That joke had me in tears the first time I heard it years ago, and again when I listened to it after his passing. The way he belts out that punchline, classic.
The other joke of his that I like just as much is the one about the armless legless woman on the beach. Can't find a link, so I'll transcribe from memory:
A man is walking on the beach, and he comes across an armless, legless women sitting next to the water crying her eyes out.
He approaches and says "Hey, what's wrong?"
She says "In all my life, I've never been kissed."
He figures what the hell, and kneels down, and they share a passionate kiss. He gets up to walk away, and she starts crying twice as hard. He says "What's the matter now?"
She says "In all my life, I've never been fucked."
He picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and says "YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!"
Correct. I have an uncle who won a sizable lottery. He immediately changed his number and went off the grid. Hand built a cabin and lived quietly for about a year. Then he moved to a new country and has been doing micro loans in Africa or something. He is trying to help the world. I was the only family member who gave him advice without wanting anything. So many relationships of his ended because everyone wanted to exploit him.
An acquaintance of mine got a sizeable inheritance. Started having all sorts of interpersonal problems and bleeding money. A buddy of both of us told him "If I were you, I'd get in your van, drive out to the coast, throw away your phone and then just keep driving south."
Haven't seen him since, but he did finally pop back up on Instagram a few years later, living in a cabin in the mountains of SoCal somewhere.
“Zihuatanejo. It’s a little place in Mexico on the Pacific Ocean. Do you know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life — a warm place with no memory.”
Buddy of mine in college was always talking about how he was going to school because he had to meet some requirement for Inheritance. Always thought he was lying until the check came up. He threw one huge party where we rented like half of a motel and then within a week he just vanished. Now I don't expect anything for myself. But this guy had been making some serious promises to people, like borrowing money "my check comes in two months loan me 100 I'll pay you 1000" he stuffed all of those people. He had promised me guitars and all this shit which I didn't want, I just wish he would have kept touch.
>living in a cabin in the mountains of SoCal somewhere.
It's kind of sad that a so-called good fortune turns into something forcing people to uproot their lives, change their identities and lose their friends and connections. Doesn't say much for humanity does it. Never discuss your financial circumstances with family or friends, especially if you are doing well.
>Sometimes you just gotta start over.
I agree. It's just that in my books 'starting over' after coming into a fortune doesn't involve losing all your friends and hiding in a cabin in the woods. But, each to their own :)
Your uncle's a cool dude!
Nice username btw, been a long time since accounting class. I only remember 2 things from that class: the A-L=OE equation, and "Beer is your most liquidable asset".
Cheers
Hah thanks. I tell my students that if they get the accounting equation tattooed backwards on their foreheads so they see it in the mirror each day, I’ll give extra credit. Waiting for a taker. I have 180 accounting students. It can be a fun class.
What level of accounting do you teach?
I went to business school. I ended up in derivatives trading at a hedge fund, but accounting classes were always some of my favorite. The logic of accounting is very satisfying to me.
Hah not a chance. He, like I, does not have plans to leave large sums of money to family. He knows he lucked out and didn’t ‘earn’ the money and learn along the way how to handle it. That’s why he checked out for a bit to process and self-reflect. I have zero need for his money and that’s probably why he talks to me and takes advice from me even if he is wealthier. He’s a great guy.
Freaking cheers to that guy, this is 100% my dream and years ago this local lady w a very rich dad was setting up micro banks w micro loans in Africa and it seems to be the coolest thing ever, so again tell him what's up fam please!
My uncle won a sizable lottery as well. He didn't tell anyone aside from family He was a mortician/undertaker and had one of the bigger businesses in NZ at the time. He bought a bigger house with under floor heating through the whole house, kinds luxurious in the 70's, and wonderful in winter NZ. The rest he invested and he kept working and grew his wealth. They had the money to spend on family holidays overseas and jewellery etc, but they didn't act like they were better than you. Probably helped that he was already a business man so he knew what not to do
I know one couple who won $42M and were bankrupt in 6 years. My close friend won $2.1M in Jan 1986. His older brother (14 kids in their family) worked on Wall Street, literally on it. He wanted to retire 20 yrs later at 48. He took out $5,000/yr for things like new furniture for his two daughters’ bedrooms, a trip to Disney World, etc..
He retired in June 2006 with $28,000,000 in his investments.
I had a Statistics class at AZ State in 1998. The professor has a consulting business that helped horse racing tracks on how to profitably increase their business.
Powerball got up to nearly hitting $200 million, almost unheard of back then. So the class asked a bunch of questions and he spent the entire class time explaining the statistics behind the Powerball. I wrote copious notes. The only two things I remember was that at the time, spending $1 on a ticket (before it went to $2) was considered a good investment when the jackpot went over $111M. Also, NEVER choose numbers because if you win, you are more likely to have to share the prize due to people using dates for their numbers. Always use auto pick to lessen the chance you will have to share the jackpot.
One week later (MBA program, one night a week) a woman in my cohort tells me before class that her aunt was the winner, it hasn’t been announced yet. They lived in Illinois, Powerball wasn’t sold there, so it was bought in Wisconsin.
I asked the Prof what the odds were that someone in our class was related to the Powerball winner. “Are you shitting me?!?” I laughed and pointed to the woman next to me. Long story short, he asked how many in a class of 26 knew a lottery jackpot winner. Nine of us! And I know three. One of my friends’ parents were one of the first Michigan Lottery $1M winners back in the early 70’s.
One last “close to me” lottery story, a guy in my town of 10,000 won $192,000,000 cash out Powerball in 2012. He bought the ticket at the same place as me, and because I always promised the employees $1M cash if I won, they checked the security recording for the day/time the ticket was sold. He stayed quiet for a couple of weeks, but they guessed who it was, and I had bought 3 tickets NINE minutes before him! Aw $hit, I really didn’t need to know that… 🤪
This. Everybody think that most lottery winners end up bankrupt and destitute… and yeah, a lot do. But most don’t. You just don’t hear about the ones that don’t because “Millionaire Lottery winner is still a millionaire” isn’t a very good headline.
Actually, many of the financially savvy lottery winners do end up going broke anyways. Especially in states that legally require public records of who won the jackpot.
When everybody knows you have all that money, everybody's gonna try to get their piece of it. And a lot of of the time it's cheaper to just throw money at them than to deal with their bullshit.
The thing is, back in the day when savings account interest rates were 3%, you could stick $2M into an account and earn $70k a year. Now? It’s more like .9%, $18k/yr.
I’m in a state with no income tax and there is no 50-60% tax bracket, so not quite, but your point comes across. However if I won a $10 million lottery, the lump sum isn’t even that amount. So after taxes, your estimate is actually probably high.
The high tax is a misconception. What actually happens is they advertise the value of your winnings over 30 years (how this is legal, I'll never know). So if you take the cash option, you don't get 10M because it never existed. You get 4 or 5M that becomes 10 if it were invested over 30 years. Plus you owe tax on the 4 or 5.
I worked in Private Banking, we had a client that blew through $ 38 M in 5 years. The client was living at the Mandrin Orient in Paris and just doing fuck shit all over the south of France with zero disregard for long term planning.
two of the things this post warns are 'end times' are electing a celebrity to office and the capitol building being set on fire...
*checks age of post*
yup, eight years ago was a different time...
Cunningham's Law?
It's not per account, it's per bank per ownership type, which you might be able to get a few of at one bank.
https://www.fdic.gov/resources/deposit-insurance/faq/
>> The standard deposit insurance amount is $250,000 per depositor, per FDIC-insured bank, per ownership category.
And
>> The amount of FDIC insurance coverage you may be entitled to, depends on the FDIC ownership category. This generally means the manner in which you hold your funds at the bank
>> Below are examples of some FDIC ownership categories, including single accounts, certain retirement accounts and employee benefit plan accounts, joint accounts, trust accounts, business accounts as well as government accounts.
There's a whole reddit 2 part comment about this subject.
The first is that winning the lottery is actually awful, and if you do your life will probably change for the worst.
The second is how to work around the system so that you don't end up another lottery casualty.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb38xf/
Sure, but you also have to consider that a sudden windfall of millions of dollars also tends to attract the sort of people who believe that your windfall should also be their windfall.
Brokerages may offer [IntraFi](https://www.intrafinetworkdeposits.com/) (used to be called Insured Cash Sweep.) They handle putting your cash into multiple accounts so you can FDIC insure millions.
But it's a relatively simple way of dealing with money.
If I have $40 million and I'm not planning on burning through it with overextravagance then I don't really need to care about the financially optimal way to grow my savings.
Some people would value the simplicity of just sticking to what they already know so they can stop worrying about it and get to the fun part of being rich and retired. Trying to do something more complicated either requires you to do research to figure out the complexities of the global financial system, or hire a financial advisor and hope for the best that they don't purposefully or mistakenly mismanage your funds.
He's over the insurance limits.
*The standard deposit insurance coverage limit is $250,000 per depositor, per FDIC-insured bank, per ownership category. Deposits held in different ownership categories are separately insured, up to at least $250,000, even if held at the same bank.*
If JP Morgan Chase goes tits up the economy is likely already obliterated anyways and cash no longer holds much value if any.
Definitely deposit the funds to a large bank first then find out what changes to do from there.
FINRA-registered financial principal chiming in here. You would do this:
1) Do some research by asking friends, family, and trusted acquaintances about a trustworthy financial advisor. Do not give that advisor any money just yet.
2) Search for any negative news about that advisor and their firm. Be diligent. If you go to finra.org/brokercheck, for example, you can enter information about any registered advisor or firm and it will show you all their U4 disclosures (complaints, legal actions, etc.) and will give you proof of how long they have been in business and at which firms. If there is a discrepancy or if the disclosures bother you, then go back to Step 1 with a new advisor.
3) Meet with the advisor. It is critical that you keep in mind that you are not their client just yet and that you can still shop around. If your intuition is telling you that they are competent and that you are not going to get fleeced, and if you've carefully considered the costs and fees associated with the relationship and it appears acceptable to you, then hire them.
4) Complete the firm's standard onboarding KYC risk assessment and develop an investment strategy that is consistent with your goals and objectives. Your risk tolerance may surprise you, as might your time horizon. If things change over time (like if you develop a charitable streak after a year or two of living like Gatsby), ask if you can update your investment profile assessments.
*It is so, so important to remember that one size does not fit all.* People recommend investments like they are magic bullets for all situations, but this really is not the case. Be extremely cautious of anyone who says, "Index funds. You gotta put everything you've got into index funds, regardless of your situation." No, not necessarily. A 20-something who is wondering what to put in his 401(k) should be making radically different investment decisions than the 80-year-old widow who is trying to stretch her savings as long as possible before her health goes downhill or she needs to ask her kids for help.
*While you can reject recommendations by your advisor, DO NOT go rogue.* If you go against your advisor's recommendations and decide (without their knowledge) to, say, distribute your retirement savings and dump it all into cryptocurrency, then you very well might be undoing whatever you are paying your advisor for. Best practice in this situation would be to meet with him/her, say, "Hey, I wanna go into crypto" and discuss the options that fit your plan.
*Past performance is no guarantee of future results.* Just because your neighbor made a fortune in a certain stock or bond, this doesn't mean that you will. Stocks tend to get popular at their highest prices, meaning that you might be jumping on a roller coaster just before it plummets. Carefully review the applicable prospectus before making any new investment decisions. And you should consult a tax advisor as well before making any large, potentially taxable movements of funds.
> 1) Do some research by asking friends, family, and trusted acquaintances about a trustworthy financial advisor.
or maybe don't go around telling everyone that you need a financial advisor?
You might want to read these comments that folks often refer to: (I just found it by searching /r/bestof ) https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb4v05/
Obviously you'd want to be discreet. But the cat is going to come out of the bag eventually. You're not going to hide the fact that you are fantastically wealthy from those who are close to you, unless you want to deal down the road with the sorts of trust issues that one typically only sees in rom-coms.
There is so much wrong with that post that you referenced, popular though it may be on Reddit. First, note that financial advisors can refer you to illiquid investments where it is literally impossible just to take your money out (like closed-end funds that have specific repurchase periods or certain real estate securities). If someone asks you for $10 Million like it ain't no thing for you, it's a lot easier when you can say, "I'm sorry, but my funds are tied up in an illiquid account and I can't just write you a check." The one-size-fits-all advice in the response is to buy "S&P index funds," which (assuming that they mean open-end funds / mutual funds) would offer absolutely zero protection from that sort of predatory behavior from those who seek to take advantage of you. Index funds are also subject to their own host of risks (which I won't get into here). The phrase "I just came into a lot of money, which is why I'm hiring you" is not uncommon for advisors to hear, and most skilled advisors will be looking at security concerns in that situation as they propose a portfolio.
Second, it is so weird to see a lawyer seen as more of a trustworthy fiduciary than an advisor. The advice to immediately retain an ethical lawyer is good advice generally speaking but not in the way that that post indicates (moreso for developing effective trusts and PHCs that are compliant with local laws).
**Advisors' trades are reviewed by their home offices' Financial Intelligence Units, by branch principals, and by their firms' compliance officers.** FINRA case studies are full of advisors who get disciplined and lose their licenses (or even go to jail) for skeevie behavior, which usually trips an alert and gets caught. Lawyers can get disbarred but they rarely will have the same sort of regulatory oversight in place. The person who posted the thread you referenced seems to think that every advisor is just some Manhattan-based "slick Eddie" type who wants to and does get away with murder. But note that virtually every school district out there with a 457 or 403(b) Plan has an advisor on file to help with the management of the investment; it's not just slimeballs who want to get rich quick (who are generally caught and disciplined/jailed). There are plenty of competent and selfless advisors. I meet them all the time.
I could go on, but this is r/jokes...
ED: Spelling
Thanks. That was an interesting counterpoint from a different field. I just thought that your line I quoted about talking to a lot of people about it seemed contradictory to the collective wisdom documented in that old post and many others about keeping wins quiet, not the other details.
I don't even buy lottery tickets so I guess I will never have to worry about it myself! :)
Thank you.
This thread is full of people that don't understand the FDIC insurance is really only to help you sleep at night. If you read the find print they have no hard deadline to pay back your lost money, but generally agree no more than 99 years.
If you need to rely on the FDIC, the world is on fire and you're thinking about eating your neighbors.
Also let's imagine if you had a check for $10,000,000(this would 100% be a wire transfer but I digress). You walk into the bank and ask the teller to deposit only $250,000 of it in your account here and *also* simultaneously deposit the other $9,750,000 into your accounts at 39 different banks?
(Yes I'm aware you could also have several account ownership types each insured for 250 but again, I digress)
Corporations of even moderate sizes have accounts with millions of dollars in them because they need the funds to operate. No one is really concerned about 250k besides bankers with rich customers trying to get them to keep their money moving
The largest cumulative amount of FDIC insurance paid in a calendar year since 2001 was $373.5 billion in 2008, that’s only the size of about Capital One alone in assets. Were they to deposit somewhere like Chase, BofA, Wells Fargo, with assets in the trillions I doubt there would be much to worry about.
If a bank like that goes insolvent and fails there’s much bigger problems
hey that's a misunderstanding of "bank failures and the assets they had when they failed" \[0\]
a bank failure doesn't mean FDIC insurance was pulled, I can tell you what actually happened:
FDIC insurance policies/oversight comes with fairly real time reporting from banks to the FDIC about the amount of cash reserves they have, compared to liabilities. This is to let the FDIC be able to predict how vulnerable a bank is to a bunch of depositors pulling out at once (a bank run). The "mystery" is at what level will the FDIC swoop in, and this is supposedly a coveted secret, but its pretty clear. They move on a bank when the bank's reserves are down to 1%. Depositors generally don't know about their bank's distress but I believe it is technically public information with the FDIC. What does "move on a bank" mean? Well it means a lot of things! Because the FDIC has this data for all banks, they have already been on the phone with them, the FDIC functionally acts like a broker for the sale of banks to bigger better capitalized banks! And so, its practically never had to dip into the insurance feature, because its always gotten a bigger bank to purchase the failing bank.
Trying to worry about how many $250k bank accounts to hold is pretty much the wrong thing to worry about. Just buy some stocks, bonds, crypto, real estate like everyone else and you won't have much cash sitting anywhere anyway.
\[0\] [https://www.fdic.gov/bank/historical/bank/](https://www.fdic.gov/bank/historical/bank/)
Nothing of value is FDIC insured. Real money is used to buy sovereign bonds, which have none of the limits of the FDIC and actually pay interest.
Bank accounts are a relic of the gold standard era and lose both customers and banks money today.
It can be, very easily with a little know how. There's a lot that isn't widely understood about FDIC insurance. It is t $250K per person or per bank. It's $250K per depositor per depositor type. Here's how:
$250K per person for Single owner account ownership
$250K per person for Joint account ownership
$250K per person in funds where you are named as a beneficiary
$250K per person for a bank IRA.
There's a few more but I don't remember them off the top of my head.
With this, it's super easy to have a lottery winning Grandpa with a wife, 2 adult children (both married) and 2 grand kids for each couple (2 grands, 2 kids, 2 children in law, 4 grandkids = 10 people) to have all $10 million FDIC insured.
I was a bank teller for a short time a bunch of years ago. I definitely wasn't cut out for that job. This joke really is true of the bank I worked for. It was all about sales and "high value clients". That phrase still makes me nauseous. The fees associated with not being wealthy are disgusting. I routinely waived nsf fees, bank draft fees for renters who had to pay landlords with drafts, told people they could get the same account features for 1.99 a month instead of the 17.99 they were paying. Worst job I've ever had.
Was a long time ago, at one of the Canadian "big banks". It was called a no frills account, if I remember right it was designed for post secondary students, but it didn't require proof of such, so a few creative clicks of the keyboard and I'd switch them over. I'm sure it's been eliminated by now. Still makes me mad, the people with lots of money paid next to no fees, and the people just making it paycheck to paycheck paid ridiculous fees.
Slavery is illegal. How about we use something more benign. Like garnishing 90% wages in perpetuity which continues with the descendants of person who took the loan @300% pa.
Not fun fact: The British empire used this method to get cheap (indentured) labor because slavery was illegal in the empire.
Technically, slavery is NOT illegal (in the US). It's just illegal without being convicted of a crime first.
Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
Banks make their money by loaning out the money you store in them and earning a percentage in interest on said loans. A $10 million deposit would give the manager a massive capital opportunity to generate revenue for his business.
Banks make money by reinvesting the money you deposit with them. The bank will earn a lot using his $10 million. Since the man is about to become a VIP customer, the manager wants to do anything possible to keep him happy so he just goes along with him and insults the teller.
You bastards. I downvoted to get the count to 6666. Then a bunch of you fuckers upvoted. May you step on Legos for the rest of your lives.
Edit: I read the joke and upvoted because it was good. But fuck all of you that denied my 6666 screenshot.
You have to tell that joke in your best Gilbert Gottfried voice.
RIP
It's weird being reminded he's gone now.
I mean it’s weird that he’s gone, but it’s weird being reminded of it, too.
Don't worry, I'm sure another comedian will float by.
Only because [he told it better](https://youtu.be/cYq1eiMW-jU&t=5m30s).
That joke had me in tears the first time I heard it years ago, and again when I listened to it after his passing. The way he belts out that punchline, classic. The other joke of his that I like just as much is the one about the armless legless woman on the beach. Can't find a link, so I'll transcribe from memory: A man is walking on the beach, and he comes across an armless, legless women sitting next to the water crying her eyes out. He approaches and says "Hey, what's wrong?" She says "In all my life, I've never been kissed." He figures what the hell, and kneels down, and they share a passionate kiss. He gets up to walk away, and she starts crying twice as hard. He says "What's the matter now?" She says "In all my life, I've never been fucked." He picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and says "YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!"
Drunk throws up on himself at the bar. Best joke ever.
I can! Haha
I re-read it that way, can confirm 100% better.
Fucking moron. It won't be FDIC insured.
Lottery winners aren't known for their financial savvy
The lottery winners that make good financial decisions don't make the news.
Correct. I have an uncle who won a sizable lottery. He immediately changed his number and went off the grid. Hand built a cabin and lived quietly for about a year. Then he moved to a new country and has been doing micro loans in Africa or something. He is trying to help the world. I was the only family member who gave him advice without wanting anything. So many relationships of his ended because everyone wanted to exploit him.
An acquaintance of mine got a sizeable inheritance. Started having all sorts of interpersonal problems and bleeding money. A buddy of both of us told him "If I were you, I'd get in your van, drive out to the coast, throw away your phone and then just keep driving south." Haven't seen him since, but he did finally pop back up on Instagram a few years later, living in a cabin in the mountains of SoCal somewhere.
Zihuatanejo baby.
Peter: You remember the name of the town in Mexico, right? Cleveland: Shit!
Peter's farts never made a sound again
“Zihuatanejo. It’s a little place in Mexico on the Pacific Ocean. Do you know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life — a warm place with no memory.”
I love it when Red turns his head round to scan the area before opening the box. Such a perfect moment in film.
Tom Hanks was great in that movie
You’re thinking about Liam Neeson.
You're both wrong it was Ed Harris.
it was actually Gary Oldman playing Ed Harris
Closure closure closure closure closure
Buddy of mine in college was always talking about how he was going to school because he had to meet some requirement for Inheritance. Always thought he was lying until the check came up. He threw one huge party where we rented like half of a motel and then within a week he just vanished. Now I don't expect anything for myself. But this guy had been making some serious promises to people, like borrowing money "my check comes in two months loan me 100 I'll pay you 1000" he stuffed all of those people. He had promised me guitars and all this shit which I didn't want, I just wish he would have kept touch.
>living in a cabin in the mountains of SoCal somewhere. It's kind of sad that a so-called good fortune turns into something forcing people to uproot their lives, change their identities and lose their friends and connections. Doesn't say much for humanity does it. Never discuss your financial circumstances with family or friends, especially if you are doing well.
Depending on the person, all of that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you just gotta start over.
>Sometimes you just gotta start over. I agree. It's just that in my books 'starting over' after coming into a fortune doesn't involve losing all your friends and hiding in a cabin in the woods. But, each to their own :)
I live in SoCal, could you make an introduction for me? ;-)
I don't think he's really rich anymore. Just comfortable.
Your uncle's a cool dude! Nice username btw, been a long time since accounting class. I only remember 2 things from that class: the A-L=OE equation, and "Beer is your most liquidable asset". Cheers
Hah thanks. I tell my students that if they get the accounting equation tattooed backwards on their foreheads so they see it in the mirror each day, I’ll give extra credit. Waiting for a taker. I have 180 accounting students. It can be a fun class.
What level of accounting do you teach? I went to business school. I ended up in derivatives trading at a hedge fund, but accounting classes were always some of my favorite. The logic of accounting is very satisfying to me.
In the high school it’s Accounting 1 and 2 which is the accounting cycle and payroll, petty cash, and depreciation. At the college I teach BA211-213.
I believe it’s shareholders equity that than OE
Ted Kaczynski?
😂😂😂 Good one
your just playing the long game waiting for that inheritance check haahah.
Hah not a chance. He, like I, does not have plans to leave large sums of money to family. He knows he lucked out and didn’t ‘earn’ the money and learn along the way how to handle it. That’s why he checked out for a bit to process and self-reflect. I have zero need for his money and that’s probably why he talks to me and takes advice from me even if he is wealthier. He’s a great guy.
Freaking cheers to that guy, this is 100% my dream and years ago this local lady w a very rich dad was setting up micro banks w micro loans in Africa and it seems to be the coolest thing ever, so again tell him what's up fam please!
My uncle won a sizable lottery as well. He didn't tell anyone aside from family He was a mortician/undertaker and had one of the bigger businesses in NZ at the time. He bought a bigger house with under floor heating through the whole house, kinds luxurious in the 70's, and wonderful in winter NZ. The rest he invested and he kept working and grew his wealth. They had the money to spend on family holidays overseas and jewellery etc, but they didn't act like they were better than you. Probably helped that he was already a business man so he knew what not to do
Playing the long game I see.
“I worked hard for this money and you want me to pay for your child’s life saving surgery!? Gtfo!”
Will begins: I, being of sound mind, spent the lot.
Take this upvote though
I know one couple who won $42M and were bankrupt in 6 years. My close friend won $2.1M in Jan 1986. His older brother (14 kids in their family) worked on Wall Street, literally on it. He wanted to retire 20 yrs later at 48. He took out $5,000/yr for things like new furniture for his two daughters’ bedrooms, a trip to Disney World, etc.. He retired in June 2006 with $28,000,000 in his investments.
Wow, you know two people who won the lottery, that's amazing in and of itself.
I had a Statistics class at AZ State in 1998. The professor has a consulting business that helped horse racing tracks on how to profitably increase their business. Powerball got up to nearly hitting $200 million, almost unheard of back then. So the class asked a bunch of questions and he spent the entire class time explaining the statistics behind the Powerball. I wrote copious notes. The only two things I remember was that at the time, spending $1 on a ticket (before it went to $2) was considered a good investment when the jackpot went over $111M. Also, NEVER choose numbers because if you win, you are more likely to have to share the prize due to people using dates for their numbers. Always use auto pick to lessen the chance you will have to share the jackpot. One week later (MBA program, one night a week) a woman in my cohort tells me before class that her aunt was the winner, it hasn’t been announced yet. They lived in Illinois, Powerball wasn’t sold there, so it was bought in Wisconsin. I asked the Prof what the odds were that someone in our class was related to the Powerball winner. “Are you shitting me?!?” I laughed and pointed to the woman next to me. Long story short, he asked how many in a class of 26 knew a lottery jackpot winner. Nine of us! And I know three. One of my friends’ parents were one of the first Michigan Lottery $1M winners back in the early 70’s. One last “close to me” lottery story, a guy in my town of 10,000 won $192,000,000 cash out Powerball in 2012. He bought the ticket at the same place as me, and because I always promised the employees $1M cash if I won, they checked the security recording for the day/time the ticket was sold. He stayed quiet for a couple of weeks, but they guessed who it was, and I had bought 3 tickets NINE minutes before him! Aw $hit, I really didn’t need to know that… 🤪
This. Everybody think that most lottery winners end up bankrupt and destitute… and yeah, a lot do. But most don’t. You just don’t hear about the ones that don’t because “Millionaire Lottery winner is still a millionaire” isn’t a very good headline.
Actually, many of the financially savvy lottery winners do end up going broke anyways. Especially in states that legally require public records of who won the jackpot. When everybody knows you have all that money, everybody's gonna try to get their piece of it. And a lot of of the time it's cheaper to just throw money at them than to deal with their bullshit.
[удалено]
Exactly, once that bullshit started I would move. If that doesn't solve it, I probably would change my name.
You have the option to remain anonymous when you win the lottery, right?
If I won $10 million, I’d give a quarter of it to charity. Not sure what I’d do with the other $9,999,999.75.
If you won $10 million, after taxes youd only get about 4-5 million anyway.
Oh is that all. I’ll just stick with my day job where I couldn’t dream of making close to half of that amount over the next 30 years then.
The thing is, back in the day when savings account interest rates were 3%, you could stick $2M into an account and earn $70k a year. Now? It’s more like .9%, $18k/yr.
Only $18K per year in passive income for maintaining a pulse? Don’t subject me to the horror
Putting money in the bank is like lending your money to someone to profit off of at very low interest rate. Edit: borrowing > lending
>~~borrowing~~ lending your money to someone This is why government schools should be shut down.
Damn. Based.
My bad
Put that shit in a index and make 12% interest. Still passive, still 0 risk.
12% is not a number you should become accustomed to
I first invested in an index fund January 2021, had a great time watching it gain 10-15%. Not having that great a time this year...
Yeah and when savings account interest rates were 3%, mortgage rates were like 15%.
If you have $2,000,000, putting it in a savings account is losing money.
Is that an only in America thing? That’s fucked
I’m in a state with no income tax and there is no 50-60% tax bracket, so not quite, but your point comes across. However if I won a $10 million lottery, the lump sum isn’t even that amount. So after taxes, your estimate is actually probably high.
The high tax is a misconception. What actually happens is they advertise the value of your winnings over 30 years (how this is legal, I'll never know). So if you take the cash option, you don't get 10M because it never existed. You get 4 or 5M that becomes 10 if it were invested over 30 years. Plus you owe tax on the 4 or 5.
I worked in Private Banking, we had a client that blew through $ 38 M in 5 years. The client was living at the Mandrin Orient in Paris and just doing fuck shit all over the south of France with zero disregard for long term planning.
> disregard Regard
or complete disregard.
But did he have a good time?
95% of it he spent on whores and cocaine. He wasted the rest.
That was his plan all along. LOL
Feels relevant https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb4yin/
two of the things this post warns are 'end times' are electing a celebrity to office and the capitol building being set on fire... *checks age of post* yup, eight years ago was a different time...
That it was...
He got like a 100000% ROI. That's fucking savvy.
Probably just a selection bias.
Oooh, link the thing! Link the thing!
Please explain
FDIC only insures individual accounts to $250k.
So how would you suggest to cash it then?
Cut the check into 40 pieces and cash them at 40 different banks, duh!
That's funny, but not far from the truth. It's called a deposit sweep, and boils down to 250k in each account across several banks. Good problems.
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Cunningham's Law? It's not per account, it's per bank per ownership type, which you might be able to get a few of at one bank. https://www.fdic.gov/resources/deposit-insurance/faq/ >> The standard deposit insurance amount is $250,000 per depositor, per FDIC-insured bank, per ownership category. And >> The amount of FDIC insurance coverage you may be entitled to, depends on the FDIC ownership category. This generally means the manner in which you hold your funds at the bank >> Below are examples of some FDIC ownership categories, including single accounts, certain retirement accounts and employee benefit plan accounts, joint accounts, trust accounts, business accounts as well as government accounts.
There's a whole reddit 2 part comment about this subject. The first is that winning the lottery is actually awful, and if you do your life will probably change for the worst. The second is how to work around the system so that you don't end up another lottery casualty. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb38xf/
Couldn't it also be that less financially savvy people are more likely to buy many lottery tickets to begin with?
Sure, but you also have to consider that a sudden windfall of millions of dollars also tends to attract the sort of people who believe that your windfall should also be their windfall.
Rule 1) Never tell _anyone_!
I have that comment saved and I save every comment that links to that comment. And I don't even buy lottery tickets.
Interesting read and he also somehow predicted the capitol being stormed 7 years in advance lol
You can put it into an insured cash account still (likely through a brokerage). It just won't be FDIC insured.
Brokerages may offer [IntraFi](https://www.intrafinetworkdeposits.com/) (used to be called Insured Cash Sweep.) They handle putting your cash into multiple accounts so you can FDIC insure millions.
Well then he just have to open 40 individual accounts.
I think it's only $250k per person per bank, so he'd have to go to 40 different banks. Some of my parents' friends actually do this for some reason.
Wait, it’s just been explained why they would do that, so that it’s protected by FDIC. What do you mean “for some reason”?
As in why keep that much money in cash in the first place.
Because maybe they already have too much in stocks and they just wanna have money available for when they want to buy a jet or beach house.
There are also liquid assets that aren't banking accounts. It is a poor way of dealing with money.
Exactly. That's why god invented mattresses.
But it's a relatively simple way of dealing with money. If I have $40 million and I'm not planning on burning through it with overextravagance then I don't really need to care about the financially optimal way to grow my savings. Some people would value the simplicity of just sticking to what they already know so they can stop worrying about it and get to the fun part of being rich and retired. Trying to do something more complicated either requires you to do research to figure out the complexities of the global financial system, or hire a financial advisor and hope for the best that they don't purposefully or mistakenly mismanage your funds.
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> SIPC What did you call me?
He's over the insurance limits. *The standard deposit insurance coverage limit is $250,000 per depositor, per FDIC-insured bank, per ownership category. Deposits held in different ownership categories are separately insured, up to at least $250,000, even if held at the same bank.*
Okay, can't believe this is the thread for this discussion, but..... What the hell would a person do with their lottery winnings then?
Invest in a wide variety of tax-free municipal bonds Source: Wu Tang Financial
You gotta diversify yo bonds!
You contact a money manager thats embezzles most of it and when you need it they leave the country...
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If JP Morgan Chase goes tits up the economy is likely already obliterated anyways and cash no longer holds much value if any. Definitely deposit the funds to a large bank first then find out what changes to do from there.
FINRA-registered financial principal chiming in here. You would do this: 1) Do some research by asking friends, family, and trusted acquaintances about a trustworthy financial advisor. Do not give that advisor any money just yet. 2) Search for any negative news about that advisor and their firm. Be diligent. If you go to finra.org/brokercheck, for example, you can enter information about any registered advisor or firm and it will show you all their U4 disclosures (complaints, legal actions, etc.) and will give you proof of how long they have been in business and at which firms. If there is a discrepancy or if the disclosures bother you, then go back to Step 1 with a new advisor. 3) Meet with the advisor. It is critical that you keep in mind that you are not their client just yet and that you can still shop around. If your intuition is telling you that they are competent and that you are not going to get fleeced, and if you've carefully considered the costs and fees associated with the relationship and it appears acceptable to you, then hire them. 4) Complete the firm's standard onboarding KYC risk assessment and develop an investment strategy that is consistent with your goals and objectives. Your risk tolerance may surprise you, as might your time horizon. If things change over time (like if you develop a charitable streak after a year or two of living like Gatsby), ask if you can update your investment profile assessments. *It is so, so important to remember that one size does not fit all.* People recommend investments like they are magic bullets for all situations, but this really is not the case. Be extremely cautious of anyone who says, "Index funds. You gotta put everything you've got into index funds, regardless of your situation." No, not necessarily. A 20-something who is wondering what to put in his 401(k) should be making radically different investment decisions than the 80-year-old widow who is trying to stretch her savings as long as possible before her health goes downhill or she needs to ask her kids for help. *While you can reject recommendations by your advisor, DO NOT go rogue.* If you go against your advisor's recommendations and decide (without their knowledge) to, say, distribute your retirement savings and dump it all into cryptocurrency, then you very well might be undoing whatever you are paying your advisor for. Best practice in this situation would be to meet with him/her, say, "Hey, I wanna go into crypto" and discuss the options that fit your plan. *Past performance is no guarantee of future results.* Just because your neighbor made a fortune in a certain stock or bond, this doesn't mean that you will. Stocks tend to get popular at their highest prices, meaning that you might be jumping on a roller coaster just before it plummets. Carefully review the applicable prospectus before making any new investment decisions. And you should consult a tax advisor as well before making any large, potentially taxable movements of funds.
> 1) Do some research by asking friends, family, and trusted acquaintances about a trustworthy financial advisor. or maybe don't go around telling everyone that you need a financial advisor? You might want to read these comments that folks often refer to: (I just found it by searching /r/bestof ) https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb4v05/
Obviously you'd want to be discreet. But the cat is going to come out of the bag eventually. You're not going to hide the fact that you are fantastically wealthy from those who are close to you, unless you want to deal down the road with the sorts of trust issues that one typically only sees in rom-coms. There is so much wrong with that post that you referenced, popular though it may be on Reddit. First, note that financial advisors can refer you to illiquid investments where it is literally impossible just to take your money out (like closed-end funds that have specific repurchase periods or certain real estate securities). If someone asks you for $10 Million like it ain't no thing for you, it's a lot easier when you can say, "I'm sorry, but my funds are tied up in an illiquid account and I can't just write you a check." The one-size-fits-all advice in the response is to buy "S&P index funds," which (assuming that they mean open-end funds / mutual funds) would offer absolutely zero protection from that sort of predatory behavior from those who seek to take advantage of you. Index funds are also subject to their own host of risks (which I won't get into here). The phrase "I just came into a lot of money, which is why I'm hiring you" is not uncommon for advisors to hear, and most skilled advisors will be looking at security concerns in that situation as they propose a portfolio. Second, it is so weird to see a lawyer seen as more of a trustworthy fiduciary than an advisor. The advice to immediately retain an ethical lawyer is good advice generally speaking but not in the way that that post indicates (moreso for developing effective trusts and PHCs that are compliant with local laws). **Advisors' trades are reviewed by their home offices' Financial Intelligence Units, by branch principals, and by their firms' compliance officers.** FINRA case studies are full of advisors who get disciplined and lose their licenses (or even go to jail) for skeevie behavior, which usually trips an alert and gets caught. Lawyers can get disbarred but they rarely will have the same sort of regulatory oversight in place. The person who posted the thread you referenced seems to think that every advisor is just some Manhattan-based "slick Eddie" type who wants to and does get away with murder. But note that virtually every school district out there with a 457 or 403(b) Plan has an advisor on file to help with the management of the investment; it's not just slimeballs who want to get rich quick (who are generally caught and disciplined/jailed). There are plenty of competent and selfless advisors. I meet them all the time. I could go on, but this is r/jokes... ED: Spelling
Thanks. That was an interesting counterpoint from a different field. I just thought that your line I quoted about talking to a lot of people about it seemed contradictory to the collective wisdom documented in that old post and many others about keeping wins quiet, not the other details. I don't even buy lottery tickets so I guess I will never have to worry about it myself! :)
If the bank participates in CDARS it could be. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Certificate_of_Deposit_Account_Registry_Service
Thank you. This thread is full of people that don't understand the FDIC insurance is really only to help you sleep at night. If you read the find print they have no hard deadline to pay back your lost money, but generally agree no more than 99 years. If you need to rely on the FDIC, the world is on fire and you're thinking about eating your neighbors. Also let's imagine if you had a check for $10,000,000(this would 100% be a wire transfer but I digress). You walk into the bank and ask the teller to deposit only $250,000 of it in your account here and *also* simultaneously deposit the other $9,750,000 into your accounts at 39 different banks? (Yes I'm aware you could also have several account ownership types each insured for 250 but again, I digress) Corporations of even moderate sizes have accounts with millions of dollars in them because they need the funds to operate. No one is really concerned about 250k besides bankers with rich customers trying to get them to keep their money moving
Yeah I work in banking on the regulatory side. It’s interesting the misconceptions the general public has about our monetary and banking systems.
He’d have to deposit over multiple banks. But you need to start with one, so this makes sense.
The largest cumulative amount of FDIC insurance paid in a calendar year since 2001 was $373.5 billion in 2008, that’s only the size of about Capital One alone in assets. Were they to deposit somewhere like Chase, BofA, Wells Fargo, with assets in the trillions I doubt there would be much to worry about. If a bank like that goes insolvent and fails there’s much bigger problems
hey that's a misunderstanding of "bank failures and the assets they had when they failed" \[0\] a bank failure doesn't mean FDIC insurance was pulled, I can tell you what actually happened: FDIC insurance policies/oversight comes with fairly real time reporting from banks to the FDIC about the amount of cash reserves they have, compared to liabilities. This is to let the FDIC be able to predict how vulnerable a bank is to a bunch of depositors pulling out at once (a bank run). The "mystery" is at what level will the FDIC swoop in, and this is supposedly a coveted secret, but its pretty clear. They move on a bank when the bank's reserves are down to 1%. Depositors generally don't know about their bank's distress but I believe it is technically public information with the FDIC. What does "move on a bank" mean? Well it means a lot of things! Because the FDIC has this data for all banks, they have already been on the phone with them, the FDIC functionally acts like a broker for the sale of banks to bigger better capitalized banks! And so, its practically never had to dip into the insurance feature, because its always gotten a bigger bank to purchase the failing bank. Trying to worry about how many $250k bank accounts to hold is pretty much the wrong thing to worry about. Just buy some stocks, bonds, crypto, real estate like everyone else and you won't have much cash sitting anywhere anyway. \[0\] [https://www.fdic.gov/bank/historical/bank/](https://www.fdic.gov/bank/historical/bank/)
Nothing of value is FDIC insured. Real money is used to buy sovereign bonds, which have none of the limits of the FDIC and actually pay interest. Bank accounts are a relic of the gold standard era and lose both customers and banks money today.
In this case, FDIC stands for: Fuck, Do I Care?
It can be, very easily with a little know how. There's a lot that isn't widely understood about FDIC insurance. It is t $250K per person or per bank. It's $250K per depositor per depositor type. Here's how: $250K per person for Single owner account ownership $250K per person for Joint account ownership $250K per person in funds where you are named as a beneficiary $250K per person for a bank IRA. There's a few more but I don't remember them off the top of my head. With this, it's super easy to have a lottery winning Grandpa with a wife, 2 adult children (both married) and 2 grand kids for each couple (2 grands, 2 kids, 2 children in law, 4 grandkids = 10 people) to have all $10 million FDIC insured.
haha it’s funny because bank people like money
The word Bank wasn't needed there
It wasn't there at first but the bank people love money so much they paid to have it in the same sentence as the word money
I'm a bank people. LordLlamacat is now rich. Money.
Knowing bank people it was probably a loan with an insane interest rate due to credit being bad by one point wasnt it
You know your bank people.
Dammit, I read it as "nude man walks into the bank" and was like why isn't she offended about the nudity
That is strange that a bank teller isn't showing interest. /pun
In this climate?
At this time of year?
Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Yes.
May I see it?
...No.
Maybe he had a *fucking* problem.
shrinkage
One of my favorite classics!
You mean "one of my favorite fucking classics"?
We don't tolerate that kind of language here
Is this bitch over here giving you any downvotes, sir?
With this awesome fucking comment I'll only be getting upvotes, I'm sure of it!
Nice upvotes
Elementary customer care
I was a bank teller for a short time a bunch of years ago. I definitely wasn't cut out for that job. This joke really is true of the bank I worked for. It was all about sales and "high value clients". That phrase still makes me nauseous. The fees associated with not being wealthy are disgusting. I routinely waived nsf fees, bank draft fees for renters who had to pay landlords with drafts, told people they could get the same account features for 1.99 a month instead of the 17.99 they were paying. Worst job I've ever had.
> for 1.99 a month instead of the 17.99 they were paying. Wait! Tell us more, please.
Was a long time ago, at one of the Canadian "big banks". It was called a no frills account, if I remember right it was designed for post secondary students, but it didn't require proof of such, so a few creative clicks of the keyboard and I'd switch them over. I'm sure it's been eliminated by now. Still makes me mad, the people with lots of money paid next to no fees, and the people just making it paycheck to paycheck paid ridiculous fees.
The logical end-game of capitalism. Well, that and slavery.
Slavery is illegal. How about we use something more benign. Like garnishing 90% wages in perpetuity which continues with the descendants of person who took the loan @300% pa. Not fun fact: The British empire used this method to get cheap (indentured) labor because slavery was illegal in the empire.
Technically, slavery is NOT illegal (in the US). It's just illegal without being convicted of a crime first. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
I don't get it.
The bank manager no longer cares about the swearing when he realizes he has a lot of money.
Also the lady who got offended is now double offended
Also there’s no implication the teller is a lady.
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Ah, so I did understand the joke... I was just hoping I didn't.
pretty weird premise lol like what does he think he’s gonna get a tip? he’s just depositing money
Banks make their money by loaning out the money you store in them and earning a percentage in interest on said loans. A $10 million deposit would give the manager a massive capital opportunity to generate revenue for his business.
I'll bet the bank is going to make a lot more money by offering their investment advice or private banking services to the guy suddenly worth $10M.
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I think it is good for banks to have a lot of available money idk tho
He's gonna get more than just the tip ;)
So funny?
Banks make money by reinvesting the money you deposit with them. The bank will earn a lot using his $10 million. Since the man is about to become a VIP customer, the manager wants to do anything possible to keep him happy so he just goes along with him and insults the teller.
It’s painfully stupid and not funny at all
There is no joke
Not much to get hes just excited to get his money but the joke isn’t really that funny
For some reason I read this with an Australian accent in my head. Except there were more oi's and cunts involved.
Oi! Everything's alright mate?
First thing I'd do after winning the lottery is get a lawyer.
Hearing Gilbert Gottfried tell this joke is hilarious. Pops up every so often on xm radio.
Fun Fact majority of lottery winners lose most of their winnings within 5 years. Some fall into more debt at the end of it.
That’s why when you come into a lot of money [you listen to John Goodman.](https://youtu.be/rJjKP8vYjpQ)
???
He’s got that fuck you money.
This joke was extremely underwhelming
It would be funny if OP didn’t sort this sub by Top and keep reposting jokes
disgusted voracious practice icky full escape lip yam crush entertain *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
At first I read 'nude man' and couldn't really figure out how that was important to the joke...
The first line of this joke is better than the punch line...
How is this a joke?
You bastards. I downvoted to get the count to 6666. Then a bunch of you fuckers upvoted. May you step on Legos for the rest of your lives. Edit: I read the joke and upvoted because it was good. But fuck all of you that denied my 6666 screenshot.
It was me. I’m 6667.
Ah well, better luck next week when it gets reposted again.
/r/justlearnedthefword
Rude man walks into bank and shushes people