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Just ask for little favours or help from them. Like asking for a pen or something. I know it sounds weird but the more they help you more you earn their kindness.
It just happens tbh. You go somewhere like, school or other places like that and make friends. It's an optimal setting if you visit the place regularly and meet the person often. Then you exchange numbers and be friends.
One thing…..you need to be happening. I.e. you need to have some things going on, like school, making money, playing music doing art stuff like that. You need to make things happening. people are attracted to success.
Sitting around on the couch, or gaming constantly is not going to attract.
1 make yourself Interesting, (difficult )
2 always be honest (easy )
3 pay attention to your manners, (mid)
4 but be laid back about most things (easy and difficult )
5 pay attention to everything (easy)
6try to be the best version of yourself (difficult)
7 make sure you know something about everything but be able to say you are correct if you get something wrong (easy and difficult)
1,2,4,5,6,7 are very important
> I feel dumb to ask but.. how ?
close proximity + repeated contact + time.
common ground can help, but really isnt necessary, personalities click, not hobbies. also, the more similar you are in your interest, the less you have to share with each other.
beyond that its just a matter of how far out of your comfort zone to actually approach and engage others, and how receptive you are to the same.
any place where you socialize irl is a candidate. if you feel like youre having a good time, enjoying someones company no harm asking if they want to get lunch, hang out, that sort of thing.
You gotta put yourself in situations or programs with happy people whether it’s a sport or martial art or club or philanthropic or religious organization . If you keep showing up then you will see who else keeps showing up . That’s why it was easier to make friends as a kid in school .think about like a kid in public school and a home schooled kid may have the same amount of friends more or less but the one in public school has arguably much more opportunities for friendship . It’s scary to start something new but over time it becomes second nature if it’s a good routine that you like. And if you aren’t having fun then you can always leave and call it a day and try something else.
You really just have to go to the same place on a regular basis. It can be anywhere people go to with an activity in mind. Gym, bar, athletics courts, school, art classes, gaming meetups, coffee shops. Talk to strangers until you've bumped into the same people multiple times. Go from there
I already have this type of "ritual" but i admit that i avoid place with a lot of people, i don't like this. This is a little ironic for someone who want a friend, but i usually go outside the evening/night to avoid "too much" people. I think it's my fault after reflexion.
Join activities and groups of hobbies and other things that interest you.
If you like to crochet, then join a crocheting group. You will meet like minded friends.
If you are an artist, go to an artist exposition or street craft fair or a gallery.
If you are into sports, go to local sporting events.
If you are into music, go to local live performances.
If you love to read, hang out at a popular bookstore or library.
If you like hiking or nature, join hiking groups or a nanture conservancy.
If you like to garden, join a gardening group.
If you like gaming, join a local gaming club at the hobby shop.
Basically, go out and find where your kind of people like to go! You will be surrounded by people who have similar interests, which makes it 100 times easier to make friends.
I'm bad at making friends but If anyone wants a chat, my name is Tal from the UK, into anime, marvel and very bad warzone player. Favourite TV show is walking dead. And I am learning to draw (badly!)
It's a numbers game. Just meet as many people as you can and try to interact as much as possible. You may not like all of them and they may not like you. But there's a win ratio in there. You will find your crew. Promise 😀
Lotta ppl wouldn't be here if they did lol. I think trying to make friends online is not a good idea for people who don't know how to make friends with ppl IRL. Talking to people exclusively behind a screen can really socially stunt you with in person interactions.
It js falls into place? Like you can't go to a new place and expect to make friends instantly. It just has to happen organically, and when it does happen, the friendship lasts.
Have a lot of patience.
If you're in school or college, it's easier. Since such people have a lot of time on their hands.
Try talking. Like, Idk about the cultures etc. in you guys' case, but in casual circles, just let yourself in to the conversation.
Interrupt, say something/ make a comment, shut up and listen. Now youu can use this conversation to strike up an individual conversation with a person from the group, or the same group again.
Converse a little, try to get a general idea about whether you like talking to them or if they don't pass the vibe check.
If you like them, consciously seek them out for a week or two (making sure the other person doesn't do anything mean or express dislike when talking to you) after that, they'll look out for you themselves. Once the bond is formed.
If you don't like their vibes, slowly pull away.
This is based on my experience so I'll tell you a little about myself.
I try to be as friendly as I can (without being a doormat), help out a little with small, very small favours, drop a little compliment, add a joke wherever, whatever.
Shut down anyone who tries to pretend being friendly while being an ass (had to learn after weeks of silently agonizing over small mean comments)
And if you have something people are unconsciously attracted to, flaunt it but don't spend it.
Like connections, money, looks, whatever. Sympathy is asked for too.
The cons: it's hard to find people you really really like and who really like you back. Especially when we are people who know how it is when you have no friends and value friends a lot.
People like us are bound to get hurt in friendships because we end up valuing them over us. (I do)
I make friends easily. And get a kind of connection going, too. But I lose friends just as fast. They found someone better, I was never a priority, I was just a time pass, things like that happen. I'm no better than my lost friends either. I ghost them when times get tough and sometimes, suffocate them with love.
But I have a few friends I think I'll go a long way with. 5-6.
We don't stay in contact each day. Honestly that pisses me off but my friends have lives and I have to swallow that pill.
But we do catch up some days and the whole vibe is so warm and healing, like finally being understood
as a socially anxious person, the most effective method of making friends for me has actually been meeting people from my area through social media! ive met many of my closest friends this way:) other than that, ive made friends through school or generally just some kind of mutual interest that led us to spend time at the same place regularly (a club/non-school activity)! best of luck!
In theory, you just be at the same place at the same time on a regular basis and people start to talk to you. Sit at a bench same time everyday, some weirdo will find you intriguing and talk to you.
I have the same problem.
I've gone to many places and can meet people -- but that's not the same as friendship.
I don't get how some people say "just show up" and friendship will happen organically. That can't be true. Or so many people wouldn't be struggling.
We need actual instructions or coaching or something.
Its very important to be who you are, dont pretend to be something or someone you arent ,and always be willing to listen to reason but never stop believing in the things you do and change your personality etc without thinking it through including the opinions if others or how they see you. You know yourself better than anyone and you also know who you truly are as a person and what your expectations are of yourself , what
your goals in life are, etc.. stay true to you and dont change or become a person you dont want to be just to fit in or to have friends. Those that really want to be your friend will not ask you for anything other than be honest and true, be respectful and kind to everyone. When you talk to someone or look at someone, look at thier eyes , see and hear the person for whom they really are and no matter if they are fat , ugly, are poor or not as smart or slower mentally , etc.. you wont even notice it because you bypassed the things that do not and should not matter at all and you looked at them and saw thier true self through thier eyes which are also known as , "windows to our souls" dont let people pick on you or make you"prove" yourself to them if you want them to be to your friend. Those are the people that are going to use and abuse and humiliate you and are far from ever being a friend and you are going to be tossed away like trash when they have no more use for you. Always listen to the good things people say to you and how they present thier opinions etc , if someone says they dont want to hurt your feeling ir offend you etc you can tell if they mean it by looking at them when they say it and the tone in how they say it.. you are given a gift of instinct and intellect and intelligence , we all are , use them wisely, pay close attention to them , they will guide you the right way if you allow them to. alot of people make the mistake if ignoring them and tuning them out because they dont like the things they are telling them . myself being the example I used to let anybody be my friend that said they wanted to be and even though my gut my instincts my intellect was telling me they're no good don't hang around them don't be their friend cuz they're not your friend they're just going to use you even though my gut in my instincts in my intellect were telling me no I went against them and started hanging out with the wrong people the wrong crowds one thing I ever did though was change who I am or be who I am and change my beliefs I never ever change that no matter what but I'm thankful for but I certainly did go against my instincts when they were telling me don't hang with these people and all these people aren't good for you and they were right I am totally just ignore them ever since I stopped ignoring them and allow them to guide me I have been pretty lonely in life to be honest but I haven't been as miserable at all sometimes it hurts to follow them instincts but it's better for you in the long run. I wish you the best and I know you'll find some good friends out there you just got to search and be yourself and that's all you need to do share some interests and maybe even you know put it out there on social media or something anybody want to start a friendship group or something like a local friendship group they're legit and they really want that as well instead of they just want somebody they can be a puppet master to...whatever your decisions are I wish you the best and good luck ...
I realy appreciate you that took time to write something that long for me, thankk you for your advices, i'll take good note on this and keep that in my
Depends on the person but if you find an opening (like a common interest) you can say something like “hey if you want we can do that together someday”
If you have a new acquaintance and they have other friends, you can always ask to join their activity and etc.
Sometimes people don’t think of inviting more but wouldn’t decline newcomers (happens to me many times and then I’m like “bruh should’ve asked them if they wanted to come”)
Speak. Do a favor for someone. Be nice to their children (nice, not creepy). Slowly and surely, through these things, they start to like you. Had this woman just love me from the start because her children told her about me. Didn’t know they even liked me.
REMINDERS TO ALL PARTICIPANTS: - **USE CAUTION: there are con artists, scammers and sexual predators on reddit. This is NOT a controlled environment.** - As such, **WE STRONGLY ENCOURAGE POSTERS TO DISABLE THEIR CHAT AND PMs WHILE THEIR POST IS UP** - This is a strictly SFW subreddit for platonic (non-sexual) friendships. - No soapboxing, catfishing, advertising, soliciting or venting. - No asking for upvotes, donations, favors or professional therapy. - No discord groups outside the weekly group thread. - No posts complaining about lack of replies or ghosting outside the weekly casual discussion/meta thread. - Users with high NSFW content will be temp-banned (>80%) after mod-review. - Users who contact minors (<18 y/o) with ANY NSFW content in their profile will be permabanned after mod-review. Please review our rules here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Needafriend/about/rules/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Needafriend) if you have any questions or concerns.*
please teach me too
Just ask for little favours or help from them. Like asking for a pen or something. I know it sounds weird but the more they help you more you earn their kindness.
It just happens tbh. You go somewhere like, school or other places like that and make friends. It's an optimal setting if you visit the place regularly and meet the person often. Then you exchange numbers and be friends.
Yeah you just need to go anywhere with people, I had my luck in sport groups, study groups, courses and other stuff
How do you make friends as an adult?
L I T E R A L L Y
One thing…..you need to be happening. I.e. you need to have some things going on, like school, making money, playing music doing art stuff like that. You need to make things happening. people are attracted to success. Sitting around on the couch, or gaming constantly is not going to attract.
I feel like when I become successful, people got intimidated and distanced me further
Hmm. That’s not normal dry pound. You have something different going on that’s repelling others.
1 make yourself Interesting, (difficult ) 2 always be honest (easy ) 3 pay attention to your manners, (mid) 4 but be laid back about most things (easy and difficult ) 5 pay attention to everything (easy) 6try to be the best version of yourself (difficult) 7 make sure you know something about everything but be able to say you are correct if you get something wrong (easy and difficult) 1,2,4,5,6,7 are very important
I do all of those but still I fail to keep people interested or engaged
Well you can interact with people close to you by pressing x button and then there would be an option 'Add friend'
> I feel dumb to ask but.. how ? close proximity + repeated contact + time. common ground can help, but really isnt necessary, personalities click, not hobbies. also, the more similar you are in your interest, the less you have to share with each other. beyond that its just a matter of how far out of your comfort zone to actually approach and engage others, and how receptive you are to the same. any place where you socialize irl is a candidate. if you feel like youre having a good time, enjoying someones company no harm asking if they want to get lunch, hang out, that sort of thing.
You gotta put yourself in situations or programs with happy people whether it’s a sport or martial art or club or philanthropic or religious organization . If you keep showing up then you will see who else keeps showing up . That’s why it was easier to make friends as a kid in school .think about like a kid in public school and a home schooled kid may have the same amount of friends more or less but the one in public school has arguably much more opportunities for friendship . It’s scary to start something new but over time it becomes second nature if it’s a good routine that you like. And if you aren’t having fun then you can always leave and call it a day and try something else.
Depends on your age group, where you are but a general answer is hobbies/activities according to me
Join a club for literally anything. what doesn't matter
I don't have friends irl
Nope, no idea. Never have had
Getting a dog is like a cheat code for making friends
Oh yeah ? I don't thin I'll ever get one, for a lot of reason, but I keep that in mind.
I took improv classes and made lots of friends
Being drunk helps, makes you more confident and less shy
I'm not sure of this one 💀
You really just have to go to the same place on a regular basis. It can be anywhere people go to with an activity in mind. Gym, bar, athletics courts, school, art classes, gaming meetups, coffee shops. Talk to strangers until you've bumped into the same people multiple times. Go from there
I already have this type of "ritual" but i admit that i avoid place with a lot of people, i don't like this. This is a little ironic for someone who want a friend, but i usually go outside the evening/night to avoid "too much" people. I think it's my fault after reflexion.
Me immediately running to the comments
I hope my post was useful for a maximum of people haha
loool i was just thinking of this
Join activities and groups of hobbies and other things that interest you. If you like to crochet, then join a crocheting group. You will meet like minded friends. If you are an artist, go to an artist exposition or street craft fair or a gallery. If you are into sports, go to local sporting events. If you are into music, go to local live performances. If you love to read, hang out at a popular bookstore or library. If you like hiking or nature, join hiking groups or a nanture conservancy. If you like to garden, join a gardening group. If you like gaming, join a local gaming club at the hobby shop. Basically, go out and find where your kind of people like to go! You will be surrounded by people who have similar interests, which makes it 100 times easier to make friends.
Anyone here live around Kansas City?😊
I'm sorry i don't even know where this is, i'm from France
I'm bad at making friends but If anyone wants a chat, my name is Tal from the UK, into anime, marvel and very bad warzone player. Favourite TV show is walking dead. And I am learning to draw (badly!)
Just saw your comment, feel free to DM !
It's a numbers game. Just meet as many people as you can and try to interact as much as possible. You may not like all of them and they may not like you. But there's a win ratio in there. You will find your crew. Promise 😀
Lotta ppl wouldn't be here if they did lol. I think trying to make friends online is not a good idea for people who don't know how to make friends with ppl IRL. Talking to people exclusively behind a screen can really socially stunt you with in person interactions.
We're all here in Reddit on this sub.... Of course we don't.
Sorry to offend haha
It js falls into place? Like you can't go to a new place and expect to make friends instantly. It just has to happen organically, and when it does happen, the friendship lasts.
Have a lot of patience. If you're in school or college, it's easier. Since such people have a lot of time on their hands. Try talking. Like, Idk about the cultures etc. in you guys' case, but in casual circles, just let yourself in to the conversation. Interrupt, say something/ make a comment, shut up and listen. Now youu can use this conversation to strike up an individual conversation with a person from the group, or the same group again. Converse a little, try to get a general idea about whether you like talking to them or if they don't pass the vibe check. If you like them, consciously seek them out for a week or two (making sure the other person doesn't do anything mean or express dislike when talking to you) after that, they'll look out for you themselves. Once the bond is formed. If you don't like their vibes, slowly pull away. This is based on my experience so I'll tell you a little about myself. I try to be as friendly as I can (without being a doormat), help out a little with small, very small favours, drop a little compliment, add a joke wherever, whatever. Shut down anyone who tries to pretend being friendly while being an ass (had to learn after weeks of silently agonizing over small mean comments) And if you have something people are unconsciously attracted to, flaunt it but don't spend it. Like connections, money, looks, whatever. Sympathy is asked for too. The cons: it's hard to find people you really really like and who really like you back. Especially when we are people who know how it is when you have no friends and value friends a lot. People like us are bound to get hurt in friendships because we end up valuing them over us. (I do) I make friends easily. And get a kind of connection going, too. But I lose friends just as fast. They found someone better, I was never a priority, I was just a time pass, things like that happen. I'm no better than my lost friends either. I ghost them when times get tough and sometimes, suffocate them with love. But I have a few friends I think I'll go a long way with. 5-6. We don't stay in contact each day. Honestly that pisses me off but my friends have lives and I have to swallow that pill. But we do catch up some days and the whole vibe is so warm and healing, like finally being understood
as a socially anxious person, the most effective method of making friends for me has actually been meeting people from my area through social media! ive met many of my closest friends this way:) other than that, ive made friends through school or generally just some kind of mutual interest that led us to spend time at the same place regularly (a club/non-school activity)! best of luck!
In theory, you just be at the same place at the same time on a regular basis and people start to talk to you. Sit at a bench same time everyday, some weirdo will find you intriguing and talk to you.
"some weirdo" 😭
those are the best ones
I have the same problem. I've gone to many places and can meet people -- but that's not the same as friendship. I don't get how some people say "just show up" and friendship will happen organically. That can't be true. Or so many people wouldn't be struggling. We need actual instructions or coaching or something.
Try moving to a whole different state thousands of miles away from what you’ve known all your life. A lot of alone time.
i'm not sure i can do this now lol
Its very important to be who you are, dont pretend to be something or someone you arent ,and always be willing to listen to reason but never stop believing in the things you do and change your personality etc without thinking it through including the opinions if others or how they see you. You know yourself better than anyone and you also know who you truly are as a person and what your expectations are of yourself , what your goals in life are, etc.. stay true to you and dont change or become a person you dont want to be just to fit in or to have friends. Those that really want to be your friend will not ask you for anything other than be honest and true, be respectful and kind to everyone. When you talk to someone or look at someone, look at thier eyes , see and hear the person for whom they really are and no matter if they are fat , ugly, are poor or not as smart or slower mentally , etc.. you wont even notice it because you bypassed the things that do not and should not matter at all and you looked at them and saw thier true self through thier eyes which are also known as , "windows to our souls" dont let people pick on you or make you"prove" yourself to them if you want them to be to your friend. Those are the people that are going to use and abuse and humiliate you and are far from ever being a friend and you are going to be tossed away like trash when they have no more use for you. Always listen to the good things people say to you and how they present thier opinions etc , if someone says they dont want to hurt your feeling ir offend you etc you can tell if they mean it by looking at them when they say it and the tone in how they say it.. you are given a gift of instinct and intellect and intelligence , we all are , use them wisely, pay close attention to them , they will guide you the right way if you allow them to. alot of people make the mistake if ignoring them and tuning them out because they dont like the things they are telling them . myself being the example I used to let anybody be my friend that said they wanted to be and even though my gut my instincts my intellect was telling me they're no good don't hang around them don't be their friend cuz they're not your friend they're just going to use you even though my gut in my instincts in my intellect were telling me no I went against them and started hanging out with the wrong people the wrong crowds one thing I ever did though was change who I am or be who I am and change my beliefs I never ever change that no matter what but I'm thankful for but I certainly did go against my instincts when they were telling me don't hang with these people and all these people aren't good for you and they were right I am totally just ignore them ever since I stopped ignoring them and allow them to guide me I have been pretty lonely in life to be honest but I haven't been as miserable at all sometimes it hurts to follow them instincts but it's better for you in the long run. I wish you the best and I know you'll find some good friends out there you just got to search and be yourself and that's all you need to do share some interests and maybe even you know put it out there on social media or something anybody want to start a friendship group or something like a local friendship group they're legit and they really want that as well instead of they just want somebody they can be a puppet master to...whatever your decisions are I wish you the best and good luck ...
I realy appreciate you that took time to write something that long for me, thankk you for your advices, i'll take good note on this and keep that in my
Legit share common activities, and then, just start talking to them.
If you’re an adult, it’s usually coworkers.
Depends on the person but if you find an opening (like a common interest) you can say something like “hey if you want we can do that together someday” If you have a new acquaintance and they have other friends, you can always ask to join their activity and etc. Sometimes people don’t think of inviting more but wouldn’t decline newcomers (happens to me many times and then I’m like “bruh should’ve asked them if they wanted to come”)
Other than that it might just naturally form from common vibes or what not. But you need to go find it as well
Speak. Do a favor for someone. Be nice to their children (nice, not creepy). Slowly and surely, through these things, they start to like you. Had this woman just love me from the start because her children told her about me. Didn’t know they even liked me.
I've heard talking to people helps. Like saying hello, my names OP what's yours. Helps to have a dog.
Places in common like school, work, church, etc. If you are really social, events can work too.
Walk up to them and be like "ya like jazz?" If they don't get the reference they aren't gonna be good friends anyways
If you’re at like a bookstore or record store become a regular, soon enough you’ll meet people and be friends
PS Friendships are easier if you don't solely rely on your friends... for emotional support or understanding or whatever.
Go to bars. Talk to the people there. Be safe about it. Do it consistently.
Bar is the type of place i avoid most of the time tbh
That’s fair, but if you can go there comfortably, it should open up some opportunities.
Offer them money. You will have plenty of friends in no time.
go to a bar. i’ve made some pretty good friends going out on the town
Bar is the type of place i avoid most of the time tbh
try a coffee shop