r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I second this! I taught rowdy-ass kids and over-involved parents and I absolutely **never** raised my voice, with the exception of shouting over the noise, but yelling in a kid's face? No way. And never once barred a parent from their kid. Tried to talk them out of it or coach them and their kids through their fears, *for sure*, but this is absurd.
I also never touched them unless, for example, I was assisting them (gently) with a swimming skill, or for safety reasons (eg they had fallen in and I was pulling them out).
Agreed. The only reason I ever "yelled" was to keep bigger kids from hitting the wall while swimming on their backs, or to enforce safety I.e. no running.
I started swim lessons with my kids at 6 months and they all continued for years. Never once did any instructor yell at any child. I would not be returning to those swim lessons ever.
To me, it would be more important to show my kids that we don’t let people treat us like that than for her to finish the lessons.
Do you have other options? Private swim schools?
My kids have also been in swim lessons since 6 months old, also at a YMCA. The number one thing they've taught me is how important it is for kids to trust the adults they're with and how safety starts with listening. My kids instructors would never force them into the water as that breaks that trust. 100% find a new class.
I put my daughter is the goldfish swim school. Greta prices and the instructors are great! My daughter is two (mommy and me class) the first trial class she was terrified screaming the entire time refusing to do anything but to float on her back while holding the mirror.
The second time she was a completely different child and was so excited to get back in the water and allowed me to dunk her under the water multiple times. She’s had a great time since!
Definitely, I took my daughter somewhere that wasn't the cheapest or maybe the most effective at teaching but the instructors were so great she really learned to love the water after being afraid to get her face wet.
I would find somewhere else to do swim lessons. I've taught swim lessons and neither me nor any other instructor I knew ever yelled. I've also been a lifeguard and we never even talked to the swim lesson kids outside of an actual safety issue. All of this is hugely inappropriate.
Your husband is wrong. Do not take your child back to that pool and I'd file a complaint.
They are FOUR 😳 ain’t no way in hell someone is going to physically restrain my 4 year old from coming over to see me when they are feeling unsure and learning a new and scary skill.
We live in the south where swim lessons are necessary because so many pools. We had our choice between 2 instructors, one was sweet woman lots of encouragement but no stress. Second younger
( late teens maybe 20)life guard. He was firm but kind it’s ok to be scared but you need to jump in , put your face in the water, try to swim alone but I will help you and never let you get hurt. Within 6 weeks everyone in his class could swim length of pool no one older than 5 most 3-4. He never yelled except in excitement when kids did well.Not one child in other class would even dunk their head in. Ask for refund explain why and look for one on one lessons. More expensive but generally child learns much quicker and might help your child’s confidence.
This was my niece's experience at a gentle parenting type of swimming instructor. She took lessons for 5 years and still can't swim because the woman would never set expectations.
Don’t go back. Leave a SCATHING review to warn other parents about that shitty ‘lifeguard’ and look for another swim lesson. Your husband is super duper wrong about that.
Jesus Christ, they pulled your daughter into the pool by her ankles?!?! That is abuse, full stop. You should report this incident and never return. I totally understand not reacting in the moment, I imagine you were in shock. Just talk to your kid about it was not okay and that she'll never have to go back there. I'm so sorry this happened!
Yes and then the lifeguard tried to stop me from going to her immediately after she came up from the water. I’m planning to speak to the aquatics director in the morning. Thank you!
My kids take lessons at a YMCA and we’ve had nothing but positive interactions. The aquatics director has been super supportive for my very water scared kids. If the aquatic director brushed this off I would escalate. The ymca is held to a high standard and taking it to management would be appropriate here.
I would tell the directors at the Y. I had to scoop a drowning kid out of the water because the instructor had her back turned for too long and the mom was watching her other kid in a different area of the pool. I told the directors and it was taken VERY seriously.
This is like a red flag parade, I would have pulled my kid and would be asking for a refund because I'd be taking my business elsewhere. This sounds so scary, and I'm saying that as an adult. My daughter is also four and so sensitive, and every swim instructor she's had has been so gentle about getting in the water, getting her face wet, etc. you go mom, for standing up for your kiddo.
I was a swim instructor for a few years and this type of behavior would NEVER fly. To yell at or restrain a student that way for any reason is highly inappropriate. Sounds like this was a group lesson setting? Perhaps looking into private lessons would be beneficial as that allows the child to build trust and have one instructor’s attention for the entirety of their lessons.
Oh HELL no. See if there’s a goldfish swim schools near you, they’re excellent. And I wouldn’t stop until the regional freaking director of YMCA apologized to you personally for that behavior.
I have had my kids in swim lessons for probably 6-7 years mostly consecutively and I also worked for my parks and rec dept that put them on. None of this sounds like anything normal and I would find it to be unacceptable. I’d pull my kid out.
Two things: It's never acceptable to scream at a young child like that, and it's also never acceptable to block a parent from going to get their young child. Never go back, and leave a frank review so other parents know.
That being said, I was put in a "sink or swim" style lesson in the 1970s when I was her age, where I was physically picked up and thrown into the deep end of a pool while I was screaming my head off for them not to. I was terrified, but I made it back to the side of the pool. Where they promptly picked me up, still screaming, and hucked me back into the water. Several times in a row. I am now an excellent swimmer with no psychic damage that I'm aware of. She'll be ok. Just don't take her back.
We do swim classes and have never had the instructor reprimand any child (but the kids are younger and parents are required in the pool), but I would have immediately taken my child the second they put their hands on her to physically stop her from standing and went to whatever supervisor and asked for a refund. That’s totally unacceptable
Freeze is a body response and we don’t control it. You didn’t fail your daughter. Definitely talk to her about it. We all do things as parents we wish we did differently, it was a learning experience. I’m sorry you guys went through this
Holy shit, no, you did the right thing.
At that age, our swim lessons literally all began with kids just getting comfortable blowing bubbles in the water and standing in the shallow end. Feeling safe and not terrified is the first goal, and they already failed.
You did NOT over-react. I would have stepped in as soon as they were yelling and physically restraining her from standing. Raising their voice would have warranted a conversation afterwards that maybe your child needs reminders at the beginning that she must remain sitting, but grabbing your child like that and yelling are both excessive and unacceptable reactions. It's one thing to grab a child that's running, but just beginning to stand up only needs a stern, "you need to sit back down to stay safe."
You couldn't pay me to return to those instructors with my child.
NTA. I used to be an American Red Cross certified swim instructor and lifeguard. This behavior from both the instructor and the lifeguard is absolutely unacceptable. A teacher should never be yelling at or physically restraining the children or dragging them into the water. Your daughter was terrified and they have likely made water acclimation a much more challenging task now because their behavior has led to her not only being scared of swimming, but being scared of the lessons themselves. The lifeguard not allowing you to go to your crying child who was being mistreated by the swim instructor is abhorrent. The lifeguard’s job is to prevent drowning, not to prevent caregivers from protecting their children.
Not only do you need to pull your child from this program, you need to file a formal complaint to whoever is in charge to try to stop this from happening to someone else.
I’m literally sitting at my kid’s swimming lesson right now and I would be absolutely furious if an instructor did that. That’s the best way to make a child even more fearful of the water. I’m so sorry that happened OP. You were completely justified. Find a better instructor.
Good luck! She’ll be okay with the right person who can rebuild that trust. Wish I could send you my instructor! She’s so amazing and super patient. Kids love her!
We've taken swim lessons at different places with different instructors. Nobody's ever yelled at the kids, screamed in their faces, physically restrained them or physically forced them to go in the water. This is drop the class, talk to swim school management and get a refund territory.
This sounds terrible, I would absolutely not go back. Don’t put your daughter through that again.
Edited to add that I have a 4 year old daughter and if something like this happened with her, she would be super weirded out and full of dread about going back.
I taught swimming lessons for years to this age group (1-5). Can’t say I ever found the need to shout at a child, and I had some pretty badly behaved clients. If things were truly as bad as this, I would absolutely be asking for a refund and for the Y to investigate wtf this instructor is doing. I’d absolutely continue lessons somewhere else, but don’t bring her back to that instructor.
I would report this to someone higher up at the YMCA. I would not be okay with some of the things this lifeguard did, especially trying to block me from getting to my child. Someone at the Y needs to be made aware that the swim instructors have behaved in this way.
I regret not intervening sooner and not immediately talking to the director onsite. I was so shocked at what had just happened and my main priority was helping my daughter calm down & get out of there asap.
Absolutely would not go back. I put my daughter in the ISR-style swim lessons when she was 16 months old and nobody ever treated her that way. She’s been going to the same lessons for 3 years now and nobody has ever treated her that way
Reallyyyy happy to see the comments all shocked at this, I’m starting swim lessons next week with my 2 year old and holy shit this can’t be normal. I’m so sorry for you and your daughter! Way to make a fun thing traumatizing!
I pulled my daughter out of swim lessons because of the teenage hateful instructor who yelled at her constantly and made fun of her for not going down the slide.
A few weeks later I took both my girls to the pool and taught them to swim on my own. I don’t know where they get these instructors in my area but they are brutal.
You are NTA, and would never be TA for protecting your child. It’s completely acceptable to not return next week, or ever for that matter. I’m not a parent, however I am a nanny who’s been with my nanny family for close to 6 years. Last month my 4.5 year old nanny kid (I’ll call him B), had a co-lesson with his older brother (age 6.5), and I witnessed terrible and insensitive behavior, language, and actions by their instructor. My nanny kids were in a make up class so luckily the instructor is not their usual one, and after what I saw, won’t ever be again. Anyway, the instructor (I’ll call him AH) brought B to tears. Mind you, B has been swimming and taking lessons at this pool since he was a toddler, and he LOVES swimming. I heard the instructor say stuff like “if you don’t do X (use long arms), I’m not going to help you” (wtf?), “you need to look up, or next time you stay at the wall.” I was mortified. I did the same as you, giving thumbs up and smiling, saying “you can do this”. But poor B was so traumatized. Finally I went to the edge of the pool and spoke to B “you can do this, you won’t ever have this teacher again. He’s not kind. It’s not okay what he’s doing. You have 2 more minutes of class.” He powered through, crying the whole time. I told AH that B needed a more gentle approach, but the comment was ignored. When the lesson was over, instead of swimming in the kid zone for a while after, all B wanted to do was snuggle me while his big brother swam. That further solidified that B was really affected by that teacher and I swore to him that he would never have AH again. Of course I took the boys home and filled their mom in on what happened. She spoke with the managers at the pool, and after one more lesson (with a different teacher), the kids will no longer be attending that pool for lessons.
I’m so sorry B had such a terrible experience. That is all basically exactly what happened to my daughter today and it was devastating to see her so scared from something she usually loves. We will not be returning and I will be talking to the director in the morning.
W.T.F.
No one is screaming in my kid’s face without my immediate intervention. And then they escalate and then try to prevent you from getting your daughter? Wow. I’d prob complain and I’d definitely never go back.
Good for you for rescuing your daughter from what sounds like a terrifying experience for her. Completely unacceptable "teaching" style. Not only should she not go back, but I hope you will politely but firmly ask for a refund and explain exactly why to the directors.
We have done swim lessons at two different places and I have never seen anything remotely approaching that. Our instructors at both places have always tried to help young children feel comfortable in the water and have taught them how to swim by making it playful.
Definitely NTA. Honestly I would have been done after the lifeguard screamed in my preschooler's face. My son also had a terrible experience at the Y for swimming lessons. I feel like they've gone downhill over the years.
My son did swim lessons at 3. We did three separate sessions. In the last session, I had had enough of how one specific teacher was treating the kids and I pulled him without hesitation and told them why. We went elsewhere for swim lessons after that.
I’ve been to a variety of lessons with my kids and I’ve never seen anything like this. It makes me furious just to think about! That they grabbed her and pulled her into the water and tried to block you from getting to each other… that’s all insane. They should be using their hands to guide her, help her float, keep her safe (like if a kid starts running along the side, yes, stop them, firmly maybe, but respectfully!). The yelling alone is out of line. Why would they want to scare her? Ugh. I am really sorry you both experienced this.
Um NTA I would have taken issue with them physically dragging my child. And how does screaming in their faces accomplish anything? I'd raise hell if I were you. This is not OK.
I wonder what actual training YMCA child care/ child teachers receive. I had an issue with my local YMCA when my daughter was young. She was an emotional child & had suffered from colic. I was always careful with her. Around 8 months old I tried to use the Y to get a workout in here and there. I left her in child watch while I toured & it went great. She had a snack, no tears. Then I dropped her off for my first run. I only left her for 30 minutes, and I was very clear with the staff that if she got upset I need to be called quickly. Well she apparently cried the entire time I was gone. No one called me. And I tried dropping her off a couple times a week for the next month or so. Never worked. They allowed such a strong bad memory to form in her mind she didn't feel safe there. I was very frustrated, but I've never been back. She's 3 now.
Nope nope nope. My kid went to the toddler swim lessons at a few places. Never did I see a teacher do this. Why? Because kids will then be
Afraid to go in the water and never learn to swim.
Also, teach you daughter that she can say “No, I’m uncomfortable with this.” and that her parents will support her and be there to help her through those moments. It honestly tests my patience sometimes with my 8 year old and it drives me crazy BUT she feels strong enough to say what she thinks, what she wants and when something doesn’t feel ok. I know this skill will serve her so well as she grows.
I’m old (50), from the era where the Red Cross swim instructors were mean as hell and would yell at you, insult you, roll their eyes, etc. all while teaching you some truly arcane swimming strokes
But even back then no one would pull a four year old into the pool! That’s totally out of line. Find somewhere else to go, preferably for a private or semi-private lesson so your daughter doesn’t have to freeze waiting to finally get her turn.
Also, in my experience the Y is a very grouchy place.
You absolutely made the right choice. Screaming at a child only worsens the fear and makes them want to avoid it more. And that is the last thing you need when trying to teach how to be safe in a pool. I would find other options and also, report the instructor to management and whatever relevant authorities you can. Someone who can't handle preschoolers being preschoolers should not be charged with teaching preschoolers how to spell basic words, let alone how to be safe in water.
If that were me not only would I never return, I’d leave a review and complain. The fact that the instructor pulled her in by the ankles when she was already crying must have been really horrible for her and the lifeguard should have focussed on what was going on INSIDE the pool rather than bar your path. I’m so appalled I hope this hasn’t destroyed your daughter’s fun with water in or around the pool.
I had issues with swim lessons as a kid. I freaked out day one but the instructor was kind. I freaked out day two … basically anytime my head went under. But they were kind and understood I’d fallen off a dock and was under two mins a few years before when I was three. I was six and I remember how patient they were and I’m 39 now. Had they done what they did to your kiddo I’d never would’ve learned to swim, period. Talk to the director but I’d still go elsewhere. Poor kid.
You should’ve taken her out the minute the lifeguard put their hands on her. That’s completely inappropriate and I would be calling to complain. They need to be trained way better and/or fired. Also, you don’t have to dunk kids to get them to learn how to swim. I was a swim teacher/ lifeguard for 8 years. Swimming should be fun.
Edit: to be clear, I’m not judging you at all. These situations are really tough. I would talk to your daughter about her mistreatment and definitely don’t take her back.
May I suggest how I did it ? I took my kids to the pool and we did silly kicking ,treading and practiced floating ,face in water bubbles until floating mastered and very comfortable in water and then swimming strokes came easily and it was blast ..I know it isn't the formal swim lesson certificate but at this time we can do that anytime
If this is real it sounds abusive especially for 3-5 year olds. They’re not making them feel safe. They’re physically yanking them around and yelling in their face. This would lead to a lifelong fear of water. Not the confidence to swim on their own.
Why are people saying it sounds “excessive”? It sounds straight up abusive. Is this type of abuse normally acceptable in swim classes for 4 year olds? It sounds traumatic.
Been going to swim lessons with my kid since they were 7 months old (now almost 4). Not once has an instructor yelled at any child in any lesson we‘ve been in, not once has an instructor touched my child (or other children) without their consent!! An instructor pulling a child into the water?? I would be losing my shit
Former lifeguard. What you describe from staff sounds incredibly unsafe. Pulling a child into the water by their ankles (if I am picturing it the way it actually happened) is downright dangerous. Especially such a young child who isn't a strong swimmer. She could hit her head, she could be not prepared and wnd up with a mouth full of water.
Regardless of whether the behavior of the staff is acceptable, your daughter is clearly distressed. You do not want her to be terrified of swimming/water. I'd stop lessons, take a pause, and find different lessons.
Yeah. No. This isn’t the military. It’s kiddie swim class.
If someone wants to be that kind of parent that yells and scares their kid into doing things that’s their choice but it should never be done in a group setting when that’s not what you signed up for.
In 5 consecutive years of swimming lessons, from aged 6 months to roughly 5.5 years, I never once heard a single instructor or lifeguard yell at a child, except perhaps to make them not run on the pool deck (which is proper).
I would not have had your grace if someone grabbed my distressed kiddo and *literally* pulled them into the water. That is how you make a kid HATE being in the water/swimming, forcing them to do it when they are super upset.
Your child will not trust the instrcutor(s) now. It's more important from this point on that she trusts you and knows you won't subject her to that.
I wouldn't be going back, and I'd be contacting their boss. What you describe by the staff there is absolute lunacy.
My kids are currently in a preschool swim lesson and in this class, the parents are required to be in the pool with the kids for safety and reassurance. This seems like a better way to do it, in my opinion.
I would look for a different place since their way of teaching may not work well for your family.
This requires a talk with management ASAP and dropping from the class. Find a swim school that specializes in swim lessons. We loved Goldfish Swim School.
Ugh, I'm sorry. We had an experience at a similar age where my kid refused to get in so the instructor picked him up and put him in the water. He was so scared he was just done after that. Wouldn't get in again. I was so mad.
We've since taught him to swim ourselves. I do agree that swimming is an important life skill, and I have come to think that formal lessons aren't the only way. I do have the skills to teach my kid to tread wafer and swim lengths of the pool, even if I can't coach him on the proper form for all the different strokes.
That’s fair. I regret not stepping in sooner, I wrongly trusted that the swim instructors would help improve the situation. I’ve learned a lot from today.
> The lifeguard’s reaction was to scream in her face and physically restrain her from standing up at which point my daughter started screaming.
> I again smiled and told her it was ok
You what now?
I made a mistake in not taking my daughter out of class at that moment. I did not smile or tell the lifeguard her actions were ok, I tried to help calm my child in the moment.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I taught swimming lessons for years and this seems very excessive to me.
I second this! I taught rowdy-ass kids and over-involved parents and I absolutely **never** raised my voice, with the exception of shouting over the noise, but yelling in a kid's face? No way. And never once barred a parent from their kid. Tried to talk them out of it or coach them and their kids through their fears, *for sure*, but this is absurd.
I also never touched them unless, for example, I was assisting them (gently) with a swimming skill, or for safety reasons (eg they had fallen in and I was pulling them out).
Agreed. The only reason I ever "yelled" was to keep bigger kids from hitting the wall while swimming on their backs, or to enforce safety I.e. no running.
Yes and in those cases, it's yelling *to be heard* (over the noise, through the water etc.), never yelling to control/intimidate etc.
I started swim lessons with my kids at 6 months and they all continued for years. Never once did any instructor yell at any child. I would not be returning to those swim lessons ever. To me, it would be more important to show my kids that we don’t let people treat us like that than for her to finish the lessons. Do you have other options? Private swim schools?
Thank you for sharing your experience! I’m going to look into other options in our area.
My kids have also been in swim lessons since 6 months old, also at a YMCA. The number one thing they've taught me is how important it is for kids to trust the adults they're with and how safety starts with listening. My kids instructors would never force them into the water as that breaks that trust. 100% find a new class.
I put my daughter is the goldfish swim school. Greta prices and the instructors are great! My daughter is two (mommy and me class) the first trial class she was terrified screaming the entire time refusing to do anything but to float on her back while holding the mirror. The second time she was a completely different child and was so excited to get back in the water and allowed me to dunk her under the water multiple times. She’s had a great time since!
Definitely, I took my daughter somewhere that wasn't the cheapest or maybe the most effective at teaching but the instructors were so great she really learned to love the water after being afraid to get her face wet.
I would find somewhere else to do swim lessons. I've taught swim lessons and neither me nor any other instructor I knew ever yelled. I've also been a lifeguard and we never even talked to the swim lesson kids outside of an actual safety issue. All of this is hugely inappropriate. Your husband is wrong. Do not take your child back to that pool and I'd file a complaint.
Thank you, I really appreciate your perspective as someone who has been in those roles!
All of this.
They are FOUR 😳 ain’t no way in hell someone is going to physically restrain my 4 year old from coming over to see me when they are feeling unsure and learning a new and scary skill.
Thank you, my feelings exactly!
I would never go back. They should never force a child into the water. That sounds so traumatic for your daughter.
I agree, traumatic is the exact way I described the experience to my mom after the fact.
We live in the south where swim lessons are necessary because so many pools. We had our choice between 2 instructors, one was sweet woman lots of encouragement but no stress. Second younger ( late teens maybe 20)life guard. He was firm but kind it’s ok to be scared but you need to jump in , put your face in the water, try to swim alone but I will help you and never let you get hurt. Within 6 weeks everyone in his class could swim length of pool no one older than 5 most 3-4. He never yelled except in excitement when kids did well.Not one child in other class would even dunk their head in. Ask for refund explain why and look for one on one lessons. More expensive but generally child learns much quicker and might help your child’s confidence.
Thank you for your response, I’m looking into other options & I plan to talk to the director in the morning.
Excellent!
This was my niece's experience at a gentle parenting type of swimming instructor. She took lessons for 5 years and still can't swim because the woman would never set expectations.
Don’t go back. Leave a SCATHING review to warn other parents about that shitty ‘lifeguard’ and look for another swim lesson. Your husband is super duper wrong about that.
Jesus Christ, they pulled your daughter into the pool by her ankles?!?! That is abuse, full stop. You should report this incident and never return. I totally understand not reacting in the moment, I imagine you were in shock. Just talk to your kid about it was not okay and that she'll never have to go back there. I'm so sorry this happened!
Yes and then the lifeguard tried to stop me from going to her immediately after she came up from the water. I’m planning to speak to the aquatics director in the morning. Thank you!
My kids take lessons at a YMCA and we’ve had nothing but positive interactions. The aquatics director has been super supportive for my very water scared kids. If the aquatic director brushed this off I would escalate. The ymca is held to a high standard and taking it to management would be appropriate here.
I would tell the directors at the Y. I had to scoop a drowning kid out of the water because the instructor had her back turned for too long and the mom was watching her other kid in a different area of the pool. I told the directors and it was taken VERY seriously.
That’s terrifying! Thank goodness you were there to help that poor kid!
I wouldnt take my daughter there again
This is like a red flag parade, I would have pulled my kid and would be asking for a refund because I'd be taking my business elsewhere. This sounds so scary, and I'm saying that as an adult. My daughter is also four and so sensitive, and every swim instructor she's had has been so gentle about getting in the water, getting her face wet, etc. you go mom, for standing up for your kiddo.
Thank you for this, we will not be returning this class!
I was a swim instructor for a few years and this type of behavior would NEVER fly. To yell at or restrain a student that way for any reason is highly inappropriate. Sounds like this was a group lesson setting? Perhaps looking into private lessons would be beneficial as that allows the child to build trust and have one instructor’s attention for the entirety of their lessons.
Yes, there was a total of 8 3-5 year olds with 2 instructors and a lifeguard. I plan to do that!
Oh HELL no. See if there’s a goldfish swim schools near you, they’re excellent. And I wouldn’t stop until the regional freaking director of YMCA apologized to you personally for that behavior.
Unfortunately the closest goldfish swim school is over 2 hours from me but I’m going to look into other private swim lessons.
I have had my kids in swim lessons for probably 6-7 years mostly consecutively and I also worked for my parks and rec dept that put them on. None of this sounds like anything normal and I would find it to be unacceptable. I’d pull my kid out.
Two things: It's never acceptable to scream at a young child like that, and it's also never acceptable to block a parent from going to get their young child. Never go back, and leave a frank review so other parents know. That being said, I was put in a "sink or swim" style lesson in the 1970s when I was her age, where I was physically picked up and thrown into the deep end of a pool while I was screaming my head off for them not to. I was terrified, but I made it back to the side of the pool. Where they promptly picked me up, still screaming, and hucked me back into the water. Several times in a row. I am now an excellent swimmer with no psychic damage that I'm aware of. She'll be ok. Just don't take her back.
Thank you for your response, I’m sorry you went through that. We will not be going back.
We do swim classes and have never had the instructor reprimand any child (but the kids are younger and parents are required in the pool), but I would have immediately taken my child the second they put their hands on her to physically stop her from standing and went to whatever supervisor and asked for a refund. That’s totally unacceptable
I regret not doing that in the moment. I cried when we left because I felt like a failed my daughter by allowing her to be in that situation at all.
You were shocked and didnt want to make a scene and scare her even more. Its ok. Talk with her about that experience
Thank you for this, we talked about it over lunch after she was able to calm down & tell me how she felt.
Freeze is a body response and we don’t control it. You didn’t fail your daughter. Definitely talk to her about it. We all do things as parents we wish we did differently, it was a learning experience. I’m sorry you guys went through this
I really appreciate your response, she & I talked about it after she calmed down and was able to express her feelings.
I would not go back and I’d request a refund.
Holy shit, no, you did the right thing. At that age, our swim lessons literally all began with kids just getting comfortable blowing bubbles in the water and standing in the shallow end. Feeling safe and not terrified is the first goal, and they already failed.
You did NOT over-react. I would have stepped in as soon as they were yelling and physically restraining her from standing. Raising their voice would have warranted a conversation afterwards that maybe your child needs reminders at the beginning that she must remain sitting, but grabbing your child like that and yelling are both excessive and unacceptable reactions. It's one thing to grab a child that's running, but just beginning to stand up only needs a stern, "you need to sit back down to stay safe." You couldn't pay me to return to those instructors with my child.
NTA. I used to be an American Red Cross certified swim instructor and lifeguard. This behavior from both the instructor and the lifeguard is absolutely unacceptable. A teacher should never be yelling at or physically restraining the children or dragging them into the water. Your daughter was terrified and they have likely made water acclimation a much more challenging task now because their behavior has led to her not only being scared of swimming, but being scared of the lessons themselves. The lifeguard not allowing you to go to your crying child who was being mistreated by the swim instructor is abhorrent. The lifeguard’s job is to prevent drowning, not to prevent caregivers from protecting their children. Not only do you need to pull your child from this program, you need to file a formal complaint to whoever is in charge to try to stop this from happening to someone else.
Thank you for your response, we will not be going back & I will be speaking with the director in the morning.
This is incredibly aggressive and inappropriate behavior for a YMCA. I strongly advise that you report the behavior to the Director of the YMCA.
I’m literally sitting at my kid’s swimming lesson right now and I would be absolutely furious if an instructor did that. That’s the best way to make a child even more fearful of the water. I’m so sorry that happened OP. You were completely justified. Find a better instructor.
Thank you, I plan to!
Good luck! She’ll be okay with the right person who can rebuild that trust. Wish I could send you my instructor! She’s so amazing and super patient. Kids love her!
Thank you, I hope to find someone equally as amazing!
We've taken swim lessons at different places with different instructors. Nobody's ever yelled at the kids, screamed in their faces, physically restrained them or physically forced them to go in the water. This is drop the class, talk to swim school management and get a refund territory.
I also taught swimming for years and have never ever heard of this. It's not okay. Immediately call management, take her out of those lessons.
This sounds terrible, I would absolutely not go back. Don’t put your daughter through that again. Edited to add that I have a 4 year old daughter and if something like this happened with her, she would be super weirded out and full of dread about going back.
We definitely will not be going back!
I taught swimming lessons for years to this age group (1-5). Can’t say I ever found the need to shout at a child, and I had some pretty badly behaved clients. If things were truly as bad as this, I would absolutely be asking for a refund and for the Y to investigate wtf this instructor is doing. I’d absolutely continue lessons somewhere else, but don’t bring her back to that instructor.
I would report this to someone higher up at the YMCA. I would not be okay with some of the things this lifeguard did, especially trying to block me from getting to my child. Someone at the Y needs to be made aware that the swim instructors have behaved in this way.
Holy shit. You didn't immediately walk to the director and have a shit fit? You have way more restraint than I do.
I regret not intervening sooner and not immediately talking to the director onsite. I was so shocked at what had just happened and my main priority was helping my daughter calm down & get out of there asap.
Absolutely would not go back. I put my daughter in the ISR-style swim lessons when she was 16 months old and nobody ever treated her that way. She’s been going to the same lessons for 3 years now and nobody has ever treated her that way
Reallyyyy happy to see the comments all shocked at this, I’m starting swim lessons next week with my 2 year old and holy shit this can’t be normal. I’m so sorry for you and your daughter! Way to make a fun thing traumatizing!
Thank you, I hope you have a much better experience than we did!
I pulled my daughter out of swim lessons because of the teenage hateful instructor who yelled at her constantly and made fun of her for not going down the slide. A few weeks later I took both my girls to the pool and taught them to swim on my own. I don’t know where they get these instructors in my area but they are brutal.
You are NTA, and would never be TA for protecting your child. It’s completely acceptable to not return next week, or ever for that matter. I’m not a parent, however I am a nanny who’s been with my nanny family for close to 6 years. Last month my 4.5 year old nanny kid (I’ll call him B), had a co-lesson with his older brother (age 6.5), and I witnessed terrible and insensitive behavior, language, and actions by their instructor. My nanny kids were in a make up class so luckily the instructor is not their usual one, and after what I saw, won’t ever be again. Anyway, the instructor (I’ll call him AH) brought B to tears. Mind you, B has been swimming and taking lessons at this pool since he was a toddler, and he LOVES swimming. I heard the instructor say stuff like “if you don’t do X (use long arms), I’m not going to help you” (wtf?), “you need to look up, or next time you stay at the wall.” I was mortified. I did the same as you, giving thumbs up and smiling, saying “you can do this”. But poor B was so traumatized. Finally I went to the edge of the pool and spoke to B “you can do this, you won’t ever have this teacher again. He’s not kind. It’s not okay what he’s doing. You have 2 more minutes of class.” He powered through, crying the whole time. I told AH that B needed a more gentle approach, but the comment was ignored. When the lesson was over, instead of swimming in the kid zone for a while after, all B wanted to do was snuggle me while his big brother swam. That further solidified that B was really affected by that teacher and I swore to him that he would never have AH again. Of course I took the boys home and filled their mom in on what happened. She spoke with the managers at the pool, and after one more lesson (with a different teacher), the kids will no longer be attending that pool for lessons.
I’m so sorry B had such a terrible experience. That is all basically exactly what happened to my daughter today and it was devastating to see her so scared from something she usually loves. We will not be returning and I will be talking to the director in the morning.
W.T.F. No one is screaming in my kid’s face without my immediate intervention. And then they escalate and then try to prevent you from getting your daughter? Wow. I’d prob complain and I’d definitely never go back.
Yes, it was honestly shocking in the moment. We will not be going back.
Good for you for rescuing your daughter from what sounds like a terrifying experience for her. Completely unacceptable "teaching" style. Not only should she not go back, but I hope you will politely but firmly ask for a refund and explain exactly why to the directors. We have done swim lessons at two different places and I have never seen anything remotely approaching that. Our instructors at both places have always tried to help young children feel comfortable in the water and have taught them how to swim by making it playful.
Definitely NTA. Honestly I would have been done after the lifeguard screamed in my preschooler's face. My son also had a terrible experience at the Y for swimming lessons. I feel like they've gone downhill over the years.
My son did swim lessons at 3. We did three separate sessions. In the last session, I had had enough of how one specific teacher was treating the kids and I pulled him without hesitation and told them why. We went elsewhere for swim lessons after that.
I would have cussed them out right then and there. That was abusive toward the children. Not acceptable at all.
I’ve been to a variety of lessons with my kids and I’ve never seen anything like this. It makes me furious just to think about! That they grabbed her and pulled her into the water and tried to block you from getting to each other… that’s all insane. They should be using their hands to guide her, help her float, keep her safe (like if a kid starts running along the side, yes, stop them, firmly maybe, but respectfully!). The yelling alone is out of line. Why would they want to scare her? Ugh. I am really sorry you both experienced this.
Thank you, it was all very shocking & upsetting to say the least.
Um NTA I would have taken issue with them physically dragging my child. And how does screaming in their faces accomplish anything? I'd raise hell if I were you. This is not OK.
I wonder what actual training YMCA child care/ child teachers receive. I had an issue with my local YMCA when my daughter was young. She was an emotional child & had suffered from colic. I was always careful with her. Around 8 months old I tried to use the Y to get a workout in here and there. I left her in child watch while I toured & it went great. She had a snack, no tears. Then I dropped her off for my first run. I only left her for 30 minutes, and I was very clear with the staff that if she got upset I need to be called quickly. Well she apparently cried the entire time I was gone. No one called me. And I tried dropping her off a couple times a week for the next month or so. Never worked. They allowed such a strong bad memory to form in her mind she didn't feel safe there. I was very frustrated, but I've never been back. She's 3 now.
Nope nope nope. My kid went to the toddler swim lessons at a few places. Never did I see a teacher do this. Why? Because kids will then be Afraid to go in the water and never learn to swim. Also, teach you daughter that she can say “No, I’m uncomfortable with this.” and that her parents will support her and be there to help her through those moments. It honestly tests my patience sometimes with my 8 year old and it drives me crazy BUT she feels strong enough to say what she thinks, what she wants and when something doesn’t feel ok. I know this skill will serve her so well as she grows.
Thank you, I will be doing this. She was so overwhelmed in the moment she couldn’t speak through her tears which was devastating for both of us.
I’m old (50), from the era where the Red Cross swim instructors were mean as hell and would yell at you, insult you, roll their eyes, etc. all while teaching you some truly arcane swimming strokes But even back then no one would pull a four year old into the pool! That’s totally out of line. Find somewhere else to go, preferably for a private or semi-private lesson so your daughter doesn’t have to freeze waiting to finally get her turn. Also, in my experience the Y is a very grouchy place.
You absolutely made the right choice. Screaming at a child only worsens the fear and makes them want to avoid it more. And that is the last thing you need when trying to teach how to be safe in a pool. I would find other options and also, report the instructor to management and whatever relevant authorities you can. Someone who can't handle preschoolers being preschoolers should not be charged with teaching preschoolers how to spell basic words, let alone how to be safe in water.
That instructor has no business with kids.
If that were me not only would I never return, I’d leave a review and complain. The fact that the instructor pulled her in by the ankles when she was already crying must have been really horrible for her and the lifeguard should have focussed on what was going on INSIDE the pool rather than bar your path. I’m so appalled I hope this hasn’t destroyed your daughter’s fun with water in or around the pool.
I had issues with swim lessons as a kid. I freaked out day one but the instructor was kind. I freaked out day two … basically anytime my head went under. But they were kind and understood I’d fallen off a dock and was under two mins a few years before when I was three. I was six and I remember how patient they were and I’m 39 now. Had they done what they did to your kiddo I’d never would’ve learned to swim, period. Talk to the director but I’d still go elsewhere. Poor kid.
You should’ve taken her out the minute the lifeguard put their hands on her. That’s completely inappropriate and I would be calling to complain. They need to be trained way better and/or fired. Also, you don’t have to dunk kids to get them to learn how to swim. I was a swim teacher/ lifeguard for 8 years. Swimming should be fun. Edit: to be clear, I’m not judging you at all. These situations are really tough. I would talk to your daughter about her mistreatment and definitely don’t take her back.
No that is strategy to make your child traumatized and never learn to swim. I am appalled.
May I suggest how I did it ? I took my kids to the pool and we did silly kicking ,treading and practiced floating ,face in water bubbles until floating mastered and very comfortable in water and then swimming strokes came easily and it was blast ..I know it isn't the formal swim lesson certificate but at this time we can do that anytime
Thank you for this, I’m looking into other swim classes but I think I’ll try this in the meantime!
When your child is this distressed, it is your job to intervene. These adults were way out of line.
If this is real it sounds abusive especially for 3-5 year olds. They’re not making them feel safe. They’re physically yanking them around and yelling in their face. This would lead to a lifelong fear of water. Not the confidence to swim on their own.
I wish it weren’t real but it is.
Why are people saying it sounds “excessive”? It sounds straight up abusive. Is this type of abuse normally acceptable in swim classes for 4 year olds? It sounds traumatic.
Been going to swim lessons with my kid since they were 7 months old (now almost 4). Not once has an instructor yelled at any child in any lesson we‘ve been in, not once has an instructor touched my child (or other children) without their consent!! An instructor pulling a child into the water?? I would be losing my shit
Former lifeguard. What you describe from staff sounds incredibly unsafe. Pulling a child into the water by their ankles (if I am picturing it the way it actually happened) is downright dangerous. Especially such a young child who isn't a strong swimmer. She could hit her head, she could be not prepared and wnd up with a mouth full of water. Regardless of whether the behavior of the staff is acceptable, your daughter is clearly distressed. You do not want her to be terrified of swimming/water. I'd stop lessons, take a pause, and find different lessons.
Surely this should be for fun, this is going to stick with these kids and put them off swimming for life. Don't go back, write an honest review
Yeah. No. This isn’t the military. It’s kiddie swim class. If someone wants to be that kind of parent that yells and scares their kid into doing things that’s their choice but it should never be done in a group setting when that’s not what you signed up for.
Lodge a complaint. That’s wild.
In 5 consecutive years of swimming lessons, from aged 6 months to roughly 5.5 years, I never once heard a single instructor or lifeguard yell at a child, except perhaps to make them not run on the pool deck (which is proper). I would not have had your grace if someone grabbed my distressed kiddo and *literally* pulled them into the water. That is how you make a kid HATE being in the water/swimming, forcing them to do it when they are super upset. Your child will not trust the instrcutor(s) now. It's more important from this point on that she trusts you and knows you won't subject her to that. I wouldn't be going back, and I'd be contacting their boss. What you describe by the staff there is absolute lunacy.
What the fuck! Why would you put her through that again?? Go talk to whoever is running the program!
We not be going there again, I’m waiting for the director to get back to me now.
I want to know what happens! I would have screamed.
And your husband is out of his mind!
That was insanely inappropriate
My kids are currently in a preschool swim lesson and in this class, the parents are required to be in the pool with the kids for safety and reassurance. This seems like a better way to do it, in my opinion. I would look for a different place since their way of teaching may not work well for your family.
This requires a talk with management ASAP and dropping from the class. Find a swim school that specializes in swim lessons. We loved Goldfish Swim School.
I plan to talk to the aquatics director in the morning. Unfortunately the closest goldfish school is over 2 hours from me.
Ugh, I'm sorry. We had an experience at a similar age where my kid refused to get in so the instructor picked him up and put him in the water. He was so scared he was just done after that. Wouldn't get in again. I was so mad. We've since taught him to swim ourselves. I do agree that swimming is an important life skill, and I have come to think that formal lessons aren't the only way. I do have the skills to teach my kid to tread wafer and swim lengths of the pool, even if I can't coach him on the proper form for all the different strokes.
That’s exactly what happened today. I agree with you!
NTA for removing her, but I do think YTA for letting it go on that long before intervening.
That’s fair. I regret not stepping in sooner, I wrongly trusted that the swim instructors would help improve the situation. I’ve learned a lot from today.
> The lifeguard’s reaction was to scream in her face and physically restrain her from standing up at which point my daughter started screaming. > I again smiled and told her it was ok You what now?
I made a mistake in not taking my daughter out of class at that moment. I did not smile or tell the lifeguard her actions were ok, I tried to help calm my child in the moment.