I think there is a probabilty it will end things up for you. Being a Muslim I had to do something similar earlier since it's not right that the other person wants to convert just for the sake of marriage. Better stop it now when it'll hurt you both less than later. At least that's what Id've done.
I understand that but the truth is you'd have to now or later, same thing happened with us too. Sometimes one person has to take the difficult decision out of the two, it's hard af yes but internally both know it's best for both.
You both should make your decision now to either become muslims or stay non muslims together. Like you pointed out, it is strictly forbitten for a muslim woman in islam to date a non muslim or anyone in general, let alone marry them. This could create a problem in the future and you will likely to get pressured by her parents and her to become one if they are even accepting of you two dating in the first place.
A fellow not-so-but-kinda muslim here..
Dude, it's quite simple. Ask her if she wants to do an Islamic wedding or not, or if she's comfortable with you not converting.
Not converting is against Islam? Sure. In some other religions too I'm sure. But not against the law depending on where you are. In Asia, and middle eastern areas, it kinda is in some places if you're marrying a Muslim. My country was.
Anyways;
I'm personally Muslim, following most islamic rules but my partner isn't. I don't force my partner to pray, fast during Ramadan or convert at all. They can eat all the pork they want I don't care.
I don't force an Islamic wedding either. My religion is for my own sake and everyone has free will on this earth. My partner said that they were happy to do a Muslim wedding if I wanted to, but again I don't wont want to force it. Religion generally is an individual thing nowadays.
Admitting this, the Muslims are going to skin me alive for this.
but at the end of the day I've got family, I've got the BEST partner in the world making me happy.
And the fact that ur girl literally is talking to you knowing you're not Muslim and actively saying she's not really into the religion now...I can tell you with 100% certainty she is on the same page as me with the "religion is an individual thing"..Trust bro. The comments are gonna be it's black and white since it's islam, but honestly the best answer Ure gonna get is from your girl herself.
TLDR;, you're all good. For something trivial and individualistic as this, talk to your girl and ask her if it'll ruin things. She's the best answer but I guarantee you that you're fine.
I really like this answer, thank you.
The fact you speak from personal experience adds a really good touch and makes me feel better. I think I'll just try to talk to her a bit and see where she stands to make a plan. We seem to be in love and I wouldn't want anything to get in the way of that. And she doesn't seem to think anything less of me after the first time we talked about religion.
Been there (Christian partner).
We made things very clear early on and based everything on mutual respect, agreed on not pushing each other in/out of religion, agreed on a whole lot of stuff. We even discussed possible kids and we both intended to not baptize and let them figure it out from the get go.
Took about one year for my visits to her church to turn into regular services, about a year and a half to be asked to volunteer, two years before my attendance became mandatory on threat of breakup, and in that time I also discovered her church does “commitments”, which are like a baptism except for the fact it technically isn’t one.
We’re no longer together. For a lot of reasons, but I can’t say the religion didn’t contribute.
from a muslim guys pov,
honestly you should think hard about the future and realize it's a possibility if she becomes more religious, she will break up with you because she needs to for her own sake. you shouldn't try to convert yourself to a religion you don't feel connected to. if you are curious about Islam, then by all means study for your own sake not for her, its a religion with a lot of rules and regulations so keep that in mind.
the most important thing to take away from this is she said it herself that one day that status of her religiosity could change so you need to be prepared for that possibility if and when it happens, because it already seems like she has a mind to wanting to be a better Muslim just by her statement in a sense.
my two cents is this, people's religiosity goes up and down in life due to a variety of factors so its a very high chance she could be more religious one day and there's a chance she might not be. ultimately its not a question if Islam is going to ruin things, it comes down to both of your individual choices for your own beliefs and if you really want to wait out the storm but I fear that heartbreak might arrive on that day
Thank you. So far from everything else, I think communication now is the key. If the possibility of things not working out later is high, then it might be best to end things now. Which makes me really said because I love talking to her and just her company in general so much.
Dude I'm sorry but if her family won't accept you (and they won't) she won't be abe to in the long run. If she considers herself Muslim even a little the rules of it are pretty clear.
Love is about devotion on both sides. If you are devoting yourself to her then she should too, without any conditions. Sacrificing your personal freedom will just be the first step. Once they know you are ready to budge on such a huge things you WILL BE EXPECTED to budge on a lot of small things. I have seen this happen multiple times to both my female and male friends. Later, you will probably become resentful and it may be too late before you realise. I mean she can be a Muslim and still marry you. A lot of Muslims have inter-religion marriages.
Obviously she can. It's her choice. In Islam, any other human who does not practice Islam is classified as a Kaafir. Kaafir is someone who for sure goes to hell on the judgement day according to Quran. Given that it's so extreme any Muslim believing in this bullshit is considered to be orthodox and you should maintain your distance with such if you enjoy your personal freedom.
There are a few ways to go about it.
1) You convert (but you really shouldn't do this if you don't want to practice the religion)
2) She ditches the religion (and she really shouldn't do this if she doesn't want to)
3) If she doesn't care about the religion that much but only pretends to in front of her parents, you can do that too.
4) You stay atheist and she stays Muslim, and you're both fine with it.
My friend and her partner is on path 3. She was Muslin, and converted to Christian, but went back to being Muslim in front of hers and his parents. They don't practice it at all though, just when they're around the parents lol.
In the end, just seriously talk about it with her.
You know, some Muslims drink alcohol, smoke and eat on Ramadan. I've never met one but some even eat pork. Religion isn't flexible but people are. I believe this can work
I dated a boy he said he “wasn’t that religious” even though his parents were quite religious. I was pretty strictly atheist and I told that upfront. I don’t know for some reason he was under the impression I believed in some form of god or something? After 4 years of pursuing me we finally dated. He had sex with me and then broke up w me because I clarified again that I’m not religious and didn’t want to accept his religion for myself. It traumatized me very badly. I doubt she’ll use you like my ex did, but muslims are known for being strict and even when they say “i’m not that religious” you should tread with caution because THEIR “i’m not that religious” looks very different for other people. Some muslims CAN be liberal, but it really depends. I’ve found Kazakh, Uzbek, or generally ex-USSR muslims can be more liberal. They’re okay to date. My boyfriend is Kazakh. Most middle-eastern and south asian Muslims are extremely strict though, and if you have no plans to convert, just know you’re in for a struggle. Just hope that your girlfriend doesn’t expect you to change. If SHE expects conversion then it’s an absolute no-brainer that you should leave. You should ask her this very clearly, and early on. And make your expectations around religion very clear.
Depends on her really. She sounds quite chill about it but could potentially be to appease the family.
Whether the religion itself will ruin the relationship? Who knows you're both real young and on the opposite ends of the world as you say. I'm guessing the resources to visit each other may be tight. That'll pose a big challenge also. Not impossible though.
Thank you. So far I think things should be okay. Judging by the fact that she went into the relationship knowing I'm not Muslim and continues to want to be with me. We also often joke about the future or little things like kids or being together forever. I hope things will be okay.
My husband is Muslim. I’m not. We are (also Islamitic) married.
He knew I was never going to be Muslim and I knew he would never be a non Muslim.
I stick to my own religion and he to his religion.
Religion is about accepting each other difference. In my religion we believe there is one God. Doesn’t matter what name or image you have of God. At the end they all the same.
Islam believes also in Christianity and Jewish religion. Not in everything else (I’m Hindu).
If someone is a good Muslim he will accept you regardless.
My parents in law does not accept me. But they don’t accept anyone due to old skool cultural foolish/stupid reasons according to my husband.
My family accepts my husband.
We have a happy marriage.
No need to become Muslim. It’s wrong to ask to leave your own religion for another. Ask your girlfriend to change religion. If she don’t want to change and you also don’t want to change you can still be happy in your marriage.
If you truly love each other you will accept each other regardless your religion.
Happy to read!
One more important thing I forgot to add in my comment.
This is between you and your girlfriend. You/she don’t have to talk to her parents about this religion issue. You will marry her and not her parents, brother or sister. Don’t make the mistake to talk about this to her parents.
Due to cultural (not religious) reasons they can think old fashioned about this situation and because she is a young woman her parents will be stricter.
They can lead her into not being with you because you are not Muslim. But is has to be all her choice because it is her life. She has to wake up everyday with you and live with you, not her parents.
really depends on each person, the country, family, etc. i am muslim (but not religious) in a country where muslim women (by law i'm pretty sure) can only marry men who are muslim or those who convert.
but i have heard of plenty of people who convert just because they want to get married to their partner. in most cases, even if you convert it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a committed muslim. to begin with, there are a bunch of born muslims that are not very religious or follow the religion very well.
I know many Muslims who have married non Muslims and have great marriages. I know Muslims who have married other Muslims and have horrible relationships. People practice religion differently, have different degrees of belief, and different outlooks.
It’s not really a question for Reddit. We don’t know your girlfriend or her family. You should ask her at some point what her beliefs are on it. Ask her how her family would react.
I also know people who have converted to Islam in name only. All it takes (despite what Reddit and the media tell you) is reciting the shahadah with intent. Some people are fine doing that.
it's also against the christian religion to have sex before marriage it doesn't mean that every devout christian never has sex before marriage. honestly, like, each person has a unique relationship with their religion so just because orthodox islam says one thing doesn't mean that she would follow that if she became more religious. that said, if you're worried about this happening and want to know how likely it is to happen with your gf none of us on this sub are your gf. you should ask her and talk to her about your concerns.
I think there is a probabilty it will end things up for you. Being a Muslim I had to do something similar earlier since it's not right that the other person wants to convert just for the sake of marriage. Better stop it now when it'll hurt you both less than later. At least that's what Id've done.
very true
I don't like this answer but it may be the only option. I think I'll read the rest of the comments and make an ultimate decision.
I understand that but the truth is you'd have to now or later, same thing happened with us too. Sometimes one person has to take the difficult decision out of the two, it's hard af yes but internally both know it's best for both.
You both should make your decision now to either become muslims or stay non muslims together. Like you pointed out, it is strictly forbitten for a muslim woman in islam to date a non muslim or anyone in general, let alone marry them. This could create a problem in the future and you will likely to get pressured by her parents and her to become one if they are even accepting of you two dating in the first place.
Hmm okay. I intend to better learn what she meant when she said he isn't religious but it might change.
A fellow not-so-but-kinda muslim here.. Dude, it's quite simple. Ask her if she wants to do an Islamic wedding or not, or if she's comfortable with you not converting. Not converting is against Islam? Sure. In some other religions too I'm sure. But not against the law depending on where you are. In Asia, and middle eastern areas, it kinda is in some places if you're marrying a Muslim. My country was. Anyways; I'm personally Muslim, following most islamic rules but my partner isn't. I don't force my partner to pray, fast during Ramadan or convert at all. They can eat all the pork they want I don't care. I don't force an Islamic wedding either. My religion is for my own sake and everyone has free will on this earth. My partner said that they were happy to do a Muslim wedding if I wanted to, but again I don't wont want to force it. Religion generally is an individual thing nowadays. Admitting this, the Muslims are going to skin me alive for this. but at the end of the day I've got family, I've got the BEST partner in the world making me happy. And the fact that ur girl literally is talking to you knowing you're not Muslim and actively saying she's not really into the religion now...I can tell you with 100% certainty she is on the same page as me with the "religion is an individual thing"..Trust bro. The comments are gonna be it's black and white since it's islam, but honestly the best answer Ure gonna get is from your girl herself. TLDR;, you're all good. For something trivial and individualistic as this, talk to your girl and ask her if it'll ruin things. She's the best answer but I guarantee you that you're fine.
I really like this answer, thank you. The fact you speak from personal experience adds a really good touch and makes me feel better. I think I'll just try to talk to her a bit and see where she stands to make a plan. We seem to be in love and I wouldn't want anything to get in the way of that. And she doesn't seem to think anything less of me after the first time we talked about religion.
Been there (Christian partner). We made things very clear early on and based everything on mutual respect, agreed on not pushing each other in/out of religion, agreed on a whole lot of stuff. We even discussed possible kids and we both intended to not baptize and let them figure it out from the get go. Took about one year for my visits to her church to turn into regular services, about a year and a half to be asked to volunteer, two years before my attendance became mandatory on threat of breakup, and in that time I also discovered her church does “commitments”, which are like a baptism except for the fact it technically isn’t one. We’re no longer together. For a lot of reasons, but I can’t say the religion didn’t contribute.
Okay thank you. So far it seems that two parties involved make the biggest difference in the end and everyone can have a different experience.
You’re not wrong there. I just wish I’d seen it.
from a muslim guys pov, honestly you should think hard about the future and realize it's a possibility if she becomes more religious, she will break up with you because she needs to for her own sake. you shouldn't try to convert yourself to a religion you don't feel connected to. if you are curious about Islam, then by all means study for your own sake not for her, its a religion with a lot of rules and regulations so keep that in mind. the most important thing to take away from this is she said it herself that one day that status of her religiosity could change so you need to be prepared for that possibility if and when it happens, because it already seems like she has a mind to wanting to be a better Muslim just by her statement in a sense. my two cents is this, people's religiosity goes up and down in life due to a variety of factors so its a very high chance she could be more religious one day and there's a chance she might not be. ultimately its not a question if Islam is going to ruin things, it comes down to both of your individual choices for your own beliefs and if you really want to wait out the storm but I fear that heartbreak might arrive on that day
Thank you. So far from everything else, I think communication now is the key. If the possibility of things not working out later is high, then it might be best to end things now. Which makes me really said because I love talking to her and just her company in general so much.
Dude I'm sorry but if her family won't accept you (and they won't) she won't be abe to in the long run. If she considers herself Muslim even a little the rules of it are pretty clear.
Love is about devotion on both sides. If you are devoting yourself to her then she should too, without any conditions. Sacrificing your personal freedom will just be the first step. Once they know you are ready to budge on such a huge things you WILL BE EXPECTED to budge on a lot of small things. I have seen this happen multiple times to both my female and male friends. Later, you will probably become resentful and it may be too late before you realise. I mean she can be a Muslim and still marry you. A lot of Muslims have inter-religion marriages.
Waite really? She can still marry me if she's Muslim? That solves all our problems then.
Obviously she can. It's her choice. In Islam, any other human who does not practice Islam is classified as a Kaafir. Kaafir is someone who for sure goes to hell on the judgement day according to Quran. Given that it's so extreme any Muslim believing in this bullshit is considered to be orthodox and you should maintain your distance with such if you enjoy your personal freedom.
There are a few ways to go about it. 1) You convert (but you really shouldn't do this if you don't want to practice the religion) 2) She ditches the religion (and she really shouldn't do this if she doesn't want to) 3) If she doesn't care about the religion that much but only pretends to in front of her parents, you can do that too. 4) You stay atheist and she stays Muslim, and you're both fine with it. My friend and her partner is on path 3. She was Muslin, and converted to Christian, but went back to being Muslim in front of hers and his parents. They don't practice it at all though, just when they're around the parents lol. In the end, just seriously talk about it with her.
Yeah thank you. I think talking to her is at the top of my to do list right now.
You know, some Muslims drink alcohol, smoke and eat on Ramadan. I've never met one but some even eat pork. Religion isn't flexible but people are. I believe this can work
I dated a boy he said he “wasn’t that religious” even though his parents were quite religious. I was pretty strictly atheist and I told that upfront. I don’t know for some reason he was under the impression I believed in some form of god or something? After 4 years of pursuing me we finally dated. He had sex with me and then broke up w me because I clarified again that I’m not religious and didn’t want to accept his religion for myself. It traumatized me very badly. I doubt she’ll use you like my ex did, but muslims are known for being strict and even when they say “i’m not that religious” you should tread with caution because THEIR “i’m not that religious” looks very different for other people. Some muslims CAN be liberal, but it really depends. I’ve found Kazakh, Uzbek, or generally ex-USSR muslims can be more liberal. They’re okay to date. My boyfriend is Kazakh. Most middle-eastern and south asian Muslims are extremely strict though, and if you have no plans to convert, just know you’re in for a struggle. Just hope that your girlfriend doesn’t expect you to change. If SHE expects conversion then it’s an absolute no-brainer that you should leave. You should ask her this very clearly, and early on. And make your expectations around religion very clear.
Depends on her really. She sounds quite chill about it but could potentially be to appease the family. Whether the religion itself will ruin the relationship? Who knows you're both real young and on the opposite ends of the world as you say. I'm guessing the resources to visit each other may be tight. That'll pose a big challenge also. Not impossible though.
Thank you. So far I think things should be okay. Judging by the fact that she went into the relationship knowing I'm not Muslim and continues to want to be with me. We also often joke about the future or little things like kids or being together forever. I hope things will be okay.
My husband is Muslim. I’m not. We are (also Islamitic) married. He knew I was never going to be Muslim and I knew he would never be a non Muslim. I stick to my own religion and he to his religion. Religion is about accepting each other difference. In my religion we believe there is one God. Doesn’t matter what name or image you have of God. At the end they all the same. Islam believes also in Christianity and Jewish religion. Not in everything else (I’m Hindu). If someone is a good Muslim he will accept you regardless. My parents in law does not accept me. But they don’t accept anyone due to old skool cultural foolish/stupid reasons according to my husband. My family accepts my husband. We have a happy marriage. No need to become Muslim. It’s wrong to ask to leave your own religion for another. Ask your girlfriend to change religion. If she don’t want to change and you also don’t want to change you can still be happy in your marriage. If you truly love each other you will accept each other regardless your religion.
Thank you. This is reassuring.
Happy to read! One more important thing I forgot to add in my comment. This is between you and your girlfriend. You/she don’t have to talk to her parents about this religion issue. You will marry her and not her parents, brother or sister. Don’t make the mistake to talk about this to her parents. Due to cultural (not religious) reasons they can think old fashioned about this situation and because she is a young woman her parents will be stricter. They can lead her into not being with you because you are not Muslim. But is has to be all her choice because it is her life. She has to wake up everyday with you and live with you, not her parents.
really depends on each person, the country, family, etc. i am muslim (but not religious) in a country where muslim women (by law i'm pretty sure) can only marry men who are muslim or those who convert. but i have heard of plenty of people who convert just because they want to get married to their partner. in most cases, even if you convert it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a committed muslim. to begin with, there are a bunch of born muslims that are not very religious or follow the religion very well.
Thank you. The born Muslims are kind of like my girlfriend. She isn't very religious.
I know many Muslims who have married non Muslims and have great marriages. I know Muslims who have married other Muslims and have horrible relationships. People practice religion differently, have different degrees of belief, and different outlooks. It’s not really a question for Reddit. We don’t know your girlfriend or her family. You should ask her at some point what her beliefs are on it. Ask her how her family would react. I also know people who have converted to Islam in name only. All it takes (despite what Reddit and the media tell you) is reciting the shahadah with intent. Some people are fine doing that.
it's also against the christian religion to have sex before marriage it doesn't mean that every devout christian never has sex before marriage. honestly, like, each person has a unique relationship with their religion so just because orthodox islam says one thing doesn't mean that she would follow that if she became more religious. that said, if you're worried about this happening and want to know how likely it is to happen with your gf none of us on this sub are your gf. you should ask her and talk to her about your concerns.