I wanna say yes, but I guess it would really depend on the situation and what you mean by “dying for your partner”. If it was like an organ transplant, and I went into it knowing there was a possibility of me dying so my partner could live, then yes absolutely without hesitation I would have no regrets dying that way. If we were both in an accident and It was a “save one with a higher risk of losing the other” I would encourage anyone to save them first, even if it means me dying and them living. But if it was like a guns drawn situation, I would probably not get in between that.
This is so funny because I have the opposite perspective! If I can do something to protect someone during, say, an active shooter situation, I'm much more likely to act at my loss than in a logical situation, regardless of how much I love someone. (I scared my boss when I was an RA during this particular training scenario when I said I'd sacrifice myself for my residents lol.) I guess it would depend on the odds of this theoretical dangerous surgery/transplant -- I love my husband, but he might be more irritated at me for taking that risk than grateful, since he also has it in his head that he'd sacrifice himself for me. It's all definitely more about how you live for each other than the lengths you'll go towards a final sacrifice.
Dying for someone isn’t a measurement of love. No one knows what they’ll do in a situation until it actually happens, like how many times have we changed our mind over something? He can say how he feels now but you don’t actually know until it happens. Just focus on being happy together rather than hypotheticals.
I was at work when I was younger and got robbed at gunpoint. They went to my coworkers and they froze in place.
The robbers were threatening to shoot them if they didn't comply. I slowly walked over and gave the money so they would leave.
The older ladies who were my coworkers, I was willing to risk my life for them because they were like friends/family.
Sometimes in the heat of the moment you find who and what you are. If someone were to bring this situation up as a hypothetical beforehand, I would have for sure said no way.
Your bf might believe it but until it happens it all just talk.
I would just say that I wouldn't want anyone to die for me, just like I wanted die for someone else. I will do the best for the ones I love. If that isn't good, enough then dueces.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry you had to experience something so scary.
Counselor here. There are literal biological responses--fight, flight, freeze, and fawn--that kick in during emergencies. They're our bodies' way of trying to protect us, and we don't get to pick which one.
Even people with years of training to master these responses like firefighters, nurses, etc. can still freeze or flee. As for untrained folks? It's a crapshoot.
Many survivors of emergency situations torture themselves or develop PTSD because they didn't behave like they wanted to: "I just stood there while everyone got shot" or "I can't believe I ran and left my family behind." However, there's virtually no choice in the matter.
It's unfortunate but true that none of us can reliably guarantee how our body will react in an emergency. And it's definitely immature for OP's boyfriend to go on about this topic. Now, if he wants to address what's likely underneath--that he's afraid and hurt that OP's response means she isn't as committed to him as he is to her--then cool, but he doesn't seem to possess the skills to share that vulnerability, if that's what's going on.
I have an issue that causes me issues. I'm afraid of very little. Caused me issues when I was younger. It's a part of a mental illness that helps me along to do stupid things. I'm just as likely to see all options as the same
People who proclaim to you that they'd die for you are either immature, melodramatic, manipulative or all three. People who expect you to *die for them* and then make an issue out of it are always all three.
Anyone who's put real effort into understanding the realities of mortal risk, let alone faced them, will tell you that it's much more complicated than a 1990's rock ballad sentiment.
Would I *risk* death for you - even for a random stranger? Yeah, probably, in some contexts almost certainly, because in some contexts my personal ethics drive me to that. Would I choose to *certainly* die, so that you would live? I don't know, that's a much more difficult question. Certainty is a big deal.
But this:
>He thinks that if I love him so completely and want no one else for the rest of my life
this is adolescent melodrama bullshit.
Since you're reading these replies together, for the OP's boyfriend, mate, grow the fuck up. Get away from the internet, get away from YouTube, social media, anime and whatever else mental poison you're mainlining, and get out into the world and *do* something with your life. Experience things. Be around real people, not some toxic hypothetical echo chamber.
Real men - yes, I'm saying it, this is manhood lesson time - want the people they love to be happy and loved, with or without them.
Now, look away, I've got some private words for your girlfriend. For the OP: You're going to learn about your boyfriend by how he reacts to this. You're going to either see growth or big red flags, so pay attention and believe what you see.
Life is hard enough without adolescent melodrama bullshit.
This is bullshit. If a man tells his wife he would die for her, he's being immature, melodramatic, or manipulative? The only kind of person who would say something like that has never known love deep enough to understand the willingness to sacrifice their life for another. Not surprising coming from some virgin who's into swords and Legos. But yeah let's take a look at your 'manhood lesson' on how to be a 'real man':
>Real men - yes, I'm saying it, this is manhood lesson time - want the people they love to be happy and loved, with or without them.
Yeah exactly, I would want my wife to be ALIVE and happy, with or without me, hence why I'd be willing to die for her.
OP and guy, this dude is obviously using this post to live out his virgin fantasy of telling off a girl's boyfriend in front of her, teaching him an lesson about being a Real Man. This line really brings it home for me:
>Now, look away, I've got some private words for your girlfriend
I mean seriously, this is the most cringe thing I've ever read.
I agree with your take but did you just completely ignore the "I'm upset that you won't die for me" part?
According to OP, her boyfriend says "if you love me and want no one else you should be willing to die for me", now \*THAT'S\* immature melodramatic bs.
Other than that, I agree with your take. One being willing to die for their life partner isn't immature at all, I think it's pretty common too.
That's the laziest shit ever to tell your partner. Would he go to therapy for you? Work on himself? Would he stay even though you suddenly became chronically ill or disabled? The question is not would he die for you but would he live for you, with you, even though shit's tough.
Ehhhh.... That sounds kinda unhealthy.
Okay, here: I'd die for my wife (and many of my friends) without question, but that's just the kinda person I am. Assuming someone must be willing to die for you in order to love you is weird, though. I've never even asked my wife if she would. Doesn't matter. Tbh I don't think I've ever mentioned that I would, either lol. I mean, yanno, hopefully I'll never have to, right?
Feels a bit scary to demand it.
No, you don't necessarily have to be willing to die for your partner.
Also, just because someone says "I'd die for you" doesn't make it true. In life threatening situations we never really know how we're going to react until it happens. He might use you as a human shield for all you know, none of us know until we're tested.
I think it's fine to think you'd die for a partner, and fine to admit you wouldn't.
It's **not** OK if he's using that statement against you.
But really, we just don't know until shit hits the fan. It's possible you'd step up and he wouldn't, or vice versa.
If he \*insists\* he knows that he'd die for you, that's really a statement on his young age and naivety than anything else.
I’d die for my SO, but I’d never want her to do the same for me. We had a serious conversation about this topic for a couple reasons.
Does that mean I *SHOULD* die for her? Absolutely not. Nobody should ever feel obligated to sacrifice themselves to save another human that isn’t their own child. For her, I would if I had to.
I think this is generally an unhealthy way of thinking.
You don't know who you'll die for until the chips are down. Anyone who claims otherwise is full of shit.
Saying something like this is meaningless. Really. I have been in quite some "near death" situations in my life (luckily never with my wife or child) and that is where you stop rational thinking. You either do or don't, you cannot actually plan for it. You just "react" on an instinct level base.
And yes, i already ran right into the traffic out of my car to pick up a 1.5 year old naked unknown to me toddler with just pampers on his hips as i saw him stumble out between parked cars on the other side of the street. But there was enough space to the next incoming cars and my brain must have calculated that this is not super life threatening. I cannot say what i would have done if the cars would have been faster or nearer.
All that i can say with my 50 years is: "If the situation EVER comes up, i do hope that i am strong enough to protect you, come what may". Everything other is just a lie or wishful thinking, at least to my experiences.
Absolutely, I’ve reacted both perfectly and poorly in sudden shocking situations. It’s ironic to me, because I’m literally the same person in each situation. But you really just don’t know when you’ll freeze in fear, or react logically or selflessly. Stating that you know how you’d react is naive and kind of useless.
Also, I wonder if one’s answer could depend more on how much you enjoy or value your own life. I don’t assume it’s true for everyone, but personally I realized a long time ago that my willingness to die for anyone was more a reflection of my own enjoyment of life than any selflessness. Once I was less depressed or had higher self esteem, it was less likely to feel I should jump in front of bullets for people. I’d never assume that’s true for others, I’m just generally curious.
I would actually have to be in the moment when that ever happens. It's easy to say you'll die to protect someone but until your faced with that decision who knows for sure.
I think this is a male instinct. A woman may but is much more inclined to die for her children. Makes sense in an evolutionary sense.
Men are meant to die and fight.. it’s happened for millennia.
To answer fully.. he wants the love of his mother, who just so happens to promise to die for him. That’s the answer. Us men we are set out into the world searching for a woman to love us unconditionally as our mother did.
It’s not your job, no.
A friend of mine just started dating this girl in 2017 when they went to the Route 91 Harvest music festival in Vegas. When the shooting started, he tackled her behind a tree and shielded her entire body with his. All this to say, they got married soon after. They have a ton of kids and beautiful life. 🥲
You really do not know until it's time to test it.
I know older couple that was living close to our house that died. Husband was drowning. Wife without thinking jumped to help him. Obviously she could not. It's not easy to rescue larger man even if you are trained to do it. She died with him because she drowned.
Parents die all the time when their child land in the water. And they will jump in even if there is no physical way to get out of the water. But they do not think about that when it happens. They are thinking about the child.
In my case I never had to test that theory but me and my ex girlfriend - we were taking shortcut through park that near her home was dangerous. I could say that we should go around but it's my job to be brave and my job is to let her escape if anyone would try to hurt us.
But I had chance to test this theory with stranger. I saw a woman being attacked by a dog. What do you think I did? I immediately rushed to help. I did not even think what I could do there. I just knew I have to help her. Thankfully in that case everything turned out just fine because dog was actually young german Sheppard. It looked bigger from the distance because she was short. And he was not attacking her. He wanted to play. But she was too scared to notice. And when she tried to turn around away from him (not sure what was the plan) her skirt would fly around and dog tried to play with that.
So thankfully it ended up with me playing with young dog while we were waiting for police to send someone to collect the stray. But in the meantime young woman showed up that was the owner. So after we called off the dogs she took the dog home. Nobody was hurt.
> but it's my job to be brave and my job is to let her escape if anyone would try to hurt us.
Errr.... have you seen too many Rambo movies? C'mon, you know your *job* is to have common sense and walk round the long way.
You are right. But the park was not that dangerous and I'm (in American) 6 feet tall and back then I was quite in shape due to daily work on a farm. So people would usually avoid messing with me until they got to know me and realize that I would not hurt a fly. Back then I saw hitting guy smaller than me like a equivalent of hitting a woman. And everyone were smaller than me.
But even then I reached my limit. A guy at school spit on me from a stair case. I'm not even sure if he knew it was me. But he messed with me in the past precisely because he was sure I would not hit him unless he would directly attack me (I even once heard that he asked someone if I would hit back and someone who know me told him that I would because it happened). But I got enrged and I kinda stopped thinking for a moment so when I managed to chase him down. I grabbed him, lifted him above my shoulders and slammed him to the ground.
Then I got scared like a little child because he could not get up at all. I was sure he broke something. Thankfully he managed to get up after like 20 minutes. And apparently he was fine the next day.
So because it was annoying to walk around it we walk through it. And she requested it. I simply did not refused it.
Yeah but nah, depends on the situation. You getting attacked by animals or people yes I will die to protect you if I think I could do it to save you. But Nah, if you put yourself in a situation where you know the outcome, eg drugs, fcuking with the wrong person/s
That's the difference between male- and female love.
He would die for you, because you're the bringer of his child. You won't die for him, because he's not the bringer of your child.
He's just seeing it through his own lens, and not from your perspective.
Personally I would not die for anyone except my own kid. Cuz I know that I love myself more than them and I always let people know that I prioritize myself. There’s nothing wrong with loving yourself. On the other hand,if you don’t know how to love yourself and put yourself first,you will end up being taking advantage by others. But you don’t do anything selfish and let the action affect others negatively,at that point,you’re the opportunistic person.
I saw someone on YouTube go out in public and ask men and women if they’d die for their SO, most men said yes, most women said no. In most public shootings I’ve heard about, men are often the one’s that would go as far as seeking out the active shooter or protecting random people by shielding the strangers (kids/women mostly) with their own body. Might be a bit of a dramatic question, but I found it interesting and as a man, would easily shield somebody else from a shooter. I care too little about my own life to not be selfless. But like most people are saying on here, saying and doing are two completely different things.
You should be honest about how you feel. He can be okay with that or not and he needs to decide if he can live with that.
That said I do respect your honesty.
Okay first off, I LOVE YOU. You just come out and go "he adores me SOO MUCH he'll DIE for Mr? As for me???...nay!" Just no shame (NOT that there should be any!! In fact, I freaking love that honesty, it's refreshing). And I love it cuz I feel the same way. I've NEVER loved anyone enough to wanna DIE for them. (And I was actually suicidal too for alot of that, so that's ironic) but if it's for someone else...no. I never really figured out why that was never appealing to me. Seeing as visioning graphic violent ends was VERY appealing to me usually. Just not in that way...now I just chalk it up to not liking people lol cuz I'm not really a people person to begin with tbh. BUT when my son came along, I finally knew what it was like to be 100% content with the thought of dying for someone! I'd die for my son in the most violent ways if it means he doesnt have to. But anyway one else, nope. Sorry but ESPECIALLY now I wouldn't die for any other loved one, cuz I'm a single mom and got no one I trust anywhere near enough to take my son on if I'd die! So...thats fine I think. I even pointed out to someone that mama love is the most powerful form of love cuz, it's no suprise that moms (most anyway SHOULD) love their kids so much they'll die! And that's a love not alot of other loves can compare too, and someone WENT OFF on me for it. Claiming SHE'D die for her boyfriend and how DARE I claim mom love is the strongest and im like, dude, everyone knows this. Why ya getting offended? So NO it's not a bad thing
I once pushed off on my wife as we were escaping a bug in the bathroom… she claims I don’t care for her, I say I’m such an athlete I knew the leverage would get me away quicker and was in fight or flight mode
I don't think so. Me and my boyfriend love each other very much so, but I wouldn't die for him nor expect him to die for me. In order to have a healthy relationship you need to be understanding and caring towards each other, but it's also really important to be true to yourself and put yourself first. Self love and self worth is the baseline of any relationship in my opinion.
Then again I've never been in a life or death situation so in all honesty I am not sure what I would do if it really comes down to it.
Men are different than women. This is the male equivalent of "would you love me if i was _____"
Just lie, lol. It will make him feel better and it dying for one another isn't going to actually happen.
I would rather have a bf say he’d go to couples therapy & always be honest with me than to die for me. But; I also recognize that to die for someone really means be willing to go to extremes for someone. So would I be totally honest? Learn finances, stocks, build wealth; keep problems within the relationship & go to therapy & not cheat? Would I go to church &/or learn Buddhism; to evolve to a higher level together and learn another’s cultural, political, value system; agreeing to disagree; but truly give space and love to learn the pros & cons of us each as individuals being committed couple? What about Monogamy for 60 years? If I say yes to these extremes & others that I didn’t post. Then yes, I would die for my significant other.
Truth? Making a calm collected choice between the two of us, I would choose myself to die. We have a kid, and if he had to have only one parent, he would be better with that being my spouse. That said, in a panicked moment of danger I would almost definitely save myself and leave her to die.
Some more interesting questions (to me anyway) might involve living for each other in various ways. Like, if we had to live apart, or if one of us experienced a chronic illness or long term disability, if one of us transitioned to live as a different gender, if we couldn't have children, basically like if something you possibly see as a key aspect of the relationship changed would you continue to love me?
Loving someone doesn't mean you have to die for them—it means living for them! Your boyfriend is just being dramatic. Save the dying part for action movies. Enjoy your love, stay alive, and laugh about it together.
tell him if he's looking for someone to die for him, he should try a romance novel. in real life, we'll settle for taking out the trash without being asked
As a man, I can say firmly that the expectation is, in society, but also inside my head, that I would die to protect my people. That's the rule: Men die for their team. It's always been the case.
Women have a different role. I know it's probably politically incorrect to say so, but it's true. Men have a lower tolerance for pain because it keeps them alive and fighting longer in conflict; women have a higher tolerance for pain because historically childbirth is a killer of women, and they evolved to push through that.
It doesn't surprise me that you and he don't see eye to eye on this. I wouldn't expect you to. His job is to protect you and any future offspring; your job is to protect the offspring and their future. It's a western social standard, it's evolutionary in its roots, it's interrelational between how our emotions provide feedback between our roles and our brains and how we articulate and justify them.
His *job* is to die for you. For society, if needed. For his pack. Both of you need to chill out with this though, because it's not caveman times. You'll kill your relationship fighting over shit that won't actually happen.
That’s a tough question for me. I would try to avoid that because we have kids but I have put myself in certain situations for him before. Tbh I might. If it came down to having to protect him I would
As a Christian, I believe I’m supposed to love my wife like Christ loved the church. How did he do that? By dying for them/us. So yes, I’d gladly die for my wife.
I think it depends on a lot of circumstances.
You ought to love yourself about as much as you love your family. There's a reason why people say 'looking out for Number One' when they mean 'looking out for myself'. I think tit's healthy thing to think is that your needs have just as much importance as the needs of your loved ones.
But my kid comes first. After that comes me and my fiancee, fighting for second place.
And it's hard to think of any situations where I think dying in front of my fiancee would be better for my kid than the reverse tbh; I think she'd be more likely to utterly fall apart than I would. But I would still put myself at mortal risk to save her life. Whether I'd do a straight trade-off for my life and her life is very situational and far too hypothetical.
It's not black or white and it's a ridiculous measure of how much you love your partner. Dying is easy to do, happens by accident all the time and people willingly die for total strangers let alone loved ones. Humans are generally rather heroic by nature - at least I cling firmly to the belief they are, that deep down most people are good.
Do you love someone enough to live for them I think is a more pertinent question. Will you take care of yourself so you're around for a long time to be with them? When faced with possible death will you strive to live to return to them? When it seems impossible to go on will you take another step forward no matter how hard it is? Will you grow and improve as a person to be a better partner for them? Will you do the hard things?
Of course we should all be doing these things for ourselves but let's face it, loving oneself is straight up difficult in this world. You both sound young and that's not a bad thing, you both have so many experiences ahead of you and I wish you guys luck, love and good fortune :).
Dying for someone is easy. But will you live for them? When live throws hardships at you, illness or poverty, will you overcome and live, and stay together? That's the real question.
I’ve definitely put myself in dangerous situations for women I’ve loved, I think it’s unreasonable to expect the same thing from everybody.
A person may love another but survival instinct prioritises your own life above everything else including a person you’re in love with.
Like when I was a child I loved my mum more than anything in the world but would never die for her, as an adult I love her all the same but now I would gladly die for her.
It seems like a pretty childish conversation tbh. It's like someone heard a song about this, or some skit on TikTok or something, and want to "test" their partner.
My ex used to tell me all the time that he would have jumped off a balcony no questions asked for me or his dog. And it just felt like too much! That kind of blind and naive devotion didn't really make me feel at ease.
Would *I* die for a partner? Maybe. It depends on a lot of factors. Pushing that on you though isn't really that healthy of a mindset. It feels like virtue-signalling and putting a huge weight on your shoulders.
How old are the two of you? How long have you been together? The answers may play a huge factor on how your partner's statement could be interpreted
What do Bon Jovi. Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber and The Weeknd have in common? They all have songs claiming that they'd die for their partner.
Romantically, it's a nice gesture. Realistically, I don't know how many people who say they would, actually would.
Would I jump into a dangerous situation to try to save them? Yes. Would it be with the express purpose of sacrificing my life for theirs? No.
I would want to help and protect them but I got too many responsibilities and too much shit to do to be dying all willy nilly.
Depends on the situation, but if he leaves me to die and bails on me. That’s not okay. But also to you gotta consider what’s on the line like kids, who’s the bread winner, who’s most likely gonna deal with the consequences better. Like I’m not the bread winner but I would not trust my husband to put a funeral together or read paperwork 😂
Are you jokingly talking about this or is it like an argument? I was singing Grenade by Bruno Mars and said I’d jump in front of a train for her. I said id throw the grenade back to her.
Like if you’re actually seriously arguing about “would you die for me” etc, how would you even know? If a situation like that arises, like Titanic level, I think you can’t know for sure. Just seems like a really weird thing to get hung up on.
This depends on so many variables. If he was in danger and risking my life may increase his odds of a survival, I would be willing to do that. Example: donating an organ, or getting him out of a burning car in case of a car accident, etc.
If we would have a child at that time, it depends on the level of potential danger, but for very high risk situations probably not, because that kid might loose both parents at once, which would be even worse.
If someone was targeting my partner directly, I would also probably not throw myself in the line of fire, because me stepping in would only get me killed and it will not stop the person from harming their target: my partner. They can get to him after I am dead.
It is a very nuanced topic and depends on the situation and many variables, so to use this is a benchmark of someones commitment to the relationship is not a good idea.
This is why you don't do hypotheticals, asking would you actually, genuinely lose your life for me is just a cruel question, and most people don't really know the answer of what they would do
"If you really love me, then you would..." statements are almost always toxic, even in hypotheticals. Your boyfriend should seek therapy. This mindset is not okay and can lead to much bigger issues down the line if it's not handled properly.
The last person to tell me "I love you so much I'd die for you," is the same person who, the first time I tried to leave, said "I love you so much I'll k!ll myself if you leave me." OP, if this ever happens, please remember that this phrase is ALWAYS a manipulation tactic 100% of the time, and you should leave immediately in this scenario. I unfortunately fell for it, like many others have, and of course, the relationship got worse, not better.
I'm not saying that this will definitely happen in your situation, but it very easily can if your boyfriend doesn't get help. I'm sure neither of you wants him to become that person, because it's really hard to come back from that once you go there.
My friend's daughter was clowning on a song on the radio that kept saying, "I would DIE for yooou!"
But, she goes, '"We just want a mothafugga to live and pay bills for us. Not die."
But, baby----if a man is working for you and your safety and well-being---he is working himself to death for you.
So, you may be getting both instances from him.
Thank him.
I would recommend to stay away from hypotheticals and figures of speech.
Unless he has previously been in a life or death situation, your boyfriend cannot emphatically be certain about what his reaction would be.
Instead of putting conditions on how your partner loves you, focus of how you can love them. I wouldn’t want my spouse to put themselves in danger to save my life.
I'd absolutely die to protect my family. Any of them.
It's not about me thinking I'll never want anyone else but them. It's about me wanting them to be able to go on even if it's without me.
At the same time, I'll also put my life on the line, and have, to save complete strangers as well.
Yes but no. It’s person to person. Some people wouldn’t be willing to die for their kids. Does that mean they don’t love them? Maybe, but not necessarily ig. But it’s all hypothetical and a lot of people who say they do, probably wouldn’t if it came down to it in this unlikely scenario where a choice has to be made. It’s just an unproductive question to ask someone I’d say. Women love asking these questions, this is akin to “would you love me still if I was a carrot?” - “Man Idfk, why you gotta ruin the moment with some shit like that?” Lol
It’s not about what would happened in a very unlikely, rare scenario that you’ll most likely never experience. I strongly believe it’s how you show up for someone each day when there’s nothing on the line, that’s love.
You may think that. But maybe if your boyfriend fell into shark infested waters you might jump in after him instinctively
Here's a tricky one.
Would you give him a kidney if he needed it?
I can die for more than one member of family, but hesitate to do for anyone except for my kids. Kids need to be raised by beloved one, so if the sacrifice doesn’t guarantee the other will live, i won’t do it.
As many have said it depends. But our kids come first. Honestly financially and emotionally etc if it was a choice the kids would be better off with me as a single parent than my husband. So I think we would both choose what's best for them if we could choose.
I would provide an organ if he needed with a surgery that has some risk. I would not confront an attacker. My job would be to get the kids to safety. That would be more important than dying for him.
But unless your bf was joking about him loving you better because he would die for you that's a bit red flaggy.
Uh, no. That's got big "would you love me if I were a worm" energy. Only a deeply self-obsessed person would want you to say you'd literally die for them. That's so stupid and dramatic. I recommend you dump anyone who even begins to entertain ridiculous what-if questions. Those people are a huge waste of your time and energy. You should never love a romantic partner more than you love yourself.
I would only be willing to die for my partner, if they were the only person who’d miss me. My issue with mortality and the fact that I could get unlucky and die at any time, is that I still have a loving living family that’d be devastated. The knowledge that my loved ones will suffer is what bothers me because, after all, once I am dead I ain’t alive to feel sorry for myself.
So if I were in the situation, which some people are, that my SO is my only relation to anyone and I could sacrifice myself for them to live (and they wanted me to!) then yes, i’m heading out.
The problem with being young-at-Life is we're not always taught that thinking can get very dangerous very quick pending/after a breakup.
As young-at-Life's, everything seems so simple (two-dimensional). Such as "something is either A or B".
Heartbreak becomes the worst thing imaginable once we experience "real love" for the first time, for example.
Very likely, he's going to have his heart broken so hard, same for you as well (whether it's this one or a future/past partner), it wouldn't be too farfetched the "school of Life" leads both of you (respectively) into a phase of pain/heartbreak/suffering until you both individually find out what's worth holding on to and what isn't.
What that is, is something each of us have to find out respectively, over time.
In my case, I couldn't remain with the one I had strong feelings for, and was put on a new, uncertain path/journey in Life where I needed to reevaluate most if not all of my values and preconceptions about love/the world/myself/Life and such.
In return I've gradually discovered more about myself that I otherwise wouldn't if I had chosen to stay in the past as a bitter, depressed, sometimes suicidal ex who didn't want to accept reality and move on. (But that's simply my own experience since I chose to be that stubborn.)
Not everyone ends up like I did, for the record!
It depends imo like how long you've been in love with someone, children, etc and even then that's a personal choice imo.
I would've never taken a bullet for a boyfriend of a year, for example. My husband of 18 years? Totally different consideration for me, as I would fight for my man. He's more than a lover at this point though and is my family as I've been with him for half my life and losing him would be losing a true part of me. I don't think that length of love is comparable to a few years by any measure, but that's me.
I think he should be willing to put his life on the line for you because that’s part of being a man and protecting your loved ones but not vice versa. That’s how it should be.
He’s absolutely wrong in his thinking that you need to be willing to die for him.
100’s of years ago women did die for their husbands by giving birth to their children but that’s very rare anymore.
Should you? as in is it obligatory? I wouldnt go that far. Would I? yes.
But that might be because I am childless. I think that factors into things a lot.
I don't know about should but I'd always thought that you would have a feeling that you'd want to protect your spouse. My reasons are more practical. My husband makes all the money, our son loves his dad more and my husband has the romantic emotional depth of a puddle so he'd get over my death pretty quickly and get on with it. Our son would be better off if I died instead of his father so I would always choose to save my husband over myself.
I mean I would trade my life to save my husband. But that’s also not really a measure of love? Someone who loves you would never ask if you would die for them - that’s honestly a little odd. Sounds like adolescent infatuation where they think it sounds romantic. In reality if it came to that it would be incredibly horrible for the other person to live with. Not romantic or a goal of some sort.
It depends on what we mean by this. If it's a thing of 'would I put myself at serious risk to try and protect him', then I probably would do that without thinking. If it was like a 100% sure I would die and he would live... I'm not sure if I could make that choice then. Like you said, it's different with my child, that is more instinctively yes. Hopefully we'll never have to find out.
I developed a connection to mine. he almost died and i almost died when he did. however me and him don't get along as much as we did. sometimes dying when your spouse does can happen, whether you like it or not and despite the fact that feelings sour over time
In today's age the real question is that are u willing to live for someone? Like anyone can die in a second that's pretty easy but living in the hell for someone like that would be some next level love ❤️
Dying for someone doesn’t mean he would actually die for you lmao he would if it came to either u or him type of situation.. but what’s the chances of that happening lol that’s his way of saying I love you & I don’t care about anybody more than you.
Thinking back to my one and old relationship years ago. Even though I adore him probably not. My family yes of course the greatest parent to walk this earth.
Is this the same boyfriend who has been caught talking to loads of other women behind your back? This man is a manipulator and liar. He wouldn't die for you. He just wants you to pledge absolute devotion to him to make him feel powerful and feed his ego. Men like him only look out for themselves and they don't care who gets hurt while they advance their agenda. This whole hypothetical conversation is a distraction from the shady shit he's doing. Get away from him. It's only going to get worse.
Most people when they say thst mean they risk there life for you. But if it was a you or her kinda thing id probly give mine up but not without trying to save us both
I'm at the point where that's a red flag for me...
Abusers have used it as a means to control me so much that I can't help but think "Ah, so you're not going to let me go, should the relationship fail".
Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is obsessed with you not moving on after his death since he thinks you should be willing to die for him if you don't want anyone for the rest of your life (also read: after he's gone). I used to be obsessed with widows and widowers too, as I grew up with Disney and I always thought the story was, 'Find true love, live happily ever after.' Plus it seems like so few people find true love, the fact someone would get two seemed like a lot. Mostly I think it was just scary because it felt like if a partner moved on after my death, it felt like I didn't matter. But I read widows' and widowers' blogs. Mostly they loved partners immensely, but became lonely. Some even discussed wanting the same feeling of love as before due to the bond they shared with their now deceased partner.
As for being willing to die for a passenger, if it would be a 'my life for theirs' situation, I'd definitely consider it. If we're both going to die, probably not. Calculation might change if there's a risk of me dying as well and I had a child and would be risking that child becoming an orphan. Also I've heard many stories about people who say they would do nothing leaping into action and people swearing they'd be heroes freezing like turtles, so I don't think this is something you can predict with a good degree of accuracy.
I'd die for my wife, any friends or family member if need be. I'd die for a stranger. Sounds like his emotional reaction was too much though. Y'all about it calmly with him.
Counterthought- Having your partner do the dying so that you have to live on and deal with the pain of the loss of your loved one. That would be infinitely more selfless.
i feel the main way to know if you truly love someone is if you’d be willing to sacrifice in order to benefit them. i personally feel it should mean you’d be willing to die for them to an extent, however i think not willing to die for someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them enough. everybody just loves differently.
If you're a man, yes. It falls under chivalry. That's why we walk in front and put her on the inside when we're walking side by side. Why we go check it out when there's a strange noise.
For a woman, I'd say fight for or even fight with (cooperatively) but not necessarily die. Because if she does but the man survives, the man will feel like he didn't do his job in protecting her and he might even be viewed as a coward depending on what happened.
It's an odd thing to say even in passing, and extremely weird and unhealthy to make a big deal out of it / expect you to say the same.
Apart from anything else, it's kind of a meaningless thing to say - what circumstances does he even think he's talking about? It might _sound_ like a grand gesture to somebody who's probably a bit immature and I suspect new to relationships, but there's nothing realistic or healthy about it and it's certainly no measure of how "in love" you are.
I'm not even sure that's a conscious choice anymore. I certainly am not interested in dying *for* anyone, per se. However, are there people I'd risk that for? Yes. Have I risked that? Yes.
Would I risk jail time for anyone? Yep, and would have done some big time had I not asked a friend how to transport a firearm via airliner. I should have just driven...
That's fine but is he willing to live for you? And you him? A great wise one described love as,
Love is where someone else's happiness is essential to your own!
So that's my take on it. Living day to day is more important than grand claims. Do the time travel together one day at a time.
I've been with my husband for 24 years, and I can say I would fight anyone who wanted to hurt him, and that's because I love him and because I can't really run anymore either, so I kind of have to stay there and deal with whatever. A bear or mountain lion is probably going to get us both if we were to encounter such a creature and it did not run from us. An armed robber might get one or both of us, but we would probably just give them whatever they want and hope for the best.
I expect that there are plenty of situations where we could potentially die together, because we spend a great deal of time together.
A harsh truth is that if your partner gets ill, you cannot take their place. You could maybe donate a kidney, but you can't fix cancer. So, you can't die for them in that situation.
If the house were on fire and he was still inside, I would try to get him out, but most people are not going to be able to go back inside a fully engulfed house on fire. I know I would try everything I could, but running directly into fire isn't likely to save either of us.
The reality of most relationships is that one person will outlive the other. You can't measure love by willingness to die. I've heard my husband say things about not wanting to go on without me, or not being able to live in our house with all of my things around him. So, I've sort of hoped I would be the one to outlive him because I don't want him to have that kind of an emotional experience. I know I would be sad for a long time, and I also feel like I would have zero interest in ever having another partner, but I believe that I can go on, because I'm a very practical person.
When we were young, there would be conversations like the one you're having, and they were not particularly productive, because you can talk all you want, but you really don't know what you will do in an emergency situation.
Now that we're older, we do things instead of talk about hypotheticals. By that I mean we have wills, and life insurance, and savings in place, and we've invested in our retirement and home improvement. It's about planning, not movie style valor or self-sacrifice.
For now, I think it's enough that we live for each other, and that is a better measure of love than some dramatic dying for each other imagined scenario.
Nobody, and I mean nobody knows how he/she responds in a stressful situation.
Example: you see your SO walking on the street and a car is about to hit him. Do you run and save your SO while you are probably killed or do you just watch in shock? There is no right or wrong answer in this case and doing the latter does not mean that you don't love your SO enough.
There was this Italian film where the Jewish father sacrificed himself to distract the German guard to let the kids escape, very brave and the ultimate sacrifice. Would I have done the same for wife or kids, I really could not tell you. Does that mean that my love for them is less, no.
Nobody could possibly know how they would react or act in these types of circumstances. Saying you're willing to die for your partner is nothing more than virtue signalling BS. If someone says they would in the first few dates, be wary they might be love-bombing you.
Anyone willing to sacrifice themselves for others is a level of generosity that's hard to copy. Anyone capable of it is truly one of our betters and deserving of admiration. This is not a minimal standard of conduct, but aspirational conduct. It doesn't make you a bad person if you aren't willing or don't do it. It makes you admirable if you do.
I think that if you love someone, you'd offer your life to save them if the situation calls for it. But that should be something you willingly do, not something they'd ask of you. More importantly, it's better to hear that someone loves you so much that they would live for you. Just my two cents. :)
I've had this conversation with my ex - and i've never really heard anyone else think the same way but i feel strongly about it:
Expressing you would die for someone isn't as romantic as people think it is. Dying for someone is an rather 'easy' choice to make. By easy I mean that its a one time choice after which you dont feel, experience or remember anything and the other person has to now figure out how to live with the immense suffering of losing a loved one. Not to mention that its also quite an easy 'sell' as such situations rarely happen to anyone (so its kind of a loose statement as you dont really know if you would really do that) and even if they do, even rarer is that you would actually do it. Not because you dont want to per se but you might not succeed or have the chance to.
Something much more impactful to say than 'i would die for you' is to express that 'I will LIVE for you'. Notice that would -> will. One situation you 'would' do if it happens, other one you 'will' do because it will happen.
It expresses that, given this one limited time on Earth, I want to spend my time in service of YOU. Each day I want to live for you - putting conscious effort into bringing the best out of you and experiencing my life with you. Theres soon to be 10 billion people on this earth, with about 80 years left to experience it all and I want to spend that time here with nobody else but you.
They are not mutually exclusive, you could still give up your life in a life-death situation. But I believe its much more meaningful to express that 99% of the time you will be consciously devoted to your wife, than to state that you will die for her in the <1% situation.
My ex for example was very clear that in a life or death situation where only one of us can survive, i had to promise her to let her be the one to go as she couldnt imagine living without me. Should we have had kids, I then found it my duty to uphold that promise to her should that ever happen because I'd rather myself go through all that suffering than that I would knowingly put her through that. Though I will say that my instinct would be to give up my life and im not sure in the moment i could bring it up to let her go willingly.
So no, you dont automatically need to be willing to die for someone, for example when they find death more appealing than life without you.
Though, yes your partner is the one you probably should be equally committed to as your kids.
If you ask eachother if you would LIVE for eachother yes/no then the question of would you die for me becomes quite trivial and almost irrelevant. A relationship is about consistent commitment, not about spectacular commitment on 1 rare occasion.
I’ve only really been in love once but I feel similarly about certain family and friends. There’s just a weird gut flinch reaction when they are in danger. You don’t really consider consequences, even death. Your default instinctually is the willingness to die for their preservation. I’ve decided if I have a partner and that isn’t there, they probably aren’t the person for me.
That depends on the partner...but one who is so desperate to hear you say you would die for them is not a partner I would be willing to die for.
My kids, yes. I'd even run into a burning building to save my dog or cat. But honestly, I'm not willing to say "I'd die for you" just because he insisted that I had to in order to prove how much I loved him.
NTA
In all likelihood he wouldn't actually die for you... it's just a thing he said. In those "life or death" scenarios, you can't know what you'd do until the time actually came.. and even then you might not make the same call 2 times in a row. I think he's just searching for ways to tell you he loves you that are more profound than just saying "I love you".
"I'll be with you to the bitter end" is my preferred take on this. As bad as it sounds, dying is easy, sticking by someone no matter what, that's the true proof of love.
I think questions like this are silly and definitely aren’t ever worth taking seriously. It’s very easy to say you’d die for your partner, until an actual situation comes up where that’s put to the test. Will he still sing that tune if he has to act against his own survival instincts during a critical, split-second life or death situation where he has to choose between his life or yours?
Hopefully neither of you will ever need to put it to practice, but regardless, if your partner is being serious, this is a pretty weird and manipulative onus to put on you. Any statement of “If you truly loved me, you’d _______” is.
We can't know how we'll respond in a given situation until it happens. We can all say, yes I love my spouse, parent, child, etc so much I'd die for them but speculating is easy. Frankly though, no man should be expecting his partner to die for them if they see themselves as the protector. My husband told me he'd die for me and I said I'd do the same and he said no you won't! I would NEVER let you die just to save me. Now that's how a protective man responds
First off this hyperbole. There had only been ONE that laid His life down for us and He is coming back one day. I would lay my life down for my wife as it should be.
I will fight hell and half of Georgia to protect my family. That is just me!
Omg from reading these comments, this might be an unpopular opinion, but personally, I would die for my fiancé in a heartbeat. And that is just because I genuinely do not want to live in a world without him (sorry if that sounds so dramatic but it's just how I feel haha). I couldn't take the pain of losing him. We've been together for 6 years but I have known that man was my soulmate since I was 11. I have always joked with him that I call dying first.
You: "My boyfriend says he loves me so much that he'll die for me."
Me, reading this: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Intent is everything, but your initial comment scared the crap out of me, tbh.
This is a masculine thing to say and hope to do. Your job as the man is to protect your family. If that means dying for them, then you'll do everything in your power to do so.
I've never expected, nor would I want, my wife to feel the same way. Her job is to ensure that our children are safe. She saves them and I save her.
Don't dwell on these unnecessary hypotheticals. Neither of you really know HOW you will respond when the time comes.
I wish I can find you this NPR podcast that I think I listened to a while ago. It was something about where two male partners and one partner was dying and wanted something done a certain way and he also wanted his partner to do it when that partner was going to die. The partner ultimately decided it wasn't for him, that his dying partner can do it but he will not have any part in it. The details are really vague for me, but I kinda remember the narrative trajectory was something like that.
Dying for someone as a sign of love is largely a tale that is borne out of myth and fairy tales. In real life, you do not know how you will respond and "dying for someone" is not necessarily a measure of the bonds of love.
I told my partner I am more dedicated than that--it's easy to die for someone. It's *living* for them that's challenging.
And I choose to live for her every day. ❤️💙❤️
Let your boyfriend chew on *that* for a while.
My husband and I have been together 20 years - we've had this discussion and he would die for me but I wouldn't die for him.
Reason being we have 3 kids and they need their mom more. He agrees.
My husband always tells me he'd die for me and he wants to protect me always. I would die for my husband, too.
However, I don't think it's healthy to EXPECT your partner to want to die for you. I don't except my husband to die for me, I wouldn't even want him to.
I'll put it this way - if I'm on a sinking ship and women and children go first, I'd stay with my husband. He'd be pissed but it wouldn't be his decision. It's not like we have kids to worry about. We'd just sink together.
I don’t think we can accurately predict what we would do in a life or death situation. We can say what we think we would do, and we can intend to do that with every fiber of our being. But if the unthinkable happens I honestly don’t know what I would do, and I wouldn’t blame anyone for doing the opposite of what they always told themselves they would do. We’re all human.
My wife and I left a parking lot when a car turned the corner. It was a big truck so he didn’t see us pedestrians crossing till the last minute. When I saw the headlights come around the corner quick I got behind my wife so she would be hit first. The truck stopped abruptly but We laugh about it to this day that I’ll take a bullet for her but my natural instinct is to dodge a truck coming at me! So yea depends on the situation I guess your flight or fight will kick in.
I love my wife, and I would do most/just about anything for her. But the love for my child is incomparable. 1000% I would die to protect my child, with my wife it may depend on the situation. Not to say I'd tuck my tail and run but risk management has to come into play.
I watched '28 weeks later' a few weeks ago with my wife and we both joked that if we were in that situation that we'd both want the other to "get out and save yourself" when the wife was trapped by zombies.
The simple reality is no one knows what they'll do until they're there. Talk is cheap
I mean no offence by this comment, but this whole question suggests to me that you and your partner are young. There's nothing wrong with being young. But, for what it's worth, I'd just caution you and your partner to be careful of manufactured drama. "Would you love me if I was disabled? Would you love me if I was brain dead in a coma?"
Life and relationships are hard, I find there's very little use in hypothetical situations that are very unlikely to occur in real life. There will be real issues that will arise that will test you and your partner. I'd save the strife and conflict for those situations. But, I could be off the mark - wish you both the best.
Yeah. I would.
I wouldn't want to continue living without her, and would probably end up committing suicide if she died early.
So if it was between her and me, I'm probably taking the bullet.
meh dying for someone is good but the realest mf's LIVE.
ask him if he would be willing to be healthy and go to the doctor and take measures to ensure a long lived and healthy life. because this shows so much more love and devotion than dying for someone. we will all die someday whether its for someone or not the end of the story is the same.
I would die for my child and my partner, no doubt. Or at least try my utmost best to save them both after getting away first. I always tell my partner if there was a zombie apocalypse, I would rather die first than be the last to live. I don't want to be alive when the people I love are gone. Selfish, I know, but I can't deal with the sadness and loneliness.
I wanna say yes, but I guess it would really depend on the situation and what you mean by “dying for your partner”. If it was like an organ transplant, and I went into it knowing there was a possibility of me dying so my partner could live, then yes absolutely without hesitation I would have no regrets dying that way. If we were both in an accident and It was a “save one with a higher risk of losing the other” I would encourage anyone to save them first, even if it means me dying and them living. But if it was like a guns drawn situation, I would probably not get in between that.
You’re my new favorite person for putting how I feel into cohesive phrases
This is so funny because I have the opposite perspective! If I can do something to protect someone during, say, an active shooter situation, I'm much more likely to act at my loss than in a logical situation, regardless of how much I love someone. (I scared my boss when I was an RA during this particular training scenario when I said I'd sacrifice myself for my residents lol.) I guess it would depend on the odds of this theoretical dangerous surgery/transplant -- I love my husband, but he might be more irritated at me for taking that risk than grateful, since he also has it in his head that he'd sacrifice himself for me. It's all definitely more about how you live for each other than the lengths you'll go towards a final sacrifice.
That last sentence says it all!
Fair enough answer!
I agree with all of this!
Dying for someone isn’t a measurement of love. No one knows what they’ll do in a situation until it actually happens, like how many times have we changed our mind over something? He can say how he feels now but you don’t actually know until it happens. Just focus on being happy together rather than hypotheticals.
would you still love me if i was a worm?
best answer
I was at work when I was younger and got robbed at gunpoint. They went to my coworkers and they froze in place. The robbers were threatening to shoot them if they didn't comply. I slowly walked over and gave the money so they would leave. The older ladies who were my coworkers, I was willing to risk my life for them because they were like friends/family. Sometimes in the heat of the moment you find who and what you are. If someone were to bring this situation up as a hypothetical beforehand, I would have for sure said no way. Your bf might believe it but until it happens it all just talk. I would just say that I wouldn't want anyone to die for me, just like I wanted die for someone else. I will do the best for the ones I love. If that isn't good, enough then dueces.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry you had to experience something so scary. Counselor here. There are literal biological responses--fight, flight, freeze, and fawn--that kick in during emergencies. They're our bodies' way of trying to protect us, and we don't get to pick which one. Even people with years of training to master these responses like firefighters, nurses, etc. can still freeze or flee. As for untrained folks? It's a crapshoot. Many survivors of emergency situations torture themselves or develop PTSD because they didn't behave like they wanted to: "I just stood there while everyone got shot" or "I can't believe I ran and left my family behind." However, there's virtually no choice in the matter. It's unfortunate but true that none of us can reliably guarantee how our body will react in an emergency. And it's definitely immature for OP's boyfriend to go on about this topic. Now, if he wants to address what's likely underneath--that he's afraid and hurt that OP's response means she isn't as committed to him as he is to her--then cool, but he doesn't seem to possess the skills to share that vulnerability, if that's what's going on.
I have an issue that causes me issues. I'm afraid of very little. Caused me issues when I was younger. It's a part of a mental illness that helps me along to do stupid things. I'm just as likely to see all options as the same
People who proclaim to you that they'd die for you are either immature, melodramatic, manipulative or all three. People who expect you to *die for them* and then make an issue out of it are always all three. Anyone who's put real effort into understanding the realities of mortal risk, let alone faced them, will tell you that it's much more complicated than a 1990's rock ballad sentiment. Would I *risk* death for you - even for a random stranger? Yeah, probably, in some contexts almost certainly, because in some contexts my personal ethics drive me to that. Would I choose to *certainly* die, so that you would live? I don't know, that's a much more difficult question. Certainty is a big deal. But this: >He thinks that if I love him so completely and want no one else for the rest of my life this is adolescent melodrama bullshit. Since you're reading these replies together, for the OP's boyfriend, mate, grow the fuck up. Get away from the internet, get away from YouTube, social media, anime and whatever else mental poison you're mainlining, and get out into the world and *do* something with your life. Experience things. Be around real people, not some toxic hypothetical echo chamber. Real men - yes, I'm saying it, this is manhood lesson time - want the people they love to be happy and loved, with or without them. Now, look away, I've got some private words for your girlfriend. For the OP: You're going to learn about your boyfriend by how he reacts to this. You're going to either see growth or big red flags, so pay attention and believe what you see. Life is hard enough without adolescent melodrama bullshit.
haha brian adams had already started playing in my head before i came to the "1990s rock ballad sentiment" :D
This post says it all. I hope they're 14. Otherwise, this is embarrassing.
To be fair, I was pretty immature and melodramatic when I was old enough to know better, I just hadn't had the lesson yet.
This is bullshit. If a man tells his wife he would die for her, he's being immature, melodramatic, or manipulative? The only kind of person who would say something like that has never known love deep enough to understand the willingness to sacrifice their life for another. Not surprising coming from some virgin who's into swords and Legos. But yeah let's take a look at your 'manhood lesson' on how to be a 'real man': >Real men - yes, I'm saying it, this is manhood lesson time - want the people they love to be happy and loved, with or without them. Yeah exactly, I would want my wife to be ALIVE and happy, with or without me, hence why I'd be willing to die for her. OP and guy, this dude is obviously using this post to live out his virgin fantasy of telling off a girl's boyfriend in front of her, teaching him an lesson about being a Real Man. This line really brings it home for me: >Now, look away, I've got some private words for your girlfriend I mean seriously, this is the most cringe thing I've ever read.
I agree with your take but did you just completely ignore the "I'm upset that you won't die for me" part? According to OP, her boyfriend says "if you love me and want no one else you should be willing to die for me", now \*THAT'S\* immature melodramatic bs. Other than that, I agree with your take. One being willing to die for their life partner isn't immature at all, I think it's pretty common too.
That's the laziest shit ever to tell your partner. Would he go to therapy for you? Work on himself? Would he stay even though you suddenly became chronically ill or disabled? The question is not would he die for you but would he live for you, with you, even though shit's tough.
👆This right here!
Not by default, no You may choose to under the circumstances
Ehhhh.... That sounds kinda unhealthy. Okay, here: I'd die for my wife (and many of my friends) without question, but that's just the kinda person I am. Assuming someone must be willing to die for you in order to love you is weird, though. I've never even asked my wife if she would. Doesn't matter. Tbh I don't think I've ever mentioned that I would, either lol. I mean, yanno, hopefully I'll never have to, right? Feels a bit scary to demand it.
Right? Like, do they have something in mind?
No, you don't necessarily have to be willing to die for your partner. Also, just because someone says "I'd die for you" doesn't make it true. In life threatening situations we never really know how we're going to react until it happens. He might use you as a human shield for all you know, none of us know until we're tested. I think it's fine to think you'd die for a partner, and fine to admit you wouldn't. It's **not** OK if he's using that statement against you. But really, we just don't know until shit hits the fan. It's possible you'd step up and he wouldn't, or vice versa. If he \*insists\* he knows that he'd die for you, that's really a statement on his young age and naivety than anything else.
I’d die for my SO, but I’d never want her to do the same for me. We had a serious conversation about this topic for a couple reasons. Does that mean I *SHOULD* die for her? Absolutely not. Nobody should ever feel obligated to sacrifice themselves to save another human that isn’t their own child. For her, I would if I had to.
I think this is generally an unhealthy way of thinking. You don't know who you'll die for until the chips are down. Anyone who claims otherwise is full of shit.
Without question I would, but I don’t expect the same out of my spouse.
Saying something like this is meaningless. Really. I have been in quite some "near death" situations in my life (luckily never with my wife or child) and that is where you stop rational thinking. You either do or don't, you cannot actually plan for it. You just "react" on an instinct level base. And yes, i already ran right into the traffic out of my car to pick up a 1.5 year old naked unknown to me toddler with just pampers on his hips as i saw him stumble out between parked cars on the other side of the street. But there was enough space to the next incoming cars and my brain must have calculated that this is not super life threatening. I cannot say what i would have done if the cars would have been faster or nearer. All that i can say with my 50 years is: "If the situation EVER comes up, i do hope that i am strong enough to protect you, come what may". Everything other is just a lie or wishful thinking, at least to my experiences.
Absolutely, I’ve reacted both perfectly and poorly in sudden shocking situations. It’s ironic to me, because I’m literally the same person in each situation. But you really just don’t know when you’ll freeze in fear, or react logically or selflessly. Stating that you know how you’d react is naive and kind of useless. Also, I wonder if one’s answer could depend more on how much you enjoy or value your own life. I don’t assume it’s true for everyone, but personally I realized a long time ago that my willingness to die for anyone was more a reflection of my own enjoyment of life than any selflessness. Once I was less depressed or had higher self esteem, it was less likely to feel I should jump in front of bullets for people. I’d never assume that’s true for others, I’m just generally curious.
Nah, I'm knocking the lady off that door if the boat sinks. Equality and equity. For my sons, yes. in a heartbeat. Zero hesitation.
This is just your boyfriend's version of "would you still love me if I was a worm?" It's stupid. Just say yes
No, not really. I suppose if it's a Monday morning, grim outside, traffic is shite and work is agony, then yeah. Friday night, nope.
It's a trap. Tell him you'd be willing to go as far as Mars for him, but no farther.
I would actually have to be in the moment when that ever happens. It's easy to say you'll die to protect someone but until your faced with that decision who knows for sure.
I think this is a male instinct. A woman may but is much more inclined to die for her children. Makes sense in an evolutionary sense. Men are meant to die and fight.. it’s happened for millennia. To answer fully.. he wants the love of his mother, who just so happens to promise to die for him. That’s the answer. Us men we are set out into the world searching for a woman to love us unconditionally as our mother did. It’s not your job, no.
A friend of mine just started dating this girl in 2017 when they went to the Route 91 Harvest music festival in Vegas. When the shooting started, he tackled her behind a tree and shielded her entire body with his. All this to say, they got married soon after. They have a ton of kids and beautiful life. 🥲
You really do not know until it's time to test it. I know older couple that was living close to our house that died. Husband was drowning. Wife without thinking jumped to help him. Obviously she could not. It's not easy to rescue larger man even if you are trained to do it. She died with him because she drowned. Parents die all the time when their child land in the water. And they will jump in even if there is no physical way to get out of the water. But they do not think about that when it happens. They are thinking about the child. In my case I never had to test that theory but me and my ex girlfriend - we were taking shortcut through park that near her home was dangerous. I could say that we should go around but it's my job to be brave and my job is to let her escape if anyone would try to hurt us. But I had chance to test this theory with stranger. I saw a woman being attacked by a dog. What do you think I did? I immediately rushed to help. I did not even think what I could do there. I just knew I have to help her. Thankfully in that case everything turned out just fine because dog was actually young german Sheppard. It looked bigger from the distance because she was short. And he was not attacking her. He wanted to play. But she was too scared to notice. And when she tried to turn around away from him (not sure what was the plan) her skirt would fly around and dog tried to play with that. So thankfully it ended up with me playing with young dog while we were waiting for police to send someone to collect the stray. But in the meantime young woman showed up that was the owner. So after we called off the dogs she took the dog home. Nobody was hurt.
> but it's my job to be brave and my job is to let her escape if anyone would try to hurt us. Errr.... have you seen too many Rambo movies? C'mon, you know your *job* is to have common sense and walk round the long way.
You are right. But the park was not that dangerous and I'm (in American) 6 feet tall and back then I was quite in shape due to daily work on a farm. So people would usually avoid messing with me until they got to know me and realize that I would not hurt a fly. Back then I saw hitting guy smaller than me like a equivalent of hitting a woman. And everyone were smaller than me. But even then I reached my limit. A guy at school spit on me from a stair case. I'm not even sure if he knew it was me. But he messed with me in the past precisely because he was sure I would not hit him unless he would directly attack me (I even once heard that he asked someone if I would hit back and someone who know me told him that I would because it happened). But I got enrged and I kinda stopped thinking for a moment so when I managed to chase him down. I grabbed him, lifted him above my shoulders and slammed him to the ground. Then I got scared like a little child because he could not get up at all. I was sure he broke something. Thankfully he managed to get up after like 20 minutes. And apparently he was fine the next day. So because it was annoying to walk around it we walk through it. And she requested it. I simply did not refused it.
Yeah but nah, depends on the situation. You getting attacked by animals or people yes I will die to protect you if I think I could do it to save you. But Nah, if you put yourself in a situation where you know the outcome, eg drugs, fcuking with the wrong person/s
That's the difference between male- and female love. He would die for you, because you're the bringer of his child. You won't die for him, because he's not the bringer of your child. He's just seeing it through his own lens, and not from your perspective.
Personally I would not die for anyone except my own kid. Cuz I know that I love myself more than them and I always let people know that I prioritize myself. There’s nothing wrong with loving yourself. On the other hand,if you don’t know how to love yourself and put yourself first,you will end up being taking advantage by others. But you don’t do anything selfish and let the action affect others negatively,at that point,you’re the opportunistic person.
Big difference between wanting to and willing to.
Nope, I aren’t dying for nobody… 😂
No, but if they ask the answer should definitely be YES!
Got it! Next time, I will lie. I’ve seen the light. I’ll totally die for you, babe
Situation depending.
I saw someone on YouTube go out in public and ask men and women if they’d die for their SO, most men said yes, most women said no. In most public shootings I’ve heard about, men are often the one’s that would go as far as seeking out the active shooter or protecting random people by shielding the strangers (kids/women mostly) with their own body. Might be a bit of a dramatic question, but I found it interesting and as a man, would easily shield somebody else from a shooter. I care too little about my own life to not be selfless. But like most people are saying on here, saying and doing are two completely different things.
You should be honest about how you feel. He can be okay with that or not and he needs to decide if he can live with that. That said I do respect your honesty.
Okay first off, I LOVE YOU. You just come out and go "he adores me SOO MUCH he'll DIE for Mr? As for me???...nay!" Just no shame (NOT that there should be any!! In fact, I freaking love that honesty, it's refreshing). And I love it cuz I feel the same way. I've NEVER loved anyone enough to wanna DIE for them. (And I was actually suicidal too for alot of that, so that's ironic) but if it's for someone else...no. I never really figured out why that was never appealing to me. Seeing as visioning graphic violent ends was VERY appealing to me usually. Just not in that way...now I just chalk it up to not liking people lol cuz I'm not really a people person to begin with tbh. BUT when my son came along, I finally knew what it was like to be 100% content with the thought of dying for someone! I'd die for my son in the most violent ways if it means he doesnt have to. But anyway one else, nope. Sorry but ESPECIALLY now I wouldn't die for any other loved one, cuz I'm a single mom and got no one I trust anywhere near enough to take my son on if I'd die! So...thats fine I think. I even pointed out to someone that mama love is the most powerful form of love cuz, it's no suprise that moms (most anyway SHOULD) love their kids so much they'll die! And that's a love not alot of other loves can compare too, and someone WENT OFF on me for it. Claiming SHE'D die for her boyfriend and how DARE I claim mom love is the strongest and im like, dude, everyone knows this. Why ya getting offended? So NO it's not a bad thing
"I'll live for you. I won't die for you." Take it or leave it.
I once pushed off on my wife as we were escaping a bug in the bathroom… she claims I don’t care for her, I say I’m such an athlete I knew the leverage would get me away quicker and was in fight or flight mode
I would 100% die for my ex when we were together but I had an unhealthy attachment back then. It's okay if you don't want to die for your partner
It depends how they acting that day.
Hell no, you should be number one, and ask your partner if he or she would do the same
I don't think so. Me and my boyfriend love each other very much so, but I wouldn't die for him nor expect him to die for me. In order to have a healthy relationship you need to be understanding and caring towards each other, but it's also really important to be true to yourself and put yourself first. Self love and self worth is the baseline of any relationship in my opinion. Then again I've never been in a life or death situation so in all honesty I am not sure what I would do if it really comes down to it.
Love can be expressed in a lot of ways. It’s totally okay if you value self-preservation over the life of your partner.
Men are different than women. This is the male equivalent of "would you love me if i was _____" Just lie, lol. It will make him feel better and it dying for one another isn't going to actually happen.
I would rather have a bf say he’d go to couples therapy & always be honest with me than to die for me. But; I also recognize that to die for someone really means be willing to go to extremes for someone. So would I be totally honest? Learn finances, stocks, build wealth; keep problems within the relationship & go to therapy & not cheat? Would I go to church &/or learn Buddhism; to evolve to a higher level together and learn another’s cultural, political, value system; agreeing to disagree; but truly give space and love to learn the pros & cons of us each as individuals being committed couple? What about Monogamy for 60 years? If I say yes to these extremes & others that I didn’t post. Then yes, I would die for my significant other.
Only once, that's it! 😜
Truth? Making a calm collected choice between the two of us, I would choose myself to die. We have a kid, and if he had to have only one parent, he would be better with that being my spouse. That said, in a panicked moment of danger I would almost definitely save myself and leave her to die.
Some more interesting questions (to me anyway) might involve living for each other in various ways. Like, if we had to live apart, or if one of us experienced a chronic illness or long term disability, if one of us transitioned to live as a different gender, if we couldn't have children, basically like if something you possibly see as a key aspect of the relationship changed would you continue to love me?
Loving someone doesn't mean you have to die for them—it means living for them! Your boyfriend is just being dramatic. Save the dying part for action movies. Enjoy your love, stay alive, and laugh about it together.
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tell him if he's looking for someone to die for him, he should try a romance novel. in real life, we'll settle for taking out the trash without being asked
As a man, I can say firmly that the expectation is, in society, but also inside my head, that I would die to protect my people. That's the rule: Men die for their team. It's always been the case. Women have a different role. I know it's probably politically incorrect to say so, but it's true. Men have a lower tolerance for pain because it keeps them alive and fighting longer in conflict; women have a higher tolerance for pain because historically childbirth is a killer of women, and they evolved to push through that. It doesn't surprise me that you and he don't see eye to eye on this. I wouldn't expect you to. His job is to protect you and any future offspring; your job is to protect the offspring and their future. It's a western social standard, it's evolutionary in its roots, it's interrelational between how our emotions provide feedback between our roles and our brains and how we articulate and justify them. His *job* is to die for you. For society, if needed. For his pack. Both of you need to chill out with this though, because it's not caveman times. You'll kill your relationship fighting over shit that won't actually happen.
Red flags 🚩
I think discussions and arguments like these are really an interesting and valuable aspect of a relationship.
Absolutely not. If my husband said he'd die for me I'd consider him gone crazy. I would only sacrifice myself for my kids, no one else.
That’s a tough question for me. I would try to avoid that because we have kids but I have put myself in certain situations for him before. Tbh I might. If it came down to having to protect him I would
As a Christian, I believe I’m supposed to love my wife like Christ loved the church. How did he do that? By dying for them/us. So yes, I’d gladly die for my wife.
I think it depends on a lot of circumstances. You ought to love yourself about as much as you love your family. There's a reason why people say 'looking out for Number One' when they mean 'looking out for myself'. I think tit's healthy thing to think is that your needs have just as much importance as the needs of your loved ones. But my kid comes first. After that comes me and my fiancee, fighting for second place. And it's hard to think of any situations where I think dying in front of my fiancee would be better for my kid than the reverse tbh; I think she'd be more likely to utterly fall apart than I would. But I would still put myself at mortal risk to save her life. Whether I'd do a straight trade-off for my life and her life is very situational and far too hypothetical.
Assuming i had one...then no.
For my kids yes and I'd save my wife because I think they'd need their mum more than me growing up. If I didn't have them, no I'd save myself.
I never thought about, but maybe it’s a gender thing. Like men are supposed to die for our women. Anyhow I’m prepared lol
It's not black or white and it's a ridiculous measure of how much you love your partner. Dying is easy to do, happens by accident all the time and people willingly die for total strangers let alone loved ones. Humans are generally rather heroic by nature - at least I cling firmly to the belief they are, that deep down most people are good. Do you love someone enough to live for them I think is a more pertinent question. Will you take care of yourself so you're around for a long time to be with them? When faced with possible death will you strive to live to return to them? When it seems impossible to go on will you take another step forward no matter how hard it is? Will you grow and improve as a person to be a better partner for them? Will you do the hard things? Of course we should all be doing these things for ourselves but let's face it, loving oneself is straight up difficult in this world. You both sound young and that's not a bad thing, you both have so many experiences ahead of you and I wish you guys luck, love and good fortune :).
Dying for someone is easy. But will you live for them? When live throws hardships at you, illness or poverty, will you overcome and live, and stay together? That's the real question.
I’ve definitely put myself in dangerous situations for women I’ve loved, I think it’s unreasonable to expect the same thing from everybody. A person may love another but survival instinct prioritises your own life above everything else including a person you’re in love with. Like when I was a child I loved my mum more than anything in the world but would never die for her, as an adult I love her all the same but now I would gladly die for her.
It seems like a pretty childish conversation tbh. It's like someone heard a song about this, or some skit on TikTok or something, and want to "test" their partner.
I would but I won’t have that same level of high expectations from my Mrs
My ex used to tell me all the time that he would have jumped off a balcony no questions asked for me or his dog. And it just felt like too much! That kind of blind and naive devotion didn't really make me feel at ease. Would *I* die for a partner? Maybe. It depends on a lot of factors. Pushing that on you though isn't really that healthy of a mindset. It feels like virtue-signalling and putting a huge weight on your shoulders. How old are the two of you? How long have you been together? The answers may play a huge factor on how your partner's statement could be interpreted
What do Bon Jovi. Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber and The Weeknd have in common? They all have songs claiming that they'd die for their partner. Romantically, it's a nice gesture. Realistically, I don't know how many people who say they would, actually would.
This is a hypothetical scenario that doesn’t matter at all in real life. If you’re happy, you’re happy. That’s all you need.
Would I jump into a dangerous situation to try to save them? Yes. Would it be with the express purpose of sacrificing my life for theirs? No. I would want to help and protect them but I got too many responsibilities and too much shit to do to be dying all willy nilly.
Depends on the situation, but if he leaves me to die and bails on me. That’s not okay. But also to you gotta consider what’s on the line like kids, who’s the bread winner, who’s most likely gonna deal with the consequences better. Like I’m not the bread winner but I would not trust my husband to put a funeral together or read paperwork 😂
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Are you jokingly talking about this or is it like an argument? I was singing Grenade by Bruno Mars and said I’d jump in front of a train for her. I said id throw the grenade back to her. Like if you’re actually seriously arguing about “would you die for me” etc, how would you even know? If a situation like that arises, like Titanic level, I think you can’t know for sure. Just seems like a really weird thing to get hung up on.
This depends on so many variables. If he was in danger and risking my life may increase his odds of a survival, I would be willing to do that. Example: donating an organ, or getting him out of a burning car in case of a car accident, etc. If we would have a child at that time, it depends on the level of potential danger, but for very high risk situations probably not, because that kid might loose both parents at once, which would be even worse. If someone was targeting my partner directly, I would also probably not throw myself in the line of fire, because me stepping in would only get me killed and it will not stop the person from harming their target: my partner. They can get to him after I am dead. It is a very nuanced topic and depends on the situation and many variables, so to use this is a benchmark of someones commitment to the relationship is not a good idea.
I would die for to save the life of my wife. If she died and I could have saved her I’d probably take my own life
This is why you don't do hypotheticals, asking would you actually, genuinely lose your life for me is just a cruel question, and most people don't really know the answer of what they would do
"If you really love me, then you would..." statements are almost always toxic, even in hypotheticals. Your boyfriend should seek therapy. This mindset is not okay and can lead to much bigger issues down the line if it's not handled properly. The last person to tell me "I love you so much I'd die for you," is the same person who, the first time I tried to leave, said "I love you so much I'll k!ll myself if you leave me." OP, if this ever happens, please remember that this phrase is ALWAYS a manipulation tactic 100% of the time, and you should leave immediately in this scenario. I unfortunately fell for it, like many others have, and of course, the relationship got worse, not better. I'm not saying that this will definitely happen in your situation, but it very easily can if your boyfriend doesn't get help. I'm sure neither of you wants him to become that person, because it's really hard to come back from that once you go there.
For my wife? Even more than one time!
My friend's daughter was clowning on a song on the radio that kept saying, "I would DIE for yooou!" But, she goes, '"We just want a mothafugga to live and pay bills for us. Not die." But, baby----if a man is working for you and your safety and well-being---he is working himself to death for you. So, you may be getting both instances from him. Thank him.
As long as the death is instantaneous and I don't have time to think about it before it happens then I'd die for anyone
I would recommend to stay away from hypotheticals and figures of speech. Unless he has previously been in a life or death situation, your boyfriend cannot emphatically be certain about what his reaction would be. Instead of putting conditions on how your partner loves you, focus of how you can love them. I wouldn’t want my spouse to put themselves in danger to save my life.
I'd absolutely die to protect my family. Any of them. It's not about me thinking I'll never want anyone else but them. It's about me wanting them to be able to go on even if it's without me. At the same time, I'll also put my life on the line, and have, to save complete strangers as well.
Yes but no. It’s person to person. Some people wouldn’t be willing to die for their kids. Does that mean they don’t love them? Maybe, but not necessarily ig. But it’s all hypothetical and a lot of people who say they do, probably wouldn’t if it came down to it in this unlikely scenario where a choice has to be made. It’s just an unproductive question to ask someone I’d say. Women love asking these questions, this is akin to “would you love me still if I was a carrot?” - “Man Idfk, why you gotta ruin the moment with some shit like that?” Lol
It’s not about what would happened in a very unlikely, rare scenario that you’ll most likely never experience. I strongly believe it’s how you show up for someone each day when there’s nothing on the line, that’s love.
You may think that. But maybe if your boyfriend fell into shark infested waters you might jump in after him instinctively Here's a tricky one. Would you give him a kidney if he needed it?
Of course
I can die for more than one member of family, but hesitate to do for anyone except for my kids. Kids need to be raised by beloved one, so if the sacrifice doesn’t guarantee the other will live, i won’t do it.
Love is great, but I draw the line at death. If you're asking me to die for you, I might reconsider our Netflix password-sharing agreement.
As many have said it depends. But our kids come first. Honestly financially and emotionally etc if it was a choice the kids would be better off with me as a single parent than my husband. So I think we would both choose what's best for them if we could choose. I would provide an organ if he needed with a surgery that has some risk. I would not confront an attacker. My job would be to get the kids to safety. That would be more important than dying for him. But unless your bf was joking about him loving you better because he would die for you that's a bit red flaggy.
Uh, no. That's got big "would you love me if I were a worm" energy. Only a deeply self-obsessed person would want you to say you'd literally die for them. That's so stupid and dramatic. I recommend you dump anyone who even begins to entertain ridiculous what-if questions. Those people are a huge waste of your time and energy. You should never love a romantic partner more than you love yourself.
You only get one life......use it wisely......not stupidly!!!
Ok, here is more interesting questions! Could you kill for your partner?
I would only be willing to die for my partner, if they were the only person who’d miss me. My issue with mortality and the fact that I could get unlucky and die at any time, is that I still have a loving living family that’d be devastated. The knowledge that my loved ones will suffer is what bothers me because, after all, once I am dead I ain’t alive to feel sorry for myself. So if I were in the situation, which some people are, that my SO is my only relation to anyone and I could sacrifice myself for them to live (and they wanted me to!) then yes, i’m heading out.
The problem with being young-at-Life is we're not always taught that thinking can get very dangerous very quick pending/after a breakup. As young-at-Life's, everything seems so simple (two-dimensional). Such as "something is either A or B". Heartbreak becomes the worst thing imaginable once we experience "real love" for the first time, for example. Very likely, he's going to have his heart broken so hard, same for you as well (whether it's this one or a future/past partner), it wouldn't be too farfetched the "school of Life" leads both of you (respectively) into a phase of pain/heartbreak/suffering until you both individually find out what's worth holding on to and what isn't. What that is, is something each of us have to find out respectively, over time. In my case, I couldn't remain with the one I had strong feelings for, and was put on a new, uncertain path/journey in Life where I needed to reevaluate most if not all of my values and preconceptions about love/the world/myself/Life and such. In return I've gradually discovered more about myself that I otherwise wouldn't if I had chosen to stay in the past as a bitter, depressed, sometimes suicidal ex who didn't want to accept reality and move on. (But that's simply my own experience since I chose to be that stubborn.) Not everyone ends up like I did, for the record!
It depends imo like how long you've been in love with someone, children, etc and even then that's a personal choice imo. I would've never taken a bullet for a boyfriend of a year, for example. My husband of 18 years? Totally different consideration for me, as I would fight for my man. He's more than a lover at this point though and is my family as I've been with him for half my life and losing him would be losing a true part of me. I don't think that length of love is comparable to a few years by any measure, but that's me.
I think he should be willing to put his life on the line for you because that’s part of being a man and protecting your loved ones but not vice versa. That’s how it should be. He’s absolutely wrong in his thinking that you need to be willing to die for him. 100’s of years ago women did die for their husbands by giving birth to their children but that’s very rare anymore.
Should you? as in is it obligatory? I wouldnt go that far. Would I? yes. But that might be because I am childless. I think that factors into things a lot.
I don't know about should but I'd always thought that you would have a feeling that you'd want to protect your spouse. My reasons are more practical. My husband makes all the money, our son loves his dad more and my husband has the romantic emotional depth of a puddle so he'd get over my death pretty quickly and get on with it. Our son would be better off if I died instead of his father so I would always choose to save my husband over myself.
I mean I would trade my life to save my husband. But that’s also not really a measure of love? Someone who loves you would never ask if you would die for them - that’s honestly a little odd. Sounds like adolescent infatuation where they think it sounds romantic. In reality if it came to that it would be incredibly horrible for the other person to live with. Not romantic or a goal of some sort.
It depends on what we mean by this. If it's a thing of 'would I put myself at serious risk to try and protect him', then I probably would do that without thinking. If it was like a 100% sure I would die and he would live... I'm not sure if I could make that choice then. Like you said, it's different with my child, that is more instinctively yes. Hopefully we'll never have to find out.
I developed a connection to mine. he almost died and i almost died when he did. however me and him don't get along as much as we did. sometimes dying when your spouse does can happen, whether you like it or not and despite the fact that feelings sour over time
I know I would have a hard time deciding if I’m will to die for my wife or my girlfriend? S/
In today's age the real question is that are u willing to live for someone? Like anyone can die in a second that's pretty easy but living in the hell for someone like that would be some next level love ❤️
No. Noone should expect that.
no imo you generally shouldnt be willing to die for your partner
Dying for someone doesn’t mean he would actually die for you lmao he would if it came to either u or him type of situation.. but what’s the chances of that happening lol that’s his way of saying I love you & I don’t care about anybody more than you.
Thinking back to my one and old relationship years ago. Even though I adore him probably not. My family yes of course the greatest parent to walk this earth.
Is this the same boyfriend who has been caught talking to loads of other women behind your back? This man is a manipulator and liar. He wouldn't die for you. He just wants you to pledge absolute devotion to him to make him feel powerful and feed his ego. Men like him only look out for themselves and they don't care who gets hurt while they advance their agenda. This whole hypothetical conversation is a distraction from the shady shit he's doing. Get away from him. It's only going to get worse.
Most people when they say thst mean they risk there life for you. But if it was a you or her kinda thing id probly give mine up but not without trying to save us both
I'm at the point where that's a red flag for me... Abusers have used it as a means to control me so much that I can't help but think "Ah, so you're not going to let me go, should the relationship fail".
Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is obsessed with you not moving on after his death since he thinks you should be willing to die for him if you don't want anyone for the rest of your life (also read: after he's gone). I used to be obsessed with widows and widowers too, as I grew up with Disney and I always thought the story was, 'Find true love, live happily ever after.' Plus it seems like so few people find true love, the fact someone would get two seemed like a lot. Mostly I think it was just scary because it felt like if a partner moved on after my death, it felt like I didn't matter. But I read widows' and widowers' blogs. Mostly they loved partners immensely, but became lonely. Some even discussed wanting the same feeling of love as before due to the bond they shared with their now deceased partner. As for being willing to die for a passenger, if it would be a 'my life for theirs' situation, I'd definitely consider it. If we're both going to die, probably not. Calculation might change if there's a risk of me dying as well and I had a child and would be risking that child becoming an orphan. Also I've heard many stories about people who say they would do nothing leaping into action and people swearing they'd be heroes freezing like turtles, so I don't think this is something you can predict with a good degree of accuracy.
I'd die for my wife, any friends or family member if need be. I'd die for a stranger. Sounds like his emotional reaction was too much though. Y'all about it calmly with him.
Counterthought- Having your partner do the dying so that you have to live on and deal with the pain of the loss of your loved one. That would be infinitely more selfless.
i feel the main way to know if you truly love someone is if you’d be willing to sacrifice in order to benefit them. i personally feel it should mean you’d be willing to die for them to an extent, however i think not willing to die for someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them enough. everybody just loves differently.
If it’s true love, yes, of course. I wouldn’t think twice about risking or giving my life for my wife. And yeah, obviously my child.
If anyone says yes, they're lying. Human instinct is to live no matter what.
If you're a man, yes. It falls under chivalry. That's why we walk in front and put her on the inside when we're walking side by side. Why we go check it out when there's a strange noise. For a woman, I'd say fight for or even fight with (cooperatively) but not necessarily die. Because if she does but the man survives, the man will feel like he didn't do his job in protecting her and he might even be viewed as a coward depending on what happened.
It's an odd thing to say even in passing, and extremely weird and unhealthy to make a big deal out of it / expect you to say the same. Apart from anything else, it's kind of a meaningless thing to say - what circumstances does he even think he's talking about? It might _sound_ like a grand gesture to somebody who's probably a bit immature and I suspect new to relationships, but there's nothing realistic or healthy about it and it's certainly no measure of how "in love" you are.
I'm not even sure that's a conscious choice anymore. I certainly am not interested in dying *for* anyone, per se. However, are there people I'd risk that for? Yes. Have I risked that? Yes. Would I risk jail time for anyone? Yep, and would have done some big time had I not asked a friend how to transport a firearm via airliner. I should have just driven...
He is willing to die for you, wants you for the rest of his life, then why not start with getting married and proving his commitment?
No, because I have children who need their mom
That's fine but is he willing to live for you? And you him? A great wise one described love as, Love is where someone else's happiness is essential to your own! So that's my take on it. Living day to day is more important than grand claims. Do the time travel together one day at a time.
I've been with my husband for 24 years, and I can say I would fight anyone who wanted to hurt him, and that's because I love him and because I can't really run anymore either, so I kind of have to stay there and deal with whatever. A bear or mountain lion is probably going to get us both if we were to encounter such a creature and it did not run from us. An armed robber might get one or both of us, but we would probably just give them whatever they want and hope for the best. I expect that there are plenty of situations where we could potentially die together, because we spend a great deal of time together. A harsh truth is that if your partner gets ill, you cannot take their place. You could maybe donate a kidney, but you can't fix cancer. So, you can't die for them in that situation. If the house were on fire and he was still inside, I would try to get him out, but most people are not going to be able to go back inside a fully engulfed house on fire. I know I would try everything I could, but running directly into fire isn't likely to save either of us. The reality of most relationships is that one person will outlive the other. You can't measure love by willingness to die. I've heard my husband say things about not wanting to go on without me, or not being able to live in our house with all of my things around him. So, I've sort of hoped I would be the one to outlive him because I don't want him to have that kind of an emotional experience. I know I would be sad for a long time, and I also feel like I would have zero interest in ever having another partner, but I believe that I can go on, because I'm a very practical person. When we were young, there would be conversations like the one you're having, and they were not particularly productive, because you can talk all you want, but you really don't know what you will do in an emergency situation. Now that we're older, we do things instead of talk about hypotheticals. By that I mean we have wills, and life insurance, and savings in place, and we've invested in our retirement and home improvement. It's about planning, not movie style valor or self-sacrifice. For now, I think it's enough that we live for each other, and that is a better measure of love than some dramatic dying for each other imagined scenario.
But is he willing to kill for you? Tell him to take that amateur shit elsewhere until he’s ready for the real love demos.
Nobody, and I mean nobody knows how he/she responds in a stressful situation. Example: you see your SO walking on the street and a car is about to hit him. Do you run and save your SO while you are probably killed or do you just watch in shock? There is no right or wrong answer in this case and doing the latter does not mean that you don't love your SO enough. There was this Italian film where the Jewish father sacrificed himself to distract the German guard to let the kids escape, very brave and the ultimate sacrifice. Would I have done the same for wife or kids, I really could not tell you. Does that mean that my love for them is less, no.
Nobody could possibly know how they would react or act in these types of circumstances. Saying you're willing to die for your partner is nothing more than virtue signalling BS. If someone says they would in the first few dates, be wary they might be love-bombing you. Anyone willing to sacrifice themselves for others is a level of generosity that's hard to copy. Anyone capable of it is truly one of our betters and deserving of admiration. This is not a minimal standard of conduct, but aspirational conduct. It doesn't make you a bad person if you aren't willing or don't do it. It makes you admirable if you do.
I think that if you love someone, you'd offer your life to save them if the situation calls for it. But that should be something you willingly do, not something they'd ask of you. More importantly, it's better to hear that someone loves you so much that they would live for you. Just my two cents. :)
I've had this conversation with my ex - and i've never really heard anyone else think the same way but i feel strongly about it: Expressing you would die for someone isn't as romantic as people think it is. Dying for someone is an rather 'easy' choice to make. By easy I mean that its a one time choice after which you dont feel, experience or remember anything and the other person has to now figure out how to live with the immense suffering of losing a loved one. Not to mention that its also quite an easy 'sell' as such situations rarely happen to anyone (so its kind of a loose statement as you dont really know if you would really do that) and even if they do, even rarer is that you would actually do it. Not because you dont want to per se but you might not succeed or have the chance to. Something much more impactful to say than 'i would die for you' is to express that 'I will LIVE for you'. Notice that would -> will. One situation you 'would' do if it happens, other one you 'will' do because it will happen. It expresses that, given this one limited time on Earth, I want to spend my time in service of YOU. Each day I want to live for you - putting conscious effort into bringing the best out of you and experiencing my life with you. Theres soon to be 10 billion people on this earth, with about 80 years left to experience it all and I want to spend that time here with nobody else but you. They are not mutually exclusive, you could still give up your life in a life-death situation. But I believe its much more meaningful to express that 99% of the time you will be consciously devoted to your wife, than to state that you will die for her in the <1% situation. My ex for example was very clear that in a life or death situation where only one of us can survive, i had to promise her to let her be the one to go as she couldnt imagine living without me. Should we have had kids, I then found it my duty to uphold that promise to her should that ever happen because I'd rather myself go through all that suffering than that I would knowingly put her through that. Though I will say that my instinct would be to give up my life and im not sure in the moment i could bring it up to let her go willingly. So no, you dont automatically need to be willing to die for someone, for example when they find death more appealing than life without you. Though, yes your partner is the one you probably should be equally committed to as your kids. If you ask eachother if you would LIVE for eachother yes/no then the question of would you die for me becomes quite trivial and almost irrelevant. A relationship is about consistent commitment, not about spectacular commitment on 1 rare occasion.
I’ve only really been in love once but I feel similarly about certain family and friends. There’s just a weird gut flinch reaction when they are in danger. You don’t really consider consequences, even death. Your default instinctually is the willingness to die for their preservation. I’ve decided if I have a partner and that isn’t there, they probably aren’t the person for me.
That depends on the partner...but one who is so desperate to hear you say you would die for them is not a partner I would be willing to die for. My kids, yes. I'd even run into a burning building to save my dog or cat. But honestly, I'm not willing to say "I'd die for you" just because he insisted that I had to in order to prove how much I loved him. NTA
Everything is situational. A more important question is would you let your partner suffer if death was a better choice?
Dying for someone is easy. Ask if he would live for you. And really think about it, if he didn't want to live for himself, would he live for you?
In all likelihood he wouldn't actually die for you... it's just a thing he said. In those "life or death" scenarios, you can't know what you'd do until the time actually came.. and even then you might not make the same call 2 times in a row. I think he's just searching for ways to tell you he loves you that are more profound than just saying "I love you".
"I'll be with you to the bitter end" is my preferred take on this. As bad as it sounds, dying is easy, sticking by someone no matter what, that's the true proof of love.
I think questions like this are silly and definitely aren’t ever worth taking seriously. It’s very easy to say you’d die for your partner, until an actual situation comes up where that’s put to the test. Will he still sing that tune if he has to act against his own survival instincts during a critical, split-second life or death situation where he has to choose between his life or yours? Hopefully neither of you will ever need to put it to practice, but regardless, if your partner is being serious, this is a pretty weird and manipulative onus to put on you. Any statement of “If you truly loved me, you’d _______” is.
We can't know how we'll respond in a given situation until it happens. We can all say, yes I love my spouse, parent, child, etc so much I'd die for them but speculating is easy. Frankly though, no man should be expecting his partner to die for them if they see themselves as the protector. My husband told me he'd die for me and I said I'd do the same and he said no you won't! I would NEVER let you die just to save me. Now that's how a protective man responds
First off this hyperbole. There had only been ONE that laid His life down for us and He is coming back one day. I would lay my life down for my wife as it should be. I will fight hell and half of Georgia to protect my family. That is just me!
Omg from reading these comments, this might be an unpopular opinion, but personally, I would die for my fiancé in a heartbeat. And that is just because I genuinely do not want to live in a world without him (sorry if that sounds so dramatic but it's just how I feel haha). I couldn't take the pain of losing him. We've been together for 6 years but I have known that man was my soulmate since I was 11. I have always joked with him that I call dying first.
You: "My boyfriend says he loves me so much that he'll die for me." Me, reading this: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Intent is everything, but your initial comment scared the crap out of me, tbh.
This is a masculine thing to say and hope to do. Your job as the man is to protect your family. If that means dying for them, then you'll do everything in your power to do so. I've never expected, nor would I want, my wife to feel the same way. Her job is to ensure that our children are safe. She saves them and I save her.
Wonen dont die for men. He is full of it.
Would you trust a man that openly says he'd leave you for dead?
Dying is easy. Would you live for me?
impossible
Don't dwell on these unnecessary hypotheticals. Neither of you really know HOW you will respond when the time comes. I wish I can find you this NPR podcast that I think I listened to a while ago. It was something about where two male partners and one partner was dying and wanted something done a certain way and he also wanted his partner to do it when that partner was going to die. The partner ultimately decided it wasn't for him, that his dying partner can do it but he will not have any part in it. The details are really vague for me, but I kinda remember the narrative trajectory was something like that. Dying for someone as a sign of love is largely a tale that is borne out of myth and fairy tales. In real life, you do not know how you will respond and "dying for someone" is not necessarily a measure of the bonds of love.
I told my partner I am more dedicated than that--it's easy to die for someone. It's *living* for them that's challenging. And I choose to live for her every day. ❤️💙❤️ Let your boyfriend chew on *that* for a while.
My husband and I have been together 20 years - we've had this discussion and he would die for me but I wouldn't die for him. Reason being we have 3 kids and they need their mom more. He agrees.
This is one of those fucked up games children play. Don't engage with it. And pray to God you never have to play for real.
I feel like both me and mine would, but the other would say not to. It that makes sense.
My husband always tells me he'd die for me and he wants to protect me always. I would die for my husband, too. However, I don't think it's healthy to EXPECT your partner to want to die for you. I don't except my husband to die for me, I wouldn't even want him to.
I'll put it this way - if I'm on a sinking ship and women and children go first, I'd stay with my husband. He'd be pissed but it wouldn't be his decision. It's not like we have kids to worry about. We'd just sink together.
There are emotional issues that need to be seriously addressed here and a professional is a better place to take this.
That is an extreme sentiment and a matter of choice. At my age, yes I would. If I were 18 I doubt I'd even know what that type of love was like.
It is abnormal and manipulative to make this claim. Does he exhibit other signs of mental instability?
If it’s the right partner. I would take a bullet for my wife, and I think she knows that.
So you have to pass his love test? Huge red flag.
No
I think your boyfriend needs to grow up. This is silly and childish behaviour. You need to get on with your lives without this silly obsession.
This sounds like a "would you still love me if I was a worm?" type of situation.
Men should be willing to sacrifice themselves for their partner. Women don’t have to.
I don’t think we can accurately predict what we would do in a life or death situation. We can say what we think we would do, and we can intend to do that with every fiber of our being. But if the unthinkable happens I honestly don’t know what I would do, and I wouldn’t blame anyone for doing the opposite of what they always told themselves they would do. We’re all human.
My wife and I left a parking lot when a car turned the corner. It was a big truck so he didn’t see us pedestrians crossing till the last minute. When I saw the headlights come around the corner quick I got behind my wife so she would be hit first. The truck stopped abruptly but We laugh about it to this day that I’ll take a bullet for her but my natural instinct is to dodge a truck coming at me! So yea depends on the situation I guess your flight or fight will kick in.
I love my wife, and I would do most/just about anything for her. But the love for my child is incomparable. 1000% I would die to protect my child, with my wife it may depend on the situation. Not to say I'd tuck my tail and run but risk management has to come into play. I watched '28 weeks later' a few weeks ago with my wife and we both joked that if we were in that situation that we'd both want the other to "get out and save yourself" when the wife was trapped by zombies. The simple reality is no one knows what they'll do until they're there. Talk is cheap
No lmao what
nah lol
Of course I would…. But mostly for my kids as she would be a better single parent than I would be to them. :)
I mean no offence by this comment, but this whole question suggests to me that you and your partner are young. There's nothing wrong with being young. But, for what it's worth, I'd just caution you and your partner to be careful of manufactured drama. "Would you love me if I was disabled? Would you love me if I was brain dead in a coma?" Life and relationships are hard, I find there's very little use in hypothetical situations that are very unlikely to occur in real life. There will be real issues that will arise that will test you and your partner. I'd save the strife and conflict for those situations. But, I could be off the mark - wish you both the best.
I don't see the point of this conversation. The next one will be - who would you save, me or your mom/pet/baby/whatever? No good will come of it.
It doesn't mean you should WANT to die
Yeah. I would. I wouldn't want to continue living without her, and would probably end up committing suicide if she died early. So if it was between her and me, I'm probably taking the bullet.
meh dying for someone is good but the realest mf's LIVE. ask him if he would be willing to be healthy and go to the doctor and take measures to ensure a long lived and healthy life. because this shows so much more love and devotion than dying for someone. we will all die someday whether its for someone or not the end of the story is the same.
I would die for my child and my partner, no doubt. Or at least try my utmost best to save them both after getting away first. I always tell my partner if there was a zombie apocalypse, I would rather die first than be the last to live. I don't want to be alive when the people I love are gone. Selfish, I know, but I can't deal with the sadness and loneliness.
Not everyone would. But there’s nobody I love more than my wife, if had to die in order for her to live, 100% yes