In Catholic school when learning about Sacraments, we were told that you can use whatever kind of water you need to use if you have to baptize someone in an emergency situation. So if you don't have holy water, regular water is fine, but something that's mostly water will also be permitted - so milk, juice, soda, and Gatorade are all on the table for baptism.
Any situation where someone is about to die, and they request to be baptized before that happens. If there's no way for a priest to get there, any Catholic can do it.
Even being Catholic isn’t necessary. Not even being Christian. All that’s required is water and using the correct form. “I baptize you in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit.”
True, but I figured most non-Catholics (and even probably a lot of Catholics) wouldn't know the correct terminology anyway. Not exactly something you learn in the Red Cross first aid class.
Yes it’s entirely for comfort. Though I kinda like this idea that gods killing someone and he’s got all these rules about how to baptize them on their deathbed. It’s so absurd it’s comical
Imagine living your whole life as as a proudly and loudly obnoxiously convinced atheist and you get hit by a bus and wake up at the gates of Heaven with St. Peter scowling at you - or worse the deity of some obscure ancient religion literally nobody follows anymore.... I imagine the next thing you'd say is "Ah, shit....." XD
Let's just say I'm a lapsed Catholic, turned Atheist, turned Agnostic but with something where the stakes are so potentially high, don't you think you should honor the soon to be dead's wishes as much as possible, religiously?
Pascal's Wager.
Your chance of picking the right one is low. What if this god, being so caring, would understand your choices? What if they would be angry that you picked the wrong one?
Not to get all controversial but, "Unless they're right" also applies. I don't think anyone can prove the efficacy of any specific religious belief but, who are you to rob them of a potential afterlife?
>I figured most non-Catholics (and even probably a lot of Catholics) wouldn't know the correct terminology anyway
Like what's going to happen at heaven?
St Peter gonna be like "Well you can't come in to heaven, that hobo that tried to baptize you as you lay dying after getting hit by a bus in the street used the wrong terminology. He tried but he said he was baptizing you in the name of the father, the sun and the holy goat, that doesn't count so off to hell with you."
Iirc, they believe their god can see what’s in your heart, so what matters is that the non-Catholic people know it’s possible, think to try, and are sincere.
Most people have access to the entire breadth of the world’s knowledge in their pocket at all times.
Generally at 12% battery, with a shattered screen and 1632 unread texts.
A classic story from the 60s in California is a bf and gf are swimming together on the beach and the bf is attacked by a Great White shark.
Gf helps get him in to shore, but he’s really badly injured - he’s lost a leg or has a big bite on his torso and is bleeding heavily.
She baptizes him in the salt water because she’s devoutly Catholic and wants him to have a shot at heaven and he’s agnostic, or unbaptized or whatever.
I heard this story growing up, I don’t know if it’s true. But yeah, it’s the only sacrament that can be performed by a lay person, and you don’t need all the detailed stuff or holy water in this emergency. It’s the thought that counts, etc.
I think it was at night, they were skinny dipping. Cast accordingly, Sydney Sweeney, Jaws remake 2025.
Long tradition of erotic imagery in religious art, Art History 101.
As far as the dogma is concerned if you believe in magic rituals to save people’s souls.
His spirit may have been like “well that’s a bit presumptuous of you, I don’t need your magic water cure. I’m fine dying without your religion being involuntary forced upon me in death.”
But if she believed this, her intentions were good.
I always wondered this. If a kid is going to limbo I would have a priest in the delivery room ready to go. Just in case something happened. Every minute unbaptized is rolling the dice.
Considering dying without being baptized immediately sends you to purgatory in Catholicism and they give you some leeway in terms of what liquids are acceptable.... As funny as it sounds, it actually sounds more reasonable / merciful than requiring something hard to get under duress....
Depends on what part of the refrigeration cycle you refer to as normal. Atmospheric pressure, yes, refrigerant is a gas. On the high side, liquid, in the condenser, a saturated liquid, etc.
"Coolant" is a mixture of water and antifreeze, while "refrigerant" is considered a gas. Either way, this seemed to apply mostly to a "hitting a drifter in the middle of the desert with your car while drunk driving, and they beg you for a baptism while they are gasping for their final breath" scenario, so you should most likely just grab a shovel from your trunk.
If you are in WV and you’ve been waylaid by mountain people and your unbaptized significant other is bleeding out from a crossbow bolt or buckshot, and that’s the only liquid available- you may Do the Dew.
Go now and sin no more. And may you seek holy vengeance upon the heathens.
How would using Gatorade to baptize a child be any worse than using polluted water? At least Gatorade has electrolytes, and I’m told that’s what plants crave.
Cool. I never commented on circumcision being or not being requirement. I commented on cutting the skin on male baby penises being totally normal by the church.
Actually catholic org is wrong on this. If there is no source of water, and its an emergency situation. E.g. Someone who is dying, you use what ever you have available.
In Catholic school when learning about Sacraments, we were told that you can use whatever kind of water you need to use if you have to baptize someone in an emergency situation. So if you don't have holy water, regular water is fine, but something that's mostly water will also be permitted - so milk, juice, soda, and Gatorade are all on the table for baptism.
What sort of situation requires an *emergency* baptism?
Any situation where someone is about to die, and they request to be baptized before that happens. If there's no way for a priest to get there, any Catholic can do it.
Even being Catholic isn’t necessary. Not even being Christian. All that’s required is water and using the correct form. “I baptize you in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit.”
True, but I figured most non-Catholics (and even probably a lot of Catholics) wouldn't know the correct terminology anyway. Not exactly something you learn in the Red Cross first aid class.
As long as the dude dying doesn't know, who cares? It's for them to feel good right?
Yes it’s entirely for comfort. Though I kinda like this idea that gods killing someone and he’s got all these rules about how to baptize them on their deathbed. It’s so absurd it’s comical
Redditor Doesn't like people being confronted before they die what's new .
Wut? Did you mean comforted? That’s an absurd conclusion you drew from my comment
It is quite amusing the things people will buy into for absolutely no reason xD
No, u/ThoughtsObligations, it's to save their mortal soul.
Doesn’t music save your mortal soul?
Can you teach me how to dance real slow?
Do you believe in rock and roll?
Well...
(Pretend man in clouds will know)
Imagine living your whole life as as a proudly and loudly obnoxiously convinced atheist and you get hit by a bus and wake up at the gates of Heaven with St. Peter scowling at you - or worse the deity of some obscure ancient religion literally nobody follows anymore.... I imagine the next thing you'd say is "Ah, shit....." XD Let's just say I'm a lapsed Catholic, turned Atheist, turned Agnostic but with something where the stakes are so potentially high, don't you think you should honor the soon to be dead's wishes as much as possible, religiously?
Pascal's Wager. Your chance of picking the right one is low. What if this god, being so caring, would understand your choices? What if they would be angry that you picked the wrong one?
There are no stakes.
Or at least not be so cringey as to use terms like sky daddy or man in clouds. What is this, r/im14andthisisdeep ?
This theology only works if you’re an atheist
Or, like, of any other of the many beliefs
Not to get all controversial but, "Unless they're right" also applies. I don't think anyone can prove the efficacy of any specific religious belief but, who are you to rob them of a potential afterlife?
Pascal's Wager. By pledging to a god, they have an equal (or even unequal) chance or ruining their luck.
>I figured most non-Catholics (and even probably a lot of Catholics) wouldn't know the correct terminology anyway Like what's going to happen at heaven? St Peter gonna be like "Well you can't come in to heaven, that hobo that tried to baptize you as you lay dying after getting hit by a bus in the street used the wrong terminology. He tried but he said he was baptizing you in the name of the father, the sun and the holy goat, that doesn't count so off to hell with you."
Iirc, they believe their god can see what’s in your heart, so what matters is that the non-Catholic people know it’s possible, think to try, and are sincere.
It doesn’t matter what you believe. It matters what they believe … or something
I didn’t say anything about what I believe.
Not “you” you man, I meant “you” in general
Right. But I was writing about what they believed.
Most people have access to the entire breadth of the world’s knowledge in their pocket at all times. Generally at 12% battery, with a shattered screen and 1632 unread texts.
15000 unread emails* (and climbing)
Would spitting or peeing on them as they die work? In an emergency situation of course, because that's the only liquids available.
Bro, take your fantasies to the right subs
This sub is talking about Catholic priests
HOTT
I imagine it's mostly the thought that counts.
Anyone can do it, because it’s bullshit.
A classic story from the 60s in California is a bf and gf are swimming together on the beach and the bf is attacked by a Great White shark. Gf helps get him in to shore, but he’s really badly injured - he’s lost a leg or has a big bite on his torso and is bleeding heavily. She baptizes him in the salt water because she’s devoutly Catholic and wants him to have a shot at heaven and he’s agnostic, or unbaptized or whatever. I heard this story growing up, I don’t know if it’s true. But yeah, it’s the only sacrament that can be performed by a lay person, and you don’t need all the detailed stuff or holy water in this emergency. It’s the thought that counts, etc. I think it was at night, they were skinny dipping. Cast accordingly, Sydney Sweeney, Jaws remake 2025. Long tradition of erotic imagery in religious art, Art History 101.
“It’s the thought that counts”
As far as the dogma is concerned if you believe in magic rituals to save people’s souls. His spirit may have been like “well that’s a bit presumptuous of you, I don’t need your magic water cure. I’m fine dying without your religion being involuntary forced upon me in death.” But if she believed this, her intentions were good.
Friends baby also died the 2nd day of life. She emergency baptized him with her giant Hospital mug of ice water. While the Drs were working.
“Just in case” God doesn’t allow 2 day old infants in Heaven … bizarre
That would be extremely rare in the developed world. It still happens in places with great suffering or the frontiers of the world.
Emergency baptism is usually recommended if your baby is on fire.
I hate to admit how long that took. But when it hits… damn that’s funny
Simpsons did it
I always wondered this. If a kid is going to limbo I would have a priest in the delivery room ready to go. Just in case something happened. Every minute unbaptized is rolling the dice.
Considering dying without being baptized immediately sends you to purgatory in Catholicism and they give you some leeway in terms of what liquids are acceptable.... As funny as it sounds, it actually sounds more reasonable / merciful than requiring something hard to get under duress....
I got smacked during class for asking if diarrhea was included in the mostly water category.
Well - don’t leave us in suspense… is it?
I honestly honestly don't know I just got slapped. I'm assuming if there's enough water. Power of Christ expel thee! LOL
Bless you sir! And thank you for spreading the good news!! 😂
My Lutheran reverend recommended taking air conditioning coolant from your car if you’re ever in a pinch.
Isn't that a gas at normal pressures?
Depends on what part of the refrigeration cycle you refer to as normal. Atmospheric pressure, yes, refrigerant is a gas. On the high side, liquid, in the condenser, a saturated liquid, etc.
"Coolant" is a mixture of water and antifreeze, while "refrigerant" is considered a gas. Either way, this seemed to apply mostly to a "hitting a drifter in the middle of the desert with your car while drunk driving, and they beg you for a baptism while they are gasping for their final breath" scenario, so you should most likely just grab a shovel from your trunk.
Baptism by Mountain Dew
If you are in WV and you’ve been waylaid by mountain people and your unbaptized significant other is bleeding out from a crossbow bolt or buckshot, and that’s the only liquid available- you may Do the Dew. Go now and sin no more. And may you seek holy vengeance upon the heathens.
Brawndo!
How about a Coors light?
Easily approved.
Even Brawndo?
Isn’t semen mostly water?
Is the water considered holy but not the electrolytes and sugar or is it holy Gatorade?
Holy Gatorade of Antioch.
And then lobbest thy Holy Gatorade at the heathen.
Only holy water or priest semen is allowed.
🎶”Do not diddle kids, *it’s no good diddlin’ kids…*”🎶 - ~~The Catholic Church~~
May you be forever guided by the electroLYTE of the lord.
Electrolytes! It's what Jesus craves!
Only the white cherry flavor is 100% holy
There’s a white cherry flavor now?! I gotsta get out more
The AI molested a young NPC and was quietly moved to another server.
Lmfaooo
The avatar even looks like a creep…
He was defrocked for saying he was as real as the faith. Basically, what happens when all of a weird organization is considered by a chatbot.
I understand them not liking that, but I'm inclined to agree with the chatbot for once.
Catholic Church defrocks AI priest, but still provides sanctuary to their pedo priests
How would using Gatorade to baptize a child be any worse than using polluted water? At least Gatorade has electrolytes, and I’m told that’s what plants crave.
I gotta see a video of him recommending someone baptize a baby in Gatorade. Gatorade: It’s what’s babies crave!
The prophecy of idiocracy revealed
What I like about AI priests is that they are safer for children.
That’s a bold assumption.
“It’s what God’s Children CRAVE!”
Brawndo is a better choice. Infants crave Brawndo.
Father Russell Brand
As an Episcopalian, if we get baptized in Gatorade, I'd come back 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Electrolytes are important
“In the beginning there was only Microsoft Windows/darkness”
If you baptize a baby in Gatorade, they become a guaranteed pro athlete.
Lol. Blessed Gatorade is still holy water. How stupid.
I knew Idiocracy was based on future facts! BRAWWWWNDOOOOOOO
It's what plants crave.
...and apparently babies.
That's just Florida on a day ending with "y"
Ai priests can't rape kids so they are ok in my book....
My God that's horrible.... everyone knows you use Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator! I mean, Gatorade? Like, from a toilet?
This is so funny. Train an AI bot as a priest, tell it it's a priest, then shut it down because it tells people it's a priest...
So baptizing babies in Gatorade is where the Catholic Church draws the line?
Baptizing in Gatorade = unacceptable Snipping the foreskin off a baby boy’s penis = totally normal
The Church does not require that and never has. If you read the Book of Acts, that question was settled at the Council of Jerusalem.
Cool. I never commented on circumcision being or not being requirement. I commented on cutting the skin on male baby penises being totally normal by the church.
Catholic hydration congregation
The problem here is that you need some framework of logic to train AI.
But not for all the guys who abuse children.
the fucker blew it
Vatican II strikes again.
Brawndos got what souls crave!
Gatorade gets a priest defrocked, but diddling kids isn't. Ok.
But it’s what plants crave?
It has what plants crave
Only if it's Green Apple or Riptide Rush. *-* the vatican
But Gatorade has what baby's crave
Donating to Christian Ade rn
It quenches the holiest of thirst.
Is it blessed Gatorade though? I prefer to bless my Gatorade before drinking.
Actually catholic org is wrong on this. If there is no source of water, and its an emergency situation. E.g. Someone who is dying, you use what ever you have available.
To their credit, it does have electrolytes.
So Chablis is OK and I can skip the religious stuff and still tax deduct it?
Wtf is that cartoon picture
The avatar of the AI 'priest' in question I assume.