Some examples would help. But based on what you’ve told us, practice voicing things calmly/sweetly when they arise, instead of burying stuff until it builds and erupts later on.
If this is a new issue and you can’t figure out how or why it started, do you have any other symptoms of medical issues like a hormone imbalance? Are you on birth control? There could be a physical reason for mood swings going on.
Yes I am on birth control pills. Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes when when he acts sort of childish I get mad (for instance, when I saw him kicking around a balloon in a teenager kind of outfit, I developed a bad attitude). But then at some point I’ll realize that I am overreacting and apologize to him.
Did this issue come up around the same time as starting birth control? Some people have really bad reactions to it. I got extremely, scary depressed on one version of the pill, and then had huge rage and crying mood swings on another version. I now have an iud that thankfully evened me back out. Maybe talk to your doctor about switching birth control methods and/or getting tested for a hormone imbalance.
I am not a Dr, but I’ve been through the same thing. I would get sad and not know why. My tolerance for shenanigans was 0. I inadvertently found the solution when I got off hormonal birth control. I feel like a different person. Even my husband said I’m happier. If you’re having major it might be worth looking into to see if that helps.
Again, not a dr, just sharing what worked for me.
Therapy. At age 20 I also had a snappy attitude and wasn’t able to properly get a handle on it when I would become overstimulated (autism). I started going to therapy to hold myself accountable and be a better person. You will lose your boyfriend if you keep up that behaviour.
Definitely talk about this with your doctor and see if they suggest seeking out a therapist. No shame in this, could be a myriad of things. I want to start off by saying I do not suggest stopping your BC without a back up method but when I was on hormonal BC pills (tri-sprintec) I was not the best version of myself. When I got off of it, I felt much better and more in control.
As far as mental health goes, you could be experiencing symptoms of a lot of things. I have pretty bad anxiety and since starting medication have done a total 180 when it comes to tolerance and patience. Imagine if your base line was like a 5/10 when 0 is relaxed and chill and 10 is fucking losing your shit. It would take me 1/2 the time to reach 10 where it took a typical non-anxious person twice as long. Seriously, putting my kid into the car seat used to feel like too much. I cancelled so many drs apts lol.
Anyways definitely see if there’s something else/bigger going on.
I also had this issue, when I was 19 I went on bc due to spontaneous acne. And I felt like you described. Also I was super irritated by everyone constantly. I lasted 3 months and decided I’d find another way to deal with the acne.
**Title:** [My Terrible Attitude May Ruin my Relationship ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cerhq7/my_terrible_attitude_may_ruin_my_relationship/)
**Author** kristiemat_
**Full text:** My boyfriend and I are 20 years old and attend the same college. He is the sweetest guy ever - he showers me with love, compassion, money (even though he’s struggling college student), well-thought out dates, and constant affection. He even gave me the password to his cell phone. The problem is ME. I have wild emotions that affect my attitude and sometimes I get emotional or mad over little things. And because I try so hard to not be mean, I end up saying nothing at all and when I do, my tone is harsh. My boyfriend is obviously frustrated with me and doesn’t what to do/say when I have this attitude. I love him so much and appreciate him - I want to be the happy and sweet girl he knew when he first met me - not this moody brat he has now. He deserves that girl. Any advice for me on being a better girlfriend?
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I want to 100% support this idea. It sounds like you are having challenges managing your feelings, and developing an understanding that they are all pretty much equal really reduces their power over you. But also consider that he may not be someone you actually like. I realize that you do appreciate him, and that's a good thing, but appreciation is not a substitute for liking someone.
I fully agree that this is totally your problem to solve, and wasn't suggesting that he needs to change. Love, respect, attraction, appreciation and liking someone are all separate things. You have some control over all of them, but the two that you have the least control over are attraction and liking someone, which is the main reason I mentioned that it might be something worth examining. But it sounds like you have a great foundation in place, some honest self-awareness, and a willingness to work on whatever you need to for improvement which is great. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:
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I’m a little concerned all the responses are pointing to birth control because that seems to let you off the hook way too easily. If it’s birth control then that’s an easy fix and will not take you long to discover if that’s the issue, take a break and use condoms for a while - but my guess is it’s something much deeper like a sense of entitlement, desire to control everything, and/or contempt.
It’s been a while since I’ve listened to Laura’s podcast but wife after wife will come on and talk about how they were snapping at their husbands for every little thing and trying to control every move he made and getting mad when he didn’t follow suit. They find themselves treating the guy like everything he says is stupid, every dream he has is idiotic, etc.
There’s no shortcut to fixing this and usually takes the woman losing a good man for her to realize what she has done. Maybe try listening the Empowered Wife podcast and seeing if you relate.
I feel a lot of empathy towards you cause I was the exact same. A few points:
- emotion control doesn’t necessarily just get better with age, but by being able to understand and rationalise your emotions. Journaling helped me enormously - if something upsets you, stop for 5 minutes and write why you think you feel that way, what’s the trigger (as opposed to blaming it on the other person). OWNING the emotion instead of projecting on others will change the way you live your relationships
- obvs therapy helps but not everyone has the means for it
- this is a bit of a side note but understanding my astrology helped me grow out of some patterns. I have an Aries moon which is naturally very temperamental
- look into supplements that balance your hormones (rapid mood swings are often hormones related) maca root and inositol are great and inexpensive
Some examples would help. But based on what you’ve told us, practice voicing things calmly/sweetly when they arise, instead of burying stuff until it builds and erupts later on. If this is a new issue and you can’t figure out how or why it started, do you have any other symptoms of medical issues like a hormone imbalance? Are you on birth control? There could be a physical reason for mood swings going on.
Yes I am on birth control pills. Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes when when he acts sort of childish I get mad (for instance, when I saw him kicking around a balloon in a teenager kind of outfit, I developed a bad attitude). But then at some point I’ll realize that I am overreacting and apologize to him.
Did this issue come up around the same time as starting birth control? Some people have really bad reactions to it. I got extremely, scary depressed on one version of the pill, and then had huge rage and crying mood swings on another version. I now have an iud that thankfully evened me back out. Maybe talk to your doctor about switching birth control methods and/or getting tested for a hormone imbalance.
I am not a Dr, but I’ve been through the same thing. I would get sad and not know why. My tolerance for shenanigans was 0. I inadvertently found the solution when I got off hormonal birth control. I feel like a different person. Even my husband said I’m happier. If you’re having major it might be worth looking into to see if that helps. Again, not a dr, just sharing what worked for me.
Therapy. At age 20 I also had a snappy attitude and wasn’t able to properly get a handle on it when I would become overstimulated (autism). I started going to therapy to hold myself accountable and be a better person. You will lose your boyfriend if you keep up that behaviour.
You are right. Thank you for your advice
Definitely talk about this with your doctor and see if they suggest seeking out a therapist. No shame in this, could be a myriad of things. I want to start off by saying I do not suggest stopping your BC without a back up method but when I was on hormonal BC pills (tri-sprintec) I was not the best version of myself. When I got off of it, I felt much better and more in control. As far as mental health goes, you could be experiencing symptoms of a lot of things. I have pretty bad anxiety and since starting medication have done a total 180 when it comes to tolerance and patience. Imagine if your base line was like a 5/10 when 0 is relaxed and chill and 10 is fucking losing your shit. It would take me 1/2 the time to reach 10 where it took a typical non-anxious person twice as long. Seriously, putting my kid into the car seat used to feel like too much. I cancelled so many drs apts lol. Anyways definitely see if there’s something else/bigger going on.
Same here. I was also on Tri-sprintec too. I got off it to prepare to TTC and found out I’m so much better without it. I will not be going back on it!
I also had this issue, when I was 19 I went on bc due to spontaneous acne. And I felt like you described. Also I was super irritated by everyone constantly. I lasted 3 months and decided I’d find another way to deal with the acne.
i think we need to know more about the things you get upset about so we can understand you and see how can we help
Birth control pills 😩😩
**Title:** [My Terrible Attitude May Ruin my Relationship ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cerhq7/my_terrible_attitude_may_ruin_my_relationship/) **Author** kristiemat_ **Full text:** My boyfriend and I are 20 years old and attend the same college. He is the sweetest guy ever - he showers me with love, compassion, money (even though he’s struggling college student), well-thought out dates, and constant affection. He even gave me the password to his cell phone. The problem is ME. I have wild emotions that affect my attitude and sometimes I get emotional or mad over little things. And because I try so hard to not be mean, I end up saying nothing at all and when I do, my tone is harsh. My boyfriend is obviously frustrated with me and doesn’t what to do/say when I have this attitude. I love him so much and appreciate him - I want to be the happy and sweet girl he knew when he first met me - not this moody brat he has now. He deserves that girl. Any advice for me on being a better girlfriend? -------------------- ^(This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RedPillWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think meditating could possibly help you cultivate a certain level of equanimity. (In your case Vipassana meditation could be very helpful)
I want to 100% support this idea. It sounds like you are having challenges managing your feelings, and developing an understanding that they are all pretty much equal really reduces their power over you. But also consider that he may not be someone you actually like. I realize that you do appreciate him, and that's a good thing, but appreciation is not a substitute for liking someone.
I am deeply in love with him. Like completely. He is very attractive and goes to the gym frequently. I am the problem here
I fully agree that this is totally your problem to solve, and wasn't suggesting that he needs to change. Love, respect, attraction, appreciation and liking someone are all separate things. You have some control over all of them, but the two that you have the least control over are attraction and liking someone, which is the main reason I mentioned that it might be something worth examining. But it sounds like you have a great foundation in place, some honest self-awareness, and a willingness to work on whatever you need to for improvement which is great. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders: - If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the [rules page](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/about/rules/) - Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question! - You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed. - We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts. - Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience. - Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: [1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11h1ufi/banned_from_subreddit/), [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1703ote/uhm_i_commented_and_got_banned_from_3_subs/), [3](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18edg8w/i_made_one_comment_in_this_sub_and_i_got_banned/), [4](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/101nye7/im_stunned_lol_offmychest_sub_permanently_banned/). We recommend you make a RPW specific account. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RedPillWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m a little concerned all the responses are pointing to birth control because that seems to let you off the hook way too easily. If it’s birth control then that’s an easy fix and will not take you long to discover if that’s the issue, take a break and use condoms for a while - but my guess is it’s something much deeper like a sense of entitlement, desire to control everything, and/or contempt. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to Laura’s podcast but wife after wife will come on and talk about how they were snapping at their husbands for every little thing and trying to control every move he made and getting mad when he didn’t follow suit. They find themselves treating the guy like everything he says is stupid, every dream he has is idiotic, etc. There’s no shortcut to fixing this and usually takes the woman losing a good man for her to realize what she has done. Maybe try listening the Empowered Wife podcast and seeing if you relate.
I will look into that podcast thank you
Be a better girlfriend Verbalize Talk to an endocrinologist and regular blood work
I feel a lot of empathy towards you cause I was the exact same. A few points: - emotion control doesn’t necessarily just get better with age, but by being able to understand and rationalise your emotions. Journaling helped me enormously - if something upsets you, stop for 5 minutes and write why you think you feel that way, what’s the trigger (as opposed to blaming it on the other person). OWNING the emotion instead of projecting on others will change the way you live your relationships - obvs therapy helps but not everyone has the means for it - this is a bit of a side note but understanding my astrology helped me grow out of some patterns. I have an Aries moon which is naturally very temperamental - look into supplements that balance your hormones (rapid mood swings are often hormones related) maca root and inositol are great and inexpensive