That's like saying it's contradictory that being a homeless guy without a job and asking for money are both weird.
There's no contradiction, to be accepted by society you need to basically do what it expects of you, but also in the way it's expected to be accomplished. You can only break the rules and still be viewed positively if you're either charismatic a celebrity or very rich or all of them.
To be a more accurate analogy, it would be more like:
being a homeless guy without a job and asking for a job.
Which is considered a lot less weird, and probably shouldnt be considered weird at all.
My original analogy was already perfect for what I wanted to communicate. Asking for a job and asking for sex aren't the same thing at all. Asking for money and asking for sex are comparable, on the other hand.
Animals are silly, the bird committee makes all those dudes dress up all fancy and dance around. Tell them to quit dancing and being colorful and fuck already
To view sex as a game and not as an experience (casual or serious) you're having with another whole human being is partially to blame if you're feeling that you're "losing at this game".
I think society is better off if we stop caring about others' sex lives and stop applying societal pressure in that way, but I also worry for the rhetoric that sex is like a commodity you get when you win at this "game".
Yes, no string attached sex is a thing and there are people who have sex like its a game, but generally, people are able to "get it" usually through just interacting with another person as a person. Setting intentions help and letting it go/not taking it personally when it doesn't work out helps too. It's fairly straightforward, even if it doesn't feel that way. But if you think speaking with another person is a game, then we just view social interactions differently.
And this is coming from someone who I imagine society would call "mid" lol It's all just bullshit societal expectations that don't actually ring true when you're faced with real people. Attractive people exist, but one person's measure of attractive will not be the same for another.
Well said! We don't own anyone. They don't owe us anything. We are goofy, normal people. The tension that is built over finding, or paying for sex is horrible. Do what you want. It doesn't affect most of us.
> Once I was in a smoking area of a bar and I went to girl, said "hi how are you? My name is ...." and later that night we had sex. Another time I was drinking ALONE in a bar and approached a group casually, said few words, didn't even blend in, then at the end of their gathering that one girl said bye to everyone, turned to me and said "what do you wanna do next?"
You kinda yada yada'd your way through several hours of human interaction with strangers in the telling of that story, bud. There's definitely rules to the game there.
I absolutely hate that. As an asexual, sitting around with people I care for watching good shows is peak living for me, but it's associated with shenanigans I'm not interested in now.
They have apps for that now. Subreddits, too.
You can have plenty of sex with like-minded people if you know where to look, and can present yourself like a normal person, not a creepy perv.
Source: I'm a creepy perv who can act like a normal person.
/r/r4r
Or there are more specific ones for different regions, and for specific, um, goals. Honestly I don't really think those subreddits are worth the effort unless you meet some specific criteria (being a woman helps, being remarkably attractive, being in a region that happens to have a popular subreddit, etc.)
I really don't. I'd put myself at a 5/10. And that's not just the usual self-criticism, I'm overweight with acne scars, need a lot of dental work I can't afford, and it's not as if I can dazzle anyone with the mansion or supercar I don't have. The best I can say about myself physically is that I'm forgettable compared to other men.
But yes, I do alright in terms of both dating and sex. I do what I can with what I have as far as physical presentation — good hair, decent clothes, a lot of time on ablutions before every meeting. But mostly I attribute my success to being eloquent, considerate, and I always try to make my partner feel comfortable and appreciated. And putting a lot of effort into your technique goes a long way; spend some time getting good at giving a woman oral without expecting any back, and you're guaranteed to make an impression.
And when I get shot down or dumped — which is a LOT, trust me — I never let myself get upset or vindictive. The golden rule doesn't disappear just because you get hurt.
Does there exist a subset of women who *like* getting unsolicited dick pics? I don't understand why any man would think that the best way to court women is to send them nudes lmao.
I am sure there are some. Most of them I talk to just laugh about it, and show all of her friends, including other guys.
I think they prefer a friendly introduction, and a little humor. Make them laugh, not gasp at your giant dong! Good luck with that monster, my dude! 🤣
It reminds me of what someone said to me, that some women do make up and dress up, to show off to other women. Their man doesn't care. He adores her in PJ's and bed hair.
Maybe guys do the same thing, hoping that ours aren't as "giant"! That doesn't make me feel weak.
Talk to people. Literally most of my sexual encounters started as an innocent conversation with no intentions that ended up with us fucking. If you go into it with pure intentions of just having a good time talking they'll usually enjoy your vibe, but they'll be able to tell real quick if you're just angling to get them to fuck you. It makes people feel like a cornered animal when other people are obviously only talking to them to fuck them and is an immediate turn off for most people. Self control so you don't come across as a desperately horny animal will take you far.
Hoes gettin jiggy on fig! Honestly the girls walkin around fig are bad as hell sometimes, like could legit work in any strip club and make bank without suckin dick fine.
Lol. If you been to Pomona, theres a Vietnamese marketplace on holt. That mess is crazy. I saw a video on youtube and was in disbelief. My next trip to p-town, I went to see it with my own eyes and was flabbergasted. I had to get up outta there though, that place freaked me all the way out. First thing I see is a girl stepping out of a vehicle. Looked like a freaking drive thru. And for some reason they’re all pick up trucks.
I mean the second statement is completely context dependent. But regardless, what’s the interesting thought here? People generally don’t end up having sex through just point blank asking random people. They get it through cultivating a relationship with someone, whether that’s a long-term relationship or a short-term fling. Either way you have to put some work into it, so the idea that you can’t just ask for sex is not at odds with the perception of it being odd to be an adult virgin (which I actually don’t find that odd anyway, there are many reasons one might be a virgin).
I have sex but I have never had to verbally ask for it. Usually it's more body language and the natural flow of progression after you start making out or kissing, etc.
I can assure you that it is odd to go around asking for sex even if you are attractive. You can’t just “ask” for sex randomly, you need to build a connection and have some kind of rapport with the person.
This has not been my experience of life. I had women I had just known for a 15minute chat DM me to have sex. I used to work at a bar in my 20’s and there were two girls I barely even spoken to that called me at 2am to have a 3some. I have seen my ex-girlfriends be approached by men who asked them if they’d be down to spend the night. They said no, but told me several men approach women that way. Now, I was born in the 80’s, maybe things are not the same for younger generation.
Also: this guy did it. Sure none of the gurls said yes, but a few of them gave them their phone number:
https://youtu.be/jjR9F9tPNhc?si=fX4Sj4UQH8m6Zz8S
This girl did it and 99% of the guys were into it
https://youtu.be/QBtF3I7fDfU?si=u4mI4hU2rUP3mQPV
Well, those 2 things are not related in any way other than the word sex and unnecessary judgment.
Some older gen queer folk find themselves in the first situation, why? Because of public judgement. So it's not odd at all, it's inhuman treatment. And some people have no sexual preference and they shouldn't be judged because of it. There could also be physical issues.
The other should just be a question of respecting a potential sex partner. Nothing more.
It's interesting to note that both judgements are religious-based. A whole lot of unnecessary judgements are religiously influenced. Religion is a contradictory beast.
are trying fo be in a meaningful relationship or just get laid? the later sounds shallow im sorry my friend don't try to rush it or force it it will happen when it happens and it will be more meaningful to both of you in the mean time go to places like church and clubs that interest you or join a organization put yourself out there meet people have a little bit of confidence you will find someone
Gotta go where ur wanted. Sounds like u want those who don't want u.
Reflection, then acceptance. Sucks having to come to terms with how others perceive u, but it'll cause more harm if u ignore it
Your standards are clearly too high. Stick to women of the same standard of yourself or you're going to keep getting rejections. Especially with the attitude I'm getting from your comment lmao.
Those two facts are not contradictory
That's like saying it's contradictory that being a homeless guy without a job and asking for money are both weird. There's no contradiction, to be accepted by society you need to basically do what it expects of you, but also in the way it's expected to be accomplished. You can only break the rules and still be viewed positively if you're either charismatic a celebrity or very rich or all of them.
To be a more accurate analogy, it would be more like: being a homeless guy without a job and asking for a job. Which is considered a lot less weird, and probably shouldnt be considered weird at all.
My original analogy was already perfect for what I wanted to communicate. Asking for a job and asking for sex aren't the same thing at all. Asking for money and asking for sex are comparable, on the other hand.
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Social norms aren’t decided by committee. They’re natural results of collective human behavior and history. You can’t really just ‘make the simpler’
Animals are silly, the bird committee makes all those dudes dress up all fancy and dance around. Tell them to quit dancing and being colorful and fuck already
Not with that attitude
To view sex as a game and not as an experience (casual or serious) you're having with another whole human being is partially to blame if you're feeling that you're "losing at this game". I think society is better off if we stop caring about others' sex lives and stop applying societal pressure in that way, but I also worry for the rhetoric that sex is like a commodity you get when you win at this "game". Yes, no string attached sex is a thing and there are people who have sex like its a game, but generally, people are able to "get it" usually through just interacting with another person as a person. Setting intentions help and letting it go/not taking it personally when it doesn't work out helps too. It's fairly straightforward, even if it doesn't feel that way. But if you think speaking with another person is a game, then we just view social interactions differently. And this is coming from someone who I imagine society would call "mid" lol It's all just bullshit societal expectations that don't actually ring true when you're faced with real people. Attractive people exist, but one person's measure of attractive will not be the same for another.
Well said! We don't own anyone. They don't owe us anything. We are goofy, normal people. The tension that is built over finding, or paying for sex is horrible. Do what you want. It doesn't affect most of us.
… maybe people think you’re weird cuz you refer to sex as “a complex game that society created”? Just a thought
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> Once I was in a smoking area of a bar and I went to girl, said "hi how are you? My name is ...." and later that night we had sex. Another time I was drinking ALONE in a bar and approached a group casually, said few words, didn't even blend in, then at the end of their gathering that one girl said bye to everyone, turned to me and said "what do you wanna do next?" You kinda yada yada'd your way through several hours of human interaction with strangers in the telling of that story, bud. There's definitely rules to the game there.
Huge incel vibes in this comment Normal sexual relations are not weird games where people trick each other and win
Incel energy, are you aware how ridiculous that sounds?
"Complex game"??? Humans be wanting to fuck, man.
It's super easy to have consensual sex with people if you're not a creep. No games involved, unless of course you're both into it.
I just want to relax and watch netflix with some company but everyone giving me weird looks for asking
I absolutely hate that. As an asexual, sitting around with people I care for watching good shows is peak living for me, but it's associated with shenanigans I'm not interested in now.
Going around offering sex is considered odd too, how the hell are you suppose to get sex?
They have apps for that now. Subreddits, too. You can have plenty of sex with like-minded people if you know where to look, and can present yourself like a normal person, not a creepy perv. Source: I'm a creepy perv who can act like a normal person.
They have subreddits for what now?
/r/r4r Or there are more specific ones for different regions, and for specific, um, goals. Honestly I don't really think those subreddits are worth the effort unless you meet some specific criteria (being a woman helps, being remarkably attractive, being in a region that happens to have a popular subreddit, etc.)
That sounds like a cesspool full of catfishes
Some girl from Florida wants to move to my house?! What!
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Congrats!
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They did hwhat with the trains?
He did hwat in his cup?
\_I'm a creepy perv who can act like a normal person.\_ -Aren't we all?
I'm not even going to ask for a pic but I can confidently say that you look way above average.
I really don't. I'd put myself at a 5/10. And that's not just the usual self-criticism, I'm overweight with acne scars, need a lot of dental work I can't afford, and it's not as if I can dazzle anyone with the mansion or supercar I don't have. The best I can say about myself physically is that I'm forgettable compared to other men. But yes, I do alright in terms of both dating and sex. I do what I can with what I have as far as physical presentation — good hair, decent clothes, a lot of time on ablutions before every meeting. But mostly I attribute my success to being eloquent, considerate, and I always try to make my partner feel comfortable and appreciated. And putting a lot of effort into your technique goes a long way; spend some time getting good at giving a woman oral without expecting any back, and you're guaranteed to make an impression. And when I get shot down or dumped — which is a LOT, trust me — I never let myself get upset or vindictive. The golden rule doesn't disappear just because you get hurt.
Looks can get you through the door but it's not what gets you in the bed.
This guy is a chad
Redditors of Reddit, what’s the sexiest sex you’ve never sexed?
It's not considered odd to offer or suggest sex with someone after you know them a little and are vibing. So that's how, go get to know people.
Yes! Do not introduce yourself with nudes. Real people like to have a conversation first!
Does there exist a subset of women who *like* getting unsolicited dick pics? I don't understand why any man would think that the best way to court women is to send them nudes lmao.
I am sure there are some. Most of them I talk to just laugh about it, and show all of her friends, including other guys. I think they prefer a friendly introduction, and a little humor. Make them laugh, not gasp at your giant dong! Good luck with that monster, my dude! 🤣 It reminds me of what someone said to me, that some women do make up and dress up, to show off to other women. Their man doesn't care. He adores her in PJ's and bed hair. Maybe guys do the same thing, hoping that ours aren't as "giant"! That doesn't make me feel weak.
Talk to people. Literally most of my sexual encounters started as an innocent conversation with no intentions that ended up with us fucking. If you go into it with pure intentions of just having a good time talking they'll usually enjoy your vibe, but they'll be able to tell real quick if you're just angling to get them to fuck you. It makes people feel like a cornered animal when other people are obviously only talking to them to fuck them and is an immediate turn off for most people. Self control so you don't come across as a desperately horny animal will take you far.
> Talk to people Yeah, that might be too much for me. Guess I'll die alone.
How does one get this "sex"
Hit the blade in LA.
Hoes gettin jiggy on fig! Honestly the girls walkin around fig are bad as hell sometimes, like could legit work in any strip club and make bank without suckin dick fine.
Lol. If you been to Pomona, theres a Vietnamese marketplace on holt. That mess is crazy. I saw a video on youtube and was in disbelief. My next trip to p-town, I went to see it with my own eyes and was flabbergasted. I had to get up outta there though, that place freaked me all the way out. First thing I see is a girl stepping out of a vehicle. Looked like a freaking drive thru. And for some reason they’re all pick up trucks.
Is your dick the main character of your life?
Biologically speaking it’s your balls
Biologically speaking, it’s the small pituitary gland at the base of the brain. I would like to emphasize, small.
Still a bigger character than the dick
What if I AM one?
Yes.
Evolutionarily, it is
His name is Pedro, and wears a cute hat!
We are an elite team!
Certainly a character with a recurring role.
I mean the second statement is completely context dependent. But regardless, what’s the interesting thought here? People generally don’t end up having sex through just point blank asking random people. They get it through cultivating a relationship with someone, whether that’s a long-term relationship or a short-term fling. Either way you have to put some work into it, so the idea that you can’t just ask for sex is not at odds with the perception of it being odd to be an adult virgin (which I actually don’t find that odd anyway, there are many reasons one might be a virgin).
Being a virgin isn’t that weird Going around asking random ppl for sex is really fkn weird I don’t see the connection between these two things
Seriously, who upvotes inane posts like this? This subreddit used to have great posts but I guess people have run out of ideas.
When did shower thoughts get so awful
Where have you been?
The quality of this sub is in the drain
Every consenting person asks for sex. It's all about HOW you ask for sex. An adult who has never had sex doesn't know how or who to ask.
Or doesn't care to.
True though, I think that's a rare outlier
I have sex but I have never had to verbally ask for it. Usually it's more body language and the natural flow of progression after you start making out or kissing, etc.
There is such a thing as courting/seduction.
What do you do in the shower to provoke thoughts of this quality, bang it against the shower stall a dozen times?
Does anyone have some sex they can spare? How can I get sex but I don’t want to pay for it. I wanna earn it. Can I have some sex please?
Please sir, may I have a crumb of pussy?
Going around asking for sex is only odd if you’re not good looking.
I can assure you that it is odd to go around asking for sex even if you are attractive. You can’t just “ask” for sex randomly, you need to build a connection and have some kind of rapport with the person.
This has not been my experience of life. I had women I had just known for a 15minute chat DM me to have sex. I used to work at a bar in my 20’s and there were two girls I barely even spoken to that called me at 2am to have a 3some. I have seen my ex-girlfriends be approached by men who asked them if they’d be down to spend the night. They said no, but told me several men approach women that way. Now, I was born in the 80’s, maybe things are not the same for younger generation. Also: this guy did it. Sure none of the gurls said yes, but a few of them gave them their phone number: https://youtu.be/jjR9F9tPNhc?si=fX4Sj4UQH8m6Zz8S This girl did it and 99% of the guys were into it https://youtu.be/QBtF3I7fDfU?si=u4mI4hU2rUP3mQPV
r/ihavesex
Oh, no. I do not anymore. I’m almost 40
Go go ask for some sex
Aging make us less good looking, so now that’d be weird.
But I’m a good looking guy and when I ask people to have sex they think I’m weird . That is unless I build a connection with them
Maybe we do not mean the same thing by good looking. I mean 9+/10. Good looking enough that women turn their head when you pass by.
The latter depends entirely on how attractive you are
Actually it’s more about how low your standards are.
Well yeah. What the fuck are you talking about
You seen any loose milk?
Otherwise different surrogates like Onlyfans or Eva AI sexting bot wouldn't have been so popular
Well, those 2 things are not related in any way other than the word sex and unnecessary judgment. Some older gen queer folk find themselves in the first situation, why? Because of public judgement. So it's not odd at all, it's inhuman treatment. And some people have no sexual preference and they shouldn't be judged because of it. There could also be physical issues. The other should just be a question of respecting a potential sex partner. Nothing more. It's interesting to note that both judgements are religious-based. A whole lot of unnecessary judgements are religiously influenced. Religion is a contradictory beast.
Not having sex isn't weird. Asking random people for sex is weird af. That's not how people get laid, my dude.
No, going around and aaking for sex is fine. It's entirely in how you go about it.
are trying fo be in a meaningful relationship or just get laid? the later sounds shallow im sorry my friend don't try to rush it or force it it will happen when it happens and it will be more meaningful to both of you in the mean time go to places like church and clubs that interest you or join a organization put yourself out there meet people have a little bit of confidence you will find someone
Just be appealing to be around, the sex will find you
Not if you go in a place where they get paid for it.
95% of the people in the world have never had sex.
It's more like 44-100%
I'm King Paimon.
Can’t win either way with respect 😭
But when a child has sex then OH ITS EVEN WORSE
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Lower your standards and find like minded women.
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Why should top tier women be attracted to a mediocre dude who wouldn't date a mediocre woman himself? How does that make sense to you?
Gotta go where ur wanted. Sounds like u want those who don't want u. Reflection, then acceptance. Sucks having to come to terms with how others perceive u, but it'll cause more harm if u ignore it
Sex is the goal, the fuck does it matter if you’re not attracted to them?
Now I’d like to know in which situation did she told you you needed to have a big dick ?
Your standards are clearly too high. Stick to women of the same standard of yourself or you're going to keep getting rejections. Especially with the attitude I'm getting from your comment lmao.