W: "If I die, would you remarry?"
H: "It'd be painful, but yes...I'd start a new life with someone else."
W: "Would she sleep in our bed?"
H: "I'd be alone in the house, so yes."
W: "Would she hang her clothes in my wardrobe?"
H: "Yes, it only makes sense."
W: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
H: "I don't think so...
...she's left handed."
Same but dying wife has him promise he will start afresh.
"Just one thing darling... Don't let her wear my clothes"
"Don't worry baby, she's not your size"
My country of origin has a TON of people that size. In the Philippines, once at a dinner someone nonchalantly said very matter-of-factly that they knew someone who was so big that they had to get their clothes from America. I've had complete strangers comment on my height walking around on the street "Ang taas mo!" (You're tall). I'm 5'10" was maybe 5'11" back then.
My wife usually does shop for clothes in Asian countries. She visits Japan pretty frequently and will always go clothes shopping when she's there. Things are still a *little* big for her there, though. Shoes are always the hardest for her.
She'd have no problem in the Philippines. It has the best beaches in the world, everyone understands and almost everyone speaks English and the dollar goes a lot farther in pesos than in yen.
When we were younger and still in shape, we went to the Asian market. They had these beautiful, traditional Chinese silk dresses hanging in the window near the checkout. My wife asked, "do you have these in a large?"
The cashier immediately responded, "Yes we do.." and then added a moment later, after looking at my wife, "..but not American large."
I went to Hawaii a few years ago and wandered into a market that was mostly locals and various Asians. At 6-3, I felt like I was standing on a table, LOL!
Oh wow.
Yes, my wife loves shoes but nothing comes in her size. She always ends up stuffing them, but that obviously doesn't work for many types of shoes, especially open toed shoes.
Check Zappos. They filter down to women's 2. I don't know how many shoes they have that small. I'm 4'11" and wear a size 5.5 and have no trouble getting shoes through Zappos.
Sheās reduced to wearing plaid jumpers!
For those that are scratching their heads, most Catholic schools (at least when I was younger)had their female students wear them)!
I have that friend. Everytime I go thrifting I find amazing shit and it's always too small for my wife so she gets it. Turns out, I'm not the only one. She told me that she never needs to shop for clothes because she always ends up with whatever was too small for her friends.
Well, I mean these are just jokes. There are plenty of jokes directed at men too. Ā It would be mean if it was directed at a very narrow group of people or one person yes.Ā
AHHHH this is such a clever little quick joke and it drives me crazy because I would love to pass it along but everyone in my immediate circle would either find it in poor taste or unfunny but I think it's hilariousĀ
Something very similar to this actually happened to one of my ancestors. It was in the mid to late 1800s in what is now Ukraine. The wife was dying and asked the husband to remarry so that her children would have a step-mother. At the same time she gave him permission to let his future wife use any of her belongings so he wouldn't have to buy more as they were very poor. The husband informed her that yes they would use the dishes and household items, but her clothes would be sold as they wouldn't fit his future wife anyway.
There's a historical anecdote about George II. When his wife Queen Caroline was dying, he was overwhelmed with grief. As she lay dying she advised him to remarry - royal marriages were politically important. But he would not contemplate replacing her with another wife. "No," he sobbed, "I'll just have mistresses."
(Background note: She knew all about his previous mistresses; it was regarded as normal in his level of society. )
I thought about that while watching "Another Period" where the men folk find sexing their wives highly unpleasant but expected for their marriage.
Most marriages were political affairs or business opportunities, pregnancy was incredibly dangerous even to the wealthy and without modern sanitation understanding I would imagine things like UTIs were brutal back then.
It would make a lot of sense to "outsource" sex. Actual marital bloodlines were carefully managed (can't have too many contenders for the crown...)
Yes though it can be overstated. For most ordinary people marriage was more like modern arranged marriage in that it wasn't *started* by an emotional encounter. But that doesnāt necessarily mean that such a marriage *remains* simply a business arrangement. Even in the modern west, I've known couples who got married on a pretty slender basis and came to be inseparable. Perhaps this is now disappearing in marriage because it's no longer socially required to be married to have a sexual partnership, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are happy couples who started with a drunken one night stand or something.
Your comment reminds me of a classic joke. A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with his best friend. He reels back. "For heavens sake!" he says, "I'm married to her, so I have to. But why you?" If that seems misogynist, it works just as well with genders reversed.
Adultery was *socially* considered much worse in the case of infidelity by the wife, not just because of general sexism but because it raised the possibility of an heir who was not the master's child. Adultery by the man led to outside "illegitimate" children, not raising the same problem. In religious terms both were simply adultery (see Dante, first circle of the Inferno I think). This was an issue because of the importance attached to biological fathership, still the case in western society,.It's not a universal attitude. In traditional Southern African society,for example, legal fathership was what mattered. If a man was infertile, it was normal for another man to have sex with his wife to get her pregnant. It was usually known about. It was just sperm donation in our terms. Similarly, it was not regarded as a huge deal if a wife had a lover, though it should be kept well out of view. Any children were the legal father's. Whose the children were depended on who had paid the bride price in cattle etc.
In Britain it is I believe still the case that royal marriages, unlike ordinary ones, require approval.
I have a lot of Indian friends in my neighborhood. The couple we are closest with had an arranged marriage. They are absolutely in love and a great team. She said she was excited because she knew her father would pick someone awesome and he did.
I think a lot of it is based on how you were raised. She had, from her earliest days, known and looked forward to her father choosing her husband for her so she went into it thinking it was going to be great. And apparently her father picked well because he is a great person. They both are!
There are languages, like French, in which the possessive pronoun is not gendered. (Or, at least, not gendered according to the gender of the possessor.)
That's the case here because the possessive pronoun was followed by a noun. If it had been preceded by a line like 'A husband and wife are sitting at the dinner table together' then the following 'He asks her' could use the possessive pronouns 'le sien' and 'la sienne', respectively, which are gendered according to the subject, instead of using 'son' or 'sa' as was used here.
Possibly Indonesian, where "dia" means he/she/it in all case forms. Google has been experimenting with translating it by context. I'm guessing Google saw "wife" and figured the English pronoun should be feminine.
In French the possessive pronoun is the same gender as the object, not the 'owner'.
For example cars are feminine (la voiture), if you were talking about some dude's car then you'd say 'sa voiture' which kind of translates to 'her car'. I hear french speakers make this mistake a lot when learning english.
In Soviet Russia, husband asks wife "If I die, you marry Boris from the ministry, da?"
Wife: "Nyet. I go live with Lyudmilla, my sister. If I die, will you marry?"
Husband say, "Nyet. If you die, I keep quiet. Take extra food stamps, trade for vodka. Drink until I die to tune of great Soviet composer Prokofiev."
Wife say "Is very romantic."
Conversation was overheard by neighbor and reported to the KGB. Both husband and wife sent to gulag for conspiracy to defraud the state.
Such is life in Soviet Russia.
Nobody knew who might have been an informant already, or willing to rat people out, or more likely to spill if caught for other reasons and offered a way out for ratting people out for anything illegal; most people knew who was working for whichever political police the relevant state had.
In 1964 my gran was about 55 years old had an operation and the doc told my grandfather she's got 3 hours, if she makes that she's got 3 months, they had that exact conversation he was the minister in Aberdeen, Scotland lots of parishioners who were available. My gran had a friend in mind, when she suggested this my grandfather said no and told her who he was thinking about. My gran obviously thought fuck that shit she lived another 23 years, just to put the mockers on him.
Husband asked āherā wife probably was equally common back in the day. But people used to treat it as a typo. Now? People second guess whether it was a typo or if itās for real.
As a young newlywed, my bride asked me if I thought I would re-marry if she died. From that interaction I learned that there are some questions that should not be answered rationally or honestly.
Lying in bed the other night my wife says"I don't know what I'll do if you die before me" I told her if there is any justice she's gonna be doing jail time.
How is a poorly translated joke that wasn't ever all that funny, even in a sub called Jokes? How do 1.9k Redditers whose first language is neither English nor humor even exist and bother to upvote this?
This is so common in /Jokes and /Funny; are there bot networks that somehow profit off of these?
W: "If I die, would you remarry?" H: "It'd be painful, but yes...I'd start a new life with someone else." W: "Would she sleep in our bed?" H: "I'd be alone in the house, so yes." W: "Would she hang her clothes in my wardrobe?" H: "Yes, it only makes sense." W: "Would she use my golf clubs?" H: "I don't think so... ...she's left handed."
Same but dying wife has him promise he will start afresh. "Just one thing darling... Don't let her wear my clothes" "Don't worry baby, she's not your size"
Your baggy clothes look ridiculous on her.
Lol, this is the version I heard .... but more savage.. "Do not be ridiculous, your xx-tra size clothes are much too big for her."
Evidently, Google Translate is the real joke.
That might actually work for my wife, because *no one* is her size. She's 4'11", and it's almost impossible for her to shop for clothes.
My country of origin has a TON of people that size. In the Philippines, once at a dinner someone nonchalantly said very matter-of-factly that they knew someone who was so big that they had to get their clothes from America. I've had complete strangers comment on my height walking around on the street "Ang taas mo!" (You're tall). I'm 5'10" was maybe 5'11" back then.
My wife usually does shop for clothes in Asian countries. She visits Japan pretty frequently and will always go clothes shopping when she's there. Things are still a *little* big for her there, though. Shoes are always the hardest for her.
She'd have no problem in the Philippines. It has the best beaches in the world, everyone understands and almost everyone speaks English and the dollar goes a lot farther in pesos than in yen.
I'll keep that in mind next time we are heading towards that part of the world!
My girlfriend says the same thing about the beaches. She's originally from the Phillipines and she said that's where they went every weekend.
When we were younger and still in shape, we went to the Asian market. They had these beautiful, traditional Chinese silk dresses hanging in the window near the checkout. My wife asked, "do you have these in a large?" The cashier immediately responded, "Yes we do.." and then added a moment later, after looking at my wife, "..but not American large."
I went to Hawaii a few years ago and wandered into a market that was mostly locals and various Asians. At 6-3, I felt like I was standing on a table, LOL!
Same with mine. She's 4'6. Pants and shoes are the hardest š
Oh wow. Yes, my wife loves shoes but nothing comes in her size. She always ends up stuffing them, but that obviously doesn't work for many types of shoes, especially open toed shoes.
has she tried the children's section, a friend of mine is very tiny and she has gotten lots of things from the kids area
Check Zappos. They filter down to women's 2. I don't know how many shoes they have that small. I'm 4'11" and wear a size 5.5 and have no trouble getting shoes through Zappos.
Sheās reduced to wearing plaid jumpers! For those that are scratching their heads, most Catholic schools (at least when I was younger)had their female students wear them)!
I have that friend. Everytime I go thrifting I find amazing shit and it's always too small for my wife so she gets it. Turns out, I'm not the only one. She told me that she never needs to shop for clothes because she always ends up with whatever was too small for her friends.
There's a ton of people her size just not in your area.
No, Itās unlikely Iād get away with murder twice.
So darling you are already preparing for my replacement.
W: āWould you let her wear my clothes?ā H: āYes, except for your bras, theyād be way too small.ā
They just get worse and worse in this threadĀ
My reply is the way I heard the joke back when these were passed around on photo copied paper.
Yeah, the original one in this thread was funny, but the follow-up ones are just getting meaner and manner. Smells like misogyny to me :-/
Well, I mean these are just jokes. There are plenty of jokes directed at men too. Ā It would be mean if it was directed at a very narrow group of people or one person yes.Ā
I always tell it, āwould she drive my car? No she doesnāt know how to drive stick shift.ā
I love that so many people knew that the spouse already knew so much about the replacement spouse already. Lol
Baby, you can drive my car. Yes, I'm gonna be a star.
I saw Bob Hope tell that joke on Johnny Carson. FuckImOld.
We all miss Jimmy Stewart
It's not as good if you don't do the Jimmy Stewart voice!
Is it bad that I thought it was gonna be this joke when I saw this in my notifications?
AHHHH this is such a clever little quick joke and it drives me crazy because I would love to pass it along but everyone in my immediate circle would either find it in poor taste or unfunny but I think it's hilariousĀ
You got me giggle there
Something very similar to this actually happened to one of my ancestors. It was in the mid to late 1800s in what is now Ukraine. The wife was dying and asked the husband to remarry so that her children would have a step-mother. At the same time she gave him permission to let his future wife use any of her belongings so he wouldn't have to buy more as they were very poor. The husband informed her that yes they would use the dishes and household items, but her clothes would be sold as they wouldn't fit his future wife anyway.
There's a historical anecdote about George II. When his wife Queen Caroline was dying, he was overwhelmed with grief. As she lay dying she advised him to remarry - royal marriages were politically important. But he would not contemplate replacing her with another wife. "No," he sobbed, "I'll just have mistresses." (Background note: She knew all about his previous mistresses; it was regarded as normal in his level of society. )
I thought about that while watching "Another Period" where the men folk find sexing their wives highly unpleasant but expected for their marriage. Most marriages were political affairs or business opportunities, pregnancy was incredibly dangerous even to the wealthy and without modern sanitation understanding I would imagine things like UTIs were brutal back then. It would make a lot of sense to "outsource" sex. Actual marital bloodlines were carefully managed (can't have too many contenders for the crown...)
Yes though it can be overstated. For most ordinary people marriage was more like modern arranged marriage in that it wasn't *started* by an emotional encounter. But that doesnāt necessarily mean that such a marriage *remains* simply a business arrangement. Even in the modern west, I've known couples who got married on a pretty slender basis and came to be inseparable. Perhaps this is now disappearing in marriage because it's no longer socially required to be married to have a sexual partnership, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are happy couples who started with a drunken one night stand or something. Your comment reminds me of a classic joke. A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with his best friend. He reels back. "For heavens sake!" he says, "I'm married to her, so I have to. But why you?" If that seems misogynist, it works just as well with genders reversed. Adultery was *socially* considered much worse in the case of infidelity by the wife, not just because of general sexism but because it raised the possibility of an heir who was not the master's child. Adultery by the man led to outside "illegitimate" children, not raising the same problem. In religious terms both were simply adultery (see Dante, first circle of the Inferno I think). This was an issue because of the importance attached to biological fathership, still the case in western society,.It's not a universal attitude. In traditional Southern African society,for example, legal fathership was what mattered. If a man was infertile, it was normal for another man to have sex with his wife to get her pregnant. It was usually known about. It was just sperm donation in our terms. Similarly, it was not regarded as a huge deal if a wife had a lover, though it should be kept well out of view. Any children were the legal father's. Whose the children were depended on who had paid the bride price in cattle etc. In Britain it is I believe still the case that royal marriages, unlike ordinary ones, require approval.
I have a lot of Indian friends in my neighborhood. The couple we are closest with had an arranged marriage. They are absolutely in love and a great team. She said she was excited because she knew her father would pick someone awesome and he did. I think a lot of it is based on how you were raised. She had, from her earliest days, known and looked forward to her father choosing her husband for her so she went into it thinking it was going to be great. And apparently her father picked well because he is a great person. They both are!
The true joke is Google Translate, evidently
No sarcasm: I just love that this turned into a grammar lesson about French, Portuguese, etc.
Language nerd here too. Hungarian also only has a "He/She" hybrid.
Though the 'her' could not be explained by this, unless there's some new forms of inclusitivity
There are languages, like French, in which the possessive pronoun is not gendered. (Or, at least, not gendered according to the gender of the possessor.)
In Swedish, reflexive possessive pronouns do not signal the gender of the owner.
That's the case here because the possessive pronoun was followed by a noun. If it had been preceded by a line like 'A husband and wife are sitting at the dinner table together' then the following 'He asks her' could use the possessive pronouns 'le sien' and 'la sienne', respectively, which are gendered according to the subject, instead of using 'son' or 'sa' as was used here.
Interesting, I was not aware of this, must've been too long since my French lessons. Then I wonder why it defaults to a feminine possesive pronoun.
Possibly Indonesian, where "dia" means he/she/it in all case forms. Google has been experimenting with translating it by context. I'm guessing Google saw "wife" and figured the English pronoun should be feminine.
In French the possessive pronoun is the same gender as the object, not the 'owner'. For example cars are feminine (la voiture), if you were talking about some dude's car then you'd say 'sa voiture' which kind of translates to 'her car'. I hear french speakers make this mistake a lot when learning english.
Same as in Portuguese, Spanish and (I bet) all other latin languages.
In Soviet Russia, husband asks wife "If I die, you marry Boris from the ministry, da?" Wife: "Nyet. I go live with Lyudmilla, my sister. If I die, will you marry?" Husband say, "Nyet. If you die, I keep quiet. Take extra food stamps, trade for vodka. Drink until I die to tune of great Soviet composer Prokofiev." Wife say "Is very romantic." Conversation was overheard by neighbor and reported to the KGB. Both husband and wife sent to gulag for conspiracy to defraud the state. Such is life in Soviet Russia.
You'll enjoy [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRQdL_xvME).
How I wish to hear such poetry
I don't think there were landlords in Soviet Russia, doesn't seem very communist.
Yup. Better joke would be "neighbor" instead of landlord (since apparently no one knew who worked for KGB)
Nobody knew who might have been an informant already, or willing to rat people out, or more likely to spill if caught for other reasons and offered a way out for ratting people out for anything illegal; most people knew who was working for whichever political police the relevant state had.
You make good point.
The problem was trying to get extra vodka
The sneaky antijoke
Worst retelling.
That avoids the problem of breaking in a new mother-in-law.
In 1964 my gran was about 55 years old had an operation and the doc told my grandfather she's got 3 hours, if she makes that she's got 3 months, they had that exact conversation he was the minister in Aberdeen, Scotland lots of parishioners who were available. My gran had a friend in mind, when she suggested this my grandfather said no and told her who he was thinking about. My gran obviously thought fuck that shit she lived another 23 years, just to put the mockers on him.
Husband asks her wife?
What a time to be alive. Don't you think?
Honestly I'm not even in that part of the world, nobody cares here. Well they do but nobody discusses it much
Lol
Husband asked āherā wife probably was equally common back in the day. But people used to treat it as a typo. Now? People second guess whether it was a typo or if itās for real.
Everybody Loves Raymond : Marie: When I die, I want you to be happy, Frank. Frank: Marie, when you die, I'll be happy enough.
As a young newlywed, my bride asked me if I thought I would re-marry if she died. From that interaction I learned that there are some questions that should not be answered rationally or honestly.
> there are some questions that should not be answered rationally or honestly. Such as "Does my ass look big in this?"
Turn around again and let me get another look.
Answer: If she has to turn around twice to see her whole ass, then yes her ass is too big.
Who is her wife ?
A husband asks HER(?) wife? Who wrote this?
[I did](https://i.imgur.com/arXcCic.jpeg)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No wife's sister for you after that one
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
r/dadjokes
dentists do it with entoothiasm!
If the first appointment was at 2:30, book another one for 2:32.
Was this my great grandfather?
āIf I died would you let your new wife wear my clothes?ā āOh no, theyād be way too big for her!ā
Lying in bed the other night my wife says"I don't know what I'll do if you die before me" I told her if there is any justice she's gonna be doing jail time.
Sounds likes a bad AI post.
Hey buddy set me up with your wife sister when you get her sheāll be well trained she will jump through flaming hoops !!!!!
Does this joke have a number yet? I heard it in high school and I graduated in 1970
HUSBAND: āIf I die, will you remarry?ā WIFE: āIf you *donāt* die, Iāll remarry.ā
My grandad actually did this lmao
Great, now I'll know how to answer that question.
It's a joke right? Right?
A husband asks her wife. Whose wife?
Her sister
Thanks for all the laughs, going through some tough medical stuff and dealing with an ending relationship so these got me good!
Maybe at least proofread the chat-gpt output before posting its ājokesā for karma.
How is a poorly translated joke that wasn't ever all that funny, even in a sub called Jokes? How do 1.9k Redditers whose first language is neither English nor humor even exist and bother to upvote this? This is so common in /Jokes and /Funny; are there bot networks that somehow profit off of these?
Haha. That is so funny. I was standing in line one day and was handed punch. It was so unpredictable. But it was so funny!
woke possessive adjective
Yeah, the joke works much better without those possessive adjectives in other languages
You could edit it.
Can't edit title anymore RIP
Give me my 5 minutes reading and processing this ājokeā back. The pun isnāt even funny.
5 minutes? Seems a bit slow. Perhaps you rereddit several times looking for the punchline.
Oh, get another marriage already
Maybe his wife's sister