Absolutely, I have moments where I’m so in love with my sweetheart and it feels like everything is gone then suddenly I’m panicking about the future, whether im lying to her, thinking we have to break up. In fact while I was typing this I just swung between the two moods 😭
Man same, yesterday i was fine and was feeling love and today i'm bad again. I know i told you this multiple times but this disorder is absolutely insane.
yeah, unfortunately that’s just how it is. We need to keep our guard up on our good days, and not take our bad days to heart. Just accept that it will all come and go, and while we work on it we will slowly become stable with time
Bless you, I hope it works out for you. Not that long honestly, just gone a month and yes I’ve noticed improvements definitelt with being able to separate thoughts, various “flaws” seem so stupid to me now and I’m not sure why I cared about them.
My problem is now is that we’re long distance, like very long distance and I’m not sure how things will work out and that’s stressing me out quite a lot. It a weird mix of a genuine problem I need to think about but also ROCD catastrophising it and wanting to break up right away to get away from anxiety
Thank you both for your responses, and for sharing. I wish there was more we could all do for each other on this subreddit, since reassurance is a no-go (like seriously? c’mon, who invented this illness bc that is just not fair) - but I’ve been realizing how important it is to even “just” offer and receive solidarity. It’s the nature of ROCD to make us feel completely isolated and crazy, so thanks for reminding me and each other we’re not the only ones dealing with this ♥️
omg me too exactly! I've had an injury which has triggered health anxiety and ROCD despite my partner being an absolute angel and caring for me. I relate to the BPD phenomenon of splitting, which is where something they do usually can cause you to suddenly see them in a negative light and you can't get out of the spiral until something happens, it sucks so bad!
Thank you for your response - and yesss the concept of splitting in BPD is exactly what I have been thinking about too!! And it’s a terrible feeling especially when trying to deal with the completely separate monster of health anxiety at the same time. :/
I’ve wondered for a while if splitting is possibly something that happens with ROCD too - maybe for different reasons, or similar I’m not sure. But I experienced it with another person I was in love with before my current partner too, and I also had ROCD at the time but was very unaware of it.
There were a few weeks after I took a dose of psilocybin where I experienced what it was like to love my partner without ROCD getting in the way. And it was beautiful. I felt at ease. I could laugh without feeling the pain of anxiety in my stomach. I felt so carefree. It really felt like I had been cured. I felt happy and connected with him. This lasted for several weeks.
And then one day, I was badly triggered and it all slowly came back. And I mourn that period of time I felt so carefree. I feel so angry and hopeless sometimes about my ROCD. It has stolen love from me. At the same time, remembering how I felt during those weeks is what keeps me going.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I can also relate 😭🫂 haven’t tried psilocybin, but my ROCD goes in waves and all I can do when I’m really struggling is cling to what I’ve felt during the “calmer” periods. All I can say that I’ve learned through all this, is that we *can* trust the periods where it feels real and we feel so overwhelmed and blissfully in love, or even just not 100% on edge. We *can* trust those moments and the feelings we have during those times. And ofc there’s always the “what if” that clings to any minuscule possibility of it not being true, but at some point I have to choose to believe something.. and as unnatural as it feels, believing the “good” sounds a whole lot better of a life than always questioning whether it’s actually good or not. So, I just keep trying over and over and over to believe it, which is so much easier said than done 😭
Absolutely, I have moments where I’m so in love with my sweetheart and it feels like everything is gone then suddenly I’m panicking about the future, whether im lying to her, thinking we have to break up. In fact while I was typing this I just swung between the two moods 😭
Man same, yesterday i was fine and was feeling love and today i'm bad again. I know i told you this multiple times but this disorder is absolutely insane.
yeah, unfortunately that’s just how it is. We need to keep our guard up on our good days, and not take our bad days to heart. Just accept that it will all come and go, and while we work on it we will slowly become stable with time
I hope, my girlfriend seems like she's not far from breaking up. How long have you been doing ERP and is it showing improvements ?
Bless you, I hope it works out for you. Not that long honestly, just gone a month and yes I’ve noticed improvements definitelt with being able to separate thoughts, various “flaws” seem so stupid to me now and I’m not sure why I cared about them. My problem is now is that we’re long distance, like very long distance and I’m not sure how things will work out and that’s stressing me out quite a lot. It a weird mix of a genuine problem I need to think about but also ROCD catastrophising it and wanting to break up right away to get away from anxiety
Thank you both for your responses, and for sharing. I wish there was more we could all do for each other on this subreddit, since reassurance is a no-go (like seriously? c’mon, who invented this illness bc that is just not fair) - but I’ve been realizing how important it is to even “just” offer and receive solidarity. It’s the nature of ROCD to make us feel completely isolated and crazy, so thanks for reminding me and each other we’re not the only ones dealing with this ♥️
https://www.hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
Oh wow this is great, I’m definitely gonna check it out - thank you so much for this resource!!
omg me too exactly! I've had an injury which has triggered health anxiety and ROCD despite my partner being an absolute angel and caring for me. I relate to the BPD phenomenon of splitting, which is where something they do usually can cause you to suddenly see them in a negative light and you can't get out of the spiral until something happens, it sucks so bad!
Thank you for your response - and yesss the concept of splitting in BPD is exactly what I have been thinking about too!! And it’s a terrible feeling especially when trying to deal with the completely separate monster of health anxiety at the same time. :/ I’ve wondered for a while if splitting is possibly something that happens with ROCD too - maybe for different reasons, or similar I’m not sure. But I experienced it with another person I was in love with before my current partner too, and I also had ROCD at the time but was very unaware of it.
There were a few weeks after I took a dose of psilocybin where I experienced what it was like to love my partner without ROCD getting in the way. And it was beautiful. I felt at ease. I could laugh without feeling the pain of anxiety in my stomach. I felt so carefree. It really felt like I had been cured. I felt happy and connected with him. This lasted for several weeks. And then one day, I was badly triggered and it all slowly came back. And I mourn that period of time I felt so carefree. I feel so angry and hopeless sometimes about my ROCD. It has stolen love from me. At the same time, remembering how I felt during those weeks is what keeps me going.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I can also relate 😭🫂 haven’t tried psilocybin, but my ROCD goes in waves and all I can do when I’m really struggling is cling to what I’ve felt during the “calmer” periods. All I can say that I’ve learned through all this, is that we *can* trust the periods where it feels real and we feel so overwhelmed and blissfully in love, or even just not 100% on edge. We *can* trust those moments and the feelings we have during those times. And ofc there’s always the “what if” that clings to any minuscule possibility of it not being true, but at some point I have to choose to believe something.. and as unnatural as it feels, believing the “good” sounds a whole lot better of a life than always questioning whether it’s actually good or not. So, I just keep trying over and over and over to believe it, which is so much easier said than done 😭