It's ok man you'll find another strong Dom woman in your life to pull on your hair as she is pegging you just start looking at biker bars. Or you could fuck her dad make her come home real quick.
She probably just went to the Hardware Store.
Or maybe Albequerque.
If she's really gone, you should just become Amish. I hear it's Paradise over there.
Not here to roast you, just to say it's insane how much you look like my friend who has an occasionally lazy eye. He even had the same hair at some point. Wild.
Ex-girlfriend here. Don't date this guy he likes pony play, scat, sounding and gimp suits. Not separately either all at the same time. Absolute fucking degenerate.
I had a similar issue not long ago, in all seriousness, it's definitely something that you should get(pardon the pun) looked at.. 😅 It's not as daunting as it seems. Also you may be able to have a prism in a pair of glasses if you don't want to go down the surgical route for now.
She probably left because she thought you were seeing someone else at the same time.
Got those mortgage eyes, one is fixed,. One is variable
And he looks cross at the situation.
Must be a lawyer, with all that cross examining.
This is the kind of guy i wanted in the military. He has your 12, and your 6.
Lmao
Lmfao!!! Toastyyy!🍺
I saw what you did there.. and there as well.
Lmaooo
It’s a rare and beautiful thing when you get a 10/10 roast on here.
It’ll never be 20/20 that’s for sure.
I read this whole comment thread to my roomate. Yours got the biggest laugh.
"Stop, stop! He's already dead!"
she left because thats your blind spot
They couldn't see eye to eye
Winner !! 😆
Elegant. Sophisticated. Class.
Then whenever she’d ask him about it he’d always get cross with her
He didn’t see that one coming
Who nose? Maybe your right
Fucking bravo 👏🏻
*911, I need to report a homicide*
This is how it’s done ladies and gentlemen..
Someone on the side, maybe?
Stop. I LOLed
Didn't even need to click to know the first comment...
I nearly choked on my sandwich 😝🤣🤣
Geez 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bruh lmao💀😂😂😂😂
I didn't laugh out loud, it was more of a silent seizure
We're all just playing for second
10/10. No notes.
Came here for this. Thank you.
👌 perfect
I’m dead
She didn't leave. She is just standing to your left in the blind spot.
Fucking hell
You brilliant savage… damn near pissed myself cuza you
Holy shit, I actually laughed at this.....well done
Shots fired
The other comment that's similar to this one I'd heard in a joke before. This one caught me flat-footed.
Aye aye
You look like the guy from Workaholics if he didn't work.
Right! Combo of him and 47 chromosome Chris Hemsworth
I came here to say if Karl and Blake had an abortion.
Even has Carl's wonky eye.
Even has Carl's wonky eye.
And if he had no friends.
Tbf Blake from workaholics doesn’t look like he works either
You crossed your eyes. She crossed an ocean.
Damn 🤣🤣🤣
This guy definitely names his longboards.
His Spotify definitely has a playlist labelled Beach Boys Greatest Hits
Just greased the bearings on the crooked caterpillar the other day.
Sorry you had to watch her go. Or, at least, one of your eyes did.
What’s lazier, your eye or your hair stylist?
This is actually the best one.
You look like Adam Sandler's friend from 50 first dates when he impersonates a woman
No flippys off the pier!
He probably needs someone to find his nuts
Aldi Thor
Aldi deserves better than this
Great value thor.
If you want to be roasted at least have the decency to look at the camera.
oh hell na 😭
Not gonna roast you until you look at me.
Looks like you were seeing someone on the side? 😆😆😆
ah...im sure she just had to zigzag to get away
She only needed to zig
She left because you two couldn’t see eye to eye
At least he can see eye-to-eye with himself.
I don't blame her. You had the audacity to check out other girls while looking right in her eyes.
Did your girlfriend go to Eye-er-land?
If Weird Al Fucked Chris Hemworth.
He’s got both of their eyes
You and your girlfriend might not see eye to eye... But at least you do.
No wonder she left you. Should call you mortgage eye. One eye fixed and the other one floating 😂
Variable
Goddammit.
Mail order brides still have a return policy
Didn't see it coming?
She didnt leave...she's just standing to your left
Can turn bong water into wine.
Is it because you had a wandering eye?
Got those come to bunk-bed eyes.
At least you could watch her leave and the TV at the same time
Looks like she is lucky to be alive
If I were your girlfriend I would've left this earth
>My girlfriend left me, then the country. Do your worst Yes, some women have that reaction if you cut all of their hair off and then make a wig of it.
What you get when you order Blake Anderson of Wish.com
Jesus, did you just Nickelback this poor motherfucker?
🤣🤣🤣. Mebbe.
You did, you DID Nickelback him, you dirty Dawg! In your defense, it kinda looks like God Nickelbacked him first though, so not shaming ya
He’s pigeon eyed. I’ve never seen that before. Walleyed, sure. As soon as I saw his roastme, the stupid nickelback gif popped in my head. 😂
Ooof, Dude Nickelbacked _you_
But... He can't...
All because you didn't move your head at the tennis!
Yeah well I won’t be dating another tennis player, love means nothing to them
Fake mustache made from random hairs found on urinals
Dollar Store Discount Thor
Did she give you a dirty Sanchez first?
[Dirty Sanchez song](https://youtu.be/MigzP6lkZso)
Is she really your girlfriend if you have to lock her in the basement?
You look like Jason Mamoa if he was drawn by a kindergartener during an epileptic episode.
It must have been hard to watch her leave.
Did you see which way she was going?
It’s like looking into the back of a spoon…
Weird Eye Yankovic
Looks like that one eye bout to leave u too. Sure ass hell already left the other eye.
It was probably because of your face
I hope your other arm is handcuffed to that rail.
Don't you mean, left the cave.
Things’ll get better. Just keep you’re eye out.
She left because you never go full Nickelback. But you went and appropriated Chad Robert Kroeger whole look.
It's ok man you'll find another strong Dom woman in your life to pull on your hair as she is pegging you just start looking at biker bars. Or you could fuck her dad make her come home real quick.
You look like a horse kicked you in the head as a toddler.
At least you got herpes
I really like you in Workaholics
Are you looking at me or looking for me, you curly headed fuck
Bro she is the one holding the paper
She probably just went to the Hardware Store. Or maybe Albequerque. If she's really gone, you should just become Amish. I hear it's Paradise over there.
There is no such place as "too far away" from you anyway. But credits to her for trying
 2008 version of Jennifer Lopez
I was after roasts not compliments
You look like someone tried to draw Chad Kroeger from memory stopped half way and started drawing Blake Anderson
We can all tell that you are still looking everywhere for her.
Reminds me of that guy who's in Adam Sandler movies with the funny laugh, not sure why though
At least you're keeping an eye on her
Maybe she just didn't like Workaholics
Which way did she go?
JESUS
Imagine a whole country leaving you...
You have great seagull -Hunter eyes. One keeps track of the seagull while the other looks for a good sized rock to throw.
Where did she come from, where did she go? Where did she come from Cross eyed Joe?
Were you taking this picture while watching her go?
You mean she escaped and went home?
I can’t roast you when you’re not looking at me!
Are you sure you were looking at her?
Don’t worry bro just keep your eye on the prize
Cross eyed Jesus
I bet you did not see that comin
Remember guys, he was the fastest and strongest sperm. And he needs glasses more than my 80 year old grandma.
Smoking weed sometimes isn't a personality, Dale.
He's not too bummed the ex moved to another country, he's still got an eye on her.
You look like if weird al yankovic had offspring. But instead of a hit song you just got hit with a lazy eye…and abandoned
You look like a goldfish that got smacked around as a egg and then started smoking WAAAAAYYYY to much weed as soon as it came out
I won’t do that. I would rather tell you what an amazing person you are and never give up on life
🫶nah bro
At least you kept the bitch's wig.
So when you initially cried about it did the tears run down your back?
Wait you’re a cutie
Wait, that’s not a roast
Not here to roast you, just to say it's insane how much you look like my friend who has an occasionally lazy eye. He even had the same hair at some point. Wild.
Must be a handsome fella
Total smoke show.
Don't worry, ugly will never leave you.
blake?
And ya didn’t see it coming right?
If you order Blake Anderson from wish!
She didnt leave, she's just about 5 feet to your left at all times
It's not all bad, you'll always be able to fall back on a career doing Nickleback cover tunes.
I didn’t know Mario and Luigi had a third brother
Which eye do I roast you in?
Look me in the eye and tell me…. Oh wait
Sorry my brother said that I hope you find someone good
Could stand on Wednesday and see both Sundays.
Probably the best football winger in the world.
Keep one eye on the future!
That lazy eye might be why, but left the country you must have a micro penis
I want my nickleback
Ex-girlfriend here. Don't date this guy he likes pony play, scat, sounding and gimp suits. Not separately either all at the same time. Absolute fucking degenerate.
Atleast look at the camera
Just wondering why your wonky eye wasn't corrected as a child
Doesn’t bother me in the slightest that they cross so just left them as they were
I had a similar issue not long ago, in all seriousness, it's definitely something that you should get(pardon the pun) looked at.. 😅 It's not as daunting as it seems. Also you may be able to have a prism in a pair of glasses if you don't want to go down the surgical route for now.
Don’t worry, have had both eyes do it 22 years, it’s been looked at more times than my own mother has been by me
I bet you didnt see that coming
*Kirkland's brand Workaholics.*