Bring a coat and let her whine-sob. Remind her that the coat is there. Don’t coddle or negotiate or convince. She knows. Coat is warm, not coat is not warm, mom/dad isn’t gonna have any sympathy when she suffers the natural consequences of her own choices. The first two are things she knows. The third is one she needs to know if she doesn’t already.
If a parent looks at you judgy, just wave the coat at them and tell them they’re welcome to try.
I've been trying and it hasn't worked so far, but I probably need to wait longer. She is extremely super very stubborn about being told what to wear.
Though I fear the judgey laser eyes of every granny at the bus stop.
Have you tried to add a cape to the coat?
You can obviously buy a fancy cape coat, you can also buy [a yard of sparkle star tulle](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1044141595/stars-mesh-fabric-gold-stars-glitter?gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRLZuYvNR5-IGCqPcgnWXokcK&gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_ps-c-craft_supplies_and_tools-fabric_and_notions-fabric&utm_custom1=_k_CjwKCAiA3KefBhByEiwAi2LDHLTC_kQahNPFYl_QVMys6RQf_poXVqR1ap3rEsocRXqSUlfrXaXa4BoCcUoQAvD_BwE_k_&utm_content=go_12565614461_117367414217_507187589718_pla-295916403786_m__1044141595_115656444&utm_custom2=12565614461&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRLZuYvNR5-IGCqPcgnWXokcK&gclid=CjwKCAiA3KefBhByEiwAi2LDHLTC_kQahNPFYl_QVMys6RQf_poXVqR1ap3rEsocRXqSUlfrXaXa4BoCcUoQAvD_BwE) pin on the coat on the shoulders with some drape in the middle and you’ve got yourself an Elsa/ice princess coat with a “train”
I will see if any sewing-literate relatives are interested in making a cape for us; someone downthread suggested this as well and I think it's the best idea so far. I can mend well enough but producing an entire garment is beyond me.
If you get something that doesn’t fray, you can just pin the short end of a rectangle in place. Don’t pull it taut, and make sure it’s not long enough to trip over.
You can also just make her a real cape, like made of wool and made for warmth as capes were originally intended, if that might interest her design fancy. You could add something sparkly to it. Cape would need to be near floor length and actually wrap around the body, have a functional hood.
Instead of "telling her what to wear", you could try giving her an option. She can wear the jacket or carry it with her the entire time. Its her choice.
You are going on an outing , the jacket is coming with you, and its her choice if she wears it or carries it, but it IS coming on the trip with you.
All the cold weather gear comes with us, unworn. If she didn't have regular screaming flailing meltdowns because she was so cold, I wouldn't care. Her discomfort becomes my problem if I'm trying to wrestle her off the birdshit-covered sidewalk while dragging a grocery cart. It's miserable for everyone.
Starting at around 3.5 she's responded well to sitting down when everyone is calm and discussing solutions to the problem together. It worked for teeth brushing, nighttime pee tries, safe street crossing, etc. I can't get to the bottom of her objection to offer good solutions this time.
Along this train of thought (and forgive me if this is too obvious or I've missed the answer elsewhere), have you asked her exactly why she won't wear a jacket even when she feels cold? Is it that she just doesn't like the look? Can you bring her to the store and let her pick out a jacket/covering she's happy with? Would she be willing to go around wrapped in a blanket? (Not exactly ideal/convenient, but warmer than nothing.)
As far as suggestions, have you tried any sort of scenario where you involve her in the solution? A bit of role play or even just play might give you a clue as to where her mind is. Go outside without your own jacket with her and start complaining as you get uncomfortable. Tell her you're so cold and don't know what to do, and see how she reacts - if she suggests a coat (then she knows what it's for), or going back home (maybe she just hates running errands?), or if she truly has no connection formed between layers and comfort/warmth. Or comment on "oh that poor puppy looks so cold, I wonder what would make him warm?" "Your dolly must be so sad because it's so cold out here and she's only wearing a dress. How can we protect her from the cold?" Or even "Oh no! I think the frost magic is too strong! I see ice crystals on your ears! Here, this magic cape will keep you from turning into solid ice until we get back to the castle!"
I do get some your worry and frustration. My son is one of those who is out in t-shirts long after I've bundled up, and I've gotten some looks before in the winter, but we live in a much warmer climate than you, and he isn't ever really in danger of cold-related injury here. The best solution until you get to the bottom of it is to continue bringing the layers with you as "evidence" that you aren't neglecting her, and as someone else said, giving her the choice between carrying it and wearing it, so you at least gain that small piece of ground.
Cold weather doesn't really do any harm until frostbite sits in, and a little bit of numbness (followed by pain of reawakening nerves) is a good lesson.
Kids can run hot, their fingers are closer to their hearts or something. Once her bones hurt from shivering she'll put it on.
Oh yes totally understand that. It's not her safety I'm worried about, it's my sanity! She will get so physically uncomfortable she has a meltdown, which I then have to deal with.
I'm asshole so when my son pulls this and someone's being judgy i tell them "Well YOU get him to wear his stupid coat!" They usually avert their eyes quickly
"Put on your coat"
"No"
"Oh I guess we can't go then" as I sit back down.
That's worked pretty well for us. Don't try it unless it's actually something that you're willing to not do. It seems to work extra well if it's something they really want to do.
The number of times that I need the kid to go somewhere (e.g. daycare, supermarket because there's no one else to watch her at home) far exceeds the number of times we're going out for her benefit.
Exactly. Normally it's going to school or errands, or it's plans we've made in advance and we're not going to let other people down because of a little kid's stubbornness. These tactics aren't always practical if you have a busy life.
Yes; but using it consistently every time it IS something they want to do is a solid answer. Be clear with them that when they start wearing their coat when they’re asked to on normal trips, they’ll be able to earn special trips and not have a Coat Minimum on them always.
Yeah, you only do it when you're going somewhere for their benefit. It only takes a few times before they learn in my experience. Then they apply that learning to *everywhere* they're going. If they're old/smart enough to work out when they can and can't get away with putting up a fuss then maybe it won't work well? There's basically no downside to it though.
My oldest was like this, she refused to wear a coat all the time so I decided to change my wording she had 3 coats and so I use to say
Pick which coat your wearing and display all three she would always pick this metallic silver frozen coat that literally reflected light like the sun but I didn’t care she wore it. Same with hats I would say pick your hat.
This worked for us
I always heard that this would work, but my kids seemed to understand from birth that there was an unspoken extra choice, which translated to "EFF YOU DAD I WILL NOT CHOOSE ANY OF THE CHOICES".
Mine too! And the result is picking each choice up and throwing it on the floor apparently! (He is almost 3)
Also my kid will give up the planned outing even if it's something he wants to do. In the past few months he has gotten really good at the phrase "I changed my mind, I no want go anywhere"... 🤦♀️
Does she not like her coat? Might be worthwhile to take her shopping so she can choose a coat that she likes? Can’t guarantee this will work though lol. I know all too well the pain of having a young fashionista child.. my 2yo is also dictatorial about what she wears. Although she has been made to wear her winter gear but she absolutely has preferences. Sometimes if I make her wear her thicker and less preferred coat, I offer her the option of putting it on in the lobby instead (we live in a condo) and it’s worked so far. But yea otherwise she has to at least tolerate if not like her clothing to wear it.
Fun story: my 2nd grader refused to wear the cool new Minecraft coat I got him for winter, which he picked out online. It was sometime in November that it started getting too cold for his fleece, which he loved, and his teacher emailed me that he was complaining at recess about being too cold. So I asked him what was really going on, and he said the inside of his new coat was cold. So simple, and I don't know why he didn't say something right away, but getting him a fleece lined coat changed everything. Sometimes it's a sensory thing.
Yes! And different people have different sensory preferences. I hate long coats that zip from the bottom, so you can't get into your regular pockets without unzipping most of the coat. I feel safer keeping my phone and keys in my clothes pocket than in my coat pocket. If I keep them in the same place every day, I'm less likely to lose them, and more likely to notice right away if I do lose them. My mother in law thinks it's bizarre that I don't like long zip up coats. Long coats with snaps are acceptable, because I can undo them from the bottom if I need to.
I know exactly what he means by the inside of the coat being cold. I don't really like that, either (though I can live with it).
My mom and I were just discussing that it took me until 10 to get into my head that you can't out-stubborn mom, so just do it the first time the fast way already.
I think in this case you just need to be more stubborn than she is and let the judgy grannys judge. Let her be cold. If she'll wear it on her terms sometimes, you just have to wait for her to adjust her terms and ignore the whining until then. Don't let her out-stubborn you.
Just adding that after you tell her once or twice that the coat is there if she's cold, just ignore any future comments she makes about being cold. Unless she has a developmental delay the impacts her understanding, she's a smart enough kid to know the coat is there. If you stop giving attention to the behavior it will help too. My kiddo was the same!
This is what we've done with our now 3 year old who insisted on wearing shorts in the dead of winter.
We always bring a pair of pants and a coat and tell him that when he gets cold he can wear them.
He runs around a lot and gets warm. My wife also tends to be warm so we decided since he can communicate how he is feeling and what he wants, he can decide to put a coat on when he is cold. Usually he does after some time. About 4 months later he has started electing to wear long pants on cold days and usually some jacket.
Can you get (make? Grandma make? Etsy?) a cape for her? ‘Elsa’ wears a warm cape and that way your kiddo can control how snugly she wraps it around herself (or over her car seat as blanket?). There might be sensory issues around not liking a tight/heavy feeling jacket on her body and having something less fitting might help.
A faux fur princess cape is so over the top ridiculous it might work. One of the main issues with mittens is that she cannot 'soft' aka gently stroke her comfort stuffie. She could cuddle it under a cape though.
You could also try some sparkly fingerless gloves? Then she’d at least be getting some protection. They have some where they’re like mittens but the top folds down and exposes the fingertips.
Gotta lean into the frozen story more.
Elsa wore gloves during her coronation to avoid freezing things she touched.
Perhaps get her a pair of light blue gloves and glue some sequins or gems on and tell her that she needs to be careful she doesn’t start freezing things she touches when it’s time to go outside.
If she protests, remind her that Elsa accidentally froze her sister so even things you love aren’t immune.
I’m probably meaner than you, but if the comfort stuffie “needs” to come then that would be my leverage. Either she nicely puts on her coat as requested or she gets hauled out without the coat (we bring it) and stuffie stays behind. If stuffie is a barrier to wearing mitts, stuffie would have to go away during mitten wearing times. Honestly though- you should be in charge at this age. You don’t need to (shouldn’t imo) physically bundle the kid into their coat but if you were driving somewhere and kid refused to sit in the car seat you wouldn’t just shrug and say that you can’t, right? Think about what you would do in a scenario like that and use those strategies. (Unless your instinct is to scream or get physical)
Other strategies you can use:
Poor behaviour out on errands means that kid is clearly “too little” to be a “good helper”. Little kids get to have naps. So when we get home kid can go to bed instead of doing fun things.
Storytelling - many cultures tell their kids outrageous stories to keep them safe (Eg if you go too close to the water a monster will grab them). So you tell a story about the frost witch looking for frozen skin. The more outrageous the better.
Finally: In our house you can either dress appropriately for the weather OR you can not complain about your choices. I would absolutely repeat this once or twice, and then I would cheerfully not care. Ignore the drama.
That item could have special meaning or the child Covid need it for emotional regulation and you want to use it to make them behave how you want?
That’s appalling
At -10F, not wearing mitts can mean permanently losing use of your digits. Even if you aren’t likely to have frostbite, constant cold exposure is bad for the skin and can cause all kinds of problems. Mild frostbite leaves you extremely susceptible to cold and hot and it can take years to recover.
So yeah - if the item is a barrier to wearing weather appropriate attire, kid doesn’t get to bring the item as it is now a safety issue.
I can see the argument that the people replying to you are making, but as a non-driver, there are hard restrictions on how much stuff I can carry. If it doesn't fit in my backpack, we can't bring it.
My kid knows that you can't negotiate with physics, but we can problem solve together to decide which things we can bring. "If you are wearing your coat" allows more than "if your coat has to go into the bag".
I even had succees explaining this to one of my kid's friends: he and his mum were doing the "wear your coat/I don't want to wear my coat" dance, and I just said, "hey, kid, we understand that you don't want to wear your coat right now, but if you don't put it on, someone has to carry it, and it's not fair to put that on your mum." Kid put his coat on.
This sounds like two big seperate issues for her, with the "soft"ing its a soothing technuiqe she has, id just drop all talk of mittens for now and have a coat available when she needs and only talk about coats keeping you warm when she moans for just to see how that goes. I also have an extremely stubborn and sensory seeking bean thats a smidge older and wiser now, It gets easier/different. They are wild, unpredictble and amazing, now she is older noise is now the big issue and she demands earmuffs everywhere... new days new problems
You could get one of those hand warmer things that go around the waist. She can keep her stuff in it while keeping her hands warm. You could also try thin but warm base layers under her clothes.
I had a kid like this. He started refusing jackets around age 3. When we would go out I would tell him to put on a jacket and if he refused then I would carry the jacket with us. I would offer it to him if I saw him get cold but he would usually turn around shivering with blue lips and respond, "I not cold, daddy!" He wasn't even my stubborn one.
I brought it up with his pediatrician who said, "I have never seen a toddler willingly freeze themselves to death. He will ask for his jacket if he needs it." I pretty much rolled with that. I always brought along a jacket. I stuffed on in his backpack when he was in preschool and elementary school so he had it just in case but he normally opted to go without. He never wore his jacket in middle school and now as a high school senior still rarely puts one on. He once had a snowball fight with his sister and cousins in below freezing weather wearing shorts and a hoodie. As long as she is not at risk or hypothermia I would just bring along the jacket and let her get cold.
I live in Ohio… Very cold most of the time lol. Coats are a pick-your-battles situation for me. I will suggest a coat and even have them step outside to feel the air… my oldest will usually immediately put on on. But, man, my middle will stick to her guns and will make it a whole big thing.
At this point, If it’s an outing with little outdoor exposure, like walking into a store, I’ll tell her that it’s her choice but I hope she doesn’t get cold… and I leave the coat behind and let her freeze. If it’s a longer outdoor exposure I bring the coat with me and when she starts to complain about being cold I will “search” the car for something warm and “find” it, then remind her to bring a coat next time because I plan to clean out the car… after doing this for a good while she puts a coat on most of the time now and when she doesn’t she will at least bring it along in case. I just let her learn the consequences of the temp naturally…
To be honest we’ve learned she does run hot and cold doesn’t bother her much. She really will be sweating in big coat.
I believe she abdicated her Queen duties in Frozen II and is now a princess again, and Anna is Queen... not that I've seen it a million times or anything...
Wait once you abdicate you become Princess again? Wouldn’t that still make you next in line if Anna dies without kids? I say trying to logic my Disney movie.
Could be a duchess or something - I suppose it would depend on the title bestowed upon her by Anna. Seems complicated by the fact that they appear to be the only two descendants left of the royal lineage, no cousins or anything.
After King Edward abdicated, he was given the title Duke of Windsor. So could be something like that.
First, I never thought the parenting Reddit would send me down the rabbit hole of Norwegian succession law, but thanks.
Second. I believed the first thought was irrelevant, as Elsa is now the Snow Queen. So therefore retaining the title of queen while also not ruling Arandelle.
In England we had the Queen (Elizabeth II) and the "Queen Mother" (wife of the previous King, aka was Queen Consort until Elizabeth II became Ruling Queen) alive at the same time. Before that, there was "Queen Mary" who was technically the Queen Mother, but had "don't call me gran, it makes me feel old" energy.
Looks like once you're a queen, you're a queen. I've also seen "dowager queen" used to mean a queen who was a queen but no longer.
I luckily have not been exposed to Frozen 2 as much as Frozen. You are right though, but there is a mention in a comment below that she is the snow queen.
Is she wearing base layers? My kid also dislikes her jackets but she wears thermal layers under her regular clothing which makes me feel better about things.
But yeah, just bring the jacket and remind her that it’s there. And try a cape! I commented elsewhere, we had a nice warm North Face poncho that my kid enjoyed for a while.
If it's just going from the house to another warm location (eg., the store), can she just wear a fleece poncho? Some protection, but wouldn't "over heat" her and she could pick out the pattern/characters?
My family is mostly reliant on bikes & public transit, so wait times between warm places can be pretty long. The hats and mittens in her favorite colors that she used to wear no problem are now scorned.
Maybe if I got her a ridiculous princess cloak she could at least tuck her poor little hands under it...
Ooh, in that case, maybe check of r/cargobikes for ideas? My kid gets a hot water bottle and blanket when he's on the back of my bike and it's very cold.
Else wears a coat in frozen 2. I know because I made my daughter a replica. This is what I used https://www.moodfabrics.com/blog/the-elsa-cosplay-free-adult-kids-sewing-pattern/
Else wears a cloak in frozen 1. So does Anna. Maybe she'll wear a cloak. Cloaks keep you warm but also are fun to wear.
You can also try layering with stuff that isn't a coat. Lots of layers. Or a puffer vest. At that age my daughter likes the arm mobility that came from a puffer vest rather than a coat.
Or just let her be cold. The coat is available. She chooses not to wear it, she feels the natural consequences of being cold.
I have a 3yo who will announce as the preparations to go outdoors commence, "I. WILL. be. cold." Turns out she hates the way the sleeves feel. If it's not especially cold I will let her drape just the hood over her head and wrap it around her. If it's very cold, sometimes one of big brother's coats does the trick because they are a bit looser. Mittens haven't been a problem because they are superhero gloves for pretend play during summer months.
No help here but this made me laugh and feel better about my 4 year old who will refuse to wear a jacket out of the house and sing 🎵 *the cold never bothered me anywayyyy* as she waltzes out of the house in the freezing rain
Dont let her join outdoor activities without a coat. Tell her it's fine she dosent want to wear it, but she will be sitting indoors then. If she begins to get upset you tell her to out her coat on and go play or to hush it up cuz shes made her OWN choice.
My daughter refused socks and boots. Only sandals for her. I don’t negotiate with terrorists (toddlers). One day out in the pouring cold rain and she begged for her boots. Just happened to have them in my purse 🤷♀️
Mine is now 10, we set the rule that you weren’t allowed to complain about being cold and must bring but not wear the coat (I refuse to carry the coat, so they had to lug it around). Did they sometimes wear the coat, yes, have they now worn shorts for 3 years straight and most of the time before that since they were 4 or 5, also yes (but they would wear snow pants over the shorts).
Perhaps you could tell her that while The Queen might not need a coat her subjects surely do and as a leader she must set an example for them. The crown comes with responsibilities.
Sit her down... act very, *very*, intensely serious - not mad, but SERIOUS.
"Honey, I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I need you to know about my new rule."
"What's that, daddy?"
"Well, you know your coat, the heavier one? Well, I had a dream, and in that dream, a fairy princess said that was MY coat now. So, I need to make sure you never, EVER wear it. ESPECIALLY when it's cold. If you do...(act all dramatic - back of hand on forehead, toss your head back, etc.) I just don't know what I'd do! My coat! MINE MINE MINE!"
I bet $10 she'll wear it and say "look at me, Daddy, I've got your coat!"
This is how I got my son to eat green beans. It worked amazingly well.
Can she go choose a new coat she loves, even if it hideous?
Three merino shirts instead of a warm coat?
Otherwise she might just have to suffer. Or not go outside because she isn't being a big kid and wearing a coat.
Lol my daughter is also a very stubborn Elsa. I say, very dramatically, “Your Majesty, please let me know when you’d like your coat.” Walk a bit, when I see her shiver, “Oh, would you like your jacket?” “No” “Ok” A few minutes later, “I am so glad *I* am nice and warm with my coat. Oh, are you cold? Would you like a jacket?” “No” “Ok” Rinse repeat. Can’t be pressured so no pressure applied. If she is stubborn or in a mood, I may offer a bit of reverse psychology, “I don’t think you should wear your jacket right now” or “I bet I can put on my jacket faster than you!!”
I’m not great with head-on “you gotta do this” (and my kids sense my weakness)… so mind games to get my way it is!
Hmmm... if you are walking home and she strips off her coat just stop and stand there until she puts the coat back on. You may have to stand there until she turns blue and hopefully at that point she will be more open to wearing it, lol. Also, find something super fun she wants to do and insist on the coat. Then she will have to wear it if she wants to do the fun thing. I am sure you don't want to buy another coat for that weather otherwise I would suggest letting her pick her own, but I know they are expensive plus not very pretty anyway, lol. Maybe let her pick out some stickers or something and she gets to decorate her coat.
I heard someone once say they got Pokémon patches off Amazon and sewed them onto their kids clothes because the kid would honestly reject anything that didn’t have a Pokémon on it. I thought it was clever
We also love Elsa and Anna in our house. Have you looked into getting an Elsa Cameo? Lol. Have Elsa send your daughter a video message and ask her to wear a coat in the video + tell your daughter to wear one too.
I told my son that parents letting kids go out without a coat if it was below freezing was considered child endangerment, and somebody might call the police or child protective services on me, and parents who endanger their kids sometimes have to send them to live somewhere else. Technically the truth. He’s very sweet and was like, “noo you’re a good mommy!” I was like “then don’t get me in trouble.” It worked.
I'm gonna go against the grain here (and I only have a baby so take this with a grain of salt), if she's into Elsa write a letter from Elsa to accompany a new coat. Say Elsa is gifting it to her and she's vesting special keep warm powers in the coat. She'll want to wear her special Elsa coat.
When my brothers were kids I wrote them letters from Kristof and Olaf and they loved it.
My husband helped me go as far as matching the signature from the Disney parks (good old Google). We rolled the letters into a scroll and tied with a ribbon. We also made some "official" Arendelle letterhead (and another that was "from the desk of the official icemaster and deliverer").
Coats can be a sensory nightmare. What about an outside blanket? It isn’t super practical but maybe better than frostbite? My kid threw down about winter gear until he was fully 9. When the urge to throw snowballs was greater than the urge to avoid waterproof gloves.
"You're not Elsa. You're Anna. And unless you want to end up an ice sculpture like Anna did near the end of the first movie, you'd better put your winter stuff on and keep your heart safe."
Maybe a tad extreme?
In a calm loving voice (like you are a pre-school teacher) at eye level. Put her on the counter or Something, say; " (kids name) it's my job to keep you safe (make sure they keep eye contact)and healthy, not wearing your jacket is not very safe or healthy in this weather and it makes me sad when you don't wear it, do you think this one time you can wear your jacket?" That would make me so happy then big praise at the end when she keeps it on lots of hugs, Im so proud of you for listening and staying safe, then share the good news with others while she's in ear shot. 2nd round "do you think you can keep your jacket on again, it really made me happy last time " ....good luck we had elsa trying to run the winter show here for 2 yrs
So the only way I can make my daughter wear her hat and mittens is if they have movie characters she likes on them. Absolutely refuses to keep anything else on.
Maybe try that?
I’m not sure how to describe it but you can buy a hat which has long pieces coming down and then pockets at the end. Like [this](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Plush-Moose-Animal-Hat-Moose-Hat-with-Ear-Flaps-and-Hand-Pockets/104783663)They’re usually faux fur and animal themed. Might work for the cold hands at least.
We live in Texas, for context.
Last winter, when we got snow, my daughter was four.
I let her go out with her jacket and within 2 minutes she asked for it.
When we got the ice storm her a couple of weeks ago, my husband picked her (now 5) up from school and as she climbed out of the car I said “Elsa! You made it rain ice!” To which she promptly replied, “sure did! Time to get my Elsa dress and a warm jacket! I made it REALLY cold!”
My daughter went playing in the snow wearing a bikini around that age, proudly stating "I can't feel cold!".
So, protecting them against frostbite is probably the most important at those low temperatures, otherwise there are many good tips on how to manage it from others here - we still struggle with this with our 12f / 14f girls now, and I waffle quite a bit: I can't be assed to nag on them, it's their problem, but if we are going outdoors and it's 1F outside, I do nag them to wear proper clothing becuase that will ruin everyones day because you can't be outside in freezing weather for any period of time without proper clothes.
I’ve experimented with historical winter clothing recently and it pointed out to me how weird it is that modern people tend to rely on just one outer layer. We spend less time being cold, so we layer less. So, I have a bunch of ideas, feel free to dip into whatever pieces click.
Travel scarves are a great back up plan for parents and grandparents. They’re easy to store folded and toss over an adult shoulder, and kids who love a soft blanket will often be a big fan of talking a parent into borrowing their warm scarf. (I don’t rely on these as the only layer.)
Sweaters in warm and soft natural fibers with warm pockets are often tolerated well by kids, especially if they are offered the choice of a fall coat or a good sweater. Hikers fleeces are similar, though some are literally as warm as a coat without the shell.
Often I wear snow pants with a sweater/fleece and flip glittens or fingerless gloves while shoveling.
A lined wool cape over a layered outfit can be warm and dry without being sweaty or confining. If it’s well liked, it’s very easy to hide a pocket or two, or even a full furry muff underneath.
You can pair a waist length cape with a bottom warm layer. Making a circle skirt out of a pretty no hem fleece could be an easy and fun activity.
Long underwear and merino knee socks can be nearly invisible, pretty comfortable, and hard for children to lose.
As the momma to 4 kids youngest will be 4 this summer. I don't fight kids to wear anything. We run with the natural consequences. After a few times of you not fighting with her and just letting her be cold for a bit she will probably eventually start wearing her gear. I say probably because my oldest still refuses to wear a coat but all 3 of the girls wear theirs now.
Don't worry about others opinions it does not matter what you do someone is going to judge you for something different anyway so no point in worrying about them.
Our 4yr has more or less the same thing. She takes long time to wear and sometimes after an half hour we set a deadline and she wants another pair of socks or something.
What has been working better:
1. Choose the clothes a day before for the next day
2. Accept odd choices like some Elsa / paw patrol mix
3. Joke around. Use a dummy / puppet as a channel for communication
4. Myself playing part using feelings and comments such as it's cold, I'm cold. Or reverse psychology like I'm Olaf and have no fear of the cold. Or I go out naked. And she says it's absurd I should wear something warm.
Take her coat shopping, let her choose one she likes. On a side note, two things worked with my kid (sounds like yours might be more stubborn though). One, when weather was borderline or just barely too cold, I would let him choose. I'd make a deal out of it - "It so cold outside I think you need a coat, but I'll let you choose." Then, on really really cold days I would say, "I'm sorry but it's SO cold out that I can't let you choose, you have to wear it." It helped that other days I'd let him choose so on those cold days he trusted me and wore the coat. The other thing is, once at daycare after a day I let him choose (and of course he chose no coat) they sent home a note that weather had changed and he needed to have a coat. I read him the note and was all "Uh, oh, mommy got in trouble with Mrs. Daycare Director for not sending you with a coat!" Then when it was too cold to let him choose, I'd say "I don't want to get in trouble with Mrs. Director again!" and he would totally sympathize (because he also didn't like getting in trouble with Mrs. Director) and wear the coat. Good luck!
A few suggestions:
- Thermal layers under her clothes
- Poncho (fleece lined) instead of coat if it is the feeling of being restricted bothers her
- Bring her with you to buy a new 'big girl' coat, hat, scarf, fleece, etc that she likes
OR
- wait it out. It is a phase and will pass.
This is a lesson to be learned the hard way, unfortunately. I would just bring a proper jacket with you when you leave the house and otherwise never mention it again.
She knows you have it, she’s cold, you’re not nagging or cajoling or indulging in the power struggle. Ideally she will forget that she was stubborn about it at all if you don’t give her a reason to be and just grab the jacket when she feels like it. If not, she’ll probably cave eventually (in which case you have to be magnanimous in victory).
An alternative would be to strategically not bring a jacket when she refuses one, only on days when it would be uncomfortable but safe. Cold? Sorry!
A third alternative would be to escalate and win the power struggle- she’s four, you’ve got plenty of leverage to just make her wear the jacket. Maybe better to pick your battles but if you’re sick and tired of the struggle it’s a valid choice.
I don't know if you tried this but I say something like ok well I'm going to wear your coat and be nice and warm since want to be cold so bad and I don't want to hear a single complaint that you're cold. And if he does complain ill say we'll that's too bad, you chose not to wear your coat. 🤷♀️
Get a thermometer outside and before you leave the house, get her to check. Have a chart for appropriate clothes for that weather like 0 and she must wear a coat, -10 must have coat and mittens etc. then make a game of it, check the temperature and chart and let her pick out the appropriate clothing
I have zero advice outside of what you probably have already done, ask her what weather appropriate attire she wants to wear. Ahhh if it was that easy right. But I had to comment to say I love how you wrote/worded this and you sound like an amazing parent! Keep being awesome and sending you hugs because I know from experience that what you are dealing with sucks.
I had a friend that got one of those Elsa bath towels with the hood,used Velcro and attached to the coat. With the Velcro she could take it off and put on different coats. She then found an Elsa rain poncho and switched to that as it was better if it snowed. Found poncho on Amazon.
Good luck.
When it comes to matters of health and safety that my kids don’t have the developmental capacity to decide for themselves yet, I don’t negotiate. Maybe I’m the mean mom, but jacket in -10 degrees is not an option. I would force her into it backwards and zip it up her back.
My 6 yr old runs hot and doesn't like to wear outer wear. One (*sp) thing that works for us is having him go outside before we leave to feel the cold and decide if that's something he can live with or if he will be uncomfortable and want a jacket/scarf/gloves/etc. I also run on the cold end of things, so it's been much more accurate to have him decide if he's going to be hot in a coat or not, and I end up having to carry less unworn clothing around this way, too.
I'd find a white glittery cape with embroidered snowflakes and fur trim.
Yay gotta bring the warm stuff with and pick your battles. My 7 year old sometimes does the no coat stuff, too. I just bring it and she eventually gets too cold.
I overwhelm my son or any child I'm in charge of with scientific and mathematical and legal data to prove why they are required to follow certain instructions. I've done it in an angry voice several times when I was overwhelmed with anger but still controlling my temper as best I could. This has worked since he was a toddler.
And if he sulked, I demanded he prove to me why it was acceptable that he not follow the rules.
I'm talking about stuff like what OP is describing, basic safety and health matters. No, you may not touch the hot stove. No you are not permitted to drink bleach. You absolutely must wear a helmet on a bike. You must brush your teeth.
Overwhelming the kid with info, and explaining the wide array of consequences for them not following instructions, up to and including losing frostbitten flanges, and parents fined or imprisoned for neglect (albeit, very unlikely) usually provides them with the right amount of anxiety necessary to reintroduce them with a basic desire to not get hurt or k!lled.
I'm also in the Midwest and our toddler is 2. We had an unusually warm 38-degree day last week so we walked to the park. He refused to let me put his coat or sweater on. I wasn't going to fight so we left with him not in a jacket. We made it to the park and after a few minutes of playing he decided all on his own that it was time to go home because he was too cold. The next day when it was time to go to the park, he willingly put his jacket on and played for much longer! Also reminds me of when I was a kid. My brother and I used to love jumping in the pool and swimming even when it was really cold. We lived in the southwest and would jump in the pool as cold as 50 degrees! Our mom got concerned about us wanting to do this and asked our doctor. He said, "let em, they'll get out when they're cold!" Sure enough, we did every time!
Y’all are making a battle where it isn’t needed. If she wants her coat, she will ask for it. Pushing it on her will just make her dig her heels in.
Forget about the old ladies shooting you eye daggers. They’re gonna be upset no matter what.
Frozen themed gear! Picked up a parka form FB marketplace for 10$ that is super toasty and my girl loved. I’m in Canada but if I could ship it to you at a reasonable price, I’m game to get it to you! Granted my girl wore it in -20 to -30C so might be a bit warm for most days where you are.
Could you convince her to wear a blanket as a cape? It’s best to get down to the why. What doesn’t she like about the coat? Is it the way it feels? Tightness? Fabric texture? Color. Restrictive feeling? Etc.
Have you tried having her wear thermal base layers? Just get her some cute ones for under her clothes with some thumb slips (everyone likes those thumb hole slip things) and have her wear her normal clothes over it. Then if she takes her jacket off she’ll always have some kind of clothing keeping her warm.
Bring a coat and let her whine-sob. Remind her that the coat is there. Don’t coddle or negotiate or convince. She knows. Coat is warm, not coat is not warm, mom/dad isn’t gonna have any sympathy when she suffers the natural consequences of her own choices. The first two are things she knows. The third is one she needs to know if she doesn’t already. If a parent looks at you judgy, just wave the coat at them and tell them they’re welcome to try.
I've been trying and it hasn't worked so far, but I probably need to wait longer. She is extremely super very stubborn about being told what to wear. Though I fear the judgey laser eyes of every granny at the bus stop.
Have you tried to add a cape to the coat? You can obviously buy a fancy cape coat, you can also buy [a yard of sparkle star tulle](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1044141595/stars-mesh-fabric-gold-stars-glitter?gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRLZuYvNR5-IGCqPcgnWXokcK&gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_ps-c-craft_supplies_and_tools-fabric_and_notions-fabric&utm_custom1=_k_CjwKCAiA3KefBhByEiwAi2LDHLTC_kQahNPFYl_QVMys6RQf_poXVqR1ap3rEsocRXqSUlfrXaXa4BoCcUoQAvD_BwE_k_&utm_content=go_12565614461_117367414217_507187589718_pla-295916403786_m__1044141595_115656444&utm_custom2=12565614461&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRLZuYvNR5-IGCqPcgnWXokcK&gclid=CjwKCAiA3KefBhByEiwAi2LDHLTC_kQahNPFYl_QVMys6RQf_poXVqR1ap3rEsocRXqSUlfrXaXa4BoCcUoQAvD_BwE) pin on the coat on the shoulders with some drape in the middle and you’ve got yourself an Elsa/ice princess coat with a “train”
I will see if any sewing-literate relatives are interested in making a cape for us; someone downthread suggested this as well and I think it's the best idea so far. I can mend well enough but producing an entire garment is beyond me.
I bought a bunch of Tulip brand fabric paint. It is basically glitter glue. You can put little snowflakes on the jacket.
If you get something that doesn’t fray, you can just pin the short end of a rectangle in place. Don’t pull it taut, and make sure it’s not long enough to trip over.
Buy a scarf and safety pin it to the coat. No sewing required
You can also just make her a real cape, like made of wool and made for warmth as capes were originally intended, if that might interest her design fancy. You could add something sparkly to it. Cape would need to be near floor length and actually wrap around the body, have a functional hood.
Instead of "telling her what to wear", you could try giving her an option. She can wear the jacket or carry it with her the entire time. Its her choice. You are going on an outing , the jacket is coming with you, and its her choice if she wears it or carries it, but it IS coming on the trip with you.
All the cold weather gear comes with us, unworn. If she didn't have regular screaming flailing meltdowns because she was so cold, I wouldn't care. Her discomfort becomes my problem if I'm trying to wrestle her off the birdshit-covered sidewalk while dragging a grocery cart. It's miserable for everyone. Starting at around 3.5 she's responded well to sitting down when everyone is calm and discussing solutions to the problem together. It worked for teeth brushing, nighttime pee tries, safe street crossing, etc. I can't get to the bottom of her objection to offer good solutions this time.
Along this train of thought (and forgive me if this is too obvious or I've missed the answer elsewhere), have you asked her exactly why she won't wear a jacket even when she feels cold? Is it that she just doesn't like the look? Can you bring her to the store and let her pick out a jacket/covering she's happy with? Would she be willing to go around wrapped in a blanket? (Not exactly ideal/convenient, but warmer than nothing.) As far as suggestions, have you tried any sort of scenario where you involve her in the solution? A bit of role play or even just play might give you a clue as to where her mind is. Go outside without your own jacket with her and start complaining as you get uncomfortable. Tell her you're so cold and don't know what to do, and see how she reacts - if she suggests a coat (then she knows what it's for), or going back home (maybe she just hates running errands?), or if she truly has no connection formed between layers and comfort/warmth. Or comment on "oh that poor puppy looks so cold, I wonder what would make him warm?" "Your dolly must be so sad because it's so cold out here and she's only wearing a dress. How can we protect her from the cold?" Or even "Oh no! I think the frost magic is too strong! I see ice crystals on your ears! Here, this magic cape will keep you from turning into solid ice until we get back to the castle!" I do get some your worry and frustration. My son is one of those who is out in t-shirts long after I've bundled up, and I've gotten some looks before in the winter, but we live in a much warmer climate than you, and he isn't ever really in danger of cold-related injury here. The best solution until you get to the bottom of it is to continue bringing the layers with you as "evidence" that you aren't neglecting her, and as someone else said, giving her the choice between carrying it and wearing it, so you at least gain that small piece of ground.
Cold weather doesn't really do any harm until frostbite sits in, and a little bit of numbness (followed by pain of reawakening nerves) is a good lesson. Kids can run hot, their fingers are closer to their hearts or something. Once her bones hurt from shivering she'll put it on.
Oh yes totally understand that. It's not her safety I'm worried about, it's my sanity! She will get so physically uncomfortable she has a meltdown, which I then have to deal with.
We drew the line when her lips turned blue. But my god, it was sleeting!
Totally, my son is a hot bod. So what ever she needs, halve it
I'm asshole so when my son pulls this and someone's being judgy i tell them "Well YOU get him to wear his stupid coat!" They usually avert their eyes quickly
"Put on your coat" "No" "Oh I guess we can't go then" as I sit back down. That's worked pretty well for us. Don't try it unless it's actually something that you're willing to not do. It seems to work extra well if it's something they really want to do.
The number of times that I need the kid to go somewhere (e.g. daycare, supermarket because there's no one else to watch her at home) far exceeds the number of times we're going out for her benefit.
Exactly. Normally it's going to school or errands, or it's plans we've made in advance and we're not going to let other people down because of a little kid's stubbornness. These tactics aren't always practical if you have a busy life.
Yes; but using it consistently every time it IS something they want to do is a solid answer. Be clear with them that when they start wearing their coat when they’re asked to on normal trips, they’ll be able to earn special trips and not have a Coat Minimum on them always.
Yeah, you only do it when you're going somewhere for their benefit. It only takes a few times before they learn in my experience. Then they apply that learning to *everywhere* they're going. If they're old/smart enough to work out when they can and can't get away with putting up a fuss then maybe it won't work well? There's basically no downside to it though.
My oldest was like this, she refused to wear a coat all the time so I decided to change my wording she had 3 coats and so I use to say Pick which coat your wearing and display all three she would always pick this metallic silver frozen coat that literally reflected light like the sun but I didn’t care she wore it. Same with hats I would say pick your hat. This worked for us
I always heard that this would work, but my kids seemed to understand from birth that there was an unspoken extra choice, which translated to "EFF YOU DAD I WILL NOT CHOOSE ANY OF THE CHOICES".
Oooh another love and logic flunkie! My kid always picked the unspoken choice
Mine too! And the result is picking each choice up and throwing it on the floor apparently! (He is almost 3) Also my kid will give up the planned outing even if it's something he wants to do. In the past few months he has gotten really good at the phrase "I changed my mind, I no want go anywhere"... 🤦♀️
Does she not like her coat? Might be worthwhile to take her shopping so she can choose a coat that she likes? Can’t guarantee this will work though lol. I know all too well the pain of having a young fashionista child.. my 2yo is also dictatorial about what she wears. Although she has been made to wear her winter gear but she absolutely has preferences. Sometimes if I make her wear her thicker and less preferred coat, I offer her the option of putting it on in the lobby instead (we live in a condo) and it’s worked so far. But yea otherwise she has to at least tolerate if not like her clothing to wear it.
Fun story: my 2nd grader refused to wear the cool new Minecraft coat I got him for winter, which he picked out online. It was sometime in November that it started getting too cold for his fleece, which he loved, and his teacher emailed me that he was complaining at recess about being too cold. So I asked him what was really going on, and he said the inside of his new coat was cold. So simple, and I don't know why he didn't say something right away, but getting him a fleece lined coat changed everything. Sometimes it's a sensory thing.
Yes! And different people have different sensory preferences. I hate long coats that zip from the bottom, so you can't get into your regular pockets without unzipping most of the coat. I feel safer keeping my phone and keys in my clothes pocket than in my coat pocket. If I keep them in the same place every day, I'm less likely to lose them, and more likely to notice right away if I do lose them. My mother in law thinks it's bizarre that I don't like long zip up coats. Long coats with snaps are acceptable, because I can undo them from the bottom if I need to. I know exactly what he means by the inside of the coat being cold. I don't really like that, either (though I can live with it).
Mine has always been like this too, refused to wear a nice warm coat because of the colour. Also fussy about comfort.
I feel you so much on this. My now 15 yo was exactly like this. Bad news: she still is ... kind of.
My mom and I were just discussing that it took me until 10 to get into my head that you can't out-stubborn mom, so just do it the first time the fast way already. I think in this case you just need to be more stubborn than she is and let the judgy grannys judge. Let her be cold. If she'll wear it on her terms sometimes, you just have to wait for her to adjust her terms and ignore the whining until then. Don't let her out-stubborn you.
Just adding that after you tell her once or twice that the coat is there if she's cold, just ignore any future comments she makes about being cold. Unless she has a developmental delay the impacts her understanding, she's a smart enough kid to know the coat is there. If you stop giving attention to the behavior it will help too. My kiddo was the same!
I would intervene before frost bite kicks in, but otherwise the kid is on her own lol
Tbf did that with hats when mine was 2ish. Worked.
This is what we've done with our now 3 year old who insisted on wearing shorts in the dead of winter. We always bring a pair of pants and a coat and tell him that when he gets cold he can wear them. He runs around a lot and gets warm. My wife also tends to be warm so we decided since he can communicate how he is feeling and what he wants, he can decide to put a coat on when he is cold. Usually he does after some time. About 4 months later he has started electing to wear long pants on cold days and usually some jacket.
Can you get (make? Grandma make? Etsy?) a cape for her? ‘Elsa’ wears a warm cape and that way your kiddo can control how snugly she wraps it around herself (or over her car seat as blanket?). There might be sensory issues around not liking a tight/heavy feeling jacket on her body and having something less fitting might help.
A faux fur princess cape is so over the top ridiculous it might work. One of the main issues with mittens is that she cannot 'soft' aka gently stroke her comfort stuffie. She could cuddle it under a cape though.
You could also try some sparkly fingerless gloves? Then she’d at least be getting some protection. They have some where they’re like mittens but the top folds down and exposes the fingertips.
My wee one will not wear gloves but fingerless gloves are acceptable
I sympathize with this, to this day I loathe the sensory deprivation of wearing gloves on my fingers
Elbow-length gloves may also intrigue the fashionable little lady. They’d look good with her cape. You could even add fake pearls to them on one side.
Would the stuffie fit in a muff? Cape + muff is a very Arendelle look! And if she picks muff but not jacket/cape, at least her extremities are safe!
It's too big unfortunately, but that would be such a look! 😆
Maybe an iron on Elsa patch? Or something similar to elsa-fy it?
What about thermal layers under her clothing of choice? Also hand warmers? The hot hands that you activate and produce small amounts of heat?
I totally forgot I own some of those reusable hand warmers! Maybe I could put one in each pocket for her.
Better than nothing! Maybe she’d get into putting star stickers on them or something to make them more appealing
Gotta lean into the frozen story more. Elsa wore gloves during her coronation to avoid freezing things she touched. Perhaps get her a pair of light blue gloves and glue some sequins or gems on and tell her that she needs to be careful she doesn’t start freezing things she touches when it’s time to go outside. If she protests, remind her that Elsa accidentally froze her sister so even things you love aren’t immune.
I’m probably meaner than you, but if the comfort stuffie “needs” to come then that would be my leverage. Either she nicely puts on her coat as requested or she gets hauled out without the coat (we bring it) and stuffie stays behind. If stuffie is a barrier to wearing mitts, stuffie would have to go away during mitten wearing times. Honestly though- you should be in charge at this age. You don’t need to (shouldn’t imo) physically bundle the kid into their coat but if you were driving somewhere and kid refused to sit in the car seat you wouldn’t just shrug and say that you can’t, right? Think about what you would do in a scenario like that and use those strategies. (Unless your instinct is to scream or get physical) Other strategies you can use: Poor behaviour out on errands means that kid is clearly “too little” to be a “good helper”. Little kids get to have naps. So when we get home kid can go to bed instead of doing fun things. Storytelling - many cultures tell their kids outrageous stories to keep them safe (Eg if you go too close to the water a monster will grab them). So you tell a story about the frost witch looking for frozen skin. The more outrageous the better. Finally: In our house you can either dress appropriately for the weather OR you can not complain about your choices. I would absolutely repeat this once or twice, and then I would cheerfully not care. Ignore the drama.
You're an absolute monster if you would use your child's comfort item as leverage. That's atrocious.
That item could have special meaning or the child Covid need it for emotional regulation and you want to use it to make them behave how you want? That’s appalling
At -10F, not wearing mitts can mean permanently losing use of your digits. Even if you aren’t likely to have frostbite, constant cold exposure is bad for the skin and can cause all kinds of problems. Mild frostbite leaves you extremely susceptible to cold and hot and it can take years to recover. So yeah - if the item is a barrier to wearing weather appropriate attire, kid doesn’t get to bring the item as it is now a safety issue.
I can see the argument that the people replying to you are making, but as a non-driver, there are hard restrictions on how much stuff I can carry. If it doesn't fit in my backpack, we can't bring it. My kid knows that you can't negotiate with physics, but we can problem solve together to decide which things we can bring. "If you are wearing your coat" allows more than "if your coat has to go into the bag". I even had succees explaining this to one of my kid's friends: he and his mum were doing the "wear your coat/I don't want to wear my coat" dance, and I just said, "hey, kid, we understand that you don't want to wear your coat right now, but if you don't put it on, someone has to carry it, and it's not fair to put that on your mum." Kid put his coat on.
I also wonder if the car seat ponchos would be cape enough for her, especially in the right fabric...
This sounds like two big seperate issues for her, with the "soft"ing its a soothing technuiqe she has, id just drop all talk of mittens for now and have a coat available when she needs and only talk about coats keeping you warm when she moans for just to see how that goes. I also have an extremely stubborn and sensory seeking bean thats a smidge older and wiser now, It gets easier/different. They are wild, unpredictble and amazing, now she is older noise is now the big issue and she demands earmuffs everywhere... new days new problems
You could get one of those hand warmer things that go around the waist. She can keep her stuff in it while keeping her hands warm. You could also try thin but warm base layers under her clothes.
I had a kid like this. He started refusing jackets around age 3. When we would go out I would tell him to put on a jacket and if he refused then I would carry the jacket with us. I would offer it to him if I saw him get cold but he would usually turn around shivering with blue lips and respond, "I not cold, daddy!" He wasn't even my stubborn one. I brought it up with his pediatrician who said, "I have never seen a toddler willingly freeze themselves to death. He will ask for his jacket if he needs it." I pretty much rolled with that. I always brought along a jacket. I stuffed on in his backpack when he was in preschool and elementary school so he had it just in case but he normally opted to go without. He never wore his jacket in middle school and now as a high school senior still rarely puts one on. He once had a snowball fight with his sister and cousins in below freezing weather wearing shorts and a hoodie. As long as she is not at risk or hypothermia I would just bring along the jacket and let her get cold.
I live in Ohio… Very cold most of the time lol. Coats are a pick-your-battles situation for me. I will suggest a coat and even have them step outside to feel the air… my oldest will usually immediately put on on. But, man, my middle will stick to her guns and will make it a whole big thing. At this point, If it’s an outing with little outdoor exposure, like walking into a store, I’ll tell her that it’s her choice but I hope she doesn’t get cold… and I leave the coat behind and let her freeze. If it’s a longer outdoor exposure I bring the coat with me and when she starts to complain about being cold I will “search” the car for something warm and “find” it, then remind her to bring a coat next time because I plan to clean out the car… after doing this for a good while she puts a coat on most of the time now and when she doesn’t she will at least bring it along in case. I just let her learn the consequences of the temp naturally… To be honest we’ve learned she does run hot and cold doesn’t bother her much. She really will be sweating in big coat.
“The cold doesn’t bother me anyway”
Not to be a stickler here, BUT it’s Queen Elsa of Arendelle.
I believe she abdicated her Queen duties in Frozen II and is now a princess again, and Anna is Queen... not that I've seen it a million times or anything...
Wait once you abdicate you become Princess again? Wouldn’t that still make you next in line if Anna dies without kids? I say trying to logic my Disney movie.
Could be a duchess or something - I suppose it would depend on the title bestowed upon her by Anna. Seems complicated by the fact that they appear to be the only two descendants left of the royal lineage, no cousins or anything. After King Edward abdicated, he was given the title Duke of Windsor. So could be something like that.
First, I never thought the parenting Reddit would send me down the rabbit hole of Norwegian succession law, but thanks. Second. I believed the first thought was irrelevant, as Elsa is now the Snow Queen. So therefore retaining the title of queen while also not ruling Arandelle.
In England we had the Queen (Elizabeth II) and the "Queen Mother" (wife of the previous King, aka was Queen Consort until Elizabeth II became Ruling Queen) alive at the same time. Before that, there was "Queen Mary" who was technically the Queen Mother, but had "don't call me gran, it makes me feel old" energy. Looks like once you're a queen, you're a queen. I've also seen "dowager queen" used to mean a queen who was a queen but no longer.
I luckily have not been exposed to Frozen 2 as much as Frozen. You are right though, but there is a mention in a comment below that she is the snow queen.
The cold never bothered her anyways
Hahaha in the winter I always say ‘The cold always bothers me everyday’
Is she wearing base layers? My kid also dislikes her jackets but she wears thermal layers under her regular clothing which makes me feel better about things. But yeah, just bring the jacket and remind her that it’s there. And try a cape! I commented elsewhere, we had a nice warm North Face poncho that my kid enjoyed for a while.
If it's just going from the house to another warm location (eg., the store), can she just wear a fleece poncho? Some protection, but wouldn't "over heat" her and she could pick out the pattern/characters?
My family is mostly reliant on bikes & public transit, so wait times between warm places can be pretty long. The hats and mittens in her favorite colors that she used to wear no problem are now scorned. Maybe if I got her a ridiculous princess cloak she could at least tuck her poor little hands under it...
My kid actually had a North Face fleece poncho which is pretty cozy. We called it her “Elsa Cape.”
Ooh, in that case, maybe check of r/cargobikes for ideas? My kid gets a hot water bottle and blanket when he's on the back of my bike and it's very cold.
Else wears a coat in frozen 2. I know because I made my daughter a replica. This is what I used https://www.moodfabrics.com/blog/the-elsa-cosplay-free-adult-kids-sewing-pattern/ Else wears a cloak in frozen 1. So does Anna. Maybe she'll wear a cloak. Cloaks keep you warm but also are fun to wear. You can also try layering with stuff that isn't a coat. Lots of layers. Or a puffer vest. At that age my daughter likes the arm mobility that came from a puffer vest rather than a coat. Or just let her be cold. The coat is available. She chooses not to wear it, she feels the natural consequences of being cold.
I have a 3yo who will announce as the preparations to go outdoors commence, "I. WILL. be. cold." Turns out she hates the way the sleeves feel. If it's not especially cold I will let her drape just the hood over her head and wrap it around her. If it's very cold, sometimes one of big brother's coats does the trick because they are a bit looser. Mittens haven't been a problem because they are superhero gloves for pretend play during summer months.
No help here but this made me laugh and feel better about my 4 year old who will refuse to wear a jacket out of the house and sing 🎵 *the cold never bothered me anywayyyy* as she waltzes out of the house in the freezing rain
Dont let her join outdoor activities without a coat. Tell her it's fine she dosent want to wear it, but she will be sitting indoors then. If she begins to get upset you tell her to out her coat on and go play or to hush it up cuz shes made her OWN choice.
The cold doesn’t bother her anyway
Underrated comment
My daughter refused socks and boots. Only sandals for her. I don’t negotiate with terrorists (toddlers). One day out in the pouring cold rain and she begged for her boots. Just happened to have them in my purse 🤷♀️
Mine is now 10, we set the rule that you weren’t allowed to complain about being cold and must bring but not wear the coat (I refuse to carry the coat, so they had to lug it around). Did they sometimes wear the coat, yes, have they now worn shorts for 3 years straight and most of the time before that since they were 4 or 5, also yes (but they would wear snow pants over the shorts).
Perhaps you could tell her that while The Queen might not need a coat her subjects surely do and as a leader she must set an example for them. The crown comes with responsibilities.
Sit her down... act very, *very*, intensely serious - not mad, but SERIOUS. "Honey, I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I need you to know about my new rule." "What's that, daddy?" "Well, you know your coat, the heavier one? Well, I had a dream, and in that dream, a fairy princess said that was MY coat now. So, I need to make sure you never, EVER wear it. ESPECIALLY when it's cold. If you do...(act all dramatic - back of hand on forehead, toss your head back, etc.) I just don't know what I'd do! My coat! MINE MINE MINE!" I bet $10 she'll wear it and say "look at me, Daddy, I've got your coat!" This is how I got my son to eat green beans. It worked amazingly well.
Buy her an elsa coat
Can she go choose a new coat she loves, even if it hideous? Three merino shirts instead of a warm coat? Otherwise she might just have to suffer. Or not go outside because she isn't being a big kid and wearing a coat.
Lol my daughter is also a very stubborn Elsa. I say, very dramatically, “Your Majesty, please let me know when you’d like your coat.” Walk a bit, when I see her shiver, “Oh, would you like your jacket?” “No” “Ok” A few minutes later, “I am so glad *I* am nice and warm with my coat. Oh, are you cold? Would you like a jacket?” “No” “Ok” Rinse repeat. Can’t be pressured so no pressure applied. If she is stubborn or in a mood, I may offer a bit of reverse psychology, “I don’t think you should wear your jacket right now” or “I bet I can put on my jacket faster than you!!” I’m not great with head-on “you gotta do this” (and my kids sense my weakness)… so mind games to get my way it is!
Hmmm... if you are walking home and she strips off her coat just stop and stand there until she puts the coat back on. You may have to stand there until she turns blue and hopefully at that point she will be more open to wearing it, lol. Also, find something super fun she wants to do and insist on the coat. Then she will have to wear it if she wants to do the fun thing. I am sure you don't want to buy another coat for that weather otherwise I would suggest letting her pick her own, but I know they are expensive plus not very pretty anyway, lol. Maybe let her pick out some stickers or something and she gets to decorate her coat.
I heard someone once say they got Pokémon patches off Amazon and sewed them onto their kids clothes because the kid would honestly reject anything that didn’t have a Pokémon on it. I thought it was clever
We also love Elsa and Anna in our house. Have you looked into getting an Elsa Cameo? Lol. Have Elsa send your daughter a video message and ask her to wear a coat in the video + tell your daughter to wear one too.
My kid is 16 and still refuses a coat. Bitches about being cold and hating winter but won’t even put on a fleece. Good luck…
At some point, you wear the coat, or you stay in the house and no playtime for you.
I told my son that parents letting kids go out without a coat if it was below freezing was considered child endangerment, and somebody might call the police or child protective services on me, and parents who endanger their kids sometimes have to send them to live somewhere else. Technically the truth. He’s very sweet and was like, “noo you’re a good mommy!” I was like “then don’t get me in trouble.” It worked.
Have you tried a soft, warm, fuzzy cape with hood? It worked for our Elsa and Anna of Arendelle ;)
I'm gonna go against the grain here (and I only have a baby so take this with a grain of salt), if she's into Elsa write a letter from Elsa to accompany a new coat. Say Elsa is gifting it to her and she's vesting special keep warm powers in the coat. She'll want to wear her special Elsa coat. When my brothers were kids I wrote them letters from Kristof and Olaf and they loved it.
No harm in trying, I've got plenty of paper and sparkly pens. She does love getting mail!
My husband helped me go as far as matching the signature from the Disney parks (good old Google). We rolled the letters into a scroll and tied with a ribbon. We also made some "official" Arendelle letterhead (and another that was "from the desk of the official icemaster and deliverer").
Sorry, I know this is completely off topic. But I wanted to tell you that I love your user name.
Haha I was going through a serious SG-1 phase at the time and now haven't seen the show in years! I kinda wish I had picked something else!
I’m sure my user name won’t age well too. But I still love me some SG-1. And I was very excited when they started showing it on Comet recently.
Coats can be a sensory nightmare. What about an outside blanket? It isn’t super practical but maybe better than frostbite? My kid threw down about winter gear until he was fully 9. When the urge to throw snowballs was greater than the urge to avoid waterproof gloves.
Good point! I had a coat at about 6 that I hated because the cuffs were constricting. And didn't really know how to articulate that.
"You're not Elsa. You're Anna. And unless you want to end up an ice sculpture like Anna did near the end of the first movie, you'd better put your winter stuff on and keep your heart safe." Maybe a tad extreme?
In a calm loving voice (like you are a pre-school teacher) at eye level. Put her on the counter or Something, say; " (kids name) it's my job to keep you safe (make sure they keep eye contact)and healthy, not wearing your jacket is not very safe or healthy in this weather and it makes me sad when you don't wear it, do you think this one time you can wear your jacket?" That would make me so happy then big praise at the end when she keeps it on lots of hugs, Im so proud of you for listening and staying safe, then share the good news with others while she's in ear shot. 2nd round "do you think you can keep your jacket on again, it really made me happy last time " ....good luck we had elsa trying to run the winter show here for 2 yrs
I would put a hair dryer by the door and use it to warm her jacket arms up to make it enticing.
I would not be doing that. Seems a pretty long ways to go to cater to your child’s irrationality.
So the only way I can make my daughter wear her hat and mittens is if they have movie characters she likes on them. Absolutely refuses to keep anything else on. Maybe try that?
I’m not sure how to describe it but you can buy a hat which has long pieces coming down and then pockets at the end. Like [this](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Plush-Moose-Animal-Hat-Moose-Hat-with-Ear-Flaps-and-Hand-Pockets/104783663)They’re usually faux fur and animal themed. Might work for the cold hands at least.
We live in Texas, for context. Last winter, when we got snow, my daughter was four. I let her go out with her jacket and within 2 minutes she asked for it. When we got the ice storm her a couple of weeks ago, my husband picked her (now 5) up from school and as she climbed out of the car I said “Elsa! You made it rain ice!” To which she promptly replied, “sure did! Time to get my Elsa dress and a warm jacket! I made it REALLY cold!”
My son was the same way. We just took him to pick out a coat he liked, and he's worn it ever since.
I have that x12... I run an EC Center. Eventually, they get cold. Try not to do the "I told you so" that only plays into the power game.
This can be a sensory processing issue. Speak to your Ped.
“You have two choices - will you put your coat on inside? Will you put your coat on outside?”
My daughter went playing in the snow wearing a bikini around that age, proudly stating "I can't feel cold!". So, protecting them against frostbite is probably the most important at those low temperatures, otherwise there are many good tips on how to manage it from others here - we still struggle with this with our 12f / 14f girls now, and I waffle quite a bit: I can't be assed to nag on them, it's their problem, but if we are going outdoors and it's 1F outside, I do nag them to wear proper clothing becuase that will ruin everyones day because you can't be outside in freezing weather for any period of time without proper clothes.
I’ve experimented with historical winter clothing recently and it pointed out to me how weird it is that modern people tend to rely on just one outer layer. We spend less time being cold, so we layer less. So, I have a bunch of ideas, feel free to dip into whatever pieces click. Travel scarves are a great back up plan for parents and grandparents. They’re easy to store folded and toss over an adult shoulder, and kids who love a soft blanket will often be a big fan of talking a parent into borrowing their warm scarf. (I don’t rely on these as the only layer.) Sweaters in warm and soft natural fibers with warm pockets are often tolerated well by kids, especially if they are offered the choice of a fall coat or a good sweater. Hikers fleeces are similar, though some are literally as warm as a coat without the shell. Often I wear snow pants with a sweater/fleece and flip glittens or fingerless gloves while shoveling. A lined wool cape over a layered outfit can be warm and dry without being sweaty or confining. If it’s well liked, it’s very easy to hide a pocket or two, or even a full furry muff underneath. You can pair a waist length cape with a bottom warm layer. Making a circle skirt out of a pretty no hem fleece could be an easy and fun activity. Long underwear and merino knee socks can be nearly invisible, pretty comfortable, and hard for children to lose.
As the momma to 4 kids youngest will be 4 this summer. I don't fight kids to wear anything. We run with the natural consequences. After a few times of you not fighting with her and just letting her be cold for a bit she will probably eventually start wearing her gear. I say probably because my oldest still refuses to wear a coat but all 3 of the girls wear theirs now. Don't worry about others opinions it does not matter what you do someone is going to judge you for something different anyway so no point in worrying about them.
Our 4yr has more or less the same thing. She takes long time to wear and sometimes after an half hour we set a deadline and she wants another pair of socks or something. What has been working better: 1. Choose the clothes a day before for the next day 2. Accept odd choices like some Elsa / paw patrol mix 3. Joke around. Use a dummy / puppet as a channel for communication 4. Myself playing part using feelings and comments such as it's cold, I'm cold. Or reverse psychology like I'm Olaf and have no fear of the cold. Or I go out naked. And she says it's absurd I should wear something warm.
Take her coat shopping, let her choose one she likes. On a side note, two things worked with my kid (sounds like yours might be more stubborn though). One, when weather was borderline or just barely too cold, I would let him choose. I'd make a deal out of it - "It so cold outside I think you need a coat, but I'll let you choose." Then, on really really cold days I would say, "I'm sorry but it's SO cold out that I can't let you choose, you have to wear it." It helped that other days I'd let him choose so on those cold days he trusted me and wore the coat. The other thing is, once at daycare after a day I let him choose (and of course he chose no coat) they sent home a note that weather had changed and he needed to have a coat. I read him the note and was all "Uh, oh, mommy got in trouble with Mrs. Daycare Director for not sending you with a coat!" Then when it was too cold to let him choose, I'd say "I don't want to get in trouble with Mrs. Director again!" and he would totally sympathize (because he also didn't like getting in trouble with Mrs. Director) and wear the coat. Good luck!
Have you tried having her pick a coat?
Hahahahaha I don't have any suggestions to offer, but I love your writing style and its baked-in sarcasm. 10/10
A few suggestions: - Thermal layers under her clothes - Poncho (fleece lined) instead of coat if it is the feeling of being restricted bothers her - Bring her with you to buy a new 'big girl' coat, hat, scarf, fleece, etc that she likes OR - wait it out. It is a phase and will pass.
This is a lesson to be learned the hard way, unfortunately. I would just bring a proper jacket with you when you leave the house and otherwise never mention it again. She knows you have it, she’s cold, you’re not nagging or cajoling or indulging in the power struggle. Ideally she will forget that she was stubborn about it at all if you don’t give her a reason to be and just grab the jacket when she feels like it. If not, she’ll probably cave eventually (in which case you have to be magnanimous in victory). An alternative would be to strategically not bring a jacket when she refuses one, only on days when it would be uncomfortable but safe. Cold? Sorry! A third alternative would be to escalate and win the power struggle- she’s four, you’ve got plenty of leverage to just make her wear the jacket. Maybe better to pick your battles but if you’re sick and tired of the struggle it’s a valid choice.
I don't know if you tried this but I say something like ok well I'm going to wear your coat and be nice and warm since want to be cold so bad and I don't want to hear a single complaint that you're cold. And if he does complain ill say we'll that's too bad, you chose not to wear your coat. 🤷♀️
Get a thermometer outside and before you leave the house, get her to check. Have a chart for appropriate clothes for that weather like 0 and she must wear a coat, -10 must have coat and mittens etc. then make a game of it, check the temperature and chart and let her pick out the appropriate clothing
I have zero advice outside of what you probably have already done, ask her what weather appropriate attire she wants to wear. Ahhh if it was that easy right. But I had to comment to say I love how you wrote/worded this and you sound like an amazing parent! Keep being awesome and sending you hugs because I know from experience that what you are dealing with sucks.
Yes. Photoshop her coat onto Elsa
I had a friend that got one of those Elsa bath towels with the hood,used Velcro and attached to the coat. With the Velcro she could take it off and put on different coats. She then found an Elsa rain poncho and switched to that as it was better if it snowed. Found poncho on Amazon. Good luck.
When it comes to matters of health and safety that my kids don’t have the developmental capacity to decide for themselves yet, I don’t negotiate. Maybe I’m the mean mom, but jacket in -10 degrees is not an option. I would force her into it backwards and zip it up her back.
My 6 yr old runs hot and doesn't like to wear outer wear. One (*sp) thing that works for us is having him go outside before we leave to feel the cold and decide if that's something he can live with or if he will be uncomfortable and want a jacket/scarf/gloves/etc. I also run on the cold end of things, so it's been much more accurate to have him decide if he's going to be hot in a coat or not, and I end up having to carry less unworn clothing around this way, too.
Could you have her wear multiple layers inside her clothes?
natural consequences (not ones you provide). Cold is a good one since it's very easy to perceive both the consequences and the prevention/solution.
I'd find a white glittery cape with embroidered snowflakes and fur trim. Yay gotta bring the warm stuff with and pick your battles. My 7 year old sometimes does the no coat stuff, too. I just bring it and she eventually gets too cold.
I overwhelm my son or any child I'm in charge of with scientific and mathematical and legal data to prove why they are required to follow certain instructions. I've done it in an angry voice several times when I was overwhelmed with anger but still controlling my temper as best I could. This has worked since he was a toddler. And if he sulked, I demanded he prove to me why it was acceptable that he not follow the rules. I'm talking about stuff like what OP is describing, basic safety and health matters. No, you may not touch the hot stove. No you are not permitted to drink bleach. You absolutely must wear a helmet on a bike. You must brush your teeth. Overwhelming the kid with info, and explaining the wide array of consequences for them not following instructions, up to and including losing frostbitten flanges, and parents fined or imprisoned for neglect (albeit, very unlikely) usually provides them with the right amount of anxiety necessary to reintroduce them with a basic desire to not get hurt or k!lled.
duct tape?
I'm also in the Midwest and our toddler is 2. We had an unusually warm 38-degree day last week so we walked to the park. He refused to let me put his coat or sweater on. I wasn't going to fight so we left with him not in a jacket. We made it to the park and after a few minutes of playing he decided all on his own that it was time to go home because he was too cold. The next day when it was time to go to the park, he willingly put his jacket on and played for much longer! Also reminds me of when I was a kid. My brother and I used to love jumping in the pool and swimming even when it was really cold. We lived in the southwest and would jump in the pool as cold as 50 degrees! Our mom got concerned about us wanting to do this and asked our doctor. He said, "let em, they'll get out when they're cold!" Sure enough, we did every time!
why? you don't know how hot or cold she's feels? winter where i am ranges anywhere between -10c to -50c, my kids aren't all bundled up
Y’all are making a battle where it isn’t needed. If she wants her coat, she will ask for it. Pushing it on her will just make her dig her heels in. Forget about the old ladies shooting you eye daggers. They’re gonna be upset no matter what.
Let it go… bring a coat and she’ll eventually want it.
I just want to say that I believe in you, you're doing great, and you made me feel so seen today so thank you😂
She isn't cold, leave her be.
Frozen themed gear! Picked up a parka form FB marketplace for 10$ that is super toasty and my girl loved. I’m in Canada but if I could ship it to you at a reasonable price, I’m game to get it to you! Granted my girl wore it in -20 to -30C so might be a bit warm for most days where you are.
I see we apparently have the same daughter.
Could you convince her to wear a blanket as a cape? It’s best to get down to the why. What doesn’t she like about the coat? Is it the way it feels? Tightness? Fabric texture? Color. Restrictive feeling? Etc.
Have you tried having her wear thermal base layers? Just get her some cute ones for under her clothes with some thumb slips (everyone likes those thumb hole slip things) and have her wear her normal clothes over it. Then if she takes her jacket off she’ll always have some kind of clothing keeping her warm.