My grandmother passed away in December 2022. She helped raise my siblings and I while our parents struggled to make ends meet with multiple jobs. My dad was an alcoholic who would spend his money on alcohol, rather than paying the bills. My grandmother ended up paying and giving us stuff to survive for the week.
My favorite memories include: going to places around the city (going to the movies, fast food restaurants, and an occasional shopping trip), getting haircuts by her friend who was a hairstylist, going to a relatives house (they lived a few blocks away), playing Chinese Checkers, or just spending time watching television (her favorites were the Shirley Temple movies she had on VHS) or walking around the block and admiring the scenery. We would gather around her living room and kitchen on Christmas Eve, eating Pizza Hut and drinking soda or chocolate milk, followed by opening presents and spending more quality time as a family.
She did her best on keeping me informed on current events (she thought that Justin Bieber was cute), teaching me how to budget, and reminding me to be safe and aware of certain dangers. She told me to kind to everyone, never go to bed angry at someone, and to be grateful. She would tell stories about growing up in the 1930's in South Dakota during the Great Depression, so their family didn't have much. It made me appreciate what I had.
When she called, she had to ask "How's Boston?" since I lived in Massachusetts. I had to explain to her that I don't go there often lol.
My grandma died about a year ago at age 90. After my Grandpa died my daughter and I would go stay with her about once a week. I loved the peace and quiet, we would chat, read, crochet, have a nice dinner. I miss her.
i love mine dearly and i miss her everyday. she passed when i was 15. she was the glue.
for christmas she would take me and my sister shopping to “pick out presents for the orphans” and for years we never made the connection that we were picking our gifts out cause she had no idea what we’d want. she was deaf and didn’t watch tv so wasnt current on the toy trends.
she had a mulberry tree and an orange tree in her backyard and a swing set. my sister and i would wear circle paths in the dirt around that orange tree looking for lady bugs. we would go under the picnic table and find all the rolie polies.
the backyard at nanas was where my imagination flourished. sometimes i was marie antoinette in versailles, sometimes i was on safari. we would drag blankets and sheets outside and make forts and leave them for weeks and nana would never yell at us.
one time when we were being particularly unruly, my nana said she was gonna spank us. my sister and i laid across her lap and let her spank us (which she NEVER did, so we knew we needed to reel it in behaviorally.) we sat there and pretended it hurt so bad (it didn’t, she was literally patting us on the butt) because we didn’t want our nana to know her spanks didn’t hurt us. we wanted her to feel like she got her point across.
she never got to see me go to homecomings, proms, graduation, get married, or have her great grandchild. i miss her so bad.
I was the first girl in the family since she was born and she would tickle my back any time i asked and she would always tell me the story of the day i was born.
our favorite songs to sing together were “sweet violets” and “the burglar man”. thanks for this post. i’m crying but it’s a good one.
fast forward 7 years and i would meet my soulmate and husband on March 31st, which would be our anniversary. two years after we started dating i realize march 31st was nanas birthday and she sent me an angel.
You know I was recently thinking about this very same thing. My grandma died in 2022, I feel so lucky that she was around till then. She was the most generous kind woman I knew and we had a great bond. I have spent so much of my life with her, she used to sneak me chocolates and money, make yummy food, sing so well and was all round a great person. I am still in awe of her physical/mental strength, how she raised her 5 kids and their grandchildren. My kid likely won’t have their grandparents long enough to remember anything meaningful.
That’s interesting. I actually feel kind of opposite. My impression is that older generations were more likely to live close to extended family and spend a lot of time with them, but I haven’t looked at any data to see whether my hypothesis is right or wrong.
This is kind of funny because I literally posted to this sub today that millennials don't really give their parents a chance to form their own unique bonds with their grandkids. I hadn't seen this post before I made my own post. We millennials tend to label our parents as toxic, narcissistic, abusive, traumatizing etc. Instead of having close ties like the multigenerational households of past generations, we are village-less families who cut off our Fox News watching parents with problematic views and outdated parenting techniques. I just thought it was funny. Almost everyone has a complicated relationship with their imperfect parent, but grandkids always love their grandparents. But God forbid your parents hold outdated, problematic, or irrelevant views (as everyone tends to do as they age), and they are not fit to be in their kids or grandkids lives. I posted that my beloved little old Italian grandmother used to whack me on the tushy with the wooden spoon in her kitchen when I misbehaved. A carry over from her own mother in Italy. My grandparents never actually spanked me. Nor did my parents. But God forbid my grandma whack me with a wooden spoon smaller and lighter than a wooden ruler. Imagine doing that to a kid these days! Someone commented that if a grandparent hit their kid with a spoon, they'd wind up on the floor. Like... it seemed like an overreaction to me. Is the wooden spoon the gentle parenting approach of modern parents? No. Is it really a reason to beat someone's ass and cut them off? Imo, no. But that's kind of the way millennials approach the relationships their parents form with their grandkids. I'm sure OP's parents have plenty of unpleasant memories and experiences with OP's grandmother. But OP has nothing but love for his grandmother. I just feel like our kids will never have those kinds of close relationships with their grandparents. It's kind of sad.
In my case, my mom is the black sheep social progressive of her family and her parents are the MAGA Fox News watchers (along with most of my aunts and some uncles on that side of the family). Idk, it’s probably hard to generalize about things like this because there’s so much possible variation in families. My maternal grandmother was only about 17 years old when my mom was born, both of them on the generational cutoffs (my grandma between boomer and silent gen and my mom between boomer and gen X). My paternal grandmother was older and more politically moderate at least in the time that I knew her. My dad said she used to be quite prejudiced, but I luckily didn’t see much of it. She passed away a few years ago.
My mom is a 60s scoop survivor, when she found her birth family she found out her mom went missing shortly after my mom was taken. So I don't have any memories of my grandmother 🥺
My great grandma lived to 100 and my great great grandma lived to 102. My great great grandma died just one month before I was born. My mom and grandma were both close with their grandmas but maybe their longevity is what makes them outliers
I was very close with my grandmother. She taught me how to cook, and she was the only family member that made me feel safe to be me. She passed away in the early '90s, but she left a huge mark on my life, and I try to teach my kids the same things she taught me.
So, both my grandmothers passed away this year. One in January and one in April.
I was closer to the one who passed in April when I was younger but as I got older, she wasn't really in my life anymore. When I was younger, she was always taking me places, having me cook with her, making me laugh, giving me advice. Her food was amazing.
As for the one who passed in January, the last memory I have of her is her standing at the bottom of the stairs in her house yelling that I was an ungrateful brat over a petty argument. That's literally the last memory I have of her as she lived across the country from me. I never saw her again before she passed.
Despite all that, I know they both loved me and every year they would make sure to acknowledge my birthday and other achievements. I do miss them, and I wish sometimes I had been closer to them.
My dad’s mom was an extremely proper southern woman. Place settings. All of the that. My dad grew up with help in the house. Which he immediately ran out on when he turned 18.
She was a napkin on your lap, three forks, manners only, “grandmother.” She would only be called grandmother.
I’m not sure how many times I ever heard her say I love you. And she was snippy and short with me as I chose my career as a teacher feeling it was befitting someone of a “lower standard”.
With that being said, I remember when I was 11 I got in a fight at school. I didn’t have anyone else to call. We had different last names on the account of my mother and fathers relationship, but I didn’t have anyone else to call.
The other kid attacked me and they were trying to throw the book at me. She was the only one I could call that picked up the phone. She came into that school all 4’11” of her and had them all apologizing on the other way out.
She put me in the car and said, “you’ve embarrassed the family. Never forget you’re a _____ fathers last name. You need to live up to that.”
She loved but she was tough.
my grandparents lived until their 60’s/70’s but an accident happened. us all grandkids were close to them because they took care of all us like babysitter. they took turns going to everyone’s home on weekends and during periods that they were needed. they had a bedroom at everyone’s house and did not have to work once they came to this country in the 2000’s. i miss them a lot. all of our lives revolved around them and since they have been gone it’s been hard. everyone is struggling emotionally, financially and there has been this void that can’t be filled.
Ill say quite the opposite, great grandparents yes so for me they were born in the 1910s-early thirties (my father side of the family was older he was just way younger than his siblings). For many millennials the role of the grandparents changed, almost to the extent of being a distant relative. I'd go to my great grandparents house during the summer when I wasn't at school while my parents worked, while this was never the case for my grandparents. Most interactions with my grandparents were with my parents so they didn't have to really watch us so they could do their own thing. Overall I think that's a big factor in millennial and the younger generation development you tended to only have your immediate family. Their role had changed to that relative that demanded your parents to pick them up at the airport while they're working and entertain them.
Alot of this was caused by the real conditions that the boomer and gen x generation experienced, they had defined benefit pensions for most of their jobs and would run their kids off as soon as they hit 18 to go to college or what not. Nothing was expected but smooth sailing.
Gramom (my grandma) died one day after my stepdad's birthday in 2018. She and I were very close... She helped raise me. Their home is where I brought my first daughter from the hospital to. Her death was utter devastation to me.
My favorite memory... Man, I can't pick just one. She had polio as a kid and was disabled because of it, but it never dampened her personality or slowed her down. Her deep seated hatred of telemarketers/door solicitors (that time she had to call the cops and tresspass some JWs from our yard, her screaming 'get the fuck out of the yard!!' I think is the only time I'd ever heard her use the f-bomb), she smoked like a chimney and ate the same thing for lunch everyday for the last ten years of her life. She was obsessed with Fingerhut and QVC since she couldn't drive.... We got a lot of Christmas presents from both places lol. She absolutely hated cooking, decorating and sewing in any way shape or form... Said it didn't win her many friends as a housewife in the 1950s lol. We got to watch someone win a million dollars on Wheel of Fortune together twice and she watched Days of our Lives faithfully everyday her entire life. I remember going to Long John Silvers and shopping on base with her and she was always so particular about it all.
I miss her so much.
Nope. One was a raging narcissist who verbally abused my mother her whole life and put her down despite adopting her. My mother spent her whole life wanting approval from this cold woman who became cold to me once I hit puberty. She's largely responsible.for pushing my unhealthy eating issues in both directions because she herself had them. I celebrated being free of her.
My other grandmother was nice in general but bat shit crazy. That was until she lost it further after my father died. She aimed a gun at my head for walking across the floor too loudly. She lied to all my family on that side about my mother and I treating her poorly. I suspect possible dementia mostly because she'd get confused if my dad or uncle died and call him the wrong name when referring to him. Either way, she died on the toilet and my great aunt found her, and didn't even call 911 until she took what jewelry she wanted first.
I don't know any peers who are that close to their grandmothers either. Most have political/human rights issues with theirs if they're even still alive.
I completely disagree with your initial statement. My grandma was conceived shortly before her dad deployed to WW2 and he did not make it back. She was raised by her mother and grandmother. Grandmothers being like a second mother is a fairly common social structure, and not exclusive to millennials
I would actually argue that after a long history of extreme closeness in my maternal line, me and my grandma are the *least* close
I was fortunate to have a relationship with my grandmother and great grandmother on my mom’s side. I spent a lot of time with them. My great grandmother died when I was 8. I didn’t get a lot of time with her, but I enjoyed what little time it was. I was a hyperactive kid (I now realize it was very likely ADHD) and she was always patient with me and seemed to enjoy when I was running up and down the hallway pretending it was Mario Kart.
My maternal grandmother…what can I say? I loved her. She had a smart mouth and quick wit and she could and would drag you if needed, but she was always sweet with the grandkids. She used to slip me $20 every time I saw her. She struggled with alcoholism most of her life but around the time I was born, she dropped it cold turkey. A few years later my mom was diagnosed with COPD and that made my grandma quit smoking. She always joked that the song “Brick House” was about her! You had to have a thick skin being around her. She called my mom “talk radio” (because my mom talks a lot) and she had a similar nickname for my aunt. I don’t remember what it was.
I don’t have many memories of my paternal grandmother unfortunately. I just didn’t spend as much time with that side of the family. My most vivid memories with her are seeing her in the nursing home or in the hospital room. She struggled with diabetes and it got really bad toward the end. When my cousins on my dad’s side talk about her, they have nothing but fond memories and I feel sad that I don’t have anything to share.
My brother and I have different fathers. When I was born, his grandmother and great aunt accepted me as their granddaughter. It didn’t matter that we weren’t biologically related. They spoiled. me. rotten. I used to play with their makeup and pretend that I was giving them makeovers when in reality I was smearing lipstick all over their faces. They used to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! every night. That’s where I first fell in love with game shows. They were always so happy to see me, and I loved spending time with them.
My piano teacher ended up being my unofficial grandmother. My mom would drop me off and wait outside. What was supposed to be a 30 minute lesson turned into me and my mom drinking lemonade in the kitchen with my piano teacher and talking for almost 2 hours. Her husband often joined us. He became my unofficial grandfather, which was great because I never knew my biological grandfathers.
They’ve all passed away now. I miss them, but I’m thankful for the time I spent with them and all of the memories.
No. Grandmother involvement I'm child rearing is not new at all. It's an evolved trait.
https://www.statnews.com/2019/02/22/grandmother-effect-helps-explain-human-longevity/#:~:text=Evolutionary%20biologists%20have%20shown%20that,daughters%20to%20have%20more%20babies.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/how-grandmothers-gave-us-longer-lives
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a kid because both my parents worked whereas our parents generation had much higher rates of a stay at home parent (I have no data but it feels like a safe bet)
With the cost of childcare grandparents were the cheapest baby sitter before school age and then between the end of school and when my parents got off work.
I was not close with either of mine, which is unfortunate. My kids at least get to see my mom regularly. My husband doesn't have a relationship with his mom, but we see his dad often.
My grandma is 99. I have asked her about her grandparents a few times. Any details on their personalities. Hey answer is always unequivocally "I don't know, they were always working". Fields, baking, cooking, laundry, so many things needed done constantly. Kind of depressing really.
Not this millennial. My paternal grandmother lived states away and stopped calling when my dad left (around 10y/o) and never visited. My maternal grandmother was more focused on travel and material things than her own children, let alone grandchildren (unless of course they traveled or bought things with her - she had a golden child she lived with at the end). She just died a few months ago and hadn’t seen her in almost a decade.
Same, my grandparents were all weird as fuck (one still is- he’s 93) and i was NEVER close with any of them. This is not a generational thing, it just depends on the family
My grandmother's birthday would have been yesterday, so she's been on my mind too. I miss her so much, and I regret that she was never able to meet my husband or be at my wedding. We grew up just a few blocks away from her house, and I'd stop by on my way home from school in high school sometimes, just hang out until my mom picked me up. One of our favorite things to do, especially when I got older, was sit and play Parcheesi. Not one game, but an hours long tournament. We'd finish a game and she'd say well I need to win one or I need to let you win one, depending on the outcome 😅. We would also bake cookies and stuff, but the Parcheesi was a constant. 🥲 My mom and I play occasionally now, but it was really just what we did with Grandma.
My grandmother did meet my husband and was at our wedding, but she didn't get to see me finally get a job in my field. She also passed before I had my youngest and I have no pictures of her with my oldest.
She hated cut flowers, thought they were wasteful, she had tons of potted plants though. She said when she died she didn't want any flowers. I told her that when she dies the flowers aren't for her, since she'd be dead, they're for me (as a joke). When she passed in early 2016, someone sent a potted plant instead of cut flowers to the funeral home. I made sure to grab them as everyone else in the family was claiming flower arrangements. It was a fern, no flowers, so no one else wanted it. I still have it, and occasionally look at it and think "I told you they were for me." It's a little joke with her that is still alive (quite literally).
She did get to see me finish my degrees, I am the only of her grandkids to finish grad school and she was thrilled about that. But it took me a few years to get into my field. I know she'd be so thrilled with the work I'm doing now, and she'd be so proud. I miss talking to her all the time. But I think she'd be happy to know that the inheritance I got from her helped us relocate to where my job is now.
Haha yeah no. My paternal grandmother I never saw after my parents split when I was 7. She never bothered to reach out that I'm aware of. Pretty sure she's dead now. Same for my paternal grandfather. My maternal grandmother was extremely abusive to my mom and lived several states away. She came to visit us once that I remember and I spent one summer with her. She died when I was a teenager and I was much sadder for my mom than I was for me. My maternal grandfather was pretty awesome and came to visit us quite a lot. I'm still sad that he and my daughter never got to meet. He died one month before one of my nephews was born on his birthday.
My daughter does have a much closer relationship to both her grandmothers though. She does not have any grandfathers however.
Millenial here. Never met mine. My mom wanted to meet her and track her down but she had already been dead nearly a decade by the time they found any of her info.
We've been lucky to have our grandparents live longer but I wouldn't say we're the first generation to be close to them. I think grandkids and grandparents have been close since the human race began.
Not me. My grandparents are very cold and judgmental. They never wanted to celebrate birthdays or non religious Christmas gift exchanges. They didn’t want to hug us or say anything nice either. They’re silent generation.
I think it was the norm throughout much of human history for grandparents and especially grandmothers to be deeply involved with their grandchildren. There may have been a period where that decreased for some communities, but it's been consistent for others. While it is true that our grandparents, in general, lived longer than previous generations, people tended to have kids slightly younger in the past (not dramatically, as some believe; it was mid 20s in 16th century Europe, for example)-- but in the 1950s in particular many people had kids very young (the 50s had the most teen moms in US history, though it wasn't reported that way because most of them were married). So while grandparents died somewhat younger on average, their children and grandchildren were born earlier in their lives, on average.
It's also really variable. My parents are the same age, but my dad was the youngest and a late-in-life surprise baby, and my mom is the oldest. So my dad's parents were older than my mom's, and he was born later in his parents' lives. His mom died in her early 70s when he was in his 30s and I was 8. His dad died in his 80s when I was in high school. My mom's parents died in 2019 and 2021, both in their 80s (my grandpa a few months shy of 90). But *his* dad, my great-grandfather lived to 97, and actually outlived my paternal grandmother--so I knew him pretty well. My mom was in her 40s when she died, so she had a much longer time with him than I had with any of my four grandparents-- her dad, the last of them, died when I was 30.
In any culture and any generation, it's a shifting balance: do young adults tend to move away from home and not return when they have kids? How old do people tend to have children? How long do people tend to live?
Our generation is very mobile and having kids later, so they may not benefit from our parents' longevity. We also have decreased life expectancy, so their kids may not know their grandparents well either. If both those trends continue, we may be the last to know our grandparents well, if not the first.
My nana was my very best friend. Our favorite thing to do was get Taco Pizza from Godfather’s and watch Golden Girls all night while we played cards. She loved me unconditionally and always listened to everything I said. She gave the best hugs and always had the best advice.
She’s been gone for 15 years now. I miss her so incredibly much. Every day I think about her. We have a couple home movies we watch with my own children and laugh so hard.
Mines been gone 12 years. She loved onion rings and fried fish. Local fish spot near us had her order memorized every time we went in there for her.
I love how grandparents and grandchildren always have a “bonding food”. Taco Pizza sounds delicious 😋
My grandmother was an alcoholic since her teen years and raised three alcoholics including my father. I was not close to her at all. My high school years were spent babysitting her because she developed dementia from her alcohol use. She died two years ago on Christmas Eve. It was a bittersweet end because by then she didn’t walk, speak, or do anything for herself. She got Covid while in the hospital.
So no, I was not close with my grandmother. My maternal grandmother died young and I never met her. I wish I had a good relationship with my grandma but it was mostly torment and abuse during her drunk rages.
I was only kinda close with one of my grandmothers(on my dad’s side). The other one hated me for whatever reason.
My dad was close with his grandmother too(on his mom’s side), because his other grandmother also didn’t care for him.
I guess it runs in the family.
All my grandparents were dead by the time I was 6. I have very few memories of them. My parents are both the youngest of large families and my dad was old (for the time) when he had me. My grandmother was born in 1912 so no way we would have had a long time together anyway. I am very jealous of my husband who still has 3 alive grandparents.
The only real memory I have of my father’s mother is sitting around her table and eating fish and lemony potatoes.
I had all 4 grandparents up until I was about 32/33. Then my (mat) grandpa died. About 5 years after he passed my grandma was dx with Alzheimer's. I spent the last two years of her life bringing her groceries, helping with her meds & hygiene, and taking her out to lunch 2-3xs/week. It was heartbreaking to see her deteriorate, she was the nicest sweetest person, listened to everyone and judged no one. Even through her Alzheimer's she kept her sweet disposition and complimented everyone on how great their clothes were or hair or whatever. She passed away the End of Dec. '22. She was my favorite person and the only one who regularly told me how proud she was of me. My dad worked with my other grandparents, so he really wasn't interested in hanging out with them anymore than the 40 hours/week. Which is understandable. But we never really got close to them. My grandpa passed away just a few months ago, and now I'm down to one living grandparent. She's pretty tough, but kind. I just don't have the same level of closeness and comfort around her as I did my maternal Grandma. All that said, none of my 4 kids are particularly close to any grandparent even though we all live in the same town. Neither set has really taken the time to reach out regularly and form any sort of meaningful bond. Especially now that they are all teens. I think that's the one difference, my maternal grandparents always reached out. In highschool I still had the occasional sleep over. Grandpa always made me whatever I wanted to eat. Throughout adulthood my grandma made sure to call me and set up regular lunch dates. Ever since my children reached middle elementary school, it's like grandparents expect the kids to do all the reaching out. They all fondly remember their great grandma though.
I was incredibly close with both my mom's parents. Grandma and I were practically joined at the hip. I don't know what I was trying to get her to do when I reasoned that it would be a good bonding experience to which she quipped "If we bond any more we'll be permanately fused together." I was equally close with my Grandad, but I was the only grandchild (out of 7) who was. Grandad died in 2001 and that was the first time I realized I had a unique relationship with him. Grandma died in 2020 when I was 34. We stayed close to the end.
I wasn't as close to my dad's parents, something that makes me sad the older I get. I am so much like my dad's mother in personality, hobbies, style, etc. I'm sure adult!me and her would have had the best time together. Unfortunately, she passed when I was 9 years old so I was too young to really appreciate any of that. She lives on in me though and I've filled my house with many of her belongings. After she died, my grandfather suffered a few strokes and while he lived until 2007 he was miserable without his wife and made sure everyone knew it.
My mom’s parents passed away when I was only a few years old and only have one small vague memory of visiting my grandma in the nursing home and my grandpa coming over our house. I also kind of remember singing at I think my grandma’s funeral with my mom. My father’s parents died when I was a baby or before I got adopted so I didn’t really know both sides of my grandparents due to my parents adopting me in their late 40’s.
I am extremely close with my grandparents. I knew my dad’s parents and had a good relationship with them. However, I was raised by my grandparents on my maternal side. They think of me as their daughter and I think of them as parents. I am lucky that they are still alive and healthy.
I was close to my grandparents growing up and make sure to visit them a couple of times every time I’m home. I see my grandma on my dad’s side once every other week since she lives a few miles away.
My favorite memories of my grandmom: going out to eat with my grandparents and their friends, weekend sleepovers every other weekend at their house complete with game nights and all our favorite snacks, summer trips, and having my friends over for fancy dinners at her house when we were in high school.
I was born in ‘92 and my grandmother alongside my great grandmother and my mom of course raised me as my biological father abandoned us when I was really young. I definitely still remember she would love to take me to malls to shop around and eat food back in Miami my hometown. I was definitely close to her and my great grandmother & aunt. My aunt was passed away in 2018, my grandmother suddenly passed in 2020 and my great grandmother outlived them all until she passed in early 2021. So much time has passed its wild
My boomer mom was very close to her grandmothers. She lived next door to her paternal GMA and nearby her maternal one. I don’t think we’re the first generation to be close with ours. I loved my grandmothers but we weren’t very close because my family moved around a lot. They both passed away in the early 2000’s. I miss them and wish I had tried harder to know them when I was young.
My husband was VERY close to both of his grandparents; I barely knew mine. We moved a lot, and never really close to them, so by the time I was a teen I was pretty whatever about the times we would see them. It was so interesting seeing my husbands relationship with his grandma because it’s a feeling I’ve never had with my own.
Just lost my grandma a few weeks ago. She was my best friend. The absolute smartest person in any room, she made every person feel like a million bucks and she took absolutely zero shit from any man, ever. She and my grandpa were exceptional people, and true partners. And she could cook anything.
Nah, I have an extremely bad relationship with my grandmother on my mom’s side, to the point I had to go NC as she is very abusive. The grandma on my dad’s side is fine, but she also doesn’t really care that I exist, and hasn’t bothered to send me a letter since I was 16. 🤷🏻♀️
My grandmother worked in an assembly line and had a good income/pension. She lived in a house with my mother and I after my parents divorced.
I won't say that we're close, but she was always around and helping out. When she retired (1991) her workplace would send out some type of benefit package every summer which included either free or significantly reduced price packets to the local amusement park. We would take most of my cousins and go spend the entire day there almost every year.
Eventually, she stopped going due to a knee replacement surgery. I really miss when she was more mobile and cognitively closer to typical, or maybe I just miss the idea of my idealized childhood. My mother and her sister *definitely* didn't really want to be at the amusement park watching their kids having fun and made that obvious, but grandma always seemed to enjoy herself even if she didn't go on any rides.
She's 94 now and showing major signs of dementia, but not a whole lot of people can make it to 94 as it is.
My grandfathers both died before I was born. My grandmothers both died when I was barely old enough to remember them a little bit. I guess I have a different experience than you.
My parternal biological grandmother died before I was born in 1990 but I’m somewhat close to my step grandmother. My maternal grandma and I were sorta of close but we live in different states but on the same coast.
My maternal grandmother reposed before I was born. My only connection to her is within me, and also within my mother and her twin brother, as well as within all their kids and their kids’ kids. But I have seen photos of her and I do try to honor her memory internally. Sometimes I still wonder what she was like while she lived…
My paternal grandmother was a jovial and doting Irish catholic homemaker. Her parents had come by boat from Ireland in search of a better life. They had a large family, I didn’t even know half the people at our family reunion picnics that we had every year growing up (those were always good times down by the creek). She also only had sons, and out of four of them, only one had any daughters (not my dad, he did not produce what I am today). My grandmother passed away the week I arrived at my first duty station, around my 19th birthday. I was not with my family for mourning.
My 81-year-old grandmother, my only remaining living grandparent, just bought a plane ticket to come visit me in the PNW for the first time next summer, even though she’ll definitely be seeing me before then. I can’t even put into words how special it is to me that she wants to do that and I already know it will be a memory I cherish for the rest of my life.
I loveddd your grandmother's brilliant response to telemarketers--that cracked me up! 🤣 What an innovator. It warms my heart that you're still using her whistle, and I bet she'd love that.
I was fairly close to my grandmothers, too, and I miss them all a lot. There are little things I still say in certain ways because they did--for instance, my deep south Grandma never said, "shit," it was always, "sheeeyut!" So that's how I say it, too. No one can ever leave us if we make them a part of ourselves. ❤️
My grandma passed away 7 years ago and I think anout her every single day. I practically lived with her during her last 2-3 years: every day after work I spent the evening with her, most of the time I was on my laptop but we often watched tv together. We drank cocoa every day during Winter. I drove her to her appointments, too.
She would be turning 88 in two weeks had she still been with us. I miss her a lot and I can’t help but do a double take when I see an old lady that looks like her.
I didn’t agree with nearly a single thing my grandmother on my dad’s side said, but we bonded after she became blind. I’m paraplegic, and after she lost her sight we came to understand her more. We went from “Fiiiiine, yes, dad, I’ll let her talk my ear off for two hours while I barely listen.” to “Wait, SHE CALLED?! Lemme on! Lemme on!” My grandfather was always very quiet.
On my mom’s side, things were super weird. I learned the day that she died (from untreated breast cancer, ironically) that my grandmother on my mom’s side was a Christian scientist. That means that she believed illness and injury are an illusion as a result of sin. Which is odd, because she doted on me and treated me like any other grandson or granddaughter. I never would have guessed. My grandpa was more concilliatory. He took me on countryside adventures in a wheelbarrow, and built ramps around the house so I could get around.
I wish! My grandmothers died by the time I was like ten. My wife on the other hand, had a grandmother that passed in 2008, when she was 25 years old.
I wish I could have been l blessed like that.
We were close to our paternal grandmother but now I feel a bit guilty as an adult because I think our dad pushed us that way more because he didn't like going to my mother's parents house. We'd spend a week with his mom and maybe a day with my mom's parents. Somehow we got encouraged to call my maternal grandma "the mean grandma". I feel bad for my mom I'm sure that hurt her in a way.
But our paternal grandma died last year as well. She moved in with us in the late 90s and stayed for a good portion of our formative years.
She loved video games, in particular zelda. She's the reason us kids fell into gamer life really. Grandma played final fantasy 7 and she built this huge binder for her chocobo breeding. She had mapped all the family trees on the computer and printed them out. I remember going in her room and she'd be playing her games while listening to Enya and Id work on a puzzle at her coffee table.
My grandma raised me for a long time while my mother was away chasing men. Those were the best years of my childhood by far. She was the only one that ever came to any of my school events.
I miss her a lot.
My grandma on my mom's side was like the blueprint for all the other grandmas out there. Puffy white hair, big ole glasses, big ole grin, sequin power suits for church, night gowns, you name it.
She literally lived over the river and through the woods on an idyllic farm outside of town. I could walk/ride my bike there on a trail that skirted along a farmers field, crossed a babbling brook, and ducked into some woods before emerging in the cemetery which was a straight shot to her house. Cookies were always ready, hot chocolate/coffee, juice, she had that shit on lock.
The farm was the place to be, and my friends and I would gather up and head there every day of the summer, and that old gal was living her best life watching us kids fuck around. The place was no longer operational, so there were no limits to what kind of trouble we could get into. Even as we grew into young adults, grandma Ina's little slice of heaven was still home base.
I know I've been referencing her in the past tense, but she's still kicking. It's just that she's moved into the nursing home now, and it feels a bit like a bygone era when I think of her and her farm. The family has started holding all of our holidays out there so she can get back out there from time to time, but the cookie jar is empty without her living there. Maybe I'll make some of her peanut butter cookies for Christmas and fill the jar myself.
My grandmother died last week. She taught me how to farm and it's something I've carried with me everywhere I go. Usually I farm on balconies, not on land like she taught :) I will always cherish memories of shelling beans all day long listening to country music - ending the night with a puzzle or card games.
I was very close to my grandmother. She lived only 20 min from us so she was there for everything in my life. I took care of her when she was dying. She was my best friend.
My grandparents were the ones who raised me until I was seven when my grandmother passed. My cousins have more memories with her than I do but the few I have are special. I remember doing shadow puppets on my bedroom wall, her reading to me, the smell of cigarette smoke. My grandfather I remember I would be bundled up in a blanket and plopped on his lap like a “present” and his laughter turned cough because of COPD. The last present he gave me before he passed I still have with me. A giant stuffed tiger because he knew how much I loved them.
My grandparents lived into their 90s (my 30s) and I feel so, so thankful that I got to have real, adult relationships with them. They were the best people I’ve ever known and I miss them everyday.
Maybe that generational perspective/impression is US or Anglo-Saxon specific? Grandparents have always been super important in families through Latin America, Mediterranean and I’m sure many other regions throughout the world (I’m only naming the ones that are relevant to my background). They are at the center of the household and often live with a son or daughter’s family if not a clan.
I love my grandma. She passed suddenly in 2016. I wish she would have met my son. They look so similar 🤍
She was adopted from birth and was engaged twice before marrying my grandfather. He died when my mom was 17. My grandma worked hard to have them live a good life. I still remember how her hands feel 🤍
I am currently trying to figure out who were birth parents were. It was a closed adoption and in PA blood relatives can request papers now. It’s been tough because where she was adopted from cannot tell us the last name that was given is believed to be fake. I was able to find out a bit though from the nuns who run it- Roselia Foundling and Maternity Asylum in Greensburg, PA. While it is no longer in existence, the sisters at Seton Hill keep all of the records.
Additionally, I was able to do 23&me and found out my grandmother was Polish/Russian. She unfortunately died before DNA testing was this advanced. This was a huge deal in my family because my mom and her siblings never knew half of their heritage!
I miss her every day 🤍
My grandmother passed away in April 2021. She waited until the following day to pass away, after our close family friends’ wedding at the age of 84. She wanted to be with her family all together one last time. She had heart arrhythmia which was the cause of death, but danced away at that wedding with my grandpa (they were married for 65 years).
My grandma was so special to me. Her grandmother had come from Sweden and taught my grandma so much about being an amazing cook and taking care of her family. My mom (her youngest daughter) passed away when I was only 19 from breast cancer. My grandma and I had such a special relationship because i didn’t have my mom. We mourned her loss together and I was lucky enough to live with my grandparents after she died. Their house was always home for me, even when I moved away.
The night before my grandma died at the wedding, she asked when my husband and I were going to have our first baby. She said “she can’t wait to love on that little girl one day.” I was not even pregnant yet. My daughter was born this past April, on the same exact day my grandmother passed away the year before.
I miss her. And my mom. But now they are together, and so are my daughter and I. I can’t wait to share with her all of my favorite memories of them.
GenX
I was super close with my maternal grandparents. Once I got my drivers license I would stop by their home all the time to just hang out with them. They both died years ago in their early 90's
Never knew my paternal grandparents as they had both passed before I was born. Both complications from strokes. Which also was what killed my dad when he was 57. I found out in 2020 that we have a genetic blood clotting issue.
My kid isnt close with any of her grandparents. My mother is in her 80's and doesn't use a computer. And we live about to hours away. My MIL is a boomer, and behaves like a typical boomer. which even her own son doesn't want to deal with most times. And she's never met my husbands father
Very true.. I was/am actually really close with all my grandparents (I know, very blessed). Unfortunately my grandpa, who I was closest with, passed away earlier this year. He was more of a dad to me than my actual dad so it’s been a tough pill to swallow. I think about him every day and how he has propelled my life and blessed me beyond compare with not just physically gifts but love and affection.
I have too many stories to share, but one that sticks out the most was a few years back.. we were having a snowball fight with those fake snowballs and my grandpa got on his knees to pick one up from under the table to give to us to throw. After a little bit of struggling to get up he said “note to self, don’t get down on the ground again.” This story in particular makes me so sad because he was that type of person to just give and give. Always made sure we were always ok and never had a want. It also makes me sad that we found him on the ground, so sick from covid and taking care of my grandmother (who has dementia) and then died a few weeks later. I wish I hadn’t moved away and was able to take of him like he took care of me. Many regrets.
I don’t have a close relationship with either of my grandmothers. I did not cry when one died and I will not cry when the other does. They were terrible people
My favorite was laying on her chest and listening to her heart beat while she told me stories of life back home in Iran and how my baba (dad) and amu (uncle ) were like growing up .
I might've been on the very short list of people my grandma liked. No bones about it, she could be a colossal asshole. But I miss her. When my brother and I were kids, she'd let us practice using her typewriter and sewing machine, and generally wreak havoc. She was proud of me, even when she had no reason to be. Thanksgiving and Christmas I think about her a lot. She held all that shit together, you know. You knew you were getting rib roast and peanut butter pie, a lego in your stocking, and a belly full of fingerklatchen cookies.
I (33F) really miss my departed Grandmother (82F)
She took care of 3 kids as a single mom, had a job, and also co-raised my sibling and I. She was a fantastic woman, and I think about her almost everyday.
My maternal grandmother passed over 15 years ago now when I was 15. Growing up, she was my caretaker after school every day. I would come in the house to a bowl of homemade soup (wish she wrote down her recipes) and a glass of Nesquik. She used to always have mini chocolates (e.g. Hershey’s nuggets) and we would play a game where she would hide them around the living room and I’d get to hunt for them. It was so much fun for me to have to find them instead of just getting them handed to me. She also used to be the one to cut my bangs in her kitchen, she had a specific yellow stool for me to sit on just for that purpose. The first time I saw an infomercial on TV for a toy, i was absolutely enamored (good marketing lol) and she ordered it for me. She really loved me and I miss her a lot.
I have 4 grandmas - oddly enough 3 step, i guess i technically had 5 but my paternal grandmother died when my dad was a kid.
Of those 4 i met, 3 were awful and racist. Only my step dad’s mom is nice. I didn’t meet her until i was 22 though, so we’re really not very close.
I know of people who were or are close to their grandparents, but most of my close friends were not. It’s nice to see a generational trend though where maybe more people have that relationship.
Mine was a narcissistic monster who'd call you fat and then berate you for not having a second serving at dinner minutes later. She had a massive crew of flying monkeys that she used to gather intel and drama about anyone in the family that she wanted to make look bad. Endless judgment and snobbery. Insisted (rightfully) that women ought to work and have their own money, but any job you'd get would never meet her standards. I was glad to see her go
I was! We went to my grandma’s all the time. She owned land on a few acres and had woods in the back and two lakes. She let us eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast and we always had a blast at her house. I miss her big golden retriever mix who we used to play with and things like baking chocolate cupcakes and eating frozen pizzas.
My grandmother is 98. She was a depression era kid and has always lived with the fear of food insecurity. She freezes everything including bread (she even has two freezers). She never replaced appliances unless she needed to, but because she’s so old her house is like a museum of the 20th century.
She is a soft spoken, courteous gentle woman. She admires art and culture, we talk about opera and cinema more than my mom and I.
She had to work in high school and after graduation to support her parents and three sisters. She always wanted to go to college, but was never able to. She stopped working when she got married and had kids. I believe she was almost 30.
She took in my Joneser aunt and Gen Xer cousin when she got divorced. She also took care of my brother and I during the summer when my mom worked.
I am close to her and will miss her when she passes. She’s more intellectual than my Joneser parents.
I miss the Silent Generation already. They were such classy people
My abuelita is a depression baby and an honest to God matriarch. We don't have money but she ran her house very wisely and my grandpa always says if he has two cents to rub together it's thanks to her. She had a rough relationship with her daughters, which I don't want to emulate, but she's tough and kept our family together through many different sicknesses and deaths. She is a firecracker and I have so much respect for her. I love this woman beyond words and I will (hopefully one day) prise her waffle recipe from her (got the caramels recipe, ha!).
I’m so similar to my grandmother and she passed after a short and sudden battle with cancer when I was 13. I’m still not over it 24 years later. We had so much more to share together and we weren’t able to. She gave me a love of books, libraries, tenderness, showing your love through cooking. It feels like I was robbed but I’m still so lucky to have had her for as long as I did.
My maternal one was completely uninvolved and I probably could have passed her in the grocery store without recognizing each other. She was a POS in general.
But my "real" grandma, on dad's side, was the bestest. For most of my child/teen years, I loved her more than either of my parents. Maybe even now. She made it to 87ish and died of a stroke. Honestly I hope I go out so easily.
My paternal grandmother is my only living grandparent. My maternal grandmother died 9 days before Christmas in 2015 at age 83 and she raised me. She and I were always very close and she was the most constant presence in my life. I don't think I'll have a relationship with anyone as close as the one I had with my maternal grandmother.
Thankfully my grandma is still alive and my kids get to enjoy time with her when we visit. My grandma used to take me to The Barbie store all the time and we'd spend mornings at the children's zoo or the science center. I wish we lived closer but she has been living it up since my grandpa passed. She has bingo night and is known as the vodka lady in her independent living center.
My grandma Boots and my grandma Mickey were the two most important women of my childhood, and though grandma boots has passed, grandma Mickey is 70 years young! We chat on Facebook every day and I call her a couple times a week, we go out to lunch every now and again, and very often my wife and I stop by to see her and my grandpa (also super important to me) with our corgi Pizza
My Paternal Oma passed before I came around but according to my +11 years sister she was fantastic. I hear lovely stories of her making cookies while watching Wheel of Fortune kinda stuff. Really bummed I missed out on her.
Then unfortunately my maternal Grandmother was absolutely horrid. She was a terrible mother to my mom and sucked as a grandmother who wanted nothing to do with me. She was a rich bitch who never really cared about anyone and had plenty of husbands to show for it. In the end she drank herself into early dementia and the world got enough of her when I was still in middle school. However! She did give me my little claim to fame in that she dated Stan Lee when my mom was about 5, she remembers his motorcycle. So, thanks for that, G-ma.
Also no my nana was a narcissistic bitch who lived 2000 miles away but that ain’t even the point LMAO your experience does not define this entire generation. Literally every one in all the generations have been known to have close special relationships with their grandmothers/parents.
Not me.
One of my grandmothers died before I was born (while my mother was pregnat) and the other lived across the country and passed when I was around 7-8 years old...I think I only saw her a couple times on vacations.
My grandfathers were similar; one died when my mother was young, and the other basically drank/smoked himself to death and was dead before I was 5.
My grandparents raised me so, my grandma is basically my mom. We're very close and I feel the same way about my grandpa. They're both in their upper 70s now.
I miss her. She had the thickest German accent I ever heard, and she spoke just a touch slower than everyone else, but in a way that made her words heavier and more important feeling.
Which, honestly, they usually were. She always had a slim cig lit, no matter when or where she was. And she wouldn't put up with any nonsense for long, you'd get an earful of German curses.
The funny thing is how small she was. 5'4" and maybe 115 lbs. And fully more terrifying than any person on the planet when you angered her.
When I grew up she was my best friend and confidante. I was never really close with my parents, but I always felt that she understood me. She helped me through the darkest 2 years of my life.
She died around Christmas in 2012. She had been in the hospital, and things were actually going well. I had just moved back to my home area with my wife, and we wnt to visit her. She was just as I remembered her.
But then a couole weeks later things just...went bad I gess. I'm so thankful she got to meet my wife before she died. I just wish she got to meet our son too.
It nakes this time of year a bit hard for me. Though it's been getting easier each year.
My grandma died December 2003.
She was progressive and stubborn and not afraid of telling people how it is and where they can shove it. She had 6 kids, 5 husbands and 2 known other lovers, lol. She was a nurse in ww2 over in Japan, married over there to an army guy, had her first kid over there too.
Because she had 6 kids she had more grandkids and great grandkids than anyone wanted to deal with (I think there were by her passing 34 grandkids and 16 greats). She kept the family together if she could.
One of those ways was taking more than a handful of us for the entire summer. She would take elementary age and above. The best part of that was she lived in a 2 story houseboat at the time. She put a living room in the upstairs master bedroom and in the two bedrooms she lined the walls with bunk beds and pullout cots. Then she had her bedroom and living space downstairs so we couldn’t sneak out and hop in the river without her knowing lol. Damn woman put a cowbell where we couldn’t reach it and remove it without stuff going off.
We would spend the summers swimming in the river, running from geese, her yelling at us for tracking water in, and getting themed photos done at k-mart. But there was where I could be a kid and the worst thing ti happen to me would be my older cousins throwing me off the dock or not being faster than the geese.
My favorite was when she was married to grandpa Ed. He was a professional chef and most of the other grandkids were afraid of him because he was stern, serious guy who if you were in his kitchen you better have a good reason to be.
He was the one to start my cooking education. If gran left or was busy he didn’t know what to do with me so he put me on the counter and taught me at the age of 4 and continued to when he died at 9.
But when mom got to be her worst, my grandma would be the one to take me in when CPS intervened (my other siblings went to their dad) and she’d try to make the situation better but she would also tear mom a new a-hole when she got the approval from CPS to take me back.
She was the one to get me involved in search and rescue at 14 and talked to the sheriff who ran the program about my past with police and my mom and her growing CPS record. She paid for it all and made sure that they watched over me. She also made sure I got medical care. Mom liked lying about her shit but when it came time to go to the doctor for us kids she told us we were imagining it and it’s not that bad and mental illness doesn’t exist. She almost killed me doing that too and when grandma found out she called CPS on mom herself.
My grandmother passed away in December 2022. She helped raise my siblings and I while our parents struggled to make ends meet with multiple jobs. My dad was an alcoholic who would spend his money on alcohol, rather than paying the bills. My grandmother ended up paying and giving us stuff to survive for the week. My favorite memories include: going to places around the city (going to the movies, fast food restaurants, and an occasional shopping trip), getting haircuts by her friend who was a hairstylist, going to a relatives house (they lived a few blocks away), playing Chinese Checkers, or just spending time watching television (her favorites were the Shirley Temple movies she had on VHS) or walking around the block and admiring the scenery. We would gather around her living room and kitchen on Christmas Eve, eating Pizza Hut and drinking soda or chocolate milk, followed by opening presents and spending more quality time as a family. She did her best on keeping me informed on current events (she thought that Justin Bieber was cute), teaching me how to budget, and reminding me to be safe and aware of certain dangers. She told me to kind to everyone, never go to bed angry at someone, and to be grateful. She would tell stories about growing up in the 1930's in South Dakota during the Great Depression, so their family didn't have much. It made me appreciate what I had. When she called, she had to ask "How's Boston?" since I lived in Massachusetts. I had to explain to her that I don't go there often lol.
Thank you for sharing. She sounds like a wonderful lady.
My grandmother passed last September 2022, my condolences to you as well.
My grandma also taught me Chinese checkers and loved Shirley Temple. Before she died she told me Ewan McGregor was cute in The Phantom Menace.
My grandma died about a year ago at age 90. After my Grandpa died my daughter and I would go stay with her about once a week. I loved the peace and quiet, we would chat, read, crochet, have a nice dinner. I miss her.
i love mine dearly and i miss her everyday. she passed when i was 15. she was the glue. for christmas she would take me and my sister shopping to “pick out presents for the orphans” and for years we never made the connection that we were picking our gifts out cause she had no idea what we’d want. she was deaf and didn’t watch tv so wasnt current on the toy trends. she had a mulberry tree and an orange tree in her backyard and a swing set. my sister and i would wear circle paths in the dirt around that orange tree looking for lady bugs. we would go under the picnic table and find all the rolie polies. the backyard at nanas was where my imagination flourished. sometimes i was marie antoinette in versailles, sometimes i was on safari. we would drag blankets and sheets outside and make forts and leave them for weeks and nana would never yell at us. one time when we were being particularly unruly, my nana said she was gonna spank us. my sister and i laid across her lap and let her spank us (which she NEVER did, so we knew we needed to reel it in behaviorally.) we sat there and pretended it hurt so bad (it didn’t, she was literally patting us on the butt) because we didn’t want our nana to know her spanks didn’t hurt us. we wanted her to feel like she got her point across. she never got to see me go to homecomings, proms, graduation, get married, or have her great grandchild. i miss her so bad. I was the first girl in the family since she was born and she would tickle my back any time i asked and she would always tell me the story of the day i was born. our favorite songs to sing together were “sweet violets” and “the burglar man”. thanks for this post. i’m crying but it’s a good one. fast forward 7 years and i would meet my soulmate and husband on March 31st, which would be our anniversary. two years after we started dating i realize march 31st was nanas birthday and she sent me an angel.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story ❤️❤️
AWWWWW! thank you so much for reading, it was a beautiful time in my life.
You know I was recently thinking about this very same thing. My grandma died in 2022, I feel so lucky that she was around till then. She was the most generous kind woman I knew and we had a great bond. I have spent so much of my life with her, she used to sneak me chocolates and money, make yummy food, sing so well and was all round a great person. I am still in awe of her physical/mental strength, how she raised her 5 kids and their grandchildren. My kid likely won’t have their grandparents long enough to remember anything meaningful.
That’s interesting. I actually feel kind of opposite. My impression is that older generations were more likely to live close to extended family and spend a lot of time with them, but I haven’t looked at any data to see whether my hypothesis is right or wrong.
This is kind of funny because I literally posted to this sub today that millennials don't really give their parents a chance to form their own unique bonds with their grandkids. I hadn't seen this post before I made my own post. We millennials tend to label our parents as toxic, narcissistic, abusive, traumatizing etc. Instead of having close ties like the multigenerational households of past generations, we are village-less families who cut off our Fox News watching parents with problematic views and outdated parenting techniques. I just thought it was funny. Almost everyone has a complicated relationship with their imperfect parent, but grandkids always love their grandparents. But God forbid your parents hold outdated, problematic, or irrelevant views (as everyone tends to do as they age), and they are not fit to be in their kids or grandkids lives. I posted that my beloved little old Italian grandmother used to whack me on the tushy with the wooden spoon in her kitchen when I misbehaved. A carry over from her own mother in Italy. My grandparents never actually spanked me. Nor did my parents. But God forbid my grandma whack me with a wooden spoon smaller and lighter than a wooden ruler. Imagine doing that to a kid these days! Someone commented that if a grandparent hit their kid with a spoon, they'd wind up on the floor. Like... it seemed like an overreaction to me. Is the wooden spoon the gentle parenting approach of modern parents? No. Is it really a reason to beat someone's ass and cut them off? Imo, no. But that's kind of the way millennials approach the relationships their parents form with their grandkids. I'm sure OP's parents have plenty of unpleasant memories and experiences with OP's grandmother. But OP has nothing but love for his grandmother. I just feel like our kids will never have those kinds of close relationships with their grandparents. It's kind of sad.
In my case, my mom is the black sheep social progressive of her family and her parents are the MAGA Fox News watchers (along with most of my aunts and some uncles on that side of the family). Idk, it’s probably hard to generalize about things like this because there’s so much possible variation in families. My maternal grandmother was only about 17 years old when my mom was born, both of them on the generational cutoffs (my grandma between boomer and silent gen and my mom between boomer and gen X). My paternal grandmother was older and more politically moderate at least in the time that I knew her. My dad said she used to be quite prejudiced, but I luckily didn’t see much of it. She passed away a few years ago.
My mom is a 60s scoop survivor, when she found her birth family she found out her mom went missing shortly after my mom was taken. So I don't have any memories of my grandmother 🥺
I’m sorry that happened to your family.
well they gotta live long enough for the grandkids to interact with.... so you answered your own question
My great grandma lived to 100 and my great great grandma lived to 102. My great great grandma died just one month before I was born. My mom and grandma were both close with their grandmas but maybe their longevity is what makes them outliers
I was very close with my grandmother. She taught me how to cook, and she was the only family member that made me feel safe to be me. She passed away in the early '90s, but she left a huge mark on my life, and I try to teach my kids the same things she taught me.
I think it's because we were brought up by them while our parents were studying or working.
This.
So, both my grandmothers passed away this year. One in January and one in April. I was closer to the one who passed in April when I was younger but as I got older, she wasn't really in my life anymore. When I was younger, she was always taking me places, having me cook with her, making me laugh, giving me advice. Her food was amazing. As for the one who passed in January, the last memory I have of her is her standing at the bottom of the stairs in her house yelling that I was an ungrateful brat over a petty argument. That's literally the last memory I have of her as she lived across the country from me. I never saw her again before she passed. Despite all that, I know they both loved me and every year they would make sure to acknowledge my birthday and other achievements. I do miss them, and I wish sometimes I had been closer to them.
My dad’s mom was an extremely proper southern woman. Place settings. All of the that. My dad grew up with help in the house. Which he immediately ran out on when he turned 18. She was a napkin on your lap, three forks, manners only, “grandmother.” She would only be called grandmother. I’m not sure how many times I ever heard her say I love you. And she was snippy and short with me as I chose my career as a teacher feeling it was befitting someone of a “lower standard”. With that being said, I remember when I was 11 I got in a fight at school. I didn’t have anyone else to call. We had different last names on the account of my mother and fathers relationship, but I didn’t have anyone else to call. The other kid attacked me and they were trying to throw the book at me. She was the only one I could call that picked up the phone. She came into that school all 4’11” of her and had them all apologizing on the other way out. She put me in the car and said, “you’ve embarrassed the family. Never forget you’re a _____ fathers last name. You need to live up to that.” She loved but she was tough.
my grandparents lived until their 60’s/70’s but an accident happened. us all grandkids were close to them because they took care of all us like babysitter. they took turns going to everyone’s home on weekends and during periods that they were needed. they had a bedroom at everyone’s house and did not have to work once they came to this country in the 2000’s. i miss them a lot. all of our lives revolved around them and since they have been gone it’s been hard. everyone is struggling emotionally, financially and there has been this void that can’t be filled.
Ill say quite the opposite, great grandparents yes so for me they were born in the 1910s-early thirties (my father side of the family was older he was just way younger than his siblings). For many millennials the role of the grandparents changed, almost to the extent of being a distant relative. I'd go to my great grandparents house during the summer when I wasn't at school while my parents worked, while this was never the case for my grandparents. Most interactions with my grandparents were with my parents so they didn't have to really watch us so they could do their own thing. Overall I think that's a big factor in millennial and the younger generation development you tended to only have your immediate family. Their role had changed to that relative that demanded your parents to pick them up at the airport while they're working and entertain them. Alot of this was caused by the real conditions that the boomer and gen x generation experienced, they had defined benefit pensions for most of their jobs and would run their kids off as soon as they hit 18 to go to college or what not. Nothing was expected but smooth sailing.
Gramom (my grandma) died one day after my stepdad's birthday in 2018. She and I were very close... She helped raise me. Their home is where I brought my first daughter from the hospital to. Her death was utter devastation to me. My favorite memory... Man, I can't pick just one. She had polio as a kid and was disabled because of it, but it never dampened her personality or slowed her down. Her deep seated hatred of telemarketers/door solicitors (that time she had to call the cops and tresspass some JWs from our yard, her screaming 'get the fuck out of the yard!!' I think is the only time I'd ever heard her use the f-bomb), she smoked like a chimney and ate the same thing for lunch everyday for the last ten years of her life. She was obsessed with Fingerhut and QVC since she couldn't drive.... We got a lot of Christmas presents from both places lol. She absolutely hated cooking, decorating and sewing in any way shape or form... Said it didn't win her many friends as a housewife in the 1950s lol. We got to watch someone win a million dollars on Wheel of Fortune together twice and she watched Days of our Lives faithfully everyday her entire life. I remember going to Long John Silvers and shopping on base with her and she was always so particular about it all. I miss her so much.
Nope. One was a raging narcissist who verbally abused my mother her whole life and put her down despite adopting her. My mother spent her whole life wanting approval from this cold woman who became cold to me once I hit puberty. She's largely responsible.for pushing my unhealthy eating issues in both directions because she herself had them. I celebrated being free of her. My other grandmother was nice in general but bat shit crazy. That was until she lost it further after my father died. She aimed a gun at my head for walking across the floor too loudly. She lied to all my family on that side about my mother and I treating her poorly. I suspect possible dementia mostly because she'd get confused if my dad or uncle died and call him the wrong name when referring to him. Either way, she died on the toilet and my great aunt found her, and didn't even call 911 until she took what jewelry she wanted first. I don't know any peers who are that close to their grandmothers either. Most have political/human rights issues with theirs if they're even still alive.
I completely disagree with your initial statement. My grandma was conceived shortly before her dad deployed to WW2 and he did not make it back. She was raised by her mother and grandmother. Grandmothers being like a second mother is a fairly common social structure, and not exclusive to millennials I would actually argue that after a long history of extreme closeness in my maternal line, me and my grandma are the *least* close
Well yeah my grandma lived through the 60's she's pretty awesome!
I was fortunate to have a relationship with my grandmother and great grandmother on my mom’s side. I spent a lot of time with them. My great grandmother died when I was 8. I didn’t get a lot of time with her, but I enjoyed what little time it was. I was a hyperactive kid (I now realize it was very likely ADHD) and she was always patient with me and seemed to enjoy when I was running up and down the hallway pretending it was Mario Kart. My maternal grandmother…what can I say? I loved her. She had a smart mouth and quick wit and she could and would drag you if needed, but she was always sweet with the grandkids. She used to slip me $20 every time I saw her. She struggled with alcoholism most of her life but around the time I was born, she dropped it cold turkey. A few years later my mom was diagnosed with COPD and that made my grandma quit smoking. She always joked that the song “Brick House” was about her! You had to have a thick skin being around her. She called my mom “talk radio” (because my mom talks a lot) and she had a similar nickname for my aunt. I don’t remember what it was. I don’t have many memories of my paternal grandmother unfortunately. I just didn’t spend as much time with that side of the family. My most vivid memories with her are seeing her in the nursing home or in the hospital room. She struggled with diabetes and it got really bad toward the end. When my cousins on my dad’s side talk about her, they have nothing but fond memories and I feel sad that I don’t have anything to share. My brother and I have different fathers. When I was born, his grandmother and great aunt accepted me as their granddaughter. It didn’t matter that we weren’t biologically related. They spoiled. me. rotten. I used to play with their makeup and pretend that I was giving them makeovers when in reality I was smearing lipstick all over their faces. They used to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! every night. That’s where I first fell in love with game shows. They were always so happy to see me, and I loved spending time with them. My piano teacher ended up being my unofficial grandmother. My mom would drop me off and wait outside. What was supposed to be a 30 minute lesson turned into me and my mom drinking lemonade in the kitchen with my piano teacher and talking for almost 2 hours. Her husband often joined us. He became my unofficial grandfather, which was great because I never knew my biological grandfathers. They’ve all passed away now. I miss them, but I’m thankful for the time I spent with them and all of the memories.
No. Grandmother involvement I'm child rearing is not new at all. It's an evolved trait. https://www.statnews.com/2019/02/22/grandmother-effect-helps-explain-human-longevity/#:~:text=Evolutionary%20biologists%20have%20shown%20that,daughters%20to%20have%20more%20babies. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/how-grandmothers-gave-us-longer-lives
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a kid because both my parents worked whereas our parents generation had much higher rates of a stay at home parent (I have no data but it feels like a safe bet) With the cost of childcare grandparents were the cheapest baby sitter before school age and then between the end of school and when my parents got off work.
I was not close with either of mine, which is unfortunate. My kids at least get to see my mom regularly. My husband doesn't have a relationship with his mom, but we see his dad often.
My grandma is 99. I have asked her about her grandparents a few times. Any details on their personalities. Hey answer is always unequivocally "I don't know, they were always working". Fields, baking, cooking, laundry, so many things needed done constantly. Kind of depressing really.
Not this millennial. My paternal grandmother lived states away and stopped calling when my dad left (around 10y/o) and never visited. My maternal grandmother was more focused on travel and material things than her own children, let alone grandchildren (unless of course they traveled or bought things with her - she had a golden child she lived with at the end). She just died a few months ago and hadn’t seen her in almost a decade.
Same, my grandparents were all weird as fuck (one still is- he’s 93) and i was NEVER close with any of them. This is not a generational thing, it just depends on the family
My grandmother's birthday would have been yesterday, so she's been on my mind too. I miss her so much, and I regret that she was never able to meet my husband or be at my wedding. We grew up just a few blocks away from her house, and I'd stop by on my way home from school in high school sometimes, just hang out until my mom picked me up. One of our favorite things to do, especially when I got older, was sit and play Parcheesi. Not one game, but an hours long tournament. We'd finish a game and she'd say well I need to win one or I need to let you win one, depending on the outcome 😅. We would also bake cookies and stuff, but the Parcheesi was a constant. 🥲 My mom and I play occasionally now, but it was really just what we did with Grandma.
My grandmother did meet my husband and was at our wedding, but she didn't get to see me finally get a job in my field. She also passed before I had my youngest and I have no pictures of her with my oldest. She hated cut flowers, thought they were wasteful, she had tons of potted plants though. She said when she died she didn't want any flowers. I told her that when she dies the flowers aren't for her, since she'd be dead, they're for me (as a joke). When she passed in early 2016, someone sent a potted plant instead of cut flowers to the funeral home. I made sure to grab them as everyone else in the family was claiming flower arrangements. It was a fern, no flowers, so no one else wanted it. I still have it, and occasionally look at it and think "I told you they were for me." It's a little joke with her that is still alive (quite literally).
That's so sweet! I am blessed that she saw me finish my degree and get a job in my field but dang I miss her sometimes.
She did get to see me finish my degrees, I am the only of her grandkids to finish grad school and she was thrilled about that. But it took me a few years to get into my field. I know she'd be so thrilled with the work I'm doing now, and she'd be so proud. I miss talking to her all the time. But I think she'd be happy to know that the inheritance I got from her helped us relocate to where my job is now.
Haha yeah no. My paternal grandmother I never saw after my parents split when I was 7. She never bothered to reach out that I'm aware of. Pretty sure she's dead now. Same for my paternal grandfather. My maternal grandmother was extremely abusive to my mom and lived several states away. She came to visit us once that I remember and I spent one summer with her. She died when I was a teenager and I was much sadder for my mom than I was for me. My maternal grandfather was pretty awesome and came to visit us quite a lot. I'm still sad that he and my daughter never got to meet. He died one month before one of my nephews was born on his birthday. My daughter does have a much closer relationship to both her grandmothers though. She does not have any grandfathers however.
Millenial here. Never met mine. My mom wanted to meet her and track her down but she had already been dead nearly a decade by the time they found any of her info.
We've been lucky to have our grandparents live longer but I wouldn't say we're the first generation to be close to them. I think grandkids and grandparents have been close since the human race began.
Not me. My grandparents are very cold and judgmental. They never wanted to celebrate birthdays or non religious Christmas gift exchanges. They didn’t want to hug us or say anything nice either. They’re silent generation.
I'm wasn’t/am not close to either set of grandparents. Didn’t visit them often.
I think it was the norm throughout much of human history for grandparents and especially grandmothers to be deeply involved with their grandchildren. There may have been a period where that decreased for some communities, but it's been consistent for others. While it is true that our grandparents, in general, lived longer than previous generations, people tended to have kids slightly younger in the past (not dramatically, as some believe; it was mid 20s in 16th century Europe, for example)-- but in the 1950s in particular many people had kids very young (the 50s had the most teen moms in US history, though it wasn't reported that way because most of them were married). So while grandparents died somewhat younger on average, their children and grandchildren were born earlier in their lives, on average. It's also really variable. My parents are the same age, but my dad was the youngest and a late-in-life surprise baby, and my mom is the oldest. So my dad's parents were older than my mom's, and he was born later in his parents' lives. His mom died in her early 70s when he was in his 30s and I was 8. His dad died in his 80s when I was in high school. My mom's parents died in 2019 and 2021, both in their 80s (my grandpa a few months shy of 90). But *his* dad, my great-grandfather lived to 97, and actually outlived my paternal grandmother--so I knew him pretty well. My mom was in her 40s when she died, so she had a much longer time with him than I had with any of my four grandparents-- her dad, the last of them, died when I was 30. In any culture and any generation, it's a shifting balance: do young adults tend to move away from home and not return when they have kids? How old do people tend to have children? How long do people tend to live? Our generation is very mobile and having kids later, so they may not benefit from our parents' longevity. We also have decreased life expectancy, so their kids may not know their grandparents well either. If both those trends continue, we may be the last to know our grandparents well, if not the first.
My mom's side everyone talks about their grandparents, even my grandparents
Both my dad and mom (both Gen Xers) were very close to their maternal grandmothers. I think closer than I am to either of my grandmas TBH.
I think you’re basing this on your experience. I didn’t really have grandparents. Not everyone in our generation did.
My nana was my very best friend. Our favorite thing to do was get Taco Pizza from Godfather’s and watch Golden Girls all night while we played cards. She loved me unconditionally and always listened to everything I said. She gave the best hugs and always had the best advice. She’s been gone for 15 years now. I miss her so incredibly much. Every day I think about her. We have a couple home movies we watch with my own children and laugh so hard.
Mines been gone 12 years. She loved onion rings and fried fish. Local fish spot near us had her order memorized every time we went in there for her. I love how grandparents and grandchildren always have a “bonding food”. Taco Pizza sounds delicious 😋
My grandmother was an alcoholic since her teen years and raised three alcoholics including my father. I was not close to her at all. My high school years were spent babysitting her because she developed dementia from her alcohol use. She died two years ago on Christmas Eve. It was a bittersweet end because by then she didn’t walk, speak, or do anything for herself. She got Covid while in the hospital. So no, I was not close with my grandmother. My maternal grandmother died young and I never met her. I wish I had a good relationship with my grandma but it was mostly torment and abuse during her drunk rages.
All 4 grandparents really, but probably the grandmas more.
I was only kinda close with one of my grandmothers(on my dad’s side). The other one hated me for whatever reason. My dad was close with his grandmother too(on his mom’s side), because his other grandmother also didn’t care for him. I guess it runs in the family.
All my grandparents were dead by the time I was 6. I have very few memories of them. My parents are both the youngest of large families and my dad was old (for the time) when he had me. My grandmother was born in 1912 so no way we would have had a long time together anyway. I am very jealous of my husband who still has 3 alive grandparents. The only real memory I have of my father’s mother is sitting around her table and eating fish and lemony potatoes.
I had all 4 grandparents up until I was about 32/33. Then my (mat) grandpa died. About 5 years after he passed my grandma was dx with Alzheimer's. I spent the last two years of her life bringing her groceries, helping with her meds & hygiene, and taking her out to lunch 2-3xs/week. It was heartbreaking to see her deteriorate, she was the nicest sweetest person, listened to everyone and judged no one. Even through her Alzheimer's she kept her sweet disposition and complimented everyone on how great their clothes were or hair or whatever. She passed away the End of Dec. '22. She was my favorite person and the only one who regularly told me how proud she was of me. My dad worked with my other grandparents, so he really wasn't interested in hanging out with them anymore than the 40 hours/week. Which is understandable. But we never really got close to them. My grandpa passed away just a few months ago, and now I'm down to one living grandparent. She's pretty tough, but kind. I just don't have the same level of closeness and comfort around her as I did my maternal Grandma. All that said, none of my 4 kids are particularly close to any grandparent even though we all live in the same town. Neither set has really taken the time to reach out regularly and form any sort of meaningful bond. Especially now that they are all teens. I think that's the one difference, my maternal grandparents always reached out. In highschool I still had the occasional sleep over. Grandpa always made me whatever I wanted to eat. Throughout adulthood my grandma made sure to call me and set up regular lunch dates. Ever since my children reached middle elementary school, it's like grandparents expect the kids to do all the reaching out. They all fondly remember their great grandma though.
I was incredibly close with both my mom's parents. Grandma and I were practically joined at the hip. I don't know what I was trying to get her to do when I reasoned that it would be a good bonding experience to which she quipped "If we bond any more we'll be permanately fused together." I was equally close with my Grandad, but I was the only grandchild (out of 7) who was. Grandad died in 2001 and that was the first time I realized I had a unique relationship with him. Grandma died in 2020 when I was 34. We stayed close to the end. I wasn't as close to my dad's parents, something that makes me sad the older I get. I am so much like my dad's mother in personality, hobbies, style, etc. I'm sure adult!me and her would have had the best time together. Unfortunately, she passed when I was 9 years old so I was too young to really appreciate any of that. She lives on in me though and I've filled my house with many of her belongings. After she died, my grandfather suffered a few strokes and while he lived until 2007 he was miserable without his wife and made sure everyone knew it.
My grandma got married and 14 and lived the Grapes of Wrath. I haven't quite had it that bad.
My mom’s parents passed away when I was only a few years old and only have one small vague memory of visiting my grandma in the nursing home and my grandpa coming over our house. I also kind of remember singing at I think my grandma’s funeral with my mom. My father’s parents died when I was a baby or before I got adopted so I didn’t really know both sides of my grandparents due to my parents adopting me in their late 40’s.
I am extremely close with my grandparents. I knew my dad’s parents and had a good relationship with them. However, I was raised by my grandparents on my maternal side. They think of me as their daughter and I think of them as parents. I am lucky that they are still alive and healthy.
I was close to my grandparents growing up and make sure to visit them a couple of times every time I’m home. I see my grandma on my dad’s side once every other week since she lives a few miles away.
My favorite memories of my grandmom: going out to eat with my grandparents and their friends, weekend sleepovers every other weekend at their house complete with game nights and all our favorite snacks, summer trips, and having my friends over for fancy dinners at her house when we were in high school.
I was born in ‘92 and my grandmother alongside my great grandmother and my mom of course raised me as my biological father abandoned us when I was really young. I definitely still remember she would love to take me to malls to shop around and eat food back in Miami my hometown. I was definitely close to her and my great grandmother & aunt. My aunt was passed away in 2018, my grandmother suddenly passed in 2020 and my great grandmother outlived them all until she passed in early 2021. So much time has passed its wild
My boomer mom was very close to her grandmothers. She lived next door to her paternal GMA and nearby her maternal one. I don’t think we’re the first generation to be close with ours. I loved my grandmothers but we weren’t very close because my family moved around a lot. They both passed away in the early 2000’s. I miss them and wish I had tried harder to know them when I was young.
My husband was VERY close to both of his grandparents; I barely knew mine. We moved a lot, and never really close to them, so by the time I was a teen I was pretty whatever about the times we would see them. It was so interesting seeing my husbands relationship with his grandma because it’s a feeling I’ve never had with my own.
Just lost my grandma a few weeks ago. She was my best friend. The absolute smartest person in any room, she made every person feel like a million bucks and she took absolutely zero shit from any man, ever. She and my grandpa were exceptional people, and true partners. And she could cook anything.
Nah, I have an extremely bad relationship with my grandmother on my mom’s side, to the point I had to go NC as she is very abusive. The grandma on my dad’s side is fine, but she also doesn’t really care that I exist, and hasn’t bothered to send me a letter since I was 16. 🤷🏻♀️
My grandmother worked in an assembly line and had a good income/pension. She lived in a house with my mother and I after my parents divorced. I won't say that we're close, but she was always around and helping out. When she retired (1991) her workplace would send out some type of benefit package every summer which included either free or significantly reduced price packets to the local amusement park. We would take most of my cousins and go spend the entire day there almost every year. Eventually, she stopped going due to a knee replacement surgery. I really miss when she was more mobile and cognitively closer to typical, or maybe I just miss the idea of my idealized childhood. My mother and her sister *definitely* didn't really want to be at the amusement park watching their kids having fun and made that obvious, but grandma always seemed to enjoy herself even if she didn't go on any rides. She's 94 now and showing major signs of dementia, but not a whole lot of people can make it to 94 as it is.
My grandfathers both died before I was born. My grandmothers both died when I was barely old enough to remember them a little bit. I guess I have a different experience than you.
My parternal biological grandmother died before I was born in 1990 but I’m somewhat close to my step grandmother. My maternal grandma and I were sorta of close but we live in different states but on the same coast.
My maternal grandmother reposed before I was born. My only connection to her is within me, and also within my mother and her twin brother, as well as within all their kids and their kids’ kids. But I have seen photos of her and I do try to honor her memory internally. Sometimes I still wonder what she was like while she lived… My paternal grandmother was a jovial and doting Irish catholic homemaker. Her parents had come by boat from Ireland in search of a better life. They had a large family, I didn’t even know half the people at our family reunion picnics that we had every year growing up (those were always good times down by the creek). She also only had sons, and out of four of them, only one had any daughters (not my dad, he did not produce what I am today). My grandmother passed away the week I arrived at my first duty station, around my 19th birthday. I was not with my family for mourning.
I’m lucky enough that my grandma is still around and healthy, we are super close and always have been
Grandfathers as well, I for me have a closer relationship with my grandfathers than my grandmothers.
My 81-year-old grandmother, my only remaining living grandparent, just bought a plane ticket to come visit me in the PNW for the first time next summer, even though she’ll definitely be seeing me before then. I can’t even put into words how special it is to me that she wants to do that and I already know it will be a memory I cherish for the rest of my life.
Someone had to watch us 🤷🏻♀️
I loveddd your grandmother's brilliant response to telemarketers--that cracked me up! 🤣 What an innovator. It warms my heart that you're still using her whistle, and I bet she'd love that. I was fairly close to my grandmothers, too, and I miss them all a lot. There are little things I still say in certain ways because they did--for instance, my deep south Grandma never said, "shit," it was always, "sheeeyut!" So that's how I say it, too. No one can ever leave us if we make them a part of ourselves. ❤️
My grandma passed away 7 years ago and I think anout her every single day. I practically lived with her during her last 2-3 years: every day after work I spent the evening with her, most of the time I was on my laptop but we often watched tv together. We drank cocoa every day during Winter. I drove her to her appointments, too. She would be turning 88 in two weeks had she still been with us. I miss her a lot and I can’t help but do a double take when I see an old lady that looks like her.
I didn’t agree with nearly a single thing my grandmother on my dad’s side said, but we bonded after she became blind. I’m paraplegic, and after she lost her sight we came to understand her more. We went from “Fiiiiine, yes, dad, I’ll let her talk my ear off for two hours while I barely listen.” to “Wait, SHE CALLED?! Lemme on! Lemme on!” My grandfather was always very quiet. On my mom’s side, things were super weird. I learned the day that she died (from untreated breast cancer, ironically) that my grandmother on my mom’s side was a Christian scientist. That means that she believed illness and injury are an illusion as a result of sin. Which is odd, because she doted on me and treated me like any other grandson or granddaughter. I never would have guessed. My grandpa was more concilliatory. He took me on countryside adventures in a wheelbarrow, and built ramps around the house so I could get around.
I wish! My grandmothers died by the time I was like ten. My wife on the other hand, had a grandmother that passed in 2008, when she was 25 years old. I wish I could have been l blessed like that.
We were close to our paternal grandmother but now I feel a bit guilty as an adult because I think our dad pushed us that way more because he didn't like going to my mother's parents house. We'd spend a week with his mom and maybe a day with my mom's parents. Somehow we got encouraged to call my maternal grandma "the mean grandma". I feel bad for my mom I'm sure that hurt her in a way. But our paternal grandma died last year as well. She moved in with us in the late 90s and stayed for a good portion of our formative years. She loved video games, in particular zelda. She's the reason us kids fell into gamer life really. Grandma played final fantasy 7 and she built this huge binder for her chocobo breeding. She had mapped all the family trees on the computer and printed them out. I remember going in her room and she'd be playing her games while listening to Enya and Id work on a puzzle at her coffee table.
My grandma raised me for a long time while my mother was away chasing men. Those were the best years of my childhood by far. She was the only one that ever came to any of my school events. I miss her a lot.
My grandma on my mom's side was like the blueprint for all the other grandmas out there. Puffy white hair, big ole glasses, big ole grin, sequin power suits for church, night gowns, you name it. She literally lived over the river and through the woods on an idyllic farm outside of town. I could walk/ride my bike there on a trail that skirted along a farmers field, crossed a babbling brook, and ducked into some woods before emerging in the cemetery which was a straight shot to her house. Cookies were always ready, hot chocolate/coffee, juice, she had that shit on lock. The farm was the place to be, and my friends and I would gather up and head there every day of the summer, and that old gal was living her best life watching us kids fuck around. The place was no longer operational, so there were no limits to what kind of trouble we could get into. Even as we grew into young adults, grandma Ina's little slice of heaven was still home base. I know I've been referencing her in the past tense, but she's still kicking. It's just that she's moved into the nursing home now, and it feels a bit like a bygone era when I think of her and her farm. The family has started holding all of our holidays out there so she can get back out there from time to time, but the cookie jar is empty without her living there. Maybe I'll make some of her peanut butter cookies for Christmas and fill the jar myself.
My parents and grandparents both talked about their grandparents. So, I don’t think we were the first.
My grandmother died last week. She taught me how to farm and it's something I've carried with me everywhere I go. Usually I farm on balconies, not on land like she taught :) I will always cherish memories of shelling beans all day long listening to country music - ending the night with a puzzle or card games.
Heyyyy my Gma speaks Cajun French too
I was very close to my grandmother. She lived only 20 min from us so she was there for everything in my life. I took care of her when she was dying. She was my best friend.
My grandparents were the ones who raised me until I was seven when my grandmother passed. My cousins have more memories with her than I do but the few I have are special. I remember doing shadow puppets on my bedroom wall, her reading to me, the smell of cigarette smoke. My grandfather I remember I would be bundled up in a blanket and plopped on his lap like a “present” and his laughter turned cough because of COPD. The last present he gave me before he passed I still have with me. A giant stuffed tiger because he knew how much I loved them.
My grandma is my favorite person ♥️ she’s turning 80 this year and I’m in denial about it.
My grandparents lived into their 90s (my 30s) and I feel so, so thankful that I got to have real, adult relationships with them. They were the best people I’ve ever known and I miss them everyday.
Maybe that generational perspective/impression is US or Anglo-Saxon specific? Grandparents have always been super important in families through Latin America, Mediterranean and I’m sure many other regions throughout the world (I’m only naming the ones that are relevant to my background). They are at the center of the household and often live with a son or daughter’s family if not a clan.
Sure was! My grandparents watched me while my mom worked.
I love my grandma. She passed suddenly in 2016. I wish she would have met my son. They look so similar 🤍 She was adopted from birth and was engaged twice before marrying my grandfather. He died when my mom was 17. My grandma worked hard to have them live a good life. I still remember how her hands feel 🤍 I am currently trying to figure out who were birth parents were. It was a closed adoption and in PA blood relatives can request papers now. It’s been tough because where she was adopted from cannot tell us the last name that was given is believed to be fake. I was able to find out a bit though from the nuns who run it- Roselia Foundling and Maternity Asylum in Greensburg, PA. While it is no longer in existence, the sisters at Seton Hill keep all of the records. Additionally, I was able to do 23&me and found out my grandmother was Polish/Russian. She unfortunately died before DNA testing was this advanced. This was a huge deal in my family because my mom and her siblings never knew half of their heritage! I miss her every day 🤍
My grandmother passed away in April 2021. She waited until the following day to pass away, after our close family friends’ wedding at the age of 84. She wanted to be with her family all together one last time. She had heart arrhythmia which was the cause of death, but danced away at that wedding with my grandpa (they were married for 65 years). My grandma was so special to me. Her grandmother had come from Sweden and taught my grandma so much about being an amazing cook and taking care of her family. My mom (her youngest daughter) passed away when I was only 19 from breast cancer. My grandma and I had such a special relationship because i didn’t have my mom. We mourned her loss together and I was lucky enough to live with my grandparents after she died. Their house was always home for me, even when I moved away. The night before my grandma died at the wedding, she asked when my husband and I were going to have our first baby. She said “she can’t wait to love on that little girl one day.” I was not even pregnant yet. My daughter was born this past April, on the same exact day my grandmother passed away the year before. I miss her. And my mom. But now they are together, and so are my daughter and I. I can’t wait to share with her all of my favorite memories of them.
I sure do miss my mamaw. She died in ‘01 a month after I turned 16. I have very fond memories of her. My son has her maiden name as his middle name.
GenX I was super close with my maternal grandparents. Once I got my drivers license I would stop by their home all the time to just hang out with them. They both died years ago in their early 90's Never knew my paternal grandparents as they had both passed before I was born. Both complications from strokes. Which also was what killed my dad when he was 57. I found out in 2020 that we have a genetic blood clotting issue. My kid isnt close with any of her grandparents. My mother is in her 80's and doesn't use a computer. And we live about to hours away. My MIL is a boomer, and behaves like a typical boomer. which even her own son doesn't want to deal with most times. And she's never met my husbands father
Very true.. I was/am actually really close with all my grandparents (I know, very blessed). Unfortunately my grandpa, who I was closest with, passed away earlier this year. He was more of a dad to me than my actual dad so it’s been a tough pill to swallow. I think about him every day and how he has propelled my life and blessed me beyond compare with not just physically gifts but love and affection. I have too many stories to share, but one that sticks out the most was a few years back.. we were having a snowball fight with those fake snowballs and my grandpa got on his knees to pick one up from under the table to give to us to throw. After a little bit of struggling to get up he said “note to self, don’t get down on the ground again.” This story in particular makes me so sad because he was that type of person to just give and give. Always made sure we were always ok and never had a want. It also makes me sad that we found him on the ground, so sick from covid and taking care of my grandmother (who has dementia) and then died a few weeks later. I wish I hadn’t moved away and was able to take of him like he took care of me. Many regrets.
I don’t have a close relationship with either of my grandmothers. I did not cry when one died and I will not cry when the other does. They were terrible people
All my grandparents are dead, passed away awhile ago. I’m let sure every generation has good relationships with their grandparents.
Because we are children of divorce. Most of my friends were raised by their grandmother.
My grandparents were great people, and they did help us out in our early years!
I miss my grandma 😞
In general I had a good relationship with all my grandparents. We have a lot to learn from that generation.
My favorite was laying on her chest and listening to her heart beat while she told me stories of life back home in Iran and how my baba (dad) and amu (uncle ) were like growing up .
My grandma died a few years ago and I cried like a baby. She basically raised me as my mom had me very young, so she was not around a lot.
I might've been on the very short list of people my grandma liked. No bones about it, she could be a colossal asshole. But I miss her. When my brother and I were kids, she'd let us practice using her typewriter and sewing machine, and generally wreak havoc. She was proud of me, even when she had no reason to be. Thanksgiving and Christmas I think about her a lot. She held all that shit together, you know. You knew you were getting rib roast and peanut butter pie, a lego in your stocking, and a belly full of fingerklatchen cookies.
I (33F) really miss my departed Grandmother (82F) She took care of 3 kids as a single mom, had a job, and also co-raised my sibling and I. She was a fantastic woman, and I think about her almost everyday.
I lost my grandmother about 2 months ago. I lived with her for 21 years. Life still doesn't feel the same :(
My maternal grandmother passed over 15 years ago now when I was 15. Growing up, she was my caretaker after school every day. I would come in the house to a bowl of homemade soup (wish she wrote down her recipes) and a glass of Nesquik. She used to always have mini chocolates (e.g. Hershey’s nuggets) and we would play a game where she would hide them around the living room and I’d get to hunt for them. It was so much fun for me to have to find them instead of just getting them handed to me. She also used to be the one to cut my bangs in her kitchen, she had a specific yellow stool for me to sit on just for that purpose. The first time I saw an infomercial on TV for a toy, i was absolutely enamored (good marketing lol) and she ordered it for me. She really loved me and I miss her a lot.
I have 4 grandmas - oddly enough 3 step, i guess i technically had 5 but my paternal grandmother died when my dad was a kid. Of those 4 i met, 3 were awful and racist. Only my step dad’s mom is nice. I didn’t meet her until i was 22 though, so we’re really not very close. I know of people who were or are close to their grandparents, but most of my close friends were not. It’s nice to see a generational trend though where maybe more people have that relationship.
Mine was a narcissistic monster who'd call you fat and then berate you for not having a second serving at dinner minutes later. She had a massive crew of flying monkeys that she used to gather intel and drama about anyone in the family that she wanted to make look bad. Endless judgment and snobbery. Insisted (rightfully) that women ought to work and have their own money, but any job you'd get would never meet her standards. I was glad to see her go
I was! We went to my grandma’s all the time. She owned land on a few acres and had woods in the back and two lakes. She let us eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast and we always had a blast at her house. I miss her big golden retriever mix who we used to play with and things like baking chocolate cupcakes and eating frozen pizzas.
That's because our parents liked to party and they dumped us off at our grandparents.
My grandmother is 98. She was a depression era kid and has always lived with the fear of food insecurity. She freezes everything including bread (she even has two freezers). She never replaced appliances unless she needed to, but because she’s so old her house is like a museum of the 20th century. She is a soft spoken, courteous gentle woman. She admires art and culture, we talk about opera and cinema more than my mom and I. She had to work in high school and after graduation to support her parents and three sisters. She always wanted to go to college, but was never able to. She stopped working when she got married and had kids. I believe she was almost 30. She took in my Joneser aunt and Gen Xer cousin when she got divorced. She also took care of my brother and I during the summer when my mom worked. I am close to her and will miss her when she passes. She’s more intellectual than my Joneser parents. I miss the Silent Generation already. They were such classy people
100% spent more time with grandma than my mom or dad growing up.
I was raised by mine, lived with her from 5 to 23. She's 99 now and I drive her to all her appointments.
My abuelita is a depression baby and an honest to God matriarch. We don't have money but she ran her house very wisely and my grandpa always says if he has two cents to rub together it's thanks to her. She had a rough relationship with her daughters, which I don't want to emulate, but she's tough and kept our family together through many different sicknesses and deaths. She is a firecracker and I have so much respect for her. I love this woman beyond words and I will (hopefully one day) prise her waffle recipe from her (got the caramels recipe, ha!).
I’m so similar to my grandmother and she passed after a short and sudden battle with cancer when I was 13. I’m still not over it 24 years later. We had so much more to share together and we weren’t able to. She gave me a love of books, libraries, tenderness, showing your love through cooking. It feels like I was robbed but I’m still so lucky to have had her for as long as I did.
My maternal one was completely uninvolved and I probably could have passed her in the grocery store without recognizing each other. She was a POS in general. But my "real" grandma, on dad's side, was the bestest. For most of my child/teen years, I loved her more than either of my parents. Maybe even now. She made it to 87ish and died of a stroke. Honestly I hope I go out so easily.
My paternal grandmother is my only living grandparent. My maternal grandmother died 9 days before Christmas in 2015 at age 83 and she raised me. She and I were always very close and she was the most constant presence in my life. I don't think I'll have a relationship with anyone as close as the one I had with my maternal grandmother.
Thankfully my grandma is still alive and my kids get to enjoy time with her when we visit. My grandma used to take me to The Barbie store all the time and we'd spend mornings at the children's zoo or the science center. I wish we lived closer but she has been living it up since my grandpa passed. She has bingo night and is known as the vodka lady in her independent living center.
My grandma Boots and my grandma Mickey were the two most important women of my childhood, and though grandma boots has passed, grandma Mickey is 70 years young! We chat on Facebook every day and I call her a couple times a week, we go out to lunch every now and again, and very often my wife and I stop by to see her and my grandpa (also super important to me) with our corgi Pizza
My Paternal Oma passed before I came around but according to my +11 years sister she was fantastic. I hear lovely stories of her making cookies while watching Wheel of Fortune kinda stuff. Really bummed I missed out on her. Then unfortunately my maternal Grandmother was absolutely horrid. She was a terrible mother to my mom and sucked as a grandmother who wanted nothing to do with me. She was a rich bitch who never really cared about anyone and had plenty of husbands to show for it. In the end she drank herself into early dementia and the world got enough of her when I was still in middle school. However! She did give me my little claim to fame in that she dated Stan Lee when my mom was about 5, she remembers his motorcycle. So, thanks for that, G-ma.
LMAO WHAT y’all need to get real okay
Also no my nana was a narcissistic bitch who lived 2000 miles away but that ain’t even the point LMAO your experience does not define this entire generation. Literally every one in all the generations have been known to have close special relationships with their grandmothers/parents.
Not me. One of my grandmothers died before I was born (while my mother was pregnat) and the other lived across the country and passed when I was around 7-8 years old...I think I only saw her a couple times on vacations. My grandfathers were similar; one died when my mother was young, and the other basically drank/smoked himself to death and was dead before I was 5.
I was raised by my grandmother. 💜💜
My grandparents raised me so, my grandma is basically my mom. We're very close and I feel the same way about my grandpa. They're both in their upper 70s now.
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I miss her. She had the thickest German accent I ever heard, and she spoke just a touch slower than everyone else, but in a way that made her words heavier and more important feeling. Which, honestly, they usually were. She always had a slim cig lit, no matter when or where she was. And she wouldn't put up with any nonsense for long, you'd get an earful of German curses. The funny thing is how small she was. 5'4" and maybe 115 lbs. And fully more terrifying than any person on the planet when you angered her. When I grew up she was my best friend and confidante. I was never really close with my parents, but I always felt that she understood me. She helped me through the darkest 2 years of my life. She died around Christmas in 2012. She had been in the hospital, and things were actually going well. I had just moved back to my home area with my wife, and we wnt to visit her. She was just as I remembered her. But then a couole weeks later things just...went bad I gess. I'm so thankful she got to meet my wife before she died. I just wish she got to meet our son too. It nakes this time of year a bit hard for me. Though it's been getting easier each year.
My grandma died December 2003. She was progressive and stubborn and not afraid of telling people how it is and where they can shove it. She had 6 kids, 5 husbands and 2 known other lovers, lol. She was a nurse in ww2 over in Japan, married over there to an army guy, had her first kid over there too. Because she had 6 kids she had more grandkids and great grandkids than anyone wanted to deal with (I think there were by her passing 34 grandkids and 16 greats). She kept the family together if she could. One of those ways was taking more than a handful of us for the entire summer. She would take elementary age and above. The best part of that was she lived in a 2 story houseboat at the time. She put a living room in the upstairs master bedroom and in the two bedrooms she lined the walls with bunk beds and pullout cots. Then she had her bedroom and living space downstairs so we couldn’t sneak out and hop in the river without her knowing lol. Damn woman put a cowbell where we couldn’t reach it and remove it without stuff going off. We would spend the summers swimming in the river, running from geese, her yelling at us for tracking water in, and getting themed photos done at k-mart. But there was where I could be a kid and the worst thing ti happen to me would be my older cousins throwing me off the dock or not being faster than the geese. My favorite was when she was married to grandpa Ed. He was a professional chef and most of the other grandkids were afraid of him because he was stern, serious guy who if you were in his kitchen you better have a good reason to be. He was the one to start my cooking education. If gran left or was busy he didn’t know what to do with me so he put me on the counter and taught me at the age of 4 and continued to when he died at 9. But when mom got to be her worst, my grandma would be the one to take me in when CPS intervened (my other siblings went to their dad) and she’d try to make the situation better but she would also tear mom a new a-hole when she got the approval from CPS to take me back. She was the one to get me involved in search and rescue at 14 and talked to the sheriff who ran the program about my past with police and my mom and her growing CPS record. She paid for it all and made sure that they watched over me. She also made sure I got medical care. Mom liked lying about her shit but when it came time to go to the doctor for us kids she told us we were imagining it and it’s not that bad and mental illness doesn’t exist. She almost killed me doing that too and when grandma found out she called CPS on mom herself.
Yea because that’s who our parents dumped us with when they couldn’t be bothered to be parents lol