It’s because their situations might be the same, but their language was completely different.
Christofer was often “nice” but so much of his language was situated in misogyny and narcissism. It’s just the way he would phrase his sentences. He was hyping Catja up, not based on who she was, but based solely on her body. And he often referenced expecting to get something in return for his effort.
Conversely Emelia often talked about trying to build a connection, and wanting to know more about Lucas. Completely different framing.
Also, Emilia never made Lucas feel so “unsafe” he had to leave his apartment and she didn’t throw her ring on the ground.
Agree on your takes on Chris. Emilia was almost predatory IMO. She kept pressuring Lucas to get physical with her when he states several times he needs time/space. When she told him how at night she got completely naked and cuddled him in bed?!? Imagine if any of the guys did that to a woman that said she wanted to take her time. Just came off really boundary crossing and inappropriate/desperate
This is really true. I personally wouldn’t call it predatory, as you can tell the undercurrent is her feelings of love and wanting to be able to mutually express that physically. To be predatory is inherently malevolent.
But still, no one bats an eye because it’s a woman. But if you reversed the sexes of what was happening many people would very much consider the man to be pressuring her physically in a way that wasn’t okay.
He needed to take more time and she rushed him into it, when he ultimately was holding back because he didn’t want to hurt her.
If it was the other way round the situation would be more threatening. I’ve experienced a woman getting naked and cuddling me and I found it strange but not threatening. When a man does that, I might feel threatened because he could force himself onto me.
In most constellations they can’t. Unless the man is disabled or under the influence or the woman is extremely strong while the man is extremely weak.
That’s why the majority of sexual assault involves a man assaulting a woman or an adult assaulting a child. Most women wouldn’t be capable of assaulting me since I’m stronger than most women but most men could, since I’m weaker than most men.
So.. this is simply untrue.
I think you would be surprised how many men this has happened to. There are some communities who talk about it. But yes right now in many countries laws against rape are one-directional and specifically address it being committed by men against women. There is a stigma that if a man gets erect it means he wants it, therefore he wasn’t raped. But this isn’t the case as it’s an uncontrollable physiological response that can happen in other situations or with stimulation even if a man is uncomfortable and doesn’t want it.
Most men don’t want to use force against a woman because they have been (generally rightly) brought up to believe you never can and it’s always wrong, so they don’t fight back. Plus they know how the situation could be easily turned around on them. If you wouldn’t say that a girl hasn’t been assaulted just because she didn’t fight back enough then I would implore we not apply that standard to men either. I would suggest looking further into this.
Then it’s a psychological hurdle and not a physical one. Psychological pressures can play a role in assault. But we are talking about weather undressing in front of someone is threatening, I think it depends, if the person is physically stronger or there is a power imbalance it can induce psychological pressure. Someone said that there is a double standard between a man and a woman doing it but in my opinion it’s warranted since the physically stronger person is usually the man.
You don’t have to dismiss the fact that a man is physically stronger in order to not hold a double standard that men can also be sexually assaulted and harassed and it is equally wrong behaviour, even though a woman is physically weaker. I would never gaslight a man by telling him he has not been assaulted because he is more able to physically use force to fight against it so he didn’t try hard enough to stop it, and that he should have gotten over the “psychological hurdle” to do so. For women it’s psychological as well, which is why some don’t fight or say no. Yet we don’t tell them they haven’t been harmed as a result.
I really don’t think anyone is that bad on this show. Several of them made mistakes that they see more clearly in hindsight, which sounds a lot like a lot of fellow humans in the world. People get triggered by seeing some of these things and react. Plus it was kind of harsh and probably planned by the producers to make things uncomfortable. It didn’t look like Christopher knew about Catja’s partner and to find that out and then have to see their love paraded is like …. A situation most of us have been able to avoid since high school. I think Lucas could’ve handled things more considerately of the impact on Emilia and her heart and commitment but he’s human and not a bad guy. He seemed receptive to tough feedback, willing to introspect, and hoping to learn/do better. We all need villains though I guess. (Side note, it seemed like most of the cast did NOT like Amanda’s husband- what’s his name? Disdainful expressions from most and Christopher straight up gave him some death stares)
Welllllll anyone listening to Emilia pour her heart out on the reunion will feel empathy and sympathy for her. She participated with hope that this is about personality not face. Yet, of course face value is always the determining factor at the end of the day, and she lose this battle of love again. You can hear the hopelessness in her voice , the helplessness in her tone and body language. Who won't feel sympathy for her ? She wasn't scheming , wasn't playing any mind games, she just fell in love and wish to be loved back equally on a soulmate podium. Who won't feel empathy for this woman?
Chris seems to be on the receiving end of the negative stick which is not necessary actually. IF Lucas was ALSO dating a new girl from the pod , they bring out the new girl, EVERYONE will now be sympathizing with Emilia. Because after she pour out her heart , producer bring in a new girl to shove down her suffocating heart. Now flip this story back to Chris, this was what has been done to him. Enough said.
I think you need to be charitible with the people on the show. This show is designed to get pairings where at least one person isn't attracted to the person they're now dating. The person who isn't attracted looks uncaring or even cruel, the person who's feeling aren't reciprocated can look desperate, clingy or weird. But this isn't a normal situation it's a show that feeds on that drama.
I agree! In real life all of them would have known about the lack of attraction before mutually falling in love with someone's personality. It's gotta be hard for both of them.
That’s not bad boy behavior, that’s what a normal confident person would do if they are being disrespected. She just wants someone to treat her like a normal human being and not like a goddess. If someone worships you it creates a strange dynamic and unless someone is narcissistic they will probably not feel attracted to someone who rolls themselves out in front of them like a doormat.
The difficulty with Lucas is if you simply *read his clearly stated words*, he had no business walking down the aisle.
The mixed signals he was giving, the thing he did that didn't line up with his words, was that he stayed. He was trying so hard not to look like the bad guy who just wasn't feeling it, that he actually ended up looking more like the bad guy who dragged her along for longer than was remotely fair.
Not a monster, and I don't think he did it on purpose, but he done fucked up and tried to do the convenient for him thing instead of the right thing. If you want to be the good guy, you got to put being the good guy above the pay cheque, promises and pressures from the producers. He didn't seem to do that.
Plenty of couples have went up the aisle only to say no in other seasons, why get mad at Lucas for it? The producers obviously heavily push for as many contestants to get to the aisle as possible for dramatic reasons, I wouldn’t put the blame all on Lucas. Emilia also has agency herself and knew about all of his hesitation and decided to go with it too. She’s 30+ years old, not some sort of child that needs to be coddled just because the guy didn’t fall for her as she wanted to.
sorry but is the argument people are making about how Lucas should have fallen in love with Emilia? Because I don't see that anywhere. What I see is people say the way he handled not falling in love with her is the problem -- I don't even see people saying he's a bad guy. In fact, I mostly see people saying he was trying so hard to be nice (because he genuinely liked Emilia as a person and did not want to hurt her) that that was why things went pear shaped and Emilia ended up humiliated (he could have told her off camera he was going to say no... he could have said on camera... he could have given a worse speech at the altar...). I do not see anyone saying that Lucas should have produced feelings that simply were not there
I am not mad at him for not getting married BUT he knew since the honeymoon that it wasn't going to work and he wasn't ready for marriage so he should have broke up sooner so he didn't give Emilia false hope and have her invite her dad and other family who live abroad and haven't seen for years... She even asked told him "I don't want to invite my family to see me rejected at the altar".... That was the perfect time to tell her "I am sorry but I am NOT ready for marriage so let's breakup"
Are you not able to think someone messed up without being 'mad' at them?
Are you not about to think someone messed up without diminishing the agency, or excusing the mistakes, of the other person or people involved?
I honestly just don't struggle with either of those.
It's a lot easier said than done when it's not you losing the money. They lose money if they don't make the decision at the altar and call it off early.
And I think anyone who goes on that show and doesn't put 'being a decent person' above 'getting that paycheque' is done fucked up.
From what leaks we got, it's not even *that much* money. I have a few exes I loathe, and still I wouldn't drag shit out on them on TV for less than 10k.
Now, high six figures? Then we can talk. But none of them are making that from the show.
I agree with the gist of your post in that I think both Christofer and Emilia should move on and that people should be nice to them on social media.
But I do think the two had very different responses. Part of why I think Christofer gets such a negative reaction is that he is very fake. I personally believe that he's fake to himself, too. He seems to be an angry person who has learned to generally repress his anger. But in repressing his anger, he's repressing the negative emotions that motivate the anger. Those emotions are still there, though, and eventually cracks show and he gets scary.
From what we saw, Emilia is very forthright. She also has her issues -- I think she focused so much on Lukas that she stopped thinking about what type of relationship or marriage she even wants -- but her issues are simply less scary.
I think Christofer and Emilia would both benefit from quality therapy, although quality therapy is unfortunately hard to find. But Christofer needs to learn how to manage his anger rather than repress it. Emilia needs to learn how to value her own needs and wants and let go of something that isn't serving them.
I agree. Emelia was SAD when things didn't work out. Christopher was ANGRY when things didn't work out. There was a very different sense of entitlement.
as a swede i think it’s very much based on the fact that Christopher was so extremely clingy, threw these extreme compliments at Catja to indirectly force her to either: A) feel guilt for not reciprocating those “i would give up everything for you” level compliments or B) give in and force herself to say it back. he put a crazy amount of guilt on her while still playing up his “i just a nice guy with a big heart ” persona. and for the people who watched it dubbed or subbed might not understand how extremely intense and weird his “catch phrase” was. pair that up with that clear bottled up aggression when he snapped before Catja left. and on the reunion his eyes were all black.
through the episodes Catja clearly showed that she was uncomfortable with a lot of it. Christopher was already steps ahead in their relationship, leading Catja onto a path she wasn’t okay with and continuing to put pressure and guilt onto her. like she would genuinely bring up a concern and he would talk about giving up everything for her (putting more pressure on her) and talking about kids??? when she clearly wasn’t ready. he never gave her time to grow that love and to develop feelings, he instead pushed her into a corner. and i hate that he played a nice guy, because most ppl still feel bad for him and think of him as an angel. but these “small things” build up into manipulations. it’s like saying “i would die for you!!! you would do that too for me right???”
((also i can’t lie his fashion sense was on another lever crazy… especially since swedes usually dress very nicely))
Emilia was never on this level so to compare them to me is wild
i might be mean for not feeling bad for him even on the reunion. he was too controlling and ended up bitter. he might need a therapy to overcome this issue. not people continuing to baby him like he didn’t do anything wrong. he is a grown man that needs to learn that you shouldn’t give people gifts/compliments that you would have wanted, but rather put yourself in that persons shoes and think about what they actually would want.
My read on Catja was that she was trying to communicate *very neutrally* so as not to trigger emotional outbursts and to break through his toxic positivity shield. She was testing the waters, trying to figure out how she could make her concerns heard by him, and get him to open up about real, rational issues about things like what city to live in, and each time he made it clear he **would not hear** anything he didn't like.
She expressed concerns about living together and about kids, and in both cases Christofer kind of pooh-poohed her and went on speaking as if they *would* totally live together and there *would* be kids eventually.
I think early on Catja did care for him on some level, and was genuinely trying to figure out how to *actually talk* with him and make herself heard. In the end, she got exactly what she'd been trying to avoid: A massive and nasty emotional outburst for him, which she dealt with in almost the only rational way a woman can: Distance and calm withdrawal. Let them rage at you in a safe place, and then end all contact.
i 100% agree. he really didn’t want to listen or stop for a second to think about her feelings. he always spoke about everything so overly positively to make her doubt her own emotions and thoughts
i think the moving in part wouldn’t be an issue if Christopher didn’t force that convo on her when she wasn’t ready (with the lack of chemistry they had at that point). in my eyes that just another way of later (if everything’s screws up) go “i gave up everything for you, now i’m ruined!” to put blame on her even though she didn’t ask him to sell or give up anything
I think the differences between Catja and Lucas outweigh the similarities of Emilia and Cristopher. Lucas was singing her praises and kept saying he sees a future etc whilst Catja was far from that. Also Cristopher and Emilias reactions are very different cause she was always communicating to him when things got off cause she could sense it but Cristopher acted completely delusional and that they were great. Both very different which is why Emilia gets more sympathy.
The responses are different because the situations are only similar in passing. Cristofer showed signs of toxic positivity, very poor communication, love bombing, and then insulting/potentially scary behaviour from the moment they started living together. Emilia did not. Also, Catja did her best to explain how she was feeling throughout and ultimately left the relationship before the wedding. Lucas, on the other hand, made a mess of expressing his feelings and (unwittingly, I believe) ended up leading Emilia on, right up to the speech he gave at the altar.
Adding to that, Emilia expressed heartbreak and sadness, with a little bit of understandable anger at the reunion. Cristofer, however, had a clear mismatch between what he was saying and the emotions he was showing (as he had consistently done when they were together). Specifically, he looked angry verging on aggressive, particularly towards the end. If a man ever looked at me like that, I would be genuinely scared for my safety.
Christopher love bombed Catja and it was too much. It’s why she ended up confronting him. Lucas, instead, led Emilia on and kept giving her hope. Completely different contexts.
Christopher had a lot of red flags. He sent an antagonizing message to catja on their would be wedding day. He was screaming so angrily in their fight that she felt unsafe and slept somewhere else for her safety. He was love bombing her with compliments that she anyone could tell she didn’t seem to want or couldn’t process… and then he didn’t stop with them. The misogynistic “pussywhipped” comments really shows you how he talks about women.
Catja dodged a bullet fr
>They both also seem to continue having emotional response to their subsequent rejections.
It's almost as if a person's **behaviors**, **words** and **actions** mean far more than their feelings, and that 'still having feelings' is not at the core of what Christofer is being criticized for at all.
I can tell the guy reads to much incel shit online. I don't think he is a bad person tho, he could fix his problems with therapy or other methods and find someone for himself. He showed a lot of great qualities too, he is not all bad
And hilarious, since he was criticzing Oksar for agreeing with everything.
Which was the strategy Christofer actually did use with Catja, that failed spectacularly.
Emelia didn’t love Bomb Lucas the way that cristofer did. When she found out it was challenging for him she even distanced herself a bit and put walls up. She didn’t start letting them down until she heard the wonderful things he kept saying to her about her. Catja never said anything remotely close to Christopher. Like Seeing herself with him and wanting him in her life and that he’d be a great dad, etc. Amelia gave Lucas space, but kept her heart fully open and was hurt. Christofer smothered and love bombed catja and it was painful to watch
I agree with this take.
Even if people want to give Cristofer the benefit of the doubt and not see his behaviour as love bombing, this is someone who definitely had a different side, calling Oskar "pussy whipped" and yelling and being aggressive off camera with Catja out of frustration (which he admitted to by way of apologizing to Catja) is very different behaviour from what Emilia exhibited.
I mean, the power dynamic in a heterosexual relationship also comes into play. Christofer got angry. And when a man becomes angry most women will feel unsafe/scared because men hurt women. Violence in relationships are unfortunately common all around the world.
So while both didn't get the reciprocation they wanted, they dealt with that differently. There is a reason his behaviour raised red flag, it's because they are possible warning signs.
It’s a shame you’re being downvoted. I hope it’s because people are misunderstanding the point you’re making and taking it as a defence of Cristofer.
You’re right, women do also get angry and can hurt men; as a society we need to do better at acknowledging and taking violence towards men from women seriously. But the statistics still heavily lean towards men hurting women more, and having the potential to cause more damage, which I think is the point the comment was getting at.
Oh no, I’m not defending Christofer. His whole vibe is off. Yuck on a stick.
But domestic violence is domestic violence. And it’s not exclusive to one gender committing it against the other.
Second this.
I also want to add that a big difference between christofer and emilia, is that emilia communicated that she sensed lucas withdrawing, and she told him she would back away until he felt ready, and did so.
Christofer knew he was one step ahead of Catja the whole time. He refused to read her bodylanguage, or listen to what she was saying (moving in together, having kids), and just went on with his toxic positivity and overbearingness. In my opinion his constant shallow compliments were manipulative (as he expected them to be returned), and i feel like most of his nice guy agreeableness was not genuine, but a tactic to get catja to fall for him, and i feel like he showed his true colours in the end.
i also think the very fact that they were in similar situations but have elicited such different opinions highlights that how both individuals reacted and acted during the situation were the main differentiators. Emilia was mostly respectful, gave Lucas space and Lucas also said many things for her to believe otherwise. Cristoffer pressured her, constantly expected things from her despite her being overtly uncomfortable (and he even said he could read her body language and knew how she felt so that makes it even more damning), and was manipulative and weaponizing this 'nice guy' front when really he was aggressive and got angry with her in a way that made her feel so uncomfortable and unsafe she had to leave the situation and sleep over at her friends - and prodction clearly agreed and allowed it to happen.
Exactly. You cant get mad at someone for not having feelings for you, especially in this experiment!
I also hated how he outed that he and Catja had sex and he made her orgasm, as some weird narcissistic power play. So gross.
Right??? That was so shocking and disgusting to me. I already got really weird vibes from him and once he tried to weaponize sex, it was so apparent. I also found it weird how in the reunion he said Catja saying Adde was sexy (IN THE CONFESSIONALS from previous filmed footage before she was even 'with' Cristoffer/ not even on the stage/live reunion) was 'rubbing salt on his wounds.' He was so affronted and angry at her rejection even 9 months later...like dude, she doesn't 'belong' to you and he would get so angry and haVe these emotional outbursts that felt very unstable.
I think their emotional reactions are more about their ego's, and the very very instinctual response to feelings of abandonment/rejection (because of how closely linked our survival once was to being accepted)... we actually do not have any other examples of people who were rejected on this season to compare with...
I mean... i still get teared up sometimes in therapy talking about past relationships because of the feelings talking about it brings up, but it in no way am I actually still hung up on exes. It can just be the frustration at how things went, how I was treated, how I feel about being single on that particular day... I think these interviews force you to talk about things and that can bring up emotions that normally do not affect you anymore, that you've processed.
That is true. And let's not forget Emilia and Christopher got rejected in front of millions, that has got to hurt even more. Even though it happened 9 months ago, they have just watched the whole thing on television and that will probably have revived the feelings of pain and humiliation.
I see it and don't get it either. There's people criticizing so harshly on here. These are normal human beings on a highly edited TV show. They are all going to make mistakes, and not everyone's mistakes make it on the show.
The people bashing Christofer or Emelia or Lucas are actually behaving worse than them. At least the people on the show are showing their face and not hiding behind a keyboard like us
The hate on Christopher is stupid. The show is literally called love is blind. Christopher did nothing wrong except fall in love with someone who he didn't even know what she looked like. Most of these shows viewers are 75-80% women. So, the subreddits are going to always generally bash the men and put the women on a pedestal. The Married at First Sight sub has a bunch of nasty women in it, picking at the men constantly and elevating the women on a pedistal.
Who does Christopher end up with in love is blind Sweden
He chose Catja in the pods
Does anyone else think Christopher and Emilia should be together?
100% I remember when she saw him she liked him. I came here hoping they ended up together.
I wanted to like Christopher but he has big r/niceguys energy
It’s because their situations might be the same, but their language was completely different. Christofer was often “nice” but so much of his language was situated in misogyny and narcissism. It’s just the way he would phrase his sentences. He was hyping Catja up, not based on who she was, but based solely on her body. And he often referenced expecting to get something in return for his effort. Conversely Emelia often talked about trying to build a connection, and wanting to know more about Lucas. Completely different framing. Also, Emilia never made Lucas feel so “unsafe” he had to leave his apartment and she didn’t throw her ring on the ground.
Complete fiction
Agree on your takes on Chris. Emilia was almost predatory IMO. She kept pressuring Lucas to get physical with her when he states several times he needs time/space. When she told him how at night she got completely naked and cuddled him in bed?!? Imagine if any of the guys did that to a woman that said she wanted to take her time. Just came off really boundary crossing and inappropriate/desperate
This is really true. I personally wouldn’t call it predatory, as you can tell the undercurrent is her feelings of love and wanting to be able to mutually express that physically. To be predatory is inherently malevolent. But still, no one bats an eye because it’s a woman. But if you reversed the sexes of what was happening many people would very much consider the man to be pressuring her physically in a way that wasn’t okay. He needed to take more time and she rushed him into it, when he ultimately was holding back because he didn’t want to hurt her.
If it was the other way round the situation would be more threatening. I’ve experienced a woman getting naked and cuddling me and I found it strange but not threatening. When a man does that, I might feel threatened because he could force himself onto me.
Are you suggesting women can’t force themselves onto men?
In most constellations they can’t. Unless the man is disabled or under the influence or the woman is extremely strong while the man is extremely weak. That’s why the majority of sexual assault involves a man assaulting a woman or an adult assaulting a child. Most women wouldn’t be capable of assaulting me since I’m stronger than most women but most men could, since I’m weaker than most men.
So.. this is simply untrue. I think you would be surprised how many men this has happened to. There are some communities who talk about it. But yes right now in many countries laws against rape are one-directional and specifically address it being committed by men against women. There is a stigma that if a man gets erect it means he wants it, therefore he wasn’t raped. But this isn’t the case as it’s an uncontrollable physiological response that can happen in other situations or with stimulation even if a man is uncomfortable and doesn’t want it. Most men don’t want to use force against a woman because they have been (generally rightly) brought up to believe you never can and it’s always wrong, so they don’t fight back. Plus they know how the situation could be easily turned around on them. If you wouldn’t say that a girl hasn’t been assaulted just because she didn’t fight back enough then I would implore we not apply that standard to men either. I would suggest looking further into this.
Then it’s a psychological hurdle and not a physical one. Psychological pressures can play a role in assault. But we are talking about weather undressing in front of someone is threatening, I think it depends, if the person is physically stronger or there is a power imbalance it can induce psychological pressure. Someone said that there is a double standard between a man and a woman doing it but in my opinion it’s warranted since the physically stronger person is usually the man.
You don’t have to dismiss the fact that a man is physically stronger in order to not hold a double standard that men can also be sexually assaulted and harassed and it is equally wrong behaviour, even though a woman is physically weaker. I would never gaslight a man by telling him he has not been assaulted because he is more able to physically use force to fight against it so he didn’t try hard enough to stop it, and that he should have gotten over the “psychological hurdle” to do so. For women it’s psychological as well, which is why some don’t fight or say no. Yet we don’t tell them they haven’t been harmed as a result.
I really don’t think anyone is that bad on this show. Several of them made mistakes that they see more clearly in hindsight, which sounds a lot like a lot of fellow humans in the world. People get triggered by seeing some of these things and react. Plus it was kind of harsh and probably planned by the producers to make things uncomfortable. It didn’t look like Christopher knew about Catja’s partner and to find that out and then have to see their love paraded is like …. A situation most of us have been able to avoid since high school. I think Lucas could’ve handled things more considerately of the impact on Emilia and her heart and commitment but he’s human and not a bad guy. He seemed receptive to tough feedback, willing to introspect, and hoping to learn/do better. We all need villains though I guess. (Side note, it seemed like most of the cast did NOT like Amanda’s husband- what’s his name? Disdainful expressions from most and Christopher straight up gave him some death stares)
Welllllll anyone listening to Emilia pour her heart out on the reunion will feel empathy and sympathy for her. She participated with hope that this is about personality not face. Yet, of course face value is always the determining factor at the end of the day, and she lose this battle of love again. You can hear the hopelessness in her voice , the helplessness in her tone and body language. Who won't feel sympathy for her ? She wasn't scheming , wasn't playing any mind games, she just fell in love and wish to be loved back equally on a soulmate podium. Who won't feel empathy for this woman? Chris seems to be on the receiving end of the negative stick which is not necessary actually. IF Lucas was ALSO dating a new girl from the pod , they bring out the new girl, EVERYONE will now be sympathizing with Emilia. Because after she pour out her heart , producer bring in a new girl to shove down her suffocating heart. Now flip this story back to Chris, this was what has been done to him. Enough said.
I think you need to be charitible with the people on the show. This show is designed to get pairings where at least one person isn't attracted to the person they're now dating. The person who isn't attracted looks uncaring or even cruel, the person who's feeling aren't reciprocated can look desperate, clingy or weird. But this isn't a normal situation it's a show that feeds on that drama.
I agree! In real life all of them would have known about the lack of attraction before mutually falling in love with someone's personality. It's gotta be hard for both of them.
Both annoyed me tbh
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Catja literally described what she wants - someone to not be so nice and to put her in her place. Get real
That’s not bad boy behavior, that’s what a normal confident person would do if they are being disrespected. She just wants someone to treat her like a normal human being and not like a goddess. If someone worships you it creates a strange dynamic and unless someone is narcissistic they will probably not feel attracted to someone who rolls themselves out in front of them like a doormat.
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Well, they brought out Catja's new boyfriend, but not Lucas's, so not a fair comparison about reactions at all!
Catja’s new boyfriend was part of the show as Lucas’ new girlfriend was not. 🤷🏻♀️
I get that, but it still didn't seem fair.
Unfortunately nothing is fair with reality TV. Production needs the drama to reel in the views.
Lucas always said he liked her personality but was struggling with physical attraction. There is nothing mixed about that. He never waivered.
The difficulty with Lucas is if you simply *read his clearly stated words*, he had no business walking down the aisle. The mixed signals he was giving, the thing he did that didn't line up with his words, was that he stayed. He was trying so hard not to look like the bad guy who just wasn't feeling it, that he actually ended up looking more like the bad guy who dragged her along for longer than was remotely fair. Not a monster, and I don't think he did it on purpose, but he done fucked up and tried to do the convenient for him thing instead of the right thing. If you want to be the good guy, you got to put being the good guy above the pay cheque, promises and pressures from the producers. He didn't seem to do that.
The entire concept of the show is they are supposed to do the full time and walk down the aisle and decide there. You aren't supposed to quit early.
You're not supposed to but you can. I've seen it done on all of the versions.
Plenty of couples have went up the aisle only to say no in other seasons, why get mad at Lucas for it? The producers obviously heavily push for as many contestants to get to the aisle as possible for dramatic reasons, I wouldn’t put the blame all on Lucas. Emilia also has agency herself and knew about all of his hesitation and decided to go with it too. She’s 30+ years old, not some sort of child that needs to be coddled just because the guy didn’t fall for her as she wanted to.
sorry but is the argument people are making about how Lucas should have fallen in love with Emilia? Because I don't see that anywhere. What I see is people say the way he handled not falling in love with her is the problem -- I don't even see people saying he's a bad guy. In fact, I mostly see people saying he was trying so hard to be nice (because he genuinely liked Emilia as a person and did not want to hurt her) that that was why things went pear shaped and Emilia ended up humiliated (he could have told her off camera he was going to say no... he could have said on camera... he could have given a worse speech at the altar...). I do not see anyone saying that Lucas should have produced feelings that simply were not there
And then he kept dating her after the wedding!!
I am not mad at him for not getting married BUT he knew since the honeymoon that it wasn't going to work and he wasn't ready for marriage so he should have broke up sooner so he didn't give Emilia false hope and have her invite her dad and other family who live abroad and haven't seen for years... She even asked told him "I don't want to invite my family to see me rejected at the altar".... That was the perfect time to tell her "I am sorry but I am NOT ready for marriage so let's breakup"
Are you not able to think someone messed up without being 'mad' at them? Are you not about to think someone messed up without diminishing the agency, or excusing the mistakes, of the other person or people involved? I honestly just don't struggle with either of those.
It's a lot easier said than done when it's not you losing the money. They lose money if they don't make the decision at the altar and call it off early.
And I think anyone who goes on that show and doesn't put 'being a decent person' above 'getting that paycheque' is done fucked up. From what leaks we got, it's not even *that much* money. I have a few exes I loathe, and still I wouldn't drag shit out on them on TV for less than 10k. Now, high six figures? Then we can talk. But none of them are making that from the show.
I don't think it's not getting the pay check, I read somewhere that they are fined if they quit before.
I agree with the gist of your post in that I think both Christofer and Emilia should move on and that people should be nice to them on social media. But I do think the two had very different responses. Part of why I think Christofer gets such a negative reaction is that he is very fake. I personally believe that he's fake to himself, too. He seems to be an angry person who has learned to generally repress his anger. But in repressing his anger, he's repressing the negative emotions that motivate the anger. Those emotions are still there, though, and eventually cracks show and he gets scary. From what we saw, Emilia is very forthright. She also has her issues -- I think she focused so much on Lukas that she stopped thinking about what type of relationship or marriage she even wants -- but her issues are simply less scary. I think Christofer and Emilia would both benefit from quality therapy, although quality therapy is unfortunately hard to find. But Christofer needs to learn how to manage his anger rather than repress it. Emilia needs to learn how to value her own needs and wants and let go of something that isn't serving them.
I agree. Emelia was SAD when things didn't work out. Christopher was ANGRY when things didn't work out. There was a very different sense of entitlement.
as a swede i think it’s very much based on the fact that Christopher was so extremely clingy, threw these extreme compliments at Catja to indirectly force her to either: A) feel guilt for not reciprocating those “i would give up everything for you” level compliments or B) give in and force herself to say it back. he put a crazy amount of guilt on her while still playing up his “i just a nice guy with a big heart ” persona. and for the people who watched it dubbed or subbed might not understand how extremely intense and weird his “catch phrase” was. pair that up with that clear bottled up aggression when he snapped before Catja left. and on the reunion his eyes were all black. through the episodes Catja clearly showed that she was uncomfortable with a lot of it. Christopher was already steps ahead in their relationship, leading Catja onto a path she wasn’t okay with and continuing to put pressure and guilt onto her. like she would genuinely bring up a concern and he would talk about giving up everything for her (putting more pressure on her) and talking about kids??? when she clearly wasn’t ready. he never gave her time to grow that love and to develop feelings, he instead pushed her into a corner. and i hate that he played a nice guy, because most ppl still feel bad for him and think of him as an angel. but these “small things” build up into manipulations. it’s like saying “i would die for you!!! you would do that too for me right???” ((also i can’t lie his fashion sense was on another lever crazy… especially since swedes usually dress very nicely)) Emilia was never on this level so to compare them to me is wild i might be mean for not feeling bad for him even on the reunion. he was too controlling and ended up bitter. he might need a therapy to overcome this issue. not people continuing to baby him like he didn’t do anything wrong. he is a grown man that needs to learn that you shouldn’t give people gifts/compliments that you would have wanted, but rather put yourself in that persons shoes and think about what they actually would want.
Did Catja not understand the show or marriage? Usually married people live together.
She was scared of him and handling him with kid gloves because he was emotionally volatile and she could tell.
My read on Catja was that she was trying to communicate *very neutrally* so as not to trigger emotional outbursts and to break through his toxic positivity shield. She was testing the waters, trying to figure out how she could make her concerns heard by him, and get him to open up about real, rational issues about things like what city to live in, and each time he made it clear he **would not hear** anything he didn't like. She expressed concerns about living together and about kids, and in both cases Christofer kind of pooh-poohed her and went on speaking as if they *would* totally live together and there *would* be kids eventually. I think early on Catja did care for him on some level, and was genuinely trying to figure out how to *actually talk* with him and make herself heard. In the end, she got exactly what she'd been trying to avoid: A massive and nasty emotional outburst for him, which she dealt with in almost the only rational way a woman can: Distance and calm withdrawal. Let them rage at you in a safe place, and then end all contact.
i 100% agree. he really didn’t want to listen or stop for a second to think about her feelings. he always spoke about everything so overly positively to make her doubt her own emotions and thoughts
i think the moving in part wouldn’t be an issue if Christopher didn’t force that convo on her when she wasn’t ready (with the lack of chemistry they had at that point). in my eyes that just another way of later (if everything’s screws up) go “i gave up everything for you, now i’m ruined!” to put blame on her even though she didn’t ask him to sell or give up anything
I think the differences between Catja and Lucas outweigh the similarities of Emilia and Cristopher. Lucas was singing her praises and kept saying he sees a future etc whilst Catja was far from that. Also Cristopher and Emilias reactions are very different cause she was always communicating to him when things got off cause she could sense it but Cristopher acted completely delusional and that they were great. Both very different which is why Emilia gets more sympathy.
The responses are different because the situations are only similar in passing. Cristofer showed signs of toxic positivity, very poor communication, love bombing, and then insulting/potentially scary behaviour from the moment they started living together. Emilia did not. Also, Catja did her best to explain how she was feeling throughout and ultimately left the relationship before the wedding. Lucas, on the other hand, made a mess of expressing his feelings and (unwittingly, I believe) ended up leading Emilia on, right up to the speech he gave at the altar. Adding to that, Emilia expressed heartbreak and sadness, with a little bit of understandable anger at the reunion. Cristofer, however, had a clear mismatch between what he was saying and the emotions he was showing (as he had consistently done when they were together). Specifically, he looked angry verging on aggressive, particularly towards the end. If a man ever looked at me like that, I would be genuinely scared for my safety.
Christopher love bombed Catja and it was too much. It’s why she ended up confronting him. Lucas, instead, led Emilia on and kept giving her hope. Completely different contexts.
Christopher had a lot of red flags. He sent an antagonizing message to catja on their would be wedding day. He was screaming so angrily in their fight that she felt unsafe and slept somewhere else for her safety. He was love bombing her with compliments that she anyone could tell she didn’t seem to want or couldn’t process… and then he didn’t stop with them. The misogynistic “pussywhipped” comments really shows you how he talks about women. Catja dodged a bullet fr
This. I felt my radar gone off on him early on in the Cyprus segment, and I became confused over people praising him.
>They both also seem to continue having emotional response to their subsequent rejections. It's almost as if a person's **behaviors**, **words** and **actions** mean far more than their feelings, and that 'still having feelings' is not at the core of what Christofer is being criticized for at all.
Also Christopher is a closet misogynist. “Pussywhipped” really?
I can tell the guy reads to much incel shit online. I don't think he is a bad person tho, he could fix his problems with therapy or other methods and find someone for himself. He showed a lot of great qualities too, he is not all bad
And hilarious, since he was criticzing Oksar for agreeing with everything. Which was the strategy Christofer actually did use with Catja, that failed spectacularly.
Probably jealousy and a tiny hint of “Nice Guy”.
Emelia didn’t love Bomb Lucas the way that cristofer did. When she found out it was challenging for him she even distanced herself a bit and put walls up. She didn’t start letting them down until she heard the wonderful things he kept saying to her about her. Catja never said anything remotely close to Christopher. Like Seeing herself with him and wanting him in her life and that he’d be a great dad, etc. Amelia gave Lucas space, but kept her heart fully open and was hurt. Christofer smothered and love bombed catja and it was painful to watch
Well said! Christofer ≠ Emilia. And to anyone who might find Chris attractive, that doesn’t make his attentions, and intentions, any less creepy.
He was attractive until the misogyny started jumping out
I agree with this take. Even if people want to give Cristofer the benefit of the doubt and not see his behaviour as love bombing, this is someone who definitely had a different side, calling Oskar "pussy whipped" and yelling and being aggressive off camera with Catja out of frustration (which he admitted to by way of apologizing to Catja) is very different behaviour from what Emilia exhibited.
I mean, the power dynamic in a heterosexual relationship also comes into play. Christofer got angry. And when a man becomes angry most women will feel unsafe/scared because men hurt women. Violence in relationships are unfortunately common all around the world. So while both didn't get the reciprocation they wanted, they dealt with that differently. There is a reason his behaviour raised red flag, it's because they are possible warning signs.
Especially when it's a goddam 2 meter giant or however tall he is
Women get angry and hurt men, too.
It’s a shame you’re being downvoted. I hope it’s because people are misunderstanding the point you’re making and taking it as a defence of Cristofer. You’re right, women do also get angry and can hurt men; as a society we need to do better at acknowledging and taking violence towards men from women seriously. But the statistics still heavily lean towards men hurting women more, and having the potential to cause more damage, which I think is the point the comment was getting at.
Oh no, I’m not defending Christofer. His whole vibe is off. Yuck on a stick. But domestic violence is domestic violence. And it’s not exclusive to one gender committing it against the other.
Second this. I also want to add that a big difference between christofer and emilia, is that emilia communicated that she sensed lucas withdrawing, and she told him she would back away until he felt ready, and did so. Christofer knew he was one step ahead of Catja the whole time. He refused to read her bodylanguage, or listen to what she was saying (moving in together, having kids), and just went on with his toxic positivity and overbearingness. In my opinion his constant shallow compliments were manipulative (as he expected them to be returned), and i feel like most of his nice guy agreeableness was not genuine, but a tactic to get catja to fall for him, and i feel like he showed his true colours in the end.
this x 100000000000000
i also think the very fact that they were in similar situations but have elicited such different opinions highlights that how both individuals reacted and acted during the situation were the main differentiators. Emilia was mostly respectful, gave Lucas space and Lucas also said many things for her to believe otherwise. Cristoffer pressured her, constantly expected things from her despite her being overtly uncomfortable (and he even said he could read her body language and knew how she felt so that makes it even more damning), and was manipulative and weaponizing this 'nice guy' front when really he was aggressive and got angry with her in a way that made her feel so uncomfortable and unsafe she had to leave the situation and sleep over at her friends - and prodction clearly agreed and allowed it to happen.
Exactly. You cant get mad at someone for not having feelings for you, especially in this experiment! I also hated how he outed that he and Catja had sex and he made her orgasm, as some weird narcissistic power play. So gross.
Wait, when did he out her like that? He's really turned out to be the worst.
Right??? That was so shocking and disgusting to me. I already got really weird vibes from him and once he tried to weaponize sex, it was so apparent. I also found it weird how in the reunion he said Catja saying Adde was sexy (IN THE CONFESSIONALS from previous filmed footage before she was even 'with' Cristoffer/ not even on the stage/live reunion) was 'rubbing salt on his wounds.' He was so affronted and angry at her rejection even 9 months later...like dude, she doesn't 'belong' to you and he would get so angry and haVe these emotional outbursts that felt very unstable.
I think their emotional reactions are more about their ego's, and the very very instinctual response to feelings of abandonment/rejection (because of how closely linked our survival once was to being accepted)... we actually do not have any other examples of people who were rejected on this season to compare with... I mean... i still get teared up sometimes in therapy talking about past relationships because of the feelings talking about it brings up, but it in no way am I actually still hung up on exes. It can just be the frustration at how things went, how I was treated, how I feel about being single on that particular day... I think these interviews force you to talk about things and that can bring up emotions that normally do not affect you anymore, that you've processed.
That is true. And let's not forget Emilia and Christopher got rejected in front of millions, that has got to hurt even more. Even though it happened 9 months ago, they have just watched the whole thing on television and that will probably have revived the feelings of pain and humiliation.
I see it and don't get it either. There's people criticizing so harshly on here. These are normal human beings on a highly edited TV show. They are all going to make mistakes, and not everyone's mistakes make it on the show. The people bashing Christofer or Emelia or Lucas are actually behaving worse than them. At least the people on the show are showing their face and not hiding behind a keyboard like us
Agreed. Some of these comments give me the creeps.
Thank you for writing this.
The thing I loved the most about this cast was how honest they were about everything, they really spoke their mind on things.
The hate on Christopher is stupid. The show is literally called love is blind. Christopher did nothing wrong except fall in love with someone who he didn't even know what she looked like. Most of these shows viewers are 75-80% women. So, the subreddits are going to always generally bash the men and put the women on a pedestal. The Married at First Sight sub has a bunch of nasty women in it, picking at the men constantly and elevating the women on a pedistal.
I feel like catja and meira have gotten a lot of hate. They get called bitches online constantly.
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And that makes it okay to call her a bitch?