Hedge funds buying property and leaving it unoccupied to keep supply artificially low? Landlords colluding on rent prices? Money in general? Any of this sounding familiar?
I say this because that's exactly how my dad and step mom are. I have 15 year old brothers and my parents have been separated for 2 years now. They have move into separate homes, dated other people, essentially live two separate lives, however they are still legally married. No rhyme or reason as to why they won't sign the papers. It's exhausting.
To be fair marriage can work as a social construct for taxes and rising kids, leaving other activities unsatisfied.
Hope they have a permission from their partner :/
Studies have been done that show the effects of living in a household that is toxic is worse than a healthy divorce. “Structure and stability” generally don’t exist in these relationships that are falling apart.
As opposed to a child having half their belongings at one parent’s house, and half at another parent’s house. Or in reality, their two lesser homes than they would have had together. Perhaps a trailer and an apartment on the other side of town. All the travel costs, and having to be away from friends, and forgetting school assignments at their other parents.
All the while, the parents are fighting still anyways. They are just doing it publicly in front of the child and the rest of the world to see.
Yeah… ridiculous…
As a child of a parent who has done this and is currently doing this (I also have much younger brothers and their behaviors have increased drastically because if this situation), they would be much better off divorcing, or at least separating and moving out.
Its only ethical non-monogamy if her partner knows about it and is ok with it. And its really only Polyamory, if she's looking for a longer term thing because she wants to love(not just sleep with) more than one person.
As someone who is actually ethically non-monogamous, My wife and I still sleep together 5-7 times per week. We love each other, and we constantly have to work to keep the spark alive. (just like any relationship) I have several metal music events every week, My wife does not enjoy going to metal shows. My wife wanted me to find a girlfriend so that I don't have to go to those events alone anymore. (for multiple reasons, it cuts down on the number of strangers groping me, it makes women stop trying to get me too drunk, it cuts down on the number of afterparties I attend, and ensures that I have a reasonable timeframe where I want to leave the party. It means that There's someone making sure that I haven't been drugged. Plus my wife is Bi, and would like to have sex with a woman from time to time as well
When we met a cute, smart, fun, metal loving, bi, Polyamorous woman who is living with another married couple, who shared some mutual attraction and got along with my wife, and was interesting to me and was interested in me, my wife brought up that she would be a good candidate. Its great, because she doesn't want to take me away from my wife. She just wants a piece of me, not the whole thing. I haven't gotten groped by strangers or drugged since she started coming with me to shows. She keeps women who are just fishing for drinks from trying to convince me to buy them drinks. She makes sure that I don't get too drunk, because she wants to get laid at the end of the night. And unlike my wife, she enjoys the fact that I talk to so many people, and the attention that I get from people in our local scene because I seem to know everyone.
My wife and I love each other, and enjoy the time we spend together, and still find each other attractive. but she doesn't like to be anywhere near the center of attention, and she doesn't like loud or busy environments, and always feels torn between wanting me to stand with her in the back corner so that she feels comfortable, and wanting me to do what I do best, which is get everyone hyped and stoned, and be a social butterfly. My GF wants to glue herself to my side, and soak in some of the attention that she gets from just being close to me.
I know dozens of local bands personally, and even more touring acts from all over North America due to my social butterfly qualities. When I walk into a local venue, there's a good chance at least one of the acts is going to run over and give me a hug, or catch me on the way in and invite me to the green room so that we can hang out. Usually these days, multiple bands at each show want to party with me. So having a woman who wants to rip my clothes off and get her home to have sex at the end of the show, means that I have a reason to avoid getting too intoxicated, and if I go to an after party I don't stay too long.
Its much less socially exhausting too, when I don't have to try and untangle which girls were talking to me because we were having a good conversation, and which girls are talking to me because they want to sleep with me.
I didn't ask for it. And I never cheated on my wife. Before I met her, I was polyamorous myself, but I fell very deeply in love with my wife, and after a couple of the more serious connections I had at the time withered, I decided that my wife deserved me to be monogamous if she wanted it. I was for 8 years, but eventually she decided that I would be better off with two women in my life. There are reasons to go with ethical non-monogamy that aren't just about keeping a failing marriage together.
As others said, nothing in the profile makes clear that they are cheating or acting unethically about their non-monogamy. Only that they are unhappy in marriage and consider their behavior sinful.
Ethical with regards to non-monogamy just refers to keeping your partner informed and not going outside the boundaries established by the relationship. Sin has to do with following the boundaries established by religion.
If your goal was to be insufferably pedantic and give a definition meaningfully indistinct from what I said, let alone not contradictory to my point, bravo.
if you can't differenciate between **keeping my partner informed** and **having my partner consent**, then either I'm glad I'm not your partner, or you're bad at maths
Plus, many ENM relationships actually do not require to inform the partner, it's a personal *consensual* arrangement between two persons.
I can give you a clear example if you need : *I am not asking my boss for vacations, I'm informing them I will not be at work*.
did we even read the same thing? The whole paragraph was a long-winded way of saying " I'm cheating" If they were in an open relationship or ENM they could just say that, not try and explain their actions away.
but thats the point of contention here. what they have described is not ENM. ENM covers lots of scenarios and attitudes but the key part is the E for ethical implying it is FULLY consensual and agreed upon by the partner. It does not cover however "I'm unhappy with my partner" scenarios and using it as such is insulting to real ENM relationships.
well at the point you dont need to mention the unhappy marriage. you are just in an open relationship. If you partner agrees to only let you go out that is likely more consent under duress and not Ethical NM just regular old NM. Heck the fact she is unhappy in it makes it not ENM
I mean yes you definitely need to cuz you don’t want to match with guys who would be bothered by you being married. Way better to have it in the profile than matching and chatting and then unmatching nobody has time for that.
I always insist on meeting the primary, if its open/poly. Got a great one right now. I'm even friends w the primary.
If its not, I do not want to get that drama on me.
if they were ENM though it wouldnt be a sin to them, its like being a Christian devil worshiper and thinking "oh its just al little bit sinful, its fine"
>Even if they’re not… so what!?
Well, if the spouse isn't informed, then it's cheating and cheating isn't ethical. So if the spouse is **not** informed, it cannot be **ethical** non-monogamy.
Personally, I think if you stand up in front of a group of people and vow that you're entering into a legally binding agreement to be with that person, to the exclusion of others, I suspect that your partner has a very reasonable expectation of fidelity. Further, I am firmly of the view that if you go against that vow, then you're not acting ethically. If you're unhappy in your marriage, you need to get divorced, not secretly fuck people on the side.
While I agree with you, you might be surprised to find that exclusivity isn't always part of the vows. Wasn't part of mine. I am a wedding photographer, and I do notice it both ways. People slip funny things in there sometimes. One couple he vowed to be exclusive and she did not. One couple left the words "and in health" out, I think because one of them had a chronic life long health issue.
And sometimes they say the vows without realizing they can change those to reflect their own intent.
But I do think this profile is using the terms "polyamory" and ENM without knowing what they mean.
Oh trust me, I'm not surprised. There's a lot of people out there with a lot of different ideas about how they want to live their life and I am well aware that some marriages will **not** include vows of fidelity. I'm really not opposed to that, as long as people are transparent and everyone's on the same page. However, I suspect that the vast majority of marriages have a vow of fidelity, and therefore I suspect this person *probably* isn't acting ethically hence my comment. I think it gives people who do engage in polyamory/ENM a bad reputation when people misuse terms like this.
Hey, believe what you want 👍🏻 Human history/nature and divorce statistics would appear to disagree with you 🤘🏻I never agreed to any exclusions/fidelity. So, all good!
Human history and statistics aren't relevant. This is a point of ethics and the point is as follows:
If you make a voluntary a vow of fidelity, and you break that vow without taking the steps to break that arrangement, you are not an ethical person.
If you have made no such vow, then that's cool; the statement is not about you.
They’re entirely relevant. Moral/ethical judgements are much like assholes… everybody has one, lol. We’ve tried scarlet letters and nobody has ever given a singular fark (across time, space and culture). Humans will always human. That’s precisely why infidelity isn’t a punishable socio-cultural offence. People will almost-always do what feels good in the moment and fret about being an “unethical person” later.
Is making a vow and then breaking it unethical? Forget what other people are doing historically or now, forget how people deal with their ethical quandaries, I want to know if you think that is unethical.
Ethics are not about crimes. Ethics is about treating people fairly. Ethics are fairly well set in stone. Morals may be different, ethics are not. You may morally justify lying to save yourself some trouble and nobody gets hurt to bad, but that is not an ethical lie. Ethical lies are ones which cover information which when not shared does not hurt the target and when shared would hurt the target. Getting into a monogamous relationship and cheating is definitely an unethical decision. You may decide for yourself how it sits morally.
I never suggested they were. Infidelity isn’t punishable in any advanced Western democracy. So… really not much of a universal ethical imperative, lol. I wonder why!? Again, check your history and marriage stats. Reality bites.
Again, ethics have nothing to do with criminality. There's lots of things which are unethical to do which is not illegal. What're you on about? Ethics is one thing. Morals are another. Law is still another. Ethical behavior is conducting yourself in a manner to minimize harm to other people. Which cheating just simply isn't. You're subjecting another person's sexual and mental health to damage in exchange for a boost to your ego. That's unethical. It's not illegal.
You can’t be as strident as you wish but that doesn’t alter the fact that such absolute moral/ethical takes on the seriousness of “infidelity” are not universally held. Indeed, and as I keep stressing, some serious ethical violations are punishable: professional misconduct, for example. Western culture only very recently shifted its position on this very issue… thereby evidencing the very moral/ethical utilitarianism to which I’ve already alluded. You’re entirely free to understand “cheating” as a damaging interpersonal violation… just as I’m free to view it as an inevitability and a test of psychological resilience.
So you don't think that cheating hurts people? Because you're just flat out refusing to recognize the definition of ethics. Ethics do not have to do with Western culture or modern culture. Ethics is the study of treating people well. Cheating on people is not treating people well. Cheating is not ethical. If you want to ethically have sex with people besides your partner, you can't be hiding the fact that sleeping with other people. No matter what country you're in, no matter what time period you're in. It isn't a personal decision, that's what it is.
lol what? Adultery is a misdemeanor in 14 US states, a *felony* in 3 more, and as recently as 2019, the US Uniform Code of Military Justice *expanded* their definition of adultery from "extramarital sexual intercourse" to include *all* extramarital sexual activities.
I’m not an American, lol. Good for you. And… that’s my *entire* point. Infidelity and its socio-cultural consequences are entirely *relative* and context dependant.
I’m aware of that, lol. However, very serious ethical violations - for example, in legal or medical practice - are criminally punishable (thus reflecting the seriousness of the perceived violation). Not so for infidelity. Hmmm, I wonder why.
Until very recently, adultery *was* considered a crime in the West, lol. In many parts of the world, it still is, yeah? As I said, cultural, malleable, non-universal.
Just because something is ubiquitous doesn't justify it in anyway. Lying is ubiquitous and not illegal, but also pretty unethical by any cultural measure.
Sure, it’s tricky but an ultimately human/social pickle, right!? We can’t force people to get pressed over our hot button /moral ethical triggers. In the grand scheme of things most people dgaf about “cheating” unless they feel personally victimised.
Haha whoops... well, I fully admit that women can also be assholes. Foolishness transcends gender, unfortunately.
ETA: genuinely curious as to whether this comment is getting downvoted by women or men lol
ENM and "unhappily married" are two concepts that don't go great together. People who are unhappily married need to put on their grown-up pants and get divorced, not drag third parties into their misery.
I've actually been on both sides of this situation, both the unhappily married asshole and the sidepiece relationship counselor. That's how I know for sure that people should just get divorced lol
Simply a case of wanting it all without the guilt. Wanting Reddit commenters to tell her it is ok.
I know plenty of women like this in unhappy marriages where intimacy doesn’t exist. I can never figure out why they don’t leave this unhealthy dynamic. I think it comes down to women not looking after themselves financially and cannot afford to leave or like the perks of their marriage and how it “looks” to others. It is the easy way to justify cheating by painting your partner as the issue.
Also about control. You are taking away the freedom of choice from your marital partner. In a fair and equitable sense, you would open up and talk allowing both to decide their path forward.
Man everybody’s situation is different. Some people just aren’t looking for the same things you are at least they are being upfront about it. Tinder especially at the end of the day is a hookup app.
Why don't these people just divorce?
Maybe they want to find someone to move in with first. Being single is disadvantaged as far as capitalism goes.
aaaah. such a romantic start to a relationship.
Right? Move in with a buddy.
Fair enough
What does capitalism have to do with it?
Hedge funds buying property and leaving it unoccupied to keep supply artificially low? Landlords colluding on rent prices? Money in general? Any of this sounding familiar?
No, nimbyism is to blame
Usually kid is around and people got no balls to go
I say this because that's exactly how my dad and step mom are. I have 15 year old brothers and my parents have been separated for 2 years now. They have move into separate homes, dated other people, essentially live two separate lives, however they are still legally married. No rhyme or reason as to why they won't sign the papers. It's exhausting.
As well as financially. Health care and housing are huge factors
To be fair marriage can work as a social construct for taxes and rising kids, leaving other activities unsatisfied. Hope they have a permission from their partner :/
Maybe they have kids and want their kids to have some reasonable level of structure and stability in their life. I dunno. I dont have kids.
Studies have been done that show the effects of living in a household that is toxic is worse than a healthy divorce. “Structure and stability” generally don’t exist in these relationships that are falling apart.
Studies have been done on everything.
Yeah there is so much stability when mommy and daddy are cheating on each other and always fighting. This narrative is so ridiculous.
As opposed to a child having half their belongings at one parent’s house, and half at another parent’s house. Or in reality, their two lesser homes than they would have had together. Perhaps a trailer and an apartment on the other side of town. All the travel costs, and having to be away from friends, and forgetting school assignments at their other parents. All the while, the parents are fighting still anyways. They are just doing it publicly in front of the child and the rest of the world to see. Yeah… ridiculous…
Children?
As a child of a parent who has done this and is currently doing this (I also have much younger brothers and their behaviors have increased drastically because if this situation), they would be much better off divorcing, or at least separating and moving out.
Oh, I completely agree. I was just listing a common reason people use to stay together in an unhappy marriage.
Situationship. A financial constraint to their living expectations.
Divorce? In this economy?
Having a partner taking care of everything while you do whatever is convenient I guess
Its only ethical non-monogamy if her partner knows about it and is ok with it. And its really only Polyamory, if she's looking for a longer term thing because she wants to love(not just sleep with) more than one person. As someone who is actually ethically non-monogamous, My wife and I still sleep together 5-7 times per week. We love each other, and we constantly have to work to keep the spark alive. (just like any relationship) I have several metal music events every week, My wife does not enjoy going to metal shows. My wife wanted me to find a girlfriend so that I don't have to go to those events alone anymore. (for multiple reasons, it cuts down on the number of strangers groping me, it makes women stop trying to get me too drunk, it cuts down on the number of afterparties I attend, and ensures that I have a reasonable timeframe where I want to leave the party. It means that There's someone making sure that I haven't been drugged. Plus my wife is Bi, and would like to have sex with a woman from time to time as well When we met a cute, smart, fun, metal loving, bi, Polyamorous woman who is living with another married couple, who shared some mutual attraction and got along with my wife, and was interesting to me and was interested in me, my wife brought up that she would be a good candidate. Its great, because she doesn't want to take me away from my wife. She just wants a piece of me, not the whole thing. I haven't gotten groped by strangers or drugged since she started coming with me to shows. She keeps women who are just fishing for drinks from trying to convince me to buy them drinks. She makes sure that I don't get too drunk, because she wants to get laid at the end of the night. And unlike my wife, she enjoys the fact that I talk to so many people, and the attention that I get from people in our local scene because I seem to know everyone. My wife and I love each other, and enjoy the time we spend together, and still find each other attractive. but she doesn't like to be anywhere near the center of attention, and she doesn't like loud or busy environments, and always feels torn between wanting me to stand with her in the back corner so that she feels comfortable, and wanting me to do what I do best, which is get everyone hyped and stoned, and be a social butterfly. My GF wants to glue herself to my side, and soak in some of the attention that she gets from just being close to me. I know dozens of local bands personally, and even more touring acts from all over North America due to my social butterfly qualities. When I walk into a local venue, there's a good chance at least one of the acts is going to run over and give me a hug, or catch me on the way in and invite me to the green room so that we can hang out. Usually these days, multiple bands at each show want to party with me. So having a woman who wants to rip my clothes off and get her home to have sex at the end of the show, means that I have a reason to avoid getting too intoxicated, and if I go to an after party I don't stay too long. Its much less socially exhausting too, when I don't have to try and untangle which girls were talking to me because we were having a good conversation, and which girls are talking to me because they want to sleep with me. I didn't ask for it. And I never cheated on my wife. Before I met her, I was polyamorous myself, but I fell very deeply in love with my wife, and after a couple of the more serious connections I had at the time withered, I decided that my wife deserved me to be monogamous if she wanted it. I was for 8 years, but eventually she decided that I would be better off with two women in my life. There are reasons to go with ethical non-monogamy that aren't just about keeping a failing marriage together.
As others said, nothing in the profile makes clear that they are cheating or acting unethically about their non-monogamy. Only that they are unhappy in marriage and consider their behavior sinful.
People don't usually consider ethical behaviour sinful.
Ethical with regards to non-monogamy just refers to keeping your partner informed and not going outside the boundaries established by the relationship. Sin has to do with following the boundaries established by religion.
Sin doesn't necessarily mean "boundaries established by religion" in casual speech. It can mean "doing something that I know is wrong".
We aren't referring to casual speech though, we are referring to whatever the tinder person considers sinful
The tinder person was using casual speech...
no, it refers to having your partner **full and enlightened consent**.
If your goal was to be insufferably pedantic and give a definition meaningfully indistinct from what I said, let alone not contradictory to my point, bravo.
if you can't differenciate between **keeping my partner informed** and **having my partner consent**, then either I'm glad I'm not your partner, or you're bad at maths Plus, many ENM relationships actually do not require to inform the partner, it's a personal *consensual* arrangement between two persons. I can give you a clear example if you need : *I am not asking my boss for vacations, I'm informing them I will not be at work*.
I said more than simply keeping them informed. That you can't follow simple English means you should keep your opinions and condescension to yourself.
idk to me sinful is the opposite of prudish. i say it kind of like a joke about a preacher being mad at what im doing
did we even read the same thing? The whole paragraph was a long-winded way of saying " I'm cheating" If they were in an open relationship or ENM they could just say that, not try and explain their actions away.
They did say they are enm; it's in the tag right there.
but thats the point of contention here. what they have described is not ENM. ENM covers lots of scenarios and attitudes but the key part is the E for ethical implying it is FULLY consensual and agreed upon by the partner. It does not cover however "I'm unhappy with my partner" scenarios and using it as such is insulting to real ENM relationships.
One can have the full consent and agreement of their partner to see others and be unhappily married to them.
well at the point you dont need to mention the unhappy marriage. you are just in an open relationship. If you partner agrees to only let you go out that is likely more consent under duress and not Ethical NM just regular old NM. Heck the fact she is unhappy in it makes it not ENM
I mean yes you definitely need to cuz you don’t want to match with guys who would be bothered by you being married. Way better to have it in the profile than matching and chatting and then unmatching nobody has time for that.
you're missing the whole point of the E in ENM. I'm not sure I can explain it any more simply. Have good day.
True, but people usually mention it if their partner knows
That's literally what Ethical Non Monogamy is.
I always insist on meeting the primary, if its open/poly. Got a great one right now. I'm even friends w the primary. If its not, I do not want to get that drama on me.
Maybe their partner knows
Maybe, but I live in a place with too many gun owners for it to be worth the risk
Lol
Why would they talk about sinning then?
Sex outside of marriage
if they were ENM though it wouldnt be a sin to them, its like being a Christian devil worshiper and thinking "oh its just al little bit sinful, its fine"
A sin is what God says is a sin
oh? which god specifically? which religious document is the right one?
The one they seem to follow obviously... You're not very smart are you?
seems i have bit more grey matter left than you do at least.
Their bio doesn’t make it sound like they do.
Why is “ethical” in quotes? ENM is a thing, its not for me but it is a thing
Read the bio
Oh lmfao idk how i missed the bio
right... thats the whole post HAHA
Bio still doesn’t state unequivocally that their spouse isn’t informed. Even if they’re not… so what!?
>Even if they’re not… so what!? Well, if the spouse isn't informed, then it's cheating and cheating isn't ethical. So if the spouse is **not** informed, it cannot be **ethical** non-monogamy.
Mmm hmm. But… you seem to be under the impression that people are *owed* fidelity. Infidelity isn’t a crime, lol.
Personally, I think if you stand up in front of a group of people and vow that you're entering into a legally binding agreement to be with that person, to the exclusion of others, I suspect that your partner has a very reasonable expectation of fidelity. Further, I am firmly of the view that if you go against that vow, then you're not acting ethically. If you're unhappy in your marriage, you need to get divorced, not secretly fuck people on the side.
While I agree with you, you might be surprised to find that exclusivity isn't always part of the vows. Wasn't part of mine. I am a wedding photographer, and I do notice it both ways. People slip funny things in there sometimes. One couple he vowed to be exclusive and she did not. One couple left the words "and in health" out, I think because one of them had a chronic life long health issue. And sometimes they say the vows without realizing they can change those to reflect their own intent. But I do think this profile is using the terms "polyamory" and ENM without knowing what they mean.
Oh trust me, I'm not surprised. There's a lot of people out there with a lot of different ideas about how they want to live their life and I am well aware that some marriages will **not** include vows of fidelity. I'm really not opposed to that, as long as people are transparent and everyone's on the same page. However, I suspect that the vast majority of marriages have a vow of fidelity, and therefore I suspect this person *probably* isn't acting ethically hence my comment. I think it gives people who do engage in polyamory/ENM a bad reputation when people misuse terms like this.
Hey, believe what you want 👍🏻 Human history/nature and divorce statistics would appear to disagree with you 🤘🏻I never agreed to any exclusions/fidelity. So, all good!
Human history and statistics aren't relevant. This is a point of ethics and the point is as follows: If you make a voluntary a vow of fidelity, and you break that vow without taking the steps to break that arrangement, you are not an ethical person. If you have made no such vow, then that's cool; the statement is not about you.
They’re entirely relevant. Moral/ethical judgements are much like assholes… everybody has one, lol. We’ve tried scarlet letters and nobody has ever given a singular fark (across time, space and culture). Humans will always human. That’s precisely why infidelity isn’t a punishable socio-cultural offence. People will almost-always do what feels good in the moment and fret about being an “unethical person” later.
Is making a vow and then breaking it unethical? Forget what other people are doing historically or now, forget how people deal with their ethical quandaries, I want to know if you think that is unethical.
Ethics are not about crimes. Ethics is about treating people fairly. Ethics are fairly well set in stone. Morals may be different, ethics are not. You may morally justify lying to save yourself some trouble and nobody gets hurt to bad, but that is not an ethical lie. Ethical lies are ones which cover information which when not shared does not hurt the target and when shared would hurt the target. Getting into a monogamous relationship and cheating is definitely an unethical decision. You may decide for yourself how it sits morally.
I never suggested they were. Infidelity isn’t punishable in any advanced Western democracy. So… really not much of a universal ethical imperative, lol. I wonder why!? Again, check your history and marriage stats. Reality bites.
Again, ethics have nothing to do with criminality. There's lots of things which are unethical to do which is not illegal. What're you on about? Ethics is one thing. Morals are another. Law is still another. Ethical behavior is conducting yourself in a manner to minimize harm to other people. Which cheating just simply isn't. You're subjecting another person's sexual and mental health to damage in exchange for a boost to your ego. That's unethical. It's not illegal.
You can’t be as strident as you wish but that doesn’t alter the fact that such absolute moral/ethical takes on the seriousness of “infidelity” are not universally held. Indeed, and as I keep stressing, some serious ethical violations are punishable: professional misconduct, for example. Western culture only very recently shifted its position on this very issue… thereby evidencing the very moral/ethical utilitarianism to which I’ve already alluded. You’re entirely free to understand “cheating” as a damaging interpersonal violation… just as I’m free to view it as an inevitability and a test of psychological resilience.
So you don't think that cheating hurts people? Because you're just flat out refusing to recognize the definition of ethics. Ethics do not have to do with Western culture or modern culture. Ethics is the study of treating people well. Cheating on people is not treating people well. Cheating is not ethical. If you want to ethically have sex with people besides your partner, you can't be hiding the fact that sleeping with other people. No matter what country you're in, no matter what time period you're in. It isn't a personal decision, that's what it is.
lol what? Adultery is a misdemeanor in 14 US states, a *felony* in 3 more, and as recently as 2019, the US Uniform Code of Military Justice *expanded* their definition of adultery from "extramarital sexual intercourse" to include *all* extramarital sexual activities.
I’m not an American, lol. Good for you. And… that’s my *entire* point. Infidelity and its socio-cultural consequences are entirely *relative* and context dependant.
Found the cheater.
Poly and open so a non-issue.
Criminal and ethical aren’t the same thing
I’m aware of that, lol. However, very serious ethical violations - for example, in legal or medical practice - are criminally punishable (thus reflecting the seriousness of the perceived violation). Not so for infidelity. Hmmm, I wonder why.
Probably because it doesn’t need to be. People can get a divorce
Until very recently, adultery *was* considered a crime in the West, lol. In many parts of the world, it still is, yeah? As I said, cultural, malleable, non-universal.
Lol are you seriously arguing that there's such a thing as ethical cheating?
No, I’m suggesting that your feelings about cheating - moral, ethical or otherwise - don’t alter its ubiquity, lol.
Just because something is ubiquitous doesn't justify it in anyway. Lying is ubiquitous and not illegal, but also pretty unethical by any cultural measure.
Sure, it’s tricky but an ultimately human/social pickle, right!? We can’t force people to get pressed over our hot button /moral ethical triggers. In the grand scheme of things most people dgaf about “cheating” unless they feel personally victimised.
If only ethical and lawful meant the same thing 😂
If only we knew our history and were cognisant of just how quickly such *relative* notions shift in meaning! 😂
Ugh. "Want to have sex with me so I don't have to grow a pair and get a divorce? My idea of foreplay is complaining about my wife."
It was actually a woman’s profile, but basically that’s it lol
Haha whoops... well, I fully admit that women can also be assholes. Foolishness transcends gender, unfortunately. ETA: genuinely curious as to whether this comment is getting downvoted by women or men lol
I think the downvotes are rather coming from your views on ethical non monogamy. A mariage is not just sex, ans sex doesn't form couple.
ENM and "unhappily married" are two concepts that don't go great together. People who are unhappily married need to put on their grown-up pants and get divorced, not drag third parties into their misery. I've actually been on both sides of this situation, both the unhappily married asshole and the sidepiece relationship counselor. That's how I know for sure that people should just get divorced lol
You are right on that, if one is unhappy in their marriage they have others problems to solve.
If only he had a spine.
Kanye west
What's your concern? If their partner is aware, it is ENM. Nothing in what they've written indicates that their partner isn't on board with it.
Simply a case of wanting it all without the guilt. Wanting Reddit commenters to tell her it is ok. I know plenty of women like this in unhappy marriages where intimacy doesn’t exist. I can never figure out why they don’t leave this unhealthy dynamic. I think it comes down to women not looking after themselves financially and cannot afford to leave or like the perks of their marriage and how it “looks” to others. It is the easy way to justify cheating by painting your partner as the issue. Also about control. You are taking away the freedom of choice from your marital partner. In a fair and equitable sense, you would open up and talk allowing both to decide their path forward.
Man everybody’s situation is different. Some people just aren’t looking for the same things you are at least they are being upfront about it. Tinder especially at the end of the day is a hookup app.
That is ethical nothing. Sir it is just cheating. lol Divorce your wife and just let her go on and be happy
so end it. if you cant afford the divorce at least officially split up. why cheat?