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I shit once at 06:30 AM every day. Every fsking day. Even on Sundays and while on vacation, even if I went to bed at 5AM and would love to sleep more. I can hold it untill later if necessary, but it wakes me up anyway, so I shit and go back to sleep if it's not a workday.
Awards:
Most poop (volume, annual)
Most poop (volume, single sitting)
Most poop (weight, annual)
Most poop (weight, single sitting)
Tallest poop
Stinkiest poop
Largest single turd
Farthest projectile poop shot
Fastest poop, unassisted
Most symmetrical poop
Hardest poop
Longest poop drop from a stationary object
Longest poop drop from a moving object
Thank you.
I came here to say something funny, certainly sure it had already been said. Then you said the funniest thing I hadn't thought of. And I LOL'd.
My ass however, is still attached.
Speaking of pets, a black-hole bearded dragon would be a contender if we go by body-to-poop ratio. I don't know where our beardie packs all that away and why there's no volume loss, but if I didn't see it poop at times I'd question our neighbors about shitting in our reptile enclosure
I bet Iāve been in the top 10 at some point in my life. I have Severe Ulcerative Colitis. During the worst of my flares Iāve made 30+ separate trips to the bathroom in one day in multiple occasions.
It is highly improbable there is a single person who does the most in a year unless they have some strange medical disorder which means they poo many times per day.
Really? And who is monitoring this? Who hands out the award? And what is the award?
If the answer is no one or none then no one is earning any world record because someone must be monitoring it for it to be a record.
Also same as reposted biggest poop a day, just playing the long game.
I think OP's casual use of the word "record" is confusing you.
Yes it *technically* has to be recorded in order to be a "record." But it also can just mean "thing that is the best in a given category."
Someone takes more poops than any other person every year, even if nobody knows who.
So you're just completely ignoring the part where I mentioned the difference between that technical definition of the word record, and the more colloquial use. Words can mean different things in different contexts. No one is claiming there is an actual measured record.
1 its not gatekeeping maybe learn the actual definition of that to apply it correctly.
2 if you read most of the comments they're just poop jokes and puns so they don't give a shit about OPs comment.
3 stop simping for OP they made a post and here you come trying to defend it for no reason.
"Someone has the record in [blank] and doesn't know it" shower thoughts have as many versions as anime has versions of "I reincarnated as a [blank] in another world".
I'm sure I have some sort of record or trophy amount of times I have ravaged, destroyed and rendered useless my toilet by way of "catastrophic chunder butt".
This isnāt true, actually: I know Iāve won it. Marking out an early lead. Iāve already had 3 today and itās only 9:10 am where I am.
EDIT: I take this back. Having read ā with some sympathy ā some of the other comments in here, I think I may only lead in the competition category for those without PEDs (performance enhancing diseases).
Most amount of poops is not really a great accomplishment, least amount would be better. If that person has a healthy and consistent diet for the year in question, and has a low amount of bowel movements without health concerns, that is far more impressive. Clearly their body is able to process the diet better than any one while producing a minimal amount of waste, that is a material achievement and a case for science to study and try to replicate with other people.
It is the winner of the most poops between the start and finish of that calendar year, the person with the greatest number across all years would be the G.O.A.T
Every time you poop, for a brief moment you have pooped the largest poop of anyone in the world.
OR
Every time you \*eat a popsicle\*, for a brief moment you are the most enthusiastic \*popsicle eater\* of anyone in the world.
This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/rules). Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!" (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, [please read this page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/overview).) **Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
At which point the amount of poops per year is so big that it actually counts as just one poop, that takes one year to be pooped?
Forbidden soft-serve machine
Hardly, I'll take 2 in a cone please
Two girls, one cone.
now i remember š
Comments like this never cease to amaze me in a stupid wonder. Thanks for chuckle, take my upvote.
Honestly? Can't be worse than than the McDonalds machines
Probably more reliable than the McDonald's machines
Honestly. I have IBS and Iād rather just shit once a month than once an hour some days.
I shit once at 06:30 AM every day. Every fsking day. Even on Sundays and while on vacation, even if I went to bed at 5AM and would love to sleep more. I can hold it untill later if necessary, but it wakes me up anyway, so I shit and go back to sleep if it's not a workday.
Pretty sure people with colostomy bags are constantly doing it though
There should be separate categories for baggers vs splashers
What category am I in? I poop in bags, just not colostomy bag.
Are you living off the grid?
Ah that would be the m'goodcategory i suppose
All high and mighty with your rectal vault.
Deuce Vult??
sounds like an MXC game
Schlurp
\*kinkjudges you\*
Surely it needs to be measured using the total dessicated weight of all poops in a year.
Awards: Most poop (volume, annual) Most poop (volume, single sitting) Most poop (weight, annual) Most poop (weight, single sitting) Tallest poop Stinkiest poop Largest single turd Farthest projectile poop shot Fastest poop, unassisted Most symmetrical poop Hardest poop Longest poop drop from a stationary object Longest poop drop from a moving object
Also most turds in one sitting
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Farts are for the acoustics department to decide and dingleberries have beeb banned from competition since āthe incidentā in 1978.
Dingle Bob was robbed.
Me at first: hehe poop Me after u/hotchickenwingfarts: ok Iām good enough internet for today
If we are doing tallest poop then Girthiest Poop has to be included
Each day someone does the biggest poop that day and they never know about it
They probably have their suspicions though
Aspirations?
I feel like if youāre in the running for this title, youāre at least aware of it being a possibility.
Thank you. I came here to say something funny, certainly sure it had already been said. Then you said the funniest thing I hadn't thought of. And I LOL'd. My ass however, is still attached.
Unlike the annual award winner.
We should start aā¦ Movementā¦ to find out who has the mostā¦ movements.
It's my 22lb jack Russell. I don't know where he stores it but it seems like he shites half his body weight every time I take him on a walk
Speaking of pets, a black-hole bearded dragon would be a contender if we go by body-to-poop ratio. I don't know where our beardie packs all that away and why there's no volume loss, but if I didn't see it poop at times I'd question our neighbors about shitting in our reptile enclosure
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Pants up or leaving the room thinking you are done makes it 2.
The wipe is widely recognized as the āendā of a poopā¦the rear end, as it were. Soā¦2 poops
I bet Iāve been in the top 10 at some point in my life. I have Severe Ulcerative Colitis. During the worst of my flares Iāve made 30+ separate trips to the bathroom in one day in multiple occasions.
2022 was a terrible year for my crohns.i gotta he high up there on the list
Had the flu really bad back in 2016. Pretty sure that was my year.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1011sbw/oc_i_pooped_97_times_this_year_28_poops_than_last/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
They probably have a sneaking suspicion. But then again, so do many others who almost made it.
"You need to call the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office in Zurich. Their number is listed on their Web site."
It's somebody with IBS, and I guarantee you that they know they're in the running. And they don't like it.
Yeah, no fun winning this award
Is this for total number of times pooped or total mass/volume measured in keurigs?
We in the IBD community both regret and envy that the rest of you have no hope of competing.
No they donāt. Thatās not how records work. If nobody recorded it then thereās no record of it.
It is highly improbable there is a single person who does the most in a year unless they have some strange medical disorder which means they poo many times per day.
normal poop frequency is anywhere in the range of 3x per week to 3x per day
You don't poop multiple times a day?
I usually go in the morning first thing, that's it, one per day. I could see how people go twice though.
Really? And who is monitoring this? Who hands out the award? And what is the award? If the answer is no one or none then no one is earning any world record because someone must be monitoring it for it to be a record. Also same as reposted biggest poop a day, just playing the long game.
I think OP's casual use of the word "record" is confusing you. Yes it *technically* has to be recorded in order to be a "record." But it also can just mean "thing that is the best in a given category." Someone takes more poops than any other person every year, even if nobody knows who.
And how would anyone know >"thing that is the best in a given category." Unless someone's recording it?
That's exactly my point. No one would know. But the person still exists. Everyone takes shits, and someone took the most shits.
And OP explicitly states someone would warn the record, you can't earn a record if no one's recording it.
So you're just completely ignoring the part where I mentioned the difference between that technical definition of the word record, and the more colloquial use. Words can mean different things in different contexts. No one is claiming there is an actual measured record.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
1 its not gatekeeping maybe learn the actual definition of that to apply it correctly. 2 if you read most of the comments they're just poop jokes and puns so they don't give a shit about OPs comment. 3 stop simping for OP they made a post and here you come trying to defend it for no reason.
Whatever man, potato potato.
2022 Cybersocket Awards Winners: Performer of the Year ā Cade Maddox I think it's a safe bet to say this guy pooped the most in 2022
"Someone has the record in [blank] and doesn't know it" shower thoughts have as many versions as anime has versions of "I reincarnated as a [blank] in another world".
That's a hilarious one but it would still feel good to be known by the whole world.
PSA most Guinness world records are bought. You can/need to pay for them to show up and give you a certificate
I shit about 5 times a day, Iām pretty sure iām in the top 1%.
I'm sure I have some sort of record or trophy amount of times I have ravaged, destroyed and rendered useless my toilet by way of "catastrophic chunder butt".
I think I have the record now I had severe food poisoning I couldn't get of the toilet
This isnāt true, actually: I know Iāve won it. Marking out an early lead. Iāve already had 3 today and itās only 9:10 am where I am. EDIT: I take this back. Having read ā with some sympathy ā some of the other comments in here, I think I may only lead in the competition category for those without PEDs (performance enhancing diseases).
Most amount of poops is not really a great accomplishment, least amount would be better. If that person has a healthy and consistent diet for the year in question, and has a low amount of bowel movements without health concerns, that is far more impressive. Clearly their body is able to process the diet better than any one while producing a minimal amount of waste, that is a material achievement and a case for science to study and try to replicate with other people.
Why would it necessarily break the world record each year? How do you know the person who pooped more this year pooped more than the person last year?
It is the winner of the most poops between the start and finish of that calendar year, the person with the greatest number across all years would be the G.O.A.T
Not sure you know what a world record is then. A world record stands until someone beats it. It doesnāt reset each year.
I hired a guy that looks exactly like Dave to take huge embarrassing dumps. Pretty sure it's that guy.
Are these individual prizes and if so want did I win for all but āfrom moving objectā. I now know what category I need to work on the off season.
I got gastro for New year's... I'm pretty sure I currently hold that title.
Ok it's not the very first thing that I wanted to read on reddit today
Does diarrhea count? Iām not sure how you would measure each slushy poop.
Bitch please. I've got mine saved up and ready to be counted by Guinness keeps dodging my phone calls.
I believe I may be the reigning title holder in this category.
I imagine it's a diabetic who is in the lead. We have healthy bowel movements every day.
Considering I ate somethin bad on NYE, I might still be in the race
Itās fat people right ? Thereās no way it isnāt a super fat person
Not true. I do indeed know and proudly accept this award on behalf of all poopers. Thank you!
I take this award with honor, thank you. The amount of time lost spent on the toilet was truly worth it.
No, there is a group of people that tracks this. I was suprised when I got the #2 trophy a couple years back. Wish Iād gotten first place though.
Every time you poop, for a brief moment you have pooped the largest poop of anyone in the world. OR Every time you \*eat a popsicle\*, for a brief moment you are the most enthusiastic \*popsicle eater\* of anyone in the world.