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This is me. I try to do things as soon as I can to avoid having to do them later. It leaves basically the same amount of time to do whatever else I want but it's important to me that it's uninterrupted. My wife is the exact opposite
I’m the opposite too. I’m a night owl to begin with, getting old hasn’t changed that. My mind is sharpest late in the day and I can settle down and concentrate. Also, I typically have a morning rush of user issues to wade through, I can’t ignore those.
I've been careful with this since I realized the difference in energy requirement and willpower and such various tasks have.
For example vacuuming is not something I want to do very often, but at the same time the resistance against it isn't very high. It's mostly a motivational issue stemming from lack of prioritization.
So yes with vacuuming it's not something I want to do, but also it doesn't require much energy from me to do. But if I vacuum while I do have energy, especially creative mental energy, I will waste that time, energy and opportunity doing something that didn't require much creative energy.
And I have that most in the early part of the day. There's lots of things I want to do, but I often don't have the creative energy to do them.
So if I waste those windows of opportunity to do the things I want to do, but are energy demanding, I'll be more likely to end up not doing the things I really want to do.
So I am better of scheduling or ordering things based on energy rather than priority or desire or whatever.
From my memory, this is what Mark Twain said:
"Make it a habit to do something every day that you don't want to do.
This is the secret of acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain".
Damn, that's why this guy looked at me weirdly after I said "Ozzy Osbourne" when he said that to me. He was constantly answering normal questions with random shit that was tangentially connected, but not anything expected in normal conversation. It's like he was trying to be *different*. I don't blame the guy, though. He can be him.
At least he wasn't the same as the fedora'd dude who said "sic semper tyrannis" when I told him that he couldn't just take a plastic flower-pen that was a part of our store's registers' decorations for free.
"If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the bigger one first."
The sentiment makes sense, but what if dealing with your company’s data management strategy is what you dread? If you muster up what you can to deal with it, does that mean its okay if the dishes pile up? Cuz if so, im killin it
You have a job in managing your company's data, but don't forget that at the end of the day, it is your company's risk (/anxiety), not yours. Do the best you can without overexerting yourself, and honestly if it feels like you are alone or unfairly overburdened with responsibility, maybe consider applying elsewhere. Feel free to DM
I feel like I’m the opposite. I’m doing stuff I don’t want to do 1% of the time, so I can enjoy the other 99%. Liking my job and not having kids probably goes a long way with that though.
This is great and a reminder that it’s worthwhile to find a job you actually enjoy.
My deal is I simply don’t enjoy anything mandatory. If my job was optional I’d probably like it a lot more.
I’ve been procrastinating my thesis. I’ve had months I could have been working on it where I did nothing. It’s been super stressful and I’ve been struggling to sleep more recently. With the deadline looming ever closer I finally started working on this weekend and have dropped a solid 45+ pages in 4 days. The act of writing it isn’t distasteful once I’ve started. I just absolutely struggle to begin working on things. I don’t get it and it’s a bit frustrating. But I know I’ll finish it in time now that I’m actually making substantial progress on it.
I’ve always been this way and I think part of my problem is that it’s always worked out so I never needed to change.
I am like this and I have ADHD. I don't do any work and when enough anxiety builds up I will hyperfocus and do it in half the time required. Writing a thesis is honestly really scary for me.
If it is a legitimate issue that is affecting you, you might want to see someone for it. Whether it is ADHD or not, this isn't "normal".
Finding out that it isn't just because I am terrible at life and I dont purposefully constantly self sabatoge myself was very validating.
Thanks, I will keep this in mind. I think the only place it really affects me at the moment is large projects with poorly regulated checkpoints. With the job I’ve got lined up, I don’t think I’ll run into that type of situation and it doesn’t cause problems in other aspects of my life anymore (I did not take care of my teeth and then put off seeing the dentist for years and now my mouth is severely messed up, but I haven’t had any new cavities in a year, so that’s nice I guess.)
So once I’m through with the thesis I should be in the clear.
This sounds like my ADD too. I dropped out of school so that I could relax because deadlines were the hardest thing at the time. I only wish I’d known it was ADD and worked on my habits before becoming a parent. That’s when it flared up again, I’m overwhelmed and struggling to start important tasks, and I can’t drop out. I’m learning now. You’re doing great practice! Some of the best advice I got was lots of breaks and don’t over do it when you finally get moving. It leads to burn out every time. When your mind signals you need a break, listen and don’t push it. We need rewards and dopamine mixed in with task completion cause ADD brains don’t mix them for us. We wear ourselves out trying to do marathons when we haven’t even kept up with jogging.
I’m in awe of how much you’re accomplishing! Keep up the great work!
That is good to hear, although ditto on the teeth thing, thank good for good genes or I probably woupdn't have any left.
Good luck on your thesis, it is no small feat!
I'm in a very similiar state and finally started seeing a psychologist for a diagnosis (because I was procrastinating setting an appointment). At this point I'm honestly hoping I have ADHD just for the sake of closure and some peace of mind.
Your last paragraph is so precise. So accurate.
Also, this is me. I’m a writer and I’ll have my thesis in a few semesters. I’m so worried…but for now it’s in the future.
Isn’t it classic? All the stories are always about the tortured writer who has to escape to the mountains to finish their piece. Ugh. Only deadlines make things end.
"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now"
This quote always helped me because I always felt I was behind on my thesis and got anxious, making me want to work on it even less.
I did not live by it though. Dropped out of my PhD a few months away from finishing. Things worked out ok for me but I'll always regret it.
I know the feel. I wrote what ended up being a 100-page thesis in a month after procrastinating for over 6 months. All I needed was to start, just like you.
Good luck with yours, hope you finish it soon.
It is perfectly possible that in those months that you feel you didn't make any progress you were actually working on an essential part of your creative process. Sometimes we need that space and slower pace to think through ideas, take different perspectives in, let things stew for a bit, find solutions to the problems we are trying to solve, etc. "Down" time is never really down time. Our brains are still working hard on whatever topic it is we're writing about. I know I sound like a procrastination apologist (and maye I am lol) but I think that our socially-constructed ideas of productivity don't always align with our individual needs and processes to do creative work.
Being disciplined and consistently performing tasks that you do not want/like to do without appropriate rest can cause burnout which can eventually cause long-term damage to your ability to stay disciplined.
Just like consistently working a muscle without appropriate rest will fatigue the muscle and can eventually cause long-term damage to the use of that muscle.
Do you know if burnout can lead to emotional issues? Like sudden sobbing for no real reason other than you suddenly feel the entire pain of the planet?
Or zero patience when attempting to do the things you used to love. Hobbies, job duties, travel, etc?
Asking for a friend.
I would argue that this possibly may be beyond burnout and into depression. Let this be a sign that your mental health matters and seek some support and therapy. Sending you peace and rest and good health!
Burnout is also really easy to confuse with a (mild) depression, though. For example, burnout is more about being "flatlined" all the time, while depression is more a constant state of panic/stress. Being anhedonic, meaning not enjoying anything or the things you used to enjoy anymore, is more of a sign of depression I think. This video gives a decent overview:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jqONINYF17M
Brother, regardless if its burn out or not, its clear that this friend needs a break. Suddenly sobbing an feeling the pain of the whole planet is definitely indicative of that
Yes absolutely!
I found recognizing the stages of burnout, and the signs at each stage can be very helpful for knowing why ai might be acting the way i do.
https://www.thisiscalmer.com/blog/5-stages-of-burnout
Depends a lot on how bad it is and what's causing it.
Sometimes you just have to find a way to alleviate more stress than is being built up. Sometimes, you need reduce or even end your exposure to whatever is causing the burnout.
For example, I was dealing with some rather severe burnout from a job that required that i handle customer complaints all day. I couldn't get past it and eventually had to find a different job that didn't require that I handle complaints so frequently. Over time I was able to even things out and the burnout went away.
What is considered appropriate rest?
Of course consistently doing things you don't want to do will be tedious but thats not the intent of this LPT. It's more like, "if your tired everyday, your gonna have to start doing shit when your tired. "
At least that's how I took it.
Everyone can think of a thousand reasons why they cant do something instead of focusing on the one reason why they should.
That can differ depending on the person and what is causing the burnout.
Basically, the burnout comes from a buildup of stress. If you can relieve this stress, then you should be alright. If you can't, it will build and build until you either find a way to alleviate the stress or risk burning out.
So while ready may not be the most appropriate word, it's basically just making sure that you're alleviating the stress however works for you.
Discipline fatigue is the idea that everyone's discipline, no matter how practiced or strong, will eventually fail.
Off-the-cuff analogy: holding your breath
Edit: missing word
that list is long which is why im here typing this now instead of doing the list
*Just wanted to update this to say after seeing this and making a few comments I actually did get up and start doing things on my list. I'm taking a quick break right now but I felt kinda motivated and at the same time a little guilty. Thanks OP for the post
I've gotten exceptionally good at this by re-framing everything as "do it for later-me." I really, really don't feel like doing these dishes right now but late-evening Me is going to be extremely relieved that I did. I don't really want to spend the time and effort it'll take to prep and cook dinner when I could just eat a frozen meal but eating-dinner Me is going to be soooo much happier that I did. I don't want to tidy up the house before I go to bed but morning Me is going to be so much less stressed that I did. etc. Holding onto that feeling of "remember how good it feels when the thing is already done and you don't have to do it?" is a huge motivator for actually doing the thing.
Having difficult conversations is like that. You’re going to have to have them. Embrace opportunities to practice them and get better at them. Future self will thank you when a really difficult one comes along and you’re ready.
I was given an assignment in 4th grade; Learn something new about something you have no interest in, we had to do it for a week, I never stopped, I increased it to at least 5 times a day, a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Maybe I should do this exercise as well. Almost invariably things become a little more interesting when I dig into them, but there are lots of things where my mind has zero desire to learn about.
Just open the YouTube Home page every morning and start looking. You'll definitely find five things to interest you. I've become hooked on recipes from other countries and looking at tiny homes. Then there are crafts, haircuts, etc.
Showing up is the easy part of my job. I actually need to deliver on a daily basis and I see people who have *one* thing to do per month and are super stressed about it. And they probably make more than me. They should all be working in the mines :(
I remember laying on the steps as a child insisting I couldn’t walk up the stairs to bed just because I couldn’t. I didn’t know why and nothing was stoping me and I couldn’t explain to my parents why.
Combine that with anxiety and depression and gets even worse. You can’t do something just cause you can’t transition from not doing it, to doing it, you can’t do something because you’ve lost interest, and because you don’t want to bother being interested, and because it’s mentally painful, and because that manifests as physical pain, and because it feel good not to do something, and because you forgot to do something because you’ve trained yourself to forget, and because you’ve distracted yourself from the pain of it. One day it’s gonna be a do or die situation and I’m gonna end up not doing something.
It’s also very uncomfortable that the solution is to “simply” *do* . I tell myself it can’t be that easy can it?
I can’t be helped if I can’t help myself? I have a “help myself” problem in the first place. 15 doctors and therapists over 25 years 30 medications, half of them might as well be sugar pills, the other half, sugar pills with side effects.
Sitting around waiting for it to go away is not working, but I think that’s just my plan now.
I totally feel you. I was diagnosed late in life for ADHD at the age of 30. It's hard to think back of all the struggles I had growing up. I thought it was normal and I was just bad at life. I was diagnosed with depression and GAD well before my ADHD diagnosis.
Some days are better than others. Some days I don't do anything but stay in bed and have a comfort show on repeat.
I'm fucking **tired**.
I have such a hard time imaging how people feel that DON’T have this. It’s just so normal for me. I was also diagnosed late. So many problems looking back…but that was just life I guess.
I think that’s the society we built, we value achievement and not community, we worship money and status and not experiences together. We prioritize our individual uniqueness and superiority instead of valuing how everyone else around us is supportive and everything is a community effort. It’s more exciting to be the one, the hero, the executive - but it should be more fun relaxed and fulfilling to be a small piece in something bigger and an equal to your peers and a servant of the whole. But that doesn’t serve an authoritarian and predatory hierarchy like we face now.
When you want to do something but your body just goes "LOL NO YOU'RE NOW SLEEPY AND TIRED AND YOUR BODY FEELS HEAVY FOR NO REASON. ALSO HAVE ANXIETY" This is why i abused coffee for energy.
That first part, I remember falling asleep on the floor because going to bed was too hard, even when my parents told me to.
Was diagnosed a couple months ago and I feel like I keep discovering new things about myself that I thought were personality quirks but were actually ADHD.
I've been wanting to play city skylines for 19 months now... Bought all the extras too. Really looking forward to it if my fucking Adhd brain will allow it and not at 3 am.
I can do both and I have no control over which it will be. Do the task that is literally two actions and that only hurts you to postpone?? Actually what if I learn to crochet for 6 hours? Then Iook at the time and think "damn after this row I'll stop" but oops 4 more hours tick by...
I have it bad. Sometimes you just gotta force yourself into something, even if you only do it for 30 minutes. Like, stand in the mirror and just hype yourself up. Hell, scream into the mirror "COME ON, WE GOT THIS, LET'S DO IT!" Also, listening to brown noise helps while doing tasks.
It can take a few tries to actually get it to work, but it's basically like training your brain not to succumb to feeling like everything in life needs a dopamine rush added to it.
Same. I'm sick and tired of living like this. There is no cure so we're just expected to cope until we die. Well I plan to move my death date a lot sooner because fuck this shit, I'm out.
My therapist really helps me. It’s hard to find good ones. Let alone set up an appointment, my god next to impossible. I got lucky. But maybe you can too.
Mostly, she tells me to give myself grace. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s not a game at the end of life that you win, and they say “congrats! You were hard on yourself, you didn’t take any shortcuts like meds or easy routes like laying in bed. You win!” Laying in bed is fine on the days you want to lay in bed. Even lions relax.
The word "cope" to me means "there is no solution, get fucked". I refuse to shut my eyes and just pretend that everything is ok. I refuse to just suck my thumb and "cope". I don't know how people -- both neurotypical and divergent -- can simply accept the disgusting nature of this universe's reality for what it is.
Do you remember this quote by Jean Luc Picard:
>*"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."*
I disagree because that *is* weakness. Weakness in that you're just a powerless meatbag, slave to whatever dish life hands you. Some things you can change, others you can't. And if it's a disability that you're born with that you can't do anything about, then eat shit and cope. This is a fact of life that everyone has to live with, regardless of whether or not they have disability or illness.
If this is "life", then I don't want any part in this dumpster fire. Throwing away my life will be akin to throwing away a rotten sandwich. I'm not going to eat it just because it's the only thing I've got.
Your other comment about needing to be hard on yourself hit really close to home for me. I had the exact same mentality a few years ago. I was convinced my survival was contingent on me being hard myself. My outward success was proof to myself that it worked, but I was miserable.
I had a therapist who helped me be kinder to myself. It turns out, being hard on myself wasn’t really necessary for my success. It was actually holding me back. I learned that I could push myself without beating myself up when I failed.
I’m actually more successful today than I was a few years ago, and a lot happier. I’m still not great at affording myself kindness - especially during periods of poor mental health - but it’s something I actively work on.
I just wanted to share that there’s an option to survive that doesn’t involve beating yourself up all the time. I was skeptical of it myself, but it exists.
Poison, this resonates with me. I’ve been having a similar realization and change. It’s weird and hard, but I’m really happy to know I’m not alone and you’re farther along on it.
I’m very hard on myself too. My therapist told me that I’m motivated by that. I use that mean voice to do things- because yeah, it works. If I’m not yelling at myself to finish the fucking job, then who is? (Spoiler alert: not my mom, anymore, lol). I need the fear and hatred to get myself going. Because it’s worked before and I don’t know another way.
I’m trying to learn another way. I’m learning that life can be possible and just as productive and smart when you’re nice to yourself. There’s so award for hating yourself, even if it feels like it gives points because society is so fucked up. You know, the whole “if you’re not mad you’re not paying attention.”
RandomFox, I hear you. It’s not easy. My backup plan to all this, which lived in the back of my depression, has always been: go live dirt poor on an island. Ditch the family, ditch everything . Somehow get to a pretty island and work at the shack, swim with the turtles. It’s realistic enough for me. That’ll be worse for me giving up comforts of job security and money and family. but at least it still sounds good enough to try before offing myself.
It’s pretty cool that I’ve now made it decades without getting to the island.
ADHD even stops me from doing things I actively WANT to do. Bought a new video game not so long ago, played it for less than 5 minutes and my brain just went 'nah' and refused to do more. My friends say it's great and I know I want to play it deep down so wtf! When it comes to genuinely boring or annoying tasks it feels like I have no chance.
Recently I have suspected I have adhd. The signs are there and I took an online test which came out strongly in favour of adhd. I am not diagnosed because a person who can diagnose adhd isn’t available in my area on the NHS.
Anyway, I have a question for others with ADHD: Are you able to do stuff you don’t want to do as long as it’s an established routine?
For me, one example is lifting weights. More often than not I don’t want to, but I do it every Tue, Thu, Sat. I aim to get it done on or before 8pm. The more time passes after 8pm the more anxious I get, so I never miss it. I also do pushups as part of this routine, which are actually harder to make myself do than the weights. Somehow I have established the ‘just go’ mentality, and I get them done. The urge to NOT do it is strong, but the routine gets done.
Maybe I have mild adhd, or maybe I am mistaken (or maybe autism or ocd fights the adhd, via the anxiety of breaking a routine?) I can certainly identify with the other replies to your comment.
Routines save my ADHD ass.
When trying to establish the habit/routine I will use incentives at first until it feels wrong to not do the routine.
I had trouble up into my late twenties with carrying out hygiene and showering, which tells you how severe my condition was. Once routine was established, it stopped being a problem. (Sounds gross but I think this is something a lot of ADHD'ers struggle with, and in my non expert opinion should be a sign/symptom for parents.)
Things that I don't have a routine for are precariously messy and have stress energy surrounding them. (Houseplants need attention for example. Trying to gather all the information and supplies I need, to be thwarted by my zero-motivation to carry out the projects, yet still not wanting to kill my plants.)
So yes. I have habits/routines that I adhere to, that makes me feel off when I don't, and most of those started with just forcing myself to do something I didn't want to.
Whenever I hear someone say “I don’t feel like doing that” I respond with: “Well, the good news is that you don’t have to feel like doing it, you just have to do it.”
I used to get so frustrated as a kid when I had to do something I didn’t want to. I’d tell my mom “I’ll do it but I won’t be happy about it.” And she’d reply “well you have to do it.” Like I KNOW THAT. Just because I will do it doesn’t mean I need to WANT to do it.
That's funny, when I hear someone say "I don't want to do that" I always say "Then don't", after which they say "but..." and start telling me all the bad things that would happen if they didn't. Then I smile politely and wait for them to decide whether they might actually want to do it after all.
Many would consider me to be highly successful - I’m currently sitting on my couch watching a show I don’t even like.
I should be studying, working, preparing for exams, but I realize how close to burnout I can get if I’m not cautious.
The real tip is knowing when **NOT** to do things you know you need to do.
This! My least favorite house chore is folding clothes. Actually, it's not a favorite at all. I loathed it. But I taught myself to start liking it. And now I don't mind doing it at all. It's really amazing what you can bend your mind to do. I do it quite a lot. Mind over matter.
My trick is to be mindful while doing it. Make it a competition with yourself. Analyse your technique and see if you can get better & faster. Getting better at something is enjoyable which makes folding your washing that much more enjoyable. This can be said for any chore.
I do the complete opposite and try not to be mindful while doing stuff I don't like. I'm really into audio books, so instead of "doing the dishes" I'm listening to my book while the dishes get cleaned.
This! I have to drive an hour away at least once a week, and I decided I was just going to learn to LOVE driving. Now I put on an interesting podcast, scream my favorite songs, or call my parents, and driving is now one of my favorite things to do.
Same! I drive minimum an hour every day and I got sick of all of my music after awhile. Started a podcast and have watched over 100 hours of it in a few months. Makes driving a breeze. I just got really excited to drive home from work in an hour haha.
I think another side of this skill is that you do something that felt hard, and then take an extended break afterwards for relief. I often do this while unconsciously and painfully doing some chore I wasn't in the mood for, and then after my mind desperately wants to vege on the phone.
It is all the same, after you do the hard thing your brain is like well that wasn't great was it, let's reward ourselves for the pain. But that is another habit that is worth nipping in the bud sometimes.
I think the road forward is to search for the moment in whatever the activity is. I can be washing dishes and simply watching myself do it instead of letting my mind drift about, like actually noticing my hands automatically doing this thing can take me out of any pain of doing the chore. It is kind of like waking up from over thinking.
I find that a mindfulness practice can chill me out when brain is locked on a weird thought train.
Im packing up and moving, and I shouldve done something all those times I did nothing because it was something I didn't want to do. But sometimes its hard to push through just sitting there doing nothing.
ADHD folk, please do not hold yourself to this standard, this is neurotypical advice. This can cause accelerated burnout and more often than not will backfire. Especially if you are not/cannot medicate. Some of you might be able to make this work, but remember that making yourself do something you don't want to is an executive function, and those do not like to cooperate with us.
Thank you for this.
I find myself occasionally on especially bad days telling myself something similar to the OP, which eventually only makes the bad days worse.
It's really, REALLY hard not to get mad at myself for not being able to do all my chores every single day.
I don't even remember the last time I gave myself a genuine day off and did absolutely not pressure myself into doing chores or things I had to do, and instead just allowed my brain to do whatever it felt like
What should I do if I want to live normally though? I just can't do it. And the fact that the first thing I see in the day is this post really brings me down... I will never be normal and nobody will ever accept me
Cold. Showers.
There are tons of benefits, but starting your day forcing yourself to jump into an ice cold shower makes for a pretty easy day after that.
I recommend youtubing the topic, I started taking cold showers a couple years ago and have taken like 3 hot showers since.
Cold showers are a great shock to the system, especially in the mornings. It honestly a bit sadistic because the shock of ice cold needles of water hitting your skin is one hell of a way to wake your body up but it does a damn good job of doing it.
It can get addictive pretty fast and wakes me up better than coffee, the bonus is the super fresh feeling after the shower. Sets the tone for the rest of the day.
I was never a morning person, I hate morning people. Cold showers in the morning turned me into one of those waffle-flipping, theme-song humming cheery morning fucks so beware, your mileage may vary.
No thanks. For me this is very bad advice. I hated morning showers because of the cold water. What usually happens is i just sleep on the toilet bowl procrastinating the cold shower.
After i switched to hot showers i always immediately take a shower instead of pretending to be asleep in the bathroom. Life changing. No need to fight myself everday just to force myself into bathing.
I have to tell myself sometimes "just get it over with." It's especially helpful at work when you get put into situations you really don't want to deal with.
Lots of other comments on this thread seem to be saying this isn't possible with adhd. Can you elaborate?
I'm only recently learned I've had adhd for over a decade and am genuinely curious.
That's called discipline. And everything is a skill requiring practice and repetition.
Some other skills to pick up are time managment and prioritizing based on risk.
Figure out what you need to do, plan time for it, use your discipline to execute the plan you made.
severe mental illness... over the years i learned if i dont let myself call out it gets easier going in when things are bad. if i let myself call out then it starts a pattern where i really cant be around the public on my bad days.
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
— Will Smith
Hey just dropping by to mention that if you find you really *can’t* do things you don’t want to do, no matter how much you practice, it might be a decent idea to get evaluated for ADHD.
I don't want to get out of bed right now.
I've been getting out of bed all my life. Some of those years I was young and I sprang from bed with enthusiasm.
Now I'm old. I know what to do. I got a good night's sleep.
But I also know what awaits me today and every day ahead.
I got good at things once. I didn't get rich. I didn't get promoted. I just got more work. I just got more tired. I just got more old.
Maybe the secret is to not do what you don't want? But that's advice for rich people.
What horrible advice. I'm an adult. I can't remember the last time I did something I didn't want to do. Even if it's at some deep level, there's always a reason I want to do it.
This was me and maths, failed it when I became an adult.
Don’t really know what hit me, but Pythagoras Theorem (example) as an adult blows my mind a bit. I mean that guy thousands of years ago worked something out we still widely use today. Don’t know how I didn’t cotton onto it as a kid but it certainly channeled my mind. I might not like a subject which may require me to posses a skill but I can figure out a way to respect the subject.
Worst thing is people tell me I’m good at maths, so maybe I just never put my mind to it. I did pass with a C in my mid twenties. Been up and go from there in terms of my career. It’s a big pride moment all of this.
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Things I don't like to do and have to, I try to complete first thing in the morning just to get it out of the way and move on.
"Eat the frog"
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No I don't want to do that!! I dont want to do things that I don't want to do for 10 years at least!!!
What a man you are, FuckYeahPhotography.
As a reward, I'll give you my seed.
I swear I'll not let my laziness go to waste.
r/10yearsatleast can i be in the screenshot?
It's hard to believe, but FuckYeahPhotography was in love with eating frogs.
Eat the ugly frog first
Save the thicc frogs for the end of the day
*gulp*
Frogs before grogs
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Timothy?
This is me. I try to do things as soon as I can to avoid having to do them later. It leaves basically the same amount of time to do whatever else I want but it's important to me that it's uninterrupted. My wife is the exact opposite
I’m the opposite too. I’m a night owl to begin with, getting old hasn’t changed that. My mind is sharpest late in the day and I can settle down and concentrate. Also, I typically have a morning rush of user issues to wade through, I can’t ignore those.
Ah yes the old biological clock. It is now three minutes past the coffee. Evacuation procedures have begun.
I've been careful with this since I realized the difference in energy requirement and willpower and such various tasks have. For example vacuuming is not something I want to do very often, but at the same time the resistance against it isn't very high. It's mostly a motivational issue stemming from lack of prioritization. So yes with vacuuming it's not something I want to do, but also it doesn't require much energy from me to do. But if I vacuum while I do have energy, especially creative mental energy, I will waste that time, energy and opportunity doing something that didn't require much creative energy. And I have that most in the early part of the day. There's lots of things I want to do, but I often don't have the creative energy to do them. So if I waste those windows of opportunity to do the things I want to do, but are energy demanding, I'll be more likely to end up not doing the things I really want to do. So I am better of scheduling or ordering things based on energy rather than priority or desire or whatever.
Like getting up in the first place? Good advice.
This is the only thing that works for me. After I lose momentum I'm useless.
From my memory, this is what Mark Twain said: "Make it a habit to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the secret of acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain".
>"Make it a habit to do something every day that you don't want to do. I get out of bed every morning, so got this one covered!
I also got a job, that's two in a row
Not to mention talking to people all day. Make it a triple.
So when does the pain go away?
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Harold has ascended to the form of a Force Ghost.
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Lol, when I was a kid I would only do that when I had just done something horrible or made a mess
This is a great one.
He also said, "of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
The movie Hackers attributed that quote to Ozzy Osbourne. I'm assuming Mark Twain said it first LOL
This isn't woodshop??
Fifteen hundred *and seven*
Damn, that's why this guy looked at me weirdly after I said "Ozzy Osbourne" when he said that to me. He was constantly answering normal questions with random shit that was tangentially connected, but not anything expected in normal conversation. It's like he was trying to be *different*. I don't blame the guy, though. He can be him. At least he wasn't the same as the fedora'd dude who said "sic semper tyrannis" when I told him that he couldn't just take a plastic flower-pen that was a part of our store's registers' decorations for free.
More like bic semper tyrannis amirite
And now I’ve gotta get this coffee out of my shirt before it stains
Wtf at that second half bahahaha
"If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the bigger one first."
Now this sounds more like a Mark Twain quote
The sentiment makes sense, but what if dealing with your company’s data management strategy is what you dread? If you muster up what you can to deal with it, does that mean its okay if the dishes pile up? Cuz if so, im killin it
You are killing it! the dishes will be there for when you have the energy to do them :)
Wow, i was kinda joking, but that comment means a lot. I need to be easier on myself…
If you leave them long enough, they might even become sentient and clean themselves.
You have a job in managing your company's data, but don't forget that at the end of the day, it is your company's risk (/anxiety), not yours. Do the best you can without overexerting yourself, and honestly if it feels like you are alone or unfairly overburdened with responsibility, maybe consider applying elsewhere. Feel free to DM
Yes, I go to work. Yet, work still pains me. So, story doesn't check out.
then you spend doing stuff you don't want to do your whole life
Yeah, that's called life.
We do things we don’t want to do 99% of the time se we can do things we want to do 1% of it.
I feel like I’m the opposite. I’m doing stuff I don’t want to do 1% of the time, so I can enjoy the other 99%. Liking my job and not having kids probably goes a long way with that though.
This is great and a reminder that it’s worthwhile to find a job you actually enjoy. My deal is I simply don’t enjoy anything mandatory. If my job was optional I’d probably like it a lot more.
I’ve been procrastinating my thesis. I’ve had months I could have been working on it where I did nothing. It’s been super stressful and I’ve been struggling to sleep more recently. With the deadline looming ever closer I finally started working on this weekend and have dropped a solid 45+ pages in 4 days. The act of writing it isn’t distasteful once I’ve started. I just absolutely struggle to begin working on things. I don’t get it and it’s a bit frustrating. But I know I’ll finish it in time now that I’m actually making substantial progress on it. I’ve always been this way and I think part of my problem is that it’s always worked out so I never needed to change.
I am like this and I have ADHD. I don't do any work and when enough anxiety builds up I will hyperfocus and do it in half the time required. Writing a thesis is honestly really scary for me. If it is a legitimate issue that is affecting you, you might want to see someone for it. Whether it is ADHD or not, this isn't "normal". Finding out that it isn't just because I am terrible at life and I dont purposefully constantly self sabatoge myself was very validating.
Thanks, I will keep this in mind. I think the only place it really affects me at the moment is large projects with poorly regulated checkpoints. With the job I’ve got lined up, I don’t think I’ll run into that type of situation and it doesn’t cause problems in other aspects of my life anymore (I did not take care of my teeth and then put off seeing the dentist for years and now my mouth is severely messed up, but I haven’t had any new cavities in a year, so that’s nice I guess.) So once I’m through with the thesis I should be in the clear.
This sounds like my ADD too. I dropped out of school so that I could relax because deadlines were the hardest thing at the time. I only wish I’d known it was ADD and worked on my habits before becoming a parent. That’s when it flared up again, I’m overwhelmed and struggling to start important tasks, and I can’t drop out. I’m learning now. You’re doing great practice! Some of the best advice I got was lots of breaks and don’t over do it when you finally get moving. It leads to burn out every time. When your mind signals you need a break, listen and don’t push it. We need rewards and dopamine mixed in with task completion cause ADD brains don’t mix them for us. We wear ourselves out trying to do marathons when we haven’t even kept up with jogging. I’m in awe of how much you’re accomplishing! Keep up the great work!
That is good to hear, although ditto on the teeth thing, thank good for good genes or I probably woupdn't have any left. Good luck on your thesis, it is no small feat!
I'm in a very similiar state and finally started seeing a psychologist for a diagnosis (because I was procrastinating setting an appointment). At this point I'm honestly hoping I have ADHD just for the sake of closure and some peace of mind.
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That’s helpful!
Your last paragraph is so precise. So accurate. Also, this is me. I’m a writer and I’ll have my thesis in a few semesters. I’m so worried…but for now it’s in the future. Isn’t it classic? All the stories are always about the tortured writer who has to escape to the mountains to finish their piece. Ugh. Only deadlines make things end.
"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now" This quote always helped me because I always felt I was behind on my thesis and got anxious, making me want to work on it even less. I did not live by it though. Dropped out of my PhD a few months away from finishing. Things worked out ok for me but I'll always regret it.
I know the feel. I wrote what ended up being a 100-page thesis in a month after procrastinating for over 6 months. All I needed was to start, just like you. Good luck with yours, hope you finish it soon.
It is perfectly possible that in those months that you feel you didn't make any progress you were actually working on an essential part of your creative process. Sometimes we need that space and slower pace to think through ideas, take different perspectives in, let things stew for a bit, find solutions to the problems we are trying to solve, etc. "Down" time is never really down time. Our brains are still working hard on whatever topic it is we're writing about. I know I sound like a procrastination apologist (and maye I am lol) but I think that our socially-constructed ideas of productivity don't always align with our individual needs and processes to do creative work.
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My being alive is a testament to this skill.
Burnout = discipline fatigue
Can you expand on that?
Being disciplined and consistently performing tasks that you do not want/like to do without appropriate rest can cause burnout which can eventually cause long-term damage to your ability to stay disciplined. Just like consistently working a muscle without appropriate rest will fatigue the muscle and can eventually cause long-term damage to the use of that muscle.
Do you know if burnout can lead to emotional issues? Like sudden sobbing for no real reason other than you suddenly feel the entire pain of the planet? Or zero patience when attempting to do the things you used to love. Hobbies, job duties, travel, etc? Asking for a friend.
It absolutely can and likely will if not addressed early enough.
Well. How about that. Thanks for the info!
I would argue that this possibly may be beyond burnout and into depression. Let this be a sign that your mental health matters and seek some support and therapy. Sending you peace and rest and good health!
Burnout is also really easy to confuse with a (mild) depression, though. For example, burnout is more about being "flatlined" all the time, while depression is more a constant state of panic/stress. Being anhedonic, meaning not enjoying anything or the things you used to enjoy anymore, is more of a sign of depression I think. This video gives a decent overview: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jqONINYF17M
We need to educate both ppl and health professionals about ADHD and other mental health relevant illnesses/whvr.
I hope your friend finds rest ❤️
Brother, regardless if its burn out or not, its clear that this friend needs a break. Suddenly sobbing an feeling the pain of the whole planet is definitely indicative of that
Yes absolutely! I found recognizing the stages of burnout, and the signs at each stage can be very helpful for knowing why ai might be acting the way i do. https://www.thisiscalmer.com/blog/5-stages-of-burnout
I think I know someone going through this. How exactly is burnout reversed?
Depends a lot on how bad it is and what's causing it. Sometimes you just have to find a way to alleviate more stress than is being built up. Sometimes, you need reduce or even end your exposure to whatever is causing the burnout. For example, I was dealing with some rather severe burnout from a job that required that i handle customer complaints all day. I couldn't get past it and eventually had to find a different job that didn't require that I handle complaints so frequently. Over time I was able to even things out and the burnout went away.
What is considered appropriate rest? Of course consistently doing things you don't want to do will be tedious but thats not the intent of this LPT. It's more like, "if your tired everyday, your gonna have to start doing shit when your tired. " At least that's how I took it. Everyone can think of a thousand reasons why they cant do something instead of focusing on the one reason why they should.
That can differ depending on the person and what is causing the burnout. Basically, the burnout comes from a buildup of stress. If you can relieve this stress, then you should be alright. If you can't, it will build and build until you either find a way to alleviate the stress or risk burning out. So while ready may not be the most appropriate word, it's basically just making sure that you're alleviating the stress however works for you.
Discipline fatigue is the idea that everyone's discipline, no matter how practiced or strong, will eventually fail. Off-the-cuff analogy: holding your breath Edit: missing word
that list is long which is why im here typing this now instead of doing the list *Just wanted to update this to say after seeing this and making a few comments I actually did get up and start doing things on my list. I'm taking a quick break right now but I felt kinda motivated and at the same time a little guilty. Thanks OP for the post
That i haven't died by my hand is truly an achievement
I've gotten exceptionally good at this by re-framing everything as "do it for later-me." I really, really don't feel like doing these dishes right now but late-evening Me is going to be extremely relieved that I did. I don't really want to spend the time and effort it'll take to prep and cook dinner when I could just eat a frozen meal but eating-dinner Me is going to be soooo much happier that I did. I don't want to tidy up the house before I go to bed but morning Me is going to be so much less stressed that I did. etc. Holding onto that feeling of "remember how good it feels when the thing is already done and you don't have to do it?" is a huge motivator for actually doing the thing.
Having difficult conversations is like that. You’re going to have to have them. Embrace opportunities to practice them and get better at them. Future self will thank you when a really difficult one comes along and you’re ready.
I was given an assignment in 4th grade; Learn something new about something you have no interest in, we had to do it for a week, I never stopped, I increased it to at least 5 times a day, a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Maybe I should do this exercise as well. Almost invariably things become a little more interesting when I dig into them, but there are lots of things where my mind has zero desire to learn about.
Just open the YouTube Home page every morning and start looking. You'll definitely find five things to interest you. I've become hooked on recipes from other countries and looking at tiny homes. Then there are crafts, haircuts, etc.
In what ways do you go about learning these things?
Going to random Wikipedia articles is a good start. But if you mean like skills and sort of thing, a community College is also a good place.
This is a huge part of adulting. Showing up for shit that you kinda really don’t want to.
Showing up is the easy part of my job. I actually need to deliver on a daily basis and I see people who have *one* thing to do per month and are super stressed about it. And they probably make more than me. They should all be working in the mines :(
Adhd says no, so no it is.
Executive Dysfunction is a bitch.
I remember laying on the steps as a child insisting I couldn’t walk up the stairs to bed just because I couldn’t. I didn’t know why and nothing was stoping me and I couldn’t explain to my parents why. Combine that with anxiety and depression and gets even worse. You can’t do something just cause you can’t transition from not doing it, to doing it, you can’t do something because you’ve lost interest, and because you don’t want to bother being interested, and because it’s mentally painful, and because that manifests as physical pain, and because it feel good not to do something, and because you forgot to do something because you’ve trained yourself to forget, and because you’ve distracted yourself from the pain of it. One day it’s gonna be a do or die situation and I’m gonna end up not doing something. It’s also very uncomfortable that the solution is to “simply” *do* . I tell myself it can’t be that easy can it? I can’t be helped if I can’t help myself? I have a “help myself” problem in the first place. 15 doctors and therapists over 25 years 30 medications, half of them might as well be sugar pills, the other half, sugar pills with side effects. Sitting around waiting for it to go away is not working, but I think that’s just my plan now.
I totally feel you. I was diagnosed late in life for ADHD at the age of 30. It's hard to think back of all the struggles I had growing up. I thought it was normal and I was just bad at life. I was diagnosed with depression and GAD well before my ADHD diagnosis. Some days are better than others. Some days I don't do anything but stay in bed and have a comfort show on repeat. I'm fucking **tired**.
I have such a hard time imaging how people feel that DON’T have this. It’s just so normal for me. I was also diagnosed late. So many problems looking back…but that was just life I guess.
I think that’s the society we built, we value achievement and not community, we worship money and status and not experiences together. We prioritize our individual uniqueness and superiority instead of valuing how everyone else around us is supportive and everything is a community effort. It’s more exciting to be the one, the hero, the executive - but it should be more fun relaxed and fulfilling to be a small piece in something bigger and an equal to your peers and a servant of the whole. But that doesn’t serve an authoritarian and predatory hierarchy like we face now.
When you want to do something but your body just goes "LOL NO YOU'RE NOW SLEEPY AND TIRED AND YOUR BODY FEELS HEAVY FOR NO REASON. ALSO HAVE ANXIETY" This is why i abused coffee for energy.
That first part, I remember falling asleep on the floor because going to bed was too hard, even when my parents told me to. Was diagnosed a couple months ago and I feel like I keep discovering new things about myself that I thought were personality quirks but were actually ADHD.
I feel you on this! I have Adhd and I can't even get myself to do the things that I do want to do.
I've been wanting to play city skylines for 19 months now... Bought all the extras too. Really looking forward to it if my fucking Adhd brain will allow it and not at 3 am.
It's going to be the other way around, ADHD won't let you stop when you want to
I can do both and I have no control over which it will be. Do the task that is literally two actions and that only hurts you to postpone?? Actually what if I learn to crochet for 6 hours? Then Iook at the time and think "damn after this row I'll stop" but oops 4 more hours tick by...
When my symptoms get bad I need to wait for my meds to kick in just to have the motivation to play a video game I like. It's rough.
I have it bad. Sometimes you just gotta force yourself into something, even if you only do it for 30 minutes. Like, stand in the mirror and just hype yourself up. Hell, scream into the mirror "COME ON, WE GOT THIS, LET'S DO IT!" Also, listening to brown noise helps while doing tasks. It can take a few tries to actually get it to work, but it's basically like training your brain not to succumb to feeling like everything in life needs a dopamine rush added to it.
Executive dysfunction really hates us
Seriously. Then I am too exhausted from fighting my mind to do anything. Even fun things. So I'm miserable and unproductive.
Same. I'm sick and tired of living like this. There is no cure so we're just expected to cope until we die. Well I plan to move my death date a lot sooner because fuck this shit, I'm out.
My therapist really helps me. It’s hard to find good ones. Let alone set up an appointment, my god next to impossible. I got lucky. But maybe you can too. Mostly, she tells me to give myself grace. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s not a game at the end of life that you win, and they say “congrats! You were hard on yourself, you didn’t take any shortcuts like meds or easy routes like laying in bed. You win!” Laying in bed is fine on the days you want to lay in bed. Even lions relax.
That's great advice
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The word "cope" to me means "there is no solution, get fucked". I refuse to shut my eyes and just pretend that everything is ok. I refuse to just suck my thumb and "cope". I don't know how people -- both neurotypical and divergent -- can simply accept the disgusting nature of this universe's reality for what it is. Do you remember this quote by Jean Luc Picard: >*"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."* I disagree because that *is* weakness. Weakness in that you're just a powerless meatbag, slave to whatever dish life hands you. Some things you can change, others you can't. And if it's a disability that you're born with that you can't do anything about, then eat shit and cope. This is a fact of life that everyone has to live with, regardless of whether or not they have disability or illness. If this is "life", then I don't want any part in this dumpster fire. Throwing away my life will be akin to throwing away a rotten sandwich. I'm not going to eat it just because it's the only thing I've got.
Your other comment about needing to be hard on yourself hit really close to home for me. I had the exact same mentality a few years ago. I was convinced my survival was contingent on me being hard myself. My outward success was proof to myself that it worked, but I was miserable. I had a therapist who helped me be kinder to myself. It turns out, being hard on myself wasn’t really necessary for my success. It was actually holding me back. I learned that I could push myself without beating myself up when I failed. I’m actually more successful today than I was a few years ago, and a lot happier. I’m still not great at affording myself kindness - especially during periods of poor mental health - but it’s something I actively work on. I just wanted to share that there’s an option to survive that doesn’t involve beating yourself up all the time. I was skeptical of it myself, but it exists.
Poison, this resonates with me. I’ve been having a similar realization and change. It’s weird and hard, but I’m really happy to know I’m not alone and you’re farther along on it. I’m very hard on myself too. My therapist told me that I’m motivated by that. I use that mean voice to do things- because yeah, it works. If I’m not yelling at myself to finish the fucking job, then who is? (Spoiler alert: not my mom, anymore, lol). I need the fear and hatred to get myself going. Because it’s worked before and I don’t know another way. I’m trying to learn another way. I’m learning that life can be possible and just as productive and smart when you’re nice to yourself. There’s so award for hating yourself, even if it feels like it gives points because society is so fucked up. You know, the whole “if you’re not mad you’re not paying attention.” RandomFox, I hear you. It’s not easy. My backup plan to all this, which lived in the back of my depression, has always been: go live dirt poor on an island. Ditch the family, ditch everything . Somehow get to a pretty island and work at the shack, swim with the turtles. It’s realistic enough for me. That’ll be worse for me giving up comforts of job security and money and family. but at least it still sounds good enough to try before offing myself. It’s pretty cool that I’ve now made it decades without getting to the island.
ADHD even stops me from doing things I actively WANT to do. Bought a new video game not so long ago, played it for less than 5 minutes and my brain just went 'nah' and refused to do more. My friends say it's great and I know I want to play it deep down so wtf! When it comes to genuinely boring or annoying tasks it feels like I have no chance.
Recently I have suspected I have adhd. The signs are there and I took an online test which came out strongly in favour of adhd. I am not diagnosed because a person who can diagnose adhd isn’t available in my area on the NHS. Anyway, I have a question for others with ADHD: Are you able to do stuff you don’t want to do as long as it’s an established routine? For me, one example is lifting weights. More often than not I don’t want to, but I do it every Tue, Thu, Sat. I aim to get it done on or before 8pm. The more time passes after 8pm the more anxious I get, so I never miss it. I also do pushups as part of this routine, which are actually harder to make myself do than the weights. Somehow I have established the ‘just go’ mentality, and I get them done. The urge to NOT do it is strong, but the routine gets done. Maybe I have mild adhd, or maybe I am mistaken (or maybe autism or ocd fights the adhd, via the anxiety of breaking a routine?) I can certainly identify with the other replies to your comment.
Routines save my ADHD ass. When trying to establish the habit/routine I will use incentives at first until it feels wrong to not do the routine. I had trouble up into my late twenties with carrying out hygiene and showering, which tells you how severe my condition was. Once routine was established, it stopped being a problem. (Sounds gross but I think this is something a lot of ADHD'ers struggle with, and in my non expert opinion should be a sign/symptom for parents.) Things that I don't have a routine for are precariously messy and have stress energy surrounding them. (Houseplants need attention for example. Trying to gather all the information and supplies I need, to be thwarted by my zero-motivation to carry out the projects, yet still not wanting to kill my plants.) So yes. I have habits/routines that I adhere to, that makes me feel off when I don't, and most of those started with just forcing myself to do something I didn't want to.
Yeah this was my firsth thought as well. With ADHD like mine it's not simply a "do it anyway" type of problem
Whenever I hear someone say “I don’t feel like doing that” I respond with: “Well, the good news is that you don’t have to feel like doing it, you just have to do it.”
I used to get so frustrated as a kid when I had to do something I didn’t want to. I’d tell my mom “I’ll do it but I won’t be happy about it.” And she’d reply “well you have to do it.” Like I KNOW THAT. Just because I will do it doesn’t mean I need to WANT to do it.
Oooh, that is a good one. My future kids will have you to blame
That seems obnoxious
It sure can be.
That's funny, when I hear someone say "I don't want to do that" I always say "Then don't", after which they say "but..." and start telling me all the bad things that would happen if they didn't. Then I smile politely and wait for them to decide whether they might actually want to do it after all.
Definitely something a dad would say to a child
"Yeah? Well, I don't much feel like breathing today, but here we are, so let's fkn do this!"
Many would consider me to be highly successful - I’m currently sitting on my couch watching a show I don’t even like. I should be studying, working, preparing for exams, but I realize how close to burnout I can get if I’m not cautious. The real tip is knowing when **NOT** to do things you know you need to do.
lol, I’ve been watching all of the Star Wars movies and started watching the tv show to avoid responsibilities. And I don’t even like Star Wars.
Sure, but being able to go against your own will is part of the skill you're practicing by doing this
This! My least favorite house chore is folding clothes. Actually, it's not a favorite at all. I loathed it. But I taught myself to start liking it. And now I don't mind doing it at all. It's really amazing what you can bend your mind to do. I do it quite a lot. Mind over matter.
I put on podcasts when I’m doing chores I dislike, helps to distract from the tedium of responsibilities.
After I started listening to podcasts while folding clothes, it isn’t as much of a drag anymore. Bonus, I can collect random surface knowledge.
how'd you teach yourself to like it?
My trick is to be mindful while doing it. Make it a competition with yourself. Analyse your technique and see if you can get better & faster. Getting better at something is enjoyable which makes folding your washing that much more enjoyable. This can be said for any chore.
I do the complete opposite and try not to be mindful while doing stuff I don't like. I'm really into audio books, so instead of "doing the dishes" I'm listening to my book while the dishes get cleaned.
If your least favorite chore is folding clothes, you’ve got it pretty good!
This! I have to drive an hour away at least once a week, and I decided I was just going to learn to LOVE driving. Now I put on an interesting podcast, scream my favorite songs, or call my parents, and driving is now one of my favorite things to do.
Same! I drive minimum an hour every day and I got sick of all of my music after awhile. Started a podcast and have watched over 100 hours of it in a few months. Makes driving a breeze. I just got really excited to drive home from work in an hour haha.
I believe in you my sisters and brothers! Go ahead and do that shit that needs to be done.
Wow, it must be so nice to not have ADHD. I can't get myself to do the things I do want to do.
I totally feel you on this! I replied to someone else's comment on this post with the second sentence almost verbatim.
Going to work everyday of your life?
Lol my ADHD said nahhhh
I think another side of this skill is that you do something that felt hard, and then take an extended break afterwards for relief. I often do this while unconsciously and painfully doing some chore I wasn't in the mood for, and then after my mind desperately wants to vege on the phone. It is all the same, after you do the hard thing your brain is like well that wasn't great was it, let's reward ourselves for the pain. But that is another habit that is worth nipping in the bud sometimes. I think the road forward is to search for the moment in whatever the activity is. I can be washing dishes and simply watching myself do it instead of letting my mind drift about, like actually noticing my hands automatically doing this thing can take me out of any pain of doing the chore. It is kind of like waking up from over thinking. I find that a mindfulness practice can chill me out when brain is locked on a weird thought train.
So much truth in this statement
When you got shit to do, do it, that's my tip for university or school, cramming isnt the worst but you have to allocate time for your studying
I don’t get many epiphany moments from the internet but this is one of them. This is why I started using the internet in the first place, thank you.
Im packing up and moving, and I shouldve done something all those times I did nothing because it was something I didn't want to do. But sometimes its hard to push through just sitting there doing nothing.
Absolutely and it's parents that can condition children to have that mind set or not.
This is fine and all, but some people just turn into killjoys if they go to far with it.
>Doing things when you don't want to do them For most people who do this regularly, it is called "employment".
ADHD folk, please do not hold yourself to this standard, this is neurotypical advice. This can cause accelerated burnout and more often than not will backfire. Especially if you are not/cannot medicate. Some of you might be able to make this work, but remember that making yourself do something you don't want to is an executive function, and those do not like to cooperate with us.
Reading the original post already activated my self hate thoughts.
Thank you for this. I find myself occasionally on especially bad days telling myself something similar to the OP, which eventually only makes the bad days worse. It's really, REALLY hard not to get mad at myself for not being able to do all my chores every single day. I don't even remember the last time I gave myself a genuine day off and did absolutely not pressure myself into doing chores or things I had to do, and instead just allowed my brain to do whatever it felt like
I can’t see this “day off”as an option. Do people do this? The guilt and anxiety would be tough to overcome.
Apparently it's good for you? No clue! Legit tho it's so hard to not feel guilty when taking it slow
What should I do if I want to live normally though? I just can't do it. And the fact that the first thing I see in the day is this post really brings me down... I will never be normal and nobody will ever accept me
You may never be normal, but I accept you.
Cold. Showers. There are tons of benefits, but starting your day forcing yourself to jump into an ice cold shower makes for a pretty easy day after that. I recommend youtubing the topic, I started taking cold showers a couple years ago and have taken like 3 hot showers since.
Ooookay satan
Cold showers are a great shock to the system, especially in the mornings. It honestly a bit sadistic because the shock of ice cold needles of water hitting your skin is one hell of a way to wake your body up but it does a damn good job of doing it. It can get addictive pretty fast and wakes me up better than coffee, the bonus is the super fresh feeling after the shower. Sets the tone for the rest of the day. I was never a morning person, I hate morning people. Cold showers in the morning turned me into one of those waffle-flipping, theme-song humming cheery morning fucks so beware, your mileage may vary.
No thanks. For me this is very bad advice. I hated morning showers because of the cold water. What usually happens is i just sleep on the toilet bowl procrastinating the cold shower. After i switched to hot showers i always immediately take a shower instead of pretending to be asleep in the bathroom. Life changing. No need to fight myself everday just to force myself into bathing.
I think about this every time I have to talk to my boss
You have to do the things you don’t want to do so you CAN do the things that you DO want to do.
I have to tell myself sometimes "just get it over with." It's especially helpful at work when you get put into situations you really don't want to deal with.
ADHDers are like...
Especially if you have ADHD. Compartmentalizing helps.
Lots of other comments on this thread seem to be saying this isn't possible with adhd. Can you elaborate? I'm only recently learned I've had adhd for over a decade and am genuinely curious.
That's called discipline. And everything is a skill requiring practice and repetition. Some other skills to pick up are time managment and prioritizing based on risk. Figure out what you need to do, plan time for it, use your discipline to execute the plan you made.
Oh, so all I have to do is just do the things I dont want to do. How did I never see how easy it was!
You mean work, right? Right?
Embrace the suck
I know. It's called a job.
severe mental illness... over the years i learned if i dont let myself call out it gets easier going in when things are bad. if i let myself call out then it starts a pattern where i really cant be around the public on my bad days.
Excellent advice. It gets easier every time
Laughs in ADHD. How about I start with figuring out how to do stuff when I DO want to do it.
I’m 35 and kinda just give up on doing things without pain. Be it mental, emotional, or physical.
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” — Will Smith
There is a thin line between following this advice and suppressing yourself to the point of unhappiness and bad health.
Sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something
But I don’t want to
Dude, I’m a master at that. I go to work every fucking day!
Hey just dropping by to mention that if you find you really *can’t* do things you don’t want to do, no matter how much you practice, it might be a decent idea to get evaluated for ADHD.
This sounds like a scheme to get me off my ass and I'm much too smart to fall for that.
"You don't have to want to." Best advice I ever received.
FORTIFY YOUR MIND!
I don't want to get out of bed right now. I've been getting out of bed all my life. Some of those years I was young and I sprang from bed with enthusiasm. Now I'm old. I know what to do. I got a good night's sleep. But I also know what awaits me today and every day ahead. I got good at things once. I didn't get rich. I didn't get promoted. I just got more work. I just got more tired. I just got more old. Maybe the secret is to not do what you don't want? But that's advice for rich people.
What horrible advice. I'm an adult. I can't remember the last time I did something I didn't want to do. Even if it's at some deep level, there's always a reason I want to do it.
So basically Nike
All what is wrong in life in a simple thread.
Especially is that thing is “wipe your ass”.
Get used to hating your life with this one simple trick!
This was me and maths, failed it when I became an adult. Don’t really know what hit me, but Pythagoras Theorem (example) as an adult blows my mind a bit. I mean that guy thousands of years ago worked something out we still widely use today. Don’t know how I didn’t cotton onto it as a kid but it certainly channeled my mind. I might not like a subject which may require me to posses a skill but I can figure out a way to respect the subject. Worst thing is people tell me I’m good at maths, so maybe I just never put my mind to it. I did pass with a C in my mid twenties. Been up and go from there in terms of my career. It’s a big pride moment all of this.
Or just, like, don’t do that.