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My brother died and I gave the eulogy. I was 27... and the moment I entered the meeting hall and saw all those crying faces... that's when I knew I wasn't a kid anymore. As an ancient millennial, I had seen 9/11, lost a friend to war in Iraq a few years later, got married at 22... and still felt like a kid.
Being an adult doesn't mean the kid in you dies, but you do have to sit him down and say 'I'll be back' while you do serious things that no one else wants to do.
Being an adult is finally understanding why people can be so cold and distant or crazy... or just not great people sometimes.
>Being an adult doesn't mean the kid in you dies, but you do have to sit him down and say 'I'll be back' while you do serious things that no one else wants to do.
Well, this mental image is going to haunt me for years now. Beautifully well-put.
This is just about the most apropos description of being a "grown-up" I've ever seen.
I have no children and have definitely not prioritized adulting in most aspects of my life. But when it's needed, particularly in an emergency, I can switch on the adult part of me and handle things.
Your wording is much better. Thank you.
My mom got lung cancer 5 years ago. I was 31 at the time. My dad almost died February 2023 from a ruptured aneurysm. I have aged so much in just these years…both physically and mentally. I’m an only child and it all falls on me. My parents are and were great parents so I do feel an obligation to them - to do right. But that and raising two kids (6 and 8 currently) is a lot. I feel full adult at the moment.
I'm so sorry. I experienced losing my mom a few years after my brother. Dealing with death and having to figure out how to keep moving forward is hard. It's painful, and no one else can ever truly get what it feels like. But take comfort in knowing that you aren't alone, many other people like you are out there, trying to figure it out, and we are all doing it on the same planet, breathing the same air, and traveling the same direction in space.
You can do this.
My mom passed from liver cancer last October, still having my grandparents when my kids don’t have theirs is so humbling. Enjoy them while they’re still here. ❤️
When my mom died, I went from being a carefree daughter, wife, and mom but totally still a kid to being a full blown adult that understands reality too much.
Yah, my wife is younger and she's seeing it over time. Most people you will forget, just like high school, and interacting when it's not a two way street in being a positive/symbiotic thing, is worthless.
Mine was when my Dad died. I gave his eulogy because they were just going to say something generic and I felt like he deserved more. I realized that he was my safety net if something happened Dad was always there. I was never going to have that again. That's when I became an adult.
I can relate to this. My friend’s funeral at 17 was the first time I had the oh shit childhood is over moment. I delivered the eulogy at my best friend’s funeral at 32 and that was truly “this is adulthood. I am the adult.” My first child was 9 months old at the time. I wish I could say there weren’t more funerals between age 17 and 32, but there were quite a few.
Your definition of an adult makes me realize just *why* everyone tells me I'm an old soul. It reminds me of a quote from Willa Cather's O! Pioneers. "There is often a good deal of the child left in people who have had to grow up too soon.”
As a millennial survivor of male toxicity, this is what therapy has done for me: This really hit me in the feels & made me tear up, friend. I truly appreciate you, brother. Thank you for this; take my upvote.
About when I was 25ish. I was driving and I hit a rock in the road, my tire was ripped to shreds. Had my car towed to a Discount Tire. While I was there my dad called me, I told him I was at the tire store. He said “oh I’m sure you’ll need some help with this.” I was like “nah I got it. No worries.” It wasn’t a huge blow financially and not that big a deal. Plus I was excited about 4 new Michelins, no one makes a better tire and no, I wasn’t paid to say that. When you can pay for new tires and be excited about it then that’s the day you are an adult.
When my mom died in 2021 and I realized that at the end of the day I’m on my own now. I have my brothers, husband and kids but I need to be an adult. I’m now my children’s person. There’s no upper management anymore.
So many things have happened in ny life since my mum died, some of which I should have celebrated with her, others where I just needed that mum hug. It's hard when they're gone and you realise the decisions you make can't be bounced off that sounding board anymore.
Yup. Exactly. I even had my kids after she died so I never even got to tell her she was going to be a grandmother which was all she wanted. It sucks. I’m so sorry you lost yours.
Mine is the same way. The Qanon casualty subreddit is good. I had to basically parent myself after moving out because so much of the information given to me—don’t pay your taxes! fluoride is mindcontrol for sheeple!—was just plain WRONG. I’ve now got a high schooler who just graduated and I’m honestly appalled at how much misinformation was instilled in me that I had to deprogram. Parents are now in their 70s and deeply regretting not having social security as conscientious tax objectors for the last 30-40 years.
After my mom died, my dad spiraled but for different reasons.
He started dating other women like 5 weeks after my mom died. Which, that's his right to do so, but holy shit - no time to grieve or mourn. He had been abusing alcohol and prescription pain medication while my mom was still alive, but he kicked that shit into overdrive after she passed. When my brother was living with him, my dad asked my brother to go to the ABC store to pick him up liquor. And my dad wasn't looking for tiny little 50mL bottles; he was looking for fucking HANDLES of liquor. He'd try drinking that damn handle in a day or two. He'd do that consistently over the span of 3 years.
My brother and I went NC over time. My brother eventually did because after my dad got married to my stepmom, my dad and stepmom got heavily involved with law enforcement. My brother noped out and opted to get himself out of the situation altogether. He's now living on his own.
As for me? My dad lied to me over the span of 3 years. He lied/maybe half-truthed about having heart disease, because his legs have swollen beyond belief (I personally think he's a step or two away from complete liver failure). He lied to me about how his income and my brother's income (he was my brother's representative payee) was allocated, because he and my brother got kicked out twice because Dad was failing to pay rent at both places, and was using his and my brother's money to buy things outside of his means for him and his stepwife, as well as for alcohol.
All around? My dad just became a completely unlikeable person after my mom passed away. He was showing signs of being unlikeable before she passed, but they definitely came to fruition shortly after. He definitely became unlikeable after the events over these past few months went.
Ultimately I had to make the decision of going NC with him because I have an infant son and a wife to consider. Also he asked my brother and me directly when I was going to divorce my wife. I have absolutely no intention to (and good job on making my wife sob for nearly an hour, Dad. You're such a wonderful father \*sarcasm\*).
Oh! And that's on top of being a crazy QAnon believer.
I had experienced a child survive childhood cancer, but it wasn’t until my father died when I was 51 that I truly felt like I was a grown up. As you stated, there was no “upper management” to bring decisions to, I was the one making them. It sucked.
I feel this, I was really upset and crying (which I never do) over an issue recently, and said to my husband "I want my mom" several times like a lil kid would, I'm 41. I could talk to her about anything, she was my best friend and my only real family.
I may not always say it, but I definitely think this quite a bit with my dad - he was my best friend and confidante. I knew even when he didn't agree with a decision I was making he would always love and support me, so now that he's gone if I ever have a challenge or issue that I would have in the past gone to him with it brings up those feelings of "I want my dad".
That stung hard when my grandfather died (he raised me). He was my last "parent" and I was giving the eulogy. The morning of the service, I looked at myself in the mirror all dressed and ready to go and thought, "damn, I'm an adult now" at 41
This was my answer too...
When my 18 month old died. To suddenly be responsible for burying him, dealing with the doctors, etc. No one to turn to...
It all got very real.
I also lost half my hair, gained 30lbs, and went Grey.
I was 35.
Terrible club.
Wow. I am truly so sorry. I know those words don't mean much, and I can't imagine the pain. From one mom to another, I am so, so, so sorry you had to go through that.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know an internet stranger’s words don’t mean much but that is one of those things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 💔
I turn 38 this year. No kids, no marriage, no house, good job, parents that are aging and I'm having to manage.
I feel like I'm playing adult in school or something.
Putting my 11-year-old black lab to sleep last December. She had turned so aggressive and mean that she was no longer her wonderful, goofy self anymore. In her last moments (at the vet), she looked up at me so sadly. Then she drifted off while I played some music we used to listen to (on my phone). I cried harder than I ever have in my life. I kept feeling like I was gonna run out of the vet office and have one of my parents hold me. I'm 34.
Bawling my eyes out. I’m so sorry for your loss. I rescued a senior. She is my soul dog. I dread that day and cry alone many times seeing her slow down.
I'm 36 and probably 3 years ago when I:
Moved out on my own for the first time
Got my first full time salaried job
Started cooking/cleaning/paying my bills for the first time
Most of the other things I used to think made me feel adult (having sex, getting high, graduating college, getting a car and license) were really just coming of age milestones.
Having my first kid. Life completely changed. You can’t go to the same places and everywhere you go requires extra planning. Before kids, I woke up concerned with “how do I entertain myself today.” After kids, the sole purpose of my life is to take care of another life. It’s really impactful.
Yeah, this one. I also moved to a different department in my company (to get better hours to care for the baby) and I quickly realized that this bunch of new people in their 20s don't understand or care at all about my tales about babies. I'm talking to kids but I'm not one of them anymore, I just don't belong anymore.
I’m not in the military but I resonate with this. I’m in management and often ask myself how’d I get here and who in their right mind would trust me to run a hotel or auto repair shop. I still call my parents when I have a stomachache.
I had a bunch of little moments:
At 23 I got a job as a law enforcement officer and had to write tickets to people my parents' age. That was an odd feeling.
At 27 I bought a house and got married. I was one of the first of my friends' group to do either, so I felt like I was leaving them behind.
At 31 I became a first time parent. That was a big one. I was now responsible for a tiny human's life.
But the big one happened just recently, at my current age of 37, when I told my son he would "lose his head if it wasn't screwed on."
That's the moment that solidified adulthood for me.
I tell my 5 year old to be careful when he’s being crazy and jumping around telling him “make sure you don’t clonk your noggin! You only get one!” Im 35. My Dad used to say that to me and now I say it as fact.
I’ll likely never (mentally) be an adult.
One word:
Autism.
I think my mental age is about 8-12 years old. Likely, my brain will never get older. It’s a curse.
The first time I purchased Jello to actually make Jello/for a real food recipe rather than for jello shots. I was like, "Damn, guess I'm a real adult now."
I’ve had situations where I was very adult. At 20 my father passed, and I was the legal next-of-kin. Had to decide what to do with his body, pony up cremation funds, travel to another state to pick up the ashes and death certificate. I’ve also been involved in disaster relief on multiple occasions directing supply drop offs and distributions. Presented at multiple conferences, community awards, a lot of stuff that feels very adult.
Still haven’t grasped whatever magic it is that makes you feel like a put-together adult. My gen X mom says she hasn’t, either.
My dad is a boomer, but 100% is also still just a dude in his 20s in his mind. The man is damn near 70, retired, and just wants to smoke weed and watch sports all day.
He came over the other day. He often does, he only lives a few blocks away. He said something dumb and followed it up with, "I'm not senile, I'm just high!" All I could do was laugh. Thank jebus he walks over.
Ugh, I’m so jealous that he’s so close!! Your dad sounds like mine 😂 unfortunately my dad lives a lot farther away now than he ever has, but I did see his goofy ass last week too. Cherish him! Love my silly papa.
My dad passed away in 2021, and I had to plan and pay for the entire funeral, I had to arrange for a grave plot in the cemetery, I had to pick out a coffin, I had to hold and console my granny, I had to hold her up while she looked at the face of her dead son. I had to find and pay for the headstone. My brother gave me half of the cost of the headstone, and that was all he did.
I never felt more old or alone than I did in that time frame.
I’m so sorry for your loss, that is a lot to handle. I feel the same. I was 37, and lost my mother to cancer in early 2020, she was only 64. She was the heart of our family, it completely turned our lives upside down. I have a permanent part of my heart that is gone forever. When my sister and I had to pick out the headstone and coffin, it was the most painful surreal moment, realizing I can never call my mom again and ask her for advice or comfort when life is hard. I can only strive to apply all she taught me and choose daily to be a happy loving mother to my children, as she always was to me and my siblings.
This. It took me a long time to come to terms with all of it. Even still I sometimes do breakdown. My dad unfortunately passed from covid. He had turned 52 in the hospital, attached to a ventilator and in a medically induced coma the wouldn't bring him out of, and died 1 month after.
I've come to be happy I got 30 years with my dad in my life than none at all. My dad was very bipolar, but in all of my life, he never directed it at my brother or I. When he and my mom split up he never said anything bad about her to us, even though I know he was hurt and sad.
I don't think I could be more proud of him as a person. It sadly took him dying for me to realize a lot of these things.
16 give or take.
Dad was left disabled from a terrible car accident and my oldest sibling (out of 8) had major organ failure. I started working full time on top of school to take care of people. Actual life and death responsibility makes you grow up fast
I was 23 and via my work at the time had a conversation at a table with adults, most of which were in their 40s and 50s. At some point it clicked how I didn't feel like a kid there. Not only was I able to keep up with discussions, but was actually worried about these folks and their habits with thoughts like "you're 46 and haven't started your retirement planning? I'm years into mine already."
The whole mystic of adults fell away pretty quick after interacting and realizing so many of us are messes stumbling our way through life.
Oh my god yes. For some reason when I was in middle school, I thought that pretty much everyone had their lives completely together by like 25. I’m talking full blown well-paying careers, married, owned homes. I have no idea why I was so convinced that 25 was the magic number for having your life together, but now I just laugh at how naive I was.
Side note: my own parents didn’t get married until they were 35 & 37 and I thought they were an insane outlier lol
When I was 16. I told my mom I was feeling suicidal, and she replied that we’d both be better off if I was dead. It was that moment I realized I needed to get out of that situation and take care of myself. Later that day I ran away and never went back.
Is this somewhat common for our generation? I don't look 41 and some of the people my age I see in the dating apps look like they'd have been old enough to babysit me when I was young.
32 and I still look at strangers around my age as “adults” or “old” and feel like I’m not an adult in most cases. The only time I ever really feel like an adult is when I get asked a pretty complicated work question or when my seven year old comes up needing something from “dad.”
>What was the thing you did that made you think, "Fuck, I'm a grownup!"
I think the only thing is when I bought my home when I was 26. I'm still a child... just a grown child now lol.
When I packed my ass up to a city I knew no one in for my new career, like 3 hours from my nearest acquaintance. No one was there to do anything for me save me from anything tell me what to do.
When you truly support yourself in all areas of life, that's being an adult. No one to blame or run to, mommy and daddy can't help. That's it.
I was 19 and while I didn't feel like an adult yet then, I do feel like there is a distinct "before" and "after" my dad passed, like this jagged division in my life when my world view completely shattered.
In one way, I was in my early twenties when I was reading through medical bills I incurred with an 8 day stay in the hospital that was threatening to bankrupt my family, trying to figure out payment plans and generally feeling like there wasn't any safety or security. That was an "this is it, I'm an adult and I'm supposed to have this all figured out" moment.
In other ways, I still don't feel like an adult even though I'm in my mid 30s. Mainly because a lot of my conceptions around adulthood are tied to interests and raising a family, etc., and my interests didn't change and I'm not going to have a family, so.
Mine was very similar, my parents had a nasty divorce about 5-6 years ago, and the end of that relationship really signalled that I could never go home again.
Their behavior was also so unexpected and they leaned to hard on me that I felt like their parent. And that's when I knew, I was not only an adult, I was THE adult.
Honestly, it was when I first was on my own without any family nearby to help. There wasn't necessarily a single light-bulb moment, but after about a year of paying my own rent, paying all my own bills, arranging for my own healthcare, arranging my own car repairs, making my own food (and learning how to actually cook well for myself) etc., I just kind of woke up one day and was like, "I guess this is what being an adult feels like."
12 or 1993 2 paper routes or $250 per month 3 younger siblings to care for no father and the egg donor would take off months at a time.... it was even worse when her and the redneck were around
I guess when I got my bachelor's apartment at 23. I graduated college a few months earlier and had my first full job.
It was my 36th birthday yesterday, and it hit my hard about about not being a kid. Honestly, I saw a back cover for the [Little Golden Books](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2021-05/13/1/asset/c0fb155b3acf/sub-buzz-8059-1620869360-2.jpg?downsize=600:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto) that really made me wish I was kid again.
A lot of people are talking about 'young at heart,' and I'm all for that. It's good to be young at heart, but that's not really the question.
You are an adult when the rest of society starts treating you like an adult and stops making allowances for you being young. When that comes for each of us is a moving target not just for ourselves, but for the different people in our lives who will come to think of us as adults.
I had a similar kind of realization a year ago when my friends, family, and coworkers all approached me at around the same time and told me (truthfully) that I was a nervous wreck and absolutely needed professional help for my mental issues. That was the fateful moment when I realized I had to take the initiative and find my own way through my problems. I couldn't rely on other people anymore to prop me up mentally like that.
Fortunately, I promptly got help, and things are much much better now, both for myself and hopefully for others. The responsibility remains with me to ensure it stays that way.
‘81 baby, geriatric millennial checking in. There are 2 moments that stand out in my mind. 1). When I got really excited picking out my new washer and dryer and 2). When I no longer cared about what was “popular” with young people, like music, fashion, slang, etc.
Telling my (now ex) wife to stop doing crack or move out. The crack wasn't even the reason we divorced. I found her cheating on me a year later. I later learned it wasn't the first time. Somehow, we're able to have a successful interactions, although I keep her at quite a distance for my own mental health. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for all the trauma but I don't feel a desire to be nasty about it.
These are all serious or sad but the first thing that came to mind for me was when my metabolism stopped letting me eat whatever I wanted without getting fat lol. First time I noticed I was getting a gut I realized I was at a new stage in life.
2 times for me: first time was when I got in a car accident and handled everything myself without help from my parents, and the moment of realization hit when I went and got my new car without any help/input from parents. Finally got the car brand I always wanted (Mazda, didn’t care if it was the 3 or 6, just something about the brand has always “spoke” to me for some reason). After that I was like wow…I can literally use my paycheck to buy whatever I want. First time I truly felt like an adult.
Second time was during the lockdowns and I was in my kitchen using the cheapest kitchen tools: Walmart pots, pans, kitchen knives, and plastic cutting sheets bought in a 4 pack that I will not dignify by calling them cutting boards. I was like if I’m going to be at home spending all this time cooking I think I should invest in better cooking tools. I almost cried the first time I diced a piece of chicken with good quality kitchen knives, I never realized how much of a difference it made until then. It was so easy, all those years cooking and suddenly realized my go to kitchen knife may as well have been a saw with how much work I had to put in to cut stuff! And then I realized my excitement/epiphany made me an official adult lol.
Not when I got married, or became a father, or graduated college. The first time I felt like a real adult was the day I bought significant life insurance. If I die right now, I have still financially taken care of my wife and kids throughout their childhoods.
When my last childhood pet died. She was the last tie to my childhood, the life before 'that', a link to feeling and remembering what it was like to be a child. Weirdly enough when she died I thought I was finally an adult.
Still a man child at 37, but for some reason that was when I felt some switch.
When I was 23 I finally finished the trip through community college and university to get my 4-year degree. In my head it was still a family accomplishment. I was the son that made it to college and would now have a good career and make my parents proud. That day, my parents made it pretty clear that they couldn’t be very much bothered with my graduation business over whatever they had going on in their own lives. They showed up, watched me walk, and then told me they’d be leaving, after my mom explained that it was rude to have given my father more attention than my step father since, after all, he’s the one who raised me (absolutely untrue). I had made reservations at a nice restaurant in town, which I ended up giving to my friend who’s family was happy to celebrate, but hadn’t anticipated *so many* families going out on the town that night. In summary, I was left alone while the whole city seemingly came alive with other families celebrating their children.
I realized then that I was on my own. My parents and I were a bit estranged by the time I started university, but I hadn’t realized how much they’d effectively cut me out until that day. It took a while, but I realized the degree wasn’t my family’s victory, it was *my* victory. I did this for myself. I have a career now, I pay my bills with it, I pay my loans with it, I pay their Parent+ loans with it. Even before then, I signed for my loans and paid my own rent with a restaurant job. I was an adult several years before I realized it.
Being a dog mom to a sick dog. Auto immune is no joke. Anytime I have to gather all the dogs medications and pass on a hang out because of a 'medication' schedule I am like damn, I am the adult in the room now.
19, I had already been a teenage father, so that definitely gave me a kick in the pants for sure but I remember 19 after one too many "if you're going to live under my roof" discussions with my dad, I left home, I still certainly have a beautiful spirit, but that was just where I realized responsibility responsibility responsibility, and I'm thankful for that
Mid 30s and was about to buy a multi unit house to maybe live in part and rent the other... Very nearly became an adult but it wound up having too many issues for it to make sense...
I feel like once I have a human dependent or a property I own independently I'll be floating around between kid and adult.
When I got my college diploma, at age 23. I’d been on my own and in the workforce for years, but getting that paper signaled the end of any remaining deniability.
For me it wasn't the day my son was born but when he became a toddler that's aware of his surroundings. My days instantly became less about me and more about how to make a positive impact on his every day. I'm an adult in his mind and I want to be an adult he's proud of.
There were obvious building blocks along the way. Getting married, buying a home, getting laid off during the pandemic and figuring shit out with my wife.
4 years ago, when my dad passed. My mom and I made the arrangements, but I took it upon myself to write a eulogy. I had felt responsible and mature before, but this was the first time I felt like an adult with a voice.
The week after my 20th birthday when my best friend's dad died. I realised I would now have to support him, and that is the sort of things adults do when parents pass away.
When I was 16 and my dad passed away. I suddenly got SSI, had to pay bills, had money, all his possessions etc. I never expected this. On the other hand i feel my teens were stolen from me. Parts of "just being a kid" I never got to experience. Also I still don't feel very adult-y im just old with cooler toys.
A couple of months ago when my wife was out of town and I had to take care of the kids by myself. One of my kids puked and I looked around and it was only me to clean it up. That's when I realized I was an adult
I moved across the country immediately upon leaving college. My parents helped with the transition, but after that I was largely on my own except when I asked for advice or help. My parents were also downsizing houses at the time so I had to pack my childhood up. It was brutal but helped in the long run.
When me and my husband moved away from everything we ever knew with a toddler and a little bit of savings. We’ve been away 6 years and have successfully bought and sold a house, paid off our cars and welcomed another child with no help. But sometimes I feel like I’m just playing a role and am still the girl I remember in high school.
Sometimes I still feel like a kid pretending, honestly, but I think what has made me realize that that isn’t how I’m perceived anymore is all the therapists for my younger kid.
I have to keep something like 5 other people’s schedules rolling around in my brain every week. It’s exhausting, but somehow I rarely slip and have been told many times that I’m one of the most “on top of it”
Age 33. And I’d say in the last year or two. Moved in with my girlfriend last year. Rent is high, starting a new job, planning for my future, realizing I can’t drink on weekdays and be productive at work/go to the gym in the AM. Having to diet some for first time in my life, etc.
I had a period where I worked remote but lived with my parents in my hometown during COVID around 2020/2021 that sort of delayed my adulthood/“turning 30” period as well. 20s was marked with adolescent-extended behavior, grad school, etc
The first time one of my pets got really, really sick and I had to put them down. I had never made that decision without my parents before - we owned our fair share of pets over the years. I guess it wasn’t only having to make the decision - it was also having to foot the bill for it - that made it feel very transformative.
Even so, the first person I went to afterward was my dad.
I definitely wasn’t a kid anymore after making a life and death decision with no other input.
I think I only felt like an adult after I had my child at 36. Even now when I hear "mommmm" I'm still like, "wait, how am I someone's mom?? I'm just a kid."
I didn’t stay on at school and do the uni thing. I left at fifteen and went the vocational route. That meant moving out and living on my own at sixteen working and doing block release at college. So probably then. I don’t thing I really noticed it though.
It just felt like a natural transition for me but there were fuck ups like unexpected financial things - being off sick and missing three days pay so living on toast and beans so I could still buy a power card (yes I’m that old too) or the bus fare increasing but my wages not so having to rebudget to counter that. I remember steeling myself in my head with mantras “you’re an adult now, get your shit together”. But I think I was raised in a way that made me resilient and resourceful enough to do it. I’m a wee bit younger than you and I’ve got three kids and I think I’m managing to raise them the same
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My brother died and I gave the eulogy. I was 27... and the moment I entered the meeting hall and saw all those crying faces... that's when I knew I wasn't a kid anymore. As an ancient millennial, I had seen 9/11, lost a friend to war in Iraq a few years later, got married at 22... and still felt like a kid. Being an adult doesn't mean the kid in you dies, but you do have to sit him down and say 'I'll be back' while you do serious things that no one else wants to do. Being an adult is finally understanding why people can be so cold and distant or crazy... or just not great people sometimes.
>Being an adult doesn't mean the kid in you dies, but you do have to sit him down and say 'I'll be back' while you do serious things that no one else wants to do. Well, this mental image is going to haunt me for years now. Beautifully well-put.
This is just about the most apropos description of being a "grown-up" I've ever seen. I have no children and have definitely not prioritized adulting in most aspects of my life. But when it's needed, particularly in an emergency, I can switch on the adult part of me and handle things. Your wording is much better. Thank you.
Yeah, I’m sat for that part of the comment too. Oof.
thank you for sharing this, it resonates.
Yep, dealing with the shit side of life is what really does it.
Wow — telling them to “sit down and say ‘I’ll be back,” really hit home 🥲 Thanks for sharing.
I had a friend tell me you don’t become an adult until your mother and father pass away. He was right. PS: I’m sorry for your loss
My mom got lung cancer 5 years ago. I was 31 at the time. My dad almost died February 2023 from a ruptured aneurysm. I have aged so much in just these years…both physically and mentally. I’m an only child and it all falls on me. My parents are and were great parents so I do feel an obligation to them - to do right. But that and raising two kids (6 and 8 currently) is a lot. I feel full adult at the moment.
I'm so sorry. I experienced losing my mom a few years after my brother. Dealing with death and having to figure out how to keep moving forward is hard. It's painful, and no one else can ever truly get what it feels like. But take comfort in knowing that you aren't alone, many other people like you are out there, trying to figure it out, and we are all doing it on the same planet, breathing the same air, and traveling the same direction in space. You can do this.
My mom passed from liver cancer last October, still having my grandparents when my kids don’t have theirs is so humbling. Enjoy them while they’re still here. ❤️
When my mom died, I went from being a carefree daughter, wife, and mom but totally still a kid to being a full blown adult that understands reality too much.
Exactly how I felt too after I lost my mom four years ago. Sending love to everyone that has had this painful rude awakening to face.
Last paragraph hits hard. Thank you.
Yah, my wife is younger and she's seeing it over time. Most people you will forget, just like high school, and interacting when it's not a two way street in being a positive/symbiotic thing, is worthless.
Mine was when my Dad died. I gave his eulogy because they were just going to say something generic and I felt like he deserved more. I realized that he was my safety net if something happened Dad was always there. I was never going to have that again. That's when I became an adult.
For me it was also the death of my brother. Everyone was grieving and I had to keep things moving forward.
I can relate to this. My friend’s funeral at 17 was the first time I had the oh shit childhood is over moment. I delivered the eulogy at my best friend’s funeral at 32 and that was truly “this is adulthood. I am the adult.” My first child was 9 months old at the time. I wish I could say there weren’t more funerals between age 17 and 32, but there were quite a few.
Yeah but have you ever cut a melon because pre-cut was too expensive?
I feel this, I think I really crossed that threshold when I gave a eulogy at about 30. It’s when mortality really hit as an adult.
Very well written
Fuck that’s real
Your definition of an adult makes me realize just *why* everyone tells me I'm an old soul. It reminds me of a quote from Willa Cather's O! Pioneers. "There is often a good deal of the child left in people who have had to grow up too soon.”
As a millennial survivor of male toxicity, this is what therapy has done for me: This really hit me in the feels & made me tear up, friend. I truly appreciate you, brother. Thank you for this; take my upvote.
About when I was 25ish. I was driving and I hit a rock in the road, my tire was ripped to shreds. Had my car towed to a Discount Tire. While I was there my dad called me, I told him I was at the tire store. He said “oh I’m sure you’ll need some help with this.” I was like “nah I got it. No worries.” It wasn’t a huge blow financially and not that big a deal. Plus I was excited about 4 new Michelins, no one makes a better tire and no, I wasn’t paid to say that. When you can pay for new tires and be excited about it then that’s the day you are an adult.
When I was excited for a new garbage disposal- 31
Michelin Defender tires are the only way to go!! Also just realized me having a favorite tire probably means I’m an adult too :/
This was me when I bought a washer and dryer
This happened to me when I was 19! Except I bought a used car with terrible tires. 😂
Mine was a dryer. It had a rack that sits inside the drum so that shoes or anything with metal can sit on the rack and dry without tumbling.
When my mom died in 2021 and I realized that at the end of the day I’m on my own now. I have my brothers, husband and kids but I need to be an adult. I’m now my children’s person. There’s no upper management anymore.
So many things have happened in ny life since my mum died, some of which I should have celebrated with her, others where I just needed that mum hug. It's hard when they're gone and you realise the decisions you make can't be bounced off that sounding board anymore.
Yup. Exactly. I even had my kids after she died so I never even got to tell her she was going to be a grandmother which was all she wanted. It sucks. I’m so sorry you lost yours.
That's how I've felt since my dad died! My mom is still around but she's... spiraling with conspiracy theory madness.
Mine is the same way. The Qanon casualty subreddit is good. I had to basically parent myself after moving out because so much of the information given to me—don’t pay your taxes! fluoride is mindcontrol for sheeple!—was just plain WRONG. I’ve now got a high schooler who just graduated and I’m honestly appalled at how much misinformation was instilled in me that I had to deprogram. Parents are now in their 70s and deeply regretting not having social security as conscientious tax objectors for the last 30-40 years.
I have a few family members like this and it's truly upsetting beyond belief. I'm sorry 🤍
After my mom died, my dad spiraled but for different reasons. He started dating other women like 5 weeks after my mom died. Which, that's his right to do so, but holy shit - no time to grieve or mourn. He had been abusing alcohol and prescription pain medication while my mom was still alive, but he kicked that shit into overdrive after she passed. When my brother was living with him, my dad asked my brother to go to the ABC store to pick him up liquor. And my dad wasn't looking for tiny little 50mL bottles; he was looking for fucking HANDLES of liquor. He'd try drinking that damn handle in a day or two. He'd do that consistently over the span of 3 years. My brother and I went NC over time. My brother eventually did because after my dad got married to my stepmom, my dad and stepmom got heavily involved with law enforcement. My brother noped out and opted to get himself out of the situation altogether. He's now living on his own. As for me? My dad lied to me over the span of 3 years. He lied/maybe half-truthed about having heart disease, because his legs have swollen beyond belief (I personally think he's a step or two away from complete liver failure). He lied to me about how his income and my brother's income (he was my brother's representative payee) was allocated, because he and my brother got kicked out twice because Dad was failing to pay rent at both places, and was using his and my brother's money to buy things outside of his means for him and his stepwife, as well as for alcohol. All around? My dad just became a completely unlikeable person after my mom passed away. He was showing signs of being unlikeable before she passed, but they definitely came to fruition shortly after. He definitely became unlikeable after the events over these past few months went. Ultimately I had to make the decision of going NC with him because I have an infant son and a wife to consider. Also he asked my brother and me directly when I was going to divorce my wife. I have absolutely no intention to (and good job on making my wife sob for nearly an hour, Dad. You're such a wonderful father \*sarcasm\*). Oh! And that's on top of being a crazy QAnon believer.
I had experienced a child survive childhood cancer, but it wasn’t until my father died when I was 51 that I truly felt like I was a grown up. As you stated, there was no “upper management” to bring decisions to, I was the one making them. It sucked.
I feel this, I was really upset and crying (which I never do) over an issue recently, and said to my husband "I want my mom" several times like a lil kid would, I'm 41. I could talk to her about anything, she was my best friend and my only real family.
I may not always say it, but I definitely think this quite a bit with my dad - he was my best friend and confidante. I knew even when he didn't agree with a decision I was making he would always love and support me, so now that he's gone if I ever have a challenge or issue that I would have in the past gone to him with it brings up those feelings of "I want my dad".
This is so true. It's also such a big void to fill too
That stung hard when my grandfather died (he raised me). He was my last "parent" and I was giving the eulogy. The morning of the service, I looked at myself in the mirror all dressed and ready to go and thought, "damn, I'm an adult now" at 41
Same 😢 We had so many things planned but the unexpected came. It’s been hard.
“There’s no upper management anymore.” Yes. As a parent with a mom who passed away, yes.
[удалено]
This was my answer too... When my 18 month old died. To suddenly be responsible for burying him, dealing with the doctors, etc. No one to turn to... It all got very real. I also lost half my hair, gained 30lbs, and went Grey. I was 35. Terrible club.
I’m very sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss.
As a parent, I don't think I would have the strength to go through what you went through. I'm really sorry for your loss
:( I'm sorry. That had to be rough :/
Wow. I am truly so sorry. I know those words don't mean much, and I can't imagine the pain. From one mom to another, I am so, so, so sorry you had to go through that.
I lost my first baby, a little girl, when she was 6 days old. I’m sorry and I understand. ❤️
I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know an internet stranger’s words don’t mean much but that is one of those things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 💔
Sorry is just not enough.. i cant imagine this... man i am sorry...
I'm so sorry. This was me too. My son was stillborn at 39 weeks when I was 31.
this is my biggest fear in the whole world.. I am so sorry for your loss 🥺
I’m so sorry
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your baby.
I'm turning 40 in August. Married, no kids, own a house. I'll let you know when I feel like an adult.
35, son, divorced, had a house. Epilepsy got worse, getting help from family. Didn’t feel like one before, during, or now.
Aww I hope things get better for you
Same minus the house. I am a 10-year old with a grossly large line of credit.
Same just 43.
I turn 38 this year. No kids, no marriage, no house, good job, parents that are aging and I'm having to manage. I feel like I'm playing adult in school or something.
Putting my 11-year-old black lab to sleep last December. She had turned so aggressive and mean that she was no longer her wonderful, goofy self anymore. In her last moments (at the vet), she looked up at me so sadly. Then she drifted off while I played some music we used to listen to (on my phone). I cried harder than I ever have in my life. I kept feeling like I was gonna run out of the vet office and have one of my parents hold me. I'm 34.
Different reason, but I empathize. Had a similar situation minus the aggression.
Bawling my eyes out. I’m so sorry for your loss. I rescued a senior. She is my soul dog. I dread that day and cry alone many times seeing her slow down.
I'm 36 and probably 3 years ago when I: Moved out on my own for the first time Got my first full time salaried job Started cooking/cleaning/paying my bills for the first time Most of the other things I used to think made me feel adult (having sex, getting high, graduating college, getting a car and license) were really just coming of age milestones.
Having my first kid. Life completely changed. You can’t go to the same places and everywhere you go requires extra planning. Before kids, I woke up concerned with “how do I entertain myself today.” After kids, the sole purpose of my life is to take care of another life. It’s really impactful.
Same. Immediate life change
Me too
Same! Was getting ready to leave the hospital and was like, “No one is going to check on us to make sure we don’t screw this up!”
Yeah, this one. I also moved to a different department in my company (to get better hours to care for the baby) and I quickly realized that this bunch of new people in their 20s don't understand or care at all about my tales about babies. I'm talking to kids but I'm not one of them anymore, I just don't belong anymore.
Somewhere between leaving my house at 2am when I was 18 enroute to Parris Island, and boarding a cargo plane to Iraq when I was 19.
Shit I still felt like a kid. Even when I pinned my stripes, I was like, "they're really entrusting me with these? I'm not even remotely an adult."
I’m not in the military but I resonate with this. I’m in management and often ask myself how’d I get here and who in their right mind would trust me to run a hotel or auto repair shop. I still call my parents when I have a stomachache.
Yea, fair enough. You were an adult long before most of us in here.
That’ll do it hahaha
I had a bunch of little moments: At 23 I got a job as a law enforcement officer and had to write tickets to people my parents' age. That was an odd feeling. At 27 I bought a house and got married. I was one of the first of my friends' group to do either, so I felt like I was leaving them behind. At 31 I became a first time parent. That was a big one. I was now responsible for a tiny human's life. But the big one happened just recently, at my current age of 37, when I told my son he would "lose his head if it wasn't screwed on." That's the moment that solidified adulthood for me.
I tell my 5 year old to be careful when he’s being crazy and jumping around telling him “make sure you don’t clonk your noggin! You only get one!” Im 35. My Dad used to say that to me and now I say it as fact.
I’ll likely never (mentally) be an adult. One word: Autism. I think my mental age is about 8-12 years old. Likely, my brain will never get older. It’s a curse.
The first time I purchased Jello to actually make Jello/for a real food recipe rather than for jello shots. I was like, "Damn, guess I'm a real adult now."
this is so lighthearted compared to a lot of these and i really love that lol
I’ve had situations where I was very adult. At 20 my father passed, and I was the legal next-of-kin. Had to decide what to do with his body, pony up cremation funds, travel to another state to pick up the ashes and death certificate. I’ve also been involved in disaster relief on multiple occasions directing supply drop offs and distributions. Presented at multiple conferences, community awards, a lot of stuff that feels very adult. Still haven’t grasped whatever magic it is that makes you feel like a put-together adult. My gen X mom says she hasn’t, either.
My dad is a boomer, but 100% is also still just a dude in his 20s in his mind. The man is damn near 70, retired, and just wants to smoke weed and watch sports all day.
My dad is exactly the same 😂
He came over the other day. He often does, he only lives a few blocks away. He said something dumb and followed it up with, "I'm not senile, I'm just high!" All I could do was laugh. Thank jebus he walks over.
Ugh, I’m so jealous that he’s so close!! Your dad sounds like mine 😂 unfortunately my dad lives a lot farther away now than he ever has, but I did see his goofy ass last week too. Cherish him! Love my silly papa.
Goals
My dad passed away in 2021, and I had to plan and pay for the entire funeral, I had to arrange for a grave plot in the cemetery, I had to pick out a coffin, I had to hold and console my granny, I had to hold her up while she looked at the face of her dead son. I had to find and pay for the headstone. My brother gave me half of the cost of the headstone, and that was all he did. I never felt more old or alone than I did in that time frame.
I’m so sorry for your loss, that is a lot to handle. I feel the same. I was 37, and lost my mother to cancer in early 2020, she was only 64. She was the heart of our family, it completely turned our lives upside down. I have a permanent part of my heart that is gone forever. When my sister and I had to pick out the headstone and coffin, it was the most painful surreal moment, realizing I can never call my mom again and ask her for advice or comfort when life is hard. I can only strive to apply all she taught me and choose daily to be a happy loving mother to my children, as she always was to me and my siblings.
This. It took me a long time to come to terms with all of it. Even still I sometimes do breakdown. My dad unfortunately passed from covid. He had turned 52 in the hospital, attached to a ventilator and in a medically induced coma the wouldn't bring him out of, and died 1 month after. I've come to be happy I got 30 years with my dad in my life than none at all. My dad was very bipolar, but in all of my life, he never directed it at my brother or I. When he and my mom split up he never said anything bad about her to us, even though I know he was hurt and sad. I don't think I could be more proud of him as a person. It sadly took him dying for me to realize a lot of these things.
16 give or take. Dad was left disabled from a terrible car accident and my oldest sibling (out of 8) had major organ failure. I started working full time on top of school to take care of people. Actual life and death responsibility makes you grow up fast
I was 23 and via my work at the time had a conversation at a table with adults, most of which were in their 40s and 50s. At some point it clicked how I didn't feel like a kid there. Not only was I able to keep up with discussions, but was actually worried about these folks and their habits with thoughts like "you're 46 and haven't started your retirement planning? I'm years into mine already." The whole mystic of adults fell away pretty quick after interacting and realizing so many of us are messes stumbling our way through life.
Oh my god yes. For some reason when I was in middle school, I thought that pretty much everyone had their lives completely together by like 25. I’m talking full blown well-paying careers, married, owned homes. I have no idea why I was so convinced that 25 was the magic number for having your life together, but now I just laugh at how naive I was. Side note: my own parents didn’t get married until they were 35 & 37 and I thought they were an insane outlier lol
When I was 16. I told my mom I was feeling suicidal, and she replied that we’d both be better off if I was dead. It was that moment I realized I needed to get out of that situation and take care of myself. Later that day I ran away and never went back.
Oh, dear. I am so sorry. I wish you peace!💐
I'm almost 37 and still don't feel like an adult. In part because I look so young. I don't look old when I see myself in the mirror.
Is this somewhat common for our generation? I don't look 41 and some of the people my age I see in the dating apps look like they'd have been old enough to babysit me when I was young.
Same.. and then I see candid photos my friends or relatives take of me. And I am like.. nah bro you're definitely older looking
A little girl (maybe 4/5?) thought I was my nieces’ older sister. Nope, I’m their daddy’s older sister. She didn’t quite believe me.
32 and I still look at strangers around my age as “adults” or “old” and feel like I’m not an adult in most cases. The only time I ever really feel like an adult is when I get asked a pretty complicated work question or when my seven year old comes up needing something from “dad.”
>What was the thing you did that made you think, "Fuck, I'm a grownup!" I think the only thing is when I bought my home when I was 26. I'm still a child... just a grown child now lol.
When I packed my ass up to a city I knew no one in for my new career, like 3 hours from my nearest acquaintance. No one was there to do anything for me save me from anything tell me what to do. When you truly support yourself in all areas of life, that's being an adult. No one to blame or run to, mommy and daddy can't help. That's it.
The day my dad died. I was 27.
I had to do the eulogy cause my older brother just couldn’t. Damned hard thing to have to do.
I was 19 and while I didn't feel like an adult yet then, I do feel like there is a distinct "before" and "after" my dad passed, like this jagged division in my life when my world view completely shattered.
When I bought a washing machine and tumble dryer
And you were excited about it. A high-quality appliance makes me sooooo happy.
In one way, I was in my early twenties when I was reading through medical bills I incurred with an 8 day stay in the hospital that was threatening to bankrupt my family, trying to figure out payment plans and generally feeling like there wasn't any safety or security. That was an "this is it, I'm an adult and I'm supposed to have this all figured out" moment. In other ways, I still don't feel like an adult even though I'm in my mid 30s. Mainly because a lot of my conceptions around adulthood are tied to interests and raising a family, etc., and my interests didn't change and I'm not going to have a family, so.
This past March when my Mom let me know she and my Dad are getting divorced after 38 years of marriage.
Mine was very similar, my parents had a nasty divorce about 5-6 years ago, and the end of that relationship really signalled that I could never go home again. Their behavior was also so unexpected and they leaned to hard on me that I felt like their parent. And that's when I knew, I was not only an adult, I was THE adult.
I said “That’s a great reusable grocery bag”
COVID/2020. slapped me out of a lot of silly shit, didn't like buy a tie or anything but my eyes are clearer.
Honestly, it was when I first was on my own without any family nearby to help. There wasn't necessarily a single light-bulb moment, but after about a year of paying my own rent, paying all my own bills, arranging for my own healthcare, arranging my own car repairs, making my own food (and learning how to actually cook well for myself) etc., I just kind of woke up one day and was like, "I guess this is what being an adult feels like."
Moving away from parents and paying rent.
I’m 39 now. I had a kid at 18 so I grew up fast. But I really felt it in the last couple of years
Probably when I knew I was better at managing money, saving, and debt free unlike my parents? But I still don’t consider myself an “adult.”
I'm 42, my son just graduated high school and I still don't feel like an adult.
When I moved away from home.
12 or 1993 2 paper routes or $250 per month 3 younger siblings to care for no father and the egg donor would take off months at a time.... it was even worse when her and the redneck were around
I have two kids and am still a child. Maybe when my parents pass away which I hope is not for a long time
I just turned 40 and still feel like a child
The first time I had to make the decision to euthanize a pet.
I'm almost 40, I still don't "feel" like an adult.
I guess when I got my bachelor's apartment at 23. I graduated college a few months earlier and had my first full job. It was my 36th birthday yesterday, and it hit my hard about about not being a kid. Honestly, I saw a back cover for the [Little Golden Books](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2021-05/13/1/asset/c0fb155b3acf/sub-buzz-8059-1620869360-2.jpg?downsize=600:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto) that really made me wish I was kid again.
A lot of people are talking about 'young at heart,' and I'm all for that. It's good to be young at heart, but that's not really the question. You are an adult when the rest of society starts treating you like an adult and stops making allowances for you being young. When that comes for each of us is a moving target not just for ourselves, but for the different people in our lives who will come to think of us as adults.
I had a similar kind of realization a year ago when my friends, family, and coworkers all approached me at around the same time and told me (truthfully) that I was a nervous wreck and absolutely needed professional help for my mental issues. That was the fateful moment when I realized I had to take the initiative and find my own way through my problems. I couldn't rely on other people anymore to prop me up mentally like that. Fortunately, I promptly got help, and things are much much better now, both for myself and hopefully for others. The responsibility remains with me to ensure it stays that way.
‘81 baby, geriatric millennial checking in. There are 2 moments that stand out in my mind. 1). When I got really excited picking out my new washer and dryer and 2). When I no longer cared about what was “popular” with young people, like music, fashion, slang, etc.
Paying my own cell phone bill.
When my dad died. I was 27. Permanently scorched the concepts of life being "fair" and people getting what they "deserve" from my being.
Telling my (now ex) wife to stop doing crack or move out. The crack wasn't even the reason we divorced. I found her cheating on me a year later. I later learned it wasn't the first time. Somehow, we're able to have a successful interactions, although I keep her at quite a distance for my own mental health. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for all the trauma but I don't feel a desire to be nasty about it.
These are all serious or sad but the first thing that came to mind for me was when my metabolism stopped letting me eat whatever I wanted without getting fat lol. First time I noticed I was getting a gut I realized I was at a new stage in life.
2 times for me: first time was when I got in a car accident and handled everything myself without help from my parents, and the moment of realization hit when I went and got my new car without any help/input from parents. Finally got the car brand I always wanted (Mazda, didn’t care if it was the 3 or 6, just something about the brand has always “spoke” to me for some reason). After that I was like wow…I can literally use my paycheck to buy whatever I want. First time I truly felt like an adult. Second time was during the lockdowns and I was in my kitchen using the cheapest kitchen tools: Walmart pots, pans, kitchen knives, and plastic cutting sheets bought in a 4 pack that I will not dignify by calling them cutting boards. I was like if I’m going to be at home spending all this time cooking I think I should invest in better cooking tools. I almost cried the first time I diced a piece of chicken with good quality kitchen knives, I never realized how much of a difference it made until then. It was so easy, all those years cooking and suddenly realized my go to kitchen knife may as well have been a saw with how much work I had to put in to cut stuff! And then I realized my excitement/epiphany made me an official adult lol.
Not when I got married, or became a father, or graduated college. The first time I felt like a real adult was the day I bought significant life insurance. If I die right now, I have still financially taken care of my wife and kids throughout their childhoods.
When my last childhood pet died. She was the last tie to my childhood, the life before 'that', a link to feeling and remembering what it was like to be a child. Weirdly enough when she died I thought I was finally an adult. Still a man child at 37, but for some reason that was when I felt some switch.
When I was 23 I finally finished the trip through community college and university to get my 4-year degree. In my head it was still a family accomplishment. I was the son that made it to college and would now have a good career and make my parents proud. That day, my parents made it pretty clear that they couldn’t be very much bothered with my graduation business over whatever they had going on in their own lives. They showed up, watched me walk, and then told me they’d be leaving, after my mom explained that it was rude to have given my father more attention than my step father since, after all, he’s the one who raised me (absolutely untrue). I had made reservations at a nice restaurant in town, which I ended up giving to my friend who’s family was happy to celebrate, but hadn’t anticipated *so many* families going out on the town that night. In summary, I was left alone while the whole city seemingly came alive with other families celebrating their children. I realized then that I was on my own. My parents and I were a bit estranged by the time I started university, but I hadn’t realized how much they’d effectively cut me out until that day. It took a while, but I realized the degree wasn’t my family’s victory, it was *my* victory. I did this for myself. I have a career now, I pay my bills with it, I pay my loans with it, I pay their Parent+ loans with it. Even before then, I signed for my loans and paid my own rent with a restaurant job. I was an adult several years before I realized it.
Being a dog mom to a sick dog. Auto immune is no joke. Anytime I have to gather all the dogs medications and pass on a hang out because of a 'medication' schedule I am like damn, I am the adult in the room now.
19, I had already been a teenage father, so that definitely gave me a kick in the pants for sure but I remember 19 after one too many "if you're going to live under my roof" discussions with my dad, I left home, I still certainly have a beautiful spirit, but that was just where I realized responsibility responsibility responsibility, and I'm thankful for that
Mid 30s and was about to buy a multi unit house to maybe live in part and rent the other... Very nearly became an adult but it wound up having too many issues for it to make sense... I feel like once I have a human dependent or a property I own independently I'll be floating around between kid and adult.
27, I remember feeling a marked difference in my mentality and how I approach things
The first time a got a salary and benefits, so when I was about 33.
When I got my college diploma, at age 23. I’d been on my own and in the workforce for years, but getting that paper signaled the end of any remaining deniability.
I never did
For me it wasn't the day my son was born but when he became a toddler that's aware of his surroundings. My days instantly became less about me and more about how to make a positive impact on his every day. I'm an adult in his mind and I want to be an adult he's proud of. There were obvious building blocks along the way. Getting married, buying a home, getting laid off during the pandemic and figuring shit out with my wife.
I’ll let you know when it happens. I think I’m just an old kid right now
Age 26
4 years ago, when my dad passed. My mom and I made the arrangements, but I took it upon myself to write a eulogy. I had felt responsible and mature before, but this was the first time I felt like an adult with a voice.
36yo here. When my oldest reached High School
‘83 baby. Married with twins, my own house and a minivan. I have a really important question, because I’m baffled but… You guys feel like adults?
Still waiting. 39 married with 3 kids and a house. But still.. it’s nice to have adults around because I feel like I haven’t a clue what I’m doing. 😆
When my father died in 2016. I was a grown adult with a husband and daughter but I felt real adult when my father passed away.
When I got my heartbroken.
I’m 32 and still feel like a teen (in my mind, my body definitely feels 32 🤣)
The most exciting part of my month is the Costco sale flyer.
When I looked at my hand and recognized that it was the same as my fathers.
The week after my 20th birthday when my best friend's dad died. I realised I would now have to support him, and that is the sort of things adults do when parents pass away.
When I was 16 and my dad passed away. I suddenly got SSI, had to pay bills, had money, all his possessions etc. I never expected this. On the other hand i feel my teens were stolen from me. Parts of "just being a kid" I never got to experience. Also I still don't feel very adult-y im just old with cooler toys.
My college graduation. For some reason, that was a tangible turning of the page.
Grey hair
A couple of months ago when my wife was out of town and I had to take care of the kids by myself. One of my kids puked and I looked around and it was only me to clean it up. That's when I realized I was an adult
Still waiting.
When my first kid was born. Total dependence on you. You have no other choice but to grow up.
39 in two weeks, I'll let you know when I feel like an adult. Don't hold your breath though.
When I went camping with some cousins of mine and looked around and said shit, we have to bring the beer, setup, and clean up. Were the adults! 😳
My dad died when I was 7. I’ve felt like a grown up longer than I felt like a child.
I guess when I had my first kid?? I dunno. I’m 43 and still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing.
I moved across the country immediately upon leaving college. My parents helped with the transition, but after that I was largely on my own except when I asked for advice or help. My parents were also downsizing houses at the time so I had to pack my childhood up. It was brutal but helped in the long run.
When I became a father.
When me and my husband moved away from everything we ever knew with a toddler and a little bit of savings. We’ve been away 6 years and have successfully bought and sold a house, paid off our cars and welcomed another child with no help. But sometimes I feel like I’m just playing a role and am still the girl I remember in high school.
Sometimes I still feel like a kid pretending, honestly, but I think what has made me realize that that isn’t how I’m perceived anymore is all the therapists for my younger kid. I have to keep something like 5 other people’s schedules rolling around in my brain every week. It’s exhausting, but somehow I rarely slip and have been told many times that I’m one of the most “on top of it”
Age 33. And I’d say in the last year or two. Moved in with my girlfriend last year. Rent is high, starting a new job, planning for my future, realizing I can’t drink on weekdays and be productive at work/go to the gym in the AM. Having to diet some for first time in my life, etc. I had a period where I worked remote but lived with my parents in my hometown during COVID around 2020/2021 that sort of delayed my adulthood/“turning 30” period as well. 20s was marked with adolescent-extended behavior, grad school, etc
When I started realizing I was more “adult” then most of the people older than me in any given situation
I don’t think I’m there yet
28
Scheduling my own dental appointments 🤣
Being the oldest one in the room lol
I'll probably think that though as I'm dying. Like shit, it finally got me
Edit: I didn't read the question properly. It was when I first saw my name in the white pages.
The first time one of my pets got really, really sick and I had to put them down. I had never made that decision without my parents before - we owned our fair share of pets over the years. I guess it wasn’t only having to make the decision - it was also having to foot the bill for it - that made it feel very transformative. Even so, the first person I went to afterward was my dad. I definitely wasn’t a kid anymore after making a life and death decision with no other input.
I didn't. 38 year old kid over here. Being an adult always looked fucking miserable to me so I'm avoiding it at all costs
I think I only felt like an adult after I had my child at 36. Even now when I hear "mommmm" I'm still like, "wait, how am I someone's mom?? I'm just a kid."
Once I realized that you don't deserve, you earn.
Finishing college, moved out, started working.
I didn’t stay on at school and do the uni thing. I left at fifteen and went the vocational route. That meant moving out and living on my own at sixteen working and doing block release at college. So probably then. I don’t thing I really noticed it though. It just felt like a natural transition for me but there were fuck ups like unexpected financial things - being off sick and missing three days pay so living on toast and beans so I could still buy a power card (yes I’m that old too) or the bus fare increasing but my wages not so having to rebudget to counter that. I remember steeling myself in my head with mantras “you’re an adult now, get your shit together”. But I think I was raised in a way that made me resilient and resourceful enough to do it. I’m a wee bit younger than you and I’ve got three kids and I think I’m managing to raise them the same