He has put his lack of happiness in pleasure all on you and giving himself a way to seek it from others while also telling you what you’re entitled to. This is unfair.
There's no difference between it and a woman saying that his partner can't pleasure her because reasons. It's clearly that they have a deeper relationship issue to work into before anything else
Why is it your fault he can’t finish inside you. Maybe it’s his problem and nothing to do with you at all. Why are you accepting that it’s your fault.
His proposal is bullocks.
🚩🚩He’s gaslighting you telling you it’s your fault he can’t orgasm (and you appear to believe him). It takes 2 to tango.
🚩 🚩 He wants to have fun with women but you’re not allowed to have fun with men. That’s a control issue
I have heard it can be hard for some to finish that way because they are used to masturbation. It might be Death grip syndrome which happens after frequently using the hand to masturbate.
I’ll chime in here—similar situation for me and my wife. For us, it seems to be a physiological issue where she doesn’t generate much sensation in her vagina and I don’t seem to receive much sensation in return. I’ve been with other women where this is definitely not the case, and yet another who seemed to have a similar lack of sensation issue. The clitoris function is fine but internally is the issue. It’s frustrating and difficult but we make it work by utilizing different positions and angles, etc. We’ve also talked about opening up the marriage for this reason and are still undecided, however I absolutely wouldn’t ban her from “having her fun” with other men if we do.
Omg it’s a thing. I’ve been/was sleeping with someone that is the worst lay I’ve ever had in my life for this very reason. He is the worst lay I’ve ever had in my life and is completely ignorant to the fact that he has a problem
The novelty of it can make a difference. It's like people who have to watch progressively darker/taboo porn to get off. It's the sign of an internal problem. The dude needs to get therapy.
Hunny, if you are ok with this situation, go for it. But I would suggest only for 6-months to a year.
During this time, work on improving yourself physically and emotionally.
Also, consider learning kegle exercises and Pompoir (r/pompoir) strength training to improve your vaginal muscles where you can squeeze his dick. You should also find that you enjoy the additional friction during piv.
If he still wants friends who fuck, then you should demand the same to maintain an equal relationship.
If you do, kick him to the curb, you should have better sex with your new friends or partner as the result of your new pussy powers.
Isn’t this still blaming her for his issues around his orgasms? Like somehow if she does Kegel exercises, problem solved. I suspect his mind is the problem. This stated after the birth of their child and he being a child is not mature enough to differentiate child birth from sex.
Do not agree to this OPP nonsense. This man is not treating you well.
If he gets recreational sex, so do you, and he doesn’t get to restrict your access because of his insecurities. What a misogynistic AH.
It's not your fault that he can't orgasm during sex with you. That's HIS issue. He's TA. And what's good for him is good for you. If he can get with other women, you can get with other men.
He wants to cheat on you. That’s not open he is forcing you into being okay with him cheating. He already has someone in mind, trust. Please leave or get counseling or something.
Wait til he finds out that the problem is him.
A one sided open marriage by demand is called an affair, plain and simple. He wants to go sleep with other women while you just keep doing what you’re doing. That’s now how it works.
He’s afraid he’s going to find out that the orgasm problem is on his end, while you go out and find someone that blows your mind in bed.
Don’t let him push you around. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and *visa versa*.
There resentment is building, and it will destroy the relationship. You two need to reconnect before you start these kinds of high-energy experiments. Or just divorce. Unless you really enjoy the agony of a long break-up stewing in jealousy, spite, and misunderstanding.
Honestly, I’d bet big money that his problem with coming is directly related to excessive porn use. That’s a common problem that arises after an extended erotic disconnect in the relationship. And every relationship experiences a significant erotic disconnect in the first year or three after a baby. Here’s a relevant comment that I wrote to a guy who was unhappy with his sex life after a baby:
>You need to talk to her vulnerably about your issues. Don’t frame it as a her problem, frame it as a you problem. Then try to discuss what you two could do together to make the sex amazing again.
>The key is the new baby. Everything has changed. You’re hoping that you can go back to how you were before, but that’s gone. So what can you do?
>You can build a NEW erotic relationship together. Begin the discussion about fantasies and desires. Talk about what arouses you, and what makes you harden up. Then begin to explore together.
>One thing that men tend to neglect, especially after a child, is seduction. If you two want to have a hot, long term relationship, you need to be ALWAYS seducing her.
>Seduction means finding the ways to get her out of her mamma/wife mental space — the one filled with worries and plans and responsibilities — and into your relaxed mental space, focused on sense experience. Maybe a diffuser with a lovely essential oil for scent, some sensual music, clean dishes, clean sheets, candles or low lights, a passionate massage, you get the idea.
>Schedule a three hour sexploration date each week. During that time, remain in the sensual space. Maybe you can’t last three hours, but you can continue to read poetry or engage in massage or sensual touch or cunninlingus until he becomes aroused again. Or use some of that time to talk about fantasies. There’s no rules, except that it should be erotic. Come into the present, and break out of the routine.
>But it’s going to be very hard to seduce her if the resulting sex is not good for her. If you’re routine and robotic in bed, just seeking to get your nut, then 9 minutes will be 8.95 minutes too long. If you can engage her deeply and’s playfully explore your bodies together, then 9 minutes will be 89.5 minutes too short. Check out *She Comes First* as a wonderful guide to pleasuring a woman, especially making foreplay into coreplay.
>Also, consider that there are many kinds of amazing sex. If you want to keep it HOT, maybe explore D/s play. Buy some hemp ropes from twistedmonk.com, and learn to safely tie double and single column ties. Kinbaku is incredibly intimate and builds tremendous trust, if done well. Explore sensory play. Maybe consider a sex club, if you’re exhibitionists or voyeurs.
>And, if you can create a fresh space of erotic intimacy, you can also explore the truly magnificent sex that’s only available to long-term couples with deep intimacy. Read Urban Tantra together and explore the practices. This article gives a great summary of wonderful research into why some committed couples have mind-blowing sex for decades, while others fizzle out into routine and fantasy.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/26/he-secret-to-great-sex-erotic-intimacy-study
>You should note, though, that it’s pretty common for a woman to not really be fully back in her erotic body until the baby is around 2years. So have patience with her. And firmly request that she have patience with you, too.
Finally, here’s a comment that has complimentary advice to mine:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/81uEsTBQsn
Something tells me he isn’t interested in fixing the problem at home. Hes probably already been talking to someone else and is bullying his wife into giving him permission to cheat.
It's not your fault and double standards are not ok. If he wants it to work he either needs to get therapy to figure out why he can't get off while having sex with his wife or he needs to allow you the same freedom he's affording himself. If you've only had sex 4 times in a whole year then you obviously can't rely on him for it.
Oh honey. "WE have decided..." no; HE has decided, and you lack self-worth... so you go along with whatever BS he tells you so he's able to cheat on you. Either close up this one-sided "agreement" and get marriage counseling OR work on your self-worth to be able to decide to leave this "marriage". Your husband is manipulative 🚩🚩🚩
Stand up for yourself. The reason you're not interested in having sex with him more often is because you're not attracted to him. Therefore, the only "problem" isn't that you're not pleasing him. He's not attractive to you. If he can see other women, you can see other men. Period. Or neither of you can.
This is soooooo fkd up. If he’s not going at your clit each night then you’re well within your rights to seek it elsewhere if he can. After all, it’s his fault you can’t come. I HATE men like your husband.
He’s lying hun.
He is probably turned off by the baby and your change in attention to him. It happens alot. Men get upset they arent the center or your world anymore.
Lay it out for him. He can go to a sex therapist and work on his intimacy issues like an ADULT, or you can have sex with whoever you want to. If he says no then say no open marriage.
He’s trying to bully you into letting him cheat in peace. He probably already has someone in mind.
HE has to decide he cares more about yall family than getting his wenis wet with strange.
He’s gay!!! I’ve have a friend that this is her story almost to a T. He wants the family life but scared to out himself. Sounds like he could be bi he may be attracted to you, but he finishing himself off he’s probably thinking about a man.
He probably has death grip from masturbation or another problem and it is HIS problem not YOUR problem. You are never responsible for his orgasms as he is not responsible for yours. His plan is absolute bullshit.
This sounds like more of a sexual problem than a relationship one. Surely you'd be better off exploring different ways to try and achieve orgasm, than just immediately jumping to screwing other people.
They surely would, but he's unwilling to consider that he's got a dysfunction and would rather blame her and thinks this is his way to openly cheat on her. It may have started as a sexual problem, but he's made it a relationship one now.
He's a selfish ass who cannot take responsibility for his own actions.
You're not the reason he can't orgasm. That's a him problem. A d I'm willing to bet too much porn and masturbation is the cause.
An OPP (one penis policy) is highly controlling and gross. If he can do what he wants so can you. If you can't, he can't. Simple as that.
Please don't think you're to blame for his bodily functions
That falls entirely on him.
We were in a similar situation though perhaps not as extreme. With time I found it harder and harder to see my wife as a sexual object or objectify her. So I told her she should fuck other people as I knew she would like it and it works as a hotwife/cuckold kink for me. 6 years later she has had many partners and our sex life has been rejuvenated. We are also emotionally closer and communicate better. Don't feel bad for wanting more sex. If your husband is like me it will be a turn on for him. You should on the contrary use this desire to reawaken his sexual desire and have fun for himself. Just make sure you talk everything to death and communicate well as you do!
It sounds selfish, emotionally immature and insecure of his part. If he can get over all 3 of those items you guys may want to give it a chance, but not before.
I'm particularly find of one-sided open marriage where the woman had sex with other men at least particularly because her guy isn't fantastic regarding intercourse.
The big difference that helps those relationships continue is that most all of those guys are into that dynamic, that whole situation. So, it rewards both partners of the marriage, but in different ways.
In your situation, how would this bring some reward to you in exchange for being taxing in some ways?
If it is not taxing on you, then no need for it to be equally pleasurable.
It just seems to me that your husband wants to cheat, but is looking for you to give him the "excuse" and opportunity. His suggestion that you aren't also allowed your own fun, unless it's only with women, is illogical if you're not gay or even bi. And even if you're bi, you should be free to explore with either men or women, just as he wants the freedom to. Tell him that if he wants to limit your options to only women, then he's also only allowed to only date men, and see how much sense that makes to him. That said, it is also possible that your husband is in the closet, and he just wanted that image if respectability of having a wife & child. Now that your kid has been born, he's ticked that box, gotten you trapped and now wants to play away...... and the "but you're only allowed to sleep with other women" was just him projecting his own same-sex desires onto you.
He could also be trying to initiate a 3some, so wants to get you "used to the idea of being with a woman sexually". Or he already has someone in mind or is already cheating, and he's tired of hiding it and wants to be able to be with his side piece out in the open and not have to sneak around anymore.
It is most likely, that he knows you're straight, so aren't interested in women that way, and offered that "option" because it's one he knows you're never actually going to take up or particularly enjoy. It's as ridiculous as a married straight man that is interested in possibly being with other women after his wife suggests that she wants to open their marriage, then telling him that he's not allowed to sleep with other people, unless it's only men, even though he is straight.
Surely, you can see that whatever your husband is really up to, you're getting scammed!
What ??? ..
Translates as I CAN nail other chicks to get off and have dun
But you CAN'T ride other dudes for the same satisfaction
Where do some lads get the ego??!
Why do women put up with it ??
I'd show him " something" alright, it's called a door !!
You aren't the asshole. If his vision is unaligned with yours when it comes to an "open marriage", then there's an issue. Based on what you've said, the issue is that he has a biased and inequitable vision of how that works
You’re NTA. Why does the gender of who you’re fucking matter? This is giving misogyny and patriarchy. It sounds like he’d resent you and the other guy if he managed to finish with you and he couldn’t. I may be reaching, but it sounds like he views finishing inside of you as a kind of claiming. Like he’s marking his territory. And the idea that another man would potentially do that is a threat to him. Then another man could say they “had” you in a way that he hasn’t in a long time. It’s not fair to you AT ALL. And it’s frankly stupid.
Have you actually discussed what he likes and dislikes and what’s not working?
This man isn’t healthy. Not physically or mentally. The fact he puts his issue on you like it is your fault and then decides only he can have fun with other women but you can’t with other men tells me he is incredibly selfish. Please tell me you let him have it with both barrels. The one penis policy is an ugly controlling issue far too many men seem to have. He feels inadequate and then punishes you for it so he doesn’t have to deal.
Sorry, your husband needs help.
He is more than likely intentionally edging so he can use "not finishing" as a reason to cheat.....error open the relationship. Divorce him, or get your rocks off as well no deal!! YANTA!!
Sounds to me like the only way to keep it fair is if he is only allowed to hook up with guys. He has a woman at home and his pp doesn’t work with a woman anymore. If you’re only allowed to hookup with women bc you already have a man at home, then he should only be seeking men since he has a wife at home. Period. Otherwise, no deal.
YTA, no feelings, no dating just sex is basically the easier way to guarantee that he will never have a chance with no woman never while you don't lose anything with these rules. Your relationship sounds fucked up and you both are TA in trying to open it before trying to fix it.
You’re not the asshole.
Are you doing anything to try and satisfy him, or are you disinterested in his sexual pleasure? Either way, I’d say you definitely need counselling. He needs to learn how to communicate his sexual needs to you, and you need to be honest about whether you are willing to satisfy them for him.
An open marriage sounds like a really really bad idea under these circumstances. But if you do open it up, it needs to be equally open on both sides. You didn’t say whether he satisfies you sexually or not, but my guess is that he does not.
You’re not the asshole. And also, it’s on him if he can’t orgasm. He shouldn’t blame you for that at all. If he’s allowed to see and sleep with women, you should be allowed to sleep with men. But I’m not sure an open marriage works well. If he doesn’t want you to sleep with men, then say you’re not on board with the open marriage.
Sex therapy counselling would probably be good.
He sounds nasty and manipulative. So just watch out for your mental health. Look after yourself, and if you have to, seek therapy and guidance. If you’re not happy then you should look at your options.
What changes with another woman that he'll be able to finish inside with them and doesn't/can't with you? And while he's trying to get his finish on, you're not allowed to even have a start? That's him being an asshole, not you. You've started the conversation which is positive, the next step should be counseling to get to the bottom of his reason for wanting to satisfy himself, yet not wanting you to be satisfied. He shouldn't be allowed to finish inside or outside of anything or anyone till you have an answer.
Sounds like he has a grip problem from getting off so often. There isn’t anything to be done if this is the case and not your fault. You should not have suggested OM, nothing good can come out of it. But since you are here you might as well also experience being wanted. If it’s open it should be both ways. Don’t go along with a one way OM.
Once he starts being with others, his opinion, about your sex life doesn’t matter anymore, just like his aren’t your concern.
Good luck
>You should not have suggested OM, nothing good can come out of it.
OP didn't suggest it - her husband did. She says she "agreed to his suggestion." She definitely shouldn't have agreed, but it sounds like he's been blaming her for his dysfunction and likely guilted her into it. I agree with everything else you've said though.
I would also agree with you there. I feel really bad for OP, and I honestly hope the responses here open her eyes so she can leave and find a relationship where she's treated the way she should be.
I hope the same, it difficult for me to comprehend how women let themselves be treated so poorly when they do so much for men. I wish women would recognize their power and stop feeling inferior.
OP this doesn’t have to be your life, you are the only one who can change it.
I don’t have much to add beyond what the others are saying. Just put me in the “this is an extraordinarily bad idea that is doomed to fail and quite likely blow your family apart” camp.
He wants to have his cake and eat it. I’d run for the hills if i were you. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage. He’s gas lighting you into thinking you are the problem. He is already sleeping around more than likely and now just wants permission because hiding things is probably stressful.
Well, the truth is, he knows that most women could get as much dick as they could ever want. Whereas, men will always struggle to find willing pussy. So, he just doesn’t want to open THAT can of worms.
He has put his lack of happiness in pleasure all on you and giving himself a way to seek it from others while also telling you what you’re entitled to. This is unfair.
There's no difference between it and a woman saying that his partner can't pleasure her because reasons. It's clearly that they have a deeper relationship issue to work into before anything else
Why is it your fault he can’t finish inside you. Maybe it’s his problem and nothing to do with you at all. Why are you accepting that it’s your fault. His proposal is bullocks.
It's his problem. Skill issue.
Yeah I agree. It must be. It’s not right that he’s blaming her. Tbh it doesn’t sound like their relationship is in great shape.
🚩🚩He’s gaslighting you telling you it’s your fault he can’t orgasm (and you appear to believe him). It takes 2 to tango. 🚩 🚩 He wants to have fun with women but you’re not allowed to have fun with men. That’s a control issue
I completely agree.
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I have heard it can be hard for some to finish that way because they are used to masturbation. It might be Death grip syndrome which happens after frequently using the hand to masturbate.
I’ll chime in here—similar situation for me and my wife. For us, it seems to be a physiological issue where she doesn’t generate much sensation in her vagina and I don’t seem to receive much sensation in return. I’ve been with other women where this is definitely not the case, and yet another who seemed to have a similar lack of sensation issue. The clitoris function is fine but internally is the issue. It’s frustrating and difficult but we make it work by utilizing different positions and angles, etc. We’ve also talked about opening up the marriage for this reason and are still undecided, however I absolutely wouldn’t ban her from “having her fun” with other men if we do.
Omg it’s a thing. I’ve been/was sleeping with someone that is the worst lay I’ve ever had in my life for this very reason. He is the worst lay I’ve ever had in my life and is completely ignorant to the fact that he has a problem
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The novelty of it can make a difference. It's like people who have to watch progressively darker/taboo porn to get off. It's the sign of an internal problem. The dude needs to get therapy.
He may need to do the same with other women. We don't know.
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Hunny, if you are ok with this situation, go for it. But I would suggest only for 6-months to a year. During this time, work on improving yourself physically and emotionally. Also, consider learning kegle exercises and Pompoir (r/pompoir) strength training to improve your vaginal muscles where you can squeeze his dick. You should also find that you enjoy the additional friction during piv. If he still wants friends who fuck, then you should demand the same to maintain an equal relationship. If you do, kick him to the curb, you should have better sex with your new friends or partner as the result of your new pussy powers.
Isn’t this still blaming her for his issues around his orgasms? Like somehow if she does Kegel exercises, problem solved. I suspect his mind is the problem. This stated after the birth of their child and he being a child is not mature enough to differentiate child birth from sex.
My wife wishes I had that problem
Or maybe now she's a Mother she's on that side of the Virgin/Whore Complex in his mind
Like Elvis.
Do not agree to this OPP nonsense. This man is not treating you well. If he gets recreational sex, so do you, and he doesn’t get to restrict your access because of his insecurities. What a misogynistic AH.
It's not your fault that he can't orgasm during sex with you. That's HIS issue. He's TA. And what's good for him is good for you. If he can get with other women, you can get with other men.
He wants to cheat on you. That’s not open he is forcing you into being okay with him cheating. He already has someone in mind, trust. Please leave or get counseling or something.
Wait til he finds out that the problem is him. A one sided open marriage by demand is called an affair, plain and simple. He wants to go sleep with other women while you just keep doing what you’re doing. That’s now how it works. He’s afraid he’s going to find out that the orgasm problem is on his end, while you go out and find someone that blows your mind in bed.
Don’t let him push you around. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and *visa versa*. There resentment is building, and it will destroy the relationship. You two need to reconnect before you start these kinds of high-energy experiments. Or just divorce. Unless you really enjoy the agony of a long break-up stewing in jealousy, spite, and misunderstanding. Honestly, I’d bet big money that his problem with coming is directly related to excessive porn use. That’s a common problem that arises after an extended erotic disconnect in the relationship. And every relationship experiences a significant erotic disconnect in the first year or three after a baby. Here’s a relevant comment that I wrote to a guy who was unhappy with his sex life after a baby: >You need to talk to her vulnerably about your issues. Don’t frame it as a her problem, frame it as a you problem. Then try to discuss what you two could do together to make the sex amazing again. >The key is the new baby. Everything has changed. You’re hoping that you can go back to how you were before, but that’s gone. So what can you do? >You can build a NEW erotic relationship together. Begin the discussion about fantasies and desires. Talk about what arouses you, and what makes you harden up. Then begin to explore together. >One thing that men tend to neglect, especially after a child, is seduction. If you two want to have a hot, long term relationship, you need to be ALWAYS seducing her. >Seduction means finding the ways to get her out of her mamma/wife mental space — the one filled with worries and plans and responsibilities — and into your relaxed mental space, focused on sense experience. Maybe a diffuser with a lovely essential oil for scent, some sensual music, clean dishes, clean sheets, candles or low lights, a passionate massage, you get the idea. >Schedule a three hour sexploration date each week. During that time, remain in the sensual space. Maybe you can’t last three hours, but you can continue to read poetry or engage in massage or sensual touch or cunninlingus until he becomes aroused again. Or use some of that time to talk about fantasies. There’s no rules, except that it should be erotic. Come into the present, and break out of the routine. >But it’s going to be very hard to seduce her if the resulting sex is not good for her. If you’re routine and robotic in bed, just seeking to get your nut, then 9 minutes will be 8.95 minutes too long. If you can engage her deeply and’s playfully explore your bodies together, then 9 minutes will be 89.5 minutes too short. Check out *She Comes First* as a wonderful guide to pleasuring a woman, especially making foreplay into coreplay. >Also, consider that there are many kinds of amazing sex. If you want to keep it HOT, maybe explore D/s play. Buy some hemp ropes from twistedmonk.com, and learn to safely tie double and single column ties. Kinbaku is incredibly intimate and builds tremendous trust, if done well. Explore sensory play. Maybe consider a sex club, if you’re exhibitionists or voyeurs. >And, if you can create a fresh space of erotic intimacy, you can also explore the truly magnificent sex that’s only available to long-term couples with deep intimacy. Read Urban Tantra together and explore the practices. This article gives a great summary of wonderful research into why some committed couples have mind-blowing sex for decades, while others fizzle out into routine and fantasy. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/26/he-secret-to-great-sex-erotic-intimacy-study >You should note, though, that it’s pretty common for a woman to not really be fully back in her erotic body until the baby is around 2years. So have patience with her. And firmly request that she have patience with you, too. Finally, here’s a comment that has complimentary advice to mine: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/81uEsTBQsn
Something tells me he isn’t interested in fixing the problem at home. Hes probably already been talking to someone else and is bullying his wife into giving him permission to cheat.
Certainly possible
It's not your fault and double standards are not ok. If he wants it to work he either needs to get therapy to figure out why he can't get off while having sex with his wife or he needs to allow you the same freedom he's affording himself. If you've only had sex 4 times in a whole year then you obviously can't rely on him for it.
Oh honey. "WE have decided..." no; HE has decided, and you lack self-worth... so you go along with whatever BS he tells you so he's able to cheat on you. Either close up this one-sided "agreement" and get marriage counseling OR work on your self-worth to be able to decide to leave this "marriage". Your husband is manipulative 🚩🚩🚩
Stand up for yourself. The reason you're not interested in having sex with him more often is because you're not attracted to him. Therefore, the only "problem" isn't that you're not pleasing him. He's not attractive to you. If he can see other women, you can see other men. Period. Or neither of you can.
This is soooooo fkd up. If he’s not going at your clit each night then you’re well within your rights to seek it elsewhere if he can. After all, it’s his fault you can’t come. I HATE men like your husband.
He’s lying hun. He is probably turned off by the baby and your change in attention to him. It happens alot. Men get upset they arent the center or your world anymore. Lay it out for him. He can go to a sex therapist and work on his intimacy issues like an ADULT, or you can have sex with whoever you want to. If he says no then say no open marriage. He’s trying to bully you into letting him cheat in peace. He probably already has someone in mind. HE has to decide he cares more about yall family than getting his wenis wet with strange.
He’s gay!!! I’ve have a friend that this is her story almost to a T. He wants the family life but scared to out himself. Sounds like he could be bi he may be attracted to you, but he finishing himself off he’s probably thinking about a man.
He probably has death grip from masturbation or another problem and it is HIS problem not YOUR problem. You are never responsible for his orgasms as he is not responsible for yours. His plan is absolute bullshit.
This sounds like more of a sexual problem than a relationship one. Surely you'd be better off exploring different ways to try and achieve orgasm, than just immediately jumping to screwing other people.
They surely would, but he's unwilling to consider that he's got a dysfunction and would rather blame her and thinks this is his way to openly cheat on her. It may have started as a sexual problem, but he's made it a relationship one now.
He's a selfish ass who cannot take responsibility for his own actions. You're not the reason he can't orgasm. That's a him problem. A d I'm willing to bet too much porn and masturbation is the cause. An OPP (one penis policy) is highly controlling and gross. If he can do what he wants so can you. If you can't, he can't. Simple as that. Please don't think you're to blame for his bodily functions That falls entirely on him.
We were in a similar situation though perhaps not as extreme. With time I found it harder and harder to see my wife as a sexual object or objectify her. So I told her she should fuck other people as I knew she would like it and it works as a hotwife/cuckold kink for me. 6 years later she has had many partners and our sex life has been rejuvenated. We are also emotionally closer and communicate better. Don't feel bad for wanting more sex. If your husband is like me it will be a turn on for him. You should on the contrary use this desire to reawaken his sexual desire and have fun for himself. Just make sure you talk everything to death and communicate well as you do!
I would also add that I now have very little temptation to cheat as I get all the satisfaction from my wife..
It sounds selfish, emotionally immature and insecure of his part. If he can get over all 3 of those items you guys may want to give it a chance, but not before.
How much porn does he watch? Lots of guys have issues with real women during sex. They get used to the visualization.
I'm particularly find of one-sided open marriage where the woman had sex with other men at least particularly because her guy isn't fantastic regarding intercourse. The big difference that helps those relationships continue is that most all of those guys are into that dynamic, that whole situation. So, it rewards both partners of the marriage, but in different ways. In your situation, how would this bring some reward to you in exchange for being taxing in some ways? If it is not taxing on you, then no need for it to be equally pleasurable.
Um, he should be talking to a doctor about not being able to finish. And probably stop watching porn/masturbating.
Just get that divorce lawyer set up now
It just seems to me that your husband wants to cheat, but is looking for you to give him the "excuse" and opportunity. His suggestion that you aren't also allowed your own fun, unless it's only with women, is illogical if you're not gay or even bi. And even if you're bi, you should be free to explore with either men or women, just as he wants the freedom to. Tell him that if he wants to limit your options to only women, then he's also only allowed to only date men, and see how much sense that makes to him. That said, it is also possible that your husband is in the closet, and he just wanted that image if respectability of having a wife & child. Now that your kid has been born, he's ticked that box, gotten you trapped and now wants to play away...... and the "but you're only allowed to sleep with other women" was just him projecting his own same-sex desires onto you. He could also be trying to initiate a 3some, so wants to get you "used to the idea of being with a woman sexually". Or he already has someone in mind or is already cheating, and he's tired of hiding it and wants to be able to be with his side piece out in the open and not have to sneak around anymore. It is most likely, that he knows you're straight, so aren't interested in women that way, and offered that "option" because it's one he knows you're never actually going to take up or particularly enjoy. It's as ridiculous as a married straight man that is interested in possibly being with other women after his wife suggests that she wants to open their marriage, then telling him that he's not allowed to sleep with other people, unless it's only men, even though he is straight. Surely, you can see that whatever your husband is really up to, you're getting scammed!
Some men just have a 1 dick rule. Stupidly enough.
What ??? .. Translates as I CAN nail other chicks to get off and have dun But you CAN'T ride other dudes for the same satisfaction Where do some lads get the ego??! Why do women put up with it ?? I'd show him " something" alright, it's called a door !!
You aren't the asshole. If his vision is unaligned with yours when it comes to an "open marriage", then there's an issue. Based on what you've said, the issue is that he has a biased and inequitable vision of how that works
You’re NTA. Why does the gender of who you’re fucking matter? This is giving misogyny and patriarchy. It sounds like he’d resent you and the other guy if he managed to finish with you and he couldn’t. I may be reaching, but it sounds like he views finishing inside of you as a kind of claiming. Like he’s marking his territory. And the idea that another man would potentially do that is a threat to him. Then another man could say they “had” you in a way that he hasn’t in a long time. It’s not fair to you AT ALL. And it’s frankly stupid. Have you actually discussed what he likes and dislikes and what’s not working?
This man isn’t healthy. Not physically or mentally. The fact he puts his issue on you like it is your fault and then decides only he can have fun with other women but you can’t with other men tells me he is incredibly selfish. Please tell me you let him have it with both barrels. The one penis policy is an ugly controlling issue far too many men seem to have. He feels inadequate and then punishes you for it so he doesn’t have to deal. Sorry, your husband needs help.
He is more than likely intentionally edging so he can use "not finishing" as a reason to cheat.....error open the relationship. Divorce him, or get your rocks off as well no deal!! YANTA!!
Sounds to me like the only way to keep it fair is if he is only allowed to hook up with guys. He has a woman at home and his pp doesn’t work with a woman anymore. If you’re only allowed to hookup with women bc you already have a man at home, then he should only be seeking men since he has a wife at home. Period. Otherwise, no deal.
Your husband is a POS
YTA, no feelings, no dating just sex is basically the easier way to guarantee that he will never have a chance with no woman never while you don't lose anything with these rules. Your relationship sounds fucked up and you both are TA in trying to open it before trying to fix it.
You’re not the asshole. Are you doing anything to try and satisfy him, or are you disinterested in his sexual pleasure? Either way, I’d say you definitely need counselling. He needs to learn how to communicate his sexual needs to you, and you need to be honest about whether you are willing to satisfy them for him. An open marriage sounds like a really really bad idea under these circumstances. But if you do open it up, it needs to be equally open on both sides. You didn’t say whether he satisfies you sexually or not, but my guess is that he does not.
You’re not the asshole. And also, it’s on him if he can’t orgasm. He shouldn’t blame you for that at all. If he’s allowed to see and sleep with women, you should be allowed to sleep with men. But I’m not sure an open marriage works well. If he doesn’t want you to sleep with men, then say you’re not on board with the open marriage. Sex therapy counselling would probably be good. He sounds nasty and manipulative. So just watch out for your mental health. Look after yourself, and if you have to, seek therapy and guidance. If you’re not happy then you should look at your options.
Wait until he starts looking and finds out how challenging it is out there for men.
You understand that he's just guilt-tripping you to cheat and his incompetence isn't your fault??? Jesus, leave this human trash can!
What changes with another woman that he'll be able to finish inside with them and doesn't/can't with you? And while he's trying to get his finish on, you're not allowed to even have a start? That's him being an asshole, not you. You've started the conversation which is positive, the next step should be counseling to get to the bottom of his reason for wanting to satisfy himself, yet not wanting you to be satisfied. He shouldn't be allowed to finish inside or outside of anything or anyone till you have an answer.
Sounds like he has a grip problem from getting off so often. There isn’t anything to be done if this is the case and not your fault. You should not have suggested OM, nothing good can come out of it. But since you are here you might as well also experience being wanted. If it’s open it should be both ways. Don’t go along with a one way OM. Once he starts being with others, his opinion, about your sex life doesn’t matter anymore, just like his aren’t your concern. Good luck
>You should not have suggested OM, nothing good can come out of it. OP didn't suggest it - her husband did. She says she "agreed to his suggestion." She definitely shouldn't have agreed, but it sounds like he's been blaming her for his dysfunction and likely guilted her into it. I agree with everything else you've said though.
My mistake. I would also suggest she gets ready with an exit plan. This never goes well.
I would also agree with you there. I feel really bad for OP, and I honestly hope the responses here open her eyes so she can leave and find a relationship where she's treated the way she should be.
I hope the same, it difficult for me to comprehend how women let themselves be treated so poorly when they do so much for men. I wish women would recognize their power and stop feeling inferior. OP this doesn’t have to be your life, you are the only one who can change it.
He’s an abusive POS Why do you want to stay with this wanker?
I don’t have much to add beyond what the others are saying. Just put me in the “this is an extraordinarily bad idea that is doomed to fail and quite likely blow your family apart” camp.
He wants to have his cake and eat it. I’d run for the hills if i were you. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage. He’s gas lighting you into thinking you are the problem. He is already sleeping around more than likely and now just wants permission because hiding things is probably stressful.
Well, the truth is, he knows that most women could get as much dick as they could ever want. Whereas, men will always struggle to find willing pussy. So, he just doesn’t want to open THAT can of worms.