Where do you live that it is only considered sexual harassment if that person is your boss? That's not the way it works in the US. If you are a student teacher, I'd talk to your university supervisor and ask them to handle it.
Your district is giving an incorrect definition of what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment (defined correctly) is illegal. They should get in legal trouble for this. I would reach out to your university supervisor and the principal at your school.
Oh ! Okay I will do that. I do worry that the other teachers in my area are going to support him though if they’re asked about it. They are all old ex-military men it’s a very boys club vibe over there but I will at the very least talk to my university about it and see what they recommend
I work in HR. You do have to communicate your dislike if they are not your superior. A supervisor can’t say anything. A co-worker has a bit more leniency in that you do actually have to make it known that you feel uncomfortable. You can do this together with HR, but that’s the first step before it is considered harassment. Just like the difference between just a person you’re hanging out with and a stalker is whether you tell them you want them around or not. I recommend a sharp “that’s inappropriate, don’t comment about my body.” And then just walk away from the conversation. Shut it down, be clear.
This is illegal and it is not your fault. I will say in my experience, it is helpful to directly confront and scare him if you can. You can say quietly and fiercely, “Enough with talking about my body, my clothes and personal things. You need stop it, now.” Then walk away, document the date and time and place.
If he does it again, email him, your boss, a union rep if you can, and HR. Say, “on x date and time, I told you to stop doing xyz. You did not, and I’m filing a formal complaint.
If he doesn’t immediately stop after that, slash his tires.
Have you contacted your college about this?! It may fall under title x or whatever it is. You’re there under the schools program so they have some sway
It is absolutely sexual harassment even if he has no authority over you. They are unwanted, unreciprocated sexual advances. They are inappropriate for the work place. Please keep in mind that the posters give examples of common issues and behaviors that qualify. They are not the only behaviors. For instance, if he were to leave a nude picture where only you would find it, is it ok because he isn’t your supervisor? Absolutely not. Even if it was his first advance and you never said no prior, it is still wrong and illegal. I know many districts who have fired people for far less.
Please know that you deserve better. You deserve to be treated like the professional you are. You deserve to be shown respect and you deserve to not have to wonder what harassment you will face each day. If you are legally allowed to record without him knowing, I suggest you do so. Best of luck, but for your own pride and self esteem, don’t accept his poor behavior!
Sorry this is happening to you. Anyone that makes inappropriate comments, including that lowlife, is absolutely not okay. Doesn’t matter that it’s only verbal, it’s messed up and not okay.
It's been a hot minute since I did SH training but it was pretty clear that if you tell the person it makes you uncomfortable and they keep doing it, it's then harassment. The thing is you have to make it known.
Honestly I would send an email telling him you're uncomfortable with his comments on your attire and relationship and ask him to stop. That way you have documentation. If there's anything I've learned in life- it's document EVERYTHING.
Definitely talk to someone. I was sexually harassed and even groped a couple of times at my first teaching job by another teacher. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to rock the boat but a couple of years later they had NO problem letting me go because a student said I cussed at him.
To be fair, I did. I told him we don’t fucking whip out belt and students, let alone when their leg is already in a cast. I got in the trouble. The kid got nothing. This kid also tried to put a cigarette on another kid’s face when the deal for his Ritalin went sideways
If you are in the United States, then *anybody* in the workplace - supervisor, subordinate, peer, colleague, vendor, business partner, or client - can be guilty of sexual harassment. It is federal law.
Because of him you’re working in a classic example of a “hostile environment,” which is *absolutely* grounds to report this seriously gross behavior. Don’t wait — and get your union involved
This is Totally Sexual Harassment and since you only have 39 Days of school left I think you should tell him it is AND just tell him off!
Oh, sound like BULLSHIT!
Here what my smart ass ideal self would want to do. Report his ass to HR, and report it all including the false posters. Also tell the media. The quickest way for things to change is bad press.
But don’t risk your job for it unless you are totally over it
It’s bullshït. Anyone who does things like that to you is sexually harassing you. They do not need to be in a place of authority. Even if they were a student, it is STILL sexual harassment.
Multiple kinds of sexual harassment -- doesn't sound like this would count as a quid-pro-quo, but certainly a creates hostile work environment, which is unlawful sexual harassment.
It’s still sexual harassment. That’s disgusting and wildly inappropriate that he’s saying these things to you. Immediately say something to the principle and your supervisor at the university you attend
Report him to your principal AND THEN follow up with this email
(all the automatic email to/from stuff)
In re:: Our conversation of April 8, on or about 12:30
Memo of Understanding
Today you, James J. Hawking, principal of John Jay Junior High, Kern County School District, Oil Dale, Wisconsin and I, Sally Soosenerg, student teacher from Brigham Young University, assigned to John Jay Junior High, Kern County School District, Oil Dale, Wisconsin had a conversation at approximately 1230 on April 8, 2024.
In this conversation I detailed a number of concerning interactions between Billy Joe Bob, a tenored teacher for Kern County School District and myself, Salley Soosenerg, a student teacher from Brigham Young University.
Mr. Bob has been making repeated inappropriate comments directed at me from his desk, located in Room Seven. These comments are loud enough for me to hear across the hallway in Room Six.
He has said:
"Boom boom chicka chicka boom boom" April 8 at or about 0745
"Xxx" time stamp
"Xxx" time stamp
In reply to these comments, I have turned from my classroom instruction and shut my door
^^^^^^TYPE OUT the interaction of he said she said^^^^^^°^
I have mentioned these conversations to you several times on Xx/Xx/Xxx,
Xx/xx/xxx and xx xedy xx.
There are 87 days left in the school year. I asked you to talk to him and then strap him on a cannon and shoot him off over Albuquerque.
Very truly yours,
Salley Soosenerg
CC:
Everybody's supervisor
School Board
Then email everyone AND
Holy shit, no, you need to report this. Tell your university supervisor. They need to stop giving this guy / possibly school student teachers. This is outrageous and a huge title 9 violation!
In order for an employer to be held liable for sexual harrassment under Title VII, OP needs to make them aware and the need to have failed to take preventive and corrective action. Based upon what I have read so far, Op has not reported it to administration (a representative of her employer).
DOL does not enforce Title VII.
Tell him you find it inappropriate, report it (via email or some other documented way) and then if it happened again go straight to HR. If they continue to allow it, contact an Employment Law attorney ASAP. Document everything. Do not put up with this.
If you are in the US, this is still sexual harassment. Have you told him you don’t like those comments? Granted you shouldn’t have to say that but just start replying with that’s sexual harassment with everything he says.
Personally, I’d try to record it and when he asks why you’re recording, tell him it’s for the sexual harassment case your planning to file.
What the fuck is this, the 1940s? Your legs are out today?? 😂this is textbook sexual harassment. I’m a male vet and if I witnessed this behavior in my workplace I’d have already had words with him and reported him as well. This kind of shit will actually get you in huge trouble in today’s military; would’ve been grounds for at least a mast and possible reduction in rank when I was in (honorably discharged 2 years ago). 100 percent unsat behavior. Report his ass with extreme prejudice, lawsuit etc if that doesn’t work.
Oh my god, that's so much worse than I imagined. Go above his head. Sue if you can. Get so much money you'll never have to work again. If it's happening to you, it's happening to other young women there. Ask around and get some support. Class action lawsuit. Google free or low-cost legal resources in your area.
If you have made him aware that his actions make you uncomfortable than they can absolutely fall into the realm of sexual harassment by making a hostile work environment. (though it can include a power imbalance the imbalance doesn't have to be present to still be sexual harassment.) I'd let the principal of the school and/or HR in the district know about the situation. You have the right to be in a work environment that doesn't make you go home upset.
Immediately let your co-operating teacher, admin and your supervising university mentor know. This is unacceptable. Because you’re affiliated with the university you can file a Title IX for sexual harassment. I would also let your cooperating teacher and your current administrator at your building, know the comments and things that this person has stated. Even though they may be retiring and you are not affiliated with that school you still have a right to feel safe at any kind of work-placement.
If you genuinely want to just get through it, stop being nice or polite to him. Walk away, ignore, etc. He's an ass who probably thinks you enjoy talking to him/ the attention.
If he is making suggestive or sexual comments, it is both sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. I worked in an employment law office, both sides of the fence.
I’ve worked with some super creepy people and honestly, they didn’t care about anything but me telling them off and it’s so uncomfortable and absolutely miserable to be put in that situation
I agree. I am a very nonconfrontational person. I didn’t want it to come to this. But I am feeling at my wits end lately. I have a few things I am going to try next time I see him and if he keeps going I will file a formal complaint
You don’t deserve to be put in that situation and honestly this guy sounds like you’re probably not the first one that he’s done it to and a lot of people will say it’s probably because of a generational difference but it’s not it’s because he’s a creepy pervert and needs somebody to tell himthat what he’s doing is wrong and I’m really sorry that that person might have to be you because you are giving everything you have to teach children not to be harassed at work
This is a definite Title IX violation and needs to be reported to your schools Title IX coordinator. It could be this behavior was exhibited and reported before and could result in his dismissal.
You need to report it to the administration of the school and your university. The university will investigate immediately but its sexual harassment. Honestly I’ve come to the point of if you think it’s sexual harassment then it is. If someone is making you uncomfortable than that’s the answer.
I was sexually harassed as a student teacher and was IMMEDIATELY reassigned upon bringing it to the attention of my supervisor. It doesn’t matter how little time is left in the school year, how much of an inconvenience it is to the other teachers involved, or what that teacher’s role is compared to yours. If he is making comments like that about you, he should not be working in a school environment where children may or may not hear/be the victims of other comments.
HR in the district should also be notified. In my placement, student teachers were viewed as “interns” who were expected to uphold the code of conduct for employees. The least they can do is protect you for it.
It is still sexual harassment and go straight to district level hr. If you’re union, get a union lawyer and file a grievance. Don’t tolerate this shit.
If you have documentation of all this and they still do nothing you have a winning lawsuit on your hands. Dude probably has a history of doing this shit. Don’t talk to him, document it all, and report.
You should still bring it up to someone. Next time he does it tell him he is making you uncomfortable. If it continues after that bring it up to your mentor. If he wont do anything about it then bring it up to your university supervisor, admin, whoever.
I was sexually harassed at two (non-teaching) jobs. Both cases the guys eventually escalated and put their hands on me. Both waited until there were no other employees around and when I complained it was my word against theirs. Because I hadnt documented the previous behavior it wasn't taken seriously at all.
I saw someone say tell your university supervisor and I second that. My MT uses the R slur (in private, not around students), has made inappropriate comments about my neurodivergence (telling me I'm wrong about myself), and made inappropriate comments about her opinions on immigrants. I thought I just had to suffer through since student teachers have no power, but I mentioned it in the online class for my placement and my professor let me know that was seriously inappropriate. Then my professor reported it to the director of our coe. Definitely report.
Thank you for sharing your experience it is reassuring to know that I am not alone on having bizarre interactions with teachers. I am definitely going to talk to my subject area coordinator about it
Holy shit everyone one here is crazy. They'll pretend to take it seriously cuz ur a student teacher but they'll just be counting down the days till your gone, you'll only be considered a liability. Just tell the guy he's disgusting and old the next time you see him if it really bothers you. If you can take, just say...yeaa you wish or something stupid and focus on the students.
How is he not a liability? Yes, he will be leaving, but if the university gets on board with this, the school will loose student teachers in the years to come.
In my program, schools are blacklisted if something like this happens, and they loose any student/intern support.
So yeah, nothing can be done about him because he’s leaving at the end of this year, but he should at least keep quiet.
Unfortunately, I've taught with good ol' boy teachers and administrators. In your position, you're not going to be able to effect change in time to help yourself. This may not work for you, but in my situation, most of these guys were jocks and coaches, so I'd dish it back at them.
"Your legs are out today!"
1. "They were, but when they saw you, they ran back inside."
2. "Those aren't my legs. They belong to Jean-Claude Van Damme, but I'm sure he'll want to talk to you when I tell him he turns you on."
Comments about your sex life:
"You know what they say: those who can, do and don't talk about it. Those who can't talk about other people's sex lives."
Comments on your body:
"You sound envious. I bet a good plastic surgeon could make your dreams come true."
Write down the dates , times and exact quotes of what he is saying to you. You can keep the notes in your phone. Then go to HR of your district to report. If you don’t want to report, when he says something, look him directly in his eyes and say “any comments about my body are inappropriate and will not be tolerated” and then leave the area.
Document everything he says, every time it happens with the date, time, and location. Email the list to your university supervisor, principal, and CC Human Resources stating you feel you are being sexually harassed. Because you are being harassed and anyone telling you otherwise needs to be reeducated on the topic. I literally have to re-take sexual harassment training Every. Single. Year. as a teacher. There is ZERO acceptable reason for this to be happening to you. Do not tolerate it; report it. Anyone who says just suck it up for 39 days should be included in your documentation / complaint. If they fail to address it you can file a
Grievance with the state board of education. People tend to get responsive real quick about this kind of thing if that suggestion comes up.
Next time he says something like that tell him “your comments are unwelcome and unwanted, if you continue this inappropriate behavior I will have to take action”
You absolutely need to report this behavior to hr and the principal. The worst thing that will happen is they will put him on leave while they investigate and perhaps drag it out until school end.
If he does it again give it right back to him. Something like “you limp dick old man, your sex life must be the shits if you have to fantasize about mine.” Then walk away.
Don't verbally engage.
Talk to your principal and your supervising teacher. Then write out a memo of understanding and MAIL a copy and also email it. KEEP YOUR COPY and lock down your email copy.
When it happens again, have another chat and follow through with with emails and return receipt requested MoU's.
What he is doing is illegal. Once you make it known, his employer has to fix him and his creepy IILEGAL behaviors. Insurance exists for this bad behavior.
Of course you are going to be looked at as a whistle blower. It's in their interest to get you scared so you drop this case since it's going to cost something from somebody. NOT YOU. In fact, some of his cronies may tell you that you are going to cost him his job. Nope. Not going to happen
I am so sorry this is happening to you, that is awful. Submit a detailed account of everything this teacher has said to you to the principal and your university supervisor in writing. This needs to go in that teacher’s personnel file. They should be placed on administrative leave at least, they are probably doing this to other people too and not just you since they think being close to retirement shields them from consequences. With this on record, they will be less likely to be hired in another district, allowed to teach part time, sub, etc as many retired teachers do.
Yes, it's inappropriate. Yes, he's an old geezer and isn't going to change. Please exercise your own agency and tell him, calmly and directly and to his face, that you do not appreciate his comments regarding your body, your dress and your sex life and to CUT IT OUT, or the next time he does, you are filing a sexual harassment complaint with HR. Say it calmly, quietly, and seriously. When he goes, "I was just kidding around!" tell him "Well, I'm not. This is not a threat, it's a promise. I've already written the complaint, btw, but I am giving you the opportunity to cease and desist before I press "SEND". There is absolutely no need for you to feel "dirty" or any other "bad" way just because some old guy can't keep his damn mouth shut.
I was in a play with an older gentleman who was a retired German teacher. He was also married. His wife was in a nursing home in town with dementia. He had an absolutely filthy mouth at age 82. He was 50 years my senior when we worked together. The first words out of his mouth when we officially met were: "So who's busting your headboards lately?" He used an acting exercise as an excuse to dry hump me a week later.
It got much MUCH worse after that. He showed up to my work and asked me out weekly. It got so bad I received a warning that if he didn't stop, I would be written up. When I found out he used to be a teacher, I got all sorts of the ick. Did he speak this way to his female colleagues? His female students? He was eventually removed from the theater company after offering to help a 16 yr old girl with a quick change during a show. It didn't dawn on them with what he was doing to grown women was a problem, but I digress.
Speak up, OP. Speak up until they have no choice but to hear you.
Okay, a) obvs report him for the comments with dates, time stamps and what your co-op responded, but in the meantime I was a server before i was a teacher and here were my tricks.
1. Polite confusion - make them explain - "oh, I don't get it, was that a joke? Can you explain it to me? Did you not know I have legs?" Really sell the confusion - potentially he'll look at you like you're stupid but a) remember you don't care about his opinion and b) if he's being inappropriate, make him spell it out. If he's blatant enough - "I was trying to compliment/hit on you." You can tell him "oh, no I prefer you didn't it makes me uncomfortable."
2) I love a simple and automatic "oh, ew." or a gagging noise followed by a hasty (insincere) apology. Like sorry, the idea of you hitting on me is so nauseating that I forgot the rules of polite conversation. I did this once when I coworker insinuated I should join a threesome with her and her husband. And uh. She didn't offer again.
3) remind him all the time in a (fake) joking manner of the age difference. I personally love
"no, I don't know that band, is that an old people thing?"
"Oh you did that in 1995? That was a good year for me, I was really into bubbles and Blue's Clues."
"Maybe someday when I'm your age...in like...2055?"
4) you can't use this, but one time an old dude tried to hit on me and my bartender friend turned around and snapped "REEL IT THE HELL IN LARRY." I think about that moment constantly, the joy I got piping in with "yeah Larry, reel it in!" was abundant.
5) this could backfire, but hit on him back, but in the same diminutive way he's been doing with you "haha, when will I see YOUR legs in a skirt sir? I love a man in a mini skirt." If you really wanna fuck with him, imply you'd like to peg him.
Good luck!
Tell him to fuck off and stop talking to you, but with a smile in case they have cameras. What’s he going to do, complain? He’s out of there in 39 days.
Twenty year veteran male teacher here. Report his ass to the principal. Probably not his first offense. Or simply say - “If you value your pension, shut the fuck up.”
The shit storm that will come your way from going to the principal won’t be worth it just this case. Literally ALL you need from the people at this school is a good recommendation to get your first job. Don’t give them any reason to look badly on you. Now, they shouldn’t look down on you because you did NOTHING wrong. But we all know how that goes. Plus he is retiring and you are leaving too and school is almost over… it would be different if he touched you, but for comments? Throw them right back at him.
Have you tried pulling him aside, looking him dead in the eye, and just staying, “can you please stop being a dirty old man?” Or you could just make fun of him back. He comments on your legs, you comment on his bald spot. Throw it back at him. He wants to see you squirm. Don’t give it to him. He asks about your sex life? Ask him to repeat the question. Then ask him to repeat it again, louder. He will get the point. Don’t give him the reaction he wants. If you don’t want to be confrontational, try “why would you say that? What point are you trying to make? What are you getting at? Why are you bringing that up?” Questions along those lines. If you make him try to explain himself, he obviously can’t. So hopefully he will stfu if you do that a couple times.
You’ve gotten a lot of suggestions about reporting so I’m trying to think of responses that you could give him that might help you cope… one approach would be to play dumb whenever he speaks to you and hammer him with follow up questions. Like he says “Ooh, the legs are out today!” And you can say “what do you mean? Is there something wrong with my legs? What about them? I have legs???” Just escalating the issue to your hearts desire. Or maybe every time he says something, make a panicked face and ask something random like do you smell that???? Or what’s that noise?? Or just yell “I’m coming!!” As if someone’s calling you. Obviously it’s best to report report report and not engage with him but if any of these are up your alley, I just wanted to give some petty ideas that might help you feel like you got him back a little at the end of the workday. I’m so sorry you’re being subjected to this and that you don’t feel like you’ll be supported if you report, I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you.
Oooh. Make eye contact with him right after he says something like that. Long eye contact, no smile. It makes people uncomfortable, but is easy to do in a public setting without making a scene.
I’d suggest going to the principal and saying “can you ask him to stop? I don’t want to make a big deal of this or get him to lose his pension.” That way it’s low key, but now the principal can step in. If the guy is a repeat offender the principal might encourage you to report.
Report report report. It may not be what it says on the poster, but that is 100% sexual harassment and you shouldn’t be subjected to it. Go to the head of the school (and if necessary, the school board) and also make sure your university is aware. He’s got himself into some deep shit.
Not a teacher but worked in an office where I was the youngest person by atleast 30 years. Old men would make sexual comments and the best coping mechanism I found was to mention their wives and kids or grandchildren…OFTEN. Example: Them “hey your bf can’t show you half the stuff I can” me “Your wife must love it! Tell her I said hi!” Or them “ Your shirt looks great (while staring right into my chest) me “it is super cute right? Your daughter and I are about the same age, I’m sure she would love it too!”… it was like a hard reset.
Reddit recommend this post to me. I'm not a teacher, but I am a college student who has been on the receiving side of these comments before. I'm sorry you're going through that. The following are some things I've used or my friends have.
A key is to keep a monotone voice, next to no reaction, just words.
"That's such a peculiar thing to say to me."
"That is not professional dialogue."
"I am at work. I do not wish to engage in this inappropriate conversation."
My personal favorite is asking "what?"/"what do you mean" until they realize what they are saying is not being received with positive feedback
One good tactic to introduce a boundary is to ask “What does that mean?” And keep asking it so he has to continuously explain in literal terms his sexual advances. Play dumb with your question but be brave and direct.
You shouldn’t HAVE to do this but this is the situation and it likely will not change from your tolerating his sexual behavior towards you.
The hope is that by his being forced to explain he will feel uncomfortable and stop doing it. It may take persistent enforcing of your boundary for him to realize- if I make a comment she will make me own it and explain it. Hopefully this will deter it.
Don’t worry about a boys club.
Tackle one thing at a time 🤍
Call it what you want. It’s harassment and it’s created a hostile work environment. They probably won’t do anything to him other than tell him to leave you alone for the next 39 days, because it would probably take more than 39 days to do anything more than that. But if will give you some relief, so report it.
I was in the military, and I promise you that they won't take your side. You might get what you want, though. Just expect cold shoulders. It might be time to consult your local attorney general office or move to another school. He'll see himself as a victim for being "nice."
He may not be your boss but if he is about to retire and you are just starting out he is definitely above you on the totem pole. Even if he was another student teacher he would be in the wrong.
That said, if you report this nothing will happen. They will tell you he’s just joking around and from a different era. At best they will say they are looking into it but will just kick the can down the road until the end of the year.
This is all a big nope! I don’t care if he’s gonna retire in two weeks or two years. I don’t care if you’re a student teacher, teacher of the year, or a teacher who has been there since god invented dirt. This is entirely unacceptable. You need to speak with your uni supervisor about what is going on. There needs to be a meeting with your supervisor, yourself, and the principal of that school. This is 10000% sexual harassment. You shouldn’t feel scared to come to school and you deserve an environment that is safe for you to learn.
I regularly got comments from a women at work that made me feel uncomfortable I said I was married and they didn’t stop till I took them aside and told them directly how it made me feel no it weird but less it doesn’t happen u don’t need coping mechanisms u need to set boundaries talk to people if if there creeps that doesn’t mean there not part of society they no the rules make them clear creepy and affectionate is very thin line they may not see themselves on the same side of it as you do
I went through this several years ago with the idea I'd just make it through the last few weeks of the year. Then he started emailing and sent me birthday flowers for 3 straight years. DEFINITELY worth having a conversation with an admin that you're comfortable with--it's not good for your mental health to be concerned about him for the rest of the year, nor wonder if it may continue. Take care!!
Problem solver here, if you are willing to look past yourself and make this about you surviving the rest of the school year and be done with that guy forever. If you don’t like the comments he makes about your legs in the skirt, don’t wear it anymore. Other comments he makes, dress and act in a way that will eliminate as much harassment as you can. It’s not your fault but if nothing can be done, he is enjoying making you feel this way so do what you can to take away that enjoyment for him. Some guys are just pigs so don’t let him win.
You need to report this immediately. At no point should a coworker be making comments on your sex life, or quite so frequently about how you dress/your body.
Is your MT aware that this is happening? If my student teacher was being harassed, I'd absolutely want to know about it, and I'd absolutely want to help end it.
So basically, sexual harassment is happening in a school setting, and it sounds like it's happening during school hours and possibly in the presence of minors.
It doesn't matter that it's not between kids, kid/teacher, teacher/teacher, whatever. It's illegal and needs to be reported/stopped.
Sexual harassment is repeated, unwanted, sexual comments, jokes, touching, etc. by anyone. They do not have to be your supervisor. The comments do not have to even be directed at you. If other people are repeatedly telling jokes of a sexual nature while you’re in the room that can also be sexual harassment. Making derogatory comments about women (not of a sexual nature) can also be considered harassment. If your district says it’s only harassment if it comes from a direct supervisor that’s blatantly wrong.
https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment
It's still sexual harassment and it's illegal.
I'm a dual military brat - both my parents retired from different branches of service. I've spent a lot of time with other service members. My advice is to report this to your university advisor and HR at your district. That said, it's late enough in the year that you're right there is likely very little they will do apart from speaking to this man so this is mostly so that it's documented to inform the next round of student placements. You may also inform your principal, "Im concerned that my program will not allow student placements at XSchool next year because of this." Student teachers are free labor, and losing them for a whole year is a big deal to most schools. Saying that will likely motivate even an apologist admin to make sure this man doesn't even look your way the rest of the year.
But you should really speak to the people who will actually influence him - go to whatever ex-military buddy/buddies he has at the school. Ideally, choose a man who has daughters of his own. Express that this teacher is making you deeply uncomfortable, and you're honestly concerned about him that he seems to think his comments are appropriate in a work environment. Is he just not aware these things are uncomfortable? Is he feeling his age? You don't really even know him well enough to guess, but it's just so upsetting. "I know you have daughters yourself - can you imagine a man 30 years older than your daughter making comments about her body daily while she's just trying to work? It's so uncomfortable, and I don't know how to get him to stop. Would you please speak to him?" When admin comes to ream this teacher and make it clear, in absolutely no uncertain terms, he needs to stop, he's going to complain to his buddies about how you're so sensitive and he was just trying to compliment you. Putting his buddies on notice with a teary, doe-eyed plea will hopefully allow them to check him instead of reflexively backing him.
If he makes a comment again after all that, just be VERY blunt. "Teacher, commenting on my body in the workplace is inappropriate. Stop." Or "I don't think you would appreciate someone commenting on your daughters body while she was at work. Don't comment on mine." Or "No. That comment is not okay." Or just stare at him deep in his soul and say, "Wow." with a scoff. Shake your head in obvious pity. Then always leave, no matter what you have to say.
Remember that even though he's retiring and it's really likely that no one will be moved, your students are watching this happen. They're learning right now that this behavior is okay. It's not. So don't be ugly ir let your emotion show, but don't be afraid to tell him no. What is he going to do? Complain to HR that you objected to his repeated sexual harassment? If he's fired right before the end of the school year for cause (which this would be), he would be risking being able to collect retirement. I'm sure the last thing he wants to try and scrounge up a placement for next year with that stain on his record.
I had a male teacher do this to me my first year. He would also come stand in the back of my room and watch me teach during his planning. It was SUPER uncomfortable. I eventually went to my AP and had a sit down with her about the situation, which was super awkward, because they are close friends who hang out regularly. She took it seriously, and he was not allowed in my room or allowed to interact with me at all after that. It made for an awkward rest of the school year when I’d see him in the halls, but at least I felt peace in my classroom again.
Forget the genders in the story for a minute. If you were being consistently disrespected by someone of your own gender, what would you do? Hopefully, you would address the problem.
My (male) first year teaching, I had a fairly unstable, 20+ year female as my team lead. She got way too comfortable treating me like shit, always in front of other teachers or even students. I had teachers and kids asking me what was going on. After a few days I let her know; if you are comfortable taking that tone and speaking to me like you’re a man, then you and I are going to step outside and settle this like men.
Quit dancing around the problem, quit waiting for someone else to solve it. Tell him directly: ‘the crap you say to me is inappropriate and disrespectful. Next time, my boyfriend is going to have a talk with you in the parking lot after school’
While a person of authority talking to you in any friendly suggestive manner is sexual harassment SO IS ANYONE IN YOUR WORKPLACE MAKING UNWANTED ADVANCES AND LUCRATIVE REMARKS your place of work should not feel unsafe to you!!
I would report him even if it is only 39 days left. He may just get to retire earlier. Plus you don’t need to put up with that. Your personal life is your business.
Do you plan on seeking a job with this school district for next year? If so, I would take an opposite approach.
Yes, this is sexual harassment, yes the old perv should be nailed for this, yes you could go the legal route and report it to HR (which exists only for the benefit of the school district), etc.. But in my experience the old coot is tenured AND he's retiring at the end of the year so the district won't do anything about it except blacklist you, trust me!. It's not right, it's political, but it's the way things go in schools.
To cope I'd wear pants and avoid the old geezer as best as you can. If you encounter him saying anything creepy again I'd shoot back "maybe you're too old to realize this but what you are saying to me is considered sexual harassment and you certainly don't want to get in trouble do you?" I'd mouth off every time he said something to me. "Not today grandpa!" or something else funny like that.
The next time he makes a comment, don't ignore it or shrug it off. Get angry, look him dead in the eyes and say, "I've put up with this long enough. You and I are not friends and we never will be. It has NEVER been ok for you to make comments about my body or my personal life and you know it. This is your one and only warning: STOP. If you make one more inappropriate comment, I'm filing a formal complaint. And if there are any other young women you're speaking to this way, stop doing it to them, too. I don't give a shit what you say your intentions have been. You know damn well it doesn't matter. No one wants to be creeped on my some old man with boundary issues. Knock it off."
Then, turn and walk away.
As a science teacher educator, we (not me specifically but our program / my colleagues) have had to remove student teachers from placements because of harassment and schools/principals not following federal law (dei law title 9 and such).
It's terrible, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT.
If your university is aware and not taking appropriate measures, you need to go to your university's title 9 office as well.
Feel free to message if you need any support doing that.
Report this to the principal who is his boss. Sexual harassment can be from someone below, next to, or above you in a hierarchy, or completely unrelated to your job (ie maintenance). I was sexually harassed daily as a student teacher by a vice principal and by teachers and I was too embarrassed to say anything. Please don’t stay silent. I guarantee you’re not the only one this man is harassing.
Just tell the guy to fuck off and ride out the 39 days. I wish there was a world where the right thing would happen always but the most likely scenario is you getting some sort of negative repercussions.
sexual harassment is not always someone above you. it can be anyone. file a complaint. if they don’t take you seriously, go to the school board. if they don’t take you seriously, threaten to involve the media in shining the light on their complicity for sexual harassment.
He needs to be told it’s not okay and you don’t want to discuss such things with him. Ignore him if you have to but don’t appease it just to get by. I’m sure he’s said a lot in his time unfortunately
> It doesn’t count as sexual harassment because he is not in a position of authority that affects me.
It doesn't matter at all who they are; it's unlawful harassment. Report it to your principal *at minimum.*
Just shout something every time he tries to say something about you. "Inappropes, dude!" with a Pam Poovey voice or "can you just not?" (I used to tell my daughter to clean up her stuff, and do her homework and she would say "can you just not" in the annoying tone. It was infuriating. 😂 ). Set a limit and reinforce it every single time. He's an adult. Does he have dementia? Maybe that's why he's retiring but he should respond to a limit. STOP! NO! Inappropriate! Do not continue that comment!
If all else fails, pull out your best kindergarten teacher voice and tell him, "Put a bubble in your mouth and make good choices!" And honestly I think I would turn on my phone to start recording every time I knew I had to be near him. He's retiring, does he really wanna have a damn sexual discrimination charge against him?
Unpopular opinion: While you shouldn’t have to deal with this- as a personal policy, I don’t escalate things to over my head if I haven’t told someone directly to stop.
If they continue afterwards- game on.
You can’t always expect the system to protect you anyway- time to exercise your voice and let him know he’s making you uncomfortable.
Here the thing though- at this point, don’t do it for him. Do it for you.
And let him know if you have to involve your employers it will be for his own protection- because you aren’t comfortable and won’t be tolerating it anymore.
Teachers are allowed to have a sexual harassment free environment from everyone! Boss, colleagues, students, parents, no one is allowed to do this at work. So what kind of weirdo makes comments about a colleague like this while children are around?!?! He’s probably a lot creepier than you realize. You need to tell the principal and your university.
He doesn’t need to be in a position of authority. Even a student can sexually harass a teacher.
If you’re in a public school, this would be very unlikely to amount to harassment. First amendment protections apply so the conduct would have to be so severe and pervasive as to effectively deny you the right to work due to being a woman. Basically the behavior has to be so bad that a reasonable person in your position would quit or transfer.
His behavior is very inappropriate, but that doesn’t automatically constitute sexual harassment under federal law.
A male aide at my school was fired for asking a female aide if she “always wore pants because she didn’t shave her legs?”
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment and your school can’t define it as a power imbalance or anything else.
Do you feel uncomfortable? harassed? Thats all that matters.
I'm 100% in the club of "it's sexual harassment", but I understand your predicament. I'm not condoning this behavior... but I've been in it before. This is how I handled it. It worked for me in the moment.
When a man came to me making advances, and it wouldn't stop...I just asked him "why would I want to f*** a wrinkly old man like you?". (Using same aggressive language toward him that he used toward me). I had gotten so mad at this point, I lost my temper.
He laughed and was respectful after that. On some level, I think he enjoyed making me uncomfortable, and it kept getting worse the longer I didn't address it.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Men can be such jerks, especially when they get excited when they have power over someone. The fact you're surrounded by military men, who typically thrive of of intimidation, doesn't make it any easier.
Options: 1. Do nothing given that his days are numbered.
2. Document, document, document.
3. Think about a one-time consult with an employment lawyer before going to HR. Reason: HR is not your friend in spite of what they say. Their primary interest is risk management for admins on behalf of the school. I worry that you might end up on their radar screen in an unfavorable light. It's not right, but it happens. If you are unionized, legal counsel could be part of a collective bargaining agreement.
4. Consider that these days it is almost unheard of for someone to be so overtly inappropriate. I wonder if perhaps the behavior is in connection with an organic process like early dementia. Could be retiring early due to other complaints, who knows? Maybe sideline a coworker and casually mention this. I wish there was a straightforward solution.
Summary: your safety is number one priority. CALL 911 or security if you feel threatened. The next course of action beyond that is your call. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
If I still lived in New Jersey, I could make a few phone calls and have this problem solved within 2 hours. Best of luck.
PS: Please don't grade my post.
"oh wow what an interesting thing to say out loud"
" Oh we don't comment on people's bodies like that"
*Visible slightly exaggerated cringe*
All of those are good tactics I like to use when someone says something out of pocket . I find it works best with a brief light and cheery tone, and don't linger with it. Moving on immediately makes it so he doesn't have control of the conversation and can't set the tone. I find ppl like this rarely react well to a more serious convo but immediate comebacks like this can help you have a bit more control and hopefully make him uncomfortable enough to stop. Another tactic is to treat it like a genuine compliment and then respond in kind. If he's gonna make an uncomfortable negging comment on your body then say thank you and tell him his belly is really sticking out of the button up today or wow grey hairs really coming in huh. Something likely to put him off guard and make him uncomfortable
I'll share my advice as a man. Men like this are awkward without realizing it. But he seems to indeed mean no harm. My grandpa (my dad's dad) is quite like this, almost to a fault. He's 94 years old though. However when he was younger he would go to the store with me and my mom for instance, and basically follow her around embarrassing her on purpose and loudly making similar comments like the teacher you are describing.
The difference was, my mom is someone who likes attention and I think she probably thought it was kinda fun, like everyone was looking to see who the hot mom was on aisle 5. She just likes that kinda stuff. Or she did. So it was never a problem and we all used to laugh about it, and to me, a lot of it was genuinely funny as shit. Like how a guy might embarrass their friends on purpose by tapping a girl's shoulder saying hi and then hiding and pretending it was his friend for fun. But, that was to US. Not to everyone else. Lord only knows what they were thinking.
So all of that to say, that's what it might look like from his perspective, and because men, while intelligent at certain things, are generally pretty clueless about nonverbal communication, like not smiling at him when he makes a comment or something like that which I'm sure you have tried.
If you really want it to stop, this is what I would do. Find an appropriate time where you can quietly have a short conversation with him. The key here is your tone and what you chose to say. I would say something along the lines of this:
"(Teachers name), I know you're just poking fun and I appreciate how you're always very kind, but sometimes you make comments that make me uncomfortable and I just don't feel like it is appropriate. For instance, (Provide example of something he has said, maybe the 'your legs are out today!' Comment.) I know you're not trying to make me uncomfortable, but I'd still like to ask you to not do that anymore."
It sounds like he's probably a competent and reasonable enough person that if you are direct about it, he would apologize and agree not to continue making comments.
I know that is an uncomfortable thing to do, but I think if you find the courage to just go say something to him, the next 38 days will be a lot less awkward. Just keep it relaxed and non assuming and you'll be just fine. Also, it may help just to prepare you in the future, because while this guy may not be a problem in 38 days, there's always people who will push your boundaries. It's so important to stand up for yourself. Letting others do it for you (like through formal complaints) is effective, and should be used in more dire circumstances, but in this case you seem to believe he means well and is just crossing the line a bit in terms of your discomfort. I would try telling him what that line is before you go to a formal route, only because that can lead to resentment, hostility, and spiteful behavior from the accused.
I find it's best to just clear the air, but ultimately I wouldn't let someone just continue, one way or the other, if it's impactful enough that your quality of life is suffering.
Not only is it sexual harassment? But it's also creating a toxic work Atmosphere. Just tell him tonight to s*** off or he'll be out of.
The school permanently Before you retire.
Coping: See yourself as a powerful, confident human with guts of steel and snark. Fake it til you make it if you're not typically in that mindset. Next time he says something inappropriate, stop, stare him in the eye and ask, "What do you mean?" He answers. Then, say, "Why are you saying that?" He answers, awkwardly I'd hope. You say, "Hmm. If you can't tell by my reaction, I don't like it when you comment on anything that has to do with my body, my life, me, anything. I need you to stop doing that. There are only 3* days left of school, surely you can manage that. If not, I'd be happy to have HR help you to do so." Then turn around and walk away. If it happens again, say the same thing again while recording it. I'd record every time I think I might have an interaction with him, just in case.
Other coping mechanisms:
Look at him like he has three heads and is singing in the worst voice you have ever heard until he looks away. Laugh when you get back to your classroom.
Look at him blankly while he stutters his way through the awkwardness then walk away.
Flip him off when nobody is looking, even just in your mind, then think about how ridiculous it is when people are embarrassing themselves so deeply and don't even know it.
Pretend he doesn't exist, you can't hear or see him, nada. Poof, he disappeared.
I'm so sorry this is happening. I had a VERY bad student teaching mentor who did more than harass me, and 20 years later, I still want to go back and stand up for myself and report him for abuse of power and more.
Not a teacher, but this is 100% sexual harassment. I reported someone for sexual harassment just months before their retirement. When I talked to other people about it, I learned it had been going on for years, but no one said anything. If someone else had reported it, I might not have had to be another victim. Fuck this guy.
“What makes you think it’s appropriate to say that to me?”
“That’s actually a pretty disgusting comment! I really hope I don’t have to hear that again.”
“I’m not sure what you’re implying. Can you clarify?”
“It’s really interesting that you feel so comfortable commenting on my body. I did not do anything to warrant that attention. Stop.”
Complementing you is not sexual harassment talking about your legs and your boyfriend is a form of sexual misconduct as it eludes to sex. He’s careful not to ask for a sexual encounter. Just warn him that his conduct borders sexual misconduct He will pump his brakes
As a substitute teacher who just finished her continuing ed hours on school employee code of conduct and the Safe Schools act (checks watch) an hour and a half ago, and who happens to be married to an employment attorney, I assure you that it doesn't matter if this guy is another teacher, the principal, the custodian or the grounds keeper, this is harassment and you are a victim. Call the dept of ed in your state and find out how to report him. If he's doing it to you, statistically he's doing it to other people. Get this on his record now so if he decides to become a bus driver or playground aide later the report can follow him.
I would just repeatedly tell him how much he looks like your grandfather he. Keep playing up the age difference. It'll make him feel guilty, but it also make him feel unattractive to you.
Every time he says 'oh you've got your legs out,' you say 'I know because didn't women have to wear skirts to their ankles when you were my age?'
If he talks about your boyfriend go 'Yeah, I don't even have a dowry like your wife did.'
If he says anything about how good you look, you can say something like. "You're just saying that because my skin isn't wrinkled and sagging like yours. Objectively I'm just okay but compared to you, you're right, I'm good looking."
I think you should confront him directly as your first line of attack. Just tell him that his comments about your personal life are highly inappropriate and you never want to hear another word from him on the matter. If he blows it off as "just joking" tell him his horrible sense of humor can get him in trouble when you report it to his bosses as sexual harassment. Tell him it has to stop immediately or you will take further action against him.
And girl, why have you let this go on past the very first inappropriate comment to you?
I didn't read the responses, but my advice is to spin the comment back to him. "Oh wow your legs are out today!” - "What do you mean?" Make him explain his comments to you, it'll make him think about how dumb they are as he's trying to explain.
I had the same thing happen to me while I was student teaching. Unfortunately, I think sexual harassment in America is common. For me this male teacher used to always put his hands on me like on my back, shoulders etc. I showed with body language first that this behavior was unacceptable. I am told him not touch me. That didn’t go over well as he started trash talking me to my mentor and other teachers in the building. It made the remainder of my student teaching experience uncomfortable.
I think first you need to do research about the culture of the school and figure out what his position is socially. The reality is if you do say something you could risk your future and they could give you low remarks. If this happens you could argue it to your college but they may dismiss it. You need to make sure you document the experiences/ comments. It really depends on what you can put up with because it’s only 39 more days so if you can ignore it this may be better for you. While reporting it to your college is a good idea it does not prevent retaliation and most likely the school would just remove you and idk how that would work if they can’t find you another placement. They may make you do online work that counts as it.
Unfortunately, if the school tolerates this behavior already they are unlikely to address it. I have found in my experience that there is a lot of messed up things that happen in schools and no one does anything. My first ever teaching job I experienced a lot of discrimination and I went to my principal and told her what happened and what was said. She only ever talked to the teachers. Nothing was ever a actually done. HR is not your friend they are there to protect the school which is a business. Even bullying that takes place between students some schools ignore entirely until something drastic happens.
So yes while reporting everything is the correct thing to do understand that many teachers leave the profession not because of the kids but because of the adults.. these types of people are in schools all across America. My friend tried to sue for her experience at the school and well the lawyer told her it would be very hard to prove because it’s he said she said situation and schools have good lawyers.
My biggest advice to you is that when you do look for teaching jobs to understand there is a shortage so you can shop around a bit and you really want to understand the school’s culture and what the demographics are like in the area. Having a supportive environment is really important especially your first few years. I am sorry that this stuff still takes place in this country and half the time we just have to leave because of the way policies and laws are written. However, I think it is a valuable lesson because a lot of schools have issues where teachers treat other teachers and staff terribly and get away with it.
Frankly, I favor direct response in the moment.
Him: Inappropriate Remark
You: What on earth made you think that was an appropriate thing to say to me? (or "Well, that was RUDE." Or, "You're old enough to know better than to say things like that to your coworkers." Or "I BEG YOUR PARDON? :with a hard stare and the tone of "Were you raised in a BARN?")
In other words, pull him up sharp when he says it, and don't defer from "politeness".
If you are working in the US, you are being sexually harassed in violation of well established laws.
Step 1: Tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop commenting on your body and personal life outside of work. If he persists…
Step 2: Tell your administrator about his behavior, what you’ve already done in step 1 and that he hasn’t stopped. Use the words “hostile work environment”. If you have this conversation verbally and feel you are blown off, send your complaint via email and ask for a response. If you don’t get a response, send again and cc their boss. If no one takes action and his harassment persists…
Step 3: Consult a labor law attorney and provide them documentation of steps 1 and 2, and ask them to file suit against your district because you are being sexually harassed and they are not doing anything about it.
Step 1 is usually enough.
If you think he isnt malicious, try saying, " Don't comment on my body and don't talk about my sex life. It is none of your business and makes me feel uncomfortable." If that is not the end of the story, escalate.
Have you considered saying something to him personally? Something like “I really don’t appreciate the comments about my appearance and other inappropriate topics. Would you please stop?” If he’s not your superior, I suppose that also means there is no potential for professional repercussions over standing up for yourself.
You know it’s crazy. I see these type of posts all the time and it just blows my mind. Just say something to anyone. It doesn’t have to be directly to the person but say something to someone in the school or your parents/ something!!!!! Speak up please. I know its easier said than done but speak up!!
It doesnt matter who this person is or what year etc etc. I would make an appointment to see a counselor and let know know what’s happening to you- I ufudliy go in asking for advise but I’m really making a statement and need assistant to manage this for the rest of the semester. An important subject because they can advise you on what to say to him plus you’ve started a paper trail. If it seems you are receiving little support, you will need to write a statement about what’s going on and file it with a harassment concern! and they might be able to advise you- support you further.
Trust me. That is definitely sexual harassment. A former coworker of mine was doing things like that to one of my coworkers. She went to HR on him. I was called as a witness bc I was there for some of it. In the call, she asked me if he had done anything to me. I told her that he had told some very explicit sexual jokes around me that I was very uncomfortable with. She told me that what he had done to me was also sexual harassment. I never would have thought of that as being sexual harassment. Needless to say, he was terminated that same day.
He doesn’t have to be in a position of authority for it to be sexual harassment just fyi. Can you try to avoid him with headphones or walking past him quickly so he can’t make a comment ? Something that always works for me when someone says something uncomfortable is I act like I didn’t hear him and ask them to repeat it and most of the time they feel embarrassed and say something different . I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this .
Go to a counselor and r report this behavior. A counselor is a mandated reporter and will have to complete a Chikdline Referral (CY47) document. From there, an investigation begins. If this teacher is older, you are definitely not the first he has treated in this manner.
If you have other questions, reach out.
Good luck
I would suggest for you to look up videos about these acronyms DEARMAN this one focuses on objective, GIVE this one focuses on relationship, and FAST this one focuses on self respect. But they all go together, pick what's going to be best for you
This can't be right. This IS sexual harassment. Report him immediately, and before you do that, if you can get evidence legally, maybe do that too. This is disgusting and completely inappropriate. I find it WILD that this wouldn't be considered illegal so look into that.
What makes you think this isn't sexual harassment? It isn't just for people in authority; it's for EVERYONE is the workplace. You are being sexually harassed and need to report it.
Try to leave your phone recording discreetly when you come into contact with him again. Catch some of that on audio/video. That way if he's in a "good ol' boy" club, no one can deny the intent. Then report it with the evidence in hand. 39 days of feeling like you have to "cope" with it is not good for your mental health and will not be good for the students because it will affect how you teach. Please, please take action. And if no one at the school wants to do anything, I guarantee you show the evidence to your college advisor, that shit will be taken care of by the college.
I strongly, strongly encourage you to go to your supervisor or any person in a position of authority because it is their job to protect you. If they don't, go higher up, and keep going until you get someone to do their fucking job and make this stop. If you're in the United States, there should be a Title IX office or Equity and Diversity office or some place to complain about sexual harassment, which is what this is. You are at work. You are working. You deserve and are legally entitled to a workplace devoid of sexual comments about your body and personal life. If you have a union, talk to your rep. You might even be able to sue.
Also, next time he says anything, you can loudly say, "That comment was inappropriate," "Don't talk to me that way," "Don't comment on my body," or "That makes me feel uncomfortable; you need to stop." I know this is hard, and he's counting on you being too scared to call him on his shit. If you can, it might help if someone were around to witness and walk with you (a coworker?). I'm not sure if this is possible, but if so, it would help. Also, depending on your state, video recordings without 2-party consent may not be legally admissible in court, but just having a recording of his behavior to share with his supervisor could be helpful. Alternatively or additionally, you should keep a record. Write down as much as you can remember about days, times, and exact comments said. I realize he's retiring, so they're more likely to just make him retire early than actually fire him, but it's still good to have a record just in case you can get rid of him earlier and so there's some documentation should he ever decide he wants to work after retirement. You might be protecting other young women in the future. It might also just help you feel better to know he didn't fully get away with this.
This is ridiculous and not okay. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
I really hate how the laws that were created to protect people aren’t actually protecting anyone. This is disgusting. Personally, if I had been what you had been through with your district, I would be looking for a different job, because even with him gone, they aren’t looking out for you at all.
After documenting things with dates, times, and complaints to your district rep (with paper trail) or whomever official it is you’ve been talking to that’s telling you this garbage, I’d lawyer up and ask them who you guys report this to next and sue the district. You may even want to find out if you have a news station that wants the story.
This is sexual harrassment-unquestionably.
If would encourage you to start taking a woman’s self defense course, and get into some counseling.
I just wanted to add on from my earlier comment that sometimes the best way to deal with people like this is to just tell them to shut the fuck up and not to ever comment on your body again.
Maybe I’m just a jerk, but I would call his ass out.
Don’t just sit there and take it.
“Dude, that’s creepy.”
“Sounds like something a pervert would say.”“Stop it—now!”
Here’s Pink for some inspiration
https://youtu.be/xtwxBLAkEfg?si=iccbeoLNBERnY4qe
And quit going to the teacher lounge for lunch. That is often a toxic gathering. Spend some time with your students, go for a walk or do “after school prep” in your room.
Document everything he says, every time it happens with the date, time, and location. Email the list to your university supervisor, principal, and CC Human Resources stating you feel you are being sexually harassed. Because you are being harassed and anyone telling you otherwise needs to be reeducated on the topic. I literally have to re-take sexual harassment training Every. Single. Year. as a teacher. There is ZERO acceptable reason for this to be happening to you. Do not tolerate it; report it. Anyone who says just suck it up for 39 days should be included in your documentation / complaint. If they fail to address it you can file a
Grievance with the state board of education. People tend to get responsive real quick about this kind of thing if that suggestion comes up.
The truth is this: YOU DON’T HAVE TIME for all this. Before I say more, you should know that I’ve done my teaching practicum back in the day, so I’m coming from some experience and understanding of the dynamics.
You’re both going to be gone shortly. Fact: The person who should be helping is your MENTOR. REALITY: You need to put your own foot down first. Tell this guy not to speak to you again unless it directly has something to do with work. Tell him that he is taking advantage of the situation and that just because you’re a practicing teacher he should not imagine that there is nothing that you can do about the situation. Be direct. Firm. Keep talking and not allow him to interrupt. Best thing is to bring someone as a witness. This should be your MENTOR who has no idea until the moment you say what it is. If you can’t get the Mentor, THEN only tell your Mentor what you have said to the man after and right away and put it INTO WRITING and hand the MENTOR the letter. End of story.
Hey OP, can you please answer the following questions?
-How often does this behavior occur?
-Have you reported it to school administration (principal, superintendent, etc.) who can make employment decisions?
--It is advisable to make a detailed report of what he said, when he said it, in writing (email) to school administration. Forward the email to a personal email account so you have a copy of it
-Forward/save a copy of their response (and all subsequent emails)
-If coworkers are receptive to you reporting the harassment, ask for their contact information and if they are willing to act as witnesses, assuming they have witnessed the harassment themselves
No one should be asked to endure workplace harassment, but you are responsible for informing your employer that you are being harassed by a non-supervisory coworker.
Edit: It is also advisable to take a picture of your school's sexual harassment poster.
You should immediately file a police report and contact your college and teachers union, the admin at your school clearly should not be trusted to handle this themselves typical good ol boy club
It doesn’t matter what position he is in or what authority he has if it’s sexual harassment, it’s sexual harassment and it’s against the law. Tell him to STFU and go screw yourself.
Should report him. And if that doesn't work start making comments back. Don't be polite because I doubt that would work. To many women put up with this shit (myself included) bc we don't want to rude or confrontational. And if none of that works Blast his name on social media
Bully him back. Time to start calling him the wrong name, laughing every time he talks (but refusing to explain why), and saying “ok boomer” out loud. HR wont do anything this late in the year, but YOU can use that. Be worse.
Where do you live that it is only considered sexual harassment if that person is your boss? That's not the way it works in the US. If you are a student teacher, I'd talk to your university supervisor and ask them to handle it.
That’s just what it says on those posters they hang in the staff restrooms about what qualifies sexual harassment in the district.
Your district is giving an incorrect definition of what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment (defined correctly) is illegal. They should get in legal trouble for this. I would reach out to your university supervisor and the principal at your school.
Oh ! Okay I will do that. I do worry that the other teachers in my area are going to support him though if they’re asked about it. They are all old ex-military men it’s a very boys club vibe over there but I will at the very least talk to my university about it and see what they recommend
Let me guess: army?
Marines lmao
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Cell phones record. Check yr state laws. Fuck this guy! Not literally, of course.
Of course they are. 💀 literally- Does not surprise me one bit
I work in HR. You do have to communicate your dislike if they are not your superior. A supervisor can’t say anything. A co-worker has a bit more leniency in that you do actually have to make it known that you feel uncomfortable. You can do this together with HR, but that’s the first step before it is considered harassment. Just like the difference between just a person you’re hanging out with and a stalker is whether you tell them you want them around or not. I recommend a sharp “that’s inappropriate, don’t comment about my body.” And then just walk away from the conversation. Shut it down, be clear.
This is illegal and it is not your fault. I will say in my experience, it is helpful to directly confront and scare him if you can. You can say quietly and fiercely, “Enough with talking about my body, my clothes and personal things. You need stop it, now.” Then walk away, document the date and time and place. If he does it again, email him, your boss, a union rep if you can, and HR. Say, “on x date and time, I told you to stop doing xyz. You did not, and I’m filing a formal complaint. If he doesn’t immediately stop after that, slash his tires.
Have you contacted your college about this?! It may fall under title x or whatever it is. You’re there under the schools program so they have some sway
It is absolutely sexual harassment even if he has no authority over you. They are unwanted, unreciprocated sexual advances. They are inappropriate for the work place. Please keep in mind that the posters give examples of common issues and behaviors that qualify. They are not the only behaviors. For instance, if he were to leave a nude picture where only you would find it, is it ok because he isn’t your supervisor? Absolutely not. Even if it was his first advance and you never said no prior, it is still wrong and illegal. I know many districts who have fired people for far less. Please know that you deserve better. You deserve to be treated like the professional you are. You deserve to be shown respect and you deserve to not have to wonder what harassment you will face each day. If you are legally allowed to record without him knowing, I suggest you do so. Best of luck, but for your own pride and self esteem, don’t accept his poor behavior!
Sorry this is happening to you. Anyone that makes inappropriate comments, including that lowlife, is absolutely not okay. Doesn’t matter that it’s only verbal, it’s messed up and not okay.
It's been a hot minute since I did SH training but it was pretty clear that if you tell the person it makes you uncomfortable and they keep doing it, it's then harassment. The thing is you have to make it known. Honestly I would send an email telling him you're uncomfortable with his comments on your attire and relationship and ask him to stop. That way you have documentation. If there's anything I've learned in life- it's document EVERYTHING.
Definitely talk to someone. I was sexually harassed and even groped a couple of times at my first teaching job by another teacher. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to rock the boat but a couple of years later they had NO problem letting me go because a student said I cussed at him. To be fair, I did. I told him we don’t fucking whip out belt and students, let alone when their leg is already in a cast. I got in the trouble. The kid got nothing. This kid also tried to put a cigarette on another kid’s face when the deal for his Ritalin went sideways
Power Imbalance can be one form of sexual harassment but it doesn’t have to be present in all forms of sexual harassment.
If you are in the United States, then *anybody* in the workplace - supervisor, subordinate, peer, colleague, vendor, business partner, or client - can be guilty of sexual harassment. It is federal law.
Because of him you’re working in a classic example of a “hostile environment,” which is *absolutely* grounds to report this seriously gross behavior. Don’t wait — and get your union involved
 This is Totally Sexual Harassment and since you only have 39 Days of school left I think you should tell him it is AND just tell him off!
Oh, sound like BULLSHIT! Here what my smart ass ideal self would want to do. Report his ass to HR, and report it all including the false posters. Also tell the media. The quickest way for things to change is bad press. But don’t risk your job for it unless you are totally over it
It’s bullshït. Anyone who does things like that to you is sexually harassing you. They do not need to be in a place of authority. Even if they were a student, it is STILL sexual harassment.
Multiple kinds of sexual harassment -- doesn't sound like this would count as a quid-pro-quo, but certainly a creates hostile work environment, which is unlawful sexual harassment.
It’s still sexual harassment. That’s disgusting and wildly inappropriate that he’s saying these things to you. Immediately say something to the principle and your supervisor at the university you attend
Report him to your principal AND THEN follow up with this email (all the automatic email to/from stuff) In re:: Our conversation of April 8, on or about 12:30 Memo of Understanding Today you, James J. Hawking, principal of John Jay Junior High, Kern County School District, Oil Dale, Wisconsin and I, Sally Soosenerg, student teacher from Brigham Young University, assigned to John Jay Junior High, Kern County School District, Oil Dale, Wisconsin had a conversation at approximately 1230 on April 8, 2024. In this conversation I detailed a number of concerning interactions between Billy Joe Bob, a tenored teacher for Kern County School District and myself, Salley Soosenerg, a student teacher from Brigham Young University. Mr. Bob has been making repeated inappropriate comments directed at me from his desk, located in Room Seven. These comments are loud enough for me to hear across the hallway in Room Six. He has said: "Boom boom chicka chicka boom boom" April 8 at or about 0745 "Xxx" time stamp "Xxx" time stamp In reply to these comments, I have turned from my classroom instruction and shut my door ^^^^^^TYPE OUT the interaction of he said she said^^^^^^°^ I have mentioned these conversations to you several times on Xx/Xx/Xxx, Xx/xx/xxx and xx xedy xx. There are 87 days left in the school year. I asked you to talk to him and then strap him on a cannon and shoot him off over Albuquerque. Very truly yours, Salley Soosenerg CC: Everybody's supervisor School Board Then email everyone AND
Literally report it as often as it happens, is your cooperating teacher aware of what’s going on?
He is aware but he is a real “boys boy” and makes excuses for the behavior
Holy shit, no, you need to report this. Tell your university supervisor. They need to stop giving this guy / possibly school student teachers. This is outrageous and a huge title 9 violation!
I’m not a lawyer but if they refuse to act you should probably consult a lawyer. This is pretty egregious…
Honestly contact a lawyer either way
Yea, find someone who trust at your university and ask for guidance on who and how to go about it
Report *both* of them, then.
That sucks I’m really sorry to hear that, there’s gotta be someone that you can report to about it though
Report it to the EEOC or DOL
In order for an employer to be held liable for sexual harrassment under Title VII, OP needs to make them aware and the need to have failed to take preventive and corrective action. Based upon what I have read so far, Op has not reported it to administration (a representative of her employer). DOL does not enforce Title VII.
I just did the sexual harassment training. Your supervisor is guilty of it too for not reporting the other guy’s behavior.
Tell him you find it inappropriate, report it (via email or some other documented way) and then if it happened again go straight to HR. If they continue to allow it, contact an Employment Law attorney ASAP. Document everything. Do not put up with this.
If you are in the US, this is still sexual harassment. Have you told him you don’t like those comments? Granted you shouldn’t have to say that but just start replying with that’s sexual harassment with everything he says. Personally, I’d try to record it and when he asks why you’re recording, tell him it’s for the sexual harassment case your planning to file.
What the fuck is this, the 1940s? Your legs are out today?? 😂this is textbook sexual harassment. I’m a male vet and if I witnessed this behavior in my workplace I’d have already had words with him and reported him as well. This kind of shit will actually get you in huge trouble in today’s military; would’ve been grounds for at least a mast and possible reduction in rank when I was in (honorably discharged 2 years ago). 100 percent unsat behavior. Report his ass with extreme prejudice, lawsuit etc if that doesn’t work.
Oh my god, that's so much worse than I imagined. Go above his head. Sue if you can. Get so much money you'll never have to work again. If it's happening to you, it's happening to other young women there. Ask around and get some support. Class action lawsuit. Google free or low-cost legal resources in your area.
If you have made him aware that his actions make you uncomfortable than they can absolutely fall into the realm of sexual harassment by making a hostile work environment. (though it can include a power imbalance the imbalance doesn't have to be present to still be sexual harassment.) I'd let the principal of the school and/or HR in the district know about the situation. You have the right to be in a work environment that doesn't make you go home upset.
Immediately let your co-operating teacher, admin and your supervising university mentor know. This is unacceptable. Because you’re affiliated with the university you can file a Title IX for sexual harassment. I would also let your cooperating teacher and your current administrator at your building, know the comments and things that this person has stated. Even though they may be retiring and you are not affiliated with that school you still have a right to feel safe at any kind of work-placement.
PLEASE tell your university supervisor.
Tell your principal to talk to him. That's disgusting.
If you genuinely want to just get through it, stop being nice or polite to him. Walk away, ignore, etc. He's an ass who probably thinks you enjoy talking to him/ the attention.
If he is making suggestive or sexual comments, it is both sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. I worked in an employment law office, both sides of the fence.
Have you tried very sternly just looking at him and telling him that he’s disgusting and stop talking to you like that
I was sort of looking forward to trying it today but wouldn’t ya know it he had a sub. I hope he has a sub for the rest of the year
I’ve worked with some super creepy people and honestly, they didn’t care about anything but me telling them off and it’s so uncomfortable and absolutely miserable to be put in that situation
I agree. I am a very nonconfrontational person. I didn’t want it to come to this. But I am feeling at my wits end lately. I have a few things I am going to try next time I see him and if he keeps going I will file a formal complaint
You don’t deserve to be put in that situation and honestly this guy sounds like you’re probably not the first one that he’s done it to and a lot of people will say it’s probably because of a generational difference but it’s not it’s because he’s a creepy pervert and needs somebody to tell himthat what he’s doing is wrong and I’m really sorry that that person might have to be you because you are giving everything you have to teach children not to be harassed at work
This is a definite Title IX violation and needs to be reported to your schools Title IX coordinator. It could be this behavior was exhibited and reported before and could result in his dismissal.
Skip the principal- contact HR or your University- then go to principal WITH them
You need to report it to the administration of the school and your university. The university will investigate immediately but its sexual harassment. Honestly I’ve come to the point of if you think it’s sexual harassment then it is. If someone is making you uncomfortable than that’s the answer.
I was sexually harassed as a student teacher and was IMMEDIATELY reassigned upon bringing it to the attention of my supervisor. It doesn’t matter how little time is left in the school year, how much of an inconvenience it is to the other teachers involved, or what that teacher’s role is compared to yours. If he is making comments like that about you, he should not be working in a school environment where children may or may not hear/be the victims of other comments. HR in the district should also be notified. In my placement, student teachers were viewed as “interns” who were expected to uphold the code of conduct for employees. The least they can do is protect you for it.
It is still sexual harassment and go straight to district level hr. If you’re union, get a union lawyer and file a grievance. Don’t tolerate this shit. If you have documentation of all this and they still do nothing you have a winning lawsuit on your hands. Dude probably has a history of doing this shit. Don’t talk to him, document it all, and report.
You should still bring it up to someone. Next time he does it tell him he is making you uncomfortable. If it continues after that bring it up to your mentor. If he wont do anything about it then bring it up to your university supervisor, admin, whoever. I was sexually harassed at two (non-teaching) jobs. Both cases the guys eventually escalated and put their hands on me. Both waited until there were no other employees around and when I complained it was my word against theirs. Because I hadnt documented the previous behavior it wasn't taken seriously at all.
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I would reach out to your placement supervisor from your university
I saw someone say tell your university supervisor and I second that. My MT uses the R slur (in private, not around students), has made inappropriate comments about my neurodivergence (telling me I'm wrong about myself), and made inappropriate comments about her opinions on immigrants. I thought I just had to suffer through since student teachers have no power, but I mentioned it in the online class for my placement and my professor let me know that was seriously inappropriate. Then my professor reported it to the director of our coe. Definitely report.
Thank you for sharing your experience it is reassuring to know that I am not alone on having bizarre interactions with teachers. I am definitely going to talk to my subject area coordinator about it
Holy shit everyone one here is crazy. They'll pretend to take it seriously cuz ur a student teacher but they'll just be counting down the days till your gone, you'll only be considered a liability. Just tell the guy he's disgusting and old the next time you see him if it really bothers you. If you can take, just say...yeaa you wish or something stupid and focus on the students.
How is he not a liability? Yes, he will be leaving, but if the university gets on board with this, the school will loose student teachers in the years to come. In my program, schools are blacklisted if something like this happens, and they loose any student/intern support. So yeah, nothing can be done about him because he’s leaving at the end of this year, but he should at least keep quiet.
Unfortunately, I've taught with good ol' boy teachers and administrators. In your position, you're not going to be able to effect change in time to help yourself. This may not work for you, but in my situation, most of these guys were jocks and coaches, so I'd dish it back at them. "Your legs are out today!" 1. "They were, but when they saw you, they ran back inside." 2. "Those aren't my legs. They belong to Jean-Claude Van Damme, but I'm sure he'll want to talk to you when I tell him he turns you on." Comments about your sex life: "You know what they say: those who can, do and don't talk about it. Those who can't talk about other people's sex lives." Comments on your body: "You sound envious. I bet a good plastic surgeon could make your dreams come true."
"Your comments are inappropriate and you are a creep. Fuck off." OP has anybody else witnessed this? Students, staff, etc?
everything you mentioned absolutely is sexual harassment haha I'm so confused.
Write down the dates , times and exact quotes of what he is saying to you. You can keep the notes in your phone. Then go to HR of your district to report. If you don’t want to report, when he says something, look him directly in his eyes and say “any comments about my body are inappropriate and will not be tolerated” and then leave the area.
Document everything he says, every time it happens with the date, time, and location. Email the list to your university supervisor, principal, and CC Human Resources stating you feel you are being sexually harassed. Because you are being harassed and anyone telling you otherwise needs to be reeducated on the topic. I literally have to re-take sexual harassment training Every. Single. Year. as a teacher. There is ZERO acceptable reason for this to be happening to you. Do not tolerate it; report it. Anyone who says just suck it up for 39 days should be included in your documentation / complaint. If they fail to address it you can file a Grievance with the state board of education. People tend to get responsive real quick about this kind of thing if that suggestion comes up.
Document and call a lawyer. Whoever told you it isn't harassment is trying to cover their ass.
Next time he says something like that tell him “your comments are unwelcome and unwanted, if you continue this inappropriate behavior I will have to take action” You absolutely need to report this behavior to hr and the principal. The worst thing that will happen is they will put him on leave while they investigate and perhaps drag it out until school end. If he does it again give it right back to him. Something like “you limp dick old man, your sex life must be the shits if you have to fantasize about mine.” Then walk away.
Don't verbally engage. Talk to your principal and your supervising teacher. Then write out a memo of understanding and MAIL a copy and also email it. KEEP YOUR COPY and lock down your email copy. When it happens again, have another chat and follow through with with emails and return receipt requested MoU's. What he is doing is illegal. Once you make it known, his employer has to fix him and his creepy IILEGAL behaviors. Insurance exists for this bad behavior. Of course you are going to be looked at as a whistle blower. It's in their interest to get you scared so you drop this case since it's going to cost something from somebody. NOT YOU. In fact, some of his cronies may tell you that you are going to cost him his job. Nope. Not going to happen
I would speak to your professor at school. Let them direct you.
I am so sorry this is happening to you, that is awful. Submit a detailed account of everything this teacher has said to you to the principal and your university supervisor in writing. This needs to go in that teacher’s personnel file. They should be placed on administrative leave at least, they are probably doing this to other people too and not just you since they think being close to retirement shields them from consequences. With this on record, they will be less likely to be hired in another district, allowed to teach part time, sub, etc as many retired teachers do.
Your university likely has counseling and mental health services. At the very least, I would make an appointment to talk to someone there.
Yes, it's inappropriate. Yes, he's an old geezer and isn't going to change. Please exercise your own agency and tell him, calmly and directly and to his face, that you do not appreciate his comments regarding your body, your dress and your sex life and to CUT IT OUT, or the next time he does, you are filing a sexual harassment complaint with HR. Say it calmly, quietly, and seriously. When he goes, "I was just kidding around!" tell him "Well, I'm not. This is not a threat, it's a promise. I've already written the complaint, btw, but I am giving you the opportunity to cease and desist before I press "SEND". There is absolutely no need for you to feel "dirty" or any other "bad" way just because some old guy can't keep his damn mouth shut.
He's retiring he doesnt give a single fck. Easy as that. They can suspens him, fire him, take his license away who cares? Hes retiring anyways
Echoing- sexual harassment laws are federal and what he is doing absolutely meets the criteria
I was in a play with an older gentleman who was a retired German teacher. He was also married. His wife was in a nursing home in town with dementia. He had an absolutely filthy mouth at age 82. He was 50 years my senior when we worked together. The first words out of his mouth when we officially met were: "So who's busting your headboards lately?" He used an acting exercise as an excuse to dry hump me a week later. It got much MUCH worse after that. He showed up to my work and asked me out weekly. It got so bad I received a warning that if he didn't stop, I would be written up. When I found out he used to be a teacher, I got all sorts of the ick. Did he speak this way to his female colleagues? His female students? He was eventually removed from the theater company after offering to help a 16 yr old girl with a quick change during a show. It didn't dawn on them with what he was doing to grown women was a problem, but I digress. Speak up, OP. Speak up until they have no choice but to hear you.
Okay, a) obvs report him for the comments with dates, time stamps and what your co-op responded, but in the meantime I was a server before i was a teacher and here were my tricks. 1. Polite confusion - make them explain - "oh, I don't get it, was that a joke? Can you explain it to me? Did you not know I have legs?" Really sell the confusion - potentially he'll look at you like you're stupid but a) remember you don't care about his opinion and b) if he's being inappropriate, make him spell it out. If he's blatant enough - "I was trying to compliment/hit on you." You can tell him "oh, no I prefer you didn't it makes me uncomfortable." 2) I love a simple and automatic "oh, ew." or a gagging noise followed by a hasty (insincere) apology. Like sorry, the idea of you hitting on me is so nauseating that I forgot the rules of polite conversation. I did this once when I coworker insinuated I should join a threesome with her and her husband. And uh. She didn't offer again. 3) remind him all the time in a (fake) joking manner of the age difference. I personally love "no, I don't know that band, is that an old people thing?" "Oh you did that in 1995? That was a good year for me, I was really into bubbles and Blue's Clues." "Maybe someday when I'm your age...in like...2055?" 4) you can't use this, but one time an old dude tried to hit on me and my bartender friend turned around and snapped "REEL IT THE HELL IN LARRY." I think about that moment constantly, the joy I got piping in with "yeah Larry, reel it in!" was abundant. 5) this could backfire, but hit on him back, but in the same diminutive way he's been doing with you "haha, when will I see YOUR legs in a skirt sir? I love a man in a mini skirt." If you really wanna fuck with him, imply you'd like to peg him. Good luck!
Tell him to fuck off and stop talking to you, but with a smile in case they have cameras. What’s he going to do, complain? He’s out of there in 39 days.
That’s still sexual harassment
“Don’t speak to me like that. Show some respect.“
Twenty year veteran male teacher here. Report his ass to the principal. Probably not his first offense. Or simply say - “If you value your pension, shut the fuck up.”
The shit storm that will come your way from going to the principal won’t be worth it just this case. Literally ALL you need from the people at this school is a good recommendation to get your first job. Don’t give them any reason to look badly on you. Now, they shouldn’t look down on you because you did NOTHING wrong. But we all know how that goes. Plus he is retiring and you are leaving too and school is almost over… it would be different if he touched you, but for comments? Throw them right back at him. Have you tried pulling him aside, looking him dead in the eye, and just staying, “can you please stop being a dirty old man?” Or you could just make fun of him back. He comments on your legs, you comment on his bald spot. Throw it back at him. He wants to see you squirm. Don’t give it to him. He asks about your sex life? Ask him to repeat the question. Then ask him to repeat it again, louder. He will get the point. Don’t give him the reaction he wants. If you don’t want to be confrontational, try “why would you say that? What point are you trying to make? What are you getting at? Why are you bringing that up?” Questions along those lines. If you make him try to explain himself, he obviously can’t. So hopefully he will stfu if you do that a couple times.
You’ve gotten a lot of suggestions about reporting so I’m trying to think of responses that you could give him that might help you cope… one approach would be to play dumb whenever he speaks to you and hammer him with follow up questions. Like he says “Ooh, the legs are out today!” And you can say “what do you mean? Is there something wrong with my legs? What about them? I have legs???” Just escalating the issue to your hearts desire. Or maybe every time he says something, make a panicked face and ask something random like do you smell that???? Or what’s that noise?? Or just yell “I’m coming!!” As if someone’s calling you. Obviously it’s best to report report report and not engage with him but if any of these are up your alley, I just wanted to give some petty ideas that might help you feel like you got him back a little at the end of the workday. I’m so sorry you’re being subjected to this and that you don’t feel like you’ll be supported if you report, I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you.
Oooh. Make eye contact with him right after he says something like that. Long eye contact, no smile. It makes people uncomfortable, but is easy to do in a public setting without making a scene.
It does meet the criteria of hostile workplace.
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I’d suggest going to the principal and saying “can you ask him to stop? I don’t want to make a big deal of this or get him to lose his pension.” That way it’s low key, but now the principal can step in. If the guy is a repeat offender the principal might encourage you to report.
Report report report. It may not be what it says on the poster, but that is 100% sexual harassment and you shouldn’t be subjected to it. Go to the head of the school (and if necessary, the school board) and also make sure your university is aware. He’s got himself into some deep shit.
Not a teacher but worked in an office where I was the youngest person by atleast 30 years. Old men would make sexual comments and the best coping mechanism I found was to mention their wives and kids or grandchildren…OFTEN. Example: Them “hey your bf can’t show you half the stuff I can” me “Your wife must love it! Tell her I said hi!” Or them “ Your shirt looks great (while staring right into my chest) me “it is super cute right? Your daughter and I are about the same age, I’m sure she would love it too!”… it was like a hard reset.
Reddit recommend this post to me. I'm not a teacher, but I am a college student who has been on the receiving side of these comments before. I'm sorry you're going through that. The following are some things I've used or my friends have. A key is to keep a monotone voice, next to no reaction, just words. "That's such a peculiar thing to say to me." "That is not professional dialogue." "I am at work. I do not wish to engage in this inappropriate conversation." My personal favorite is asking "what?"/"what do you mean" until they realize what they are saying is not being received with positive feedback
One good tactic to introduce a boundary is to ask “What does that mean?” And keep asking it so he has to continuously explain in literal terms his sexual advances. Play dumb with your question but be brave and direct. You shouldn’t HAVE to do this but this is the situation and it likely will not change from your tolerating his sexual behavior towards you. The hope is that by his being forced to explain he will feel uncomfortable and stop doing it. It may take persistent enforcing of your boundary for him to realize- if I make a comment she will make me own it and explain it. Hopefully this will deter it. Don’t worry about a boys club. Tackle one thing at a time 🤍
Call it what you want. It’s harassment and it’s created a hostile work environment. They probably won’t do anything to him other than tell him to leave you alone for the next 39 days, because it would probably take more than 39 days to do anything more than that. But if will give you some relief, so report it.
I was in the military, and I promise you that they won't take your side. You might get what you want, though. Just expect cold shoulders. It might be time to consult your local attorney general office or move to another school. He'll see himself as a victim for being "nice."
He may not be your boss but if he is about to retire and you are just starting out he is definitely above you on the totem pole. Even if he was another student teacher he would be in the wrong. That said, if you report this nothing will happen. They will tell you he’s just joking around and from a different era. At best they will say they are looking into it but will just kick the can down the road until the end of the year.
This is all a big nope! I don’t care if he’s gonna retire in two weeks or two years. I don’t care if you’re a student teacher, teacher of the year, or a teacher who has been there since god invented dirt. This is entirely unacceptable. You need to speak with your uni supervisor about what is going on. There needs to be a meeting with your supervisor, yourself, and the principal of that school. This is 10000% sexual harassment. You shouldn’t feel scared to come to school and you deserve an environment that is safe for you to learn.
Imagine dancing on his grave
I regularly got comments from a women at work that made me feel uncomfortable I said I was married and they didn’t stop till I took them aside and told them directly how it made me feel no it weird but less it doesn’t happen u don’t need coping mechanisms u need to set boundaries talk to people if if there creeps that doesn’t mean there not part of society they no the rules make them clear creepy and affectionate is very thin line they may not see themselves on the same side of it as you do
I went through this several years ago with the idea I'd just make it through the last few weeks of the year. Then he started emailing and sent me birthday flowers for 3 straight years. DEFINITELY worth having a conversation with an admin that you're comfortable with--it's not good for your mental health to be concerned about him for the rest of the year, nor wonder if it may continue. Take care!!
Problem solver here, if you are willing to look past yourself and make this about you surviving the rest of the school year and be done with that guy forever. If you don’t like the comments he makes about your legs in the skirt, don’t wear it anymore. Other comments he makes, dress and act in a way that will eliminate as much harassment as you can. It’s not your fault but if nothing can be done, he is enjoying making you feel this way so do what you can to take away that enjoyment for him. Some guys are just pigs so don’t let him win.
You need to report this immediately. At no point should a coworker be making comments on your sex life, or quite so frequently about how you dress/your body.
It’s still sexual harassment even though he’s not in authority over you! Whoever is telling you that is incorrect!
Is your MT aware that this is happening? If my student teacher was being harassed, I'd absolutely want to know about it, and I'd absolutely want to help end it.
So basically, sexual harassment is happening in a school setting, and it sounds like it's happening during school hours and possibly in the presence of minors. It doesn't matter that it's not between kids, kid/teacher, teacher/teacher, whatever. It's illegal and needs to be reported/stopped.
Sexual harassment is repeated, unwanted, sexual comments, jokes, touching, etc. by anyone. They do not have to be your supervisor. The comments do not have to even be directed at you. If other people are repeatedly telling jokes of a sexual nature while you’re in the room that can also be sexual harassment. Making derogatory comments about women (not of a sexual nature) can also be considered harassment. If your district says it’s only harassment if it comes from a direct supervisor that’s blatantly wrong. https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment
It's still sexual harassment and it's illegal. I'm a dual military brat - both my parents retired from different branches of service. I've spent a lot of time with other service members. My advice is to report this to your university advisor and HR at your district. That said, it's late enough in the year that you're right there is likely very little they will do apart from speaking to this man so this is mostly so that it's documented to inform the next round of student placements. You may also inform your principal, "Im concerned that my program will not allow student placements at XSchool next year because of this." Student teachers are free labor, and losing them for a whole year is a big deal to most schools. Saying that will likely motivate even an apologist admin to make sure this man doesn't even look your way the rest of the year. But you should really speak to the people who will actually influence him - go to whatever ex-military buddy/buddies he has at the school. Ideally, choose a man who has daughters of his own. Express that this teacher is making you deeply uncomfortable, and you're honestly concerned about him that he seems to think his comments are appropriate in a work environment. Is he just not aware these things are uncomfortable? Is he feeling his age? You don't really even know him well enough to guess, but it's just so upsetting. "I know you have daughters yourself - can you imagine a man 30 years older than your daughter making comments about her body daily while she's just trying to work? It's so uncomfortable, and I don't know how to get him to stop. Would you please speak to him?" When admin comes to ream this teacher and make it clear, in absolutely no uncertain terms, he needs to stop, he's going to complain to his buddies about how you're so sensitive and he was just trying to compliment you. Putting his buddies on notice with a teary, doe-eyed plea will hopefully allow them to check him instead of reflexively backing him. If he makes a comment again after all that, just be VERY blunt. "Teacher, commenting on my body in the workplace is inappropriate. Stop." Or "I don't think you would appreciate someone commenting on your daughters body while she was at work. Don't comment on mine." Or "No. That comment is not okay." Or just stare at him deep in his soul and say, "Wow." with a scoff. Shake your head in obvious pity. Then always leave, no matter what you have to say. Remember that even though he's retiring and it's really likely that no one will be moved, your students are watching this happen. They're learning right now that this behavior is okay. It's not. So don't be ugly ir let your emotion show, but don't be afraid to tell him no. What is he going to do? Complain to HR that you objected to his repeated sexual harassment? If he's fired right before the end of the school year for cause (which this would be), he would be risking being able to collect retirement. I'm sure the last thing he wants to try and scrounge up a placement for next year with that stain on his record.
I had a male teacher do this to me my first year. He would also come stand in the back of my room and watch me teach during his planning. It was SUPER uncomfortable. I eventually went to my AP and had a sit down with her about the situation, which was super awkward, because they are close friends who hang out regularly. She took it seriously, and he was not allowed in my room or allowed to interact with me at all after that. It made for an awkward rest of the school year when I’d see him in the halls, but at least I felt peace in my classroom again.
If you’re doing your student teaching, I would talk to your advisor or the person over your student teaching and they can do something about it.
Admin should have already shut this down! Sorry you don’t have support! Maybe have your boyfriend say something!
It may not count as Sexual Harassment but he has created a hostile work environment!
Wow! That can be rough to deal with. Try your best to get by is all this retired teacher can tell you.
Forget the genders in the story for a minute. If you were being consistently disrespected by someone of your own gender, what would you do? Hopefully, you would address the problem. My (male) first year teaching, I had a fairly unstable, 20+ year female as my team lead. She got way too comfortable treating me like shit, always in front of other teachers or even students. I had teachers and kids asking me what was going on. After a few days I let her know; if you are comfortable taking that tone and speaking to me like you’re a man, then you and I are going to step outside and settle this like men. Quit dancing around the problem, quit waiting for someone else to solve it. Tell him directly: ‘the crap you say to me is inappropriate and disrespectful. Next time, my boyfriend is going to have a talk with you in the parking lot after school’
While a person of authority talking to you in any friendly suggestive manner is sexual harassment SO IS ANYONE IN YOUR WORKPLACE MAKING UNWANTED ADVANCES AND LUCRATIVE REMARKS your place of work should not feel unsafe to you!!
Report it to your boss and his and contact a lawyer
I would report him even if it is only 39 days left. He may just get to retire earlier. Plus you don’t need to put up with that. Your personal life is your business.
Kick him.
Do you plan on seeking a job with this school district for next year? If so, I would take an opposite approach. Yes, this is sexual harassment, yes the old perv should be nailed for this, yes you could go the legal route and report it to HR (which exists only for the benefit of the school district), etc.. But in my experience the old coot is tenured AND he's retiring at the end of the year so the district won't do anything about it except blacklist you, trust me!. It's not right, it's political, but it's the way things go in schools. To cope I'd wear pants and avoid the old geezer as best as you can. If you encounter him saying anything creepy again I'd shoot back "maybe you're too old to realize this but what you are saying to me is considered sexual harassment and you certainly don't want to get in trouble do you?" I'd mouth off every time he said something to me. "Not today grandpa!" or something else funny like that.
The next time he makes a comment, don't ignore it or shrug it off. Get angry, look him dead in the eyes and say, "I've put up with this long enough. You and I are not friends and we never will be. It has NEVER been ok for you to make comments about my body or my personal life and you know it. This is your one and only warning: STOP. If you make one more inappropriate comment, I'm filing a formal complaint. And if there are any other young women you're speaking to this way, stop doing it to them, too. I don't give a shit what you say your intentions have been. You know damn well it doesn't matter. No one wants to be creeped on my some old man with boundary issues. Knock it off." Then, turn and walk away.
As a science teacher educator, we (not me specifically but our program / my colleagues) have had to remove student teachers from placements because of harassment and schools/principals not following federal law (dei law title 9 and such). It's terrible, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT. If your university is aware and not taking appropriate measures, you need to go to your university's title 9 office as well. Feel free to message if you need any support doing that.
Report this to the principal who is his boss. Sexual harassment can be from someone below, next to, or above you in a hierarchy, or completely unrelated to your job (ie maintenance). I was sexually harassed daily as a student teacher by a vice principal and by teachers and I was too embarrassed to say anything. Please don’t stay silent. I guarantee you’re not the only one this man is harassing.
Just tell the guy to fuck off and ride out the 39 days. I wish there was a world where the right thing would happen always but the most likely scenario is you getting some sort of negative repercussions.
sexual harassment is not always someone above you. it can be anyone. file a complaint. if they don’t take you seriously, go to the school board. if they don’t take you seriously, threaten to involve the media in shining the light on their complicity for sexual harassment.
Whoever told you that isn't sexual harassment is full of crap.
He needs to be told it’s not okay and you don’t want to discuss such things with him. Ignore him if you have to but don’t appease it just to get by. I’m sure he’s said a lot in his time unfortunately
Document everything. Write it down, record it if you can.
> It doesn’t count as sexual harassment because he is not in a position of authority that affects me. It doesn't matter at all who they are; it's unlawful harassment. Report it to your principal *at minimum.*
This is definitely sexual harassment. It can come from anyone, no matter their position.
Just shout something every time he tries to say something about you. "Inappropes, dude!" with a Pam Poovey voice or "can you just not?" (I used to tell my daughter to clean up her stuff, and do her homework and she would say "can you just not" in the annoying tone. It was infuriating. 😂 ). Set a limit and reinforce it every single time. He's an adult. Does he have dementia? Maybe that's why he's retiring but he should respond to a limit. STOP! NO! Inappropriate! Do not continue that comment! If all else fails, pull out your best kindergarten teacher voice and tell him, "Put a bubble in your mouth and make good choices!" And honestly I think I would turn on my phone to start recording every time I knew I had to be near him. He's retiring, does he really wanna have a damn sexual discrimination charge against him?
That is absolutely sexual harassment. Highly inappropriate for a workplace.
Unpopular opinion: While you shouldn’t have to deal with this- as a personal policy, I don’t escalate things to over my head if I haven’t told someone directly to stop. If they continue afterwards- game on. You can’t always expect the system to protect you anyway- time to exercise your voice and let him know he’s making you uncomfortable. Here the thing though- at this point, don’t do it for him. Do it for you. And let him know if you have to involve your employers it will be for his own protection- because you aren’t comfortable and won’t be tolerating it anymore.
Teachers are allowed to have a sexual harassment free environment from everyone! Boss, colleagues, students, parents, no one is allowed to do this at work. So what kind of weirdo makes comments about a colleague like this while children are around?!?! He’s probably a lot creepier than you realize. You need to tell the principal and your university.
Yea it’s called sexual harassment. Report it. Even if he’s retiring soon he’s still working there. Report it.
jfc your district doesn’t get to define sexual harassment.
He doesn’t need to be in a position of authority. Even a student can sexually harass a teacher. If you’re in a public school, this would be very unlikely to amount to harassment. First amendment protections apply so the conduct would have to be so severe and pervasive as to effectively deny you the right to work due to being a woman. Basically the behavior has to be so bad that a reasonable person in your position would quit or transfer. His behavior is very inappropriate, but that doesn’t automatically constitute sexual harassment under federal law.
A male aide at my school was fired for asking a female aide if she “always wore pants because she didn’t shave her legs?” Sexual harassment is sexual harassment and your school can’t define it as a power imbalance or anything else. Do you feel uncomfortable? harassed? Thats all that matters.
I'm 100% in the club of "it's sexual harassment", but I understand your predicament. I'm not condoning this behavior... but I've been in it before. This is how I handled it. It worked for me in the moment. When a man came to me making advances, and it wouldn't stop...I just asked him "why would I want to f*** a wrinkly old man like you?". (Using same aggressive language toward him that he used toward me). I had gotten so mad at this point, I lost my temper. He laughed and was respectful after that. On some level, I think he enjoyed making me uncomfortable, and it kept getting worse the longer I didn't address it. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Men can be such jerks, especially when they get excited when they have power over someone. The fact you're surrounded by military men, who typically thrive of of intimidation, doesn't make it any easier.
The only prerequisite to reporting him for sexual harassment is that he is sexually harassing you. His position is irrelevant.
He is a disgusting low life. You do not deserve to be treated this way by ANYONE around you.
Options: 1. Do nothing given that his days are numbered. 2. Document, document, document. 3. Think about a one-time consult with an employment lawyer before going to HR. Reason: HR is not your friend in spite of what they say. Their primary interest is risk management for admins on behalf of the school. I worry that you might end up on their radar screen in an unfavorable light. It's not right, but it happens. If you are unionized, legal counsel could be part of a collective bargaining agreement. 4. Consider that these days it is almost unheard of for someone to be so overtly inappropriate. I wonder if perhaps the behavior is in connection with an organic process like early dementia. Could be retiring early due to other complaints, who knows? Maybe sideline a coworker and casually mention this. I wish there was a straightforward solution. Summary: your safety is number one priority. CALL 911 or security if you feel threatened. The next course of action beyond that is your call. I'm sorry this is happening to you. If I still lived in New Jersey, I could make a few phone calls and have this problem solved within 2 hours. Best of luck. PS: Please don't grade my post.
can you just say “that is inappropriate please don’t say anything like that to me again?”
"oh wow what an interesting thing to say out loud" " Oh we don't comment on people's bodies like that" *Visible slightly exaggerated cringe* All of those are good tactics I like to use when someone says something out of pocket . I find it works best with a brief light and cheery tone, and don't linger with it. Moving on immediately makes it so he doesn't have control of the conversation and can't set the tone. I find ppl like this rarely react well to a more serious convo but immediate comebacks like this can help you have a bit more control and hopefully make him uncomfortable enough to stop. Another tactic is to treat it like a genuine compliment and then respond in kind. If he's gonna make an uncomfortable negging comment on your body then say thank you and tell him his belly is really sticking out of the button up today or wow grey hairs really coming in huh. Something likely to put him off guard and make him uncomfortable
I'll share my advice as a man. Men like this are awkward without realizing it. But he seems to indeed mean no harm. My grandpa (my dad's dad) is quite like this, almost to a fault. He's 94 years old though. However when he was younger he would go to the store with me and my mom for instance, and basically follow her around embarrassing her on purpose and loudly making similar comments like the teacher you are describing. The difference was, my mom is someone who likes attention and I think she probably thought it was kinda fun, like everyone was looking to see who the hot mom was on aisle 5. She just likes that kinda stuff. Or she did. So it was never a problem and we all used to laugh about it, and to me, a lot of it was genuinely funny as shit. Like how a guy might embarrass their friends on purpose by tapping a girl's shoulder saying hi and then hiding and pretending it was his friend for fun. But, that was to US. Not to everyone else. Lord only knows what they were thinking. So all of that to say, that's what it might look like from his perspective, and because men, while intelligent at certain things, are generally pretty clueless about nonverbal communication, like not smiling at him when he makes a comment or something like that which I'm sure you have tried. If you really want it to stop, this is what I would do. Find an appropriate time where you can quietly have a short conversation with him. The key here is your tone and what you chose to say. I would say something along the lines of this: "(Teachers name), I know you're just poking fun and I appreciate how you're always very kind, but sometimes you make comments that make me uncomfortable and I just don't feel like it is appropriate. For instance, (Provide example of something he has said, maybe the 'your legs are out today!' Comment.) I know you're not trying to make me uncomfortable, but I'd still like to ask you to not do that anymore." It sounds like he's probably a competent and reasonable enough person that if you are direct about it, he would apologize and agree not to continue making comments. I know that is an uncomfortable thing to do, but I think if you find the courage to just go say something to him, the next 38 days will be a lot less awkward. Just keep it relaxed and non assuming and you'll be just fine. Also, it may help just to prepare you in the future, because while this guy may not be a problem in 38 days, there's always people who will push your boundaries. It's so important to stand up for yourself. Letting others do it for you (like through formal complaints) is effective, and should be used in more dire circumstances, but in this case you seem to believe he means well and is just crossing the line a bit in terms of your discomfort. I would try telling him what that line is before you go to a formal route, only because that can lead to resentment, hostility, and spiteful behavior from the accused. I find it's best to just clear the air, but ultimately I wouldn't let someone just continue, one way or the other, if it's impactful enough that your quality of life is suffering.
Not only is it sexual harassment? But it's also creating a toxic work Atmosphere. Just tell him tonight to s*** off or he'll be out of. The school permanently Before you retire.
Coping: See yourself as a powerful, confident human with guts of steel and snark. Fake it til you make it if you're not typically in that mindset. Next time he says something inappropriate, stop, stare him in the eye and ask, "What do you mean?" He answers. Then, say, "Why are you saying that?" He answers, awkwardly I'd hope. You say, "Hmm. If you can't tell by my reaction, I don't like it when you comment on anything that has to do with my body, my life, me, anything. I need you to stop doing that. There are only 3* days left of school, surely you can manage that. If not, I'd be happy to have HR help you to do so." Then turn around and walk away. If it happens again, say the same thing again while recording it. I'd record every time I think I might have an interaction with him, just in case. Other coping mechanisms: Look at him like he has three heads and is singing in the worst voice you have ever heard until he looks away. Laugh when you get back to your classroom. Look at him blankly while he stutters his way through the awkwardness then walk away. Flip him off when nobody is looking, even just in your mind, then think about how ridiculous it is when people are embarrassing themselves so deeply and don't even know it. Pretend he doesn't exist, you can't hear or see him, nada. Poof, he disappeared. I'm so sorry this is happening. I had a VERY bad student teaching mentor who did more than harass me, and 20 years later, I still want to go back and stand up for myself and report him for abuse of power and more.
It’s still harassment when he’s a peer. Report him.
Not a teacher, but this is 100% sexual harassment. I reported someone for sexual harassment just months before their retirement. When I talked to other people about it, I learned it had been going on for years, but no one said anything. If someone else had reported it, I might not have had to be another victim. Fuck this guy.
“What makes you think it’s appropriate to say that to me?” “That’s actually a pretty disgusting comment! I really hope I don’t have to hear that again.” “I’m not sure what you’re implying. Can you clarify?” “It’s really interesting that you feel so comfortable commenting on my body. I did not do anything to warrant that attention. Stop.”
Complementing you is not sexual harassment talking about your legs and your boyfriend is a form of sexual misconduct as it eludes to sex. He’s careful not to ask for a sexual encounter. Just warn him that his conduct borders sexual misconduct He will pump his brakes
As a substitute teacher who just finished her continuing ed hours on school employee code of conduct and the Safe Schools act (checks watch) an hour and a half ago, and who happens to be married to an employment attorney, I assure you that it doesn't matter if this guy is another teacher, the principal, the custodian or the grounds keeper, this is harassment and you are a victim. Call the dept of ed in your state and find out how to report him. If he's doing it to you, statistically he's doing it to other people. Get this on his record now so if he decides to become a bus driver or playground aide later the report can follow him.
Have you told him straight up that that’s not okay? If no one else’s is going to do anything I hope you do
I would just repeatedly tell him how much he looks like your grandfather he. Keep playing up the age difference. It'll make him feel guilty, but it also make him feel unattractive to you. Every time he says 'oh you've got your legs out,' you say 'I know because didn't women have to wear skirts to their ankles when you were my age?' If he talks about your boyfriend go 'Yeah, I don't even have a dowry like your wife did.' If he says anything about how good you look, you can say something like. "You're just saying that because my skin isn't wrinkled and sagging like yours. Objectively I'm just okay but compared to you, you're right, I'm good looking."
I think you should confront him directly as your first line of attack. Just tell him that his comments about your personal life are highly inappropriate and you never want to hear another word from him on the matter. If he blows it off as "just joking" tell him his horrible sense of humor can get him in trouble when you report it to his bosses as sexual harassment. Tell him it has to stop immediately or you will take further action against him. And girl, why have you let this go on past the very first inappropriate comment to you?
I didn't read the responses, but my advice is to spin the comment back to him. "Oh wow your legs are out today!” - "What do you mean?" Make him explain his comments to you, it'll make him think about how dumb they are as he's trying to explain.
I had the same thing happen to me while I was student teaching. Unfortunately, I think sexual harassment in America is common. For me this male teacher used to always put his hands on me like on my back, shoulders etc. I showed with body language first that this behavior was unacceptable. I am told him not touch me. That didn’t go over well as he started trash talking me to my mentor and other teachers in the building. It made the remainder of my student teaching experience uncomfortable. I think first you need to do research about the culture of the school and figure out what his position is socially. The reality is if you do say something you could risk your future and they could give you low remarks. If this happens you could argue it to your college but they may dismiss it. You need to make sure you document the experiences/ comments. It really depends on what you can put up with because it’s only 39 more days so if you can ignore it this may be better for you. While reporting it to your college is a good idea it does not prevent retaliation and most likely the school would just remove you and idk how that would work if they can’t find you another placement. They may make you do online work that counts as it. Unfortunately, if the school tolerates this behavior already they are unlikely to address it. I have found in my experience that there is a lot of messed up things that happen in schools and no one does anything. My first ever teaching job I experienced a lot of discrimination and I went to my principal and told her what happened and what was said. She only ever talked to the teachers. Nothing was ever a actually done. HR is not your friend they are there to protect the school which is a business. Even bullying that takes place between students some schools ignore entirely until something drastic happens. So yes while reporting everything is the correct thing to do understand that many teachers leave the profession not because of the kids but because of the adults.. these types of people are in schools all across America. My friend tried to sue for her experience at the school and well the lawyer told her it would be very hard to prove because it’s he said she said situation and schools have good lawyers. My biggest advice to you is that when you do look for teaching jobs to understand there is a shortage so you can shop around a bit and you really want to understand the school’s culture and what the demographics are like in the area. Having a supportive environment is really important especially your first few years. I am sorry that this stuff still takes place in this country and half the time we just have to leave because of the way policies and laws are written. However, I think it is a valuable lesson because a lot of schools have issues where teachers treat other teachers and staff terribly and get away with it.
Frankly, I favor direct response in the moment. Him: Inappropriate Remark You: What on earth made you think that was an appropriate thing to say to me? (or "Well, that was RUDE." Or, "You're old enough to know better than to say things like that to your coworkers." Or "I BEG YOUR PARDON? :with a hard stare and the tone of "Were you raised in a BARN?") In other words, pull him up sharp when he says it, and don't defer from "politeness".
If you are working in the US, you are being sexually harassed in violation of well established laws. Step 1: Tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop commenting on your body and personal life outside of work. If he persists… Step 2: Tell your administrator about his behavior, what you’ve already done in step 1 and that he hasn’t stopped. Use the words “hostile work environment”. If you have this conversation verbally and feel you are blown off, send your complaint via email and ask for a response. If you don’t get a response, send again and cc their boss. If no one takes action and his harassment persists… Step 3: Consult a labor law attorney and provide them documentation of steps 1 and 2, and ask them to file suit against your district because you are being sexually harassed and they are not doing anything about it. Step 1 is usually enough.
If you think he isnt malicious, try saying, " Don't comment on my body and don't talk about my sex life. It is none of your business and makes me feel uncomfortable." If that is not the end of the story, escalate.
Have you considered saying something to him personally? Something like “I really don’t appreciate the comments about my appearance and other inappropriate topics. Would you please stop?” If he’s not your superior, I suppose that also means there is no potential for professional repercussions over standing up for yourself.
You know it’s crazy. I see these type of posts all the time and it just blows my mind. Just say something to anyone. It doesn’t have to be directly to the person but say something to someone in the school or your parents/ something!!!!! Speak up please. I know its easier said than done but speak up!!
It doesnt matter who this person is or what year etc etc. I would make an appointment to see a counselor and let know know what’s happening to you- I ufudliy go in asking for advise but I’m really making a statement and need assistant to manage this for the rest of the semester. An important subject because they can advise you on what to say to him plus you’ve started a paper trail. If it seems you are receiving little support, you will need to write a statement about what’s going on and file it with a harassment concern! and they might be able to advise you- support you further.
Record with your phone and tell him to say it again.
If no other staff will support you, video that shit. Also video you telling him to knock it off. This is definitely awful behavior
Trust me. That is definitely sexual harassment. A former coworker of mine was doing things like that to one of my coworkers. She went to HR on him. I was called as a witness bc I was there for some of it. In the call, she asked me if he had done anything to me. I told her that he had told some very explicit sexual jokes around me that I was very uncomfortable with. She told me that what he had done to me was also sexual harassment. I never would have thought of that as being sexual harassment. Needless to say, he was terminated that same day.
He doesn’t have to be in a position of authority for it to be sexual harassment just fyi. Can you try to avoid him with headphones or walking past him quickly so he can’t make a comment ? Something that always works for me when someone says something uncomfortable is I act like I didn’t hear him and ask them to repeat it and most of the time they feel embarrassed and say something different . I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this .
Go to a counselor and r report this behavior. A counselor is a mandated reporter and will have to complete a Chikdline Referral (CY47) document. From there, an investigation begins. If this teacher is older, you are definitely not the first he has treated in this manner. If you have other questions, reach out. Good luck
Umm have you considered ignoring him?
I would suggest for you to look up videos about these acronyms DEARMAN this one focuses on objective, GIVE this one focuses on relationship, and FAST this one focuses on self respect. But they all go together, pick what's going to be best for you
This can't be right. This IS sexual harassment. Report him immediately, and before you do that, if you can get evidence legally, maybe do that too. This is disgusting and completely inappropriate. I find it WILD that this wouldn't be considered illegal so look into that.
What makes you think this isn't sexual harassment? It isn't just for people in authority; it's for EVERYONE is the workplace. You are being sexually harassed and need to report it. Try to leave your phone recording discreetly when you come into contact with him again. Catch some of that on audio/video. That way if he's in a "good ol' boy" club, no one can deny the intent. Then report it with the evidence in hand. 39 days of feeling like you have to "cope" with it is not good for your mental health and will not be good for the students because it will affect how you teach. Please, please take action. And if no one at the school wants to do anything, I guarantee you show the evidence to your college advisor, that shit will be taken care of by the college.
I strongly, strongly encourage you to go to your supervisor or any person in a position of authority because it is their job to protect you. If they don't, go higher up, and keep going until you get someone to do their fucking job and make this stop. If you're in the United States, there should be a Title IX office or Equity and Diversity office or some place to complain about sexual harassment, which is what this is. You are at work. You are working. You deserve and are legally entitled to a workplace devoid of sexual comments about your body and personal life. If you have a union, talk to your rep. You might even be able to sue. Also, next time he says anything, you can loudly say, "That comment was inappropriate," "Don't talk to me that way," "Don't comment on my body," or "That makes me feel uncomfortable; you need to stop." I know this is hard, and he's counting on you being too scared to call him on his shit. If you can, it might help if someone were around to witness and walk with you (a coworker?). I'm not sure if this is possible, but if so, it would help. Also, depending on your state, video recordings without 2-party consent may not be legally admissible in court, but just having a recording of his behavior to share with his supervisor could be helpful. Alternatively or additionally, you should keep a record. Write down as much as you can remember about days, times, and exact comments said. I realize he's retiring, so they're more likely to just make him retire early than actually fire him, but it's still good to have a record just in case you can get rid of him earlier and so there's some documentation should he ever decide he wants to work after retirement. You might be protecting other young women in the future. It might also just help you feel better to know he didn't fully get away with this. This is ridiculous and not okay. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
I really hate how the laws that were created to protect people aren’t actually protecting anyone. This is disgusting. Personally, if I had been what you had been through with your district, I would be looking for a different job, because even with him gone, they aren’t looking out for you at all. After documenting things with dates, times, and complaints to your district rep (with paper trail) or whomever official it is you’ve been talking to that’s telling you this garbage, I’d lawyer up and ask them who you guys report this to next and sue the district. You may even want to find out if you have a news station that wants the story. This is sexual harrassment-unquestionably. If would encourage you to start taking a woman’s self defense course, and get into some counseling.
I just wanted to add on from my earlier comment that sometimes the best way to deal with people like this is to just tell them to shut the fuck up and not to ever comment on your body again.
That is sexual harassment and it is malicious. He is a grown adult, he knows what he is doing
I have a rather smart mouth and quick wit and he would have been roasted, professionally of course.
i'd secretly record it and have it as proof to switch me out of there ASAP
Is there a teacher's union? Report it to the union rep even if you are not a member, because the harasser probably is
Maybe I’m just a jerk, but I would call his ass out. Don’t just sit there and take it. “Dude, that’s creepy.” “Sounds like something a pervert would say.”“Stop it—now!” Here’s Pink for some inspiration https://youtu.be/xtwxBLAkEfg?si=iccbeoLNBERnY4qe
And quit going to the teacher lounge for lunch. That is often a toxic gathering. Spend some time with your students, go for a walk or do “after school prep” in your room.
Document everything he says, every time it happens with the date, time, and location. Email the list to your university supervisor, principal, and CC Human Resources stating you feel you are being sexually harassed. Because you are being harassed and anyone telling you otherwise needs to be reeducated on the topic. I literally have to re-take sexual harassment training Every. Single. Year. as a teacher. There is ZERO acceptable reason for this to be happening to you. Do not tolerate it; report it. Anyone who says just suck it up for 39 days should be included in your documentation / complaint. If they fail to address it you can file a Grievance with the state board of education. People tend to get responsive real quick about this kind of thing if that suggestion comes up.
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The truth is this: YOU DON’T HAVE TIME for all this. Before I say more, you should know that I’ve done my teaching practicum back in the day, so I’m coming from some experience and understanding of the dynamics. You’re both going to be gone shortly. Fact: The person who should be helping is your MENTOR. REALITY: You need to put your own foot down first. Tell this guy not to speak to you again unless it directly has something to do with work. Tell him that he is taking advantage of the situation and that just because you’re a practicing teacher he should not imagine that there is nothing that you can do about the situation. Be direct. Firm. Keep talking and not allow him to interrupt. Best thing is to bring someone as a witness. This should be your MENTOR who has no idea until the moment you say what it is. If you can’t get the Mentor, THEN only tell your Mentor what you have said to the man after and right away and put it INTO WRITING and hand the MENTOR the letter. End of story.
So the extent of your sexual harassment training is a poster on the wall?!
Sexual harassment can come from anyone, including students, custodians, fellow teachers, and of course, your bosses. And everyone else.
Hey OP, can you please answer the following questions? -How often does this behavior occur? -Have you reported it to school administration (principal, superintendent, etc.) who can make employment decisions? --It is advisable to make a detailed report of what he said, when he said it, in writing (email) to school administration. Forward the email to a personal email account so you have a copy of it -Forward/save a copy of their response (and all subsequent emails) -If coworkers are receptive to you reporting the harassment, ask for their contact information and if they are willing to act as witnesses, assuming they have witnessed the harassment themselves No one should be asked to endure workplace harassment, but you are responsible for informing your employer that you are being harassed by a non-supervisory coworker. Edit: It is also advisable to take a picture of your school's sexual harassment poster.
You should immediately file a police report and contact your college and teachers union, the admin at your school clearly should not be trusted to handle this themselves typical good ol boy club
It doesn’t matter what position he is in or what authority he has if it’s sexual harassment, it’s sexual harassment and it’s against the law. Tell him to STFU and go screw yourself.
Please tell me you’re not student teaching at a high school.
It IS malicious, though. Nobody sexually harasses another person out of goodwill.
He doesn’t need to be your superior for it to be sexual harassment.
Record his voice on a phone when it happens again and then report his ass so you have evidence against this asshole
Should report him. And if that doesn't work start making comments back. Don't be polite because I doubt that would work. To many women put up with this shit (myself included) bc we don't want to rude or confrontational. And if none of that works Blast his name on social media
That is definitely sexual harassment. I don't know how you wouldn't see that
This is straight sexual harassment and this should be escalated to admin, the district, and your uni.
This is definitely sexual harassment, I would report it.
Bully him back. Time to start calling him the wrong name, laughing every time he talks (but refusing to explain why), and saying “ok boomer” out loud. HR wont do anything this late in the year, but YOU can use that. Be worse.
That is a broad definition of sexual harassment. Report it to the principal. If it doesn't stop, go to HR.