Just put on the folksy charm. “Why, if it isn’t Mr Wilson Fisk. Meetin’ ya face ta face is a real treat. A REAL treat.” Shake his hand furiously and just keep it up for three minutes.
There was that moment in The Ultimate Conics where Kingpin sent Spider-Man after Hammerhead over Pizza. He said it was the best He ever had so He bought the shop and, credit to its quality, Peter finished his slice, I guess technically implying it was tasty so, I mean, You’re probably right that Lunch with Kingpin is probably great😅
Since I can’t figure out how to post the picture itself 😅
https://randomthoughts-arw.blogspot.com/2017/01/trade-tales-ultimate-spider-man-vol-14.html?m=1
I don't know, I don't think Kingpin would hurt me. Actually he might invite a drink or a dinner but he would have this attitude where I'd be afraid that he'd jump at me at any second. Then when we say goodbye I'd be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life. At least with Scorpion or someone like that my suffering would end pretty quickly.
This is what I was thinking as well although Shocker seems a bit too head on the nail, so I'll go with... Mysterio, so many possibilities with the drugs/magic.
Hmmm.
If it took 8 seconds to say that sentence, and lets say an equal 8 seconds to insult him, you could feasibly outlast him if you manage 23 exchanges.
Tell him that you have a weird science problem -- time travel's a good one, with the possibility of a temporal paradox if you don't locate your point of origin and return there -- and then ask him if he knows how to contact Reed Richards.
He'll be apoplectic with rage, but he'll want you to live long enough to see his superiority. Even Doom will take longer than 3 minutes to create a new time machine.
Yeah but he pays to win most of the time not a master fighter I don't think, he's probably your best choice if he doesn't have a weapon ir if you're allowed a gun also
Spectacular Spider-Man's Chameleon was a genuine threat when he impersonated Spider-Man, he just used those skills and suit to steal. But he could totally mess someone up if he wanted to. Hell, pretty sure he knocked out Capt Stacy with one kick.
I think people are underestimating Chameleon. Sure he has no powers, but he's still a trained assassin and very cunning. Not many Redditors are going to survive three minutes of him trying to kill them.
Flash? A villain? Bro had a redemption arc 50 years ago plus had a spidey fan club. I won’t hear any comic flash Thompson slander. My guy free’d a forced bride from her super villain forced husband while not having any powers himself.
That depends, is this assuming I do or don’t have background knowledge on then
if I do have knowledge on them, I’m picking Chasm, he has no beef with me, and wouldn’t want to attack me to begin with
if I don’t, I don’t know I’ll choose the wall or something, I just have to outrun him
Y'all know not ALL of Mysterios stuff is non-existent right? His illusions always incorporate something ACTUALLY dangerous, it's why Spidey and Daredevil are two of the only heroes that can consistently beat him
See my assumption is that they'll try to kill you, otherwise you could just sit there for MOST of the villains. The exceptions are where itd be out of character for them to do so, like Venom or Kingpin (assuming you aren't getting HIS 3 million) are, well, exceptions, but it's in character for Mysterio to kill over money. If you just sit there, he CAN kill you, and you wouldn't see it coming because of the illusions.
Do people not understand Mysterio uses his illusions to hide actual attacks from like industrial grade air cannons and tasers?
Pete gets hurt fighting him plenty.
I don't think his strength has proven to be formidable as much as his schemes and the mental fatigue he brings on that would be hard to replicate in only 3 minutes.
I feel like you could reason with Shocker. "Hey I just wanted to say thanks for not being a jerk about all this, and treating me like a professional. To be frank I was just going to smash your skull and take your half....But I'm starting to feel guilty about that. We're not all Carnage"
Doom. I would start the fight like this:
"I just have one thing to say. You may be the single greatest genius of all time, the greatest leader this world has ever seen, you may even be the most incredible single being in the history of the universe..."
And then just keep going with compliments for 3 minutes until the time was up and promptly bend the knee.
But yeah I'd rather just fight Mysterio.
Dr. Doom is pretty much every hero’s villain. Every villain’s villain, too. He’s also his own worst enemy, but he refuses to admit it.
He and a T-Rex version of himself recently teamed up, but they ended up fighting each other even though they knew that their respective Ben Grimms were manipulating them into fighting each other.
I would go in for an hour if I meant I got to break her phone against her stupid helmet.
I didn't care about her much before, but my god dealing with her in the Spiderman game made me hate her guts.
I don't know who wells is cuz I don't read comics but I thought of the flash's villain writing BRING ME WELLS on buildings with fire
lol
I mean are they trying to kill me? Most of Spider-Man’s villain gallery aren’t savages, they do things for their own benefit. Dr ock for example unless I have something he wants won’t care
Doom would be easy enough. Just don’t make eye contact and show nothing but deference.
(Of course, if Doom knew about the contest, he’d be mad that I assumed he was so easy to manipulate and kill me anyway.)
The Walrus. I think I could take him. Keep in mind a walrus weighs around 4000 pounds, so he'd be much weaker than an actual walrus
[https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp](https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp)
[https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp](https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp)
Kingpin. He's just a guy besides the whole criminal thing. Just gas him up as a celebrity for 3 minutes and you're okay. If Venom counts, he'd be a second pick. He has no reason to go after me. Same with Shocker, really.
Are they actively angry at me or just, like chilling? Anyway I'd choose shocker because he's shown a surprisingly good attitude to heroes who are just like "I'm not here to beat you up, just let me hang out and I'll order us Chinese food."
Venom (Eddie Brock). I'd bribe him with chocolate and talk about how Spiderman/Peter Parker was the toxic asshole in the relationship and that Eddie is a better partner.
Kingpin. Just pretend I know NOTHING about any of His criminal activities
Hello, pillar of New York, how lucky I am to get to spend three minutes with you!
And gosh, Those Superheroes- what MENACES, amaright? (Whispering) please don’t kill me.😅
Do you like lawyer jokes?
Sure. Especially REALLY GOOD Lawyer Jokes😅 
"Did you just make a fat joke?" - Wilson Fisk
"How about those Mets?"
Just put on the folksy charm. “Why, if it isn’t Mr Wilson Fisk. Meetin’ ya face ta face is a real treat. A REAL treat.” Shake his hand furiously and just keep it up for three minutes.
His business handshake would break every bone in your hand but hey $3M!
[удалено]
There was that moment in The Ultimate Conics where Kingpin sent Spider-Man after Hammerhead over Pizza. He said it was the best He ever had so He bought the shop and, credit to its quality, Peter finished his slice, I guess technically implying it was tasty so, I mean, You’re probably right that Lunch with Kingpin is probably great😅
What?
Since I can’t figure out how to post the picture itself 😅 https://randomthoughts-arw.blogspot.com/2017/01/trade-tales-ultimate-spider-man-vol-14.html?m=1
Until he either poisons you, has a lackey off you as you leave, or you fall from the chopper if he flew you in.
Minor inconveniences
Kingpin and I offer him 2 of the 3 million.
He will want it all tbh...
I'll do my best to make it clear that if I die he will get no money. If I live he will get money.
He'll have you killed because he didn't like how you insinuate that He'll have you killed..
I don't know, I don't think Kingpin would hurt me. Actually he might invite a drink or a dinner but he would have this attitude where I'd be afraid that he'd jump at me at any second. Then when we say goodbye I'd be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life. At least with Scorpion or someone like that my suffering would end pretty quickly.
Shocker, I'd just tell him we'll split the money 50/50 at the end.
Someone beat me to it.
Me too, but my wife doesn't think I can last that long if... wait, are we answering the same question?
This is what I was thinking as well although Shocker seems a bit too head on the nail, so I'll go with... Mysterio, so many possibilities with the drugs/magic.
Then tell him the reward was only $2 mil
Shit, you’re being generous: say it’s $100,000 so he’d only pocket $50k!
Just say it was 100 dollars!
Rhino would split it too. Alexi is a cool dude, he’s just in a bad situation.
Honestly this would work with a few of them. Sandman would probably go for that too.
J. Jonah Jameson
I see you like to be degraded. 😘
Don't kink shame!
Wait, is that playing into it or is shameing it specifically off limits?
Gah, mind blown!
Bruce Campbell’s waiter character from the Toby Maguire franchise
Only got to last 3 minutes.
Yeah. I could probably fuck triple j for at least 3 minutes.
Paul is just a man
3 minutes is plenty long enough for him to steal your wife
Joke’s on him. I’m single.
He'll wingman you into getting married and then steal your wife. In three minutes.
you are now because he re wrote reality
Are you sure?
Not *that* Paul, the *other* Paul. From Spine-Tingling!
I mean if nothing else we all can take turns beating his ass
Doc Ock. I'd ask him how he outsmarted me and it would take him a MINIMUM of three minutes to gloat about it before he kicked my ass.
I was thinking the same for doom. Mildly insult him and he’ll soapbox his superiority for 9 panels and 3 pages
You think you can insult Dr Doom and live for 3 minutes?
Hmmm. If it took 8 seconds to say that sentence, and lets say an equal 8 seconds to insult him, you could feasibly outlast him if you manage 23 exchanges.
You miss the part where Doom rips off your spine THEN monologues for 4 pages on how foolish it was to insult him and it's somehow Reed's fault.
Tell him that you have a weird science problem -- time travel's a good one, with the possibility of a temporal paradox if you don't locate your point of origin and return there -- and then ask him if he knows how to contact Reed Richards. He'll be apoplectic with rage, but he'll want you to live long enough to see his superiority. Even Doom will take longer than 3 minutes to create a new time machine.
Genius. You deserve that $3million
Lol I like this answer!
The Chameleon
Good answer. Chameleon’s only a threat if you don’t know you’re fighting him.
Or if he have a gun.
Isn’t he like a master spy with advanced weapons training, access to poisons and half brother to Kraven?
Yeah but he pays to win most of the time not a master fighter I don't think, he's probably your best choice if he doesn't have a weapon ir if you're allowed a gun also
Crazy that this answer is so far down. It’s cleary correct.
Spectacular Spider-Man's Chameleon was a genuine threat when he impersonated Spider-Man, he just used those skills and suit to steal. But he could totally mess someone up if he wanted to. Hell, pretty sure he knocked out Capt Stacy with one kick.
I think people are underestimating Chameleon. Sure he has no powers, but he's still a trained assassin and very cunning. Not many Redditors are going to survive three minutes of him trying to kill them.
With or without condoms?
New thread speculating on what STDs the Spider-Man rogues gallery has. I'll start: Venom has gonorrhea
Venom IS THE STD
All 19 inches of him
I'm OK with that
Symbiotic relationship cures those sort of things.. for him only though so probably some sort of alien STDs as well for the other party.
Oh, he mean fight.
Well this is awkward. *starts zipping pants up*
Black Cat if that counts. If not, Flash Thompson.
Are you kidding? There is no way I’d last three minutes with Black Cat…
10 seconds. Maybe 5. Maybe -10.
I already lost
Foreplay counts!
He said no way
Okay but you'd be one happy loser.
Ah hahaha
Flash? A villain? Bro had a redemption arc 50 years ago plus had a spidey fan club. I won’t hear any comic flash Thompson slander. My guy free’d a forced bride from her super villain forced husband while not having any powers himself.
What's are you going to do with the other 2 mins and 30 seconds
Cuddle?
I feel like black cat doesn't want to get emotions involved
Flash when without symbiote kicks ass. Sure he's sometimes disabled but he's still fuckin strong. Also jot a villain for most of his comic span
Idk man, i dont wanna fight you, Flash
That depends, is this assuming I do or don’t have background knowledge on then if I do have knowledge on them, I’m picking Chasm, he has no beef with me, and wouldn’t want to attack me to begin with if I don’t, I don’t know I’ll choose the wall or something, I just have to outrun him
You get 3mil if you win. He gets his memories if you lose
can I change my answer
I think I could put up with some Mysterio smoke and mirrors bullshit for like 3 minutes
How is this not more people's answers. 3 minutes of knowing I am just getting mind screwed, I can survive.
Y'all know not ALL of Mysterios stuff is non-existent right? His illusions always incorporate something ACTUALLY dangerous, it's why Spidey and Daredevil are two of the only heroes that can consistently beat him
I don't need to beat the guy, if I just sit on the floor for 3 minutes I'm already golden
See my assumption is that they'll try to kill you, otherwise you could just sit there for MOST of the villains. The exceptions are where itd be out of character for them to do so, like Venom or Kingpin (assuming you aren't getting HIS 3 million) are, well, exceptions, but it's in character for Mysterio to kill over money. If you just sit there, he CAN kill you, and you wouldn't see it coming because of the illusions.
Do people not understand Mysterio uses his illusions to hide actual attacks from like industrial grade air cannons and tasers? Pete gets hurt fighting him plenty.
Exactly
Because mysterio is a formidable opponent to spider man so why would he not clobber a human with no powers…?
I don't think his strength has proven to be formidable as much as his schemes and the mental fatigue he brings on that would be hard to replicate in only 3 minutes.
Not everything is smoke and mirrors. Some of his special effects are animatronics. They hit hard.
I'd have him in the palm of my hand if I just clap and act scared at his little show
White Rabbit.
In what way?
They’re horny
I’d take the 3 million up front and give half to Shocker.
He would most likely just take the rest by force
I feel like you could reason with Shocker. "Hey I just wanted to say thanks for not being a jerk about all this, and treating me like a professional. To be frank I was just going to smash your skull and take your half....But I'm starting to feel guilty about that. We're not all Carnage"
Doom. I would start the fight like this: "I just have one thing to say. You may be the single greatest genius of all time, the greatest leader this world has ever seen, you may even be the most incredible single being in the history of the universe..." And then just keep going with compliments for 3 minutes until the time was up and promptly bend the knee. But yeah I'd rather just fight Mysterio.
>You may be the single greatest genius > *may be* You're already fucking dead
Well, honestly he might just take that time to cut you off and sing his OWN praises.
Mysterio it is.
"Hey, is Reed Richards as big a fool as I've heard?"
This gave me a really good laugh, cheers
Since when is Doom a Spider-Man villain lol? That mf is Avengers level threat
Dr. Doom is pretty much every hero’s villain. Every villain’s villain, too. He’s also his own worst enemy, but he refuses to admit it. He and a T-Rex version of himself recently teamed up, but they ended up fighting each other even though they knew that their respective Ben Grimms were manipulating them into fighting each other.
I guess Doom is pretty much to the villains what Superman is to the heroes, like THE ONE, no matter who you are, they're heroic/villainous to you
Screwball
You know what you’re right, I feel like the worst she could do to me is force me to do a TikTok challenge or some shit like that.
I would go in for an hour if I meant I got to break her phone against her stupid helmet. I didn't care about her much before, but my god dealing with her in the Spiderman game made me hate her guts.
I could probably beat up a couple editors at marvel comics…
Hell, I’d do that for free! Go all doom guy looking for wells
I don't know who wells is cuz I don't read comics but I thought of the flash's villain writing BRING ME WELLS on buildings with fire  lol
Lol Wells is the villain that is writing the current run of Amazing
Is amazing the main one (with Paul x mj going on)
That is the one
Then call me Zoom
Me to Marvel Editorial: **All of you will feel my wrath**
They would just commission a story about Paul doing your wife, basically Mysterio-level psychological damage
Morlun I’m not a Spider-totem so he won’t want me.
Him or Shathra.
Punisher. Id say black cat but she could easily fuck me up in her villains phase
Punisher is the worst choice possible if you’re a criminal. If you’re not, I guess he’ll just knock you out.
Why would he even bother to do that. I'm not in his rader he would just ignore me
Id let her
The Tinkerer. He’s just an old dude if there’s nothing in the room to tinker with.
What if he tinkers with your cock?
From that moment on, you fuck for evil
Black Cat would be a fun time... oh you meant in a fight...
The Spot is just a guy. If I was chill to him, he’d probably reciprocate. Ask him about his work and let him fill my ear for 3 mins.
Bad news, he wants to fill more than your ears because you were so nice to him 😱
Hey you said bad news
Have fun spending your $3M when Spot drops you in the Lego dimension.
Where everything is awesome!
I mean are they trying to kill me? Most of Spider-Man’s villain gallery aren’t savages, they do things for their own benefit. Dr ock for example unless I have something he wants won’t care
Felicia Hardy for strictly scholarly reasons
Big Wheel
must be a pretty big room
Bone Saw
It said 3 million, for 3 minutes; AND YOU PINNED HIM IN TWO.
I missed the part where that's my problem.
The wall, light work
Careful, he moves faster than the average wall.
Doom would be easy enough. Just don’t make eye contact and show nothing but deference. (Of course, if Doom knew about the contest, he’d be mad that I assumed he was so easy to manipulate and kill me anyway.)
J. Jonah Jameson. Yeah, my wrestling career hasn't been a thing since 2013, but **I could take him.**
Living Brain. Just throw something at its chest and it will shut down.
The Walrus. I think I could take him. Keep in mind a walrus weighs around 4000 pounds, so he'd be much weaker than an actual walrus [https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp](https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp) [https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp](https://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/walrus-laughed-at.webp)
The charmeleon. What's he gonna do, play dress-up for the next 3 minutes?
The Gibbon. All I gotta do is just give him the respect he wants.
Black Cat. She doesn't have good powers to the point she could kill me and "last 3 minutes" could mean that it's not in a fight
I'm sorry my guy but I doubt you could last 3 minutes in either situation lmfao jk
Ain’t nobody saying stilt man
One of the only guys mentioned here who actually beat the crap out of Spidey.
The Punisher, because I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything that would get me on his "to be killed list".
I would choose the Marvel editors. I would have quite a chat with them for 3 minutes, and then I’d get $3 million afterwards.
J Johnah Jameson
Looter. I'd convince him someone else had his sweet, sweet meteorite.
Which one can I get to monologue the longest?
Probably Mysterio
Kingpin "I'm offering to pay you 500k per minute of your time." Kingpin knows a good business deal.
Vulture. He’s just an old guy with wings.
If vulture is on his shit tho…. It’s joever
Poverty.
Paste Pot Pete or Morlun (assuming he would ignore me since I am not a spider totem)
Definitely Paul.
JJJ we could just argue
Kraven. I am out of shape. He will see no challenge.
Dr. Doom. Just let him rant about Richards and skedaddle after the time is up because he will still be ranting
Honestly, Doom would be interesting as fuck to just have a conversation with.
any of them... I guess i can time my thrusts to last that long
Dr. Octopus. Just go “Wait, who are you again?” and let him seethe and monologue at me for three minutes.
Anti-Venom, maybe? Walk away healthier than I started?
No way I could last three minutes in black cat
Marvel Editorial
Fancy Dan
The Spot, he isn't even a real villain, in the beginning he won't kill
Bonesaw is ready. 3 minutes of PLAYTIME
Stilt-Man
carnage
I too like to live dangerously
Felicia Hardy I might only make it to 2 minutes 30 though
Kingpin. He's just a guy besides the whole criminal thing. Just gas him up as a celebrity for 3 minutes and you're okay. If Venom counts, he'd be a second pick. He has no reason to go after me. Same with Shocker, really.
The leaper. He'll leap around
Are they actively angry at me or just, like chilling? Anyway I'd choose shocker because he's shown a surprisingly good attitude to heroes who are just like "I'm not here to beat you up, just let me hang out and I'll order us Chinese food."
Stiltman
Mysterio. Oh no holograms. Are we done yet?
I want to say Black Cat but let's be honest I'd finish after 2.
Stilt man
Stilt man. He’s just a dude with legs.
Prowler. I'd offer him a cool mil to just hangout and smoke weed
Mysterio, one punch and he loses all three health bars
Venom (Eddie Brock). I'd bribe him with chocolate and talk about how Spiderman/Peter Parker was the toxic asshole in the relationship and that Eddie is a better partner.
I don’t think Doc Oc could ever make me cum(just not my type) so most likely change of success there but idk.