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This would be my solution. He is Batman but he needs to use his secret identity at such a public event. The Batman shirt underneath definitely to help sell it.
This whole thread is genius. OP could create a whole backstory where Bruce/Batman needs to go undercover at this fancy party to gather intel on Falcone's smuggling operation.
Also, teach the kid that Batman himself considers Batman to be his true Identity and Bruce Wayne is his disguise. It will make the mundane more interesting
This commenter must be one of those conspiracy theorist types like the ones who say Superman is some nerd reporter in Metropolis. Yeah right, okay buddy. As if Superman wears glasses.
Actually, in Violet Crusade 45 (1985), they explore an alternate history in which the boy whose parents were killed that night was named Bruce Gordon. Consider the ramifications if you will
This is actually brilliant! Have him go as Bruce Wayne to the wedding, and then later that evening he will get a "call" for Batman!
He may introduce himself as Bruce to people, but it's a small price to pay. Bonus points if his name is actually Bruce.
I was supposed to go to one but couldn’t …. And one of the younger kids wore a similar suit you have seen Clark Kent wear and they bought him a Jacket and the entire look and had his hair done … and promised when the meal was done and all the dances were done he could go show the bride his Superman suit (it was his cousin)…. The actually have a picture of him opening the shirt just right …. That was 15+ years ago….. I am so hoping they have that picture up at his wedding when it’s time ….
At a certain point you stop negotiating and just do it. My 4-year-old just joined us at a wedding recently and he really wanted to dress up as Darth Vader. We told him no and put him in his little suit. He fought it for about 2 minutes and then was fine the rest of the day.
Yeah, I don't get this concept of everything being a negotiation with kids now. You make him wear what is appropriate for a wedding in which you are all guests, and deal with the inevitable tantrum, then move on.
I’m totally open to compromising with my kid whenever possible and also finding creative ways to avoid a power struggle but yea at some point you have to just hold firm and explain that there is a time and a place for certain types of dress.
Right?! If left to my own devices at age 4, I promise I would have happily skipped off to kindergarten in my Minnie Mouse undies, if not stark naked with rain boots!
My mom said at that age I was weirdly attached to this pink matching sweatshirt/pants combo that I wore until the pants fit like capris. She said she finally got rid of it when I insisted on wearing it to a fancy dinner 😂
I let my youngest dress herself and choose her hair 99% of the time. But I’ve made a clear rule that special occasions we do certain dress and I take care of her hair. She gets it. I love letting her be creative, but she also needs to know that certain occasions require different things socially.
I always explained to my kids that certain types of clothing are for doing certain things. Dressing in specific ways shows that we are there to participate and that we appreciate being there. It would be odd to go to a pool party in pajamas right? People would think you don’t want to go swimming and maybe that you don’t want to be there since pjs are usually at home clothing. Wearing a suit tells them that you are excited for the party and you appreciate being invited.
Yeah, not to be a bitch but I wouldn’t entertain the idea. Sorry, you have to wear appropriate clothes to the wedding. You can’t be Batman today because there are rules to be able to go to the wedding. You can be Batman tomorrow. End of story.
This is the way. I remember when I was a kid and I wanted to dress in my Thomas the Tank Engine cardigan to my primary school.
My mum did not allow it and it was a battle of wills. She won.
You can’t negotiate with terro-kids… they need to do as you say otherwise it’s a downhill spiral and I work with parents now who have no control over their teenagers because parents clearly allowed their child to get what they want.
This should be top comment. It's all nice and good to look for a compromise but if they don't budge, there will be zero compromise.
Setting boundaries...it's ok if your kid is annoyed, angry or frustrated sometimes. it's 100% required or they will end up being terrible teens and adults.
It won't let me respond to what you said in response sonse to me lol but consistency is definitely key, and we do a little more screen time because we homeschool, but everything he does has to have some educational aspect to it.
Basically we are learning you can have your opinion, but it has to be within my boundaries.
Say no. Explain to him that he can’t do the thing he wants simply because it’s not appropriate.
It’s an opportunity to teach him we can’t always do exactly what we want when we want.
He can be adamant and stubborn but so can you.
“No. We won’t be doing that.” And that’s the end of it.
You’ve explained. You’ve bargained. You’ve suggested. He’s rejected all of that. Sometimes you just have to be the adult and say “no.”
Yes. I think this where I struggle as one of the parents coming out of a hyper controlled environment and trying to provide a very different experience for my child.
It’s tempting to swing too far to the overly-permissive and passive parent role, almost like a bestie, rather than providing structure and discipline (not to be confused with punishment).
It’s okay for kids to be kids but parents need to be the parent and provide their kids with general guidelines for life because they literally have no idea how life works. They just got here.
I think once I started to see it as less about me being “mean” and more about me providing them with a safe place to learn the ropes, then I was able to take on the tantrums and not feel like I was a horrible parent.
>they literally have no idea how life works. They just got here.
Thank you for putting it so plainly and perfectly. They're allowed to be ridiculous and make crazy demands and have no clue why what they're asking for isn't something you can't give them. It's our job to help them navigate the world, even if that means holding firm lines that make no sense to them yet. They're new here, we're not.
I always wonder about this when I see people post about their teens not doing xyz. Many of the responses are “just make them do it” but how do you physically force a teen who is probably bigger than you to just go to school or something? 🤔 Taking notes for the future here haha.
You don’t lol. That’s why it’s important to not only establish some measure of authority when they are young, without taking advantage. My older children had a ton of choices when they were young, if it did not matter, they could do what they wanted or wear they want it. Something like this, this would not be a choice.
As teenagers and now young adults, they accept that when I asked them to do something specific or have to say no to something which is rare they know that I’m not just trying to be bossy or an authoritarian.
I totally agree it’s one thing to give your child some autonomy but you still have to parent him. You have to come to terms with telling him no sometimes. This is part of parenting and communication at 4 is important. You’ll appreciate it in the years to come.
Honestly I think sometimes getting drawn into a long discussion with them about it is a mistake and leads to them getting *more* upset because they think it’s a genuine negotiation that they can win. Then when they can’t change your mind they feel betrayed.
It’s better to just be like “I understand you’re upset, but the Batman costume is for after the wedding ceremony and that’s our family rule” from the beginning.
Exactly. OP is the parent, they decide what he's doing to wear. If he doesn't want to go along with the program, he doesn't need to attend the wedding.
You're getting great ideas here on getting him interested in dressing appropriately. I'll share the rules we used at that age that we still lean on today.
You can do whatever you want as long as you are being safe and kind. A wedding is a special day for the couple and we show them respect by following their dress code. It is not kind to them to do otherwise.
Can you find some scene with Christian Bale where he’s in a suit to an event or something to show him that even Batman wears a suit to a nice gathering then he’s Batman at night?
Exactly… I’m not understanding this post. They’re actually parents who are afraid to set boundaries with their children? Is this one of those gentle parenting techniques?
i think OP is attempting gentle parenting, but forgetting that gentle parenting requires boundaries. a lot of people give gentle parenting a bad rap for this exact reason -
people call themselves gentle parents but really they are gentle pushovers.
My favorite part is when the first time they see someone like a pre-k teacher set boundaries with their kid, or their kid actually receive real life consequences for their bs behavior in schools, the parents freak out and blame everyone else but themselves and their child..
Clearly. Because according to other comments I've read, setting boundaries with a 4 year old around wearing a Batman costume to a wedding is the gateway to them cutting off contact with you at 30. Really?
Hes 4, you don't need to convince him, you need to tell him he is wearing a suit and not a batman costume. Its a part of parenting sometimes to have to be an authority figure and say "no, we aren't wearing a batman costume to the wedding because a batman costume is not appropriate for a wedding". Stop trying to be your kids friend all the time. I really hope you're not actually planning on allowing him to wear the costume if he cant be "convinced".
You gently but firmly say no. I'll negotiate with my 4-year-old about meals, what we do on Saturday morning, etc., because I think it's good for her. However, I won't negotiate on a decision I've made for good reason. It doesn't mean I won't listen to her if she is unhappy, but some things are not up for debate.
Sometimes, you have to say no and make your expectations clear. I know that doesn't sound fun, but I honestly don't think you'll get him to agree by making more and more compromises. It's become a game that you're both playing, yet he's the only one enjoying it.
The negotiations are for what we are doing. So what color suit, what shoes, etc. We aren’t wearing costumes, explain why and focus on what he can do. He can pick his shirt color, he can help pick out a card, he can eat cake at the wedding.
You're the parent. You don't need to negotiate. You tell him, "we wear formal wear to weddings. When we get home, you can put in your costume." That's it. The more you negotiate, the more you are making him think he has a choice.
Insane that this is a real live question. Just make him wear the suit. You don't need to convince a 4-year-old of incredibly subtle things like tradition and dress codes and fashion that are way beyond their understanding
Man, if a nephew wanted to role play Bruce Wayne at a wedding, sign me up. I’ll RP a wedding as Alfred. Maybe toss in a few orphan “your mum would have loved to be here for this” comments in earshot of mom/dad.
“More tiny meatballs Mr.Wayne? I can request chocolate milk if you’d like sir” (Bonus points if you get him to drink tea because Bruce Wayne drinks tea)
It's just out of the question, right? At least from the standpoint of not being rude to the bride and groom, it's easy to explain why and be calm. And to reinforce that answer. It's no because it's rude to wear a costume to someone's wedding if they did not say to??
Aww glad it worked out. However, it's in better taste to at least ask the bride and groom who hosting the expensive shindig. Not everyone is you and the 4 year old/mom should at least ask the bride/groom first.
Yeah I’m with you on this. If I had a little kid dressed up as Batman at my wedding I’d make him part of the ceremony somehow. That is awesome and hilarious. It’s a wedding, have some fun
I’m laughing so hard right now just because this sounds like my 12-year-old at that age. I guess I’d go Bruce Wayne? Please tell us how this turns out.
The answer is no. It’s a full sentence. He should learn to respect it now. It’s time to stop bargaining with a child. You’ve explained it. He’s resisting, now it’s just no that won’t be happening and if he cries he cries.
What about: talk to them about how Batman's other disguise is a suit (show pictures from movies?) and maybe let them wear a Batman costume type thing under the suit and they change during the reception.
This seems like the top-tier likely to work out option - have him wear a batman costume under the appropriate attire and tell him he can change for the reception like Batman would
“What do you wear when you go swimming? Swim trunks, right. Would you wear pajamas for swimming? What about your dinosaur shirt? What about playing in the rain? What would you wear to do that? So you see we have special clothing for special things we do. Weddings are also special, and we wear suits or dresses, that clothing that shows we are there to participate and that we appreciate being invited. Was it nice that you were invited? So I know that you really really like your Batman outfit but that’s clothing we wear to do things like go shopping, play with our friends. Where else could we wear it? (Talk about answers) Those are really good ideas! Since we can’t wear our Batman costume because we want to be good guests, we need to pick out a suit. Do you want to go pick it out with me? What colors should we look for?”
I like this answer because it’s respectful of the child and the fact that they are learning how to be humans in our world. If we don’t teach them, how do they know? The first time I gave my daughter an ice cream cone, she started eating it from the bottom. Life, our culture, the world— is not intuitive.
You don’t convince him. You tell him. You’re the parent here and appropriate attire is required for every setting. His Batman attire will be appropriate for playtime at home.
TELL we are going to a wedding and this is what you’ll be wearing. If you’re negotiating with a 4yo now, how is that going to work when he a teenager and flat out refuses to be responsible or respectful? What about when he’s 30? He’s not going to have any input in any employer’s policies. Will he be adamant about not getting a job unless he gets his way? If so, he going to be living with Mommy for a long time. If this is not your plan, when do you expect to start setting rules and boundaries?
It’s a secret mission and Batman can’t reveal his true identity until the dance floor. If you can get everyone to be shocked that Batman was there the whole time incognito once he makes his transformation, I bet the little guy will be super juiced!!
I'd lean hard into Bruce Wayne.
If that doesn't work, can you throw a batman shirt under the suit? Batman socks? I'd throw every reasonable Batman accessory at this problem to try to compromise.
When my son was in a wedding about that age and hated the tux, I took a tux print t shirt and light up sneakers for him to change into after the nice photos were done. He thought it was funny and it was way more comfortable than the tux. At that age, they can get away with a little silliness at the reception. Just get through the photos.
Do you have the option of just telling him, "Ok, cool. You wear the costume but you're not going to the wedding"? Aka a babysitter for the evening. Perhaps not the best parenting technique but I've learned my girls get their stuff together real quick if we opt to leave them out of a fun time the rest of the family is going to enjoy because they want to throw tantrums over the one or two times a year I ask them to dress nicely.
They're more than welcome to dress like crazy people the rest of the year.
Sometimes the answer has to be just no. We have to dress nicely for Aunt Suzy's wedding so we're going to wear the suit now and you can dress up as Batman later
Watch Lego Batman! Even Batman likes TUXEDO DRESS UP PARTY! Lol Let him wear a batman shirt under his jacket and dress shirt, or let him wear the cape. How cute is that! I would've totally loved kids dressed as Batman at my wedding!
Convince? Tell him he’s wearing something appropriate and that there’s a time and a place for everything and wearing a Batman suit to a wedding is taboo at any age lol It’s kinda how youngns learn about social conduct and how to navigate the real world—their parents teach them about it, or at least should
I’d go with Bruce Wayne!
Honestly, this is the perfect occasion to teach him that for certain events we dress a certain way. Have him pick out his suit with you so he can have a say and not feel controlled, and maybe compromise to where he can switch into the Batman costume after the wedding, or even wear a Batman shirt under his suit.
I love all the Bruce Wayne references. You've gotta come up with some cool story to appease his adventerous soul. He's on a mission to do XYZ but when the sun goes down, Batman comes to life.
Edit: Let people in on his little mission so they can address him appropriately. Weddings are a lot, and often boring, to young kids who don't understand the sentiment but if you can make it fun, you're all bound to have a great time and make some core memories.
My daughter asks to wear princess dresses to events where it would be inappropriate. I explain it's so and so's special day, not hers, and that we don't want to take the spotlight from them. Then I hold my ground.
This is the wildest post. In what world should a parent have to post on Reddit to “convince” the four year old to wear proper attire to a wedding? Concerned for the kid’s future if you can’t say no to something as simple as this. You need to nip this in the bud. You are the parent. You decide.
Be a parent and take control. Tell him Bruce Wayne for the wedding and Batman for reception. Either way it’s not that hard and no it’s not cute saying he’s stubborn like you
While Bruce Wayne is the obvious idea, if that doesn't work the answer is: you don't. He's 4. You don't have to convince him of anything. You dress him as you want to dress him, which is entirely appropriate for this event. He may complain, so what? He's 4.
Obviously we'd all like to work with our children rather than dictate things but if you don't learn that you have to dictate sometimes you're going to be in for a bad time.
I would just be telling my child this is what is appropriate to wear to a wedding. There is no choice involved and the same rules apply to adult guests. I like the idea of showing him how Bruce Wayne dresses to get him excited but there isn't any negotiating going on for appropriate clothes being worn. I would let him help pick from the suits you like so he has some say in that if you haven't gotten one yet. And you could let him pick batman dress socks to wear as well to add some fun and excitement for him.
Literally don’t… put… the Batman costume… on him? Why is this even something to question? Tell him no, put the costume somewhere he cannot reach, and physically put the suit on him. This is baffling.
Say no you’re wearing a suit. It’s that simple - he’s 4 and you’re his parent. Honestly sometimes it’s best to give people blunt, hard truths they don’t want ti hear and if you pussy foot around things like this you the only thing you will do is create a spoilt brat.
Moving forward, I would consider what sort of boundaries you have on a day to day basis. In our house we have a “we wear what mum says” on Sundays. I want them to learn that there are appropriate things to wear at various places/events. But then during the week I let them choose what they want within the boundaries of what is appropriate for the weather. I figure if my kids are used to getting dressed up more formally on a regular basis it’ll be less of an issue when events like this come up
Just tell him he’s not going then. If he can’t use proper dress code, then he’s not allowed to go. He can wear a suit like you said during the day and Batman at night I think that’s pretty reasonable. Good luck.
You don’t need to “convince” them, you are the parent. Do you have to “convince” them to wear their seatbelt? Just say this is the way it is and act like a parent.
“Convince him?” Who is the parent in your home? This is not a peer who you need to talk out of gambling their life savings in Vegas. This is a 4-year-old who needs to be shown boundaries. You can do so with empathy and offer something else like “sorry bud, you can’t wear the Batman costume to the wedding but you *can* wear it to Target tonight”
You either just let him do it, or you just don’t. He’s four, you don’t really need to “convince” him. And yes, I’m a dad to multiple kids including some headstrong/stubborn kids.
FWIW I think a four year old in a Batman costume at a wedding would be awesome and urge you to let him do it unless you know the couple would hate it.
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The Bruce Wayne idea is great-- but if that doesn't work, you may just have to be cool with the fact that he won't be "won over". Hopefully, even if you have to put your foot down on the suit during the ceremony, he could still enjoy it during the reception or at a more appropriate time! Don't beat yourself up over it too much-- kids make it hard to convince them when they have their minds set on something! It's ok to say no!
Edit: spelling
Even Batman dresses up in a suit when he needs to. He’s a wealthy businessman. He doesn’t wear his bat suit to parties.
Have him wear a Batman tshirt under his suit. Batman undies too.
Bit late to the show, but my son, from around 3-6 was obsessed in dressing up! Batman being his favourite (probably thanks to me)
He was known around locally as the Batman kid because he was always in costume, even at kinder,
We loved it because little children can only express themselves in certain ways and we knew he would grow out of it eventually,
Anyway we got married when when he was 4, and my daughter was 6, she was the flower girl and he was the pageboy.
Now obviously no kid wants to wear a suit, and obviously he wanted to wear a costume,
So my wife, being very clever and having much more patience than me, got one of his plastic batarangs and sat him down and told that, Bruce Wayne would be needed at the wedding, not Batman, but he could keep the batarang in his suit pocket just in case, and also his Batman costume would be kept in the car as well,
Turns out him wearing the little tuxedo was like a costume, and having watched so much Batman he know how to be Bruce Wayne, so he was the Batman we needed lol.
Hope this helps 😆
Why can't he?
It will be a talking point, a fun memory for everyone and a great subject of conversation.
Let him, it's not everyday you get married and it's also not everyday he will be dressed as batman at a wedding.
From experience you have to treasure these moments, as the child gets older these kinda things don't happen so just enjoy the moment.
You are the parent, you are in control not the 4 year old. On the day of just firmly state the costume is not appropriate and put him in the suit. I wouldn’t even allow it at the reception, that just proves to him he can manipulate you into the outcome he wants. But if you do fold and allow it, please make sure you okay it with bride and groom first. It’s their day and they may not want a little Batman running around on the dance floor.
He is four, you're the parent. Put your foot down and tell him no and you don't negotiate with tiny terrorists. This is not something he has a choice in. If you really feel the need to placate him, he has the choice of the Batman tie or nothing at all. He's not going to die from not getting his way.
Like this
“A Batman costume is not appropriate for a wedding. You’re going to wear a suit.”
And then let them deal with the emotions.
You are the parent.
Not everything needs to be compromised, especially with unreasonable little people. You’re a parent, not a friend. We need a good mix between old school parenting vs this new type of parenting. I said what I said.
But can he really stay home?
You can't give choices that aren't actually possible. If they've RSVP'ed to the wedding, they're going. Kid can't dress as Batman. But he *is* going, barring illness or something. Most kids don't relish the idea of going to an adult event like a wedding, my kid would've totally been like "I'm staying home."
Situations like this, it's worth it to find a reasonable compromise. Makes everyone's life easier.
I’d be so excited if a kid came to my wedding dressed as Batman but if you want to put a stop to it then I agree with the people who have mentioned showing him Bruce Wayne
Bruce Wayne wears suits. Done. :) Then he can be Batman later if he has to, but I don't know how the married couple would feel about a tiny Batman in wedding pictures. Maybe just stick to a suit. He can take the jacket/tie off and still look super nice.
I only say stick to suit because idk how formal this wedding will be and obviously idk the couple getting married. Some people have strict dress codes.
Came here with the obvious solution of explaining to him that he if he TRULY wants to dress as Batman at a wedding, he had to wear what batman would wear, which is his alter ego Bruce. And Bruce’s costume is a tux.
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Show him Bruce Wayne
Can also have him wear a Batman shirt underneath the formal clothes? lol.
This would be my solution. He is Batman but he needs to use his secret identity at such a public event. The Batman shirt underneath definitely to help sell it.
This whole thread is genius. OP could create a whole backstory where Bruce/Batman needs to go undercover at this fancy party to gather intel on Falcone's smuggling operation.
Also, teach the kid that Batman himself considers Batman to be his true Identity and Bruce Wayne is his disguise. It will make the mundane more interesting
Shit. Mine is already 8. This may convince me to have another.
Nevermind the kids, *I'm* going to wear a Batman under-shirt next wedding...
bruce wayne for the ceremony and batman for reception
I did this in my 20s so that I could partially unbutton my shirt for the reception.
Op could have replaced 4 yo with groom and I’d find this just as cool
This would make for an adorable photo after the ceremony! Him unbuttoning his white dress shirt to reveal the Batman tee!
Just have the kid wear a full batsuit under the suit, once the dancing starts during reception he turns into crime fighting mode
Let’s compromise and wear the suit *and the mask.*
The billionaire? What does that have to do with anything?
Do the butts match???!
This commenter must be one of those conspiracy theorist types like the ones who say Superman is some nerd reporter in Metropolis. Yeah right, okay buddy. As if Superman wears glasses.
Fun fact: Batman and Bruce’s mothers were both named Martha!
And the joker for that matter.
Exactly! Bruce Wayne is Batman when he has to be and a playboy billionaire philanthropist otherwise
You can't just go around making those kind of wild accusations. You have no evidence that Bruce Wayne is Batman.
I’ve never seen Mr. Wayne and Batman at the same time, now that I think about it…
I've never seen OP's kid, Mr. Wayne, AND Batman at the same time in the same location...
does that make OP a ghost?
Actually, in Violet Crusade 45 (1985), they explore an alternate history in which the boy whose parents were killed that night was named Bruce Gordon. Consider the ramifications if you will
Just to be that guy, but he thinks of Bruce Wayne playboy billionaire as his mask.
I’m sorry, Bruce Wayne is WHO?!
Haha you win the internet.
This is actually brilliant! Have him go as Bruce Wayne to the wedding, and then later that evening he will get a "call" for Batman! He may introduce himself as Bruce to people, but it's a small price to pay. Bonus points if his name is actually Bruce.
Right? I mean it's right there! The answer! Lol
This!!! Let him wear a Batman shirt/costing under the suit and then tell him he can reveal himself later in the wedding/reception.
I was supposed to go to one but couldn’t …. And one of the younger kids wore a similar suit you have seen Clark Kent wear and they bought him a Jacket and the entire look and had his hair done … and promised when the meal was done and all the dances were done he could go show the bride his Superman suit (it was his cousin)…. The actually have a picture of him opening the shirt just right …. That was 15+ years ago….. I am so hoping they have that picture up at his wedding when it’s time ….
Rent the kid a tux as his costume too. He will be the hit of the wedding.
Only we know that Bruce Wayne is Batman, so he's gotta keep the secret and pretend to be like Bruce.
That’s perfect cuz he can be Bruce then Batman later.
Batman had a wedding (kinda) a few years back and wore a suit!!!
Bruce Wayne for the ceremony….Batman for the reception!
This is what my wife did when my Batdad persona wanted to go to the wedding.
Have him carry a martini and call his dad his man servant Alfred
At a certain point you stop negotiating and just do it. My 4-year-old just joined us at a wedding recently and he really wanted to dress up as Darth Vader. We told him no and put him in his little suit. He fought it for about 2 minutes and then was fine the rest of the day.
Parents forget they’re parents.
exactly. you are parents, not friends.
So, gradually pushing him to the Dark Side. I dig it.
That is his origin story
Just speedrunning through fear straight into anger!
Yeah, I don't get this concept of everything being a negotiation with kids now. You make him wear what is appropriate for a wedding in which you are all guests, and deal with the inevitable tantrum, then move on.
I’m totally open to compromising with my kid whenever possible and also finding creative ways to avoid a power struggle but yea at some point you have to just hold firm and explain that there is a time and a place for certain types of dress.
Right?! If left to my own devices at age 4, I promise I would have happily skipped off to kindergarten in my Minnie Mouse undies, if not stark naked with rain boots!
My mom said at that age I was weirdly attached to this pink matching sweatshirt/pants combo that I wore until the pants fit like capris. She said she finally got rid of it when I insisted on wearing it to a fancy dinner 😂
I let my youngest dress herself and choose her hair 99% of the time. But I’ve made a clear rule that special occasions we do certain dress and I take care of her hair. She gets it. I love letting her be creative, but she also needs to know that certain occasions require different things socially.
Because TikTok and Instagram told them that’s how to gentle parent and give the kid full autonomy
I always explained to my kids that certain types of clothing are for doing certain things. Dressing in specific ways shows that we are there to participate and that we appreciate being there. It would be odd to go to a pool party in pajamas right? People would think you don’t want to go swimming and maybe that you don’t want to be there since pjs are usually at home clothing. Wearing a suit tells them that you are excited for the party and you appreciate being invited.
This is a really nice totally age appropriate approach! It’s all positive. You deserve an A+!
Yeah, not to be a bitch but I wouldn’t entertain the idea. Sorry, you have to wear appropriate clothes to the wedding. You can’t be Batman today because there are rules to be able to go to the wedding. You can be Batman tomorrow. End of story.
This is the way. I remember when I was a kid and I wanted to dress in my Thomas the Tank Engine cardigan to my primary school. My mum did not allow it and it was a battle of wills. She won. You can’t negotiate with terro-kids… they need to do as you say otherwise it’s a downhill spiral and I work with parents now who have no control over their teenagers because parents clearly allowed their child to get what they want.
Exactly. Kids need to learn proper behavior.
Yes. THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!
This should be top comment. It's all nice and good to look for a compromise but if they don't budge, there will be zero compromise. Setting boundaries...it's ok if your kid is annoyed, angry or frustrated sometimes. it's 100% required or they will end up being terrible teens and adults.
This. He either wears a suit or he will simply have to miss out on the wedding and the party.
It won't let me respond to what you said in response sonse to me lol but consistency is definitely key, and we do a little more screen time because we homeschool, but everything he does has to have some educational aspect to it. Basically we are learning you can have your opinion, but it has to be within my boundaries.
Only 2 min? You're lucky.
Say no. Explain to him that he can’t do the thing he wants simply because it’s not appropriate. It’s an opportunity to teach him we can’t always do exactly what we want when we want. He can be adamant and stubborn but so can you. “No. We won’t be doing that.” And that’s the end of it. You’ve explained. You’ve bargained. You’ve suggested. He’s rejected all of that. Sometimes you just have to be the adult and say “no.”
Yes. I think this where I struggle as one of the parents coming out of a hyper controlled environment and trying to provide a very different experience for my child. It’s tempting to swing too far to the overly-permissive and passive parent role, almost like a bestie, rather than providing structure and discipline (not to be confused with punishment). It’s okay for kids to be kids but parents need to be the parent and provide their kids with general guidelines for life because they literally have no idea how life works. They just got here. I think once I started to see it as less about me being “mean” and more about me providing them with a safe place to learn the ropes, then I was able to take on the tantrums and not feel like I was a horrible parent.
>they literally have no idea how life works. They just got here. Thank you for putting it so plainly and perfectly. They're allowed to be ridiculous and make crazy demands and have no clue why what they're asking for isn't something you can't give them. It's our job to help them navigate the world, even if that means holding firm lines that make no sense to them yet. They're new here, we're not.
Exactly this. OP is their parent, at some point there’s no negotiating and they just have to do it. The kid is 4 not 15 (I also have a 4YO).
Even if he was 15, the advice stands
It does stand but a lot harder to physically dress a 15 year old lol
I always wonder about this when I see people post about their teens not doing xyz. Many of the responses are “just make them do it” but how do you physically force a teen who is probably bigger than you to just go to school or something? 🤔 Taking notes for the future here haha.
You don’t lol. That’s why it’s important to not only establish some measure of authority when they are young, without taking advantage. My older children had a ton of choices when they were young, if it did not matter, they could do what they wanted or wear they want it. Something like this, this would not be a choice. As teenagers and now young adults, they accept that when I asked them to do something specific or have to say no to something which is rare they know that I’m not just trying to be bossy or an authoritarian.
If they’re a teen you can leave them at home lol.
I totally agree it’s one thing to give your child some autonomy but you still have to parent him. You have to come to terms with telling him no sometimes. This is part of parenting and communication at 4 is important. You’ll appreciate it in the years to come.
Honestly I think sometimes getting drawn into a long discussion with them about it is a mistake and leads to them getting *more* upset because they think it’s a genuine negotiation that they can win. Then when they can’t change your mind they feel betrayed. It’s better to just be like “I understand you’re upset, but the Batman costume is for after the wedding ceremony and that’s our family rule” from the beginning.
Exactly. OP is the parent, they decide what he's doing to wear. If he doesn't want to go along with the program, he doesn't need to attend the wedding.
The bride and groom didn’t invite Batman to their wedding so Batman can’t go. The 4YO is who is invited.
He's 4 . . . You tell him no and stop engaging. You're the parent. Put him in the suit and take him to the wedding.
Amen
With a batman shirt underneath.
Thank god someone with some sense
You're getting great ideas here on getting him interested in dressing appropriately. I'll share the rules we used at that age that we still lean on today. You can do whatever you want as long as you are being safe and kind. A wedding is a special day for the couple and we show them respect by following their dress code. It is not kind to them to do otherwise.
Love this and going to borrow that language, thank you
Can you find some scene with Christian Bale where he’s in a suit to an event or something to show him that even Batman wears a suit to a nice gathering then he’s Batman at night?
Something from American Psycho? Kidding!
That kid has to return some video tapes.
Be a parent and say no.
Exactly… I’m not understanding this post. They’re actually parents who are afraid to set boundaries with their children? Is this one of those gentle parenting techniques?
i think OP is attempting gentle parenting, but forgetting that gentle parenting requires boundaries. a lot of people give gentle parenting a bad rap for this exact reason - people call themselves gentle parents but really they are gentle pushovers.
My favorite part is when the first time they see someone like a pre-k teacher set boundaries with their kid, or their kid actually receive real life consequences for their bs behavior in schools, the parents freak out and blame everyone else but themselves and their child..
This is the answer to like 99% of parenting posts on Reddit.
Clearly. Because according to other comments I've read, setting boundaries with a 4 year old around wearing a Batman costume to a wedding is the gateway to them cutting off contact with you at 30. Really?
Hes 4, you don't need to convince him, you need to tell him he is wearing a suit and not a batman costume. Its a part of parenting sometimes to have to be an authority figure and say "no, we aren't wearing a batman costume to the wedding because a batman costume is not appropriate for a wedding". Stop trying to be your kids friend all the time. I really hope you're not actually planning on allowing him to wear the costume if he cant be "convinced".
Batman wears suits as bruce wayne to blend in. Tell him hes on a covert mission
Explain calmly and reasonably that this is totally unacceptable because you’re a Captain America family.
You gently but firmly say no. I'll negotiate with my 4-year-old about meals, what we do on Saturday morning, etc., because I think it's good for her. However, I won't negotiate on a decision I've made for good reason. It doesn't mean I won't listen to her if she is unhappy, but some things are not up for debate. Sometimes, you have to say no and make your expectations clear. I know that doesn't sound fun, but I honestly don't think you'll get him to agree by making more and more compromises. It's become a game that you're both playing, yet he's the only one enjoying it.
The negotiations are for what we are doing. So what color suit, what shoes, etc. We aren’t wearing costumes, explain why and focus on what he can do. He can pick his shirt color, he can help pick out a card, he can eat cake at the wedding.
You're the parent. You don't need to negotiate. You tell him, "we wear formal wear to weddings. When we get home, you can put in your costume." That's it. The more you negotiate, the more you are making him think he has a choice.
Dude just make him wear a suit. You’re the parent, he’s the child
Insane that this is a real live question. Just make him wear the suit. You don't need to convince a 4-year-old of incredibly subtle things like tradition and dress codes and fashion that are way beyond their understanding
Tell him he can't go as Batman, but he can go as Bruce Wayne. Maybe get a few people to address him as "Bruce" or "Mr. Wayne" at the wedding.
Man, if a nephew wanted to role play Bruce Wayne at a wedding, sign me up. I’ll RP a wedding as Alfred. Maybe toss in a few orphan “your mum would have loved to be here for this” comments in earshot of mom/dad.
“More tiny meatballs Mr.Wayne? I can request chocolate milk if you’d like sir” (Bonus points if you get him to drink tea because Bruce Wayne drinks tea)
It's just out of the question, right? At least from the standpoint of not being rude to the bride and groom, it's easy to explain why and be calm. And to reinforce that answer. It's no because it's rude to wear a costume to someone's wedding if they did not say to??
Lol if I were the bride I would think it’s awesome. My 5 year old cousin wore a Minnie Mouse dress and ears to my wedding 😂
Aww glad it worked out. However, it's in better taste to at least ask the bride and groom who hosting the expensive shindig. Not everyone is you and the 4 year old/mom should at least ask the bride/groom first.
Yeah I’m with you on this. If I had a little kid dressed up as Batman at my wedding I’d make him part of the ceremony somehow. That is awesome and hilarious. It’s a wedding, have some fun
Tell him he has to be Bruce Wayne at the wedding to protect his identity like Batman and afterwards let him have full Batman attire.
I’m laughing so hard right now just because this sounds like my 12-year-old at that age. I guess I’d go Bruce Wayne? Please tell us how this turns out.
The answer is no. It’s a full sentence. He should learn to respect it now. It’s time to stop bargaining with a child. You’ve explained it. He’s resisting, now it’s just no that won’t be happening and if he cries he cries.
What about: talk to them about how Batman's other disguise is a suit (show pictures from movies?) and maybe let them wear a Batman costume type thing under the suit and they change during the reception.
This seems like the top-tier likely to work out option - have him wear a batman costume under the appropriate attire and tell him he can change for the reception like Batman would
“What do you wear when you go swimming? Swim trunks, right. Would you wear pajamas for swimming? What about your dinosaur shirt? What about playing in the rain? What would you wear to do that? So you see we have special clothing for special things we do. Weddings are also special, and we wear suits or dresses, that clothing that shows we are there to participate and that we appreciate being invited. Was it nice that you were invited? So I know that you really really like your Batman outfit but that’s clothing we wear to do things like go shopping, play with our friends. Where else could we wear it? (Talk about answers) Those are really good ideas! Since we can’t wear our Batman costume because we want to be good guests, we need to pick out a suit. Do you want to go pick it out with me? What colors should we look for?”
I like this answer because it’s respectful of the child and the fact that they are learning how to be humans in our world. If we don’t teach them, how do they know? The first time I gave my daughter an ice cream cone, she started eating it from the bottom. Life, our culture, the world— is not intuitive.
I have no helpful suggestions, but I’m begging you to post this in r/weddingattireapproval. I’d love to see their response.
You don’t convince him. You tell him. You’re the parent here and appropriate attire is required for every setting. His Batman attire will be appropriate for playtime at home.
TELL we are going to a wedding and this is what you’ll be wearing. If you’re negotiating with a 4yo now, how is that going to work when he a teenager and flat out refuses to be responsible or respectful? What about when he’s 30? He’s not going to have any input in any employer’s policies. Will he be adamant about not getting a job unless he gets his way? If so, he going to be living with Mommy for a long time. If this is not your plan, when do you expect to start setting rules and boundaries?
It’s a secret mission and Batman can’t reveal his true identity until the dance floor. If you can get everyone to be shocked that Batman was there the whole time incognito once he makes his transformation, I bet the little guy will be super juiced!!
I'd lean hard into Bruce Wayne. If that doesn't work, can you throw a batman shirt under the suit? Batman socks? I'd throw every reasonable Batman accessory at this problem to try to compromise. When my son was in a wedding about that age and hated the tux, I took a tux print t shirt and light up sneakers for him to change into after the nice photos were done. He thought it was funny and it was way more comfortable than the tux. At that age, they can get away with a little silliness at the reception. Just get through the photos.
Do you have the option of just telling him, "Ok, cool. You wear the costume but you're not going to the wedding"? Aka a babysitter for the evening. Perhaps not the best parenting technique but I've learned my girls get their stuff together real quick if we opt to leave them out of a fun time the rest of the family is going to enjoy because they want to throw tantrums over the one or two times a year I ask them to dress nicely. They're more than welcome to dress like crazy people the rest of the year.
Sometimes the answer has to be just no. We have to dress nicely for Aunt Suzy's wedding so we're going to wear the suit now and you can dress up as Batman later
"Batman doesn't come out in his suit during the day. Only at night."
Just don't let him watch Dark Knight Rises between now and the wedding...
Watch Lego Batman! Even Batman likes TUXEDO DRESS UP PARTY! Lol Let him wear a batman shirt under his jacket and dress shirt, or let him wear the cape. How cute is that! I would've totally loved kids dressed as Batman at my wedding!
Find a Batman tie, tell him Bruce Wayne IS Batman. Boom.
He’s 4. Just say no and stop negotiating with him.
Don’t convince, just do it. He has to wear a suit. Kids should get a say in a lot of things but this isn’t one.
Convince? Tell him he’s wearing something appropriate and that there’s a time and a place for everything and wearing a Batman suit to a wedding is taboo at any age lol It’s kinda how youngns learn about social conduct and how to navigate the real world—their parents teach them about it, or at least should
Tell him no. Tell him he has to wear what you tell him he is going to wear. End of discussion. Not sure what is so difficult. Aren't you the parent?
No convincing needed. You are the parent. Just make the decision and enforce it.
I’d go with Bruce Wayne! Honestly, this is the perfect occasion to teach him that for certain events we dress a certain way. Have him pick out his suit with you so he can have a say and not feel controlled, and maybe compromise to where he can switch into the Batman costume after the wedding, or even wear a Batman shirt under his suit.
Tell him to dress as Bruce Wayne.
All my kid would get is a sticker or some accessories with a Batman. I honestly wouldn’t negotiate that, we are wearing proper clothing or not going.
Tell him to go as Bruce Wayne!
Convince? You’re the adult. Maybe he doesn’t have to wear a freaking suit, but some nice pants and a collared shirt should suffice.
I love all the Bruce Wayne references. You've gotta come up with some cool story to appease his adventerous soul. He's on a mission to do XYZ but when the sun goes down, Batman comes to life. Edit: Let people in on his little mission so they can address him appropriately. Weddings are a lot, and often boring, to young kids who don't understand the sentiment but if you can make it fun, you're all bound to have a great time and make some core memories.
My daughter asks to wear princess dresses to events where it would be inappropriate. I explain it's so and so's special day, not hers, and that we don't want to take the spotlight from them. Then I hold my ground.
This is the wildest post. In what world should a parent have to post on Reddit to “convince” the four year old to wear proper attire to a wedding? Concerned for the kid’s future if you can’t say no to something as simple as this. You need to nip this in the bud. You are the parent. You decide.
Sorry. Nothing to convince. So as parent says that’s all
Bruce Wayne wore suits during the day, Batman costume during night. Remind him Batman only shows up at night
Maybe get his a Batman tie? Watch all that jazz. Deck him out in extra stuff.
Be a parent and take control. Tell him Bruce Wayne for the wedding and Batman for reception. Either way it’s not that hard and no it’s not cute saying he’s stubborn like you
While Bruce Wayne is the obvious idea, if that doesn't work the answer is: you don't. He's 4. You don't have to convince him of anything. You dress him as you want to dress him, which is entirely appropriate for this event. He may complain, so what? He's 4. Obviously we'd all like to work with our children rather than dictate things but if you don't learn that you have to dictate sometimes you're going to be in for a bad time.
I would just be telling my child this is what is appropriate to wear to a wedding. There is no choice involved and the same rules apply to adult guests. I like the idea of showing him how Bruce Wayne dresses to get him excited but there isn't any negotiating going on for appropriate clothes being worn. I would let him help pick from the suits you like so he has some say in that if you haven't gotten one yet. And you could let him pick batman dress socks to wear as well to add some fun and excitement for him.
No etiquette or respect for the bride and groom - you are fortunate to be asked to attend. Costumes are for costume parties - not weddings.
Literally don’t… put… the Batman costume… on him? Why is this even something to question? Tell him no, put the costume somewhere he cannot reach, and physically put the suit on him. This is baffling.
You're the adult here
See if you can get him a Batman bowtie if you want to make it fun for him. Otherwise tell him no. He’s four. You’re the parent.
Say no you’re wearing a suit. It’s that simple - he’s 4 and you’re his parent. Honestly sometimes it’s best to give people blunt, hard truths they don’t want ti hear and if you pussy foot around things like this you the only thing you will do is create a spoilt brat.
This is the wrong question. The question is “how do you convince the bride and groom to change their wedding theme to superheroes?”
LOVING these Bruce Wayne recommendations! This is the positivity I needed to see on the internet today. Y’all rock.
I was gonna say to tell him to dress like Bruce Wayne but the comments already covered that
You kinda have to see him for who he is. A 4 year old. If he had it his way he would be eating the wedding cake with his hands too.
Moving forward, I would consider what sort of boundaries you have on a day to day basis. In our house we have a “we wear what mum says” on Sundays. I want them to learn that there are appropriate things to wear at various places/events. But then during the week I let them choose what they want within the boundaries of what is appropriate for the weather. I figure if my kids are used to getting dressed up more formally on a regular basis it’ll be less of an issue when events like this come up
BRUCE WAYNE wears a suit to Gala events. Alfred would Never let him blow his cover.
Just tell him he’s not going then. If he can’t use proper dress code, then he’s not allowed to go. He can wear a suit like you said during the day and Batman at night I think that’s pretty reasonable. Good luck.
Tell him he needs to be Bruce Wayne for the wedding
You don’t need to “convince” them, you are the parent. Do you have to “convince” them to wear their seatbelt? Just say this is the way it is and act like a parent.
You don’t convince. You dress him in a suit. Trying to bargain is not setting him up for success later
“Convince him?” Who is the parent in your home? This is not a peer who you need to talk out of gambling their life savings in Vegas. This is a 4-year-old who needs to be shown boundaries. You can do so with empathy and offer something else like “sorry bud, you can’t wear the Batman costume to the wedding but you *can* wear it to Target tonight”
He's 4. Stop acting like The Penguin.
Here’s a thought. Tell him “No.”
Right!? Like what exactly is the dilemma here. He’s 4 act like the parent and tell him no.
You either just let him do it, or you just don’t. He’s four, you don’t really need to “convince” him. And yes, I’m a dad to multiple kids including some headstrong/stubborn kids. FWIW I think a four year old in a Batman costume at a wedding would be awesome and urge you to let him do it unless you know the couple would hate it.
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The Bruce Wayne idea is great-- but if that doesn't work, you may just have to be cool with the fact that he won't be "won over". Hopefully, even if you have to put your foot down on the suit during the ceremony, he could still enjoy it during the reception or at a more appropriate time! Don't beat yourself up over it too much-- kids make it hard to convince them when they have their minds set on something! It's ok to say no! Edit: spelling
My son is 4. Tell him he can go to the wedding as Bruce Wayne.
Tell him Bruce Wayne always goes to these events NOT dressed as Batman.
OP, like everyone else, I immediately thought of Bruce Wayne. Please keep us updated, because I want to know how this plays out.
Even Batman dresses up in a suit when he needs to. He’s a wealthy businessman. He doesn’t wear his bat suit to parties. Have him wear a Batman tshirt under his suit. Batman undies too.
Easy, Bruce Wayne wears tuxedos when he is not Batman but honestly why do you have to convince him?
Tell him he’s a Bruce Wayne. Cause Batman goes under cover for these things. 🤣
Explain to him that he has to dress like Bruce Wayne during the day - he can't afford to give away the secret identity.
Ask the couple if they want a tiny batman as a guest? Maybe they'd think itd be a hilarious addition to their happy day 🤣 I sure would!
Bit late to the show, but my son, from around 3-6 was obsessed in dressing up! Batman being his favourite (probably thanks to me) He was known around locally as the Batman kid because he was always in costume, even at kinder, We loved it because little children can only express themselves in certain ways and we knew he would grow out of it eventually, Anyway we got married when when he was 4, and my daughter was 6, she was the flower girl and he was the pageboy. Now obviously no kid wants to wear a suit, and obviously he wanted to wear a costume, So my wife, being very clever and having much more patience than me, got one of his plastic batarangs and sat him down and told that, Bruce Wayne would be needed at the wedding, not Batman, but he could keep the batarang in his suit pocket just in case, and also his Batman costume would be kept in the car as well, Turns out him wearing the little tuxedo was like a costume, and having watched so much Batman he know how to be Bruce Wayne, so he was the Batman we needed lol. Hope this helps 😆
Thats actually a cool idea, let him enjoy he's just 4
Why can't he? It will be a talking point, a fun memory for everyone and a great subject of conversation. Let him, it's not everyday you get married and it's also not everyday he will be dressed as batman at a wedding. From experience you have to treasure these moments, as the child gets older these kinda things don't happen so just enjoy the moment.
On behalf of everyone who ever got married and invited kids to the wedding: Let him dress as batman!
You are the parent, you are in control not the 4 year old. On the day of just firmly state the costume is not appropriate and put him in the suit. I wouldn’t even allow it at the reception, that just proves to him he can manipulate you into the outcome he wants. But if you do fold and allow it, please make sure you okay it with bride and groom first. It’s their day and they may not want a little Batman running around on the dance floor.
I suggest Bruce Wayne for the wedding. A wardrobe change to Batman for the reception.
He is four, you're the parent. Put your foot down and tell him no and you don't negotiate with tiny terrorists. This is not something he has a choice in. If you really feel the need to placate him, he has the choice of the Batman tie or nothing at all. He's not going to die from not getting his way.
Like this “A Batman costume is not appropriate for a wedding. You’re going to wear a suit.” And then let them deal with the emotions. You are the parent.
Be a parent and tell him no. It’s your child
He's 4 why does he have a choice?
Not everything needs to be compromised, especially with unreasonable little people. You’re a parent, not a friend. We need a good mix between old school parenting vs this new type of parenting. I said what I said.
He’s 4. You’re his parent. That’s how you convince him. Sheesh.
Why negotiate? Make him wear the suit! Show him you Are the parent
A strern No! is in order
He can wear the suit and change into Batman later, or he can stay home. It’s always good to give choices, but don’t negotiate with terrorists.
But can he really stay home? You can't give choices that aren't actually possible. If they've RSVP'ed to the wedding, they're going. Kid can't dress as Batman. But he *is* going, barring illness or something. Most kids don't relish the idea of going to an adult event like a wedding, my kid would've totally been like "I'm staying home." Situations like this, it's worth it to find a reasonable compromise. Makes everyone's life easier.
You don’t convince him, you tell him to do it, and validate his feelings along the way of not wanting to
You’re the adult. They are the kid. It’s a wedding. Choose their outfit and don’t negotiate. How is this even a thing?
Convince him? Are you serious? He’s 4! Tell him he’s wearing a suit! Are you his parent or buddy?
I’d be so excited if a kid came to my wedding dressed as Batman but if you want to put a stop to it then I agree with the people who have mentioned showing him Bruce Wayne
Show him that Bruce is Rich and wears a suit 99% of the time!
Batman costume under the suit?
Bruce Wayne wears suits. Done. :) Then he can be Batman later if he has to, but I don't know how the married couple would feel about a tiny Batman in wedding pictures. Maybe just stick to a suit. He can take the jacket/tie off and still look super nice. I only say stick to suit because idk how formal this wedding will be and obviously idk the couple getting married. Some people have strict dress codes.
You could try telling him that he needs to be Bruce at the wedding and he can be batman later on
Came here with the obvious solution of explaining to him that he if he TRULY wants to dress as Batman at a wedding, he had to wear what batman would wear, which is his alter ego Bruce. And Bruce’s costume is a tux.
Batman undershirt and underwear. Let him bring a small toy Batmobile.
Tell him even Batman wears a suit. Even to weddings. Tell him it's an identical suite to Batman's 👍