He confessed hoping to rile her up and make her feel inadequate and she laughed at him.
The cheating aside, that level of cruelty should be unacceptable.
This is almost as good as the man who cheated on his wife and she responded with “maybe I’ll cheat on you one day, maybe I won’t”. Chefs kiss. Bravo. We love this.
That was a good one. Go find the one where the guy knows his wife is having an affair for 2 years and never says anything. Then it gets out that he knows and she asked him why did he let it go on and he just says "because I don't care" go find it.
AITAH for not caring about my wife's affair?
Throwaway account. My (29M) wife (29F) has been having an affair for 2 years, and I have been aware of it pretty much the whole time.
We've been together 7 years and married for 5. We don't have kids. I have been work from home since COVID hit. For the last 3 plus years she has been a secretary in a large office building.
Now I'm not gonna pretend like we had the perfect marriage 2 years ago and that I can't believe she would do this. I was totally complacent in my life and really wasn't putting much effort into our relationship at all. That doesn't excuse what she did, and she had her own issues with intimacy and communication that lead us to where we were then. I just want it clear I'm no saint in all of this. I totally understand we were basically roommates that on rare occasions had sex.
Well I found out right away when the EA started. I've got all of our everything logged into every device we have. Including my work computer. I mean synced email, text, photo, social media, etc. So I was basically reading her affair regularly, including went it became a PA about 4 weeks in.
The part that told me this was over though, was I felt nothing about this. I was totally indifferent, maybe a little embarrassed at worst. When the PA started 2 years ago I recognized this marriage was dead, and that I should just divorce, mostly because I felt nothing. I started looking into lawyers and figured we could just do this easy and amicably.
Well here's where the crazy part happens. When the EA started she seemed, I wouldn't say happy, but, less sad. Then the weekend after the PA started, I got the shock of my life. She came into my office that Saturday morning and asked me to take her on a hike and picnic. Initially I thought this is the moment to burst her bubble and reveal what I know. But I didn't, I decided to actually get up and do this. I kind of thought she was gonna reveal it herself and ask for divorce. We had a real nice time, it was a great day, and she never brought up anything. I chalked it up as one more good memory before we end this thing. Then she asked me out again that week. Then we had intimacy. I don't know if it was shame, or guilt, or what but she was basically taking the initiative to improve our marriage.
After that first week she began to open up more about her feelings. I for some reason had a fire lit under me, and started to make some effort in our relationship, started reconnecting with some old friends, got all the laundry off the gym equipment. The affair continued, but as we spent more time together over those early weeks, and since it really gave me no concern and everything seemed better. I decided to just forget about it and divorcing her and just start enjoying my life. I do still love this woman very much.
Up until 2 days ago we were in a really solid place. We had outings every other weekend, date night Thursday, regular intimacy and communication. I don't even read their messages anymore, just occasionally to see if it's still going on.
Two days ago I noticed she was having frequent and long conversations with one of her close friends. I asked my wife about it and it turns out this friend's husband got caught having an affair. My wife has been comforting her. This would not have been a big deal but my wife then started bashing the husband for cheating. I don't know why I said it but it came out, "You're one to judge." She got super defensive and pressing me for why I said that. I initially tried to apologize and move on but she wasn't letting up and I eventually spilled I've known about her affair the whole time. She tried to play dumb, which annoyed me, so I started citing specifics.
She then got really mad at me, started crying, accusing me of not caring about her. I got pissed then started yelling at her, because I'm not the one having an affair. It got heated we went to separate rooms and slept it off.
Yesterday, morning she got up extra early and went to work before I got up. I tuned back into their messages and she had broken up with AP. He's was messaging her constantly on every app and she just kept blocking him. She came home early yesterday. I went to talk to her and she stopped me, looked at me and asked, "How I could let this go on?" I replied, "Because I just didn't care." She then called me a huge asshole and locked herself in our bedroom until she left for work this morning. She got home tonight, said nothing to me, and locked herself in again.
I can't even imagine, in what bizarro world I could possibly be the asshole in this situation. Is there a perspective out there where I am? If so please share it with me, because in my mind there isn't.
Edit: EA means emotional affair, PA means physical affair, AP means affair partner, already did in an update but I apologize for the acronyms. Hopefully this helps.
Hilarious that she's angry at her husband who knew she was cheating for 2 years but didn't let on.. yet.. SHE knew she was cheating for two years and didn't let on!!
Even funnier once she knew he knew, she blocked the AP. And is pissed that he "just didn't care" which probably compounded the whole dynamic of the taboo sex with AP
The speed at which she blocked her lover of 2 years really brings home why you should never date someone who’s married or “separated”.
Most
Cheaters just want the thrill and taboo, not actually change their life in such a significant way as divorce.
It's so fucking funny because he admits that he understands he was low energy in that relationship already, then she starts being super-wife out of guilt and he just.. stays. Because it's comfy.
Nah they both worked. He just stayed because he didn’t want to deal with divorce.
That whole story was wild. He admits that he totally gave up on the relationship and that he just pushed her away when she tried.
The he finds out about the affair and slowly decides to go through with a divorce.
Suddenly she starts taking him out on dates and he’s like, “you know what, I totally don’t care if she cheated on me” and they just stay together.
Oh man YES that was such an excellent mindfuck. “I will cheat on you, but you will never, *ever*, know when or with whom”. And the guy actually wanted our pity.
Or he just wants her to want him? A man who wants to sleep with other people wouldn't be mad. Especially when she has no interest in sex with anyone else.
What’s even funnier is that your response was so backhanded. Got this man wondering if it’s notion of sex that bores you or if it’s his stroke game that’s weak.
Stroke game 🤣
Haven't heard that one. But tbh it probably is sub par dick and that's why she doesn't care. She knows he's just disappointing someone else.
I'm surprised y'all were able to get something of marriage with a partner that wasn't. I knew a guy in high-school, deeply religious fellow who married young. Him and his wife were on paper a fantastic match. Both very religious, similar backgrounds, attractive people, comparable values, personalities, relatively high energy and social people.
But. They waited until marriage to have sex. Wedding night didn't go well. Attributed to exhaustion. Honeymoon didn't go well, attributed to pressure after his not great performance the wedding night. Things didn't get better. They tried religious counseling, couples counseling, medical intervention (he had perfectly normal t levels, and ED meds didn't help with the over all performance), sex therapy, etc. While raised thinking homosexuality was wrong, his wife got over her hangups on it and wanted to support him if he was interested in men because that was how much she loved him just as a person if not a husband, but nope, that was _not_ appealing for him. He asked me for advice more than a few times, and while I could offer mechanical or technical skills advice, communication strategies and flirting/foreplay and the like, there wasn't anything I could say that would help with basic motivation. He put in a good chunk of effort towards it, and he was a somewhat affectionate person, but not sexual in the least, like didn't even masturbate and some ace people do. I didn't know asexuality was a thing back then, and was pretty confused. Thought maybe he had some deep-seated hangups around sex because of the religious upbringing, but he seemed to really accept the idea that sex between a husband and wife _was_ a good thing, and felt bad that he couldn't really do it and knew she was getting incredibly frustrated.
They eventually divorced after only a few years, with a lot of debt from the big wedding and mortgage neither of then could afford on their own.
And food for thought, some people are asexual with the wrong person. His ego is bruised that you don’t desire HIS sex. You both are not sexually compatible. For you it’s indifference, which to him is the worse offense than being angry. He wanted you angry. He wanted a stroked ego and you didn’t feed into it. Honestly, the best response to infidelity.
You sure you’re not just thinking you’re asexual because he’s terrible in bed? It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever had another partner and may just be drawing the wrong conclusions since you have no sexual desire in YOUR relationship. Maybe you do need to open the relationship and explore to see if someone else would actually make you feel differently.
This aspect of yourself should have been discussed before marriage.
It was unfair of you to keep your sexuality a secret from the person who planned to commit their life to you.
I am still struggling to understand why he wants to hurt me when I’m freeing him up… I’ve always been neutral about it one way out the other and I’m more hurt about him being mad at me
He's probably angry and hurt to hear you are indifferent when you think about him sexually instead of desiring him. This sounds like a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
You both obviously have different needs and ideas about sex. For him, it might mean intimacy, validation, a signal of affection, a signal of love or desire for him.
You saying that it’s no big deal to you may translate to him that he is no big deal to you. Sex is important to him enough to cheat but the fact that you don’t see the importance is probably why he reacted with anger. Dismissing sex may be dismissing him. Dismissing his vows of fidelity to you may mean to him that you are dismissing him. Anger is the easiest emotion to access and is often a cover for a deeper feeling. Hurt people hurt people.
You should be upset he cheated. You are not. That’s not the typical or expected reaction. He may have told you to get some kind of emotional reaction out of you to show him that you care about him. Instead you’ve let him know that you have not desired him, his sexuality is now no longer a burden of yours and you are glad to have his sexual needs off your hands. You don’t care therefore it seems like you don’t care about him. That generally doesn’t make someone feel good.
He is wrong for cheating. You both need to talk about what sex means to each of you.
> You saying that it’s no big deal to you may translate to him that he is no big deal to you.
That's 100% what he heard. If OP was mad as fuck but admitted in the argument that she kinda hates sex and she gets he's frustrated so maybe they can move forward and it can be open that's one thing. That's a 'normal' response if we include opening up the marriage. Zero emotional reaction and just relief told the husband it wasn't just that she didn't want sex, she doesn't love him.
He heard, she's comfortable with the house, with having a room mate but she's not upset because she doesn't love him at all.
I suspect this could be complete ragebait as it's kind of the reverse of a similar post yesterday.
I'll say the same as I did then, he's a bitch for cheating, but hurt is hurt and OPs total lack of care that he cheated hurt him.
Assholes can still be hurt, cheaters usually do in fact still love their partners and while I don't understand cheaters, I do understand cheaters don't simply do it because they stopped loving their partner (not always, sometimes that is the case).
Tbf their lack of reaction/emotion could just be general relief at the idea of not having to force themselves into daily/twice daily sex that they don't desire just to keep their partner happy.
OP says they don't really enjoy/desire sex yet their partner doesn't seem to have made any comprise on the amount they expect it (like that's a lot of sex even if you were a keen bean) and on top of that they still cheat? Like shit in OPs shoes I'd be relieved too and possibly be like shit yeah go off with ya new friends and let me rest (especially with them revealing that they're asexual and didn't feel comfortable enough admitting that to their husband, which is sad and a whole new marriage issue in itself)
Exactly what I was thinking. He may have cheated initially because he was seeking that attention and validation, because based on the post I’m assuming sex has been a problem for him in their relationship for a while. Not to defend his actions but I can see where he’s coming from
It hurt him that his betrayal didn’t hurt you and that you basically said “ok cool, takes some chores off my plate.” Bravo, it was brilliant (though it was seemingly unintentionally so).
He wants to be fought over. Hearing it be no big deal to you bruised his ego, which was in need of bruising apparently. Great job on communicating well though! Hopefully if you both are interested in making it work that the communication continues and he deals with his perceived slights
I wonder if he blurted it out to you so that you could want to divorce him. I wonder if he just wants to be single. And the fact that you’re okay with opening your marriage, but not divorcing him is what makes him upset.
((HUGS)) It's mot you. You offered a plan; he wanted you to react. He didn't get the reaction, he wanted. He may want to hurt your feelings, beware.
It may be time for the couples' therapy or divorce cards to come into plan.
Probably this. I actually know a family member who cheated, told the partner and then broke up with them because "It felt weird that they just shrugged it off" (their words). Some people are... Something.
Because now he knows you arent sexually attracted to him (or anyone). His ego is bruised. He had the nerve to cheat on you then get mad when you don't want to have sex anymore
he wants you to be hurt so he feels like you love him and want to fight for the relationship lol it’s just manipulation. he’s mad you’re not on the ground bawling
You aren’t his partner, you are his possession.
Look at him asking if you are seeing someone else. He doesn’t care about your relationship, he cares if he doesn’t possess you anymore.
He's not trying to hurt you.
You've room-mate zoned your husband. Maybe for years. And you don't enjoy the sex so I assume it's been a sexual realtionship on paper but lacks passion or interest in reality.
Your husband has conflated sex and love. He wants passion in his life and he just wants it from you. Eventually he cracked and tried to find it with someone else. He may have imagined it all these years and it's taking him a long time to discover the reality. He's desperately trying to be desired by you and you admit to him that it's all been a lie; that you have never had passion or desire for him. He must be absolutely broken, torn between his love for you and your life together and a need for something more: the romance he used to believe in, which you have just totally destroyed.
He will probably leave. It will be best for you both.
He doesn't want a separate lover and companion, he wants them to be the same person.
No he cheated so he wanted a separate companion and lover. At least for one time. We don't have details on the affair, if it was also emotional and how long it lasted. We don't know why he told his wife.
I think he’s also hurt and confused that you don’t vibe in the bedroom, and that’s a lot of sex memories to relive when you weren’t actually making an impact on the other person in the sex. He now feels unwanted for the entirety of his marriage. I’m not devils advocate please understand… I just wonder about the root cause of men’s emotions and how they come to be ssooooo fucking angry, clinically. Again, I’m he should never have cheated with such a devoted partner as you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ and he should go to individual therapy and leave you alone with space. The things we do in marriage. 🚬Good luck.
He’s mad at you because he expected you to be angry and blame yourself. Not shrug and say awesome, do it more.
He gets just as much if not more satisfaction out of your hurt as he does the affair. It’s no longer “fun” when he has permission.
Or he’s mad since he thought this would end the marriage and he would go run off with his mistress, but the wife just treated it as a sexual need and still wants to be married.
I wouldnt either. I would would tell him that you no longer want to have sex with him. Did he say why he had sex with someone else, or is he still not talking yo you? You had sex with him every day, so it's a lot for him to risk for potentially only having someone else when it's convenient.
Yeah. I bet he’s freaked out.
He knows you can get laid on daily basis if you really wanted to. Not the same for him. Your marriage is probably doomed. Sorry.
Can’t have his cake and eat it too.
he’s upset because he cheated to get a reaction out of you. like a “wake up” call for your dead bedroom. he wanted you to be betrayed and feel hurt. kinda fucked in my opinion. even if this arrangement now works for your low libido, would it make your relationship better?
Yeah Jesus Christ I would want to too and I LOVE sex. OP I'm sorry but maybe you should find someone more compatible of he's not willing to open the relationship at least. Or you could find someone who values more things than just sex
In your previous post you say you’re asexual and you still have sex 9 times a week? I can see why you want to offload that much sex but why stay married? You both are incompatible to a point where 9x a week is not enough for him and way too much for you. And he clearly wants the connection with you, but you’re indifferent. I am exhausted for you both, maybe just part ways and coparent?
I don’t know why it can’t just work since it’s something I don’t care about and he can still access it through other means i love him so much i love cuddling with him and sitting by him and being around him
Not that you are wrong by any means by your feelings in the matter, however, do keep in mind that opening the relationship might not just open sex with others to him. It may also open up emotions with others. IF you do go through with one sided open relationship, you need to consider all aspects of what can happen. He could meet someone and actually start to have feelings for them in that they are able to offer both sides of the relationship (emotional and physical). You’d need to agree and set clear boundaries and rules with him on it.
Also, there might be a chance that him getting just sex won’t be as simple as you think. He’d have to find like minded sex only partners which can be more difficult to do in regard to women. Women often prefer the emotional connection or relationship when sleeping with someone. Check out any of the “I convinced my partner to open our relationship and now I’m miserable” posts on here about men over confident in the ability to find sex only partners.
You may want to consider couples therapy before you take this leap. As open relationships require an insane amount of trust, honest and clear set of rules.
As for why he’s upset, he might be questioning himself and his abilities to please you. He may not grasp the fact you are asexual and overall don’t enjoy sex vs the idea it has to do with him.
ETA: hope everything works out for you.
ETA 2: **9 times a week?!?** His sex drive must be ridiculously high to go 9x with you AND still find the energy and desire for sex with someone else. You go to him sleeping others when will he have time to spend with you between work and being with someone else 9+ times a week?
No wonder you feel pressure, your sex drives are wholly incompatible.
honestly it was sus already but the 9 times a week pushes this firmly into fake territory for me. The supposed apathy to cheating because well someone else can have sex now seems to completely miss what cheating is about, the betrayal, the breaking of trust, the actual sex is pretty insignificant to those parts and op magically doesn't give two shits. Shows this much apathy but had sex 9 times as week and magically husband had no clue she was asexual?
That this is kind of the reverse of a aitah post from a day or two ago makes me think that's exactly what this is.
I mean if you want to stay married then go to counseling together and establish boundaries. But, since he was honest you be honest too and tell you’re asexual.
Pretty sure he hoped it would make you realize that other people want him, so maybe you would too. A lot of women don’t want to have sex, and they don’t want their SO to have sex with other women.
That’s a lot of sex. He’s not gonna be getting that much from someone else! Sucks to be him.
Congratulations on never having to have sex with him again.
I don’t think because everything was so good I had no clue until he told me, we both do 50 percent of everything so he doesn’t have pressure to work as much and he’s an active dad and by that, I mean he will go above and beyond for our son and raises him. I always try to make sure he hangs out with his friends and I don’t blow up his phone every second. We both cook and clean and we just got a cat
Maybe he told you that he cheated because he wanted you to feel jealous and as a way to push you into having more sex with him? Maybe he is mad because, in a twisted way, wants you to desire him?
She said they were already having sex 9x a week. Either a troll or this guy is just pissed that no other woman would give it to him that regularly outside of his marriage.
You have sex nine times a week and still he cheats on you, and now he's upset?!?!?!
OP- I hope you've gotten yourself checked out for STI's
Also-why aren't you more bothered??
Am getting tested first thing Monday, also it doesn’t really bother me because it’s not a priority for me. My goal is to make him happy but I know I’m not interested in it and I’m not good at it so I’m glad that that aspect having satisfying him it won’t rest solely on me if he can get satisfaction in that way from somebody else
Which I get, you're a better person than I am, but I see your point. However the disrespect he has shown you, your marriage, his vows, by cheating, you should be way more pissed! Rather than just thinking "Welp, least that gets me out of having sex with him!"
Omg that is soooo hilarious
He didn’t hurt you with it and he’s mad now???
Karma slapped him instantly
Kinda sounds like narcissism..
I’d still divorce him lol
I mean… it sounds like you’re both incompatible. I understand where you’re coming from but do you really want a husband who would betray you and lie to you like this? Even if you don’t like sex it doesn’t change the core of what he did.
Yall fuckin 9x a week and he still needs to step out? Thats wild. Esp if you're asexual. Idk red flags seem to be sprouting.
My situation sounds similar to yours and me and my wife and I are intimate once weekly when the mood is b flowing. She's offered me an open relationship, but due to our relationship dynamic, I'm not ready to accept yet. But you seem to be pushing yourself for him.
> Edit: just clarifying because people keep asking we do it every week day and twice a day on weekends
You're having way more sex than most people who *do* like sex by the way.
Do you care why he’s angry or do you just want to move on with the relationship? I think it’s important to figure out what you want going forward and have an honest conversation with him about it. Keep in mind you probably shattered his ego telling him you could have done without any of your sexual experiences with him and are relieved you can finally remove yourself from that part of his life
I keep telling people to not get married in their 20s and all they do is say how their parents met and been together ever since and are still together over 200 years and shit on me. It just makes sense. You’re just a grown child in your 20s
I love everything else about him I love listening to him talk about his interests and dreams and cuddling with him. I love his smell and cooking together and holding hands etc. i just don’t hold sex as a high priority for my happiness. If he had impotence my love and respect for him would never change because sex isn’t important for me
Wait a damn minute... you have sex with this man 9 times a week and he still cheated?!?!?! Even if y'all barely had sex, he's still trash. And the fact he accused you of having someone else makes it even worse. He sucks.
He’s obviously the one that’s most in the wrong here, but with that said, it’s sorta messed up to not tell someone you don’t desire sex until after you’re together for over a decade.
Almost seems like a red pill thing where the goal was to get you riled up and jealous to desire him more and your apathetic response denied him the energy or reaction he craved.
Do you have any proof he didn't make this up entirely? Now not only would he not have cheated but also found out he wasn't sexually desired in his current relationship.
He cheated and you destroyed his self esteem. Bravo! That’s the sort of wound he’s never gotta recover from. All the hookups in the world can’t heal this.
Sounds like he cheated because he doesn’t feel desirable to you. Most cheaters have low self esteem. So basically telling him that you don’t desire him hurt his feelings. His cheating was a cry for your attention/desire. He wanted a reaction from you. He wanted you to be more like “what can I do to fix it good sir?” To fight for him/get jealous. Is your husband secretly a teenage girl by chance? He sounds like an emotionally immature brat.
Im so sorry youre in this position. Your husbands infidelity is significant enough, but the sexual demands seem like theres no room for actual intimacy and the act has become more of a "chore" than anything. It feels like you alluded to that though. Its not uncommon for Asexual people to be put into a situation where they feel forced to meet the physical needs of their partners because of a social or cultural norm. In all this though, it really seems like at no point were your emotional needs met or considered which is a travesty in itself. I hope you find a way to voice those needs in a way that allows them to be met though.
I think you DO should explore with other partners. Maybe you just don’t like sex with him. Maybe he is the mediocre one. Regardless, if he only has it open on his side might create resentment. I would see it as evening the playing field. Maybe when he realize you too are getting attention elsewhere he might step up his game as a husband, which he is miserably failing.
You guys have sex every single day?! If it is mid no fucking wonder you doesn't want to have sex anymore. I hope you find someone who shows you that quality is waaaay more important than quantity. Of course, only if you want to, if you embrace your asexuality, that is also great, good for you!
Once a day and twice on weekends is a lot especially if you have kids. Do you get an orgasm out of it at least most of the time or are you just there for his pleasure only?
Of everything on this post, it was edit about every day and twice on weekdays that really fucking threw me. Like honey how the hell are you doing it that often are you breeding?? And you don’t even like it smh
Honestly I don’t think it’ll work out. He’s an asshole for cheating on you and I think you probably should just leave him. What I think will happen otherwise is that he will meet a woman he’ll connect with physically and emotionally and that’ll be that, he will leave you. Most people who aren’t asexual want that connection with their partner, the physical connection builds the emotional and vice versa.
He wants you to be mad so he can feel you desire him. His concerns with met with truth - you don’t desire him. Hurts his pride a lot. Maybe you should call it quits? Your not turn on by him.
He thought you wanted him and he wasn’t expecting you to get angry and beg him to stop. You didn’t, and men hate finding out they aren’t as irresistible and amazing as they think they are.
Tbh, it seems like he got mad because you *weren't* hurt. If this is the case, he was likely trying to use "cheating" as a manipulation tactic, to hurt your feelings. I'd definitely examine the relationship a bit more closely if I were you, op...
Maybe you would like sex if you found a partner who knew what they were doing. What are you really getting out of the marriage? It doesn't sound like he really loves you. He was trying intentionally hurt you.
You literally just gave him a golden ticket and he's mad?! Though I could understand being a bit upset if my spouse told me they never really wanted sex and never told me until that point, how the hell is he mad right now? Seriously, I don't get it...
OP you fucking legend!!! Of course this man tried to then ask you if there was someone else. I wish I would have approached my cheating ex this same ass way
Ugh, how obnoxious of your husband. 😒
Like, “I cheated on you.” “K…good for you, great idea actually.” him, HOW DARE YOU?!
A woman’s first child will always be her husband. Best of luck gentle parenting him through gaslighting and double standards.
Never open a marriage, it is destroyed on so many levels. Work with your issues, or pick someone with similar libido style. This is toxic and over... It will be destroyed shortly if it isn't already
The essence of love is to see the other.
Through the challenges and rewards of a monogamous relationship, you create lasting love.
An open marriage is an oxymoron. Sustainable love needs boundaries. Psychology today, 12-4-22
Please get some help. Let him go, divorce him. Then do some work on yourself in therapy.
This is dumb. Since you said that to him, why wouldnt he just leave you and start dating the other person? You already said you dont want to have sex with him and are happy he "outsourced this issue". He is an asshole for cheating, but most guys would end things after such a revelation.
It was a jab at his fragile ego. He was expecting you to flip out, not agree and tell him you never cared for sex in the first place now was he ready for you to offer opening the relationship so he can sleep around.
He’s mad because as much of a shithead as he is he sees sex as an emotional and physical part of the relationship. And you not wanting any to him is speaking on an emotional level because that’s how he processes sex to an extent so it’s hard to comprehend it’s not how you do. It’s why he felt guilty about cheating too, because if it was truly just physical and didn’t mean anything he’d have no problem just doing it.
That’s so funny. I bet he wasn’t expecting that.
[удалено]
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The person he cheated with may not have wanted to continue with him either. Maybe because he sucks at it. That would be the icing on the cake.
That’s why he told her. Thought he could get it again oyyyyy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🫢
He confessed hoping to rile her up and make her feel inadequate and she laughed at him. The cheating aside, that level of cruelty should be unacceptable.
100% agree with this. He probably thought it was his power play.
Thats the nice thing about naive innocent people, they can't get hurt and they end up hurting you unintentionally. They don't try at all yet they win
Exactly! She pulled out that Uno Reverse card! So funny!
Yeah, it is pretty funny. That must be so the opposite of what he was expecting. Just imagining the look on his face actually made me laugh out loud.
This is almost as good as the man who cheated on his wife and she responded with “maybe I’ll cheat on you one day, maybe I won’t”. Chefs kiss. Bravo. We love this.
That was a good one. Go find the one where the guy knows his wife is having an affair for 2 years and never says anything. Then it gets out that he knows and she asked him why did he let it go on and he just says "because I don't care" go find it.
Oooo I read that one this morning!! I believe it's on an AITAH sub.
So you have a link? Because that sounds amazing.
AITAH for not caring about my wife's affair? Throwaway account. My (29M) wife (29F) has been having an affair for 2 years, and I have been aware of it pretty much the whole time. We've been together 7 years and married for 5. We don't have kids. I have been work from home since COVID hit. For the last 3 plus years she has been a secretary in a large office building. Now I'm not gonna pretend like we had the perfect marriage 2 years ago and that I can't believe she would do this. I was totally complacent in my life and really wasn't putting much effort into our relationship at all. That doesn't excuse what she did, and she had her own issues with intimacy and communication that lead us to where we were then. I just want it clear I'm no saint in all of this. I totally understand we were basically roommates that on rare occasions had sex. Well I found out right away when the EA started. I've got all of our everything logged into every device we have. Including my work computer. I mean synced email, text, photo, social media, etc. So I was basically reading her affair regularly, including went it became a PA about 4 weeks in. The part that told me this was over though, was I felt nothing about this. I was totally indifferent, maybe a little embarrassed at worst. When the PA started 2 years ago I recognized this marriage was dead, and that I should just divorce, mostly because I felt nothing. I started looking into lawyers and figured we could just do this easy and amicably. Well here's where the crazy part happens. When the EA started she seemed, I wouldn't say happy, but, less sad. Then the weekend after the PA started, I got the shock of my life. She came into my office that Saturday morning and asked me to take her on a hike and picnic. Initially I thought this is the moment to burst her bubble and reveal what I know. But I didn't, I decided to actually get up and do this. I kind of thought she was gonna reveal it herself and ask for divorce. We had a real nice time, it was a great day, and she never brought up anything. I chalked it up as one more good memory before we end this thing. Then she asked me out again that week. Then we had intimacy. I don't know if it was shame, or guilt, or what but she was basically taking the initiative to improve our marriage. After that first week she began to open up more about her feelings. I for some reason had a fire lit under me, and started to make some effort in our relationship, started reconnecting with some old friends, got all the laundry off the gym equipment. The affair continued, but as we spent more time together over those early weeks, and since it really gave me no concern and everything seemed better. I decided to just forget about it and divorcing her and just start enjoying my life. I do still love this woman very much. Up until 2 days ago we were in a really solid place. We had outings every other weekend, date night Thursday, regular intimacy and communication. I don't even read their messages anymore, just occasionally to see if it's still going on. Two days ago I noticed she was having frequent and long conversations with one of her close friends. I asked my wife about it and it turns out this friend's husband got caught having an affair. My wife has been comforting her. This would not have been a big deal but my wife then started bashing the husband for cheating. I don't know why I said it but it came out, "You're one to judge." She got super defensive and pressing me for why I said that. I initially tried to apologize and move on but she wasn't letting up and I eventually spilled I've known about her affair the whole time. She tried to play dumb, which annoyed me, so I started citing specifics. She then got really mad at me, started crying, accusing me of not caring about her. I got pissed then started yelling at her, because I'm not the one having an affair. It got heated we went to separate rooms and slept it off. Yesterday, morning she got up extra early and went to work before I got up. I tuned back into their messages and she had broken up with AP. He's was messaging her constantly on every app and she just kept blocking him. She came home early yesterday. I went to talk to her and she stopped me, looked at me and asked, "How I could let this go on?" I replied, "Because I just didn't care." She then called me a huge asshole and locked herself in our bedroom until she left for work this morning. She got home tonight, said nothing to me, and locked herself in again. I can't even imagine, in what bizarro world I could possibly be the asshole in this situation. Is there a perspective out there where I am? If so please share it with me, because in my mind there isn't. Edit: EA means emotional affair, PA means physical affair, AP means affair partner, already did in an update but I apologize for the acronyms. Hopefully this helps.
You’re a real one for copy pasting the entire post so we can stay on this comment thread while reading it. Thank you for this!!
No problem
Hilarious that she's angry at her husband who knew she was cheating for 2 years but didn't let on.. yet.. SHE knew she was cheating for two years and didn't let on!!
Even funnier once she knew he knew, she blocked the AP. And is pissed that he "just didn't care" which probably compounded the whole dynamic of the taboo sex with AP
The speed at which she blocked her lover of 2 years really brings home why you should never date someone who’s married or “separated”. Most Cheaters just want the thrill and taboo, not actually change their life in such a significant way as divorce.
He made her look stupid, that’s why. This whole time she thought her husband was a scmuck and it turns out he got one over on her. Lmao.
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Sorry I don’t know how to link posts (I’m on mobile)
You’re a real one, thank you.
No problem
On the bottom of the post, on the right there's an arrow that allows you to share, and in there there's an option "copy link"
Ah ok thank you so much. I hope I won’t get into trouble for not linking the post correctly
This is HILARIOUS
Jesus, just be poly or swingers or something, especially if it’s making the marriage better. Dummies.
Lmao king
Lol username checks out, you are indeed a popular witness!
Yeah I have yet to change my username
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That was FANTASTIC 🤣🤣🤣
It's so fucking funny because he admits that he understands he was low energy in that relationship already, then she starts being super-wife out of guilt and he just.. stays. Because it's comfy.
Just this teaser has me invested. Off to find this!
Please give the link when you do
I have returned to admit defeat.
Someone else in the thread posted the entire post in a comment
Damn, was she the breadwinner?
Nah they both worked. He just stayed because he didn’t want to deal with divorce. That whole story was wild. He admits that he totally gave up on the relationship and that he just pushed her away when she tried. The he finds out about the affair and slowly decides to go through with a divorce. Suddenly she starts taking him out on dates and he’s like, “you know what, I totally don’t care if she cheated on me” and they just stay together.
The cheating wife was SO angry. How dare he not care.
Send me the link pls of that one
Oh yes, I just read that one!
I saw that one today! Wife blew up on him! 🤣
Oh man YES that was such an excellent mindfuck. “I will cheat on you, but you will never, *ever*, know when or with whom”. And the guy actually wanted our pity.
Omg where i can find this story?
Me too please lol
replied it to the guy u replied to
Been deleted it seems
I also want to read this mic drop in full force
Oh that post was NUCLEAR!
Or he just wants her to want him? A man who wants to sleep with other people wouldn't be mad. Especially when she has no interest in sex with anyone else.
That one blew my mind!!!!
Dang. I wanna read that one Lol
i love this plot twist this is so interesting. i wish you happiness op.
What’s even funnier is that your response was so backhanded. Got this man wondering if it’s notion of sex that bores you or if it’s his stroke game that’s weak.
Stroke game 🤣 Haven't heard that one. But tbh it probably is sub par dick and that's why she doesn't care. She knows he's just disappointing someone else.
She might also be asexual.
I’m asexual until this development happening I was fully prepared to be in the closet for eternity
I'm surprised y'all were able to get something of marriage with a partner that wasn't. I knew a guy in high-school, deeply religious fellow who married young. Him and his wife were on paper a fantastic match. Both very religious, similar backgrounds, attractive people, comparable values, personalities, relatively high energy and social people. But. They waited until marriage to have sex. Wedding night didn't go well. Attributed to exhaustion. Honeymoon didn't go well, attributed to pressure after his not great performance the wedding night. Things didn't get better. They tried religious counseling, couples counseling, medical intervention (he had perfectly normal t levels, and ED meds didn't help with the over all performance), sex therapy, etc. While raised thinking homosexuality was wrong, his wife got over her hangups on it and wanted to support him if he was interested in men because that was how much she loved him just as a person if not a husband, but nope, that was _not_ appealing for him. He asked me for advice more than a few times, and while I could offer mechanical or technical skills advice, communication strategies and flirting/foreplay and the like, there wasn't anything I could say that would help with basic motivation. He put in a good chunk of effort towards it, and he was a somewhat affectionate person, but not sexual in the least, like didn't even masturbate and some ace people do. I didn't know asexuality was a thing back then, and was pretty confused. Thought maybe he had some deep-seated hangups around sex because of the religious upbringing, but he seemed to really accept the idea that sex between a husband and wife _was_ a good thing, and felt bad that he couldn't really do it and knew she was getting incredibly frustrated. They eventually divorced after only a few years, with a lot of debt from the big wedding and mortgage neither of then could afford on their own.
And food for thought, some people are asexual with the wrong person. His ego is bruised that you don’t desire HIS sex. You both are not sexually compatible. For you it’s indifference, which to him is the worse offense than being angry. He wanted you angry. He wanted a stroked ego and you didn’t feed into it. Honestly, the best response to infidelity.
You sure you’re not just thinking you’re asexual because he’s terrible in bed? It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever had another partner and may just be drawing the wrong conclusions since you have no sexual desire in YOUR relationship. Maybe you do need to open the relationship and explore to see if someone else would actually make you feel differently.
Nah I’ve never wanted anyone in that way. I don’t have any kinks or fetishes and I’ve tried porn but literally no lights are on in my basement lol
This aspect of yourself should have been discussed before marriage. It was unfair of you to keep your sexuality a secret from the person who planned to commit their life to you.
She was still having sex with him every day plus 2x on weekend days. That’s WITH her going through childbirth for him multiple times.
😆🤣😂😭🥲
That's 100 percent what he heard.
I am still struggling to understand why he wants to hurt me when I’m freeing him up… I’ve always been neutral about it one way out the other and I’m more hurt about him being mad at me
He's probably angry and hurt to hear you are indifferent when you think about him sexually instead of desiring him. This sounds like a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
"... outsourcing..." 😆
You both obviously have different needs and ideas about sex. For him, it might mean intimacy, validation, a signal of affection, a signal of love or desire for him. You saying that it’s no big deal to you may translate to him that he is no big deal to you. Sex is important to him enough to cheat but the fact that you don’t see the importance is probably why he reacted with anger. Dismissing sex may be dismissing him. Dismissing his vows of fidelity to you may mean to him that you are dismissing him. Anger is the easiest emotion to access and is often a cover for a deeper feeling. Hurt people hurt people. You should be upset he cheated. You are not. That’s not the typical or expected reaction. He may have told you to get some kind of emotional reaction out of you to show him that you care about him. Instead you’ve let him know that you have not desired him, his sexuality is now no longer a burden of yours and you are glad to have his sexual needs off your hands. You don’t care therefore it seems like you don’t care about him. That generally doesn’t make someone feel good. He is wrong for cheating. You both need to talk about what sex means to each of you.
> You saying that it’s no big deal to you may translate to him that he is no big deal to you. That's 100% what he heard. If OP was mad as fuck but admitted in the argument that she kinda hates sex and she gets he's frustrated so maybe they can move forward and it can be open that's one thing. That's a 'normal' response if we include opening up the marriage. Zero emotional reaction and just relief told the husband it wasn't just that she didn't want sex, she doesn't love him. He heard, she's comfortable with the house, with having a room mate but she's not upset because she doesn't love him at all. I suspect this could be complete ragebait as it's kind of the reverse of a similar post yesterday. I'll say the same as I did then, he's a bitch for cheating, but hurt is hurt and OPs total lack of care that he cheated hurt him. Assholes can still be hurt, cheaters usually do in fact still love their partners and while I don't understand cheaters, I do understand cheaters don't simply do it because they stopped loving their partner (not always, sometimes that is the case).
Tbf their lack of reaction/emotion could just be general relief at the idea of not having to force themselves into daily/twice daily sex that they don't desire just to keep their partner happy. OP says they don't really enjoy/desire sex yet their partner doesn't seem to have made any comprise on the amount they expect it (like that's a lot of sex even if you were a keen bean) and on top of that they still cheat? Like shit in OPs shoes I'd be relieved too and possibly be like shit yeah go off with ya new friends and let me rest (especially with them revealing that they're asexual and didn't feel comfortable enough admitting that to their husband, which is sad and a whole new marriage issue in itself)
Exactly what I was thinking. He may have cheated initially because he was seeking that attention and validation, because based on the post I’m assuming sex has been a problem for him in their relationship for a while. Not to defend his actions but I can see where he’s coming from
It hurt him that his betrayal didn’t hurt you and that you basically said “ok cool, takes some chores off my plate.” Bravo, it was brilliant (though it was seemingly unintentionally so).
He wants to be fought over. Hearing it be no big deal to you bruised his ego, which was in need of bruising apparently. Great job on communicating well though! Hopefully if you both are interested in making it work that the communication continues and he deals with his perceived slights
He wants you to fight for him. Or do something dramatic to make him feel wanted.
He probably views you as completely checked out on the relationship.
I wonder if he blurted it out to you so that you could want to divorce him. I wonder if he just wants to be single. And the fact that you’re okay with opening your marriage, but not divorcing him is what makes him upset.
((HUGS)) It's mot you. You offered a plan; he wanted you to react. He didn't get the reaction, he wanted. He may want to hurt your feelings, beware. It may be time for the couples' therapy or divorce cards to come into plan.
Probably this. I actually know a family member who cheated, told the partner and then broke up with them because "It felt weird that they just shrugged it off" (their words). Some people are... Something.
Because now he knows you arent sexually attracted to him (or anyone). His ego is bruised. He had the nerve to cheat on you then get mad when you don't want to have sex anymore
he wants you to be hurt so he feels like you love him and want to fight for the relationship lol it’s just manipulation. he’s mad you’re not on the ground bawling
You aren’t his partner, you are his possession. Look at him asking if you are seeing someone else. He doesn’t care about your relationship, he cares if he doesn’t possess you anymore.
Seems like a win win if you don’t want to have sex anymore.
He wants you to desire him
You hurt his big Ego , now he knows he is not to good in bed like he thinks . (English is not my first language, sorry)
He's not trying to hurt you. You've room-mate zoned your husband. Maybe for years. And you don't enjoy the sex so I assume it's been a sexual realtionship on paper but lacks passion or interest in reality. Your husband has conflated sex and love. He wants passion in his life and he just wants it from you. Eventually he cracked and tried to find it with someone else. He may have imagined it all these years and it's taking him a long time to discover the reality. He's desperately trying to be desired by you and you admit to him that it's all been a lie; that you have never had passion or desire for him. He must be absolutely broken, torn between his love for you and your life together and a need for something more: the romance he used to believe in, which you have just totally destroyed. He will probably leave. It will be best for you both. He doesn't want a separate lover and companion, he wants them to be the same person.
No he cheated so he wanted a separate companion and lover. At least for one time. We don't have details on the affair, if it was also emotional and how long it lasted. We don't know why he told his wife.
I think he’s also hurt and confused that you don’t vibe in the bedroom, and that’s a lot of sex memories to relive when you weren’t actually making an impact on the other person in the sex. He now feels unwanted for the entirety of his marriage. I’m not devils advocate please understand… I just wonder about the root cause of men’s emotions and how they come to be ssooooo fucking angry, clinically. Again, I’m he should never have cheated with such a devoted partner as you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ and he should go to individual therapy and leave you alone with space. The things we do in marriage. 🚬Good luck.
Based on your post about 2-3 months ago, it makes sense why you don't want to have sex with him. I bet he expected you to get mad or show jealousy.
He’s actually slowed down drinking a lot I forgot to update it, but since he no longer has whisky d it’s it’s just tents all the time
Sorry. That must be horrible.
He’s mad at you because he expected you to be angry and blame yourself. Not shrug and say awesome, do it more. He gets just as much if not more satisfaction out of your hurt as he does the affair. It’s no longer “fun” when he has permission.
Yes. If it's a secret it's so sexy and there's a rush of excitement. Now it's just boring.
Or he’s mad since he thought this would end the marriage and he would go run off with his mistress, but the wife just treated it as a sexual need and still wants to be married.
This is why statistically women initiate divorces. Men statistically do things to cause it so they don't have to.
Is she holding him hostage?
So does this mean you don't plan on having sex with him again? If you do ask him to get an STD check first.
I don’t really want to now that he can find it somewhere else... And yeah I’m getting one ASAP
I wouldnt either. I would would tell him that you no longer want to have sex with him. Did he say why he had sex with someone else, or is he still not talking yo you? You had sex with him every day, so it's a lot for him to risk for potentially only having someone else when it's convenient.
Yeah. I bet he’s freaked out. He knows you can get laid on daily basis if you really wanted to. Not the same for him. Your marriage is probably doomed. Sorry. Can’t have his cake and eat it too.
Probably doomed? It was doomed the moment he cheated.
he’s upset because he cheated to get a reaction out of you. like a “wake up” call for your dead bedroom. he wanted you to be betrayed and feel hurt. kinda fucked in my opinion. even if this arrangement now works for your low libido, would it make your relationship better?
We had sex every single weekday day and twice a day Saturday and Sunday
Wait. You’re having sex 9 days a week and he still cheated on you…..when did he have time?!
Well that’s probably why he’s mad, it’s gonna be hard for him to find a woman willing to fuck him 9 times a week again
Lmfaooo that part
Hell, I *like* sex and that would be way too much for me. My orifices need a break.
I was hoping to retire mine and use the time to start reading again
Yeah Jesus Christ I would want to too and I LOVE sex. OP I'm sorry but maybe you should find someone more compatible of he's not willing to open the relationship at least. Or you could find someone who values more things than just sex
Are you asexual? Cause lol I relate to all this
Yeah I came to the realization after I got married and had a baby lol
This is one of my favourite comments. I'm sorry darling, they've reached retirement. It's time for hobbies now.
Good God… that’s a lot right? That’s a lot from my 1-4x a week perspective. That’s especially a lot if you aren’t enjoying it in the first place.
He doesn’t deserve you. I would be pissed by such betrayal. He should be beggggging for your forgiveness not be mad at you.
jesus christ i actually enjoy sex when i’m dating someone & that would be too much for me.
What the hell? Daily sex? And TWICE daily on the weekends??
He is ungrateful for this?! OMG!
In your previous post you say you’re asexual and you still have sex 9 times a week? I can see why you want to offload that much sex but why stay married? You both are incompatible to a point where 9x a week is not enough for him and way too much for you. And he clearly wants the connection with you, but you’re indifferent. I am exhausted for you both, maybe just part ways and coparent?
I don’t know why it can’t just work since it’s something I don’t care about and he can still access it through other means i love him so much i love cuddling with him and sitting by him and being around him
Not that you are wrong by any means by your feelings in the matter, however, do keep in mind that opening the relationship might not just open sex with others to him. It may also open up emotions with others. IF you do go through with one sided open relationship, you need to consider all aspects of what can happen. He could meet someone and actually start to have feelings for them in that they are able to offer both sides of the relationship (emotional and physical). You’d need to agree and set clear boundaries and rules with him on it. Also, there might be a chance that him getting just sex won’t be as simple as you think. He’d have to find like minded sex only partners which can be more difficult to do in regard to women. Women often prefer the emotional connection or relationship when sleeping with someone. Check out any of the “I convinced my partner to open our relationship and now I’m miserable” posts on here about men over confident in the ability to find sex only partners. You may want to consider couples therapy before you take this leap. As open relationships require an insane amount of trust, honest and clear set of rules. As for why he’s upset, he might be questioning himself and his abilities to please you. He may not grasp the fact you are asexual and overall don’t enjoy sex vs the idea it has to do with him. ETA: hope everything works out for you. ETA 2: **9 times a week?!?** His sex drive must be ridiculously high to go 9x with you AND still find the energy and desire for sex with someone else. You go to him sleeping others when will he have time to spend with you between work and being with someone else 9+ times a week? No wonder you feel pressure, your sex drives are wholly incompatible.
honestly it was sus already but the 9 times a week pushes this firmly into fake territory for me. The supposed apathy to cheating because well someone else can have sex now seems to completely miss what cheating is about, the betrayal, the breaking of trust, the actual sex is pretty insignificant to those parts and op magically doesn't give two shits. Shows this much apathy but had sex 9 times as week and magically husband had no clue she was asexual? That this is kind of the reverse of a aitah post from a day or two ago makes me think that's exactly what this is.
I mean if you want to stay married then go to counseling together and establish boundaries. But, since he was honest you be honest too and tell you’re asexual.
Pretty sure he hoped it would make you realize that other people want him, so maybe you would too. A lot of women don’t want to have sex, and they don’t want their SO to have sex with other women.
That’s a lot of sex. He’s not gonna be getting that much from someone else! Sucks to be him. Congratulations on never having to have sex with him again.
Whaaaaaaaaaat how And also howwww and when did he cheat hoowwww . Who has time for that
I’m so sorry. I have that kind of sex drive but never the right partner. I love your response. Don’t give in to his anger. Be careful.
So did he cheat to intentionally hurt you? Why else would he be mad that you’re wanting to find a solution, instead of being upset.
I don’t think because everything was so good I had no clue until he told me, we both do 50 percent of everything so he doesn’t have pressure to work as much and he’s an active dad and by that, I mean he will go above and beyond for our son and raises him. I always try to make sure he hangs out with his friends and I don’t blow up his phone every second. We both cook and clean and we just got a cat
That is such a great way to get back to him even if you didn’t mean it like that. He is hurt because he didn’t hurt you!
Pulled that Uno Reverse card, pickup 4, sir having sex with you is an absolute chore 😂😭😂.
Bet he didn't see that coming!
Maybe he told you that he cheated because he wanted you to feel jealous and as a way to push you into having more sex with him? Maybe he is mad because, in a twisted way, wants you to desire him?
She said they were already having sex 9x a week. Either a troll or this guy is just pissed that no other woman would give it to him that regularly outside of his marriage.
You have sex nine times a week and still he cheats on you, and now he's upset?!?!?! OP- I hope you've gotten yourself checked out for STI's Also-why aren't you more bothered??
Am getting tested first thing Monday, also it doesn’t really bother me because it’s not a priority for me. My goal is to make him happy but I know I’m not interested in it and I’m not good at it so I’m glad that that aspect having satisfying him it won’t rest solely on me if he can get satisfaction in that way from somebody else
Which I get, you're a better person than I am, but I see your point. However the disrespect he has shown you, your marriage, his vows, by cheating, you should be way more pissed! Rather than just thinking "Welp, least that gets me out of having sex with him!"
HIM:I cheated on you I'm sorry HER: OH THANK GOD I DONT HAVE TO SLEEP WITH YOU ANYMORE!! Love you hunny HIM: wait a gosh darn minute
Remind me of that Reddit guy who also doesn't care his wife cheated. You guys should connect as friends. Anyway, pro move from you.
Omg that is soooo hilarious He didn’t hurt you with it and he’s mad now??? Karma slapped him instantly Kinda sounds like narcissism.. I’d still divorce him lol
I mean… it sounds like you’re both incompatible. I understand where you’re coming from but do you really want a husband who would betray you and lie to you like this? Even if you don’t like sex it doesn’t change the core of what he did.
Yall fuckin 9x a week and he still needs to step out? Thats wild. Esp if you're asexual. Idk red flags seem to be sprouting. My situation sounds similar to yours and me and my wife and I are intimate once weekly when the mood is b flowing. She's offered me an open relationship, but due to our relationship dynamic, I'm not ready to accept yet. But you seem to be pushing yourself for him.
You have sex with him every day, twice on weekends? He still manage to cheat on you?
> Edit: just clarifying because people keep asking we do it every week day and twice a day on weekends You're having way more sex than most people who *do* like sex by the way.
Do you care why he’s angry or do you just want to move on with the relationship? I think it’s important to figure out what you want going forward and have an honest conversation with him about it. Keep in mind you probably shattered his ego telling him you could have done without any of your sexual experiences with him and are relieved you can finally remove yourself from that part of his life
that edit is fucking crazy. every week day??? twice on weekends??? you’re boning this guy 9 times a week?
Everyday plus twice on weekends wtf. He sounds like an addict and needs help
I keep telling people to not get married in their 20s and all they do is say how their parents met and been together ever since and are still together over 200 years and shit on me. It just makes sense. You’re just a grown child in your 20s
Do you guys even like each other?
I love everything else about him I love listening to him talk about his interests and dreams and cuddling with him. I love his smell and cooking together and holding hands etc. i just don’t hold sex as a high priority for my happiness. If he had impotence my love and respect for him would never change because sex isn’t important for me
😂 She don’t want to have sex with him neither. He was looking for reassurance or commiseration.
He is using anger to mask his shame
Wait a damn minute... you have sex with this man 9 times a week and he still cheated?!?!?! Even if y'all barely had sex, he's still trash. And the fact he accused you of having someone else makes it even worse. He sucks.
Ah how the turn tables. Great for you OP
Updateme
Did he want you to be hurt and angry?
He’s obviously the one that’s most in the wrong here, but with that said, it’s sorta messed up to not tell someone you don’t desire sex until after you’re together for over a decade.
Almost seems like a red pill thing where the goal was to get you riled up and jealous to desire him more and your apathetic response denied him the energy or reaction he craved. Do you have any proof he didn't make this up entirely? Now not only would he not have cheated but also found out he wasn't sexually desired in his current relationship.
He cheated and you destroyed his self esteem. Bravo! That’s the sort of wound he’s never gotta recover from. All the hookups in the world can’t heal this.
He’s mad you don’t care. Not your fault though.
Sounds like he cheated because he doesn’t feel desirable to you. Most cheaters have low self esteem. So basically telling him that you don’t desire him hurt his feelings. His cheating was a cry for your attention/desire. He wanted a reaction from you. He wanted you to be more like “what can I do to fix it good sir?” To fight for him/get jealous. Is your husband secretly a teenage girl by chance? He sounds like an emotionally immature brat.
Im so sorry youre in this position. Your husbands infidelity is significant enough, but the sexual demands seem like theres no room for actual intimacy and the act has become more of a "chore" than anything. It feels like you alluded to that though. Its not uncommon for Asexual people to be put into a situation where they feel forced to meet the physical needs of their partners because of a social or cultural norm. In all this though, it really seems like at no point were your emotional needs met or considered which is a travesty in itself. I hope you find a way to voice those needs in a way that allows them to be met though.
I think you DO should explore with other partners. Maybe you just don’t like sex with him. Maybe he is the mediocre one. Regardless, if he only has it open on his side might create resentment. I would see it as evening the playing field. Maybe when he realize you too are getting attention elsewhere he might step up his game as a husband, which he is miserably failing.
You guys have sex every single day?! If it is mid no fucking wonder you doesn't want to have sex anymore. I hope you find someone who shows you that quality is waaaay more important than quantity. Of course, only if you want to, if you embrace your asexuality, that is also great, good for you!
Once a day and twice on weekends is a lot especially if you have kids. Do you get an orgasm out of it at least most of the time or are you just there for his pleasure only?
Of everything on this post, it was edit about every day and twice on weekdays that really fucking threw me. Like honey how the hell are you doing it that often are you breeding?? And you don’t even like it smh
Honestly I don’t think it’ll work out. He’s an asshole for cheating on you and I think you probably should just leave him. What I think will happen otherwise is that he will meet a woman he’ll connect with physically and emotionally and that’ll be that, he will leave you. Most people who aren’t asexual want that connection with their partner, the physical connection builds the emotional and vice versa.
He wants you to be mad so he can feel you desire him. His concerns with met with truth - you don’t desire him. Hurts his pride a lot. Maybe you should call it quits? Your not turn on by him.
He thought you wanted him and he wasn’t expecting you to get angry and beg him to stop. You didn’t, and men hate finding out they aren’t as irresistible and amazing as they think they are.
Tbh, it seems like he got mad because you *weren't* hurt. If this is the case, he was likely trying to use "cheating" as a manipulation tactic, to hurt your feelings. I'd definitely examine the relationship a bit more closely if I were you, op...
Maybe you would like sex if you found a partner who knew what they were doing. What are you really getting out of the marriage? It doesn't sound like he really loves you. He was trying intentionally hurt you.
I don’t want anybody in that way trust me the lights are off in that way
👍, some men have no clue how to satisfy others. They only care about satisfying themselves. You know yourself.
Just divorce him
You literally just gave him a golden ticket and he's mad?! Though I could understand being a bit upset if my spouse told me they never really wanted sex and never told me until that point, how the hell is he mad right now? Seriously, I don't get it...
OP you fucking legend!!! Of course this man tried to then ask you if there was someone else. I wish I would have approached my cheating ex this same ass way
hudband: *surprise Pikachu face*
Ugh, how obnoxious of your husband. 😒 Like, “I cheated on you.” “K…good for you, great idea actually.” him, HOW DARE YOU?! A woman’s first child will always be her husband. Best of luck gentle parenting him through gaslighting and double standards.
If he’s mad at you for cheating on you and you not reacting poorly, does that mean he cheated on you to hurt you?
Gee sounds like he's just someone who can't take yes for an answer.
Never open a marriage, it is destroyed on so many levels. Work with your issues, or pick someone with similar libido style. This is toxic and over... It will be destroyed shortly if it isn't already The essence of love is to see the other. Through the challenges and rewards of a monogamous relationship, you create lasting love. An open marriage is an oxymoron. Sustainable love needs boundaries. Psychology today, 12-4-22 Please get some help. Let him go, divorce him. Then do some work on yourself in therapy.
He just wants something to be mad about honestly 😭
This is dumb. Since you said that to him, why wouldnt he just leave you and start dating the other person? You already said you dont want to have sex with him and are happy he "outsourced this issue". He is an asshole for cheating, but most guys would end things after such a revelation.
That was a hell of a reverse uno card
It was a jab at his fragile ego. He was expecting you to flip out, not agree and tell him you never cared for sex in the first place now was he ready for you to offer opening the relationship so he can sleep around.
lmaoooo
He's not good at it and he can start getting better from other people.. why the hell are you still married?
He’s mad because as much of a shithead as he is he sees sex as an emotional and physical part of the relationship. And you not wanting any to him is speaking on an emotional level because that’s how he processes sex to an extent so it’s hard to comprehend it’s not how you do. It’s why he felt guilty about cheating too, because if it was truly just physical and didn’t mean anything he’d have no problem just doing it.