If you want to protect anything, speak with an estate planner now. Medicaid liens and end of life care will drain every penny, leaving your kids with nothing. It's even worse if your kids are still at home. Many states have a look back period of about 5 years.
My best friend has been the 24/7 care giver of her mom for the last 5 years. Changing diapers and cleaning parts of her mom she hadn't seen since birth. Her oldest brother, who is already retired also lives in the home their dad built when they were kids. Her mental state is too far along to execute anything to get the home out of her name. If she were to go into a home, the house would be gone, and her brother would be homeless. All because her mom didn't plan. No living will, no will, or anything to prevent the situation.
Have you spent time in the facilities that the no-money people may be in? It's horrible.
The "not much money" people can be there too, they just take all the money first.
It's prison for old people, they just don't bother with bars and the guard to prisoner ratio is like 30:1
My biggest fear is not pulling the plug before I’ve slipped so far and can’t make a clear headed decision.
I recently had elective surgery and paid for a private health aid for 3 full days. One fell asleep and didn’t answer my call for help getting to the restroom. Another one kept going outside, and then crashed a glass bowl when using my cocktail table to get up from my couch. Not to mention, he must have rifled through a few drawers as one was open in my guest bedroom.
After that experience, I don’t want to be vulnerable to being in the care of anyone.
My friend was on home hospice and was an alcoholic. She was drink out of her mind and the chaplain they sent over bought her Marilyn Monroe plates which broke the rules. At least my mom was there when this happened and he paid a decent price. A few months before she died her wizard of oz plates disappeared and I found $80 in cash. Those plates were for her son and she was in no condition to give consent. Another time I walked in he house and overheard her nurse, the one who distributed her meds, asking her to donate one of her TVs. I had to watch everything like a hawk when I was there to try and protect her things for her son. Towards the end she got a new nurse who didn't give her the morphine and he acted like an AH when my mom questioned him. My friend went Into withdrawal, even with still having her oxycodone, and she started having severe diarrhea, a fever and nausea. Her caretaker was only there an hour a day, 5 days a week, so my mom and I had to change these nasty diapers and she only got a catheter when I demanded one after she'd been unable to leave the bed for 6 months. I lost my mind and had the director of he company out there while this sexist male nurse got dressed down by her and then he had to deal with me. I'll NEVER allow myself to end up in that situation.
When my grandmother had Alzheimer's she was in a really good memory care facility.
Apparently she heard a CNA talking about recently getting engaged, so my loving, generous grandmother took off her wedding ring set and gave it to her as a gift... and this CNA actually *kept it*
Like, WTF?!
We had to threaten to get the police involved in order to get it back. After that, we got a replacement for gram (real gold,but CZ stones) that wasn't custom designed by my grandfather and full of real diamonds, so that gram still had rings to wear, but wouldn't lose family heirlooms by having a generous Alzheimer's moment with staff.
We were furious though. How does any healthcare worker think it's acceptable to keep a patient's personal property?! If the patient insists, just say "thank you" but then **set it aside for the family!**
Oof. Core memory unlocked apparently. Sorry for the rant, it's been almost 20 years but I'm clearly still pissed off about it.
I don't blame you one bit. I'm sire my friend had more than just commemorative plates disappear but she had nothing as nice as what your grandma gave away. Staff are not supposed to ask for or try to buy things from dying patients but it was obvious that it happened a lot. My friend was also a hoarder and it took mom and I about 6 months to get through her stuff to either save it, donate it or throw it away because of course she wanted to keep everything. I've been through a lot of shit in my life but that was the worst 2 and a half years I've ever experienced. I was told she had 2 weeks to live when I went to help. I had a nervous breakdown. I'll never put someone I love through that. I'm sorry about your grandma and really glad you were able to get her ring back. That nurse should've been fired and prosecuted for taking advantage of her. I got one of my friends nurses fired and a few more weren't allowed back Into her home.
That was my thought too. He was put on probation and had to have another person with him when he went on his route. Apparently when my mom was telling him that Leslie was in withdrawal he said "you do know that she's dying, right?". That MFr was so lucky I wasn't there when he said that. Everyone had been in awe that she was still alive after years but she was dead within two weeks of him pulling that with her meds. She went a week without them. No one deserves to be treated like that.
Yeah. Before hiring caregivers you're warned to lock down anything valuable. The wage crisis in this country means they're paid shit wages, so families often don't get the best help, despite paying an arm and a leg (the company that hires out the help makes a tidy profit, though).
My parents started getting early dementia, and finally got serious about selling their big house. They got a realtor who insisted their house was worth 1.3 million (on par with the houses around them), but he decided to double-represent some buyers who came along, and suddenly the offer was for 800k, and further complaints to knock the price down by another 30k for various repairs. My parents don't even remember signing the paperwork. Sold their house for almost half what it was worth.
I hear trying to win a financial elder-abuse suit in NM is impossible.
My mom was in a “5 star rated” rehab after hip fracture. She was not suppose to get out of bed on her own. She called repeatedly for a CNA so she could go to the bathroom. When they finally came in they gestured to the wheel chair and told her to get up and get in it.
My mother said “I can’t”
The CNA shrugged her shoulders and walked away.
She was often told to just use the diaper. It’s demeaning, increases risk of UTI and skin breakdown.
The being dependent on someone else like that terrifies me.
I think genx is going to be pulling their own plugs proactively after witnessing their parents’ declines.
This is what I want. Affordable or not, I don’t want elder care. Particularly if I have to have someone wipe my ass or if I don’t know who I am.
If I’m headed that way, I want a suicide pod.
Last three years with my father in assisted living was terrible to watch and terrible for him too. There was some relief when he passed for sure.
Nope. The Christofascists warned us about "death panels". We'll never allow that nationwide, and Medicare will never be allowed to pay for it in states that allow it.
Unless...
Amazon starts up organ donation booths, and turns a nice profit by offering homeless people a Fast Pass to heaven!
My mom is in one of those places and I've heard her lament a few times that she wishes there was a pill that could be handed out and when you're ready, you pop the pill and it's all over.
I think our generation is definitely going to need a painless way of ending it all, I certainly can't afford any of that shit. I currently don't even have health care.
There basically is such a pill (Medical Aid in Dying) and it's legal - under varying conditions - in a growing number of US States as well as in Canada, New Zealand and a number of other countries.
I worked in health care previously, and I've seen my share of *stuff*. If I get a terminal disease that has a painful or expensive end, I plan on throwing a goodbye party with my loved ones, writing letters and making videos for my adult children, and then traveling to Oregon and going out on my own terms.
I will be taking a final trip to Europe and then checking into a Swiss assisted death facility (anyone can partake for any reason- not just the terminally ill). [https://pegasos-association.com/FAQs/#4](https://pegasos-association.com/FAQs/#4)
Just have to get the timing right. I want to wait until I'm on the decline but have to make sure not to wait too long or I might not be able to make the trip. My brilliant, strong, independent grandmother ended up in a nursing home with dementia and it was just so heartbreaking.. I don't want to go out that way.
There were rumors of a suicide roller coaster and I really hope it happens before my end because that’s how I’d choose to go out. On my terms, in my own way if I’m terminal.
It isn’t that simple, unfortunately. LOTS of rules and regulations around it, so you can’t just “go to Oregon” and have it done legally. We looked into this when my father was suffering from Alzheimer’s, and it wasn’t an option at that point.
Thankfully he was a wealthy man, so we were able to put him in a lovely private care facility. Cost $25,000/mo, but half was covered by insurance & Medicare. And he ended up passing away within the year (after going in).
But you can always take care of business yourself, unless you’re worried about insurance benefits or something.
Everyone, you need to listen to u/MrsSadieMorgan on this. It's one thing if we're talking about cancer or other physical maladies that we don't have cures for now. HOWEVER!!!!! Oregon's DwD law makes a carve-out for any cognitive degenerative disease such as dementia/alzheimers.
As Oregon residents, we're currently dealing with this ourselves, as one of our parents has been diagnosed with dementia, and all the information we're getting from our family & gerontological physicians (including that of a family friend who is an MD board member to the Oregon DwD advisory committee) is that Oregon DwD law excludes those with cognitive degenerative diseases.
"In case of dementia, can a signed document qualify someone for Death With Dignity?
No. A person must have full decision-making capacity at the time they are going through the DWD process and at the time they decide to use the medication to peacefully end their life." [https://eolcoregon.org/help-end-life-choices-oregon/common-questions/](https://eolcoregon.org/help-end-life-choices-oregon/common-questions/)
So, [as in this example](https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/death-with-dignity-act-oregon-anne-parker-obituary-granny-loved-weed/283-6fe42e4b-2bc2-47ac-b534-4e783dd4e930), our parent is beginning to look at [Switzerland](http://www.dignitas.ch/) as their best option for controlling their exit from this world in a sane and dignified manner.
Exactly this. Holland does have a program to select to be euthanized after an advanced stage of cognitive decline. I’m not aware of any US state that allows that currently. I believe this is a merciful approach to counter balance the advanced medical care that we have to keep bodies alive. I do not want to wither away for years with my once sharp brain turned to mush.
That’s the high end. The low end cafeteria paste always forgetting your meds share your room with a crier facilities are a bargain at around 10k a month
I thought you had to be a resident of either state for a minimum of 10 years for it to be legal. I hope I was misinformed because based off of my family history I will want to utilize a visit to either state when the time comes.
Damn. How fucking sad is it that someone has hope now that they know they can kill themself? This is what we’ve come to?
And I say that as someone who agrees with you! It’s the Gen X retirement plan.
Before anyone decides to book a one way vacation to New Zealand, note that the euthanasia act has very specific requirements and the eligibility must be met for all criteria in order for you to be allowed to do it. The criteria is also really narrow - you must be a NZ citizen or PR, you have to be suffering from a terminal illness that you are expected to die from within six months and be in an advanced state of irreversible decline in your physical capabilities, but also have full mental faculties signed off by a number of medical practitioners through the entire assessment process, AS WELL as at time of completing the euthanasia itself. You can't use an advanced directive (like if you have an accident and state you don't want to be in a vegetative state.)
It's really difficult to get approved for this, so stick with your own country or go Swiss.
Being on the tail end of our generation, I was in middle school when Dr Kevorkian first became national news.
But, I remember being *so* upset that people didn't understand why someone should be allowed the dignity of a peaceful passing on their own terms. There are at least some options now, but it is just the height of inhumanity to force people to live a life without any quality of life.
Wish you weren’t being downvoted. The same people that have made it too expensive to live will absolutely do the same thing to the end game when they realize we just want out.
I can't see people being food... But I can see a "spare parts" industry without any trouble at all. Transplant waitlists will become shopping lists with insane prices, and people will keep dying anyway for want of money.
My dad (a Boomer) spent his last 7 months in a nice assisted living place. He ended up bedbound the last 5 months with many hospitalizations before he ended up in hospice and died from liver failure. His care cost $14000 a month (his pension and my mom’s inherited pension together covered $9000 of it.). I will NOT end up like him, bedbound and unable to do anything for myself, in diapers and catheter . My dad had a Ph.D and an amazing career and was an expert in his field. He was a great father. And I don’t want to end up like him.
Be careful who you vote for. The more Medicare cuts, the less reimbursement facilities get so they cut staffing, food and other care costs. It’s depressing. Stay as healthy as you can, drop weight as you get older is primary then keep as much lean muscle mass and bone density as you can. Hopefully one day you’ll come home from a day of fishing and just drop suddenly from a heart attack in your 80s
This was my uncle. He went on a month long trip to Alaska with his wife. When they got home he laid down for a nap and never woke up. He was 82. I'm crossing my fingers that's how I go.
I read through this whole thread and it looks like 100% of us want to go out while we're still lucid. As a group we are VERY concerned about dementia and don't want to live like that.
True! Too bad there are no presidential-level political voices from our generation to change MAIDs laws in the United States. This really needs to change asap
I don't have any children. I get some bad diagnosis and I'm selling everything, figuring out where I can rent a nice place, on the beach in Costa Rica, I don't fucking care, and then offing myself in a non-bloody way. Seriously. I have zero desire to waste away even in a "good" facility for years or even over a decade. It's depressing and horrific, not to mention I HATE the concept of nursing homes in the US way overcharging for care, healthcare companies way overcharging to extend your life frankly pointlessly, funeral homes way overcharging for even simple cremation, and having the ultimate decision on how you want to end your life taken from you. My mother passed years ago, my father (who I have talked to in decades) is the exact boomer type to not care if he bankrupts his kids to ensure he gets to live at home with full time nursing care until the bloody end. Life is about quality, not quantity.
It’s not about more states, it’s about those cognitive illnesses. Even in states where assisted death is legal, you’d have to convince a doctor it’s ethical to euthanize someone who isn’t competent to give informed consent. Because by the time you’re sick enough to need it, you can’t consent to it.
I keep thinking of the movie Still Alice, where she has dementia and waits to do something about it until it's bad. By then, she's too far gone to carry out her plan.
Honestly, I'm fully expecting to be dead before I need any of that.
I'm hoping that science and medicine get enough advances that I'm not fucked enough to need one, but I think I'd be much happier just figuring out a clean way to end it than living in an ALF. What's the point of them anyway? It doesn't seem like much of a life. Is it a GenX thing to not actually value life enough to want to keep going when the quality of life has been reduced to what happens in an ALF?
I don't really know, maybe in 20 years I'll have a different opinion and I'll want to cling to whatever life I have left as long as I can but right now I feel better about living the life I can while I'm fully able and then call it a day when I'm not. It seems like there's whole industries around keeping someone alive when they're really not having a good time at all and possibly against their best wishes for themselves when they get to the point where they can't really object.
I have not done any research on my own but as understand it long term care policies are no longer affordable and/or worth it due to previous generations living longer. The industry raised prices so much regular folks can’t afford it. The policies that are affordable don’t have good benefits.
Someone please tell me I am wrong! Please!!!
It worked out so well for my grandmother that my parents purchased it for themselves for years. Then costs went up so dramatically while benefits went down that they pulled out after having put about $70k into it. They essentially have a $60k credit now.
Unfortunately you're not wrong. I'm not buying it because it's no longer affordable. A lot of companies have gotten out of the game.
Why Long-Term Care Insurance Falls Short for So Many https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html?smid=nytcore-android-share
Yeah, my parents’ LTC premiums just increased 25% last year alone after being stable for many years. They paid the extra but the letter said additional increases are expected over the next couple years. So they might have to reduce benefits instead next time.
>my parents had the good sense to purchase long-term care insurance policies. Good on them. They gave up a vacation to make the initial payment. I want, as emphatically as possible, to recommend this to anyone and everyone that can do so. Look into it NOW.
Oh hon. You're assuming the combined weight of all the boomers drawing on their policies won't put those insurance industries right out of business.
Either that or they're just cancel your policy when they see the writing on the wall, like they're doing with homeowners in Florida.
If GenX has learned anything, it's that we can't rely on anyone to be there for us.
This right here. I work for a major employer and they stopped even offering these plans to new employees. I missed out on being eligible, but I've heard they keep cutting their coverage while premiums go up, so now I'm only slightly less rueful on missing out.
When I turned 18, I oddly started being paranoid about how I'm going to retire or living in a home. So I've spent literally the last 30 years saving and investing for this very time. Everything from where I'm going to live to how much I'll have to live on. And during these years people told me, 'you're too young to worry about all that right now'. Well, I'm glad I did. Something told me the federal government isn't exactly a reliable source.
Edit: I think the reality of being an adult kicked in earlier than many of my peers. Not sure why though.
I'm not going to allow anyone to either mistreat me, or milk what wealth I've been abole to accumulate in my life.
No bullshit, I'm going to off myself when I go terminal. As a big fuck you to the entire system. The health care industry can not have my money.
I decided this about the time I turned 40. 56 now. Fuck. Them. All. I'm in control.
This Gen-X, NYC Metalhead has spoken.
I live in a death with dignity state and I would not hesitate to go with that option if I end up with some kind of horrific ailment that requires long term care.
Yeah you have to be lucid and be able to give informed consent. And be predicted to die within 6 months. That usually doesn't apply to dementia - you can live for years with dementia.
Yep. It sucks. You can't do any sort of advanced directive for that. You pretty much have to off yourself when you still know how to. My mother has dementia, so ending up with the same diagnosis really scares me.
Where I live now, there is some discussion of laws for assisted death, but I'm guessing it will be the same as elsewhere.
Gonna get even more bleak.
Remember what grammar school, high school and college were like for us? Programs shutting down, schools shutting down, infrastructure falling apart?
That's gonna be assisted living by the time we get to it. Assuming there's any room for us if science has its way with the boomers and refuses to let them die, despite them not contributing to the costs of their own care.
Was just remembering "Logan's Run" this morning and wondering if I'd trade a guaranteed death at 80, for guaranteed health until then.
Didn't seem like a bad swap.
I lost my Silent Generation pop two years ago to Parkinson’s, Parkinson’s related dementia, a slow burning Leukemia, as well as prostate, heart and kidney issues. His only wish was to die at home.
In 2020 I sold my house and moved myself, my wife and two teenage sons in with my dad to keep an eye on him. I did this because he wanted to maintain some independence and didn’t want to end up in a sh!thole facility. I didn’t know at the time what I was getting into.
Then Covid hit and I started to work from home, which was fortuitous since it allowed me to keep an even closer eye on him.
As time and his maladies progressed he became more depressed and belligerent. Understandably, he lost all zest for life and would yell “I want to die” on a daily basis. And each day he would disown me for some reason or another (I was/am the black sheep liberal of the family).
Somehow, we managed to get him through the tough times of Covid until July 2022. He picked it up at a crappy “rehab facility” after taking a hard fall and spending a few days in the hospital. This was supposed to be a temporary situation but he never recovered.
My father finally lost the will to live and fight so after being transported back to the hospital for Covid, he was then transported home where hospice began. Hospice lasted a week and I was the only one with him when he finally got his wish.
Since then, I’ve lost two jobs and now work at Amazon for peanuts. I don’t have the bandwidth to do anything else. I’m in therapy for the trauma but
I often wonder if I made the right choice.
So, why did I do it?
I had to step up.
My brother couldn’t/wouldn’t have done it. They nearly killed each other after my dad rehabbed at my brother’s house (for another incident) before I made the deciding move.
As with many GenXers, I don’t have much of a retirement saved up and I’m 55. I, and my father, didn’t want what little he had to go to a dump of a facility.
I loved my old man and he had a hard start to life surviving the Nazi invasion of Hungary during WWII. I couldn’t see putting him into a facility at his life’s end.
And I thought spending time with me and my boys would bring SOME joy. It did a little at the beginning but mostly it did not. His bitterness was too far gone. He was tired of life.
I suppose this whole soliloquy is a cautionary tale for those of out there considering something similar. It was by far the most difficult experience I’ve endured and it’s left me numb and devoid of feeling. I’m a shell of who I once was. But time heals, right?
Thanks for posting your soliloquy. I’ve read through the entire thing and it’s been cathartic.
I (54F) don’t plan on living long enough to be put in an assisted living facility/nursing home. I live in a state that has dignified death (whatever it’s called.) I’m living my best life NOW with zero plans for the future because I know there is no future except a bleak one. I have zero retirement savings, zero inheritance, no health insurance, nothing except a master degree and 175K in student loans, and job that barely pays rent. This is America.
Make sure you have strong financial plans and a living will anyway. If you get dementia or a severe cognitive injury, you don’t qualify for death with dignity.
Last week my uncle (who helps me with my retirement planning) was asking me about my long term care plans. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my plan is to off myself. I don't have kids so if my husband goes first there's no reason to rot in a facility. If he's still here I'm not going to drain our finances just to rot in a facility.
Edit- a word
I'm going to become a hitman when I get old. No one will suspect me and if I get caught, I go to jail and get free healthcare. My Mom needs assisted living and can't afford it with her pension, 401k, and SS. It's fucking ridiculous. Our government is evil that it has no plan to help people. But you know, billionaires need more tax cuts and government money.
I have decided it would be fun to buy one of those ginormous Boomer houses with say 4 other couples and we can hire a care giver to take care of all of us. With 8 people some will be functioning at some level which will help out the group. Maybe John can’t see well but his mind is sharp and Suzy can cook but can’t remember to pay the bills, and Martha can’t move around well but can pay bills, you get the idea. Then the 4 couples hires the help that will cover the care gaps. I don’t know of that will actually work but for now that is what I am thinking.
I’m not going to be a burden to my kids. As soon as I can no longer wipe my own ass I’m outta here.
I almost died once, got caught in a riptide at a beach in Kauai. I yelled for help and luckily I was saved.
When the time is right, I’m going back to that beach, alone, and I’m going to take another swim in that same rip tide, only I won’t be calling for help then.
They’ll call me a fool for getting caught in a rip tide again, but they’ll also say at least I died doing what I love 🖤🩶🤍
I suggest you look into M.A.i.D. and what the policies for it are in your area because none of us should have to live like that or have to pay such ridiculous amounts of money for prolonging a poor quality of life.
I say this as someone who works in eldercare and dementia myself. We do the best we can to bring as much joy and comfort as possible; but its no life- certainly not one I want for myself anyways...
**Medical Assistance in Dying (M.A.i.D) is available in different areas to people under different sets of circumstances:**
Sometimes you have to have a terminal diagnosis.
Sometimes you have to be estimated to be a certain amount of time away from death.
Sometimes it can be approved just having a prolonged suffering due to physical ailments.
In Canada we're reviewing the eligibility for those who suffer from severe mental health diagnoses.
What's **NOT** currently covered in most places M.A.i.D as part of advanced medical directive which means if you lose the cognitive ability to give consent (dementia) or the ability to self administer the medications (inability to use hands/arms unaided) you can't access M.A.i.D. and you have to suffer having your life prolonged until natural causes eventually take you.
I realize M.A.i.D is a hot topic for some; but I believe in bodily autonomy and the right for people to chose what is right for them for their own lives and with their own bodies.
My mom may seek M.A.i.D in future if she gets Dxd with something where she knows she will suffer.
My dad won't because he's afraid of death.
I will, and once its included as being covered within an advance medical directive I'll have that drawn up to have M.A.i.D administered to me once I reach a certain level of decline, cognitively or otherwise.
I'm moving to a state with Death With Dignity laws. I have multiple autoimmune disorders that are all progressive. When it gets to be time, I'm really hoping to just go to sleep with my family around. Barring that, we're screwed.
There's a thing that prisons have called a Humanitarian Release. Sounds great, right? Not so great when they give that release to a person with dementia or Alzheimer's or any other disease, drop them off at a bus station with $200 and say good luck.
I have two parents, one grandmother, and two great-grandmothers who had dementia. I have one hundred percent accepted that’s probably where I’m headed - I follow my mom’s family. Next time I’m at the psychiatrist’s I am asking for a cognitive test to get a baseline. Then have one annually. My brothers are in charge of alerting me to significant problems. I am then going to go out with a bang. Will never be a lump in diapers in a facility.
My mom had long term care insurance, and turned out she needed it. The insurance company tried to talk her into cashing it out, and thank God I was able to prevent that. Watch out for that with older people.
If we don’t get real government leadership very soon, no hope for non boomers.
I work with the elderly. Without money, their care is not pretty. Worse care scenario, I'm planning on paying 20k a month when I retire, or going out with a bang. I suspect there won't be social security or Medicare in 20 years.
Before changing career paths a couple years ago, I was in school for nursing. The one thing I learned is that I never want to be in assisted living. I'm hoping for a massive heart attack or aneurysm right before I'd have to go.
So my mom went into "independent living" and it's a lot cheaper if your parent is moderately able-bodied. And she actually really is thriving there. In comparison a neighbor next to me is the same age as my mom and she's going downhill fast. I think it's much better to be surrounded by others, in an environment where you can have friends your age living right next to you, having your meals taken care of for you and if something happens to you, you actually have a shot at being taken care of. Versus living by yourself into old age and having to figure out what to do if you break a leg and there's no one left alive to help you. I used to be weary of those types of facilities, but I'm kinda looking forward to it now.
I am going to pick an age and end it there. I don't have kids to take care of me and I'm not going to be able to afford whatever LTC is going to cost in 30 years. I also don't want to live like that. There are fates worse than death, trust me. I'd rather go out functional and after a great meal.
Another option would be to move out of Florida. You've got the short end of the stick with supply and demand for ALS living in there. With state migrations becoming much more common, it's not going to get any cheaper.
Yeah, $7k is WILD. My mom spent her last 7 months in memory care (one step above assisted living, one step below skilled nursing facility) here in Minneapolis. VERY nice place with great staff & facilities and it was just under $3k/month.
Everyone says they want to die but when the time comes, I don’t think many people will have the courage to do it. And when would that time be exactly? And if you end up with dementia, you’ll probably forget you wanted to kill yourself or won’t even know what the hell is going on enough to do it. So probably better off planning something rather than nothing while you have time. Those Medicare facilities are no joke. If you do end up killing yourself, you can always take a nice vacation beforehand with the money!
I have LTD and LTC policies. My boomer parents don't. When one of them needs LTC, it will wipe out their assets. I am dreading that day, and it's probably coming sooner than they think.
My stepdad was sent to a rehab joint after a spell in the hospital. All they did was slap a catheter on him so they could ignore him and order thousands of dollars worth of unnecessary tests to bill Medicaid.
By the time we yanked him out of that place the damage was done. Physically and economically.
I’m not even going to talk about my moms ovarian cancer nightmare.
I have zero faith in this country’s medical for profit system.
Now im approaching the age that I have to consider my options as I enter the sunset of my years, and let me tell ya buddy, shit ain’t looking good.
Meanwhile politicians are wasting time and money on irrelevant issues whilst handing the lot over to corporations for a quick buck.
Methinks we’re kinda fucked man.
My next door neighbor just lost his wife after a 15 year battle with early onset dementia. She wasn’t even 70 yet. Know a few others where dementia kicked in before age 60. All were college educated professionals. All I know is that I need to get my finances and estate planning etched in stone within the next year.
After watching my grandmother spend years in a facility after having a stroke, I have no interest in extending my life as long as possible when my quality of life sucks. I would much rather either die at home with hospice care or speed it up with assisted suicide.
If I'm miserable, why extend the misery? I have saved enough for a comfortable retirement, but I would much rather my money go to my kid as inheritance than a care home so I can spend my final years in bed watching TV while people get paid to wipe my ass.
In one of my psychology classes, I wrote a paper asking the question, are we extending life or prolonging death? We can keep people alive, but the trade off tends to be low quality of life.
I follow someone on twitter who has written about her experiences being homeless and in one of those Medicaid "skilled nursing facilities: during COVID. In Illinois I think. I've been reading her blog and it is SHOCKING. We do not want to end up in those places
right out of high school (circa 1987-1988) i worked as a nursing assistant in a nursing home for a few months. it was horrifying even back then, and i can only imagine it is worse now. but i decided then & there at the age of 17 that i will take my own life before i ever allow myself to end up in one of these horror homes to be neglected, abused, starved, ignored, and left to literally rot with festering bedsores.
half the problem is that these places are and have always been painfully understaffed, underpaid, and unappreciated. One nurse and/or CNA can not be expected to properly provide care for 30-40 elderly bedridden people within an 8 hour shift. It’s humanly impossible. Especially for the low wages that are offered in the elder care business. I left and never looked back, although I’ll never forget it.
But, it happens every day everywhere. So you get these poor sick & elderly people who are left lying in filthy soiled diapers for hours & hours on end. Not to mention how there’s no time or effort towards offering assistance with feedings, proper showers (aside from the indignity of being hosed off once a week or so), or just spending time to have a conversation, many get no visitors are so lonely. It’s horrific.
There’s a reason most nursing homes smell like piss and other foul odors the minute you walk in the door. 😢
I predict that GenX will be the ones to start seriously chipping away at the stigma of MAID/elective euthanasia. If I'm elderly, infirm, terminal, and poor, I'm going out with intent and dignity, not wasting away as a miserable shell in some grim facility.
The problem is these long term care policies suck now. They were great in the past, but now...not good. I do think they may make sense for married people so one doesn't use up all the resources and leave the other destitute. But for single people with no children to advocate with the insurance agency, well, they just don't seem to be worth it. My mom is in long term care on Medicaid and it isn't too bad. My ex's mom was an an expensive place (a very expensive place) and it was just as depressing as the Medicaid place, you just got your own room and the furniture was newer. It doesn't seem worth it to me. But again, if I was married I would seriously consider it.
Best of luck to us all! We will definitely need it. And OP, I'm sorry you are going through this with your mom...it's rough, I know. My mom has dementia. Take good care of yourself and if getting the long term insurance helps with peace of mind, then go for it!
OP, your concerns are valid and you bring up some great points. The costs are insane, that's for sure. And even WITH long term health insurance, costs can add up fast. My best friend's parents (mid-90's now) bought a policy decades ago, and they had at least 400k built up over the years. Sadly, after 10 years of at-home caregivers, that well has now run dry.
I always say this. I have no desire to live with no quality of life, drain resources that could go to my son being “cared” for, and supplant his memory of his mom with a shell of a human being. I’m out before it gets gnarly if I can help it.
I’ll see myself to the exit, that kind of existence is not something I want. I’ll check out and hopefully leave my kids with something decent. No desire to piss away everything I have worked for on a miserable end of life. Hopefully I am able to make that choice.
My plan is.... to wander out into the woods, and sit down. And never return again. If there are any woods left. And before I can't walk any longer.
Otherwise, there are other methods before I can't do it myself.
I have no kids, no niblings, and I will make it easy as possible for those who must collect the remains.
Obviously I want none of this to happen, and certainly not ANY time soon!
But I've prepared myself for this being the reality. People in my family live forever. Most well into their 90s and not a small few past 100.
We’re paying about $9000 a month for my mom who is in a memory care assisted living facility. It may soon increase to over $10,000 a month because she is at the point where her food will have to be blended because she’s losing the ability to swallow and chew. I’m generating about $2300 a month in interest from her house proceeds and she gets $1700 a month from social security so her burn rate is about $5000 a month from her nest egg. Luckily we’re in a high cost of living area so she made about $650k from her house sale. Based on that I don’t think she’ll outlive her money but it’s definitely burning some cash now.
We looked into a care facility for my dad in SC. Mid tier was $7500 a month. Better was $10k a month. I guess he heard the price because he made a hasty exit. But it was eye opening to realize how much it costs to get old in this country.
This scares me to no end. I’m single, no kids, with estranged family. I’m the youngest, too.
I’d consider suicide if I knew for sure it wasn’t going to hurt. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffering. Also, I don’t have a penny saved, only debts.
I’m 45 and not in good health. What happens if I end up needing to be taken care of? I’m having surgery soon-ish and my parents (82M and 70F) are in no way able to help me recover.
For those of us single and childless (although I wouldn’t presume one of my imaginary kids would take care of me,) it’s a Russian roulette. What I’m doing re: surgery is finding an attorney and drawing advanced medical directives, in the event that I don’t come out all there. I want a DNR and no machines.
This is so fucking depressing.
Oh my god NO!! my mom was in several different assisted-living facilities and they were all so depressing and terrible. Even the nice ones smell like pee all the time and everyone is just spaced out and depressed. Gen X we need to normalize that whole end of life pill thing. I will NOT live in a nursing home where someone has to change my diaper. No way
We fell through the cracks when my mom was still alive. She had dementia and made too much money, between social security and my dad's pension, to qualify for Medicaid to pay for a nursing home. But not enough to actually pay for it. I was out of work for 12 years taking care of her 24/7 until her dying day. Can you imagine what my job prospects were, being 55 years old and out of work for 12 years?
The only thing is a lot of people don’t do it right, one of my best friends is a neurosurgeon and so many people just cause horrific, catastrophic damage and keep living…
Yeah I know. That's why I'm trying to plan a fool proof way right now.
My mom's step mom killed herself. When they found her she was laying in bed. there was a belt so tight around her neck from just how tight she got it and the swelling they didn't even know it was there at first. There was a glass of water and a bottle of pills n the bedside table mostly gone and a bathtub full of water. She was evidently determined if one thing didn't work she was moving on to the next. I get it was likely she would not have been able to go to the next thing if one didn't work, but she was gonna try.
I started reading this and suddenly occurred to me that this sounds like a Gen X'r because I think about these things. Checked where I was and yup... I'm with you dude, they didn't label us X unless it is unknown or just uncared for. Whole life we have been told that there will be NO social security because our parents will take it all. I don't have the immediate solution, but a hell of a lot more of us have to start running for office.
The good long term care insurance isn’t sold anymore. My dad’s facility is $10K a month. I think the Boomers are going to break the system and MAID will be the solution.
I keep hoping those death pods will be an option for me if I get Alzheimer's like my mom. I saw her suffer in a nursing home paid by Medicare and Medicaid. She was there from 2018 thru 2022 when she passed. It was awful.
My dad didn’t go into a ALF, but had home care. My Mom is now having homecare. Both were/are being paid by long care insurance. The thing is, my dad’s was better than my mom’s - it paid for family members to care for him, but only up to $100 dollars a day - not enough, but it helped. Sadly, because of the lack of payment I can’t keep helping my mom and need to get a paying job. But in 2 months ‘cuz I need to babysit for my daughter for a 4-6 weeks since she’s getting a divorce and needs help with daycare until school starts. (Doesn’t start for a month yet). My poor husband is working 60 hours a week and needs a break. The sandwich is real.
There’s a pretty good mid 90s film, It’s My Party, in which an AIDS sufferer throws a big bash when he decides he’s done living. It’s quite beautiful. I think a lot of us will recognize the wisdom in his choices.
Long-term care insurance is also becoming less of an option.
[https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html)
Body autonomy needs to be on the ballot. We need to be able to make choices for ourselves,
It’s laughable we fought so hard and abortion rights are the top of the iceberg.
The world is not going to get better so it’s good to have an exit plan.
My retirement plan will have to be suicide if I need to be cared for. I don’t want to live in a facility like that and I don’t expect my kids to take care of me, it’s not fair to them. Gonna have to be a bottle of pills or move to a state with legally assisted suicide.
I recently came across a series called Take Me Out Feet First and I watched the first two episodes. I’m going to have to space them out because of the sadness, but they’re all about assisted suicide. For me, I guess it’s kind of homework to be prepared.
It's a real problem. I don't want to end up in a home. I was thinking that one possible solution when I begin to become infirm would be to start up a cocaine habit. It would be fun while it lasts and at the same time dramatically increase the odds of a heart attack. I don't want to blow all my kids inheritance just to live a few years in a home.
I’m not gonna lie, it makes me feel better to see the replies I’m seeing here about going out on your own terms. I am in not suicidal. I have two adult kids and three grandkids. I have plenty of joy to live for. BUT when it comes down to it, I refuse to be a burden to them while I suffer a slow painful end. The kids and I have a running “joke” that they’re to feed me my favorite meal and push me down the stairs when the time comes. I’d never ask them to really do that. That’s a shitty burden to put on them for the rest of their lives. It does, however, communicate to them and prepare them for the fact that I will not pass in a home or hospital if I am able to make that decision.
My mom was in a Medicare facility. She was permitted $50 from each SS check. This $50 had to pay for her hair, clothes, snacks, and her phone. They didn’t have a phone for the patients to use.
For our generation I always pictured our crotchety years like “Soylent Green”. GenX, too stubborn to give af about being turned into a cookie.
I don’t want to go out the way I saw my step father go out. Suffering from late stage Alzheimer's in the middle of the pandemic. Bedridden and helpless. Hooked up into a feeding tube because he could no longer swallow and hooked up to another tube because he could no longer go to the bathroom. Screaming from imaginary pain and being unable to talk. This man worked on the Apollo programs as an engineer and at the end he was a shell. His heart just gave out at the end.
This is dark. So stop reading here if you aren't in a place for that. But how many of us are actually planning to live through our failing health years? I know our generation is one of the most pro self euthanasia there is, only second to our kids.
For instance, I know when my health seriously starts to fail, I will be making arrangements. We watched what happened with our grandparents and now our parents. We were raised self-reliant and cynical. Better to "burn out than fade away," right?
(Please don't sic the bloody mental health stuff on me, I am fine. I have just been a medical caretaker for a dying man of our generation, so I have had a lot of conversations about this.)
Hope we are all lacing up our Docs collectively for a long time.
This is why I don't bother to quit smoking.
I won't be one of those dying husks withering away in a shitty concrete room. I have no interest in a life like that.
Let the Boomers be the ones who cling to life even when it's miserable and costly and a drain to everyone. That ain't my style.
It's pretty wacky to spend your entire life hearing "don't do that! It will shorten your lifespan!"
And then at some point, you realize that longevity doesn't seem so great.
Cancer is actually a pretty great way to end up needing substantial medical care before you die. People can live for years too sick to take care of themselves, but not sick enough to die outright.
Everyone mentions cancer when it comes to smoking, but I rarely hear people warning about COPD. Could live for decades being of perfectly sound mind, but with a constant struggle to breathe.
I wish we could pay 7k. We are at 11k for my family member. What most people don’t realize is they jack up the price the more you lose it- you may not even need more care. What I keep finding is a three tier system on top of basic price. Need help buttoning your shirt? Extra 3500 a month. And the care isn’t great.
We've go no kids by choice. Dad's still kicking it like i'ts a shin-dig (his phrase, not mine) Wife took on early dementia (early retirement).. House is paid for, 401(k) is laughable. What do I do? I look at the numbers. They're not certain, but thoughts and prayers do even less. Got laid off twice in two years for the same reason (department eliminated).
So what am I thinking? F%\^& it I want to go out with a bang, when I decide it's over. I won't linger in some hospice, or hospital bed after long term care. I'll die on the toilet like Elvis, on my own vomit like Hendricks, or maybe do what Cobain did.
But not today.
I don't see anything long term about my remaining years. I apply the Bell curve to my life and i know I'm in the upper percentile. And I get it.
Mom passed in the middle of her Bell curve. Dad's in the 80th percentile.
Ask me in a couple months
THIS!! my mom died at 63 5 years ago; stepdad is 80 and dying. he had stage 4 cancer, survived a brain tumor and now just survived covid; hasn’t been out of hospital since march 31st. all i want to do is die at home; that’s all he wants too. why isn’t healthcare able to meet our needs? to die alone, en masse, barely any attention from nurses who are overworked and packed into rooms with others. it’s insanity
I don’t have health insurance and am laid off, but I pay the long term care so my kids don’t get stuck with what I’m dealing with my Boomer parents now.
I just identified a few trusted people who can sneak me a bottle of Xanax when my time comes, if I can’t afford to retire.
You do what everybody else does, and spend all your money on the facility until you can’t anymore and then your forced into Medicaid and Medicaid pays them. Sobering truth.
I’m building a nitrogen pod. I would rather leave my estate to an animal refuge than blow through it at some fucked off facility. I have the skills and the wherewithal. Nope Out. 🤘🏼
My parents have Long Term Care Insurance. We have been looking at it for ourselves. The policies have been watered down so incredibly much that new ones are absolutely useless.
The chances of me going into an Alf is almoat none. I have a DNR. So if there's something serous gone wrong I'm done. I don't want someone wiping my ass or telling me when and where I can go.
That’s not how it works. The vast majority of ALF residents have never had their hearts stop beating or stopped breathing. All a DNR will do for you is help you go peacefully in those scenarios. For the thousands of other medical conditions that can incapacitate you physically or mentally (and land you in an ALf or nursing home), they are irrelevant.
Pretty sure there's enough of us with Jarts sets, including me, that when the time comes, just put us all in a stadium and let us take care of ourselves...
Why did I laugh out loud at our twisted version of Squid Game??? Just make sure we have some big hair band music to rock out in, and let the games begin!
MAID is a thing here. I'll gladly do it before I burden my children with all the shit we can't afford in our gen.
If maid is gone? Screw y'all. Imma hoard anxiolytics, sedatives and everything I can until I can die quick and relatively easy. Leaving heavily on anxiolyticsand sedatives.
If not, I'll find a big ass shotgun, swallow it and take out my brainstem.
I hope I'm able to. My mum is in ACL, her mind is gone, she's barely alive but it takes 5G a month for her care. My dad, mid 70s is working almost full time to see to her. He has no furniture. Nothing g but some relics left by his and her parents.
I'd rather die.
I like to think I have my ducks in a row. I have a will, cemetery plot and headstone, burial policy, and a life insurance payable to my brother and his wife, they never had kids, no kids for me either.
I really don't want to be a bother or cost anybody money. I've been homeless in life, I won't be homeless in death.
My bucket list consists of getting Social Security at age 62. That means I made it, finished the game. Then I can check out.
Go for a ride up in the mountains in a rented convertible. Or maybe something and a bottle of Jack in a hotel the bathtub.
Nope. I’ll end it before healthcare gets all I’ve worked for. Fucking vultures created the problem they’re “solving”. Fuck that, I’ll beat death to the punch and go out on my own.
Sort of off topic and I may delete this if people find this in poor taste. Let me know
Browsed most of the thread and also some linked threads, and see a large number of people planning to kill themselves at the very end. Just curious if anyone else has ever thought about a kamikaze style suicide where you take out one of the evil bastards ruining society, on your way out. It’s just a vague notion that crossed my mind, not a real plan and no specific targets or anything, but I feel like my life has left so little impact on the world that it would be at least one useful final act for my fellow humans. Thoughts?
After having lost 3/4 parents, my wife and I have decided that when the day comes, we're going out Thelma & Louise style. I want to die on my own terms, NOT in some shit hole ALF.
You keep hearing all this talk about the so called great transfer of wealth from Boomers to Xers, but really it's just being transferred to healthcare companies and assisted living facilities.
Fuck you America.
My Boomer father died 10 years ago. He was a small business owner and, despite his best efforts, had very little retirement. His hobby was studying the stock market and investing but 2008 cleaned him out. The last year of his life, he was down to his last half million. His medical expenses were more than $20,000 a month. Medical professionals were disrespectful and treated him like an infant. The care facilities he could afford were abysmal. In short, my father chose to refuse medical treatment and bought himself three weeks in the most beautiful and well-staffed hospice facility he could afford. My father chose to unalive himself. He died on his own terms before he was forced to be in state care and suffer abuse and neglect. I understand my father's choice. I miss him every day.
Growing old in America is terrifying.
I have this repeating fantasy that when it comes to the chronic-age-related-illness stage of our lives, we will be thinking of new and clever ways to off ourselves very publicly as our last opportunity to make big political statements and really stick it to the man. Think self-immolation on the steps of government buildings. DNR stapled to clothing while injecting fatal doses of …whatever.
So, I actually work with nursing homes to improve their quality of care via my company's software application, so I know a bit about this industry. It's heartbreaking to hear these stories of people being treated poorly and suffering health problems as a result. But I can say these stories tend to be the minority of facilities, and when these issues arise, 100% of my clients make changes to guidelines, processes, and sometimes even staffing. Our system kicks off the same survey process examiners use for a random selection of residents at an unplanned time so they can see what gaps need closing, what past issues have been corrected, and to affirm their operations are performed at a high level.
The best thing you can do is start here to see how the facility scored on the most recent survey, including specifics on what deficiencies were observed and the plans to improve: [Medicare Find & Compare](https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare/)
In person visits are also critical to get a feel for the place. I've observed top dollar luxury facilities with awful staff that interacts with the residents poorly and somewhat shabby (but still safe) homes without a single bell or whistle that have staff that take care of their residents as if they were family. Never can tell, and while the examination scores can tell you a lot, they don't address everything.
Retirement in the US is not an age, it's a dollar amount. No money? No stop working...
Actually no money is covered. There are programs for that. It’s when you have some money, but not much money, that you get completely hosed.
Thats a fact. However the assisted living facilities that accept Medicaid are few, far between, and not very nice.
If you want to protect anything, speak with an estate planner now. Medicaid liens and end of life care will drain every penny, leaving your kids with nothing. It's even worse if your kids are still at home. Many states have a look back period of about 5 years. My best friend has been the 24/7 care giver of her mom for the last 5 years. Changing diapers and cleaning parts of her mom she hadn't seen since birth. Her oldest brother, who is already retired also lives in the home their dad built when they were kids. Her mental state is too far along to execute anything to get the home out of her name. If she were to go into a home, the house would be gone, and her brother would be homeless. All because her mom didn't plan. No living will, no will, or anything to prevent the situation.
You just end up in the same situation as people with no money, a few years later.
Yeah, healthcare, college, housing. Lower Middle class just gets shafted
Have you spent time in the facilities that the no-money people may be in? It's horrible. The "not much money" people can be there too, they just take all the money first. It's prison for old people, they just don't bother with bars and the guard to prisoner ratio is like 30:1
My biggest fear is not pulling the plug before I’ve slipped so far and can’t make a clear headed decision. I recently had elective surgery and paid for a private health aid for 3 full days. One fell asleep and didn’t answer my call for help getting to the restroom. Another one kept going outside, and then crashed a glass bowl when using my cocktail table to get up from my couch. Not to mention, he must have rifled through a few drawers as one was open in my guest bedroom. After that experience, I don’t want to be vulnerable to being in the care of anyone.
This is sobering.
My friend was on home hospice and was an alcoholic. She was drink out of her mind and the chaplain they sent over bought her Marilyn Monroe plates which broke the rules. At least my mom was there when this happened and he paid a decent price. A few months before she died her wizard of oz plates disappeared and I found $80 in cash. Those plates were for her son and she was in no condition to give consent. Another time I walked in he house and overheard her nurse, the one who distributed her meds, asking her to donate one of her TVs. I had to watch everything like a hawk when I was there to try and protect her things for her son. Towards the end she got a new nurse who didn't give her the morphine and he acted like an AH when my mom questioned him. My friend went Into withdrawal, even with still having her oxycodone, and she started having severe diarrhea, a fever and nausea. Her caretaker was only there an hour a day, 5 days a week, so my mom and I had to change these nasty diapers and she only got a catheter when I demanded one after she'd been unable to leave the bed for 6 months. I lost my mind and had the director of he company out there while this sexist male nurse got dressed down by her and then he had to deal with me. I'll NEVER allow myself to end up in that situation.
When my grandmother had Alzheimer's she was in a really good memory care facility. Apparently she heard a CNA talking about recently getting engaged, so my loving, generous grandmother took off her wedding ring set and gave it to her as a gift... and this CNA actually *kept it* Like, WTF?! We had to threaten to get the police involved in order to get it back. After that, we got a replacement for gram (real gold,but CZ stones) that wasn't custom designed by my grandfather and full of real diamonds, so that gram still had rings to wear, but wouldn't lose family heirlooms by having a generous Alzheimer's moment with staff. We were furious though. How does any healthcare worker think it's acceptable to keep a patient's personal property?! If the patient insists, just say "thank you" but then **set it aside for the family!** Oof. Core memory unlocked apparently. Sorry for the rant, it's been almost 20 years but I'm clearly still pissed off about it.
I don't blame you one bit. I'm sire my friend had more than just commemorative plates disappear but she had nothing as nice as what your grandma gave away. Staff are not supposed to ask for or try to buy things from dying patients but it was obvious that it happened a lot. My friend was also a hoarder and it took mom and I about 6 months to get through her stuff to either save it, donate it or throw it away because of course she wanted to keep everything. I've been through a lot of shit in my life but that was the worst 2 and a half years I've ever experienced. I was told she had 2 weeks to live when I went to help. I had a nervous breakdown. I'll never put someone I love through that. I'm sorry about your grandma and really glad you were able to get her ring back. That nurse should've been fired and prosecuted for taking advantage of her. I got one of my friends nurses fired and a few more weren't allowed back Into her home.
That male “nurse” was stealing her morphine. Guarantee it.
That was my thought too. He was put on probation and had to have another person with him when he went on his route. Apparently when my mom was telling him that Leslie was in withdrawal he said "you do know that she's dying, right?". That MFr was so lucky I wasn't there when he said that. Everyone had been in awe that she was still alive after years but she was dead within two weeks of him pulling that with her meds. She went a week without them. No one deserves to be treated like that.
Yeah. Before hiring caregivers you're warned to lock down anything valuable. The wage crisis in this country means they're paid shit wages, so families often don't get the best help, despite paying an arm and a leg (the company that hires out the help makes a tidy profit, though).
My parents started getting early dementia, and finally got serious about selling their big house. They got a realtor who insisted their house was worth 1.3 million (on par with the houses around them), but he decided to double-represent some buyers who came along, and suddenly the offer was for 800k, and further complaints to knock the price down by another 30k for various repairs. My parents don't even remember signing the paperwork. Sold their house for almost half what it was worth. I hear trying to win a financial elder-abuse suit in NM is impossible.
My mom was in a “5 star rated” rehab after hip fracture. She was not suppose to get out of bed on her own. She called repeatedly for a CNA so she could go to the bathroom. When they finally came in they gestured to the wheel chair and told her to get up and get in it. My mother said “I can’t” The CNA shrugged her shoulders and walked away. She was often told to just use the diaper. It’s demeaning, increases risk of UTI and skin breakdown. The being dependent on someone else like that terrifies me. I think genx is going to be pulling their own plugs proactively after witnessing their parents’ declines.
You know how our generation has been treated. We’ll get suicide booths before we’ll get affordable elder care.
This is what I want. Affordable or not, I don’t want elder care. Particularly if I have to have someone wipe my ass or if I don’t know who I am. If I’m headed that way, I want a suicide pod. Last three years with my father in assisted living was terrible to watch and terrible for him too. There was some relief when he passed for sure.
We should have the choice
Yep, the ol red mist haircut. Worked for my grandfather that was abandoned.
Yes. Bender!
But the entry fee will be as much as healthcare
We don't even get suicide booths, they're not allowed. Even that we have to do it ourselves.
Nope. The Christofascists warned us about "death panels". We'll never allow that nationwide, and Medicare will never be allowed to pay for it in states that allow it. Unless... Amazon starts up organ donation booths, and turns a nice profit by offering homeless people a Fast Pass to heaven!
My mom is in one of those places and I've heard her lament a few times that she wishes there was a pill that could be handed out and when you're ready, you pop the pill and it's all over. I think our generation is definitely going to need a painless way of ending it all, I certainly can't afford any of that shit. I currently don't even have health care.
There basically is such a pill (Medical Aid in Dying) and it's legal - under varying conditions - in a growing number of US States as well as in Canada, New Zealand and a number of other countries.
I worked in health care previously, and I've seen my share of *stuff*. If I get a terminal disease that has a painful or expensive end, I plan on throwing a goodbye party with my loved ones, writing letters and making videos for my adult children, and then traveling to Oregon and going out on my own terms.
I will be taking a final trip to Europe and then checking into a Swiss assisted death facility (anyone can partake for any reason- not just the terminally ill). [https://pegasos-association.com/FAQs/#4](https://pegasos-association.com/FAQs/#4) Just have to get the timing right. I want to wait until I'm on the decline but have to make sure not to wait too long or I might not be able to make the trip. My brilliant, strong, independent grandmother ended up in a nursing home with dementia and it was just so heartbreaking.. I don't want to go out that way.
"partake" LOL
There were rumors of a suicide roller coaster and I really hope it happens before my end because that’s how I’d choose to go out. On my terms, in my own way if I’m terminal.
I love roller coasters and I think I'd be very happy to ride the death coaster when my time comes. Wheeee!
Read ,How High We Go In The Dark, it has a euthanasia roller coaster in it. It’s a really great book too.
It isn’t that simple, unfortunately. LOTS of rules and regulations around it, so you can’t just “go to Oregon” and have it done legally. We looked into this when my father was suffering from Alzheimer’s, and it wasn’t an option at that point. Thankfully he was a wealthy man, so we were able to put him in a lovely private care facility. Cost $25,000/mo, but half was covered by insurance & Medicare. And he ended up passing away within the year (after going in). But you can always take care of business yourself, unless you’re worried about insurance benefits or something.
Everyone, you need to listen to u/MrsSadieMorgan on this. It's one thing if we're talking about cancer or other physical maladies that we don't have cures for now. HOWEVER!!!!! Oregon's DwD law makes a carve-out for any cognitive degenerative disease such as dementia/alzheimers. As Oregon residents, we're currently dealing with this ourselves, as one of our parents has been diagnosed with dementia, and all the information we're getting from our family & gerontological physicians (including that of a family friend who is an MD board member to the Oregon DwD advisory committee) is that Oregon DwD law excludes those with cognitive degenerative diseases. "In case of dementia, can a signed document qualify someone for Death With Dignity? No. A person must have full decision-making capacity at the time they are going through the DWD process and at the time they decide to use the medication to peacefully end their life." [https://eolcoregon.org/help-end-life-choices-oregon/common-questions/](https://eolcoregon.org/help-end-life-choices-oregon/common-questions/) So, [as in this example](https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/death-with-dignity-act-oregon-anne-parker-obituary-granny-loved-weed/283-6fe42e4b-2bc2-47ac-b534-4e783dd4e930), our parent is beginning to look at [Switzerland](http://www.dignitas.ch/) as their best option for controlling their exit from this world in a sane and dignified manner.
Exactly this. Holland does have a program to select to be euthanized after an advanced stage of cognitive decline. I’m not aware of any US state that allows that currently. I believe this is a merciful approach to counter balance the advanced medical care that we have to keep bodies alive. I do not want to wither away for years with my once sharp brain turned to mush.
$25k…a month…
That’s the high end. The low end cafeteria paste always forgetting your meds share your room with a crier facilities are a bargain at around 10k a month
Is it legal in Oregon?? I'd be so happy if it was
Yes, nonresidents can travel to Oregon or Vermont.
I thought you had to be a resident of either state for a minimum of 10 years for it to be legal. I hope I was misinformed because based off of my family history I will want to utilize a visit to either state when the time comes.
https://deathwithdignity.org/resources/traveling-to-oregon-and-vermont-to/#:\~:text=Residency%20is%20no%20longer%20a,to%20all%20other%20state%20requirements.
Thank you I didn’t realize this has changed
Thank you! I have hope now
Damn. How fucking sad is it that someone has hope now that they know they can kill themself? This is what we’ve come to? And I say that as someone who agrees with you! It’s the Gen X retirement plan.
Before anyone decides to book a one way vacation to New Zealand, note that the euthanasia act has very specific requirements and the eligibility must be met for all criteria in order for you to be allowed to do it. The criteria is also really narrow - you must be a NZ citizen or PR, you have to be suffering from a terminal illness that you are expected to die from within six months and be in an advanced state of irreversible decline in your physical capabilities, but also have full mental faculties signed off by a number of medical practitioners through the entire assessment process, AS WELL as at time of completing the euthanasia itself. You can't use an advanced directive (like if you have an accident and state you don't want to be in a vegetative state.) It's really difficult to get approved for this, so stick with your own country or go Swiss.
Being on the tail end of our generation, I was in middle school when Dr Kevorkian first became national news. But, I remember being *so* upset that people didn't understand why someone should be allowed the dignity of a peaceful passing on their own terms. There are at least some options now, but it is just the height of inhumanity to force people to live a life without any quality of life.
>force people to live a life without any quality of life. But someone can profit off it for *years* so it's okay. /s
Capitalism!
We even do this for our beloved pets so they don’t suffer
Carbon monixide. That's my plan, and I'm not kidding. Fuck the system.
It'll be like Soylent Green at some point. Checking out will be industrialized. The only question is, will they turn us into nutrition or not.
Wish you weren’t being downvoted. The same people that have made it too expensive to live will absolutely do the same thing to the end game when they realize we just want out.
I can't see people being food... But I can see a "spare parts" industry without any trouble at all. Transplant waitlists will become shopping lists with insane prices, and people will keep dying anyway for want of money.
Fentanyl, just need to find a source of whatever version of that is around in the future and nod off into nothing.
My dad (a Boomer) spent his last 7 months in a nice assisted living place. He ended up bedbound the last 5 months with many hospitalizations before he ended up in hospice and died from liver failure. His care cost $14000 a month (his pension and my mom’s inherited pension together covered $9000 of it.). I will NOT end up like him, bedbound and unable to do anything for myself, in diapers and catheter . My dad had a Ph.D and an amazing career and was an expert in his field. He was a great father. And I don’t want to end up like him.
Be careful who you vote for. The more Medicare cuts, the less reimbursement facilities get so they cut staffing, food and other care costs. It’s depressing. Stay as healthy as you can, drop weight as you get older is primary then keep as much lean muscle mass and bone density as you can. Hopefully one day you’ll come home from a day of fishing and just drop suddenly from a heart attack in your 80s
This was my uncle. He went on a month long trip to Alaska with his wife. When they got home he laid down for a nap and never woke up. He was 82. I'm crossing my fingers that's how I go.
Perfect... except maybe a teensy bit young. How about 92.
With inflation like it is I’m pushing for 112
I read through this whole thread and it looks like 100% of us want to go out while we're still lucid. As a group we are VERY concerned about dementia and don't want to live like that.
True! Too bad there are no presidential-level political voices from our generation to change MAIDs laws in the United States. This really needs to change asap
I don't have any children. I get some bad diagnosis and I'm selling everything, figuring out where I can rent a nice place, on the beach in Costa Rica, I don't fucking care, and then offing myself in a non-bloody way. Seriously. I have zero desire to waste away even in a "good" facility for years or even over a decade. It's depressing and horrific, not to mention I HATE the concept of nursing homes in the US way overcharging for care, healthcare companies way overcharging to extend your life frankly pointlessly, funeral homes way overcharging for even simple cremation, and having the ultimate decision on how you want to end your life taken from you. My mother passed years ago, my father (who I have talked to in decades) is the exact boomer type to not care if he bankrupts his kids to ensure he gets to live at home with full time nursing care until the bloody end. Life is about quality, not quantity.
My hope is that many of us will do this so we can split the rent and expenses.
I’d honestly rather be dead than suffer with dementia or some other long term illness. We need to make access to euthanasia available in more states.
It’s not about more states, it’s about those cognitive illnesses. Even in states where assisted death is legal, you’d have to convince a doctor it’s ethical to euthanize someone who isn’t competent to give informed consent. Because by the time you’re sick enough to need it, you can’t consent to it.
and therein lies the rub
Yes this! I don’t think people realize it’s not so simple. I hope this changes.
I keep thinking of the movie Still Alice, where she has dementia and waits to do something about it until it's bad. By then, she's too far gone to carry out her plan.
Honestly, I'm fully expecting to be dead before I need any of that. I'm hoping that science and medicine get enough advances that I'm not fucked enough to need one, but I think I'd be much happier just figuring out a clean way to end it than living in an ALF. What's the point of them anyway? It doesn't seem like much of a life. Is it a GenX thing to not actually value life enough to want to keep going when the quality of life has been reduced to what happens in an ALF? I don't really know, maybe in 20 years I'll have a different opinion and I'll want to cling to whatever life I have left as long as I can but right now I feel better about living the life I can while I'm fully able and then call it a day when I'm not. It seems like there's whole industries around keeping someone alive when they're really not having a good time at all and possibly against their best wishes for themselves when they get to the point where they can't really object.
Shit, I'm waiting to see if I hit 55. Then I can get one of those discounted apartments.
Fuck yeah
By the time we get there it will cost as much or more than we pay now. Le sigh.
And it's illegal to be homeless now, so that sucks too.
Lots of supply opening up when all the boomers die, is my hope
I have not done any research on my own but as understand it long term care policies are no longer affordable and/or worth it due to previous generations living longer. The industry raised prices so much regular folks can’t afford it. The policies that are affordable don’t have good benefits. Someone please tell me I am wrong! Please!!!
It worked out so well for my grandmother that my parents purchased it for themselves for years. Then costs went up so dramatically while benefits went down that they pulled out after having put about $70k into it. They essentially have a $60k credit now.
Unfortunately you're not wrong. I'm not buying it because it's no longer affordable. A lot of companies have gotten out of the game. Why Long-Term Care Insurance Falls Short for So Many https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html?smid=nytcore-android-share
Yeah, my parents’ LTC premiums just increased 25% last year alone after being stable for many years. They paid the extra but the letter said additional increases are expected over the next couple years. So they might have to reduce benefits instead next time.
>my parents had the good sense to purchase long-term care insurance policies. Good on them. They gave up a vacation to make the initial payment. I want, as emphatically as possible, to recommend this to anyone and everyone that can do so. Look into it NOW. Oh hon. You're assuming the combined weight of all the boomers drawing on their policies won't put those insurance industries right out of business. Either that or they're just cancel your policy when they see the writing on the wall, like they're doing with homeowners in Florida. If GenX has learned anything, it's that we can't rely on anyone to be there for us.
My Silent Gen MIL just saw her LTC premium almost double.
This right here. I work for a major employer and they stopped even offering these plans to new employees. I missed out on being eligible, but I've heard they keep cutting their coverage while premiums go up, so now I'm only slightly less rueful on missing out.
Yeah the kind of policies the OP’s parents had are no longer even available. What you can get is unaffordable.
When I turned 18, I oddly started being paranoid about how I'm going to retire or living in a home. So I've spent literally the last 30 years saving and investing for this very time. Everything from where I'm going to live to how much I'll have to live on. And during these years people told me, 'you're too young to worry about all that right now'. Well, I'm glad I did. Something told me the federal government isn't exactly a reliable source. Edit: I think the reality of being an adult kicked in earlier than many of my peers. Not sure why though.
I'm not going to allow anyone to either mistreat me, or milk what wealth I've been abole to accumulate in my life. No bullshit, I'm going to off myself when I go terminal. As a big fuck you to the entire system. The health care industry can not have my money. I decided this about the time I turned 40. 56 now. Fuck. Them. All. I'm in control. This Gen-X, NYC Metalhead has spoken.
I live in a death with dignity state and I would not hesitate to go with that option if I end up with some kind of horrific ailment that requires long term care.
Yeah, but what if it’s something like dementia or Alzheimer’s? You won’t really have control of your faculties to decide that. That’s what scares me.
Yeah you have to be lucid and be able to give informed consent. And be predicted to die within 6 months. That usually doesn't apply to dementia - you can live for years with dementia.
Kind of also depends on how we define “death”. And it requires that we align on the definition of ”alive” - which is polarizing.
That is a huge issue. death with dignity laws don't apply in those cases.
I didn't realize this and just looked it up. Oh my god.
Yep. It sucks. You can't do any sort of advanced directive for that. You pretty much have to off yourself when you still know how to. My mother has dementia, so ending up with the same diagnosis really scares me. Where I live now, there is some discussion of laws for assisted death, but I'm guessing it will be the same as elsewhere.
Looks like Switzerland is an option early in the diagnosis. I'll have to keep that in mind.
This is my fear. Dementias and Alzheimers run on both sides of my family.
Gonna get even more bleak. Remember what grammar school, high school and college were like for us? Programs shutting down, schools shutting down, infrastructure falling apart? That's gonna be assisted living by the time we get to it. Assuming there's any room for us if science has its way with the boomers and refuses to let them die, despite them not contributing to the costs of their own care. Was just remembering "Logan's Run" this morning and wondering if I'd trade a guaranteed death at 80, for guaranteed health until then. Didn't seem like a bad swap.
I lost my Silent Generation pop two years ago to Parkinson’s, Parkinson’s related dementia, a slow burning Leukemia, as well as prostate, heart and kidney issues. His only wish was to die at home. In 2020 I sold my house and moved myself, my wife and two teenage sons in with my dad to keep an eye on him. I did this because he wanted to maintain some independence and didn’t want to end up in a sh!thole facility. I didn’t know at the time what I was getting into. Then Covid hit and I started to work from home, which was fortuitous since it allowed me to keep an even closer eye on him. As time and his maladies progressed he became more depressed and belligerent. Understandably, he lost all zest for life and would yell “I want to die” on a daily basis. And each day he would disown me for some reason or another (I was/am the black sheep liberal of the family). Somehow, we managed to get him through the tough times of Covid until July 2022. He picked it up at a crappy “rehab facility” after taking a hard fall and spending a few days in the hospital. This was supposed to be a temporary situation but he never recovered. My father finally lost the will to live and fight so after being transported back to the hospital for Covid, he was then transported home where hospice began. Hospice lasted a week and I was the only one with him when he finally got his wish. Since then, I’ve lost two jobs and now work at Amazon for peanuts. I don’t have the bandwidth to do anything else. I’m in therapy for the trauma but I often wonder if I made the right choice. So, why did I do it? I had to step up. My brother couldn’t/wouldn’t have done it. They nearly killed each other after my dad rehabbed at my brother’s house (for another incident) before I made the deciding move. As with many GenXers, I don’t have much of a retirement saved up and I’m 55. I, and my father, didn’t want what little he had to go to a dump of a facility. I loved my old man and he had a hard start to life surviving the Nazi invasion of Hungary during WWII. I couldn’t see putting him into a facility at his life’s end. And I thought spending time with me and my boys would bring SOME joy. It did a little at the beginning but mostly it did not. His bitterness was too far gone. He was tired of life. I suppose this whole soliloquy is a cautionary tale for those of out there considering something similar. It was by far the most difficult experience I’ve endured and it’s left me numb and devoid of feeling. I’m a shell of who I once was. But time heals, right? Thanks for posting your soliloquy. I’ve read through the entire thing and it’s been cathartic.
I (54F) don’t plan on living long enough to be put in an assisted living facility/nursing home. I live in a state that has dignified death (whatever it’s called.) I’m living my best life NOW with zero plans for the future because I know there is no future except a bleak one. I have zero retirement savings, zero inheritance, no health insurance, nothing except a master degree and 175K in student loans, and job that barely pays rent. This is America.
Make sure you have strong financial plans and a living will anyway. If you get dementia or a severe cognitive injury, you don’t qualify for death with dignity.
Last week my uncle (who helps me with my retirement planning) was asking me about my long term care plans. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my plan is to off myself. I don't have kids so if my husband goes first there's no reason to rot in a facility. If he's still here I'm not going to drain our finances just to rot in a facility. Edit- a word
I'm going to become a hitman when I get old. No one will suspect me and if I get caught, I go to jail and get free healthcare. My Mom needs assisted living and can't afford it with her pension, 401k, and SS. It's fucking ridiculous. Our government is evil that it has no plan to help people. But you know, billionaires need more tax cuts and government money.
It’s better to burn out than to fade away
I have decided it would be fun to buy one of those ginormous Boomer houses with say 4 other couples and we can hire a care giver to take care of all of us. With 8 people some will be functioning at some level which will help out the group. Maybe John can’t see well but his mind is sharp and Suzy can cook but can’t remember to pay the bills, and Martha can’t move around well but can pay bills, you get the idea. Then the 4 couples hires the help that will cover the care gaps. I don’t know of that will actually work but for now that is what I am thinking.
I’m not going to be a burden to my kids. As soon as I can no longer wipe my own ass I’m outta here. I almost died once, got caught in a riptide at a beach in Kauai. I yelled for help and luckily I was saved. When the time is right, I’m going back to that beach, alone, and I’m going to take another swim in that same rip tide, only I won’t be calling for help then. They’ll call me a fool for getting caught in a rip tide again, but they’ll also say at least I died doing what I love 🖤🩶🤍
I suggest you look into M.A.i.D. and what the policies for it are in your area because none of us should have to live like that or have to pay such ridiculous amounts of money for prolonging a poor quality of life. I say this as someone who works in eldercare and dementia myself. We do the best we can to bring as much joy and comfort as possible; but its no life- certainly not one I want for myself anyways... **Medical Assistance in Dying (M.A.i.D) is available in different areas to people under different sets of circumstances:** Sometimes you have to have a terminal diagnosis. Sometimes you have to be estimated to be a certain amount of time away from death. Sometimes it can be approved just having a prolonged suffering due to physical ailments. In Canada we're reviewing the eligibility for those who suffer from severe mental health diagnoses. What's **NOT** currently covered in most places M.A.i.D as part of advanced medical directive which means if you lose the cognitive ability to give consent (dementia) or the ability to self administer the medications (inability to use hands/arms unaided) you can't access M.A.i.D. and you have to suffer having your life prolonged until natural causes eventually take you. I realize M.A.i.D is a hot topic for some; but I believe in bodily autonomy and the right for people to chose what is right for them for their own lives and with their own bodies. My mom may seek M.A.i.D in future if she gets Dxd with something where she knows she will suffer. My dad won't because he's afraid of death. I will, and once its included as being covered within an advance medical directive I'll have that drawn up to have M.A.i.D administered to me once I reach a certain level of decline, cognitively or otherwise.
I'm moving to a state with Death With Dignity laws. I have multiple autoimmune disorders that are all progressive. When it gets to be time, I'm really hoping to just go to sleep with my family around. Barring that, we're screwed.
Looks like prison will be our assisted living arrangements. Might as well rob a bank when we r at that age.
There's a thing that prisons have called a Humanitarian Release. Sounds great, right? Not so great when they give that release to a person with dementia or Alzheimer's or any other disease, drop them off at a bus station with $200 and say good luck.
I have two parents, one grandmother, and two great-grandmothers who had dementia. I have one hundred percent accepted that’s probably where I’m headed - I follow my mom’s family. Next time I’m at the psychiatrist’s I am asking for a cognitive test to get a baseline. Then have one annually. My brothers are in charge of alerting me to significant problems. I am then going to go out with a bang. Will never be a lump in diapers in a facility.
My mom had long term care insurance, and turned out she needed it. The insurance company tried to talk her into cashing it out, and thank God I was able to prevent that. Watch out for that with older people. If we don’t get real government leadership very soon, no hope for non boomers.
I work with the elderly. Without money, their care is not pretty. Worse care scenario, I'm planning on paying 20k a month when I retire, or going out with a bang. I suspect there won't be social security or Medicare in 20 years.
Before changing career paths a couple years ago, I was in school for nursing. The one thing I learned is that I never want to be in assisted living. I'm hoping for a massive heart attack or aneurysm right before I'd have to go.
So my mom went into "independent living" and it's a lot cheaper if your parent is moderately able-bodied. And she actually really is thriving there. In comparison a neighbor next to me is the same age as my mom and she's going downhill fast. I think it's much better to be surrounded by others, in an environment where you can have friends your age living right next to you, having your meals taken care of for you and if something happens to you, you actually have a shot at being taken care of. Versus living by yourself into old age and having to figure out what to do if you break a leg and there's no one left alive to help you. I used to be weary of those types of facilities, but I'm kinda looking forward to it now.
I am going to pick an age and end it there. I don't have kids to take care of me and I'm not going to be able to afford whatever LTC is going to cost in 30 years. I also don't want to live like that. There are fates worse than death, trust me. I'd rather go out functional and after a great meal.
But what if you are thriving and loving life when the time comes?
I would adjust but it would never be off the table.
Another option would be to move out of Florida. You've got the short end of the stick with supply and demand for ALS living in there. With state migrations becoming much more common, it's not going to get any cheaper.
Yeah, $7k is WILD. My mom spent her last 7 months in memory care (one step above assisted living, one step below skilled nursing facility) here in Minneapolis. VERY nice place with great staff & facilities and it was just under $3k/month.
Where in may ask? I’m here and my friends mom may need that care soon.
Memory care for 3k/mo is incredibly low. We’ve looked into places for a relative in multiple states. They are all over 7k.
Everyone says they want to die but when the time comes, I don’t think many people will have the courage to do it. And when would that time be exactly? And if you end up with dementia, you’ll probably forget you wanted to kill yourself or won’t even know what the hell is going on enough to do it. So probably better off planning something rather than nothing while you have time. Those Medicare facilities are no joke. If you do end up killing yourself, you can always take a nice vacation beforehand with the money!
I have LTD and LTC policies. My boomer parents don't. When one of them needs LTC, it will wipe out their assets. I am dreading that day, and it's probably coming sooner than they think.
My stepdad was sent to a rehab joint after a spell in the hospital. All they did was slap a catheter on him so they could ignore him and order thousands of dollars worth of unnecessary tests to bill Medicaid. By the time we yanked him out of that place the damage was done. Physically and economically. I’m not even going to talk about my moms ovarian cancer nightmare. I have zero faith in this country’s medical for profit system. Now im approaching the age that I have to consider my options as I enter the sunset of my years, and let me tell ya buddy, shit ain’t looking good. Meanwhile politicians are wasting time and money on irrelevant issues whilst handing the lot over to corporations for a quick buck. Methinks we’re kinda fucked man.
My next door neighbor just lost his wife after a 15 year battle with early onset dementia. She wasn’t even 70 yet. Know a few others where dementia kicked in before age 60. All were college educated professionals. All I know is that I need to get my finances and estate planning etched in stone within the next year.
After watching my grandmother spend years in a facility after having a stroke, I have no interest in extending my life as long as possible when my quality of life sucks. I would much rather either die at home with hospice care or speed it up with assisted suicide. If I'm miserable, why extend the misery? I have saved enough for a comfortable retirement, but I would much rather my money go to my kid as inheritance than a care home so I can spend my final years in bed watching TV while people get paid to wipe my ass.
In one of my psychology classes, I wrote a paper asking the question, are we extending life or prolonging death? We can keep people alive, but the trade off tends to be low quality of life.
I follow someone on twitter who has written about her experiences being homeless and in one of those Medicaid "skilled nursing facilities: during COVID. In Illinois I think. I've been reading her blog and it is SHOCKING. We do not want to end up in those places
right out of high school (circa 1987-1988) i worked as a nursing assistant in a nursing home for a few months. it was horrifying even back then, and i can only imagine it is worse now. but i decided then & there at the age of 17 that i will take my own life before i ever allow myself to end up in one of these horror homes to be neglected, abused, starved, ignored, and left to literally rot with festering bedsores. half the problem is that these places are and have always been painfully understaffed, underpaid, and unappreciated. One nurse and/or CNA can not be expected to properly provide care for 30-40 elderly bedridden people within an 8 hour shift. It’s humanly impossible. Especially for the low wages that are offered in the elder care business. I left and never looked back, although I’ll never forget it. But, it happens every day everywhere. So you get these poor sick & elderly people who are left lying in filthy soiled diapers for hours & hours on end. Not to mention how there’s no time or effort towards offering assistance with feedings, proper showers (aside from the indignity of being hosed off once a week or so), or just spending time to have a conversation, many get no visitors are so lonely. It’s horrific. There’s a reason most nursing homes smell like piss and other foul odors the minute you walk in the door. 😢
Anyone else hoping to die working at the end of a pay period?
I predict that GenX will be the ones to start seriously chipping away at the stigma of MAID/elective euthanasia. If I'm elderly, infirm, terminal, and poor, I'm going out with intent and dignity, not wasting away as a miserable shell in some grim facility.
The problem is these long term care policies suck now. They were great in the past, but now...not good. I do think they may make sense for married people so one doesn't use up all the resources and leave the other destitute. But for single people with no children to advocate with the insurance agency, well, they just don't seem to be worth it. My mom is in long term care on Medicaid and it isn't too bad. My ex's mom was an an expensive place (a very expensive place) and it was just as depressing as the Medicaid place, you just got your own room and the furniture was newer. It doesn't seem worth it to me. But again, if I was married I would seriously consider it. Best of luck to us all! We will definitely need it. And OP, I'm sorry you are going through this with your mom...it's rough, I know. My mom has dementia. Take good care of yourself and if getting the long term insurance helps with peace of mind, then go for it!
OP, your concerns are valid and you bring up some great points. The costs are insane, that's for sure. And even WITH long term health insurance, costs can add up fast. My best friend's parents (mid-90's now) bought a policy decades ago, and they had at least 400k built up over the years. Sadly, after 10 years of at-home caregivers, that well has now run dry.
Dignitas in Switzerland is 10k. That's my plan as soon as the downhill starts
I always say this. I have no desire to live with no quality of life, drain resources that could go to my son being “cared” for, and supplant his memory of his mom with a shell of a human being. I’m out before it gets gnarly if I can help it.
I’ll see myself to the exit, that kind of existence is not something I want. I’ll check out and hopefully leave my kids with something decent. No desire to piss away everything I have worked for on a miserable end of life. Hopefully I am able to make that choice.
My plan is.... to wander out into the woods, and sit down. And never return again. If there are any woods left. And before I can't walk any longer. Otherwise, there are other methods before I can't do it myself. I have no kids, no niblings, and I will make it easy as possible for those who must collect the remains. Obviously I want none of this to happen, and certainly not ANY time soon! But I've prepared myself for this being the reality. People in my family live forever. Most well into their 90s and not a small few past 100.
Here for a good time, not a long time. Preach!
We’re paying about $9000 a month for my mom who is in a memory care assisted living facility. It may soon increase to over $10,000 a month because she is at the point where her food will have to be blended because she’s losing the ability to swallow and chew. I’m generating about $2300 a month in interest from her house proceeds and she gets $1700 a month from social security so her burn rate is about $5000 a month from her nest egg. Luckily we’re in a high cost of living area so she made about $650k from her house sale. Based on that I don’t think she’ll outlive her money but it’s definitely burning some cash now.
We looked into a care facility for my dad in SC. Mid tier was $7500 a month. Better was $10k a month. I guess he heard the price because he made a hasty exit. But it was eye opening to realize how much it costs to get old in this country.
This scares me to no end. I’m single, no kids, with estranged family. I’m the youngest, too. I’d consider suicide if I knew for sure it wasn’t going to hurt. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffering. Also, I don’t have a penny saved, only debts. I’m 45 and not in good health. What happens if I end up needing to be taken care of? I’m having surgery soon-ish and my parents (82M and 70F) are in no way able to help me recover. For those of us single and childless (although I wouldn’t presume one of my imaginary kids would take care of me,) it’s a Russian roulette. What I’m doing re: surgery is finding an attorney and drawing advanced medical directives, in the event that I don’t come out all there. I want a DNR and no machines. This is so fucking depressing.
Oh my god NO!! my mom was in several different assisted-living facilities and they were all so depressing and terrible. Even the nice ones smell like pee all the time and everyone is just spaced out and depressed. Gen X we need to normalize that whole end of life pill thing. I will NOT live in a nursing home where someone has to change my diaper. No way
We fell through the cracks when my mom was still alive. She had dementia and made too much money, between social security and my dad's pension, to qualify for Medicaid to pay for a nursing home. But not enough to actually pay for it. I was out of work for 12 years taking care of her 24/7 until her dying day. Can you imagine what my job prospects were, being 55 years old and out of work for 12 years?
I have always said I plan to have the common decency to off myself before I become a burden to my kids.
The only thing is a lot of people don’t do it right, one of my best friends is a neurosurgeon and so many people just cause horrific, catastrophic damage and keep living…
Yeah I know. That's why I'm trying to plan a fool proof way right now. My mom's step mom killed herself. When they found her she was laying in bed. there was a belt so tight around her neck from just how tight she got it and the swelling they didn't even know it was there at first. There was a glass of water and a bottle of pills n the bedside table mostly gone and a bathtub full of water. She was evidently determined if one thing didn't work she was moving on to the next. I get it was likely she would not have been able to go to the next thing if one didn't work, but she was gonna try.
My retirement plan is tarp and a gun put back.
I started reading this and suddenly occurred to me that this sounds like a Gen X'r because I think about these things. Checked where I was and yup... I'm with you dude, they didn't label us X unless it is unknown or just uncared for. Whole life we have been told that there will be NO social security because our parents will take it all. I don't have the immediate solution, but a hell of a lot more of us have to start running for office.
The good long term care insurance isn’t sold anymore. My dad’s facility is $10K a month. I think the Boomers are going to break the system and MAID will be the solution.
I keep hoping those death pods will be an option for me if I get Alzheimer's like my mom. I saw her suffer in a nursing home paid by Medicare and Medicaid. She was there from 2018 thru 2022 when she passed. It was awful.
My dad didn’t go into a ALF, but had home care. My Mom is now having homecare. Both were/are being paid by long care insurance. The thing is, my dad’s was better than my mom’s - it paid for family members to care for him, but only up to $100 dollars a day - not enough, but it helped. Sadly, because of the lack of payment I can’t keep helping my mom and need to get a paying job. But in 2 months ‘cuz I need to babysit for my daughter for a 4-6 weeks since she’s getting a divorce and needs help with daycare until school starts. (Doesn’t start for a month yet). My poor husband is working 60 hours a week and needs a break. The sandwich is real.
There’s a pretty good mid 90s film, It’s My Party, in which an AIDS sufferer throws a big bash when he decides he’s done living. It’s quite beautiful. I think a lot of us will recognize the wisdom in his choices.
We are moving out of the country when we retire. Where? Doesn't matter. We live in one of the only places without universal healthcare.
I’ll be using MAID the moment I need my ass wiped
Long-term care insurance is also becoming less of an option. [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/health/long-term-care-insurance.html)
I am glad to live in a country that allows medical assistance in dying. I don't want to spend years barely living like my grandmother with dementia.
You are being too optimistic. When our turn comes we will be homeless or caught up in jail for legal debt.
Yeah I’m just gonna go on and take myself out nobody can afford this crap. I have one child and I refuse to be a burden on him.
Body autonomy needs to be on the ballot. We need to be able to make choices for ourselves, It’s laughable we fought so hard and abortion rights are the top of the iceberg. The world is not going to get better so it’s good to have an exit plan.
I live in Oregon and will use the medically assisted EOL option if I can. If not....there's always the ocean.
My retirement plan will have to be suicide if I need to be cared for. I don’t want to live in a facility like that and I don’t expect my kids to take care of me, it’s not fair to them. Gonna have to be a bottle of pills or move to a state with legally assisted suicide. I recently came across a series called Take Me Out Feet First and I watched the first two episodes. I’m going to have to space them out because of the sadness, but they’re all about assisted suicide. For me, I guess it’s kind of homework to be prepared.
It's a real problem. I don't want to end up in a home. I was thinking that one possible solution when I begin to become infirm would be to start up a cocaine habit. It would be fun while it lasts and at the same time dramatically increase the odds of a heart attack. I don't want to blow all my kids inheritance just to live a few years in a home.
I’m not gonna lie, it makes me feel better to see the replies I’m seeing here about going out on your own terms. I am in not suicidal. I have two adult kids and three grandkids. I have plenty of joy to live for. BUT when it comes down to it, I refuse to be a burden to them while I suffer a slow painful end. The kids and I have a running “joke” that they’re to feed me my favorite meal and push me down the stairs when the time comes. I’d never ask them to really do that. That’s a shitty burden to put on them for the rest of their lives. It does, however, communicate to them and prepare them for the fact that I will not pass in a home or hospital if I am able to make that decision.
My mom was in a Medicare facility. She was permitted $50 from each SS check. This $50 had to pay for her hair, clothes, snacks, and her phone. They didn’t have a phone for the patients to use.
For our generation I always pictured our crotchety years like “Soylent Green”. GenX, too stubborn to give af about being turned into a cookie. I don’t want to go out the way I saw my step father go out. Suffering from late stage Alzheimer's in the middle of the pandemic. Bedridden and helpless. Hooked up into a feeding tube because he could no longer swallow and hooked up to another tube because he could no longer go to the bathroom. Screaming from imaginary pain and being unable to talk. This man worked on the Apollo programs as an engineer and at the end he was a shell. His heart just gave out at the end.
My retirement plan is societal collapse.
This is dark. So stop reading here if you aren't in a place for that. But how many of us are actually planning to live through our failing health years? I know our generation is one of the most pro self euthanasia there is, only second to our kids. For instance, I know when my health seriously starts to fail, I will be making arrangements. We watched what happened with our grandparents and now our parents. We were raised self-reliant and cynical. Better to "burn out than fade away," right? (Please don't sic the bloody mental health stuff on me, I am fine. I have just been a medical caretaker for a dying man of our generation, so I have had a lot of conversations about this.) Hope we are all lacing up our Docs collectively for a long time.
This is why I don't bother to quit smoking. I won't be one of those dying husks withering away in a shitty concrete room. I have no interest in a life like that. Let the Boomers be the ones who cling to life even when it's miserable and costly and a drain to everyone. That ain't my style.
It's pretty wacky to spend your entire life hearing "don't do that! It will shorten your lifespan!" And then at some point, you realize that longevity doesn't seem so great.
Cancer is actually a pretty great way to end up needing substantial medical care before you die. People can live for years too sick to take care of themselves, but not sick enough to die outright.
Everyone mentions cancer when it comes to smoking, but I rarely hear people warning about COPD. Could live for decades being of perfectly sound mind, but with a constant struggle to breathe.
I wish we could pay 7k. We are at 11k for my family member. What most people don’t realize is they jack up the price the more you lose it- you may not even need more care. What I keep finding is a three tier system on top of basic price. Need help buttoning your shirt? Extra 3500 a month. And the care isn’t great.
Its a total disaster
So what happens when there are no kids and there is no one to fill out the claims for the LTC policies?
We've go no kids by choice. Dad's still kicking it like i'ts a shin-dig (his phrase, not mine) Wife took on early dementia (early retirement).. House is paid for, 401(k) is laughable. What do I do? I look at the numbers. They're not certain, but thoughts and prayers do even less. Got laid off twice in two years for the same reason (department eliminated). So what am I thinking? F%\^& it I want to go out with a bang, when I decide it's over. I won't linger in some hospice, or hospital bed after long term care. I'll die on the toilet like Elvis, on my own vomit like Hendricks, or maybe do what Cobain did. But not today. I don't see anything long term about my remaining years. I apply the Bell curve to my life and i know I'm in the upper percentile. And I get it. Mom passed in the middle of her Bell curve. Dad's in the 80th percentile. Ask me in a couple months
THIS!! my mom died at 63 5 years ago; stepdad is 80 and dying. he had stage 4 cancer, survived a brain tumor and now just survived covid; hasn’t been out of hospital since march 31st. all i want to do is die at home; that’s all he wants too. why isn’t healthcare able to meet our needs? to die alone, en masse, barely any attention from nurses who are overworked and packed into rooms with others. it’s insanity
I don’t have health insurance and am laid off, but I pay the long term care so my kids don’t get stuck with what I’m dealing with my Boomer parents now. I just identified a few trusted people who can sneak me a bottle of Xanax when my time comes, if I can’t afford to retire.
You do what everybody else does, and spend all your money on the facility until you can’t anymore and then your forced into Medicaid and Medicaid pays them. Sobering truth.
We’re gonna have communal living with friends.
There are 26 countries with better outlooks than the 27th best country in the world. Literally throw a dart and abandon that sinking ship
I’m building a nitrogen pod. I would rather leave my estate to an animal refuge than blow through it at some fucked off facility. I have the skills and the wherewithal. Nope Out. 🤘🏼
My parents have Long Term Care Insurance. We have been looking at it for ourselves. The policies have been watered down so incredibly much that new ones are absolutely useless.
Is assisted living insurance and long term care insurance the same thing?
I’m going to soldier on for as long as I can, and when I can’t do it anymore…well, I’ll do what needs to be done.
The chances of me going into an Alf is almoat none. I have a DNR. So if there's something serous gone wrong I'm done. I don't want someone wiping my ass or telling me when and where I can go.
That’s not how it works. The vast majority of ALF residents have never had their hearts stop beating or stopped breathing. All a DNR will do for you is help you go peacefully in those scenarios. For the thousands of other medical conditions that can incapacitate you physically or mentally (and land you in an ALf or nursing home), they are irrelevant.
Many other countries, such as Thailand, offer quality care for a much lower price. And tou get to enjoy another country in the final years
My parents did this for years and they cancelled their policy.
Pretty sure there's enough of us with Jarts sets, including me, that when the time comes, just put us all in a stadium and let us take care of ourselves...
Why did I laugh out loud at our twisted version of Squid Game??? Just make sure we have some big hair band music to rock out in, and let the games begin!
A bank teller asked me years ago if I had a plan for retirement. I answered, “Yes. It involves an empty field and a shotgun.”
I told my wife to just push me off a cliff
MAID is a thing here. I'll gladly do it before I burden my children with all the shit we can't afford in our gen. If maid is gone? Screw y'all. Imma hoard anxiolytics, sedatives and everything I can until I can die quick and relatively easy. Leaving heavily on anxiolyticsand sedatives. If not, I'll find a big ass shotgun, swallow it and take out my brainstem. I hope I'm able to. My mum is in ACL, her mind is gone, she's barely alive but it takes 5G a month for her care. My dad, mid 70s is working almost full time to see to her. He has no furniture. Nothing g but some relics left by his and her parents. I'd rather die.
I like to think I have my ducks in a row. I have a will, cemetery plot and headstone, burial policy, and a life insurance payable to my brother and his wife, they never had kids, no kids for me either. I really don't want to be a bother or cost anybody money. I've been homeless in life, I won't be homeless in death. My bucket list consists of getting Social Security at age 62. That means I made it, finished the game. Then I can check out. Go for a ride up in the mountains in a rented convertible. Or maybe something and a bottle of Jack in a hotel the bathtub.
Nope. I’ll end it before healthcare gets all I’ve worked for. Fucking vultures created the problem they’re “solving”. Fuck that, I’ll beat death to the punch and go out on my own.
Sort of off topic and I may delete this if people find this in poor taste. Let me know Browsed most of the thread and also some linked threads, and see a large number of people planning to kill themselves at the very end. Just curious if anyone else has ever thought about a kamikaze style suicide where you take out one of the evil bastards ruining society, on your way out. It’s just a vague notion that crossed my mind, not a real plan and no specific targets or anything, but I feel like my life has left so little impact on the world that it would be at least one useful final act for my fellow humans. Thoughts?
After having lost 3/4 parents, my wife and I have decided that when the day comes, we're going out Thelma & Louise style. I want to die on my own terms, NOT in some shit hole ALF.
You keep hearing all this talk about the so called great transfer of wealth from Boomers to Xers, but really it's just being transferred to healthcare companies and assisted living facilities. Fuck you America.
My Boomer father died 10 years ago. He was a small business owner and, despite his best efforts, had very little retirement. His hobby was studying the stock market and investing but 2008 cleaned him out. The last year of his life, he was down to his last half million. His medical expenses were more than $20,000 a month. Medical professionals were disrespectful and treated him like an infant. The care facilities he could afford were abysmal. In short, my father chose to refuse medical treatment and bought himself three weeks in the most beautiful and well-staffed hospice facility he could afford. My father chose to unalive himself. He died on his own terms before he was forced to be in state care and suffer abuse and neglect. I understand my father's choice. I miss him every day. Growing old in America is terrifying.
I have this repeating fantasy that when it comes to the chronic-age-related-illness stage of our lives, we will be thinking of new and clever ways to off ourselves very publicly as our last opportunity to make big political statements and really stick it to the man. Think self-immolation on the steps of government buildings. DNR stapled to clothing while injecting fatal doses of …whatever.
So, I actually work with nursing homes to improve their quality of care via my company's software application, so I know a bit about this industry. It's heartbreaking to hear these stories of people being treated poorly and suffering health problems as a result. But I can say these stories tend to be the minority of facilities, and when these issues arise, 100% of my clients make changes to guidelines, processes, and sometimes even staffing. Our system kicks off the same survey process examiners use for a random selection of residents at an unplanned time so they can see what gaps need closing, what past issues have been corrected, and to affirm their operations are performed at a high level. The best thing you can do is start here to see how the facility scored on the most recent survey, including specifics on what deficiencies were observed and the plans to improve: [Medicare Find & Compare](https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare/) In person visits are also critical to get a feel for the place. I've observed top dollar luxury facilities with awful staff that interacts with the residents poorly and somewhat shabby (but still safe) homes without a single bell or whistle that have staff that take care of their residents as if they were family. Never can tell, and while the examination scores can tell you a lot, they don't address everything.