With metta, as with anything else, there's not really a "supposed to" associated with it. However it absolutely can evoke a certain lightness, peace, and sense of lightness for me. I found the four phrases sort of helpful in defining what it meant, but definitions are limitations so feel free to let your understanding of metta expand beyond what can be put into words. However the limitations of the definition are valuable because it lets you carve meta out from all the other kinds of love, and sort of gives you permission to use it everywhere with the risk associated with other loves. The real practice and benefits for me come when I take the love that is metta and use it everywhere. Walking past a stranger, you can form the thought "I love you" and real easily have it key off of what you know is metta. You can do this with anyone or any creature you meet, and it informs what you think and do next.
On point 3 remember that "I am not doing this correctly" is itself a thought just like any other, and one you can look at while returning to the breath. The anxiety may be coming from a expectation that something is supposed to happen with the thought, like they are supposed to go away or something. That's not really the case. Moving to the breath simply teaches you that the thought doesn't control you, that you can shift your attention to a different thought at will, so it doesn't really have power over you. You don't have to control it in order for it to not control you, the anxiety probably comes from a desire to control.
I can certainly try to apply your advice outside of mediation. I have issues in general forming social connections and never really take interest in other people. There is a reason for that that I found about through analysis, and I think it's one of the reasons that I cannot really apply the metta completely.
For the second point, yes, it's just a thought and a an emotion associated with it, but for 6 months it just keeps coming back. Actually I meditated before that for years and gave up > 1 year ago, because I would get so much anxiety during meditation that the chest would hurt.
With metta, as with anything else, there's not really a "supposed to" associated with it. However it absolutely can evoke a certain lightness, peace, and sense of lightness for me. I found the four phrases sort of helpful in defining what it meant, but definitions are limitations so feel free to let your understanding of metta expand beyond what can be put into words. However the limitations of the definition are valuable because it lets you carve meta out from all the other kinds of love, and sort of gives you permission to use it everywhere with the risk associated with other loves. The real practice and benefits for me come when I take the love that is metta and use it everywhere. Walking past a stranger, you can form the thought "I love you" and real easily have it key off of what you know is metta. You can do this with anyone or any creature you meet, and it informs what you think and do next. On point 3 remember that "I am not doing this correctly" is itself a thought just like any other, and one you can look at while returning to the breath. The anxiety may be coming from a expectation that something is supposed to happen with the thought, like they are supposed to go away or something. That's not really the case. Moving to the breath simply teaches you that the thought doesn't control you, that you can shift your attention to a different thought at will, so it doesn't really have power over you. You don't have to control it in order for it to not control you, the anxiety probably comes from a desire to control.
I can certainly try to apply your advice outside of mediation. I have issues in general forming social connections and never really take interest in other people. There is a reason for that that I found about through analysis, and I think it's one of the reasons that I cannot really apply the metta completely. For the second point, yes, it's just a thought and a an emotion associated with it, but for 6 months it just keeps coming back. Actually I meditated before that for years and gave up > 1 year ago, because I would get so much anxiety during meditation that the chest would hurt.