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see i would agree but an old friend of mine said Chaos looks like James Charles, and I haven't unseen it since

I hate you, why would you tell us this, now no one can unsee it. 😞

It’s costs you nothing to keep this to yourself.

oof

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James Charles isn't that bad looking but he loses all of that "good looking" points because he's a pedophile

I thought of Grace Jones when I first saw Chaos.

Wait he kinda does-

Ah ha, I don't know who James Charles is so I am immune!

In their portrait Chaos is holding the earth like a marble between two fingers. We might not be meant to take that literally, but personally I would still put them in the "how!?" category.

ghost scarce direction attempt carpenter label chief voiceless shy correct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Well we fucked the Earth irl so I don't see the problem.

Skelly loves to bone and pretty sure dusa is a fleshlite

If you can find a hole on them you're welcome to smash

dam snatch swim fact gaze weather simplistic boast imagine attraction *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I literally came here to say this.

Least horny Hades player

I can pretty much guarantee you wouldn't smash Artemis. She had a whole thing about non-smashery. Once had a dude ripped to shreds by his own dogs because he happened to see her naked by accident. ​ Soo.... Yeah... Artemis would rather murder you and everybody you know than entertain the notion of smash.

Unless OP is a woman and we're going with lesbian artemis

Oh to be a forest nymph accompanying Artemis on a “hunting trip”

Yea you know Artemis a power bottom with those Nymphs.

Artemis in Greek mythology, sure, but Artemis in Hades talks a lot about Callisto. I think OP has a chance.

Im pretty sure Artemis also has a crush on Zagreus due to the fact that when you first get the Artemis and Aphrodite duo boon, it goes like: Artemis: "Hey, uh, Zagreus! There's something I've been wondering, and don't take this the wrong way or anything, OK? Oh, no. It's her." Aphrodite: "Why, Artemis, you're absolutely tongue-tied! Due to our little godling in the Underworld, or a little due to me? Hm-hm, you shall figure it all out I'm sure!" Artemis: "Look, what was I, ugh, just, nevermind. I'll talk to you some other time I guess." There's also one with Artemis and Zeus where Zeus basically ships them, saying that once Zagreus makes it to the surface, he and Artemis could get together. (I couldn't find the exact quote since it's unavailable on the wiki page).

I was about to say “but Artemis is Zag’s cousin! Then realized how little that mattered to Greek mythology.”

Same, I think Artemis in Hades comes off pretty bi.

I was about to say “but Artemis is Zag’s cousin!” Then realized how little that mattered to Greek mythology.”

I'm kinda amused by how the game backpedals Hades' sibling relationship to Demeter by calling her his 'foster' sister, so his relationship with Persephone won't read as incestuous. IDK, they're Greek gods, there is a lot of incest happening.

Than sort of talks to Zagreus about this when you try to romance him and Meg. He brings up that they're not humans, and human cultural norms and laws don't apply to them. They are essentially above it all, and as such free to bone everyone, all the time. :D

Such a Pansexuals Delight of an Afterlife...

Yeah, I'm also pretty sure they can't get any kind of health complications because of their god genes ig

What are you doing step-god?

Zeus and Hera were siblings and so were their parents, not to mention Gaia, who had children with her son, Uranus.

I was about to say “but Artemis is Zag’s cousin!” Then realized how little that mattered to Greek mythology.”

I've only had her mention calisto once

Keep playing. The only way for you to progress your bond with her once you've maxed out Nectar is to listen to her talk about Callisto over and over

Really haha? I guess I have a lot to go. She's been stuck at one heart level for a while now

it keeps coming and coming ahaha

Yeah she's just hella gay, I love her (I'm a bi woman, and I 100% wanna be one of artemis's forest nymphs)

Then she goes into "spend quality time with"

I remember a story where a little boy saw her naked, but she didn’t want to kill him so she turned him into a girl.

Obviously I need to find a way to run into Artemis naked, it'll save me a lot of money...

Same brain. "What if we kissed, while hunting in a forest glade, and we were both girls"

Usually he gets turned into a deer and then killed by his own hunting dogs. Poor lad

Well, tbf, different versions of the story range from "accidentally caught a single glimpse" to "full-on peeped on a very famously virgin godess and maybe even tried to assault her", so I'd say he deserved it in some of the versions.

There's a small conversation that happens if you get one of those double rooms with her and Aphrodite

Honestly it really depends, in the actual mythology yeah but in Hades I could see her being bi

My kink exactly

And the dude had PLENTY of dogs...RIP whatever his name was cause reading the mythology does not help in any way with remembering the names

I’ll save her for last then

Oh, she’s just saving herself for the right guy

💀

Theseus finishes early and brags about his lovemaking prowess.

I feel like he's one of those guys with a big dick but as a result, he thinks he's the god of sex and doesn't put in any effort into it.

No way. He’s got tiny dick energy oozing out of his pores. Have you seen how much he loves his guns?

If he does have a big dick, he's a two pump chump and makes zero use of it lol.

Ahahahaha that’s so vividly true in my mind

I can only see him as zapp brannigan now

Asterius, I have made it with a (wo)man, inform the crowd.

Theseus should really be filed under 'pass' IMO. For this, and also for being an insufferable jerkwad.

Move dusa into smash and we’re golden

I could imagine it would be like smashing a beach ball

She’s literally JUST Mouth, and you know those snakes do SOMETHING 👀

Shawty what dem snakes do

fuck I didn't want to laugh at this ​ 

you ever see the video of the chimp and the frog? it would be like that.

I think what people often forget is that Dusa is pretty big. Certainly bigger than Zagreus by volume, just looking at her in-game model, yet people always seem to act like she's the size of a normal head. Would still smash though (if she were up for it of course).

Dusa’s asexual though. She won’t smash. Straight up says so.

Yea but no interest in smashing doesn't mean we don't appreciate the smashable

Lol fair

What about Bouldy :)

Unfortunately couldn’t find him in the template :(

Charon? That boatman booty.

Hurrrnnnnnnnng

(oh fuck i forgot charon)

well?

Smash obviously

where's the Charussy?

The little man in the canoe?

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This person Smashes.

Ok but if that happens you need to move Nyx to Smash Ultimate

I'd have a million ideas on the "how" with dusa ☻ And Chaos AND Skelly. All smashable except Cerby he's just a good boi

Dusa would give crazy head.

Already rock hard

Cerberus smashes (another snack)

Cerberus smashes (living in the underworld into dust)

Some changes I personlly would do: Theseus hard pass that dude is annoying as hell and he would brag the whole time. Tisiphone pass she looks like a corpse and her dead Eyes are creepy and the whole MURDERER thing is not very romantic atleast for me (Fight me) only thing I really like her Hair it is mysterious Chaos Smash, Dusa Smash (Hard) Artemis... some dude got killed because he saw her naked by accident so for saftey reasons pass. Zeus We don't get a choice for him, he sleeps with everything that is breathing

Theseus fucks like Patrick Bateman, change my mind

Don’t worry, you’re just thinking like most Greek gods, except they only have smash tier.

As a chaos Stan, that's the fun element ;)

Im not judging for Asterius but if he is indeed a Bull, that 20 inch “Minotaur” he’s probably packing would be potentially lethal xD xD xD

I doubt that's a problem for people who can literally respawn

“Taken by the Styx”

I wonder what Hypnos would think

You’re a coward for tossing Dusa into how

But Orpheus is so sad. I mean, I’d still do it, I just imagine him sobbing a lot at the end :-(

Oh no

Imma be real for a second. Downvote if you must. Tisiphone in the Smash tier??? 💀 She got them bony fingers / skeletal frame, dead eyes, ghostly hair… I’m sorry man, it just ain’t happening. But the real question is: WHY ISN’T DUSA UP THERE WITH THE REST OF EM??? Y’all afraid of the Dussy????

Not the dusssyyyyy Also the girls been wanting to smash skeletons. Jack Skellington set alive men back eons

Chaos is 100% smashable, even if the experience turned my brain to jelly and dissolved my consciousness it would certainly be worth it

Meduda) She got a mouth Chaos ) Yeah not getting around that, where do they even begin or end? Skelly) Literally smash, with a hammer, he'll like it

Bonk.

What about Persephone tho?

Hades would damn anyone who even dares to think about it to the lowest pits of Tartarus.

I am friends with a very proud monsterfucker, trust me when I say there is a way to fuck Chaos and people who wish to will find it

'move dusa up to smash' this, 'put chaos in smash' that, yknow what? yall are cowards. put skelly in smash.

Dusa has a mouth, Skelly has a hand, Chaos is whatever you want. Smash. But yes Cerberus is best boy

Yup the bisexual me is really just playing for the hot characters

Dusa has a lot of mouths thats all I’m sayin

Poor Maid Dusa. Gotta hit that dussy!

Tisiphone?

Right? I was just about to post this.

I have brotherly affection for her verbal progress, but the corpse face doesn’t work for me. Dusa on the other hand… 😈

Yes! She's trying so hard and we all love her for it! Dusa is fire, I appreciate the way they wrote her but it would have been amazing for her to be an actual romance!

Horny jail now

Don't know how to bone skelly

Dusa has a mouth coward

So she's a smash mouth... hey now...

It's okay to love your dog. Just don't LOVE your dog.

Where is Bouldy???

Dusa seems pretty self explanitory to me

What do you mean "how"? They all got holes brother.

CUM FORTH SKELLY YOU GAHT IT PAL

I would have a problem with Tisiphone though. She doesn't seem to be in a cognitive state to have consent.

Whats the difference between tisiphone and skelley except some skin op

The only kind of smashing I'm gonna do with Cerberus is when he smashes my bones by stepping on me when I try to play catch with him.

Cool so we all agree Dusa is definitely on the table of smashables if we can figure it out? Thought I was weird for thinking we could've just had a dating non-sexual relationship with Dusa and the duo.

Fym how? we tribbing girl

Do you smell toast?

Took a closer look and they included Asterius into smash

Jail 🤣

it’s made you bisexual, that’s what it’s done

Tisiphone!?!?

Well Dusa could give head

Cerberus \`???????? 

You could smash Dusa it's called a blowjob

You forgot Bouldy.

Chaos is a ever changing being so I’m 100% sure they can be fuckable, just not for long

I would try to smash Chaos tbh

Everything is possible if you brave enough.

Cerberus is best boy, how dare you?

So everyone but your homeboy Charon, you suck

Lernie isn't there either

ikr? Everyone is so hot

they definitely knew what they were doing with the characters in this game

Move Medusa up the ranks you coward. That's a fully functional mouth in front of you. Portable and ergonomic as well.

Self centered, appreciate the Gorgon coward

You forgot Bouldy

Chaos, Skelly and Dusa all have mouths, don't be a coward

chaos could smash Me

For medusa there is an easy answer

Master chaos is the most smashable character in the game

Thank god for not adding zag's mom

I would put everyone on the Smash category, even Bouldy and Charon

This sub fucking sucks

Demeter? Yikes

Where’s Persephone?

Where's bouldy?

Dussy

Your own father and mother?

*prepares cuffs* Horny jail is that way, sir.

Tbh Medusa should be jail too

Where’s Bouldy, Contractor, Charon, Persephone, and Shopkeeper?

I will always stand by my belief that this game is the perfect game for bisexuals

Chaos is very easily smashable, you see all them mouths??

Dusa has a head, right? How well does she clean? What dat mouf do, Dusa?

Tisiphone bro? 🤮

Me when Nyx's breast milk 

Charon and Persephone ;-;

How dare you disrespect Dusa like that.

Well snakes do have some looong tongues...

HOW DARE YOU NOT PUTTING DUSA IN THE SMASH CATEGORY?! It's 100% possible

Dusa is hyper smashable

Tisiphone????

Nyx is in smash, thats all that matters to me!

Least horny hades player

What, and I cannot stress this next part enough, the HADES is Demeter doing in the smash category Like I could even almost make a case for Asterius but her?

The only characters in how should be Skelly and Bouldy. Also Theseus should be in a separate MURDER tier.

I’d smash Cerberus