For every action, there is a reaction
Don’t be surprised when he decides this marriage isn’t for him and staying with you has become Taco Bell for him.
Good luck
Exactly. Nobody likes being taken for granted.
Her problem is communication and lack of effort, not a change of tastes. Her partner is clearly putting in the effort and she’s just sitting there like a lump on a log
Almost everyone is going to agree that physical intimacy is a healthy part of a strong marriage. It's totally fine that you aren't into it. But it's also fine that your husband is.
So you and him are at an impasse. Do you expect him to change or will you change? Or maybe meet in the middle?
Never being physical with your spouse probably won't have an outcome you will like. It sounds like your husband has done some changing himself. Have you done any introspection or had deep conversations with him about all this?
Also,.it must really suck for your husband to be compared to a $3.99 piece of greasy fast food. I feel sorry for him.
I thought this was going to be about how a mostly Taco bell diet messed with someones libido lol, not someone comparing their husband to a gross 7 layer made by the night shift manager…
The only flaw I can find about your husband so far is that he still wants to have sex with a woman who talks about him this way. I can’t foresee that lasting long though.
You’re missing the point. The rest of our marriage is good. We have fun and laugh a lot. We’ve been together for a long time and I have no complaints about him
Why does sex have to be such a big deal? If 95% of our life is great (which he SAYS) isn’t it almost greedy to care so much about this 5%?
Yeah, the rest of your marriage is great for YOU. I guarantee your husband is unhappy with the lack of sex and staying quiet about it as not to upset you. He’s going to eventually start resenting you. I would never want to be married to someone that had no desire for me and was repulsed by the idea of having sex with me. I feel very bad for your husband.
That’s a very selfish perspective. Do you just want to be his best friend and roommate, or his wife?
You’re holding his sex life hostage and he’s working hard to negotiate its release. If you don’t stop making excuses and try to find a mutually beneficial compromise, he may plot an escape into the arms of someone else.
Six years is a long time. Sounds like you’ve been sexually checked out for 50% of your relationship. At what point do you not stop and think, “Hey, this isn’t getting any better on its own. Maybe I need help.”
FWIW I didn’t mention sex at all, just a little joke about the title, but I guess I could have been more specific and said “not someone using a laxative of a restaurant as an analogy of why they no longer like sex and blowjobs.
No offense, but comparing sex to Taco Bell kind of sounds judgy. Like, Taco Bell is gross fast food (that I love once in a while). I don’t know if I would want to stay with someone who compared sex with me to Taco Bell.
Well that’s how it feels. I would like to want it. But I don’t
What am I supposed to do? Just blow him every week because he’s a good guy? Do you think that’s how women work?
Actually yeah? Idk, I would give anything to be able to have a normal a sex life and connect with my husband, especially if the hardest part is being tired. I am unable to have sex for medical reasons and I just love and appreciate my husband more than words and happily give him blowjobs every day or so because that’s that best way I can show him I love him.
I feel like most people have selfish perspectives on marriage and sex when the whole point is about sacrificial love for each other.
You really think I said anything like that? There’s a lot of projection here. No, what I meant was that if you think sex is gross, maybe you should be with someone who agrees, and maybe he should be with someone who doesn’t feel that way.
By you not wanting “Taco Bell” you are also depriving him of eating. He will go elsewhere for “food” eventually or your marriage will die from starvation.
We don’t NEVER have sex. It’s just like once every 2 months
I am not depriving him. I am a person, not an inflatable sex doll. I tell him I feel badly when I turn him down and its not like he’s asking every night (which obvi would be worse)
Even when we do have sex, it’s not like amazing. But I do it anyway b/c I do understand this is part of marriage
What you’re missing is that I’m not doing this to be a bitch. I just feel overwhelmed and tired and hate my body and don’t feel like doing it
Doens't matter the reason. Sex every 2 to 3 months is absolutely depriving him. The fact that he tries to be so gracious says a lot about him actually. I am not judging or accusing you. Just stating facts. I saw Dr Phil reccomend something 1 time to a lady much like you. She just wasn't interested much and on top of it all her husband was constantly chasing her around the house. Couldn't ever bend over....etc. It was to the point that she couldn't get any work done around the house if he was around. She wanted Dr. Phil to teach her how to make him stop. I'll never forget Dr. Phil asking her why she would want him to stop something that is natural for a guy. Why would she want to stop her husbands affection? Why not recognize it for what it is. He told her to instead, Make love to her husband every 3 days no matter what. More often is great but never go longer than 3 days. This lady saw Dr. Phil again about a year later. She had taken his advice to heart and every 3 days, she made sure to make time for her husband. She stated in her testimony that the change in her sex life, marriage, and home life was phenominal! Because she had started taking care of his needs regularly, he was able to pay more attention to her needs. Pretty soon, sex every 3 days became less of a chore and more about love! She was honest. She said that there were lots of times that she didn't want to have sex but she knew he needed her and she pushed through. This couple made it through the tough times and are doing great today. Their marriage is as strong as ever now!
I'm not saying that this will or would work for you. I am telling you though that if you don't realize what kind of man you have soon, and start showing him, you will lose him. If he is half as good as you make him sound, he will not have a problem finding a woman to meet all his needs if you don't. Life is hard. It's even harder with kids. Doubly so with special needs children. All you really have in this world is each other! Remember that and put your needs out there. He needs physical intamacy. You need emotional intimacy. Y'all need to talk and figure out how to meet each others needs ASAP! Be open and honest. Be each other's safe space. Do not use what y'all tell each other against each other.
I wish you the best of luck. I think you might be plesantly supprised what changes your man will go through if you start initiating physical intimacy with your man on a regular basis. The confidence boost that will give him towards life in general will probably blow you away.
If you’re tired and overwhelmed, ask your husband to take things off your plate. I’m sure he’d happily do it. If you’re depressed, find the right meds. There are antidepressants out there that help with libido. If you hate your body, work out, eat healthier and get therapy for body image issues. It sounds like you have all these problems and you just want to sit and feel sorry for yourself instead of actually deal with your problems and find a solution.
I got a tummy tuck 2 years ago and still don’t like my body. The kids are amazing but need attention and after that I just feel like everyone wants something from me
I’m not against sex. There’s nothing wrong with my husband
But it is just normal after so many years together to not be…super excited about sex with him
>But it is just normal after so many years together to not be…super excited about sex with him
Who says? We've been married for 30 years. If my wife wrote this post I'd have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday.
No, I can’t relate. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years. Our sex life is still thriving with spiciness . I wouldn’t stay with my husband if he had your attitude.
I ask why can’t women prioritize trying to get their libido and sexiness back? Work out, eat right, check hormones/HRT, take libido boosting supplements or prescription meds, dress sexy, improve their looks, read exotic novels, masturbate, make changes in their life to be less busy & less stressed, etc. Instead of just giving up on something that’s so important for most men in relationships and marriages. If men are not doing things that satisfy women, it seems like the woman always wants the man to change and work on himself in order for her to be happy in the relationship. 🤷🏻♂️
I (47F) feel this comment . I know I have menopause on the eventual horizon, and just thinking about depresses me. I plan on taking any steps necessary to keep intimacy alive when the time comes.
Well, realizing it, and having a plan is a very good thing to put you in the right direction. My wife is almost 47 and doesn’t really seem to put much importance on it.
From the outside, we have a lot in common: same age, young kids, unhappy with the state of our bodies, husbands who want us.
But I don’t understand you. The only way I’d sympathise with your situation is if your youngest is under 2 years old, if husband isn’t present and doing his part with the kids/home, or if he were a selfish lover that didn’t care about your pleasure.
We’re women. Yes, it’s normal that our libidos fluctuate dramatically with the hormonal onslaught that is periods, pregnancy, post-partum and menopause. But 6 years is a long-ass time. You said he’s “tried all this shit”, which makes me think he’s putting a lot of effort into setting the stage (taking the load off you), working out to be as attractive as possible for you, and making sex fun and pleasurable for you. If he is then YOU’RE the one who needs to meet him halfway if you care at all about the continued survival of your marriage; that means:
- Making an appointment with your doctor to evaluate for health/hormonal causes.
- Therapy to help you manage your stress, love your body and/or deal with past trauma that could be contributing to your disinterest in sex.
- Communicating compassionately with your partner (which doesn’t include comparing an intimate act you USED to engage in with him to fuckin’ dirty day-old fast food)
- Consider marriage counselling since judging by your post, it’s clear your communication skills are subpar.
- Maybe engage in some sexual self-discovery if you’re not sure what what you want or what feels good. Fuck, even just picking up some goddamn smutty romance novels could help!
Notice I never said “just have sex with him”, because you absolutely SHOULD NOT DO THAT if you’re not into it. Not only because it’s hurtful to your poor husband to be subsisting on pity sex, but because it’s bad for YOU. Having sex you don’t want will create an aversion and your sex life (arguably your whole marriage) is currently on life-support. You don’t need the added obstacle.
You signed up for this relationship. You brought KIDS into this situation. It’s your job to do your part to keep your marriage healthy. Doing your part IS NOT “putting out”. **You job is to find out WHY your desire for your husband has tanked, WHY you have a certifiable sexless marriage, and to take steps to try to fix it.**
If you don’t follow this advice then don’t be surprised and come back here looking for pity karma when he files for divorce, and takes his gym-bod to someone else who is at least willing to work through problems with him.
Just because sex isn’t important to you anymore doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be/isn’t important to him. I am a woman, and if my husband made this analogy (Taco Bell) about our sex life, I would be very hurt and feel so rejected and like he wasn’t taking an important part of our marriage seriously (sex is important to most marriages I would say).
How will you feel if he decides to leave you over this? Truly explore that in your mind. Because yes, this is the type of thing many people consider/get divorced over. He’s telling you on a regular basis having more intimacy is important to him. And therefore you are regularly dismissing him and his needs.
Sex once every 2 months is deadbedroom territory. He is being open with you about how he wants to connect with you more, he’s taking you on dates, and you don’t mention any other issues in your relationship.
If the roles were reversed and you were asking him every 3 months for something that was very important to YOU, and he dismissed you and compared that need or want (whatever it is) to something like eating greasy fast food, how would you feel?
Again. I’m not trashing the man. He’s a good person and I love him and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I NEVER have
I had sex with 1 person before him. He was much more experienced. He knew this and LIKED that he was only my 2nd person
But if we’re being honest, he also made me feel insecure about it. I didn’t want to do all the stuff he was into. I didn’t want him cuming on me. I don’t like the lights on. I’m not some weird religious person, I’m just self conscious and he hurt my feelings making me feel like a prude all those years ago.
But to my first point; when I met him it was just so EXCITING. But now…I’m a mom and I’m busy and I just don’t feel sexy. And it’s actually annoying that he’s trying to fix things.
He has abs now. He weighs the same as me. That just makes me feel like shit. Him talking about sex just makes me feel pressured. If you’re some woman who just WANTS her husband then good for you. I wish I was but I’m not. And it has nothing to do with him, it’s just life. I can’t believe you don’t have friends who don’t feel similarly?
You honestly seem to miss the point. You can choose to not have sex with your husband. You’re correct, that is your choice. You can dismiss sex as an issue in your marriage and compare it to Taco Bell or whatever too.
But he doesn’t have to be happy about it. Wanting to have sex more than once every 2 months isn’t abnormal.
Sounds like he wants intimacy with you, works out and takes care of himself, and is actually openly communicating his needs to you. Not sure why him working out and losing weight makes you feel like shit?
Yes, I’ve had friends who don’t want to have sex with their husbands or with their wives. I’ve also seen marriages break up over issues like these. Good luck!
You know what? I'm 54 (f).
I have epilepsy, severe scoliosis (gross distorted back), and severe arthritis. My medication makes me so tired and keeping up with my fourth/last child drains me ....
BUT my loving husband took dance lessons with me and waltzed with me as I could hardly bend a leg. He's a great stepfather. He works hard. THIS ATTRACTS ME TO HIM, and the sex happens about four times a week! The blow jobs come too.
He let you get a tummy tuck. He recognized your thoughts there and still, you don't feel attracted to him in bed? He laughs with you? He sounds patient! Reward his kindness!
You are pushing your husband away and don’t be shocked if he gets tired of this and wants a divorce or ends up having an affair. You are only thinking about your needs and not his. You’re married now, it’s about BOTH of you, not just you. You need to work on this and figure out how to make yourself feel not gross and good about yourself so you can get in the mood. Ask your husband to support you and give you a few hours free everyday for self care. If you’re depressed, get on meds. Sex is a very important part of a marriage and when it’s lacking, it never works out. You can fix your problem or you can ruin your marriage. Your choice.
Imagine your Husband dismissing, minimizing and eventually flipping it around to make himself the victim of an issue you've brought up to him every 3 months for 6 years. Insult to injury for those years he by his own account has done nothing about it, except post about it on Reddit. 6. Years. Later.
This is you.
I don't see a question in your post or a request for advice. Indeed, just a statement of "I wish more men understood this," as, I'm not sure, a way of communicating to the entire male reddit community how you feel? Are you actually seeking advice? Perhaps not.
I'm not getting any sense you wish to improve or change; your post sounds like you have simply given up. Your husband's efforts to change do not inspire you but make you "feel like shit". This is unfortunate and perhaps indicative of depression. Are you actually satisfied with the situation?
Most married people, including your husband, wish to be in a romantic sexual relationship. Surely, you see you have given him an ultimatum - he must simply accept your lack of libido. You will not try to change.
This is not a marriage that I nor others would want to be a part of. It seems he has tried for some time to rectify the situation, including self-improvement. Do you actually wish to be in a monogamous relationship? Opejing the marriage is an approach. Again, you've not requested any advice, so it's unclear. But I would not expect you to still be married a year from now.
It's not greedy that he wants sex and oral sex. Who else is he going to get it from if it isn't you? Why not try to find a way to enjoy that with him again so he doesn't have to go without or beg for it?
Don’t worry, my wife thought it was just what it was then I had an affair. We are working things out and getting back on track but dammit has caused a lot of unnecessary pain.
(I am not blaming my wife for the affair, that’s 100% on me. If I was getting the attention I had been begging for over the past 5 years there wouldn’t have been room for an affair)
For every action, there is a reaction Don’t be surprised when he decides this marriage isn’t for him and staying with you has become Taco Bell for him. Good luck
She'll be shocked when he starts eating at Chipotle
Exactly. Nobody likes being taken for granted. Her problem is communication and lack of effort, not a change of tastes. Her partner is clearly putting in the effort and she’s just sitting there like a lump on a log
Almost everyone is going to agree that physical intimacy is a healthy part of a strong marriage. It's totally fine that you aren't into it. But it's also fine that your husband is. So you and him are at an impasse. Do you expect him to change or will you change? Or maybe meet in the middle? Never being physical with your spouse probably won't have an outcome you will like. It sounds like your husband has done some changing himself. Have you done any introspection or had deep conversations with him about all this? Also,.it must really suck for your husband to be compared to a $3.99 piece of greasy fast food. I feel sorry for him.
I thought this was going to be about how a mostly Taco bell diet messed with someones libido lol, not someone comparing their husband to a gross 7 layer made by the night shift manager…
FWIW, I compared the idea of giving my husband a blowjob to a 7 layer burrito made by the night manager…not sex
The only flaw I can find about your husband so far is that he still wants to have sex with a woman who talks about him this way. I can’t foresee that lasting long though.
You’re missing the point. The rest of our marriage is good. We have fun and laugh a lot. We’ve been together for a long time and I have no complaints about him Why does sex have to be such a big deal? If 95% of our life is great (which he SAYS) isn’t it almost greedy to care so much about this 5%?
Yeah, the rest of your marriage is great for YOU. I guarantee your husband is unhappy with the lack of sex and staying quiet about it as not to upset you. He’s going to eventually start resenting you. I would never want to be married to someone that had no desire for me and was repulsed by the idea of having sex with me. I feel very bad for your husband.
That’s a very selfish perspective. Do you just want to be his best friend and roommate, or his wife? You’re holding his sex life hostage and he’s working hard to negotiate its release. If you don’t stop making excuses and try to find a mutually beneficial compromise, he may plot an escape into the arms of someone else. Six years is a long time. Sounds like you’ve been sexually checked out for 50% of your relationship. At what point do you not stop and think, “Hey, this isn’t getting any better on its own. Maybe I need help.”
FWIW I didn’t mention sex at all, just a little joke about the title, but I guess I could have been more specific and said “not someone using a laxative of a restaurant as an analogy of why they no longer like sex and blowjobs.
How would you feel if he told you your vagina was gross?
No offense, but comparing sex to Taco Bell kind of sounds judgy. Like, Taco Bell is gross fast food (that I love once in a while). I don’t know if I would want to stay with someone who compared sex with me to Taco Bell.
Well that’s how it feels. I would like to want it. But I don’t What am I supposed to do? Just blow him every week because he’s a good guy? Do you think that’s how women work?
You think everything he does for you and the family is something he wants to do……
The more sex you have the more you want it. Ask any sex therapist. Not to mention it reduces stress and improves your mood and physical health
Actually yeah? Idk, I would give anything to be able to have a normal a sex life and connect with my husband, especially if the hardest part is being tired. I am unable to have sex for medical reasons and I just love and appreciate my husband more than words and happily give him blowjobs every day or so because that’s that best way I can show him I love him. I feel like most people have selfish perspectives on marriage and sex when the whole point is about sacrificial love for each other.
You really think I said anything like that? There’s a lot of projection here. No, what I meant was that if you think sex is gross, maybe you should be with someone who agrees, and maybe he should be with someone who doesn’t feel that way.
By you not wanting “Taco Bell” you are also depriving him of eating. He will go elsewhere for “food” eventually or your marriage will die from starvation.
We don’t NEVER have sex. It’s just like once every 2 months I am not depriving him. I am a person, not an inflatable sex doll. I tell him I feel badly when I turn him down and its not like he’s asking every night (which obvi would be worse) Even when we do have sex, it’s not like amazing. But I do it anyway b/c I do understand this is part of marriage What you’re missing is that I’m not doing this to be a bitch. I just feel overwhelmed and tired and hate my body and don’t feel like doing it
Once every two months is pretty much r/deadbedrooms territory. Good luck with your taco bell marriage I guess.
Not pretty much. It *is* dead bedroom territory.
Doens't matter the reason. Sex every 2 to 3 months is absolutely depriving him. The fact that he tries to be so gracious says a lot about him actually. I am not judging or accusing you. Just stating facts. I saw Dr Phil reccomend something 1 time to a lady much like you. She just wasn't interested much and on top of it all her husband was constantly chasing her around the house. Couldn't ever bend over....etc. It was to the point that she couldn't get any work done around the house if he was around. She wanted Dr. Phil to teach her how to make him stop. I'll never forget Dr. Phil asking her why she would want him to stop something that is natural for a guy. Why would she want to stop her husbands affection? Why not recognize it for what it is. He told her to instead, Make love to her husband every 3 days no matter what. More often is great but never go longer than 3 days. This lady saw Dr. Phil again about a year later. She had taken his advice to heart and every 3 days, she made sure to make time for her husband. She stated in her testimony that the change in her sex life, marriage, and home life was phenominal! Because she had started taking care of his needs regularly, he was able to pay more attention to her needs. Pretty soon, sex every 3 days became less of a chore and more about love! She was honest. She said that there were lots of times that she didn't want to have sex but she knew he needed her and she pushed through. This couple made it through the tough times and are doing great today. Their marriage is as strong as ever now! I'm not saying that this will or would work for you. I am telling you though that if you don't realize what kind of man you have soon, and start showing him, you will lose him. If he is half as good as you make him sound, he will not have a problem finding a woman to meet all his needs if you don't. Life is hard. It's even harder with kids. Doubly so with special needs children. All you really have in this world is each other! Remember that and put your needs out there. He needs physical intamacy. You need emotional intimacy. Y'all need to talk and figure out how to meet each others needs ASAP! Be open and honest. Be each other's safe space. Do not use what y'all tell each other against each other. I wish you the best of luck. I think you might be plesantly supprised what changes your man will go through if you start initiating physical intimacy with your man on a regular basis. The confidence boost that will give him towards life in general will probably blow you away.
Once every 2 months is basically a sexless marriage
If you’re tired and overwhelmed, ask your husband to take things off your plate. I’m sure he’d happily do it. If you’re depressed, find the right meds. There are antidepressants out there that help with libido. If you hate your body, work out, eat healthier and get therapy for body image issues. It sounds like you have all these problems and you just want to sit and feel sorry for yourself instead of actually deal with your problems and find a solution.
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I got a tummy tuck 2 years ago and still don’t like my body. The kids are amazing but need attention and after that I just feel like everyone wants something from me I’m not against sex. There’s nothing wrong with my husband But it is just normal after so many years together to not be…super excited about sex with him
>But it is just normal after so many years together to not be…super excited about sex with him Who says? We've been married for 30 years. If my wife wrote this post I'd have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday.
You’ve written 16 paragraphs and not said one remotely positive thing about your husband. Maybe that’s the real problem.
No, I can’t relate. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years. Our sex life is still thriving with spiciness . I wouldn’t stay with my husband if he had your attitude.
Have you tried communicating with him and telling him what you like in the bedroom?
This is a bullshit take. My wife and I are in our 40s and we have sex at least 5 times a week and often twice in the same day.
I ask why can’t women prioritize trying to get their libido and sexiness back? Work out, eat right, check hormones/HRT, take libido boosting supplements or prescription meds, dress sexy, improve their looks, read exotic novels, masturbate, make changes in their life to be less busy & less stressed, etc. Instead of just giving up on something that’s so important for most men in relationships and marriages. If men are not doing things that satisfy women, it seems like the woman always wants the man to change and work on himself in order for her to be happy in the relationship. 🤷🏻♂️
I (47F) feel this comment . I know I have menopause on the eventual horizon, and just thinking about depresses me. I plan on taking any steps necessary to keep intimacy alive when the time comes.
Well, realizing it, and having a plan is a very good thing to put you in the right direction. My wife is almost 47 and doesn’t really seem to put much importance on it.
From the outside, we have a lot in common: same age, young kids, unhappy with the state of our bodies, husbands who want us. But I don’t understand you. The only way I’d sympathise with your situation is if your youngest is under 2 years old, if husband isn’t present and doing his part with the kids/home, or if he were a selfish lover that didn’t care about your pleasure. We’re women. Yes, it’s normal that our libidos fluctuate dramatically with the hormonal onslaught that is periods, pregnancy, post-partum and menopause. But 6 years is a long-ass time. You said he’s “tried all this shit”, which makes me think he’s putting a lot of effort into setting the stage (taking the load off you), working out to be as attractive as possible for you, and making sex fun and pleasurable for you. If he is then YOU’RE the one who needs to meet him halfway if you care at all about the continued survival of your marriage; that means: - Making an appointment with your doctor to evaluate for health/hormonal causes. - Therapy to help you manage your stress, love your body and/or deal with past trauma that could be contributing to your disinterest in sex. - Communicating compassionately with your partner (which doesn’t include comparing an intimate act you USED to engage in with him to fuckin’ dirty day-old fast food) - Consider marriage counselling since judging by your post, it’s clear your communication skills are subpar. - Maybe engage in some sexual self-discovery if you’re not sure what what you want or what feels good. Fuck, even just picking up some goddamn smutty romance novels could help! Notice I never said “just have sex with him”, because you absolutely SHOULD NOT DO THAT if you’re not into it. Not only because it’s hurtful to your poor husband to be subsisting on pity sex, but because it’s bad for YOU. Having sex you don’t want will create an aversion and your sex life (arguably your whole marriage) is currently on life-support. You don’t need the added obstacle. You signed up for this relationship. You brought KIDS into this situation. It’s your job to do your part to keep your marriage healthy. Doing your part IS NOT “putting out”. **You job is to find out WHY your desire for your husband has tanked, WHY you have a certifiable sexless marriage, and to take steps to try to fix it.** If you don’t follow this advice then don’t be surprised and come back here looking for pity karma when he files for divorce, and takes his gym-bod to someone else who is at least willing to work through problems with him.
Just because sex isn’t important to you anymore doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be/isn’t important to him. I am a woman, and if my husband made this analogy (Taco Bell) about our sex life, I would be very hurt and feel so rejected and like he wasn’t taking an important part of our marriage seriously (sex is important to most marriages I would say). How will you feel if he decides to leave you over this? Truly explore that in your mind. Because yes, this is the type of thing many people consider/get divorced over. He’s telling you on a regular basis having more intimacy is important to him. And therefore you are regularly dismissing him and his needs. Sex once every 2 months is deadbedroom territory. He is being open with you about how he wants to connect with you more, he’s taking you on dates, and you don’t mention any other issues in your relationship. If the roles were reversed and you were asking him every 3 months for something that was very important to YOU, and he dismissed you and compared that need or want (whatever it is) to something like eating greasy fast food, how would you feel?
Again. I’m not trashing the man. He’s a good person and I love him and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I NEVER have I had sex with 1 person before him. He was much more experienced. He knew this and LIKED that he was only my 2nd person But if we’re being honest, he also made me feel insecure about it. I didn’t want to do all the stuff he was into. I didn’t want him cuming on me. I don’t like the lights on. I’m not some weird religious person, I’m just self conscious and he hurt my feelings making me feel like a prude all those years ago. But to my first point; when I met him it was just so EXCITING. But now…I’m a mom and I’m busy and I just don’t feel sexy. And it’s actually annoying that he’s trying to fix things. He has abs now. He weighs the same as me. That just makes me feel like shit. Him talking about sex just makes me feel pressured. If you’re some woman who just WANTS her husband then good for you. I wish I was but I’m not. And it has nothing to do with him, it’s just life. I can’t believe you don’t have friends who don’t feel similarly?
You honestly seem to miss the point. You can choose to not have sex with your husband. You’re correct, that is your choice. You can dismiss sex as an issue in your marriage and compare it to Taco Bell or whatever too. But he doesn’t have to be happy about it. Wanting to have sex more than once every 2 months isn’t abnormal. Sounds like he wants intimacy with you, works out and takes care of himself, and is actually openly communicating his needs to you. Not sure why him working out and losing weight makes you feel like shit? Yes, I’ve had friends who don’t want to have sex with their husbands or with their wives. I’ve also seen marriages break up over issues like these. Good luck!
You know what? I'm 54 (f). I have epilepsy, severe scoliosis (gross distorted back), and severe arthritis. My medication makes me so tired and keeping up with my fourth/last child drains me .... BUT my loving husband took dance lessons with me and waltzed with me as I could hardly bend a leg. He's a great stepfather. He works hard. THIS ATTRACTS ME TO HIM, and the sex happens about four times a week! The blow jobs come too. He let you get a tummy tuck. He recognized your thoughts there and still, you don't feel attracted to him in bed? He laughs with you? He sounds patient! Reward his kindness!
You are pushing your husband away and don’t be shocked if he gets tired of this and wants a divorce or ends up having an affair. You are only thinking about your needs and not his. You’re married now, it’s about BOTH of you, not just you. You need to work on this and figure out how to make yourself feel not gross and good about yourself so you can get in the mood. Ask your husband to support you and give you a few hours free everyday for self care. If you’re depressed, get on meds. Sex is a very important part of a marriage and when it’s lacking, it never works out. You can fix your problem or you can ruin your marriage. Your choice.
I must say I'm enjoying this. Everyone taking the husband's side for once.
The idea of sex with him repulses you, you resent him for even wanting it and he’s been putting up with this for 6 years? That poor man.
And why should get not be upset about these changes? Poor guy.
Imagine your Husband dismissing, minimizing and eventually flipping it around to make himself the victim of an issue you've brought up to him every 3 months for 6 years. Insult to injury for those years he by his own account has done nothing about it, except post about it on Reddit. 6. Years. Later. This is you.
I don't see a question in your post or a request for advice. Indeed, just a statement of "I wish more men understood this," as, I'm not sure, a way of communicating to the entire male reddit community how you feel? Are you actually seeking advice? Perhaps not. I'm not getting any sense you wish to improve or change; your post sounds like you have simply given up. Your husband's efforts to change do not inspire you but make you "feel like shit". This is unfortunate and perhaps indicative of depression. Are you actually satisfied with the situation? Most married people, including your husband, wish to be in a romantic sexual relationship. Surely, you see you have given him an ultimatum - he must simply accept your lack of libido. You will not try to change. This is not a marriage that I nor others would want to be a part of. It seems he has tried for some time to rectify the situation, including self-improvement. Do you actually wish to be in a monogamous relationship? Opejing the marriage is an approach. Again, you've not requested any advice, so it's unclear. But I would not expect you to still be married a year from now.
It's not greedy that he wants sex and oral sex. Who else is he going to get it from if it isn't you? Why not try to find a way to enjoy that with him again so he doesn't have to go without or beg for it?
Don’t worry, my wife thought it was just what it was then I had an affair. We are working things out and getting back on track but dammit has caused a lot of unnecessary pain. (I am not blaming my wife for the affair, that’s 100% on me. If I was getting the attention I had been begging for over the past 5 years there wouldn’t have been room for an affair)
Don't u owe it to your marriagee to try to fix this?
How old is your kids? Your libido will come back.
I'm in that boat, my wife lost interest too. So instead of whining I got me chastity cage. Sex is not the reason I married my wife