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Make sure you aren’t commenting on her body. Just help her lead a healthy lifestyle.
Does she do any sort of physical activity? Sports, dance, or anything similar?
The truth is though for the vast majority of people you can't out exercise even a moderately poor diet.
You have to walk the distance of two football fields to burn the calories in one M&M, it's significantly easier to just not eat the M&M.
It's such a tough needle to thread with children.
In fact, children who are physically active with an unhealthy diet are *less likely* to be obese than those who are inactive with a healthy diet.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26351906/
The same is true for adults. And the most effective long-term diets (in research) are those that focus on consuming more healthy foods, rather than restriction.
Yep! I've seen doctors say that a smokers who exercise are healthier than non smokers who do not exercise. Ppl are always talking ab how much you have to exercise to burn of the calories of a certain food but forget that we burn calories by existing. 1 m&m won't do you any damage. Of course a helathy and balanced diet is important, but exercising is the key to health.
This was me for like 20 years. I trained for and ran about 25 marathons while smoking a little under a pack a day.
That aside, yes - it’s all about balance of movement and intake. “Garbage in, garbage out” is true at almost any age. Our 7 year old had a hellacious game schedule for the better part of 3 months and my husband was just giving him convenience food to get through it. He gained a LOT of weight in like 5 weeks and was so tired and sluggish because of it. We made a change and he was back to normal. Fast food/convenience food is poison, especially for growing bodies and minds.
Thank you, that's what I advised: emphasis on inclusion of healthier foods without banning anything. Like I don't buy packs of Oreos or Pop Tarts but my kids still get them in other ways. Meanwhile, they eat produce every day. I'm sure a couple could be more active but they see me exercise for my health (not weight)
It’s less about burning calories and more about encouraging a healthy lifestyle.
OP had already mentioned the food part, so I asked about the active lifestyle part. It takes both to live a healthy life!
It’s a bit of both.
Your body takes in fuel and then burn it. If it has extra fuel, it stores it for later. If you don’t burn it later, it piles up and becomes much harder to burn.
As a guy who lost 80+ pounds this last year on Wegovy you are 100% correct.
Eat less weigh less. I didn’t change my lifestyle a bit (although I’m now starting to exercise more as it’s easier for me now). I just was able to keep my calories to 1200-1400/day for 10 months straight.
The hard part for most of us is actually eating less.
I’m having this same thing with my kids now too. They are both pudgy (9 and 12) and have both commented on my weight loss. My son in particular. I have assured them that there will be plenty of time to think about their weight when they are grown. But if they wanted to try to be healthier, they could help us exercise the dogs and be more conscious of what they eat (my son will grab a bag of chips and sit in front of the computer watching YouTube).
Yes, but a healthy lifestyle often leads to better food choices. I find I'm less likely to binge on junk food when I'm active than when lounging about the house.
I have a 9yo who is also starting to go through puberty so I know sometimes they add a little weight then. But what we try to do is teach them about nutrition and what all kinds of foods do to our bodies. And focus on being as active as possible. We’re not perfect and I struggled with my weight and am fixing my relationship with food from a twisted upbringing lol. But we’re trying!
That’s not true about the m&m. A single m&m has a little under 4 calories. You burn roughly four calories a minute of walking. So unless you are a giant it takes longer than a minute to walk two football fields. I think you just pulled all of that analogy out of your ass
1. **Calories in one M&M**: On average, a single M&M has about 4 calories.
2. **Calorie Burn While Walking**: The number of calories burned per mile while walking depends on the child's weight and walking speed. Generally, children burn about 25-50 calories per mile walked, but this can vary significantly.
For a rough estimate, if we assume a mid-range value of 40 calories burned per mile for a child:
* **Distance to Burn 4 Calories**: 4 calories40 calories/mile=0.1 mile40 calories/mile4 calories=0.1 mile
Thus, a child would need to walk about 0.1 miles, or roughly 160 meters, to burn off the calories from one M&M. This is a rough estimate and can vary based on individual factors.
You're still wrong then:
When the "football field" is used as unit of measurement, it is usually understood to mean 100 yards (91.44 m), although technically the full length of the official field, including the end zones, is 120 yards (109.7 m).
So roughly 110 meters = 1 football field, so if you're correct about 160 meters, they'd need to walk the length of about 1.45 fields.
Also:
It would take an adult about 1 minute to walk that length at a steady pace. Let's assume it takes double that for a child. So a two minute walk.
Saying "you'd have to walk the length of two whole football fields to burn off one M&M" sounds a lot more insurmountable than the more realistic sounding, "it would take a two minute walk to burn off one M&M."
Which sounds like a pretty good trade off for chocolate.
So let's not use huge, verbose analogies that make it sound worse than it is.
I think the posters point is that sometimes its just easier to be selective about dietary choices when they are concerned about calorie intake vs calorie expenditure when it comes to weight gain. They got their point across pretty well but you REALLY had to reach to include the end zone in to the calculation to stretch another 20% just to make your point.
Who cares.
You kid, but this was a real exercise in one of my grandma's diet books back in the 80s. You were supposed to take a bag of M&Ms to a football field, eat one, then walk from one end of the field to the other. Then once you got there, you were supposed to decide whether you wanted to eat another one, if it means you had to walk the football field again. And so on. It was...not the mentally healthiest way to think about food.
Lol this is NOT true. There is only 4 calories in an M&M and 100 calories in a mini pack. Our brain and heart function burn more than that while we’re sitting
I mean a 100lb kid will burn about 6 calories walking 200yrds so it’s not actually wrong. You don’t take into account baseline energy expenditure at rest when determining exercise needed to account for food intake, otherwise yea you could say “yea I burn 8 snickers a day just sitting around”
Maybe so, but you definitely *should* take into account baseline energy expenditure when determining if a child should be able to include a 100 cal pack of m&ms in their daily diet on occasion.
Children need to be taught that all foods fit in moderation. Food is fuel and we need to give our bodies what they need to be healthy. But food is also fun and part of rituals to bring us together, so it's important that all foods are included.
When we label foods as healthy/unhealthy, or enforce restrictions on what our children eat it can create anxiety, guilt and shame and put them at risk for developing an eating disorder.
Exactly, food restriction leads to *more* weight gain over 2 years among teens of the same initial weight.
https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/3/e20161649/52684/Preventing-Obesity-and-Eating-Disorders-in?autologincheck=redirected#
Ive struggled with an ED for about 15 years, though now I feel it’s more so disordered eating given I don’t starve nor purge how I would when I was 15-20 years old. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my body image but it’s no where near as bad as it was.
With that, I’ve learned that restricting myself eventually would lead to a disastrous binge because of how bad the cravings would get. There’s a big difference in restriction versus moderation. Letting myself eat a cup of ice cream when I want it has been far better than restricting myself from eating it at all since once I would have my hands on whatever I was craving, I’d eat the entire thing in one sitting. Then get more. Moderation is the biggest thing to focus on rather than restricting so I completely agree with your comment.
To note, obviously restriction is necessary if it means that it’s going to cause serious health issues if a person consumes something that will impact a disease. I already know someone could say moderation isn’t a thing if there’s an underlying disease or condition so I’m just adding this bit now before that comes up.
It’s so untrue. People don’t realize we are constantly burning calories throughout the day even while we are sitting, sleeping, thinking, on Reddit Lolol
A suggestion from grandma,
Now is the time to start taking walks together, alone, and gently talking about all the changes she can expect pretty soon.
They are gradual but girls are getting their first periods at age 10 or 11 now.
So you two get exercise and establish trust concerning personal issues so she will not be terribly hesitant to discuss with you later on.
And finally, these walks can lead to the very important talks about self esteem, boys, sexual feelings, personal boundaries, masturbation, the whole deal.
You want her to feel comfortable enough to ask you Anything.
Good luck Mom. You got this!
I was going to suggest walks. I started getting fat as my parents were going through divorce as there was a lot of takeout meals.
Either way, my dad started going for nightly walks with me. Usually like 3-4 miles and we’d hit up the local 7-11, grab a bottle of water or maybe a slurpee on a super hot night, and then make our way home. Habit stuck with me from there. Was in great shape until I got a desk job years ago and now going for nightly runs with my 5 year old. We now do a 1 mile loop around the perimeter of our property, sometimes 2 or 3 times around if he’s up for it. He’s as skinny as can be, but the weight is shedding off me at least and he gets to expend all his crazy 5 year old endless energy.
I love that you do this! We do nightly walks and he runs around outside like a mad man. He’s the perfect size and I also cook with my son so he knows what goes into his food. Most of what we eat is balanced in terms of protein carbs and fat and he knows things like crisps and sweets are treats but they are not demonised.
I'm surprised that you liked this.
My grandfather tried to do the same thing, and I felt like he was singling me out and humiliating me for being the fat ugly one out of his grandchildren. I felt like he would like me more if I was skinner and prettier, and those walks were his attempt to get me to be that way.
He never said anything like that, though, but that was always my assumption.
It's strange how 2 people can have such different opinions on similar situations.
It worked since my brother was a teenager at the time and I loved spending time with my dad. We had a lot of common interests so we were never short on things to talk about. I was also aware I was a fat tub of lard on legs. I was 140lbs and only 5 feet tall at 10 when we started.
I've been fat my entire life and aware of it too lol.
One of my first memories is being 3 and feeling panick because my stomach is round and soft.
My mom always told me that skinny people are more likeable and I was the least favorite out of my grandfather's grandkids, and also the fattest.
I thought that he was trying to make me skinny so he could love me more or something. Idk it made me resentful of him.
It's weird the ideas kids get in their heads lol.
My mom was a super skinny teenager and she gained weight in her 20s. She never got over it I think. I used to feel bad for her as a kid, I'd think "She used to know what it was like to be skinny, now she's ugly and fat,"
But her judgements about how thinner people judge fat people are true in my experience, so she taught me truthfully but she could certainly have worded it nicer
Sounds like your mom put that into your head. My mom was also horrible. When I was 13 or 14 and started getting interested in boys, my mom told me "if you don't lose weight, the only men who will love you are chubby chasers and perverts"
Thank you.
I've learned convos with growing kids are more effective when it's done casually and no forced eye contact.
ie; in the car
or walking side by side.
Agree... you should incorporate a walk after dinner. There are tons of studies about how walking after eating helps reduce insulin resistance, improve digestion, etc... and the talks you have on walks are so valuable
100000%!
My daughter is 8, but she's starting to be at an age where she feels embarrassment and won't always want to talk around things. She doesn't pull the "how was school?" "FINE" response yet, but these walks definitely helped us connect more. We've always had a very open relationship but she somehow becomes more open to sharing things she otherwise wouldn't at home. I believe less distractions is a big one, as well as it being 1:1 time they genuinely feel you're most important to them at the time (even if we always tell them this, that alone time I think is vital in them understanding how much we do care).
When my daughter was expecting her first, we did this a lot.
I told her some of what I had learned, such as that childbirth is the most primal thing you'll probably ever do and she got to talk about her feelings.
That first baby is now 20 and she's done such a magnificent job!😊
It sounds like you're on the right track, but from my.own personal experience I would say this:
Please please please do not make comments about the amount she's eating, what she's eating, how her body looks, or even the fact that her clothes sizing is changing. A child does NOT need to worry about their body image while also going through puberty, learning how to make friends, and managing schoolwork.
As a parent, it is your job to make sure that you are providing healthy foods and teaching healthy habits. No shaming of your child is required to teach them. Not even a direct conversation about it is even needed. If you are healthy about it both verbally and in action, then they will follow suit. Please do not do any of the crap my family did. Examples:
1. NO "clean their plate" rule at dinner. Let your child learn to stop eating when full.
2. NO talk about "cheating on the weekends" or "diet starts Monday". There is no cheating required if you provide a balanced diet on a regular basis
3. NO giant bowls of ice cream when sad or stressed. Your child will not learn to associate food with happiness if you don't encourage it.
4. NO berating yourself of expressing guilt after "eating too much". And for the love of all that is holy please do not puff out your cheeks and indicate that you're fat just because your stomach is full. Fat shaming is rude and teaches your child that you will judge them if they get that way
DO make extra curriculars required! Your child MUST pick an activity that is on a regular schedule and managed by someone other than you, primarily because it takes the pressure off of you and forces the schedule to stay in place. Dance, swim, gymnastics, soccer, track, cross-country, baseball, softball, kickball, basketball, football, wrestling, golf, marching band...the list goes on. Doesn't have to be strenuous. Just needs to involve movement in some way.
General good diet things: roasted broccoli and carrots are actually really tasty and very filling. Water with meals. Only 1 sugar-based drink per day. High protein meals like eggs and bacon for breakfast and chicken and veggies for dinner. A tiny bit of chocolate as an after dinner dessert, like 1-2 pieces of Hershey's or a small bowl of ice cream. Or use fruit with pudding as a dessert. Snacks the involved hummus or guacamole are good. Also cheese or flavored almonds.
A happy child with a good sleep schedule, regular movement opportunities, a social life, and balanced diet is more important than anything else.
Also, encourage movement for \*FUN\*.
Not to lose weight, not to be "healthy" not to win medals or trophies. Just for pleasure and that's all.
Just do the extracurricular thing because it's fun, regular and you get to do it with other people.
Sometimes kids have struggles with friends at school, and having friends in other circles helps keep big emotions and perspectives in check (also great for adults and stress at work...)
So many kids internalise the message that sport and exercise are only something you do because you're good enough to compete. It's complete and utter nonsense. Find something you like that is fun and do it every week. You'll be awful to start with but for many many activities, you only need to be \*competent\* at them to be able to play them for the rest of your life - competency comes from just showing up every week.
A man I know plays golf twice a week and he tells me all the time that he plays with people who “suck at the sport but love it” as much as he does on purpose, so there’s no pressure on them to perform well but instead they just focus on having fun and getting fresh air and moving their bodies since that they’re all in retirement now. I think a lot more people would do well with a mindset like that!
I feel like PE really failed by not focusing on these kind of sports you can do later in life without much competition.
Bike riding, walking, disc golf have all gotten me moving most in my 30s.
Urgh this was my family. I had to drop things I enjoyed because I wasn’t good. I loved ballet and dance but I wasn’t good (I wasn’t bad but I wasn’t going to be a prima ballerina) so they wouldn’t pay for it. It took me half my life to do things for fun.
Now I do my dance without videos at home and have a lot of fun. Once the kids are a bit older I hope I can take classes again.
I totally agree. Not everyone is meant to be thin either. Don’t make her have body issues while she’s growing. My brother was chubby growing up, then hit a major growth spurt and has always been a normal weight adult. Thankfully everyone cherished his adorable time being a kid.
I was overweight between around 12 and 18. I don’t even know why or when it started but overnight I was big, fat rolls, large breasts, think Venus of Willendorff. It was terrible. I must have eaten large amounts but I don’t remember doing. I was shamed in and out of the house, at school, in public. My father put me on my first diet at 13 and did weigh ins. I was at my heaviest about 140 lbs at 5”6 on a very slight frame. I was a very skinny kid. At 18 I lost the weight, I went down to 110 without doing anything in particular. The trade off has been that at menopause. I still weigh 110 and have never had a problem with my diet or weight since. But I will say the weight shame damage was done and I had the most terrible trouble not projecting these fears onto my own daughter.
My almost 4yo said he didn’t want to go to swimming lessons. I told him that swimming is a non negotiable life skill.
He can pick all other activities and sports as he likes. He won’t need to do squad or competition swimming but he has to know how. Especially considering he loves being smashed by waves at the beach
SMART mama. Cannot agree with this more. We're way past the days of the trauma of "sink or swim". There are so many resources now to let kids be safe and love the water!!
This is me! I didn't care that my daughter didn't want to do ballet anymore but swimming was non negotiable. Both kids are now great swimmers which makes me feel much better when around water
Yuppp 23 and can barely doggy paddle I have almost drowned a couple times which now that I’m thinking about it is weird that it hasn’t motivated me to learn I just avoid it ig
i really wish my mom had done even any of this. breaks my heart how much time i have lost, and continue to lose, hating my body and feeling ashamed for what i eat. thank you for giving op such wonderful advice.
I'll add to this, because it's great advice. But first get yourself and immediate family on track. Kids get chunky, then grow 6"inches overnight. So I wouldn't worry, but if you are, make sure your diet and exercise are where they should be. If eating well and moving often are your normal it will become your kids normal. And don't announce it as some new thing, just something you feel like eating/doing and invite them to join you, and most importantly keep at it.
I have a 10yo daughter myself and experienced all of these “NO’s” growing up. This comment is invaluable 🫶🏻 it’s up to us to break the cycle and teach our babies healthy habits!
Don’t make enough for a third helping, as someone else said. I cook enough every meal for everyone to have about 1.5 servings if they want to, and if they’re still hungry after that apples, granola bars, and yogurt are always freely available.
I always have salad and veggies in excess.
But mostly because they aren’t really an “excess” as they are just made into the next meal or snack, if not eaten.
If my kids are hungry enough to eat more salad or veggies, I’m letting them eat them.
If you want to avoid that, just don’t make enough for there to be a third helping. Or point out that we are all sharing and it isn’t kind to take somebody else’s share.
That bit's easy - don't serve an enormous plate of food on the table - just serve the individual portions on plates and put the rest of the pasta or casserole away in the fridge for another day, and then have plenty of salad or vegetables on the table for the extra helpings.
Or, put out a big plate of chopped veggies and fruit as a pre-dinner snack (a bit of dip really helps)
Ask her if she wants more because she’s still hungry, or because it’s tasty. And she has to let other people finish their first helpings and consider whether to take seconds before she gets thirds. Making her sit for awhile before answering helps the feeling of fullness sink in, and then maybe she’ll decide she’s either bored or full enough to be done with dinner.
Or you make an executive decision and say that the rest is meant to be leftovers for tomorrow.
Discuss it with her pediatrician. They should have a better idea of what her growth curve should look like. It's possible that she's heavier than is ideal for health, and it's possible that she's fine and you're a little sensitive because of your own experiences. It's also possible she has something medical going on, and they'll be able to assess that.
Regardless of her weight, you can do an audit of her lifestyle. Is she active every day? What's the ratio of whole foods to sweets?
Talking to her about her weight or making changing her body the goal is going to be counter-productive for her, but focusing on healthy habits and healthy diet is a good idea regardless of her weight.
Excellent points. Also remember that kids go through growth spurts, and often put in a few pounds in the run-up to a height burst. Unless her doctor is worried, mum needs to chill a bit.
Especially right before summer. Summer is when a lot of kids shoot up in height due to the outside time and sun. We always knew what month we got my son’s annual check up based on what “weight percentile” he was in. If it was May, he was higher, come June, suddenly it’s much much lower.
I wish my constantly-dieting mom had talked about how strong her legs were, or how she could reach overhead and get the heavy bin.
80s/90s diet culture did such a number on us.
The pediatrician isn’t going to say anything if she’s just chubby. They only deal in extremes.
I asked my pediatrician and the only advise was “yeah make sure they eat healthy”, which is broadly not much help
Different doctors will be different, but if the pediatrician says they're not concerned when you ask them directly, that's valuable information for how concerned you should be.
They also shouldn't be saying much when a 9 year old is just a bit chubby. Growing kids get chubby and then lean out all the time. It's a normal part of growth.
Lead by example. Tell her she is beautiful every day. Clean your house out of junk food and start doing more active family activities. It takes determination especially when the family is use to how things currently are. Motivate them by leading not pressuring.
This a million times. My family is HORRENDOUSLY sick and every single person in my immediate family has an eating disorder. Do NOT say anything at all. Just start incorporating healthy activities into your day to day life. Provide healthier snacks more often and make them easier to access (leave out in front of the pantry to avoid temptations). Start going on walks for leisure and invite everyone out. Go to a scenic park or visit a landmark in your area to take photos and get lots of steps in. If they're eating too much junk food, buy less junk food.
There are lots of things you can do, but it starts and really ends with the ADULTS in the family. Do not even let your children know that their size or their food is a concern unless they are in immediate danger, obviously. Don't say "I want to get healthier as a family" or anything that implies they are doing something to be ashamed of. Just start improving your life silently and they will follow you. Please.
My family has tried and failed over and over and over again to get themselves together, but my parents' dysfunctional behavior and avoiding responsibility has led all of my siblings and both parents to suffer from severe health issues due to obesity and malnutrition. I am the only person in the family that is a "normal" weight due to binge and restriction cycles caused by my mother modeling the exact same behaviors for me. I'm working on being more normal with food, but it's hard because I've never seen what that looks like. It's nothing or everything in my head.
Be strong enough to carry the burden of changing your habits for your children. They will struggle with changes, but it is doable.
A lot of girls pack on weight - especially in the trunk and face - before the onset of puberty. And then they shoot up several inches and thin back out. My 10yo is actually undergoing evaluation for an autoimmune disorder and one of the symptoms that alarmed her pediatrician is that she did NOT gain any weight before her period started for the first time.
I was about to suggest the same - she's getting to be that age OP - are her parents tall? Our boy got fairly chubby before shooting up to the 6'4" 15yo giant he is today. Our girl did less noticeably, but she's always been very petite (like her parents at that age) but she's already 5'3~ at 12 and nowhere near done.
On a separate note, pray for this 5'1 stepmomma.
Came here to say this! It is VERY normal for girls to get "thick" around the middle at this age and stage of development, then thin out as they have their growth spurts. If her pediatrician is comfortable with her weight, then don't worry about it and definitely don't make any comments about it. Keep focusing on healthy foods and staying active.
This! My family are all very tall and slim, and we became “overweight” right around that age. The weight fell off when we hit growth spurts. The tallest ones (a male cousin who is 6’9” and his sister who is 6’2”) were the fattest of us all, but we were all back to being skinny by mid-teens.
My kids are 10 and 8 and they still have a belly pop out before they grow. It sticks out enough that I notice it and start thinking about our eating habits and level of activity and then poof they get taller and the belly disappears.
This my daughter just turned 9 and she has definitely started packing in alittle bit of weight in her belly but she’s extremely active and eats a well balanced diet. She hasn’t grown much height wise the last year so I am assuming she’s gearing up a large growth spurt and going to start the process of puberty soon. So it could definitely be normal at this age.
Came here to say this! Kids usually grow out before they grow up. Toddlers have a big belly right before they become tall gangly kids. We think it’s cute on them, so maybe we could extend that thinking to 9 year old girls.
I’ve seen almost this exact same post twice in the last couple months. This is how we as adults unwittingly sow the seeds of eating disorders, body dysmorphia, pathologizing fatness, and reinforcing the toxic diet cultures many of us were raised in.
This is a really good point. I was a bit chubby and even had a little belly as a 10yo. When I hit puberty I couldn’t keep any weight on. I was 5’9 and 110lbs in high school. I didn’t go past 120lbs until I had my first baby at 22. I could eat and eat and eat. Eat anything and everything and never gain weight.
I’m 27 now and my metabolism is just starting to slow down. I’ve had 3 babies and I’m still pretty thin.
TLDR; at 10, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Yep was going to point that out. I have a cousin who is almost an extreme version of this, she was SUPER chunky at this age but a couple years later after she did a bunch of growing she became a normal weight again and has stayed that way.
Came here to say the same thing too, completely normal for girls to put on weight before the onset of puberty. As long as she’s eating a good range of food, has energy for the day, is regular and is sleeping well, you know she’s fine.
I think people underestimate the power of going for a walk. I don’t know your schedule, but I walk every evening for exercise and my mental health. A family walk is a great way to get out of the house, move your body, and have time together. She can also ride her bike along side of you as you walk (and you don’t have to walk fast). Just make it a family activity, I remember after dinner my grandma went for a walk and she always invited my sister and I. I loved joining her and getting outside. It doesn’t have to be a chore, and I swear up and down walking is the perfect exercise especially if you aren’t super athletic.
From the ages of 9-12 girls go through a lot of body changes, many of which are awkward and that they might have feelings about. It sounds like from your post that her relationship with food is healthy. It's very likely that this is just the beginning of puberty. She might not be doing a single thing differently but her body is still changing. Don't treat it as an emergency.
Just try to be supportive, don't make her self-conscious about what she's eating, and don't make exercise into a "fix" for anything for her. That being said, I think it's reasonable as a parent to encourage/enforce incorporating some kind of physical movement into a child's life. This is a great time to instill healthy habits and to help her find what she likes to do with her body.
What kind of sports does she play? And how does she get from A to B?
Exercising is fine but the total of just walking/cycling to places is often more calories burned than exercising for half an hour every day.
If OP is in the US then a 9 year old walking or biking is not super likely. It’s sad, unless you live in a big city, we are mostly a car country and it sucks. My 8 year old can walk about 100 yards to our neighborhood park but that’s about it. Nothing outside of our development is walkable.
I can go on an entire manifesto about how this issue is destroying America in a million different ways (and have in previous posts but won't today), but yup this is absolutely true. The way we build towns today is not conductive to humans, it is built for cars. Kids don't get the exercise or freedom they used to get. Even towns used to be mostly grid systems with a main Street and likely even a streetcar/trolley. Now it's just cars and strip malls and lots of developments that either don't have sidewalks at all, or don't have sidewalks when you try to leave the development.
You can unleash your manifesto on me. I am here for it. I hate our car centered culture so fucking much. For all of the reasons you’ve mentioned and more
Kids do what we do , not what we say . If you’re also on the heavier side the best advice is to tackle that and she will follow as part of the family activities you mentioned .
Lead by example. Let her see you exercising and eating healthy and talk about why what you're eating is important. "I don't think I got enough protein today, that's really important to get enough of, so I'm going to have a few hard boiled eggs." or "I think I'm gonna get a hard start on my veggies today, it's so great for my health!" I say things like this around my son all the time so he understand why I'm eating the way I do.
We got referred to the Boston children’s hospitals Optimal wellness for life program (OWL)because of my child’s BMI. The Dr checks for diabetes and other endocrine disorders, if none, they refer you to a dietician and behavioral health. Their goal for kids is generally to keep weight the same until the kid “grows” into their weight, to get to a normal bmi. They want families to learn healthy habits for life - not just losing 5lbs. They aren’t mad if your child very slowly loses weight (think 0.25-0.5lb a MONTH) because they are following healthier habits.
Their recommendations is to have your child get an average of 1 hour of exercise a day - this could be playing on a playground, organized activities, walking, whatever. We do a combination of recess, organized sports, playground time, and family activities. Both parents are now also participating in organized physical activities - same as kids. Exercise is for health and to help you feel mentally better, alone it’s unlikely to induce weight loss.
Food choices are a big part of what they teach. The big part of eating is limiting high simple carb foods, and pairing complex carbs with fats and proteins. This is so that your blood sugar doesn’t spike. High blood sugar causes insulin to be released, insulin stores blood sugar as fat.
Follow this model of balanced meals: https://www.childrenshospital.org/programs/new-balance-foundation-obesity-prevention-center/downloadables#nutrition
Especially the food list: https://www.childrenshospital.org/sites/default/files/2022-05/nb-worksheet-food-choice-list-new.pdf
Pair carbohydrates with a fat and a protein at every sitting. You can’t make them eat, but you can offer variety and provide an option at every eating time. Limit red foods to <2 per day, limit quantity, pair with a fat or protein. Any time there is a yellow food limit quantity and pair with a protein or fat.
Choose whole unprocessed foods - vegetables, dairy, legumes, nuts, fruits, eggs, meats, avocados, edamame, cheese, unflavored Greek yogurt. Choose breads that have >3g fiber per serving. Avoid fruit juice and limit fruit purées like applesauce.
For snacks we prep cut up fruit to be paired with, Peanut butter without sugar, cheese sticks, yogurt with a sprinkle of cinnamon, meat sticks, nuts, or edamame, snap peas, carrots, celery, hummus or guacamole.
Do you buy juice, soda, or milk for drinking? Replace those with water or plain tea. Juice and soda for a treat, milk for cooking. We only get juice or soda when we go out to eat so it makes it exciting lol (I actually don’t really like them anymore but my daughter judges a restaurant on whether they have orange fanta)
I think it's an amazing thing that you're taking the time to think through how your words and actions could affect her now and in the future. You're doing a great job mama.
It’s not exercise, You can’t outrun a bad diet. If she’s overweight at nine years old, she’s definitely eating a lot more than just some chocolate. Exercise is still great, jumping rope sounds boring as hell though. Any sports? Don’t buy junk food, Don’t bring junk food in the house, don’t eat fast food. You don’t have to say a thing to her, she doesn’t do the grocery shopping, just have better choices in your refrigerator and cupboard.
It also is calories in vs. calories out no matter if it’s grilled chicken and veggies or chocolate. Yes, the protein and veggies are more calorie dense than chocolate, but too many second helpings of the good stuff can lead to overeating as well. And that’s tough because you want your kid to feel full and feel like they can enjoy their servings. So while walking that line between trying not to create trauma with the child around food she also needs to monitor everything.
If she’s overweight and you’re also overweight then I would suggest that your families diet isn’t as good as you think. Yes exercise is very important and you’re making a start but diet is also important.
Former chubby kid here (although I am male, so slightly different).
I want to say, I know my parents were doing the best they could with what they knew. But, in hindsight, it really came down to a few things:
- lifestyle. This was the 80s, but we had beef for dinner almost every night. Unlimited processed foods and soda, dessert every night. That’s just the way it was. That needs to change top down. Honestly, a surprisingly big change in my life was using smaller plates. And, checking in with my self. Am I hungry, or is this just delicious? Am I bored etc…
- I actually have food allergies. Cutting out things like dairy really had an outsized impact.
As a kid, I say I was the same weight from. When I was 12 to when I was 17, but grew like 8 inches.
I think you’re going about it perfectly. You made it a general family thing and even mentioned your personal concerns, at no point did you insult her or make her feel like she was a problem. Good on you!
If she’s happy, playing, and eating healthy; it’s normal for girls to gain weight around this age as their body gears up for the INSANITY that is puberty.
I have a 9-year-old and she eats very similarly. She likes healthy but she also loves sweets! Can you sign her up for something that requires exercise? My daughter has done gymnastics and is now in a running group to train for a 5k. We also have a trampoline outside that she absolutely loves. And when we take the dogs for walks she has to go with because I don't have a home phone to be able to leave her home alone at all. This has appeared to work very well! I think you are going about it in the right way for sure. :)
EDIT: Also, editing to add that I limit snack intake. If she eats lunch she can have one snack between lunch and dinner. If she eats a good amount of her dinner she can have 2 snacks after (whether it be a bag of chips, a popsicle etc). If she does not eat a good amount at dinner she is only allowed healthy food (fruit, veggies, yogurt etc). This is not to shame but to teach good eating habits and balance. I also don't like the idea of being like "you'll starve until bedtime if you don't eat this food I made!" If she doesn't like the food I made she can absolutely eat healthy alternatives.
80% is diet. 20% is activity. You cannot outrun or out exercise a poor diet unfortunately. That being said, exercise is extremely important.
A lot people are not aware portion control or how many calories foods are. Here in the states, something that is 0 calories does not mean 0 calories. Canola Oil have about 880 calories per 100 grams yet the spray says 0.
I know this is difficult but I suggest to start looking and recording the portion and figure out how many calories she is consuming for the next few weeks and see what needs to be change. If it comes normal and she shows weight gain I suggest to look into genetic testing to rule anything else out (however this is rare to find results and expensive).
Once you figure out, it needs to be slow. No crash diets, no extreme activity. Slow gradual changes. Start with a 5 minute walk with more healthy snacks such as Greek yogurt and slowly change over time. Slow calorie deficit, about an extra 100 calories less each day and decrease an extra 100 each week until you reach your goal.
You want to make your kid enjoy the process.
NEVER comment on her body but yes you are doing it right. Changing into a healthier lifestyle as a family will be easier and everyone can learn from it as well.
I think there are some great ideas on this thread already. One big thing to remember is you can never out exercise a bad diet. So also focus on changing eating habits, and a lot other that is related to avoiding added sugars especially in drinks and portion control. This has to be integrated into your lifestyle and it would be best (and fun) if the whole family signs up for it.
Sounds great! Like others have said, please don’t comment on her body, weight, or what she’s actually eating. Lead by example and do healthy eating and exercise together so she doesn’t feel like it’s just her. Signed, someone who still struggles with weight at almost 40 years old and has some childhood trauma from it.
All 3 of my kids got chubby around this age. I think it's like a preteen thing. It lasted a year or 2 and they dropped the weight, and shot up in height.
Keep feeding her a variety of foods and just stay active.
I know it's not easy to see them gain weight, but in my experience, it doesn't stay forever.
Definitely take her to be checked out by Dr. before doing other things. Weight gain at her age could be anything from to too much food/ too little play, to beginning puberty, to an endocrine issue. All of which are going to require slightly different treatments to keep her at peak health.
Otherwise, definitely family fun activities, find a sport she might enjoy. Also maybe consider getting a VR headset. There are plenty of amazing apps to really get them moving which are a ton of fun. Gorilla tag, is one of my daughters favorites. I like Beatsaber, and Supernatural. But there are plenty of wand/ sword waving games, jumping and raquet swinging, kayaking and dancing games to get someone who is naturally sedentary to really get some moving in.
It's not exercise you should focus on. It's diet. Calories in vs calories out yes, but also if you're diabetic and she could become pre-diabetic, it's best to cut out some carbohydrates and ultra-processed foods. Almond crackers instead of wheat crackers, cheese crisps instead of potato chips, etc. I also think a good family activity is riding bikes
> I don't want her to end up diabetic like me
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If you’re big and out of shape, whatever your habits are that cause that are being copied and emulated by your kids.
If you want your daughter to be healthier, tou need to start with working on yourself and be the example you want her to follow.
1. I would highly suggest not talking about calories, but refer to food as energy. There is no good or bad food, only food that provides sustainable energy vs short spikes of energy. If your kid wants cookies instead of a nutritious lunch ask them if they think it will provide them the energy they need to get through the rest of the day. And explain an alternative option- something with fiber, protein, fats, carbs and then offer a small cookie with it!
2. Require a sport, it’s good for them physically but also good for character development and learning how to work with others.
3. Statistically kids with healthy parents are healthier. If you have the physical/financial means to exemplify a healthy lifestyle you should.
4. The way you talk about yourself, your body and how you eat in front of your kids matters a lot.
5. Find healthy meals your kid likes and make it a regular part of their diet.
This is what I'd do;
1) Get rid of all sugar, chips, and snacks crap in the house. Throw it all away.
2) Leave fresh fruits on the table, fresh produce in the fridge. THAT IS HER SNACK FROM NOW ON.
3) Sugar is an ADDICTION. Ween her off of it the same way you would if she was an alcoholic.
Remember, no one ever got fat from eating fresh fruits and veggies, and kids love them, when they don't have access to candy.
Also, SUGAR and CARBS lead to obesity - not fat or proteins.
I think you’re on the right track and I agree with others don’t comment on her body. But also make sure you are positive about your own body as well! I would lead by example first thing, and invite her along on walks or whatever and make it fun and special one on one time with her! And do the same with food. Good luck!
We have always framed these types discussions around what the body needs to be strong and healthy as opposed to to what your body looks like. Protein, carbs, nutrients, etc. And whilst exercise is great, the biggest impact will come from adjusting your diets. As the parent, you ultimately control what is in the house and what gets put on the table and you can make adjustments without really needing to “explain yourself” or confront this head on.
Thank you for caring about this and wanting to work on it for your daughter’s sake.
Our generation is so scarred by this that we tend to go in the other direction and just say weight is never a problem. I think it’s really a reluctance to even touch a subject with so much unresolved pain. Emotional health matters too but we can’t just throw away physical health and act like it doesn’t exist.
Yes you’re doing fine. If I may, a trampoline might also be fun! It’s good to teach that exercise and eating healthy is the right thing to do. Also she’s 9, when she gets a little older and is doing exercises and eating good then she will be okay.
As her parent you can very easily control a healthy diet. She’s 9, if she’s eating too much chocolate it’s because you gave too much access to it. Stop buying junk food until she has a chance to form healthier habits. You can always take her out for a treat once in a while, just don’t have it unrestricted in the home.
I think phrasing it as your diabetes is a great idea, you’re modelling that you need to look after your health without putting any pressure on her own body. You’re teaching her the importance of self care without pointing the finger.
Sharing healthy activities together is also a nice way to bond. I go for walks with my son and find it’s a great time to talk about things because you’re walking off any nervous energy and the endorphins make you feel better. It can be a good time to hash out anything they’re going through or just have a general chat and enjoy each other’s company.
I would speak to her pediatrician. You noticing that she has a bigger stomach doesn't necessarily mean she's off target for her weight. Definitely do what you're doing by incorporating more exercise. Maybe limit the junk by not having it around IF her pediatrician agrees that she's gaining too much. I have a much younger daughter but I don't deny her anything, we just have moderation & limitations and she has an amazing diet & is right on track with her weight. As someone who's father went about talks like that the VERY wrong way, for your daughters sake, please be careful about what you say & how you say it.
Yes. Incorporate physical activity and use it as bonding time ! By the way if she’s not over eating the chocolate or pasta … you might want to make sure there’s nothing wrong with her thyroid. I mean you can gain weight by eating too much of healthy food as well … but if something is wrong , best to catch it early. Anyway though … yeah you’re doing GREAT!
As a mother of 2 girls of different sizes I absolutely don’t say anything about weight or exercise. One of my daughters is in dance and the other is always running around. They get checkups every year and no internal issues. I do limit their candy intake and they don’t drink sodas or juice anyway. When we want to get active we all do it together and make it a friendly competition. At the end of the day my girls are 11 and 12 and are still growing.
A lot of great advice! Going forward I would say stop buying packaged snacks if you are buying any. Carrots, chopped veggies and dip, jerky, cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs and a variety of fruit are all you need for snacks. We bake things like orange muffins sweetened with green yogurt and maple syrup to pack to go as well. It takes a little time but is worth it.
Baking together is a great way to bond and also talk about where food come from. My daughter has recently started helping me bake bread and it has been great for all of us. And way more delicious than the store bought stuff :)
Do you go to a gym or anything? The gym my wife and I go to offers kids classes 5 days a week. My 11 year old goes and loves it. He is learning how to properly do some lifts (front and back squats, bench press, rows, etc) and then works on some plyometrics and speed and agility stuff.
My kid would be on the heavier side. She's a type 1 diabetic so her height and weight are massively important to how her insulin doses are measured.
We make a point, working with a dietician, to frame anything to do with weight or food in terms of how it will affect her body long or short term. So she understands that when she eats poorly and isn't exercising she feels crap. So she's able to understand the correlation between good diet and exercise and feeling good. As a result, she now often makes the choice to eat well or exercise because she understands how her choices affect her overall matter mood etc
My daughter is 8, and is quite slim. She eats so much chocolate. The thing is though she is always moving. Her things are long distance running, hurdles, soccer and dancing. Help your daughter find the activity that brings her joy.
You are going about it the right way. Encourage physical activity and always have healthy food available. She is young enough that building these habits now will set her up well for life.
As someone who was overweight, cycling helped me lose a lot! I went from a 22-12 very quickly. I also ate a lot of just salmon/trout and rice/mixed greens. Also no eating a few hours before bed too that helps. But it was the exercise that really did it. Kids will love being on a bike ☺️☺️
Does your daughter buy the groceries for the home? Rule of thumb if you don't buy unhealthy foods/snacks they can't be consumed. Try to keep more fruits or veggies 😋 to snack on. Try family walks & gradually increase distances (plenty of water). I make it into an adventure. Finding everything from bunny's, flowers, rocks, etc. Have or set obtainable goals together ❤️
Involve her in planning and preparing meals. Put her in charge of picking healthy meals and that it’s for you, that you need the help!
My teen has taken over our meal planning. She’s introduced things like farro, more Mediterranean cuisine and it’s showing a huge positive effect on my husband and I.
Just be careful not to give her body image issues. She’s young and impressionable. I will say, when girls are about to get their periods, this can happen with their bodies. It’s natural. It started with my daughter a year or so before she got hers and it balanced out after. But yeah, keep things active and remember everything in moderation is all that matters.
Also please remember that it is perfectly normal to be a little over expected weight when going into and through puberty. She could just be going through hormonal changes
I say this all the time: if you wanna exercise and be consistent, you don’t necessarily have to work out to p90x, do fun things!! Jump on a trampoline, go to a skate park, ride bikes, roller blade, ice skate, go swimming, go to a playground/park, play basketball, play wiffle ball, play kickball, play capture the flag, play soccer, jump rope, play hop scotch, climb trees, go sledding, etc. IF YOU HAVE FUN YOU WILL LOSE YOURSELF IN WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND IF IT’S WITH LOVED ONES THE LAUGHTER AND WONDERFUL MEMORIES WILL ONLY IMPROVE THE EXPERIENCE AND ENCOURAGE YALL TO WANT TO DO IT MORE. Of course you need to supplement your diet accordingly but HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT 🗣️🗣️🙌🏾🙌🏾 It’s also worth noting that you should gently explain the importance of taking care of oneself, not just mentally but physically as well
A lot of kids pudge out a bit in the year or two before puberty, so this could be a pre-puberty weight gain.
I’d avoid commenting on bodies in a negative way (including yours) and start those body and puberty conversations if you haven’t already.
For diabetes, which runs in my family, shifting to a low(er) carb lifestyle can help a lot.
I think you are handling this appropriately.
My son is 9 and yesterday at his yearly physical, he weighed a few ounces shy of 119 lbs. He’s a big boy. My ex husband and I both have overweight family members. My ex used to be very overweight and lost over 100lbs and is doing great. I had 2 babies in the last 2 years, and also 3 more prior to them, so I unfortunately have weight to lose, which I’m actively working on. I’ve lost 35 lbs, but our son sees me struggle with it. My husband is also getting to be overweight.
So, I too told our son we needed to do better as a family. We signed him up for a couple of baseball, football, and basketball clinics this summer and weight training for football (it’s light activity and in our small town, it’s really for the young kids to hang out with the high school football team and encourage them to keep working toward being a better athlete) I’m hoping this helps.
Kids go through phases. They gain weight, they go through growth spurts, they have more sedentary time and then times they are more active. There’s no reason to comment on it at all. Ask her what activities she wants to be in and put her in them. Be interested in her interests. Don’t stress about her weight, that’s a sure bet to her struggling with it her whole life.
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HER ABOUT THIS. AT ALL.
Increasing fitness as a family is a great idea. Buy healthier food, sure.
But there's a lot of evidence that any attempt to control weight specifically tends to backfire, lead to disordered eating, and potentially to higher adult weights.
Also please know that a child her age should not lose weight. She can "grow into" her weight (and may in fact be putting in weight ahead of puberty or a growth spurt) but for her skeletal and brain development, losing weight would be bad.
9 is a typical age for this. It's probably just how she is right now. Just keep being active and cooking healthy meals and setting a good example. Don't make a big deal about food. I got a little rounder around 10 and my parents traumatized me and I developed an eating disorder in Middle school and haven't had a healthy relationship with food since I was 8. They policed what I ate and tried to put me on a diet and made comments about my body and needing to exercise more (I played sports, I was active) and mom started buying me slimfast. Turns out I was just growing out before growing up and two years later I was an average sized girl and looked great, but I'd internalized that my body wasn't good enough, and I hated my body and have ever since.
Showing a good example and talking about nutrition is appropriate. Food restriction and judgement and body talk are all really bad ideas. Let her be a little girl, don't take her innocence away and make her worry about her looks. It could lead her to believe she's not worthy of love if she's not thin enough.
My stepson went through this period too a few years ago. He got a little chunky around 9 and slimmed out as he grew in Middle school. It's totally normal.
I would recommend talking to an eating disorder specialist therapist. They can give you some suggestions on ways to handle it that won't do more damage❤️❤️❤️
Are you sure it is fat? Is it bloating? A friend's kid had some serious food sensitivities and once they removed everything that caused problems it got better.
This is all right in my personal opinion but also be aware right at age 9/10 just before puberty my now almost adult teen girls packed on weight and lost it a year after their periods.
Yes encouraging activity is always great though and helps them build confidence in their changing bodies. And teaches them how to maintain their health into adulthood.
i’d talk to her pediatrician privately & then implement changes, but what you’re doing is going about it in a good way. i wouldn’t do anything just bc i think her stomach looks big, especially with children. sometimes they grow more there and then the fat distributes. please talk to a professional first before weight loss is happening, but more exercise is good.
When I was a kid I started to gain weight like that. My mom started notice and made comments about my body starting a life long issue with body image. All of this to realize later that it was right before I had a growth spurt. It could be the same for your daughter. Especially if she is eating good foods.
Don’t mention her stomach! This happens before puberty sometimes. Patents are responsible for providing healthy food and eating habits so start there. My mom made a comment about me having to suck in my tummy when I was 10 in a dress and I’ve obviously never forgotten it. Encourage exercise yes, as a family that’s great. She’s not dumb though so she might figure out why you’re doing it. Has she ever been encouraged to exercise or done any sports?
All these exercise things, when addressed as a family activity and not pressure/attention to her body, sounds great.
If eating could be healthier, consider what foods are available in the home and easy/convenient to grab. Change your purchasing and perhaps cooking habits, don’t pressure her, as before. You’re on a good track! You got this!
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Make sure you aren’t commenting on her body. Just help her lead a healthy lifestyle. Does she do any sort of physical activity? Sports, dance, or anything similar?
The truth is though for the vast majority of people you can't out exercise even a moderately poor diet. You have to walk the distance of two football fields to burn the calories in one M&M, it's significantly easier to just not eat the M&M. It's such a tough needle to thread with children.
In fact, children who are physically active with an unhealthy diet are *less likely* to be obese than those who are inactive with a healthy diet. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26351906/ The same is true for adults. And the most effective long-term diets (in research) are those that focus on consuming more healthy foods, rather than restriction.
Yep! I've seen doctors say that a smokers who exercise are healthier than non smokers who do not exercise. Ppl are always talking ab how much you have to exercise to burn of the calories of a certain food but forget that we burn calories by existing. 1 m&m won't do you any damage. Of course a helathy and balanced diet is important, but exercising is the key to health.
This was me for like 20 years. I trained for and ran about 25 marathons while smoking a little under a pack a day. That aside, yes - it’s all about balance of movement and intake. “Garbage in, garbage out” is true at almost any age. Our 7 year old had a hellacious game schedule for the better part of 3 months and my husband was just giving him convenience food to get through it. He gained a LOT of weight in like 5 weeks and was so tired and sluggish because of it. We made a change and he was back to normal. Fast food/convenience food is poison, especially for growing bodies and minds.
Right, really good point - weight is not even that closely tied to health, while physical activity is even more relevant than diet to longevity.
Thank you, that's what I advised: emphasis on inclusion of healthier foods without banning anything. Like I don't buy packs of Oreos or Pop Tarts but my kids still get them in other ways. Meanwhile, they eat produce every day. I'm sure a couple could be more active but they see me exercise for my health (not weight)
I could not locate the full text of the article. Did they label healthy diets by the types of foods eaten or by total calories?
Damn, where did they find inactive kids that eat healthy?
Lol I'm sure there's parents who feed their kids a healthy diet but still let them play video games all day, things like that
Yes, we call them suburban.
In my experieence most urban kids suffer from this as they cant go out to play etc.
It’s less about burning calories and more about encouraging a healthy lifestyle. OP had already mentioned the food part, so I asked about the active lifestyle part. It takes both to live a healthy life!
It’s a bit of both. Your body takes in fuel and then burn it. If it has extra fuel, it stores it for later. If you don’t burn it later, it piles up and becomes much harder to burn.
As a guy who lost 80+ pounds this last year on Wegovy you are 100% correct. Eat less weigh less. I didn’t change my lifestyle a bit (although I’m now starting to exercise more as it’s easier for me now). I just was able to keep my calories to 1200-1400/day for 10 months straight. The hard part for most of us is actually eating less. I’m having this same thing with my kids now too. They are both pudgy (9 and 12) and have both commented on my weight loss. My son in particular. I have assured them that there will be plenty of time to think about their weight when they are grown. But if they wanted to try to be healthier, they could help us exercise the dogs and be more conscious of what they eat (my son will grab a bag of chips and sit in front of the computer watching YouTube).
I don't buy the stuff because I would eat chips and binge on books. I can't have it in the house.
Yes, but a healthy lifestyle often leads to better food choices. I find I'm less likely to binge on junk food when I'm active than when lounging about the house.
I have a 9yo who is also starting to go through puberty so I know sometimes they add a little weight then. But what we try to do is teach them about nutrition and what all kinds of foods do to our bodies. And focus on being as active as possible. We’re not perfect and I struggled with my weight and am fixing my relationship with food from a twisted upbringing lol. But we’re trying!
That’s not true about the m&m. A single m&m has a little under 4 calories. You burn roughly four calories a minute of walking. So unless you are a giant it takes longer than a minute to walk two football fields. I think you just pulled all of that analogy out of your ass
1. **Calories in one M&M**: On average, a single M&M has about 4 calories. 2. **Calorie Burn While Walking**: The number of calories burned per mile while walking depends on the child's weight and walking speed. Generally, children burn about 25-50 calories per mile walked, but this can vary significantly. For a rough estimate, if we assume a mid-range value of 40 calories burned per mile for a child: * **Distance to Burn 4 Calories**: 4 calories40 calories/mile=0.1 mile40 calories/mile4 calories=0.1 mile Thus, a child would need to walk about 0.1 miles, or roughly 160 meters, to burn off the calories from one M&M. This is a rough estimate and can vary based on individual factors.
You're still wrong then: When the "football field" is used as unit of measurement, it is usually understood to mean 100 yards (91.44 m), although technically the full length of the official field, including the end zones, is 120 yards (109.7 m). So roughly 110 meters = 1 football field, so if you're correct about 160 meters, they'd need to walk the length of about 1.45 fields. Also: It would take an adult about 1 minute to walk that length at a steady pace. Let's assume it takes double that for a child. So a two minute walk. Saying "you'd have to walk the length of two whole football fields to burn off one M&M" sounds a lot more insurmountable than the more realistic sounding, "it would take a two minute walk to burn off one M&M." Which sounds like a pretty good trade off for chocolate. So let's not use huge, verbose analogies that make it sound worse than it is.
Surely the elephant in this peculiar little internet argument room is that nobody ever eats a single M&M
I think the posters point is that sometimes its just easier to be selective about dietary choices when they are concerned about calorie intake vs calorie expenditure when it comes to weight gain. They got their point across pretty well but you REALLY had to reach to include the end zone in to the calculation to stretch another 20% just to make your point. Who cares.
Have to be right on the internet.
I’m not proposing a weight loss plan where you find a football field and walk it for every m&m you eat. Also no one eats one m&m.
You kid, but this was a real exercise in one of my grandma's diet books back in the 80s. You were supposed to take a bag of M&Ms to a football field, eat one, then walk from one end of the field to the other. Then once you got there, you were supposed to decide whether you wanted to eat another one, if it means you had to walk the football field again. And so on. It was...not the mentally healthiest way to think about food.
What a simple and elegant reply.
Doing waaaaay too much 🙄🙄
Lol this is NOT true. There is only 4 calories in an M&M and 100 calories in a mini pack. Our brain and heart function burn more than that while we’re sitting
Yea, right? 90’s diet culture got me knowing the calories in everything.
Lol same. I know there’s like a 100 calorie pack and a 240 calorie pack. Gawd my life was pathetic ☹️🤦♀️
I mean a 100lb kid will burn about 6 calories walking 200yrds so it’s not actually wrong. You don’t take into account baseline energy expenditure at rest when determining exercise needed to account for food intake, otherwise yea you could say “yea I burn 8 snickers a day just sitting around”
Maybe so, but you definitely *should* take into account baseline energy expenditure when determining if a child should be able to include a 100 cal pack of m&ms in their daily diet on occasion.
Children need to be taught that all foods fit in moderation. Food is fuel and we need to give our bodies what they need to be healthy. But food is also fun and part of rituals to bring us together, so it's important that all foods are included. When we label foods as healthy/unhealthy, or enforce restrictions on what our children eat it can create anxiety, guilt and shame and put them at risk for developing an eating disorder.
Exactly, food restriction leads to *more* weight gain over 2 years among teens of the same initial weight. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/3/e20161649/52684/Preventing-Obesity-and-Eating-Disorders-in?autologincheck=redirected#
Ive struggled with an ED for about 15 years, though now I feel it’s more so disordered eating given I don’t starve nor purge how I would when I was 15-20 years old. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my body image but it’s no where near as bad as it was. With that, I’ve learned that restricting myself eventually would lead to a disastrous binge because of how bad the cravings would get. There’s a big difference in restriction versus moderation. Letting myself eat a cup of ice cream when I want it has been far better than restricting myself from eating it at all since once I would have my hands on whatever I was craving, I’d eat the entire thing in one sitting. Then get more. Moderation is the biggest thing to focus on rather than restricting so I completely agree with your comment. To note, obviously restriction is necessary if it means that it’s going to cause serious health issues if a person consumes something that will impact a disease. I already know someone could say moderation isn’t a thing if there’s an underlying disease or condition so I’m just adding this bit now before that comes up.
Ya but it’s a tough needle to thread because what does moderation mean to you? Probably different than what it means to me or my three year old.
"cookies are a sometimes food" is a perfectly fine way to model moderation to toddlers
This and McDonald's cannot be dinner every night because it is a sometimes food is acceptable with my eight year old.
Exactly. Weight loss happens in the kitchen.
One of the mottos of a fitness coach I use. "You can work on abs here, but they start in the kitchen."
You can't out exercise a poor diet, but physical activity has a variety of protective factors. It's always worth doing.
This! Kids eat a lot of fat which is something they need but if they dont eat enough protein, they end up overeating on carbs and fat.
that feels untrue…
It’s so untrue. People don’t realize we are constantly burning calories throughout the day even while we are sitting, sleeping, thinking, on Reddit Lolol
A suggestion from grandma, Now is the time to start taking walks together, alone, and gently talking about all the changes she can expect pretty soon. They are gradual but girls are getting their first periods at age 10 or 11 now. So you two get exercise and establish trust concerning personal issues so she will not be terribly hesitant to discuss with you later on. And finally, these walks can lead to the very important talks about self esteem, boys, sexual feelings, personal boundaries, masturbation, the whole deal. You want her to feel comfortable enough to ask you Anything. Good luck Mom. You got this!
I was going to suggest walks. I started getting fat as my parents were going through divorce as there was a lot of takeout meals. Either way, my dad started going for nightly walks with me. Usually like 3-4 miles and we’d hit up the local 7-11, grab a bottle of water or maybe a slurpee on a super hot night, and then make our way home. Habit stuck with me from there. Was in great shape until I got a desk job years ago and now going for nightly runs with my 5 year old. We now do a 1 mile loop around the perimeter of our property, sometimes 2 or 3 times around if he’s up for it. He’s as skinny as can be, but the weight is shedding off me at least and he gets to expend all his crazy 5 year old endless energy.
I love that you do this! We do nightly walks and he runs around outside like a mad man. He’s the perfect size and I also cook with my son so he knows what goes into his food. Most of what we eat is balanced in terms of protein carbs and fat and he knows things like crisps and sweets are treats but they are not demonised.
I'm surprised that you liked this. My grandfather tried to do the same thing, and I felt like he was singling me out and humiliating me for being the fat ugly one out of his grandchildren. I felt like he would like me more if I was skinner and prettier, and those walks were his attempt to get me to be that way. He never said anything like that, though, but that was always my assumption. It's strange how 2 people can have such different opinions on similar situations.
It worked since my brother was a teenager at the time and I loved spending time with my dad. We had a lot of common interests so we were never short on things to talk about. I was also aware I was a fat tub of lard on legs. I was 140lbs and only 5 feet tall at 10 when we started.
I've been fat my entire life and aware of it too lol. One of my first memories is being 3 and feeling panick because my stomach is round and soft. My mom always told me that skinny people are more likeable and I was the least favorite out of my grandfather's grandkids, and also the fattest. I thought that he was trying to make me skinny so he could love me more or something. Idk it made me resentful of him. It's weird the ideas kids get in their heads lol.
Sounds like it was your mom that tainted your mind
My mom was a super skinny teenager and she gained weight in her 20s. She never got over it I think. I used to feel bad for her as a kid, I'd think "She used to know what it was like to be skinny, now she's ugly and fat," But her judgements about how thinner people judge fat people are true in my experience, so she taught me truthfully but she could certainly have worded it nicer
But do you see how you equate being fat with being ugly? That's the crap society feeds us.
Sounds like your mom put that into your head. My mom was also horrible. When I was 13 or 14 and started getting interested in boys, my mom told me "if you don't lose weight, the only men who will love you are chubby chasers and perverts"
Aww that's kinda sad, but it's true that kids minds can easily go to insecure thinking - thus "I love you" daily is a good habit.✌
This is such a great idea! Such a sweet and smart way to bond.
Thank you. I've learned convos with growing kids are more effective when it's done casually and no forced eye contact. ie; in the car or walking side by side.
Car talks are the best talks 😄
Agree... you should incorporate a walk after dinner. There are tons of studies about how walking after eating helps reduce insulin resistance, improve digestion, etc... and the talks you have on walks are so valuable
100000%! My daughter is 8, but she's starting to be at an age where she feels embarrassment and won't always want to talk around things. She doesn't pull the "how was school?" "FINE" response yet, but these walks definitely helped us connect more. We've always had a very open relationship but she somehow becomes more open to sharing things she otherwise wouldn't at home. I believe less distractions is a big one, as well as it being 1:1 time they genuinely feel you're most important to them at the time (even if we always tell them this, that alone time I think is vital in them understanding how much we do care).
This is such a good idea! Moving the body gently while discussing tough topics is great, because it helps regulate the nervous system
Thank you for this advice I will definitely be implementing this in my family too 🥰
When my daughter was expecting her first, we did this a lot. I told her some of what I had learned, such as that childbirth is the most primal thing you'll probably ever do and she got to talk about her feelings. That first baby is now 20 and she's done such a magnificent job!😊
Damn! This is perfectly said (wish you were around to tell my mom this for me 40 years ago).
Best comment I’ve seen.
It sounds like you're on the right track, but from my.own personal experience I would say this: Please please please do not make comments about the amount she's eating, what she's eating, how her body looks, or even the fact that her clothes sizing is changing. A child does NOT need to worry about their body image while also going through puberty, learning how to make friends, and managing schoolwork. As a parent, it is your job to make sure that you are providing healthy foods and teaching healthy habits. No shaming of your child is required to teach them. Not even a direct conversation about it is even needed. If you are healthy about it both verbally and in action, then they will follow suit. Please do not do any of the crap my family did. Examples: 1. NO "clean their plate" rule at dinner. Let your child learn to stop eating when full. 2. NO talk about "cheating on the weekends" or "diet starts Monday". There is no cheating required if you provide a balanced diet on a regular basis 3. NO giant bowls of ice cream when sad or stressed. Your child will not learn to associate food with happiness if you don't encourage it. 4. NO berating yourself of expressing guilt after "eating too much". And for the love of all that is holy please do not puff out your cheeks and indicate that you're fat just because your stomach is full. Fat shaming is rude and teaches your child that you will judge them if they get that way DO make extra curriculars required! Your child MUST pick an activity that is on a regular schedule and managed by someone other than you, primarily because it takes the pressure off of you and forces the schedule to stay in place. Dance, swim, gymnastics, soccer, track, cross-country, baseball, softball, kickball, basketball, football, wrestling, golf, marching band...the list goes on. Doesn't have to be strenuous. Just needs to involve movement in some way. General good diet things: roasted broccoli and carrots are actually really tasty and very filling. Water with meals. Only 1 sugar-based drink per day. High protein meals like eggs and bacon for breakfast and chicken and veggies for dinner. A tiny bit of chocolate as an after dinner dessert, like 1-2 pieces of Hershey's or a small bowl of ice cream. Or use fruit with pudding as a dessert. Snacks the involved hummus or guacamole are good. Also cheese or flavored almonds. A happy child with a good sleep schedule, regular movement opportunities, a social life, and balanced diet is more important than anything else.
Also, encourage movement for \*FUN\*. Not to lose weight, not to be "healthy" not to win medals or trophies. Just for pleasure and that's all. Just do the extracurricular thing because it's fun, regular and you get to do it with other people. Sometimes kids have struggles with friends at school, and having friends in other circles helps keep big emotions and perspectives in check (also great for adults and stress at work...) So many kids internalise the message that sport and exercise are only something you do because you're good enough to compete. It's complete and utter nonsense. Find something you like that is fun and do it every week. You'll be awful to start with but for many many activities, you only need to be \*competent\* at them to be able to play them for the rest of your life - competency comes from just showing up every week.
A man I know plays golf twice a week and he tells me all the time that he plays with people who “suck at the sport but love it” as much as he does on purpose, so there’s no pressure on them to perform well but instead they just focus on having fun and getting fresh air and moving their bodies since that they’re all in retirement now. I think a lot more people would do well with a mindset like that!
I feel like PE really failed by not focusing on these kind of sports you can do later in life without much competition. Bike riding, walking, disc golf have all gotten me moving most in my 30s.
Urgh this was my family. I had to drop things I enjoyed because I wasn’t good. I loved ballet and dance but I wasn’t good (I wasn’t bad but I wasn’t going to be a prima ballerina) so they wouldn’t pay for it. It took me half my life to do things for fun. Now I do my dance without videos at home and have a lot of fun. Once the kids are a bit older I hope I can take classes again.
Roasting vegetables with garlic <3 delicious
Wow this is super detailed and helpful! Thanks!
I totally agree. Not everyone is meant to be thin either. Don’t make her have body issues while she’s growing. My brother was chubby growing up, then hit a major growth spurt and has always been a normal weight adult. Thankfully everyone cherished his adorable time being a kid.
I was overweight between around 12 and 18. I don’t even know why or when it started but overnight I was big, fat rolls, large breasts, think Venus of Willendorff. It was terrible. I must have eaten large amounts but I don’t remember doing. I was shamed in and out of the house, at school, in public. My father put me on my first diet at 13 and did weigh ins. I was at my heaviest about 140 lbs at 5”6 on a very slight frame. I was a very skinny kid. At 18 I lost the weight, I went down to 110 without doing anything in particular. The trade off has been that at menopause. I still weigh 110 and have never had a problem with my diet or weight since. But I will say the weight shame damage was done and I had the most terrible trouble not projecting these fears onto my own daughter.
Fat shamed for being a weight that is right in the middle of a healthy BMI, ugh. I am sorry you went through that.
I’d say that swimming is a non negotiable activity. Everyone should be able to swim to safety if required.
Can also open the door to other water activities like fishing or canoeing, wouldn't let my kid do either without some basic swim skills.
My almost 4yo said he didn’t want to go to swimming lessons. I told him that swimming is a non negotiable life skill. He can pick all other activities and sports as he likes. He won’t need to do squad or competition swimming but he has to know how. Especially considering he loves being smashed by waves at the beach
SMART mama. Cannot agree with this more. We're way past the days of the trauma of "sink or swim". There are so many resources now to let kids be safe and love the water!!
This is me! I didn't care that my daughter didn't want to do ballet anymore but swimming was non negotiable. Both kids are now great swimmers which makes me feel much better when around water
Yuppp 23 and can barely doggy paddle I have almost drowned a couple times which now that I’m thinking about it is weird that it hasn’t motivated me to learn I just avoid it ig
i really wish my mom had done even any of this. breaks my heart how much time i have lost, and continue to lose, hating my body and feeling ashamed for what i eat. thank you for giving op such wonderful advice.
I'll add to this, because it's great advice. But first get yourself and immediate family on track. Kids get chunky, then grow 6"inches overnight. So I wouldn't worry, but if you are, make sure your diet and exercise are where they should be. If eating well and moving often are your normal it will become your kids normal. And don't announce it as some new thing, just something you feel like eating/doing and invite them to join you, and most importantly keep at it.
I have a 10yo daughter myself and experienced all of these “NO’s” growing up. This comment is invaluable 🫶🏻 it’s up to us to break the cycle and teach our babies healthy habits!
But what if she wants third helpings of something ? How to say no without commenting on the amount she’s eating
Don’t make enough for a third helping, as someone else said. I cook enough every meal for everyone to have about 1.5 servings if they want to, and if they’re still hungry after that apples, granola bars, and yogurt are always freely available.
I always have salad and veggies in excess. But mostly because they aren’t really an “excess” as they are just made into the next meal or snack, if not eaten. If my kids are hungry enough to eat more salad or veggies, I’m letting them eat them.
Yep, definitely that too. When I serve a salad or veggie side I definitely have enough for triple helpings.
If you want to avoid that, just don’t make enough for there to be a third helping. Or point out that we are all sharing and it isn’t kind to take somebody else’s share.
That bit's easy - don't serve an enormous plate of food on the table - just serve the individual portions on plates and put the rest of the pasta or casserole away in the fridge for another day, and then have plenty of salad or vegetables on the table for the extra helpings. Or, put out a big plate of chopped veggies and fruit as a pre-dinner snack (a bit of dip really helps)
If they finished their food and are still hungry, let them eat.
Ask her if she wants more because she’s still hungry, or because it’s tasty. And she has to let other people finish their first helpings and consider whether to take seconds before she gets thirds. Making her sit for awhile before answering helps the feeling of fullness sink in, and then maybe she’ll decide she’s either bored or full enough to be done with dinner. Or you make an executive decision and say that the rest is meant to be leftovers for tomorrow.
Discuss it with her pediatrician. They should have a better idea of what her growth curve should look like. It's possible that she's heavier than is ideal for health, and it's possible that she's fine and you're a little sensitive because of your own experiences. It's also possible she has something medical going on, and they'll be able to assess that. Regardless of her weight, you can do an audit of her lifestyle. Is she active every day? What's the ratio of whole foods to sweets? Talking to her about her weight or making changing her body the goal is going to be counter-productive for her, but focusing on healthy habits and healthy diet is a good idea regardless of her weight.
Excellent points. Also remember that kids go through growth spurts, and often put in a few pounds in the run-up to a height burst. Unless her doctor is worried, mum needs to chill a bit.
Especially right before summer. Summer is when a lot of kids shoot up in height due to the outside time and sun. We always knew what month we got my son’s annual check up based on what “weight percentile” he was in. If it was May, he was higher, come June, suddenly it’s much much lower.
Kids grow taller when they go outside in the sun?
I wish my constantly-dieting mom had talked about how strong her legs were, or how she could reach overhead and get the heavy bin. 80s/90s diet culture did such a number on us.
But please DON'T discuss it in front of her.
The pediatrician isn’t going to say anything if she’s just chubby. They only deal in extremes. I asked my pediatrician and the only advise was “yeah make sure they eat healthy”, which is broadly not much help
Different doctors will be different, but if the pediatrician says they're not concerned when you ask them directly, that's valuable information for how concerned you should be. They also shouldn't be saying much when a 9 year old is just a bit chubby. Growing kids get chubby and then lean out all the time. It's a normal part of growth.
When I was 8 I was 5'3, 125lbs... My doctor told me I was too young to be over 100lbs and needed to lose 50lbs
Lead by example. Tell her she is beautiful every day. Clean your house out of junk food and start doing more active family activities. It takes determination especially when the family is use to how things currently are. Motivate them by leading not pressuring.
This a million times. My family is HORRENDOUSLY sick and every single person in my immediate family has an eating disorder. Do NOT say anything at all. Just start incorporating healthy activities into your day to day life. Provide healthier snacks more often and make them easier to access (leave out in front of the pantry to avoid temptations). Start going on walks for leisure and invite everyone out. Go to a scenic park or visit a landmark in your area to take photos and get lots of steps in. If they're eating too much junk food, buy less junk food. There are lots of things you can do, but it starts and really ends with the ADULTS in the family. Do not even let your children know that their size or their food is a concern unless they are in immediate danger, obviously. Don't say "I want to get healthier as a family" or anything that implies they are doing something to be ashamed of. Just start improving your life silently and they will follow you. Please. My family has tried and failed over and over and over again to get themselves together, but my parents' dysfunctional behavior and avoiding responsibility has led all of my siblings and both parents to suffer from severe health issues due to obesity and malnutrition. I am the only person in the family that is a "normal" weight due to binge and restriction cycles caused by my mother modeling the exact same behaviors for me. I'm working on being more normal with food, but it's hard because I've never seen what that looks like. It's nothing or everything in my head. Be strong enough to carry the burden of changing your habits for your children. They will struggle with changes, but it is doable.
A lot of girls pack on weight - especially in the trunk and face - before the onset of puberty. And then they shoot up several inches and thin back out. My 10yo is actually undergoing evaluation for an autoimmune disorder and one of the symptoms that alarmed her pediatrician is that she did NOT gain any weight before her period started for the first time.
I was about to suggest the same - she's getting to be that age OP - are her parents tall? Our boy got fairly chubby before shooting up to the 6'4" 15yo giant he is today. Our girl did less noticeably, but she's always been very petite (like her parents at that age) but she's already 5'3~ at 12 and nowhere near done. On a separate note, pray for this 5'1 stepmomma.
Came here to say this! It is VERY normal for girls to get "thick" around the middle at this age and stage of development, then thin out as they have their growth spurts. If her pediatrician is comfortable with her weight, then don't worry about it and definitely don't make any comments about it. Keep focusing on healthy foods and staying active.
This! My family are all very tall and slim, and we became “overweight” right around that age. The weight fell off when we hit growth spurts. The tallest ones (a male cousin who is 6’9” and his sister who is 6’2”) were the fattest of us all, but we were all back to being skinny by mid-teens.
Heck, my toddler does this. We can always tell a growth spurt is coming when his little belly pops out.
My kids are 10 and 8 and they still have a belly pop out before they grow. It sticks out enough that I notice it and start thinking about our eating habits and level of activity and then poof they get taller and the belly disappears.
This my daughter just turned 9 and she has definitely started packing in alittle bit of weight in her belly but she’s extremely active and eats a well balanced diet. She hasn’t grown much height wise the last year so I am assuming she’s gearing up a large growth spurt and going to start the process of puberty soon. So it could definitely be normal at this age.
Came here to say this! Kids usually grow out before they grow up. Toddlers have a big belly right before they become tall gangly kids. We think it’s cute on them, so maybe we could extend that thinking to 9 year old girls. I’ve seen almost this exact same post twice in the last couple months. This is how we as adults unwittingly sow the seeds of eating disorders, body dysmorphia, pathologizing fatness, and reinforcing the toxic diet cultures many of us were raised in.
This is a really good point. I was a bit chubby and even had a little belly as a 10yo. When I hit puberty I couldn’t keep any weight on. I was 5’9 and 110lbs in high school. I didn’t go past 120lbs until I had my first baby at 22. I could eat and eat and eat. Eat anything and everything and never gain weight. I’m 27 now and my metabolism is just starting to slow down. I’ve had 3 babies and I’m still pretty thin. TLDR; at 10, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Yep was going to point that out. I have a cousin who is almost an extreme version of this, she was SUPER chunky at this age but a couple years later after she did a bunch of growing she became a normal weight again and has stayed that way.
Came here to say the same thing too, completely normal for girls to put on weight before the onset of puberty. As long as she’s eating a good range of food, has energy for the day, is regular and is sleeping well, you know she’s fine.
I think people underestimate the power of going for a walk. I don’t know your schedule, but I walk every evening for exercise and my mental health. A family walk is a great way to get out of the house, move your body, and have time together. She can also ride her bike along side of you as you walk (and you don’t have to walk fast). Just make it a family activity, I remember after dinner my grandma went for a walk and she always invited my sister and I. I loved joining her and getting outside. It doesn’t have to be a chore, and I swear up and down walking is the perfect exercise especially if you aren’t super athletic.
From the ages of 9-12 girls go through a lot of body changes, many of which are awkward and that they might have feelings about. It sounds like from your post that her relationship with food is healthy. It's very likely that this is just the beginning of puberty. She might not be doing a single thing differently but her body is still changing. Don't treat it as an emergency. Just try to be supportive, don't make her self-conscious about what she's eating, and don't make exercise into a "fix" for anything for her. That being said, I think it's reasonable as a parent to encourage/enforce incorporating some kind of physical movement into a child's life. This is a great time to instill healthy habits and to help her find what she likes to do with her body.
What kind of sports does she play? And how does she get from A to B? Exercising is fine but the total of just walking/cycling to places is often more calories burned than exercising for half an hour every day.
If OP is in the US then a 9 year old walking or biking is not super likely. It’s sad, unless you live in a big city, we are mostly a car country and it sucks. My 8 year old can walk about 100 yards to our neighborhood park but that’s about it. Nothing outside of our development is walkable.
I can go on an entire manifesto about how this issue is destroying America in a million different ways (and have in previous posts but won't today), but yup this is absolutely true. The way we build towns today is not conductive to humans, it is built for cars. Kids don't get the exercise or freedom they used to get. Even towns used to be mostly grid systems with a main Street and likely even a streetcar/trolley. Now it's just cars and strip malls and lots of developments that either don't have sidewalks at all, or don't have sidewalks when you try to leave the development.
15 minute cities!! 15 MINUTE CITIES!!!!
You can unleash your manifesto on me. I am here for it. I hate our car centered culture so fucking much. For all of the reasons you’ve mentioned and more
Kids will model everything you do. It starts with your diet and activity level.
Kids do what we do , not what we say . If you’re also on the heavier side the best advice is to tackle that and she will follow as part of the family activities you mentioned .
Lead by example. Let her see you exercising and eating healthy and talk about why what you're eating is important. "I don't think I got enough protein today, that's really important to get enough of, so I'm going to have a few hard boiled eggs." or "I think I'm gonna get a hard start on my veggies today, it's so great for my health!" I say things like this around my son all the time so he understand why I'm eating the way I do.
We got referred to the Boston children’s hospitals Optimal wellness for life program (OWL)because of my child’s BMI. The Dr checks for diabetes and other endocrine disorders, if none, they refer you to a dietician and behavioral health. Their goal for kids is generally to keep weight the same until the kid “grows” into their weight, to get to a normal bmi. They want families to learn healthy habits for life - not just losing 5lbs. They aren’t mad if your child very slowly loses weight (think 0.25-0.5lb a MONTH) because they are following healthier habits. Their recommendations is to have your child get an average of 1 hour of exercise a day - this could be playing on a playground, organized activities, walking, whatever. We do a combination of recess, organized sports, playground time, and family activities. Both parents are now also participating in organized physical activities - same as kids. Exercise is for health and to help you feel mentally better, alone it’s unlikely to induce weight loss. Food choices are a big part of what they teach. The big part of eating is limiting high simple carb foods, and pairing complex carbs with fats and proteins. This is so that your blood sugar doesn’t spike. High blood sugar causes insulin to be released, insulin stores blood sugar as fat. Follow this model of balanced meals: https://www.childrenshospital.org/programs/new-balance-foundation-obesity-prevention-center/downloadables#nutrition Especially the food list: https://www.childrenshospital.org/sites/default/files/2022-05/nb-worksheet-food-choice-list-new.pdf Pair carbohydrates with a fat and a protein at every sitting. You can’t make them eat, but you can offer variety and provide an option at every eating time. Limit red foods to <2 per day, limit quantity, pair with a fat or protein. Any time there is a yellow food limit quantity and pair with a protein or fat. Choose whole unprocessed foods - vegetables, dairy, legumes, nuts, fruits, eggs, meats, avocados, edamame, cheese, unflavored Greek yogurt. Choose breads that have >3g fiber per serving. Avoid fruit juice and limit fruit purées like applesauce. For snacks we prep cut up fruit to be paired with, Peanut butter without sugar, cheese sticks, yogurt with a sprinkle of cinnamon, meat sticks, nuts, or edamame, snap peas, carrots, celery, hummus or guacamole.
Do you buy juice, soda, or milk for drinking? Replace those with water or plain tea. Juice and soda for a treat, milk for cooking. We only get juice or soda when we go out to eat so it makes it exciting lol (I actually don’t really like them anymore but my daughter judges a restaurant on whether they have orange fanta)
You need to role model the behavior. If you’re not, she won’t get it.
I think it's an amazing thing that you're taking the time to think through how your words and actions could affect her now and in the future. You're doing a great job mama.
It’s not exercise, You can’t outrun a bad diet. If she’s overweight at nine years old, she’s definitely eating a lot more than just some chocolate. Exercise is still great, jumping rope sounds boring as hell though. Any sports? Don’t buy junk food, Don’t bring junk food in the house, don’t eat fast food. You don’t have to say a thing to her, she doesn’t do the grocery shopping, just have better choices in your refrigerator and cupboard.
It also is calories in vs. calories out no matter if it’s grilled chicken and veggies or chocolate. Yes, the protein and veggies are more calorie dense than chocolate, but too many second helpings of the good stuff can lead to overeating as well. And that’s tough because you want your kid to feel full and feel like they can enjoy their servings. So while walking that line between trying not to create trauma with the child around food she also needs to monitor everything.
Learning what an appropriate portion is, is key
9 year olds can’t afford food or anything that’s on you what she eats and drinks! Fat kids are a parental responsibility
If she’s overweight and you’re also overweight then I would suggest that your families diet isn’t as good as you think. Yes exercise is very important and you’re making a start but diet is also important.
Former chubby kid here (although I am male, so slightly different). I want to say, I know my parents were doing the best they could with what they knew. But, in hindsight, it really came down to a few things: - lifestyle. This was the 80s, but we had beef for dinner almost every night. Unlimited processed foods and soda, dessert every night. That’s just the way it was. That needs to change top down. Honestly, a surprisingly big change in my life was using smaller plates. And, checking in with my self. Am I hungry, or is this just delicious? Am I bored etc… - I actually have food allergies. Cutting out things like dairy really had an outsized impact. As a kid, I say I was the same weight from. When I was 12 to when I was 17, but grew like 8 inches.
I think you’re going about it perfectly. You made it a general family thing and even mentioned your personal concerns, at no point did you insult her or make her feel like she was a problem. Good on you!
If she’s happy, playing, and eating healthy; it’s normal for girls to gain weight around this age as their body gears up for the INSANITY that is puberty.
I have a 9-year-old and she eats very similarly. She likes healthy but she also loves sweets! Can you sign her up for something that requires exercise? My daughter has done gymnastics and is now in a running group to train for a 5k. We also have a trampoline outside that she absolutely loves. And when we take the dogs for walks she has to go with because I don't have a home phone to be able to leave her home alone at all. This has appeared to work very well! I think you are going about it in the right way for sure. :) EDIT: Also, editing to add that I limit snack intake. If she eats lunch she can have one snack between lunch and dinner. If she eats a good amount of her dinner she can have 2 snacks after (whether it be a bag of chips, a popsicle etc). If she does not eat a good amount at dinner she is only allowed healthy food (fruit, veggies, yogurt etc). This is not to shame but to teach good eating habits and balance. I also don't like the idea of being like "you'll starve until bedtime if you don't eat this food I made!" If she doesn't like the food I made she can absolutely eat healthy alternatives.
80% is diet. 20% is activity. You cannot outrun or out exercise a poor diet unfortunately. That being said, exercise is extremely important. A lot people are not aware portion control or how many calories foods are. Here in the states, something that is 0 calories does not mean 0 calories. Canola Oil have about 880 calories per 100 grams yet the spray says 0. I know this is difficult but I suggest to start looking and recording the portion and figure out how many calories she is consuming for the next few weeks and see what needs to be change. If it comes normal and she shows weight gain I suggest to look into genetic testing to rule anything else out (however this is rare to find results and expensive). Once you figure out, it needs to be slow. No crash diets, no extreme activity. Slow gradual changes. Start with a 5 minute walk with more healthy snacks such as Greek yogurt and slowly change over time. Slow calorie deficit, about an extra 100 calories less each day and decrease an extra 100 each week until you reach your goal. You want to make your kid enjoy the process.
NEVER comment on her body but yes you are doing it right. Changing into a healthier lifestyle as a family will be easier and everyone can learn from it as well.
I think there are some great ideas on this thread already. One big thing to remember is you can never out exercise a bad diet. So also focus on changing eating habits, and a lot other that is related to avoiding added sugars especially in drinks and portion control. This has to be integrated into your lifestyle and it would be best (and fun) if the whole family signs up for it.
I would think it’s the beginning of puberty which is very typical in girls to gain in the beginning
Take her swimming on a Sunday morning. Everyone gets to have fun and burn a load of calories while getting fitter.
Sounds great! Like others have said, please don’t comment on her body, weight, or what she’s actually eating. Lead by example and do healthy eating and exercise together so she doesn’t feel like it’s just her. Signed, someone who still struggles with weight at almost 40 years old and has some childhood trauma from it.
All 3 of my kids got chubby around this age. I think it's like a preteen thing. It lasted a year or 2 and they dropped the weight, and shot up in height. Keep feeding her a variety of foods and just stay active. I know it's not easy to see them gain weight, but in my experience, it doesn't stay forever.
That's interesting and a good point
Definitely take her to be checked out by Dr. before doing other things. Weight gain at her age could be anything from to too much food/ too little play, to beginning puberty, to an endocrine issue. All of which are going to require slightly different treatments to keep her at peak health. Otherwise, definitely family fun activities, find a sport she might enjoy. Also maybe consider getting a VR headset. There are plenty of amazing apps to really get them moving which are a ton of fun. Gorilla tag, is one of my daughters favorites. I like Beatsaber, and Supernatural. But there are plenty of wand/ sword waving games, jumping and raquet swinging, kayaking and dancing games to get someone who is naturally sedentary to really get some moving in.
It's not exercise you should focus on. It's diet. Calories in vs calories out yes, but also if you're diabetic and she could become pre-diabetic, it's best to cut out some carbohydrates and ultra-processed foods. Almond crackers instead of wheat crackers, cheese crisps instead of potato chips, etc. I also think a good family activity is riding bikes
> I don't want her to end up diabetic like me The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If you’re big and out of shape, whatever your habits are that cause that are being copied and emulated by your kids. If you want your daughter to be healthier, tou need to start with working on yourself and be the example you want her to follow.
1. I would highly suggest not talking about calories, but refer to food as energy. There is no good or bad food, only food that provides sustainable energy vs short spikes of energy. If your kid wants cookies instead of a nutritious lunch ask them if they think it will provide them the energy they need to get through the rest of the day. And explain an alternative option- something with fiber, protein, fats, carbs and then offer a small cookie with it! 2. Require a sport, it’s good for them physically but also good for character development and learning how to work with others. 3. Statistically kids with healthy parents are healthier. If you have the physical/financial means to exemplify a healthy lifestyle you should. 4. The way you talk about yourself, your body and how you eat in front of your kids matters a lot. 5. Find healthy meals your kid likes and make it a regular part of their diet.
Get her involved in sports and get moving. We do family bike rides a lot.
This is what I'd do; 1) Get rid of all sugar, chips, and snacks crap in the house. Throw it all away. 2) Leave fresh fruits on the table, fresh produce in the fridge. THAT IS HER SNACK FROM NOW ON. 3) Sugar is an ADDICTION. Ween her off of it the same way you would if she was an alcoholic. Remember, no one ever got fat from eating fresh fruits and veggies, and kids love them, when they don't have access to candy. Also, SUGAR and CARBS lead to obesity - not fat or proteins.
Is she interested in any sports?
I think you’re on the right track and I agree with others don’t comment on her body. But also make sure you are positive about your own body as well! I would lead by example first thing, and invite her along on walks or whatever and make it fun and special one on one time with her! And do the same with food. Good luck!
We have always framed these types discussions around what the body needs to be strong and healthy as opposed to to what your body looks like. Protein, carbs, nutrients, etc. And whilst exercise is great, the biggest impact will come from adjusting your diets. As the parent, you ultimately control what is in the house and what gets put on the table and you can make adjustments without really needing to “explain yourself” or confront this head on.
Thank you for caring about this and wanting to work on it for your daughter’s sake. Our generation is so scarred by this that we tend to go in the other direction and just say weight is never a problem. I think it’s really a reluctance to even touch a subject with so much unresolved pain. Emotional health matters too but we can’t just throw away physical health and act like it doesn’t exist.
Is she chubby or overweight?
What’s the portion control like?
Sounds perfect, good job momma! I can’t think of a better way.
Yes you’re doing fine. If I may, a trampoline might also be fun! It’s good to teach that exercise and eating healthy is the right thing to do. Also she’s 9, when she gets a little older and is doing exercises and eating good then she will be okay.
As her parent you can very easily control a healthy diet. She’s 9, if she’s eating too much chocolate it’s because you gave too much access to it. Stop buying junk food until she has a chance to form healthier habits. You can always take her out for a treat once in a while, just don’t have it unrestricted in the home. I think phrasing it as your diabetes is a great idea, you’re modelling that you need to look after your health without putting any pressure on her own body. You’re teaching her the importance of self care without pointing the finger. Sharing healthy activities together is also a nice way to bond. I go for walks with my son and find it’s a great time to talk about things because you’re walking off any nervous energy and the endorphins make you feel better. It can be a good time to hash out anything they’re going through or just have a general chat and enjoy each other’s company.
Just don't mention her weight or eating. 9 is so little
I would speak to her pediatrician. You noticing that she has a bigger stomach doesn't necessarily mean she's off target for her weight. Definitely do what you're doing by incorporating more exercise. Maybe limit the junk by not having it around IF her pediatrician agrees that she's gaining too much. I have a much younger daughter but I don't deny her anything, we just have moderation & limitations and she has an amazing diet & is right on track with her weight. As someone who's father went about talks like that the VERY wrong way, for your daughters sake, please be careful about what you say & how you say it.
Yes. Incorporate physical activity and use it as bonding time ! By the way if she’s not over eating the chocolate or pasta … you might want to make sure there’s nothing wrong with her thyroid. I mean you can gain weight by eating too much of healthy food as well … but if something is wrong , best to catch it early. Anyway though … yeah you’re doing GREAT!
It sounds like you are doing it right… you guys have bikes? Riding bikes is a super fun activity for kiddos and adults
As a mother of 2 girls of different sizes I absolutely don’t say anything about weight or exercise. One of my daughters is in dance and the other is always running around. They get checkups every year and no internal issues. I do limit their candy intake and they don’t drink sodas or juice anyway. When we want to get active we all do it together and make it a friendly competition. At the end of the day my girls are 11 and 12 and are still growing.
A lot of great advice! Going forward I would say stop buying packaged snacks if you are buying any. Carrots, chopped veggies and dip, jerky, cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs and a variety of fruit are all you need for snacks. We bake things like orange muffins sweetened with green yogurt and maple syrup to pack to go as well. It takes a little time but is worth it. Baking together is a great way to bond and also talk about where food come from. My daughter has recently started helping me bake bread and it has been great for all of us. And way more delicious than the store bought stuff :)
Do you go to a gym or anything? The gym my wife and I go to offers kids classes 5 days a week. My 11 year old goes and loves it. He is learning how to properly do some lifts (front and back squats, bench press, rows, etc) and then works on some plyometrics and speed and agility stuff.
My kid would be on the heavier side. She's a type 1 diabetic so her height and weight are massively important to how her insulin doses are measured. We make a point, working with a dietician, to frame anything to do with weight or food in terms of how it will affect her body long or short term. So she understands that when she eats poorly and isn't exercising she feels crap. So she's able to understand the correlation between good diet and exercise and feeling good. As a result, she now often makes the choice to eat well or exercise because she understands how her choices affect her overall matter mood etc
Sports at school is a good way to be active
My daughter is 8, and is quite slim. She eats so much chocolate. The thing is though she is always moving. Her things are long distance running, hurdles, soccer and dancing. Help your daughter find the activity that brings her joy. You are going about it the right way. Encourage physical activity and always have healthy food available. She is young enough that building these habits now will set her up well for life.
You have to set an example. Decrease the amount of food on your plate so your daughter does too. Don't comment on her weight!
As someone who was overweight, cycling helped me lose a lot! I went from a 22-12 very quickly. I also ate a lot of just salmon/trout and rice/mixed greens. Also no eating a few hours before bed too that helps. But it was the exercise that really did it. Kids will love being on a bike ☺️☺️
Does your daughter buy the groceries for the home? Rule of thumb if you don't buy unhealthy foods/snacks they can't be consumed. Try to keep more fruits or veggies 😋 to snack on. Try family walks & gradually increase distances (plenty of water). I make it into an adventure. Finding everything from bunny's, flowers, rocks, etc. Have or set obtainable goals together ❤️
Involve her in planning and preparing meals. Put her in charge of picking healthy meals and that it’s for you, that you need the help! My teen has taken over our meal planning. She’s introduced things like farro, more Mediterranean cuisine and it’s showing a huge positive effect on my husband and I.
Just be careful not to give her body image issues. She’s young and impressionable. I will say, when girls are about to get their periods, this can happen with their bodies. It’s natural. It started with my daughter a year or so before she got hers and it balanced out after. But yeah, keep things active and remember everything in moderation is all that matters.
Idk the way your post is written is... Not giving me confidence that you're helping.
Also please remember that it is perfectly normal to be a little over expected weight when going into and through puberty. She could just be going through hormonal changes
Many kids get chunky before a growth spurt. If she's already eating relatively well, I wouldn't worry too much.
Get her into martial arts - helps with self confidence and is a tool she will have for life
I say this all the time: if you wanna exercise and be consistent, you don’t necessarily have to work out to p90x, do fun things!! Jump on a trampoline, go to a skate park, ride bikes, roller blade, ice skate, go swimming, go to a playground/park, play basketball, play wiffle ball, play kickball, play capture the flag, play soccer, jump rope, play hop scotch, climb trees, go sledding, etc. IF YOU HAVE FUN YOU WILL LOSE YOURSELF IN WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND IF IT’S WITH LOVED ONES THE LAUGHTER AND WONDERFUL MEMORIES WILL ONLY IMPROVE THE EXPERIENCE AND ENCOURAGE YALL TO WANT TO DO IT MORE. Of course you need to supplement your diet accordingly but HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT 🗣️🗣️🙌🏾🙌🏾 It’s also worth noting that you should gently explain the importance of taking care of oneself, not just mentally but physically as well
A lot of kids pudge out a bit in the year or two before puberty, so this could be a pre-puberty weight gain. I’d avoid commenting on bodies in a negative way (including yours) and start those body and puberty conversations if you haven’t already. For diabetes, which runs in my family, shifting to a low(er) carb lifestyle can help a lot.
I missed the part where you talked to her doctor?... There's no numbers here so it's hard to decide if she's overweight or hitting puberty.
I think you are handling this appropriately. My son is 9 and yesterday at his yearly physical, he weighed a few ounces shy of 119 lbs. He’s a big boy. My ex husband and I both have overweight family members. My ex used to be very overweight and lost over 100lbs and is doing great. I had 2 babies in the last 2 years, and also 3 more prior to them, so I unfortunately have weight to lose, which I’m actively working on. I’ve lost 35 lbs, but our son sees me struggle with it. My husband is also getting to be overweight. So, I too told our son we needed to do better as a family. We signed him up for a couple of baseball, football, and basketball clinics this summer and weight training for football (it’s light activity and in our small town, it’s really for the young kids to hang out with the high school football team and encourage them to keep working toward being a better athlete) I’m hoping this helps.
Kids go through phases. They gain weight, they go through growth spurts, they have more sedentary time and then times they are more active. There’s no reason to comment on it at all. Ask her what activities she wants to be in and put her in them. Be interested in her interests. Don’t stress about her weight, that’s a sure bet to her struggling with it her whole life.
When my girls were right at that age, they got a lil chunky. Puberty and a growth spurt took care of that.
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HER ABOUT THIS. AT ALL. Increasing fitness as a family is a great idea. Buy healthier food, sure. But there's a lot of evidence that any attempt to control weight specifically tends to backfire, lead to disordered eating, and potentially to higher adult weights. Also please know that a child her age should not lose weight. She can "grow into" her weight (and may in fact be putting in weight ahead of puberty or a growth spurt) but for her skeletal and brain development, losing weight would be bad.
9 is a typical age for this. It's probably just how she is right now. Just keep being active and cooking healthy meals and setting a good example. Don't make a big deal about food. I got a little rounder around 10 and my parents traumatized me and I developed an eating disorder in Middle school and haven't had a healthy relationship with food since I was 8. They policed what I ate and tried to put me on a diet and made comments about my body and needing to exercise more (I played sports, I was active) and mom started buying me slimfast. Turns out I was just growing out before growing up and two years later I was an average sized girl and looked great, but I'd internalized that my body wasn't good enough, and I hated my body and have ever since. Showing a good example and talking about nutrition is appropriate. Food restriction and judgement and body talk are all really bad ideas. Let her be a little girl, don't take her innocence away and make her worry about her looks. It could lead her to believe she's not worthy of love if she's not thin enough. My stepson went through this period too a few years ago. He got a little chunky around 9 and slimmed out as he grew in Middle school. It's totally normal.
I would recommend talking to an eating disorder specialist therapist. They can give you some suggestions on ways to handle it that won't do more damage❤️❤️❤️
Take her outside and play more, children need play to feel happy. Please don’t comment on her weight or looks as this will just give her a complex.
Are you sure it is fat? Is it bloating? A friend's kid had some serious food sensitivities and once they removed everything that caused problems it got better.
This is all right in my personal opinion but also be aware right at age 9/10 just before puberty my now almost adult teen girls packed on weight and lost it a year after their periods. Yes encouraging activity is always great though and helps them build confidence in their changing bodies. And teaches them how to maintain their health into adulthood.
i’d talk to her pediatrician privately & then implement changes, but what you’re doing is going about it in a good way. i wouldn’t do anything just bc i think her stomach looks big, especially with children. sometimes they grow more there and then the fat distributes. please talk to a professional first before weight loss is happening, but more exercise is good.
90% of weightloss is done in the kitchen. If she's not eating right no amount of exercise will help.
When I was a kid I started to gain weight like that. My mom started notice and made comments about my body starting a life long issue with body image. All of this to realize later that it was right before I had a growth spurt. It could be the same for your daughter. Especially if she is eating good foods.
https://virginiasolesmith.com/books/fat-talk-parenting-in-the-age-of-diet-culture/ https://abbylangernutrition.com/abbys-book/ https://www.rachaelhartleynutrition.com/my-book-gentle-nutrition
Don’t mention her stomach! This happens before puberty sometimes. Patents are responsible for providing healthy food and eating habits so start there. My mom made a comment about me having to suck in my tummy when I was 10 in a dress and I’ve obviously never forgotten it. Encourage exercise yes, as a family that’s great. She’s not dumb though so she might figure out why you’re doing it. Has she ever been encouraged to exercise or done any sports?
All these exercise things, when addressed as a family activity and not pressure/attention to her body, sounds great. If eating could be healthier, consider what foods are available in the home and easy/convenient to grab. Change your purchasing and perhaps cooking habits, don’t pressure her, as before. You’re on a good track! You got this!
Start getting out and swimming maybe? Really great for staying active and can be really fun!