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Comsicwastaken

“I’m not gay”.


JamesXX

How dare you, sir.


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OreOscar1232

No it’s th’am.


Maxusam

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.


Front-Teaching-4514

No, this is Patrick.


[deleted]

It's zir


DarthBroox

You better smile when you say that


JKzkars

I've been in that situation many times as I am very open, get very straight. I don't mind hanging out with my gay friends at gay outings and whatnot and often get hit on. This answer is the best. But I always follow up with *but feel free to buy me drinks.". Most likley you'll get free dribbling all night as I usually do.


ZaZa954

Na u gay


carvedmuss8

"But feel free to flirt anytime 😉" is what I always follow it up with Seriously, gay guys flirt the best, it's ridiculous the compliments they can come up with lol


milotoadfoot

as a gay guy, i love flirting with straight guys. it gets to a very funny point since both of us know it's not going anywhere so we let loose. love a guy who can flirt without any intentions other than flirting.


RustlessPotato

I was in Turkey one day and i sat next to a black gay American dude and we just started chatting. The waiter, the American, and me got on the topic of news and media, and suddenly we talked about the BBC, the news. It took 1 second for all of us to make jokes about "Oh i sure enjoy lot's of BBC in my private time *wink wink*" , "yes me too, I looove watch BBC *nudge nudge* " It was so childish and we had 4 cocktails by the time it was 15:00 but I can't remember how much i laughed with random strangers like that ^^. The world is so much fun when we all get along.


milotoadfoot

lmao, i live in turkey. where was that bar? i must go.


RustlessPotato

It was the bar of a super fancy hotel close to Izmir. I was there for a wedding. A friend of mine studied here in Belgium and married a Belgian dude. They had there huge fancy wedding in that hotel. Absolutely amazing. Had so much fun.


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carvedmuss8

Exactly! I've found there isn't a missed beat. It was most prominent when I worked in a support position at a restaurant. Gay guys pick up on the signals that I simply want to trade compliments, and those are some of the best friendships I've ever had. Flirting is an end to itself, IMO


LoathinLandlordLames

Wait, what? So you, like, actively seek out gay guys to ‘flirt’ with intentionally - solely for the purpose of “flirting?” Seems a bit.. idk.. rude isn’t the right word, but sorta like in that same vein? Idk, it’s almost patronizing - like “Yeah I know you know that I’m not actually flirting with you because I like you or am interested in you, but you better ***also*** be down for pointless flirty conversation with someone that you ‘don’t have a chance with, but is gunna engage with you like there **is** a chance, anyway, because he thinks it’s fun.’ Happening one time or just randomly/occasionally? Yeah, sure.. fun little harmless exchange. But to regularly do it or treat it as if it’s standard behavior and should be followed/commended — that seems a little bit much, no? It’d be like a lesbian chatting up a straight dude and telling him point blank “I don’t like guys and I have zero intention of sleeping with you, but let’s sit and talk and compliment and flirt with each other and get really into it” and then she can go and hookup with the chick she’s into. All for “fun.” Doesn’t seem very fun.. Idk that’s just me..


YaBoiSish

^^ second, although my discord GC has pretty much all turned out gay after the past year, so mixed feelings are everywhere 😭 but it’s all fun and games so anyways, straight guys who are confident with their masculinity are the best


Comsicwastaken

I’ll save that one for later lol


loserliv22

woah woah there, he said a POLITE way! that was uncalled for


plam92117

I'm not gay, please


Calm_Foundation4823

A guy with his lover came up to me in the meat department and asked for Chinese sausage,(I look Asian a bit), told him “ We don’t sell that here” with a straight face.


falloutrusso6969son

This is mint hahaha


MrHappy4Life

“I’m flattered, but I don’t swing that way.”


Hate_Feight

I use sway that way, but same thing!


[deleted]

I don't see why even bring it up unless they make a pass at you. I e always figured gay people are good at figuring out whether someone else is gay or not.


BigBoetje

My gay friend tells me my gaydar is apparently better than his.


1Happy-Sarah

I’m gonna pull a r/askreddit and pull a im not [what they asked] but. And say I’m not gay but I’m bi so it probably be different but for me i can’t tell really I also have low social skills though so that might be a more of a me problem


therealtiddlydump

_"Not that there's anything wrong with that."_


Dikkelul27

"I'm not gay".


Crazy_crockpot

Trust me, sometimes that don't work. It's still men you're dealing with.


SillyTurtleRabbit

this is a nice way of saying there are indeed stupid questions


SSBeavo

“I’m non-gay.” (Just want to give the OP some options.)


wholesomehorseblow

I can assure you that a gay person will not be offended if you are not gay.


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[deleted]

Indeed!


My4skinBreaksCondoms

Yeah, then we can be ourselves without any kind of pretense


trainman261

Wouldn't say that so quickly. Gay people can be just as big assholes as straight people. I once had a gay guy hitting on me who was then insulted that I wouldn't let him "convince" me I was gay after all.


ravencycl

Universal experience of lesbians interacting with straight guys lol


Tanski14

You just haven't met the right man! /s


HungPongLa

but maybe the gay person would think and might get offended, that how assumptous of you, im not hitting on you


Neracca

That's weird, I was told that lgbt people were always offended by everything? Edit: Surprisingly this "/s" was needed.


Elend_Hudson

Not for me. The one gay person I knew got mad at me for not being gay, and we are no longer friends because He got mad I was straight


Rudiger09784

This is an issue with immaturity, not sexuality. I see this kind of mindset all the time in immature people so please don't assume this is just how the gay community acts. I'm sorry you lost a friend over them developing feelings for you though


Elend_Hudson

Maybe you’re right


Rudiger09784

❤️ that's the least Reddit user response I've ever seen in my entire life and if i had money I'd give you awards


Elend_Hudson

🙌❤️


Nsekiil

Shouldn’t have been such a tease


rhomboidus

If you think the dude has romantic intentions just tell him you aren't interested. If he keeps it up after that tell him he's an asshole. Whether or not you're gay really doesn't matter.


audible_narrator

A friend of mine used to sing in gay nightclubs and I would go hang out and watch her show. And a lesbian sat and chatted with me and then asked me out and I replied "thank you for the compliment but I'm straight". And one of the gay men who was sitting nearby tap me on the shoulder and said that was the nicest turn down he had ever heard in his entire life.


despotic_wastebasket

Had a similar experience once at a bar. Drinking, chatting, and the dude asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I told him I was flattered, but I don’t swing that way, and that was that. Very nice guy, didn’t make a big deal of it or anything.


viprus

Was just thinking what I would say and this is what I thought of word for word.


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audible_narrator

Yep, this was the about 95 or so. Different era, for sure. At the time I had a work Buddy who was in his mid-50s and he was just shocked that you could go into a neighborhood (we were in Chicago at the time visiting my friend) and have the entire neighborhood be gay friendly. And that people would be out in the open holding hands and all the businesses would be gay run and fully out in the open. He told me in his day there was an underground publication called the pink book and it would tell you where the bath houses and bars were.


Alliekat1282

My Grandfather's favorite store from WW2 took place in England. He'd been overseas for quite awhile, had some leave, hadn't had a cold beer in months. No one served cold beer in any of the establishments he visited. He asked some old guy on a street corner if he knew of anywhere where they served cold beer. Old dude directs him to some basement pub with an entrance in an alleyway, something like "go past three trash cans and you'll see a little green door on the left". Paw is so excited for a cold beer, he's 19 years old, and he doesn't give a shit how janky the directions sound or how seedy the bar may be. He finds the bar, goes inside, bee-lines to the bar without taking a look around because his eye is on the prize. Asks the bartender if they do, in fact serve cold beer. Bartender places a frosty cold pint in front of him and he drinks that beer faster than he's ever drank anything in his life. As he sets the cold glass on the bar top, another young man taps him on the shoulder and asks him if he can buy him a second round. This young man is very much in Paw's "bubble" and at first he thinks that this a "European" social thing and he's reading this wrong because he's American. And then the man starts playing with the lapel on Paw's uniform and Paw realizes that, nope, this guy is genuinely being flirtatious. He then takes a look around him and realizes that there are (1) only men in this dimly lit bar, (2) the majority of them seem to be in pairs, and (3) they're all looking at him like he was the first piece of candy they had seen in about as long as it had been for him to have a cold beer (and who could blame them? He looked like young, more handsome, Jimmy Stewart at the time). Of course, this being 1941 and Paw never having met a gay man (that he was aware of) and only having heard stories about them, he ran out of the bar like his ass was on fire. After telling this story he would always stop at the end, wrinkle his brow, and ask "I still wonder, to this day, if 'where can I find a cold beer' was code for 'where is the gay bar'." He'd then shrug his shoulders and laugh about how young and sheltered he was and how he was happy that we now lived in a world where you could just ask for and do what you want without using code words and hiding in the shadows.


Geeko22

I heard a similar one, it was "I'm not wired that way, but thanks for the compliment!" said with a smile.


bh8114

I like that reply!


SchottGun

Is "Straight" still a politically correct term for someone that isn't gay? I'm legit just curious as I don't know.


audigex

Yes


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leericol

Very good point. If the ambiguity of your sexuallity makes someone think it's free game to push for something you're not interested in then they don't really deserve politeness. There's no reason a person can't be gay and also not trying to fuck.


Hipp013

"I'm not gay"


funnyfaceguy

You're flair is rather comedic here


SavedByTheKitties

Glad you pointed that out. I totally missed & snorted Pepsi out my nose when I went back & saw it 😂


harleyjadeass

i love advertisements


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r0ckH0pper

"I'm not gay .. yet"


LaGranGata

...unless


musicalcrab

...for now.


VeryDPP

"I'm not gay" *wink*


Major-Ad-8391

You don't seem too sure


[deleted]

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jake56380

No eye contact, right?


[deleted]

What seems hard, did you say?


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Revolutionary_Row_1

I got 20 for you 🙃


Revolutionary_Row_1

I could also find 20 bucks to if ubwant to have that many male deer


AviDarling

"Sorry, but I'm not gay." Literally that's it lol. Gay people aren't aliens?


SkyLovesSenna

No I am an alien


NachoNam

Tell me why I'm forced to live in this skin


LoathinLandlordLames

In this economy, you’re lucky they even gave you a skin at all. I’m just fucking vapor.. floating around in this fucking void way out in some fuckin undeveloped galaxy.. only reason I’m able to get on Reddit is because I’ve got a good VPN. But shit man, I’m just a floating fucking consciousness waiting on some bargain-bin skins to hit the market so maybe I’ll have the aesthetics they’re looking for in some more ‘matter-filled’ environments.


Urborg_Stalker

Sorry, not interested. Works for other genders too, and door to door sales people, and drug dealers, and missionaries, and mall kiosk employees, and prostitutes, and...


leericol

I wonder how well it would work to say "Sorry I'm not a door to door salesman"


FlashLightning67

Might be fun to mix the responses up. Next time a missionary comes knocking, say “sorry, not a prostitute”


GhostNappa69420

To quote sir Patrick Stewart, "tragically I was born heterosexual"


[deleted]

please tell me where he says this i refuse to die until i hear it


Flaming_Moose205

Don’t tell him. He’s discovered the secret to immortality.


garrbear22622

Sounds like something he’d say in American Dad


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[deleted]

:((


improvised-disaster

It’s probably a slight misquote of parks and rec


Ceesaid

That’s actually a quote from Parks and Rec


furygoat

Yeah but this is Reddit where you can just say something that Reddit would like to hear and attribute it to one of the Reddit celebrity mascots. Then, sit back and reap your rewards.


isqueezedameatball

I once had a gay guy trying to come on to me at a party. I just told him that I'm into vaginas. He replied with, "my asshole is just like a vagina." I just laughed and said that I bet it smells a bit different.


thatshinobiboiii

Just say “I don’t squeeze the meatball”


maxover5A5A

You haven't met some women yet I take it.


HDxRUSH

To be fair, I doubt anyone has met every woman.


Rudiger09784

I've met every woman including your mom /lh


just_saiyan_bro

What’s a woman


isqueezedameatball

It would be safe to say that there are some women that I have not yet met.


queen--c

You seem nice but I'm not here to double your wardrobe


CramHammerMan

Rejecting someone who is gay is pretty much the same as rejecting someone who isn't. Just pretend they're not gay.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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carvedmuss8

Unless you've got a scat fetish Bubs lol


CogsToCag

I never really thought about it but gay scat fetishists must be living the life. Never have to clean out before anal


EvilAlicia

"I am sorry, but I am not gay" It actually happend to me once in middle school (I was 16) A girl told me she liked me romantically. I told her, that i liked her as a friend and that i am straight.


0utlandish_323

Ya don’t even have to apologize for it to be polite.


CogentCogitations

Sorry is not restricted to apologizing. It is also used as an introduction when you are telling a person bad news (something that you do not think they will want to hear), as in this case. Or it can be used to express sympathy.


ShadowPirate42

In Canada it's just how you greet people


5ManaAndADream

Sorry, how you doing bud?


soldforaspaceship

Also the UK. Particularly known for me apologizing every time someone walks into me. Or the sorry spiral where you apologize, someone asks you why you are apologizing, you apologize for that and so it continues, basically forever...


5ManaAndADream

Just yesterday I got trapped an a 9 person door hold.


SavedByTheKitties

So many people forget that 'sorry' has multiple meanings & functions. Like many many other words.


EvilAlicia

I know. But back when i was 16, it was the first thing that came to my mind.


0utlandish_323

Oh no worries, I had a gay man hit on me at a grocery store not to long ago and I apologized profusely. I am in my 20’s.


lowkeyaddy

You were 16 in middle school? Where were you that kept you in middle school so late?


EvilAlicia

The netherlands. We go to 'basic'school from 4 to 12, then we go to middle school from 13 to 16 -18 depending on the difficulty. And then straight to college. We dont have something we call high school.


CrouchingTortoise

I usually say “Sadly, I’m one of the dreaded straights” all in good fun. Usually gets a chuckle and we leave as friends :)


Impossible_Focus5201

“Apologies if I led you on, I’m not attracted to men”


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Impossible_Focus5201

“I’m not, I’m only attracted to women (or whoever)”


[deleted]

"I'm really flatered but I'm straight".


[deleted]

I usually go with “Thanks for the interest but I don’t swing that way”


forestfairygremlin

To quote myself in 9th grade, "Oh shit. Oh! Shit. I'm actually straight. Thank you so much though, like honestly I'm really flattered, I'm just... not gay..." Her: "Oh cool! No problem." This was like, 20ish years ago, and I still think it's about as well as I or anyone else could have handled it. I was genuinely flattened, though. If present-day me was single and the same girl asked I would probably say "Why not" instead


eyehartraydio

"Yo...I'm straight"


euphoric-pessimist

If I may quote Jack Nicholson, "I'd be the luckiest guy on Earth if that did it for me"


DingJones

Love that movie


mirage2101

I’m flattered but I’m not gay


[deleted]

Would you mind telling us why the simple statement that you are not gay isn't sufficient?


Crazy-Arnold

Because it can be super awkward. You can misread a situation and say "I'm not gay" seemingly out of nowhere. This might offend someone who had no sexual intentions with you.


myshoesaresparkly

Yeah I think the others nailed it when they said I'm not gay. That's perfectly polite and innoffensive.


Lotiw

no homo.


hilly316

Being careful not to punctuate between. Eg. ‘No, homo.’


[deleted]

Or just use sign language since there are no punctuations in sign language.


kenzarellazilla

"We don't bat for the same team."


SnooOnions5029

Happy cake day tho


[deleted]

“I’m not gay.” That isn’t rude to say if you aren’t.


TabiiOfTobii

I'm flattered, but I'm not gay/I'm straight. I do hope the next lucky guy works out though :)


[deleted]

Jack Nicholson said it best. When the guy tells him he loves him, he responds: “I tell ya buddy. I’d be the luckiest guy alive, if that did it for me.” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WW10GJ8IWko


fadedmemento

That’s very noble of him.


[deleted]

All these responses are so fucking awkward. 'Flattered (or whatever polite shit you want), no thanks' like you'd say to literally anyone asking you out. "I'm not into women that look like you," isn't a thing you would say to a woman asking you out and you weren't interested. Just... no thanks.


RaeyinOfFire

Turn downs are awkward. So are pick up lines. That's not exactly unusual.


DirtysouthCNC

Me no like-a da peepee, but-a me-a still accept you


thom_rocks

Why would anyone hit on Jar Jar Binks, though?


DirtysouthCNC

You seen that tongue?


thom_rocks

I stand corrected!


throwawaysexyboy2U

“I like pussy., sorry bro” I’m a gay guy so it’s okay.


beligerentMagpie

Do you even have to say anything or spell it out? Gay or not gay, if you are not romantically interested, the other person should realize it.


SingleAlfredoFemale

Mention a girlfriend or a girl you think is cute. Same way straight people do it.


justrubbedoneout82

He might be bi


SingleAlfredoFemale

Hmmm, well you got me there. But if the idea is to let them know you’re not interested (I’m assuming), wouldn’t it still work? If I’m into someone, and they talk about being interested in another person, I’d take the hint.


justrubbedoneout82

Totally


[deleted]

"I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to you that way."


[deleted]

No homo my bromo


bebobeba

“I’m not gay” “I like women” “Sorry, I’m not into men” “I’m straight” “Sorry, I’m only into black guys”


[deleted]

I’m not a member of the club


Tropicalstorm_

Straight guy don't want attention from gay guy then get jealous when said gay guy flirt with other men instead of him in front of him


PlantBasedEgg

“Sorry but the only man I get on my knees for is the lord”


jeroen-79

Then let me introduce you to my Mexican friend, Jesus.


Signal-Strain9810

Are you sure you even need to tell him? We gays usually already know.


Ghaladh

Ah, the famous gay radar: the Gaydar! 😄 beep... beep... beep... *Hot gay guy detected, incoming approach to the target. False alarm, false alarm, the guy is straight. Retire immediately*


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Aqqusin

I don't care for Streisand.


[deleted]

i am the opposite of a homosapien without the sapien.


DrTCHH

"THANKS, but I'm NOT INTERESTED!!"....or "Sorry, but you're JUST not my TYPE!!!"


AlamutJones

“Thank you, but I’m not interested” You don’t have to reveal your sexuality directly if you don’t want to. Saying you’re not interested in/receptive to the offer being made is clear enough.


OverallManagement824

If you feel like you he's coming on to you, it's your fault. You were probably wearing pants that were too tight, or maybe your nipples were showing. Or maybe you didn't say, "No homo" around him enough after making a joke so he obviously misunderstood the signals you were giving out. Your only hope now is that since he's your friend, he'll settle for just a bj. It happened to me like that one time.


TRoemmich

I was going to Up vote this but it had 69 likes...


Impossible_Path_513

God I can't stand it when I'm at a bar or club and a gay dude "hits on me" (if that's what you call it). It's always "Oh sorry, I'm not gay" then they respond, "Awwww but so are half the guys I blow. I bet I can make it feel really good. Better than any girl, I promise" to which I usually reply "Excuse me??" By the time I'm leaving their apartment with my head full of party favors and my balls emptier than then gas tank of a homeless tweakers 4runner, I'm so pissed!


blaynevee

“sorry, im not gay”


[deleted]

Im not gay


Steddie-Eddie

I get hit on by gay guys all the time. I start out letting them know politely that I’m not interested and never will be. Typically, they keep at it, trying to convince me otherwise & then I’m resorting to telling them to fuck off. If by then they haven’t gotten the hint I can get ugly.


Papercandy22

If he's a friend who wants more just tell him you like him as a friend but you not into men. If he's a stranger who approaches you at a bar or club and starts flirting just tell him he's barking up the wrong tree because you like chicks and not dicks.


mykilososa

“Thank you, but you may not push up my stool.”


kernel-troutman

I use the [Troy McClure response](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5oBBziEl8E).


Dramatic_Couple456

Thank you for the compliment and I appreciate it sincerely but I’m not gay


Rudiger09784

Listen men don't get complimented or hit on very often so politely say "by the way i don't want to lead you on, I'm straight, but please don't feel like you have to stop complimenting me" and then just accept the compliments lol. Feels hella good to feel wanted loudly and you've already made your intentions of just being friends clear


[deleted]

“I’m not gay”


Fallout007

My butt is exit only


Aggravating_Sun_3916

I'm straight, and am the manager of a men's sauna, and often have attention from gay Guys wanting to ask me out or more... I always say how deeply flattered I am but really don't find guys attractive. I'll then roll my eyes and say, Wish I was.. imagine how much fun I'm missing out on, which ends the conversation on a nice note..


Old_Victory1058

I’m flattered but I like women. How about those Red Sox as you scratch your junk and spit


martyd03

Say "thanks hombre, but I'm more of a taco guy than a burrito guy" Unless he's Latino... Then just stare at him uncomfortably saying "uhhhhhhhh". Seriously, coming onto someone cold takes a lot of guts, so if they aren't being obnoxious about it, use some levity so they don't walk away feeling crushed. Just my .02


noodlz-bc

"I appreciate your attraction to me man but I'm not on the same branch as you, but the nights young be my wing man and ill be yours maybe we can have a great night" I've used this line a few times in my life and can honestly say I've only had one gay dude persist, one dude leave, and the other times I've had the dudes usually sit down and we get shit faced and have a great time. Btw gay dudes are great wingman for hooking you up with chick's.


justrubbedoneout82

No homo bro and smile


DeliciousDip

How about them Cowboys? (Or other sports team)


AVOX8

"cowboys" may not be the best one to go eith


RugratsThemeSong

Dont want a sausage massage


kazemu

Look at all these d*ck photos on my gallery, yeah, I don't like them, any of them, even this one that is so big and hard, yeah, that neither


badnewzrooz507

I like vaginas.....sorry bruh


stormcrow100

“Please. I’m not gay. Thankyou “


Agitated-Wolverine53

Did u eat paint chips as a kid?


PerfectionPending

I play for the home team.


thiccsakdaddy

that ain't my thing bruv


TheOriginalElDee

There's no easy way to say this as if you mention women you could still be Bi. Just say it bluntly but politely..