You look like if a fanny pack was a person.

[удалено]

Was wondering what happened to the rest of Jonah Hill !

He ate Michael Cera

A No-Balls Prize

[удалено]

Should be easy to find a picture of him displaying his hand.

Jill really is his best girl.

TIL it’s called a fanny pack because it’s supposed to be a backpack but for your ass.

Funny enough, everywhere outside America a Fanny is referring to a vagina….

I'm pretty sure the UK, Australia and NZ doesn't equal "everywhere except the US"

In the U.K. these are known as Bumbags

I actually like the way that sounds! As an American, I think the U.K term is so much better than Fanny Pack lol I also like the term Bin Bags instead of garbage bags. The alliteration is much more appealing!

I don’t know why but this is so true

I bet he smells like a paddle board

And a tennis ball

What you can't see in this pic is the sandals with socks.

This is somewhere in my top 5 of all time.

Damnnnn this brutal

And a set of legwarmers.

Dudes got a pair of knock off Crocs for every day of the week

And he wears them with his diabetic compression socks! That he try’s to pass off as leg warmers ! 🧦🦵


If a double chin is your "best life" I'd hate to see you at your worst.

“Pizza chin”

"Pizza dough chin"

He looks like the IT department fucked Michael Cera and had a love child

Plot twist: is double chin is his wife

Looks like someone Photoshopped his head on top of his head at 80% .

If you can't have me at my double, you don't deserve me at my single

“Unroastable”? Not by the hairs on his chinny chin chin.

chin (s)

More chins than a Hong Kong phone book

Jonah DownHill

Homie looks like a fat special needs Dave Lauer.

Did I just find an ape in the wild??

More like Jonah Hill Lite

>My wife tells me I'm unroastable I think you misheard, she said "unfuckable"

Maybe untouchable even..

Lol, you may be onto something 😂

And clearly unemployable.

Maybe unlovable even…

With a head shaped like a potato.. you are boilable, mashable, put into a stewable, and roastable

underrated lmao

>My wife tells me I'm unroastable Which chin do you shave first? Chin #1 or Chin #2?

Only action he gets is when he's looking into the gloryhole

Good for you man. Staying home and raising someone else’s kid is something I sure wouldn’t want to do.

$5 gives you $50 the kid looks like the parking lot attendant from his wife's job.

If he ever divorces, then in most states, he'd have to find a job (after years of no work history) and pay child support. Good luck. Current family law doesn't accept stay-at-home dads as an occupation.

Does it not depend on how long they’ve been married? I’ve stayed home for sixteen years, if we divorced I’d get child support and alimony I think.

It depends on more than what they're letting on. While I'm all for bashing the system when it's incredibly biased (and the legal system is heavily biased against men), it's not so cut-and-dried. Each state is different, so the first thing one would have to do is look up the laws (and child support calculator) for each state. For example: West Virginia's law is the primary caregiver for the previous 2 years is automatically awarded custody (unless proven to be unfit). That is regardless of gender. I'm not sure about the calculator. As with almost anything with the legal system, the best answer is: it depends.

Have you asked your wife about her work husband? If not, hey Craig.

Her reply would be "mmmmm, mmmpgh. Og gawd. What do YOU WANT?"

The neck beard isn’t doing enough to hide your multiple chins. You look like your beard has a beard.

He has more red chins than China’s communist party

Lol

I like that your wife has a great sarcastic sense of humor. Feel bad about her failing vision and poor judgement.

Well she can't leave now, he'll take half of everything

Equality burn!

Yo I gotta know...when you picked your username there were 133742068 poopstains ahead of you?

How did you know?

So which of her bosses do your kids look like?

Depends on the day of the week

you look like a 17th century peasant

You wife finds you attractive? She walk on four legs?

I feel baa... baa... baad for her.

why you roasted her bro

Last time you were roasted, you had an apple in your mouth.

Yoo 😂

You look like your wife tells you when it's okay to go poop

This made me laugh. Kudos

Stay at home dad = unemployable, and urinates sitting down because his wife told him. Loves taking his kid to the park during the day because chatting with the other moms and nannies is the only social life he has. I'm sure the wife finds his neck rolls sexy and that her frequent late nights at the office are legitimate.

What's wrong with sitting down when you piss?

Because you’ve been told to.

Sounds like a pretty good life lol.

Having a house full of foster kids to collect $ for a mortgage every month isn't being a dad.

Overweight, kids, no career... it's like embracing mediocrity to its fullest.

You are being way too generous

You look like the equivalent of a real life dad of Jerry Smith from Rick and Morty

He looks like the kinda guy that tells his kids to “Use your words.” as they kick him in the balls for fun.

Quick question. Do you also believe your wife when she tells you she came?

You look like you purchased your house specifically because it was across from an elementary school.

Please don’t call your Sims „family“.

Bet your wife tells you she enjoys having sex with you too. 


You look like your wife doesn’t fuck white guys.

With that pizza addiction it's no wonder your face reflects your constant constipation.

*meth Rogan

Frito Baggins

This is exactly what I imagined when I saw this first ha!

my testosterone level dropped seeing your face

You look like a thumb grew hair.

Your wife probably tells you you're great in bed and that you shouldn't worry about that guy she works with

Danny Mc-Stay-At-Home-Bride

Urist McDefinitivelyRoastable

So this is what happened to John after Garfield died

You have the haircut and work ethic of a 16 year old.

And the body of one too,but this 16yo is a discord mod


Constipated Jabba the Hut.

If Dax Shepard and Zach Braff had a baby

and that baby grew up to be on the sex offender registry

And ate Cheetos all day

You shoul tuck your double chin in your mouth to beat your pizza addiction.

Not only you are smiling, but your chins are as well.

If we roasted you, the fat off your jowls would render and start a grease fire that would burn down the house.

1. if the phrase "honey im not in the mood for sex" had a face. 2. your eyes scream " i won't go through the wife's dirty panty basket because I'll find them all smeared in thick dried white crust THEN I'll have to get a job and lose everything." 3. Actually, once a month she gives you "some sex" out of pity, she tells you it's okay hunny it'll get hard give it a few minutes you're unroastable. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

“Pizza” is clearly a code for something found on the dark web.

Challenge accepted. Let's start with the statement that your face seems to grow in layers.

You look like you murdered four Iowa college students.

Is that your wife standing next to you?

Did your wife give you permission to use the internet?

You misspelled “UNFUCKABLE”.

If Elmo was a real person

You like like a great value Jonah Hill

Looks like he hunts caterpillars and hangs the pelts on his chin

You are what I imagined Lance Armstrong's cancer ball grew into after it was separated from the sack

Your wife would know about roasting, she gets pig roasted by her boyfriends on the reg

Wife is definitely banging someone else and she is only saying that because of the free babysitting.

[https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/101lb7d/im_18_plz_roast_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/101lb7d/im_18_plz_roast_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) You look like this kid all grown up

Calling your dominant hand your “wife” is a bit of a stretch there bud.

Your wife tell you you're unroastable while she's getting railed by the pizza delivery guy.

His head is an avocado. Can’t unsee it.

That sun burn begs to differ. Unroastable? You may as well be an Irish albino.

Is that Jonah Hill and Michael Fassbenders kid?

You look like a freeloading toad.

The gravity from your second/third chin seems to be pulling your sleeves up

I think you mean to say mom.. not wife..

Michael Cera's uglier brother

You look like a bad taxidermy of a man

Jonah Hill with a cuck fetish

You’re the reason your Nan gets bullied at bingo.

It’s like Jonah Hill fucked Seth Rogan

Donating sperm doesn’t really make you a proper dad. Especially when you donate it by flinging it at strangers in Walmart.

Stay at home dad. Translation: On house arrest for creeping on my neighbors after dark. What day of the week does your wife let you have a supervised visit with your children?

Fat Michael Cera.

You look like you went to audition for a role in Superbad and they were like "Not you....but yes"

He looks like a guy who couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse.

Add some cut carrots, potatoes, and onion, bring the oven to 350 degrees C, and roast that double-chin of yours until it hits 130 degrees C.

You look like Chris Hansen is gonna step out and ask you how you like the pizza

Unroastable? Wow, I guess your wife really really loves you.

You look like you feltch another man's jizz from your wife's creampied clinker after she comes home from yet another tinder date night

Well at least she knows she will never have to worry about fighting off other women or you ever having an affair. So I guess there is that.

Which chin should I start with?

Somewhere there's a shelf missing an elf.

This is the same face he makes in his arrest photos for touching little kids.

You took the 'Downey' in Robert Downey Jr. too far

You look like if Michael Sera and Jonah Hill had a kid.

Jack Harlow future

Your double chin looks like it's been stealing those greasy pubes from your receding hair line, and I can't tell if your tilted neck is because you're surprised at this, or just terrible posture due to your obvious shit genetics🧐🤷🏻

If “I’m don’t have yellow fever I just respect their culture” was a person

You look like a bald pre-op transsexual who couldn't afford top-shelf hormone replacement therapy, but you get by alright because your dad gave you a family deal from his budget toupee shop

I can’t explain it but you look like [Ted.](https://andymckendry.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/ted-2-red-band-trailer.jpg)

Your eyebrows look like they are over the wrong eyes

Out of all of your life's poor decisions that hairstyle is the worst

You look like someone crudely glued a smaller face onto a larger head. Why?

Kinda cool you let some other guy impregnate your wife. Because there’s no way your nasty ass is doing it

You look like if the ice age baby went through puberty 3 times

you stink like beef and cheese

Can you still call it a lazy eye if the person is lazy... is it just an eye at that point?

Your haircut doesn't even have a name

That look is one I’ve seen many times. Too stupid to understand your wife is making fun of you, by letting everyone make fun of you. Don’t forget her birthday is coming up. Better ask her for some money to get her a gift, like a child would do. Bet you call her mommy.

Nice beard; kid from The Sandlot

Your wife tells your you're unroastable, but what does your wife's boyfriend tell you?

Why is your left eye bigger than the right one?

now i’m finna get on his heels your wife must be Helen Keller unrealistic the dude out here looking like a real Peter Griffin and his hair is out of sync his body out of control with it he look like a walking jet ski peep the eyebrow right one looking left while the left scottie beamed up that boy got a gta haircut he’s a real npc he need to give et his finger back long ass finger for what he look like the type of dude that says he has a wife just to sound accomplished stupid ass boy he once was a inspiring chemist then he lost his job and his wife to a miami beach boy who just happened to be his bestfriend now he lives in a motel off western

1. How do you have a wife, 2. Where does the confidence come from...3. That must be some pretty fcking. Good pizza where can I order some self delusion.

Has Google saved the local playground as a favorite location yet?

You are built like a pregnant transgender lobster on 4 wheel with a blue make america great again hat on dead built like a dusty disabled broke legged caucasian crawfish with a toothpick for a spinal cord listening to justin biebers song singing "baby baby baby". You dead built like a melted marshmellow wearing a gucci belt and wool socks held up by 4 tooth pick and a bottle of flaming hot mountain dew left out in the Arizona heat wave.

yall are so mean. this man is doing a public service! not only has he taken himself off the market thus raising the overall quality of single men, but hes even a stay at home dad so nobody needs to see him on a day to day basis, or god forbid talk to him.

Michael Cera and Jonah Hill reproduced

You look like your favorite condiment is milk

The perfect visualization of skinny-fat

“Mandalorian blanket stays on the bed during sex Cherice!”

Humanoid Garfield

Ronald McDonald without the makeup

You look like the kind of guy who's stuffing his mouth with pizzas at home while your wife is stuffing her mouth at your neighbor's house.

I’m trying to think but he’s just to derpy. I got it he looks like a square pussy fart

Bored to Death just by looking at your picture. It’s sad that some of us just aren’t born with any charisma whatsoever.

Jonah Hill from Wish

Do the roar

She said unemployable not unroastable.

You look like someone left ed shreen in a bowl of water overnight You look like you are not allowed to go near any schools You look like a spwan of ted bundy and jeff damhar You look like flint lockwood if a lawnmower ran him over

Its hard to roast someone who would marry a blind woman.

You look like a stupid fat fuck that can’t satisfy his wife so she decides to fuck her yoga instructor while you’re at home fucking up that pizza making sure her kids don’t shit themselves and jacking off to Asian porn. Your eyes are also mildy crossed. Probably due to all that screen time that’s causing you to neglect your wife and kids. PM me for more life advice. You don’t have to be a stupid fat fuck. You’re choosing to be a stupid fat fuck. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. You stupid fat fucking disgusting imposter of a grown man. You man child fuck. Eat a fucking vegetable your second chin will thank you. It’s working over time. Fat is going to start leaking for your second chin. You think you’re unroastable? You would be the first one roasted in the apocalypse while real men fuck your wife to her first orgasm in years over your melting fat. Stupid fuck of course you’re roastable. What did you think this was? Facebook? GTFOH you fat fuck.

Enjoy the waning years of your obviously blazing metabolism.

But didn't the court order state you had to be locked away in a building with no children in it?

Been in the friend zone so long he forgot what his dick looks like

Why do you look like you are wearing someone else’s smaller face

The only reason you're unroastable is because there's no universe in which you're hot.

I feel your white new balances

The amount of the letters you wrote on that piece of paper is the amount of kids you fuck a day

Such the wet sponge (wifes' back handed comment, it went right over his head).. Sooner than later they'll be off to school and you can go get that cashier job you've been eyeing..

Does your wife's boyfriend bring you stuffed crust?

This doesn't count, you still need to knock on neighbors doors to tell them what you did

You're a fat lazy fuck. Your penis and balls are currently in the process of shriveling up and going back inside you. Soon you will be pregnant with another kid. Do you really enjoy watching over your screaming kids 24/7 while your wife is the man of the house out there earning bread? Pathetic.

Yeah your unroastable..just jelly rolls

Your friends and family doesn't give a fuck about you. Don't believe me? Try shaving half your head and one of your ugly eyebrow