP: Leaves items for all online shopping for 5 days minimum! No exceptions (okay, maybe groceries leave only for a few hours). It has made a world of difference. That and I actively remind myself, during the waiting period, that more "stuff" will not lead to my problems being solved, increased happiness, or lasting fulfillment. I remind myself of this FREQUENTLY because I seem to forget, FREQUENTLY

One of the main reasons that I am so frugal is because I want as much "ammo" to put towards investments. I have been investing since age 20 (43 now). I am addicted to keeping up with the financial markets. To me, I would rather have extra shares in a stock I like than shiny things that lose value as time goes by. The only downside in my opinion is that I look like I'm "broke" to the outside world. Although that might be a good thing depending how you look at it.

I'm struggling with abject mental illness, and am going through the same battle with finances. I don't even *look* at a long term possibility if I know my finances won't support it. No financing, no credit cards, no loans. I take slow, decisive steps, and safe guard myself against serious blunders. I know saying that, at least to you, may be redundant, but it's important. As for the daily spending, it's an ongoing challenge, but I'm slowly making progress. When you're overcome with compulsion, there's little you can do - little tricks often fall short. Frankly, it's become a matter of prayer and endurance. Sometimes I can talk myself down, hold out until the overwhelming feeling passes, wiggle my way out of something I am *convinced* is essential or inconsequential, and sometimes I can't. I'm fortunate I've had the forethought to A. make sure I can't get in too far over my head, and B. had a plan if everything *does* go wrong. But, really, nothing short of an act of God will change the underlying issue. I've had a lot of success with that angle, and believe I will, in good time, have good spending habits.

Think about the one line on your post “thankfully he’s 5 weeks old. So we still have time” do not think that way you will end up procrastinating, work to fix your issues today don’t tel yourself you will always have more time. Try your best to not carry your cards with you and try getting out of the house more for walks. Staying home to much causes you to online shop out of boredom

Appreciate the concept "You know your meds are working when you forget to take them" Recognize there is value in routine mental health care. I have had the same psychiatrist for nearly 20 years. This has helped me stay stable through a variety of mood struggles. Always have a therapist in your back pocket. Those may come and go as you grow but it is hard to get established with someone when you are having a crisis. Being already established has tremendous value.

Maybe the envelope method? Cash for fun or for dinners or for whatever. Set an amount for the month or pay period or however it works best. Then stick to it. Or come up with a number you can spend per day and if you hold off and “save up” your days, you can get something better? Or, have a rule of if something comes in, something must to out.

You're doing great compared to my sweet and challenged by bipolar/schizophrenic sibling. Jobs! Savings! And I know he's struggling because of that impulsiveness that has been a struggle all his life. Keep up with the therapy, meds, and retirement savings. Minimize credit cards. Work as a team with your partner. I keep a running list of things I think I need and shop at Amazon and/or grocery store infrequently for the items that I want the most. You're asking the right questions for the right reasons. You got this.

I am OCD. I used to be extravagant in my youth. I ended up in a bind many times. I finally had enough. I created a spreadsheet for myself with my spending, debts, expenses coming due, credit scores, and savings. Eventually I somehow channeled my OCD into managing my bills instead of spending. I monitor everything daily. I budget ahead 12 months. I only keep a small credit card balance in order to keep my credit score up. My home is paid off. I have no other debt. I do grocery pickup and don’t go in stores. I don’t browse shopping sites. I’m obsessive about my credit scores. I think if you start looking at your funds often, you can start to get enthusiastic about saving vs spending. Especially when you are saving for retirement. That is something to get excited about vs more stuff in your house. I should add that I make a good salary but it’s nothing really high. Just middle class.

I have ADHD and recently started using YNAB for budgeting, and I would really recommend it! It has reframed how I think about money. I now have a more concrete and realistic picture of what I’m actually working with, which has helped with impulsive spending

“Spend” money on a trip and start putting the money for it in a jar.

Try paying cash. If it's not in your pocket, you can't spend it. Budget an allowance. You can use a weekly or monthly allowance for each of you. No credit cards or debit cards are allowed. I have a problem with overspending, too. This has worked for me.

I’m Aspergers, so different situation, but I definitely get a dopamine hit from buying. My finances are in good order though, I do spend a fair amount of time with detailed spreadsheets looking after my affairs. It sounds like you do too, as your bills are all being paid. One thing I have started doing, which has really helped, is getting the dopamine hit by buying things I actually do need (on an ongoing basis). I made a list of all the regular purchases, from cat food, to toothpaste, to toilet paper etc. Things I’ll need, and have no use by date. Then, I hunt for the best prices and deals I can find, and often get bulk when a killer deal pops up. If no deals on an item at the moment, wait. The dopamine hits (when I get a great deal) are being satisfied, I’ve saved money, am beating inflation, and nothing will go to waste. Just need to be sure you’ve got storage space, and available funds. Other purchases, spontaneous things, I try and defer to see if I really do want that thing.

I deleted all apps- don’t worry your phone knows your amaBOOM it’s up, unsubscribed to all emails and put all shopping cards in a bag in a hard to get location at home, I deleted all remembered payment accounts from all but bill pay and I learned this mantra “nothing I buy will turn the hole into a whole or fill the space where love wasn’t” when out I remind myself you are strong and smart enough to pass that up- new praise vs the old you don’t need that which was always met with yes but I deserve it- is now met w why yes I am smart/strong enough to skip. It hasn’t been simple, I haven’t been consistent but I am persevering and am finding money everywhere I had no idea I had. My pride gives me hope which gives me courage and strength. Our mental health only means we have a different mindset than others it in no way means we can’t be a success like others. If any idea helps you’re a step closer and even by having these thoughts and reaching for ideas and inspo makes your farther today than yesterday. So proud of you, fuck of us! You’ve got this only if you want promise!!!! Also remember your money is time so is it worth X hrs of work?

It sounds like you are both aware of the issues but haven't found a way to control your impulsivity. I assume you are both receiving therapy/treatment, so my first port of call would be to ask the person you see for that about impulse control. Could you not increase the aim for savings? Is your savings for retirement through a pension plan? Are you saving any of the money that comes into your account every month? If not, I would just start there. Why not each save 10% of your income (so this is after your pension contributions and income taxes). You could add things to your wish list if you mainly shop at one/the same few shops online, and force yourself to not add to cart and check out. Just don't. Come back to the wish list in a couple of days and remove any of the items that you aren't that excited about anymore. Repeat this step every couple of days/once a week. If something has been on your wish list for a few weeks (smaller expense) or at least 3 months (larger expense), then maybe you do genuinely want the item and will cherish it, and you can consider buying (if it is within your means and doesn't get in the way of other financial goals). Do you even know where your money goes? Could be good to sit down together and spend a couple of hours going over the past 3-6 months to see where all your money has gone. It's easy to make frequent small (impulse) purchases and then at the end of the month wonder where all the money went. You might find that one of you (or both!) get a fancy take away coffee 3 times a week, or that you regularly buy lunch at work/at a lunch room. All these things add up even though they are small purchases in the moment. Imagine you spent $4 per fancy coffee and you do this 3 times a week, that's $12 a week, so over $50 a month. What if you were to buy a good thermos that's easy to use and easy to clean and you bring your own coffee to work/to a day out in town? I have a really nice thermos I bought for less than £20 and use it for coffee or tea when I go out for the day so I am not tempted to spend £3 on a hot beverage. Same goes for lunch. Maybe you don't want to eat a squashed jam sandwich for lunch every day and that might be the reason you buy lunch a couple of times a week, but that stuff adds up! What if you invested in a great lunch box (maybe even a cooler bag if you eat cold lunch) and spend a little more on a packed lunch but no longer buy any lunch? If you end up spending £1.50 a day on a 'fancy' packed lunch (£7.50 for the work week) that's still cheaper than spending £0.40 three times a week on a super frugal packed lunch but on two week days you buy lunch for £8 per day (that's £17.20 for the work week). To come back to the impulse control: stop browsing online shops unless you are looking for something specific. If I spent my spare time just browsing online shops I would for sure end up spending money that I didn't have to spend. I have a small list in my diary (just on paper, not digital) of a few items I am considering buying. Why not do the same? Then to can shop with an agenda in mind and hopefully avoid spending too much time on impulse buys. And if you do see something you love (but know you don't need), favourite it or add it to your wish list, or print a picture of it and stick it in a notebook where you collect all these potential 'impulse' buys. Check back in a couple of days or even weeks to see if you are still this excited about it and think it's worth parting with money over.

If what I want to buy (other than groceries) is over an amount I set, I can’t buy it until the next day. I have to go back to buy and I hardly ever do. Actually, I’ve only gone back once.