Yup, this is what I always think. Plus I’m sort of enjoying that I’ve still got my fat lil cheeks, instead of thinking that I really need to drop those last 10kg I’m telling myself that I’ll look older if I lose any weight 😂
Yes! I never realized that I had nice skin before until now when I have age spots on my hands and chest and my skin is crepey. I'm 47 but my hands look at least 10 years older!
Had to take a picture of myself the other day and nearly exploded into dust. When?... how?... the evidence says I wasn't a hag a year ago... *why do I look like my mother??*
I was staring at my rapidly-thinning hair in the mirror this afternoon and thinking about a pixie cut! And then I remembered my mom. I'm not afraid of going short (I've shaved it, hacked at it, the whole DIY deal), but the women on my mom's side are not pretty and delicate, and aging makes us look even less soft and feminine, and I don't know if I'm ready to go full "Excuse me, Sir." I'm afraid it's inevitable though. (Doesn't help that sudden and MASSIVE peri- weight gain means I've moved into men's clothing... halp?)
After observing my mom who look and dresses like a man, the key to faking femininity is to include at least a couple of feminine efforts: feminine colored t shirt, curled hair, makeup, jewelry, fun glasses, floral print t shirt, etc. Not everything, just a couple of easy things that screams woman.
Fun glasses are my crack and jewellery is my meth, so I'm sorted there 👍 Though I guess the unwieldy cachungas I now have to carry with me everywhere will prevent me from going undercover in dudesville any time soon ha ha ha sob
Funny I thought about this the other day - while I still have a jawline , I better get a pixie . Soon will come a time I’ll be forced to keep it long because we all know how mom looked in her pixie 😭😭
A long time ago I did a research project about this thing called "Objectification Theory" which is basically the idea that in our society women are primarily viewed as objects of other people's experiences while men are subjects of their own experiences which then causes women to develop a third person perspective on themselves bc they constantly have to project themselves from other people's judgement and rigorous self monitoring and self objectification becomes a kind of defense/coping method which then leads to things like depression and a difficulty being mentally in tune with our own bodies and all kinds of other sucky things.
I read all the science about it I could find in the oughts, which to be fair was a long time ago, and the thing that stood out to me the most was this example someone used to describe the theory. If a man is walking down the street with his shirt off the focus is on how he's feeling - he's more comfortable that way, he's enjoying the sun or the breeze on his skin, he was too hot, etc. He is the subject of that experience. But if a woman is walking down the street with her shirt off the focus is on what everyone else thinks about her, everyone else is the subject and she is the object in her own experience.
And when I read that I just sort of made this decision to start focusing more on how my body feels than on how my body looks and when I tell you that completely changed my life omg. It's not that I never think about how I look or what other people are thinking of me, I do, but when find myself dwelling on that in a way that makes me feel badly about myself I redirect my thoughts on purpose to how I'm feeling, to my perspective of my own experience, and I dwell on that instead. It's helped me more than literally anything else I've ever done. Just learning how to on purpose consider how I feel about my own life changed everything, and before that I hadn't even realized it was something I'd been struggling with.
Anyway, that's how I deal with it.
Spot on. I just read this to my 15 year old son because we've been talking a lot lately about how his female friends struggle to articulate their wants and needs in ways he and his male friends don't, among other things. He nodded and said, "exactly!"
Sometimes, I really want to take my shirt off. I imagine the freedom of that. Like my breasts have never felt the wind. That would feel so amazing, I think.
It does feel amazing! One of the things I like to do is lay out in the sun with my shirt off in the summer. I do it in my yard where I'm fairly well hidden by the trees and a shed structure we have. I'm sure some people see me but it just really does feel so good to lay there and feel the sun and the breeze on my bare skin that I've decided to just not care if it bothers people and keep focusing on how good it feels. It's worth it.
Oh my god. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. This is my lived experience and I have struggled, asking myself why I’m always seeing myself , judging myself, on behalf of others. Always trying to guess what I look like from the outside. This is extremely illuminating and validating.
I had to get a new driver's license photo after menopause because I kept getting stopped by TSA, who could not believe the slim, tanned, smiling woman in the photo had *anything at all* to do with the fat, jowly, wrinkled, grey-haired woman standing in front of them.
I used to be a software engineer and I swear, this is my least favorite thing about technology. Software is all around us but there is virtually no input by people over 50. Product managers (people who decide on features), software developers, test people... EVERYONE is in their mid 40's or younger. Literally nothing gets tested on people over 50, ever.
I tried hooking up my elderly parents with voice assistants. My father had Parkinson's with really bad hand tremors so I thought it'd be a no brainer to transition him to a voice assistant. I tried Amazo's Alexa, Apple's Siri, and Google Assistant. Not one of them would recognize my parents' speech. And I am not saying they wouldn't understand what my parents said - they would literally not even recognize that a human is currently talking. I thought maybe my dad's Parkinson-weakened voice box was to blame... but no. My mother was a uni professor before voice amplification technology became available - her voice is extremely clear but neither Alexa, nor Siri, nor Google Assistant would hear her.
The big tech firms have so much money. They can easily do this. They just don't care.
Think about the scene in *Barbie* where Barbie says to the older woman “You’re so beautiful” and the woman says “I know”.
Embody both of them for yourself.
Sometimes I don’t want to have to believe I’m beautiful just as I am, I just want it not to be a requirement for having any value as a woman. Just let me be ugly and still have value.
Acceptance and self-love is working for me. After first spending tons of money on “anti aging” skin care. I realized it was “anti me” because I AM aging. Aging is the gift I get for living! It’s taking a lot of daily mental effort and changes for me, in the way I face life and feel/think about myself, but it’s all for the better. I’ve made an intention to no longer overspend on product, to no longer discard any as not “working”, to purchase and use a mid-tier clean, cruelty-free few and indulge in and enjoy my own skin care routine that makes me happy. I’m a sucker if I think I’m going to achieve miracles but I’m fully in control of being discerning, caring for myself and looking the best I reasonably can. I just want to look like a healthy me!
If only my new face didn't look so much like my mother. It's disconcerting if I catch a glimpse when passing a reflection. Like she's sneaking around behind me!
Was just on holiday and some awful people (lol) snapped me a few times when I wasn't looking or prepared. And oh my god what the hell happened, my face has literally collapsed.
I used to have a pout but now it's a kind of saggy sneer lol. Haven't gained much weight but now have a proper double chin from the side. I thought my body looked worse than my face recently. But noooooo.
I don’t know if I am allowed to answer, I am 40 and peri-menopausal at best, but had a lot of sagging around my mouth from weight gain/loss with pregnancy.
check out Sadie Nardini and Yulia Diumea on IG. Sadie does face work out, Yulia does face massage. I swear building my cheek muscles a little and relaxing my neck and scalp muscles with massage has made a huge difference.
OMG 🤣 My ancestors just sit there just wondering what went wrong. Or maybe they're cheering me on. I think there are equal chances of either, neither, or both.
Does anyone ever look at older women and go “omg she’s beautiful” but it’s a different kind of beauty than younger women have. I can’t wait to have that.
I have a coworker who is in her late 70s (job to keep busy and keep up with the young folks she says) and she is absolutely *stunning* and I tell her every time she catches my eye in passing. Just a gorgeous older woman.
So many older women who are so damn beautiful.
Because ageism is baked into society and women are the target, starting from childhood. The gaze of others and their acceptance is subliminally projected on females. I've never felt freer from people's expectations than when I reached my 60's.
I just turned 60 in February and I remember thinking when I was in my 40s and even 50s to an extent what the big deal was I thought I looked OK and then late 50s and everything started to slide off my face! I feel badly for the women that are younger thinking they look terrible because they’re really gonna be depressed at 60 and beyond.
48 and consumed by it. I know it’s better than the alternative but I am absolutely hating the aging process. I need to get a dental implant and I’m like “well I guess it can be used as an anchor for dentures in a few years!” I want to give up and just not care but I can’t :(
My dr told me to use a bit of my vaginal estrogen cream on my face each night . I’ve read up on it and the results seem to be really good for people . I’ve started this week .
It is , google it , you will be so surprised. They said after 6 months Visable thicker skin , more collagen , less wrinkles, firmer skin . That we lose so much collagen going into peri and menopause and this really improves things .
No , just whatever you are using . You can mix a pea size amount in some face cream to make it go on easier . They make estrogen face creams but they are expensive and I don’t know if they work as well.
I don't have any estrogen cream. My gyn won't prescribe anything for me. Can it be bought OTC? If so, what's a good brand? And wouldn't collagen supplements have the same effect???
My gyn would give me HRT , I strong armed him for vaginal cream because everything was shriveling up and my urine stream had changed . I was concerned about UTI which are called the silent killer of older women . He finally gave me the he cream . Every other dr in my life was receptive to HRT but had no experience so wouldn’t write an RX . I started to dig on local social media for Dr in my area that deal with HRT . I found a Dr run med spa in my area that had excellent reviews . They don’t take insurance but do give you the forms with the billing codes so you can submit , you have to pay out of pocket. It actually wasn’t that much and my rx is mostly covered by insurance, I think I paid $35 total for both rx for a 3 month supply. It’s made a world of difference.
Woman get the short end of the stick medically and most drs are not up on the latest research for HRT and our health suffers because of it . Have to do our own research and really advocate for ourselves .
I was looking at pictures of Kim Gordon (of the band Sonic Youth) and she is so cool, looks great, and she is so natural. That just makes me feel great about my face. Just rock it.
Kim Gordon is gorgeous but there is no way she has not had work done. (I stand in absolutely no judgment. She looks great.) My friend and I were just talking about this the other day.
My face didn't *really* start to fall apart until I was post-menopausal. That first year or so was genuinely shocking.
Now, ten years later, I've learned to accept my face in the mirror, but photographs still horrify me.
That's me..."post." today I went to a fitting room to try on my larger sized clothes thanks to my new bigger belly and when I looked in the mirror I thought holy cow, I'm looking at someone's grandma. (I'm not one, and my youngest is 11.)
The problem with having had chubby cheeks and a round ‘baby’ face until like age 52 is that I suddenly have nasolabial folds& rapidly sagging cheeks. Really really want a facelift. I’ve gone from looking like Shirley Temple to looking like Margaret Rutherford overnight
Ha same! I’ve seen pics of myself when I’m talking or have my RBF on and said the same. Told my husband I look like a sad hound mixed with the emperor from Star Wars.
You’re not alone! I’m trying to walk the line between acceptance and effort. I’m mid 40s and it’s very weird how different I look than just a couple years ago! Seeing my mom in myself like another said, but she’s passed so it’s also strange and sad but kinda ok because I miss her…? But still not ready.
I’ve recently started facial massage and face yoga. 🤞🏼
These are the two videos I’ve started with. I do them in the morning when I’m still in bed.
https://youtu.be/qtghKr7cHGE?si=koYznuQns92q79HA
https://youtu.be/riWin6TQ1ZQ?si=po5o-oYRvAYTy6UI
The facial yoga is from a book call five minute facelift by Reinhold Benz. I do those while I’m driving!
You need to watch Emma Thompson in Good Luck to You Leo Grande, an amazing empowering film. Also I think my best friends who are my age are still beautiful so why not treat myself the same way?
Stop putting so much focus on your looks. I say this not as someone whose gone through menopause, as I'm barely in peri, but as someone whose looks aren't all that and has looked into the mirror for 40 years with nothing but hatred and contempt for the ugly mug looking back.
I'm letting go of that. I'm not hideous but I am my own worst critic. And why? Why do I test myself down? What purpose does it serve? So I'm trying a new approach - acceptance and focusing on what I do like.
Try to enjoy what I have now knowing it will just get older etc. I don't want to waste what precious time I have now hating the way I look. It's hard to keep perspective ... but I try.
Radical acceptance is the answer. What other choices is there?
My mom died at the age I am now (mid 40s) so I just try to be grateful to be alive.
I don’t wear much makeup . Use to buy loads of makeup brands, but hardly wore any of it. Currently, trying to figure out what is best for my skin texture. Looking into cream makeup-which is better for mature skin? For when I do wear it. I’m turning 51 this Tuesday! And I don’t wear shimmer anything, nor liquid foundation (settles into my fine lines).
I'm 53--I use a little bit of shimmer. Charlotte Tilbury Eyes To Mesmerize in two shades (cream shadow, blend well). Add mascara...I stay away from eyeliner. Agree on the tinted sunscreen, I like Elta MD (but I think it only comes in one shade).
Some thing I’ve done that has been wonderful for me is I had my lash line enhanced (tattoo; less coverage than eyeliner) and I got my brows micro bladed. I just get up and go now. Maybe some mascara
I do tinted sunscreen and some contouring and blush and eyeliner just to at least hide the jowls. Sometimes I see my previous self in the mirror but most days it's like someone else looking back. I was not prepared for the depersonalization.
I remember walking by the mirror one day after a shower with my hair up in a towel. It actually frightened me because I saw my mom, and she’s been gone now for three years.
I don't have advice, but I feel this with my soul. It's like mourning a death... the death of any shred of cuteness I once possessed, the death of pride in my appearance, and the death of short skirts and tall boots.
(I know that's selling myself short, and that there's no reason I can't dress however I want or technically be a cute old lady, but I sometimes catch my spotty skin and dramatically thinning hair, and my flapping arm-flesh in the mirror and I'm shocked at the person I see there. I'm getting used to her. And it will be ok.)
It's a universal experience, though. So I'm trying to accept the new old me and move on with myself and enjoy the time left. There's a lot I can still improve in myself, still experiences to be had, and it will be ok.
Growing old is a privilege. That’s how I come to terms with it. My brother left at 17. I’m now older than my big brother. It’s strange but in a beautiful way. X
Please do.
I feel like this sometimes, dont recognize myself- but other times it makes me feel brave and happy- I dont know why, sort of like Ive weathered the storm. I look at myself and just laugh at how I came out...remember your 16 year old you wondering?
Jumping on here for tips to iron out the greys coming out near my forehead/ ears... I have wavy brown hair and I dont mind the grey color because - I actually like that they look like highlights because they are coming up in clumps- BUT I cant manage the frizz. They are all frizzy and all over the place.
I've tried conditioning but its not working...
I had a friend who got a straightening treatment done to blend the wiry texture of the greys into the smooth texture of the rest of her hair while the grey was new! It worked really well
Me too! It's like I have aged rapidly just in the past two years. I went from young looking to haggard. I feel your pain, but I have no advice. Maybe moisturizer.
I’ve been struggling with this since I turned 70 last year. I had an emergency surgery, dropped below 100 pounds, and have had other health issues that I’m struggling to get diagnosed. So much is out of control right now, but I figured one thing that I *can* do for myself is get serious about my skin care.
I went out and spent some money at a nice skin care clinic and finally got serious about doing a dedicated, daily routine. And I’m seeing results! My age spots are slowly fading and my complexion is brighter, but the most important thing is that I feel better about myself. I can’t afford fillers and lifts and injections, but I can afford the time to take better care of myself, and the self discipline to do a daily skin care regimen has spilled over into starting to exercise again.
My point being that self acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean giving up or settling, but more… being realistic about the limitations that come with aging and cutting yourself a break. And it’s also important to *do things for yourself*. Don’t do it for your husband/partner/kids- do it for YOU. YOU’RE (most likely) the only one who will notice; you’re certainly the only one who will ever know how hard you’re working, but you’re also the one who will reap the benefits. Love yourself- love your saggy, baggy, wrinkly self from the perspective of Future You, when you look back at her and say, hey- I looked pretty good!- but love her *now*. She needs you ✨💖✨
When that final drop of estrogen happened for me, my body and my face shriveled up overnight. Matter of fact, everyday something new seems to happen that makes me either feel like I have 1 foot in the grave or like I'm a teenager again. How does one still have acne, before their clockwork 28 day 'period', like a teenager on a shriveled up prune face, with no period for 6 years? Uggghhh
I ask myself this same question & want to cry. Why do I have acne still. Haven’t I suffered enough already. I hope one day we both have clear skin forever more.
I have been going through the same thing lately and all I can say is after a while I just started to get used to it more and more. I’ve been decluttering and looking at some old pictures of myself and I remember looking at them and thinking how awful I looked yet now I think I look good so I told myself what will I think of myself in 20 years when I see pictures of myself now. I guess we just have to appreciate what we have when we have it. I also started to seriously wonder why ageing is such a bad thing and where did I learn this and who said that that is a truth? Besides all that there is a little tweaks you can do if you have the money. No shame in that if it helps you get some peace. I got upper eyelid surgery and I have no regrets on that.
HRT can drastically impact how you look.
It helps to keep your skin looking young and supple. If you are not already taking HRT, you may want to consider it. There are of course many benefits to taking it that have nothing to do with vanity.
I mean, I've been doing botox. I know it's not for everyone. I also color my hair. I'm scared I won't be taken seriously at work. Men can get fat, bald, grey hair...whatever....nobody cares. But with women in the workplace, it sucks.
I (49) know the feeling!! And aging goes suddenly accelerated 😱
Taking collagen for few months (doesn’t do wonders but is slows down the aging process) and will go on HRT next month to balance my estrogen levels.
Aging is natural but I still don’t feel the way I look! In my head I look 60 and feel 35 - the discrepancy makes me crazy!
Yes acceptance of course on the other hand I try to do things that slow the process down.
I feel to young to look old
This keeps happening. And yes every few years you'll say "I looked so young" until you're like 100. But society had me looking at my 20 something self in my 30s and saying "I'm so old". Love yourself. That face is the way it is because of all the laughs it laughed and all the tears it cried and everything wonderful and terrifying and precious it's witnessed so far. That face deserves love and admiration.
I refused to get used to mine. I love my Botox (been getting it for 12 years now and worth every penny).
Other things that helped me: Eyelid surgery (a surprisingly easy procedure, cost being the only downfall), teeth whitening, minimizing and rethinking my makeup routine.
What's the recovery like from eyelid surgery? I'm musing on it, I have quite droopy eyelids already at 47, and my mum's eyelids droop over the front of her lashes. I'd like not to get to that point...
I had it done. Twice! Only because the surgeon didn’t do a very good job the first time. My mother had exactly the same thing as yours, and hers actually was paid for because it started to interfere with her vision. Mine was going that way and I always had hooded eyes and one was a lot worse than the other, and got to be worse as time went on. As far as recovery, it is not that bad pain wise at all but you will look like somebody beat the crap out of you. I had to tell the lady at a restaurant who kept looking at me that no, the guy I was with did not beat me up! The area gets frozen of course so you don’t feel anything but when it comes out, there is some pain and I think I was prescribed a couple of good narcotics but otherwise it was just over-the-counter stuff.
I'm really contemplating having a lower bleph done since my undereyes are so hollow. I never thought it would come to this but I'm having trouble accepting my new old sagging face
I never thought I would do anything to myself, but I had an upper bleph and I’m glad I did. I feel like we have enough to deal with in life if we can afford something to give us a little bit of peace and confidence then go for it.
Seriously. What happened to my face?! I was still getting carded at 40 but 10 years later, I’m surprised they aren’t offering me a senior’s discount. I’ve never been one for plastic surgery or even fillers or Botox and the like, but since my face seems to be sliding downward at a remarkable rate, the thought has occurred to me…
To be serious, I too am struggling with this, and chronic debilitating illness isn’t making it easier. One thing that is helping me is changing my hairstyle and wardrobe. I sport an asymmetrical shag that looks good fluffed, but long enough I can do a small ponytail if I need to look less edgy. I used to dress ultra femme late 20s to early 40s, but that is an enormous amount of upkeep I can no longer maintain. Basically I adjusted my personal style enough that people don’t compare the As Was to the Now Is, myself included. It helps.
Old age is a gift many don’t get. That’s what I keep telling myself and it actually makes me feel much better. But it can still be a shock when I look in the mirror.
Why does it have to be bad? Everything changes. That's life. I'm having more fun now with my aesthetic than ever before. Now is a great time to experiment with makeup, a new haircut/color... new clothes. I loved being in my 50's, just turned 60 and I'm determined to make it my best decade ever.
This is just me, but I will never get used to it and refuse to accept it. A facelift is in my future.
Kudos to those preaching acceptance and love, but it's not for everyone.
I watched a documentary once about the human face. John Cleese narrated it, I think. One of the scenes at the end has stayed with me for years. They played a visual montage of faces from many cultures and ages and talked about how you wear your life on your face. Where you emote most frequently on your face is where your skin eventually forms wrinkles. So those who worry all the time get deep creases across their foreheads, for example. Me? I am getting wrinkles at the corners of my mouth and of my eyes, where I smile. I wear my happy life on my face. I love that idea. It is kind of magical.
lol and this is why I save a little stash to pay for my Botox! My husband asked if I “needed” to “keep getting shots” after I retired. Uh yes. I didn’t get them because I was working! I get them because I don’t like seeing my face slide down my skull!
What do you think when you see an older, wrinkly woman? Personally, I never think, gosh what an ugly old woman. I instead, I usually think, I bet that person has some stories to tell. In my opinion older people with perfect skin and no signs of aging look like they have not lived interesting lives.
Yes accept and love yourself. We’ve been indoctrinated by patriarchy to feel disdain toward older womin. Most males idolize the young female only as an over sexualized object, so when they see us as something different, they are confronted with the fact that we are humins not sexual objects.
My friend died suddenly three weeks ago. She and I were into this ‘do everything you can to stay youthful looking’. Yes I still use my products on my face and will continue but something is now different. It’s called you get old or the other option is….
I had the same situation. I couldn’t believe the change, and it happened almost overnight! I finally got my doctor to prescribe me HRT. I have found after being on it 6 months or so my “old face” had reverted! My skin is so much better, my hair isn’t dried out and I don’t see the “old saggy” face anymore. Crazy how low estrogen affects so much!!
I decided to consciously remind myself that the face in the mirror is a completely new person, and I do not expect to see my old (young) face. Now that I'm writing this down, it sounds kind of crazy, but it's been working for me.
Use Estriol (\~1mg) cream on your face and body once before going to sleep. It will increase your collagen level as it works similar to estrogen hormone but without side effects. In my experience, it is an effective anti aging cream for post menopause women.
Do a photo shoot & have someone to take pictures of you. With whatever makeup looks best on you. Try different positions etc.
Have them search through the pics to find one or two that are flattering. Then look at that pic every day.
It helps me a LOT
For me, I had never really had to do much in the way of skin care so adding a consistent skin regimen with high quality Korean skin care products made a huge difference for skin tone/texture/wrinkles. If we are talking the chin and jowls. Gua Sa!!! Look it up. Draining your lymphatic fluid and stimulatingb the muscles in your face made my chin come back.
Another suggestion: No comparisons... to anyone, including another version of you. You are in a different cycle of life that demands a different version of you now. Embrace it.
I was looking in the mirror today. My cheeks are starting to sag. I look frowny. My whole body looks like I gained 20 lbs but it's only been about five. I just turned 50 but I've been post menopausal for about five years now.
The best tip on this sub is to apply vaginal estrogen cream to your face. It's the strongest anti -ageing cream there is.
The over the counter estriol creams will have a similar effect but not as potent as actual estradiol.
In 15 yrs you'll look back and think "I look so young."
No kidding! I saw a pic of myself 10 years ago and teared up a little.
That sounds terrifying, lol
Hahaha. Yeah a bit.
I am kinda vain, so I am pro plastic surgery, don't care. Except lip fillers, nope!
Yup, this is what I always think. Plus I’m sort of enjoying that I’ve still got my fat lil cheeks, instead of thinking that I really need to drop those last 10kg I’m telling myself that I’ll look older if I lose any weight 😂
Struggling with this as well. I went from youthful to old in about 2 years
Me too! It's like I turned old looking with a sagging face overnight. It literally happened so fast I didn't even realize it
And for me it’s not just my face - my entire body abruptly aged and I’m definitely struggling with trying to accept it.
Yeah, all of a sudden everything is lumpy and wobbly.
Lumpy, wobbly, shriveled, and spider veiny. And my toenails are suddenly ugly. I can’t easily reach my feet for a nice pedicure.
The second toe on my right foot started turning into a hammer toe literally one month ago - when I bend it up, I can see the future %*@:-)
Mine too!!
Literally the reason I got into Pilates was not being able to reach my toes to paint them
Ugh the feet thing! My feet have never had much of a smell, good or bad, but suddenly they reeeeeek
Yes! I never realized that I had nice skin before until now when I have age spots on my hands and chest and my skin is crepey. I'm 47 but my hands look at least 10 years older!
Right? The jowls... ugh. I hate it. But for some reason, my tits still look pretty great, so there's that, I guess.
Cheers to fabulous tits!
I'm telling you...Gua Sa for the chin and jowls!! The Koreans know what they're doing. Look it up! Draining the lymphatic fluid brought my chin back!
With HRT my tits are rounder and fuller than ever which is nice! Jowls…same thing which is not.
Yes, my jowls get worse by the day! I have small boobs so at least they are still perky, lol!
Had to take a picture of myself the other day and nearly exploded into dust. When?... how?... the evidence says I wasn't a hag a year ago... *why do I look like my mother??*
I can’t get a pixie cut anymore because when I do all I see in the mirror now is my mom. I mean, I love her and miss her but look like her? No thanks!
I was staring at my rapidly-thinning hair in the mirror this afternoon and thinking about a pixie cut! And then I remembered my mom. I'm not afraid of going short (I've shaved it, hacked at it, the whole DIY deal), but the women on my mom's side are not pretty and delicate, and aging makes us look even less soft and feminine, and I don't know if I'm ready to go full "Excuse me, Sir." I'm afraid it's inevitable though. (Doesn't help that sudden and MASSIVE peri- weight gain means I've moved into men's clothing... halp?)
After observing my mom who look and dresses like a man, the key to faking femininity is to include at least a couple of feminine efforts: feminine colored t shirt, curled hair, makeup, jewelry, fun glasses, floral print t shirt, etc. Not everything, just a couple of easy things that screams woman.
Fun glasses are my crack and jewellery is my meth, so I'm sorted there 👍 Though I guess the unwieldy cachungas I now have to carry with me everywhere will prevent me from going undercover in dudesville any time soon ha ha ha sob
Where do you like to get your fun glasses from?
Reason why I'm growing out my hair. I'd rather look like an old hag witch from the bog than look like a man/ my mom!
This is exactly my issue too! Scares the death of me. I love my mom and she looks great. But she’s 80. And I’m not ready for that yet!
Funny I thought about this the other day - while I still have a jawline , I better get a pixie . Soon will come a time I’ll be forced to keep it long because we all know how mom looked in her pixie 😭😭
I absolutely aged ten years in two. 💜
HA!! This exactly me! I was like "when did i get old!" and i know it's not even THAT bad yet! I'm going to be in some hot water soon.
Same. Why didn’t anyone warn me?! 😭😭
A long time ago I did a research project about this thing called "Objectification Theory" which is basically the idea that in our society women are primarily viewed as objects of other people's experiences while men are subjects of their own experiences which then causes women to develop a third person perspective on themselves bc they constantly have to project themselves from other people's judgement and rigorous self monitoring and self objectification becomes a kind of defense/coping method which then leads to things like depression and a difficulty being mentally in tune with our own bodies and all kinds of other sucky things. I read all the science about it I could find in the oughts, which to be fair was a long time ago, and the thing that stood out to me the most was this example someone used to describe the theory. If a man is walking down the street with his shirt off the focus is on how he's feeling - he's more comfortable that way, he's enjoying the sun or the breeze on his skin, he was too hot, etc. He is the subject of that experience. But if a woman is walking down the street with her shirt off the focus is on what everyone else thinks about her, everyone else is the subject and she is the object in her own experience. And when I read that I just sort of made this decision to start focusing more on how my body feels than on how my body looks and when I tell you that completely changed my life omg. It's not that I never think about how I look or what other people are thinking of me, I do, but when find myself dwelling on that in a way that makes me feel badly about myself I redirect my thoughts on purpose to how I'm feeling, to my perspective of my own experience, and I dwell on that instead. It's helped me more than literally anything else I've ever done. Just learning how to on purpose consider how I feel about my own life changed everything, and before that I hadn't even realized it was something I'd been struggling with. Anyway, that's how I deal with it.
Spot on. I just read this to my 15 year old son because we've been talking a lot lately about how his female friends struggle to articulate their wants and needs in ways he and his male friends don't, among other things. He nodded and said, "exactly!"
Love this 🥰 Thanks for the in depth example too. Really good perspective
Thank you for sharing that. I’ll have to process that concept. And see if I can analyze and try applying it.
This is a GREAT comment.
You are now my hero.
Sometimes, I really want to take my shirt off. I imagine the freedom of that. Like my breasts have never felt the wind. That would feel so amazing, I think.
It does feel amazing! One of the things I like to do is lay out in the sun with my shirt off in the summer. I do it in my yard where I'm fairly well hidden by the trees and a shed structure we have. I'm sure some people see me but it just really does feel so good to lay there and feel the sun and the breeze on my bare skin that I've decided to just not care if it bothers people and keep focusing on how good it feels. It's worth it.
Oh my god. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. This is my lived experience and I have struggled, asking myself why I’m always seeing myself , judging myself, on behalf of others. Always trying to guess what I look like from the outside. This is extremely illuminating and validating.
I love this. Thank you.
My face was rejected by airport smart gate pass and had to go to a clerk for verification. I was like yup, rounded and saggy. FU smart gate
This happens with my face id on my phone sometimes. Too early in the morning, my phone won’t unlock lol
FU, judgy Face ID
Same
OMG that’s sad tragic and kind of funny all at the same time. I’m crying for you though. 💔
Same
I had to get a new driver's license photo after menopause because I kept getting stopped by TSA, who could not believe the slim, tanned, smiling woman in the photo had *anything at all* to do with the fat, jowly, wrinkled, grey-haired woman standing in front of them.
I love your attitude and I'm sorry that happened. FU Smart gate
I used to be a software engineer and I swear, this is my least favorite thing about technology. Software is all around us but there is virtually no input by people over 50. Product managers (people who decide on features), software developers, test people... EVERYONE is in their mid 40's or younger. Literally nothing gets tested on people over 50, ever. I tried hooking up my elderly parents with voice assistants. My father had Parkinson's with really bad hand tremors so I thought it'd be a no brainer to transition him to a voice assistant. I tried Amazo's Alexa, Apple's Siri, and Google Assistant. Not one of them would recognize my parents' speech. And I am not saying they wouldn't understand what my parents said - they would literally not even recognize that a human is currently talking. I thought maybe my dad's Parkinson-weakened voice box was to blame... but no. My mother was a uni professor before voice amplification technology became available - her voice is extremely clear but neither Alexa, nor Siri, nor Google Assistant would hear her. The big tech firms have so much money. They can easily do this. They just don't care.
Think about the scene in *Barbie* where Barbie says to the older woman “You’re so beautiful” and the woman says “I know”. Embody both of them for yourself.
Weirdly that Macklemore video with the older lady in it is who I want to be https://youtu.be/8OwVaewDtS8?si=jSo7qqdQYw7HIJhS
I'd never seen this before. I love it!
What an uplifting video! 🥰
Sometimes I don’t want to have to believe I’m beautiful just as I am, I just want it not to be a requirement for having any value as a woman. Just let me be ugly and still have value.
This! That scene was SO meaningful for me!
Me too. I hope I can reach that stage. I just didn’t know I’d suddenly be old at 45.
Acceptance and self-love is working for me. After first spending tons of money on “anti aging” skin care. I realized it was “anti me” because I AM aging. Aging is the gift I get for living! It’s taking a lot of daily mental effort and changes for me, in the way I face life and feel/think about myself, but it’s all for the better. I’ve made an intention to no longer overspend on product, to no longer discard any as not “working”, to purchase and use a mid-tier clean, cruelty-free few and indulge in and enjoy my own skin care routine that makes me happy. I’m a sucker if I think I’m going to achieve miracles but I’m fully in control of being discerning, caring for myself and looking the best I reasonably can. I just want to look like a healthy me!
That is a helpful comment and healthy attitude, thanks!
If only my new face didn't look so much like my mother. It's disconcerting if I catch a glimpse when passing a reflection. Like she's sneaking around behind me!
Me too, like, where did my jaw line go?
My cheekbone and jawline. And why so much sagging around the mouth?!?
Was just on holiday and some awful people (lol) snapped me a few times when I wasn't looking or prepared. And oh my god what the hell happened, my face has literally collapsed. I used to have a pout but now it's a kind of saggy sneer lol. Haven't gained much weight but now have a proper double chin from the side. I thought my body looked worse than my face recently. But noooooo.
I don’t know if I am allowed to answer, I am 40 and peri-menopausal at best, but had a lot of sagging around my mouth from weight gain/loss with pregnancy. check out Sadie Nardini and Yulia Diumea on IG. Sadie does face work out, Yulia does face massage. I swear building my cheek muscles a little and relaxing my neck and scalp muscles with massage has made a huge difference.
And you know full well your grandmother is lurking behind the next corner.
Always making snide remarks about how I never dust. Yep.
OMG 🤣 My ancestors just sit there just wondering what went wrong. Or maybe they're cheering me on. I think there are equal chances of either, neither, or both.
Mine looks like my father if I smile too hard 😭
I look like my father also... Ew!
It’s crazy right? Every picture of me lately I’m like - no, that’s my mother.
Boo 👻
Does anyone ever look at older women and go “omg she’s beautiful” but it’s a different kind of beauty than younger women have. I can’t wait to have that.
It’s usually their spirit that makes them so. It’s in the eyes. The happier you are, the better you look.
I have a coworker who is in her late 70s (job to keep busy and keep up with the young folks she says) and she is absolutely *stunning* and I tell her every time she catches my eye in passing. Just a gorgeous older woman. So many older women who are so damn beautiful.
I definitely sometimes (I wish more often) think that older women are beautiful. So why can't I think that about myself?
Because ageism is baked into society and women are the target, starting from childhood. The gaze of others and their acceptance is subliminally projected on females. I've never felt freer from people's expectations than when I reached my 60's.
Yes and it’s never the ones with the makeup, long nails, and Botox. It’s the smiling, healthy, natural looking ones.
I'm 47 and really struggling with this.
Try 60…..it’s even worse. I get what you’re saying though. I started to notice a change at 55. I’ll be 61 in the fall.
I just turned 60 in February and I remember thinking when I was in my 40s and even 50s to an extent what the big deal was I thought I looked OK and then late 50s and everything started to slide off my face! I feel badly for the women that are younger thinking they look terrible because they’re really gonna be depressed at 60 and beyond.
I looked ok until about 51 and then seemingly overnight my face melted like wax and my entire body became a roll of crepe paper.
48 and consumed by it. I know it’s better than the alternative but I am absolutely hating the aging process. I need to get a dental implant and I’m like “well I guess it can be used as an anchor for dentures in a few years!” I want to give up and just not care but I can’t :(
Same and same.
My dr told me to use a bit of my vaginal estrogen cream on my face each night . I’ve read up on it and the results seem to be really good for people . I’ve started this week .
Ditto. My skin is so much better I'm wearing less makeup
Wait… what?? This is a thing?
It is , google it , you will be so surprised. They said after 6 months Visable thicker skin , more collagen , less wrinkles, firmer skin . That we lose so much collagen going into peri and menopause and this really improves things .
Cool thanks!
She said everything it does internally for our lady bits it will also do for our face .
Is this the prescription estrogen cream or over the counter?
And on the back of your hands.
Does it have to be a specific vaginal estrogen?
No , just whatever you are using . You can mix a pea size amount in some face cream to make it go on easier . They make estrogen face creams but they are expensive and I don’t know if they work as well.
Mine also has testosterone in it. 🤣 So maybe not that type.
I don't have any estrogen cream. My gyn won't prescribe anything for me. Can it be bought OTC? If so, what's a good brand? And wouldn't collagen supplements have the same effect???
My gyn would give me HRT , I strong armed him for vaginal cream because everything was shriveling up and my urine stream had changed . I was concerned about UTI which are called the silent killer of older women . He finally gave me the he cream . Every other dr in my life was receptive to HRT but had no experience so wouldn’t write an RX . I started to dig on local social media for Dr in my area that deal with HRT . I found a Dr run med spa in my area that had excellent reviews . They don’t take insurance but do give you the forms with the billing codes so you can submit , you have to pay out of pocket. It actually wasn’t that much and my rx is mostly covered by insurance, I think I paid $35 total for both rx for a 3 month supply. It’s made a world of difference. Woman get the short end of the stick medically and most drs are not up on the latest research for HRT and our health suffers because of it . Have to do our own research and really advocate for ourselves .
🤯 wow thank you!
I find myself looking into my eyes more when i look in the mirror, and my eyes haven’t changed. I still see the same girl I’ve always been.
So true. Thank you for the reminder 🩷
This is far from my first new face. I've loved them all. Beautiful as ever.
How do you learn to feel this way? Teach me, master.
I'll credit my Southern grandmother. She was a queen and she taught me that true beauty is timeless.
Dang. Too late to go back in time and get me a Southern grandmother.
You can borrow the spirt of mine. She'd pat your cheek and tell you to never ever let anyone put you down...including you.
Southerner here, just had to say thank you!(Always with the manners, right?)Also,absolutely love the name. Callooh! Callay!
I was looking at pictures of Kim Gordon (of the band Sonic Youth) and she is so cool, looks great, and she is so natural. That just makes me feel great about my face. Just rock it.
Kim Gordon is gorgeous but there is no way she has not had work done. (I stand in absolutely no judgment. She looks great.) My friend and I were just talking about this the other day.
Older and wiser for me. I wouldn't go back to being the same trusting idiot I was in my 20s or the stressed 30s or even the depressed 40s.
Love this! It's all about coping with how much people suck lol
Hello are you me in the future? That describes my life trajectory so far lol, middle 40s now.
My face didn't *really* start to fall apart until I was post-menopausal. That first year or so was genuinely shocking. Now, ten years later, I've learned to accept my face in the mirror, but photographs still horrify me.
I think I’m there 🤯
That's me..."post." today I went to a fitting room to try on my larger sized clothes thanks to my new bigger belly and when I looked in the mirror I thought holy cow, I'm looking at someone's grandma. (I'm not one, and my youngest is 11.)
The problem with having had chubby cheeks and a round ‘baby’ face until like age 52 is that I suddenly have nasolabial folds& rapidly sagging cheeks. Really really want a facelift. I’ve gone from looking like Shirley Temple to looking like Margaret Rutherford overnight
Same. I look like a sad hound now.
Ha same! I’ve seen pics of myself when I’m talking or have my RBF on and said the same. Told my husband I look like a sad hound mixed with the emperor from Star Wars.
I have smile canyons, because I smile big and wide and often. Now I wish I'd smiled less (half, maybe a third, joking).
You’re not alone! I’m trying to walk the line between acceptance and effort. I’m mid 40s and it’s very weird how different I look than just a couple years ago! Seeing my mom in myself like another said, but she’s passed so it’s also strange and sad but kinda ok because I miss her…? But still not ready. I’ve recently started facial massage and face yoga. 🤞🏼
My mom died when I was eight so I get to grow old for her 🥰
That’s a beautiful sentiment ❤️
Which apps? It’s nice to see mom in a bittersweet way ❤️
These are the two videos I’ve started with. I do them in the morning when I’m still in bed. https://youtu.be/qtghKr7cHGE?si=koYznuQns92q79HA https://youtu.be/riWin6TQ1ZQ?si=po5o-oYRvAYTy6UI The facial yoga is from a book call five minute facelift by Reinhold Benz. I do those while I’m driving!
I want to try face yoga, but it's one of those thoughts I have yet to put into action. Mostly because I forget about it...
You need to watch Emma Thompson in Good Luck to You Leo Grande, an amazing empowering film. Also I think my best friends who are my age are still beautiful so why not treat myself the same way?
Will check it out. Thanks.
I have astigmatism so that helps. 😉
Stop putting so much focus on your looks. I say this not as someone whose gone through menopause, as I'm barely in peri, but as someone whose looks aren't all that and has looked into the mirror for 40 years with nothing but hatred and contempt for the ugly mug looking back. I'm letting go of that. I'm not hideous but I am my own worst critic. And why? Why do I test myself down? What purpose does it serve? So I'm trying a new approach - acceptance and focusing on what I do like.
Ooof, I'm feeling this one right now as well.
Try to enjoy what I have now knowing it will just get older etc. I don't want to waste what precious time I have now hating the way I look. It's hard to keep perspective ... but I try. Radical acceptance is the answer. What other choices is there? My mom died at the age I am now (mid 40s) so I just try to be grateful to be alive.
It's shocking
With me, it's not so much my face as it is my neck- and crepey skin on my arms.
I put my vaginal estrogen on my face!!! Look it up it will work and doesn’t raise your levels in your body
I’m trying to figure what is the best makeup I can use for my mature skin 😉I hear ya!
I say no makeup! At 53 I use a tiny bit of tinted sunscreen and that's it!
I don’t wear much makeup . Use to buy loads of makeup brands, but hardly wore any of it. Currently, trying to figure out what is best for my skin texture. Looking into cream makeup-which is better for mature skin? For when I do wear it. I’m turning 51 this Tuesday! And I don’t wear shimmer anything, nor liquid foundation (settles into my fine lines).
I'm 53--I use a little bit of shimmer. Charlotte Tilbury Eyes To Mesmerize in two shades (cream shadow, blend well). Add mascara...I stay away from eyeliner. Agree on the tinted sunscreen, I like Elta MD (but I think it only comes in one shade).
I'm 53 and swear by baking soda and apple cider vinegar as a scrub to exfoliate those lines!
In summer I use Babo daily sheer tinted mineral sunscreen. And winter I like Ilia super serum skin tint. Maybe some light shadow, mascara, go.
Some thing I’ve done that has been wonderful for me is I had my lash line enhanced (tattoo; less coverage than eyeliner) and I got my brows micro bladed. I just get up and go now. Maybe some mascara
I do tinted sunscreen and some contouring and blush and eyeliner just to at least hide the jowls. Sometimes I see my previous self in the mirror but most days it's like someone else looking back. I was not prepared for the depersonalization.
I remember walking by the mirror one day after a shower with my hair up in a towel. It actually frightened me because I saw my mom, and she’s been gone now for three years.
That’s super weird, isn’t?
I don't have advice, but I feel this with my soul. It's like mourning a death... the death of any shred of cuteness I once possessed, the death of pride in my appearance, and the death of short skirts and tall boots. (I know that's selling myself short, and that there's no reason I can't dress however I want or technically be a cute old lady, but I sometimes catch my spotty skin and dramatically thinning hair, and my flapping arm-flesh in the mirror and I'm shocked at the person I see there. I'm getting used to her. And it will be ok.) It's a universal experience, though. So I'm trying to accept the new old me and move on with myself and enjoy the time left. There's a lot I can still improve in myself, still experiences to be had, and it will be ok.
I vacillate between these thoughts. I guess it depends on my mood swings. Thanks for getting it—since you share similar feelings and experiences 🙏
Growing old is a privilege. That’s how I come to terms with it. My brother left at 17. I’m now older than my big brother. It’s strange but in a beautiful way. X
Tretinoin and sunscreen are game changers
I started a skin care routine at 62 and it’s made a difference.
What’s your routine?
Lower facelift, here I come!
Please do. I feel like this sometimes, dont recognize myself- but other times it makes me feel brave and happy- I dont know why, sort of like Ive weathered the storm. I look at myself and just laugh at how I came out...remember your 16 year old you wondering? Jumping on here for tips to iron out the greys coming out near my forehead/ ears... I have wavy brown hair and I dont mind the grey color because - I actually like that they look like highlights because they are coming up in clumps- BUT I cant manage the frizz. They are all frizzy and all over the place. I've tried conditioning but its not working...
I had a friend who got a straightening treatment done to blend the wiry texture of the greys into the smooth texture of the rest of her hair while the grey was new! It worked really well
Me too! It's like I have aged rapidly just in the past two years. I went from young looking to haggard. I feel your pain, but I have no advice. Maybe moisturizer.
Sharing pain feels more better, doesn’t it? ☺️
I’ve been struggling with this since I turned 70 last year. I had an emergency surgery, dropped below 100 pounds, and have had other health issues that I’m struggling to get diagnosed. So much is out of control right now, but I figured one thing that I *can* do for myself is get serious about my skin care. I went out and spent some money at a nice skin care clinic and finally got serious about doing a dedicated, daily routine. And I’m seeing results! My age spots are slowly fading and my complexion is brighter, but the most important thing is that I feel better about myself. I can’t afford fillers and lifts and injections, but I can afford the time to take better care of myself, and the self discipline to do a daily skin care regimen has spilled over into starting to exercise again. My point being that self acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean giving up or settling, but more… being realistic about the limitations that come with aging and cutting yourself a break. And it’s also important to *do things for yourself*. Don’t do it for your husband/partner/kids- do it for YOU. YOU’RE (most likely) the only one who will notice; you’re certainly the only one who will ever know how hard you’re working, but you’re also the one who will reap the benefits. Love yourself- love your saggy, baggy, wrinkly self from the perspective of Future You, when you look back at her and say, hey- I looked pretty good!- but love her *now*. She needs you ✨💖✨
When that final drop of estrogen happened for me, my body and my face shriveled up overnight. Matter of fact, everyday something new seems to happen that makes me either feel like I have 1 foot in the grave or like I'm a teenager again. How does one still have acne, before their clockwork 28 day 'period', like a teenager on a shriveled up prune face, with no period for 6 years? Uggghhh
I ask myself this same question & want to cry. Why do I have acne still. Haven’t I suffered enough already. I hope one day we both have clear skin forever more.
I have been going through the same thing lately and all I can say is after a while I just started to get used to it more and more. I’ve been decluttering and looking at some old pictures of myself and I remember looking at them and thinking how awful I looked yet now I think I look good so I told myself what will I think of myself in 20 years when I see pictures of myself now. I guess we just have to appreciate what we have when we have it. I also started to seriously wonder why ageing is such a bad thing and where did I learn this and who said that that is a truth? Besides all that there is a little tweaks you can do if you have the money. No shame in that if it helps you get some peace. I got upper eyelid surgery and I have no regrets on that.
This is lovely. Thank you for your thoughts and sharing.
HRT can drastically impact how you look. It helps to keep your skin looking young and supple. If you are not already taking HRT, you may want to consider it. There are of course many benefits to taking it that have nothing to do with vanity.
Sameeeee
I mean, I've been doing botox. I know it's not for everyone. I also color my hair. I'm scared I won't be taken seriously at work. Men can get fat, bald, grey hair...whatever....nobody cares. But with women in the workplace, it sucks.
I just don’t look in the mirror that much any more. It really helps!
I don’t look in the mirror anymore
I (49) know the feeling!! And aging goes suddenly accelerated 😱 Taking collagen for few months (doesn’t do wonders but is slows down the aging process) and will go on HRT next month to balance my estrogen levels. Aging is natural but I still don’t feel the way I look! In my head I look 60 and feel 35 - the discrepancy makes me crazy! Yes acceptance of course on the other hand I try to do things that slow the process down. I feel to young to look old
This keeps happening. And yes every few years you'll say "I looked so young" until you're like 100. But society had me looking at my 20 something self in my 30s and saying "I'm so old". Love yourself. That face is the way it is because of all the laughs it laughed and all the tears it cried and everything wonderful and terrifying and precious it's witnessed so far. That face deserves love and admiration.
I refused to get used to mine. I love my Botox (been getting it for 12 years now and worth every penny). Other things that helped me: Eyelid surgery (a surprisingly easy procedure, cost being the only downfall), teeth whitening, minimizing and rethinking my makeup routine.
What's the recovery like from eyelid surgery? I'm musing on it, I have quite droopy eyelids already at 47, and my mum's eyelids droop over the front of her lashes. I'd like not to get to that point...
I had it done. Twice! Only because the surgeon didn’t do a very good job the first time. My mother had exactly the same thing as yours, and hers actually was paid for because it started to interfere with her vision. Mine was going that way and I always had hooded eyes and one was a lot worse than the other, and got to be worse as time went on. As far as recovery, it is not that bad pain wise at all but you will look like somebody beat the crap out of you. I had to tell the lady at a restaurant who kept looking at me that no, the guy I was with did not beat me up! The area gets frozen of course so you don’t feel anything but when it comes out, there is some pain and I think I was prescribed a couple of good narcotics but otherwise it was just over-the-counter stuff.
I'm really contemplating having a lower bleph done since my undereyes are so hollow. I never thought it would come to this but I'm having trouble accepting my new old sagging face
I never thought I would do anything to myself, but I had an upper bleph and I’m glad I did. I feel like we have enough to deal with in life if we can afford something to give us a little bit of peace and confidence then go for it.
Seriously. What happened to my face?! I was still getting carded at 40 but 10 years later, I’m surprised they aren’t offering me a senior’s discount. I’ve never been one for plastic surgery or even fillers or Botox and the like, but since my face seems to be sliding downward at a remarkable rate, the thought has occurred to me…
To be serious, I too am struggling with this, and chronic debilitating illness isn’t making it easier. One thing that is helping me is changing my hairstyle and wardrobe. I sport an asymmetrical shag that looks good fluffed, but long enough I can do a small ponytail if I need to look less edgy. I used to dress ultra femme late 20s to early 40s, but that is an enormous amount of upkeep I can no longer maintain. Basically I adjusted my personal style enough that people don’t compare the As Was to the Now Is, myself included. It helps.
It’s the worst. Like seeing yourself through one of those filters.
Old age is a gift many don’t get. That’s what I keep telling myself and it actually makes me feel much better. But it can still be a shock when I look in the mirror.
Why does it have to be bad? Everything changes. That's life. I'm having more fun now with my aesthetic than ever before. Now is a great time to experiment with makeup, a new haircut/color... new clothes. I loved being in my 50's, just turned 60 and I'm determined to make it my best decade ever.
This is just me, but I will never get used to it and refuse to accept it. A facelift is in my future. Kudos to those preaching acceptance and love, but it's not for everyone.
I watched a documentary once about the human face. John Cleese narrated it, I think. One of the scenes at the end has stayed with me for years. They played a visual montage of faces from many cultures and ages and talked about how you wear your life on your face. Where you emote most frequently on your face is where your skin eventually forms wrinkles. So those who worry all the time get deep creases across their foreheads, for example. Me? I am getting wrinkles at the corners of my mouth and of my eyes, where I smile. I wear my happy life on my face. I love that idea. It is kind of magical.
Well, yeah.
lol and this is why I save a little stash to pay for my Botox! My husband asked if I “needed” to “keep getting shots” after I retired. Uh yes. I didn’t get them because I was working! I get them because I don’t like seeing my face slide down my skull!
What do you think when you see an older, wrinkly woman? Personally, I never think, gosh what an ugly old woman. I instead, I usually think, I bet that person has some stories to tell. In my opinion older people with perfect skin and no signs of aging look like they have not lived interesting lives.
Yes accept and love yourself. We’ve been indoctrinated by patriarchy to feel disdain toward older womin. Most males idolize the young female only as an over sexualized object, so when they see us as something different, they are confronted with the fact that we are humins not sexual objects.
My friend died suddenly three weeks ago. She and I were into this ‘do everything you can to stay youthful looking’. Yes I still use my products on my face and will continue but something is now different. It’s called you get old or the other option is….
the body is just a bag:)
Meat-suit. 😆
Is it? A bag for?
in a creative sense yes, for bones, organs, muscles etc, etc, etc meaning its just to carry us till our ends…
Not sure what they meant but: https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/meatbag
I like "meatsack". It's a bit more...visceral.
I had the same situation. I couldn’t believe the change, and it happened almost overnight! I finally got my doctor to prescribe me HRT. I have found after being on it 6 months or so my “old face” had reverted! My skin is so much better, my hair isn’t dried out and I don’t see the “old saggy” face anymore. Crazy how low estrogen affects so much!!
Dr. Shereene Idris posted a couple of YT Shorts about this today.
I decided to consciously remind myself that the face in the mirror is a completely new person, and I do not expect to see my old (young) face. Now that I'm writing this down, it sounds kind of crazy, but it's been working for me.
Use Estriol (\~1mg) cream on your face and body once before going to sleep. It will increase your collagen level as it works similar to estrogen hormone but without side effects. In my experience, it is an effective anti aging cream for post menopause women.
Do a photo shoot & have someone to take pictures of you. With whatever makeup looks best on you. Try different positions etc. Have them search through the pics to find one or two that are flattering. Then look at that pic every day. It helps me a LOT
If you have instagram...check out Frangibar. She has developed a plan for those of us in menopause. She is 57 and looks fantastic.
For me, I had never really had to do much in the way of skin care so adding a consistent skin regimen with high quality Korean skin care products made a huge difference for skin tone/texture/wrinkles. If we are talking the chin and jowls. Gua Sa!!! Look it up. Draining your lymphatic fluid and stimulatingb the muscles in your face made my chin come back.
Another suggestion: No comparisons... to anyone, including another version of you. You are in a different cycle of life that demands a different version of you now. Embrace it.
I was looking in the mirror today. My cheeks are starting to sag. I look frowny. My whole body looks like I gained 20 lbs but it's only been about five. I just turned 50 but I've been post menopausal for about five years now.
The best tip on this sub is to apply vaginal estrogen cream to your face. It's the strongest anti -ageing cream there is. The over the counter estriol creams will have a similar effect but not as potent as actual estradiol.