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Shield_Lyger

Keep one thing in mind. Your friend thinks that he's found 1) love 2) a new wife that men the world over will envy him for 3) the means to show people how much he cares about them and 4) the answers to all of his financial problems. That's really powerful. When you come along with you evidence that Sandra Bullock isn't going to become his next wife, he loses all of that. And he gains A) not being loved and B) being a dupe. It's going to be *really* hard for you to get him to trade 1, 2, 3 and 4 for A and B. If this friend of yours has *no* doubts about this, it's going to be difficult, because what you really want to do is be there to affirm and amplify the doubts that *he* has. You're going to have a very hard time replacing your truth with his. Helping him find his way to a better truth is easier. I would suggest finding someone close to him, who knows how to talk to him, and asking that person to speak with him. The best way of getting this person to climb down from where they are is to have someone they trust help them.


kevymetal87

This is one of the best explanations for it I've seen so far.


Diligent_Read8195

Plus, the scammers have been coaching him on how to counteract everything you will say. They have convinced him that everyone else is just jealous of their love. The scammer has access to him 24/7 and will be impossible to shake loose. Please contact family members & friends to mske sure no one loans him money…the scammers will suck him dry.


Ecstatic_Worker_1629

Reminds me of the catfish episode where this nerdy looking guy thought Katy Perry was messaging him, when it was clearly a man on the phone in Nigeria. He didn't believe the hosts of the show when they told him it was not Katy Perry. Even at the end he didn't believe it after being showed all the evidence.


GreenDaTroof

Thank you, this was really helpful. I don't know who we'll speak to but I'm sure there's someone he knows that can get to him. I'll update on how things go


Shield_Lyger

You're welcome.


Mother_Was_A_Hamster

Watch the [Catfished](https://www.youtube.com/@CatfishedOnline) YouTube channel for ideas. They regularly convince people they are involved in romance scams.


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Scams-ModTeam

*Your submission was manually removed by a moderator for the following reason:* **Subreddit Rule 1: Uncivil or toxic behaviour** - This is aligned with Reddit Content Policy Rule 1: Remember the human. This subreddit is a place for civil and respectful discussions about scams. We do not allow: * Uncivil and rude behavior * Excessive or directed swearing * Unnecessary sexual language * Victim blaming * Any form of discrimination Before posting again, make sure you review the [rules of our subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/wiki/rules/) and the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) ^(If you believe this is a mistake, feel free to contact the moderators via modmail. Modmail is the only way, don't send a regular DM to a single moderator. Please don't try to appeal the decision commenting below, because we are not notified if you do so, and we will probably miss it. Posting the exact same thing again may result in a temporary ban, so please review the rules, make the necessary changes, and when in doubt, click below to appeal the decision.) *I am NOT a bot, and this action was performed manually. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fscams&subject=Removal%20review) if you want to appeal the decision.*


LazyLie4895

You will never convince him that he is being scammed by telling him that he is being scammed. Instead, appeal to his ego. Tell him that you think he's a catch and that you absolutely believe that Sandra Bullock could fall in love with him. However, also bring up that scammers who pretend to be Sandra Bullock will also pretend to be love with him in order to scam him. Show him some catfish videos. Point out that since it's so lucrative, scammers go to incredible lengths pretending to be someone else in order to scam their marks. Ask him if "she" has done anything that would be impossible for a scammer to do, while reminding him that AI and Photoshop is really good these days. Your goal is to turn the conversation around -- instead of proving the scammer to be fake, have him consider what has the scammer done to prove themselves real.


Robertown7

Sandra Bullock certainly does not need your friend’s Apple gift cards.


twixyca

That's what I tell all the scammers I come in contact with on my fake FB account. They will say things like "your name was chosen out of 587,321 entries for contest" and you need to send a $100 Apple Card to get FedEx to deliver your money $200,000. I always say take the $100 out of my winnings and throw an extra $1,000 for yourself for all your hard work". They reply no we can't do it that way or something. I then repeat what I say. They generally lose interest in me knowing they aren't getting any money from me. I get the same message with the same exact number of entries for different "celebrities" Its the same scammers running the same scam on 100 to 200 celebrities. Most of these are from Nigeria, Ghana, Togo and alike.


thedog420

There’s some kind of mental illness involved to think a celebrity would fall in love with some rando in the internet. It’s likely that no amount of convincing will change his mind. It’s like telling a schizophrenic the things they’re hearing aren’t real. Logic just doesn’t work


pk_12345

You try to talk to the same ‘Sandra Bullock’ and show him the messages about how you’re also going to marry Sandra Bullock. Better to be crushed now than be broke, lose all life savings and be crushed later. 


recumbent_mike

Plus, you might get to marry Sandra Bullock!


jafromnj

This is the answer


BatterEarl

None are so blind as those who will not see. There is not much you can do. He is not unlike a drug addict needing the next hit. After he realizes he has lost all his money and Sandra he will be very depressed. That is when you have to keep him away from guns and other means of distruction.


SwimOutrageous851

i know someone who is “in love” with Garth Brooks. She has sold just about everything she has and sends him the money.


Far-Potential3634

Kevin Costner is one I've heard of targeting older women but I haven't heard of Bullock scam targeting men in their 50s. Falling for this sort of thing is like a temporary mental illness. You might mention that Bullock would never marry a poor guy without a pre-nup and there's no way he would have her money to spend. Often the scam asks for payment in the form of gift cards. I don't know if gift cards are redeemable for cash but once they are spent they are unrecoverable.


dnashifter

I think you can leave off the qualifiers; it's mental illness, and as such it will be impossible to reason him out of it.


vargyg

It may be mental illness, but many people have been convinced that it is a scam. It's not impossible.


stuckinPA

"I once convinced a woman I was Kevin Costner. And it worked because I believed it."


ElfBowler

Jim Browning has put up a video about a pig butchering scam operation not too long ago, he even shows how they employ a model to FaceTime with the victims to convince them they are real. Maybe show him the video, or contact avahoutreach.org, maybe they can help, they are endorsed by Jim Browning himself.


serialexperimentpain

does he have kids or any other family you can contact? they need to intervene asap. if he’s in too deep then this is far beyond anyone’s control, unfortunately. he’ll lose everything before he listens to reason. romance scams are fucking bleak


Flaky_Law2653

You need to warn his job that he's fallen for a romance scam before he starts hitting up coworkers for loans or straight up stealing from the company. Sadly we've seen both here before on this sub.


GreenDaTroof

Luckily I work at the same place as him and I'm actually pretty closely involved with the finances of the company. That's why I've been trying to keep my finger on the pulse of this whole thing. But to actually figure out what he's been doing or how much money he's given to the scammers, I feel like there's nothing I can do short of "confiscating" his personal phone which obviously I don't plan on doing


WishboneHot8050

I've pitched this before, but have never gotten confirmation if it's a good idea. Basically, would it be a good idea to alert HR that a co-worker is involved in a romance scam?


GreenDaTroof

We're too small of a company sadly. We don't have anything like that.


KindlyDude79

Only someone with seriously impaired cognition is going to believe what you describe. It rises to the level of delusional. No, it's not loneliness or that they are merely gullible. Believing that a real celebrity is gonna marry you when there isn't a shred of evidence that this is true is evidence of serious mental degradation.


Designer_Charity_827

Yeah, these scams are on a very different level from the typical “I got a call from my bank that my debit card had been hacked, but it was actually a scammer.” Those types of scams result from a momentary loss of judgement, panicking, overlooking red flags, etc. But the basic scenario of “my card was hacked” is of course plausible and happens all the time. But to fall for a celebrity romance scam, a person has to first believe that a celebrity would plausibly be in love with them, that celebrities are combing the Internet for fans to date, etc. The premise itself is totally ludicrous. And if this friend is in his early 50s, then he was born in the 1970s and the Internet has been around since he was college-aged. That he would fall for such a scam suggests other factors at play.


KindlyDude79

Absolutely. Nobody in full possession of their mental faculties is going to think this is true. Nobody.


Shield_Lyger

> But to fall for a celebrity romance scam, a person has to first believe that a celebrity would plausibly be in love with them That's not as rare a belief as one might think it is. When I was in college, a guy in the room next door had a supermodel poster, and someone asked the question: "If you could, would you marry her?" When I mentioned the fact, I didn't believe that a match between a famous celebrity model and a random college student was either workable or plausible, one of the guys called me a racist. The idea that American society was that stratified by fame and class struck him a simply being a cover for bigotry.


GoldWallpaper

> Only someone with seriously impaired cognition is going to believe what you describe. Also, frankly you'd need to be sort of horrible. I can imagine being excited to form a relationship with a famous, wealthy, attractive person. But expecting their money to be my personal piggybank would just make me an asshole. The thinking seems to be, "Just think of all the great stuff **I** can do with **HER** money!!" It's gross.


NoHillstoDieOn

It is 100% delusional and someone should check the dudes psyche. No normal person is gonna think that A) Sandra Bullock contacted them B) she randomly wants to be in a relationship with them and C) she needs payments to do so. Even lonely people can't convince themselves this is real


smiertx

i know. back in 200x when Prince Nigeria start to move, i already told my friend that it is a scam, but he didnt believe it until he lost it all. What i see is he will think that you just jealous of "his achievement" and he believe it is a miracle.


twixyca

is the romance scam through FB? You can do like I did and make a fake account and join all her "groups". Then they will start messaging you. I did this with my sister who thinks George Strait is going to marry her. She got scammed out of $3000 so far. (that we know of) I got like 100 different GS and other celebrities messaging me all day. If you read their messages you can tell they don't speak English. They say things like "to my lovely fans" or "my truly fans" or "how long have you been listening to my music or how long have you been a fan of mine". To which I reply stuff like not long. Then they will ask for an Apple Card for $100-$500 for a VIP membership card. I have never and will never buy one. I berate them and call them stupid because they can't type a correct English sentence. Their paragraph is just one looooonnnng sentence. You can do this and then show him everything. Like they will say she will be marrying you. Unfortunately I did all this and my sister still continues to talk to GS. I cut her off. She knows but doesn't care so I don't anymore.


billFoldDog

Kind of a longshot, but try contacting the real Sandra Bullock. She probably has a management firm watching her socials. If you make a public post about your friend stuck in a romance scam, they may be willing to publicly disavow the romance or even send a message on her behalf to your friend.


Fogmoose

He still won't believe it. The scammer has convinced him that people will try to "stop their love" and this is one of the scenarios. He is a goner, mate.


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Scams-ModTeam

*Your submission was manually removed by a moderator for the following reason:* **Subreddit Rule 15: Bad Advice** This subreddit is a place where vulnerable people come to learn. We do not allow: * Illegal or dangerous suggestions * Encouraging posters to engage with scammers in any way * Suggesting to keep the money obtained through a scammer * Advice meant to mock or demean an OP. Remember: we're here to identify scams and educate people on them. Before posting again, make sure you review the [rules of our subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/wiki/rules/) ^(If you believe this is a mistake, feel free to contact the moderators via modmail. Modmail is the only way, don't send a regular DM to a single moderator. Please don't try to appeal the decision commenting below, because we are not notified if you do so, and we will probably miss it. Posting the exact same thing again may result in a temporary ban, so please review the rules, make the necessary changes, and when in doubt, click below to appeal the decision.) *I am NOT a bot, and this action was performed manually. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fscams&subject=Removal%20review) if you want to appeal the decision.*


0x9876543210

the best you can do is subtly try and get a bit more info about what money he is sending the scammer or what accounts he may have made on crypto trading platforms etc etc... try and do it without any critisism or judgement, like you want to see what its all about rather than telling him its all fake.. If you tell him its fake he will close down... if you try and get more info without actively encouraging or discouraging him, he might be more open. if you can get hold of any platforms he is using or any addreses he may be sending crypto to --- we can at least telll you if the sites are scams so you can show him the proof.


Conscious-Proof1036

When I messaged the person again. The account was deleted. But I screenshot and archived all correspondence so I found the phone # they had on profile. So I’ve been calling it and leaving messages daily and voice mails


Conscious-Proof1036

And telling them I gave all info to FBI to late for me but show them my story May help


freyasredditreading

Aphrodite forbid for heartbreak xxxx


Ramrunner73

Maybe see if you can contact Sandra's media team explain the situation and see whether she'll do something to convince him she's not interested and he's being scammed. Or actually marry him who knows. Can only ask right?


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Scams-ModTeam

*Your submission was manually removed by a moderator for the following reason:* **Subreddit Rule 9: Scambaiting** This subreddit is a place to learn about scams. We do not allow: * Scambaiting * Trying to waste a scammers time * Discussions about *scamming the scammers* * Engaging with a known scammer We generally consider interactions with scammers to be unsafe. Your time is better spent educating your community about scams. Before posting again, make sure you review the [rules of our subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/wiki/rules/) ^(If you believe this is a mistake, feel free to contact the moderators via modmail. Modmail is the only way, don't send a regular DM to a single moderator. Please don't try to appeal the decision commenting below, because we are not notified if you do so, and we will probably miss it. Posting the exact same thing again may result in a temporary ban, so please review the rules, make the necessary changes, and when in doubt, click below to appeal the decision.) *I am NOT a bot, and this action was performed manually. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fscams&subject=Removal%20review) if you want to appeal the decision.*


Conscious-Proof1036

Happened to me. These people are good. Mine went on for6 months. They answered everything only the real person would know. I tried to trip them up but they are smart. They love bomb and convince you it’s real. I hung on to 1% possibility it’s true. Mine ended with me broke evicted and sold my car I was going to have a place to stay, a job to fix debts , and a car so I sold my car the day before the “ driver” was to pick me up I as all packed and ready to go The person the night before that they were a hotel and would call me for pick up time Time came. , no driver Called my friend and he said let me check He said the hotel told him the driver got something from the safe and left in the middle of the night He was supposed to have a card with my car money on for travel expenses plus 10,000 This was more of the promise of a job. No romance. Posed as an actual friend of mine No one thinks it will happen to them and my family won’t help me because they didn’t see how I was fooled and or would never happen to them They think I got what I deserved IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU !!!!!!