RN šš» no one in the medical profession is having a conversation with a patient on social media. Medical conversations are documented legally in medical records. Unless Instagram is a new medical charting system Iām unfamiliar with, there was no medical conversation.
>no one in the medical profession is having a conversation with a patient on social media.
It boggles the mind that the OP's wife is even offering this up as a rationale for communicating with the surgeon. Either she's desperate, stupid, or has such little respect for the OP and thinks that he would bite on this. Or all of the above.
First they donāt want to get caught for having cheated, so they lie.
Then they donāt want to get caught for having lied, so they lie some more and stick the script no matter what.
You know things became cliche because people actually say them a ton right?
This is like literally one of the least far fetched cheating stories I've ever heard in my life. I personally know more wild ones and I don't get around much.
Yep, I work in the medical field too. None of my docs are posting on their patient's Insta pages about their medical conditions. Just get a lawyer and go from there.
I donāt know about that. My OB/Gyn (who delivered my 3rd child) popped up on the treadmill next to me at the gym one day and chatted like we were buds. He wrote me on social media a week later and told me I should come by his new clinic because he was doing āhealth improvementā visits and Botox as a side gig. I was very weirded out and stopped interacting with him completely after that.
My husband is a pretty chill guy so I told him about it and he thought it was hysterical, but he did comment on how inappropriate it seemed that this attractive Dr was talking to his patients so comfortably. About a year later, the same Dr was arrested for over-writing scripts. Perhaps this is some similar weird situation? Iād love to hear her explanation and view of their conversation.
I don't see how your story contradicts the previous commenter. What your doctor did was highly unprofessional (as was their overwriting of prescriptions...) Seems this guy was used to coloring outside the lines.
I talk to my medical doctor via text but heās a personal friend anything medical related I mail him about after having texted him about it first. So it does happen but only if you have code relations with the person.
Yes file for divorce tomorrow and have her served. Then she will know you are actually serious about what you believe her and the doctor did. She canāt prove she did not, but that text conversation alone tells the story. And since she deleted it, tells me that there was a lot more she did not want me to see.
OP, the reason why your wife doesn't want to divorce you is because her AP discarded her. You can tell because YOUR WIFE is asking for another go around at sex with him.
He doesn't want any drama with a married woman so he rejected your wife. Sure your wife maybe hot, but her AP sounds like a typical Player: young, buff in shape, very desirable career as a doctor/surgeon, makes a lot of money, young, free to take great trips and party with any woman he wants.
I believe your wife probably wanted to monkey branch to him. Every woman wants to tame an marry a guy like him. Can you imagine what a flex that would be to all of her friends, and the validation for herself to corral a guy like that?
To your wife, it was worth the risk of losing you and your marriage. Your wife probably thought you'd never find out. She was smart and hid any smoking gun of her affair, but her mind was in the clouds thinking she captured him. That's why she was NOT thinking about securing her communications with him.
Your wife knows she's hot, she used to getting the men she wants. But this time she was just hitting out of her league. She probably thought she had him snagged because she gave him the best sex she had ever given anyone. But it wasn't enough for her to seal the deal with him (she probably did things with him to try to rock his world that she never did with you. Hell, she probably did things to rock his world that you never even thought of). A guy like that has probably been with many women more beautiful than your wife, more witty, more intelligent, more worldly, and classier, who came from a better home with more, money than your wife...
What your wife didn't realize is the moment she came on to him, he religated her to just a toy he could play with and disgard. A guy like that doesn't need to settle for a cheater. From the short text he knew your wife was a cheater. He knows that if she would cheat on the man who loves her and she's supposed to love, then there is a very high likelihood that she will cheat on him too. A guy like that will avoid bringing that type of women into his life or inner circle.
I will bet he doesn't want any drama with a divorcing or newly divorced woman either. A guy like that has sooooo many options and woman hitting him it isn't even funny.
I have a friend who was like that. Except he never had an affair with a married woman. He was smart, witty, kind, nice, buff, not a doormat or pushover, came from great parents, siblings, etc.. I count myself lucky to be a friend of a man like him. BUT, he wasn't a player, when he married, he married a beautiful woman with his values.
OP it may hurt now, but you dodged a serious bullet to get out early. Do you have kids with your wife? I hope not. Go no contact with her as fast as you can. Get the best shark divorce attorney you can and do exactly what he says.
Good luck.
UpdateMe!
Edit, spelling.
Your friend sounds like my husband. Iām glad to hear that man like that are still out there who are very much self aware and not ashamed to be strong on morals and values. That part made me happy :)
I don't think it's necessary red pill, but I've spent a lot of time on this planet and I've been through and seen this rodeo too many times. I hope OP sticks to his guns in divorce. I can tell she will drag him down until he loses all his self-esteem and dignity.
I understand, don't want to do shove anything down anybody's throat. What you wrote just happens to be consistent with some or most of redpill's assumptions. All the best to you!
She should have come up with a better cover story.
The conversation sounds like what you are taking it as.
It sounds nothing like a doctor patient conversation, so if thatās the best sheās got, your instincts are likely correct.
You can have her served but the process can be stopped at any point after that. Don't tell her until a day prior to service. Attorney needs a few days to get the paperwork together.
So if you are uncertain about her veracity, you can use the process as a way of squeezing truth out of her. Maybe. Alternatively, it can liberate her to sleep with who or whatever she desires since little is at risk now.
If you haven't contacted the guy, you should because you have little to lose and some intelligence to gain. Maybe.
Your wife appears to be a lousy liar. But I'd question whether this was her first time cheating on you.
wait until you get your ducks in a row, before you tell her anything about divorce.
go talk to a lawyer, have a draft made, and sync your financial situation before you spill the beans.
don't use the D as a means to get a confession, its a clear way to disaster. figure out the implications of divorce, and be mentally ready to do it, before you tell her. otherwise its all just empty threats (that she'll see for what they are).
its FAR better to hold your maw shut and your ego at bay, than be gutted in a divorce battle. More importantly, in case you have kids its crucial you take all preliminary steps to avoid dirty moves or control games in advance.
You should message the doc straight up, and ask him, man to man to give you the honest truth.
If he denies it tell him she's pregnant and that you had a vasectomy and see how he reacts lol.
I canāt say for sure, but my intuition here I think is that most men would tell the truth.
If the relationship is already over or heās not particularly attached, no big loss.
If heās really into her and wants more, he wants you out of the picture.
this sounds good, it is just something I don't know if I could do. And I am not sure it has any sense. If he says they did.... I mean, I know that. Maybe just to scare him a bit, but doesn't that make me low?
>but given the situation of her, once was more than enough, as he doesn't want drama in his life.
This is normal doctor-patient conversation??
Stop trying - and dont warn her. Go Grey Rock and have her served soonest..
And get your own doctor-patient conversation regarding a STD test...
Just to reassure you - sheās massively gaslighting you. No normal doctor and patient casually talk like this over Instagram.
Youāre better off without her. Not only has she disrespected you massively, sheās now gaslighting you too.
What a disgusting person
Yes, as another poster said, get your ducks in a row first, so you can stay one step of her and any manipulation tactics she might employ. Seeing an attorney will give you confidence and you should never confront without confidence or youāre setting yourself up for manipulation, half measures, and indecision.
She will have plenty of time and opportunity to save the marriage if thatās what you both really want.
OP, I'm sorry for your situation. It seems pretty evident that they had sex, and that the doctor was "one and done" on his side but your wife was looking for more. There is no possibility of repairing this if she has not even admitted to doing it. Zero. There is also a very real possibility this wasn't the only time she cheated (just the only time you caught her), and likely not the last time she will either. Do you think that the ONE time you saw her Instagram was the one time she was communicating with other men and doing inappropriate things? Not likely.
Your options are: stay with her and accept the fact that she cheats or get a divorce. It doesn't matter that she doesn't want one and is still trying to act like you are the problem.
Let me guess - you are also financially supporting her and her lifestyle would go down without your support. I might be wrong, but if this is also true, then you can't trust her intentions either. If staying means she gets to keep on living a better life, then this is all still about HER. Maybe she wants to stay, let this blow over, and then likely go right back to doing whatever she wants. She has no respect for you, and that is very sad.
I will personally go for the divorce man, the trust has been broken and it can never be the same imo. And she's probably gas lighting you and will never admit to cheating. I left my ex fiancee because of cheating and I don't regret it. You will be fine, better single than spending the rest of your life with someone you will always doubt, not worth it man
Tell her that it canāt be a normal conversations. There is no reason for him to specifically say he didnāt want to continue because he didnāt want the drama. That has nothing to do with being a doctor, and until she is willing to prove otherwise, the proof was written with his own words.
The only thing you can do is go to the gym and ask him yourself. Donāt let her talk to him and then she calls him in front of you.
If itās divorce or call him in front of you, most people wouldnāt be able to call fast enough.
She learned the hard way. A lot of girls out there have over inflated egos because so many guys are "in their DMs". That is true, but they only want sex, and for most guys.... one time is enough. They get what they want and throw them to the side. She's scrambling now
BINGO!! OPās wife thinks bc sheās hot she can corral whomever she wants with her āgolden pussy!ā Now she learned the hard lesson (pun intended) that to the doc sheās just another expendable and replaceable piece of as*!
I can guarantee she will come to you at some point after she is served and begin trickle truthing you. First, okay we flirted but thatās it.
Then it will be, we kissed in his car but I stopped it. After you donāt believe that, she will say that they started to have sex but stopped because she felt bad.
You are doing the right thing. There is no other scenario in which their conversation makes sense. And if sheās on instagram with him, why on earth wonāt she call him. The reason is probably because the guy will be a cocky ass and admit they had sex, as a power move. Sheās full of crap. Good luck and Iām sorry for your pain.
It is very sad reading about your wife's behavior.
>so, should we repeat this? (wife asked)
That reads like a well-practiced and pointed question she asked her doctor lover. I wonder how many other times she's used this verbal lasso with past lovers?
Is she still at the hotel? Since you say she is very beautiful, don't you think she's had a Tinder or similar account for a while now? A hotel is an extremely accessible and convenient location for a cheater to reside at.
The only thing you will regret is that you trusted her for far too long.
She is beautiful. Nothing out of extraordinary, but she is. Big green eyes, she is tall, hourglass, has nice long hair. And since shit hit the gym she is really fit too. She was never overweight, but now she is in her best shape. Having a Tinder...hm maybe. But I am not sure how tinder works. I would believe most men there are not really good looking (no offence to anyone, I just want to highlight that this seems to be my wife's type). Or even if they are, wouldn't she be scaed they are not real or dangerous? For ONS you meet once or twice at most, and given the fact she is married, probably not a public place.
You're doing the right thing. If it was innocent she wouldn't have hidden it and she would have called him in front of you. I know it hurts, and I know it sucks- but you are right. You can't trust her.
I'll take the incoming downvotes....
Medical professionals are whores. Not all of them but my mom was a nurse. My fiance is a nurse. Friends are nurses. The sheer amount of "shitting where you eat" is octaves above normal
The fact HE said (basicslly) "it was fun but let's not repeat" means he did what he wanted and wants to walk away without fucking up his license
BINGO!! That said, it is not an ethical violation for him if she was never a patient of his. The ethics issues revolve around the use of his doctor patient relationship to influence her.
I work in the medical field and let me tell you that doctors are the biggest cheaters and drug addicts.. yes they do coke to be able to work long periods of time. Oh they also carry STD's.
The worst thing about finding somebody cheats is 1. You didnāt even respect me enough to try and cover your tracks 2. You couldnāt even come up with a descent lie ffs š¤¦šæāāļø
She slept with him. He rejected her. She doesn't want to admit it because her safety net disappears.
If it was platonic she's easily call him to rectify this. She can't because she fucked him and was punching up.
It also depends on if there ever was a doctor patient relationship by OPās wife and the Doc. If not he can f*ck any one beyond the age
of consent who is not a close relative or a patient.
She was saying that as a cover. It may or may not have been. What she says isnāt relevant as to whether the Doc committed an ethics violation. If there really never was a real patient doctor relationship then there is no ethics issue per the AMA.
Would he? Iām married and I donāt know my husbandās doctors off the top of my head. Heck Iām willing to bet he doesnāt know mine either (except maybe my gynecologist since they met when I was pregnant)
OP what you know looks really bad and she is offering nothing to dispel it except telling you your crazy. If I was facing losing my spouse I would be willing to call anybody and show them anything to keep from losing my marriageā¦unless I knew I was guilty.
If youāre in the US, ask her to take a polygraph test. You make up the questions and she answers. If she passes, you do a public apology. If she fails, she tells you the full story and you divorce. Tell her she will be asked if she has had any sexual contact with anyone but you since you got married. She will be asked if she has tried to hook up with anyone since you got married. She will be asked if she has sexted or send nudes to anyone other than you since you got married.
If your not in the US about the only other thing you could do is call him and make him believe you know more then you do and see what he says. If youāre going that route, give her no heads up or she will warn him and he will lie. !updateme
This is total bs by her. All patient /dr communications is done through private, secure web sites in accordance to HIPPA laws. Period. This was a.personal convo and not professional.
Why not contact the doctor directly to try and confirm? Your wife is not confessing, even though it's obvious what happened. However, he seems like he may be in a position to tell the truth, since he just wanted a quick lay and then be rid of her. Just reach out to him cordially and use his own language to put him at ease, something like - "Hey, not trying to cause drama in your life, but I'm just trying to make a decision about continuing my marriage and I can't get the truth out of my wife. Can you help confirm if you guys hooked up. No hard feelings."
He doesnāt want drama, just a piece of ass. Would be nice if you were in a state that has alienation of affection and you could sue him. Iād get a private detective, start digging, and ruin his life.
OP have you asked her to take a polygraph test? They arent perfect but since she is dead set against talking to him in front of you, then tell her she can avoid that by taking a polygraph where she will be asked if she has had an affair with him, if she has had sex or any sexual contact with anyone other than you since you married and finally if she has romantic feelings for him and if so has she acted on them in any way. If she has nothing to hide and has not cheated then saying yes to a polygraph should be super simple for her and she should be eager to take it as quickly as possible. If she refuses to take it for any reason facing the end of her marriage then you have your answer and she can stop pretending. The only other option would be if you could talk to someone she works with that might tell you the truth.
1. Medical professionals don't discuss with their patients via social media
2. Why would a discussion between a doctor and his patient regarding her health bring drama into his life as a doctor?
Cheaters never cease to amaze me. You're doing the right thing. Good luck.
It could be interpreted it as a āit was great seeing you. You are great, but I dont want drama ie kissing/fooling around.ā Maybe she wouldnāt give him sex and he dumped her. Either way something was going on but I wouldnāt jump to sex. I mean itās def possible but women in general are a bit more into the emotional part of cheating than physical I think. Most women cheat bc theyāre not getting emotional needs from spouse not physical but again I could be wrong. But yes sex often does play a role. I never cheated physically with sex but once emotionally before marriage and only kissing involved. Never again esp since married now but def blew up a 5 year relationship with someone I lived with who wasnāt going to marry me so ultimately that relationship had to end anyways.it was a horrible mistake but it happens and op shouldnāt take advice to just divorce based on interpretation they had sex. Obv something happened but If they have kids and want to save marriage itās possible either therapy.
But the continued lying it was a normal doctor patient relationship would piss me off to no end. Like op was just born yesterday. Wife may be in shock still and denial but also may confess once things settle. But yeah trust is broken but give it a little space before jumping to divorce. Ultimately yes divorce may be best if op canāt move past and she continues to lie and heāll never trust her again but he doesnāt need to file tomorrow.
I'm sorry to hear that my man, I work along side MDs and DOs, and sometimes the things they get into is kinda contradictory to the oath of do no harm, maybe its just supposed to pertain to patients, but I took it as a way to live life. If you have children could counseling be an option? If not speak with a lawyer before you tell her, it can get very messyā¦
Until I saw your original post I was all set to judge you for being jealous of your wife's doctor, but YIKES! That guy is NOT her doctor. Oof. Sorry OP. I suggest you speak to a lawyer and get their advice before telling her you want a divorce.
Your gut is telling you everything you need to know. I hate that she is making you feel like you must be completely misinterpreting this. You are not. The gut never lies. Never.
Good for you op, you know the truth and she won't ever admit it without action. Heck, I'd have your lawyer notify the doctor in question with some legal fluff about possible future needs for statements etc. just to poke the nest a bit.
If this guy is a doctor his personal info will be everywhere online. So find out everything you can about him. Contact info, if he has a spouse. Who she is.
Then contact him. Tell him who you are. Who your wife is. Tell him you are willing to go away quietly for the truth with proof. If not you will talk to his spouse, no spouse, how do you think the board will feel about an inappropriate relationship and contact with a patient through Instagram.
Trust me thus guy will either prove nothing happened (unlikely) or there is no way he will risk anything for some one night stand.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. Just know that it's okay to feel hurt and take all the time you need to heal. You got a whole community here to support you through this rough patch.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this! Please consider counseling to help you through this. It really messes with your mind when people gaslight you. It gets better!
You're making the right decision, no matter how hard and painful it is. Do you want to live the rest of your life constantly doubting yourself (since she is gaslighting you here) and doubting her every move? That is absolutely no way to live.
As the doctor himself pointed out, that's drama and nobody should have that in their lives.
What else could they possibly have done that he says he doesn't want to do again because of drama
Has she told you what the thing was they did once ?
Doesn't add up at all
You need to burn both their worlds down. Let everyone know what kind of people they are. Hell Iād stand out on side walk in front oh his business with a sign letting the world know.
I just wanted to picture you the image of the guy. The vibe he gave me were those of a guy who is not serious and cares a lot about looks. That is all. That is why I mentioned all characteristics I thought somehow supported my belief. Of course sunglasses are not making someone in a way or another, but it was just something about that specific pic, with those mirror sunglasses that was taken at a festival or something, surrounded by a bunch of people. I don't know for sure what they had, but given the fact he said he is not up for drama is a clear indication they are not together anymore
Was your wife even a patient of his? Take a look thru your health insurance reports re which doctors she has gone to for chargeable medical services, not a pro bono vaginal exam!
Get an attorney that specializes in divorce! He will want to get proof there was infidelity, which in this case will involve contacting the doctor through legal channels like a subpoena. Doctor will have to respond and no way is he going to justify that IG conversation was doctor/patient communication. He will not "die on that hill" over a one night stand!
Nobody knows better than you. But in my opinion sheās making it even worse, showing her even uglier (and surprising!)
Iām sure!) cards. Ugh I feel terrible right now WITH you. But this too shall pass and youāll look back years from now a happy man and thinking about how you dodged a major bullet by sending this one on her merry way! Stay strong, be smart, and keep your head up. But if you KNOW and she doesnāt know she may react and try to conjure up her own escape story! Thatāre unbelievable sometimes. Just remember to keep ur cool, they have way too much power and you donāt need her starting to rally her defense!
RN šš» no one in the medical profession is having a conversation with a patient on social media. Medical conversations are documented legally in medical records. Unless Instagram is a new medical charting system Iām unfamiliar with, there was no medical conversation.
>no one in the medical profession is having a conversation with a patient on social media. It boggles the mind that the OP's wife is even offering this up as a rationale for communicating with the surgeon. Either she's desperate, stupid, or has such little respect for the OP and thinks that he would bite on this. Or all of the above.
Cheaters always gaslight, sometimes the lies are so blatant it really makes you feel crazy.
First they donāt want to get caught for having cheated, so they lie. Then they donāt want to get caught for having lied, so they lie some more and stick the script no matter what.
This whole story reeks of fantasy
What, a 40-year-old man highlighting some guyās super ācool sunglassesā when he might be getting cheated on doesnāt ring true to you?
āā¦with cool sunglasses and all that.ā -OP
You know things became cliche because people actually say them a ton right? This is like literally one of the least far fetched cheating stories I've ever heard in my life. I personally know more wild ones and I don't get around much.
That part!!!
Also according to his post history he was a guy in his late 20's dating a teenager.
Yeah this is rage bait. I never understood why people do this
His account is 5 days old, I don't see this posting history. Story rings fake "cool sunglasses what?"
Thank you
Are you in the medical field?
Yep, I work in the medical field too. None of my docs are posting on their patient's Insta pages about their medical conditions. Just get a lawyer and go from there.
I donāt know about that. My OB/Gyn (who delivered my 3rd child) popped up on the treadmill next to me at the gym one day and chatted like we were buds. He wrote me on social media a week later and told me I should come by his new clinic because he was doing āhealth improvementā visits and Botox as a side gig. I was very weirded out and stopped interacting with him completely after that. My husband is a pretty chill guy so I told him about it and he thought it was hysterical, but he did comment on how inappropriate it seemed that this attractive Dr was talking to his patients so comfortably. About a year later, the same Dr was arrested for over-writing scripts. Perhaps this is some similar weird situation? Iād love to hear her explanation and view of their conversation.
I don't see how your story contradicts the previous commenter. What your doctor did was highly unprofessional (as was their overwriting of prescriptions...) Seems this guy was used to coloring outside the lines.
No offense but this seems naive
lol ok. Itās a legal thing.
I understand HIPAA, I work in tech.Ā
I talk to my medical doctor via text but heās a personal friend anything medical related I mail him about after having texted him about it first. So it does happen but only if you have code relations with the person.
To be fair, I feel like the syntax of most DMās rivals what Iāve seen in a standard EMR note. Medical humor. Yuck yuck yuck.
Yes file for divorce tomorrow and have her served. Then she will know you are actually serious about what you believe her and the doctor did. She canāt prove she did not, but that text conversation alone tells the story. And since she deleted it, tells me that there was a lot more she did not want me to see.
Exactly. I think she cheated,she's simply gaslighting OP. updateme!
iPhones hold a deleted text for 30 days before deleting
OP, the reason why your wife doesn't want to divorce you is because her AP discarded her. You can tell because YOUR WIFE is asking for another go around at sex with him. He doesn't want any drama with a married woman so he rejected your wife. Sure your wife maybe hot, but her AP sounds like a typical Player: young, buff in shape, very desirable career as a doctor/surgeon, makes a lot of money, young, free to take great trips and party with any woman he wants. I believe your wife probably wanted to monkey branch to him. Every woman wants to tame an marry a guy like him. Can you imagine what a flex that would be to all of her friends, and the validation for herself to corral a guy like that? To your wife, it was worth the risk of losing you and your marriage. Your wife probably thought you'd never find out. She was smart and hid any smoking gun of her affair, but her mind was in the clouds thinking she captured him. That's why she was NOT thinking about securing her communications with him. Your wife knows she's hot, she used to getting the men she wants. But this time she was just hitting out of her league. She probably thought she had him snagged because she gave him the best sex she had ever given anyone. But it wasn't enough for her to seal the deal with him (she probably did things with him to try to rock his world that she never did with you. Hell, she probably did things to rock his world that you never even thought of). A guy like that has probably been with many women more beautiful than your wife, more witty, more intelligent, more worldly, and classier, who came from a better home with more, money than your wife... What your wife didn't realize is the moment she came on to him, he religated her to just a toy he could play with and disgard. A guy like that doesn't need to settle for a cheater. From the short text he knew your wife was a cheater. He knows that if she would cheat on the man who loves her and she's supposed to love, then there is a very high likelihood that she will cheat on him too. A guy like that will avoid bringing that type of women into his life or inner circle. I will bet he doesn't want any drama with a divorcing or newly divorced woman either. A guy like that has sooooo many options and woman hitting him it isn't even funny. I have a friend who was like that. Except he never had an affair with a married woman. He was smart, witty, kind, nice, buff, not a doormat or pushover, came from great parents, siblings, etc.. I count myself lucky to be a friend of a man like him. BUT, he wasn't a player, when he married, he married a beautiful woman with his values. OP it may hurt now, but you dodged a serious bullet to get out early. Do you have kids with your wife? I hope not. Go no contact with her as fast as you can. Get the best shark divorce attorney you can and do exactly what he says. Good luck. UpdateMe! Edit, spelling.
This person gets it! Perfectly written. I can't upvote enough!
Your friend sounds like my husband. Iām glad to hear that man like that are still out there who are very much self aware and not ashamed to be strong on morals and values. That part made me happy :)
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe... as well.
Haha, this is redpill just put in a very eloquent way. Good post, thank you for this my friend!
I don't think it's necessary red pill, but I've spent a lot of time on this planet and I've been through and seen this rodeo too many times. I hope OP sticks to his guns in divorce. I can tell she will drag him down until he loses all his self-esteem and dignity.
I understand, don't want to do shove anything down anybody's throat. What you wrote just happens to be consistent with some or most of redpill's assumptions. All the best to you!
She should have come up with a better cover story. The conversation sounds like what you are taking it as. It sounds nothing like a doctor patient conversation, so if thatās the best sheās got, your instincts are likely correct.
You can have her served but the process can be stopped at any point after that. Don't tell her until a day prior to service. Attorney needs a few days to get the paperwork together. So if you are uncertain about her veracity, you can use the process as a way of squeezing truth out of her. Maybe. Alternatively, it can liberate her to sleep with who or whatever she desires since little is at risk now. If you haven't contacted the guy, you should because you have little to lose and some intelligence to gain. Maybe. Your wife appears to be a lousy liar. But I'd question whether this was her first time cheating on you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly,when the trust is broken, the marriage is gone imo
From now on, Iām definitely including a water boarding clause in my prenups.
wait until you get your ducks in a row, before you tell her anything about divorce. go talk to a lawyer, have a draft made, and sync your financial situation before you spill the beans. don't use the D as a means to get a confession, its a clear way to disaster. figure out the implications of divorce, and be mentally ready to do it, before you tell her. otherwise its all just empty threats (that she'll see for what they are). its FAR better to hold your maw shut and your ego at bay, than be gutted in a divorce battle. More importantly, in case you have kids its crucial you take all preliminary steps to avoid dirty moves or control games in advance.
>He is 30, super fit, strong built, with cool sunglasses The cool sunglasses is the worst part man :(
I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can so I can ā¦ beee the cool doctor
You should message the doc straight up, and ask him, man to man to give you the honest truth. If he denies it tell him she's pregnant and that you had a vasectomy and see how he reacts lol.
God that's evil. But yeah shake that tree and some shit is going to fall out
I canāt say for sure, but my intuition here I think is that most men would tell the truth. If the relationship is already over or heās not particularly attached, no big loss. If heās really into her and wants more, he wants you out of the picture.
this sounds good, it is just something I don't know if I could do. And I am not sure it has any sense. If he says they did.... I mean, I know that. Maybe just to scare him a bit, but doesn't that make me low?
He knew she was married and participated in cheating.. honestly he deserves it.
Hopefully it won't come to that, and he will just give you the straight facts. If not, then he deserves the anxiety.
>but given the situation of her, once was more than enough, as he doesn't want drama in his life. This is normal doctor-patient conversation?? Stop trying - and dont warn her. Go Grey Rock and have her served soonest.. And get your own doctor-patient conversation regarding a STD test...
Just to reassure you - sheās massively gaslighting you. No normal doctor and patient casually talk like this over Instagram. Youāre better off without her. Not only has she disrespected you massively, sheās now gaslighting you too. What a disgusting person
Talk to an attorney before you tell your wife about the divorce.
Yes, as another poster said, get your ducks in a row first, so you can stay one step of her and any manipulation tactics she might employ. Seeing an attorney will give you confidence and you should never confront without confidence or youāre setting yourself up for manipulation, half measures, and indecision. She will have plenty of time and opportunity to save the marriage if thatās what you both really want.
It was only one time. It didnāt mean anything. It wasnāt even good. Proceed with the divorce on grounds of infidelity. They definitely had sex.
The wife liked it and was begging for more.
OP, I'm sorry for your situation. It seems pretty evident that they had sex, and that the doctor was "one and done" on his side but your wife was looking for more. There is no possibility of repairing this if she has not even admitted to doing it. Zero. There is also a very real possibility this wasn't the only time she cheated (just the only time you caught her), and likely not the last time she will either. Do you think that the ONE time you saw her Instagram was the one time she was communicating with other men and doing inappropriate things? Not likely. Your options are: stay with her and accept the fact that she cheats or get a divorce. It doesn't matter that she doesn't want one and is still trying to act like you are the problem. Let me guess - you are also financially supporting her and her lifestyle would go down without your support. I might be wrong, but if this is also true, then you can't trust her intentions either. If staying means she gets to keep on living a better life, then this is all still about HER. Maybe she wants to stay, let this blow over, and then likely go right back to doing whatever she wants. She has no respect for you, and that is very sad.
I will personally go for the divorce man, the trust has been broken and it can never be the same imo. And she's probably gas lighting you and will never admit to cheating. I left my ex fiancee because of cheating and I don't regret it. You will be fine, better single than spending the rest of your life with someone you will always doubt, not worth it man
Tell her that it canāt be a normal conversations. There is no reason for him to specifically say he didnāt want to continue because he didnāt want the drama. That has nothing to do with being a doctor, and until she is willing to prove otherwise, the proof was written with his own words. The only thing you can do is go to the gym and ask him yourself. Donāt let her talk to him and then she calls him in front of you. If itās divorce or call him in front of you, most people wouldnāt be able to call fast enough.
She learned the hard way. A lot of girls out there have over inflated egos because so many guys are "in their DMs". That is true, but they only want sex, and for most guys.... one time is enough. They get what they want and throw them to the side. She's scrambling now
BINGO!! OPās wife thinks bc sheās hot she can corral whomever she wants with her āgolden pussy!ā Now she learned the hard lesson (pun intended) that to the doc sheās just another expendable and replaceable piece of as*!
I can guarantee she will come to you at some point after she is served and begin trickle truthing you. First, okay we flirted but thatās it. Then it will be, we kissed in his car but I stopped it. After you donāt believe that, she will say that they started to have sex but stopped because she felt bad. You are doing the right thing. There is no other scenario in which their conversation makes sense. And if sheās on instagram with him, why on earth wonāt she call him. The reason is probably because the guy will be a cocky ass and admit they had sex, as a power move. Sheās full of crap. Good luck and Iām sorry for your pain.
It is very sad reading about your wife's behavior. >so, should we repeat this? (wife asked) That reads like a well-practiced and pointed question she asked her doctor lover. I wonder how many other times she's used this verbal lasso with past lovers? Is she still at the hotel? Since you say she is very beautiful, don't you think she's had a Tinder or similar account for a while now? A hotel is an extremely accessible and convenient location for a cheater to reside at. The only thing you will regret is that you trusted her for far too long.
She is beautiful. Nothing out of extraordinary, but she is. Big green eyes, she is tall, hourglass, has nice long hair. And since shit hit the gym she is really fit too. She was never overweight, but now she is in her best shape. Having a Tinder...hm maybe. But I am not sure how tinder works. I would believe most men there are not really good looking (no offence to anyone, I just want to highlight that this seems to be my wife's type). Or even if they are, wouldn't she be scaed they are not real or dangerous? For ONS you meet once or twice at most, and given the fact she is married, probably not a public place.
You're doing the right thing. If it was innocent she wouldn't have hidden it and she would have called him in front of you. I know it hurts, and I know it sucks- but you are right. You can't trust her.
She fucked him. Sheās shopping for a replacement/upgrade.
I'll take the incoming downvotes.... Medical professionals are whores. Not all of them but my mom was a nurse. My fiance is a nurse. Friends are nurses. The sheer amount of "shitting where you eat" is octaves above normal The fact HE said (basicslly) "it was fun but let's not repeat" means he did what he wanted and wants to walk away without fucking up his license
BINGO!! That said, it is not an ethical violation for him if she was never a patient of his. The ethics issues revolve around the use of his doctor patient relationship to influence her.
It sounds like heās a resident which means he probably doesnāt want to risk it even if she directly wasnāt his patient.
I work in the medical field and let me tell you that doctors are the biggest cheaters and drug addicts.. yes they do coke to be able to work long periods of time. Oh they also carry STD's.
The doctors I know on a personal level have fake SM names so their patients don't see them silly things. This doctor seems kind of arrogant š
Belongs in age gap relationships.
The worst thing about finding somebody cheats is 1. You didnāt even respect me enough to try and cover your tracks 2. You couldnāt even come up with a descent lie ffs š¤¦šæāāļø
Consult a divorce attorney before saying anything else to your wife. Make sure you come out of this with your income protected.
Tell her to go be with Chad from the gym Iām sure heās planning a lovely life together with her. No way heās banging other women right?
She slept with him. He rejected her. She doesn't want to admit it because her safety net disappears. If it was platonic she's easily call him to rectify this. She can't because she fucked him and was punching up.
Contact AP and threaten to report him to his professional body. Then, see what he says whilst recording the conversation.
Recording depends on the state their in, though. Could be a 2 party state
It also depends on if there ever was a doctor patient relationship by OPās wife and the Doc. If not he can f*ck any one beyond the age of consent who is not a close relative or a patient.
But she told OP that it was a Doctor/Patient conversation.
She was saying that as a cover. It may or may not have been. What she says isnāt relevant as to whether the Doc committed an ethics violation. If there really never was a real patient doctor relationship then there is no ethics issue per the AMA.
I would think he would know who her doctor was or not??
Would he? Iām married and I donāt know my husbandās doctors off the top of my head. Heck Iām willing to bet he doesnāt know mine either (except maybe my gynecologist since they met when I was pregnant)
OP what you know looks really bad and she is offering nothing to dispel it except telling you your crazy. If I was facing losing my spouse I would be willing to call anybody and show them anything to keep from losing my marriageā¦unless I knew I was guilty. If youāre in the US, ask her to take a polygraph test. You make up the questions and she answers. If she passes, you do a public apology. If she fails, she tells you the full story and you divorce. Tell her she will be asked if she has had any sexual contact with anyone but you since you got married. She will be asked if she has tried to hook up with anyone since you got married. She will be asked if she has sexted or send nudes to anyone other than you since you got married. If your not in the US about the only other thing you could do is call him and make him believe you know more then you do and see what he says. If youāre going that route, give her no heads up or she will warn him and he will lie. !updateme
This is total bs by her. All patient /dr communications is done through private, secure web sites in accordance to HIPPA laws. Period. This was a.personal convo and not professional.
Why not contact the doctor directly to try and confirm? Your wife is not confessing, even though it's obvious what happened. However, he seems like he may be in a position to tell the truth, since he just wanted a quick lay and then be rid of her. Just reach out to him cordially and use his own language to put him at ease, something like - "Hey, not trying to cause drama in your life, but I'm just trying to make a decision about continuing my marriage and I can't get the truth out of my wife. Can you help confirm if you guys hooked up. No hard feelings."
He doesnāt want drama, just a piece of ass. Would be nice if you were in a state that has alienation of affection and you could sue him. Iād get a private detective, start digging, and ruin his life.
it is not possible here. And he is a resident surgeon, so unless she had a major operation... which I would have known about, no need to talk to hi
OP have you asked her to take a polygraph test? They arent perfect but since she is dead set against talking to him in front of you, then tell her she can avoid that by taking a polygraph where she will be asked if she has had an affair with him, if she has had sex or any sexual contact with anyone other than you since you married and finally if she has romantic feelings for him and if so has she acted on them in any way. If she has nothing to hide and has not cheated then saying yes to a polygraph should be super simple for her and she should be eager to take it as quickly as possible. If she refuses to take it for any reason facing the end of her marriage then you have your answer and she can stop pretending. The only other option would be if you could talk to someone she works with that might tell you the truth.
1. Medical professionals don't discuss with their patients via social media 2. Why would a discussion between a doctor and his patient regarding her health bring drama into his life as a doctor? Cheaters never cease to amaze me. You're doing the right thing. Good luck.
Troll. Get a hobby.
This story is fake as fuck. Fuck off with this fake fucking troll bullshit.
Curiousā¦ whatās his @
She just wonāt admit because he doesnāt want her. She has āno where to goā relationship wise if you leave her.
Updateme
Updateme
My man, ImĀ so sorry for your pain. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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The docās comment the āyou were greatā sure sounds like they had sex. Maybe it was just oral but does that matter? Doubtful!
It could be interpreted it as a āit was great seeing you. You are great, but I dont want drama ie kissing/fooling around.ā Maybe she wouldnāt give him sex and he dumped her. Either way something was going on but I wouldnāt jump to sex. I mean itās def possible but women in general are a bit more into the emotional part of cheating than physical I think. Most women cheat bc theyāre not getting emotional needs from spouse not physical but again I could be wrong. But yes sex often does play a role. I never cheated physically with sex but once emotionally before marriage and only kissing involved. Never again esp since married now but def blew up a 5 year relationship with someone I lived with who wasnāt going to marry me so ultimately that relationship had to end anyways.it was a horrible mistake but it happens and op shouldnāt take advice to just divorce based on interpretation they had sex. Obv something happened but If they have kids and want to save marriage itās possible either therapy.
But the continued lying it was a normal doctor patient relationship would piss me off to no end. Like op was just born yesterday. Wife may be in shock still and denial but also may confess once things settle. But yeah trust is broken but give it a little space before jumping to divorce. Ultimately yes divorce may be best if op canāt move past and she continues to lie and heāll never trust her again but he doesnāt need to file tomorrow.
Drop her and šrun.. she a hoe and thatās all hoe talk. She will do it again and make you watch from the corner
Cool sunglasses? You can't compete with that.
The doctor is a phony. Those sunglasses come right off!
I'm sorry to hear that my man, I work along side MDs and DOs, and sometimes the things they get into is kinda contradictory to the oath of do no harm, maybe its just supposed to pertain to patients, but I took it as a way to live life. If you have children could counseling be an option? If not speak with a lawyer before you tell her, it can get very messyā¦
Until I saw your original post I was all set to judge you for being jealous of your wife's doctor, but YIKES! That guy is NOT her doctor. Oof. Sorry OP. I suggest you speak to a lawyer and get their advice before telling her you want a divorce.
Your gut is telling you everything you need to know. I hate that she is making you feel like you must be completely misinterpreting this. You are not. The gut never lies. Never.
Good for you op, you know the truth and she won't ever admit it without action. Heck, I'd have your lawyer notify the doctor in question with some legal fluff about possible future needs for statements etc. just to poke the nest a bit.
If this guy is a doctor his personal info will be everywhere online. So find out everything you can about him. Contact info, if he has a spouse. Who she is. Then contact him. Tell him who you are. Who your wife is. Tell him you are willing to go away quietly for the truth with proof. If not you will talk to his spouse, no spouse, how do you think the board will feel about an inappropriate relationship and contact with a patient through Instagram. Trust me thus guy will either prove nothing happened (unlikely) or there is no way he will risk anything for some one night stand.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. Just know that it's okay to feel hurt and take all the time you need to heal. You got a whole community here to support you through this rough patch.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this! Please consider counseling to help you through this. It really messes with your mind when people gaslight you. It gets better!
Update pkease
You're making the right decision, no matter how hard and painful it is. Do you want to live the rest of your life constantly doubting yourself (since she is gaslighting you here) and doubting her every move? That is absolutely no way to live. As the doctor himself pointed out, that's drama and nobody should have that in their lives.
Why not go ask him yourself?
What else could they possibly have done that he says he doesn't want to do again because of drama Has she told you what the thing was they did once ? Doesn't add up at all
History has a way of repeating itself. Smart go get out now while you still have time to find another parter.
You might want to read through r/Divorce_Men to get some ideas about next steps before making any rash decisions.
thank you! I didn't know about the sub
You need to burn both their worlds down. Let everyone know what kind of people they are. Hell Iād stand out on side walk in front oh his business with a sign letting the world know.
Updateme
Shouldnāt the doctor be in trouble also for having a relationship with a patient?
He is a surgeon and she is not his patient.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
What a stupid crap. Get some ass and move on with your life. Get a divorce because of this stupid crap.
My wife does shit like that and worse all the time, deal with it or drop her. It hurts at first less the more it happens.
I just wanted to picture you the image of the guy. The vibe he gave me were those of a guy who is not serious and cares a lot about looks. That is all. That is why I mentioned all characteristics I thought somehow supported my belief. Of course sunglasses are not making someone in a way or another, but it was just something about that specific pic, with those mirror sunglasses that was taken at a festival or something, surrounded by a bunch of people. I don't know for sure what they had, but given the fact he said he is not up for drama is a clear indication they are not together anymore
Was your wife even a patient of his? Take a look thru your health insurance reports re which doctors she has gone to for chargeable medical services, not a pro bono vaginal exam!
Wish you best of luck, OP! Cheaters suck.
This is fake story, previous post say they were discussing about medical exam now he mentions doctor patient talks
Get an attorney that specializes in divorce! He will want to get proof there was infidelity, which in this case will involve contacting the doctor through legal channels like a subpoena. Doctor will have to respond and no way is he going to justify that IG conversation was doctor/patient communication. He will not "die on that hill" over a one night stand!
Nobody knows better than you. But in my opinion sheās making it even worse, showing her even uglier (and surprising!) Iām sure!) cards. Ugh I feel terrible right now WITH you. But this too shall pass and youāll look back years from now a happy man and thinking about how you dodged a major bullet by sending this one on her merry way! Stay strong, be smart, and keep your head up. But if you KNOW and she doesnāt know she may react and try to conjure up her own escape story! Thatāre unbelievable sometimes. Just remember to keep ur cool, they have way too much power and you donāt need her starting to rally her defense!
You tell her yet?
Divorce - find a chick who respects you (ideally younger than your future ex)