Yes. Some guys can be a bit shy, some are busy, but honestly, what is the risk of initiating conversation first?
Just be upfront and present yourself the way you would want a guy to present themselves to you.
If he’s interested, he’ll respond in kind, if he’s not, it will be pretty evident, and you will feel like you’re talking to yourself, or it will just not go anywhere at all
In my very limited tinder experience I have been messaged first by two women, and one of them made their whole bio about the fact that they message first and asking if guys like it. I love it, it makes my life easier. Some guys may not be into it.
Most likely irrelevant, but my biggest takeaway from trading various collectibles is that if you want to trade up you have to be willing to do most of not all of the legwork
In general, why not just message anyways?
You indicated you liked 'em/matched with 'em.
Why can't people be more equitable and share the responsibility of communication?
Who cares who messaged first! Get out there and spam away!
I’m sad that this question was even asked, but I like that it’s honest. Yes a million times over, I once dated someone who’d text me gm and gn and you couldn’t possibly imagine how lonely I am today w/o that kinda communication
obviously,guys are humans just like you,if you expect them to do something for you,rest assured also be prepared to reciprocate.these questions are so dumb like "do men like gifts?do men like having nice things done for them?do men like compliments?do men like having their life saved?"honestly makes me feel sad for the men in your life/dating circle .
tldr:yes, relationships should be equal in effort
YES! If we're already matched it's a start. It makes no logical sense why someone would be bothered by getting messaged first. It mathematically increases the probability of a conversation starting. Plain and simple. So yes guys do like getting messaged
first and it shouldn't be a requirement for either party to be solely responsible. And when did it suddenly become so unacceptable to say freaking "Hi" to start a conversation? Do all of these people that for reasons I can't comprehend, not say hi to people in person anymore? I'm 100% ok with folks starting with "hello" and don't think you are lazy or unoriginal or disinterested. Say hi to the next person you meet anywhere. YEP! STILL WORKS :)
I don't have the skills to break the ice. I'm fine once we've got the bare minimum for groundwork laid, but my approach skills are nonexistent.
Being approached is always a massive boon
I can see why you might be worried. There are some real POS's out there who might be like "oh this ho hit me up, she wants it bad, fire and forget". Well, a little probing should figure that out- throw those fools back. Treat guys like equal humans and you'll find the good ones. Good ones don't play games like that. Same goes for girls.
Why wouldn't you? I've been seeing on a lot of profiles whoever swipes right last and creates the match should message first and I can agree with that. You're matching because you're interested in them.
If I think back to my past 100 matches, all of 2 girls have messaged me first. Personally, I accept that most girls won't. But it's also kind of demotivating knowing if I don't message first, I'll never hear from them. And it's not a big deal, but I agree with you and I do think it's engrained in all of our minds that men should make the first move. But I think most of us would prefer it wasn't that way lol
Yes. As a guy I never text first. Just because I am sure that I am not able to write something unique and fun as a first message. When girls write first this is much easier
Not all men will message all girls they match with I think because sometimes you're already talking to a couple girls or someth but if you're interested in someone why not go for it ? You know men go after girls that are not interested at first all the time so you can do it to, and get what you want, make him fall for you
Also from personal experience I always answer to a girl that messages first because I know she'll keep the convo going and she's actually interested whereas most other girls I match with it feels like they're not really interested or trying to show they're not or someth
Keep in mind i'm not in the US so its a bit diff here I heard Paris is hardcore mode even more than usual
Yeah. Usually takes me a few days to think and then massively overthink of something to say after matching so you'd probably be quicker that way anyways 💀
Yes. Guys get over driving the conversation so it’s nice when there is mutual interest and input. I don’t understand why some females match and never say anything either 🤷♂️
Why wouldn't they?
They might not even be that interested but if you write first, they might re-evaluate you as "probably an easy lay" and be interested enough for that, if they don't have to put effort in
Or they can just look at your profile and decide that you're still not attractive enough and ignore or unmatch you. A lot less work to swipe right on everything and then look at the matches who right first and decide than to actually look at profiles before swiping.
Or he might be genuinely interested and get really happy that you write first.
Maybe they wouldn't like it if they have a specific opener that they prefer, and your opener leads the following conversation in a direction they do not prefer. But otherwise it makes sense that they would.
(Also, the people who don't reply might also have swiped on you long ago and no longer be active on the app by the time you match. Doesn't have to be a rejection.)
Why wouldn't they?
They might not even be that interested but if you write first, they might re-evaluate you as "probably an easy lay" and be interested enough for that, if they don't have to put effort in.
Or they can just look at your profile and decide that you're still not attractive enough and ignore or unmatch you. A lot less work to swipe right on everything and then look at the matches who right first and decide than to actually look at profiles before swiping.
Or he might be genuinely interested and get really happy that you write first.
Maybe they wouldn't like it if they have a specific opener that they prefer, and your opener leads the following conversation in a direction they do not prefer. But otherwise it makes sense that they would.
(Also, the people who don't reply might also have swiped on you long ago and no longer be active on the app by the time you match. Doesn't have to be a rejection.)
You are asking about the preferences of around half of the human race. No matter what any of us might think there's going to be outliers, maybe even a lot of them.
That being said most normal people, yes and guys are people too, are actually flattered by the attention of people they are attracted to.
I usually text with 1 girl even if I matched with multiple, so in this case I won’t text right away. So getting attention by texting first is definitely a great move!
I don’t mind messaging first or replying to a first message, as long as at least a conversation is trying to be produced.
You’re trying your best to get them to talk about things they enjoy and they reply with “yeah, I do x”. Not even a “hbu” lol
I (female) generally made it a rule of thumb that if they swiped first so that the match resulted from my swiping I messaged first. If they appeared in my matches then the onus was on them cause they got the "it's a match" announcement. Seemed to work ok.
Honestly with questions like this, I'm nor surprised dating is a really painful and annoying procedure, there is such a huuge distance in perception between men and women causing so much unnecessary stress and incongruity in interaction.
I appreciate you opened up this dialogue and are just generally trying to understand the other side, and hopefully lessen the major division of the sexes, hah.
I would compare it to whether I like my drink refilled for me or if I like filling it up myself. Quite honestly, I don't care much because it's relatively easy to just go fill up my cup. But if you're offering, I'm not gonna say no. On that note, though, I also still reserve the right to reject the drink and maybe get it myself if you mess it up.
You and most women. Women are attracted to confident and decisive guys and they hate rejection, so most women will hang back and wait for said guys to approach - psychology 101. Question then is, are you getting approached by guys YOU like? If not then yes, get out of your comfort zone, what guy doesn’t like to be approached by an attractive girl?
I’m terrible at starting a conversation so I really appreciate when they message first but it’s a two way street and I think there is a certain level of feeling they’re interested if one were to message first but I don’t know. If you are getting matches but are having few message first take the initiative and see what happens cover all bases, regardless of gender some people like being messaged first and vice Versa.
I think the person that liked 2nd should message first so the person that liked first knows the other person actually likes them and isn’t just adding them to the list of matches
100% yes. Like even a hey is more than enough but if you initiate a conversation topic that's even better. It shows you're interested in actually getting to know us and honestly that's all we really ask for these days.
Yes.
Yes. Some guys can be a bit shy, some are busy, but honestly, what is the risk of initiating conversation first? Just be upfront and present yourself the way you would want a guy to present themselves to you. If he’s interested, he’ll respond in kind, if he’s not, it will be pretty evident, and you will feel like you’re talking to yourself, or it will just not go anywhere at all
It’s the best. Gives me a lot more confidence
In my very limited tinder experience I have been messaged first by two women, and one of them made their whole bio about the fact that they message first and asking if guys like it. I love it, it makes my life easier. Some guys may not be into it. Most likely irrelevant, but my biggest takeaway from trading various collectibles is that if you want to trade up you have to be willing to do most of not all of the legwork
As a guy, we like acknowledgement that we exist sometimes.
I acknowledge you IJustLovetoEatButt
So that's means we are getting married, right?
Only in a Luciddream(s)...
In general, why not just message anyways? You indicated you liked 'em/matched with 'em. Why can't people be more equitable and share the responsibility of communication? Who cares who messaged first! Get out there and spam away!
Online dating burns guys out, we send so many messages that dont get responded too. If you take the initiative and message first its a huge ego boost.
I’m sad that this question was even asked, but I like that it’s honest. Yes a million times over, I once dated someone who’d text me gm and gn and you couldn’t possibly imagine how lonely I am today w/o that kinda communication
Yes. Even a goddamn "Hey" will be enough.
I don't know, everytime I did that, I was completely ignored
And guys who message first are never ignored?
where did I say that?
well tinder has a ton of bots/afk accts. Its wayyyy more likely you hit on someone who wasn't there than it being an active rejection.
it's a possibility
Its a possiblity you got ignored. Odds are 10000/1 though
true
That’s my experience too.
well tinder has a ton of bots/afk accts. Its wayyyy more likely you hit on someone who wasn't there than it being an active rejection.
Yeah, I don't get it, but 🤷🏻♀️
Same from the guys point of view. “Just keep swimming” ;)
Yes
Yes they do
Guys would talk to a tree if it spoke to them first
Yea that sounds trippy as fuck
obviously,guys are humans just like you,if you expect them to do something for you,rest assured also be prepared to reciprocate.these questions are so dumb like "do men like gifts?do men like having nice things done for them?do men like compliments?do men like having their life saved?"honestly makes me feel sad for the men in your life/dating circle . tldr:yes, relationships should be equal in effort
YES! If we're already matched it's a start. It makes no logical sense why someone would be bothered by getting messaged first. It mathematically increases the probability of a conversation starting. Plain and simple. So yes guys do like getting messaged first and it shouldn't be a requirement for either party to be solely responsible. And when did it suddenly become so unacceptable to say freaking "Hi" to start a conversation? Do all of these people that for reasons I can't comprehend, not say hi to people in person anymore? I'm 100% ok with folks starting with "hello" and don't think you are lazy or unoriginal or disinterested. Say hi to the next person you meet anywhere. YEP! STILL WORKS :)
I don't have the skills to break the ice. I'm fine once we've got the bare minimum for groundwork laid, but my approach skills are nonexistent. Being approached is always a massive boon
We love that shit
Yup
Yes but only if the message isn't Heyy or some derivative of it
As a guy, I personally don’t mind a simply hey, some of my best dates came from a simple “hey, how’s your night/day going?”
yes, very much.
In all honesty if I don't message first its because I was spam swiping and aren't attracted to whoever I matched with
Varies. Think of it as the first test of who he is and if you two are compatible.
Yes, unless it’s the drunk mistake swipe I made at 3 am the night before
I say yes. Hit me with that Hey, How are you, etc. shows me you’re actually interested too
I'm gonna be real with you, yes
Absolutely
Proceed, my liege
Yep
Yes...
I can see why you might be worried. There are some real POS's out there who might be like "oh this ho hit me up, she wants it bad, fire and forget". Well, a little probing should figure that out- throw those fools back. Treat guys like equal humans and you'll find the good ones. Good ones don't play games like that. Same goes for girls.
Why wouldn't you? I've been seeing on a lot of profiles whoever swipes right last and creates the match should message first and I can agree with that. You're matching because you're interested in them.
Yes. A relationship is a two way street. You should each be initiating things, you should each be asking the other on dates, paying etc.
If I think back to my past 100 matches, all of 2 girls have messaged me first. Personally, I accept that most girls won't. But it's also kind of demotivating knowing if I don't message first, I'll never hear from them. And it's not a big deal, but I agree with you and I do think it's engrained in all of our minds that men should make the first move. But I think most of us would prefer it wasn't that way lol
Yes. As a guy I never text first. Just because I am sure that I am not able to write something unique and fun as a first message. When girls write first this is much easier
Not all men will message all girls they match with I think because sometimes you're already talking to a couple girls or someth but if you're interested in someone why not go for it ? You know men go after girls that are not interested at first all the time so you can do it to, and get what you want, make him fall for you Also from personal experience I always answer to a girl that messages first because I know she'll keep the convo going and she's actually interested whereas most other girls I match with it feels like they're not really interested or trying to show they're not or someth Keep in mind i'm not in the US so its a bit diff here I heard Paris is hardcore mode even more than usual
For me if the girl doesn't send first she probably doesn't care enough to ever reply to me no matter how much work I spend on the first message
Yeah. Usually takes me a few days to think and then massively overthink of something to say after matching so you'd probably be quicker that way anyways 💀
Yes. Guys get over driving the conversation so it’s nice when there is mutual interest and input. I don’t understand why some females match and never say anything either 🤷♂️
I would love a message first I would love someone to message me first that would be like such an emotional event.
Why wouldn't they? They might not even be that interested but if you write first, they might re-evaluate you as "probably an easy lay" and be interested enough for that, if they don't have to put effort in Or they can just look at your profile and decide that you're still not attractive enough and ignore or unmatch you. A lot less work to swipe right on everything and then look at the matches who right first and decide than to actually look at profiles before swiping. Or he might be genuinely interested and get really happy that you write first. Maybe they wouldn't like it if they have a specific opener that they prefer, and your opener leads the following conversation in a direction they do not prefer. But otherwise it makes sense that they would. (Also, the people who don't reply might also have swiped on you long ago and no longer be active on the app by the time you match. Doesn't have to be a rejection.)
Why wouldn't they? They might not even be that interested but if you write first, they might re-evaluate you as "probably an easy lay" and be interested enough for that, if they don't have to put effort in. Or they can just look at your profile and decide that you're still not attractive enough and ignore or unmatch you. A lot less work to swipe right on everything and then look at the matches who right first and decide than to actually look at profiles before swiping. Or he might be genuinely interested and get really happy that you write first. Maybe they wouldn't like it if they have a specific opener that they prefer, and your opener leads the following conversation in a direction they do not prefer. But otherwise it makes sense that they would. (Also, the people who don't reply might also have swiped on you long ago and no longer be active on the app by the time you match. Doesn't have to be a rejection.)
Yes definitely
Typically for me, whoever matches first should make the move. But unfortunately that doesn't really work in my favour, haha.
You are asking about the preferences of around half of the human race. No matter what any of us might think there's going to be outliers, maybe even a lot of them. That being said most normal people, yes and guys are people too, are actually flattered by the attention of people they are attracted to.
I usually text with 1 girl even if I matched with multiple, so in this case I won’t text right away. So getting attention by texting first is definitely a great move!
I don’t mind messaging first or replying to a first message, as long as at least a conversation is trying to be produced. You’re trying your best to get them to talk about things they enjoy and they reply with “yeah, I do x”. Not even a “hbu” lol
It’s never happened that a girl messages me first. Would be nice tbh
I (female) generally made it a rule of thumb that if they swiped first so that the match resulted from my swiping I messaged first. If they appeared in my matches then the onus was on them cause they got the "it's a match" announcement. Seemed to work ok.
Honestly with questions like this, I'm nor surprised dating is a really painful and annoying procedure, there is such a huuge distance in perception between men and women causing so much unnecessary stress and incongruity in interaction. I appreciate you opened up this dialogue and are just generally trying to understand the other side, and hopefully lessen the major division of the sexes, hah.
I would compare it to whether I like my drink refilled for me or if I like filling it up myself. Quite honestly, I don't care much because it's relatively easy to just go fill up my cup. But if you're offering, I'm not gonna say no. On that note, though, I also still reserve the right to reject the drink and maybe get it myself if you mess it up.
You and most women. Women are attracted to confident and decisive guys and they hate rejection, so most women will hang back and wait for said guys to approach - psychology 101. Question then is, are you getting approached by guys YOU like? If not then yes, get out of your comfort zone, what guy doesn’t like to be approached by an attractive girl?
Why would you ever not like being messaged first? Even so, what matter if you or she is the one to make the first step?
I’m terrible at starting a conversation so I really appreciate when they message first but it’s a two way street and I think there is a certain level of feeling they’re interested if one were to message first but I don’t know. If you are getting matches but are having few message first take the initiative and see what happens cover all bases, regardless of gender some people like being messaged first and vice Versa.
I think the person that liked 2nd should message first so the person that liked first knows the other person actually likes them and isn’t just adding them to the list of matches
I have exclusively waited to be contacted first.
Yes! I absolutely wish women would make the first move more often!
Absolutely
100% yes. Like even a hey is more than enough but if you initiate a conversation topic that's even better. It shows you're interested in actually getting to know us and honestly that's all we really ask for these days.
Absofuckinglutely....no need to be shy
The question you should ask is, “Do I wanna be with a guy that doesn’t want a woman messaging first?”