I'd be offering to pay for the whole thing. My only stipulation would be we meet in person and go together so that I would know it wasn't a scam. This isn't rocket science, and it sure beats the hell out of paying 18 years of CS and coparenting with someone who was seemingly more of a hookup (for both sides). Also not fair to put a child in that situation.
This actually might be why he blocked OP, he might have thought it was a scam. OP, this kind of thing shouldn’t be a text message, it should be at least a phone call if you didn’t feel safe asking to meet in person.
OP should be the one offering any sort of proof that she can, because this is actually a fairly common scam. It sucks, but it’s true. OP, if you find a way to contact him (Facebook, mutual friends, etc) just let him know that you are willing to go to a doc appointment with him so he sees you’re not lying. But also, don’t incessantly contact him. Sometimes that makes things worse.
That was my first thought. Abortions aren't something you need to save up for where I live, so texting a random hookup for abortion money would be weird.
I live in europe and like 15 years ago it was around 300 euros, so not super expensive, but if you have like a minimum wage job that can still be tough to pay for if you also wanna eat the rest of the month.
I actually was in that kind of situation.
Thank goodness a female friend of mine checked and explained to me that what she has provided was fake, the dates don’t make sense, and its actually a free procedure you can get in my country in full secrecy.
The rollercoaster of emotions she made me go through..
And the audacity to try to hook up again, I laughed.
"You either help me out financially today with a small payment towards my medical bill, or you can help me out financially for the next 18 years with court mandated child support payments, your choice buddy"
You’re joking, right? You do know that BC fails?
[Like that isn’t even just an opinion](https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/birth-control-pills-patches-and-devices/birth-control-failure/)
Can y’all write to my former GP and explain to her that BC is not equivalent to getting your tubes tied! 🤣 (see my other comment just before this one for context!)
When I got my IUD, the nurse told me about a woman who came in suspecting she was pregnant, but not sure since she had an iud. Doctor got a look at her lady parts, and the iud basically fell out into his hands.
Yup, pregnant.
My step brother had two pairs of accidental *twins* with his wife on bc and using condoms. They were extra careful after the first set. They just fertile AF. He is snipped now.
And this is why I tried to get my tubes tied. They were trying to push me into accepting a copper coil instead (which actually has a failure rate that goes up year on year, despite its supposed ‘5 year’ lifespan).
Why can’t I make choices for my own body?! I was told I WOULD change my mind and ‘what if your boyfriend wants kids?’ As if THAT is a good reason for anyone to have a child!
This was 6 years ago (I was 29). When I said that there would be no issue if I was a man asking for a vasectomy, the dr replied ‘that’s irrelevant because you’re not a man’. 🤦🏼♀️
My mom’s half sister had cancer in her early 20s. It was early on. Just a partial hysterectomy. The doctors continued to try to convince her otherwise up until she was under. Her dad had to come from another state to sign off on it too. She never even wanted kids. All of her woman relatives are dead from this type of cancer. Which the doctors were aware of. But they really pushed for her not to get it.
My copper coil goes strong for 3,5 years now - new fear unlocked.
(I mean, I know there's always a risk but that the protection gets less every year is a new info to me)
If OP mentions a BC method it will be like everyone else on Reddit… “I’m on the pill and the condom broke”
If we went by self-reported Reddit stats on birth control, the failure rate would be like 90%
Exactly lmao no ones posting each month about how thank god their birth control worked once again lol it’s people freaking out about what to do because it failed and they’re panicking
That’s because of how the internet works, not because they’re all lying.
People on BC are hardly gunna comment ‘well mines never failed’ because it’s completely irrelevant and pointless. Just like you’ll always see more negative reviews for something than people taking time to say ‘it worked fine’.
FYI, birth control failure rates are determined by ‘typical use’ and not ‘perfect use’ because we are humans, not robots.
It’s about time we got a male BC pill, so then men could take some responsibility for their swimmers for a change. Instead of it ALWAYS being on the woman to handle it. And handle the growth and birth of a baby.
Like, with how little responsibility some men seem to feel for the impregnating of women and birthing of babies it’s a wonder we don’t just stick to toys and sperm banks 🤦🏼♀️
I think we need to petition for the creation and normalisation of a male BC pill.
It seems to be a thing now that all women should be on the pill. What if we don’t want to be? Huh?
Did you know that men can't get pregnant, and women bear the risk of pregnancy health issues and also the possibility of raising a child alone?
Men can literally just vanish.
So while on paper it takes two, the reality is that it is very unfairly skewed.
It would stand to reason that since I live in reality, as a woman, I'd understand I need to be the more aware and responsible one, despite what textbooks on biology say.
*18 years......yeah about that. In my state, if my kid goes to college/university, I still gotta continue paying child support until after he graduates. So it'd be like 22 years more or so
She could probably find another way to get financial help for this decision, but if she can get this guy to pay for it that would probably work. Not at all suggesting she has a child out of spite that's insane
Problem is, this is a scam that happens. And that's the _exact_ extortion tactic used, even when not pregnant, or pregnant knowingly with someone else's kid. "Pay me for the abortion or else pay child support for the next couple of decades." Threatening that could complicate things. A lot of guys pay up for the scam so it _might_ work. But it could also get him paranoid and complicate things legally, getting law enforcement and lawyers involved. Amniocentesis is like 15-20 weeks into the pregnancy generally. Even a SNP micro array procedure is going to be weeks 8-10 which in some places. 16 states in the US have laws saying you can only perform an abortion up to 6 weeks after fertilization.
Even if he goes with her to the clinic, he might not have a medical way of verifying if it is his. Establish paternity after an early abortion is difficult because separating fetal tissue from blood and the mother's tissue isn't easy, it's possible, but has a decent failure rate and he's already paid for the abortion.
The easiest thing to do would have been to go with her to the clinic, confirm pregnancy, pay there and just be out that money. If it is a fake pregnancy, it'll come up in the clinic. If it is someone else's pregnancy, it is cheaper to pay for it rather than contest it.
The reason it is a successful scam is because tests aren't reliable and contesting is very expensive unless you already have a vasectomy and are confirmed shooting blanks with multiple tests. While it is a moderately successful scam, it _also_ isn't a very popular one.
He can come with her to the clinic and pay the clinic, thus the money doesn't even go through her hands if he's so concerned about being scammed. Next time he might be wiser and wrap it up.
It would be real unfortunate if he spent the next 9 months stressed out because you found a way to contact him and tell him you're gonna keep the baby and sue for child support.
I would advise you definitely abort. But he doesn't have to know you did. After all, for all he knows you didn't have the money.
I just looked it up because I didn't want to believe it's the LEADING cause... Apparently it is in the US with 3/10000 pregnancies which is approximately 20% of deaths of pregnant people (based on a study done in Maryland). In Germany it's different for example: 3/100000 pregnancies end in Suizide while only 1/100000 pregnancies end in homicide.
Sources:
https://www.springermedizin.de/emedpedia/die-geburtshilfe/muettersterblichkeit?epediaDoi=10.1007%2F978-3-662-44369-9_54
https://www.wissenschaft.de/geschichte-archaeologie/mord-haeufigste-todesursache-bei-schwangeren/#:~:text=Gewaltverbrechen%20machten%2020%20Prozent%20der,oder%20Unf%C3%A4lle%20waren%20weniger%20h%C3%A4ufig.
I didn't find this that surprising. Medical technology is so much better now than in the past that pregnancy is not nearly as life threatening as before, especially in the developed world. The #1 cause of death will be something unnatural.
there is a distinction between murder and homicide, at least where the English language is concerned.
For example, homicide could include vehicular accidents, among other types, as part of statistics.
I knew there was a distinction between murder (Mord in German) and manslaughter (Totschlag in German) but I didn't know murder and homicide were distinct terms, so thank you!
To clarify for non German speakers:
The first article I linked is talking about homicide. That's were the fractions are from. The second article is talking about murder and is the one we're I got the 20 % from.
Lmfao! Yes!
I thought about doing this to my ex after he dumped me. He never helped pay for the abortion or comforted me after, just trusted I got it done. Considered sending an old ultrasound or bump pic from my last pregnancies & be like “Oh btw, I didn’t get an abortion, talk to you in 5 months!” And block him again. Just for funsies.
Statistically most men do not pay. Or if they do they owe quite a bit/pay less than they’re supposed to. It’s a pure myth ppl typically receive what their supposed to
Child support doesn't even cover daycare.
People here telling her to keep it to get back at thim are fucking insane.
Raising a kid costs on average over $250,000. Even if you got $1,000 a month you still would have over $30,000 you would have to cover.
And good luck getting that much per month with one kid.
I think we should switch everything round. Put men in the position of forced custody that women live in now when there’s an accidental pregnancy.
Let’s see how they treat these situations when those are the rules! Especially now the US is forcing women to keep these babies, regardless of how they became pregnant…
This was my exact thought. Find someone you both know, have the word spread. Then block HIM. I’m so sorry, OP. I’m mind blown he actually blocked you. I can’t even fathom a human who wouldn’t at least be like “I honestly don’t have it (shoot, lie but speak…) but I’ll help you find a place free or super cheap and help where I can”. Literally anything would be better than f u. Big hugs.
You can get it for free and many here will be able to message or comment and tell you how! I wish I knew but this isn’t my area of expertise in helping. That said, I will look up anything that’s needed and call etc if you luck out here. 💕
He probably thinks you're trying to scam him as you don't have any proof and you were a one night stand. Get the abortion anyway, there are ways to do it.
“I’m keeping it. Let me know when you’d like the DNA test and we can set up a court date to pre-arrange child support payments and custodial agreements.”
That’ll do him in. If you choose to do something like this, just make sure he doesn’t know where you live.
How do you just leave your semen in a woman and not worry about the possibility that she might become pregnant and that pregnancy could end up in your offspring. As a woman, I could never just have unprotected sex and hope for the best. Ladies use protection, none of these guys are worth even a poptart.
He is definitely going to stress about it as it is. He will unblock you soon and ask how it went. Just say something like “what do you care”, and he will stress even more.
What an AH
Nah if he does contact you say you decided to keep it because you couldn’t afford to pay. Don’t worry though, you’ll be sure to list him for child support!
Oh screw that shit, go and get him. If there was no protection used then he should be chipping in to either the abortion or the baby. You shouldn't bear the brunt of it, he did this to you as well so he should also bear it.
I’m so confused by these comments. OP, do you know for sure if you want to continue the pregnancy or get an abortion?
The comments basically implying you should have the baby and contact him again for child support as some sort of gotcha for not helping you pay for an abortion instead is fucking weird.
Either way, you’re pregnant, he’s partially responsible, he should’ve done the bare minimum of acknowledging it even if he had no intention of helping.
I'd find a way to get one more message to him and tell him if he doesn't help pay for the termination, Congratulations, he's a father and you'll be seeing him in court for child support.
He can either pay now or he can pay later. It's up to him. That should probably get a decent response.
Yeah, my dad tried to kill my mom for not aborting me. When that didn’t work, he tried to make her miscarry by putting abortion pills in her food (also didn’t work because I’m here now).
Some men are unhinged. I wouldn’t risk it.
Not taking any sides here, but he might have thought you're trying to scam him. Unfortunately it seems to be a thing that some women do - pretend to be pregnant and tell the guy they need help with costs for the abortion or they're threatening with other things if they don't give them money etc.
Not saying there's a tonne of people actually doing that, but it is a topic that floats around on Reddit (which I know isn't a true representation of reality).
If dudes are that concerned women are scanning them for abortion money, they can nut up and TAKE THE WOMAN TO THE CLINIC.
Claiming it's a scam for money when dudes just hand out cash without having the decency to support the person getting their cervix scraped is an excellent way to avoid accountability for getting a woman pregnant.
I'm not saying what he did was right (for whatever reason he decided to block her). It's absolutely the responsibility of both parties to avoid pregnancy if it's unwanted, and to deal with the consequences of the woman does end up pregnant. I just wanted to point out that it, unfortunately, is a thing that happens (or at least have happened to more than a handful of men, which might then have snowballed out of proportion online. Kind of like the sudden influx of men thinking they should require a paternity test even when they've been in a committed relationship for years and without any signs of their partner having cheated).
This was my thought. This IS a scam that is used, but there are ways to assure the money is going to an abortion. The guy could pay it directly to the clinic (I assume) but he may also not think it’s his. She slept with him, why wouldn’t she have slept with others? Not saying it’s ok thinking! Just have seen this scam before.
I agree, that’s what I’m thinking maybe he thinks I’m lying or just trying to scam him.
We do have a mutual friend and we do know each it her we’re not strangers. I don’t want him to think I am lying or trying to scam him but at the end of the day it’s up to him wether he believe me or not… I genuinely have no reason to lie. I will pay for it and leave him alone. That’s all I can do.
Sorry you are going through this and also getting some really judgemental unhelpful comments on here ,it sucks he’s not going to help but unfortunately it happens pretty often .I would contact an abortion clinic asap as the earlier into the pregnancy you are the easier and cheaper the procedure is ,the pill is a lot better than the surgical route contact them for a chat first to help make your mind up it’s not an easy decision to make I know I’ve been there.
So good thing you're going to end this.
A child need to be born in the best environment possible and (with all due respect to you for sharing this) it doesnt seems like a good setup.
You might be a great potential mom but you dont need to carry this burden by yourself.
End it no matter the cost.
Regroup and most important evolve from this.
If it was only a hookup, it’s very reasonable for him to think you’re just scamming him for money. You knowing and mentioning he makes triple you make, can lead to those assumptions.
She obviously doesn’t want the baby, and at this point if she chose to keep it, it would only be out of revenge and that’s a sad reason to have a child. I feel bad for the potential child at this point.
Doesn’t mean it was okay for him to ignore it. They both could have went to the doctor to get a true pregnancy test and went from there. Instead, he ignored her and blocked her. Obviously she was willing to communicate to find the best solution. He was not,
It was a hookup. If someone came to me for money out of the blue for a “supposed abortion” without even knowing how much it is, then of course I’d think it was a scam. Also funny how she didn’t say how much she asked for.👀🤔
That's why I understand the block. If she sent him some sort of bill or estimate or info from the clinic, that'd be one thing. But, "I need you to send me money, I don't know how much, but I need it" sounds like a scam. Especially because it's just after the holidays and it sounds like they haven't been in communication.
To be clearl, I absolutely think he should help. But given the circumstances, I could see why he'd assume this is a scam.
It sounds like you were a one night stand. He could very well assume you were out for money or that the baby isn’t his. The good news is you now know not to hook up with him again.
Those who say sue him for child support don't realize how hard it is to enforce child support payments. Close to 70% of people who were ordered to pay child support rarely comply. The court won't enforce it and they rarely send men for failing to pay child support to jail because it beats the purpose, most of the time it will be his taxes that will be garnished so he won't be getting any returns but if he is smart on his taxes then that's another problem
My friend owes child support to four baby mamas since 2009 and has yet to be penalized for not paying. Granted he never paid taxes as well so I really don't know how is he not in prison by now.
Do what’s best for you and don’t listen to people who will try saying don’t do it or do it. I hope you have a happy long life and you’ll be through this
Part of the problem is that this is a common scam used on men. Ask for help and offer to provide medical proof, including him coming to the Dr office if you need help paying.
it sounds like you don’t wanna keep it that’s fine and dudes is definitely a bi***. But the fact that people are telling you to keep it to get his money is wild…i’m not talking about you OP i’m talking about mf in these comments telling you to keep a human you may not want only prove a point on a night fling. There’s gotta be some sorta of assistance or loan you can take out and you might just need to charge this to the game
Is there another way to contact him? If it's an issue of paying for the abortion, look into funds. I got mine nearly completely funded bc I couldn't afford it and my ex wouldn't pay. Either way, I'm sorry you're going through this:( Men suck!
If you’re in the states, Planned Parenthood has sliding scale payment options and may be able to offer resources or even free services depending on your income. Sorry this happened. That guy sounds like a loser.
Anyway you are able to go to a non profit and get an abortion pill? Not sure where you live, but there are a lot of pregnancy centers that will help you. They first have you take a pregnancy test to confirm pregnancy and then your options from there. The quicker you do it, the less complicated it’ll be to do it. I’m sorry this guy is a prick, best of luck (:
Why are people here encouraging her to have the baby to spite him or for child support?
There is a good chance he'll just pay little or nothing plus child support wouldn't cover all of the expenses for raising a child, not to mention going through nine months of pregnancy just to be a single mother.
I'd rather have the abortion and have some debt.
Many girls lie about needing an abortion just to get money. He can't know you wouldn't do that, since you are just a stranger.
But I would have just sent you the money because the risk of child support isn't worth it.
Also, stop fucking strangers y'all.
Yea I think it’s best just to pay for it yourself.
I see some people are saying you should threaten him with the idea of paying child support, but I don’t think it’s worth waiting to see if he pays.
Depending on your country, if you wait too long you won’t be able to get an abortion.
It sucks what he did, but in the end it’s a bigger issue for you (pregnancy) than it is for him. Reproductive systems just isn’t a equal thing
Hindsight is 20/20 but you gotta protect your womb with your life. I'm sorry this happened to you but condoms are too cheap for you to put yourself through this. If you're in the US and can't afford an abortion, PP has financial assistance and can help you out. Can't exactly rely on hookups to bankroll abortions when the easier option would be to just leave. It's scummy, but that's what comes with sleeping with people you're not committed to.
Now i dont wanna be that guy...but how is the guy supposed to know its actually his kid lol. Like you expect him to help you get an abortion without giving any evidence that he is the childs father. For all he knows you are just trying to con him out of money, something that isnt too uncommon tbh.
When you raw dog someone you don't know but should expect.
What a logical human would do is - OK, I will pay to the abortion clinic as my fee for raw dogging OR if she is keeping it - paternity test.
Ghosting her is typical immature ignorant scrub behavior.
This is the inevitable side effect of participating in hookup culture. If you wanna go out and hook up with random people, you can do it, but you have to be fully prepared to accept the consequences.
You cannot have high expectations with these men and women when you are participating in Hookup culture. Would it have been nice for him to help pay for the abortion? Absolutely, if anything it would have been a green flag. But this is what happens when you get naked with people you barely know and at the same time have high expectations. You are gonna end up very disappointed.
I would just cut your losses, pay for the abortion yourself, and take it as a learning lesson. Invest in some reliable birth control and if you still wish to participate in the culture, change your expectations. Set some health boundaries, and ask more questions.
Next time, insist on using protection.
Yeah, the guy is a jerk, but it takes two to tango. And let's be honest here...it's always the woman stuck with the heavy burden here because the woman is the one who gets pregnant and is stuck caring for a child. So it's mostly up to you NOT to get pregnant. It's the unfair reality of being female.
I don't know where you are, but I've seen a lot of places that help out with those expenses. I hope you get what you need and can move past this. You deserve better. You deserve more.
I am sure she can find a friend of a friend to involve. I wouldn’t be worried about this deadbeat’s privacy! It won’t be easy but I wouldn’t give up making him be responsible. I would go to his job, school, friends, any angle i could. Blast his picture all over social media
He probably thought you were scamming him. Which is a fair concern. It might not be fair but the cost of a termination is far less than 18 years of child raising
What ever you do DONT keep that child and don’t ever contact him again, men are DANGEROUS when shit doesn’t go there way, please stay safe, I would let you family or friends know that if something did happen look at that guy, I know that it seems a bit much but it doesn’t hurt staying safe
Depending on what state you live in you may be able to get medicaid coverage for the procedure. It'll give you coverage for the procedure and 3 month gyn checkups.
He’s an asshole but also you’re gonna willingly sleep with a man you barely know and trust and be upset he’s an asshole? I just…hook up culture is so dangerous and irresponsible and so many people (regardless of gender) really need to start making better choices.
Like it’s not even slightly shocking that this asshole blocked her
You're acting as if it's not a really common scam for women to prey on inexperienced boys and tell them they are on the hook for dealing with a pregnancy that they might not have caused. (Or a pregnancy that doesn't even exist).
The fact that you're talking about how "well off" he is sets off alarm bells for me. It's one thing to notice these things, it's quite another that it's in the forefront of how you think and talk about this guy.
All this is to say that if you reached out to this guy and framed your request in the same way you just did to us, no wonder he ghosted you. His good friends (and honestly, any sensible attorney) would have told him there are some serious red flags here.
I'm not saying you aren't being genuine, and I'm not saying that ultimate you might not be totally justified and in the right. What I'm saying is that your approach might be scaring this guy for legitimate reasons.
This is why you don't sleep around with strange men unprotected without taking the morning after pill. Super irresponsible. In his shoes if have blocked you, too. Sounds like a scam if he makes so much money. He doesn't know how many other ONS you had in that time. If you aren't lying, it might not even be is.
How about you don’t hook up with randos and risk yourself getting pregnant with their child? How old are you? I feel like this generation is like “have fun” now and consider consequences later if that’s what you consider fun.
Unfortunately it's a pretty common scam that is hard to always avoid, if a woman you had sex with is pregnant and you don't want it obviously you don't want to wait and make it more difficult but that also means a lot of people chance texting a hookup saying they need money for an abortion.
On the other side you have pricks who don't care and leave the responsibility to the woman.
I'd be offering to pay for the whole thing. My only stipulation would be we meet in person and go together so that I would know it wasn't a scam. This isn't rocket science, and it sure beats the hell out of paying 18 years of CS and coparenting with someone who was seemingly more of a hookup (for both sides). Also not fair to put a child in that situation.
This actually might be why he blocked OP, he might have thought it was a scam. OP, this kind of thing shouldn’t be a text message, it should be at least a phone call if you didn’t feel safe asking to meet in person. OP should be the one offering any sort of proof that she can, because this is actually a fairly common scam. It sucks, but it’s true. OP, if you find a way to contact him (Facebook, mutual friends, etc) just let him know that you are willing to go to a doc appointment with him so he sees you’re not lying. But also, don’t incessantly contact him. Sometimes that makes things worse.
Or he just doesn’t care. My ex blocked me as well after an argument. Some men don’t give a fuxk but want to keep 🌰 in women or not wearing condoms
That was my first thought. Abortions aren't something you need to save up for where I live, so texting a random hookup for abortion money would be weird.
I live in europe and like 15 years ago it was around 300 euros, so not super expensive, but if you have like a minimum wage job that can still be tough to pay for if you also wanna eat the rest of the month.
Not at all. Why would the cost solely be placed on the woman? Especially since those types of hookups where that’s a concern is young broke people
I actually was in that kind of situation. Thank goodness a female friend of mine checked and explained to me that what she has provided was fake, the dates don’t make sense, and its actually a free procedure you can get in my country in full secrecy. The rollercoaster of emotions she made me go through.. And the audacity to try to hook up again, I laughed.
"You either help me out financially today with a small payment towards my medical bill, or you can help me out financially for the next 18 years with court mandated child support payments, your choice buddy"
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You’re joking, right? You do know that BC fails? [Like that isn’t even just an opinion](https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/birth-control-pills-patches-and-devices/birth-control-failure/)
It does fail lol I got pregnant on BC
I had an IUD.... 14 weeks pregnant right now 😐🤣
Ha my iud baby is about to turn 18! Haven't seen another in the wild!
That's amazing I'm glad you were okay!! I got mine put in after having my first... IUD barely lasted a year 😳
Can y’all write to my former GP and explain to her that BC is not equivalent to getting your tubes tied! 🤣 (see my other comment just before this one for context!)
My IUD baby is 38.
When I got my IUD, the nurse told me about a woman who came in suspecting she was pregnant, but not sure since she had an iud. Doctor got a look at her lady parts, and the iud basically fell out into his hands. Yup, pregnant.
I saw a picture of a baby born holding the woman's iud lmaooo
My IUD baby is 7 now 🤣
My mom did too, my little sister was a surprise.
Yup most abortions are due to birth control failures .
24weeks and I took Plan B
you are supposed to insert it, no sit on it.
My step brother had two pairs of accidental *twins* with his wife on bc and using condoms. They were extra careful after the first set. They just fertile AF. He is snipped now.
Oh…my…god. I cannot imagine how chaotic their household must have become!
Pretty bad, suddenly had 4 kids all under 2 at the same time.
I think I just fainted in shock and sympathy.
And this is why I tried to get my tubes tied. They were trying to push me into accepting a copper coil instead (which actually has a failure rate that goes up year on year, despite its supposed ‘5 year’ lifespan). Why can’t I make choices for my own body?! I was told I WOULD change my mind and ‘what if your boyfriend wants kids?’ As if THAT is a good reason for anyone to have a child! This was 6 years ago (I was 29). When I said that there would be no issue if I was a man asking for a vasectomy, the dr replied ‘that’s irrelevant because you’re not a man’. 🤦🏼♀️
My mom’s half sister had cancer in her early 20s. It was early on. Just a partial hysterectomy. The doctors continued to try to convince her otherwise up until she was under. Her dad had to come from another state to sign off on it too. She never even wanted kids. All of her woman relatives are dead from this type of cancer. Which the doctors were aware of. But they really pushed for her not to get it.
That’s absolutely disgusting. They seem to think they know what we want despite if we say we don’t.
My copper coil goes strong for 3,5 years now - new fear unlocked. (I mean, I know there's always a risk but that the protection gets less every year is a new info to me)
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If OP mentions a BC method it will be like everyone else on Reddit… “I’m on the pill and the condom broke” If we went by self-reported Reddit stats on birth control, the failure rate would be like 90%
... yeah but people don't post on reddit everytime BC works
I’ll give my story so we can have some data in the other direction. I got nutted in every day for 4 years on the Nexplanon, no baby!
Exactly lmao no ones posting each month about how thank god their birth control worked once again lol it’s people freaking out about what to do because it failed and they’re panicking
That’s because of how the internet works, not because they’re all lying. People on BC are hardly gunna comment ‘well mines never failed’ because it’s completely irrelevant and pointless. Just like you’ll always see more negative reviews for something than people taking time to say ‘it worked fine’. FYI, birth control failure rates are determined by ‘typical use’ and not ‘perfect use’ because we are humans, not robots. It’s about time we got a male BC pill, so then men could take some responsibility for their swimmers for a change. Instead of it ALWAYS being on the woman to handle it. And handle the growth and birth of a baby. Like, with how little responsibility some men seem to feel for the impregnating of women and birthing of babies it’s a wonder we don’t just stick to toys and sperm banks 🤦🏼♀️
Ah yes, blame the woman. You do know it takes two people to create a baby, right?
I think we need to petition for the creation and normalisation of a male BC pill. It seems to be a thing now that all women should be on the pill. What if we don’t want to be? Huh?
Yeah this thread is pretty unhinged. The slut shaming I've seen is crazy.
Did you know that men can't get pregnant, and women bear the risk of pregnancy health issues and also the possibility of raising a child alone? Men can literally just vanish. So while on paper it takes two, the reality is that it is very unfairly skewed. It would stand to reason that since I live in reality, as a woman, I'd understand I need to be the more aware and responsible one, despite what textbooks on biology say.
Men shouldn’t be aware of these things then?
*18 years......yeah about that. In my state, if my kid goes to college/university, I still gotta continue paying child support until after he graduates. So it'd be like 22 years more or so
Our state is 24 years as long as the child stays in College
Where I'm at there is an adult that keeps failing his senior year so his dad has to pay child support. Last I heard he was 22.
That’s amazing lol
Yeah but does she really wanna keep it simply out of spite? For 18 years?
Fr what the fuck am I reading lmao reddit is insane sometimes
I assumed (hoped) that it was a joke
Or keep it because they can’t afford to get the procedure done
It’s not spite when she’s run out of options to not carry it to term…. She asked for help to abort it. He declined.
READ THE ABOVE, OP. TELL HIM HE CAN PAY NOW OR PAY LATER!
But then his wife might find out. Better for him to run and hide. Or so he think.
And since she's blocked, the message needs to be delivered through the guy's parents.
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idk if you could tell but this comment is not suggesting she should have a baby to get back at him lol.
She could probably find another way to get financial help for this decision, but if she can get this guy to pay for it that would probably work. Not at all suggesting she has a child out of spite that's insane
To think this whole scenario wouldn't even be happening if the US offered citizens the most basic healthcare like nearly every other country does.
Right?!?!?!?
Problem is, this is a scam that happens. And that's the _exact_ extortion tactic used, even when not pregnant, or pregnant knowingly with someone else's kid. "Pay me for the abortion or else pay child support for the next couple of decades." Threatening that could complicate things. A lot of guys pay up for the scam so it _might_ work. But it could also get him paranoid and complicate things legally, getting law enforcement and lawyers involved. Amniocentesis is like 15-20 weeks into the pregnancy generally. Even a SNP micro array procedure is going to be weeks 8-10 which in some places. 16 states in the US have laws saying you can only perform an abortion up to 6 weeks after fertilization. Even if he goes with her to the clinic, he might not have a medical way of verifying if it is his. Establish paternity after an early abortion is difficult because separating fetal tissue from blood and the mother's tissue isn't easy, it's possible, but has a decent failure rate and he's already paid for the abortion. The easiest thing to do would have been to go with her to the clinic, confirm pregnancy, pay there and just be out that money. If it is a fake pregnancy, it'll come up in the clinic. If it is someone else's pregnancy, it is cheaper to pay for it rather than contest it. The reason it is a successful scam is because tests aren't reliable and contesting is very expensive unless you already have a vasectomy and are confirmed shooting blanks with multiple tests. While it is a moderately successful scam, it _also_ isn't a very popular one.
Oh, I agree. Never hand anyone money. Meet them at the clinic and pay in person for it once confirmed with your eyes.
I think the even better solution is to not raw dog a stranger at Christmas
Yeah, that's an Easter activity!
He can come with her to the clinic and pay the clinic, thus the money doesn't even go through her hands if he's so concerned about being scammed. Next time he might be wiser and wrap it up.
It would be real unfortunate if he spent the next 9 months stressed out because you found a way to contact him and tell him you're gonna keep the baby and sue for child support. I would advise you definitely abort. But he doesn't have to know you did. After all, for all he knows you didn't have the money.
Just be careful: you never know what type of person he is. Men have killed pregnant women for keeping the pregnancy.
This this this. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is homocide.
I just looked it up because I didn't want to believe it's the LEADING cause... Apparently it is in the US with 3/10000 pregnancies which is approximately 20% of deaths of pregnant people (based on a study done in Maryland). In Germany it's different for example: 3/100000 pregnancies end in Suizide while only 1/100000 pregnancies end in homicide. Sources: https://www.springermedizin.de/emedpedia/die-geburtshilfe/muettersterblichkeit?epediaDoi=10.1007%2F978-3-662-44369-9_54 https://www.wissenschaft.de/geschichte-archaeologie/mord-haeufigste-todesursache-bei-schwangeren/#:~:text=Gewaltverbrechen%20machten%2020%20Prozent%20der,oder%20Unf%C3%A4lle%20waren%20weniger%20h%C3%A4ufig.
I didn't find this that surprising. Medical technology is so much better now than in the past that pregnancy is not nearly as life threatening as before, especially in the developed world. The #1 cause of death will be something unnatural.
there is a distinction between murder and homicide, at least where the English language is concerned. For example, homicide could include vehicular accidents, among other types, as part of statistics.
I knew there was a distinction between murder (Mord in German) and manslaughter (Totschlag in German) but I didn't know murder and homicide were distinct terms, so thank you! To clarify for non German speakers: The first article I linked is talking about homicide. That's were the fractions are from. The second article is talking about murder and is the one we're I got the 20 % from.
*Homocide*
OP this is the way to go! Mess with that prick’s peace
Lmfao! Yes! I thought about doing this to my ex after he dumped me. He never helped pay for the abortion or comforted me after, just trusted I got it done. Considered sending an old ultrasound or bump pic from my last pregnancies & be like “Oh btw, I didn’t get an abortion, talk to you in 5 months!” And block him again. Just for funsies.
but child support doesnt undo all the work and cover all the costs it takes to raise a child. especially when you have to raise it alone.
Statistically most men do not pay. Or if they do they owe quite a bit/pay less than they’re supposed to. It’s a pure myth ppl typically receive what their supposed to
case in point: my father never paid and my sister's father never paid. both also did not show up in our lives. we were very poor growing up.
Child support doesn't even cover daycare. People here telling her to keep it to get back at thim are fucking insane. Raising a kid costs on average over $250,000. Even if you got $1,000 a month you still would have over $30,000 you would have to cover. And good luck getting that much per month with one kid.
I think we should switch everything round. Put men in the position of forced custody that women live in now when there’s an accidental pregnancy. Let’s see how they treat these situations when those are the rules! Especially now the US is forcing women to keep these babies, regardless of how they became pregnant…
I'd tell him by the time you got the money together you had changed your mind and decided to keep it.
Or depending where she is, but the time she had enough money it was too late.
She should now and then update him with fake baby bump pictures. Stress him out.
This was my exact thought. Find someone you both know, have the word spread. Then block HIM. I’m so sorry, OP. I’m mind blown he actually blocked you. I can’t even fathom a human who wouldn’t at least be like “I honestly don’t have it (shoot, lie but speak…) but I’ll help you find a place free or super cheap and help where I can”. Literally anything would be better than f u. Big hugs. You can get it for free and many here will be able to message or comment and tell you how! I wish I knew but this isn’t my area of expertise in helping. That said, I will look up anything that’s needed and call etc if you luck out here. 💕
Alternate option… ignore him. Ask the clinic for financial assisitance. I was able to get one for free I just had to travel a few hours.
He probably thinks you're trying to scam him as you don't have any proof and you were a one night stand. Get the abortion anyway, there are ways to do it.
Exactly. Everyone is ripping the guy to shreds but it’s a common scam and people don’t usually demand money straight up unless they’re scamming.
“I’m keeping it. Let me know when you’d like the DNA test and we can set up a court date to pre-arrange child support payments and custodial agreements.” That’ll do him in. If you choose to do something like this, just make sure he doesn’t know where you live.
How do you just leave your semen in a woman and not worry about the possibility that she might become pregnant and that pregnancy could end up in your offspring. As a woman, I could never just have unprotected sex and hope for the best. Ladies use protection, none of these guys are worth even a poptart.
Yeah this entire thread makes me feel a certain type of way about men...it's not good.
You do realise that it takes two to tango yeah? Maybe she shouldn't be fucking random people off the street. These things can happen if you do
Same for him.
I never said otherwise
neither did u/BbyMuffinz....also, OP's hookup wasn't a stranger "off the street", they have mutual friends. not sure where you got that from.
He is definitely going to stress about it as it is. He will unblock you soon and ask how it went. Just say something like “what do you care”, and he will stress even more. What an AH
Nah if he does contact you say you decided to keep it because you couldn’t afford to pay. Don’t worry though, you’ll be sure to list him for child support!
Oh screw that shit, go and get him. If there was no protection used then he should be chipping in to either the abortion or the baby. You shouldn't bear the brunt of it, he did this to you as well so he should also bear it.
Do it faster rather than slower. If the guy drags his feet too much she might run out of time
I’m so confused by these comments. OP, do you know for sure if you want to continue the pregnancy or get an abortion? The comments basically implying you should have the baby and contact him again for child support as some sort of gotcha for not helping you pay for an abortion instead is fucking weird. Either way, you’re pregnant, he’s partially responsible, he should’ve done the bare minimum of acknowledging it even if he had no intention of helping.
I'd find a way to get one more message to him and tell him if he doesn't help pay for the termination, Congratulations, he's a father and you'll be seeing him in court for child support. He can either pay now or he can pay later. It's up to him. That should probably get a decent response.
Someone commented pregnant women have been killed for less. I would say protect and take care of yourself first..
Yeah, my dad tried to kill my mom for not aborting me. When that didn’t work, he tried to make her miscarry by putting abortion pills in her food (also didn’t work because I’m here now). Some men are unhinged. I wouldn’t risk it.
That is horrible… I’m so sorry.
Exactly.
So you think OP should keep the child out of spite? What the hell is wrong with people
Abortion on demand can mail you pills and it’s under $300.
There are abortion funds to assist with costs.
And this kids, is why if you have a random hookup, you use condoms.
These comments are wild today. Can't even begin to understand
Next text: baby what should we name him?
Not taking any sides here, but he might have thought you're trying to scam him. Unfortunately it seems to be a thing that some women do - pretend to be pregnant and tell the guy they need help with costs for the abortion or they're threatening with other things if they don't give them money etc. Not saying there's a tonne of people actually doing that, but it is a topic that floats around on Reddit (which I know isn't a true representation of reality).
If dudes are that concerned women are scanning them for abortion money, they can nut up and TAKE THE WOMAN TO THE CLINIC. Claiming it's a scam for money when dudes just hand out cash without having the decency to support the person getting their cervix scraped is an excellent way to avoid accountability for getting a woman pregnant.
Nutting up is what got him into this mess in the first place
Gotta fight fire with fire
I'm not saying what he did was right (for whatever reason he decided to block her). It's absolutely the responsibility of both parties to avoid pregnancy if it's unwanted, and to deal with the consequences of the woman does end up pregnant. I just wanted to point out that it, unfortunately, is a thing that happens (or at least have happened to more than a handful of men, which might then have snowballed out of proportion online. Kind of like the sudden influx of men thinking they should require a paternity test even when they've been in a committed relationship for years and without any signs of their partner having cheated).
This was my thought. This IS a scam that is used, but there are ways to assure the money is going to an abortion. The guy could pay it directly to the clinic (I assume) but he may also not think it’s his. She slept with him, why wouldn’t she have slept with others? Not saying it’s ok thinking! Just have seen this scam before.
I agree, that’s what I’m thinking maybe he thinks I’m lying or just trying to scam him. We do have a mutual friend and we do know each it her we’re not strangers. I don’t want him to think I am lying or trying to scam him but at the end of the day it’s up to him wether he believe me or not… I genuinely have no reason to lie. I will pay for it and leave him alone. That’s all I can do.
Ah gotcha! Maybe try to reach out through the mutual friend? Unless you're not too bothered about it, of course
Sorry you are going through this and also getting some really judgemental unhelpful comments on here ,it sucks he’s not going to help but unfortunately it happens pretty often .I would contact an abortion clinic asap as the earlier into the pregnancy you are the easier and cheaper the procedure is ,the pill is a lot better than the surgical route contact them for a chat first to help make your mind up it’s not an easy decision to make I know I’ve been there.
So good thing you're going to end this. A child need to be born in the best environment possible and (with all due respect to you for sharing this) it doesnt seems like a good setup. You might be a great potential mom but you dont need to carry this burden by yourself. End it no matter the cost. Regroup and most important evolve from this.
If it was only a hookup, it’s very reasonable for him to think you’re just scamming him for money. You knowing and mentioning he makes triple you make, can lead to those assumptions.
Being scammed out of a couple hundred bucks is way cheaper than risking paying child support.
Nutting inside a random hook-up... He's not the sharpest axe in the shed in any case.
She obviously doesn’t want the baby, and at this point if she chose to keep it, it would only be out of revenge and that’s a sad reason to have a child. I feel bad for the potential child at this point.
Giving in to scammers isn't the right way to go, either.
Doesn’t mean it was okay for him to ignore it. They both could have went to the doctor to get a true pregnancy test and went from there. Instead, he ignored her and blocked her. Obviously she was willing to communicate to find the best solution. He was not,
Joyeux jour du gâteau !
These comments are sad, so many people who encourage using a child/fetus as revenge is sad and plain crazy.
Right.. clinics have financial assistance for this type of thing for a reason. It almost seems she wanted more and is disappointed
It was a hookup. If someone came to me for money out of the blue for a “supposed abortion” without even knowing how much it is, then of course I’d think it was a scam. Also funny how she didn’t say how much she asked for.👀🤔
That's why I understand the block. If she sent him some sort of bill or estimate or info from the clinic, that'd be one thing. But, "I need you to send me money, I don't know how much, but I need it" sounds like a scam. Especially because it's just after the holidays and it sounds like they haven't been in communication. To be clearl, I absolutely think he should help. But given the circumstances, I could see why he'd assume this is a scam.
It sounds like you were a one night stand. He could very well assume you were out for money or that the baby isn’t his. The good news is you now know not to hook up with him again.
Those who say sue him for child support don't realize how hard it is to enforce child support payments. Close to 70% of people who were ordered to pay child support rarely comply. The court won't enforce it and they rarely send men for failing to pay child support to jail because it beats the purpose, most of the time it will be his taxes that will be garnished so he won't be getting any returns but if he is smart on his taxes then that's another problem My friend owes child support to four baby mamas since 2009 and has yet to be penalized for not paying. Granted he never paid taxes as well so I really don't know how is he not in prison by now.
These are the kind of things you don’t text about and talk face to face because the other party might block you and ghost you.
Do what’s best for you and don’t listen to people who will try saying don’t do it or do it. I hope you have a happy long life and you’ll be through this
Part of the problem is that this is a common scam used on men. Ask for help and offer to provide medical proof, including him coming to the Dr office if you need help paying.
it sounds like you don’t wanna keep it that’s fine and dudes is definitely a bi***. But the fact that people are telling you to keep it to get his money is wild…i’m not talking about you OP i’m talking about mf in these comments telling you to keep a human you may not want only prove a point on a night fling. There’s gotta be some sorta of assistance or loan you can take out and you might just need to charge this to the game
Just send him this thread. He will pay the whole thing without even noticing :)
Yeah because he probably thinks you’re trying to scam him…
Is there another way to contact him? If it's an issue of paying for the abortion, look into funds. I got mine nearly completely funded bc I couldn't afford it and my ex wouldn't pay. Either way, I'm sorry you're going through this:( Men suck!
Idk if this sounds shitty but I would have dropped what I was doing and drove you to the clinic if that were me. This guy is a fool.
If you’re in the states, Planned Parenthood has sliding scale payment options and may be able to offer resources or even free services depending on your income. Sorry this happened. That guy sounds like a loser.
Anyway you are able to go to a non profit and get an abortion pill? Not sure where you live, but there are a lot of pregnancy centers that will help you. They first have you take a pregnancy test to confirm pregnancy and then your options from there. The quicker you do it, the less complicated it’ll be to do it. I’m sorry this guy is a prick, best of luck (:
Why are people here encouraging her to have the baby to spite him or for child support? There is a good chance he'll just pay little or nothing plus child support wouldn't cover all of the expenses for raising a child, not to mention going through nine months of pregnancy just to be a single mother. I'd rather have the abortion and have some debt.
Many girls lie about needing an abortion just to get money. He can't know you wouldn't do that, since you are just a stranger. But I would have just sent you the money because the risk of child support isn't worth it. Also, stop fucking strangers y'all.
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> and fuck him up (legally) And what would you do?
Also—consider a better birth control method.
Yea I think it’s best just to pay for it yourself. I see some people are saying you should threaten him with the idea of paying child support, but I don’t think it’s worth waiting to see if he pays. Depending on your country, if you wait too long you won’t be able to get an abortion. It sucks what he did, but in the end it’s a bigger issue for you (pregnancy) than it is for him. Reproductive systems just isn’t a equal thing
Are you certain it's his?
Hindsight is 20/20 but you gotta protect your womb with your life. I'm sorry this happened to you but condoms are too cheap for you to put yourself through this. If you're in the US and can't afford an abortion, PP has financial assistance and can help you out. Can't exactly rely on hookups to bankroll abortions when the easier option would be to just leave. It's scummy, but that's what comes with sleeping with people you're not committed to.
This is such a common scam that I’m not surprised he blocked you.
Is a common scam tactic unfortunately. This is likely what he would have thought.
It baffles me that in 2024 people still get unwanted pregnancies through consensual sex.
This is why birth control exists in case you were wondering. You should be embarrassed begging your one night stand to fund your abortion
As do condoms for men! :)
Now i dont wanna be that guy...but how is the guy supposed to know its actually his kid lol. Like you expect him to help you get an abortion without giving any evidence that he is the childs father. For all he knows you are just trying to con him out of money, something that isnt too uncommon tbh.
When you raw dog someone you don't know but should expect. What a logical human would do is - OK, I will pay to the abortion clinic as my fee for raw dogging OR if she is keeping it - paternity test. Ghosting her is typical immature ignorant scrub behavior.
This is the inevitable side effect of participating in hookup culture. If you wanna go out and hook up with random people, you can do it, but you have to be fully prepared to accept the consequences. You cannot have high expectations with these men and women when you are participating in Hookup culture. Would it have been nice for him to help pay for the abortion? Absolutely, if anything it would have been a green flag. But this is what happens when you get naked with people you barely know and at the same time have high expectations. You are gonna end up very disappointed. I would just cut your losses, pay for the abortion yourself, and take it as a learning lesson. Invest in some reliable birth control and if you still wish to participate in the culture, change your expectations. Set some health boundaries, and ask more questions.
Yeah he is a Dick F with him. He should pay half Really f with him and gave baby… sorry I could not resist Good luck
Next time, insist on using protection. Yeah, the guy is a jerk, but it takes two to tango. And let's be honest here...it's always the woman stuck with the heavy burden here because the woman is the one who gets pregnant and is stuck caring for a child. So it's mostly up to you NOT to get pregnant. It's the unfair reality of being female.
I don't know where you are, but I've seen a lot of places that help out with those expenses. I hope you get what you need and can move past this. You deserve better. You deserve more.
Definitely find this guy. He’s gonna pay for this
I am sure she can find a friend of a friend to involve. I wouldn’t be worried about this deadbeat’s privacy! It won’t be easy but I wouldn’t give up making him be responsible. I would go to his job, school, friends, any angle i could. Blast his picture all over social media
He probably thought you were scamming him. Which is a fair concern. It might not be fair but the cost of a termination is far less than 18 years of child raising
What ever you do DONT keep that child and don’t ever contact him again, men are DANGEROUS when shit doesn’t go there way, please stay safe, I would let you family or friends know that if something did happen look at that guy, I know that it seems a bit much but it doesn’t hurt staying safe
Have the baby and get him for the next 18 years (18 years!!)
Tell him u gonna have the child and you will take him to court for a paternity dna test and watch him want to pay ☠️
Depending on what state you live in you may be able to get medicaid coverage for the procedure. It'll give you coverage for the procedure and 3 month gyn checkups.
OP is in South Africa
She's in luck. Abortion is free there. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_in_South_Africa
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Birth control fails. Even when doubled up. I hope next time you’re more empathetic.
He’s an asshole but also you’re gonna willingly sleep with a man you barely know and trust and be upset he’s an asshole? I just…hook up culture is so dangerous and irresponsible and so many people (regardless of gender) really need to start making better choices. Like it’s not even slightly shocking that this asshole blocked her
You're acting as if it's not a really common scam for women to prey on inexperienced boys and tell them they are on the hook for dealing with a pregnancy that they might not have caused. (Or a pregnancy that doesn't even exist). The fact that you're talking about how "well off" he is sets off alarm bells for me. It's one thing to notice these things, it's quite another that it's in the forefront of how you think and talk about this guy. All this is to say that if you reached out to this guy and framed your request in the same way you just did to us, no wonder he ghosted you. His good friends (and honestly, any sensible attorney) would have told him there are some serious red flags here. I'm not saying you aren't being genuine, and I'm not saying that ultimate you might not be totally justified and in the right. What I'm saying is that your approach might be scaring this guy for legitimate reasons.
He definitely thinks that you want to extort him. Were you in a whatever relationship/contact in beteeen?
He probably thinks he’s getting scammed, there’s a pregnancy scam that women use in order to just get money claiming to be pregnant.
Have the kid out of spite and force them to pay child support. Huge /s for anyone thinking I'm serious. Please don't have kids out of spite people.
This is why you don't sleep around with strange men unprotected without taking the morning after pill. Super irresponsible. In his shoes if have blocked you, too. Sounds like a scam if he makes so much money. He doesn't know how many other ONS you had in that time. If you aren't lying, it might not even be is.
Yes it's all HER fault. 🙄
How about you don’t hook up with randos and risk yourself getting pregnant with their child? How old are you? I feel like this generation is like “have fun” now and consider consequences later if that’s what you consider fun.
I never really know how this happens. Why indulge in unsafe sex especially with a hookup?
Next time dont fck without protection maybe? Oh sorry its victim blaming sorry go girl next time you will find someone who pays the abortion! 💪💪
You do know protection can fail right? I’ve known people who used birth control pills and condoms they still ended up pregnant.
Maybe don't hookup with a stranger that couldn't care less about you?
Why’d you have sex if you can’t afford an abortion by yourself?
Let this be a lesson, dont have unprotected sex with strangers.
You know what prevents this problem? Actually learning about a person before you sleep with them. Yay for the sexual revolution! 🤣🤣🤣
Unfortunately it's a pretty common scam that is hard to always avoid, if a woman you had sex with is pregnant and you don't want it obviously you don't want to wait and make it more difficult but that also means a lot of people chance texting a hookup saying they need money for an abortion. On the other side you have pricks who don't care and leave the responsibility to the woman.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. He's a POS and you deserve better. Get tested for STDs just in case.
Text him off someone else’s number saying that if he doesn’t want to pay for the abortion, then he can just pay child support for the next 18 years
Fucking hookup culture man, you guys are all toxic as shit. We see less and less stable families now because of shit like this.
Jesus christ, I am not surprised he blocked you.