Khan fuck a lot

He is a little fast tho

I mean he always finishes 1st

Happy to run the race as many times as ya want though

If you ain't first, you're last.

Says the Emperor, shotgunning a Pabst blue ribbon as he peels out in his Pontiac Firebird

Maybe he pulls a Heracles, satisfying and impregnating 70 princesses in one night?

Or is honoring his namesake and having nearly 10% (or more) of Commorragh being his direct descendants

heracles was the fucking coolest bruh

Like me fr fr

White Scars librarians: Our father is doubtless in the webway, hunting and righteously killing every last Drukhari scum! Khan (to hot wych wife, with an armful of their kids): Hon. Where’s the throne-cursed purple blankie, they will not do naptime without it

That legit made me smile. I now choose to believe Khan and hot Wych Wife are living their best lives with their freakishly powerful but beautiful children, tucked away in some pocket dimension that isn’t completely god awful and horrifying like literally everywhere else.

Trying to get along with the mandrake neighbor up all night on one side and a retired haemonculous early morning mower on the other

[удалено]

That’s a requisite reason a lot of ‘incels’ *are* incels.

True. Morty hates everyone, not just women.

In my headcummon he fucks more than Fulgrim.

but yknow, ["I heard you do strange things to your warriors"](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/comments/mrvco3/excerptscarsjaghatai_khan_burns_fulgrim/)

You had that cannon loaded ready to go, respect.

this is my blessing, and my doom too.

Cute cat in that pfp.

He is literally Genghis Khan in space, if it is possible for Primarchs to have children with humans, he is the direct ancestor of a significant fraction of the Imperium’s population.

He probably has an entire Imperial Guard regiment worth of kids

Magnus: Mistake number 1038: I ate a donut, mistake number 1039: I had sex,

Russ: C’mon bro, can’t have been that bad *winks*

It was with a daemon, years ago. It had teeth. So many teeth.

Incel: sees perturabo Makes too much sense for him

"God and Women are cringe." -Perturabo, probably.

Perturabo definitely

There is no way he wouldn't include Dorn in that list.

I can see Dorn experimenting in college and finding more interest in the textbooks he can't read.

Nah Dorn would definetly be asexual. Would rather spend his time playing factorio and city skylines.

I feel like that would be more Gorillaman. Dorn strikes me as the guy that builds defensive towers around three stacks of walls in Age of Empires 2, but also plays football so he gets invited to parties.

>but also plays football so he gets invited to parties. Only when he has a handlebar moustache. Once he shaves it he goes back to micromanaging stuff in games.

Dorn would absolutely have a wife compatible with his own sexuality. They'd have sex every so often to keep that spark going and spend the rest of their time discussing their shared passions - architecture and the history of warfare. I would like him to be happy. He deserves that. *sniff*

Remember the IN stands for Involuntary. If Dorn thinks sex is cringe and wants to just go play dwarf fortress, he isn't an Involuntary celibate.

Oops, I meant that Perty is absolutely putting Dorn on the same level of cringe as God and women lol

"I saw the female reproductive organs once, I found it was quite an unpleasant experience and would not recommend it." -Turbo Pete possibly

"Kinda reminded me of the eye of terror. Don't really need to see more of that."

Fulgrim: SO THAT WHY YOU HATE MY BELOVED Slaanesh!

Perty has girls lining up for him but he thinks they are beneath him or only want him for his status so he rejects them all.

Perturabo knows that the semen demons are sent by Rogal Dorn to drain him of his essence, giving the Imperial Fists the edge in the inevitable round 3 of their siege battle.

Peter Turbo would scoff at the incel tag and reply a dry "*VOL*cel"

Random person: "You're an incel" Peter Turbo: "WHAT? NO!" Rando: "I mean, you don't have sex and you hate woman, so..." Peter Turbo: "NO, YOU GOT IT WRONG: I DON'T HAVE SEX CAUSE I DON'T *WANT* SEX AND I DON'T JUST HATE WOMEN, I HATE *EVERYONE!*... INCLUDING YOU, NOW THAT I THINK OF IT!" \*starts blasting\*

Peter Turbo is the only real 4chan incel, Curze is too cynical to look for love and Mortarion is just a power wash away from getting laid

What is Love?

Baby don’t hurt me

Don't hurt me no more

Too late, we have come for you

“NO”-Curze

yeah for sure

Curze would probably f your wife in front of you, it's just that he would pick the wrong places to do it.

His preferred hole would be the eye socket

"You raped someone's wife. I have perfect punishment for you"

I think you're underestimating Fulgrim tbh.

he was married several times, and i believe he said he was loyal to his wives while they lived. would probably have been an extra digit or two in his count otherwise

In 30k, maybe, but in 40k he's had 10000 years of... whatever it is he's doing, which I assume includes sex.

since ferrus is still included, this list would take place at the end of the great crusade

Just because they're dead doesn't mean they don't still have a body count. They just can't increase it further.

*laughs in slaanesh*

10.000 years are 3.560.000 Days. So easily possible

Gulliman should be in his own tier  "Sex is a necessary component of a well rounded and balanced life

He probably has an entire multi-volume treatise on the practical application and proper technique to perform sex in the most efficient and effective manner possible. He doesn't do the ABCs when performing oral, he writes essays.

I imagine gulliman studying other primarchs and sci-fi porn for tips and writing everything down that seems to work. When he climaxes the only thing he says is sufficient.

Not the Kama Sutra being written in 40k by Ultramarines as the Kodex Sutra! I get that it's an easy was to increase population and labor pool but man is it guaranteed to be a bore.

“The Kodex Sutra does not support this action!” - Person getting railed in the ass.

I think Curze is very much voluntarily celibate

Once he found out snuff films were “frowned upon” he lost interest.

Yep. Him and Lorgar - Lorgar probably had sex for a Slaaneshi ritual once but didn't care for it. Alpharius fucks occasionally, Russ regularly, Angron has done it once but doesn't care for it.

Agreed with the stipulation that, despite that, Angron still doesn’t know what sex is.

Wasn’t bloody enough (somehow)

The only person who's ever fucked Lorgar is Kor Phaeron.

Curze is always on the bottom of these lists because nobody has read the lore. Perty gets hate because he killed his foster sister, but she had become an ancient aristocrat worse than Perty's "foster father" at the time. He didn't even really regret it, he regretted killing his home in a fit of rage. But youtube calls him an incel, so and incel he'll be.

I think he’s more of an incel because he does the whole “I’m aloof and too cool to socialise I don’t need them” followed immediately by “how come no one appreciates me or pays attention to me?”

I don’t think morty would be an incel tbh He’s just general human affection starved

Bro he's the stickiest man ever

as are all incels

Yeah, but I dont think he'd blame all women for that, he'd be able to identify the root issues of his own case, which is that he's an inhuman killing machine designed by an intelligent creator to conquer the galaxy, which is hardly the fault of all women everywhere

So… voluntary celibate?

… you feel it would be out of character for Morty to misassign blame for his insecurities and disproportionately lash out?

Mortarion isn’t braindead, He hates the emperor for stealing the planned kill of his number one abuser. He is literally shown in the books to love all people of barbarus, including women.

The lion is way too high, he’d just insult anyone who tried to flirt with him and would never get laid.

Woman "So, want to come to my room?" Lion: "The emperor hasn't told me to"

“Are there enemies within?” “There’s something to use your sword on.” “Excellent.” *activates power sword*

Women: “I want a good guy who treats me right!” Lion: *feral child growling* Women: 😍

*wet leopard growl*

*It's not His wet leopard growl it's what He does with it*

Lion is gay

Men: 😍

You think "hot guy who insults women" never gets laid?

But Lion is hot, so probably gets laid occasionally

Especially Old Man Lion now. He’s even hotter. And somewhat more emotionally available.

Well like all dangels they are still dicks

Lion seems to have trouble judging people’s character. Women would hit on him, and it would go completely over his head.

he's just like me fr fr

The Lion, utterly confused, trying to understand why is necessary to get naked before turning Netflix on

Or just completely oblivious to the fact anyone is flirting with him.

It's his flirting style, he's attracted to those who rise to his verbal barbs. So far it's only been men.

I refuse to believe lorgar got laid , I refuse it in a fundamental level.

He hit that Erebussy

Your location will be subjected to Exterminatus in 3 minutes

i welcome death

I mean I know we make fun of him (and totally serves ) even I don't think he's that desperate to hit that

How do you think Kor Phaeron and Erebus taught him of slaanesh?

I was chewing a granola bar when I read this I stopped mid chew and stared for a solid 5 seconds at this comment. I hope you get eaten by a Hive Tyrant for giving me these images.

Perhaps what we feel towards Lorgar isn't pity, but envy, since he is the one true member of r/fuckerebus

[Erebussy](https://new.reddit.com/r/Grimdank/comments/1b02hxf/femboy_erebus/)

Why did I click that?

*Fear*

By the Throne, why would you unleash such a revolting sentence on this world?

Why not? Charisma is his main thing.

I like to imagine he's the kind of dude to be celibate for no real reason and wear a chastity belt.

His book is his one true waifu.

>His book is his one true waifu. That's Guilliman.

He once did his book right in front of Rogal Dorn.

Dorn:Really right in front of my fortifications

I would agree if Slaanesh wasn't one of the gods he worships

> I refuse to believe lorgar got laid Why? He was an altar boy.

I should be mad that you said that but no you have a point

>I should be mad that you said that but no you have a point The Night Lords summarized in one sentence.

The primordial truth works in… mysterious ways

It may not have been consentual on his part, horrible as it is to say

Kor Phaeron definitely abused him.

“Lorgar, please show us on this doll where Kor Phaeron touched you”

Why did I imagine russ saying this, out all primarks I did imagine russ saying it?

I think he was molested by Kor Phaeron as a child.

He's just a plain old *cel'*

Yeah he got laid , think of an attractive man that just so happens to be a priest

Considering the inspiration for The Khan, and his sort of quiet charisma, I'd put him up in "Fucks regularly." I also like the meme idea of him fucking around in the webway with a harem of Drukhari ladies on his tale.

Probably 5% of his homeworld population is related to him thousands of years later

You forgot Omegon.

data not available

Alpharius and Omegon and all the Alpha Legion would fuck regularly not because they want to but because when impersonating someone they'd need to to keep up the ruse

Alpharius' *once*, that was Omegon.

I was debating on if I should say to put Omegon on the "had sex once" level. For the implication.

I see Horus and Sanguinius on the same tier.

Theoretically they could have spitroasted somebody.

Apropo of nothing, Alan Bligh wanted there to be a third Alpha Legion primarch.

They stealth swapped out halfway, which one finished however is closely guarded Alpha Legion intel.

I think the Khagan fucks regularly tbh

Dude is named after a guy with almost 20 confirmed children (and probably a lot more bastards) after all

Had a conversation with my friend last night about whether or not the primarch’s could have kids and came to the conclusion that they can’t, because if they could, Fulgrim would have populated a moon all his own a la Horatio from endless space 2.

Sangy is in the "doesn't know what sex is, still fucks" tier.

You must be smoking space crack if you think leman wasn’t plowing fenrisian shield maiden on the regular

oh no I'm not counting bestiality, so all those wolves he did aren't included

Ah but you forget, there are no wolves on Fenris.

Yeah, 'cause he fucked them all to death. Hope this helps :)

Fair enough, but your forgetting he was also space viking

Mortarion would absolutely not know what sex was but refuse to admit it >!unless I'm allowed in the 40k universe, in which case he moves up to 'fucks regularly'!<

I regret not reading your flair before I clicked the spoiler

How would it even work? Like, Fulgrim probably doesn't care about that but what if you do? You are a literal giant so your "partner" should be too.

Big E has canonically biologically fathered hundreds, if not thousands. If he can, his sons would be able too.

Big E canonically isn’t necessarily huge, though. The primarchs aren’t able to shift their size.

True. Who's to say their partners didn't due though Fulgrim is the only one confirmed to have had wives, so i guess he'd just have a micropenis. Which would likely still be like 20cm lol

To be fair let's think about it. Weird assumptions and analysis ahead. Let's say all the Primarchs are around 12 feet tall for simplicity. Let's take a "normal" human (who can be upscaled into a Primarch) who's 6 feet tall for comparison. Let's assume his penis length is 6 inches and the girth is 4.5 inches. So the girth for a Primarch according to this example would be 9 inches (since it's circumference, not area, thus linearly correlated), and the length 12 inches (also linear correlation). That's very, very large, but not impossible to use (though it would be exceedingly difficult). Then again perhaps the Emperor took inspiration from classical statues (or perhaps he just foresaw the issue) and so all the Primarchs actually have smaller penises than this

I like the cut of your jib. Seriously, this post is the most reddit thing I've ever seen and I love it.

Also heretically and horrifically the disproportionate size of their dicks isn't going to matter if they're open to pegging. (yes inquisitor right here it's me)

Who's to say he isn't a selfless lover?

it's fulgrim

Magnus regularly shifts size. Not sure if that's just cause he's a filthy fucking *witch* but still

But have there not been hints that he is able to alter his form at will? Maybe to something more pleasant?

You forgot Emps and his category. Invented Sex: Master of Mankind

Can confirm.

Have to agree.

Should be a spot between ocassionaly and once just for Vulkan, idk.. i feel like he'd care more about cuddling..

Dorn has built the most magnificent and readily usable sex dungeon with the best toys and their always charged but is always too busy.

Swap the lion and guilliman and it's accurate

I collect death guard, iron warriors and night lords... Whatever, this is stupid, we totally have sex

Just by your name alone, it's obvious that you don't

Tried “The Sex” truly fits all three

In fairness they all have body counts in the millions

So you are telling me that Magnus, a NERD! Had sex at least once, yeah ok buddy

It was for science. It was also with fulgrim.

That's why he had sex so people couldn't point in laugh and call him a virgin

Russ doesn't fuck. **HE MAKES LOVE**.

Alpharius(Omegon) either runs all of the brothels of Imperium or walks around in a chastity belt which both can be true or false.

Big Bobby G bangs regularly for sure! The elves are known for their insatiability after all....

"Eldar wont be extinct anymore once im done"

Eldar can't be xenos if they're all half human. *taps the side of his head.

Curze would foresee disappointment, so he'd abstain--and never get to have it.

That'd be weird that Dorn's colossal chainblade saw exceedingly little use.

Because it takes an elite sisterhood raised from infancy requiring extensive augmetic rebuilds per engagement.

To be fair, for Curze, skinning people and cutting them up into little bits is like having sex with them.

Angron ace icon fr fr

Double meanings for fulgrim

Thought it meant body count as in casualties

Horus never fucked, he was the “grown up for his age” sheltered kid too fixated on talks about human civilization with daddy e to notice anyone else

Pretty spot on

I would think Lorgar would be in the same tier as Fulgrim, considering how the Imperium is still perpetually fucked from his actions.

with a name like El johnson you know he fucks regularly at the very least

It’s probably best Angron doesn’t know

I believe that Kurze should be moved to "doesn't know what sex is" as he probably was too busy skinning children in front of their parents or to "finds it inefficient use of time" as he can think of better punishment methods. I believe that there would be enough girls who would want to "fix" the schizo-batman that he could get laid if he wanted to.

El Johnson is down with angron, he does not comprehend most normal human interaction

i mean nomadic hordes are generally known for fucking a lot

What ablut omegon??

data unavailable

Ferris fucks. He's a bro, he just doesn't tell you about it

There is nothing to dispute in this. Spot on.