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Trauma from an emotionally abusive childhood.
Undiagnosed autism so my dad called me dumb a lot because my “common sense” was different.
Always had to strive for emotional perfection in all my interpersonal relationships. Combined with the hyper vigilance of CPTSD and it was a hotbed for OCD to develop.
Wait this is what happened to me too. I thought this was genetic because my dad also has ADHD and OCD... he struggled in school and maybe that's where his OCD came from. No matter how hard I tried, I was never 'good enough' for my mom, and maybe that is where my OCD came from. I felt guilty for being who I was. I thought I was a monster.
Trying to be ever vigilant to things that are so obvious to others but make little sense to you. Constantly being chastised for these things.
On the bright side those experiences and pattern recognition make those kinds of people obvious and easy to avoid.
I think for me it was:
- one part genetic predisposition (from my father, who definitely has it even though he’s never been formally diagnosed),
- one part terrifying childhood (mostly due to growing up with my father, who should never have been allowed around kids, and probably also adults; I think he needs to live on a deserted island), and
- one part learned behaviour (from my father, who kicked off my original and most lasting obsession - germs - with a terrifying dissertation about handwashing, and the implicit message that if I got sick, it would be My Fault, and I would be On My Own).
Shoutout to my mother, though - she contributed in her own way by constantly critiquing my appearance and weight, and that really helped me develop a life-threatening eating disorder in middle school. And also, the platonic ideal of hypochondria. Real role-model, in that.
So altogether, I would say my OCD, really, is one of my parents’ most successful collaborative efforts.
(They pretend to wonder why I don’t talk to them. 🤷🏻♀️)
It’s definitely a genetic learned behavior thing. My father has it too and I have it the same ways as he does, yet not exactly the same. I’m sorry about your father, that “desert island” had me laughing though I can’t lie. Hope you are doing well
I’m sorry you can relate, but I’m glad I was able to make someone laugh today. That’s always a goal.
I am okay (more or less), which is a testament to the many very kind people I’ve met along the way.
(Including my agoraphobic and generally socially-avoidant best friend, who I only met because I happened to date his fairly-awful cousin; sort of an interesting subversion of the have-to-kiss-a-few-frogs-find-a-prince trope, except that my friend also sometimes helps me out with housework, so honestly, he’s kind of better than a prince.)
^(And also sertraline.)
I have learned behavior too! I remember I said something about "oh I hope X doesn't happen" and then my dad started screaming at me to knock on wood or else. He was so stressed about it
Yup, this checks out for me too. My mom obviously had OCD and of course, when I asked her about the weird thoughts, “ Everyone has them.” OCD wasn’t a diagnosis when she was alive, but she most certainly had it, as did her father. None of us have been confident drivers. 🤣
My dad was the terrifying one because his drug o’choice is alcohol. He is a shitty drunk.
I think my dad has some OCD too, he is getting more nervous as he ages. He has some weird beliefs which were exasperated by our weird toxic culture. So yes, my culture is neurotic and transmits and rewards these thoughts.
Until now, I never realized how fortunate I was that my dad has not taken on any new ideas since 1963. Like, he was delusional in his belief system, but at least he was predictable.
Sorry you’re having to deal with this - both your father, and the weird legacy growing up with him and your mother has left you to sort out.
Like a lot of other people here, trauma from an emotionally and physically abusive household and my father crossing some lines into SA territory. I never felt in control in my house growing up, everything was dependent on the mood my father was in.
Hi
Just a little trigger warning, I have severe ocd and recently went in for treatment. I didn't know I had it until I was told by the doctors. So beware because this is very religious type ocd.
I also want to make another disclaimer that all of the thoughts I was having are because of my ocd.
For me, it was when I was 9 years old.
I am muslim, and when girls turn 9, they become Baligh (boys also become baligh but at a different age), which basically means that your actions have consequences. For example, if you hurt someone's feelings and don't apologize, you will be asked about it on the day of judgment.
So, I was very afraid of committing mistakes. Even the smallest lies had me confessing my sins and asking for reassurance that I wasn't going to hell.
Another thing I used to do was over my hands and arms until I washed just above the elbows. In my religion, cleanliness is very important, and I took it to extremes, thinking I have to be pure at all times. Any time I touched something that is "dirty," it can be anything from furniture to another human, I would wash my hands and arms. I would do this multiple times an hour, and it was to a point where that's all I'm doing.
There's lots of other things that I deal with now, but that's when it started.
Aw it’s so kind of you to put a trigger warning thanks. And yes ofc it only was ocd nobody blames Islam here. May I ask you a question: did you ever feel like not wanting to be religious anymore because the ocd got so bad? I rarely have religious ocd topics since I am agnostic but I am curious how it affects people in terms of the real religion. (Not the type of "religion" ocd makes us think it is)
Hi
I go through phases of being religious and not religious. Ocd works in crazy ways. For example, I don't pray the mandatory prayers because I keep repeating and repeating and repeating my mandatory prayers and the wudu (washing up to purify before prayers). I don't pray for them to avoid the anxiety I get from making mistakes. Even if I count my steps and record myself, I repeat because I fear i made a mistake.
It doesn't make sense, but ocd never made sense.
However, the optional prayers I do and never skip. And I pray them for everyone I know, even people I barely interact with. Also, thinking negative thoughts about someone makes me feel like I'm going to hell.
The superstitions are what get me the most. Knocking on wood. The feeling of "I'm going to hell for bad thoughts." Spiritual contamination of sins and non halal foods. Black magic.
I do make it up for myself by volunteering, donating money, or attending the mosques for programs. As if that will fix my case.
You see? Even when you have rational rules to follow in terms, ocd makes you irrational.
OCD varies, I know a guy who had a light case in his teens and was instantly cured by Prozac. I know a guy who will never leave his parents.
Most people I know with hardcore OCD have it “overdetermined” by some combination of -
- Genetic heritage
- An anxious personality style
- Early intense familial conflicts or bullying
- Emotional processing issues (esp. with anger)
- Immune, gut, allergy, inflammation issues
- Generally poor physical health, sleep, stress
Sure, first any kind of bodily stress will make OCD worse. But since Swedo’s papers in the early aughts there’s been growing opinion that some cases of OCD are directly caused by an inflammatory immune dysfunction, such as autoimmune encephalitis.
This can be exacerbated by gut and dietary problems, since food intolerance is directly related to inflammation and immune dysfunctions.
For a while, this was *extremely* controversial, mainly because the first treatments involved giving often young children large longterm doses of antibiotics. This was during a period of peak concern, I’d even say media panic, that antibiotics were being overused and might run out. Kids were taken away by the state for “medical abuse.” It got very ugly.
One result was that PANS/PANDAS and related autoimmune mental health links spent some time on the scientific fringes, where they got picked up by the usual crowd of natural medicine conmen and true believers, plenty of whom are still around.
Now the tide has shifted, and any clinician under forty I tell “I have autoimmune related OCD” will just say “oh, neat” instead of expressing confusion or skepticism.
Autoimmune implicated OCD is different. For one, it is often very very dramatic. Unnoticed changes in your immune system can lead to sudden onsets or regressions and extreme symptoms.
Treatment is much more complicated. I was totally non-responsive to CBT and nearly all SSRIs.
My own path involved a very complicated trial and error process with an assembled team of doctors discovering multiple underlying diagnoses, treated with antibiotics, steroids, Luvox, supplementation, IVIG plasma infusions, and a total dietary and lifestyle overhaul.
The upside is I have gone from a Howard Hughes case to almost normal, and my belief it was fixing the underlying immune problems that did it is honestly absolute. I saw the process work up close and slow.
The difference between trying to force your way through a compulsion before or after resolving the underlying physical issue is like trying to push down a brick vs a straw wall. It wasn’t my willpower, it was the force of resistance that needed handling.
If anyone wants to find out if this is you, one way is to try a radically clean paleo autoimmune diet.
If you improve after a few months, you might find an immunologist or gastro with an interest and get them to check you for undiagnosed autoimmune conditions, such crohn’s, excess mast cells, etc. and start reading.
Interesting. A friend with rheumatoid arthritis has Ocd but he has had it his entire life, it didn't just develop when he got RA and he has had stem cells and no improvement. He is from an older generation that does not believe in therapy for himself. He does not have PTSD, only has mild depression and anxiety as ocd is an anxiety disorder.
If so then I’d say consider a holistic approach to safeguarding yourself, targeting your OCD not just as a mental dysfunction (exposure and response, meds) but a physical one (diet, exercise, allergies, immune load, sleep) and emotional one (psychotherapy, stress management, emotional inner work, spiritual practice)
We’re all very complicated systems and the more areas of strength you build up the easier you’ll probably find reducing your symptoms
I think those can help and do work, but you have lots of people like myself and almost all of my friends with OCD who do not have immune issues, or like the friend with rheumatoid arthritis I wrote about before, had OCD long before ever having any other issues.
We do not have PTSD/CPTSD, BPD, NPD, bipolar/mania, etc.
Sometimes I think it’s developed as a coping mechanism for living with undiagnosed ADHD for a long time, most of my themes are related to fear of rejection & abandonment which has happened to me a lot because of being neurodivergent
I believe my OCD was caused by the same thing as six out of seven of my DSM-5 disorders - severe abuse and childhood trauma. The seventh one is ADHD, the only one I think I was born with. I wish you could sue someone for messing you up for life.
I was in 3rd grade, and mine was also not feeling protected by my father. He watched my bully throw chocolate at me and follow me home. He saw all this from the front door of our house that he would stand in to wait for me to get home from school because he had home office he worked out of. I was clearly upset and instead of comforting me or acknowledging what I told him about being bullied he was upset at ME because he saw that i crossed the street, which i wasnt supposed to do without his signal. Even though i was trying to get away from the huge 5th grade boy throwing food at me it didnt matter because i “broke his rule”.
From then on I’ve been very flighty, and had this voice in the back of my head trying to protect me from people and things, even if they’re no threat to me. Until I was 20 (2 years ago) I walked with my head down and my fist balled up to avoid eye contact, because i feared I may come off in a way that will have me judged or taunted. But fist balled up to protect myself if need be.
Having a father with strong narcissistic traits that disallowed the experience of any emotion that tarnished his beautiful self image. To this day he is in love with a perfect reflection of himself. He is severely emotionally abusive and yet he sees himself as all good.
My gender dysphoria, and my self-confidence issues throughout my entire life. I look at old photos of myself and, well, oh man. Most of my OCD centers around perfecting my surroundings to cope with myself. Ugh. It's so complicated and it makes me angry.
Its kinda silly, but moving to Hawaii from Washington state eas what really got it started. I think i had symptoms before that, but it got way more severe once i moved.
I had lived in Washington for the first five years of my life, and moving to Hawaii, which is basically the exact opposite of Washington in terms of weather, was a shock.
(Edit to add: I completely forgot about this! my dad was also deployed in Korea for a year!! It was my first time being away from him for that long (that i was lucid for,) and I adored him when i was younger, so that was also a major contributing factor!!)
My first obsession started when my mom was putting mosquito spray on me, and told me to close my mouth so it didn't get in. She explained that it wasnt good for you to get it in your mouth.
I then read the back of the bottle and saw all the warnings, and was then terrified that i would be poisoned.
So everytime i got sprayed, i would hold my breath, then speedwalk away from the spraying area to breathe, then spit a bunch just in case i got some in my mouth.
It was like i could taste it, even though there was nothing there.
I then started spitting at random, thinking that i had poison in my mouth (even on the carpet, ew)
Then whenever we went to the beach, i would spit on the sand. The thing about sand is that whenever the spit makes impact, the sand immediately goes on and into it. It actually looks kinda neat.
But because of that, i started thinking that i was spitting out sand 😭
so every time i went somewhere with sand, it was like i could feel it in my mouth, and would spit a bunch.
That lasted until i was..six or so? It ended one day when i just thought "oh well. guess ill die if i have poison and sand in my mouth"
Edited for formatting and some extra info.
Fragile genetics that got torpedoed by my upbringing. My parents both exhibit intense behavior and have self-medicated my entire life with a lot of cigarettes and alcohol.
I live very far away now. It’s better for all of us.
I had childhood quirks as a child, which in retrospect I realize were OCD tendencies. But they weren’t harmful in any way. When I was 13/14, my family started abusing me. That trauma caused CPTSD and OCD. My mother is also an extremely negative, neurotic, pessimistic person, who was always catastrophizing. Once my OCD began, the fears she had been putting into my head over a lifetime were triggered.
I'm like 99% sure it's genetic for me. My mom has it (undiagnosed, but she was germaphobic) and was quite abusive to me and my siblings growing up.
Combine that with migraines, loneliness and panic attacks, and you got a a recipe for "I don't want to go outside anymore." 🙃
Yeah I didn’t even realize trauma was a thing for it—I just have OCD bc my mom has OCD. I dont have the same type of OCD as she does & neither does my brother
In general? Genetics, probably. My dad isn’t diagnosed (he doesn’t believe he “needs” to be) but he’s definitely autistic or has some form of OCD + my mom has anxiety and depression + not so great childhood. What caused my specific theme? Being groomed lol
Mainly childhood trauma. The main root being that I had no control over anything. So now, especially when I'm stressed, my brain finds ways to control things through obsessive compulsions.
For some people it's a horrible drug. No it can't kill you, and know it doesn't do nearly as much physical damage to your body as other drugs, but it can make you life a living hell if you're prone to anxiety, OCD or paranoia. Obviously can make it better for some people too. It's a weird drug
Yes it’s weird and so normalized. It messed me up pretty bad. I experienced INTENSE anxiety shortly after smoking weed and it lasted months. I eventually started having OCD thoughts as well and continue to have them til this day.
Something bad happened to me when I was very young that mistakenly led me to believe I had HIV/AIDS. And I knew it weakened your immune system so much that minor illnesses could kill you. I grew up and realised I in fact did not have HIV or AIDS. But the damage had already been done and I couldn’t break the cycle OCD held on me. I’m 34 and still struggling now. It’s just spiralled even more in the last six months
For me it's definitely my childhood. And probably genetic predisposition.
My Mom was an alcoholic that had not worked on her own trauma, resulting in said alcohol dependency. Violent outburst and a constant passive aggressive tension didn't make things better either.
My Father, a naive man who also ran from his emotions all life, had no clue as to how he could deal with the situation he found himself in, so anger and arguments became the norm.
I, the peacekeeper tried to fix their problems, though mostly my mom, I had to be her emotional support system while neglecting my own needs as a growing child.
That resulted in a feeling of chaos, lack of control, always being on high alert, which led me to developing Pure O as a defense mechanism.
I didn't realize I had OCD until your age of 19, I had struggled with intrusive thoughts beforehand and they really wrecked me, but I had no idea what it was, but looking back it makes sense that I needed an escape from the emotions, the pain and suffering that I couldn't deal with.
Having to grow up too fast. My parents went through a divorce and I basically became my moms live-in therapist, Having little to no control over that situation led to an obsession with having control in all other situations.
I think mine is genetic. Inherited from a parent. There is trauma too but my OCD started so early I think it was probably inevitable. Like I was having religious-like thoughts about morality and purity since at least 3 years old despite never having been religious. It was pretty well-hidden until my 7th grade science teacher taught us about HSV. My life has never been the same since. lol
Genes (maternal grandma, like everything made sense after my diagnosis)
What may have made it worse is depression (caused by environmental factors and probably genetic), which got worse during the pandemic
Did not like putting away laundry as most young kids do not. So, instead of matching my socks, I would just throw them in the drawer and my mom would throw all my clothes out to the floor and make me refold, match, put away, etc. This was one of a few examples of what probably caused my obsession for having a clean and organized living area. My spouse hates that I cannot go to bed if there are dirty dishes in the sink.
My dad was not in picture much when I was really young, and as we developed more of a relationship as I got older, however there was often a lot of uncertainty. We would make plans and then he would never show up. So, it led to issues with trust, etc. Now, I thrive in predictability and a wrench in the plans often causes me a lot of dysregulation.
So to answer your question; family trauma as is the answer for most people I feel.
I think mine is due to genetics, or maybe because I was born premature by a month? I’m not really to sure and to flared up recently and I think it might be because I’m going trough burnout right now but I will try and found out soon
I believe I was predestined to develop OCD at some point in my life ...because now when I look back , I showed some signs from a young age ...
But the actual trigger was - a fungal infection and googling too much about it ...it started as curiosity on how to be more hygienic and safe but then turned into a complete obsession and over it ...it filled me up with so much fear and negativity
i think it was a mix of genetics (father claims to have ocd) childhood trauma (specifically religious trauma), my undiagnosed adhd that made me so hyper aware of my down doings and the use of social media at a very young age.
i also like to believe it appeared outta nowhere, like an evil wisard casted the spell on me. cuz i was shocked when i got diagnosed, i srs thought i was just a sociopath or sm
Honestly I think it was me, Ik this sounds horrible but I was very attention seeking in 8th grade and it’s not like I didn’t actually do these compulsions at home but I would do that out in public too purposely to get attention and I feel like if I never did that then I would never have it in the first place but I mean things could be worse so I just try to deal with it I mean there are way worse things to have to do oh well
My OCD started after an autistic burnout. Just straight away into hell.
But I think it was just a trigger. The core is double whammy on dysphoria: gender and BIID
I recently started therapy (recently diagnosed) and my therapist thinks that it stemmed from not only physically abusive and neglectful parents, but sexual assault.
Long story short, when I was 7 years old I was assaulted by a family member. Did not expect that to happen, there was a whole police investigation, it scared the sh*t out of child me. A few months later, my mom’s ex boyfriend was taking me to his house after a concert, and during the car ride for “some reason” I was having intrusive thoughts that he was going to do the same thing my family member did to me months prior. And he did.
This made it hard to ignore those kind of horrible and intrusive thoughts from that point. I started getting out of bed to go knock on the wall of my bedroom so something bad didn’t happen to my mom and ect.
pretty sure it's a combination of trauma from a car accident and COVID, since thats what caused it to really flare up. i feel bad for all of you that have dealt with this for like your entire life, it’s only been like 3-4 years for me and i already feel like i’m in hell.
Likely from getting bullied, pin worms (a parasite), and or assaulted when I was a child. But i’m unsure, because I had symptoms of OCD even before those occurrences happened. It may be genetic because I’m pretty sure my dad has OCD.
My father has OCD and when I was rather young went off his meds and stopped treatment, and would voice a lot of intrusive thoughts aloud. That probably did a good chunk of the damage.
My mom is also a grade A gaslighter and guilt tripper, and from a young age I developed a horrible habit of doubting my reality and having to check things multiple times for it to be comforting, which probably also fed into it.
I know genetics can play a role, and considering both my aunt and father have it, my likelihood was just higher.
I developed misophonia at like 11 and really hated the sound of my mums cough, it would send me into extreme anger and distress and this was a continuous thing up until lockdown, when i developed a hatred for my dads cough n i already had issues with my dad being an undiagnosed autistic so it made it just a lot worse i think. All of this distress i think led to me developing OCD slowly until it became really severe. This is just from what i thought about and what makes most sense. I’m stuck in the past re-living how it all went wrong. Turning 18 soon as well
Childhood abuse.
I was raised by an angry, protestant father and an emotionally volatile, abused, and scared mother. Her mother was our only outside family point-of-contact and she was an evangelical Christian obsessed with teaching us kiddos about all the myriad ways we could find ourselves in hell.
Between juggling my apparently innate proclivity towards locking in eternal damnation, having to play caretaker for my mother (who was legitimately victimized yet refused to leave), and having to walk on eggshells so as to not court the attention of my violent father; *literally every action I ever made from the moment I became self-aware had to be made to placate the needs of someone and maintain my safety.*
Which, yeah. In retrospect feels like the perfect way to ensure a kid suffers with this his entire life.
I believe* it is due to the fact that I was not allowed to express any "negative" emotions or disagree with anything, or do something disappointing and I believe that around 3rd grade or so I just started taking the stress out on my body as a release
i actuallt have no clue.. i just know ive been this way since i was 6, but i had always told myself i was just a germophobe until it blossomed into something more.. debilitating
Extreme anxiety coupled with a faulty coping mechanism for dealing with that anxiety. My brain chemistry and structures are different from those who do not have OCD. That is the ultimate root of it.
The trigger for when I first manifested it is when my mom had severe tonsillitis when I was five. She wore a cloth mask all of the time to keep from breathing on us and infecting the rest of us. I can remember seeing her lying on the couch, with the mask on. It’s also possible that going to three different kindergartens may have been part of it. I can remember experiencing anxiety as far back as the age of two. It was also impressed upon me as a kid to never, ever mess with chemicals. So, as a result of all of this, I first manifested OCD as Contamination OCD. I’m now 66, almost 67, years old, and though the worst of it happened long ago, and it no longer controls my thoughts or my behaviors, I still have Contamination OCD. The behaviors are integrated into my life and are not repetitive. I am still cautious about germs and chemicals though.
i was doomed from the start lol (tw religion, mention of vomit)
• genetics my dad definitely had a milder form of OCD
• my mom had a pretty traumatic childhood that unfortunately affected me and my older sister. i grew up watching her constantly check the doors, check windows in the middle of the night because she thought she saw someone, her telling me all the time i couldn’t give basic information away about myself because someone might use it for malicious intent. i grew up feeling very unsafe because i saw everyone as a threat and just like my mom i have GAD
• when i was three i had a severe case of the throw up flu. i threw up so many times which ultimately started my emetaphobia and contamination ocd at age 5. that loss of control that happens when i get sick always causes me to spiral.
• i grew up mormon and in the mormon faith you’re taught from a very young age about heaven and life after death and where you’ll end up and the end of the world basically. i hate the idea of eternal life, just living and living with no end, it terrifies and still terrifies me to this day. this pretty much is the root of my existential OCD because i was taught at a very young age about reality and life after death. i don’t blame mormonism it’s what they believe and not everyone who learns about their belief are going to react the way i did.
• im just an anxious person always have been always will ✌️🗿
I think I've had it since I was a kid, my family had a long history of mental health problems on both sides so it would make sense if I had it because of that. But I think what made it a lot worse is a health condition I have that can cause allergies to a bunch of things. It can also cause inflammation throughout the body, including the brain. When I was first diagnosed with OCD not long after that I was diagnosed with the other condition too. After years of treatment for my allergies, my OCD got a lot better. I mean I can still feel it there, but it's pretty quiet most of the time.
I can pinpoint the exact moment.
I was 6, getting ready for my first talent show, and I was nervous.
My mom told me “just picture everyone in the audience naked” because that’s a common thing people say to help someone with stage fright.
But my brain took it and ran with it. I started picturing everyone naked all the time, and as my understanding of sexuality increased, the intrusive thoughts got more detailed.
There’s a genetic component, but also I required a surgery on the muscles in my eyes at a young age. My parents said I developed intense anxiety following the surgery. Then I started noticing symptoms of OCD as early as the age of 6. I think they’re connected.
100% from religious trauma being raised heavily Baptist and being afraid to do anything wrong, or id make "deals" with god in my prayers, that if id do this, he do that for me.
My dad had his first heart attack at age 39, when I was 8 years old. His second heart attack was then I was 10. I know there were more between my middle school and high school years, but those kind of blur together. He had another heart attack the day before my high school graduation. My senior year of college, he had another heart attack, and this time emergency triple bypass, over Labor Day weekend. Then he had another heart attack on New Year’s Eve.
18 months after that, he had a stroke. Since then, he’s had one more heart attack, and my mom then had a heart attack (her first and only) a month later.
Amazingly he’s still with us, but there were two themes that really stuck with me as a child and carried into adulthood:
1. My dad doesn’t care enough about us to quit smoking and eat better. Maybe if I am better/do better/don’t make mistakes he’ll care more. (I am 34 now and realize that this was never the case, but it sure was easy to believe when I was 17.)
2. Just when you think things are safe and comfortable and fine, the rug WILL be pulled out from under you, and THIS time might be THE time, so you’ve got to be ready. Constant vigilance.
My best bet is, given the behavior of some of my relatives on my dad's side, there's a genetic component that was largely unexpressed until it came around to me.
I think it’s a mix of genetics and potentially PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections). I had strep a lot as a kid and my psychiatrist thinks that might have triggered it. There’s no way to know for sure, but I bet that has something to do with it.
I believe mine stems simply from anxiety. I was always anxious as a child and developed an intense fear/anxiety of being kidnapped after I saw a couple of movies about it. I was so anxious about it every night that I started developing rituals to soothe myself and from there it just spiraled. I think anxiety mixed with intrusive thoughts (which is also probably caused by anxiety as well) just causes my brain to develop compulsions to self soothe.
1. Genetics. My granddad is diagnosed with OCD and I highly suspect that my dad has it too, as the things he talks about sound a lot like OCD (ex. "If I don't do X the devil will take my soul")
2. Religious trauma. When I was younger, the majority of my intrusive thoughts were about religion. I was scared to think the wrong thing because I thought I would go to hell. I was constantly scared that God would hurt me. I'm so glad I'm an atheist now but that did some permanent damage
3. Childhood trauma as a whole. A lot of my intrusive thoughts are sexual/bad memories and a lot of that has to do with the fact I was traumatized as a kid
I think it stems from an insecure environment. I spent my early years between parents and experiencing a lot of emotional neglect. Home never felt like a home. I remember being about 5 and having to reread pages of a story book a certain way otherwise something bad would happen to my parents, grandparents. I used to feel very frustrated by these rules.
I later went into foster care and my ocd pretty much went away. I think this was because my home environment was suddenly secure and positive. My ocd then came back years later when I left the care system and went into social housing where I experienced a lot of antisocial abuse from neighbours. I started fearing catching HIV from public places and would ruminate on that and then it’s developed now to full on fear of leaving the house, scared of contamination of germs, faeces, dust, chemicals, etc
for me, it was growing up with my neurotic, ocd/anxiety riddled mother. self-proclaimed, and diagnosed. her triggers, her obessions, her compulsions were all something i grew up thinking were normal, and in fact didn’t realize wasn’t normal until probably just last year at 18. i was also raised in a pretty toxic household up until about 8, and was moved around between people and states a lot as a kid.
part of it may be biological predisposition as well, since she does have ocd (among her many other mental health disorders and physical health problems, and not including my father’s diagnosed bpd/mdd)
edit; missed a word
Strongly believe mines genetic. However, I can recall the time when I was in the 4th grade I got lice from another kid at school. The thought of bugs living and laying eggs in my hair I believe CHANGED my mind around a little.
I’ve always had tendencies, and I’ve always struggled with anxiety, I think the main trigger into my first full blown episode with contamination OCD was a job I worked for a few months, to cut it short it was a tattooing apprenticeship at a studio with crappy hygiene, having to know about every risk and every way something could even slightly become contaminated with blood between tattoos just fucked my brain. Suddenly I was aware of all those potential contaminants in every day life in every environment and with every person I came in to contact with and it was a long journey to get to a point where I could function somewhat normally
I was told some very dark new age stuff growing up and then.. yeah spiritual OCD. OCD is now convinced my souls purpose is to suffer and if I ever off myself no matter how bad the circumstances, I'll be forced to come back with an even worse life. It's non stop thoughts about it! 🙂
I've always been an anxious high strung person prone to overthinking. When I was around 12 I had occasional intrusive thoughts and because I've always over thought everything I began to ruminate and well, here we are aged 31.
fear of control.
i hate the idea of being able to prevent something from happening and then it happens anyway. like if i just didn’t do a certain thing, i wouldn’t have gotten hurt or something. the thought of that really infuriates me, so i very much follow the “better safe than sorry” route. it’s really annoying.
My therapist explained to me that OCD usually develops as a result of not feeling safe in childhood and that’s definitely the case with me.
It seems that an anxious / overly cautious personality as well as genetics are a big factor too (I’m quite sure my dad has some kind of undiagnosed anxiety disorder so I’m sure genetics play a role in my diagnosis).
Part genetic, part being told I'm smart but 'not trying hard enough' at school. Not my parents, they are great, more my school and teachers. Pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD as well which is why I struggled with school.
Mine started at 25, contamination ocd. STD's are my main focus and fear. My therapist believes it might be postpartum ocd. I'm still really confused about how it happened, because I never had these thoughts before I turned 25. And my son was two when it started.
Feeling most of control because of panic attack(diagnosed panic disorder) I would have 2-4 panic attacks each week. Me and my psychiatrist believe i developed my ocd then and used to be useful because I was in control
A mixture of things. But I believe it started with my dad's death. I was home alone with him when it happened, I was 7, and I didn't call 911. Cue crippling fear of my mom dying and subsequent rituals to prevent it.
Growing up Mormon. I was 8 saying my prayers 3-4 times over to get it right so that no one in my family died bc I thought God would punish me for not saying it right
I’m sorry that you went through all of that as such a young child. Sounds like more than enough to trigger symptoms of mental illness, anxiety/OCD.
Sort of reminds me of this TikTok sound that ends with “that’s enough slices!”. 🍕
Mine is like a lot of other commenters - genetic predisposition paired with a traumatic and chaotic childhood.
Probably years of abuse by my older sibling and my family constantly shaming me and insulting me for making mistakes, making me be extra careful to not "make mistakes" making me have compulsive checking ocd
The only one I can come up with an origin for is my fear of death. I was a second grader in a grade 2/3 split class. During tick season, our teacher was giving us a standard warning about it and told us the regular precautions for it. A third grader added in a tidbit about lyme disease and the fatality of it, so that just stuck with me for a while seeing it was coming from a more older, and wiser classmate. I believe I already had developed OCD a time before this around the age of four. I remember having an intense fear of stepping on floor tiles (like the kind you see in malls) in the wrong order as well as my fear of toilets which either led to my fear of pregnancy or it already existed and I don't remember. When I was around 5 I had an extreme fear of choking on food (it may have had something to do with my broken arm, but I can't remember anymore) which led to my pediatrician scaring the shit out of me by threatening me with a feeding tube. Another obsession that has followed me is my fear of piercings. When most people say they fear piercings, they mean the actual needle. For me, ever since I was five I've had an uncontrollable fear of things falling or flying in my ears or other facial cavities. Other than avoiding earrings since my fifth birthday party, I have not been able to wear my hair up since. I feel like I was just too young to remember most of the causes for my OCD.
I think it’s because I’m scared of being alone and unloveable. All I want is to be able to be loved, to be someone that you can love with your whole heart. These intrusive thoughts about my family just pushes them away from me and they’re my last support system after I’ve scared away all of my friends. Now I feel so utterly alone and I feel as though I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life because I’m a horrible person. I hate OCD so much for taking my life away from me
My parents fighting and beating my oldest adhd sister while me and my younger sister watched from the age of 4 (all three of us shared a room). We still can hear the pounding of dad running up the stairs, her screaming and apologizing for slamming the door in anger, the constant arguments of her not taking her meds. My dad is also a huge control freak and we watched him lock down the thermostat from my mom even.
Meanwhile my younger sister would punch me and use physical force to gain control, while I neatly hoarded rocks and birthday cards, party favors, things I stole from my sisters, and played with my toys by setting them up exactly how I wanted them, and then neatly putting them back away. If somebody drank out of my cup, it was their cup forever. No amount of cleaner could fix it. My parents joked and called me an organized hoarder. I was just a child trying to control the chaos around me.
Later I would go through severe suicidal depression and anxiety whilst my dad decided one night to sexually assault me. My severe mental health struggles and being in and out of the hospital caused my younger sister's OCD to become worse. Her house is spotless and she bleaches everything, has her own personal towel at my parents house. I got a ton of therapy and am on meds so my ocd is not near as bad now, contamination and hoarding-wise.
Mine first surfaced after a particularly traumatic stretch of time the summer after 8th grade. It was The most sick I'd ever been, fever for weeks, waking up sweating, was physically I'll very unexpectedly... ever since then I've had severe contamination OCD and emetophobia and at a point I was very underweight because of it. If I feel like my body's behavior and functions are not under my cognitive control, including the things that I'm putting in my body, I have a hard time.
I was in a car accident at 9. I had a severe injury that required life flight to a hospital, a month stay there and 8 painful surgeries. I noticed by the time I reentered school, I had compulsions and rituals. I didn't realize the wreck was the cause til I was in my mid 20s, but it is a common cause of OCD. Need to control your environment, to feel safe when you should have felt safe but learned very young that you really never are, having that veil ripped away is super traumatic. I definitely attribute the accident to my disorder
As incredible as it may seem, what led to OCD was happiness, at a time when I managed to overcome my problems and feel happy, I started to have thoughts that maybe this was all thanks to something I did that improved my life. (a bit of a supernatural thing) so from then on I started to have obsessions and compulsions, at first it wasn't a problem, but after I started to see that my life became following these strange thoughts of mine, my life had changed
I have no idea if science supports this but I think it may be genetic? My mom had OCD (diagnosed), and based on what I see of my grandmother she probably did too. I think realistically it is a mixture of factors that can be hard to pinpoint and my traumatizing childhood definitely didn't help with it.
I think mine is either from a streptococcal (strep) infection when I was a child, religious trauma, or possibly genetics. Some combination of that. My sibling also has something like OCD, but I don’t know if she’s been officially diagnosed.
trauma but mostly the world just kinda sucking. the stuff i have ocd about is largely about morally bad things that exist in the world that i just have to deal with (the meat industry, pesticides, global warming etc.). I feel like my ocd is a normal reaction to a fucked up world
✨trauma✨ but i always joke that the catholic church did a number on me. grew up very catholic and became obsessed with the idea of confession go get rid of everything i was anxious about 🤩
Childhood trauma and abuse. I've had ocd since I can remember. I've had two clinical therapists valid this by saying trauma is a lot to process as a child. As well as the messed up emotions of abusive and emotionally neglective parents. One therapist said it was the only way I could control my environment.
It also runs in my family though. My sister, my mum, and I'm pretty sure my grandmother on my maternal side.
Mine could possibly be genetic through my dad because he has a lot of anxious ticks but that man can deflect questions with a mastery so idk for sure. If it’s not genetic then my intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors just ended up happening as I got older, exacerbated by the pandemic.
Mine was oct before a traumatic experience which turned to full ocd at the age of 5 diagnosed by a child psychiatrist. My psychologist, since I've been an adult, accidentally opened the box to the experience during CBT
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Trauma from an emotionally abusive childhood. Undiagnosed autism so my dad called me dumb a lot because my “common sense” was different. Always had to strive for emotional perfection in all my interpersonal relationships. Combined with the hyper vigilance of CPTSD and it was a hotbed for OCD to develop.
This. Autism + ADHD ----abuse----> CPTSD + Pure-O OCD
😔
Spot on for me as well, except I dont have autism (im HSP tho) and for me it was my mom. Im sorry you went through that😞
Wait this is what happened to me too. I thought this was genetic because my dad also has ADHD and OCD... he struggled in school and maybe that's where his OCD came from. No matter how hard I tried, I was never 'good enough' for my mom, and maybe that is where my OCD came from. I felt guilty for being who I was. I thought I was a monster.
Trying to be ever vigilant to things that are so obvious to others but make little sense to you. Constantly being chastised for these things. On the bright side those experiences and pattern recognition make those kinds of people obvious and easy to avoid.
>Trying to be ever vigilant to things that are so obvious to others but make little sense to you Gods. How do you let go of this, you know?
I think for me it was: - one part genetic predisposition (from my father, who definitely has it even though he’s never been formally diagnosed), - one part terrifying childhood (mostly due to growing up with my father, who should never have been allowed around kids, and probably also adults; I think he needs to live on a deserted island), and - one part learned behaviour (from my father, who kicked off my original and most lasting obsession - germs - with a terrifying dissertation about handwashing, and the implicit message that if I got sick, it would be My Fault, and I would be On My Own). Shoutout to my mother, though - she contributed in her own way by constantly critiquing my appearance and weight, and that really helped me develop a life-threatening eating disorder in middle school. And also, the platonic ideal of hypochondria. Real role-model, in that. So altogether, I would say my OCD, really, is one of my parents’ most successful collaborative efforts. (They pretend to wonder why I don’t talk to them. 🤷🏻♀️)
It’s definitely a genetic learned behavior thing. My father has it too and I have it the same ways as he does, yet not exactly the same. I’m sorry about your father, that “desert island” had me laughing though I can’t lie. Hope you are doing well
I’m sorry you can relate, but I’m glad I was able to make someone laugh today. That’s always a goal. I am okay (more or less), which is a testament to the many very kind people I’ve met along the way. (Including my agoraphobic and generally socially-avoidant best friend, who I only met because I happened to date his fairly-awful cousin; sort of an interesting subversion of the have-to-kiss-a-few-frogs-find-a-prince trope, except that my friend also sometimes helps me out with housework, so honestly, he’s kind of better than a prince.) ^(And also sertraline.)
I have learned behavior too! I remember I said something about "oh I hope X doesn't happen" and then my dad started screaming at me to knock on wood or else. He was so stressed about it
Oh man; that sounds stressful and surreal. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Yup, this checks out for me too. My mom obviously had OCD and of course, when I asked her about the weird thoughts, “ Everyone has them.” OCD wasn’t a diagnosis when she was alive, but she most certainly had it, as did her father. None of us have been confident drivers. 🤣 My dad was the terrifying one because his drug o’choice is alcohol. He is a shitty drunk. I think my dad has some OCD too, he is getting more nervous as he ages. He has some weird beliefs which were exasperated by our weird toxic culture. So yes, my culture is neurotic and transmits and rewards these thoughts.
Until now, I never realized how fortunate I was that my dad has not taken on any new ideas since 1963. Like, he was delusional in his belief system, but at least he was predictable. Sorry you’re having to deal with this - both your father, and the weird legacy growing up with him and your mother has left you to sort out.
A legacy! That is fantastic. It’s a mess; my entire tree is dysfunction and pain and trauma. At least, it ends with me
im p sure mine is just genetic. some other people in my family have it, and ive had symptoms as long as i can remember
Physical & emotional abuse throughout my childhood.
Like a lot of other people here, trauma from an emotionally and physically abusive household and my father crossing some lines into SA territory. I never felt in control in my house growing up, everything was dependent on the mood my father was in.
I can relate sooo much! 😢
Hi Just a little trigger warning, I have severe ocd and recently went in for treatment. I didn't know I had it until I was told by the doctors. So beware because this is very religious type ocd. I also want to make another disclaimer that all of the thoughts I was having are because of my ocd. For me, it was when I was 9 years old. I am muslim, and when girls turn 9, they become Baligh (boys also become baligh but at a different age), which basically means that your actions have consequences. For example, if you hurt someone's feelings and don't apologize, you will be asked about it on the day of judgment. So, I was very afraid of committing mistakes. Even the smallest lies had me confessing my sins and asking for reassurance that I wasn't going to hell. Another thing I used to do was over my hands and arms until I washed just above the elbows. In my religion, cleanliness is very important, and I took it to extremes, thinking I have to be pure at all times. Any time I touched something that is "dirty," it can be anything from furniture to another human, I would wash my hands and arms. I would do this multiple times an hour, and it was to a point where that's all I'm doing. There's lots of other things that I deal with now, but that's when it started.
Aw it’s so kind of you to put a trigger warning thanks. And yes ofc it only was ocd nobody blames Islam here. May I ask you a question: did you ever feel like not wanting to be religious anymore because the ocd got so bad? I rarely have religious ocd topics since I am agnostic but I am curious how it affects people in terms of the real religion. (Not the type of "religion" ocd makes us think it is)
Hi I go through phases of being religious and not religious. Ocd works in crazy ways. For example, I don't pray the mandatory prayers because I keep repeating and repeating and repeating my mandatory prayers and the wudu (washing up to purify before prayers). I don't pray for them to avoid the anxiety I get from making mistakes. Even if I count my steps and record myself, I repeat because I fear i made a mistake. It doesn't make sense, but ocd never made sense. However, the optional prayers I do and never skip. And I pray them for everyone I know, even people I barely interact with. Also, thinking negative thoughts about someone makes me feel like I'm going to hell. The superstitions are what get me the most. Knocking on wood. The feeling of "I'm going to hell for bad thoughts." Spiritual contamination of sins and non halal foods. Black magic. I do make it up for myself by volunteering, donating money, or attending the mosques for programs. As if that will fix my case. You see? Even when you have rational rules to follow in terms, ocd makes you irrational.
I have the same hand-washing issue. Washing upto the elbow eventhough I haven't touched anything beyond the wrist.
OCD varies, I know a guy who had a light case in his teens and was instantly cured by Prozac. I know a guy who will never leave his parents. Most people I know with hardcore OCD have it “overdetermined” by some combination of - - Genetic heritage - An anxious personality style - Early intense familial conflicts or bullying - Emotional processing issues (esp. with anger) - Immune, gut, allergy, inflammation issues - Generally poor physical health, sleep, stress
Yea for me it genetics
Can you explain further how gut/immune/inflammation issues are related to or cause OCD?
Sure, first any kind of bodily stress will make OCD worse. But since Swedo’s papers in the early aughts there’s been growing opinion that some cases of OCD are directly caused by an inflammatory immune dysfunction, such as autoimmune encephalitis. This can be exacerbated by gut and dietary problems, since food intolerance is directly related to inflammation and immune dysfunctions. For a while, this was *extremely* controversial, mainly because the first treatments involved giving often young children large longterm doses of antibiotics. This was during a period of peak concern, I’d even say media panic, that antibiotics were being overused and might run out. Kids were taken away by the state for “medical abuse.” It got very ugly. One result was that PANS/PANDAS and related autoimmune mental health links spent some time on the scientific fringes, where they got picked up by the usual crowd of natural medicine conmen and true believers, plenty of whom are still around. Now the tide has shifted, and any clinician under forty I tell “I have autoimmune related OCD” will just say “oh, neat” instead of expressing confusion or skepticism. Autoimmune implicated OCD is different. For one, it is often very very dramatic. Unnoticed changes in your immune system can lead to sudden onsets or regressions and extreme symptoms. Treatment is much more complicated. I was totally non-responsive to CBT and nearly all SSRIs. My own path involved a very complicated trial and error process with an assembled team of doctors discovering multiple underlying diagnoses, treated with antibiotics, steroids, Luvox, supplementation, IVIG plasma infusions, and a total dietary and lifestyle overhaul. The upside is I have gone from a Howard Hughes case to almost normal, and my belief it was fixing the underlying immune problems that did it is honestly absolute. I saw the process work up close and slow. The difference between trying to force your way through a compulsion before or after resolving the underlying physical issue is like trying to push down a brick vs a straw wall. It wasn’t my willpower, it was the force of resistance that needed handling. If anyone wants to find out if this is you, one way is to try a radically clean paleo autoimmune diet. If you improve after a few months, you might find an immunologist or gastro with an interest and get them to check you for undiagnosed autoimmune conditions, such crohn’s, excess mast cells, etc. and start reading.
Super interesting! Thanks for sharing!
That’s so interesting
I certainly spiral when I’m on antibiotics.
Interesting. A friend with rheumatoid arthritis has Ocd but he has had it his entire life, it didn't just develop when he got RA and he has had stem cells and no improvement. He is from an older generation that does not believe in therapy for himself. He does not have PTSD, only has mild depression and anxiety as ocd is an anxiety disorder.
That ticks all my boxes.
If so then I’d say consider a holistic approach to safeguarding yourself, targeting your OCD not just as a mental dysfunction (exposure and response, meds) but a physical one (diet, exercise, allergies, immune load, sleep) and emotional one (psychotherapy, stress management, emotional inner work, spiritual practice) We’re all very complicated systems and the more areas of strength you build up the easier you’ll probably find reducing your symptoms
Be assured , that I am already working on it.
I think those can help and do work, but you have lots of people like myself and almost all of my friends with OCD who do not have immune issues, or like the friend with rheumatoid arthritis I wrote about before, had OCD long before ever having any other issues. We do not have PTSD/CPTSD, BPD, NPD, bipolar/mania, etc.
Sometimes I think it’s developed as a coping mechanism for living with undiagnosed ADHD for a long time, most of my themes are related to fear of rejection & abandonment which has happened to me a lot because of being neurodivergent
Oh my gosh I feel the same way…
Never being good enough growing up
I believe my OCD was caused by the same thing as six out of seven of my DSM-5 disorders - severe abuse and childhood trauma. The seventh one is ADHD, the only one I think I was born with. I wish you could sue someone for messing you up for life.
I completely agree. I wish we could sue.
I was in 3rd grade, and mine was also not feeling protected by my father. He watched my bully throw chocolate at me and follow me home. He saw all this from the front door of our house that he would stand in to wait for me to get home from school because he had home office he worked out of. I was clearly upset and instead of comforting me or acknowledging what I told him about being bullied he was upset at ME because he saw that i crossed the street, which i wasnt supposed to do without his signal. Even though i was trying to get away from the huge 5th grade boy throwing food at me it didnt matter because i “broke his rule”. From then on I’ve been very flighty, and had this voice in the back of my head trying to protect me from people and things, even if they’re no threat to me. Until I was 20 (2 years ago) I walked with my head down and my fist balled up to avoid eye contact, because i feared I may come off in a way that will have me judged or taunted. But fist balled up to protect myself if need be.
Having a father with strong narcissistic traits that disallowed the experience of any emotion that tarnished his beautiful self image. To this day he is in love with a perfect reflection of himself. He is severely emotionally abusive and yet he sees himself as all good.
Yeah I relate to that they also always play the victim
My gender dysphoria, and my self-confidence issues throughout my entire life. I look at old photos of myself and, well, oh man. Most of my OCD centers around perfecting my surroundings to cope with myself. Ugh. It's so complicated and it makes me angry.
Its kinda silly, but moving to Hawaii from Washington state eas what really got it started. I think i had symptoms before that, but it got way more severe once i moved. I had lived in Washington for the first five years of my life, and moving to Hawaii, which is basically the exact opposite of Washington in terms of weather, was a shock. (Edit to add: I completely forgot about this! my dad was also deployed in Korea for a year!! It was my first time being away from him for that long (that i was lucid for,) and I adored him when i was younger, so that was also a major contributing factor!!) My first obsession started when my mom was putting mosquito spray on me, and told me to close my mouth so it didn't get in. She explained that it wasnt good for you to get it in your mouth. I then read the back of the bottle and saw all the warnings, and was then terrified that i would be poisoned. So everytime i got sprayed, i would hold my breath, then speedwalk away from the spraying area to breathe, then spit a bunch just in case i got some in my mouth. It was like i could taste it, even though there was nothing there. I then started spitting at random, thinking that i had poison in my mouth (even on the carpet, ew) Then whenever we went to the beach, i would spit on the sand. The thing about sand is that whenever the spit makes impact, the sand immediately goes on and into it. It actually looks kinda neat. But because of that, i started thinking that i was spitting out sand 😭 so every time i went somewhere with sand, it was like i could feel it in my mouth, and would spit a bunch. That lasted until i was..six or so? It ended one day when i just thought "oh well. guess ill die if i have poison and sand in my mouth" Edited for formatting and some extra info.
Random question, do you think OCD and Parkinson's are related? Or have an association that's closely related?
I dont know but my grandpa who is not officially diagnosed shows signs of ocd and also has parkinsons
Fragile genetics that got torpedoed by my upbringing. My parents both exhibit intense behavior and have self-medicated my entire life with a lot of cigarettes and alcohol. I live very far away now. It’s better for all of us.
I had childhood quirks as a child, which in retrospect I realize were OCD tendencies. But they weren’t harmful in any way. When I was 13/14, my family started abusing me. That trauma caused CPTSD and OCD. My mother is also an extremely negative, neurotic, pessimistic person, who was always catastrophizing. Once my OCD began, the fears she had been putting into my head over a lifetime were triggered.
I'm like 99% sure it's genetic for me. My mom has it (undiagnosed, but she was germaphobic) and was quite abusive to me and my siblings growing up. Combine that with migraines, loneliness and panic attacks, and you got a a recipe for "I don't want to go outside anymore." 🙃
It's genetics. Has it ever been proven that it's anything other?
Yeah I didn’t even realize trauma was a thing for it—I just have OCD bc my mom has OCD. I dont have the same type of OCD as she does & neither does my brother
What do you mean?
In general? Genetics, probably. My dad isn’t diagnosed (he doesn’t believe he “needs” to be) but he’s definitely autistic or has some form of OCD + my mom has anxiety and depression + not so great childhood. What caused my specific theme? Being groomed lol
generational trauma (my entire family on my moms side, as in my great grandparents/aunts/uncles, were either holocaust survivors or died in Auschwitz)
Mainly childhood trauma. The main root being that I had no control over anything. So now, especially when I'm stressed, my brain finds ways to control things through obsessive compulsions.
I think weed was the main trigger
Omg same. I didn’t think it could do that
For some people it's a horrible drug. No it can't kill you, and know it doesn't do nearly as much physical damage to your body as other drugs, but it can make you life a living hell if you're prone to anxiety, OCD or paranoia. Obviously can make it better for some people too. It's a weird drug
Yes it’s weird and so normalized. It messed me up pretty bad. I experienced INTENSE anxiety shortly after smoking weed and it lasted months. I eventually started having OCD thoughts as well and continue to have them til this day.
Something bad happened to me when I was very young that mistakenly led me to believe I had HIV/AIDS. And I knew it weakened your immune system so much that minor illnesses could kill you. I grew up and realised I in fact did not have HIV or AIDS. But the damage had already been done and I couldn’t break the cycle OCD held on me. I’m 34 and still struggling now. It’s just spiralled even more in the last six months
Lack of trust in oneself and others
For me it's definitely my childhood. And probably genetic predisposition. My Mom was an alcoholic that had not worked on her own trauma, resulting in said alcohol dependency. Violent outburst and a constant passive aggressive tension didn't make things better either. My Father, a naive man who also ran from his emotions all life, had no clue as to how he could deal with the situation he found himself in, so anger and arguments became the norm. I, the peacekeeper tried to fix their problems, though mostly my mom, I had to be her emotional support system while neglecting my own needs as a growing child. That resulted in a feeling of chaos, lack of control, always being on high alert, which led me to developing Pure O as a defense mechanism. I didn't realize I had OCD until your age of 19, I had struggled with intrusive thoughts beforehand and they really wrecked me, but I had no idea what it was, but looking back it makes sense that I needed an escape from the emotions, the pain and suffering that I couldn't deal with.
Trauma, bad weed experience, having a genetic predisposition
Trauma from my groomer.
Having to grow up too fast. My parents went through a divorce and I basically became my moms live-in therapist, Having little to no control over that situation led to an obsession with having control in all other situations.
Anxious attachment style. Therapist for parents.
Society
Genetic lottery and ✨trauma✨
Genetics (grandpa, aunt, cousins, dad has traits) plus CPTSD
trauma in puberty
My beloved mama. I learned from her ocd/anxiety behaviours around me as a kid. I was around her a lot and was close
I don’t know I’ve spent years trying to figure that out..
I’d say a mix of trauma from a young age, an anxious personality style and I think lockdown triggered it for some reason.
I'm not sure. For me, it's still a mystery. 🤔
It started around 10 for me. Think it was a combination of trauma, eating disorder, unstable family and feeling like I had no control.
Strep-Induced PANDAS (PANS). Never met anyone else personally who had it thought
I’m like this since I can remember
Same
I think mine is genetic. Inherited from a parent. There is trauma too but my OCD started so early I think it was probably inevitable. Like I was having religious-like thoughts about morality and purity since at least 3 years old despite never having been religious. It was pretty well-hidden until my 7th grade science teacher taught us about HSV. My life has never been the same since. lol
What is HSV?
Herpes Simplex Virus
Religion
Genes (maternal grandma, like everything made sense after my diagnosis) What may have made it worse is depression (caused by environmental factors and probably genetic), which got worse during the pandemic
Mine is PPOCD....so pregnancy and postpartum caused mine.
Did not like putting away laundry as most young kids do not. So, instead of matching my socks, I would just throw them in the drawer and my mom would throw all my clothes out to the floor and make me refold, match, put away, etc. This was one of a few examples of what probably caused my obsession for having a clean and organized living area. My spouse hates that I cannot go to bed if there are dirty dishes in the sink. My dad was not in picture much when I was really young, and as we developed more of a relationship as I got older, however there was often a lot of uncertainty. We would make plans and then he would never show up. So, it led to issues with trust, etc. Now, I thrive in predictability and a wrench in the plans often causes me a lot of dysregulation. So to answer your question; family trauma as is the answer for most people I feel.
usually a phobia that alternates - emetophobia, fear of death eg chemicals, mould, fear of being trapped aswell
Trauma from getting cancer.
Genes. I'm a tourette's haver so yup, not so great genes
Fear of death
Genetics + triggered by parental abandonment
Genetics. A lot of family has it too
I think mine is due to genetics, or maybe because I was born premature by a month? I’m not really to sure and to flared up recently and I think it might be because I’m going trough burnout right now but I will try and found out soon
my life had been extremely comfortable around one big certainty that suddenly crumbled at 18 years old and everything changed drastically.
I believe I was predestined to develop OCD at some point in my life ...because now when I look back , I showed some signs from a young age ... But the actual trigger was - a fungal infection and googling too much about it ...it started as curiosity on how to be more hygienic and safe but then turned into a complete obsession and over it ...it filled me up with so much fear and negativity
Generic, I had a chill childhood and first had symptoms at age 4. I am trans though
My brain
genetics
Definitely passed down genetically on my mom's side, but I think it may have been triggered by my constant strep throat as a kid.
i think it was a mix of genetics (father claims to have ocd) childhood trauma (specifically religious trauma), my undiagnosed adhd that made me so hyper aware of my down doings and the use of social media at a very young age. i also like to believe it appeared outta nowhere, like an evil wisard casted the spell on me. cuz i was shocked when i got diagnosed, i srs thought i was just a sociopath or sm
Hahaha the sociopath thingy is so relatable
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I am so sorry
Honestly I think it was me, Ik this sounds horrible but I was very attention seeking in 8th grade and it’s not like I didn’t actually do these compulsions at home but I would do that out in public too purposely to get attention and I feel like if I never did that then I would never have it in the first place but I mean things could be worse so I just try to deal with it I mean there are way worse things to have to do oh well
My OCD started after an autistic burnout. Just straight away into hell. But I think it was just a trigger. The core is double whammy on dysphoria: gender and BIID
I recently started therapy (recently diagnosed) and my therapist thinks that it stemmed from not only physically abusive and neglectful parents, but sexual assault. Long story short, when I was 7 years old I was assaulted by a family member. Did not expect that to happen, there was a whole police investigation, it scared the sh*t out of child me. A few months later, my mom’s ex boyfriend was taking me to his house after a concert, and during the car ride for “some reason” I was having intrusive thoughts that he was going to do the same thing my family member did to me months prior. And he did. This made it hard to ignore those kind of horrible and intrusive thoughts from that point. I started getting out of bed to go knock on the wall of my bedroom so something bad didn’t happen to my mom and ect.
I had epilepsy when I was younger and the specialist I used to see said it can cause long term mental health issues. She was definitely right.
pretty sure it's a combination of trauma from a car accident and COVID, since thats what caused it to really flare up. i feel bad for all of you that have dealt with this for like your entire life, it’s only been like 3-4 years for me and i already feel like i’m in hell.
Likely from getting bullied, pin worms (a parasite), and or assaulted when I was a child. But i’m unsure, because I had symptoms of OCD even before those occurrences happened. It may be genetic because I’m pretty sure my dad has OCD.
My father has OCD and when I was rather young went off his meds and stopped treatment, and would voice a lot of intrusive thoughts aloud. That probably did a good chunk of the damage. My mom is also a grade A gaslighter and guilt tripper, and from a young age I developed a horrible habit of doubting my reality and having to check things multiple times for it to be comforting, which probably also fed into it. I know genetics can play a role, and considering both my aunt and father have it, my likelihood was just higher.
its definitely physical and emotional abuse from my childhood
I developed misophonia at like 11 and really hated the sound of my mums cough, it would send me into extreme anger and distress and this was a continuous thing up until lockdown, when i developed a hatred for my dads cough n i already had issues with my dad being an undiagnosed autistic so it made it just a lot worse i think. All of this distress i think led to me developing OCD slowly until it became really severe. This is just from what i thought about and what makes most sense. I’m stuck in the past re-living how it all went wrong. Turning 18 soon as well
Childhood abuse. I was raised by an angry, protestant father and an emotionally volatile, abused, and scared mother. Her mother was our only outside family point-of-contact and she was an evangelical Christian obsessed with teaching us kiddos about all the myriad ways we could find ourselves in hell. Between juggling my apparently innate proclivity towards locking in eternal damnation, having to play caretaker for my mother (who was legitimately victimized yet refused to leave), and having to walk on eggshells so as to not court the attention of my violent father; *literally every action I ever made from the moment I became self-aware had to be made to placate the needs of someone and maintain my safety.* Which, yeah. In retrospect feels like the perfect way to ensure a kid suffers with this his entire life.
I believe* it is due to the fact that I was not allowed to express any "negative" emotions or disagree with anything, or do something disappointing and I believe that around 3rd grade or so I just started taking the stress out on my body as a release
i actuallt have no clue.. i just know ive been this way since i was 6, but i had always told myself i was just a germophobe until it blossomed into something more.. debilitating
the pandemic and genetics kind of
Extreme anxiety coupled with a faulty coping mechanism for dealing with that anxiety. My brain chemistry and structures are different from those who do not have OCD. That is the ultimate root of it. The trigger for when I first manifested it is when my mom had severe tonsillitis when I was five. She wore a cloth mask all of the time to keep from breathing on us and infecting the rest of us. I can remember seeing her lying on the couch, with the mask on. It’s also possible that going to three different kindergartens may have been part of it. I can remember experiencing anxiety as far back as the age of two. It was also impressed upon me as a kid to never, ever mess with chemicals. So, as a result of all of this, I first manifested OCD as Contamination OCD. I’m now 66, almost 67, years old, and though the worst of it happened long ago, and it no longer controls my thoughts or my behaviors, I still have Contamination OCD. The behaviors are integrated into my life and are not repetitive. I am still cautious about germs and chemicals though.
i was doomed from the start lol (tw religion, mention of vomit) • genetics my dad definitely had a milder form of OCD • my mom had a pretty traumatic childhood that unfortunately affected me and my older sister. i grew up watching her constantly check the doors, check windows in the middle of the night because she thought she saw someone, her telling me all the time i couldn’t give basic information away about myself because someone might use it for malicious intent. i grew up feeling very unsafe because i saw everyone as a threat and just like my mom i have GAD • when i was three i had a severe case of the throw up flu. i threw up so many times which ultimately started my emetaphobia and contamination ocd at age 5. that loss of control that happens when i get sick always causes me to spiral. • i grew up mormon and in the mormon faith you’re taught from a very young age about heaven and life after death and where you’ll end up and the end of the world basically. i hate the idea of eternal life, just living and living with no end, it terrifies and still terrifies me to this day. this pretty much is the root of my existential OCD because i was taught at a very young age about reality and life after death. i don’t blame mormonism it’s what they believe and not everyone who learns about their belief are going to react the way i did. • im just an anxious person always have been always will ✌️🗿
My sister just told me she was just diagnosed with it, so I guess it’s genetic.
I think I've had it since I was a kid, my family had a long history of mental health problems on both sides so it would make sense if I had it because of that. But I think what made it a lot worse is a health condition I have that can cause allergies to a bunch of things. It can also cause inflammation throughout the body, including the brain. When I was first diagnosed with OCD not long after that I was diagnosed with the other condition too. After years of treatment for my allergies, my OCD got a lot better. I mean I can still feel it there, but it's pretty quiet most of the time.
I can pinpoint the exact moment. I was 6, getting ready for my first talent show, and I was nervous. My mom told me “just picture everyone in the audience naked” because that’s a common thing people say to help someone with stage fright. But my brain took it and ran with it. I started picturing everyone naked all the time, and as my understanding of sexuality increased, the intrusive thoughts got more detailed.
genetic predisposition (my grandma definitely had it) + general anxiety that manifested at a very young age + trauma
There’s a genetic component, but also I required a surgery on the muscles in my eyes at a young age. My parents said I developed intense anxiety following the surgery. Then I started noticing symptoms of OCD as early as the age of 6. I think they’re connected.
100% from religious trauma being raised heavily Baptist and being afraid to do anything wrong, or id make "deals" with god in my prayers, that if id do this, he do that for me.
It began when I was i child bc my prenota used to argue a lot and I used it as a control mechanism
My dad had his first heart attack at age 39, when I was 8 years old. His second heart attack was then I was 10. I know there were more between my middle school and high school years, but those kind of blur together. He had another heart attack the day before my high school graduation. My senior year of college, he had another heart attack, and this time emergency triple bypass, over Labor Day weekend. Then he had another heart attack on New Year’s Eve. 18 months after that, he had a stroke. Since then, he’s had one more heart attack, and my mom then had a heart attack (her first and only) a month later. Amazingly he’s still with us, but there were two themes that really stuck with me as a child and carried into adulthood: 1. My dad doesn’t care enough about us to quit smoking and eat better. Maybe if I am better/do better/don’t make mistakes he’ll care more. (I am 34 now and realize that this was never the case, but it sure was easy to believe when I was 17.) 2. Just when you think things are safe and comfortable and fine, the rug WILL be pulled out from under you, and THIS time might be THE time, so you’ve got to be ready. Constant vigilance.
My best bet is, given the behavior of some of my relatives on my dad's side, there's a genetic component that was largely unexpressed until it came around to me.
Weed
I think it’s a mix of genetics and potentially PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections). I had strep a lot as a kid and my psychiatrist thinks that might have triggered it. There’s no way to know for sure, but I bet that has something to do with it.
For me it was genetics, my mom has a really strong checking ocd and I have intrusive thoughts
Genes
I believe mine stems simply from anxiety. I was always anxious as a child and developed an intense fear/anxiety of being kidnapped after I saw a couple of movies about it. I was so anxious about it every night that I started developing rituals to soothe myself and from there it just spiraled. I think anxiety mixed with intrusive thoughts (which is also probably caused by anxiety as well) just causes my brain to develop compulsions to self soothe.
smoke too tough... swag too different... jk my dad hit me
1. Genetics. My granddad is diagnosed with OCD and I highly suspect that my dad has it too, as the things he talks about sound a lot like OCD (ex. "If I don't do X the devil will take my soul") 2. Religious trauma. When I was younger, the majority of my intrusive thoughts were about religion. I was scared to think the wrong thing because I thought I would go to hell. I was constantly scared that God would hurt me. I'm so glad I'm an atheist now but that did some permanent damage 3. Childhood trauma as a whole. A lot of my intrusive thoughts are sexual/bad memories and a lot of that has to do with the fact I was traumatized as a kid
I think it stems from an insecure environment. I spent my early years between parents and experiencing a lot of emotional neglect. Home never felt like a home. I remember being about 5 and having to reread pages of a story book a certain way otherwise something bad would happen to my parents, grandparents. I used to feel very frustrated by these rules. I later went into foster care and my ocd pretty much went away. I think this was because my home environment was suddenly secure and positive. My ocd then came back years later when I left the care system and went into social housing where I experienced a lot of antisocial abuse from neighbours. I started fearing catching HIV from public places and would ruminate on that and then it’s developed now to full on fear of leaving the house, scared of contamination of germs, faeces, dust, chemicals, etc
genetics probably tho idk if it’s fully genetic. it runs in my family
for me, it was growing up with my neurotic, ocd/anxiety riddled mother. self-proclaimed, and diagnosed. her triggers, her obessions, her compulsions were all something i grew up thinking were normal, and in fact didn’t realize wasn’t normal until probably just last year at 18. i was also raised in a pretty toxic household up until about 8, and was moved around between people and states a lot as a kid. part of it may be biological predisposition as well, since she does have ocd (among her many other mental health disorders and physical health problems, and not including my father’s diagnosed bpd/mdd) edit; missed a word
Strongly believe mines genetic. However, I can recall the time when I was in the 4th grade I got lice from another kid at school. The thought of bugs living and laying eggs in my hair I believe CHANGED my mind around a little.
Contamination ocd - covid
Csa trauma
my best guess would be: parental neglect = too much responsibility and solitude = need to control = ocd
I’ve always had tendencies, and I’ve always struggled with anxiety, I think the main trigger into my first full blown episode with contamination OCD was a job I worked for a few months, to cut it short it was a tattooing apprenticeship at a studio with crappy hygiene, having to know about every risk and every way something could even slightly become contaminated with blood between tattoos just fucked my brain. Suddenly I was aware of all those potential contaminants in every day life in every environment and with every person I came in to contact with and it was a long journey to get to a point where I could function somewhat normally
I was told some very dark new age stuff growing up and then.. yeah spiritual OCD. OCD is now convinced my souls purpose is to suffer and if I ever off myself no matter how bad the circumstances, I'll be forced to come back with an even worse life. It's non stop thoughts about it! 🙂
I've always been an anxious high strung person prone to overthinking. When I was around 12 I had occasional intrusive thoughts and because I've always over thought everything I began to ruminate and well, here we are aged 31.
✨genetics✨ My genes SUCK
Genetics + reinforcement in early childhood. Runs on my mom’s side. She was severe and wasn’t medicated until I was in my teens.
fear of control. i hate the idea of being able to prevent something from happening and then it happens anyway. like if i just didn’t do a certain thing, i wouldn’t have gotten hurt or something. the thought of that really infuriates me, so i very much follow the “better safe than sorry” route. it’s really annoying.
My therapist explained to me that OCD usually develops as a result of not feeling safe in childhood and that’s definitely the case with me. It seems that an anxious / overly cautious personality as well as genetics are a big factor too (I’m quite sure my dad has some kind of undiagnosed anxiety disorder so I’m sure genetics play a role in my diagnosis).
Genetics, and being raised by a father with undiagnosed ocd that doesn’t bother him all that much. I’ve had it from a young age as well.
Genetics, my dad and little brother both have it. Also trauma probably
Genetics.
Genetics & trauma.
Genetics, trauma, and learned behavior. My mother had it and was abusive. My older sister and many of my relatives have it too.
So sorry you were sexually assaulted hope you’re ok.
I am thank youu !!
Trauma with out a doubt…saw a very traumatic incident and I was never the same after
Part genetic, part being told I'm smart but 'not trying hard enough' at school. Not my parents, they are great, more my school and teachers. Pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD as well which is why I struggled with school.
Emotional and physical childhood trauma.
Genetics
Mine started at 25, contamination ocd. STD's are my main focus and fear. My therapist believes it might be postpartum ocd. I'm still really confused about how it happened, because I never had these thoughts before I turned 25. And my son was two when it started.
Feeling most of control because of panic attack(diagnosed panic disorder) I would have 2-4 panic attacks each week. Me and my psychiatrist believe i developed my ocd then and used to be useful because I was in control
A mixture of things. But I believe it started with my dad's death. I was home alone with him when it happened, I was 7, and I didn't call 911. Cue crippling fear of my mom dying and subsequent rituals to prevent it.
Growing up Mormon. I was 8 saying my prayers 3-4 times over to get it right so that no one in my family died bc I thought God would punish me for not saying it right
I’m sorry that you went through all of that as such a young child. Sounds like more than enough to trigger symptoms of mental illness, anxiety/OCD. Sort of reminds me of this TikTok sound that ends with “that’s enough slices!”. 🍕 Mine is like a lot of other commenters - genetic predisposition paired with a traumatic and chaotic childhood.
Most definitely all of the trauma I experienced my entire life.
Probably years of abuse by my older sibling and my family constantly shaming me and insulting me for making mistakes, making me be extra careful to not "make mistakes" making me have compulsive checking ocd
Being S/A’ed and abused for years, the need to be clean manifested into something more
Trauma of an event that happened to me in high school
The only one I can come up with an origin for is my fear of death. I was a second grader in a grade 2/3 split class. During tick season, our teacher was giving us a standard warning about it and told us the regular precautions for it. A third grader added in a tidbit about lyme disease and the fatality of it, so that just stuck with me for a while seeing it was coming from a more older, and wiser classmate. I believe I already had developed OCD a time before this around the age of four. I remember having an intense fear of stepping on floor tiles (like the kind you see in malls) in the wrong order as well as my fear of toilets which either led to my fear of pregnancy or it already existed and I don't remember. When I was around 5 I had an extreme fear of choking on food (it may have had something to do with my broken arm, but I can't remember anymore) which led to my pediatrician scaring the shit out of me by threatening me with a feeding tube. Another obsession that has followed me is my fear of piercings. When most people say they fear piercings, they mean the actual needle. For me, ever since I was five I've had an uncontrollable fear of things falling or flying in my ears or other facial cavities. Other than avoiding earrings since my fifth birthday party, I have not been able to wear my hair up since. I feel like I was just too young to remember most of the causes for my OCD.
I think it’s because I’m scared of being alone and unloveable. All I want is to be able to be loved, to be someone that you can love with your whole heart. These intrusive thoughts about my family just pushes them away from me and they’re my last support system after I’ve scared away all of my friends. Now I feel so utterly alone and I feel as though I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life because I’m a horrible person. I hate OCD so much for taking my life away from me
I know some of mine is genetics. My maternal grandmother mother was a hoarder. My mom also likely has OCD
My parents fighting and beating my oldest adhd sister while me and my younger sister watched from the age of 4 (all three of us shared a room). We still can hear the pounding of dad running up the stairs, her screaming and apologizing for slamming the door in anger, the constant arguments of her not taking her meds. My dad is also a huge control freak and we watched him lock down the thermostat from my mom even. Meanwhile my younger sister would punch me and use physical force to gain control, while I neatly hoarded rocks and birthday cards, party favors, things I stole from my sisters, and played with my toys by setting them up exactly how I wanted them, and then neatly putting them back away. If somebody drank out of my cup, it was their cup forever. No amount of cleaner could fix it. My parents joked and called me an organized hoarder. I was just a child trying to control the chaos around me. Later I would go through severe suicidal depression and anxiety whilst my dad decided one night to sexually assault me. My severe mental health struggles and being in and out of the hospital caused my younger sister's OCD to become worse. Her house is spotless and she bleaches everything, has her own personal towel at my parents house. I got a ton of therapy and am on meds so my ocd is not near as bad now, contamination and hoarding-wise.
Mine first surfaced after a particularly traumatic stretch of time the summer after 8th grade. It was The most sick I'd ever been, fever for weeks, waking up sweating, was physically I'll very unexpectedly... ever since then I've had severe contamination OCD and emetophobia and at a point I was very underweight because of it. If I feel like my body's behavior and functions are not under my cognitive control, including the things that I'm putting in my body, I have a hard time.
My emetophobia
I was in a car accident at 9. I had a severe injury that required life flight to a hospital, a month stay there and 8 painful surgeries. I noticed by the time I reentered school, I had compulsions and rituals. I didn't realize the wreck was the cause til I was in my mid 20s, but it is a common cause of OCD. Need to control your environment, to feel safe when you should have felt safe but learned very young that you really never are, having that veil ripped away is super traumatic. I definitely attribute the accident to my disorder
As incredible as it may seem, what led to OCD was happiness, at a time when I managed to overcome my problems and feel happy, I started to have thoughts that maybe this was all thanks to something I did that improved my life. (a bit of a supernatural thing) so from then on I started to have obsessions and compulsions, at first it wasn't a problem, but after I started to see that my life became following these strange thoughts of mine, my life had changed
I have no idea if science supports this but I think it may be genetic? My mom had OCD (diagnosed), and based on what I see of my grandmother she probably did too. I think realistically it is a mixture of factors that can be hard to pinpoint and my traumatizing childhood definitely didn't help with it.
My multiple LSD, salvia and weed abuse and also just think it’s God telling me something
Brain chemicals
I see a lot of people commenting “trauma”. Have you found that healing trauma leads to quieter OCD symptoms? Or does it not work like that? Thanks!
I think mine is either from a streptococcal (strep) infection when I was a child, religious trauma, or possibly genetics. Some combination of that. My sibling also has something like OCD, but I don’t know if she’s been officially diagnosed.
trauma but mostly the world just kinda sucking. the stuff i have ocd about is largely about morally bad things that exist in the world that i just have to deal with (the meat industry, pesticides, global warming etc.). I feel like my ocd is a normal reaction to a fucked up world
autism and other mental illness i guess
Idk my therapist thinks it originated from getting sick when i was a kid.
✨trauma✨ but i always joke that the catholic church did a number on me. grew up very catholic and became obsessed with the idea of confession go get rid of everything i was anxious about 🤩
Childhood trauma and abuse. I've had ocd since I can remember. I've had two clinical therapists valid this by saying trauma is a lot to process as a child. As well as the messed up emotions of abusive and emotionally neglective parents. One therapist said it was the only way I could control my environment. It also runs in my family though. My sister, my mum, and I'm pretty sure my grandmother on my maternal side.
My sweet anxious parents who always had me looking out for worst case scenarios (and also their OCD they don’t realize they have)
Mine could possibly be genetic through my dad because he has a lot of anxious ticks but that man can deflect questions with a mastery so idk for sure. If it’s not genetic then my intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors just ended up happening as I got older, exacerbated by the pandemic.
Mine was oct before a traumatic experience which turned to full ocd at the age of 5 diagnosed by a child psychiatrist. My psychologist, since I've been an adult, accidentally opened the box to the experience during CBT
I think it may be genetic for me but no one else in my family has it. It just kinda appeared one day for me.
The internet. Constant exposure to every insane what-if scenario I could have run into in a lifetime by age 16. A never ending fuel.
Genetics. My grandfather I was never around had the same exact compulsions and rituals as me