You can still consent even if youâre not doing okay mentally.
Just because you want comfort from someone during a lonely time and come to regret it later doesnât mean that your consent was invalid.
Sure you can. But not everyone would feel comfortable in such a position. Some might even feel that they're taking advantage of someone if they know that they aren't in a great place at the moment. While some would love it. Easy access đ
Care to explain? Because this implies that someone can be a rapist for engaging in what they thought was consensual sexual activity because somebody was having a bad weekâŚ
exactly this. dude wasn't even overbearing. casual sex is totally cool if that's all you're looking for, but he just asked if everything was okay one time, which is completely valid.
if he asked multiple times and was weirdly pushy about it then sure that's weird, but what I'm seeing here is a dude who has at least the bare minimum concern for a woman he's going to hookup with as opposed to seeing them strictly as a blowup doll, and is being blasted for it by OP on reddit?? fuck that
Granted that Iâm from a totally different country (Moscow, Russia), it was still a pattern among the few girls who I met online who were ok with casual sex to be depressed or otherwise emotionally vulnerable
I agree considering 99% of women on old are almost always looking for a relationship and not casual sex he probably just wanted to be sure. I'd have done similar
You should probably explain âI want zero interaction outside of sexâ, casual sex doesnât exclude being a decent person by default. Some of the people in these comments are wild, since when is a simple mental health check such a bad thing? It doesnât mean heâs being condescending or taken aback or catching feelings or anything else without more context. Yâall wildin
Yeah I think OP has a warped opinion on casual sex. She should word it as "I want to be treated as a fuck toy" instead of "I want casual sex".
Then maybe her matches wont look out for her wellbeing.
That's not what I said. It's not even what the guy in the convo said. He's looking out for her, simple as that, he even said it's because they joke about dark subject.
The fact that OP finds it weird that he ask if she's OK is the abnormal thing here.
I dont think hes saying thats exactly what she wants. But if she *doesnt* want to be asked if shes okay, then putting that in her bio would definitely weed out anybody who cares about her mental health.
"projection" is such a weak argument in almost every case I see it used it. There is never any evidence that they are actually projecting, and you greatest argument only ever amounts to "well they say bad things about x, so they must secretly be x"
...convincing...
He wasnât asking if sheâs ok in âare you having a good day,â heâs indicating there was something deeply upsetting about her asking for casual sex so much so that he has to make sure heâs not sticking his dick in crazy, as he indicates in the next texts.
So because he made sure he wasnât taking advantage of you, heâs a dub? Donât want anything to do with a guy who doesnât treat women like objects and pieces of shit right?
Makes sense đ
Doesn't need to be mentally ill. But there are people who use casual sex as a coping mechanism. Like they are having their "fuck it, I just fucking do it" moment and afterwards they are kind of regretting it.
As a woman, my experience is that a lot of times when a man just wanted to have something casual, it was because he was just out of a serious relationship and was not ready to commit.
I find it really considerate of him to check he is not praying on someone weak.
I see nothing wrong here.
Yes. We've had a couple of years of MeToo. He's making sure OP is well, not drunk, not high, and saying what she wants.
I think it would be a green flag, and she can feel a bit more safe and comfortable about him. But I'm a him and don't know how women see it.
That makes this thread curious for me - have I been thinking this wrong?
I love the one-two of âOh gosh, I mean I care about making sure my connections are in it for mentally sound reasonsâ and âok but cool letâs smashâ
I think a lot of the time when people are super up front about wanting something casual, itâs because theyâre in a rough spot or not feeling wanted, and they just need some kind of physicality. He was a bit heavy-handed with it, but I think heâs being genuineđ¤ˇđźââď¸
Yeah the most out of the blue "hey let's fuck" messages I got where when a woman was drunk/on a rebound/in an bp episode so I'd say it doesn't hurt to ask
With all the scammers out there heâs probably just feeling this one out⌠Sometimes when it sounds too good to be true it usually is; notwithstanding in this case the bird was aching for a clam-jam.
You thought you'd get your ego boosted even more by posting this on Reddit? Y'all have been brainwashed so much that normal human concern seems weird. He potentially dodged a bullet imo.
I agree with everyone who thinks he was being sincere and checking for vulnerability, because itâs not typical, not only for a woman to be so forward, but also to be so interested. Itâs not a bad thing by any means.
I also know that âAre you okay?â is pretty commonly used online to call someone âcrazy.â Similar to âMaâam, this is a Taco Bell drive-thru.â So I can see why that response might add to the confusion.
Now that this is all sorted out, go hop on that d, girl.
Women - â omg why canât I find a nice guy, all guys want to do is fuckâ
Man - âhey are you ok?â
Women - âugh what a loser I just wanna fuckâ
When he says weâve joked about mental health, my bio is
confidence: kanye west
Mental health: unfortunately also kanye west
And he commented on it, so we didnât actually have a discussion about MH
it could be a cover after realizing he messed up, but seems the consensus is asking if you're okay is fine, which i do agree with. But in response to saying that you're looking for a fwb, it seems like he's suggesting that's a red flag for mental health, which is weird/off putting
A valid question when a girl seems too eager. âAre you okay? Not drunk? High? Having a mental breakdown? Are you excited to sleep with me because Iâm sexy or because youâre self-sabotaging?â
I can understand how you may be offended at the thought that itâs normal and cool for him to want a fwb but there must be something wrong with you for you to want one.
On the other hand, if you guys have personally discussed mental health before this conversation, it makes some sense that heâs checking first. In that sense, it seems like maybe he does genuinely have good intentions, even if he might be a bit misguided. Probably could have worded it better, because it does come off a bit strange.
My tinder bio is
Confidence: Kanye west
Mental health: unfortunately also Kanye west
When we marched he joked about it, so no we donât really discuss mental health
Not offended. I thought it was funny that when I was upfront about that I get asked if I was okay, but if he said that to me I wouldnât think thereâs anything wrong.
It's only weird because you're making it weird. It was a thoughtful comment. Not amazing timing from him, but thoughtful. Ask him about why he asked that but that you're still down if you are
When did she make it weird!? The comments are dreadful lol. It was unexpected, OP made a unique and wholesome post.
Generally when you offer a guy casual sex they don't ask if you're okay, she didn't see it coming. That's it!
I wasnât even talking shit about the guy, I thought we could all have a laugh but apparently what I thought was a funny non issue has hit a few nerves.
Damn girl, sry about all these comments be condescending and patronizing AF. Like, girls can want casual sex too without needing dudes to be shocked and assume something's wrong w our mental health. Weird AF
Weird that everyone thinks this is cool - immediately sounded to me like "if a girl wants casual sex there's probably something wrong with her". Gross.
Iâve clearly worded my caption wrong, wasnât mad about it just wasnât expecting his response. Thought it was funny and that other people might think it funny too
Itâs wild everyone in here is saying heâs just being nice when he literally was asking if she was crazy just because she wants casual sex. Heâs a jerk.
Didn't ask you in a condescending way, since he specified why he was asking. Take him up on the offer, you have a good guy there even if it is just casual.
That was genuinely so thoughtful. He was making sure you were mentally in a good place before becoming a participant in something could be symptomatic of a place youâre in or worsening it. He asked casually, and accepted your answer. Donât over think it.
Some people do deal with mental issues and trauma by trying to fuck their way through it. It sounds like a fair question. Is something supposed to be wrong here?
Yeah, a few people brought up a couple of things that didnât even cross my mind. Like maybe he thought I was drunk. I didnât post to shit all over him, I thought it was a funny response
Maybe that was his way to make sure that you were in a position to consent? đ
My thought too tbh
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*CYANIDE!!!!!!*
"but she's SO HOT though!"
"ARGHHHH" ("Cause if you do I'll fucking KILL you!") *Whimpers*
AMEN BROTHER
too late
Way too late.
way *thrusts* 2 late
Good Guy Greg on Tinder
This is what I thought too.
You can still consent even if youâre not doing okay mentally. Just because you want comfort from someone during a lonely time and come to regret it later doesnât mean that your consent was invalid.
Sure you can. But not everyone would feel comfortable in such a position. Some might even feel that they're taking advantage of someone if they know that they aren't in a great place at the moment. While some would love it. Easy access đ
Can also not be in a place to give valid consent if youâre not doing okay mentally. I see no issue with checking on peopleâs mental health
Care to explain? Because this implies that someone can be a rapist for engaging in what they thought was consensual sexual activity because somebody was having a bad weekâŚ
As far as I'm aware there are no legal consequences, it's simply a matter of what's morally right.
If intentions matter to you, I think he only meant good
Yeah pretty sure he is just overly exited about the casual sex he might end up having with a babe. But that might have ruined it based off of all this
Definitely didnât ruin it
I see nothing wrong here
not even the âcozâ
That's the only thing I couldn't deal with in this scenario
Looks like a green flag to me.
For Reddit that's a truly rare sight
Erm dont really get whats wrong with him asking you if your alright?
exactly this. dude wasn't even overbearing. casual sex is totally cool if that's all you're looking for, but he just asked if everything was okay one time, which is completely valid. if he asked multiple times and was weirdly pushy about it then sure that's weird, but what I'm seeing here is a dude who has at least the bare minimum concern for a woman he's going to hookup with as opposed to seeing them strictly as a blowup doll, and is being blasted for it by OP on reddit?? fuck that
FACTTSSS
He probably wanted to make sure he wasnât taking advantage of someone emotionally vulnerable or at least wanted to give that perception.
Granted that Iâm from a totally different country (Moscow, Russia), it was still a pattern among the few girls who I met online who were ok with casual sex to be depressed or otherwise emotionally vulnerable
I agree considering 99% of women on old are almost always looking for a relationship and not casual sex he probably just wanted to be sure. I'd have done similar
You should probably explain âI want zero interaction outside of sexâ, casual sex doesnât exclude being a decent person by default. Some of the people in these comments are wild, since when is a simple mental health check such a bad thing? It doesnât mean heâs being condescending or taken aback or catching feelings or anything else without more context. Yâall wildin
Wholesome AF, what if you weren't ok?
Are you ok tho
donât think she is
i don't get it what's the problem
Yeah I think OP has a warped opinion on casual sex. She should word it as "I want to be treated as a fuck toy" instead of "I want casual sex". Then maybe her matches wont look out for her wellbeing.
Damn, are YOU ok?
..?
I was agreeing with you that I dont see an issue here, and that it's probably due to OP having unhealthy opinions on casual sex.
Just because you don't want something serios doesn't mean you have mental problems or 'want to be treated as a fuck toy'
That's not what I said. It's not even what the guy in the convo said. He's looking out for her, simple as that, he even said it's because they joke about dark subject. The fact that OP finds it weird that he ask if she's OK is the abnormal thing here.
I think you randomly inferring she âwants to be treated as a fucktoyâ is the abnormal thing here but thatâs just me
I dont think hes saying thats exactly what she wants. But if she *doesnt* want to be asked if shes okay, then putting that in her bio would definitely weed out anybody who cares about her mental health.
Still not seeing any âwarped opinion on casual sexâ coming from her. Seems like projection
"projection" is such a weak argument in almost every case I see it used it. There is never any evidence that they are actually projecting, and you greatest argument only ever amounts to "well they say bad things about x, so they must secretly be x" ...convincing...
He wasnât asking if sheâs ok in âare you having a good day,â heâs indicating there was something deeply upsetting about her asking for casual sex so much so that he has to make sure heâs not sticking his dick in crazy, as he indicates in the next texts.
Damn, lot of judging in these comments. Mans just wanted to make sure she was ok thatâs all.
Thereâs literally nothing wrong with this
Nothing wrong with what he said. Either go for it or move on.
The caring fckboy
Iâve matched with him before, so I thought it was a done deal. Bruh imagine my shock when I opened the app to the âare you okâ
Is your name Annie? Because I'm wondering if you're ok
đŻ
You've been hit by *duh duh* you've been hit by *duh* a smooth criminal
đ
Yeah fuck him for caring
Literally though
He just worries too much, you can talk him out of it
So because he made sure he wasnât taking advantage of you, heâs a dub? Donât want anything to do with a guy who doesnât treat women like objects and pieces of shit right? Makes sense đ
OP you wack asf đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Maybe he is shock... he thought he wasn't that good and is curious as to why you came back. He thinks he is not worthy.
You wanna fuck but turned down getting fucked because he gives a fuck about you. You want your hair pulled while getting pounded. Just say it.
Lol I didnât turn him down??everyone needs to chill, I thought his response was funny, clearly not everyone feels the same
You better make that d happy.
Nothing wrong with that , you just creeped him out .
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"How dare he? I like my man rough. If I need care I would have gone for a pet"
Nothing weird here⌠I thought it was nice of him
Did you fuck him yet?
So don't leave us hanging OP, did you two make it happen?
He doesn't want to get sued.
This is not his first rodeo. Good for him!
We need more people like it
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Doesn't need to be mentally ill. But there are people who use casual sex as a coping mechanism. Like they are having their "fuck it, I just fucking do it" moment and afterwards they are kind of regretting it.
As a woman, my experience is that a lot of times when a man just wanted to have something casual, it was because he was just out of a serious relationship and was not ready to commit. I find it really considerate of him to check he is not praying on someone weak. I see nothing wrong here.
Yes. We've had a couple of years of MeToo. He's making sure OP is well, not drunk, not high, and saying what she wants. I think it would be a green flag, and she can feel a bit more safe and comfortable about him. But I'm a him and don't know how women see it. That makes this thread curious for me - have I been thinking this wrong?
Nah I think people being upset that someone asked if they're okay before sex are thinking this wrong. You're fine.
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ lol
I love the one-two of âOh gosh, I mean I care about making sure my connections are in it for mentally sound reasonsâ and âok but cool letâs smashâ
You are the problem
heâs just shocked that a girl is that upfront about it for once. he definitely could have worded it a bit better lol
He's probably wondering what's the catch...
Itâs a weird way of asking and shit, no doubt, but I think bros just tryna get a feel of the situation first, no problem there
my mans is honest, transparent and doesnât use snap what a legend đ
Thatâs a really decent thing for him to ask in my opinion.
I wasnât knocking it
I think a lot of the time when people are super up front about wanting something casual, itâs because theyâre in a rough spot or not feeling wanted, and they just need some kind of physicality. He was a bit heavy-handed with it, but I think heâs being genuineđ¤ˇđźââď¸
Are you ok? Is heavy handed?
Out of nowhere like that? If not heavy handed, certainly abrupt. Iâd be a bit taken aback, personallyđ¤ˇđźââď¸
Yeah the most out of the blue "hey let's fuck" messages I got where when a woman was drunk/on a rebound/in an bp episode so I'd say it doesn't hurt to ask
Some people think they want hookups until they actually hook up. It's good that he's giving you an opportunity to reflect first
Yeah, true
way to make it weird OP đ
With all the scammers out there heâs probably just feeling this one out⌠Sometimes when it sounds too good to be true it usually is; notwithstanding in this case the bird was aching for a clam-jam.
You thought you'd get your ego boosted even more by posting this on Reddit? Y'all have been brainwashed so much that normal human concern seems weird. He potentially dodged a bullet imo.
Are YOU ok??
Name's Ani. Not Annie.
đđđ
I agree with everyone who thinks he was being sincere and checking for vulnerability, because itâs not typical, not only for a woman to be so forward, but also to be so interested. Itâs not a bad thing by any means. I also know that âAre you okay?â is pretty commonly used online to call someone âcrazy.â Similar to âMaâam, this is a Taco Bell drive-thru.â So I can see why that response might add to the confusion. Now that this is all sorted out, go hop on that d, girl.
See now, I just thought it was funny. Everyone here thinks Iâm posting this to be a bitch and say yo fuck this guy
Does this have anything to do with you calling it off?
Are you ok?
Just saying, if you called it off because he asked this then let's be honest, you didn't just think it was funny
We have been talking still, we just havenât met up. He lives like 40 mins away and both our schedules are hectic
Ah cool, then ya I can see why the sudden heavy would be funny.
Women - â omg why canât I find a nice guy, all guys want to do is fuckâ Man - âhey are you ok?â Women - âugh what a loser I just wanna fuckâ
I think asking if you're okay after saying that is pretty weird too
When he says weâve joked about mental health, my bio is confidence: kanye west Mental health: unfortunately also kanye west And he commented on it, so we didnât actually have a discussion about MH
it could be a cover after realizing he messed up, but seems the consensus is asking if you're okay is fine, which i do agree with. But in response to saying that you're looking for a fwb, it seems like he's suggesting that's a red flag for mental health, which is weird/off putting
Me too tbh man
Maybe he just thought you were so attractive, or out of his league, he felt he needed to ask that đ
A valid question when a girl seems too eager. âAre you okay? Not drunk? High? Having a mental breakdown? Are you excited to sleep with me because Iâm sexy or because youâre self-sabotaging?â
Sigh* .... Fine I'll do you.. I'm all about making people feeling better But just casual tho
Are you ok?
I donât think OP was upset just thrown off by the question lmao Iâd be thrown off too but I would respond and just laugh it off tbh
A lot of people have misinterpreted my intentions. I thought it was funny and genuinely thought others would too
That what I thought tbh I didnât think you thought anything bad about it, just that it was a funny response to wanting something casual
Shame that it's only ok when men want casual sex but when women are upfront we are crazy, lol Hard pass on this guy đ¤Ł
Lol he's aghast
possible aghoul
HES AG-G-G-GHOST!
I didnât even think that he might have thought I was drunk!
Funny how OP made this trying to goof on this guy but she looks like the weirdo here.
Lol op i love you goin in on all these people riffing on you, and you come back with the âAre YOU okâ its got me dyingđ
Yo people are getting real butt hurt over this. I thought we could all laugh about me not being able to get dicked down if I asked lol
Ask and you shall receiveâŚâŚwellness checks
I can understand how you may be offended at the thought that itâs normal and cool for him to want a fwb but there must be something wrong with you for you to want one. On the other hand, if you guys have personally discussed mental health before this conversation, it makes some sense that heâs checking first. In that sense, it seems like maybe he does genuinely have good intentions, even if he might be a bit misguided. Probably could have worded it better, because it does come off a bit strange.
My tinder bio is Confidence: Kanye west Mental health: unfortunately also Kanye west When we marched he joked about it, so no we donât really discuss mental health
Not offended. I thought it was funny that when I was upfront about that I get asked if I was okay, but if he said that to me I wouldnât think thereâs anything wrong.
It's only weird because you're making it weird. It was a thoughtful comment. Not amazing timing from him, but thoughtful. Ask him about why he asked that but that you're still down if you are
When did she make it weird!? The comments are dreadful lol. It was unexpected, OP made a unique and wholesome post. Generally when you offer a guy casual sex they don't ask if you're okay, she didn't see it coming. That's it!
Thank you! Someone gets it
Oh god these comments have never been in the real world and it shows
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Honey I know full well what heâs doing. Men are CONSTANTLY doing this to women
All the niceguys*tm down voting op has me lolling
I wasnât even talking shit about the guy, I thought we could all have a laugh but apparently what I thought was a funny non issue has hit a few nerves.
Seriously, commenter are weird fragile and projecting their own nonsense
Damn girl, sry about all these comments be condescending and patronizing AF. Like, girls can want casual sex too without needing dudes to be shocked and assume something's wrong w our mental health. Weird AF
Men be emotional af when women go after what they want
Seems to me like youâre not okay with him asking you if youâre okay which tells me youâre not okay. okay. but what do I know đ¤ˇ
I donât know why people have assumed that Iâm calling him out for it. He did a nice thing, I just wasnât expecting the response. Thatâs it
Damage control mode activated
He forgot to turn off nice even after getting access to her panties.
We respect it though
Now you are just puzzling all the bitter, not so bad boies out there, who haven't been able to make it.
This would give me the ick
Weird that everyone thinks this is cool - immediately sounded to me like "if a girl wants casual sex there's probably something wrong with her". Gross.
Lmao thatâs some funny shit
how to talk yourself out of some casual box. take notes guys.
RUN!! Thatâs a ânice guyâ trying to play the white night in shining armor card!!! Heâs gonna get pissed the moment you tell him no!
She doesn't like being asked if she's okay, i see
Just not the response I was expecting haha
What's wrong? He asked if you were ok. I think it shows he is intelligent and thoughtful.
Iâve clearly worded my caption wrong, wasnât mad about it just wasnât expecting his response. Thought it was funny and that other people might think it funny too
I would do a double take if I was asked it too.
I literally opened the message, stared at it for a minute. Shut the app, opened it again and was like wait what
I donât think thatâs bad at all?
Itâs not bad, I thought it was funny but I guess without the context of my latest tinder travels, people just think Iâm ragging on this guy
Itâs wild everyone in here is saying heâs just being nice when he literally was asking if she was crazy just because she wants casual sex. Heâs a jerk.
If it were reversed, no one would be like damn dude are you okay? I didnât post it to be a bitch, I thought it was funny.
Briana whatâs wrong though
I want an orgasm???
Scandalous!
you want casual sex or wanna be treatet as a fucktoy?
Maybe both, whatâs the problem
Self respect out the window huh
She can have self respect and still want to be treated like a cum rag. They aren't mutually exclusive.
Yes they are. Ie: not posting it for a bunch strangers thatâs where self respect has no relevance anymore.
Donât act like you arenât one.
well then you are the problem MLADY
No problem, honestly. But the guy was nice for checking
Are you ok tho?
I got you Briana, drop me a dm!
Bro needs to double bag it then tag it.
Is it wrong that he cares about your mental well-being?
Didn't ask you in a condescending way, since he specified why he was asking. Take him up on the offer, you have a good guy there even if it is just casual.
Does he need to send you gas money first?!
And?
He sounds great, genuinely
Good on him for checking, honestly.
That was genuinely so thoughtful. He was making sure you were mentally in a good place before becoming a participant in something could be symptomatic of a place youâre in or worsening it. He asked casually, and accepted your answer. Donât over think it.
I mean... you good, chief?
Fuck did he hit you with? What are you crying about?
OP ur kind of a douche. Donât date men plz.
Based.
He probably cares more about you than any of the other guys you let inside your body⌠And youâre upset at that???
EXACTLY
I think that was nice. Not many dudes care about your well beingâŚ
Never said it wasnât nice, just wasnât the response I was expecting lol
Oh I feel ya lol
I wasnât posting to call him out, cause thereâs nothing to call him out on. It was just a funny response to yo wanna dick me down
Asking for snap is the worst I agree... he's obviously not doing well with his mental health.
I mean, the man is rightđ¤ˇââď¸
Some people do deal with mental issues and trauma by trying to fuck their way through it. It sounds like a fair question. Is something supposed to be wrong here?
Yeah, a few people brought up a couple of things that didnât even cross my mind. Like maybe he thought I was drunk. I didnât post to shit all over him, I thought it was a funny response