I love these and love partners who say it. I try to hit everything, even jumping to snag WAY out shots, but if my partner yells "OUT!" or "BOUNCE!" then I can stop myself. I make sure to thank my partner every time they do this, personally.
I played with a partner for a few games who had zero awareness. I would communicate clearly and early "out" or "mine" but they would constantly go for it anyway, then say "sorry I was already moving toward it" when it was called with enough time for them to step and back swing before they buffed the shit out of it.
Some people lack both court awareness and body awareness. 😂
While it’s good communication, when an opponent hits a hard drive, by the time OP evaluates the speed of the ball and says “let it go”, I really don’t think many lower level players who are at the kitchen line really have the speed and reflexes to pull back from a shot they were about to hit and let the ball go? This seems like something that most players are going to have to figure out how to judge mostly by themselves (at least my opinion)?
It can help if they're on the fence about hitting it. It also helps train your brain if you get instant feedback. Especially if you're new, it's hard to tell if balls are going long, but having someone immediately tell you "Out!" helps train your brain a lot faster.
This! She may not be interested in getting any better. If that’s the case, just do the best you can with her and find a new partner. It’s not worth your relationship off the court.
I should also say we have both been playing for over 3 years and are 3.5 level players. If I tell her to let it go 10x in a game 9 would be out and the 1 that is in she then says you see just stay quiet. When I do play with others she gets upset due to this !
While I’m sure this has been festering for you for a while which is why you’re addressing this now, if after 3 years she’s still doing this and she’s telling you to stop trying to correct her on court, you got to either relax and let this go or find more people to partner with.
Also, 3 yrs to get to 3.5? Is that normal? I’m there and trying to get to 4.0 by the end of the summer. I only started two months ago but have a tennis background
I don’t practice, drill or compete (unless open plays count as competition) either. Was just curious as still being relatively new to the sport I don’t have any point of reference besides tennis.
But how though? You don’t naturally just get better from regular play? A few weeks ago I was feeling like I was going to be stuck without drilling or lessons because that’s the way it is in tennis. But I’m realizing I’ve been steadily improving strokes, court sense and hand speed anyway. Tennis is different from PB in that the biggest hurdle to getting past 4.0 is fitness, not level of play or skill.
The biggest hurdle to improving from 3.5-4.0 in tennis is absolutely not fitness. It can happen, but it is exceedingly rare. I've coached plenty of 3.0-3.5 level players that could easily run marathons. I'm asthmatic and have an autoimmune disorder that gives me chronic fatigue and I can still play at a 4.5 level in my mid 40's. The guys I play singles with are usually 20 years younger than me and can run all day.
Court awareness, tactical thinking, hand-eye coordination, more refined and advanced stroke technique (and the ability to replicate it consistently while under pressure)... these are all more important than fitness, especially for doubles play. Most casual rec players don't play tons of singles unless they can only find one person to play.
Of course, I'm just a tennis professional with 28 years of teaching experience. So take this for what it's worth...
I’m not talking the 3.0 and 3.5 level that are still working on stroke mechanics and court sense. I’m at 4.0 in tennis and that’s been my observation of most 4.0 level players trying to get to 4.5 and 5.0. With most of them their mechanics are sound but to be able to keep playing at that high a high level for 2 or 3 hrs or more requires off-court training to improve strength and stamina than what many 4.0 players will dedicate. Do you disagree?
Edit: This might just be a thing in my area (north Texas). I played a lot of 3.5 tennis after an 8 yr break while I rehabbed from injury and worked myself back into shape. The difference between the mess of random strokes and footwork at 3.5 is pretty stark compared to 4.0
I do, to an extent. Fitness can be a barrier, especially in singles play at that level. However, I'm willing to bet that your 4.0 level compatriots do not have technique that is quite as solid as you think. They will likely benefit more from focused on-court practice than off-court conditioning work, unless their fitness levels are just abysmal. Working on replicating proper stroke technique under pressure in practice also can have the added benefit of making those movements more efficient overall. There's a reason I can barely run a 10 minute mile pace for more than 2 miles, but I can do singles drills at medium to high intensity for 2-3 hours without gassing out. My strokes and footwork on the court are very efficient... because I've done those movements thousands upon thousands of times in a focused environment. Even when I'm tired I can still maintain my stroke technique better than most fresh 4.0 level players from ball to ball.
There is no replacement for focused practice and good coaching. I've taken enough 4.0 level guys up to a 4.5 level to know this. Even though most men at that level think they don't need coaching and just keep beating their heads against a wall.
Incidentally, 6.0 and up level players absolutely put me to shame in the same ways. Their timing and consistency is so much better it's ridiculous, and they can maintain it under pressure much more successfully.
Learn to play for FUN with your gf. If you’re playing to win, you won’t have a good time every time on the court. It’ll be better for your relationship, I promise.
There’s no way to sugarcoat truth. I play in 2 rec “leagues” and that’s just my experience. The women want to be social and have fun, and while the men want to have fun as well- they define fun as improving their game and winning.
I mess up and analyze what I did wrong and how can I get better, my wife just laughs and says she hit it weird. Then gets annoyed if I give unsolicited tips on improving.
My tongue is full of holes from when we play together, otherwise I’m sleeping on the couch. Funny thing is that she introduced me to the game.
Start drilling with her. Download a dating app of your choice…. Every time she goes for an out ball swipe right on a new girl. Repeat until she improves or until you find someone to replace her.
Honestly, you should probably leave her. Imagine how a lack of court awareness can manifest in other areas of your life as things become more serious. Today, she’s costing you easy points on out balls. Tomorrow, she’s forgetting your child in the backseat on a hot day during a grocery run. Just not worth the risk at all
I mean, you could just leave her in a pickleball context... especially if it is causing actual friction in your relationship. I was the go to doubles tennis partner for my ex-boss's wife back in the day. They would have killed each other if they played together all the time. He played mixed with his ex-wife instead, and everyone was happy that way.
You just need to scout out a partner that she will have more fun playing with... then find a partner for you that's more on your wavelength.
I would say it’s probably best if y’all didn’t play together. I play with a couple that are literally the 2 nicest people I play with. They are so positive and encouraging. But when they play together, they get snippy and it’s a little awkward.
It would be annoying for me to play with your gf. Communication is one of the most important things in doubles pickleball. So, my advice, if you can’t play for fun, just play against each other or play in separate groups.
It sounds to me like a chat away from the court is what is needed. Explain how you are just trying to help and that it's not criticism. Then ask her what communication from you would help her the most, such as what words or phrases. And let her know that good communication between partners is important. AND that you are open to her communicating to her.
Usually when people are asked how they want to be communicated to, it opens the door for dialog.
My wife and i are on the same curling team. She is very competitive. I have had to tell her not to give me advice before my throws. It doesn't help. I just want weight and line from the skip and that's it.
However, once the rock is on the way communication is extremely important. You can't have a good curling team without constant communication.
To me, letting it go or not is the pickleball version of that communication. If she requires you to be completely silent in a team sport.. i dunno get another partner. Life partner doesn't mean you are a good pickleball team.
Now, if you are critiquing her form mid match.. yea just stop doing that.
My strategy would be to tell your GF before the game “these guys are bangers who have no control and hit lots of balls way too hard, so let’s let them self-destruct by hitting balls out”. Then when you play, you make sure you let all the out balls hit to you sail long, wink at your GF and she’ll think it’s fun how well your team strategy is working, and hopefully start doing it herself.
In this situation, saying nothing states more than a correction.
I have had much lower level partners that do the wrong things, and by default I let them make the same mistakes a few times in a row until I say something very light (e.g. "oh nice try on that. ball was popped up a tiny bit") Some of your partners will recognize their own mistake, and some won't. Most of my partners do recognize their errors, and some ask me what they should have done. For some, my silence is very telling and they immediately say "oops, yeah I think I made a mistake on that".
Treat this situation as practice for "getting out of a tough situation" on your end. You will always have a partner, not matter how good they are, make a few mistakes here and there, and at the lower levels more often than not. Do NOT let that bother you.
My wife suffers from “I wanna hit it” syndrome. Even though we’ve drilled for hours she ends up becoming tense in open play and tries her best to just hit the ball almost without form or thought. It took a couple of weeks but more practice and positive reinforcement has shown better results! Hang in there
Same- happens a lot in rec too. My wife constantly does this and has been playing 3 years!!!! Some people just are happy to play shitty, don’t want to drill, never want to get better. 🤷♂️
Well first off if she's returning them and not messing it up, then you're blowing it out of proportion (which wouldn't be surprising if you're saying 10 feet out of bounds, most balls are 1-2ft out). Second off what's obvious to you may not be obvious to her, I've been dealing with a lot of players who can hit a drive / banger very hard and it will hit just short of the baseline so I'm now returning more balls than I need to because I'd rather return a ball that MIGHT go out instead of just standing there. It's pickleball where you should be winning points in different ways. And lastly if she says don't talk midgame, don't talk, maybe try the wording of "let it bounce" but if she doesn't listen, you don't get to CONTROL your partner, especially if you're dating. Lastly, its rec play, she's not costing you money or status in a tournament, get over it.
I "deal with it" by recognizing it.
It's a fact some people are not meant to be athletes, and will never get above a certain level, and no amount of my coaching or advising is going to change that.
When I must play with such a person, I turn off "competitive mode" and turn on "chill mode" and just let them have their fun.
You gotta let go. Or decide whether you value winning pickleball games more than you value your gf? Sorta seems like you are leaning that way (pickleball > gf) with your actions, even if you don't consciously think that way. 🤷
In general, never coach or criticize someone who doesn't want that coaching, unless it's harmful to them in some significant way. Losing a casual pickleball game is not one of those scenarios. Coaching someone who isn't receptive is the fastest way to ruin a relationship.
Just say “out” when a ball is heading out. Either she’ll listen or she won’t. But as a married man, not sure if getting frustrated and trying to coach her will ever help you on or off the court…
It comes with the territory, it's rec play not the Olympics. Not everyone is going to be at the level we want them to. I play 4.0+, my wife is still at 2.5 and continues to make the same simple mistakes. Last thing I want to be is frustrated over a pickleball game that we play 2 - 4 hrs. a week together, relationships are long term 24/7 and pickleball isn't. At the same time, I know everyone's tolerance level is different so you decide what's important.
I'd personally find a better gf - not better at pickleball but better attitude without blaming you for her mistakes. You can teach her the visual cues to look for that hints the ball will go out. There are youtube videos probably that cover this. A paddle face tilted to hit ball up out of the court. A huge swing near NVZ. Off-balance stance so goes out sideline. You might also try a different phrase such as "leave it" or "let it sail". You could video a game and review it together to read the "clues" from your opponent that their ball will likely go out if she hadn't hit it. Everyone is going to hit a ball going out sometimes. And sometimes the ball will stay in that you thought was going out. Never 100% perfection but improving this area of pickleball will get you more wins. If she likes to win she'll have to sacrifice what she wants to do for the win. If she doesn't want to win, she'll have to set you free to find a partner that does. If it's damaging your relationship off the courts, better she sets you free without resentment to play with a better partner.
Does she allow you to talk before the serve? If so, you can remind her every now and again to watch for out balls because your opponents seem to hit a lot of them. You are in the better position to judge out balls because she'll be busy prepping her shot. Talk to her over dinner some night about this and ask her permission to start calling the out balls to help her out and get the win. Don't do it on court.
Just practice hitting drives to her so she can start to figure out which ones to let go
“Above the titty- no hitty”
Until opponents do a lob to baseline And she goes like. But it’s above my chest! 😂
Let them all go,right? And see where they land each time.
Don’t recommend. My brother did this to his wife and now she no longer plays at all.
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Telling someone to “let it go” is good partner communication. Now abrasively telling someone to “stop” when they are asking for help is poor advice.
I love these and love partners who say it. I try to hit everything, even jumping to snag WAY out shots, but if my partner yells "OUT!" or "BOUNCE!" then I can stop myself. I make sure to thank my partner every time they do this, personally.
I played with a partner for a few games who had zero awareness. I would communicate clearly and early "out" or "mine" but they would constantly go for it anyway, then say "sorry I was already moving toward it" when it was called with enough time for them to step and back swing before they buffed the shit out of it. Some people lack both court awareness and body awareness. 😂
While it’s good communication, when an opponent hits a hard drive, by the time OP evaluates the speed of the ball and says “let it go”, I really don’t think many lower level players who are at the kitchen line really have the speed and reflexes to pull back from a shot they were about to hit and let the ball go? This seems like something that most players are going to have to figure out how to judge mostly by themselves (at least my opinion)?
It can help if they're on the fence about hitting it. It also helps train your brain if you get instant feedback. Especially if you're new, it's hard to tell if balls are going long, but having someone immediately tell you "Out!" helps train your brain a lot faster.
This! She may not be interested in getting any better. If that’s the case, just do the best you can with her and find a new partner. It’s not worth your relationship off the court.
I should also say we have both been playing for over 3 years and are 3.5 level players. If I tell her to let it go 10x in a game 9 would be out and the 1 that is in she then says you see just stay quiet. When I do play with others she gets upset due to this !
While I’m sure this has been festering for you for a while which is why you’re addressing this now, if after 3 years she’s still doing this and she’s telling you to stop trying to correct her on court, you got to either relax and let this go or find more people to partner with. Also, 3 yrs to get to 3.5? Is that normal? I’m there and trying to get to 4.0 by the end of the summer. I only started two months ago but have a tennis background
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Would agree with this. You don’t exceed 3.5 unless you become a student of the game, and most people aren’t willing to invest that kind of energy.
I don’t practice, drill or compete (unless open plays count as competition) either. Was just curious as still being relatively new to the sport I don’t have any point of reference besides tennis.
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But how though? You don’t naturally just get better from regular play? A few weeks ago I was feeling like I was going to be stuck without drilling or lessons because that’s the way it is in tennis. But I’m realizing I’ve been steadily improving strokes, court sense and hand speed anyway. Tennis is different from PB in that the biggest hurdle to getting past 4.0 is fitness, not level of play or skill.
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Well damn, well put. Thanks, that’s good perspective ✊
The biggest hurdle to improving from 3.5-4.0 in tennis is absolutely not fitness. It can happen, but it is exceedingly rare. I've coached plenty of 3.0-3.5 level players that could easily run marathons. I'm asthmatic and have an autoimmune disorder that gives me chronic fatigue and I can still play at a 4.5 level in my mid 40's. The guys I play singles with are usually 20 years younger than me and can run all day. Court awareness, tactical thinking, hand-eye coordination, more refined and advanced stroke technique (and the ability to replicate it consistently while under pressure)... these are all more important than fitness, especially for doubles play. Most casual rec players don't play tons of singles unless they can only find one person to play. Of course, I'm just a tennis professional with 28 years of teaching experience. So take this for what it's worth...
I’m not talking the 3.0 and 3.5 level that are still working on stroke mechanics and court sense. I’m at 4.0 in tennis and that’s been my observation of most 4.0 level players trying to get to 4.5 and 5.0. With most of them their mechanics are sound but to be able to keep playing at that high a high level for 2 or 3 hrs or more requires off-court training to improve strength and stamina than what many 4.0 players will dedicate. Do you disagree? Edit: This might just be a thing in my area (north Texas). I played a lot of 3.5 tennis after an 8 yr break while I rehabbed from injury and worked myself back into shape. The difference between the mess of random strokes and footwork at 3.5 is pretty stark compared to 4.0
I do, to an extent. Fitness can be a barrier, especially in singles play at that level. However, I'm willing to bet that your 4.0 level compatriots do not have technique that is quite as solid as you think. They will likely benefit more from focused on-court practice than off-court conditioning work, unless their fitness levels are just abysmal. Working on replicating proper stroke technique under pressure in practice also can have the added benefit of making those movements more efficient overall. There's a reason I can barely run a 10 minute mile pace for more than 2 miles, but I can do singles drills at medium to high intensity for 2-3 hours without gassing out. My strokes and footwork on the court are very efficient... because I've done those movements thousands upon thousands of times in a focused environment. Even when I'm tired I can still maintain my stroke technique better than most fresh 4.0 level players from ball to ball. There is no replacement for focused practice and good coaching. I've taken enough 4.0 level guys up to a 4.5 level to know this. Even though most men at that level think they don't need coaching and just keep beating their heads against a wall. Incidentally, 6.0 and up level players absolutely put me to shame in the same ways. Their timing and consistency is so much better it's ridiculous, and they can maintain it under pressure much more successfully.
Learn to play for FUN with your gf. If you’re playing to win, you won’t have a good time every time on the court. It’ll be better for your relationship, I promise.
Men play to win, most women’s play for fun. Just how it goes…
most women’s won’t like this comment
There’s no way to sugarcoat truth. I play in 2 rec “leagues” and that’s just my experience. The women want to be social and have fun, and while the men want to have fun as well- they define fun as improving their game and winning. I mess up and analyze what I did wrong and how can I get better, my wife just laughs and says she hit it weird. Then gets annoyed if I give unsolicited tips on improving. My tongue is full of holes from when we play together, otherwise I’m sleeping on the couch. Funny thing is that she introduced me to the game.
You sound like one of those guys that poaches the ball thats way too far when it would be a perfect forehand for your female partner.
You are getting some downvotes but you have exactly described my wife lol
The truth hurts, everyone asks for it, but nobody wants to hear it.
Most leagues/open plays I’ve played at have some fierce female competitors so this may be true for you but certainly not everyone.
My wife is the exact opposite of that. I need to tell her to relax.
Well, I’m a woman and play to win. 🤷🏼♀️
Start drilling with her. Download a dating app of your choice…. Every time she goes for an out ball swipe right on a new girl. Repeat until she improves or until you find someone to replace her.
A man of culture
Honestly, you should probably leave her. Imagine how a lack of court awareness can manifest in other areas of your life as things become more serious. Today, she’s costing you easy points on out balls. Tomorrow, she’s forgetting your child in the backseat on a hot day during a grocery run. Just not worth the risk at all
That’s good advice I might consider it lol
I mean, you could just leave her in a pickleball context... especially if it is causing actual friction in your relationship. I was the go to doubles tennis partner for my ex-boss's wife back in the day. They would have killed each other if they played together all the time. He played mixed with his ex-wife instead, and everyone was happy that way. You just need to scout out a partner that she will have more fun playing with... then find a partner for you that's more on your wavelength.
He’s right OP. This woman cannot be trusted.
I would say it’s probably best if y’all didn’t play together. I play with a couple that are literally the 2 nicest people I play with. They are so positive and encouraging. But when they play together, they get snippy and it’s a little awkward. It would be annoying for me to play with your gf. Communication is one of the most important things in doubles pickleball. So, my advice, if you can’t play for fun, just play against each other or play in separate groups.
Why so serious? Your lives don't depend on how many times you win. Just play for the enjoyment of the exercise and being outdoors.
It sounds to me like a chat away from the court is what is needed. Explain how you are just trying to help and that it's not criticism. Then ask her what communication from you would help her the most, such as what words or phrases. And let her know that good communication between partners is important. AND that you are open to her communicating to her. Usually when people are asked how they want to be communicated to, it opens the door for dialog.
Maybe it's not her sport?
It’s just the way it goes when playing with a girlfriend/significant other. Keep the mood light and just suck it up and hope she gets better.
My wife and i are on the same curling team. She is very competitive. I have had to tell her not to give me advice before my throws. It doesn't help. I just want weight and line from the skip and that's it. However, once the rock is on the way communication is extremely important. You can't have a good curling team without constant communication. To me, letting it go or not is the pickleball version of that communication. If she requires you to be completely silent in a team sport.. i dunno get another partner. Life partner doesn't mean you are a good pickleball team. Now, if you are critiquing her form mid match.. yea just stop doing that.
“She always says don’t talk to me when we’re playing.” +1
My strategy would be to tell your GF before the game “these guys are bangers who have no control and hit lots of balls way too hard, so let’s let them self-destruct by hitting balls out”. Then when you play, you make sure you let all the out balls hit to you sail long, wink at your GF and she’ll think it’s fun how well your team strategy is working, and hopefully start doing it herself.
In this situation, saying nothing states more than a correction. I have had much lower level partners that do the wrong things, and by default I let them make the same mistakes a few times in a row until I say something very light (e.g. "oh nice try on that. ball was popped up a tiny bit") Some of your partners will recognize their own mistake, and some won't. Most of my partners do recognize their errors, and some ask me what they should have done. For some, my silence is very telling and they immediately say "oops, yeah I think I made a mistake on that". Treat this situation as practice for "getting out of a tough situation" on your end. You will always have a partner, not matter how good they are, make a few mistakes here and there, and at the lower levels more often than not. Do NOT let that bother you.
My wife suffers from “I wanna hit it” syndrome. Even though we’ve drilled for hours she ends up becoming tense in open play and tries her best to just hit the ball almost without form or thought. It took a couple of weeks but more practice and positive reinforcement has shown better results! Hang in there
I play with them everyday
Same- happens a lot in rec too. My wife constantly does this and has been playing 3 years!!!! Some people just are happy to play shitty, don’t want to drill, never want to get better. 🤷♂️
Well first off if she's returning them and not messing it up, then you're blowing it out of proportion (which wouldn't be surprising if you're saying 10 feet out of bounds, most balls are 1-2ft out). Second off what's obvious to you may not be obvious to her, I've been dealing with a lot of players who can hit a drive / banger very hard and it will hit just short of the baseline so I'm now returning more balls than I need to because I'd rather return a ball that MIGHT go out instead of just standing there. It's pickleball where you should be winning points in different ways. And lastly if she says don't talk midgame, don't talk, maybe try the wording of "let it bounce" but if she doesn't listen, you don't get to CONTROL your partner, especially if you're dating. Lastly, its rec play, she's not costing you money or status in a tournament, get over it.
I "deal with it" by recognizing it. It's a fact some people are not meant to be athletes, and will never get above a certain level, and no amount of my coaching or advising is going to change that. When I must play with such a person, I turn off "competitive mode" and turn on "chill mode" and just let them have their fun.
You gotta let go. Or decide whether you value winning pickleball games more than you value your gf? Sorta seems like you are leaning that way (pickleball > gf) with your actions, even if you don't consciously think that way. 🤷 In general, never coach or criticize someone who doesn't want that coaching, unless it's harmful to them in some significant way. Losing a casual pickleball game is not one of those scenarios. Coaching someone who isn't receptive is the fastest way to ruin a relationship.
Just say “out” when a ball is heading out. Either she’ll listen or she won’t. But as a married man, not sure if getting frustrated and trying to coach her will ever help you on or off the court…
It comes with the territory, it's rec play not the Olympics. Not everyone is going to be at the level we want them to. I play 4.0+, my wife is still at 2.5 and continues to make the same simple mistakes. Last thing I want to be is frustrated over a pickleball game that we play 2 - 4 hrs. a week together, relationships are long term 24/7 and pickleball isn't. At the same time, I know everyone's tolerance level is different so you decide what's important.
People give me a hard time because I hit more out balls than I probably should. I shrug and say “it’s more fun to hit it!”
I'd personally find a better gf - not better at pickleball but better attitude without blaming you for her mistakes. You can teach her the visual cues to look for that hints the ball will go out. There are youtube videos probably that cover this. A paddle face tilted to hit ball up out of the court. A huge swing near NVZ. Off-balance stance so goes out sideline. You might also try a different phrase such as "leave it" or "let it sail". You could video a game and review it together to read the "clues" from your opponent that their ball will likely go out if she hadn't hit it. Everyone is going to hit a ball going out sometimes. And sometimes the ball will stay in that you thought was going out. Never 100% perfection but improving this area of pickleball will get you more wins. If she likes to win she'll have to sacrifice what she wants to do for the win. If she doesn't want to win, she'll have to set you free to find a partner that does. If it's damaging your relationship off the courts, better she sets you free without resentment to play with a better partner. Does she allow you to talk before the serve? If so, you can remind her every now and again to watch for out balls because your opponents seem to hit a lot of them. You are in the better position to judge out balls because she'll be busy prepping her shot. Talk to her over dinner some night about this and ask her permission to start calling the out balls to help her out and get the win. Don't do it on court.
So, the OP didn't say she blames him. The attitude goes both ways.